Qualities of a good partner and our red flags

Does a good partner need to give daily foot massages? Would that really be asking too much?

In another life-altering episode we discuss what qualities an ideal partner has. Leave a comment with your suggestions. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:08

What's up, Amy Students?

SPEAKER_02 0:12

On the microphone, you've got Amy and Lydia. Woo-Whoo!

SPEAKER_00 0:17

We're back with another Thursday episode as always.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

We're back with this will be on the test. Will this be on the test? Some of it might.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

I mean, like we have to listen to this video. So make sure to grab a notebook and pen. Because this will be on the test. Hello. Hello! We are still in our childhood bedroom.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Well, if you're listening to this, it's a week later.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

So we are again in our childhood bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

That's a good point. Yeah. Today we're talking about good qualities or the qualities to look for in a good partner. Since we are both in long-term relationships.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Yep. And we both like our partners.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Most of the time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

That's a good statement.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Um, would you rather have a mediocre partner speaking of most of the time? Would you rather have a mediocre partner, but you meet them at 25 and you spend your life together, have a family and everything you want. Or you meet your perfect partner, but only in your 70s.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Why not both?

SPEAKER_00 1:33

You can't have both. Oh. Um you can't have like you could have kids in this scenario, but the partner, either you have them with a shitty partner, or you do it alone, and then you only meet your soulmate in your 70s.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

I don't know if I believe on soulmates. Yeah. The equivalent of that. Okay. Um like mediocre just you're not like in love, but it's an okay relationship.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

It's an okay. They're not they're they're nice to you and everything, but they're just kind of this meh. Yeah, you don't have much to talk about. You're not attracted to them particularly.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

You're just like yeah, this person is fine.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Yeah. Your roommates with kids.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

You know, I don't know. I think if I really wanted kids, I'd probably go like a mediocre partner better than a bad partner. That's fair, yeah. And like only meet your perfect partner when you're 70.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

If you're not allowed to have a good relationship before then? Yeah, that's like if you're allowed to have a good relationship. And then because then only at 70 do you realize, oh, I wasn't actually really in love before this.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Yeah, maybe that's not an issue then. Maybe you don't reali Oh. Maybe you're just like, this is how relationships are. Oh right relationship.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Because then it would be easy, no.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Yeah. I think I would pick the mediocre partner because you don't know what you're missing out on. And like you can still have the family and everything, and like you can still appreciate a mediocre partner.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Yeah. That's true. Okay. What about you? I think so too. I think now with the whole argument of you don't know what you're missing, I mean you probably have a feeling. Yeah. And you probably doubt the relationship that you don't know for a fact.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

I think I'd go with that too.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Would you rather have an amazing partner that everyone thinks is so great that they try to get with them? Or have an amazing partner, but everyone else thinks they're actually kind of shitty.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I have an issue with everybody wanting to get with them. Because then that means you have shitty friends too. Or he's just so great that they can't resist. Exactly. In the second scenario, they are an amazing partner to you.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

They are an amazing partner to you. It's just everybody is like, why are you with this person? You're like, no, no, he and he is an amazing partner. It's just a twilight situation. Exactly. I love when Lydia gets really deep into thought. Would you rather?

SPEAKER_01 4:04

It's like it's like this is a life or death, and she's like, oh my god, which one do I choose? Like this is gonna impact my life.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

You guys know how much I'm an overthinker.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

She has like one hand on her head and it's just like deep in thought.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Um, I think I would want the partner that everybody tries to get with. Because then it's I like when people like my partner because I like being able to bring my partner to places. And otherwise, if everybody hated him, I would feel like, well, I'm not bringing him to Christmas because everybody just hates him. And it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Yeah, but you bring him to Christmas and all your siblings are like, wow, he's like a really good partner.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Yeah, but then it's like then then it's um testing our or his loyalty if everybody tries to get with him. And if he ends up sleeping with one of my sisters, well Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Sorry, I can't. Yeah, then that's an issue. It should be very hard to flirt with any of y'all's partners.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Yeah. Because they're your partners.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Yeah. If that were to happen.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

He wouldn't be a really good partner.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Yeah. So he's definitely not gonna cheat on me.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Yeah, but like, uh, have you ever had someone cheat? Not cheat. Have you ever had someone flirt with your partner in front of you?

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Yeah, it's not the best. No, that's like a But it's hating him. Yeah. If you can't bring him to any like we very much have our separate things, we'll hang out with our friends separately and everything. But still it's nice if you have a birthday or something, then you can bring them. Yeah. And if you see your friend just side-eyeing him the whole time, yeah. I'd rather have her licking her lips. I think.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Oh, you can't I don't know. I think I would get really annoyed. I think if people are like he sucks, I'd be like, he makes me happy.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Whereas if people were flirting with him in front of me, that would make me dislike my friends.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

That is the issue, yeah. I just if everybody hated him, I would probably end up hating him too. After a while.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Yeah. I mean, neither of these situations is a good situation to be in.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Not ideal. Well, anyway, I think we both have different answers. I would go with everybody wants to bone him. Bone him.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

But I think I don't think I could deal with that. Like, I don't think I'm a particularly jealous person, but if someone is like actively flirting with the person I'm with in front of me, I think it would I think if it happens once, I walk away from the situation. If it happens multiple times, like I throw down.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

But I don't think I would, but I would probably be like, yo, you gotta back the fuck off now.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

And that would suck to do to a friend or sibling.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Okay.

unknown 7:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Well, I would go with the other one. Okay. But would you rather sometimes be a shitty partner or have your partner sometimes be a shitty partner? Well, this is a reality.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

I'm about to say it's like, you know, it happens.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

I am sometimes a shitty partner. He does sometimes shitty things. Um what is the extent of shitty?

SPEAKER_02 7:25

Just like not a bad partner. Just like sometimes does something that is a little like shitty. Like, I don't know. A birthday party that you're invited to, but they only tell you at the last second, so you can't show up, and then at the birthday party, they're like, I'm sorry, she didn't just like she didn't she didn't want to come, she shouldn't make it. This wasn't a priority for her or something like that, and you're like, Well, you made me look bad.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Yeah. Okay. That's actually quite shitty.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

That's pretty shitty.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

I would rather my partner do the shitty thing because I get so in my head when I do the shitty thing. And I overthink it, like I feel so bad when I do something shitty that uh like I can almost not handle it. And I'm pretty good at being an asshole. So, you know, if he does something bad, then that gives me the right to be a little Oh holier than that.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Yep, that's uh that's kind of my thinking too. So But I think Tarek is more forgiving than I am.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

That is the danger, yeah. That's fair.

SPEAKER_02 8:41

I think he's better at forgiveness. Forgiveness and acceptance.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

The thing is, I'm better at forgiving him than I am myself.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

So that was my thought.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Yeah, no, I'd have to go with him doing the shitty things.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Yeah, for sure. Like I can be mad and get over it or not.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah, but you're still better than him.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

I wanna be better. So you guys know us by now. I mean, we've been doing this for ages. For ages. I've been with Dumaney for seven years. Since I was such a long time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

It's a long time. He's my first and um well, pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

That's a lot of information to share on a podcast.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Well, you went to the cereal aisle, you found a cereal, and you stuck with it. Yeah. I love this analogy. There are some people who just like they got their cereal and they're like, this is the best cereal. I don't even need to try it. Why would I try the other cereals?

SPEAKER_00 9:44

And you're just gonna be disappointed.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

Yeah. Whereas I was like, I'm gonna try this cereal, I'm gonna try that cereal, and then I found a cereal when I was like 27 that I liked, and I was like, that's my cereal.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

I like the other cereals, but I like this one.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Damn, guys, did you know that cereal can taste good?

unknown 10:02

No.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

You know it can be enjoyable. Did you know you could like want to eat cereal every day? Wow, that's really intimate to do. I know that that really transsexual. That's not what I meant.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Um anyway, so that's why we're kind of making this episode. We're not kind of making this this episode, we're actually making this episode. We are. Yep. We're here. What are the main qualities your partner has to have? To be a good partner? To be a good partner.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

Um, I think this is really individual. I very much appreciate someone who is a I don't think this is me specifically. I feel like most people would say this, but like a good communicator. And like I think that means different things for different people. But like just someone who you can rely on to communicate when they're unhappy or when they're when something also positive goes on. Like just someone who speaks their mind and like it's like yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

Someone who's honest. That's pretty good. Uh gotta have a nice ass. Sure. Um, I mean, there are a lot of good things. What about you? I feel I feel pretty on the spot. Yeah. Weird.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

I feel like this would be more of a back and forth than now. I feel awkward. And like I'm just describing Tarax.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

So sorry about that, babe. Wow, that's nice. For me, communication is also important, obviously. I think that's like the thing that people go to, the quality. Yeah. Guys, if you hear dogs barking in the background, we are really trying to keep it quiet here. But as we said, we're in our childhood home and we try to edit out all that we can and we try to stop when the dogs are barking. But there are two dogs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Four kids under five and a bunch of adults.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

We're not at the level to have a recording studio. Yes. This is our recording studio. Just record where we can. Um, anyway. Um, one of the qualities that I didn't think would be so important to me is somebody who's rational.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Oh my god, it's so nice. So nice.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

As like somebody with a lot of mental instability and anxiety, it's so nice to have somebody who can just go through it in a very rational way. Yep. And when I'm freaking out, they can lay down the facts and be like, the way you're feeling actually doesn't make sense if you just look at the facts in the kindest way. You're not making any sense right now.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

Yeah, but I think that's also someone who's rational but can communicate it in a caring way. Yeah. And not just like, I don't what are you doing? You're that doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yeah, your reaction is not founded.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

This is not okay. Yeah, that's true. So they do have to communicate it well. Do you think you're a good partner, a good girlfriend?

SPEAKER_02 13:06

Um, I think I am in moments, not all the time. Fair. I do think like when I put like effort in, then yeah. And I do think for me it is connected a little bit with like putting in the work to be a good partner. I do think it like I'm I'm in general not a bad partner, but I also realized a few years ago, a few months ago, recently all the time, that I have like some uh reactions that I don't like and then I realize that it hurts my partner or that like it upsets him or something. And those are also things that like I am actively working to be a better partner, but also to be like better for myself. So I think it kind of sometimes goes hand in hand, like self-improvement and being becoming a better partner.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Yes. Well would you say right now, as you are now in your life, are you a good partner? Like also compared to how you were?

SPEAKER_02 14:10

To my current partner, yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

I don't think I was I don't think I've always been a good partner. Yeah. But I think with Tarek, like, cause it works easily with him, I am a good partner.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

That makes sense. Are you a good partner? At times. Um I think I've I very m like I really try to be. Um, and I try to do things that'll be nice for my partner. And that being said, I think the whole like mental issues that I have are not very fun for a partner to have to deal with. I was just gonna ask, what's your toxic trait? My toxic trait is my toxic trait, my red flag is um let's see, I can get like my anxiety can get really bad, and then I get really much in my head and I can just spiral. And then I'll think one thing means another thing means another thing. Like if he doesn't text back, then and I'm also shitty at texting.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

So I could do the same thing and kind of expect him to be fine with it, which he usually is, but if he doesn't text back, I can spiral into this whole thing. Yeah. I think that's my toxic trait. Fair. And sometimes I'll be so overstimulated from the whole day, I'll just come home annoyed. But I don't think that's a toxic trait. I think that's just life sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yeah, that might just be human.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

What's your red flag?

SPEAKER_02 15:36

Um, oof. Uh I think I also have the spiralling, but it used to be that when I was upset, I would like physically remove myself from the person and the situation so much so that like it confused the other person. Like I wouldn't communicate, I would just up and leave.

SPEAKER_03 15:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

Or just like lock myself in a room. Wonder why. Wonder why wonder why. Um, I think I've gotten better at that. Yeah. I still have like that need, but I realize that it's not good for the situation.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Yeah, I'll just go as far as possible away possible at in the same room. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

Sometimes I am like, hey, I'm I I cannot deal with this. I need to go for a walk. Yeah. Because I'm going to say the wrong thing. I'm going to be mean and I don't want to like deal with my I don't want what's coming to be directed at you. Yeah. Um, what else? I think I also sometimes do that like spiraling thing where if he doesn't text, but then I also I think my most toxic trait is I when I'm upset will like text differently or ignore him and like wait for him to figure out. Okay, period. Yeah, exactly. And then I'm like, why don't I just tell him? And then if he comes in and like, are you annoyed? I will say yes. Like I rarely am like, no, it's fine. Sometimes I also do that. Like too. Sometimes it's just like I'm in my own head. Like, just fucking tell him. This isn't making the situation better.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yeah, I get that too.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

So yeah. I'd be like that something.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

But what's okay, then what's what's your biggest green flag?

SPEAKER_02 17:13

My biggest green flag is. I mean, I think I'm pretty gung ho about my partner, Mike. I think I like to have his back, and I think he's pretty fantastic, and I like to tell him that.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

That's a pretty good green flag. What's your green flag? I make sourdough bread.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Bullshit, come on. I see the way you two are together. Um you do not just make sourdough bread.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

I think I'm very confrontational. And I think that is a good thing. Like I will address problems very quickly. Yeah. And so things festering, that's very low chance of that happening religious to me because I will very quickly it is true.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

You are very like, we're just gonna talk about this now, and it's like, oh shit, we are okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

Um sometimes it's not I don't have the most sensitive approach.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

She'll bring it up. It's not maybe in the best way, but she'll bring it up and you're like, okay, we are. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

So yeah, I think that, and I think I am willing to try a lot of things. Give it a good old college try. Like, I'll go biking and cross-country skiing. Like if yeah, uh there are not a lot of things that my partner could suggest where I would be like, definitely not.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Yeah. Yeah, I think same. I think but I would argue that I'm the adventurous one. I think Tarek would agree with me in the relationship where it's more like, we're doing this now. Let's go. Wanna go paragliding? And he's like, no.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Why do you want to do that? I'm like, okay, I'm going.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Do you think your partner, or maybe in general, has a quality that you overlook because they have so many other positive qualities? Like, is there a quality that you're like, okay, this one might be worth overlooking?

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Um yeah, for sure. I'm just trying to think of it.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Like if he cheats on you, but otherwise is like really great guy.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

No, I think there's always like certain things that you don't like as much that you just have to overlook. I think those change over time. Yeah. Like in the beginning, it really, in my opinion, Dumaney didn't value his mom enough in everything that she did, and that really bothered me. Yeah. But then I would tell him, I was like, look, she does so much for you guys. I think it would be nice to say it more often. Yeah. And then that's changed over time. So then I think it it evolves a bit also, and then there's new things that maybe Yeah. Um I think that's well said. Sometimes he can get like just mad. What like, yes, that's annoying, but he doesn't do anything rude. Yeah. It's just that I have to wait. Yeah. And I don't like waiting and not being able to know what's wrong with him. So I just have to wait. Sometimes it's an hour.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

And walks away, and you're like, but I want to know do you hate me or not?

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Me? And then they come and they're like, so this one guy, and you're like, oh guy, oh my god. Wasn't me.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Yeah. So, but there it's a good practice for anxiety to just be like, okay, it's probably not me. Otherwise, I would have figured it out by now. And even so, he's still here. He's not gonna leave you for this.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Uh sometimes I do go in and I'm like, I know you don't want to talk about it. Do you still like me? He's like, Yes. And I'm like, that's all I need. Okay, we're gonna enjoy it.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

You do whatever you need to do. I just needed to know that we cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

I mean, there's probably other little things that I'm forgetting right now, but I think if you spend enough time with your partner and you overlook those small things, you don't really notice them after a while.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

I think so too. And I think like, I don't know, I think it's an interesting question because of course there are qualities worth overlooking. Yeah because everybody has things that like I mean, we just named our red flags.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

And like if our partner can't see past those, then they're the problem because we're working on it, but exactly.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

It's not gonna go away. Pobody's nerficed, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Yeah. Pobody's nerficed. Do you want to share yours?

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Oh, um no, I don't want to put Tarek on the bottom right next. Wow. Um I mean that's difficult. I think sometimes I w Tarek and I've also discussed this, like um Doing the dishes and stuff that it just doesn't get done all the time at night because but it's also like then we are chilling on the couch and we don't want to be like, let's go and clean our dishes. Yeah. They do get done. Um, sometimes that still annoys me, but I've gotten so much more okay with it just because yeah. I mean, this is like such a a stupid thing, but sometimes Tarek is too level-headed.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Oh, I know what you mean.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Like, sometimes I'm just like, How are you still just enjoy the drama with me? Yeah, and he's like, Yeah, but this is gossip. And I'm like, I know what I'm doing. I want you to be excited about this tea I'm bringing. Like, get on my level. He's he's working on it. I think I think it has gotten better. Um, but sometimes, like now, sometimes he'll come back from work and was like, want to hear the drama, and I'm like, you don't have to ask. But he says it in like a level-headed way, and he's like, But you know, sometimes I still feel bad for this person. And I'm like, I thought you didn't like them. Um, so there are definitely I don't know, I can't like think of one specifically. There are a few things, but you know, it's either worth overlooking or it's not, yeah. I don't know if I haven't found one that's not worth overlooking yet. Maybe that's it.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Okay. Good.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

I'm not looking for one that's not worth overlooking though, either.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

No. No, I don't think you should look for it.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

No, I think if you look for it, you find it.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Yeah, probably. Probably. What do you what things do you think you would sacrifice or you do sacrifice at the moment to be a good partner? I'm not sure I would use the word sacrifice.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Because like I want to be compromise? Yeah, maybe compromise is a good word. Because I want to be with the person, so it's not a sacrifice, it's just like okay. Uh there was a quote that I used to enjoy that like if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. And I think that is a little true. I think if you want to go through things fast, it's easier if you're by yourself. But if you yeah, if you want to go far, it's easier to go with someone else. So I think things like that were like, I don't know, if I wanted to get really into fitness and really into work, then my relationship would probably suffer. Yeah. And so it's like, I don't like I'm okay having an average job, having a good level of fitness, and like making sure my relationship is strong. Whereas if I didn't focus on the relationship, I might be doing other things more intensely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Yeah, I think that's fair.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Um and I think, yeah, I mean, hanging out with people, your emotional like connections can also shift depending on who you're with. Uh but I wouldn't call it a sacrifice. I think that's just something that naturally happens. Do you have something you sacrifice to be a good partner?

SPEAKER_00 24:48

No. I think there are like adjustments that you have to make. Some adjustments based on timeline.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

Like if this if your plan is that this is your long-term partner, yeah. Then you're gonna have to adjust your timeline, I think, both of you. So that it works out for both people. Like I've been working for two years, I would be ready to go and travel or something. Yeah, yeah. But Domaney would like to work first, which makes sense. And so I'm adjusting my timeline to that. Yeah. So I think there's a small things like that that maybe you have to think about. I could go travel right now and he'd be fine with it, but I want to travel with him. Yeah. So I think there's little things, and also in your day-to-day, like you have to learn to think about the other or consider the other person in the things that you're doing or in the plans that you make. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:38

Even if it is just like I'm making these plans, so we're not gonna hang out. Is that okay? Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Yes. Yeah. And letting them know, hey, this is my plan for a week, we're not gonna see each other. Yeah. Or we only see each other then.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

That was hard when we lived close to each other last year, and then now we live far away again. And that was hard to readjust also to like have to plan the whole week.

unknown 26:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Or just let them know what my plan is for the week. So when are you gonna see each other? Yeah. I think little things like that you have to adjust and just yeah, keep the other person in mind. Yeah. But I I don't see it as a sacrifice. Do you think you can tell if your friend's partner are right for them?

SPEAKER_02 26:18

I think this is interesting. Yeah. I think it's very important to have friends when you're in a relationship that you can also talk about your relationship with, even like, I think this is sometimes a difficult thing though. Like if your friend is like, oh, he did this, and so you only hear the like, oh my god, he doesn't sound like a great person, and you don't see them together enough. You usually hear the gossip. Exactly. And rarely, like, oh my god, he was amazing. Yeah. I think as someone who's in a good relationship, I try to share the good parts as well. Just so the people know, like, I do really enjoy being with him. But sometimes, like, because you only see the outsider's perspective and you only hear maybe the times they're frustrated with their partner and not the times where it's just easy. That I think sometimes it's hard to know, like, is this a good relationship or is it a relationship that like you're not quite satisfied in and how much should I actually say anything?

SPEAKER_00 27:15

Mm-hmm. I okay, so I have a bit of a different view on this. I think it depends a bit on how in tune you are with your intuition. I think people give off a vibe. Yes. And you can kind of tell if somebody's genuine or not.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

Yeah. I think in a positive way, yeah, but sometimes you I can miss I can misread it and think.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

I think don't just go off of the vibe. Yeah. But I think the the vibe in addition with facts can determine some things. Um I think as an outsider, it's easier to tell than when you're in it, you're in love, you got those rose-colored glasses glasses on. I agree though, if it's only from stories, then it's hard to tell.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

But if you can meet them and like see how they interact with each other, then I think as a friend, sometimes you like in if your friend is in a toxic relationship or an abusive relationship, I think sometimes it takes a friend, like we've we both have experienced these kind of situations, it takes a friend from the outside to be like, I don't think this is good for you. Yeah. But that it always is a very delicate situation.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

I think so too. And I think as a friend, you're often like if you do that, you're kind of risking the friendship. Risking the friendship, but also like you're risking so much more if you don't do it, I think. Um, but I think that's why, like, if you're in a relationship, the friendships are very important too, and it's not like not just the relationship that can hold you down, kind of.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Yeah. I listened to a podcast that um something like the conclusion of the study was that your friends will likely be better at picking a partner for you than you will be because they know your actual values. So while you will say the example that he used was um you can ask somebody what their value is and they'll say, Well, I'm I'm a big Christian, I love church. But then when you ask them what they do on Sundays, it's always they watch the football game and they're like, I thought you were a big church man. And the friends will know the actual values that they live out. Yeah. And so if you use the friends to kind of find a partner, they'll usually be better at finding an adequate partner.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

So I think it friends can as a friend, I think you can tell if a partner is good.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Yeah. But I also think sometimes don't jump the gun. No. Definitely not. I think that's like also because once once it's said. Yeah. Like I'm not sure this partner is that's like then if that partner stays around, you might have just torpedoed your friendship.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

I think it is a very delicate dance. I think it's important to just always let your friend know, like, I'm on your side. Yeah. No matter what. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Unless you're being a bitch, and then I might take the other person's side sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Yeah. But as a friend, like, I think if you're in a new relationship, it does make sense, and I did this with my partner now, to like let them meet everybody a few times, and then afterwards, when you're alone with the other people, be like, be honest. What do you think of them? Yeah. I don't know. I think people can tell because they're not in love with them. They'll see all of the little quirks and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

But also, like, some some little quirks are not worth bringing up. No. Like just because I maybe didn't vibe with the person doesn't mean I don't think they're fitting for my friend. Yeah. And I think that's also something to be like, I think you seem really happy. Yeah. You seem to like them.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Okay. We're coming to a close for this episode.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Some funny stories. Yeah, I don't know if I have a funny story. Okay. Um, but I think and I don't want to like trash talk any of my past relationships because I also think like they were really valuable for the time of my life that I was in, and like I appreciate the partners for the time that we spent together. But I did when I started dating Tarek, I was like, oh, like I'm I'm like really into this guy. I'm like, oh, I can I can see a future with this person. And I hadn't really had a relationship before him where I was like planning long term. It was always like, yeah, maybe a few years. But let's like I I'm not gonna, this probably won't be my person. And then we started dating and continued dating, and I was like, oh my god, oh no, oh, I really like him. And uh I don't know, I was kind of surprised by that feeling because I heard other people talk about it, but I was just like, maybe that's just not something that I have in my life. Yeah, and I think you can have multiple people, yeah. But I also knew people who were like, I don't date a guy unless I can walk, like no picture myself walking down the aisle.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

I was like, we are different people.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

I I'm just like you seem cool right now, let's hang out. Let's do it. Um, so not a funny story.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Do you not date to marry? No. I mean, I think Tarek and I could be long-term partners if this continues. But before that, no, it's just like you're a cool person. We have a good time. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

So yeah, not a funny story, but a funny moment where I was like, oh, people do feel this way. It's not just like when I met him, I knew he might be the one. I was like, sure.

unknown 32:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

So I was Doriti and I have been together seven years. Yeah. Um, and Naomi was telling me a story of her fiance and something really sweet that he did. And I made a comment, I was like, oh, so he did the bare minimum. And then afterwards I looked at Naomi and I was like, Wow, I think I'm really spoiled. I'm sorry. That's not the bare minimum what he did. That was very sweet of him.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

Oh my god, I had a moment like this with Derek. Well less. We were talking about like if I ever get pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

Yeah. What because we were talking, um, and somebody was like, they were talking with their partner about how it would be if they got pregnant and how their partner, like, I don't know, like would still go and do things and whatever. And I was like, I mean, if I got pregnant, and he goes, Don't worry, Amy, I know. And I was like, what do you mean you know? And he's like, I know if you ever get pregnant, I'm cooking for you, I'm giving you feet massages, blah blah blah. And he went on and I was like, oh my god, so great. And I went, Yeah, and I'm not even that high maintenance.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

And he goes, Well, and I was like, oh shit, am I high maintenance?

SPEAKER_00 34:02

I have the same thing as well. I'm so chill as a girlfriend.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

Yeah, I don't think I'm as chill as I think I am.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

No, same. Um, but that's okay. It's okay. As long as you do sweet special things for your partner.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

It's like that thing from friends. You are high maintenance, but I like maintaining you. Is that Chandler? Yeah. I think that's like it's a good saying for a relationship. Um so yeah, if you're in a relationship, remember, be high maintenance and maintain each other. Don't be a dick.