Success Means Nothing If You Lose Yourself

In a world obsessed with achievement, status, money, followers, and recognition, it's easy to spend years climbing a ladder only to realize it was leaning against the wrong wall.

In this powerful episode of Unplugged with Pam | Breakfast Club Edition, Pamela Pacheco explores a question many high-achievers eventually face:

What happens when you achieve success but lose yourself in the process?

Too often, people sacrifice their peace, relationships, health, faith, values, and identity in pursuit of goals they thought would make them happy. They build businesses while neglecting their families. They chase titles while losing their purpose. They gain recognition while feeling disconnected from who they truly are.

But real success was never meant to cost you your soul.

Drawing from personal experiences, leadership lessons, faith, and entrepreneurship, Pamela shares why the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself—and why true success starts with alignment.

In This Episode:

✨ Why achievement without alignment leads to emptiness
 ✨ The hidden cost of chasing success for the wrong reasons
 ✨ How to recognize when you've drifted from your values
 ✨ The importance of protecting your peace and purpose
 ✨ Why your identity should never be tied solely to your accomplishments
 ✨ How faith, family, and fulfillment create lasting success
 ✨ The difference between external success and internal significance

This conversation is a reminder that success is not just about what you build, earn, or achieve—it's about who you become along the way.

Whether you're building a business, leading a team, pursuing a dream, or navigating a season of growth, this episode will challenge you to define success on your own terms and make sure you're not sacrificing what matters most.

Key Takeaway:

Success is not worth it if you have to lose yourself to achieve it.

The goal isn't just to win in business.
 The goal isn't just to win financially.

The goal is to win in life.

To build success that aligns with your values, your faith, your purpose, and the person God created you to be.

If this episode encouraged you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs the reminder that who they are matters more than what they achieve.

🎙 Hosted by Pamela Pacheco (Pam The Plug™)

Speaker | Brand Strategist | Entrepreneur | Community Builder

Helping entrepreneurs, leaders, and visionaries build meaningful lives, impactful brands, and lasting legacies.

"The greatest success isn't becoming someone else. It's becoming who you were created to be."

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Stay connected Pamtheplug.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Happy Thursday, beautiful people. Welcome back to another episode of Unplugs with Pam Breakfast Club Edition brought to you by Chosen Global. And today we are going to talk about success means nothing if you lose yourself. Make sure you are taking notes. Success means nothing if you lose yourself. We're going to talk about the hidden costs of building while broken. And good morning to all of those that are tuning in for the first time. First and foremost, I just want to say thank you. This is uh thank you to each and every single person that continues to show up every Thursday morning for a live edition of Unplugged with Pam on our Breakfast Club edition. Each person that shares the conversations, that sends messages, that supports the mission, supports the vision, and most importantly, chooses to work on themselves because this is really and truly what the space is about. This is not just a podcast, this is not just content, this is a room full of people that are doing their best to heal, that are doing their best to grow, that are doing their best to evolve, to build, to be better humans while navigating life in real time. And honestly, today's conversation may be one of the most important conversations that we've had all year, if not in a very, very long time, because we are living in a world where people are rewarded for performing while privately falling apart. And it's not that people are lazy, it's not that people that are unmotivated, it's not for people that are unmotivated, it's for not, it's not that people are incapable. I just believe that people are just exhausted. They're exhausted mentally, they're exhausted emotionally, they're exhausted spiritually. And yes, we are in mental health matters month. But I do believe that when we talk about, when we talk about our mental health, it matters each and every single day, not just on Mental Health Matters month. And the scary part is that many people really we have become, and I'm gonna say we because I know I'm guilty of it too. And this is why I've created these kind of spaces, like the one that we're having in just nine days here, our third annual Mental Health Matters symposium, taking place live in Tampa Bay. And many people, right, we have become so used to survival mode, so used to getting things done that we don't even realize how life has just how heavy it kind of is sometimes. And when I say, you know, today's topic of success means nothing if you lose yourself, because I truly believe what's the point of building a business if you lose your peace? What's the point of building a successful career, a successful life if you lose your peace? What's the point of money? What's the point of wealth? What's the point of success if your nervous system is shot, right? If it's completely destroyed. What's the point of visibility if behind closed doors we're anxious, we're overwhelmed, we're emotionally exhausted, we're burnt out, sometimes with sources that we're just silently hurting. And I know for a fact that this conversation is important right now, especially because we are just living in a world where people are burying their feelings in performance. Sometimes I know I'm guilty of it, where people are just not taking the time and mental health, there's still such a stigma. And this is why I've created the space, like our third annual Mental Health Matters Conference taking place in nine days from now at the Cuban Civic Club right here in Tampa, Florida, because we have to end the stigma. And I believe that we end it not only by having these conversations, but by having spaces where we invite people to have these conversations, but also to get practical tools and resources that you can actually utilize. And more than anything, I believe that too many people are just silently fighting these battles while pretending they're okay. And I've been there. I've seen too many leaders that are burnt out, too many entrepreneurs that are exhausted, too many parents that are just so overwhelmed, too many people that really just feel alone. And if you ask me, I think that we're living in one of the most digitally connected generations while emotionally becoming one of the most disconnected. You're like, Pam, what? Yes, absolutely. And again, you know, I'm a huge advocate for building your brand and building your business and all of these things. However, as digitally connected as we are, there's so much disconnect because people, whether you're on your phone or you are just silently battling these things. Why? Because I know some people are posting while they're depressed, some of us we're smiling while we're suffering, some of us we're building while we're broken, some of us are leading while we're empty, whether that's in business, in career, in life. And I think that it's time as people, as community, that we actually normalize the honest conversations about mental health, about healing, about emotional wellness, about rest, about boundaries, about support. Because mental health, it's not weakness. I believe that mental health is leadership, and I've had to learn that the hard way myself, walking through my own journey the last five years of my life. And the reason why I say that is because I don't think that mental health is not weakness because mental health is stewardship. And when I say you cannot lead people while constantly abandoning yourself in the process, I've actually lived it. And I think that we live in a society that for years we have been glorifying burnout. People have been celebrating, overworking, right? Oh, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. And I always say, you know, busy being productive is beautiful, all these things, but you can't fill from an empty cup. People, we're living in a society where we're praising exhaustion, where we clap, right? For the hustle culture. And if and if this is making sense to anybody, type of one, right, in the chat. If if this makes any chat and any sense to you whatsoever, you know, because people, this is something that is not only going on in the United States, it's going on all around the world. This is something so common, but just because it's common doesn't mean that it's healthy. A lot of people are just surviving and not actually living. And I want to ask this to everybody that's listening, whether you are tuning in to the replay of our podcast live on Spotify, YouTube, LinkedIn, if you're watching live on Facebook, on Instagram, wherever you're joining in on the conversation today, maybe you're listening to the replay on your way to work later on. But think about that for a second. When was the last time that you truly rested? Not slept because your body just crashed, but because you actually rested. When was the last time that you felt emotionally safe? And you know, it's interesting because when I have, whether I'm talking to men, women, so many people just think that, oh, I'm working, I'm working, I'm fine, I'm great, I'm great, until they're not. And it's a lot easier sometimes for a woman for us to talk about these feelings and our emotions and our men, you are needed, you are necessary, right? You are we we need you also to take care of your mental health because I know we know that there's a lot on your shoulders, and we know that there's stuff that we don't even know. But when I ask you this, when was the last time you felt emotionally safe? When was the last time you were actually honest about how you really feel? And I'm talking about really, really feel because I know I'm guilty of this. Some people mastered looking okay instead of becoming okay. One of my favorite books, by the way, it's okay not to be okay by Megan. If you guys have not read it, absolutely amazing. And I think high-functioning pain is one of these silent pandemics that nobody talks about enough. We just bury it because hey, if I can just be high functioning and I'm performing, it doesn't matter because I'm just running, running, running, running, running, running. Until we store up, we don't release any of this trauma, and so we don't release any of this pain. And I know people are functioning while hurting because I am people, right? We're still going to work, we're still posting the content, y'all are still taking care of the kids, still showing up for everybody else. You're still leading meetings, you're still smiling publicly, while privately we're struggling with anxiety. Some of us are still navigating grief, depression, fear, trauma, exhaustion, pressure, and emotional overload. And high performers, especially something that I'm passionate about because again, I've I've lived it. We are especially good, right, at hiding pain because people have become so used to seeing us strong. My entrepreneurs, I know y'all know what I'm talking about, my military, I know y'all know what I'm talking about. My leaders, my athletes, my pastors, my creators and creatives, my mothers, our fathers. Some of the strongest-looking people are silently overwhelmed. And sometimes it's the people checking on everyone else that are the ones that are actually needing support the most. Again, I know this personally, there have been moments where I'm still showing up publicly while privately I'm carrying things that nobody knew about. And that's okay because I know I chose that, right? I know I'm on assignment, I know I'm on a mission, I know all of these things, and I know God's never gonna give me anything that I cannot bear. I know that he's always near the brokenhearted, but I know what it feels like to still be hosting events while you're going through things. I know how it feels like to still be leading, I know how it feels to still mentor, to still be creating, to still be pouring into people while grieving, all while being exhausted, all while navigating pressure, while dealing with uncertainty, while trying to hold everything together emotionally. And I know that I'm not the only one. Some of you that are listening right now are the strong ones. I'm gonna just take a sip of my cafecito for a second because I know what I'm talking about. Yes, the strong ones we are, right? The ones that everybody leans on, the ones that everybody's calling, the ones that everybody expects to have it all together. But who checks on you? Who pours into you? Who notices when you're tired? Who notices when you are exhausted? Who actually is the people that check on you? Because strong people need support too. And I want to say that again strong people need support too. It's funny because that's what one of my affirmations is because I had to learn and train my brain to say it's okay not to be okay, it's okay to be strong yet be supported, it's okay to feel your feelings, just don't stay there for a long time. But I say that because Jesus wept, but even Jesus rested, and I think that some people feel guilty because you actually don't know how to rest, so you feel guilty while you're resting. Sometimes you even feel guilty for slowing down, sometimes we feel guilty for saying no. Oh, it's a big one. Sometimes we even feel guilty for needing help. But rest, it's not for weakness. Rest is for wisdom. Rest is not a reward, rest is a requirement, right? One of my favorite Bible verses, Matthew 11, 28, says, Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. He didn't say, Come to me, some, come to me, men, come to me, women, come to me, kids, come to me, caretakers, come to me, nurses, come to me, doctors, come to me, lawyers, come to me, creators, come to me, entrepreneurs, come to me, no, no, he said, come to me all. Because when you even notice that what God said is like, it's come to me, is he's never saying like, come to me once you have it all figured out, come to me once you're once you're done feeling your feelings. No, everyone, the ones that are weary, the ones that come exhausted, come, come the ones that are burdened, the ones that are burnt out because we're never meant to carry life alone. And I think that that's one of the biggest lies that people believe is oh, I'll take care of myself later, later after the launch, later after the business grows, later after I'm done trading my stocks, later after I'm done taking care of the kids, later after the kids get older, uh, later after the events, later after the money comes, later after the promotion, later after I sent out the pitch, later once the kids graduate, later, and I could keep going on and on and on and on after I get the client, later after I get the sale, later after I get to the rank that I want, later after I get, and we could keep going on and on and on and on and on. However, here's what I do know if we continue postponing our healing, eventually our body, our emotions, our nervous system will force you to shut down. One of my favorite books of all times is The Body Keeps the Score. If you don't know that book, look it up, download it on Audible, right? Read it. I know this new generation, y'all don't like to read, it's okay. Um, I do both, right? But it's a very powerful book because trauma does not disappear because we ignore it. Stress does not disappear because we stay busy. And honestly, I think that a lot of people have mastered distraction instead of healing. Why? Because I'm people, we master scrolling, right? On our weapons of mass distraction or destruction, whichever one you want to say it, your cell phones. We master scrolling instead of processing, we master working, producing, performing instead of grieving, we master performing instead of healing, we master helping people instead of actually processing our feelings, and eventually it catches up. And let's talk about why this matters beyond emotions, because mental health affects everything. Yes, let me see, y'all. I love it, I love it. Some people are saying somebody says really quick, and I want to read this because I think it's important. Somebody says, 100% truth. This is my girl Ming Ming. 100% truth coming from a Bachelor of Law from London, licensed attorney in Asia at 25 and a Master of Law from USA and having my own law firm and would not fill the void in my life that can only be filled with with Jesus Christ. I love that. It affects how you lead, it affects how you communicate, it affects how you handle pressure, it affects how we make decisions, it affects how we show up in relationships, it affects how we parent, it affects how we steward our gifts that God has given us, it affects how we perform our work, it affects how we build businesses, it affects how we treat ourselves, it affects how we treat other people, it affects how we even receive the success that we've been working for, right? Because people think burnout only affects your energy. No, burnout also affects clarity, and when our mind is exhausted, our patience changes, our confidence changes, our discipline changes, our creativity changes, our emotional regulation changes. You get to a point where you stop operating from strategy, and we start operating from survival, and that becomes very dangerous in leadership, that becomes very dangerous in business, that becomes very dangerous in day-to-day living. Why? Because unhealed pressure, and I say that unhealed pressure, right? Because it's unhealed trauma, unhealed feelings, unhealed anything, it spills now into your teams, it spills now into your family, into your employees, into your spouses, into your children, into your clients, into your communities. Unhealed pressure spills into your stewardship capability. And I and you know, some people are like, oh no, I'm just I'm being a good steward of my finances. That's what I'm called to do. Absolutely. God calls us to be a good steward of our finances, but he'll also call us to be a good steward of our gifts, of our gifts. And when I say mental health matters in business and in life, because businesses, life, guess what? They're built by guess by who? By humans. And a toxic nervous system creates toxic leadership, creates toxic business, creates toxic communities, creates toxic households. Whereas a regulated leader creates a healthier environment, healthier communication, healthier culture, healthier decision making, healthier teams, healthier life. And I can keep going. And honestly, I don't ever believe that people, some people don't necessarily have a business problem. They have an exhaustion problem. I don't think it's ever a performance problem or leadership problem or a mom or dad problem. I think it's just a leadership, an exhaustion. Because a lot of times we think, oh, I need another strategy. And sometimes, yeah, you do need another strategy. And if you do, make sure you DM me strategy, right? Because we gotta talk. But no, I think that people need rest, healing, boundaries, sleep. I've been working on that one. One therapy, community, support, time with God, time with God. That you're not just skimming over, you know, it's interesting. And I'm gonna I'm gonna pause there for a second because if you go on my my holy Bible app, today makes 787 days that I'm reading my Bible verse, but that's where I start in the morning. I don't just go highlight my verse and post it for you guys. I know a lot of you guys like are like, are you okay? You didn't post your Bible verse for today. Goodness, let me not be traveling or Instagram acting up and y'all don't get that Bible verse. But I love that because you guys hold me accountable. But that's the beginning of it, right? Me opening my Bible app, me spending my time with God, I go into prayer, I go into meditation of my word, I go into journaling, I go into all of these things because I've realized just like my fitness is non-negotiable because it's me being able to calm down my anxiety, me being able to heal, me being able to do all of the things, but it's me filling into my cup. So that time with God is non-negotiable because I know that I need it. And for me to be at my highest and best use, I know I have to start my day, how I need to start my day. And honestly, emotional honesty is a lot of the things that we also need. But when I say clarity becomes difficult when our nervous system is constantly just stuck in survival mode, and that's why when we are protecting our peace, I believe that it's actually productive. Why? Because if you're not, if you're not in a position where you're like, well, Pam, I'm not, you know, I don't, I don't have, I don't have time. I hear this all the time. I don't have time to protect my peace. I don't have, I don't have time to, you know, feel my feelings because it's just not gonna take me down a good place. Well, I'll tell you what else isn't going to take you down a good place. The trauma that's in your body that is unexpressed, right? That is shooting your nervous system that is that is not good for your health in any way, shape, or form, because mental health, it's not separate from success, it's actually connected to sustainability. You can build fast and still destroy yourself. I've seen it, or you can build well, and what do I mean by that? Well, I think that the next generation of leadership starts with us. The next generation of leadership has to normalize both ambition and emotional wellness because success without peace is expensive. Yes, success without peace is expensive. There's another verse that's just been sitting heavily on my spirit lately, and it's above all else, guard your heart, and everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 423. Everything flows from our hearts, everything, our leadership, our relationships, our reactions, our confidence, our decisions, our peace, our productivity, our business, our creativity, oh right, no matter in any shape, way or form, our teams, I can keep going on everything. So if our hearts are constantly overwhelmed, are constantly anxious, are constantly overextended, are constantly exhausted, eventually it affects how we show up everywhere else. And I mean everywhere else. And honestly, I don't think some people need another motivational quote. I don't think that's it. You know, I'm not the girl. I'm I might tell you something that's motivating you, cool, but I'm here for transformation, I'm here for you to transform and renew your mind and renew your soul each and every single time. And why do I say that? Because when you are constantly just overwhelmed, anxious, wounded, overextended, exhausted, it affects how we show up everywhere else. And some people, one honest, they're one honest conversation, one honest conversation away from breaking down. And honestly, it's when we when we say it's finally a safe room, that we people just need a sacred space to finally just be able to exhale, just take a deep breath, to know that you're in a safe space to just let it all out. And that's one of the reasons that conversations around mental health matter so much to me personally, especially after everything life has taught me over the last few years, over the last five years, and I've and I've said this over and over again you know, we created this mental health matters symposium, mental health matters area spaces because I lived it losing my mom, navigating grief, leadership pressure, business pressure, being the strong one, family health scares, trying to keep showing up every day with a smile, no matter what's going on, while I'm healing in real time. There were moments where I'm just like, God, I hope you got it because I don't got it. I just I don't have it. There was there was moments where I just wanted to quit. I wanted to throw in the towel, moments where I felt exhausted emotionally, moments that I questioned myself because pressure will do that. Emotional, emotionally being exhausted, emotionally, emotional exhaustion, right, will do that. And these moments cause me to question myself. And people think sometimes when we look at leaders, entrepreneurs, career professionals, speakers, creatives, influencers, you know, the people that are in the limelight, all these things in the spotlight, always smiling, commute, all these things, they look at us and they're like, oh, they're good. But visibility doesn't equal peace. Money does not automatically equal healing. I've seen a lot of people that are successful, and I'm sorry, right? And I and I will say this, I say this gently with love and respect, but you know, we keep it real over here. I seen a lot of people that are successful on paper, and their bank accounts are very, very wealthy, but they're not healthy. They're not healthy. The body keeps the score, so you you you tend to overeat, and it's like you're gonna be wealthy without being healthy. How are you gonna enjoy it? How you how you gonna enjoy your kids? How are you gonna enjoy all of these aspects of your life? So, some of the most successful people, they're just silently suffering. Success does not automatically equal wholeness. And the one thing that I've learned in every season is that healing protects the mission. A lot of people think healing distracts you from your purpose. No, I believe healing sustains the purpose. Because if you're not at your highest and best use, how are you going to be a steward of a good steward of your guests? How are you going to be a good steward of your family? How are you going to be a good steward of your purpose? How are you going to be a good steward of the things that you know that you need to do and the places that you know that you need to be in? Because if your inner world is collapsing, eventually it affects your health, it affects your leadership, it affects your relationships, it affects your creativity, it affects your business, it affects your community, it affects your confidence, it affects your peace, it affects your purpose, everything. We finishing up second quarter, and it's just like, oh, we're halfway through second quarter, and I'm like, I'm over it. 2026 gotta go. No, maybe you started this year excited, and then life just hit harder than expected. I know I shared with you guys a few episodes back. We had a real conversation about that, about my dad dealing with things, and I'm just navigating the pressure and all of these things, right? And and the the fear that comes with it after you lost one parent and your only surviving parent is dealing with something very similar. Maybe financially things became difficult for you, maybe emotionally you just feel strained, maybe mentally, you just feel tired. Take a breath. Maybe relationally you feel overwhelmed, maybe even spiritually, you feel distant. I need you to hear me clearly: the season that you're in does not disqualify you. On the contrary, whatever it is that you're going through, it's because God is using it for you to be able to help someone else. There's nothing that we don't go through in this life that we don't grow through, but there's nothing that God does not use or utilize for us to help someone else be able to navigate it through you. And when I say that is because feeling overwhelmed does not make anybody weak. Needing support does not make you broken, and your current struggle is not the end of your story. One of my favorite reminders always is he who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion. Philippians 1.6. But why I say that is because God is not done with you, He didn't bring you this far just to take you this far, even while you're healing, even while you're rebuilding, even while we're doing our best to still figure things out. And this is why community matters so so much, because healing rarely ever happens in isolation, and the enemy loves isolation because isolation is what convinces people that nobody understands, that nobody cares, that you have to carry this alone, and that is those are lies from the pits of hell. Excuse my language, right? Healing begins after life in community begins. That's why mentorship matters, that's why therapy matters, that's why friendship matters, that's why faith communities matter, that's why support systems matter, that's why you have some rooms that drain you, and you have other rooms that restore you, and that's exactly why we created our mental health matter symposium. Not just for motivation, but it's for real conversations, real healing, real tools, real support, real connection. When we talk about we're bringing together entrepreneurs, therapists, athletes, veterans, leaders, creatives, speakers, people with real stories need real safe spaces today, more than ever. And I genuinely believe that one room can completely change somebody's life, one conversation can completely change somebody's life, one moment of honesty can completely change somebody's life, and I think that the strongest thing a person can do is stop pretending, stop suffering silently, stop performing. And when I say stop performing, I don't mean stop performing and stop working, right? I mean stop performing healing instead of actually healing because I know I've been there, I'm good at that too. Some people mastered operating successfully online and in public while privately just losing themselves. I know because I'm some people, and I don't want that for people anymore. I don't want that for people anywhere. I want people to be able to experience healthy success because that's how I really think that iron sharpens iron. What we need is healthy ambition, what we need is healthy leadership, what we need is healthy relationships, what we need are healthy minds, healthy hearts, healthy men and women. You deserve to become successful without abandoning your peace in the process. And before we're gonna we're bringing this in for a landing shortly, but I just want everybody listening to take a deep breath for a moment and ask yourself honestly, what am I carrying silently? What area of my life needs healing? What have I abandoned myself trying to just survive? Or where have I abandoned myself, rather, trying to survive? Here's another good one you can ask yourself. What have I been avoiding emotionally? What lie have I been believing about myself, about my healing, about my process? What do I need to release? What conversations do I need to have? What are the things that I really need to pray about and surrender to God? Where do I need to stop pretending? Who do I need to stop pretending in front of? It's also a good one. Because healing begins with honesty, and I just want you to know this. You're not broken, you're not behind, you're not too far gone, you're not your mistake, you're not your past, you're not your pain, you're not disqualified, you are not alone. This season, it's not gonna last forever. Keep going, keep healing, keep praying, keep protecting your peace, keep showing up, keep becoming. Share with somebody that may need it, post it to your stories, tag me, send it to a friend, leave a review, subscribe to the channel, and most importantly, check on your people. You never truly know what someone is silently carrying. I love you guys endlessly, and you have not registered for our third annual mental health matter symposium, taking place May the 30th, 2026 in Tampa Bay at the Cubic Civic Center Club. Make sure that you register if you need somebody to talk to. I am not a therapist, however, I can connect you with one. DM me the word therapy. If you're the person that's like, Pam, I haven't had a strategy call with you, whether it's for your business, whether it's for your brand, DM me or comment the word strategy, book a complimentary session with me. Super excited to just continue this conversation with you guys. But most importantly, like I said, love on yourselves, take times for yourselves, and I'll see you guys next Thursday on another episode of Unplug the Pam Breakfast Breakfast Club Edition. Breakfast has been served. Love you guys, great day, and God bless. Make sure you guys subscribe to the YouTube channel, subscribe to Spotify, uh Apple Podcasts, all of the things, and we'll see you guys soon. Great day, God bless. Take care, guys.