Veto The Podcast Episode 24 - Big Johnson

The fellas are back again and this time they've travelled back in time to hang out in the Oval Office while LBJ pees off the balcony. Imagine if this guy had social media! It probably would have been about his dick.

They also stop at a drive-thru for a disappointingly small quarter pounder with cheese with medicinal ketchup and a couple of burrito tacos.

It's Veto The Podcast and we're bullying our way into your hearts!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The podcast you are about to listen to was made by idiots and will probably make you dumber. Pregnant or nursing women and those with weakened immune systems should turn away immediately. All others, proceed at your own risk and prepare to veto the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

You got a friend, you got a friend in me. If I'm the kind of friend you need to I hope I have a friend in you. I'm feeling okay. I'm pretty good. Alright. And I hope I have a friend in you.

SPEAKER_04 0:48

Welcome to Vito the Podcast, home of the $20 quarter pounder with cheese. It's a big old American burger that you can really sink your teeth into. I'm your host, head burger flipper, and America's favorite uncle, George Milton. As always, I've got my co-host with me today. He smells like cheese, and he's working the fry station all freaking day. It's Brent Bobbitt. What's up, Brent?

SPEAKER_05 1:10

It's going on, everybody. I like to live life dangerously, so I'm working the fry station with no shirt on. No shirt on. You look good, man. You look tan. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:20

I uh just applied self-tanner. Yeah, it's working. Also, we've got a super special guest today. He flew in all the way from Florida just to take drive-thru orders. It's our good friend, the very polite Johnny King. What's up, Johnny? I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

I'm doing really good. I'm so glad to be here.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

Yeah, that was kind of rude. It's a little ruder than I was expecting. That's what I'm known for.

SPEAKER_06 1:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:48

I'll take two. Why is it? What's the deal? I feel like at some point we got marketed that like a quarter pounder is like just a shitload of meat. It's not that big of a like a quarter pounder is not that big of a burger, right?

SPEAKER_05 2:09

Uh I find it to be sufficient in most cases.

SPEAKER_04 2:13

Sufficient have a size surprise. I feel like when you watch the commercials or they or they do it on uh the radio or something, they're like a quarter pounder, like you're not gonna be able to handle this, buddy.

SPEAKER_05 2:25

They they do say it very uh you know, surprising or like like grandiere like that. But uh I the thing that's had my attention only since the last few days, I saw this totally on random online discussion where people were saying that evidently Burger King has fixed the the the whopper that like they went, I guess went back to they fixed some of the yeah, like broke it. How do you break a whopper? Because it well it used to be awesome, and then they you know got all corporate, and then people were saying it just doesn't have the same whatever that it used to, but yeah, there was a whole wording about like the burger, like the mayonnaise is too thin or whatever.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

And so they thickened the man. Yeah, this is like a whole big deal a while like not too long ago, where they were like, I didn't make the burger, make the whopper great again. And I started seeing that, and I was like, was it great? Like, was it great?

SPEAKER_05 3:16

What was I remember it being awesome back in the day, back when they were like 99 cents a piece?

SPEAKER_03 3:21

Well, I remember when all fast food was awesome, and even if it still tastes the same as it used to, whenever I have it, I'm like, I used to like this. This is awful.

SPEAKER_04 3:32

Yeah, but I think the crazy thing, because this was part of the like we talked about Subway a number of times on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

I think Well, you gotta bring up old chat.

SPEAKER_04 3:42

Yeah. Uh hey, Johnny's kids, if you're listening, I just this is just for Johnny. Johnny, how how many times have you had Subway in the last, I don't know, two weeks? Like literally four times. Oh no, yes.

SPEAKER_05 3:55

Man, this man is a good one. I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_04 3:58

Sponsored by Subway.

SPEAKER_05 4:00

I hear they're like hard up for sponsors that aren't hard up for children.

SPEAKER_04 4:05

So could be hard up. Wow. Is that new news? No, no, this is uh a Jared reference. Okay. Hard up as good. Very timely. Yeah, super timely.

SPEAKER_05 4:19

I'm gonna publish this Monica Lewinsky jokes in the bag if you'd like to.

SPEAKER_04 4:24

Good. These are all aging super well. I can't I'm gonna go back and like retroactively like I'll post date this to like 2004. Yes, perfect. Yeah, I think the thing that happens with like those fast food chains is like they are getting more corporate and sh making shittier stuff as we're getting older and having like better taste in food. So both things are happening at the same time. Like it's not just that the food got shittier, it's that now you've had some like nice food, whereas you might not have had like really great food at the time you were 10 years old. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

That's smart. And then they charge you way more than ever every now and then I'll go. I'm like, really? This is so expensive. Why is McDonald's so expensive?

SPEAKER_04 5:13

It's so expensive. It's crazy. I can't remember the last time I met I ate at McDonald's, but yeah, it's like where can you go and get like a good lunch for ten dollars? That's not a segment I have. I'm just I'm just curious. Good. I was gonna veto that. Veto that. Oh, speaking of veto, let me hand out these. Yeah, pass these things out, man. Veto cards. These things are each a quarter pound, guys, which quarter pound is a huge amount. That's a lot. And we get two of them. You get two of them. Wow. Uh with the with uh with three slices of bacon right in the middle. Some good meaty veto cards. If you have the opportun if you have the opportunity to order a cheeseburger with bacon or without bacon, you get bacon.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

I love bacon, but I don't like it on a burger. I I what? I feel like I uh whenever I get one on a burger, I just pick the bacon off and I eat it separately. I don't know why. That's it. That's strange. It's strange because I'm the kind of person that I feel like like bacon on everything is gonna make it better.

SPEAKER_04 6:18

Huh. Yeah, but not a burger. I feel like burger is the main thing that bacon goes great on, aside from just like by itself at breakfast.

SPEAKER_05 6:26

Yeah, I was gonna say it almost seems like Johnny's saying that the real problem is the burger is getting in the way of his bacon in this case. So he wants to separate the two.

SPEAKER_03 6:35

Yeah, that's the right that's correct. You made the correct statement that captures my perspective on bacon and burgers.

SPEAKER_04 6:44

What do you think you would pick if you could pick bacon on a burger or avocado on a burger? Ooh. Just one. You just get one. It's a cheeseburger. It's already a really good cheeseburger, and you get one as a bigger one.

SPEAKER_05 6:56

I'm going bacon. I'm going bacon. I'm gonna pick avocado on a lot of things. But not the burger. But the burger, if I'm only gonna yeah, I mean, and I can appreciate avocado on a burger, but I would I would have a harder time never having bacon again on a burger than I would avocado.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

I've only recently become where I enjoy avocados. Really? Yeah, no, I know. I've I've always been a bit of a couple of things. Yeah. Oh, well, in California, that's when I was like, you know, I need to I need to like avocados, and now I do like them. And but I feel like the bacon, the texture of the bacon, for me personally, would go better on the burger. I'd put bacon too.

SPEAKER_04 7:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:43

We're of one mind.

unknown 7:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:44

Hey, you know what? This veto card's burning a hole in my pocket. Let's get on to something. I'm vetoing the rest of this stupid burger conversation.

SPEAKER_04 7:50

I hate this. Damn it. All right. Well, let's go straight to the dice of destiny unless you want to veto that too, Mr. Man. No, no, that can that can go on as planned. Okay. Uh Brent's gonna be one and two. I'm not letting him pick his numbers again. Johnny's three and four. That's not smart. I'll be five and six. Uh that's a four. It's Johnny King. All right. The first leader.

SPEAKER_03 8:16

All right. So I gotta do a quick update from last time we met. You helped me place some bets. So this is not actually my new game, but I just want to at least let us know about it.

SPEAKER_05 8:26

I would like the updates. Yeah. What do we have any we have any winners going on there? I know we didn't with Eurovision competition. I saw that we didn't win that one. Yeah, we did not win that one.

SPEAKER_04 8:34

We won basketball either.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

Yeah, so it so we did two bets on basketball. So we bet that Minnesota would beat San Antonio. They did not. So we lost. We bet that Cleveland would beat Detroit. Oh, and to be clear, for those of you that did not hear the last episode, these are all bets on vibes, not bet bets on any kind of knowledge whatsoever about the teams. So we bet that Cleveland would beat Detroit. And we won. We did. So that was a that was a big winner for us. And we bet Greece would win Eurovision. We lost. We did not. Was it Bulgaria?

SPEAKER_05 9:14

I think that was right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:15

Yeah, we didn't even have Bulgaria on our list. Not even on the map. I know. I bet I bet the odds on that would have been a very good thing. Bulgaria is they are on the map.

SPEAKER_05 9:26

Not the uh map I have.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

He's got a map with all the countries except for Bulgaria.

SPEAKER_05 9:36

My map only shows America. Actually, my map, you know, the map I'm referring to is a map of Feharun, which is a uh you know DD setting in the uh 5E.

SPEAKER_04 9:45

Oh, good time.

SPEAKER_05 9:47

Yeah, so anyway, Bulgaria's not in Feharun?

SPEAKER_03 9:49

Yeah, I think it's just called something else.

SPEAKER_05 9:53

More specifically, it's the it's a map of the Sword Coast, even smaller area of the whole of Feharun. Okay, nerd.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

So so of all of this, we started with $100 and now we have $79.67. Nice.

SPEAKER_05 10:11

So the way I see it, we're actually up $79. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Yeah. It wasn't looking good for us. But uh So we I think that we've learned our lesson that uh after our very exhaustive research in online gambling, that there's no way to make money gambling on vibes alone.

SPEAKER_05 10:30

No, see, I Johnny, I think you're looking at it with the complete wrong mentality. You just gotta keep playing until you come back. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

Double down, double down. You haven't lost until you've stopped playing. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 10:46

All right. Well, whatever something to think about.

SPEAKER_04 10:49

Whenever I make fun of somebody for caring about Bitcoin, they're always like, oh, they haven't rung the bell yet. And I'm like, what does that mean? What are you talking about? I don't know. Anyway, we haven't lost yet, John.

SPEAKER_05 11:01

Also worth noting that if uh you or someone that you love is experiencing gambling problems, please uh call the National Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-522-4700.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

And Brent did not just Google that. He has that information on like like ready to go at any time.

SPEAKER_05 11:19

To be honest, oh yeah. I did Google it, and now my my algorithm is fucked.

SPEAKER_04 11:26

You are so screwed, you're gonna get all kinds of therapy. No, I bet it's not gonna be therapy. I bet the people targeting that hardest are like gambling sites. They're like, oh, people have a gambling. We got a live one. We got a live one here. We got a wheel.

SPEAKER_05 11:42

We gotta get this guy before he gets help. I wish there was a way. Like they need an extra button on the search bars that's like search, but do not consider this in my future, Rob. I think it's called safe search. I'm doing it, I'm doing it for the lulls. I'm not no, I don't think the safe search is. They're still pulling data on you. If you think that that's actually, I mean, they're not all that does not. No, dude.

SPEAKER_04 12:04

Google respects your privacy, Brent. If you ask them nicely to respect your privacy, they'll do it.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

I genuinely, after after last time we met, I felt a little guilty. I was like, man, we were very flip about gambling. For some people, it's very serious. So that's all right.

SPEAKER_04 12:24

So how are we gonna rein invest that $79? Is that today's game?

SPEAKER_03 12:29

No. Maybe. No. No. It'll come up again. We'll bring it up again. I'll f I'll figure out another way.

SPEAKER_05 12:37

All right, we got it earmarked for future adventure.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

So for today's game, this is one I I continue to think about again. So I'm bringing another game back that I've done before. So we're gonna play Devil's Advocate again.

SPEAKER_06 12:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 12:52

I enjoy this one because you guys are especially actually really good at this. So as a reminder, here's how it works. I'm gonna give you guys each a controversial c take, something that most people would disagree with, and your job is to defend that take as convincingly as you can, even if you completely disagree with what you're saying the whole time.

SPEAKER_04 13:17

I feel like this game is the hardest that I have to work on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Get the get a good sweat going. Yeah. So you have about a minute. I'll give you about a minute. Who wants to go first?

SPEAKER_05 13:29

Uh I'll go first. This is the defense thing, yeah? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:34

Yes. Alright. So, George, here's your take to defend.

SPEAKER_06 13:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:43

Tacos are inferior to burritos.

SPEAKER_04 13:47

Oh my god. This is okay. I'm not gonna tell you how I personally feel about it.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Ready? Do you have the time on the clock? All right, time is about.

SPEAKER_04 14:00

Tacos are inferior to burritos, like massively inferior to burritos, and it's not even close. And I'll tell you why. Because when I get a taco, okay, what do I want when I get a taco? I want fillings. That's what I came for. I came for the fillings, and I want to freaking get them. I don't want you to put the rice on the side, right? If I want beans and rice, I want it right inside the fucking burrito. Give me the burrito. I want you to wrap up my entire meal for me. And you know what? That's a better case. I'm a busy guy, right? I'm always on the go. I want you to take the entire meal. I want you to slop it into a fucking tortilla that's the size of my torso, roll it up, throw it at me, put it in a bag so I can so I can eat that junk while I'm driving, right? While I'm one-handed while I'm doing a spreadsheet or something. I don't have time for tacos, right? Tacos are for a different kind of guy, not for an optimized human like me. Boom, suck at tacos. Got it.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

Man, I'm never gonna eat a taco ever again.

SPEAKER_05 15:07

Oh man. See, I feel like in that defense, I could just feel the hatred of burritos with every single word that came out. Yeah. All right. Very good. I don't know, man. I didn't convince you, Brent. I I'm not convinced that you were convinced. So uh I guess not. I'm saying, look, today's Memorial Day. Let me ask you. So is the ta is a burrito? Because like, sure, you can throw a bunch of fillings in it, but like, where does one exactly draw the line? Like, let's say that I take Between a taco and a burrito? Yeah, let's say I take a taco and I make it double, it's a double-sized taco. It's it's a it's two times the size of the previous taco. It's still a taco, right? Let me ask you this, Brent.

SPEAKER_04 15:59

Can you can you, without doing any work, like pick off a little piece of filling without biting through the tortilla? Like, if you can pick off a little cheese and lettuce or like a little bit of chicken or something without disrupting the barrier, then it's a taco. And it doesn't matter how big it is.

SPEAKER_05 16:18

Okay. So your thing that you're really looking for in a meal here is the ability to be able to pick little things off with your teeth.

SPEAKER_04 16:26

No, I'm saying that that's not what I want because I want a burrito where you can't do that. I want a burrito very clear. If you want burrito. I think I was pretty fucking clear, Prince.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

I don't know how you misunderstood what you would say. You know what?

SPEAKER_04 16:41

While we're talking about burritos, I'm gonna take a little more time. Vito the end of my time. Using a card to veto the end of my time. What the fuck is a burrito bowl? Why use the word burrito in there? It's just a bowl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:53

I don't know where the word burrito got associated with all that.

SPEAKER_04 16:56

They're like, hey, a burrito bowl. So like, so you want a burrito? No, no. No. I don't want the def I don't want the defining feature of the burrito. I just want all that stuff in a bowl. So you're like, okay, you want stuff in a bowl. I get it. Like, I understand that. You want rice and beans and just like a bunch of shit in a bowl.

SPEAKER_05 17:15

Which is really, I mean, it's Mexican food in general, is something that you can kind of reassemble in almost like all the ingredients are very interchangeable with one another, and it's kind of delicious no matter how you do it.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

So kind of delicious.

SPEAKER_05 17:27

Yeah, it's absolutely delicious. No matter how you do it.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Very clear with your language.

SPEAKER_05 17:32

Yes. We'll be more clear there. But uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:35

The crazy thing to me is when you go into one of these places, like a Chipotle or something, and now everybody's got to put I don't know if it's required that you put the calories on the menu, but everybody does it now, and they're like, oh, if you want this, if you want these exact ingredients as a bowl, 750 calories, do you want this thing as a burrito? It's like 3,000 calories. You're like, yeah. But you know that's kind of almost the same thing, right? Except for you added.

SPEAKER_05 18:00

Do you not remember that uh what what event it is legal that they have to do that now? Do you not remember what event that was widely publicized that that stemmed all that? What was it? There was the lady that was suing McDonald's for making her obese.

SPEAKER_04 18:14

Making her obese?

SPEAKER_03 18:15

Oh wow. So now they okay, wow, that's crazy. McDonald's is always getting sued for all the Yeah, they had they served hot coffee that time and someone was mad about it. Every time they get sued, the whole food industry has to adjust.

SPEAKER_04 18:29

Sure. Yeah. They're like, hey, this coffee is hot, and it's like, but it says hot coffee on the menu.

SPEAKER_05 18:34

Like those are the two words that you just described it with. I like my coffee a temperature that I can spill on myself and it won't hurt.

SPEAKER_03 18:43

And going back to the burrito versus burrito bowls, like if a burrito is 3,000 calories and a burrito bowl is 770 and they cost the same, I'm going with the burrito. Like you do, yeah, yeah. You get more calories for your for your money, right? That's what we're here for.

SPEAKER_04 19:00

Johnny, I fully agree with you. Like when I when I'm when I see that on the menu, I'm not trying to like minimize calories. I'm trying to be like, what am I what am I paying for here?

SPEAKER_03 19:09

Yeah. Thank for the book.

SPEAKER_04 19:11

Yeah. Okay. Well, I think I convinced everybody about burritos.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 19:16

Moving on.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

All right, Brent. You ready?

SPEAKER_05 19:18

Even if you haven't, it's been vetoed. I can't debate. What's my topic?

SPEAKER_03 19:23

All right, Brent. Here's your take to defend. Bullying in school has a bad rap. Bullying is a natural way to make us more socially adjusted adults.

SPEAKER_05 19:36

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 19:39

Have fun.

SPEAKER_05 19:41

Hang on. Give me one second to at least think about how I can buy it. You got a second here.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

I'll I'll buy a little bit more.

SPEAKER_05 19:47

I think I've even made the claim on the game before that I can that I can defend almost anything, and I'm having a hard time. I'm glad I went first.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

I feel like this is a hard one, but I feel like Brent, you've you've tackled some very hard ones before. Oh man, I I believe. Well, yeah, I've seen the video.

SPEAKER_05 20:06

Oh man. And the best thing about this is like, what a great game to be able to just trim off the intro to this and take it out of context and be like, man, this this Brent Bobbitt guy is the biggest piece of shit.

SPEAKER_04 20:19

He defends bullying in school as a means of this particular game is perfect for clipping because I can fully remove the context. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:32

You ready? Dude, let me just let me know what you're doing. Congratulations. You're you're drawing a veto guy. I can't defend this one. Oh, you gotta play the veto. I didn't think that I would ever get one drawn out of me on this game. And uh, because I I I can't think of anything I can even say more than two sentences about. I mean, what am I gonna say there that like you already vetoed it?

SPEAKER_04 20:51

Yeah, you vetoed it, so don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_03 20:53

Okay, you know what I'm gonna do? Because I feel bad I'm always putting y'all on this. I'm gonna take this one.

SPEAKER_04 20:59

You're gonna defend bullying as viable? As I'll time you, Johnny. I'm gonna give you 60 seconds to convince us. Hold on, let me pull up my little dude timer. Ready?

SPEAKER_03 21:11

I'm ready. Set. Go. All right. So bullying is gets a bad rap. I think that bullying is frowned upon and looked down on. But I feel like if you've ever met uh an 18-year-old or a 19-year-old that was homeschooled, that kid is fucking weird. And he's not gonna get along with his friends, he won't have any friends. And so he's gonna be bullied as an adult, but in more much more dangerous ways. He's not gonna get jobs, he's not gonna have friends, he's gonna live in his basement, he's gonna talk about a bunch of nerd stuff like Brent does, and it's gonna be tough for him. And so, how do we learn how to be adjusted adults that Live in a society that's civil. It's because we were bullied as kids. And that's how we learned. Because our parents won't tell us if our you know, if if if we look stupid when we leave, unless your parents are bullying you. And that's you know, even parents can bully you a little bit to make sure that you're doing it right.

SPEAKER_04 22:21

And that's a series rap on Vita the Podcast, guys.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

I've enjoyed being a guest.

SPEAKER_05 22:30

I'll tell you where I think you took an easier angle out, though, is that you sort of seem to be defending and saying that it gets a bad rap. Like people make too big of a deal if they get bullied, where they should if they could do a better job of understanding that like it's gonna serve some sort of purpose in their life. Whereas I think the question as presented should have been more like condoning the the bullier, the person doing the the the you know the bully, the like the and so because then the only thing that you're really saying and making a case for there is like that you know you should learn to take bullying because if you don't learn at some point, it's gonna be worse later. But be it's gonna be worse later because of what? The bullies. If they if they weren't there at all, then it's it's there, you don't have to learn how to deal with it. So it's Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:18

That's a good point, too.

SPEAKER_05 23:19

Although I will say this to defend your point there, maybe if Stephen Miller had been bullied a little bit more, that wouldn't be going on right now. So okay, I'll give you that much.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

That's fair. Yeah. Bullying can build character, but it also could suck pretty bad. Did you guys get bullied?

SPEAKER_03 23:37

I got bullied. I I feel like probably most people got bullied. And to be clear, people that really get bullied like really bad.

SPEAKER_05 23:46

I mean, I wasn't someone that got like bullied to the point where I had like I mean, I had tiffs with classmates or like some that were kind of dicks and would pick on me because they were bigger than me. But like I definitely wouldn't ever say that it was like.

SPEAKER_04 23:58

Everybody has always liked you though. I feel like everybody has always been a little bit more than that.

SPEAKER_05 24:02

I felt like I kind of jived with most social groups in in school, so I didn't really feel bullied or anything. I I got along with pretty much everybody. Okay. Well, that's healthy.

SPEAKER_06 24:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:13

Did you have a did you have a third one? Or yeah, you ready, Brett?

SPEAKER_05 24:16

Yeah, yeah, I'll take the third. Or do you get to do you get to? I'm out of veto cards. I I used one a second ago about the stupid burger conversation.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

Burning through them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

So uh just have mercy on us.

SPEAKER_04 24:28

I had other comments on one of like in the burrito conversation. I had burger comments pop into my mind, and I didn't say it. So good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

You held back. Yeah, I did. Okay. Brent, here's your new take to defend. All right. Influence influencers provide real value to society.

SPEAKER_04 24:48

It's like you really did we do this already? Or am I just making that up? Did we do that one?

SPEAKER_05 24:54

Is there a chance that we did that one? I feel it there's a tingle of the familiar.

SPEAKER_04 25:01

It sounds pretty familiar to me.

SPEAKER_03 25:03

I thought I I I thought, you know, just we run a tight ship here at V to the podcast. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do. Okay, Brent.

SPEAKER_05 25:10

Okay, I'll take another.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Socks with sandals are fine and practical and actually make you look cool.

SPEAKER_05 25:19

Okay. Tell me, tell me when. I got this.

SPEAKER_04 25:22

I I got you because I got my timer up. Okay, good. Ready? Set.

SPEAKER_05 25:26

The thing that a lot of people don't realize about wearing socks with sandals is just how practical it can be. Sandals, one of the only drawbacks of it, you know, apart from the just not even apart from, just the only drawback about it is sometimes you can get debris between your shoe, your foot and the sandal itself. Wearing socks is a great way to kind of keep that barrier there. And then on top of it, you actually get to look really cool because who do you see wearing socks with their sandals? Ninjas. Almost exclusively.

SPEAKER_06 26:03

Perfect. That was good.

SPEAKER_05 26:04

When you see somebody with socks and their sandals, you're not going to go fight that guy. It doesn't matter if he's got kind of like an overhung gut and a neck beard and a sword that he definitely bought from a mall kiosk. You're not going to chance it as long as he's got those socks on. So, people, use the advantages that life has given you. You're in a society that you can wear socks with your sandals and it will be amazing.

SPEAKER_04 26:27

And that's time. Wow, man.

SPEAKER_03 26:29

Handily dispatched. I did not see that coming.

SPEAKER_04 26:32

Didn't see that coming either. Well, that's just like a ninja. You wouldn't. There's no way you could see ninjas coming. When you teed it up, I thought for sure you were going to say like dat like dads or something. You didn't. Oh no, that was definitely caught. A good use of a veto card to get Brent into a strategic, strategically advantaged situation.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

All right. Yeah, I think that's good for the case.

SPEAKER_05 27:00

It seems like we all won there, but the real winners were all the listeners.

SPEAKER_04 27:06

All the listeners. And also images. Yeah. Yeah, thanks you guys. Hey, speaking of listeners, why don't we take a quick break and we'll come back and talk more about burgers. Oh, no, we won't. Just get in. See you guys in the next one. And welcome back. We all went to Tinkle together. Tinkle together. And Johnny was the first one to start. It's always uh it's always like a big badge of honor when you're peeing with other people to be the first person to start. It wasn't me.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

Yeah, you want to set the the the stream. You want to set the tone.

SPEAKER_04 27:42

Let people know that you're nobody's bitch.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

Uh-oh. Don't cross my stream.

SPEAKER_04 27:48

Let's go back to the dice of uh let's go back to the dice of destiny. It's uh it's gonna be me and Brent. Brent's one through three, and I'm gonna be four through six. Just simple, just very basic, very basic, very easy to remember.

SPEAKER_05 28:04

Uh that's a two. That's Brent. Hey. So uh depending on where it fell to me today, I had a couple of things. One of if I was the first one to do a game that was gonna have points to it, I was gonna grab that. So that's that's where I'm at right now. I've got a game that is simply called sounds fake. I've got some facts that I want to throw at you guys, and uh essentially this is just a true or false test. I mean, all these that I'm gonna throw at you are gonna kind of sound like bullshit, but not of all of them uh are gonna be. And I'm not gonna tell you what percentage is what, but pretty simple game though. And uh, you know, of course, we just really want to figure out after these are read aloud who is our big loser. The loser. All right.

SPEAKER_04 28:50

So uh you know, I will I feel like I've got real winning energy today. Like I woke up today and I was like, today I'm gonna be a winner.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

Do you guys feel that about me? Or I feel that about you. I feel like I still feel like a loser. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:10

Okay. Well, we we can vote for the same one, I think. It's just it's gonna be who racks up the most points, right? Yeah, we're gonna rack them up. Rack them up.

SPEAKER_05 29:18

All right, well then uh let's go with uh fact number one here. The state of Wyoming once attempted to replace all stop signs with yield signs to promote driver confidence.

SPEAKER_04 29:31

Wyoming?

SPEAKER_06 29:32

It is Wyoming.

SPEAKER_05 29:34

Yeah, that's true. I'm gonna go with uh false. You have a disagreement already.

SPEAKER_04 29:42

Yeah, and we have a loser, right? We already have a have a loser. Uh somebody's pulling out ahead as far as being a loser.

SPEAKER_05 29:50

Anyway, so yeah, on this first one, this is an example of something that sounds fake because it absolutely is. This isn't real at all. This is something that was says.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

So uh winning energy for the loss.

SPEAKER_04 30:04

Winning energy. Yeah, that's okay. I still feel that I have that energy. Yeah, you still get it.

SPEAKER_05 30:10

I mean not specifically for that question, but yeah. Uh here's another example is uh the CEO of Spotify once funded a startup that tried to replace sleep with short scheduled bursts of screaming.

SPEAKER_03 30:24

True. True. I'm going true. It's gotta be true. It's gotta be true. Short scheduled bursts. Guys, we don't have a tie game.

SPEAKER_05 30:31

This was also not true at all. There might be somebody out there that could be thinking to themselves, are these all just gonna be false? And we're just gonna see who bites sometimes. No, the next one's gonna be true for sure. All right. Here is the next one. Yeah. A small town in Norway briefly banned clowns after a birthday party incident went awry in the 1990s.

SPEAKER_04 30:55

Yeah, true.

SPEAKER_05 30:57

That's true. I'm gonna say true. Uh this seems like it would be true because it's simple enough. No, this isn't nobody ever banned clowns in Norway. There's still always have been a lot of people. So you're saying it's all false. Yeah, there's no. All right. In the 1800s, ketchup was sold as medicine.

SPEAKER_04 31:16

False. I know I see the pattern. It's false. As medicine. You can't fool me.

SPEAKER_05 31:23

True. Uh well, then obviously, since we have a disagreement in the in the ranks here, somebody's gonna be once again getting a point. And in this case, this is gonna be Johnny. This was actually the first true one that I'm throwing out. It was true. Yeah, this was sold ketchup as medicine. Uh yeah, this is true. And this was uh this there's actually a link on this uh on history.com that is a whole article called the history of ketchup as medicine. And uh we we can provide that in the show notes for anybody that's interested in deep diving more about the history of ketchup as as medicine as well.

SPEAKER_04 31:55

Quarter calendar with cheese and medicine. And medicine. Get your medicine. Okay, all right. Well, Johnny's up by one. Enjoy it. Hey, enjoy it while it lasts, Johnny.

SPEAKER_03 32:06

Yeah, I I know how this is gonna go. I'm gonna lose it.

SPEAKER_05 32:09

So, yeah, Johnny, Johnny's got a couple points on the board to George's one. Next question up Oxford University is older than the Aztec Empire.

SPEAKER_04 32:17

Johnny's answering first this time. I'm not gonna, I've been too excitable.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

That one is true.

SPEAKER_04 32:24

No, that's false. The Aztec Empire is pretty old. Oxford is very old. I have no idea about the Aztecs.

SPEAKER_03 32:33

Aztecs feels old.

SPEAKER_05 32:34

It's pretty old. Uh yeah, so in this case, it is a true statement. Oxford is actually older than the Aztecs. In this case, uh the uh the where what is it? The first one up here. Oxford existed in some form in the year 1096. So in some form? Yeah, so it's a that no clear to clear date of foundation, uh, but teaching existed at Oxford in some form in 1906. Uh then Oxford Oxford developed rapidly from 1116 when Henry II banned English students from attending a University of Paris following a quarrel with Thomas Beckett. But uh yeah, they are always quarreling. On Oxford's uh side here, they have a very interesting timeline of it. But uh Johnny Johnny pulling ahead pretty strongly here. We've uh we've got a few more. We are gonna have a mercy rule to this game, which basically means that if uh someone can pull up to four points ahead of the other person, then that's that's gonna be it. That would be a mathematical from a combat. I just need six more points. Yeah, or you know, just get more than him. You could just get three more and maintain that lead. That would work too.

SPEAKER_06 33:45

Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_05 33:50

There is the next fact is there is a species of jellyfish that can live forever. True.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

I'm gonna say false.

SPEAKER_04 33:58

I feel like I read that jellyfish are get like get studied for like regeneration and longevity. Like I feel like jellyfish keep coming up in longevity studies. But forever.

SPEAKER_05 34:07

Which is exactly right on that exact account. Yes. Uh in longevity studies, that's been a big uh topic of the Smithsonian. And uh there is a particular jellyfish that is dubbed the immortal jellyfish because as long as it has the right conditions, uh its cells will keep regenerating and there's no actual timeline expiration to it. So tightening up the score, we've got the three to two game, only one point is setting them apart.

SPEAKER_04 34:31

I've actually been taking eternal jellyfish peptides directly into my eyeballs.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

So I take them as an enema.

SPEAKER_05 34:40

Well, not because it's medically recommended, just because it's more fun. It's more fun. Yeah, more fun. All right, our next true fact is uh Nintendo used to operate love hotels in Japan before come becoming a gaming company. Always the experts in entertainment.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

I'll let you go first, George, if you want, or I'll go first if you want.

SPEAKER_04 35:05

It's false. It's false. It sounds like something that would be true, but it's not it's not true. They never operated love hotels.

SPEAKER_03 35:12

I think that it's it's perfect. Love hotels and Nintendo. Yeah. True.

SPEAKER_05 35:18

In this case, uh, yeah, absolutely. That is a true thing. That's true. Nintendo.

SPEAKER_04 35:25

I love that it's true, but I hate that I'm losing.

SPEAKER_03 35:28

Mario was the he was the custodian. He was the plumber of the hotel.

SPEAKER_05 35:32

Yeah, it's connected to a uh article titled The Widely Documented Nintendo Company History. This is a little bit this I this one might be a little bit easier because this has to do with a product that's right many of us use on a very regular basis. The Q in Q-tip stands for quality.

SPEAKER_03 35:51

Johnny? Quality tip sounds dirty when you say it that way. Sounds really bad. But I can always appreciate a good quality tip. So I'm gonna say no. False. Yes. It stands for something else. Q Tip is a good one. Somebody's a name or something.

SPEAKER_04 36:10

Q tip is absolutely quality tip. Absolutely yes.

SPEAKER_05 36:15

George is closing the gap once again. George is correct on this. More details can be found on the official Q Tip's history page, if anybody ever read that before. Yeah. Where are all my Q tip history buffs at? Q tip heads. Where are my quality heads at? Look, so there are in total two more left on this. So potentially there is there could be a winner still here, and it could be anybody. No one's no one's ends up yet. All right. In Switzerland, yeah, it is illegal to own just one guinea pig.

SPEAKER_03 36:52

Just one. True. George, you want to go first? True.

SPEAKER_04 36:55

Yeah, true. That sounds like such a Swiss thing to do. Like that, like one guinea pig will be lonely.

SPEAKER_03 37:02

Yeah, I feel like I bet I bet it's one of those things that like they don't survive it. But I it feels weird enough. Because it sounds true enough. So I'm gonna go with false.

SPEAKER_05 37:15

Guys. Guys. What? What what we've just tied up the game, we're going into the final round here, George. I thought I was gonna say that. It's just animal welfare law. Yes, it's exactly what George said. They they're uh such a uh social animal that they find it to be uh basically torture to have one live by itself. Maybe the U.S.

SPEAKER_04 37:35

citizens could take a people are gonna think that this show is scripted. How did we get down to the very last question with a dead tie?

SPEAKER_05 37:42

But we did. We're here with the last one. So this is one of those things. I think that in this case, because I I can actually uh easily pull up a couple of uh other easy ones or extra ones if need be. So on this one, as I am gonna read this, do you guys have anything? Rather your phone or something to write on. Do you have anything that you could have your answer down with so that you could both flash it at the same time so as to know that we're not we're not I'll I'll letting one answer influencer.

SPEAKER_04 38:12

Open my notes app. I'm gonna open my notes app.

SPEAKER_03 38:14

I've got a piece of paper here. Okay. Alright, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_05 38:18

Uh okay. Final one. The inventor of the Pringles can was buried in a Pringles can.

SPEAKER_04 38:28

Okay. I'm ready to reveal mine whenever. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_05 38:32

Okay, everybody show your notes and I will read them aloud. Three, two, one. Both guys said true. That means we are still in this right now, because whether it's true or false, no points are going to differentiate. But in this case, it is true. You guys are both right. The founder of Prinkles decided to or the inventor of the can, rather, not exactly the uh you know.

SPEAKER_04 39:00

But I bet I and I bet if you popped open his coffin today, it would be fresh as the day he went in.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:07

I bet I bet the guy that invented the tennis ball can. You know, when you pop it open.

SPEAKER_05 39:13

Has there ever been a more satisfying?

SPEAKER_04 39:16

Nothing has ever been more satisfying than that. Why don't we store everything in tennis ball cans? One of these days.

SPEAKER_03 39:28

Don't you mean a bottle of medicine? Yes, I do. Sorry.

SPEAKER_05 39:32

I'm gonna uh you know when one of these days when I'm doing really well, I'm super rich, you know. I got my yacht. You know what I'm gonna have on that yacht? I'm gonna have one a machine that seals the the tennis ball things just so that I can infinitely, as many times as I want, just put a new top on there and just open tennis ball cans.

SPEAKER_04 39:48

Yes. Yeah, and all the fresh.

SPEAKER_05 39:50

All right, we're at overtime, guys. This is a sudden death at this point. Let's let's go with the same method because the next time that we have a difference in opinion, then the the winner is gonna be decided at that point. The next question that's up on the list is this is this true or not? In the early 2000s, a well-known bottled water company briefly sold diet water, marketing it as with fewer calories. I hope okay. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_03 40:16

All right, yeah, ready.

SPEAKER_05 40:18

Show your answers, boys. Three, two, one. We have a true and a false. In this case, Johnny King has said true. George Milton has said false. No way did that happen. And in this case, Johnny King is the big loser of the day. I'm the loser. This was false. No water company tried doing such a thing. So we have a loser, and it's Johnny King in this case. Congratulations, Johnny. You're our big loser. Reaching across the aisle to shake. For whatever name I called this game before we started playing it.

SPEAKER_04 40:58

I don't remember now either.

SPEAKER_05 40:59

I think factor bullshit rings well. You said sounds fake. Sounds fake. That's what I said.

SPEAKER_04 41:04

Sounds fake. Sounds fake. That was good. Man, that was a real run. A real run. That was good.

SPEAKER_03 41:10

Nice comeback, George.

SPEAKER_04 41:12

Yeah, hey, thanks, man. You know what? I believed in myself today.

SPEAKER_03 41:15

Yeah. You you called it. You got the you got the winning energy.

SPEAKER_04 41:19

And kids, just let that go to show you. We have a lot of kids that listen to this, by the way. You can do anything you put your mind to. Anything is possible.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

If you're bullied enough.

SPEAKER_04 41:28

If you're bullied enough. Well that's a fun game. I like that one.

SPEAKER_03 41:33

That was good. I liked it.

SPEAKER_04 41:34

Yeah, you get to learn a bunch of weird shit really fast.

SPEAKER_03 41:39

We're educational.

SPEAKER_04 41:41

We're super educational. Like that's our whole thing, really.

SPEAKER_05 41:44

Some other facts that didn't make it to the list uh that were pulled up is uh octopuses have been observed punching fish for no apparent reason. Apparently, that's uh that's a thing. True. And that's true. Yeah, no, I'm just telling you ones that are actually true.

SPEAKER_04 41:57

Oh, you're getting you're busting it for the next time.

SPEAKER_05 42:00

Oh, no, there's so many facts that exist in the world, George. There's a lot.

SPEAKER_04 42:05

There can't be that many. No. I feel like we've already done like 10. Are there more than that? Like significantly more than that. I guess if you include fake ones, you could have as many as like 30 on that list. Yeah, exactly. Okay, well, what else? What else was on there?

SPEAKER_05 42:21

Oh, uh well, here's another fake one. Um the uh uh rapper Drake has talent. Burn, sick burn. Shout out to Drake if he's listening. What's up, Drake? Yeah, you're sorry.

SPEAKER_04 42:36

We just lost one listener. Yeah, we should. And I can tell through his IP address that it was it's coming from a Canadian address.

SPEAKER_03 42:46

Just another another reason for Canadians to hate us.

SPEAKER_04 42:50

Yeah, one more reason. Throw it on the pile. I'm gonna throw a segment on the pile back to the dice of destiny, one through eighty two.

SPEAKER_05 42:58

Oh man, that could have been a good name for this show. Segment on the pile.

SPEAKER_04 43:02

Segment on the pile. Throw it on the pile. Uh that's a two. That's me. Yeah. Guys, today is Memorial Day as we record this, as I live and breathe. It is Memorial Day today. Happy Memorial Day. And sorry I didn't say it earlier. Congratulations to America. And we're gonna do a very patriotic game. And I'm titling this game simply LBJ said what? Let's go. We're gonna go seven rounds. I'm basically gonna give you three quotes per round. One of them will be something that our 36th president of the United States actually said the other two are made up for this game. Uh, first of all, let's talk a little bit about Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th president of the United States. He was actually from Texas, uh born in Stonewall. Um, in his five years as president, he passed the Civil Rights Act, Voting Rights Act, Medicare, Medicaid, and basically. The entire modern social safety net under a program called the Great Society also escalated the Vietnam War from sixteen thousand troops to over half a million. Good for him. Yeah. Crazy, uh, crazy, crazy resume. He died in uh of a heart attack in 1973 at his ranch. Uh he was also a huge guy. He was six foot three. He bullied almost everyone he ever met. He'd lean over people, jab his finger into their chest, breathe on them, flatter and threaten them until he got what he wanted. It was famously referred to as the Johnson treatment.

SPEAKER_03 44:34

He also makes up the different now.

SPEAKER_04 44:38

He also well, he also recorded almost every phone call he ever made on a secret White House taping system, which is why there's such a rich like uh database to pull from of Lyndon Johnson quotes. And he also nicknamed his penis Jumbo. Uh he would he would regularly hold meetings on the toilet with the door open. He once stripped fully naked during an interview on Air Force One and conducted it with only a towel for gesturing, not for covering his penis, named Jumbo. He skinny dipped in the White House pool with Billy Graham, and the LBJ Presidential Library is here uh in Austin. So that's our guy. We're gonna do seven rounds. Well, I feel like I'm reading the quote so far. Yeah. So one real quote per round. So you guys are gonna guess the real one. Basically, this game is uh congratulations, we have a loser. So we are gonna have a loser in this game. We can go the full seven rounds, uh, or we can declare a loser first. So round one is gonna be LBJ on Vice President Gerald Ford. So Gerald Ford was the House Minority Leader during LBJ's presidency and a consistent thorn in his side on Vietnam policy. LBJ talked about Ford pretty constantly, and the words he used were not generous. They were not nice. So one of these is going to be a true thing that he said about Gerald Ford. Jerry's the only fella in Washington who could get lost in his own driveway and blame the Russians for moving it. B Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time. C. If Jerry Ford had a thought, it would die of loneliness. What do you guys want to go first?

SPEAKER_05 46:20

I think I think C.

SPEAKER_03 46:22

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_04 46:22

You're going with C? Brent's saying that the real one is if Jerry Ford had a thought, it would die of loneliness.

SPEAKER_05 46:28

Yeah, I like A. Sounds like a guy.

SPEAKER_04 46:30

A rings true for me.

SPEAKER_05 46:32

Definitely not B. That much we can be sure. Unless it is. Okay. And then we can't be sure.

SPEAKER_04 46:37

Wait, yeah. Are you going with A, Johnny? No, no.

SPEAKER_05 46:40

I mean, I'm going with C.

SPEAKER_04 46:41

Alright, so Johnny said A, Jerry's the only fellow in Washington who get lost in his driveway and blame the Russians for moving it. Uh Brent said C. If Jerry Ford had a thought, it would die of loneliness. And guys, we have a loser, and it's both of you. The correct answer. No way. The correct answer is Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time. The press actually, yeah. So like this came out of his mouth on multiple occasions and was put on the record by journalist Richard Reeves. Uh, the original line was fart and shoe gum, and the press cleaned it up to walk and chew gum. So if you've heard the quote.

SPEAKER_03 47:17

So that's where that quote came from. The origin the walk and chew gum.

SPEAKER_04 47:21

Yeah, it but it was from the press misquoting, like cleaning up LBJ saying fart and chew gum. Wow. So zero points on the board. Round two, LBJ at the ranch late at night. LBJ loved his ranch in Stonewall, Texas. After dinner, he'd often drink cuddy sark and soda well into the night, then go outside in the dark to relieve himself off the back porch then walk rather than walk to a bathroom. One night a Secret Service agent standing nearby, averting his eyes, asked him, Sir, aren't you afraid of rattlesnakes? And this is what LBJ replied back. A hell, it is part rattlesnake. B son, the rattlesnakes around here have more sense than to bite a man holding a loaded weapon. Or C, boy, if a snake bit this thing, the snake would die.

SPEAKER_03 48:13

Those are all great. I hope they're all true. Oh man. Only one of them's true. Alright, I'm gonna go first. I'm gonna man. It's all some version of what I thought maybe he would say. What was B again?

SPEAKER_04 48:27

B is son. The rattlesnakes around here have more sense than to bite a man holding a loaded weapon.

SPEAKER_03 48:32

I'm going with that. That that feels right. Alright, Brent.

SPEAKER_05 48:38

I want it to be C, so I'm gonna pick C because I hope that's it.

SPEAKER_04 48:42

C is boy of a snake, but this thing, the snake would die. Guys, we have a loser. And that loser, once again, is both of you. The correct correct answer is A, hell it is part rattlesnake. This is one of the most told LBJ stories from the ranch and has been confirmed by multiple Secret Service members.

SPEAKER_03 49:06

Oh. Members, you said members.

SPEAKER_04 49:09

He once reportedly answered a reporter's question about why the U.S. was fighting in Vietnam by unzipping, pulling his dick out, and saying this is why. No way. This is all on record. Oh my goodness. This guy. This has not aged well. Okay, so zero points going into round three. LBJ on J. Edgar Hoover. By 1964, civil rights leaders were begging LBG to fire FBI director J. Edgar Hoover, who had run the Bureau since 1924 and was wiretapping Martin Luther King Jr. and probably most of Washington. Hoover had files on everyone, including LBG, asked privately whether he was going to remove Hoover from the FBI. LBJ said one of these three things. A Hoover knows where everybody is buried in this town, mostly because he buried him himself. B, you don't put a rattlesnake on the front porch and then ask it to leave through the back door. Or C, it's probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in. Brent, you're up first on this one.

SPEAKER_05 50:21

Oh man. God, these are hard. Like it's literally just a guess. Oh, am I losing again? Yeah. I you know what? Let me go. I'm just I've been sick of a C, so I'll go C.

unknown 50:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 50:35

Going to C. Brent's gone. Better to have him outside pissing in or inside pissing out than outside pissing in.

SPEAKER_03 50:42

What were the first two?

SPEAKER_04 50:43

Because I I was thinking first one was Hoover Knows Where Everybody is buried, but mostly because he buried him himself. B was you don't put a rattlesnake on the front porch and then ask it to leave through the back door.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

I feel like he's got a thing for rattlesnakes. But he also thinks of his penis as a rattlesnake. I'm going A.

SPEAKER_04 51:02

You're gonna go A. Everybody he knows where everybody is buried in this town. Most clays he buried him himself. Guys, we do have a point on the board. We have a point on the board. Yeah, we have a point on the board for this one. And that point is not going to Johnny King. It's going to Brent Bobbit. Brent Bobbitt. Better to have him inside pissing out than outside pissing in. He said this in May of 1964, and that same month he signed an executive order waiving the mandatory federal retirement, specifically so Hoover, who was turning 70, could keep running the FBI indefinitely. Hoover held the job until he died in 1972. Three years.

SPEAKER_03 51:42

And LBJ.

SPEAKER_04 51:43

Yeah. Three years after LBJ left office. That inside the tent pissing out has turned into a standard political folk wisdom. So we got one point on the board. That point is for Brent. Let's go into round four. LBJ on the Washington Press Corps. LBJ was paranoid about the press. He believed reporters were out to get him, and as Vietnam went south, he became convinced that no matter what he accomplished domestically, the press would find a way to make him look bad. Talking to an aide about the impossibility of getting fair coverage, LBJ said A, if one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read President Can't Swim. B half these boys at the Times couldn't find their own ass with both hands in a flashlight, but they'll write a thousand words about mine before noon. C. Trying to please the Washington Press Corps is like giving a cat a bath in a paper sack. Somebody's getting wet and somebody's getting cut and it ain't the cat.

SPEAKER_03 52:44

Oh, this is these are all great. I'm going with A.

SPEAKER_04 52:48

I'm sticking with A. Okay. So you're saying if one more one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read President Can't Swim.

SPEAKER_03 52:58

Friend? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:59

What do you think?

SPEAKER_05 53:00

I w was gonna pick that one, but I don't want to. I don't it's boring. We picked the same one, and these are too random anyway. Let me go with um I think I'm gonna I think I'm gonna go with B on on this one.

SPEAKER_04 53:16

Half the boys at the time couldn't find their own ass with both hands in a flashlight.

SPEAKER_05 53:21

That's the one.

SPEAKER_04 53:22

Yeah. Okay. Well, guys, we got another point on the board. And that point is not going to Brent Bobbitt. That point's going to Jack King because LBJ did say, uh did say, if one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read, President can't swim. He said this in various versions throughout his presidency and biographies. Biographer reported as one of his go-to lines about media bias. All right, round five. LBJ on what he wanted from his staff. The Johnson treatment, as we said earlier, was famous on the hill, but became legendary in the White House because now he was the boss and there was nowhere to hide. LBJ demanded total abject loyalty from his inner circle and one rant about a staffer whose devotion he doubted. LBJ unloaded. A I want a man who'd shoot his own dog for me, then thank me for the bullet, then ask me what colored dog I want next. B loyalty around here means you stick with me when I'm right, when I'm wrong, and when I'm so liquored up I can't tell the goddamn difference. Or C, I don't want loyalty, I want loyalty. I want him to kiss my ass in Macy's window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses. I want his pecker in my pocket.

SPEAKER_05 54:46

Man. Starting to think this LBJ character might not have been the best. Yeah. I think it's me first.

SPEAKER_04 54:54

This guy was our president? Oh man.

SPEAKER_05 54:57

Like, can you imagine saying embarrassing things in the presidential office?

SPEAKER_03 55:03

Yeah, we are over that.

SPEAKER_05 55:05

Man, I uh kind of feel like I don't know, A just seems like it smacks a little more true to me than the others do.

SPEAKER_04 55:12

So you want a man who shoot his own dog for me and thank for me for the bullet, etc. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 55:18

All right. I don't know. Man, I feel like C is harsh, but we are talking about a president who likes to unload the Johnson treatment on his staff.

SPEAKER_04 55:28

And I've already told you guys reportedly whipped out his dick when asked why we were fighting in Vietnam and said, that's why. I'm gonna go with C. Okay. You're going with I don't want loyalty. I want loyalty. I want him to kiss my ass in Macy's window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses. I want his pecker in my pocket, which is the true one, and we'll gain another point for Johnny King's. I really want his pecker in my pocket.

SPEAKER_03 55:54

Oh man, the alliteration makes it great.

SPEAKER_04 55:56

The kiss my ass in Macy's window line became so famous. It's literally in the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. So, yeah, the LBJ Library has never disputed it. The man wanted what he freaking wanted. He wanted his pecker in my pocket. So Johnny King is up by one right now, going into round six. LBJ delivered thousands of speeches and had strong opinions on which ones worked. He was especially frustrated with economic policy speeches because his great society programs required constant explanation to voters, and the speeches never seemed to land the way he wanted. Talking to an aide about why economic speeches always fall flat. LBJ said, Hey, telling folks about the economy is like reading the Bible to a hog. They hear every word, but they ain't taking communion. See, an economy speech is a whole like passing it, a whole lot like passing a kidney stone. The only fella in the room who appreciates the relief is the one who gave it.

SPEAKER_03 57:08

Alright. Um, it's my turn to go first. I'm gonna go with B. Alright.

SPEAKER_04 57:15

Johnny up by one right now. Is guessing B. A. I'll take the A. Brent's gonna take A. Brent's taking uh like reading the Bible to a hog. Johnny's gonna take a lot like pissing down your leg. Uh guys, we do have a loser. We do have a loser for this round. Okay. Answer B is the correct and true one. That's another point for Johnny King. One of the most quoted LBG lines about communication. He told it to multiple aides. Uh he thought it he thought he was winning the war on communication. He hated uh talking about policy. Uh let's do one, let's do one more just to make it interesting. This last one is worth three points.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

Three points.

SPEAKER_04 57:59

One of the one of the more legend, one of the more legendary LBJ moments in this last one. So anybody's game at this point. Round seven, LBJ on the phone with his pants, Taylor. On August 9th, 1964, LBJ phoned Joe Hagger Jr. of the Dallas-based Hagar Clothing Company to order six pairs of slacks. The call lasted nine minutes and was captured by the White House taping system. LBJ described in unbelievable detail exactly how he wanted the pants altered. One specific note about the fit. A make them loose enough to chase a hog through the brush, but tight enough I don't lose my dignity walking into the Senate. B The crotch down where your nuts hang is always a little too tight. So when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there because they cut me. They're just like riding a wire fence. C. I need room in the seat. A man my size sitting down all day in Washington needs a pair of pants that respects what he's working with back there. B, I'll do B. What was A again? A is make them loose enough to chase a hog through the brush, but tight enough I don't lose my dignity walking into the Senate.

SPEAKER_03 59:16

I like that one. I'm gonna go A.

unknown 59:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 59:19

Johnny's locking in A. Brent's locking in B. Is that right? Guys, we do have a loser. One of you got it right, and one of you got it wrong.

SPEAKER_05 59:31

Stupid game. And the loser.

SPEAKER_04 59:34

Brent's pissed. Yeah, it is a stupid game. And in this case, it's a stupid game that you won because Johnny's game. Answer is B, the crotch down where your nuts hang is always a little too tight. So when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there because they cut me. They're just like riding a wire fence. It's real, it's real, it's on tape. You can listen to your listen to it yourself on YouTube. The recording is one of the most famous artifacts from the LBJ secret taping system. Uh he called the head of a clothing company from the White House to discuss how his balls fit into the pants. That's seven rounds of LBG, LBJ uh history, and the final score check puts Brent uh ahead by one with a big love.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:23

Congratulations, Brent. All right, yeah. Man, double loser. This is gonna be a tough rest of the day for me.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:29

See, this was an easy one for me because whenever I was a teenager, I worked at a skating rink for literally like four months.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:37

Wait, what? So uh how does that with ninjas? How does that yeah? Prince the winner. We got it. We got it here, guys.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:48

Right here.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:49

I can't stop thinking about burritos. Like it's always one thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:54

What are you bringing that up for? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:55

Didn't you veto your own burrito talk? No, I didn't. We you vetoed burger talk.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:00

No, you because I was trying to ask you more about it, and then you vetoed your own additional burrito talk after that. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:09

Nipple little pieces. Nutle little pieces up that uh don't you guys do that?

SPEAKER_05 1:01:14

Frank, play the tape back.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:16

All right, we're listening, listening, listening. Seems that George was right because he might have AI modified the earlier section. Cool guys. What are y'all doing for the rest of Memorial Day? Packing.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:32

I think we're going to Brazil.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:35

Oh, yeah, you're going to Brazil. Man, that's nice.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:39

Yeah, the uh hotel we're gonna be at this time is like real swanky too and good location, so I'm excited. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:46

Is it is it a well-known uh hotel chain or is it like a local I mean it's it's a chain.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:52

Like they have places all over the world, but I'd never heard of it before. And they're not exactly paying us for the shout out here, you know. Don't say it. But don't say it, Brent. Don't say it.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:01

IV. It would have been really, really good, but yeah, this could have been a big day for them.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:07

Could have been a big day for them.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:09

Well, unfortunately, it's just gonna be a nice one.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:11

Opportunities missed. I think that I'm gonna go make a burrito. Yeah, you are. I'm gonna go get two tacos and I'm gonna roll them up in one big tortilla and call it a burrito.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:23

I went, can I just tell you guys? I went to a place I was I was in Fort Worth a couple weekends ago, and I went to a coffee shop that was like we served breakfast burritos, and they were like $3.95 apiece, and I was like, huh. That's an interesting price for a breakfast burrito. So, not knowing anything else, I ordered two of them because I couldn't believe that I was gonna get full for four dollars.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:48

And it was literally like a taco that was just closed, like they had wrapped it all closed and rolled it up.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:57

Well, that's what I was asking earlier, is I feel like there's some gray area of what you could like, because you could make take a taco, make it big, and then it's a big taco. But if you take that same taco and you fold in the ends and circle it, then it's like I guess now it's a burrito.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:09

That's what I I didn't tell you this earlier, but that was like why I was making the distinction because I got like basically a taco that they sealed and then called it a burrito, and we're like, Yeah, they like they weren't charging me burrito prices, they were charging taco prices, which is why I got confused. Yeah, but where I come from, that name means something. It does mean something.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:31

Yeah, but it every time if I've ever tried to fold a taco like a burrito, it it breaks.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:38

Yeah, but maybe putting too much they didn't put very much stuff in there. Like they were still Oh yeah, they were still doing the burrito ratio, but because of pie, I mean you guys understand, right? Because of pie, they it it's less you make it up you made a pie burrito? Yeah, well, oh that sounds good too, actually. Oh my god. I'd go for it. That'd be good.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:05

Especially if you like kind of pan-fried. Pan fried, yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:08

I was just gonna say that. Fry it and butter. Oh, man. Fried and butter, a little brown sugar on the outside. Oh, yeah. Yeah, man. All right, let's do it. Sweet burritos. Sweet burritos are in sweet burritos. Speaking of sweet burritos, you guys are all sweet burritos to us. Thanks for listening to our podcast. It's called Vito the Podcast. You can email us at veto the podcast at gmail.com and you can email Brent specifically uh at veto the podcast at gmail.com because he's gonna check all of them and read them himself. You can write him specific and personal emails. Don't use big words, please. Don't use big words. Anything under three syllables is probably okay. But err on the safe side. It's good hanging out with you guys. Hope you all have great memorial days, and uh we'll uh we'll do it again next week. See you guys. Bye. Bye y'all. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:05

You've got a friend in me. If I'm the kind of friend you need, then it's true. I hope I have a friend in you. I'm feeling okay. Oh, your face is clearly in my sight. I hope it's true. I hope I have a friend in you. Sure as the mood of the book. We can skip it to it. Over totally platonic. A friend in me. At least that's what you should believe. And if it's true, I hope I have a friend in you. I hope I have a friend in you. I hope I have a friend in you. I hope I have a friend in you.