The Journey to Forgiveness Part Two - with Emily J.

*Please note this episode deals with some serious subject matter like abuse, divorce and harm toward others. While these topics are not discussed explicitly, I encourage you to listen with discernment.*

Make sure you've listened to last week's episode before listening to part two!

Emily J. continues to share how the Lord brought her through one of the darkest times in her life: her dad being arrested, convicted, and sent to prison for murder. However, over the years, Jesus has moved Emily to try to reconcile with her dad; something that seemed impossible more than twenty years ago. 

Though her story of reconciliation is one of hope, wisdom, discernment, and caution, Emily encourages each of us to listen for the Lord's voice and His word when it comes to the issue of forgiveness. She also explains how she's come to understand that reconciliation is something the Lord has led her to do, and that there are times when that is not possible. I pray her wisdom and vulnerability in Jesus minister to you if you find yourself on a similar journey of forgiveness.

You can find me on Instagram / Threads

Transcript

Carrie 0:00

Hey everyone. Thank you for listening to part two of my conversation with my friend Emily. As with last week, we continue to talk about some difficult subject matter, including the murder of her stepmom. And I encourage you to continue listening with discernment. Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of Honey from the Rock. I am glad you're here with us once again.

Carrie 0:28

And as you know, last week I was talking to my dear, dear friend Emily, who is sharing this incredible story of how the Lord has walked her through the devastation of finding out that her dad had murdered her stepmom and just all of the things that that brings, right? Anger, confusion, numbness, um, just trying to walk through faithfully with Jesus when something like that happens is really difficult. And she was just so amazing in sharing her story, being honest and vulnerable with us about what she walked through and and how the Lord really provided in different ways through an awesome stepdad and a wonderful husband, but then just also the tender ministry of Jesus to her heart. And I know that today, as we dig into more of the forgiveness aspect of Emily's story, I my prayer is just that you are so blessed by what Jesus has done in her life, and also that we also all can learn, right? And see the the power of the power of the blood of Jesus, the power of the person of Jesus, the beauty of the gospel in that there are things that we cannot do because we are human.

Carrie 1:46

You know, Jesus tells his disciples at one point, you know, with you there are things that are impossible to do, and yet with with the Lord, nothing is impossible. And that includes forgiveness. And so I'm excited to have Emily back today to pick up where we left off and just for her to come and because this is really the first time you've kind of shared your story in public, really, right?

Emily J. 2:12

Right. There was I had one instance where I shared at a women's prison once, but otherwise, this is it. Well, I'm pretty vulnerable.

Carrie 2:22

It means it means so much to me for you to be here and just to share. Like, I the beauty of what Jesus has done in your life is so powerful and impactful. And I I again just thank you for being willing to come and to be vulnerable and to share the hard things in your life, yet also give glory to the Lord for the ways that He has shown up for you.

Emily J. 2:46

Yeah, absolutely. And that's my that is my heart. It's just that your listeners would hear how Jesus has tenderly walked me through all of this and his great love for us.

Carrie 2:59

Yeah, it's man, I just I feel like if you listen to her story and you hear other stories like it, like how do we live this life without the Lord? I yeah, how do people get through things like this without knowing Jesus? I mean, to me, it just feels like an impossibility. And so when we were talking last week, you had just shared that you just sent this letter to your dad, you know, like the Lord had really confirmed, even though your sweet husband was like, uh no, protect the baby, protect the baby at all costs. We are not putting, you know, and I just love that his heart was just to not put you through that again. But also that the Lord was saying, I'm not gonna put her through anything, I'm actually gonna use this as a step towards forgiveness. So you've put the letter in the mail, the Lord's given you peace. And you said you just kind of forgot about sending the letter, but what was the Lord doing in your heart during that time? Kind of what were you what were you walking through? Was he stirring the waters?

Emily J. 3:50

I think he must have been stirring the waters. And I just want to back up to when my husband was on that Sunday, he was like, Oh yeah. Well, now you have to send the letter. For sure. We were in total agreement with that. But yeah, his um, I think the Lord was absolutely stirring my heart. I don't know that I realized it at the time. And I I, you know, I think I touched on this uh in the last episode, but how I didn't know what the journey was gonna be with sending this letter. I had no idea where I didn't even think I had an intention of where do I want this to go. I didn't overthink it in that way, which is weird because I'm an overthinker. Um, but that's how you know the Lord's working. Yeah, for sure. And so, yeah, during that week he had been stirring. Um, I got a phone call on uh, so I sent the letter on a Monday. On Friday, I got a phone call uh from a family member who had heard from him, and she left me a message and just said, Hey, I heard from your dad. He said he got a letter from you, and you told him about your daughter and your life, and he just sounded so excited, and it's the most excited I've heard him in a long time. And even in her voicemail, I could tell it meant a lot to her. And it was a soft spot for me, like, oh, okay, well, I mean, I'm glad my dad got it and it was received well. Yeah, you know, and that's kind of where I left it. I wasn't agonizing over what a response was gonna be. At some point in the next week or a couple weeks, I did get a card in the mail from him that was very sweet. There's it was a drawing on the front that he had had another artist draw for him, but it was um a heart. This sounds weird, but it was really pretty. It was a heart and a rose. My middle name is Rose. So there was a rose going through it, and the heart had this broken spot and um was bleeding. And inside he said, This is how I have felt about our relationship over the last years, is just heartbroken. And it was so good to hear from you. And I think that's generally all he said in that initial letter. Um, as

Carrie 6:01

What was your reaction to that?

Emily J. 6:03

Yeah, I think I was I I was really touched because I didn't know, I really don't think I knew that he even valued a relationship with me. I don't, I don't think I thought he wanted one. There had been several years that went by. He didn't reach out, to be fair, he didn't know where I lived or anything, but even through family, there was never seemingly an attempt to reach out. And so I really didn't know where his heart and mind were and everything. And um, you know, you have to think too that my memories of my relationship with my dad were very painful.

Carrie 6:44

For sure.

Emily J. 6:45

Um, not only uh because of the murder and the trial and things that came out, and but even prior to that, through the divorce years, there were some very painful moments and painful things that were said. And so I think I was touched that he even wanted to have a relationship or that he missed having a relationship with me. It was surprising and um softened my heart a little bit. And what was interesting was some of the anger that I had felt, I felt like the Lord was working through.

Carrie 7:25

Yeah.

Emily J. 7:25

And just um helping me learn that I don't have to hold on to this anger. There's a different place that this can all hold in my life.

Carrie 7:34

Um what does that look like? So I mean, I'm sure getting that, I mean, hearing from your aunt, oh hey, he wants, you know, he was really excited, and then getting a card from him saying, saying something that your heart's really longed for. You know, and you know, the Lord's stirring your w the waters of your heart, but then also getting that card, you know, you mentioned it kind of stirred up some anger. Yeah. Did it stir up other things?

Emily J. 7:58

I think it stirred up just kind of brought to the surface all the things.

Carrie 8:03

Yeah.

Emily J. 8:04

The the um the pain of years in my childhood, pain of years leading up to the murder, the pain throughout that trial, it all just kind of came bubbling up. And it's a little bit like, oh, what am I supposed to do with this now?

Carrie 8:23

Right.

Emily J. 8:24

You know, I had pushed that down real well.

Carrie 8:26

Yeah.

Emily J. 8:27

And I don't know. I think again, the Lord, it wasn't like I was in a total state of denial. I think the Lord was just that stuff had moved to a place of protection. And I think Jesus was like, okay, but now we can deal with this. Yeah, your heart is able to deal with this now. And they think the Lord does that very tenderly to us when he has stuff come back to the surface where he goes, Okay, now it's time to work through this and deal with this. And so I think I was a little um confused and uncertain of what am I gonna do with all this? I there's a little bit of like, I don't want to deal with this. I feel like I've dealt with this. I don't want to deal with this again. Right, you know, and um, you know, there was plenty of times where I felt like I had worked through this and I didn't need to work through it again. Yeah. But I think that there were layers that had not been worked through. And that's what the Lord was bringing up in me.

Carrie 9:26

Yeah.

Emily J. 9:27

And some of the sweetness was the amount of time that this took. This wasn't like I heard from my dad and now I forgive him, and all is well. Like it was a about a year of reconnecting with my dad before my heart could get to a place of, oh, I think there's things I haven't forgiven. And I think that there's um some wounds here that I probably should deal with.

Carrie 10:00

Yeah, I know, yeah. I, you know, we all have those things in our life. And I think you're so right. There's there can be things that are so particularly devastating that we shove them aside for a while, and the Lord's like, okay, that's fine, you know, because in the process, he's working on other things, right? He's he's maturing us in other areas. We're learning through other relationships and walking with him and you know, going to church and and listening to his word being taught and corporate worship and just being a disciple, just walking at discipleship, that the Lord starts to mature our faith in other areas. And I love the way you put it that that there does come a point where the Lord's bringing it to the surface to say, and now's the time. Right. You probably couldn't have dealt with it four years before or five years before because it was so tender and raw. And that the Lord in his goodness draws us to himself. He never stops dealing with just dealing with us and and not always when it, you know, like crushing us like a grape, like this is sin and you're the worst. I mean, there are places where his discipline has to come down hard, but I think in areas like what you're talking about where this is this is devastation in a relationship so central to our life, like that is your dad. Yeah, and as we all know, we have a tendency to kind of take what our earthly dad does and kind of, you know, it's like one of those overlays that you used to get in elementary school, you know, just like the world map that goes on the big screen. You know, we overlay things and and that's how we start to kind of perceive the father. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, and so I just love that that the Lord was tender with you and was bringing you on this journey of waking up your heart and your mind to say, ooh, yeah.

Emily J. 11:47

Right.

Carrie 11:48

Right, but also, I mean, but yes, great because to leave things like that fester. I mean, the Lord's just too good to let us fester, right? You know, in in those things.

Emily J. 11:58

Well, and again, it's coming out sideways, yeah, right, in life. And so we need to let it come to the surface and have Jesus help walk us through it. Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest thing in a journey of forgiveness is being willing.

Carrie 12:18

Yeah.

Emily J. 12:19

Um, I have a counselor that I love, and she's my on-call counselor, and she always is like, but are you willing? And that is the first step. Yeah, because I think for many years I wasn't. Yeah. And my heart and mind and spirit and my body, yeah, my nervous system couldn't do it.

Carrie 12:42

Yeah.

Emily J. 12:43

And then you get to this softer place where you're like, okay, okay, um, I am willing. I don't know what this looks like. And again, this was walking through a journey that I had no plan for. Right. And I was also felt that the Lord had put me in a safe place. Literally, I was physically living in a different state.

Carrie 13:05

Yeah.

Emily J. 13:05

Um, you know, there was my husband who there were years now of married life trust built where I knew he was going to help emotionally protect me. And I could bounce things off of him, and he would go, no, that's, you know, not healthy or help me have appropriate boundaries and things like that. So I felt like the Lord brought me to a place of willingness and safety, yeah, where my body and my mind and my spirit could actually handle remembering the things and not remembering the things in a grudge, hold it over your head kind of a way. Yeah. Remembering the things so I can let go of the things and lay the things down. Yeah. But it was just I just want to go back and hug my sweet little self and be like, you don't have to carry this. Yeah. You know, you just carry the weight of wounds that people have caused you. And look, my dad's not the only person in my life I've ever had to forgive. We have friends, we have family, we have relationships that cause us pain. And carrying that is so heavy. And I think Jesus really truly wants to carry it and wants to relieve us of that so we can walk in the freedom that He has for us. And um yeah, so I think that was a journey over the course of, like I said, probably a year of tiptoeing in these waters. Yeah. Of what does this relationship look like? And and what can I handle and what can I not handle? And who is this guy anymore? You know, like years have gone by and we all change. And I just, you know, I still held him in the box of who he was when he went to prison. And he really had um gone through a lot on on his side, and there was a lot of change there too. And so

Carrie 15:10

In what way? What did what did that what did that look like?

Emily J. 15:13

Well, the uh so after we've after I made an initial contact, it was about a a year and 14 months later, it was 14 months later when I went to visit him for the first time, and I was scared to death. Not only, I mean, I had visited him when he was in jail awaiting trial, but prison's a whole different ball game. Yeah, and it's terrifying to walk in there. I mean, you've got guards, you've got barbed wire, the whole situation is intimidating. And you're in a locked room, and then I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to talk about. Um, and initially it was just like a catch up. He's like, I mean, tell me about your wedding. I wasn't there, you know, tell me about these things. And um, and then he got to this point where he started to apologize for things from my childhood. And that was pretty shocking to me. I'm not sure that I had ever heard him apologize, or if I had, it wasn't in such a sincere way. And so to me, there was an acknowledgement of like, oh, his heart has softened, you know, um, certainly towards some things.

Carrie 16:30

Yeah.

Emily J. 16:31

And um, and in that moment where he was um apologizing, I think my heart knew, like, I should back up in the story a little bit, but I my heart had known that I have forgiven many of those things. Um a couple months before I went to visit him, um, I had actually had a prayer night with some friends, and uh there was somebody there that had prayed over me, and it was great, lovely evening, went home, was going to bed. And I had this the only way I know how to describe it is like in a movie. You know how when someone in a movie is um gets like a flash of their whole life right before their eyes? Yeah. It was like that, except not my whole life necessarily, but very painful points with my dad, very painful things that had come up. And the Lord was just like, I've taken it and it's forgiven. And it was like the Lord was revealing to me like these things he has forgiven, therefore I can forgive. Yeah. And um, so my heart just, I mean, completely. I think I wept a lot that night and the next day. Yeah, it was a huge sense of relief.

Carrie 17:46

Yeah.

Emily J. 17:47

And um, so when I saw my dad a couple months later, when he was apologizing for some of these things, there was a sense of, I don't even know that I need this apology.

Carrie 18:01

Isn't that interesting?

Emily J. 18:02

It is interesting because I will tell you that there's some people in my life when I have been wronged by them. I'm like, you owe me an apology. Yeah, you know, and that's the impetus for me forgiving you. Unless I hear I'm sorry or an acknowledgement of what I've done, like I'm gonna withhold. And the Lord's like, huh? Uh-huh. What? What is that? I know. I know. Um, he's very much like, you have to forgive without the apology. Yeah. And that is hard. Yeah. And there's even hardness that still will creep up in the forgiveness of still not knowing all the details of what happened. Yeah. There has with your stepmom. With my stepmom. Yeah. And there's been no admission of guilt from him for that. And that is a tricky line because I have my own opinions about what I think happened. And um, I had to learn to walk through forgiveness when there is not a ownership of the wrongdoing. Right. And that's hard because we want to hold on to it. We want to hold on to it until they apologize. Right.

Carrie 19:19

And um It's like, here, I've written you a script about what I would like for you to say. And I'm sure, especially with him not ever admitting guilt. I mean, even though he's been convicted, there's I mean, and I know there was a lot that went into that. Right. You know, and he's apologizing for other things that are huge wounds, and that's amazing. And obviously, you know, the Lord doing work, but then to not hear any admission for this one thing, that's a pretty big deal.

Emily J. 19:49

Yeah.

Carrie 19:49

That has to be really difficult.

Emily J. 19:51

It is difficult. I mean, it has been difficult, it is difficult. And I have had to go to Jesus quite a few times. I mean, I don't know. There are times where I've gone to the Lord and asked for his mercy and his forgiveness um for several things that you know you blatantly did. Or um, and then there's times where you're like, Lord, just forgive me for the things I don't even remember that I did. And I I don't know. I think I've just learned to hand that off to the Lord and go, you have to deal with him with this. This is not mine to carry. This is not me needing to beat out of him, you know, a confession. And um, you know, it's learning to be at peace with the unknown.

Carrie 20:50

Yeah.

Emily J. 20:50

And with the um uncertainty and learning to forgive in the midst of all that.

Carrie 20:57

And I and and I think key I for my own... just listening to you talk, it's it's bringing up stuff in my own life where it's like, you know what, Lord, when certain things come to my mind that are still really painful and the person attached to it is really painful, or things that I've done that I know hurt somebody else. And just to to remember, you know what, Lord, help me to forgive again. Yes. Help me to forgive again. And if it's something that you know the enemy is throwing in my face that I've done, you know what, Lord, you've forgiven me for that. I have confessed that. I've repent your your word says that that's clean, that it's clean between the two of us. So I'm not gonna keep listening to the devil rail on me about this. So, in the midst of dealing with all these things with your dad, you know, where he is actually being accountable and and confessing and asking for forgiveness or apologizing for certain things in your past that have been painful, but then he's also not acknowledging what he did to your stepmother. In the midst of walking through all of that, how do Did the Lord use the word to minister to you? Like, did you have a set scripture, or you know, just something you kept coming back to? Like, man, the Lord gave me this verse and it was my anchor, and it just plopped me right here. Or, you know, was the Holy Spirit just throughout the process bringing things to your mind and how and and just ministering his truth to you? What did what did that look like?

Emily J. 22:19

Yeah, I think that looked like um several different scriptures. Uh, I would say throughout Psalm, Isaiah, and I've got one in Jeremiah that was really good, but just constantly his great love for me, his mercy that I don't deserve, and handing over the justice piece to him and trusting, I mean, so many times, you know, he says like that he will deal with these things, and just trusting that he will. Yeah. And um that that's not my job to hold on to. Um, but several, there were several scripture, I mean, even um at the beginning, just the Lord hearing our cries for mercy, he's he's there when we call for help. Um, I think one thing that really ministered to me, particularly at the beginning, but I've held on to for I don't know how many years this has been, 20 years. Um where I it's just a promise for for me and for all of us, what his goodness is is Jeremiah 31, three and four. I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving kindness, I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt. Oh virgin Israel. Again, you will take up your tambourines and go out and to dance with the joyful. I think holding on to that scripture of like you talked about joy um in one of your podcasts, and you talked about how um that is something that the Lord gives us. And I think in in leaning on scripture, leaning on, you know, the Lord's justice, um, his mercy, and his kindness to renew and restore broken places in our lives are really what I leaned on through all those years and still lean on.

Carrie 24:20

Yeah, for sure. So, what is your relationship with your dad look like now?

Emily J. 24:24

Yeah. Um, well, I would say that we are in a place of reconciliation as much as has been possible. Um, we speak regularly, we visit. Um, I remember when our kids were probably my oldest was five. We have four kids, and so my oldest was about five. And I looked at my husband one day and I said, I think I want my kids to meet him. And again, Dave was like, Oh boy, what are we doing? And so he was like, Okay, why don't I go with you first? Yeah, and let me gauge this out because Dave had never met him. He met him one time in jail. Yeah, okay through a small tiny glass window. Okay, and that was it.

Carrie 25:11

Yeah, so he had no relationship with him at all, none.

Emily J. 25:14

And all he had heard were stories, and they weren't good ones, yeah. And so, um, so that was good for Dave to go out and meet him, and I think, you know, in Dave hearing past stories and seeing where my dad was now, I think he felt like, okay, we could bring our kids here. And so it was a Christmas time, I don't remember the year. One of a Christmas time we took, we had three at that point, and we took our three kids out to visit him.

Carrie 25:42

How did you prepare them for that visit? Like, how do you how do you even frame that for for kids? You know, yeah, that have no capacity.

Emily J. 25:51

You know, I had a sweet mentor mom um in my years. Uh, I lived in Omaha, and she I was struggling with this. I said, How am I ever gonna tell my kids about this one day? You know, I just didn't want to keep some secret. Yeah, and so I wanted them to, I want to be transparent with this work in my life. And she said, I have no idea. Yeah, but the Holy Spirit knows, and he will lead you. And so, I mean, man, the Holy Spirit really led. I I couldn't tell you exactly what we told them. Uh, we decided this was even a debate with Dave and I, like, what should we call him? And so we decided to call him granddad for the kids. And so we said, You're gonna meet your granddad. This is my you know, biological dad. They had met my stepdad and known him. And so this was kind of their first introduction of like, oh, wait a minute. Um, your parents another another divorce. Like, they didn't know any of that, and so which was sweet. They were young, and so it wasn't jarring to their worlds, but um, I think we explained that this is where he lives. He has to stay there, he has to wear certain clothes. Yeah, um, there's rules, you know, like you children are free to get up and run around. They actually have kind of a cool kids' area because they know kids can't sit still that long.

Carrie 27:09

Yeah.

Emily J. 27:09

Um, but inmates can't get up. And so we explained like he will have to stay sitting. And so we we took them, we went, we played some games. I don't know that they even thought much of it until as they got older, yeah, is when more and more questions came. And the Holy Spirit has been so gracious because again, this isn't, I have yet to find the book that's been written on how you handle this with children and explain all of this. And so, um, yeah, the Lord's been so good to just lead and help us to answer questions when they come and share age-appropriate information. Yeah. And um, especially as now we have older kids, they have they have the freedom to say no. Yeah, they don't want to go, or yes, they do. Yeah. And um, and and allowing them to navigate all of that.

Carrie 28:07

That is that's a lot. I again it is it's one of those things where you're just so grateful that the Lord is bigger than our, you know, we we can only see so far ahead of us, and yet the Lord sees everything.

Emily J. 28:21

Yeah.

Carrie 28:22

He, you know, there's there's the common quote of we look at our life, you know, we're we know cognitively, right, we're being woven into the Lord's tapestry.

Emily J. 28:31

Right.

Carrie 28:31

But when we look at our lives, all we can see are the knots. Yeah, all we can see is the mess and the brokenness and the snags and the weird colors and you know, all of that. And yet the Lord sees the front of the tapestry and he sees the way that our lives and what we go through and how we walk with him and our faith and his resurrection within us threads into his story, and we have no clue. We have no clue how our obedience impacts the people around us, how our story ministers to other people, and and when we're willing to just take that step like you were to send your dad that letter, I mean, you could have never foreseen one day your children going to the prison to see to see your dad, um, and and giving them that choice. I just think it's a beautiful reminder that when the Lord requires us in our life to obey him, we can't think about the consequence. We have no idea what the consequence of our obedience is going to be. And yet the Lord just calls us to be faithful in the one step and then the next step, and just to faithfully walk it out because only then he can orchestrate our lives. And we will, it's like you've said, you look back and you're just like, oh my gosh, I can see throughout every single step, even when I couldn't discern him or I didn't feel him tangibly, like the Lord has been with me every step of the way, and it's just such a good reminder. I was having a conversation with my mom a few weeks ago about our own life and just what does the Lord have for us next? And and she just keeps saying, and it's really stuck with me, and it's so true. She said, I just I just want to live a life that when people look at it, all they can say is, I never would have imagined that could have happened, but God.

Emily J. 30:22

Right.

Carrie 30:23

But Jesus, but the Holy Spirit.

Emily J. 30:26

A thousand percent the journey with my dad. Yeah, I would have never um imagined that there would be forgiveness, or if there was forgiven deep, true forgiveness, that it would have I would have forgiven and then been like, okay, well, I don't, I don't need relationship with him.

Carrie 30:45

Yeah.

Emily J. 30:45

And you know, but the Lord to graciously walk us into reconciliation. And I think um one scripture that that I love is Psalm 32. Uh um uh I'll start with first one. Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them, and in whose spirit is no deceit. And I think that I have to remember that I'm forgiven.

Carrie 31:17

Right.

Emily J. 31:17

Right? And I'm so grateful to walk in the forgiveness daily that Jesus gives me. And um, yeah, I just think being obedient without overthinking all the steps, which has honestly become harder for me the older I've gotten. Um, I I tend to want the full plan of things, and just to be obedient, and he's just asked me to do this one thing, and I don't know what's gonna come out of that. Um, but trusting that the Lord only wants good things for us and he wants us to live in freedom and the freedom that only he can offer. Yeah.

Carrie 32:02

I think that's so, and I it just struck me. I mean, just the Lord wants good things for us, and so often those good things come to us through unimaginable hardship. Yeah, you know, I think about Paul writing, you know, and I again I think this is something that I talked about in one of my episodes back in December, maybe the beginning of January. I can't remember. But you know, Paul literally wrote the book of Philippians from jail. Right. He had a Roman soldier attached to him 24-7. He was never alone. And yet, he what is he writing in the book of Philippians? I mean, he is talking about rejoicing in the Lord always, being anxious for nothing, counting everything as lost for the unsurpassing worth of knowing Jesus, forgetting what is behind, and striving forward uh to know, to know the Lord more. And I mean, obviously, Jesus being our ultimate example. I mean, I've just lived in the night before Jesus was crucified. He's talking his to his disciples about the gift of the Holy Spirit, about the joy that he wants them to have in obedience. You know, that that that we can live in the love of Jesus. He calls us friends when we do what he commands us to do because he knows from his own experience as both man and God, living in obedience to the will of the Father is the best place for us. And it's why he's told us forgive as you want to be forgiven. You know, it's why he gives us commandments and guardrails to stop sin in our own life. It's why he teaches us how to lay ourselves open before him and and ask him to reveal the sins of our heart that we've ignored. So that way when things come, even though they're difficult and other people do things for us, we have the ultimate example of who Jesus is and how much he has forgiven us. And that's the thing that has struck me through your whole story is you know, your dad has done this horrible, horrible thing, right? And he's not admitted it. But but the Lord's at work there, it sounds like. And just that that you are ministering that to him in your obedience, and your obedience to the Lord to say, I need to forgive my dad, and I can't let this bind me.

Emily J. 34:47

Right.

Carrie 34:48

That you are actually then living that out in the ministry of being willing to reconcile with your dad, which most people would be like, cut off dunzo. And there are times when that's appropriate. Right, sure for sure. But I love that the story that the Lord has given you that you are faithfully stewarding and ministering and wrestling in still is that the Lord wanted you to reconcile with your dad, and you had to open-handedly say, Yeah. Okay, yeah. It's amazing.

Emily J. 35:22

Right.

Carrie 35:22

It's amazing. It's amazing. So as we wrap up, what what is what do you want to what do you want to say about what the Lord has done for you? Or just what do you want to leave listeners with as we as we end this time together?

Emily J. 35:41

I think I would just want to encourage listeners that Jesus loves you deeply, deeply, deeply. Those very painful parts of your life and your journey that you would rather not look at. He, when we are willing, he will bring it to the surface at the right time, in the right way. And I think he does want us to walk in forgiveness with others, and I know that everybody's stories are very different, and I don't have a perfect formula for how this all looks, but I think when we soften our hearts towards the Lord and say, I'm gonna just unclench my fists a tiny bit and let you work and then be obedient in that next step. Um I would just encourage everybody to, and including myself, I mean, I'm currently going through things that I need this for myself right now. Unclench those fists and and work um to get my heart to a place where I'm willing.

Carrie 36:58

I I love that. I just I say amen to that, my friend. And I thank you once again for being so vulnerable with us, for being willing to share your story with us. And I just I pray that the Lord so abundantly blesses your obedience and your willingness to be vulnerable with things that have been so heartbreaking and devastating to you and your family. And I just yeah, I just pray that the Lord shines his face upon you and and fills you with the unending stability of his love and his mercy. And and in that, I just want to bless all of us with some verses from Psalm 16 as we end. Uh Psalm 16 verses 7 through 11. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel. In the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me, because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices, my flesh also dwells secure, for you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, nor let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life, in your presence there is fullness of joy, at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Amen. Thanks for listening to this episode of Honey from the Rock. If this episode or any other episode of the podcast has encouraged you, would you consider taking a moment to like, share, subscribe, or write a review for the podcast? I would greatly appreciate it and may you be blessed in the Lord.