Women Winning Wars: Why Women Need Community to Lead

Women in leadership face many challenges — pressure, expectations, emotional labor, and the responsibility of building something meaningful.

But one of the most powerful tools women have is community.

In this episode of Unplugged with Pam – Breakfast Club Edition, Pamela Pacheco discusses why women need community to lead effectively and why building in isolation often slows growth.

From mentorship to collaboration, this conversation explores how women supporting women creates stronger leaders, stronger businesses, and stronger communities.

If you’re a woman navigating leadership, entrepreneurship, or growth, this episode will remind you that you don’t have to build alone.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome and great morning to everyone to Unplugged with Pam Breakfast Club Call Edition. I am your host, Pamela Pacheco. As each and every Thursday morning, I am so grateful, honored, blessed to be here with you guys. So if you're joining us for the first time, welcome. If you're joining us once again, welcome home. I remember when I first embarked upon entrepreneurship, I was looking forward to these types of morning mentorships, not only for the information I was going to receive, for the inspiration I was going to receive, how you start your day sets atone for your day. So kudos to each and every single one of you guys that decided to start your morning off with some fire this morning, with some positivity. So last week we had a very powerful conversation about something many women in leadership feel, but we don't always talk about the hidden wars, the pressure, the expectations, the invisible responsibilities, the emotional labor. And so many women resonated with that conversation. Thank you so much to each and every single one of you guys that slid in my DMs or sent me a message or commented. And the truth is, those battles can feel lonely. And in fact, leadership can feel lonely. Building a business, entrepreneurship can definitely feel lonely. Building a career can feel lonely, building a family, building a community. And every success, to be honest with you, even success can feel lonely. You can be surrounded by people and still feel that you're carrying everything by yourself. And that's why today's conversation is so important because why and when, while women are capable of fighting all of these battles, of fighting all of these wars alone, we were never meant to. And the truth of the matter is that women, we thrive in community, we actually even lead better in community. And that's what today's conversation is about why women need community to lead. So if you're taking notes, because note takers are history makers, make sure you write some of these things down. And one of the things that I wanted to start off with, because you guys know I'm very transparent, is just debunking some of the myths, right? And the number one myth that I hear all of the time is the myth that women must compete for years upon years. This has been the narrative that so many women must compete with each other. And you've probably heard it before. There's only room for wine at the table. Such a lie, such a lie. In fact, there is room for a lot of us, all of us. And the idea sometimes, even that women somehow naturally are competitive with one another. But I believe that that narrative comes from scarcity. I believe that that scarcity thinking says that there's a limited opportunity, and that cannot be further from the truth because I believe that there is an abundant amount of opportunity. I believe that scarcity only exists in the limits that you place within yourself, and more so than anything, right in here. And this is why, you know, it's funny because I was having a conversation with somebody yesterday, and they were like, You definitely used to play sports, huh? And I was like, Yeah, I did. And so many women, right? We were either put in like ballet or you know, these types of activities as little girls that we weren't really taught to work as a team. And luckily for me, I grew up with a sister in my household. But my mom was truly a girls' girl. She was that lady. She put us in sports. We were in sports, so whether it was volleyball, whether it was softball, whether it was GRLTC, um, all these things growing up, it showed us camaraderie, it showed us teamwork early, early, early on. And why I say that, that scarcity thinking says that there's limited opportunity. It also says there's limited success, there's limited influence. But the truth is there's room for many women to lead, there's room for many women to build. In fact, there's room for every woman to rise. And even when women stop believing that they must compete with each other, they begin creating new rooms instead of fighting for the same small seat. And that's what I actually love when women collaborate, when women are in community, because there's been so many times that other women have opened doors for me. There's been so many times that collaborating with other women have changed something for me. In fact, this event that's taking place March 21st, our third annual women empowerment event in honor of International Women's Month and my heavenly, um, my mom's heavenly birthday. This is made possible by the women that are putting it on. My let's even start from the production team, right? Our executive production team uh is composed of predominantly women. We have the one, the only, the fierce Eslan Leon. You've probably seen Eslan. Shout out to Eslan in all of our events, right? She has her own event company, but she is helping me put this event together. She has a list of volunteers for this event. If you saw there was like a volunteer application going on, there was a speaker application, and people come to our events and they're like, oh my goodness, this is beautiful. You did all of this by yourself. Absolutely not. I definitely cannot do this by myself. And I'm so grateful for the powerful women that surround me. I'm so grateful for me being able to delegate some of the things that drain me because your gifts will truly make room for me, for you, for me, and for you. And I love the fact that we get to gather in community, and there's just so many powerful women that have stepped up to the plate to make these events actually what they are. Even today, I am going on TV on the NBC uh network here, Bloom TV, talking about how to simplify your life and how us women how to flourish in leadership and business, which is going to be a great conversation, by the way. But that was a door opened for me many years ago. And in case you're new here, I spoke about this a few years ago, right? One of my great friends, Kiva Williams, she thought of me for a segment. She invited me. Then the producer heard me talk Spanish. She's like, Wait, you speak Spanish? Come back. We have a Spanish show. We want you to be a regular contributor here. Then they kept asking me to hey, do you know somebody that does this? Well, that was just a door. Another woman opened for me. And I could go on and on and on and on and on. There's been so many women that have just supported me in so many meaningful ways. I'm part of the Radiant Business Women's Leaders community. And this community of women, not only yes, do we pray for each other, but we share business strategies with one another. And oftentimes we are literally sharing tips and tricks that are helping one business, and we get to apply it to our business and vice versa. So it's just a beautiful space where so many women gathering completely just changed my perspective and even strengthen my perspective on why it is so important that women we continuously support each other. And I will tell you, it's not to say that we can't do it by ourselves, but building alone, it's just harder. It's just harder. One of the biggest challenges that women face in leadership is isolation. When you're building something new, it can be the late nights, it can be the extra hours, it can be just your brain rattling and going on and on and on and on. And I've been there. You don't always have people around you who truly understand the journey. And friends, they may not understand entrepreneurship. Family may not understand leadership pressure, let alone business, if they don't necessarily come from that background. I remember when I got into entrepreneurship over 12 years ago, it was not sexy, it was not cool, it was not hip. Everybody thought I was mad. Everybody thought I was crazy. The only one that didn't that still thought I was crazy but supported me even though, was my mom because she knew that I was doing legacy work. She knew that not only did I want to retire her, but I wanted to make an impact. I wanted to change the trajectory of our family's not only financial legacy, but our generational legacy to come. I wanted to break generational curses of poverty, I wanted to increase our territory, I wanted to do so many things. And she always was the person that supported me. And shout out to mommy, love you, mom. And um, moms are just truly amazing. I love seeing all of the mom-daughter duos, and it's just heartwarming because there's nobody truly like it. And the truth of the matter is that building something alone is exhausting, it's exhausting, and so many women try to figure it out on them on themselves. And I commend you for that. I applaud you. In fact, even colleagues, sometimes they may not understand the emotional weight that you carry when you're trying to build something that is legacy work, when you're just doing your best to build something and you're not even at your best, because it does take an amendment a mental and emotional toll on you. And so many women they try to figure everything out alone, but building alone is exhausting. Don't you get tired? Because I know I did, and that's why I was like, I can't do this alone. I need to humble myself, I need to ask for help. God, give me wisdom, give me discernment. Be surround me with women that you trust their heart with my heart, because you know how I am. I just go above and beyond every single time, right? And I love that for us because it connected me with so many powerful women. So, and when you share your crown, you're giving other women permission to shine. And I will tell you why building alone is so even exhausting. Because when you're alone, let's be real, you're alone in your thoughts, you're alone in your doubts, and your doubts get louder sometimes, and fear can get louder and louder and louder. Overthinking, in fact, can get so much louder. But when you're surrounded by women who are also building, your perspective changes, your perspective immediately shifts. Suddenly, you realize you're not the only one navigating these challenges, you're not the only one learning as you go, you're not the only one pushing through uncertainty, you're not the only one pushing through and losing your mind at the same time and having this belief that is just unwavering. Community reminds you that your struggles are not unique and that alone can bring so much relief. I'll tell you, I remember when I felt so isolated in business. You guys, and in case you're new here, sorry about that, you guys, I'm a little bit of a cold this morning. But I remember when I was building business, um, first started, and in case you're new here, I got into entrepreneurship by the beautiful industry of network marketing, which I am still a part of today, and it's a huge part of my life, right? So it allowed me to replace my six-figure income through the travel and lifestyle industry and absolutely loved direct sales industry. And I remember there was a time that I just felt alone. I felt alone because there were so many changes happening, so many changes happening, so many people that I was building with in the beginning that just started disappearing and weren't there, and life was just taking them on different paths. And, you know, I love them on the way in, I love them on the way out, and wish everybody the best. But if I'm being honest, I felt lonely. I felt lonely. I was in Massachusetts. Uh, shout out to the city of Champions, Brockton, Massachusetts. Yes, I lived in Brockton, y'all, out of all places. We built a basketball court there. We helped so many people travel. We built a basketball court and Chatham West apartments and the inner cities, absolutely beautiful in partnership with uh it was a dream court, it was absolutely beautiful. However, it did start beautiful. There were very, very much lonely nights. I'm so grateful for the powerful woman that God put in my life during that season. It started with my great friend Diana. Shout out to Diana Donis, right? Started with her. I remember when I was living in her house with her and her dad, me, he rests in peace and her daughter, and I was literally just making it happen. Had no idea, living in a completely different city, but we were just making it happen, and we were just every day, just making it happen. Every day, figuring it out, every day, blessing more lives, every day, just burning the midnight oil. We were just getting to it, and I'm so grateful because along that journey, because I was hand in hand, right, with my fellow sister, I met other powerful women like Jen and Nancy and Grace, that is still one of my greatest sister friends today. Shout out to Grace Froach D. If you were on my trip in Dominican Republic, you got to meet Grace as well and her beautiful daughter, Samira. And during that season, I extra got lonely because I missed my mom. I was such a mama's girl. I miss my mom so, so much. And I just remember feeling so, so lonely. And I was so grateful because Grace was one of those people. She was a bit more mature than I was, but she like took me in like another daughter. Her family embraced me. And if you know anything about the Cape Verdian culture, it's very much like the Dominican or Caribbean culture, it's very family-oriented, so it felt like I was home. Thank God. Because I remember calling my mom every day, and she could just hear it in my voice. She was like, Are you good? I was like, Yeah, I'm good. Meanwhile, my voice is cracking. I was missing her. I couldn't get on a flight just yet to come home. And there was that was a season that I just leaned so much on just great people around me. I realized that yes, commitment lasts longer in community. But the reason why commitment lasts longer in community, it's because of the love invested, it's because of the unity, it's because of the sisterhood. It is because that not only are you inspiring one another, but you're literally giving each other permission to just be. We would have parties at their house, and it felt like I was home. It was a Dominican household all over again. And it was such a beautiful part of my season living in Massachusetts because these women just made me feel so loved, they made me feel so seen, so heard, so protected. And that version was not this version that y'all see me today.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Lord knows I was very rough around the edges, okay?

SPEAKER_00 16:26

But they took me in anyway, and they loved me anyway through my imperfections, through my growing pains, and it was just one of the most beautiful seasons of my life, even though it was one of the toughest seasons in entrepreneurship, even though I felt isolated sometimes, even though I was lonely. But that community love, it not only shifts my mindset, it completely made me realize that I wasn't alone. It completely made me realize that God hadn't forgotten about me. He never forsake me. Even when business was hard, we had a ball. And it's no wonder why we put in over 500 people in less than 90 days. We had a crazy run because we were having crazy fun, crazy community, and just love. Love was the epitome of it all, and I absolutely love that for us. And I will tell you that that community helped expand vision, and that's honestly too what community does, it helps you expand your vision because sometimes you can't see past the thick of it all, you can't you can't see past how the fog is crazy. And I remember even in that time in business, things were going downhill, right? It was just, but we were going uphill, so even though so many people were having challenges, we were doing so well that we were like, I don't really, we don't really care what's going on over there because we getting it, and the checks is clearing every Friday. So hey, and the 15th of the residuals is coming in regardless. So we were just having fun, but that community is what help expand the vision. That community, because one of the powerful, another powerful benefit of community is perspective, it's truly perspective. When you're surrounded, you know that they say perspective is reality, right? But when you're surrounded by people who think differently than you, your vision expands, your possibilities expand, your strategies expand, you begin to see opportunities that you didn't see before. You hear ideas you had never considered, you learn lessons from people who have walked past that you haven't even navigated yet. Community truly shortens the learning curve. Instead of making every mistake yourself, you actually gain wisdom from the experience of others, right? Walk with the wise and you will be wise, walk with the fools and you will be fools. And that is why it's so it's so beautiful because that wisdom it saves you time, energy, and unnecessary struggle if I'm being honest with y'all. That's why mentorship matters, that's why community matters. This is why mastermind groups matter, this is why intentional leadership communities matter because proximity changes perspective. I will tell you, being in the right room has completely just shifted my thinking. I'll tell you, even recently, it was our women business leaders. So I attend the women's business leaders group, but I also lead one every Thursday, uh, bi-weekly on Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. Eastern. And I absolutely love my girls. And we invite people that don't even attend our church because community matters and sisterhood strengthens one another. And I love the fact that even the Thursday that my dad went in for surgery, I had um, I just came to group and I had a lead group. And you know, there's that there was, I'm not gonna lie to y'all, there was that part of me that was like, I'm gonna send an email out, I'm gonna send a message in our WhatsApp group, but I'm gonna just cancel today because I don't got it. I don't got it. And I audibly heard God said, That's okay. I don't need you to have it today because I got it. And I was just like, you know, me and God, we be tussling, right? We, if you know, you know, like if you have that relationship, he he's my Lord and my savior, my father. That's also my friend. So I'd be like, like, really, like right now, you know, let's it's been a really emotional day. Like, we're doing the most right now. Like, why? And I was so so grateful that I was obedient. I was so grateful that I just went in that room, but with an open heart and an open mind, not only to pour into these women, however, always open to learn because I know that iron does sharpen iron. And I was just very transparent, very vulnerable, and just telling them, you know, how I was feeling and what I was navigating through, and all of them, you know, they just started praying for me, and it's incredible how the energy just shifted, and not only did the energy shift in the room, it's something just like happened within me, and I was so grateful, I was so grateful that I didn't cancel. I was so grateful that I showed up, but I was so grateful for the room that I was in with the prayer warrior women. Some married, some not married, some engaged, some have businesses, some are thriving in their careers, but each queens in their own right, each. Wise beyond their years, and each were just made me better. And the right room changes everything because a conversation changed not only my perspective, it changed my wisdom, it changed my spirit, it changed my energy, it took me from joy to joy to joy to joy. And I could tell you about moment after moment after moment after moment that this has happened because I believe truly that conversations can just change your strategy. Even in my women business leaders group, shout out to Sunny Spencer Dardeen, uh, one of Tampa Bay's finest, um, originally from New York. Of course, she's absolutely incredible. But I started Sunny's group years ago. And when she first launched her group, we were there. And there have been so many conversations about business, about life, about entrepreneurship, about stewarding your team that has completely shifted everything. So many prayers that have taken place that have given me discernment, that have opened the doors for opportunity, so many just different perspectives that shifted. But it was because I was in community, it was because that community expanded my vision. Imagine you're dealing with five thousand dollars a month in in overhead problems and employee problems, and you think that it's the biggest thing because it's what you're dealing with, and then you have somebody that's dealing at a zero to that, right? And they're dealing with$50,000 a month problems. You're like, yeah, it's a bit different, but it also expanded your vision, and by way of also expanding your faith, because when your mind grows, it can never go back to its original state. Like once you learn something, you can't unlearn it, right? So it's the same exact thing in life and in business and in leadership. Being around the right people expands your vision because you're not only is your vision expanding, but your possibilities are expanding. You're like, man, not only are your strategies expanding because you're now implementing different things, but you're like, wow, this is this is something I'm looking forward to. Right. The other day in our business leaders group, we were talking about business, and I suggested, like, hey, maybe you need to do a SWOT analysis. And she was like, Thank you. And recently the lady just said to me, She's like, Man, thank you so much because this actually helped me. And I was like, Matt, I'm so grateful. And it's just sharing strategies. Why? Because iron sharpens iron. And if you don't know what a SWOT analysis is, sorry, I just assumed you did, but not assuming anyone does. And this is something that not too many people know what it is, right? But it's where you analyze what your strengths are. What are your weaknesses? What are your opportunities? What are your threats? And I loved it because even then someone else shared a perspective that's like, hey, maybe well, you can do it like this and do it anonymously within your team, and then you share your perspective so you can just not only see what honest feedback you're getting, but how you guys can all grow as a team. So there's so many different things of just a conversation can just completely change everything. And I'll tell y'all, getting back to the emotional support that women need we need, fellas. I know y'all need it too, but we're talking to the ladies right now. Leadership, it's not just intellectual, it's emotional. And when you're building something meaningful, there will be moments of doubt. There will, it's just inevitable. There will be moments of exhaustion, like tired. If you're not tired, you're not doing you haven't been doing it long enough. If you're not exhausted, you haven't been doing it enough. There will be, if if you are ever in a place, and I'm talking about why is it it's emotional because when you're building something meaningful, there will be moments of doubt. There will be those moments where you question, am I doing the right thing? God, is this really where you want me to be at? Like, what are we doing over here? Because I know you see it all, and you you you you know everything, but I'm gonna tell you, those moments they're easier to navigate when you're truly surrounded by people who understand the journey. Community provides emotional support like no other, it provides encouragement, it provides accountability, and sometimes you don't need someone to solve your problem, you just need someone to remind you you're capable of solving it yourself, or you're capable of solving it. That's the power of women supporting women. It's not competition, it's not comparison, it's encouragement, it's understanding, it's shared growth. There have been so many times, and I can go back to so many women that encouraged me when I was struggling in business, and I'll tell y'all, there has been seasons in entrepreneurship that I'm like, so I need to just throw this in, God, and just go get a job. Because, you know, entrepreneurship is funny. You could have$20,000 in your account at the beginning of the day, and by the end of the day, you got five dollars left, and you're like, yo, what is going on? It is not for the week, okay? It is not for the week. However, there have been so many things that I've been so grateful that having powerful women around me have not only been able to give me strategy, but a lot of times, let's be real, you know, the strategy, you just haven't been able to muster up the courage or just even have the bandwidth to execute. And having powerful women around me has given me supernatural strength. I am so grateful for each and every single woman in our women business leaders group, and not only in the one that I attend, in the one that I lead that I have led throughout the years, because these women have consistently shown up for me in prayer, in strategy, in support. Like, there's so many of these women that come out to our events that they just they sponsor our events sometimes. Like it has been so so beautiful to witness, and it has been nothing but a blessing. And I'm gonna tell you that that encouragement impacted me beyond my wildest dreams. It has impacted me and encouraged me beyond what I can even articulate. I remember even last year, around like the beginning of March, I was like, I didn't even know if I was gonna do my women's event. The enemy was playing tricks on me, it's like you're you don't need to do this and da da da da. And when I tell y'all that woman event came, and so many, and I was just very vulnerable and transparent of what I was navigating through in life in that season. And these women were like, Pam, I don't care what happened, I don't care what mistake you made, I don't care what guilt you trying to carry, what shame you trying to go, like all of that. We send it to the foot of the cross where it belongs because it has no authority over your life, and so what? Who cares? We move on. God's grace, okay, is God's grace upon you. So let it go. Like you're you're doing this because you're on assignment. And I was like, Yes, you're right, right? Standing room only at that event, and that was only God's grace. That was really only God's grace. But I I'm so grateful because those women encouraged me, they encourage me, and everybody sees PM smiling and strong and all of these things, but we all need it, we all need it. There's all moments that we go through in life. Just make sure you're growing through what you're going through, right? Grow through what you go through. If you're taking notes, write that down. It's so important, it's so important, and I'll tell you, more we need more rooms for women. We do, we need more rooms for women. Women need spaces that they can show up fully with no mask, no, no layers, rooms that we don't have to shrink in, rooms where they don't have to constantly prove themselves, where people just know you're valuable, you're worthy, you're chosen, you're beautiful, you're fearless, you're powerful as you are. Rooms where they don't have to constantly speak about what they have or what they got or to prove themselves. Rooms where we can speak honestly about leadership challenges, about life challenges, about business challenges, career challenges, family challenges, rooms where collaboration replaces competition. And when women gather intentionally, something powerful happens. Ideas grow, confidence grow, support grows, leadership expands because the rooms become places where women actually sharpen each other, where we as women challenge one another, where we encourage one another, where we celebrate each other's growth. And there have been so many rooms that I have been with other women that have just been transformative. And I remember this was um November, I want to say it was like November 2021, and it was a room full of women, it was a woman event, and I heard Pastor Kim talk for the first time in person. And that was, I recently had lost my mom a few months prior to that. And I'm not gonna tell y'all, I was just doing my best, not at my best. I was doing my best to smile through the pain every day. It was like, God, you got it today, because I don't got it. I'ma just keep showing up, I'm gonna keep going to therapy, I'm gonna keep working out. I was just investing in myself, investing in myself. I was making sure I was getting up, getting out, getting active, getting in the right rooms. And I remember sitting in that room, and I was so grateful because Pastor Kim shared such a powerful word. And one of the words that she shared, it forever impacted me, and it just shifted me the inside forever. And it was reminding me that death was not the end. It was reminding me that it was okay not to be okay, that it was okay to grieve because grieving was evidence that you loved so hard. But it was reminding me that God was still not done writing my story. It reminded me that even when I was still feeling broken, I was still beautiful to God, that I still had value, that I was still chosen for greatness, that I still had a plan that I needed to carry out, and He was the one seeing it through. But it just also reminded me that I was living for legacy and that this earth really wasn't our home, and that it was not the end. I was only just beginning. And it wasn't a season where, quite frankly, I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't think I was ever going to be able to survive that season that almost took me out. Literally, like I felt a part of me transition to heaven right along with my mom. But it just was such a beautiful time because it just reminded me that this is not our eternal home. But it reminded me that I still had work to do. It reminded me that I was still here on assignment. It reminded me that I can turn my pain into power and purpose every single day, every single day that I take a breath, every single day that I take a next step. The devil was scared because he knows I was on assignment for God. He had already declared me victorious. But had I not been in that room, hmm, I don't know what would have happened. I don't know what would have happened, and that's why you got to be in the right rooms. That's why spaces like this matter, like our women winning wars, how we flourish, taking place next week, March 21st, at the beautiful Tampa Bay Women's Club on the beautiful Bay Shore. And because when women gather intentionally, guys, we're not just networking, we're building relationships, we're sharing wisdom, we're sharing insights, we're truly supporting one another. We're able to grow together, and that is what community is meant to do. And that is truly the heart behind our women empowerment events, behind women winning wars and how we flourish, because it's about creating a space where women can come together, connect, and grow. Because leadership is so powerful, but leadership in community is transformational. Transformational. This is not just another motivational event. No, no, no. I don't, I'm not a motivational speaker. And nobody on these on these panel speakers, nobody of the keynote speakers, they're not motivational speakers. These women have been hand-selected, preyed upon, like transformational speakers. These are not no cookie-cutter conversations. If you know about me, there's nothing surface level about your girl, okay? And if you're a woman that is building something right now, you don't got to do it alone. Find your community, find the rooms where you can grow, find women who can celebrate your success instead of competing with it. Find women who challenge you to become better. Because when women rise together, entire communities rise with us. Blessings on blessings, guys. I absolutely appreciate y'all. Breakfast has been served. Appreciate y'all. Have a great day, and I'll see you guys next week.