Mental Health Deep Dive Pt. 2

Therapy to seeking help, we discuss some of our observations of how to work on your mental health!

Send us questions at lettersfromelsewherewithfinn@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_08 0:12

We're ready to rock and roll. Are you ready to rock and roll, babe?

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Let's do this.

SPEAKER_08 0:16

Let's do this. Let's do that.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Rory and Lyra. Let's do this.

SPEAKER_08 0:21

I love it. They just get so excited about anything that we're doing. All right. We're going to do it. We're going to do episode two. We're going to do like the follow-up episode to mental health. The mental health deep dig that we are, deep dive that we were doing.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Deep dig.

SPEAKER_08 0:37

Deep dig. We're digging deep. But actually. That's part of it.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 0:42

Which is good.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Hi everyone.

SPEAKER_08 0:44

Hello, everyone.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

We're back. We're back.

SPEAKER_08 0:45

We're back for, I think this is episode eight.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Nice. Yeah. We're almost on double digits.

SPEAKER_08 0:50

Almost in double digits.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

How exciting is that? Look at us go in 2026. Woo.

SPEAKER_08 0:56

Um, so I have all of our questions up here for us to for us to read. So we can always take a look at them and go. Great. But um the first one so we're just gonna start and just like dig into date dig.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Date dig.

SPEAKER_08 1:11

We're gonna do a a dig into all of our mental health questions that we've got. Um, and there are a lot of them, but it's it's mainly gonna be geared towards that mental health side of things because I think you and I both have unique perspectives on things that we can add to it. And these questions work well for that, that we can expound upon and and go as deep or as not deep as we want to, which is nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

And I think we covered a lot in the first episode of this. The first half. So I'm hoping there may be some overlap, but not that somebody is like there with their notebook with all of their notes, but it's there may be some overlap, but I think looking at these questions, I think we can get some new content and perspectives and just different answers. Stuff to talk about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:59

So the first question is what's something about life abroad that's quietly helped your mental health?

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Ooh. Quietly helped.

SPEAKER_08 2:08

There's something about European cities that feels very calming, isn't the right word, but it feels very eclectic. Is that the word that I'm looking for? Yeah. Not really. There's something very therapeutic about like just being in a in a European city, seeing seeing this beautiful architecture that's been around for hundreds of years. Um walking the the stone walks and like just seeing such beauty and grace around you, like that is a is a very simple thing that has helped my mental health, like seeing the beauty of Europe. I think the pace of life has has really helped mine a lot.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Going back to your to your like um what'd you just say? The first one.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

The beauty?

SPEAKER_00 3:02

The beauty of it. Um I think we always feel like we're around history, but I just didn't always feel that around in the States.

SPEAKER_08 3:14

We're around a lot of cornfields.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

And like you there were some old things, like in Manchester, there were some like OG buildings and even in Indianola, but um it didn't have the same effect.

SPEAKER_06 3:28

Yeah, but that era.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Having that much history around us would be really nice. I mean, just even within like if you really think about it, just within the cobblestone streets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say mine that's quietly helped has been the pace of life. Fair. Um, which I know we covered in the first one of just and we talk about that pretty regularly too.

SPEAKER_08 3:51

Yeah, still important to reiterate, just like how chaotic that was.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

And yeah, when they when you hear about people moving abroad, most of the time they will tell you the pace of life is different.

SPEAKER_05 4:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

And they like it's true. In a great I know in our first mental health one, I think I talked a lot about just how life started to feel pretty unsustainable back in the states. Um yeah, it's a way of life here, slowing down, living in the now. Um, it's it's a way of life, and it's wonderful because there's no, I felt so much pressure in the states to just always be doing something.

SPEAKER_08 4:35

Yeah, yeah. And that was kind of like the the music schedule that we had was always that way. But then also just, I mean, capitalism has a way of doing that, you know, like where it's just like everything is gonna be open. Christmas Day, we are gonna have Walmart open. And you know, just like that, that feeling of like always needing to be doing something, or the people that were always working, like that again is so unsustainable and so unhealthy. Like that. I mean, I think about the fact that every Sunday everything is closed down here, like that is a true resting.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

It's a true rest day, which at first we were like oh, super annoyed with.

SPEAKER_08 5:14

Like I was annoyed by that. Um, because I was just like, Oh god, I gotta go get milk or whatever, you know. But you can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

And there are some things open. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 5:23

So they take a rotation of um I think the malls they have a set amount of days, a set amount of Sundays that they're allowed to be open throughout the year.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

And our bakery down the streets always open on Sundays. So when we need our emergency milk or bluerek. Um emergency bootreck is more emergency. Yeah. Uh, but otherwise, it's actually been really nice. It's just made us more organized and planning and our trips. Um, but yeah, it's and it everybody's outside. Like when it's really nice out, everyone's outside. We have parks everywhere around us. Um, yeah, it's a true rest day for sure, which we don't see in in the states either.

SPEAKER_08 6:03

So that's definitely helped us help us, helped us like slow down a little bit and you know, feel a little bit more in charge of our mental health, which is important. Um next question's about homesickness. Uh, when do you feel the most homesick and do you find like do you find patterns that bring it out more, more homesickness? I think this is more for like any expats that are listening or people that are thinking about moving abroad. Like this isn't this is a or anybody that's moved away from home. Yeah, this is a part of it. Just like feeling homesickness is is a is a part of it.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

It's normal. Um, honestly, I always has to, it's a reminder of somebody for me.

SPEAKER_08 6:48

People. People, people, it's what makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

And you know me, I'm a big people person, bigger relationship person. So I feel like that makes a lot of sense for me.

SPEAKER_05 6:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Um, so today, for example, I was walking to Kansum and everything's blooming here in Zagreb, which has been awesome and beautiful. And so it was almost 70 here today. And so I was taking my sweet time walking to the grocery store just down the street, and everything's in bloom. And so I'm taking pictures of all the flowers, and then all of a sudden I look to my left and I'm like, oh, that looks really familiar. I wonder what what that is. And I walked up to it and it was a lilac bush. And those are my mom's favorite. And so I got a little like, ah, because yeah, just miss miss my mom. Yeah. Um yeah, so I took a picture of it and texted, hi mama. I took a picture of it and sent it to her and was just like, hey, thinking about you. Um yeah, so I think it's moments like those that remind me of of people.

SPEAKER_08 7:53

Um Do you find that it's like depending on how your day goes that you feel it differently? Or like thinking of thinking of like the patterns part of the question? Do you think that there is that there are times like times of the week that you feel it? Are there times of the day that you feel it? Or do you think that it's mainly dependent on what is happening? Like what what what sort of like stimulus is happening in your life? I think it's mainly based on what you see, you know, like like today, I think is a good example. Whereas like sometimes for me it's like late at night when I just want to be wanna go out and like go to a movie in the States. Like you can do that here, obviously. That's I mean, like I'm just trying to think. Yeah, I'm just trying to think of like a uh an example of that. Yeah, I don't I don't for me the the show choir season hit me really hard.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 8:51

Um, and made me homesick just because like that was something that was very near and dear to my heart and and fun and something that I was excited to do. So like I would get Facebook, Facebook, I think, was probably what made me the most homesick. But I would get Facebook notifications of we're going out to do this thing, or you know, like getting Facebook notifications or Snapchat notifications of like Arlo running around and playing like the you know, that makes us that makes us homesick and and feel that yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

I miss musical season.

SPEAKER_08 9:21

We just need to throw our phones away, maybe that'll do it.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

But it's not it's not always like bad homesickness.

SPEAKER_08 9:27

True, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

There are certain things that do make me always feel a little bit more down, and I would say that revolves around the animals. Sure, yeah. Um, I think I'll always grieve that though. Yeah, like that makes me emotional. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 9:44

Just thinking about it. That was hard. Have we talked about that? No, I'm not sure I'm ready yet.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 9:49

Someday we'll talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Someday when I'm a little bit more emotionally stable, but fair.

SPEAKER_07 9:54

That was a tough.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

I think we've like talked a little bit about it, but I definitely haven't like talked about how people really close to us know what uh all went down with that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 10:04

Yeah. We'll get into it at some point.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 10:07

Um, do you feel more like yourself here or less?

SPEAKER_00 10:11

More.

SPEAKER_08 10:12

How so?

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Because I've been able to slow down and work on myself and mental health. I was at a point where I I didn't just kind of like lost. I didn't feel good. Yeah. Back in the past. You lost a sense of who you were. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and that's really hard when not only are you working on yourself, but then you're a mom, you're a partner, you're a friend. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 10:44

And that was kind of like w what we had alluded to last episode, like why we were struggling, um, and why we weren't recording, you know, because it was it was such a tough it was it was an easy thing to get to like take a step back from that that podcast. Um but that was what we were struggling with a little bit here for a while was knowing ourselves and being able to be a good partner, be a good parent, be a good teacher, be a good educator.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

We are in that adjustment funk.

SPEAKER_08 11:15

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

But I know it was a holidays.

SPEAKER_08 11:18

But when we feel like the highs of living abroad, I feel like they're much bigger, they're much higher. I don't know if that's the right way to say it.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_08 11:28

Um like the hap the happiness that we have felt here seems maybe more pure. I don't I don't know. I don't know what I'm what I'm saying with that.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Um I'm trying to think. Yeah, I I feel more like myself here. Okay. I feel like the life I've dreamed of living has we have been fulfilling it by living here. Sure. And that means travel and the pace of life and not not working, or what is that phrase? Not living to work, but working to live, right?

SPEAKER_06 12:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Like our whole life isn't about work. Yeah. What was that called? I think it is.

SPEAKER_08 12:16

I think, yeah, that's the saying.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Not living to work, but working to live. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:20

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Like making money so that we can go and make memories and adventures, but not running ourselves into the ground like I felt like we were by the end.

SPEAKER_08 12:29

We had to be.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

We had to be, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 12:31

Doing stuff all the time.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 12:33

All right. So let's talk about parenting and mental health. I think that's a that's a great thing for us to dig into. How are we, how are we modeling that with our kids? Um I know that's something that I I struggle with, I think, more than you do. I think you have some innate abilities that you are um able to showcase a little bit better with the kiddos. Um, and things that I've definitely been working on, whether it's like in talking with my therapist or talking with you, like ways to pause, catch feelings, things like that. Catch feelings. Catch feelings. Catch the catch the you know, thought as it's going, and then being able to uh react accordingly or whatever. Um what are some things that we are we are trying to model to the kids? Uh recently with with Rory, we've noticed that he's been struggling with big emotions at school. Um and we we have been modeling that stuff relatively well here, I would say. Um, I think we we have our moments, but you I think he's also learning some of these behaviors from maybe some of his classmates as well, which has been hard. That's hard. Um so what are some things that we are trying to model for our kids? What are some things that we're trying to do to make them good emotional learners?

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Well, I think the big one is naming the feeling, right? So that's something we do really well, I think. Is what are you feeling? We let them have their emotions. We also let them see us having our emotions. Yes.

SPEAKER_08 14:07

So we don't shame it. No, we don't shame it, but we can feel embarrassed for it. We acknowledge it.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

And so I would consider myself a pretty emotional person. I and I'm a little extra sensitive, and so I feel like I connect well with the kids on an emotional level because I think they also have big emotions. Um, yeah, and I think using emotional language is really important um because they have to be able to name it, right? And then so when you're having a big emotion and someone tells you like to name it, that already like starts to bring you down a little bit. Yeah. So when Rory is, you know, having his emotional outburst, it's easy to, you know, get down on his level and say, Hey, what are you feeling right now? He is really good at telling us how he feels sad or mad or um mad. Yeah. And so that's all right, buddy. Let's talk about it. Yeah. And so honestly, I feel like that isn't the problem. It's the connecting. Um, like I told you the other night, we he has to, he is learning. We just have to keep encouraging like the the break process, right? So like when you are a little kid, you learn to think before you do something. He's not doing that right now for the most part. Sometimes, sometimes he is.

SPEAKER_07 15:35

It's getting a lot better. Yeah. Even in the last week.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Yeah. Yeah. And so it's the he gets so emotional that he doesn't know what to do with it, right? And so then it's uh like a physical outburst or it's a yell. Um, and so it's naming it, but then also trying to get him to be like, hey, like we and it puts a lot of work on us. Yeah. Because you want to try to, you want to try to see the trigger, right? So when he's fighting with Lyra.

SPEAKER_08 16:03

And that's been hard because sometimes I don't recognize it.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Or it's playful and then it turns so quickly. Um, yeah. And so I think teaching him the breaks, right, of thinking before we hit that emotional, but like that's still a work in progress. I mean, he's still four. Yeah. Um, and yeah, naming the language. I'm trying to think what else. Connect, yeah, like connecting, um, just connecting it all is really important. That's a big step.

SPEAKER_08 16:33

And like showcasing that it's okay to feel emotions, but making sure that we There's still boundaries. Yeah, exactly. That we still have boundaries with the emotions that we're feeling.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Like, so you can be mad, yeah, but you're not gonna hit.

SPEAKER_08 16:44

And we're not gonna have an outburst about it.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Yeah, but you mean like physical output? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you can be mad, but we're not you can't hit me or you can't hit your sister.

SPEAKER_08 16:55

Or you can't like screw like screaming, like that. That's what I mean by like an outburst. Like, hey, let's yeah, find a way to channel this a little bit. What do you need to do? Do you need to ball your fists up really tight?

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yeah, yeah. And that's that's the other thing I was gonna say is finding the replacement things that we could do is hard because again, most of the time right now, he doesn't even know that he's in an emotional outburst until it's already over. Yeah. So he doesn't have the ability to be like, oh, let me clench my fists really, really tight, or let me um go scream into a pillow first. Yeah, like we'll get there. Yeah, but that's really hard. That's hard for adults sometimes.

SPEAKER_08 17:33

Yeah, seriously.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 17:35

What was that emotional outburst for you when you were a kid?

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Hmm.

SPEAKER_08 17:40

Did you ever think about it? Yeah, like can you remember like what your go-to like tantrum style was? I remember mine. Mine was like, I always wanted to just like go gorilla on a pillow or like on a on a bed or something.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

I was just like after you were mad?

SPEAKER_08 18:00

Yeah. And I'd do like three big hits and then like and then I'd be okay after that. But it that I just like had to like release my like pent-up emotion that way.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

I remember screaming into pillows sometimes. Um I remember taking space. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like it was go to your room. Sure. But then it ended up being fine because that's where I wanted I needed space to like cool down. Yeah. Um, and that's something, however, though, that is something that we parent we do differently, that we parent differently. Go to your room.

SPEAKER_08 18:35

We try to address it and talk about it right there.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

We address, we always give them the option of like instead of a timeout, we do, hey, you know, so for example, Rory hits and we say, Okay, we're gonna remove you from the space. So we take him into his room and we say, Hey, we're just gonna sit in here for a little bit. Do you want to sit with mom or dad, or do you want to be alone? And almost every time he asks us to stay in there, yeah, and we're not talking about it. We're not like we're just in there.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

And so sometimes he'll cuddle up with us, sometimes he's across the room. And then when he has come down, it's like, do you want love? Do you want a hug? And it's always yes. And then we're always able to talk about it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that is something we do differently.

SPEAKER_07 19:22

Um he's such a sweet boy.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

He is. He's just uh, yeah. We just he just feels very deeply like his mother. Um, I think Lyra does too, but maybe as a scoche, not as intense.

SPEAKER_08 19:38

Yeah. She just gets like, Yeah. Like she gets a little psycho sometimes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

She's so funny. But we'll see.

SPEAKER_08 19:46

Yeah. Um, it was it was so enlightening. I don't know if enlightening is the right word, but we'll say enlightening to hear one of Lyra's teachers say, like, oh, you guys have it together.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 20:00

You guys know what you're doing. Like, you absolutely have all your poop in a group. We don't, but we don't think you but thanks because we try to put on a good face when we need to. Yeah, shout out to it. But I think that is part of it. Shout out to teacher honor. You know, it's like fake it till you make it stuff, you know. And I don't even think that we're intentionally faking it. I think we are actively trying to assimilate as well as we can. And sometimes it's easier than others, and sometimes we struggle with it, and sometimes we're we are, you know, feeling our emotions on our sleeve or whatever that is.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

But we also, since moving here in the transition, we've also we are so much more patient. We are so much more flexible.

SPEAKER_08 20:41

Have to be.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

And I think that shows. Yeah. Yeah. We're like even our emotions, I think, are more in check of just being calm and trying not to we trying to be intentional about not making them feel worse or like triggering something. Um, we've worked really, really hard on that.

SPEAKER_08 20:58

Yeah. I mean, something that definitely contributes to that is like we're all we've got.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 21:04

You know, and so we we have to make sure that we're always making our core group as strong as possible, our core four as strong as possible.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 21:12

And learning to live with each other and learning to just like navigate that. Whereas we were apart, I was apart from you guys so much um when we when we were teaching at in Enola that it was easier to just like have distance in a in a way. Um, so this has been really refreshing for us to be able to just be like, no, this is our priority. We're gonna make this as strong as possible.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Well, I think it's made us all closer. A hundred percent. Because we had a we basically had to rewire our brains on how we're parenting. On how we parent, because we were together. We're we're we're together here, and the kids weren't used to that, and we weren't used to that. Yeah. So, I mean, we had some tough days. It was a tough transition, and then not that we don't have tough days now, it was just different in the beginning, right? Yeah. Um because we've never had that much time together. Yeah. Um, I mean, we don't have it all figured out and we definitely are human and are gonna get things wrong, but we've put in a lot of work and I'm really proud of us. For sure. Same.

SPEAKER_08 22:14

Okay, so here's one. Let's talk about therapy. You and I both have been rocking with their with our therapist. They're both cool and they both have a similar name, which is funny. Um so what what is something that you have been either working on with your therapist or with therapy in general that has surprised you or that you've been excited about, or how how has that been? Do you want to talk about your journey with therapy?

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 22:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

I'm open to that.

SPEAKER_08 22:44

Go, what you got?

SPEAKER_00 22:45

Um I'm just trying to think what I've been talking so much, or we've talked about so much lately. I would say maybe like the most meaningful for me to talk about tonight is is honestly connecting with different versions of myself and how that has impacted me today.

SPEAKER_05 23:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

But also then making myself stronger, yeah, as in like as in myself today. Um I think that's that's surprised me because I've been learning a lot about myself.

SPEAKER_08 23:33

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

That I didn't even really realize. Yeah. Kind of opening old wounds.

SPEAKER_08 23:38

Conversations or thoughts that you hadn't had, questions that hadn't been asked, things like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Yeah. And just then once you ask one, it's kind of kind of domino effect, right? So it's then all of a sudden I'm thinking about, oh well, that makes sense. And I feel like my therapist does a really great job of being like, when you say that and you feel that in your body, what version of Haley do you connect with? And so sometimes it's little Haley. Yeah. Sometimes it's middle school Haley. Sometimes it's me now. But she's really wonderful at helping me visualize that and connecting to that. And that's been a really beautiful part of my therapy journey. And it feels like um I'm able to kind of go into the depths of things. And so I feel like I've done a lot of healing. Yeah. Um, I'm trying to think of an example of what we were just talking about. Um, I think I can talk about like my confidence. Um I've not ever really been a confident person. And um I think the shape that that has taken recently is sometimes I shrink myself. Um, so we've been talking a lot about like shrinking myself in the school setting. So as a counselor. Yeah. And so what I what I have felt and what I mean by that is especially being in a new school and abroad, um sometimes during conversations and with certain types of people, I have found that I like shrink. And I don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_08 25:28

How so? What do you mean by shrinking?

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Um, I'm trying to think of an example. Like if somebody comes at me and like questions my you just like back into a corner and yeah, or makes me feel like says something that I then take personal.

SPEAKER_08 25:43

Sure. To then where I think like an attack and then you jump.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

Yeah, or like, um, okay, so this is a good example. Um, I feel like when I started, there was um a couple of personalities that made me feel like I had to um what's the word? That I had approved myself before I got like basic respect.

SPEAKER_08 26:09

Sure. Before you got like approval from them or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Yeah. And I like that doesn't feel good. No. Um, so for me, in my opinion, because this is probably differing for people, I just feel like everybody should start out like basic, basic human decency, basic respect.

SPEAKER_05 26:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

And then from there, you know, you you connect with people and people are really kind.

SPEAKER_08 26:31

That's a fair like assessment. We want people to just like start with basic human decency.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Right, right. And so sometimes it's not always that way. No, it's not. And so I have found that there, and I there's always personalities like this, but I have found that in this job, especially, I felt like I was especially vulnerable to this because of how big our transition was. Um, that my feelings were really hurt at the bit at the beginning. Yeah, because I was like, um, you don't know me, you're not trying to get to know me, yeah, you're not a counselor.

SPEAKER_05 27:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

Um, you don't have my experience. And yet here you are. And you're questioning me in a way that both makes it feel like it's personal, but also that you think I'm crap at my job, which I'm not. But my immediate like anxiety spiral is that I'm incompetent. People think I'm crap at my job. People don't like me, which I've always been a people pleaser. Um, and so that's I've worked really, really hard on that. And so that's something I've worked with my therapists is like on the thought of shrinking. And instead, like I connect with my like inner warrior, Haley, of like, don't shrink, like take up space because you I know that I'm good at my job. I know that I know what I'm talking about and that I connect well with kids, and that there are there are better ways we can handle those people than to shrink and let them like take that power away. Um, and I talk a lot about empowerment with my kids and students. And so I have to like take that for myself too.

SPEAKER_04 28:07

For sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

So I've worked, I've been working really, really hard on that. And I was just telling her I was really proud of a couple of conversations that I've had to have with adults. Um, because they haven't, I've had some really difficult conversations lately. Yeah. Um, and I have taken up space and I have been assertive and kind and patient in all of those things, but I haven't walked away from those like feeling really bummed. Yeah. Like I had at the very beginning.

SPEAKER_08 28:34

Yeah, there were some conversations that you and I had talked about that some of these people were you were struggling with a lot at the beginning of the year. And now you have a great relationship with a lot of these people, which has been better, yeah. Better relationship. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

And I think they're yeah, they're better. And I I know how to maybe handle the the situations with them a little bit better. But some of those people, like I just, I mean, just like we tell students, we just need to like coexist, we don't have to be best friends. Right. Um, but it was just really hard walking into a new situation, feeling like you know, you don't know anybody, you're trying to put yourself out there as an adult. Um yeah. So that was really, really hard for me. But yeah, it's been I'm in a much better place now. And yeah, and some of those people I do feel that I'm in a much better space with. Um, I feel like I need to open up and maybe have conversations with some of those people and just be like, hey.

SPEAKER_08 29:28

As like a learning experience for them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Oh, even just um because sometimes I still question the interactions I have with them. Sure. Of like, is this genuine? Because I know how you made me feel at the beginning.

SPEAKER_05 29:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

So I feel like it's genuine. Yeah, and I don't want to question that. I don't want to question somebody's intentions every time they walk into my room. For sure. And so I think it's not just fair for me, but it's it needs to be fair to them, like that. I I say that. Yeah. So I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_08 29:57

Get it girl. Yeah. That's great. I feel like I've seen a big improvement on just like you being like, you know what? No, this is the way that I'm feeling. Let's let's talk about this. You know, because I think sometimes with with me, you've you've 99% of the time been really good about being like, no, screw that. Like, let's not always though. You've been like in the last since we've been adults.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When we were kids, not so much.

SPEAKER_08 30:25

It's hard because we've been together since we were kids. Yeah. Yeah. But since we've been adults, you've been like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Pause.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Yeah, since we got back together in college.

SPEAKER_08 30:33

Yeah. For sure. So 14 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Was it really 14? That's wild.

SPEAKER_08 30:44

2012.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

We met in have we talked about this? I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 30:47

We were high school sweethearts. We met in the middle of school. Swartzando.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Yeah. We were just friends though for a really long time. We didn't start dating until high school. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 30:58

Broke up. Broke off.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Got back together in college. We were different people. It was what we needed. We were too codependent. Yeah. Yeah. And now we're.

SPEAKER_08 31:10

And now we're married and we have two kids.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Look at us.

SPEAKER_08 31:13

And we moved to Croatia. Air Five. Look at us go. Friggin' narrative. Things that I've been working on in Cheropee.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 31:24

Um, we've we've been working on a couple different different things. Uh the Why do you say it like that? I I was laughing at like when I what did I say when I came home?

SPEAKER_00 31:37

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_08 31:38

I messed up. I have issues. I can't work through them or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

We had just had a really rough time with, we had just had a really rough week with Rory.

SPEAKER_08 31:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

And that was hard.

SPEAKER_08 31:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Yeah. But we came home and we talked about it.

SPEAKER_08 31:53

Yeah. So, but my my big emotion, or not my big emotion, but my big emotional thing that I'm working on is how to pause my emotions. Uh not pause my emotions. Pause the thoughts and shh shut it down. Turn it off. Like a light switch. I hope not. No, it's it's the idea of catching the thought as it's going by, not pausing the thought. Catch the thought and see how it's serving me. And if it if it is serving me, then I'll go from there. Do you see how like uncomfortable I get talking about it?

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 32:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

So you need to talk about it more.

SPEAKER_08 32:31

I need to talk about it more. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Um you're safe in the space.

SPEAKER_08 32:36

I know I'm safe in this space. It's hard. And I know that the people listening are safe people too. Um but yeah, it's it's it's something that I struggle with not letting my emotions take over um or not letting my thoughts spiral. Um, because that's that's where a lot of my anxiety comes from, is is when something maybe doesn't go the way that I want it to, or the way that I had predicted in my head, then I will go into this friggin' thought tornado about where I'm going. Like all the way from like Rory messes something up, is point A, to like him being homeless and dead in a gutter is is point B. And that's how like crazy my spiral goes. And I like I say it like I'm joking, but like that is how intense that spiral goes. Like I will I will think all the way to that point, obviously to the detriment of my my mental health. Like that's something that I that I struggle with with deeply.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

Yeah, but you've like you've never told me that until last week. Yeah, like how bad your spiral goes.

SPEAKER_08 33:43

Rough.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

So, like, I mean, that's progress.

SPEAKER_08 33:46

Turn it off. No, yeah. That's progress. That's my issue is that I that I will bottle it up and not talk about it. And then no improvements. Nobody wins. So look at us go. We're talking, we're talking about it. We're doing the things that we're practice what you preach, bro.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Not what I thought you were gonna say. Thank you.

SPEAKER_08 34:04

What? Say it. Say it out loud for the listeners.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

No, you already said a naughty word last second. I know, and I didn't even cut out.

SPEAKER_08 34:13

I didn't cut it out of the audio. I cut it out of the video so that YouTube didn't get mad at us. But podcasts don't occur. They don't occur.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

This is us.

SPEAKER_08 34:21

Yeah. Had some cool people reach out after the last episode. We were so excited about that. Yeah. And we've had what did I say?

SPEAKER_00 34:29

You don't share any of these messages with me.

SPEAKER_08 34:30

I know. I'm sorry. People are nice.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

People are nice. Well, actually, shout out to teacher Anna. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we said that we started talking about her.

SPEAKER_08 34:39

We started talking about her. But she listened to our whole teacher.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

Teacher Anna is the bomb diggity, and she teaches our sweet, sweet library grace.

SPEAKER_08 34:51

But she started all of our podcasts like on a Saturday and listened to all of our podcast episodes. Why did you stop? Was the first thing that she said. She's so sweet. It's fun like hearing how because she didn't know about my social media stuff.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

No, nobody knows here.

SPEAKER_08 35:09

It's amazing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

So when they do, then they're like, wow. Hold the phone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 35:13

Yeah. That was like those people at the Vox Artist choir thing that I went to. They were just like, oh, what? I saw you like a year ago. Yeah. It was funny.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

Hey guys. It's small world.

SPEAKER_08 35:24

It is small world. But yeah, it's been good. Um, and definitely things that I'm that I'm working on. Uh, let's dig into follow up on some of the listener questions. Granted, these listener questions are from November, but hey.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Sorry.

SPEAKER_08 35:39

How do you rebuild your mental health after a really hard season?

SPEAKER_00 35:42

I mean, we're doing it right now. Yeah. Actually, that's very topical.

SPEAKER_08 35:46

In the in the moment.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

We're in the rebuilding. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 35:48

I think go school counselor. Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

How do you rebuild your mental health after a really hard season?

SPEAKER_08 35:56

I don't think that that's a fair way to think about it. I think that's the first part. Yeah. It's not a rebuild. It's not a restructure. It's resilience. It's resilience. Like there are going to be times when there are going to be times when the flower isn't blooming. Right. But finding times to like continue to water the plant to make sure that it does come up and grow.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

And I think you just show up, right? Whatever that means to you. Exactly. Showing up every single day in whatever capacity that you can is important. And that is going to look drastically different every day. But we can look back on our hard season that we just had and know that even though it was really hard, we still showed up for ourselves, for each other, for our babies. Yep. And there were some days where it was we didn't do anything outside the house and we just stayed put in here and waking up on time and getting everybody fed and what they needed to was our success. Yep. And other days it was we were both feeling really good and we could get out of the house and we had a good day. And um, and then other days it was one of us was down.

SPEAKER_05 37:04

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

And we just acknowledged that. And again, it's we don't shame, right? So you and I are grieving and going through our adjustment periods differently, and so are the kids. And so I think that's also been really important, is that even just between the two of us, it's been drastically different. Um, so knowing how we can help support each other, knowing what doesn't isn't helpful um is been really, really important. But yeah, I think you just show up in whatever capacity you can. And talking to people is really important. We have our people, um, and sometimes it's um I would say there are a lot of really lonely days um in that hard phase.

SPEAKER_05 37:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

But we had people who were constantly reaching out or that we felt comfortable more like opening up to ourselves and being like, hey, I'm really struggling right now.

SPEAKER_08 38:02

Um in this situation, it's easy to commiserate with the it is because everybody gets it, right? Everybody's been through it at some point.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

And that's been that's why I tell people like we have been through some really hard things, but even though yeah, it's felt lonely, we're not alone.

SPEAKER_08 38:18

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

Like I there's not been a single hard moment that we've gone through where I have been like, we don't have anybody.

SPEAKER_08 38:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

You know, and that's awesome.

SPEAKER_08 38:27

It's like if you're on the life raft, you you cling to the people closest to you. Like that, I think that we have done that the four of us, like where it's just like bolster down the hatches. We're we're going into it. Hold on tight, everyone.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

Well, and I think we've talked about it before, but we um it makes you like this experience has made us bond faster with people.

SPEAKER_08 38:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

Because everyone's been through it.

SPEAKER_08 38:52

Yeah. Um talk about that. That we had this, I don't know if we had this conversation with kids or or what this was about the the kids through the school that are three years now. Do you remember talking about that? No. So you're oh, three years now. Yeah. So like embassy kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

Yeah. Okay. So that we I can relate that to the conference that I was just at for school counselors. So we think about how we support students in transition. So all students actually go through transition, what's which is a different mindset that I've always had.

SPEAKER_05 39:25

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

Because we always think about the students who are coming and the students who are leaving, right? But we're not really thinking about the persistent kids, the stayers. Sure. Um, and so it impacts everybody. And um, we were just talking about how like that we are not used to that. And I think that is something we question of you know how we are we want to raise the kids because that's hard. It's hard for us because we're already understanding that there are going to be embassy kids, most of them are embassy kids, that they do their three years in the school and then they leave. Um, that we have connected with so deeply.

SPEAKER_08 40:04

There's so many kids that we love who are leaving.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

That are like, hey, by the way, I'm done at the end of this year.

SPEAKER_08 40:08

And I'm like, What?

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Yeah. But then not only that, within the students, but in international educators are really transient too.

SPEAKER_07 40:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

Um, and so that is something I'm that makes me sad already. Like thinking about people who are who we know who aren't gonna be around for much longer. And it's like, oh, but we just we just got to be friends with you. Um, so yeah, I think that's a part of the resilience too.

SPEAKER_08 40:35

And like the well-rounded and yeah, but but but the idea and and why I brought that up is that you can still find people if even if it is for a short period of time, you can still like give your full heart to people and still like you can still care deeply. Be true to yourself and be true to your beliefs. And you know, if there are people that aren't, I don't know. It's it's not a good way to say people that aren't serving you, but it's like people that aren't filling your bucket, you know, then what don't don't give them the time of filling out. Don't put that energy out there, no, don't put that energy out there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Well, and I think that's the time of day, but and I think in talking to the students, yeah, it's been wild listening because some of these students they don't want to get close to people because they know they have to leave.

SPEAKER_05 41:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

And so then that's hard for people like me, yeah, who I feel deeply. And I my mantra is like feel deeply, like life is way too short. So like love deeply, get to know people deeply, even if it means you grieve them and you have to say bye like way too soon. Um, but there are we do have teachers and students in our lives who like they put up that wall because it's it's hurt, it hurts, right? Yeah. And yeah, so that's been rude, that's been surprisingly something that I didn't expect to navigate.

SPEAKER_08 41:54

Um it's interesting because we definitely did have people back in the States that would put up walls. Um, similar, like it felt very similar, the the way that they would distance themselves from people, but it's for a very different reason, which is fascinating. And everybody has has their reasons.

SPEAKER_03 42:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 42:11

Um, there's a little bit more maybe consistency with these kids because we can see why this is happening. We can see there's a pattern, yeah, why they're why they're experiencing this a little bit more, which is which is it's tough, it's tough to watch. Um, and it's definitely given you and I some food for thought when it comes to how we want to see Rory and Lyra go through school, which has been interesting. And how we want, I mean, like how we want to be around other teachers, yeah. You know, because there are so many teachers that are coming and going on a regular basis, it's it's hard to make friends with other teachers that are just gonna be later in two years or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

I it's hard. I can't say that I want that from for myself. I know. Um I feel like I've moved around a lot. Yeah. I feel like I haven't put down roots. Like we put down roots in Enola, but like even me as a professional, yeah, like I've moved every two to three years since I'm out of college. Yeah. Um which is what it is. I've I don't regret any of that because it's it's made me the professional that I am. And I've had so many like growth moments and all that, but I yearn for like putting down roots and really growing in one place. So this experience has really helped me like giving you food for thought.

SPEAKER_08 43:38

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 43:39

That's fascinating. Uh the next listener question was how do you stay consistent with mental health habits when life gets busy?

SPEAKER_00 43:51

I think you have to remember to keep them simple. Yeah. When life gets hard and busy, simplify. Yeah. That it feels, or the more that it feels like a task, the more you're not going to do it.

SPEAKER_08 44:03

Yeah, if it's like write a journal for an hour, I'd be like, nope.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Like when my hard season came, it was just like getting up and getting outside. Yeah. Even if that meant going and like sitting out there or going to the park or um taking uh my lunch break, which I hardly do. Um, but taking my lunch break to go on a walk with you. Yeah. Was so helpful. That was nice. And it's just like a little walk to the bakery.

SPEAKER_08 44:35

Going for a little walk outside, just like going and getting some sunshine. And boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

I think boundaries with mental health.

SPEAKER_08 44:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:41

Um, you have to take care of yourself. I tell kids that all the time of you can't pour from an empty cup. Correct. And we're constantly doing that. Yeah. Um, so like nothing's going to work out and until we we uh fill our cup up. Yeah. And the best way to do that is through those like simple things.

SPEAKER_08 45:00

And I think I think specifically of like the music educators, like learn to say no.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

I w I wish I would have just been like, Yeah, I think that's important for you to talk about because you have a lot of those people listening.

SPEAKER_08 45:12

Yeah. Like I I think that it is important to understand that you cannot be all and all. And sometimes it feels like you have to do that. That is one thing that I've learned here. Like, it it has been so refreshing that everyone goes home after school and leaves their computer at school.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 45:31

That would never have happened. I I I mean, I remember plenty a night that I would be down in our basement working on musical blocking from, I mean, I would get done with rehearsal at 6:30. I would get home, I'd eat, kids would go to bed, and then I'd be up from eight o'clock till midnight working on stuff for the musical, you know? So figuring out how to distance yourself from that, learning how to say no and be like, maybe I'll have to figure out this blocking during my prep tomorrow, or maybe I'll have to um figure it out on the fly, and that is okay, you know, and and and figuring out how to say no to that. Or hey, maybe I need to take a step back from directing all 10 of these ensembles in my school or whatever. You know, I know there are plenty of people that are doing that.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

What made it hard for you to not say no?

SPEAKER_08 46:26

I was good at it. And I knew that my kids were gonna be successful with me. And so most of the time it was, it was coming from a good place. It was coming from a place of like, I want this product to be good. And so I know that if I give a hundred and if I know that if I give 500% of myself, because that's what it ended up being, yeah, that my students would also be successful. Um that was also kind of a learned trait, though, from Dwayne.

SPEAKER_04 46:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 46:59

Because Dwayne was a person that would give so much of himself that I was like, oh, I have to basically be sleeping in my office in order to be successful. And even he has told me, like, no, God, no, please don't do that. He's like, Learn from my mistake. And sure enough, I was doing the same thing that he was doing.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

But it was somebody you respected.

SPEAKER_08 47:18

But it was something that I respected.

SPEAKER_00 47:19

And who made such an impact on that?

SPEAKER_08 47:21

Yeah, and seeing him at such an impactful time in my life, you know, um, as a professional, and then going into educator world, I was like, oh well, this is how he did it. So that's how I'm gonna do it too.

SPEAKER_00 47:33

And times are times are different too.

SPEAKER_08 47:36

For sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 47:38

But what would you say to somebody as a music educator who may be feeling what you were feeling? What would you say to them now?

SPEAKER_08 47:50

Get out. Get out. Um I think doing some soul searching on why you're doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 48:01

Uh because there's a reason.

SPEAKER_08 48:03

It's really important. Yeah. What is what is the core purpose? What is the core thing that brought you to be a music educator? And I feel like I've talked about this before of if it's not a pure reason, if you're doing it for somebody else's to fit into somebody else's shoes, or you're doing it because somebody thinks that you were gonna be this person, but that's not like you were somebody that was incredibly passionate about opening up your own bakery. Go open your freaking bakery, you know, or whatever that thing is. Um yeah, I think figuring out why you got into the into the profession in the first place so that if it is, if it is still pure after you're done going through that that soul searching, you can say, I'm comfortable getting back in here and doing my best. Sure. And I know that I'm going to give it 110% for X, Y, or Z reason.

SPEAKER_00 49:04

Um Well, because dreams can change.

SPEAKER_08 49:06

Yeah, for sure. What I what I always came down to, and and it it varied quite a bit, but my mantra was to make music at the highest level. Like that was that was, and that's something that I still want and striving for, right? Making music at the highest level. And at the highest level is where there's some say caveats, because the highest level for my current ensemble that I've got, which is mainly sixth graders and then like three other kids, and there's like 12 kids in the whole group. What is the highest level for them? The highest level for them is enjoying singing um and doing it, doing it for the love of the game.

SPEAKER_00 49:50

Right. Because you actually have quite a few kids who have never gotten to be able to do choir before.

SPEAKER_08 49:54

Yeah, exactly. So like you had to change your change what the highest level was for them. Yeah. Um but yeah. So figuring out why you're doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

That's a good first step.

SPEAKER_08 50:09

Taking that and then do, you know, just doing that, continuing to do the soul searching to figure out and not are there things that you can say no to? Right. Because to make it more sustainable. Yeah, oftentimes there are things that you can say no to. One of one of the things that I was doing is I was directing chokar, directing musicals, helping out with, you know, solo and ensemble contests, preparing for large group contests, all state. All state. And then also voice lessons. And then also teaching voice lessons. So that's what that's what I'm talking about. Like that was the first thing that I'd be like, I'm not gonna teach any voice lessons outside of school. Perfect. That's a good starting point. That's an easy thing that I could say, like, mm, I'm gonna respect my time a little bit more and respect my time with my family a little bit more and do that, which has been nice. Because I remember I had lessons with Dwayne Filgreen when I was in high school at 10:30 p.m. once or twice a week when we were leading up to Allstate season. Because that was the only time that I would be able to work.

SPEAKER_00 51:13

Because you were doing football.

SPEAKER_08 51:14

Uh-huh. Because I was doing like morning lifting, after school football practice. After football practice was musical rehearsal. Thank God my mom would bring me, would bring me dinner. But again, talking about learned behaviors, that was the that was the learned behavior.

SPEAKER_00 51:28

Well, that was us as kids too. Like both of us were well. I mean, I was two dance studios, I was soccer, I was all music things too. Yeah. So yeah, it's a it's a learned behavior, and I don't I don't want that for our kids.

SPEAKER_08 51:44

No. Although I loved it.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

Yeah, I loved it, but it wasn't sustainable.

SPEAKER_08 51:48

No. I think it's different now, too. It's different now. People hyper focus on things a little bit more than we did.

SPEAKER_00 51:53

Yeah, we were we grew up in a school. We were in a small school. Yeah, we were we had the fortunate opportunity of You do everything. You do everything, and everybody respected that. Yep. And if they didn't, then bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_08 52:05

Um not going to serve it.

SPEAKER_00 52:07

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 52:09

Are you ready for do you want to do we have some good closing questions, I think. Um and then we have some quick hitters. Yeah. Yeah. Um Do you want to do the closing reflection questions?

SPEAKER_00 52:23

Sure.

SPEAKER_08 52:23

What should we got? What do we got?

SPEAKER_00 52:25

Um what's one thing that you're proud of? Right now. Do it for yourself.

SPEAKER_08 52:39

Um I professionally or personally.

SPEAKER_00 52:46

Either.

SPEAKER_08 52:47

I'll say professionally, because that I feel like that one's easier to like conceptualize. Sure. Um I love the newscast that I've been doing with my with my ninth grade media and film class. It's been so fun to just like get super technically nerdy about editing and camera angles and lighting and sound and all of that with them.

SPEAKER_00 53:13

That was something totally new for you.

SPEAKER_08 53:15

Totally new for me. Like we've done this, but this was about the extent of my knowledge. Um, so be able to dig into that more has been really, really fun. Uh I'll give you the next one. Unless you want to talk about something you're proud of.

SPEAKER_00 53:31

No.

SPEAKER_08 53:32

Okay. What's one thing that you're still working on?

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Ooh. Working on a lot.

SPEAKER_08 53:38

You've talked about some of the things. Making space or making space, taking up space.

SPEAKER_00 53:42

Taking up space, I think is great. Um that's hard. Try not to be redundant too. Um something I'm still working on. Where my energy goes. Preach. Being a people pleaser, my energy would go to everyone and everything. Yeah. And I've just valuable. Yeah. I've just realized that not everybody deserves my energy. Um and that's fine. Yeah. Um and so I need to take my energy and put it where it's valued and cared about. Um, something about me is reciprocation's really important for me. Yeah. And I've learned that a lot more in depth recently of thinking about maybe why relationships and friendships didn't work out well is because I was always hurt by not receiving the same care and love that I put into it. And just not realizing that, well, first of all, not everybody cares and loves in the same way. Yeah. But that maybe it wasn't reciprocated because it just wasn't like meant to be.

SPEAKER_05 55:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:00

Um, and so then you keep trying and trying and trying and trying and trying, and then you're like, I have nothing left to give. Yep. Um, yeah. So conserving my energy and putting it where I think it's more meaningful and where um it makes me feel good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 55:17

I think that's great.

SPEAKER_00 55:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 55:18

Uh this can be for both of us. If someone listening is struggling, what would you want them to hear right now?

SPEAKER_00 55:26

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_08 55:28

Find your people.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

Find your people.

SPEAKER_08 55:30

There's always somebody. Sometimes it feels like you're so alone, and I think that that's that's a hard place to be in. I've been in that place before, you know. And I'm married to a school counselor, you know, so it's it's a very natural, it's a very natural feeling to feel. Um but finding finding who those people are and talking with those people and creating the space for yourself that you deserve, I think it's important.

SPEAKER_00 56:03

It's temporary.

SPEAKER_05 56:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:05

So a lot of times when we're really struggling, it can feel like there's no end in sight. And I hope that there can be a moment for you that that you remember that it's temporary and it allows you a reprieve to finally maybe take that step that makes it just a little bit better. Yeah. Because it's when we get stuck and we spiral that it's the worst, right? Um and some people more deeply than others. So I know it's probably a little cliche cliche saying that of sometimes it really is just like a moment by moment. Um it will, and every day's every day is a a fresh start. Um you're not uh yeah, the the finding your people is really important. Yeah. Even if it's just one person. And I just encourage um something I've been doing, trying to do better too, is if like reaching out to people. Like if you're thinking about them, there's a reason for that. Um life's too short, so tell people you love them and that you care about them. And um that's been even hard for me. But it's being across the world from all my people. Yeah. I've been trying to be better about that.

SPEAKER_08 57:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 57:35

That's great.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

You're loved, you matter.

SPEAKER_08 57:37

You are loved, and you do matter. Um this has been kind of a heavy episode. It's been a tough one. Not a tough one, but it's just like it's heavy things for us to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 57:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 57:50

Important things for us to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

It is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 57:53

Um, before we're gonna wrap up with just like some quick hitters, quick, easy, light questions for us to for us to ask each other. Um before we do that though, if you want to chat at all, please reach out to either Haley or my Instagram accounts. Yeah. Um, you can also send us an email at lettersfromelswhere at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

Yeah, we always love listening to you guys and getting to know our listeners. Um, I think we have a lot of listeners that we don't know. Yeah, you know, that are outside our our our people that we do.

SPEAKER_08 58:26

So ask us questions. Let us let us help you. I mean, even if tell us your stories. Yeah, even if it's like, help me find the next bachmotech, the bachmotech that I or if it's um, yeah, whatever it is. Yeah, read reach out. We're happy to, we're happy to chat. Okay, so we'll just do one.

SPEAKER_04 58:48

Or two.

SPEAKER_08 58:49

What well I'll do I'll do one, you do one.

SPEAKER_04 58:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 58:52

Okay. So you have to rank it one through ten, one being like, I hate that, ten being I love that. This one's cute. So my question is how do you feel about our kids making friendships with other kids, even though they don't speak the same language?

SPEAKER_00 59:16

Ten out of ten.

SPEAKER_08 59:16

Ten out of ten, right? It's so sweet. Isn't it so adorable?

SPEAKER_00 59:20

It used to give me anxiety, but now it doesn't anymore.

SPEAKER_08 59:23

We had a moment at the park a couple weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00 59:26

Right, right before we left for Kirk.

SPEAKER_08 59:29

Yeah. Where it just felt like it was great.

SPEAKER_00 59:34

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 59:35

Yeah, like no stress about not being able to communicate with these people.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

Because the kids figure it out.

SPEAKER_08 59:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:42

And then for the most part, now it's like an opener into talking with other people.

SPEAKER_08 59:49

Yeah. Oh, you speak you speak English. Do you speak Croatian? Not really, sorry. Yeah. We're able to have good conversations.

SPEAKER_00 59:56

No, it's it's 10 out of 10. And I think that's been beautiful to watch. Is that and it's promising for us because like the kids can figure it out, we can for sure. Yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:06

All right, what's yours?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:07

Okay, your kid picking up the local language faster than you. Oh my god. AKA Lyra.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:12

AKA Lyra. I'm gonna say I'm gonna say seven out of ten.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:18

Cause I feel bad. It's amazing. It's so cute that she's rocking with it, but I'm just like, oh, I just I'm actually jealous.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:25

I'm so jealous because she's just a little sponge. She is, and she will be able to do it. And so she comes home and she's excited. And so now not only is she using Croatian at school, yeah, she is using Croatian at home. She sure is. And it's so cool. Yeah. But I am I am honestly jealous. Yeah. I'm jealous. Okay. Because I want to speak it.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:46

It's like girl. Yeah, it's been so fun. Some of her little mumblings have been in Croatian too. And I'm just like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:53

And then we're like, what? And she's like, what? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:56

What do you mean? So funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:59

Yeah. She and then you can see the switch flip. Yeah. She'll start talking in Croatian and remember that she's at home with us. And so then she switches to English. Yeah. Yeah. So funny. And sometimes it's both. Like when she's yelling at Rory, it's like, nah.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:12

Yeah. That was today. She was doing that today, running through the hallway.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:17

And that's just that makes us all giggle.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:19

Yeah. That's great. This was a good one.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:22

Yeah. This is good.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:23

Yeah. We should um maybe we can open it up to people again to see what people want to hear us talk about for our next one.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:30

Yeah. That sounds great.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:32

I don't know when I'm going to release this one.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:34

Soon.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:35

Because I released the last one on like a Thursday. So I want to keep it like weekly at least. I know. I don't want to.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:41

I just get so impatient with you when you do that. Well, it's give the people what they want.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:46

Sustainable. That's what I'm going for.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:49

I just get too excited.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:50

I know you do. Cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:53

You told me today you haven't listened to one.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:56

Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't want to hear myself or see myself.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:59

Well, that's too bad. Figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:01

I actually was really impressed by how I sounded. You sound great. But I didn't look, I didn't watch it. Drive me nuts. I'm working on it. I love you. I love you. I love you. We love you.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:14

Have a great week.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:17

Wherever you're at.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:18

We're on spring break. We're on spring break. When we come back, we'll have more adventures to share with you. In a tan, hopefully. Hopefully.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:26

Please God.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:27

Hopefully. We're going to the coast. Woo!

unknown 1:02:30

Can't wait.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:31

All right.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:32

Later, people.