My Dating Refresh
Posting every Friday! A podcast for anyone ready to hit reset of the way they approach dating. Host Sami takes you on a thought by thought of healing, self-discovery, personal experiences and redefining what love and relationships can look like- without pressure, games or burnout. Through her eyes and current journey.
My Dating Refresh
I know at least two good single men
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My instas: @bubblemaster @mydatingrefresh
DATE MY FRIEND
Coles insta: @colefannen
ANOTHER GUEST?? Give a warm welcome to my friend Spencer! Today we are talking about the ins and outs of dating after being in a long term relationship. Also he is single! Reach out if you would like to meet him! Insta @xxmusclecarsxx.
Hi.
SPEAKER_06Welcome back. Um I've been gone. Have I been anywhere in particular? No. No, in Depressed Town? Maybe a little. I know it's been a couple months. But, anyways, I'm back. Hello. Welcome back. This is my dating refresh. I am Sammy. I am the host. And yeah, I haven't been up to much. I've just been working a little bit, looking for new jobs, doing all sorts of shit. Not podcasting. Obviously. But nothing, nothing fun. In fact, that's why I had to bring a I had to bring a co-host today. I would like to introduce my friend Spencer.
SPEAKER_01Well, hello.
unknownHello.
SPEAKER_01I'm happy to be here on the podcast. Thank you for uh having me on the podcast.
SPEAKER_06Of course. Spencer, in your own words, how do we know each other?
SPEAKER_01How do we know each other? Yes. Um you went to Copper Hills.
SPEAKER_06I went to Copper Hills. Oh, that's fine. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, so you went to Copper Hills. I actually did go to Copper Hills for a month. A lot of people don't realize that. Yeah, but we don't know each other from the I guess we don't know each other from Copper Hills. We don't know each other from the time. We went to the same school. Um no, uh you had dated one of uh my my good time friends. And uh and I know you threw that acquaintance-wise.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. How would you say it in your words?
SPEAKER_06I would I just think it's funny that you're friends with my ex, and that's how we know each other. And we're just friendly still, huh? We're just we're civil, we're fine.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean sometimes we throw punches, but and you always lose. I I do, yeah. And that's okay. We're not judging you anymore. I think I need to hit the gym more.
SPEAKER_06You literally go into the gym more than I do. You're better at that than I am. I'm not a gym goer anymore. I used to, I used to love it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I do live next to like three gyms that are really close to me. So it's really easy.
SPEAKER_06That is nice. There was one time that your ex and I went to the gym, and I asked her, I was like, so what do you want to? This is actually something that I look back on and I was like, wow, that was like such a cool little flex. But I asked her, I was like, What do you want to what do you want to work on? And she's like, I don't know, I just want to look like you.
SPEAKER_01And I remember just being like, Oh, that's that's a great comment.
SPEAKER_06Damn, like me.
SPEAKER_01Do you want to look like me?
SPEAKER_06And I didn't think I looked good back then. Body dysmorphia? Oh, 12 out of 10.
SPEAKER_01Everybody has bodylorphia. Everybody does.
SPEAKER_06But it was bodybuilders do. Yeah. Yeah, they definitely do. But it was pretty bad back then. But her saying that, I was like, hmm.
SPEAKER_01You're like, thanks for telling me I'm sexy.
SPEAKER_06And I was like, you want to be like me? And I brush it off and I was like, I was like, no, you're beautiful. But I was like, I was like, oh things.
SPEAKER_01That's funny.
unknownThat's funny.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, you want to hit the gym more? You talked about a little bit of depression.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. I wish. I I go to sit in the tanning bed.
SPEAKER_01The tanning bed? At where?
SPEAKER_06I go to Planet Fitness.
SPEAKER_01They have a tanning bed? Yeah. Fossil got rid of theirs.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Because it's not good for you. I'm definitely gonna get cancer.
SPEAKER_01Maybe we could, you know, negotiate and go into the sauna and a red light therapy.
SPEAKER_06They don't have any of that. They only have the tanning beds and massage beds.
SPEAKER_01Oh, well, time for to quit the purple and go somewhere else. You don't have a sauna?
SPEAKER_06No.
SPEAKER_01You have a rec center near near you, right?
SPEAKER_06I mean, I got the one over by your house. That's like it.
SPEAKER_01This one?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_06I'm over in Taylor's.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Does Taylorsville not have a rec center?
SPEAKER_06Not that I know of. I don't think so. I think this is like the closest one. But do they have a saune?
SPEAKER_01The rec center? Oh yeah. Or maybe have Olympic-sized swimming pools. Yeah, I knew that, but like That's a great I love that uh gym. That's great. Yeah. Have two different stories. And it's not too busy. And mostly when I go, it's uh you don't get a lot of gym bros there. You get a lot of silver sneakers, is what I like to call. You know, you you get the and I join the classes sometimes too. Uh what kind of classes? You know, it's like they have uh what do they call it? It's called Pump Plus. And uh you get on the cycle the bikes and then you get off the bikes and you lift some weights. The weights only go up to 20 pounds because typically the people there's yeah, they're they're over 50 and they love me. I'm like I'm like their son or grandson, if anything. They're like pumped or they're yeah, and when I don't go for a while and then I show up again, they're like, Where have you been? I'm like, I've been in the gym, you know, because it's a class, you know, like the cycling classes, the pump plus. I went to a yoga once. That was awkward.
SPEAKER_06You don't like yoga?
SPEAKER_01No, I like yoga. I just don't think I was really invited.
SPEAKER_06Why?
SPEAKER_01You know, well, it was so every single day they do a different class at 9 a.m. And I like to go to the 9 a.m. classes because I work the swing shift and I can make those classes. And so on I didn't want to skip a day at the gym, and they I just can wanted to continue going to the classes. And Mondays they do yoga, and so I I walk in there and obviously it's a bunch of silver sneakers in there, and I'm like the one guy. And I've I've done that, was the first time I ever did yoga, ever.
SPEAKER_05Ever, ever.
SPEAKER_01And um I was just like, what do I do? Like some people are taking their shoes off, and I took my shirt off, and they were like, Wait, no, I'm kidding. I was like, I didn't know this was uh like a pool party, but no, so yeah, you're supposed to take your shoes off, right? Yeah, and your socks.
SPEAKER_06I mean, yeah, so you don't slip on the mat. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Well, we did the um I we did one of the the I don't know what the the yoga poses are called, but we did one of them and I I fell. It echoed. And good thing is I laughed first, which then gave, you know, it opened up the the room for everybody else to laugh at me or with me, however you want to laugh. Probably at you, but yeah. Probably both, especially if you were shirtless and you slipped like that. That's crazy. Shirtless with doing yoga with these silver sneakers, except no one was wearing their sneakers. Nobody was wearing their sneakers, no, but yeah, I noticed on the uh so they have this little thing that you can take home with you. It's just a piece, it's like a PDF thing that you can take home. It tells you what the classes are, and there's a new one every single month, and they're color coordinated or whatever. I have a whole bunch magnetic uh magnetically stuck to my fridge. And um I realized the other month that the the classes never change, but they just print the different month name on them or whatever, but nothing ever changes.
SPEAKER_05But it changed this month, yeah.
SPEAKER_01But I notice if you flip it over, it tells you which ones are the silver sneaker classes. And they just don't have the heart to tell me to not come.
SPEAKER_06No, because they want you there, they they want anyone there. Who cares? Yeah. I want to go to an old person yoga class.
SPEAKER_01The old person yoga class.
SPEAKER_06I will keep my shirt on, but I do want to go to an old person yoga class.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's a couple cracked hips, and you know, you can hear them kind of tweaking around.
SPEAKER_06You know what, low key? What a confidence boost to be the most flexible one in the yoga class.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. I'm like the most unflexible person there.
SPEAKER_06I doubt you're the most unflexible. Also, you have a booby sticker.
SPEAKER_01Uh it's actually a car freshener. So you hang it from your mirror. This is my man cave.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. But um, for anyone listening, we're in Spencer's garage recording right now because I don't have a studio. I usually do this from my bed. And um, so we're in Spencer's garage.
SPEAKER_01It's a nice garage.
SPEAKER_06It is a great garage. I've been here a few times.
SPEAKER_01Mostly with you know, cars that are dismantled.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. This is a nice car though.
SPEAKER_01Oh, thank you.
SPEAKER_06Oh, that's fun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think I'm gonna keep it the same color.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I love the color.
SPEAKER_01That's why I like it. Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I bought it. Yeah, the engine is halfway out of it right now. So where? It's outside. When the hood was open when you first walked in, you could probably see like the cylinders.
SPEAKER_06I didn't see that. I was setting up.
SPEAKER_01That's true.
SPEAKER_06So sorry. I didn't say that.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's a project car. Just like my life, I sometimes feel as a project car. But we we all we all are project cars at this point, right? Are you trying to be deep? I'm just being so deep right now. Just like my life. Just like my life. You're like okay, okay. That's always funny in normal conversations. You just like drop something like that. You're just like, yeah, so the weather's great, and uh I hate my life.
SPEAKER_06It's like I feel like I'm such a bitch in the way though that someone says something like that, and I'm like, I can't let them just think they were so refined. Like, I'm like, yeah, did you think that was do you think that hit?
SPEAKER_01That did not hit with the way you think it did.
SPEAKER_06I know, why am I like that? That's oh my god. So, Spencer, you're single.
SPEAKER_00I am.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, you're single before this. You were not single. You were not single even in the slightest. You want to give a without like saying too much, say whatever you want, obviously. What was your situation before you were single?
SPEAKER_01Before I was single.
SPEAKER_06So when I was in a relationship, how was the relationship, or or how do you make it mean the length of time, how like how old you guys were, and because it's kind of crazy to like go from that to where you're at now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it does feel crazy. Yeah. So I met uh I met my ex uh in in high school. Um long story short, or I guess we can make a a sh a long story medium. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06We have time, say whatever you want.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. So yeah, so I'll I'll kind of just go through like I guess the timeline of it. Uh so I had dated, you know, I started dating her in in high school. Um, it was funny is how we started dating is well, I took guitar class in high school, and she asked me, she's like, Why did you take guitar class? And I was like, Well, I took I took guitar class to meet women. Is it working? She thought that was funny. I thought it was that's pretty smooth. I thought it was clever. That's pretty smooth. And you know, I'm like, Well, you're sitting next to me, and I am not good at playing guitar, but I'm gonna try, you know. For sure. And uh so yeah, that's the main reason why I took uh guitar class.
SPEAKER_06Do you still play guitar?
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah, you I think when you walked in you saw the guitar. I think I broke the E string, so I need to buy a new E-string.
SPEAKER_06I mean, if the string is broken, I'm guessing you haven't played it in a minute.
SPEAKER_01Um, I probably played it like sooner or I played it more frequently than you than what you thought, probably. I think it was maybe a couple weeks ago I played it. Oh, okay. Oh, that's not long at all. Yeah, like I have the aspirations and and the uh the like, like I want to learn how to play together guitar, but uh it's more of like a consistency thing. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06So you met woman met a woman and you got better at playing guitar.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I got better at playing guitar. So we started dating. Um, and so anyways, we dated all throughout uh high school. She was a she was a year older than me, so she graduated before I did, and then um really yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Why didn't I know that?
SPEAKER_01I don't know.
SPEAKER_06Why did I think that she was our same grade? Was she born in 1997?
SPEAKER_0190, yeah, I think so.
SPEAKER_06Wow, okay, I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so she was well crazy enough, I've only dated women that have been older than me. Love, which along this story, you'll realize uh I haven't had a lot of girlfriends, but uh the reason for that is because um she I tried marrying my high school sweetheart.
SPEAKER_06Yep. How long were you guys together before you proposed?
SPEAKER_01Um, that's a good point. So I'm wondering six years. Six years. Yeah, I believe it was six years. Yeah, six years. Now, I justified it in my head of like we're in high school. Uh I took a job that moved me to Missouri, and then I traveled the country, and then I came back after a year, and then I got moved again to to Long Island, New York.
SPEAKER_06I'm not judging, I just want you to tell them how long you guys have been together. I want them to understand how extensive this relationship was, and then to like just kind of just dump on how it had and how it ended.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you know, I thought it was a great good relationship, great relationship, and everything. Um we dated for it was about nine and a half, ten years. Yeah. It was a very long time.
SPEAKER_06So we really engaged for a few years. Why did I think you were engaged for a short amount of time?
SPEAKER_01We were engaged for a short uh period of time. So it was it was more of like I felt the the relationship was struggling.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And now that I'm out of the relationship, it's like I have this this like this, you know, like I guess the rose colored glasses are off. Oh, for sure. No disrespect to her, of course. Like I hope she's doing, you know, great, even with the unfortunate circumstances that had it uh had to unfold. But you know, like in the relationship, it's like I I would always put off putting, you know, putting a ring on her finger, and and I had my uh various reasons reasons for that. Some of those reasons being just you know, we didn't see eye to eye with certain financial things, and so uh in my analytical brain is also my hesitant uh personality trait was like, well, I want everything to be perfect before I get married.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I've since now I have realized that maybe that's not the best, uh maybe that's not the best way to do things because you want to be able to grow with somebody.
SPEAKER_06You hear that, ladies? You hear that? He's willing to get engaged faster than six years now.
SPEAKER_01So yes, faster than six years. That that is true. But yeah, no, so I I realized that not everything has to be like within a perfect like world and a perfect bubble. I had this idea of what of what I wanted, you know, I wanted to be able to provide and have the the you know immense abundancy of of needing to or being a being being the provider as a man, right? And I felt like that I couldn't do that for a very long time. That's why I was out going to New York, going to uh Joplin, Missouri, doing all of that. And so when I came back, you know, we we got into a few uh like kind of hard stops where it was like we might need to enter the relationship. Yeah, and so there was a few of those, and so then it was more of like um there's like an attachment style that it's like sometimes you stay in a relationship, even when the relationship has expired.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And you just stay into it for too long.
SPEAKER_06Do you think you can fix it? You think that you can do better? It's it's hard though, because there is a side of dating that people have a hard time with now where it's like you do have to push through hard things, but a lot of people have a hard time telling between, okay, should I stay because this is worth something, or has it overrun its time? But there's gotta be a good between though, because you look at all these people who have gotten married and been married for years and years and years, because you do have to fight through hard things, but that's the hard thing, is sometimes you do have to push past the kind of uncomfy in the oh well, I don't know how we're doing attraction or whatever wise, but yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And with me trying to build the relationship the way that I wanted to build it and and doing all of that, it was it was kind of like a like a like a like I want to be with her and I want things to get better, and I'll just do that after marriage. And so maybe that was the wrong thing to do. And so, you know, I po I proposed to her. Um I want to say it was in the Dominican Republic, but on a cruise, on a cruise on the top of a mountain, it was very romantic. That's so sweet. It was great. So even after all of those years, still, you know, trying to pull the romantic card, of course. Which you should, of course, yeah. If you like you have to always date your partner, always.
SPEAKER_03Yep.
SPEAKER_01Once you stop dating your partner, once and I've seen that a lot. I've seen it to where people they get the girl and then they they stop, they stop dating. Once you stop chasing your your significant other, it's like it's the relationship's over. But and I've talked to you about this before, is I just and maybe this is an unpopular opinion. You can add to it if if it if you think it is an unpopular opinion, but I think that like the only thing that either makes or break or breaks a relationship is a guy, a man. A man is the only one that can either break or make or break a relationship.
SPEAKER_06I a thousand percent agree. I a thousand percent agree because I think women are pretty good at adapting, you know, our pain tolerance is higher, we have to deal with lots of hormonal whatever. There's a lot we have to do to adapting, right? And I think that it does rely a lot on like how the man runs and pushes, and of course, there are exceptions, right? Well, yeah, of course, but I mean, I've lived with three different partners, right? I've had a lot of like long-term relationships, and I've come to find that if both people are putting in effort, you can make anything work, right? And it just depends on what you're willing to put up with. Like I think about um my three-year relationship, the one you know about, we became roommates. There was no romance, there was you know, I felt like he didn't want to hang out with me, and we got really dull and complacent, and I became unhappy. And that's like the biggest thing, and I don't blame him for that fully, but there is like a level of it that kind of it's like I don't know.
SPEAKER_01But I'm on the side of things where I would blame him in totality, yeah. Right? Uh a happy relationship, it would be with a man that is as is happy, right? Yeah, and so it's like for for even for like my instance, is it everybody looking from the outside in on how you know I had such a long relationship and how it ended, um, everybody would say that it's her fault and she was the she's she's the evil one in the relationship. Uh, and for the for people that don't know, um in during the engagement, it was two weeks before the marriage, uh, I had caught her with another man. Yeah. Is what happened. And I look at that as of course, like what she did was wrong.
SPEAKER_06Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And I don't agree with what she did, and nobody else does agree with with what she did, but everything happens for a reason. It's like so, but like what would what would the causation to come to that level? Now, do I want to be with somebody that has that um the ability to do that versus just leaving somebody? Like, no, like that's not a characteristic I want out of somebody, anyways, is somebody that is willing to be unloyal and and sneak. Instead of stepping aside, instead of stepping aside and saying, Hey, like, look, I'm not happy in the relationship. And so I had a lot of time, especially with my job. I drive for a living. Yeah, I had a lot of time to to reminisce on 10 years of my life of with somebody else. And so I quickly came to the realization that the relationship failed because it was my fault.
SPEAKER_06That's really big of you. What do you Okay, okay. I like this angle you're going at. So um, what do you in your time, what have you looked at to make you think it was your fault? Like, because cheating is it's kind of her fault that she took that other step, but for you to be able to step aside and go, okay, I might have led to that into making her want to do that or you know, or leave, you know, there was two options because she obviously wasn't like talking about. I mean, do you think she told you what she was upset about? Is that kind of where you're sitting with you feel like it's your fault?
SPEAKER_01Or so I believe it was my fault for like a multitude of reasons. Now, the causation or the the reason the cheating happened, that's that even in the beginning when I first found out, I was more upset with the unknown of like, but why would you cheat? Yeah, like you should, I like if I'm with somebody, she should have no reason to cheat, she should have no no want to cheat. And that's how I kind of want to go into a new relationship as well. Is like, um, I and I know there are some relationships that where there's a lot of jealousy in in play, and I don't have a lot of that jealousy because I want to be the man that is that is confident enough that I treat um you know my significant other with apnose respect and as well as she values me as a person, that that's not even a thought that would come across my mind is for her to cheat. And so what puzzled me the most with all of all of it was just like, but why why did she cheat? So I had a lot of time to reflect on myself, like what caused that. And you know, your question is basically what did cause or what do you think you did? What do I think that I did? So what happened was in in the beginning, she fell in love with me for who I was as a single guy. And I liked myself, of course. I was, you know, I was great. At least, you know, uh that's how I felt is you know, I felt I was great, and you know, I was in a relationship, and she fell in love with that, and then throughout the years is what what happened is we'll go to like the the nagging standpoint of relationships, right? And and typically women do get the flack for the nagging portion, right? But the those naggings don't need to be unheard, those naggings are for a reason, and so I I believe that I I turned into a broken man is how I like to look at it. And so for a better part of I'd say for four years, I was it was great, it was really happy. Maybe five, six years was it was really good and happy. There, towards the end, the end of the five years, that's when I'd say that the the nagging started to happen. But basically, what happened was life happened. I moved out to Joplin, right? She was still here in Utah. And you know, we were doing like the long distance thing, which that was hard.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I came back, you know, everything was good, everything was fine. Um as well as when I went to New York is where I think everything kind of went downhill.
SPEAKER_06Is that long ago? You think it went downhill?
SPEAKER_01That's where it went downhill.
SPEAKER_06And you don't think things got rectified since that point though?
SPEAKER_01No, because the the one thing that I realized when I went and moved out to New York is she had flown out or whatever. I had my suspicions of some nefarious stuff, some and you know, some disloyalty. You know, and and so I did the of course the terrible thing that a boyfriend shouldn't do is I went through her phone. I know you're not supposed to do that. I had a ton of red flags, I had a ton of reasons on why.
SPEAKER_06I'm not I'm not against it. If you have a big reason where you think you have to get evidence, I'm not against it. If you're checking it often, I had a boyfriend that checked it every night.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's insecurity.
SPEAKER_06And that was that was wild.
SPEAKER_01That's insecurity right there. And I I wanted to discern between the two. If you're checking your your girlfriend's or your wife's or your or your husband's phone constantly without reason, then that's just insecurity. I agree. And because I would never go through her phone, but when it's when it's like I'm in the kitchen and I'm trying to cook something and I I my phone's in the bedroom and it's charging, and I go to pick her phone up to set a timer to bake cookies or whatever, and she freaks out and jumps up out of the couch and grabs her phone away. That's a red flag.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, you're absolutely gonna go through it after that. And you fucking should.
SPEAKER_01And that's just an example. That's not what that's not the reasoning for the New York thing and and and that sort of thing. But the New York thing, I went through a phone, I found some some flirtatious text messages back in New York and I wasn't happy with it. That was a while ago, though. That was four years. Uh that was that must have been six years into the relationship. Yeah. I trying to think what year it was before COVID. So it was 2018-19.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_01Because I lived there for a year. She didn't live there for the entire year. She only lived there for I think it was maybe six months at most.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01The only reason why she moved out there is because I told her after seeing the evidence that I needed on her phone, as I saw, you know, the emojis, the flirtatious, the hey, I'm gonna come over later. Those kind of text messages, I saw those.
SPEAKER_06Was she cheating back then too, or was it just emotional cheating? Uh do you know?
SPEAKER_01I would like to think that she wasn't. Yeah, okay. But sorry, I'm I'm so nosy. If I if if she did, would it surprise me? No. It wouldn't it wouldn't surprise me if she was cheating back then. And I'll never know because I don't think she'll ever own up to it. Like she'll own up to what I caught, obviously.
SPEAKER_06It's sad.
SPEAKER_01It's like two weeks before our wedding.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so yeah, and so basically I gave I gave her an ultimatum. I said, hey, look, I'm not okay with these text messages that I'm seeing. And I was and I I'm doing and and girls or guys, if you're ever listen, if you're listening and and you know the feeling of going through your significant other's phone and figuring out that they're cheating. You have like the panic, the anxiety, the the shape. Stomach, your yeah, you feel like your world is just and I just flew her out here and got an Airbnb because she was just visiting me in New York. So when she so and she had a red eye, so she was sleeping during the day. That's when I went through her phone. And so I woke her up. I was just like, hey, like what are these texts? What is this? Yeah, so it's it spearheaded uh an argument, and she had the uh you know, she had the attitude of just like um kind of like twist it, spin it back on me, or whatever. And I was just like, you know, I'm done with that. And I I told her straight up, I was just like, look, I'll give you an ultimatum. You either move out here with with me in New York, or you just go back to Utah and We're done. We're done. Like that like I cannot put up with this. And so she she she moved out here. She or she moved out to New York with me. Um in hindsight away, she would have just broken up with me because then I would have been further along in my single and dating relationship.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, but it's shocking. I'm not talking shit on her, obviously, but it's shocking to have someone forgive you to that degree and not want to do better, be better. Like I just that blows my mind.
SPEAKER_01For her?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, and this kind of leads into like how I became a broken man.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_01So how I became a broken man is so she she went out and she lived with me in in New York.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then uh New York didn't pan out, and we kind of left New York promptly because the company I was working for was uh doing some things that we did you know we didn't agree with. And so we moved back to Utah. She moved uh she moved into an apartment. I moved back into my parents' house.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01Uh I got a job. Um I got a job, I was able to make enough money to uh afford the house that I'm in now. And so then we moved in together as soon as I bought this house. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06And and you guys have been living here ever since I've known you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06And I dated my three-year relationship right after I got divorced. So either 2020 or 2021. I think it's 2020.
SPEAKER_012020.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I think that's when it was. My years are getting starting to get mixed up. That was like 2020 to 2022. I have no clue.
SPEAKER_01I still think it's 2020, so I don't know what's going on. And it is not. It is 2026, my dude. Sometimes I think about it. I'm like, am I getting this? Am I getting old? Oh no.
SPEAKER_06Oh, I feel so old. Yeah. I feel like I'm the oldest fossil in the entire world.
SPEAKER_01But we're still young.
SPEAKER_06Everyone says that. I feel like the oldest lady ever.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because you no longer fit in with the younger crowd, you know.
SPEAKER_06Oh, no. And I look at like I found out that Miley Cyrus is 33, and I was like, oh, she's in my age range. I'm like, we're the same age.
SPEAKER_01So you're telling me me and Miley Cyrus have a chance.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Yeah, you guys are in the same age range. Well, I mean, yeah, but you have her number. No, I don't have her number one. Yeah, she'll hear this. Miley Cyrus.
SPEAKER_06She'll hear she'll hear this podcast.
SPEAKER_01I watched Hannah Montana, okay?
SPEAKER_06Oh yeah. Did you watch the reunion? I just finished it. No.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it was so good. No, I haven't done any of that. I've been focused on Tracker.
SPEAKER_03What is that?
SPEAKER_01It's uh it's kind of just like another one of those uh like crime investigating things. Kind of like CSI Miami, but Tracker is it's a guy that uh he he's uh he's like a rewardist.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_01So somebody goes missing, and I don't know if you've ever dealt with the cops. Cops don't take anything serious. No, I really haven't dealt with cops at all. And so people will hire this guy to go find the missing people and then anyways, it's a show. It's kind of fun. It's on Amazon Prime video.
SPEAKER_06Okay, good to know. Sounds like something my boyfriend would like for sure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's entertaining.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, he's into that shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But where was I?
SPEAKER_06I don't know.
SPEAKER_01How I became a broken man. Right?
SPEAKER_06You were talking about moving back to Utah, and then she got her own apartment, and you uh Yeah, I moved back to my parents' house and bought this house.
SPEAKER_01So now you guys are caught up on like the kind of the timeline. I know it's bounced back and forth, but so then we started living together, and all of a sudden the nagging started to start. The nagging of, hey, we're not going on enough dates. Yeah, right. And so I'm like, you know, first time that happens, I'm like, okay, that makes sense. Let's go on some dates, you know. What do you want to go do? And that sort of thing. And of course, and you kind of want it to be cultivated by your boyfriend, not you don't want to have to tell him all the time to do that.
SPEAKER_06Which the fact that she said anything at all is great because a lot of people don't say anything, and then men are like, didn't say anything at all. And it's and that's when you can be like, Yeah, if she didn't tell you and she just gave you like little side things, she's in the wrong. But if she says something and you don't take that as gospel and go, Okay, I'll do better. Yeah, that's that's when I agree. I'm like, yeah, men run the relationship, and if you aren't hearing that and adjusting, you're in the wrong.
SPEAKER_01But anyways, absolutely, and and of course, like the the guys out there, I mean, we have our um we have like our excuses, right? So like my excuse would be, you know, it's like I just bought a house at the age of 19, mind you, and I'm working the day shift and the night shift as a truck driver, and so I literally don't have time to sleep, let alone think about dates. And so I was very checked out of the relationship. So that's where I went wrong. It's like I didn't make enough time for the relationship. Uh my intentions were I wanted to give her the best life that she, you know, that I could provide for her.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And and so that I feel like felt like what I was doing was noble, and so I became the guy that was um, and I don't know if you've ever heard of relationships that are this way, but let's say like the man comes home or whatever, and he's like, you know, and the wife automatically nags or whatever, and he's like, like, like, you haven't taken the trash out or whatever, for example. And you know, the guy's like, Well, I'm the pro I'm the provider, I'm the one that I'm the one that bought this house, bought you your car, right? And I think that's a toxic um way of thinking about it from a guy's perspective. And I think most women have been in a relationship where it's like, Well, I buy everything. I don't know if you've heard of that.
SPEAKER_06I have.
SPEAKER_01I think that's wrong.
SPEAKER_06It is wrong. Well, and you know what's funny is trash, that in my head, that's a man's job. I'm not taking the fucking trash out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. And and whatever the task might be.
SPEAKER_06And if she nagged you about it, and she's doing everything else, right? You should come home and take that trash out without being nagged. Exactly. It depends on what she's bringing to the relationship, though. Because if she's not doing anything else and she's mad that you didn't take out the trash, sorry, she should have taken it out.
SPEAKER_01Right, yeah. And so it, you know, it maybe it was it was some of that. It was it was just like, hey, we never do anything anymore. So, like, you know, the next week I would make sure, like, hey, we're gonna go do something. I'm gonna take you out to sushi. Maybe we're gonna go see a movie, we're gonna go do something fun and whatnot. And then life happens. Let's say life happens, and um, like when I first bought this house, this was a squatter's house, believe it or not. Um, you'll see that some of the doors have little holes in them from where they nailed the doors shut. So when I didn't know that when I bought this house, the person that inspected this house was absolutely terrible. Oh no, oh yeah, it was terrible. And so, anyways, when I first bought this house, uh, we moved in, we're just getting settled in, we're getting furniture and all that kind of stuff, and just something breaks over and over and over. The roof is leaking, the there's no sprinklers, homeownership, the the the garage is flooding the rooms when it rains, there's no gutters. I figured out that there's no blinds, also, there's no curtain rods for the showers. But you'd think when you buy a house that would come with that kind of stuff, and it so this house was just like a frame.
SPEAKER_06This house is pretty weird though. It's a very weird house, it's a very weird house. Just for anyone listening, it's you walk in and it's it's pretty normal, right? You've got your kitchen, you've got some rooms, but then you walk past the kitchen and there's are those other rooms over there?
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_06I haven't I haven't been over there since you did that over there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so that's been remodeled. Yeah, I remember you remodeling. Yes, and then the garage that we're sitting in now is a garage. Yeah. Yes.
SPEAKER_06But yeah, it used to be a garage over there, and then they added on to so this house has been added on to like four or five different because then you, if you go back into the master bedroom, there's like a little area, a bathroom, the bedroom, and then you walk through this like tunnel of rooms. I shit you not. This is like those those houses in your dreams where you like find secret rooms, whatever. That's what this house is like for me. Like, I feel like you just you go through these like rooms on rooms to get to the garage.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_06That's crazy. There's no other way in here besides going through your room or going through the garage itself.
SPEAKER_01Oh, technically, you can go through that bedroom.
SPEAKER_06Oh my gosh, there's a door there too. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, because you have people there. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So there's there's three different ways to get into the garage. There's three, I guess, through the master bedroom, then through the office area, and then through the valve room, and then through the garage, and then but then even that is detached to another room, which is then attached to a shop.
SPEAKER_06And then you have another like background garage. Is that the shop that you're talking about?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's the shop or whatever.
SPEAKER_06Weren't you gonna make that into a room for somebody?
SPEAKER_01There is a room out there.
SPEAKER_06I built a room out there. I remember that years ago that you had someone that was gonna be living there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. I think your three-year, your three-year ex, it was supposed to be so he My three-year ex had an ex, and she was gonna be living in there. Right, because all of a sudden she showed up at my house.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then he dumped her. And she had nowhere to live. And I was like, Well, I guess you're living here. So I and I didn't have a room for her, so I was like, Well, I'll just build a room because that's what a guy does. It's like, well, there's a problem I can solve it, okay? And that is that is a big thing with relationships too, is like, men, stop trying to solve problems.
SPEAKER_06Unless you're asked to.
SPEAKER_01Even if you're asked to, don't do it.
SPEAKER_06You don't think so?
SPEAKER_01I don't think so.
SPEAKER_06I love when someone else just fixes if I don't want to like hear me out. I hate more than anything when I'm like, okay, I want to go eat something. I'm I don't know what I'm in the mood for. And I'll flat out say, just choose something. And the person I'm dating can't just choose something. They're like, but what are you in the mood for? And they'll name off everything I hate. And I'm like, do you not fucking know me? I'm like, fix the problem.
SPEAKER_01Fix my hunger.
SPEAKER_06But I'm like, okay, I say I'm hungry. What's my favorite place to eat? What is my favorite thing to eat? Sushi? Why wouldn't that be the first thing you offer? Why are you like, yeah, let's go to Beto's? I don't like Mexican food. Why would I'm you know that. Why would you offer that? That shit drives me bonkers.
SPEAKER_01I think it's wild. You don't like Mexican food.
SPEAKER_06It's just not my favorite.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's fine if it's not your favorite, but if you still gotta eat it.
SPEAKER_06Sure. I like a taco here or there for sure. But like if I'm like, I'm hungry, I don't really care what we eat, why wouldn't you be like, hmm, I'm gonna go with a safe bet. She loves Italian food. Oh, we can go to Olive Garden. Oh, we like this. Oh, we could do that. But to go to like, I feel like that's the same consistent thing every single time. And the men are like, Women don't want anything we offer. And I'm like, okay, but why wouldn't you use your noggin and go to the first thing that I like, I enjoy or I like? I'm like, just fix the problem.
SPEAKER_01That is true. But and you will agree though, let's say that you own a normal car, because I know you don't, but let's say you own a normal car and there's something wrong with your car. Yeah, you already have a solution. You just want to complain about your car.
SPEAKER_06That's not true. I want I want my boyfriend to fix my car.
SPEAKER_01But or let's say that you're just on a date.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yeah. Right.
SPEAKER_01Let's say you're on a first date, second date, whatever the case might be, and you're just like, oh, yeah, my car, the check engine light turned on, and it happened to be you know an O2 sensor, whatever whatever that maybe you don't even know what it is. If the guy responds with, oh, well, did you try this? Did you try this? and tries to start problem solving your car when you're like, I already have like you're just complaining because it's an annoyance in your life. The same as if I were to complain. So, like, for example, if I try to complain about like one of my cars to one of my guy friends, I'll just cut them off and be like, look, I've already gone down every avenue. Or if I talk to uh, you know, one of my friends that happens to be a girl, if I tell them about it, they're just like, Oh, yeah, that sucks. Like that sucks. It makes you feel a little better. It's kind of just like the validating part of it. And it's like, I don't think most men know that secret.
SPEAKER_06I will say one thing. I agree with you. I hate the well, have you tried this? Have you done? Shut up. Yeah. But if you come to me and say, I'll fix it, I'll figure it out, don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_06Oh yeah. I love that shit.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Because it shows that's different. You're going on a date with a man that knows how to get his hands dirty.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. If you're gonna try to fix the problem, try to actually fix it.
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_06Don't tell me how to fix it. I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're like, I want to complain. I don't know about the flux capacitor, you know? Yeah. That's a back to the future reference if you don't know.
SPEAKER_06I have have not seen that in so long.
SPEAKER_01Anyways.
SPEAKER_06I know. But or like I think about like I'll complain about like work issues, and I'm like, don't tell me how to make my work issues better. Just go buy me dinner. Do this instead. Yeah, buy me flowers. Say, I'm sorry you had a hard day. Here's how I'm gonna fix it in the way I can physically fix it.
SPEAKER_01All right, so we'll do a little tiny segment here. Not that segment, but a different segment. Okay, right. So we're just gonna do a hypothetical, right? So we're dating in this hypothetical. And um, I walk in, you're having a really bad day at work, right?
SPEAKER_06So you just you had a terrible day and are we doing a scene or are we doing it's kind of just like a role play kind of thing. Right, okay, right?
SPEAKER_01So it's like I walk in, um, and I'm gonna give you the wrong response, at least that I think is, and then I'll redo it and I'll give you the right response, right? Perfect. So you a backstory for you is just you went you're at work and you just had to deal with the nasty coworker, right? Nasty co-worker. Just nasty coworker. She just grinded all your gears and you can't go to your boss about it or whatever, right?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So that's enough backstory. You can just make up whatever you want.
SPEAKER_06Are they like, are the is the boss and the coworker having like an affair? Is that what it is? So it's like I can't just a normal day. Oh, just a normal day.
SPEAKER_01A normal day, you you know, you're at your job and I just really want to understand this character. Yeah, like somebody else. Well, you are the character.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I want to understand her.
SPEAKER_01Somebody else just isn't doing their job, so you have to pick up their slack because they're they're not working, and they give you a nasty attitude. So just normal, like women on women argument in a job, right? Because men don't argue with the like men just don't care. Um but, anyways, we'll go through that and I'll give you two different responses, and you'll tell me which one sounds better and which one is more likely from a response from a guy.
SPEAKER_03Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_01Because like I said, I've had a lot of time to reflect on my past relationship, but I feel like I'm like a rebirthed man.
SPEAKER_06I love that. That's great. That's we're on the dating refresh. That's perfect.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I am on the dating refresh. That's perfect.
SPEAKER_06So, um oh, and and side note, Spencer's a huge fan. He's listened to all the episodes.
SPEAKER_01I have. Have you guys not?
SPEAKER_06Brittany, my best friend, has not listened to a single one.
SPEAKER_01Brittany, if you hear me right now, get to it.
SPEAKER_06And what's funny is she won't because she won't listen to it.
SPEAKER_01She's been on the podcast. I'm like the super fan, you know? I just love podcasts.
SPEAKER_06Well, and she cut me off on the last one, and she's like, she's like, well, we'll record another one in a couple weeks. And I go, Will we? I'm like, it's my podcast. What the fuck are you doing?
SPEAKER_01You're like, don't steal my podcast.
SPEAKER_06I'm like, you spent the entire time going, you'll cut that out, right? You're gonna cut that, right? And I'm like, no.
SPEAKER_01No flack to Britney. She was great in the podcast. Of course. Yes.
SPEAKER_06I mean, she likes when I tease her.
SPEAKER_01You could have obviously eat food after the podcast, but I mean, I loved the little snacky snack kind of stuff. And me, I hit the microphone every once in a while, so you guys will just have to bear with that.
SPEAKER_06I haven't even heard it, so I think you've been fine. That's good. Yeah, I haven't heard the microphone.
SPEAKER_01Alright, so I'm walking in.
SPEAKER_06Okay, go ahead. Walk in.
SPEAKER_01All right. You know, slamming the door. I'm in.
SPEAKER_06Why did you slam the door? Did you come in in a bad mood?
SPEAKER_01No, I just came. I'm just a normal guy. Okay, try again.
SPEAKER_06You slammed the door. Go ahead. Go ahead and have to get back to the scene.
SPEAKER_01Oh hi.
SPEAKER_06Oh hi.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna get something to eat.
SPEAKER_06Okay, you should. I had a horrible day, so I don't want to make anything.
SPEAKER_01If you had a horrible day, what what happened?
SPEAKER_06Oh my god. You know that coworker, Cindy Lou Who?
SPEAKER_01Cindy Who Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, she was a huge bitch today. Like she literally laid on the floor and pretended to be a mummy, and that's what she did all day. And I had to take up I had to do everything else.
SPEAKER_01Oh, well what did you do about it?
SPEAKER_06I did everything and I was mad and it ruined my day.
SPEAKER_01So did you go did you try to go to your manager or what?
SPEAKER_06I can't do that.
SPEAKER_01Well, you didn't try to go talking to your manager?
SPEAKER_06No, because she wasn't there. And because this is what they allow her to do. She can lay on the ground and pretend she's a mummy. That's why she took all the toy paper too. She literally wrapped herself like a mummy.
SPEAKER_01And so you had to pick up all of her her slack.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and I had to pick up the toy paper later, too.
SPEAKER_01Uh why do you have to do that?
SPEAKER_06I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Well, don't do it. If you don't like it, just don't do it.
SPEAKER_06But it's my job. I I have to just do my job. I get paid to do it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but if she doesn't do her job, why do you why do you have to you know? Like she should get in trouble, right? If you're if you're not doing her job, then she you or if she's not doing her job, then you don't have to do your job.
SPEAKER_06Kate, babe, I've tried.
SPEAKER_01Well, sure. Okay. Well, you could quit.
SPEAKER_06Then what am I gonna do? Are you gonna pay all my bills? Are you gonna take care of my shit? I can't just quit.
SPEAKER_01A new job. I just came home, and you you just say you have a horrible day, and I'm just trying to get something to eat, and you're just complaining about your job. Why aren't you just ever happy?
SPEAKER_06You know what? You're right. I'm never happy.
SPEAKER_01Okay. And so, right there, you can obviously tell that in that hypothetical, I was playing the I was playing the the idiot, the bad guy in the relationship, right? Um, and so that that would be like I'd say a pretty normal response from a guy that hasn't been broken and then reborn, if you want to put it that way. So second scenario.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I walk through the door, close the door behind me, I walk in. Hey, babe, I'm gonna get something to eat. Do you want anything?
SPEAKER_06Uh yeah, probably. I don't feel like cooking tonight. I had a horrible day.
SPEAKER_01Oh. What happened?
SPEAKER_06Cindy Lou who literally took everything out of the fridge, didn't put it all back, just decided not to do anything else today. I had to put everything away. I had to see customers and do everything, and that was it.
SPEAKER_01Everything? She didn't do anything.
SPEAKER_06No, she just took everything out and pretended she was gonna do it, and then she didn't do it. Jeez. Dude, the ice cream melted everywhere. Wow. My favorite ice cream.
SPEAKER_01Did you get it to eat any of the ice cream?
SPEAKER_06No, it was melted everywhere. Jeez.
SPEAKER_01I know. You poor thing. That sucks. She's a bitch. She is a bitch, thank you. Jeez. I hate that. I was thinking about getting some ice cream anyways. You want to go to Cold Stone?
SPEAKER_06That sounds like a great dinner, actually.
SPEAKER_01Let's go to Cold Stone. You had a bad day. Let's go get some ice cream.
SPEAKER_06That's great. Thanks, babe.
SPEAKER_01Perfect. Perfect. Something that simple.
SPEAKER_06Can we hear the high five really quick?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Okay. See, I think something that simple is it's like I'm not trying to solve your problem, right? Like you have a problem. You had a bad day at work. Yeah. And your problem was that, you know, you're frustrated. Yeah. And so for me as a guy, if I walk into a room and my significant other is is had has had a bad day. Or or whatever the case might be, is just in a bad mood of some sort. It's not about fixing her bad mood. It's about being there for her and being the rock in the relationship that a guy needs to be. And that's what I mean by a guy is the only one that can either make or break a relationship. Like I was very easily able to, you know, maybe maybe get you a little worked up in the first uh scenario. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. But if I come in and you're like, I've had a bad day, and I'm just like, oh, that's terrible. Like, yeah, she sucks. You know, like I'm on your side. Like, yeah, you should like that's stupid. Hey, let's, you know, you had a bad day. Let's go get some ice cream. Let's just yeah, let's go do this.
SPEAKER_06And it gets you through that little rut so much quicker. Cause then she's not in a bad mood anymore. It's the same, it's goes both ways too. Because I'm bad and I'm very much like I want to fix everything. Like I am on that end where I do want to fix things and I want to like be helpful and I want to be asked to help, you know, and so I do have to remember that sometimes too, just to be like, oh, I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_06Because there's nothing wrong, because men are fixers for a reason, right? Because there is a need for that, right?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_06But if you do not have something you can physically do, don't tell me what I'm doing wrong.
SPEAKER_01Well, before the first one, I didn't validate your frustration. Yeah. I didn't validate your frustration, and I didn't uh I wasn't able to take the emotions at val at face value. And I and basically what I did is I I told you, um, and I guess the most layman ways of terms to reiterate the the first hypothetical would be is I didn't uh validate your emotions at all. I devalued them by saying, like, why don't you do this? Why don't you do this? Like, there's always a solution, and you're just not doing the solution, you're always you're always mad at this, you're always mad at that. Which from a guy's perspective, the logical thinking of that is true. If you like, you can't complain about something unless you're gonna do something to fix it.
SPEAKER_05Yep.
SPEAKER_01But at the same time, there's a time and place for that. Because in the second hypothetical, I didn't mitigate your emotions, I addressed them and also you know, validated and comforted those emotions.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And and that works with everything. Same thing with the whole trash can thing, right? If if I come into the house and immediately you know, my significant other walks up to me and is like, you never take the trash out. Like it automatically, so I I understand from the guy's perspective, like automatically. I just got home.
SPEAKER_06I why would I want to do that right then?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but even the attitude from like the wife or you know, the girlfriend of just immediate and women know when they're trying to antagonize a fight, right? Absolutely, and from like a guy's perspective, it's like, why don't you use that fix it brain and fix it the way that it actually works? The other times that you've engaged and stooped down to the level of this isn't to sound bad, but no, no, no, you're fine, but to stoop down to the same emotions as your mad wife, what does that solve? Yeah, that doesn't solve anything, exactly, right? And so it's like if you come in, it's like you never take the trash out, and you just look at it and you just be like, hey, honey, like I'll hey, I'll take the trash out right now. Are you you having a bad day? Like, what's going on? Can I can I help you out with something? You know, and so that would sound so much better than those like what do you mean I take the trash out all the time? You know, that kind of thing.
SPEAKER_06Well, what men kind of forget sometimes is nagging is bread from breadcrumbs of like issues. Breadcums, breadcrumbs of like issues. I know I said I was like, oh, breadcrumbs of like other little issues, right? Because nobody, unless they've got like anger issues, nobody is mad right there about something.
SPEAKER_01Right. It's the it's the you know, it's the beard hairs in the sink, it's the you haven't gone on a date in a while. It's it's a multitude of things that have built up to why she's mad.
SPEAKER_06Because for all you know, she could be mad because she's like, that trash has sat there for three days. You had told me you would take that trash out. So yeah, you get home and I'm gonna be like, did you not take the trash out?
SPEAKER_01You just sparked a memory in my mind.
SPEAKER_06Because it's because it's my life I've lived.
SPEAKER_01Correct, correct. But you sparked a memory in my mind.
SPEAKER_06Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01Do for the men out there that are listening, don't ever tell a woman that you will do something and then not do it.
SPEAKER_06Oh, yeah, because she'll either nag you or she'll fucking do it with a force of a million million other women.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, sure, but no, no, no, like I don't think men realize how detrimental that is. Like you you can if you say you're gonna do something, absolutely do it. Because that comes down to um that comes down to the it's the theory of like what what women want in a relationship. Like what like you want trust in a relationship, and trust isn't just a loyalty thing, trust is something where if if Spencer, if me, if I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. Yeah. Right. And so like I if if I say that I'm gonna do something and I don't do it, my trust gets knocked down. My credibility gets knocked down. So if I'm in a relationship and I don't know if I can do something, or I don't know if I can get off work, and this is one of my downfalls from my previous relationship, is I would promise things that I was unable to fulfill. Yeah, right. So I worked construction and hey, are you gonna get off at this time? And I'm like, I'm yeah, I can get off at six o'clock, and then whatever construction happens, I get off at like nine o'clock, right? And so something that I cannot promise, I would not promise. And she would back me in the corners and make me promise certain things because I learned quickly that if I don't do what I say I'm gonna do, it was a big fight. Yeah, but yeah, guys, do what you say you're gonna do.
SPEAKER_06Or communicate before it happens that you can't do it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_06Like if you say, Yeah, I'll be home by six, and then you realize, oh, it is not going that way, at five o'clock, you should call her and say, I am so sorry, things are going over. I probably won't be home till later. I'm sorry. What can we do? Can I can we talk about this later? Can I can we fix this later? Can I do something later for you?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Right? And that's that's a big thing too, is commute. It's so easy to fix things. I look at people in like jobs and stuff like that, and it's like, if you would just explain the situation you're in beforehand, people are so understanding. Right? At some point, you can't just keep making excuses for stuff, right? Obviously, but the biggest part is communicating that stuff that, like, hey, I know I promised this, or I told you I would do my best. It's not gonna work because of this and this and this. I'm sorry, and I'll fix it later.
SPEAKER_01It doesn't have to be a text message. Let's say you're a CEO somewhere, or if you're uh on a production floor and you can't get to your phone too frequently, it doesn't have to be a phone call, it could be a voice memo. Yep.
SPEAKER_06You know, a text takes two seconds.
SPEAKER_01I mean, a voice memo takes two, you know, less time, but texting it out.
SPEAKER_06All of the above takes two seconds.
SPEAKER_01All of the above takes very little. You can say, hey, I don't have a lot of time to talk right now. I'm still at work. We're putting out fires.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Uh figuratively. And yeah, so a little bit goes a long way, a little bit of effort goes a long way. And I I do believe that you know, once you are in a relationship, it's like it's easy to say that as a single guy, right? It's like, as me as a single guy, I'm like, I would be the best boyfriend ever.
SPEAKER_05You guys should all date me.
SPEAKER_01You guys should all date me.
SPEAKER_05Bring me your finest women. I'll look, I'll look among them.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. But it's easy while you're in a relationship to to fall into like old habits and do different things.
SPEAKER_06And you get very complacent, and that's kind of a hard thing, but that's it's kind of I miss that, you know. I love that about relationships. I miss the like the comfort and the kind of like, I can say whatever I want, we can get in a fight and we'll be fine.
SPEAKER_01And yeah, you know, I can crop dust him and do all that, that you miss all that, poop him with the door.
SPEAKER_06Which we're getting there. My my boyfriend and I were getting there. Nice. Well, and uh to go back to what you were talking about a minute ago, communication-wise, early on, I communicated to my boyfriend. I said, Hey, I have a little bit of like an anxious attachment. If you don't answer my call, my first thought is, Oh, he hates me. And I'm like, you don't have to call answer and talk to me, but if you could either answer or text me and say, Hey, I'm busy right now, um, can I call you back later? That means the world. Because then I know, oh, you're not avoiding me, or you're not tired of me calling you. Because I could call and talk forever. You know that. Like I could yap forever. I could talk for any time, any amount of time. But I'm like just letting me know, hey, it's not I'm not not talking to you because of this. I've got something else going on. I'll talk to you later. Easy. Love you bye.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_06Done.
SPEAKER_03Easy.
SPEAKER_06And me being able to say that to him and him apply it immediately. Hardly ever. I I very, very rarely I'll call him and he won't answer. And the thing is though, is that if he doesn't answer, I'm like, oh, he's either showering, he's on the phone, there's a reason. But I've but I know that he'll call me later. Right. And that's something that has like gone from like trust and him being good at being like, I can't talk right now, texting me, or calling really quick, I can't talk right now. Or an hour later he calls me and goes, sorry, I was finishing up work stuff. What's up? And that has been built on like upon trust, right? Right. But a lot of people don't get that. A lot of especially men are very on the end of like, like my three, it's just because you know him, so it's easier for me to bring him up.
SPEAKER_02It's yeah.
SPEAKER_06My um I'm gonna I'm not gonna talk shit, but I'm gonna tell a funny story. Back when he and I were dating, I wanted to bring he was he was just having like a rough time with some other stuff, and I wanted to bring donuts to his work for um his birthday. I had the day off. I just wanted to surprise him and his co-workers, right? So I started heading that way. I wanted it to be a surprise. So I called him during his lunch break, like I do sometimes. It's around the same time. I call him, no answer. And I'm like, fuck. Because I'm like, there's no way for me to get to you've been to this work. I'm like, there's no way for me to get to his building. There's not I'm like, there's nothing I can do.
SPEAKER_01I used to work there.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yeah. So I wait a little bit, call him again, immediate hang up. And I'm like, so I text him and I'm like, hey, call me. Because I'm like, I in my head, I'm like, I have a surprise for you.
SPEAKER_01Oh, and you're there.
SPEAKER_06And I'm there.
SPEAKER_01Oh, wow. You're like, I'm about to bust the door down, bud. I'm about to give you a sugary hole. I mean, donut. Jesus.
SPEAKER_06So I'm pissed. So I call his friend who works there, your friend too. Um, yeah, but I I call his friend on Snapchat, that's all I have, and he answers immediately.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's him.
SPEAKER_06And I know, and I was so sassy, but this is because this is from years of just stuff like that. Where it's like, there's just no answer, there's no callback, there's no text, right? And so I answered very snappy, and I heard about it later. My partner was like, You do not talk to my friends about me like that. And I'm like, I was fucking mad. Yeah. So I um I called his friend and I said, Where are you guys? And he goes, Oh, we went to dinner. Sorry, we went to lunch for so-and-so's birthday. And I went, Oh, so you guys are at lunch. Okay. Well, I left goodies for all of you on his truck. So when you get back, take them inside. And here's the thing if he had answered my call, texted me, I could have said, Oh, dang it, I missed you. I brought donuts, they're on your truck.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_06But the fact that he couldn't call me back, couldn't text me, I don't know if he'd see my text. What if he had left for the day? What if he wasn't gonna go out to his car all day? Like, there I just had no weight.
SPEAKER_01You don't want the donuts to be like picked up by a stray raccoon or anything like that.
SPEAKER_06No, or melting in the sun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but nobody wants a melt the donut.
SPEAKER_06But that's like the best example I have is that sure, I am he answered and I go, Oh, thanks for answering so quickly. And he goes, Yeah, sure. And I'm like, I've been calling so-and-so all fucking day, and I've heard nothing.
SPEAKER_01Dang, yeah, that's frustrating.
SPEAKER_06But it's from years of yeah. I called you at three o'clock, you never text me. Well, I was working. Okay, but like, I know you go and poop at some point at work and you look at your phone. Sorry, and you can't take a second to text a woman you quote unquote love and say, Hey, I'm busy today, I can't talk.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, or just to calm and you probably texted him, like, hey, I need you to answer, I need you to do this. Absolutely. Like this is more of an urgent thing, but like not like I'm not dead, but I need you to answer your phone.
SPEAKER_06Or let me know when you can call me. Communicate that.
SPEAKER_01Right. Or or just to text, hey, what's up? I'm busy right now. And then you could just be like, I brought you some donuts because I was thinking of you.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, because on his end, he's like, Here's my fucking crazy girlfriend calling me 800 times. When reality, it's like, no, this has been my life for a while. I have that uncertainty that my partner will ever just call me back.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. Yeah. That makes sense.
SPEAKER_06When in reality, how easy it would have been to shoot a text and say, We're at lunch, sorry, and I go, Oh, dang it. I brought you donuts that are on your car. Have fun, I'll see you later.
SPEAKER_01Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_06Easy fix.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And I think a lot of men do have that avoidant attachment style.
SPEAKER_06Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And I I think that I do for sure sometimes. Well, especially in the beginning of relationships. Yeah. Or like first date, second date kind of thing. That's where I lose most of my relationships. Like because I've been single for what, a year and a half now. Has it been that long already? I think it's yeah, it's been about a year and a half. And I've gone on dates and I lose every single one of the dates. I lose them in the text message world.
SPEAKER_06I don't think that's premiere avoidant. I think that's just dating in Utah right now. Yeah. That's dating everywhere right now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, and there's the paradox of choice and and that kind of stuff. But yeah, no, I lose everything in text just because like I'm terrible at texting somebody that I don't I haven't built anything with. Yeah. Right. I'm just like, I've texted you a couple times, you didn't respond for two days. Uh like you're now at my low priority. And so, like, I and for women out there, I would say a lot of guys are the avoidant attachment uh style, because there's three different attachments. Um, there's the anxious, which you said that you are, yeah, is the anxious, and then they have like the secure, and then you have the avoidant, and a lot of guys are avoidant, and then the secure ones are the best ones to be with because they're just secure within either you know, within the relationship and and that sort of thing. But for with guys that are avoidant, it's like if a guy, if you think that a guy is not into you because he stops texting you, try some persistence with avoidant personalities.
SPEAKER_06You know what's funny too though is I have a so I have a coworker, okay, and she has an avoidant personality and her husband has an anxious, okay? And right now they're doing long distance because he's doing some training in another state. And I had a conversation with her. I told her I was like, Oh, I'm really mad at my boyfriend because this kind of happened, and I'm like, I don't know, it makes me feel like he doesn't like me. And she goes, Sammy, she's like, I'm the same way. She's like, I don't need to, I don't, I do not need to talk to my husband every single day because it's like it's okay. We don't need to talk every single day. Right. She's like, but he wants to talk all the time. And she's like, and that kind of drives me insane because I'm like, okay, now we're just talking about random shit. And she's like, it doesn't mean I love him any less. It just means that I don't need to talk to him every day. And she's like, but I she's like, but hearing you and hearing like your side of it, she goes, it makes me want to do better. It makes me want to at least call him once a day. And I'm like, that's that's a great way to see it. Because of course, when I don't respond to somebody, it's because I have no fucking interest. Right? And so when I'm not responded to, it's hard for me to see, oh, it's just because you don't need to talk to me as much as I need to talk to you.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_06And so it's like flipping your brain like that because my boyfriend's a little bit of a um what am I trying to say?
SPEAKER_00Avoidant.
SPEAKER_06Avoidant a little bit, right? And he's very secure in his life. He does not need to chat with me. I am like a words of affirmation slut. I I like to hear that we're good, that things are good. I like the verbal. Of course, there's like other layers, but I love the verbal. And so at least once a day, I want to talk on the phone for a little bit, and then I I'm good. You don't have to respond to me. I'm I'm so good at the bare minimum. It's not even good. That's horrible. I am I'm so good at the bare minimum, but like I just need that one little thing to like refresh me. And I need to hear that you care about me and that you're excited to hear from me. Just give me that little boost, and I'm good.
SPEAKER_01Right. Well, and it sounds like he's definitely giving you know, you've given him some feedback and he's been receptive to it, very receptive to it. He's trying really hard, yeah.
SPEAKER_06I love that, you know, and there's been days that I've had to be like there was like there was one day um a little while ago that we I called him in the morning and he was he woke up so grouchy, and I was like, All right, I'll talk to you later, right? Because I was like, he needs a second of himself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I didn't hear it from him for a full 24 hours. Jeez. And so I was mad because I'm like, oh, you don't give a fuck about me.
SPEAKER_01Right. So he calls me my importance level. Literally. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06So he calls me the next day, he has no clue that I'm bugged. And so I just was honest and I'm like, Oh, he's oblivious. Yeah, oblivious. And I'm spiraling and I'm like, he fucking hates me. He doesn't like to talk to me. Oh, he can go full 24 hours without talking out to me. He hates me. Right. He calls me the next day, he's like, How are you? And I'm just like, hey, from now on, if you need time to yourself, that's fine. Uh you gotta tell me.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_06And he was kind of bugged, and he goes, He's like, Sammy, I can have time to myself. And I'm like, Yeah, I didn't say you couldn't. Because that's his attach, his like anxious, not anxious, his avoidant, going, I can have time to myself. And I go, Right, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I'm like, but just saying, Hey, I love you, hope you have a good day. I'm not having a great day. I just need time to myself. I'll call you when I can, giving that little bit of like at some point I will call you, I will check in. That would have secured and made me feel better.
SPEAKER_01How long was he uh single before?
SPEAKER_06A long time.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_06Really long time.
SPEAKER_01That's typical with the avoidant personalities. The only time about an avoidant personality person is in a relationship is if one, they kind of work on themselves and they become less avoidant, or two, they uh have somebody that is interested in them that is very persistent because an avoidant personality oftentimes they balance between like relationship, freedom of being single, relationship, and usually freedom of being single, and then they push, they're really good at pushing people out of their lives, and uh, and so like him going 24 hours is not surprising by any means. But you you were definitely you did you did great because you were like, Look, the these are my concerns, and uh this is why I'm unhappy. And you know, he of course he gave you some pushback on that, but he seems like you.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it's fine. Well, and that's the biggest thing that I feel like I've been talking about on the podcast is like noticing your faults and taking the time to try to adjust and be better, do better, and apply things you've learned in other relationships is huge. Because, like I said, I am an I'm an anxious bitch. I know I am. I know that I immediately start overthinking shit. I immediately I go that extra. But I've learned just fucking communicate it.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Just be kind. There's no reason to be rude, just communicate it and try to do better. Expect that somebody can see your side of it and try to do better.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Well, and you're kind of speaking to your your boyfriend in insecurities a little bit. And I think that's important for relationships, is to open up in certain insecurities within yourself that you know. I do think that it is very dangerous for a guy to uh to like if if you were to go to go on a date with a guy and he is so full of himself and everything he's doing is perfect, right? And he like that that of course gives you a sense of confidence that he has confidence in himself, which is great. Yeah, but at the same time, as it's like what's his ability to or what is his willingness to you know be self-aware within within his own emotions and see where his down his you know his downfalls are because it's like your boyfriend has already showed you know improvement from things that you were not okay with.
SPEAKER_06Yep, and that's huge, and that's what's made this long distance easier than a lot of you know, like a lot of people have a really hard time with it, but yeah, it's been easier than I thought it was gonna be because oh, and to be fair, he and I have been best friends for like 16 years.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you have a lot of people.
SPEAKER_06We've known each other for a long fucking time, so it's pretty easy for me to be honest with him.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_06But I've also learned that from not being honest in other relationships because I'm like too afraid that I'm gonna hurt their feelings or whatever. When in reality, it's like they either take it because you said it as kind as you could and they apply it, uh-huh, or they don't.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, and you're building off of your previous failed relationships. Like I feel bad for like all my failed past relationships, and I'm sure you do as well, because it's like I'm sure they're great people now or whatever. And maybe it didn't work with you guys, but it's like that was the trial period. Now, whoever my girlfriend is next, she gets to benefit from all the crap I put other women through. As long as you can take it though, right?
SPEAKER_06As long as you can take it, internalize it, and fix it though, which I feel like you have. But I I've literally had exes that I'm like, I hope that they do better for their next. Oh, yeah. Like I've seen I've felt and I've had things, and I hook, I go, I hope that he is nice to her.
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_06I hope that he calls her back. I hope that he doesn't search through her phone. I'm just talking about all these different people that I've dated.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_06I hope that he is honest when things are going wrong in other parts of his life, you know?
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_06I I do hope that, but a lot of people You don't think they learn.
SPEAKER_01Because uh, you've certainly have sh said right now that you've you're like, I've done this in the past relationships, and yeah, you've been unhappy within certain outcomes of your relationships, and you were able to self-reflect it, saying, like, okay, I realize I have an anxious uh attachment style, and this is what I need to do in order to be compatible with somebody with an avoidant or secure relationship.
SPEAKER_06I think some people learn. I think some don't arrogant or aren't willing.
SPEAKER_01That is definitely dangerous or scary.
SPEAKER_06Like, I mean, we we've spoken about different people I've dated. I mean, I don't try I try really hard not to talk shit on my exes, right? Like I'll talk about experiences and I'll talk about like things that were incorrect.
SPEAKER_01I try not to talk talk shit, but like Well, because every relationship you've been in, you've learned something from you've valued something, and I'm not all bad.
SPEAKER_06And I don't hate any of my exes. I'm not hateful at all, right? Like I I've taken a lot of those experiences and I laugh and I go, Yeah, I learned this from it, right? And I hope that others do. I don't think a lot of people have the ki like the capacity and the ability to. I think they've go into relationships thinking they did nothing wrong and they don't try to adjust anything.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's just not that's not productive.
SPEAKER_06Well, no, but do you not agree? Do you not agree that there's a lot of people who are unable to do that?
SPEAKER_01To uh unable to learn what they've like, yeah. I do agree with that. You know, I don't know if you've ever talked to somebody. And but I've I've all the time. Talk to people all the time. I'm just like, I don't know if you stay in your freezer like I do all day. I haven't been outside in days. No. Um I don't know if you've ever talked to somebody and and they've been telling you about say, like, like the the typical, at least from my experience, let's say I go on a date with a girl, it's a red flag. If she's all of a sudden just like, oh yeah, I went on this date and they were the you know, or like not in dates, but like if every single relationship the man was toxic and terrible, maybe you're the problem. Uh-huh. I that's a red flag for guys. Like if a guy starts hearing a girl sit there and be like, I'm perfect, and all the guys suck, I'm every guy in the world thinks about it like she's got issues.
SPEAKER_06For sure. It's the same thing. I hate more than anything when someone's like, Yeah, my ex is crazy. Yeah. What'd you do to make her crazy? What'd you do to her?
SPEAKER_01Were you a culprit in this?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, what what did you do? Because there are like I have a friend in his baby mama. She is crazy. I can agree. I know all the stories. I've I've met her. I've I've really I think she's crazy.
SPEAKER_01You've been able to experience the crazy yourself.
SPEAKER_06I've I've flat out told him, do not fucking call her crazy to people who are not your friends. Or I'm like the whole going out and being like, yeah, but like my baby mama's crazy. Great, doesn't fucking matter. You still were in love with her, right? You were still with her, you stayed with her for a while. What'd you do to her to make her crazy?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And that says a lot about the person themselves, right? Like you can say that somebody else is crazy and somebody else is absolutely insane and all of that. Yeah. What's weird is everybody else reads that as you're the problem, not the person. Like it does, it's like the complete like reverse psychology in things. The same thing with like if you're trying to act confident, you're the most unconfident person. Oh, yeah. It's like absolutely it's the world of just reverse psychology within everything. It's insane.
SPEAKER_06Well, yeah, and that's the biggest reason why I think a lot of people aren't able to adjust and fix things themselves, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. So I do think that that is the that is very dangerous if you find like if you can find somebody like what you've you've found, I think it's great. He's been able to take, you know, basically, for lack of better terms, corrective criticism.
SPEAKER_05Of course, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And and work within that and not be so, you know, like self-centered, but like, well, what do you mean? Like, and try to fight you on it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Well, and I think that's why we work though, is because I don't think he I think a lot of men are used to this either. I think that he's not used to women voicing like fully how they feel about stuff. Oh, yeah. Right. Like, and I I am just like that though, because I've that's what I've learned, right? Yeah. And that's why I wanted to start this podcast. I wanted to be like fucking look at yourself and then explain to somebody else why you said something a certain way, why you want something fixed, you know? Literally, communication is the biggest thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, communicate it. Everything can be like misconstrued in different ways, and everybody thinks about things. And I'm not perfect.
SPEAKER_06We all have so much room to like grow and move or whatever, but can I be pretty fucking proud of where I'm at? Oh, absolutely. And think that maybe my relationship works because a part of me is I'm forgiving and I'm quick to say, hey, I didn't like that. Yeah, fix that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're you're forgiving, but you're also not like I I you don't like allow yourself to be walked on.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Well, and I just know me just being mad about it in the corner. There, sure, you have to fight your battles. Do not go to your partner and be like, you left the toilet seat up. I'm like, fucking get over it. Put it down for them.
SPEAKER_00Exactly.
SPEAKER_06Maybe in a side conversation, say, hey, it'd be cool if you could put that down. But to like be at them about every little fucking every little nagging thing.
SPEAKER_01It does get annoying. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06It does.
SPEAKER_01You need the toilet seat down. I need it up. Flip it down, I'll flip it up. True. Or vice versa. It doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_06I mean, I do agree that men should put the toilet seat down. I have in the middle of the night fallen in the toilet seat.
SPEAKER_01You've fallen into the toilet?
SPEAKER_06Yes.
SPEAKER_01I don't think I've ever fallen into the toilet.
SPEAKER_06I've done that.
SPEAKER_01How quick are you running in there? You're just you hold it.
SPEAKER_06Sometimes I don't like to turn the lights on because it's like it's dark, and I, you know, you go in, you go pee.
SPEAKER_01I don't want to turn the lights on either. No. But I at least look down, make sure I get, you know, I'm not riding the toilet reverse. You know?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Well, yeah, but that's the thing, is like I've been at like lots of like strictly men's houses, and they leave the toilet seat up, and that drives me as well. It's a losing battle.
unknownI know.
SPEAKER_01That's a losing battle.
SPEAKER_06I don't know. My boyfriend's pretty good at it.
SPEAKER_01Is he? He puts it down. Yeah, well, I grew up with only women in my house, so it's kind of ingrained into me. Yeah, you put it in. Speak for all the other guys. Yeah. It's hard to remember.
SPEAKER_06It is. It is. Yeah. But that should be something that you go, oh, she nagged me about it. That is one thing that I can fix.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I can fix that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I can fix that little thing. Like if it means that much to you to have the toilet seat already down, even though it just, you know, that's all it takes.
SPEAKER_06I lost my point. I had a point, and I'm it's gone.
SPEAKER_01The point's gone.
SPEAKER_06It's gone. The only reason I said that was for an example. I don't know what it was though. Doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_01It was a great example with if you know.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01If the listeners remember.
SPEAKER_06They're gonna be like, No, what was your point? What was your point? I'll get a text from my coworker Chelsea.
SPEAKER_01You're leaving us on a cliffhanger. That reminds me, I did I I I drove up to a cliff. I was just, you know, wanted to go see uh the view of a cliff, right? And uh I don't know if you know this, but if you yell out into a cliff, it echoes back.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so, anyways, I'm a single guy. I you know, I hike up to a cliff and I yell out into the cliff. I love you. And it uh responded, I just want to be friends. Oh, so not even the cliff loves me. That was a very cheesy joke, I know.
SPEAKER_06It's so funny. Did you end up going out with my ex-husband's cousin?
SPEAKER_01No, she's needs work in the nicest way possible. Like I tried, I tried.
SPEAKER_06She's young.
SPEAKER_01I have the I have the three-strike rule. Yeah, you've heard about my three-strike rule.
SPEAKER_06I can't remember exactly what it is, but you've told me.
SPEAKER_01The three-strike rule is just you know, if I if I get somebody's number because I, you know, I I'm attracted to them initially, yeah, I'll try to go on a date with them. Of course, like, why not like why give me your number if you're not going to go on a date with me? Yeah. Like, if I ask for your number, it's because I want to go on a date. Yeah. I'm gonna make fun of you. Why did you guys choose a gym date? I well, I she we added each other on Instagram to begin with. Not we didn't change number exchange numbers. And all of her Instagram is like gym stuff. And I am really enjoying the gym right now. I was I'm I don't know if you've noticed, but not not in the muscle sense, but like I've gone to the gym a lot. Like out of my Snapchat stories of you know, and so I was like, well, I don't know if she wants to go on a date, so I figure like if we just hang out at the gym, like why not? Right?
SPEAKER_06I mean, if she she wanted your information, then you should have just asked her out.
SPEAKER_01I guess that might have been my I'm just being honest with you. But I was just like, hey, you you go to the gym, let's go, let's go to the gym, you know. And I was like, what gym do you go to? She said she goes to EOS, and I know that EOS has the uh the buddy pass because Vasa got rid of their buddy pass. But you can kind of sneak into Vasa. Anyone at Vasa listening? I'm joking.
SPEAKER_06But can't you pay? There's it's like $30 for the buddy pass.
SPEAKER_01You can't have buddy passes. Well, you get a buddy pass system, but you have to like send the invite to somebody's email, and then they have to like it's not as easy as just like, hey, this is my friend, they're gonna join me today.
SPEAKER_06Planet Fitness is so nice. I can have as many buddy passes as I want. I just can only bring one a day.
SPEAKER_01That's because nobody goes there. Planet Fitness sucks.
SPEAKER_06It does suck, but like it's so cheap. It's so easy. All I hate is that if you go to a different one, even though I pay enough to go to each one, they might they want me to sign in. And I'm like, don't fucking talk to me.
SPEAKER_01Do they still give out Tootsie rolls?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, do they? Do they do pizza Friday?
SPEAKER_06I have no fucking clue.
SPEAKER_01I have not been in so long. That is the cheat code. If you're traveling across the country and just by a car, if and you have nowhere to live, you're just living in your car. Not that I've done that before, but anyways, get a get a planet fitness membership. There's a planet fitness in every state, and you can take a shower.
SPEAKER_06They will talk to you and make you sign in, though.
SPEAKER_01Really? I hate that. Like, how do you what do you mean by sign like just your key card thing?
SPEAKER_06So literally, the times I've gone to different places, if it's not your home gym, you scan and then they go, Oh, we just need to sign this, and they'll make you do it every single fucking time.
SPEAKER_01And I'm like, Oh, they want like a guest book, like yeah, like a funeral.
SPEAKER_06And I'm like, you just scanned my account.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_06And one guy told me once, he's like, Yeah, he's like, since we're a smaller owned, and I was like, I don't have a fucking smaller owned? Because I think they don't they're not they're not like are they franchised? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, so I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. So, but it's weird that you can pay that amount and go to different ones, but then you have to sign in. And you know what? If I'm going to the gym, I don't want you to fucking talk to me. I want to just go in and do my thing.
SPEAKER_01I did that is one of the things that I am not a fan of, is like, don't ask for a girl's number at a gym. Do you agree with that?
SPEAKER_06It depends. If you have like spoken to her several times, like you guys are like, like you've been like, oh, thanks, and you've chatted a couple times, then it's okay. I think it's fine. Yeah. But if you walk up to her and you're like, hey, how are you? Let me get your number. Yeah, I'm gonna be bugged.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Because I feel like most people at the gym are fighting demons and they're just getting them out with weights.
SPEAKER_06For sure.
SPEAKER_01Like I go to the gym and I get scared by the looks that people are just looking off into the distance and they're just lifting these weights. And I'm just like, that person has some internal demons.
SPEAKER_06For sure. I mean, I've never been hit on at a gym.
SPEAKER_02Never? But I think I wish you were.
SPEAKER_06I don't get hit on often though. I think I just have a resting bitch face, but it's always convinced me that I'm like ugly. But I've been told. But so I don't know. I can't, I can't really speak for the women. Like it it's nice to get hit on every once in a while.
SPEAKER_01I feel like everybody wants to get hit on. Absolutely. By the res by okay, by a normal person. Of course, right? It's like if you if you were to be hit on, say, like, you know, a 600-pound six like 55-year-old, yeah, you'd be kind of disgusted. I'm gonna shoot myself on the head. But even a like mildly attractive guy within your age range, yeah, man or woman, I feel like it's okay to be hit on every once in a while.
SPEAKER_06For sure.
SPEAKER_01But if they say no, that's how you meet people.
SPEAKER_06That's how you meet people. And the biggest thing that bothers me is it's like when people come in hot and they're flirting right away, and I'm like, just chat for a minute.
SPEAKER_01Just just ask me what my favorite dum dumb sucker is.
SPEAKER_06Ask me my age. Ask me literally just talk to me for a minute.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Because I've been at bars before, and it's like I said, I don't get hung often. I've been told that I'm intimidating.
SPEAKER_02Oh.
SPEAKER_06And I I think I just have a resting bitch face. My boyfriend all the time will be like on FaceTime and I'll be looking at my phone because you know, you get to the point where you're like, you're not even talking to each other anymore. You're just like, and I'll be like looking at stuff, and he goes, Why do you look so mad? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, I'm just I'm just reading stuff.
SPEAKER_01This is my default look, honey. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Literally, my like, this is how I'm shopping. I'm just glaring at everything. I don't fucking know.
SPEAKER_01Like, when I die, they're gonna have to staple my lips and a smile.
SPEAKER_06No, literally.
SPEAKER_01Look like the Joker, you know.
SPEAKER_06Literally, everyone I've met, they later have been like, Yeah, I just I thought you're gonna be a bitch. I thought you're gonna be so mean to me, and then I realized you're so nice.
SPEAKER_01And I'm like, You're like, that's a wild assumption to somebody you've never talked to.
SPEAKER_06And it's just it just must be the way I look, which is so funny because I think I'm so bubbly and friendly, but I don't come off that way.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I did not get that impression when I first met you.
SPEAKER_06That I was bubbly and friendly?
SPEAKER_01No, that that you were like a bitch.
SPEAKER_06I it's probably because I was coming in meeting my boyfriend's friends. Uh it's different when you're like getting introduced, I feel like.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But I don't know. I don't typically that you know, give people that uh I don't really make pre-dis uh what do you how do you say it? Pre dispositioned uh looking.
SPEAKER_06I know what you're saying, I can't think of the word.
SPEAKER_01Pre-dispoose dispositions on people or something like that. Yeah, yeah. I I typically don't like judge people for just how they're looking. You know, not typically. Yeah. And even if I do, I keep it to myself and I'm just like, I'm gonna investigate whether I'm whether my whether they're cool or not. Whether my, you know, uh that word's gonna bug me. I know I can't think of it though. Um like predisposed.
SPEAKER_06I know what you're trying to say. I can't think of it.
SPEAKER_01When you make an assumption of something.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I know what you're trying to say. I literally can't think of the word though.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like it's everybody makes those.
SPEAKER_06For sure.
SPEAKER_01But it's like I always am like, well, this is my thoughts, how the person is. I'm gonna go talk to them and see what's up. But then again, I am more of an extrovert.
SPEAKER_06So yeah, well, and that's the thing though, is like even if you don't think you're doing it, everyone's always doing it a little bit.
SPEAKER_01Oh, everybody does it.
SPEAKER_06You're trying to read vibes, you're trying to, it's it's evolutionary. That's this is how it's supposed to be. Is this tribe of people cool or not? Yeah. Like you don't you don't know.
SPEAKER_01Well, first impressions are everything.
SPEAKER_06They are, but you they aren't. I think that a lot of first impressions can be swapped. Like, think about my boyfriend of three years, right? Okay. We were together for three years.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_06In high school. Did you know when I got my braces off? I sent him a picture of them because we were just friends in high school.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_06And the first thing he said back was, Yeah, they look straight, but your teeth are small. Hurt my feelings so bad. Wow. I didn't talk to him like literally ever again. I went and got my gums lasered twice, right? Lazered. Yeah, like I got my gums like removed, lasered. Yeah, I got my gums removed so my teeth would look bigger. And I literally am way into smiles.
SPEAKER_01All from that comment?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it hurt my feelings so bad. And then and that's the thing, is like I could I could have sat on that like first impression.
SPEAKER_01That went deep.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it fucked me up. But I could have sat on that first impression, but then we hung out years later, and he literally was like, You have the prettiest mouth. And and it's just funny because it's like he just was a dumb young boy.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Well, we all are.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, some of us never grow, you know, and there's there I I'm trying to think of other examples. I I feel like there's a lot of people who were just like your first impressions aren't always right. It's it's more of the effort that's put in.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Right?
SPEAKER_01Well, but a lot of people won't give you a second impression. For sure. So that's why I say the first impressions are everything is 90% of people are not gonna give you a second impression. Like, especially from like me. So like I'll go I'll go dancing, right? If I like I know for a fact when I give a bad first impression, and I'll essentially just be like, all right, well, have a good day by like I won't even try. Yeah just because I know it's it's impossible. Like once you dig that initial first impression hole, like there's not a ladder that will get you out of that.
SPEAKER_06No.
SPEAKER_01Maybe another day will get you out of it.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, or putting effort in.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Speaking speaking of, you said that you have three strikes.
SPEAKER_01So you're saying the first the first one was Yeah, so like the the basically the three strike rule that I have is just like if I get a girl's number and I try to go on a date and I make typically what happens from the guy's standpoint is you know the typical, oh, I'm busy, there's this going on, oh I th I thought I was gonna be able to do this, but this came up or that came up. And look, guys, most of the time don't believe you. And we don't really care if it's true or not.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I see, like me personally, I don't care. Like if I invite a girl to go out on a date and she cancels on me, I'm glad that she canceled on me and didn't just, you know, let you wait there. Stand stood be stood up. So I'm I'm happy I have not been stood up, but I've been canceled on frequently, and I'm just like three strikes, you're out. Like I'm deleting your numbers.
SPEAKER_06You gotta gain that, you have to gain that trust. It's the same thing where it's like you have to show up and be a good example and try or communicate. If I've ever had to cancel, it's usually for a good reason I'll call and I say go, I am so sorry. Let's reschedule right now.
SPEAKER_01And I I've had well, that's different. That's different. So I've never I've very rarely do I have a date cancel on me, and they're like, Oh, but hey, but I'll be available at this other time. And so like that's not a strike, in my opinion. Yeah, like a strike in my opinion would be like she canceled with no expectation of rescheduling at all. So that's strike one, and I'll reach out again. Like, I'm not like so high on my ego that like I'm not gonna double text. Like, like I'm like the autistic kid over here, just like I'm quadruple texting. No, I'm kidding. I'm quite ding ding ding. Uh what you doing? You know, um, no, I don't go off of like those little rules. The the rule, the one rule that I do have is just like first first try, you don't want to reschedule, you you you know, didn't show up, you didn't uh commit to it. Second one, uh, or like the the one that I love the most is like, hey, I want to do XYZ on Friday. Would you like to join me?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then a strike would be, oh yeah, I'll let you know. I might be able to, I might not to. And then they just never let you know.
SPEAKER_06I know. And you know what? I am terrible because I I will say, I will let you know, but it's because I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's because I don't care. Yeah, and so like the guys that are still chasing the girls that are continuously doing something that it's like bad behavior. And and like that sounds childless to say bad behavior, but like it is. Like, and then also like if I'm on a date and it's like she's on her phone the entire time, I'll say like hey, put down your phone.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_01You know, like I'm I'm I don't want to like I'm I wouldn't say that like I'm the nice guy. I I do have like the nice guy qualities, but at the same time, it's just like if I go on a date and like you're on your phone the entire time, I'll tell you put your phone down, and I'm not gonna I'm like I'm not gonna reward that behavior, right? No, and I get it. I'm not like sitting here trying to like reward and like and and not reward certain things like a like a puppy or whatever. That's not what I mean by it. But you know, it's kind of just like my rule of thumb of just like I'm not gonna let myself get walked on in the dating world, and the dating world sucks. It does suck.
SPEAKER_06What's so funny about people on their phones? I would never be on my phone during a date.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Would I check the time? Sure. Sure. Absolutely. I don't know you. I'm I'm gonna look at the time, I'm gonna see if my mom called me for sure, right? Exactly. But guess what? Usually I go pee and I check my phone.
SPEAKER_01Well, you could check it at the table. I don't think that's a too.
SPEAKER_06But that's what I'm saying is like if I'm gonna look at my phone or I'm gonna look at shit, why wouldn't I just go to the bathroom really quick?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did have like one really bad day. And I don't even know if it was much of a day. It was more of just like I was receptive to a girl that was hitting on me. Yeah. And, you know, I was out dancing, and it was the typical, and maybe women just do this, but I've had this happen a couple times, but you typically the person, the girl that is interested in me, will not tell me that she's interested in me, but the friend will.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, sounded like someone was in there. Did you hear that?
SPEAKER_01Oh no.
SPEAKER_06Ooh. Sound like someone like was trying to open the door for like two seconds.
SPEAKER_01I it I do have ghosts. So just one of the ghosts. I don't like that.
SPEAKER_06Anyways, sorry, keep going what you're saying. I just my head whipped. I went You're like, what's what's in there?
SPEAKER_01It's one of my ten personalities is on the other side of that door.
SPEAKER_03Awesome. Nice.
SPEAKER_01But have you noticed that women so it's like let's say that you like a guy um and you're at let's say a bar or whatever. Is it typical for you to be like, hey, will you go tell that guy like to get my number? Because I've had that happen to me. Like I've had the friend be like, hey, this person thinks you're really cute. You should go ask for a number.
SPEAKER_06See, I've always been I'm like, what? I've always been hands-on where I say something, but later on in dating, I've learned let them and approach you. So I've never I've never really let my friends go do that. If they've ever tried to give a guy my number, it's against my will. Because if I wanted to, I would have approached them.
SPEAKER_01Well, they're not giving me their number. They're just like, hey, she really likes you. You should go ask for a number. Yeah. Or whatever. So I obliged. I was just like, sure, whatever. And then, anyways, we went to go get like tacos afterwards. And then she just like stayed on her weirdest thing, right? We're standing in line. I don't even know this girl. She looks up and she's like, Will you buy me tacos? And I look down, I'm like, I guess. I was just like, What? So, like automatically, I'm like, This is weird. She's just trying to hit on you, but she doesn't know how to yeah, and then she walks away. Like, I turn around to order some tacos, and then I look back and she's gone. She's she didn't even tell me what she wanted, and there's like a line behind me. So this place is busy, and I was just like, uh, so I just ordered just what I would order and I just doubled it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And whatever. And then she didn't like she just started like talking to other people, and I'm like, why am I here? She likes she invited me to go get tacos. Like, I didn't invite her.
SPEAKER_06She invited you?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, she invited me, and then she was like, Will you pay for my tacos? And I'm just like, I don't even know you, but sure. Anyways, we finally got the tacos, and then she just stayed on her phone the entire time. And I ended up just talking to her friend the entire time. Oh, and then I was I was like, I was like, would it be bad if I asked for her friend's number instead? Like in front of her. No, I didn't, but I thought about it.
SPEAKER_06I was like, uh that would have caused issues in their friendship.
SPEAKER_01I've never texted her since because I was just like I was like, first of all, like I don't mind like I don't mind being the guy that like pays for dates. I prefer. Prefer if I pay for a date?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01But I just met this person, and this is technically not a date. You asked me if I wanted to go to get tacos with you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Not that this is a date. And we're with your friends, too. So I was just like, I was kind of put off by that. I don't know where I was going with that.
SPEAKER_06How old was she?
SPEAKER_01Um she's 21. No, she was she was uh I think she was older than me. She was 28, 29. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05She had like that is shocking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think the one conversation we had is she has like five kids. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06That's repulsive. Yes. That sounds so mean. Women can have as many kids as they want, but it is crazy to act like that and be a mother. That blows my mind.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and she's like, and you know, like when we left, you know, we drove separately. She was just like, Yeah, like hopefully I see get to see you again. And I I I think she could tell that I was annoyed with the whole situation because she walked away like several times. And I didn't I didn't know this when I first went to the taco place with her, but crazy smoker. Just oh my yeah. She'd eat like one taco. I think we I think I got her like four tacos, the small street tacos.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. I love street tacos.
SPEAKER_01She'd have one taco, go outside and have a smoke.
SPEAKER_05Nice.
SPEAKER_01And then she'd come back in, have another taco, and then go outside and have a smoke. And I'm just like, okay, well, that's weird, you know. But then when we left, she's like, Oh, yeah, I hope I hope I get to see you again. And I was just like, all I said was, yep. And then just turned around and walked away.
SPEAKER_06You're like literally never in a million years. What do you mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but I think she could she definitely remember.
SPEAKER_06She wants to see, she wanted to see you in your wallet. That's what she wanted to see.
SPEAKER_01I was just like, Do I look at the financialists?
SPEAKER_06If you're gonna use a man as a as like a walking wallet, you better be basically sucking his dick the entire time.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. I didn't even get that.
SPEAKER_06Because low key, women are kind of like escorts in that way, I think. Like we can go on dates and have someone pay for us or whatever, and there could just be like a minimal whatever. But then you don't you don't abuse that. You're super gracious, yeah, and you chat with them. If I'm gonna if someone if I'm gonna have someone pay for my shit, I'm gonna be a good time. I'm gonna be a good host.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. She was terrible. Yeah. I was just like, never again.
SPEAKER_06And that sounds horrible. Like, I'm against using men, but if you're going to do it right. Do it where it's at least a little beneficial for both parties.
SPEAKER_01Don't use men. I mean, what wait, how do you mean beneficial to both parties? Kind of like You're saying like somebody's giving something up.
SPEAKER_06No, not even. I'm not saying it like a you buy me tacos and you get sloppy toppy. I'm not saying that. I'm saying like make it a good time. Like if I'm going out with someone that I'm not that into and I just want a free meal, I'm still gonna show up and be so friendly. I'm gonna be so nice. I'm gonna chat with them, and I'm gonna be very appreciative when they do shit for me.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Yeah, so you're you're an enjoyable person to be around then.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, so like I can I feel like it's not the end of the world to use a person like that as long as you still don't think that's great. Nope, but if you're going to, you're gonna show up to bat. You're gonna show up and be a good time and a good hang, right? Like, am I wrong? Wouldn't you rather have a great time with somebody and pay for the date and then have them be like, yeah, I'm not into you, sorry.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I mean that that happens no matter what. Exactly.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, but like, you know what I mean? Like, if they're going to just use you anyway, she should have at least hidden it a little bit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Maybe she's just an extreme extrovert, and I just don't understand her.
SPEAKER_06But it sounds like she's used to men just getting stuff for, which is crazy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't think she gets very many like second dates. I would I wouldn't imagine. I mean, I mean there's a lot of men out there that are willing to get walked up. Be cuckled. For sure. There are a bunch of cuckle men out there.
SPEAKER_06Some men pay for that shit.
SPEAKER_01That's weird. That's weird. Don't do that.
SPEAKER_06Some men like it. Some men when hate hate some men love when women hate on them.
SPEAKER_01Hate? Wait, what?
SPEAKER_06Some men love when women hate on them.
SPEAKER_01When they just treat them like shit. Treat them like crap. Yeah. I mean, I guess that could be a fetish. I suppose.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I don't know. It's a I feel like it's a pretty big thing. But I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Interesting. I need to find myself a man like that. I'm not gay, but how big's their wallet? That's the gayest thing I've ever said in my life.
SPEAKER_06No, I love that. If you find a sugar daddy, share the wealth.
SPEAKER_01No, it's all mine.
SPEAKER_06No, share the wealth. You might as well.
SPEAKER_01You're talking about use a man.
SPEAKER_06You're literally on my podcast. What do you mean? Where's my payment?
SPEAKER_01That is true. Wait, it goes the other way around, right? Eventually you monetize this podcast, right?
SPEAKER_06That'd be awesome.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You just have to get a bunch of listens.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. You know what's funny? Is I know it's not gonna blow up. But is it fun to do? For sure. Like this is a great time. I love yapping and I love like talking to a microphone.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You don't think it'll blow up?
SPEAKER_06I don't know. I don't think so.
SPEAKER_01Maybe. You just have a lot of interesting guests on.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've been pretty interesting. I'm a very interesting person, Spencer. What do you mean? Interesting, yeah. Me just talking to myself in my room on my bed.
SPEAKER_01Well, I think that I think that having a guest helps you be more creative within yourself as well.
SPEAKER_06I think it does help it kind of like flow a little bit and keeps the conversation going. Absolutely. There are some times that I'm like in a flow state and I do really well just talking to myself. Oh, yeah. But there are like when you have to force yourself to do it, it's really hard.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_06Especially the past couple months, I've just not been myself. I've got all sorts of other shit going on, and I just have not felt up for it at all.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I bugged you. I was just like, hey.
SPEAKER_06When the fuck are you gonna talk on your podcast again?
SPEAKER_01I have nothing to listen to.
SPEAKER_06Are you gonna listen to this with you talking on it?
SPEAKER_01Oh, maybe.
SPEAKER_06It's so hard to listen to yourself.
SPEAKER_01I don't think I would.
SPEAKER_06I listen to my own podcast.
SPEAKER_01Do you?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, that increases the views.
SPEAKER_06That and it helps me learn how to be better.
SPEAKER_01That well, yeah, you can kind of I don't edit it.
SPEAKER_06I just put it out there.
SPEAKER_01That's yeah.
SPEAKER_06That's that's I'm gonna post this tonight because I haven't posted it in so long.
SPEAKER_01Oh, tonight?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Nice. I'm gonna have I'm gonna make you help me with a description.
SPEAKER_01Ooh.
SPEAKER_06Are you excited?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm excited. And the title.
SPEAKER_06We'll we'll talk through the title and stuff.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. That'd be that sounds like fun.
SPEAKER_06In fact, you're a witness for my are you ready for my brand new segment that I'm gonna start doing every single time?
SPEAKER_01Is this the end, the beginning, and the it's just part of it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. So I have a new segment. I'm gonna tell you about it.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_06I'm gonna call it Date My Friend.
SPEAKER_01You want me to date your friend?
SPEAKER_06No. That's just what the segment's called. Okay. Is date my friend. Okay. And I'm gonna find a new single person every week and I'm gonna talk about them. And then I'm gonna post them on my Instagram, and it's called My Dating Refresh. One word. I'm gonna post their Instagram, their picture, and anything that we talked about today about them, basically.
SPEAKER_01Okay. They're definitely gonna have to scrub that Instagram, make it look nice then. Before whoever you have sets up.
SPEAKER_06So we're gonna talk about one of my really good friends. You don't know him, but I'll talk about him. You can add anything you like, right? So, welcome to the new segment. Um, I'm basically just trying to set people up. That's like my goal is to like help everyone get more dates, get get more reach, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, get more reach, set people up in in the dating aspect, not set people up to be used for dinners, right?
SPEAKER_06I mean, if he's into that, I hope that he gets that, right?
SPEAKER_01I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_06So this is my really good friend Cole. Okay, I've known Cole actually for a long time. We so I used to be LDS. You just turned off the mic? No. Oh your face was like but so I used to be LDS and I was on a Facebook group when I was like 12, and it was called like LDS Smiles, and it was like a bunch of like random Mormon kits all over, right? And we all just like used to chat and like talk about whatever. I met him on there.
SPEAKER_01Oh, wow. And over the years, your first online friend.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and I have a lot of random ones from there that every once in a while they'll like post something and I go, Oh my god, I remember that motherfucker. That's crazy. So it's just funny, but he and I stayed kind of friends, right? And I only met him because he's such a he's such a caring, wonderful person. I was dating this guy once. No, back up. This actually, so I actually I had a boyfriend, but he didn't go to this party with me.
SPEAKER_01And so I went to a party, I got there, I didn't have my car, I didn't have anything, and um you went to a party while in a relationship without your boyfriend?
SPEAKER_06He had something else going on that night. Like it was fine. Okay, right? And it was my first time smoking weed. Okay, and so I was high and I was a little crossfaded. And the plan was that my friend was gonna drive me home, but it didn't, she she was off doing something else, and I got like the worst anxiety attack. So my friend Cole, I actually we had never met in person ever. I started texting him because we used to just like FaceTime or text or whatever. We just talked every once in a while, you know, and we had talked a little less. Every time I got into a relationship, we would talk a little less, you know, like out of respect for my my boyfriend, right? Yeah, but um, I was just kind of texting him because I knew my boyfriend had already like gone to bed or done something, and I had no way to get home. I had never been in an Uber, I was so young, right? And that's freaky to get in your on your first Uber or whatever. Yeah, so I texted him and I was crossfaded and I was panicked, and I just was having like the worst time. And it was like it was probably like 10 o'clock. It wasn't even that late, right? We were supposed to leave at like two. Like my friend, my my friend's plan was to sober up by two, and then she was gonna drive us home. Okay, so I'm at this party stressed. You know what's funny? I don't think I've I actually had a boyfriend. I think I was starting to date somebody. Okay, so you remember stage that's what it was too, because I I you said that and I was like, You're right. I'm like, it is weird that I that's why. It's because we weren't actually together yet. Like it was like an in-between.
SPEAKER_01Okay, but your storyline real quick the taxi, no, the Uber, that was to the party, or that was a that was so my friend had drove us. Okay, your friend had drove you guys.
SPEAKER_06And she said, I want to stay until two, I'm gonna drink up until whatever point, and then be sobered up by two, whatever, right? And so it was like ten o'clock. Well, it was ten o'clock. I was crossfaded. I'd never been crossfaded before.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00You'd never been high. Yeah. How old were you?
unknownI don't remember.
SPEAKER_00Well, in my twenties. I was an I was an adult woman.
SPEAKER_06I was an adult woman. I was in my twenties.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. But anyways, he and I had never met, and he is so sweet. I texted him and he goes, send me your address, send me where you're at, I'll come get you. Okay. Forty minutes later, he gets there. He drove all the way from Lehigh to West Jordan to come pick me up. Drove me to Taylorsville home. We had never met before.
SPEAKER_01He thinks you're cute.
SPEAKER_06He probably did, but it doesn't really matter. You know, he's still, he's still he to this day, we're still good friends. To this day, he's like, Well, yeah, you were freaking the fuck out. And I'm like, that's just what good friends do. He literally left a date. He said, I have to go pick somebody up. I will be right back. So he drove the 45 minutes to go pick me up, drove me to Taylorsville from West Jordan, like the edge. So it was like a 30 minutes.
SPEAKER_01He was in the middle of what?
SPEAKER_06A date.
SPEAKER_01A date?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01What? He was like, I'll be right back. She's probably thinking be right back. Like, what did he do? Go to a movie? Like 45 minutes there, 45 minutes back. His poor date.
SPEAKER_06She, I think he explained it to her. I don't know. She wasn't.
SPEAKER_01Well, he's single, thanks to you, because of the the debacle thing.
SPEAKER_06That was years ago. That was years ago.
SPEAKER_01Still single. He left his date to pick you up from a party. That took 45 minutes. And he said he was gonna be right back.
SPEAKER_06He cares about people a lot. Like, and he would do that for anything. He did, because he went back.
SPEAKER_01Well, he went back after seeing a movie from her perspective. He's gone for two hours.
SPEAKER_06She knew why he was gone.
SPEAKER_01That's okay. Okay. Anyway. Sorry, I kind of reject that.
SPEAKER_06You're saying it like a bad thing. It was a very nice thing for him to do. And I think that that's really something.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_06So he came and picked me up. I know I'd never been in one.
SPEAKER_01Right. So you didn't want to start while being high. No. And crossing.
SPEAKER_06Having an anxiety attack?
SPEAKER_01No way. Were you having an anxiety attack in his car too? A little bit. Oh, you were paranoid.
SPEAKER_06He was very nice to me. He was very patient with me.
SPEAKER_01And he's LDS.
SPEAKER_06He used to be.
SPEAKER_01Oh, he's not now.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, we both. He was gonna serve a mission and all that. And then but you know, so he's oh, that's another thing, ladies. He's not LDS. But he's a very he'll do that for anybody. And I've I've just heard lots of stories where he's like rescue people in the middle of the night, whatever. He's just kind of like that. Like he's very like, you need somebody, I'll be there. I'll drive however long, I'll do whatever, I'll stop what I'm doing, I'll come fix it. Right.
SPEAKER_01Very LDS of him.
SPEAKER_06He's a good guy. He's a good guy, good friend of mine. But he drove me all the way to my house, dropped me off, and then he drove back to his date the next day. He just calls me and he goes, How are you feeling? Are you okay? Whatever, you know, very kind. And I will promise you, I got into that car and I was he dealt with anxious, ridiculous Sammy. So okay. And so, yeah. So his name's Cole. He's 27. Ah. He's uh a few months older than I am. I think his birthday is oh yeah, it's the same as my mom's. It's August 16th.
SPEAKER_01Oh, same. Yeah. Wow, crazy.
SPEAKER_06I know, isn't that cute?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's been like 365, 364 other coincidences that should have happened.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. He lives in Saratoga Springs and he works as a sheet metal worker.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_06I don't know what much that means. I know that he welds.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I worked at a sheet metal place before. Really? I did. Yeah, just big sheets of metal. Yeah. And you bend them into shapes for countertops. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Did you try to make him sound more impressive about it? Do better.
SPEAKER_01Oh, well, it's great. You get your hands get cut a lot. Yeah. So it's a very tough man job. Yeah. He's blue collar. And what I heard is blue collar is like the new sexy. If you're a white collar, good luck if you're white collar. If you're if you're in the dating world and you're white collar, women do not like that. It's all about the blue-collar jobs. You can swing a hammer or turn a wrench. Women love it. You know what? That's true. That is true. So yeah, sheet metal, I'll date him.
SPEAKER_06Okay. You sh he's great. You guys can be buddies. Oh, yeah. He's he's a great dude. He goes fishing a lot, too.
SPEAKER_01Oh, sweet. He can catch fish? Yeah.
SPEAKER_06So his profile, his Instagram, you will find it. He has like fish. Oh nice. Holding fish.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_06So he's looking for a serious relationship. He's got a son.
SPEAKER_01He's got a son.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, he's really cute. Nice.
SPEAKER_01How old?
SPEAKER_06I want to say two. I think he's like two.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Makes makes sense. He's 27, 24. You had the kid.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, somewhere around there.
SPEAKER_0125. Yeah, yeah. I don't math very well.
SPEAKER_06I don't either. But I I think he's like two. He's really cute. But yeah, he's got a son. He sees he has him, I think, every I'm telling every he's gonna be like, you do not need to give that much information. But he has him every um Wednesday and then every other weekend. And he loves that kid so much. So um I also asked him what his type was, and he says someone with a great sense of humor, good with kids, goal-oriented, and outdoorsy, which makes sense because he he goes fishing and camping a ton.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_06And he's so outgoing, and he invites anybody to go do that stuff.
SPEAKER_01So he's like a six foot tall, athletic, built, just handsome Cole.
SPEAKER_05No, literally, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. I that's that's what I got from that. I didn't even I didn't even need to see a picture of it. I don't know what this guy looks like.
SPEAKER_05That's actually so true.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, he's just a handsome sheet metal worker, just stud over here.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01He's a stallion.
SPEAKER_06Loves kids. He wants to have more. Of course. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, how many? He is LDS. He must want like four. Well, he's not LDS anymore, no, he's not anymore. But you know the quality still kind of, you know, he still has some of the good qualities.
SPEAKER_06Let's guess for him. Okay, I didn't ask him how many kids he wants. Let's guess for him. I'm gonna guess he probably wants four as well. I think you're right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I always thought that three was a good number because like the back seat of your car, you have a husband, wife, and then you have three back seats and three seat belts. So I'm like, you don't need to buy a minivan.
SPEAKER_06Minivans are pretty great. I had one.
SPEAKER_01You could just buy a Toyota Prius. Yeah, that's that's true. Because I love Toyota Prius.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. That's only funny because I'm taking his car tomorrow to drive to New Mexico. And it's his his Prius.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're you're everybody's gonna think I'm gay now, which is fine.
SPEAKER_06I mean, are you a little gay? No. Okay. Anyway.
SPEAKER_01I love how you questioned that. I'm a little upset now.
SPEAKER_06You're questioning the I'm just I'm just letting I'm just asking everybody, because you know, I'm gonna make you tag your Instagram at the end anyways, so it's fine.
SPEAKER_01With this podcast? Yeah, absolutely. A little fun.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. You were on it. You'd want people to be able to find you if they want to, don't you?
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_06What if what if there's a girl out there that listens to this and goes, that is the man of my dreams?
SPEAKER_02Oh. Right?
SPEAKER_06And that's why I want to do this segment, the date my friend. Because Date My Friend. What if there's somebody out there that's like, that's my type, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. You can have like a secret of mirror on the other side. I mean, will it happen in a year? Maybe that'd be kind of weird.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, but say lovey.
SPEAKER_01Say lovey, for sure.
SPEAKER_06So I had him write three things that make him a great partner. And he said he's a great listener, problem solver, and he's understanding, which I agree. He's definitely a great listener. He loves to yap. He is somebody that I I call if I'm like at the store and I just want to talk to somebody.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, absolutely. And he will just listen to me talk about bullshit.
SPEAKER_01I love the yappers.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. And he something I've told him that I think my favorite quality is that he answers in like two rings.
SPEAKER_01Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01He's always available.
SPEAKER_06That was so bad.
SPEAKER_01No, he just mean for that to sound bad.
SPEAKER_06He just is really like he thinks it's important to answer really quick, which I think is really awesome.
SPEAKER_01Right. Is he that makes me think he's not very busy?
SPEAKER_06I mean, other than work, he does his little side things, like he goes fishing or whatever. He's got his little hobbies, but he just thinks like even if he's working, he's just quick to answer and be like, Hey, um, I'm working or whatever. But he just is so quick to like if I called him right now, he'd answer in like two calls at two rings.
SPEAKER_01Two rings. Wow. Well, what if it was like 2 a.m.? Well, I guess you go, you stole his thing.
SPEAKER_06He actually doesn't sleep ever, I swear to God. Oh, that's that's probably the one down downfall of him, is he's never asleep.
SPEAKER_01He's never asleep. Never. Wow. He's always awake. His brains just always go on a hundred miles an hour.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, probably.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Since he's so tall and hardworking.
SPEAKER_01So, okay, so you've Cole, you found Cole, he's he's a great guy. He's a he's a yapper. You're a yapper.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, he's a problem solver, he's understanding. I agree with those. I think he's being very honest, you know. Um, red flag disclaimer. Ooh. And he said he's very opinionated, which I also agree with. He is very opinionated. Yeah, and he will tell you about it. And he will tell you about it for sure. But it also means he stands up for what he believes in, which is awesome.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to be just the yes man. Yeah. Just like, yeah, I mean, you can kill elephants or not.
SPEAKER_05Or not.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you don't want to be that guy. You want to be like, no, I mean stand for the elephants.
SPEAKER_06And then he answered this question so weird. Um, I said an op like a hot seat question, choose one of them. And the questions were, what's your toxic trait in a relationship? What's something you won't compromise on, and what's your ideal first date? Because I told him to just pick one. And you just put bossy.
SPEAKER_01For the whole thing?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yeah, I guess. My gag Cole. I don't know which one he chose. So your ideal first date, bossy. Bossy? Like that, like what's something you won't compromise on? Bossy.
SPEAKER_01Like, okay.
SPEAKER_06So what's your toxic trait in a relationship? Bossy. It's probably that one. I can't see him being bossy, though.
SPEAKER_01Him being bossy?
SPEAKER_06I can't see him being bossy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, now we have to kind of figure out what he meant.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We have to like interpolate this.
SPEAKER_06Interpolate? I like that word.
SPEAKER_01Do you? Well, there's three different options, and you have to figure out where the answer lies. You have to interpolate between all of them, right?
SPEAKER_06Is that should I should I make a point? Should I call him right now?
SPEAKER_01You could.
SPEAKER_06Let's see.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I I will be shocked if he doesn't answer. Let's see.
SPEAKER_01He's gonna hopefully he doesn't make you a liar.
SPEAKER_06I know.
SPEAKER_05Okay, we're calling him.
SPEAKER_01I'm on the toilet real quick.
SPEAKER_00Sorry. Yeah, we get to the phone. Oh, you got the busy line. Wow.
SPEAKER_04Wow.
SPEAKER_01He's just mad you're having got his podcast out. Yeah, probably.
SPEAKER_06He's like, she asked me these questions like a month ago, and we have not spoken. And she's calling me at 11 30 at night.
SPEAKER_01You're gonna get a call back in like five minutes.
SPEAKER_06Probably, and I'll be like, you messed up.
SPEAKER_01It's like, you know what? You missed out.
SPEAKER_06He's probably like chatting with a girl or something. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Oh, ladies, you better act quick.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, you better be quick. You better be quick. I have to look up his Instagram. You start talking about other stuff.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Well, I'm really good at talking, I'm a I'm a Yapper myself. Did I ever close the uh did I leave anything open from what I was saying earlier? So like I'm a broken man because of like my past relationship. The whole thing about that was um go on dates, uh complain about not going on dates, I'd go on dates. She would then say, Okay, well, and so then I would go on a date, and then say like something happens and I skip one week of not going on a date, and then the nagging starts, and then I'm like, Well, what do you mean? And so like the argument would be back and forth where it was like well, but we did go on a date two weeks ago, and then she would mitigate the the the date itself. She'd like that was two weeks ago, and all we did is we went bowling, yeah, right, and so then it was like a constant, like years and years of like always being like always minimizing the efforts that I did make, and which became where I was damned if I did, and I was damned if I didn't, so I might as well do nothing. So I just became like that broken guy, like I gained a bunch of weight, I stopped going to the gym, which will never happen to me ever again because I just I went through it. But the reasoning behind like the cheating was because you know the nagging would happen, I'd fix the nagging, and then then you know, something life would happen and it wouldn't happen, and then the nagging would start again, and then I would reference the but no, we did do this, and then she would mitigate it down to like well, yeah, we just did that. Can you name anything else? Right, and so it was like that argument.
SPEAKER_06Why would she plan stuff?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's true. Well, she didn't she should have given you ideas, she should have given you ideas, but anyways, but it was like the argument of like we never do anything anymore, you never do this anymore, you never do that anymore. And so it's like even when I fixed the things, if something happened in life, like the roof is leaking, or I need to take an entire weekend to fix something, yeah, or whatever, like there was no understanding there, and that's where I became a broken man, where I was just like, I am done contributing in the relationship, and then I stayed in the relationship too long. And uh, so that I think that's where the relationship went wrong. Yeah, where it is it is my fault why the relationship ended. That's where I stand by my point of uh man is the one that either makes or breaks a relationship.
SPEAKER_06Things can ebb and flow though, and I think if she had found a kinder way to talk to you about stuff, you would have been more willing to adjust and be better at compromising and be better at communicating and being like, yeah, you're right. It's been like a week or so. Let's plan for next week, let's do this big thing. I have to work on this this weekend.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. You know, she could have, but that would be me expecting like that would be a expecting her to be like the one that needs to solve it, right? It's like I feel like that's the men's the man's role is like to be able to see certain things within relationships and fix those things um and be more of the manipulator of the environment, not manipulate in a bad way. But the the manipulator in the environment of the relationship to make a better outcome, I don't put that responsibility on the woman to do. I think that it I don't think that it's a woman's responsibility to fix a relationship. Yeah. I think it's I think it's a man's responsibility to maintain a good relationship and fix one that if it needs to be fixed. I don't put any of the blame on the on the woman for for not fixing the relationship. Like if if I would have known what I know now and she was and there was an argument like that, I wouldn't have brought up like, oh, we went, you know, like the conversations would be different. Just like how the conversations between like me and you with the hypothetical, those two are completely different, right? I was the first, I was the first example in ever all of our arguments. Yeah, and so this relationship still ended because of me, and if I were if I would have reacted to our arguments in a different way, our relationship would have never ended.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I don't want the relationship back.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and maybe even if it wouldn't have ended, maybe it would have ended for other reasons, obviously, right? Like it it might not have just meant but to be at all. But but yeah, I I think that you probably both could have been a little bit more comfortable.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06That or you would have realized later, like, okay, I'm answering things correctly, and she is not taking them correctly, then I'm ready to be done.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and in like a future relationship, I wouldn't allow myself, I will not allow myself to like be like uh what do you call it ber berated? Oh um I want to say berated. I think you're like berated down in in like a in like a yeah, I wouldn't allow myself to be berated down to like like I can't do anything to win, like like where I feel helpless. I wouldn't allow that to happen in a new relationship because I I like I now have like the maturity in the the previous relationship experience for like the next relationship, it's either gonna work or it's not. There's not gonna be like this weird, like I'm in a relationship, but I'm unhappy in a relationship. Yeah, and that's where it was kind of was, and so then that's kind of like where like me and you have both gained a ton of experience, and that's where you know how they say like you can't marry your high school sweetheart, you just can't. I I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna say that there's exceptions and some people are very happy. That's very rare for a reason. And I always tried to buck the system in dating, but I'm like, now that I'm out of out of the relationship, I'm like, why am I trying to be the statistic that doesn't work? Yeah, I want to be on the side that does work. Like I tr I already tried to be in the outlier, but that's not gonna work.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. So no, that's fair. Really quick, I'm gonna tag Cole's Instagram before I forget. His Instagram is literally his name. Cole Fannon. C-O-L-E F-A-N-N-E-N. If you're interested in dating my friend Cole, please reach out. He's the best. He lives in Utah and I adore him. Just DM him. He has a slight idea that I was putting this out here, but he'll be reminded once he starts getting some messages.
SPEAKER_01Heck yeah. So if if if somebody were to uh search his profile, what what does his profile picture look like so that they know it's the him?
SPEAKER_06Take a guess. Take a guess what you think he has in his profile picture. Um from what we've talked about.
SPEAKER_01I'm guessing he's holding a fish on a boat.
SPEAKER_06He's not on a boat, but he is holding a fish.
SPEAKER_01And he owns like a dodge. Yeah. I'm guessing.
SPEAKER_06I don't remember, but probably. Yeah, just lots of pictures of fish.
SPEAKER_01So his profile is him holding a fish? Yeah. I got that right.
SPEAKER_06Mm-hmm. Yeah, you did get that right. I told you. I knew you were gonna guess that.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Oh yeah. He's a handsome guy, huh? Oh yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01He's yeah. I could see him at like you know, like a campfire somewhere.
SPEAKER_06Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01You know?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. He's so funny.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow.
SPEAKER_06He's so funny. He has got the most infectious laugh. I shit you not.
SPEAKER_01Oh nice.
SPEAKER_06I've shown him pictures.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. So uh you know, I'll I'll be I I guess this is kind of like a radio thing. So yeah, yeah, I'm looking at him with uh some pit vipers on, it looks like.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Some nice wraparound glasses. He's you know, he's he loves fish. Does he eat all these fish? Oh, he's got a cowboy hat on. Alright, so he's country girls.
SPEAKER_06He's kind of country. He wears some cowboy boots.
SPEAKER_01Heck yeah.
SPEAKER_06He's got tattoos.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. He's got the collarbone tattoos, he's got the belly buttons sticking out and everything.
SPEAKER_06In that one, yeah, yeah. He usually has a mustache too.
SPEAKER_01Oh, right.
SPEAKER_06Which women are all for mustaches. I am too. I love a good wimbroom. That is like my favorite.
SPEAKER_01Dang. Too bad my mustache comes in blonde.
SPEAKER_06That doesn't matter. I can't. My boyfriend's comes in blonde. Does it? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've just never tried to grill mine out.
SPEAKER_06He's a blonde boy.
SPEAKER_01Mustaches are in, huh?
SPEAKER_06I mean, I can't speak for all women, but I am a types. Huge sucker for womb broom. That is like my favorite.
SPEAKER_01That's a type of mustache, right?
SPEAKER_06It's just it's just a mustache. Oh. Womb being like a woman's uterus.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Okay. I'm a sucker.
SPEAKER_06It's just a disgusting way to say it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I now get it, everyone. It makes no sense to me. That's fun. That's fun.
SPEAKER_05It is fun, huh? I I love that. A good womb broom.
SPEAKER_01Wombroom. Wombroom.
SPEAKER_06Oh womb broom.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's that's clever.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, that's that's my shit. That's my shit.
SPEAKER_01I can't believe it's been so long since you posted a how long has it been? A podcast.
SPEAKER_06Beginning of February.
SPEAKER_01Beginning of February. Yeah. Wow.
SPEAKER_06I know. I know.
SPEAKER_01There's so much to catch up on.
SPEAKER_06We just I'm just skipping that. I'm just gonna go straight into the code.
SPEAKER_01You're just like, there's nothing to catch up on. I've probably but I fell off the rails. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I'm back. I'm back. I'm gonna do better. I'm gonna be better. My goal is to post this one tonight, and then I'm gonna try to record another one while I'm in New Mexico. Yeah. I'm gonna post this one tonight. Yeah. And then my goal is to post another one Friday and like record by myself in New Mexico because my man's been gonna be working. I'm literally there for a show we're going to this weekend, and that's it.
SPEAKER_01Okay. For a show. What show are you going to?
SPEAKER_06We're gonna go with Morgan J.
SPEAKER_01Morgan J.
SPEAKER_06He's a comedy artist. So he kind of works with yeah, so we could work my call comedians artists. I don't know. Yeah, we love comedy.
SPEAKER_01Artistic. I said art artistic.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I know what you said.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_06Your face though, but you looked at me.
SPEAKER_01I was like, wait a minute. I did not say.
SPEAKER_06No, I knew you thought you said, but you didn't. I was like, wait a minute. Yeah, no. So he actually takes a microphone and walks around and sings and like does bits to everybody.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and it's in like the tune, right?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, auto-tune.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's in auto tune.
SPEAKER_06Uh-huh. So we're gonna go see him in New Mexico.
SPEAKER_01In New Mexico.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Oh, nice. Isn't that fun?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What comedy shows have you have you been to?
SPEAKER_06I haven't been to a lot. Um we went to Theo Vaughn a couple years ago.
SPEAKER_01I love Theo Vaughn.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, he's awesome. And I know that my man's been a couple more, but I don't know exactly. I've been to a lot of like did you know that I love really shitty comedy? I used to go to a ton of like open mics here in Utah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, wise guys.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, wise guys, and just like little sidebars.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_06I know a lot of like little shitty comedians.
SPEAKER_01Oh really?
SPEAKER_06I was like in that, like I had a friend who's like, they're up and coming.
SPEAKER_01Don't you know?
SPEAKER_06They're trying. But I have a I have a friend who has a like a comedy thing, and then he he's trying to become a comedian. So I went to a lot of his shows for a long time.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, you were supporting him. I support that.
SPEAKER_06I am super supportive. And I I just really love watching other people fail for some reason.
SPEAKER_01That says more about you than you think.
SPEAKER_06But that's the thing though, is like there's just so many like really strange people in comedy. Jeez.
SPEAKER_01We like watching people fail. A little bit. That's the reason why people get addicted to Dr. Phil. They're like, see, my family's not that screwed up, you know.
SPEAKER_06Well, I don't know. There's just something about it that's just it's just funny.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, I I agree.
SPEAKER_06I'll I'll tell you when there's another show. I get I get like little posts for him. I'll tell you when there's another like weird random comedy show. Just show up, sit in the back. It's worth it. Oh, it's so cringy.
SPEAKER_01I will tell you, that is my favorite date idea, though.
SPEAKER_06To take a girl to a shitty comedy show?
SPEAKER_01Not well, well, I don't know if it's shitty or not, but like yeah, like if my my go-to is like, let's go to wise guys.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like I don't know who's playing, but let's go. Yeah. One time it was uh the impractical jokers. Didn't even know. Yeah, just you would just walk up and um it was one of the guys, Myrrh. Myrrh was, yeah, went went on a date with a girl and it was Myrrh from the Impractical Jokers. And I was like, sweet. And she's like, You had no idea about this. And I was like, No, I'm very spontaneous. Yeah, and so, anyways, that was that's fun. I love comedy as well.
SPEAKER_06No, I love comedy, but I I do love like local comics and like the cringe and the uncomfortable, like it's not even them failing, it's more of like the fact that I'm like, ooh, just like it wasn't funny, yeah, or that's uncomfortable, or I saw what you were trying to do, failed, right?
SPEAKER_01Failed, right?
SPEAKER_06I also I like to think I'm like, how could they make that funnier? Like, I like to try to like kind of critique it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you try to fix it for them.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and I like that. Like there was this one time this guy was talking about I don't remember exactly what the joke was, but he was talking about the size of his nose because he had a big nose. Oh and basically he kept showing us, and I was like, it'd be funnier if he was talking about his nose, and we're all like, What is he fucking talking about? And then he turns to the side and we see his giant honker. Like at the end, it's so much funnier.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but you have to you have to have the suspense, the build-up, or like the confusion a little bit.
SPEAKER_06I think it would have been way funnier.
SPEAKER_01For sure.
SPEAKER_06Because then we could have been like, Are you talking about your dick? Or what were you talking about? And then for him to like turn and be like, mm-hmm, and us go, oh, but he kept playing like oh, I'm showing his nose, and I was like, Like, it's not funny.
SPEAKER_01You're like, okay, you have a big nose, good for you.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. I'm like, talk more shit on it. I don't know. I'm it, I literally I just will sit there and be like, this would make it better. It'd be better if you did this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that would that remind me of a time of your shitty comedy of uh I was out in Denver and I was like just looking for something to do. I'm not from Denver, yeah.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_01And you know, just there's comedy, right? And so I get into an Uber with me and my friends, and we're going out to this comedy though place, and the Uber guys are just like, hey, what are you guys doing tonight? You know, it's a Friday night, and we're like, Oh, we're all going to a comedy show, and we tell him what comedy place it is, and he's like, That's a comedy place, and we're like, uh-oh. You know, and so we get there, and it's like this you have to go like go down this like weird alley area. It's an open mic, yeah, and it's it's like an open mic, and it was like nobody understood what was going on. Like there was it was packed too, yeah. And not one of them was good. Like they all came out. One guy, he's he made a joke about like porta potties, and then he just got off stage. I don't know if he got like I don't know if he got like nervous. He he's like, uh I don't know, he just came out and he's like, so porta bodies. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Spencer, that's my shit. I love that stuff. So much.
SPEAKER_01You love the cringeness of it. I do.
SPEAKER_06It's why I love Kill Tony. Have you ever seen Kill Tony?
SPEAKER_01I've heard of it. I have you should watch it.
SPEAKER_06It's on YouTube. It's so good.
SPEAKER_01I might have.
SPEAKER_06It's so cringy. Some episodes are so good, and others, you just sit there and you're like, oh my god, these poor fucking idiots.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Like they like, oh my god.
SPEAKER_01You're like, I feel I feel uncomfortable for them.
SPEAKER_06Yes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. I eat that up. It makes me want to get into comedy. Is that my next hobby?
SPEAKER_01Get into comedy. There's a lot of women that are in comedy right now.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01A lot of them.
SPEAKER_06I'm sure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I'm pretty funny. I could do it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. I'll be, yeah. I mean, you have to be you have to be willing to make fun of you know yourself. Of course.
SPEAKER_05Which one if I'm not?
SPEAKER_06I thought you listened to my podcast.
SPEAKER_01I do. Yeah. I do listen to your podcast. That's why I'm like, I'm trying to speak into the microphone to where it's not, you know.
SPEAKER_06He's worried that no one's gonna be able to hear him. Well, since I'm so loud.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes, yeah. Well, it it is where it's one of those things where you're like, I'm trying to play this podcast in my car. Your guest makes me turn my volume up to a hundred, and then Sammy talks, and my speakers are blown out. I know it's like if I could just keep the volume at one level, that would be fantastic.
SPEAKER_06I know if I had a fancier setup, it would be mitigate that.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it does.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and I just don't have a fancy setup.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I wonder if you could just you know, you could choose like a median.
SPEAKER_06There's certain like settings and there's certain like editing styles.
SPEAKER_01That was a weird noise.
SPEAKER_06That was really weird. He's making out with the microphone.
SPEAKER_01It's it's been a while. I haven't made out with anyone over a year now. This microphone.
SPEAKER_05You're like, it is pretty phallic shaped. I love it.
SPEAKER_01It is. This this looks like it if I was look, this microphone is big. This is as big as it gets, right?
SPEAKER_06It's it's pretty big, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, okay. Yeah like it, it doesn't get like okay. Yeah, it doesn't get much bigger than that, right?
SPEAKER_06I mean from my experience, yeah, I think that's the kind of regular side of a microphone.
SPEAKER_01Okay. It's like the regular side. That's regular? Yeah. No, that's big that's big. It's kind of regular. That's big that's foul. That's foul.
SPEAKER_06Now mine's small. But that's that's a regular size of the biggest.
SPEAKER_01No, that's that's ginormous. What are you talking about? That's a that's more of a regular. Maybe in girls. But well, that's like a pillsbury tube of cinnamon rolls right there.
SPEAKER_06It's not that big. That's huge. Now those are big.
SPEAKER_01Oh, those are big. Yes. But the microphone's small.
SPEAKER_06No, this microphone's small. That one's the one you got in your hand is like regular sized.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's I feel like I'm derailing this for some reason. Completely derailed over here. My dating refresh. Um I know.
SPEAKER_06We're actually we're kind of rolling to the end.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we we are. Um how long do they usually go?
SPEAKER_06Only 45 minutes, usually.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We've that's okay.
SPEAKER_06I haven't recorded in forever. So this is like a for everybody else.
SPEAKER_01It's only 45 minutes usually.
SPEAKER_06Usually, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I feel bad. I feel like I've like overstayed my welcome on your podcast.
SPEAKER_06No, it's fine. I literally have not recorded in weeks in a weeks.
SPEAKER_01Every podcast I've listened to has always been like three hours long. So that's why I kind of figured I was like, yeah, two hours.
SPEAKER_06It seems like a I was kind of sticking to 45 minutes because it's like I gave myself a very attainable goal. Oh. When I you're by yourself, it's kind of hard to keep talking forever. So if I was like, I can make 45 minutes, I can talk for 45 minutes.
SPEAKER_01You could talk to a brick wall for two hours.
SPEAKER_06Probably.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, same with me. I mean, I think I saw you talking to a brick wall on us.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, probably.
SPEAKER_01You don't know how to how to take that, do you?
SPEAKER_06I didn't I couldn't think of a joke to come after it.
SPEAKER_01My mind is blank.
SPEAKER_06I mean, are you saying my ex was a brick wall? Because just kidding.
SPEAKER_01You're like everything I said went in one year, went out the other.
SPEAKER_06No, it just bounced back in my face. But that's great.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so we did yeah, we talked about coal, we talked about all that.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, we talked about all sorts of shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that was great. It was productive. I feel like it was entertaining. I was entertained, at least. Were you entertained?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. This is Spencer's first podcast, by the way. So he Yeah, he did pretty good. I I felt like I could hear you the whole time, so that was good.
SPEAKER_01That's good.
SPEAKER_06You'll find out when you listen to you.
SPEAKER_01Any corrective criticism, I could talk less. No, it's I feel like I hijacked your podcast. Oh, you should the whole time.
SPEAKER_06It should be me just like asking questions and you yapping. Because last time I feel like it was just me just talking. Okay. And maybe people are sick of me talking.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Well, if they were sick of you talking, I guess they just listen to a different podcast.
SPEAKER_06But yeah, and I think they do.
SPEAKER_01Especially when you don't posts for like four months.
SPEAKER_06Hey, hey, hey. We're not doing that to me.
SPEAKER_01No, I'm glad I was able to uh you know get you back on the yeah, get you back on the stallion.
SPEAKER_06Thanks. I appreciate it. I'm hoping to record while I drive tomorrow. Is that weird?
SPEAKER_01It might not sound the best.
SPEAKER_06I mean, I've recorded in my car before, just not driving.
SPEAKER_01How are you gonna charge your laptop?
SPEAKER_06I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Different. I guess that could be an off-podcast conversation.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I mean, as long as my laptop is plugged in and well, it's already like charged up.
SPEAKER_01How does it charge? That sounds like a dumb question. D does your laptop not have a I usually have like a hamster, like five of them, and they're they're running on.
SPEAKER_05Do you think it's like an old laptop?
SPEAKER_01No, it's it's Windows. It's like a $300 laptop.
SPEAKER_06$300.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it was the cheapest one I could find. I bought it this year.
SPEAKER_06I don't know. I I just sometimes charge my laptop and then it just lasts for a little bit.
SPEAKER_01Well, you got you have a you have a nice laptop.
SPEAKER_06It's so old.
SPEAKER_01It might be old, but it's Apple.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, but it's so old and it I need a new one so bad. Like it the fact that it's working so well today, I'm shook it to my core. The fact that we have this working, like my setup is working, shook it to my core.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, hopefully it doesn't like delete the recording.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, hopefully not. I mean, GarageBand does pretty good. I'm not worried about that. I was more worried about the microphones not working anymore because that happened to Britney and I a couple times. Yeah. Wow. And we had to like stop and go back and okay.
SPEAKER_01Well, the new I really like that new Apple laptop they just came out with, the Neo.
SPEAKER_06I don't know what that is.
SPEAKER_01The cheapest laptop they've ever came out with.
SPEAKER_06Really?
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah. And it's great. Um I think it's like 300 bucks.
SPEAKER_06I have $100 in my name right now.
SPEAKER_01So well, you just need 200 more.
SPEAKER_06Oh, perfect.
SPEAKER_01Well, don't be out hustled by a crackhead. If crackhead wants crack, you've heard the story, right? No. If crackhead wants crack, he will do everything in his power to get crack, right? If you want a laptop, you can get a new crack. You're right, and I just don't be out hustled by a crackhead.
SPEAKER_06You're right, and I just think that I've been okay. I do need a new one.
SPEAKER_01It works, it does work. I like it. It is old. I I wouldn't think that it will it is.
SPEAKER_06I bought it old and I bought it years and years ago. Like I was still married when I bought this.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that is old. I'm surprised it still works. Yeah, me too. But you're in the Apple ecosystem and everything works forever.
SPEAKER_06Forever.
SPEAKER_01In the Windows.
SPEAKER_06Guess who's FaceTiming me right now? Oh, there he is. My friend Cole finally called us back. I was talking about how you answer so fast in our segment, and then it went straight to voicemail, and I was like, I'm normally so good, I swear. Do you want to say anything for yourself before we end?
SPEAKER_00Or your segment's over, but what you guys are talking about? I don't know.
SPEAKER_06No, it's about you. Well, you'll have to watch the podcast because we talked about you.
SPEAKER_00What episode are you on?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. One of them. The newest one that's out.
SPEAKER_06Thank you. This is Spencer.
SPEAKER_01Hello.
SPEAKER_06Anyways, we're gonna wrap up and then I'll talk to you later, okay? So he does call back though. That was pretty quick too. It wasn't it's not bad from considering it's like later.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_06He's a big fan of FaceTime.
SPEAKER_00Oh.
SPEAKER_06He'll FaceTime overcalling anytime. I don't know why.
SPEAKER_01FaceTime overcalling?
SPEAKER_06I don't know why. He's just like that.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that makes sense. I would do that if I was an Apple user. An Apple user. Red flag. I don't know. Every book. Red flag. He likes an Android. You know. Yeah. Because I'm broke.
SPEAKER_06Sure. With your two homes and and no girlfriend.
SPEAKER_05You're not broke.
SPEAKER_01I found it weird. It's actually cheaper to be in a relationship than it is to be out of a relationship.
SPEAKER_06Then you're doing it wrong.
SPEAKER_01I must be. Because I do a lot of stuff.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, maybe that's maybe it's just because yeah, you're doing stuff. Yeah, but like if you ever want to find Spencer, he's at the Westerner at least like twice a week, right?
SPEAKER_01I'd say like every other week at this point, but yeah. I like to go on like Wednesdays.
SPEAKER_06He is a great dancer. He does a really good job.
SPEAKER_01Well, thank you.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, you're a great dancer, and you're a great like um lead. So no, you did great.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I found a passion in it. I just I like swing dancing.
SPEAKER_06Oh, it's so fun. It's a lot of fun. Every time I do it, I'm like, I gotta do this more, and then I just don't.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, you're always welcome. And I don't always go to the Westerner. Sometimes I go to Classic, so Classic Fun Center. I remember going there as a little kid.
SPEAKER_06They do swing dancing there?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so on Wednesday nights, uh, at 9 30, they do a swing dance class and then they do just social dancing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Which I'm Classic Fun Center. Classic Fun Center.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01You can't play any of the arcade games, but it's mostly just, you know, adults.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. That they go there and they they have the lights kind of dim, and you're see, that's what when people ask about what's a better way to meet people, doing shit like that. People need to be out doing stuff like that more often.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Yeah. And everybody's nice in the dancing, uh, in like the swing dancing thing. It's like there's a there's a lot of girls that you know, I'll ask, Hey, do you want to dance? And they're like, I don't know how.
SPEAKER_06And I'm like, let me fucking teach you.
SPEAKER_01I'll teach you and be receptive too. Like your one friend that I was supposed to go on a date with. Yeah. You know, it's like, I don't think she was all that receptive to.
SPEAKER_06She did a little, she she danced a little bit. It's it's nerve-wracking.
SPEAKER_01It I yeah, I guess.
SPEAKER_06It is it is really scary for sure. And she kept telling me, she's like, You're just so good. And I was like, Well, I've been doing it for years. I'm like, it's different. And I'm like, and I know Spencer. Like, it's not like it's not like I'm just there dancing with random people, you know, and that that's hard too. That that takes a lot of energy, and that, and I'm not as comfortable doing that anymore because I don't feel like I'm a good dancer anymore. I think I've lost a lot of my like my ability. Right. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01But a good lead will get will let you or you know, like a good lead will will will be will know where you don't know a certain move and just go into a different move.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01You don't have to sit there and stop and then explain what you did wrong. Now, if you're there on like a Wednesday or or or whatever and you're literally there just to practice, sure, like I would stop and reaccess. I would love to find not like a girlfriend. If she wants to be a girlfriend, that's fine. Maybe it turns into that, but but like I'd love to find myself just a dance partner.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And that's it. Like we don't have to go on dates, we don't have to be dating. Like, if you want to learn how to dance and just learn how to swing dance, I need a partner that would go with that I could go with consistently because I feel like if you have a new partner every single time, it you're not building within like the smaller details of how to swing dance, but it is a lot of fun and it's cardio day. Like true, it's a lot so true.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it's so fun. Cole was on a ballroom team too, because I was on a ballroom team in high school, but Cole also.
SPEAKER_01It's not an LDS thing.
SPEAKER_06No, it's not, it's a high it's like a high school thing. Is it?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, okay. I mean I like LDS, they're fun.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, they're fine. Yeah, I don't hate them.
SPEAKER_01I don't hate them. You were one, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Yep, and then I got divorced and I said, peace out.
SPEAKER_01You're like, it's it I liked it, it's not for me. It's not for everyone. No, it's not.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it's it's when you're looking for something for sure. And my family loves it, they feel good. It's just not my thing. I just don't believe it, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_01To each their own.
SPEAKER_06It is, and but I will say ballroom dancing had nothing to do with my religion, it just was what I like to do in high school.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Exactly. Spencer, we gotta wrap up. Yeah, we should wrap up.
SPEAKER_06You need to go tag your Instagram.
SPEAKER_01Tag my Instagram.
SPEAKER_06What's your Instagram? That's a good question. He's gotta look it up.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_06Okay, my Instagrams, um, my personal is Bubble Master, and the one for the podcast is My Dating Refresh. I will be posting a picture of Cole in his Instagram. Um, you saw how fast he called me back. Don't worry. He usually answers so quick. I'm actually so shocked that he didn't, it blew my mind, but he must have on the phone with somebody else, which is crazy because it is literally 12 o'clock.
SPEAKER_01It is midnight. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This uh this Instagram handle might be a little cringe, but oh no.
SPEAKER_06You you do it.
SPEAKER_01You want me to do it? Yeah, you're better at spelling it out. So my Instagram is XX Muscle Cars X. Nice M-U-S-C-L-E-C-A-R-S.
SPEAKER_06Perfect. And you're okay with people messaging you, DM meing you?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, DM me.
SPEAKER_06Hit him up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Hit me up. I think my account's on private, so just friend request me if you want to see all my photos. But you know, they're just normal photos.
SPEAKER_06Just message him first. Yeah. It's fine.
SPEAKER_01Just message first.
SPEAKER_06Might as well. If you're interested in Spencer, go swing dancing with him.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, go swing dancing. Don't, you know, don't be afraid of uh reaching out, even if I take a day to respond. I'm not on social media a lot. That's that's the problem. Is but if you got my phone number, I'll respond to that. You're pushing the girls away. I know. I'm really good at that.
SPEAKER_06Anyways, thanks for listening. I appreciate you all so much, and I will do better. I will be back, I promise. And if I get a text from Chelsea tomorrow talking about how it's been so long, I don't want to fucking hear it. Anyways, bye.