Ep 021: Natalie Mika: From Fear to Freedom - Leaving an Abusive Relationship, Part 1

This episode discusses domestic abuse. Listener discretion is advised.

In this episode of Unspoken Lives, Natalie Mika shares a chapter of her life she kept hidden for years.

From the outside, life looked normal. She was raising her son, working, and showing up every day like everything was fine. But behind closed doors, Natalie was living through an abusive relationship that slowly escalated from emotional and verbal abuse into something far more dangerous. Like many women in similar situations, shame and isolation kept her silent for a long time. Even when she felt afraid, reaching out felt impossible.

In this conversation, Natalie opens up about what it was like to carry that reality while trying to maintain everyday life and protect her son. She shares the fear, the isolation, and the difficult decisions that eventually led her to recognize that something had to change.

Even in the midst of those moments, Natalie reflects on how her faith continued to shape her perspective and sustain her through the uncertainty.

Natalie’s story continues next week.

Every life has a story worth telling. Follow Unspoken Lives Podcast on your favorite podcast app and join the conversation. Visit unspokenlivespodcast.com and follow @unspokenlivespodcast on Instagram. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome to Unspoken Lives, the podcast that uncovers the powerful, untold stories of everyday people. The real stories you don't always hear, but ones that deserve to be told. I'm your host, Kelsey Billingsley. In each episode, we'll explore journeys of growth, resilience, and transformation. Conversations with guests who have faced challenges, embraced change, and discovered new purpose along the way. Through their stories, you'll find inspiration, hope, and a reminder that every life has a story worth telling. Let's dive into this next Unspoken Life. Today I'm speaking with my friend Natalie. Natalie, thank you so much for being here. I'm really grateful you're willing to share your story on Unspoken Lives. It actually feels a little funny saying that because, as you know, this is actually our second time sitting down to have this conversation. The first time we had some technical difficulties, um, not just recording, but even getting it scheduled. And I know you and I have shared this, but for anyone listening, we both just feel like it's just confirming that this is a story we need to get out there. So things keep happening, preventing us from talking, preventing the recording from sounding amazing. No one would have wanted to listen to the first one because they might not have been able to make out any words. But we still have it. If anyone wants to hear it.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Yes. If anyone can understand what I'm saying, then you know there's that. But in this one, you'll actually know what I'm saying and hopefully get the message from it because you can hear me.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

It's going to be great.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Perfect. Well, for the listeners, um, Natalie and I go way back, and then we've kind of kept in touch here and there, social media, and you reached out to me when I launched this podcast and seen what the reasoning and the heart behind it was. Basically, you told me you had a story you wanted to share, and you felt like someone out there might need to hear it. So I just wanted to thank you for having the courage to do that and for reaching out and for recording twice with me now.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I definitely noticed what you were doing when you kind of launched your podcast, and it was kind of in the same timeline that I was starting the foundation that I recently got going that's kind of centered around the message in this episode. I just thought like it was God's timing for me to share my story because I'm finally taking a lot of lessons and answered prayers and experiences I went through and putting them into something that I hope will help women who have gone through similar experiences to what I went through. So yeah, I'm honored to be able to share my story through your podcast. I think what you're doing is amazing, and we both share our faith, which is huge. And I can say that that's really what's gotten me through a lot of my experiences and what is allowing me to build this foundation to give back and help women who are going through things that I had to go through and kind of, you know, navigate. I'm super excited to be here and to share my story with you.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Well, thank you. I'm really excited to get into it and hear more about your foundation. Um, before we jump into that, can you just tell listeners a little bit about yourself, who you are, what life looks like for you today?

SPEAKER_02 3:40

I'm mom. I have a 12-year-old son. So he's in middle school and we're navigating that. And I work for an architecture firm, love my job, and like I'm pretty settled in my life, have like a really great church that I go to, and like I feel really settled right now with where I'm at. So it's definitely like a completely different situation than where I was a few years ago, which is part of the reason that I feel compelled to share my story because I want people to know that everything's temporary and God's always in control, and even when you're in like difficult moments, it's always temporary and we can't lose sight of that. I'm finally kind of on the other side of darker things that I went through. So life is good, it's just busy, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Well, thank you for sharing that. All right, so let's go back then to why you reached out to me. You know, what was stirring in your soul, and let's hear about the the story. Let's go back to the the start of what you want to share.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

So I went through a really difficult situation with my son's dad. We ended up getting divorced and in the process of doing so, went through some difficult custody things. And during this timeline of all these things that happened, there was a lot of abuse and some really difficult things that were going on. And I really felt so isolated, like I had no one to talk to. And I think I'm the kind of person who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt, which I did in this situation, and it ultimately kind of put me in danger at times down the line. And so I had to like take some really extreme measures to make sure that myself and my son were safe. As I went through this whole process with like the legal system and just personally with my faith and everything, I realized that I think a lot of women who go through these experiences feel so much shame and they feel like they have no one to talk to and they isolate themselves and they're embarrassed. And I felt that way for a very long time too. I got to a place where I realized that like if I'm able to get out of this situation, like and be able to tell my story, I'm absolutely gonna find a way to do so and also find a way to give back because there were times that I questioned whether I would have that opportunity. So going through these different situations where I really felt like I was in danger and I did try to seek legal protection. And, you know, I think anyone knows, like anything that's a legal process takes time. And I think for women who are going through these types of situations, especially when you have kids, you're trying to protect yourself, you're trying to protect your kids, like it can be scary because you don't know the timeline of how things are gonna play out. And depending on what how things are at home, it's really scary to make the decision to leave. And it's even scarier once you leave to try to figure out how you're gonna manage on your own. So I know that so well. And at the time that I was going through a lot of these things, I really wished I had someone to talk to that wouldn't judge me or some resource that I could reach out to that I felt like would actually help me. You know, I I live in South Orange County. I have, I feel like I have a lot of resources in my life, but I didn't reach out to a lot of people around me, even my own family, because of shame and I felt guilty for my marriage ending. And I think the shame and the guilt kind of kept me isolated. First of all, it's not what God wants for us. Like He wants us to be able to reach out because we have a community of people who are there with us and we're never alone. And I realized in going through this that I think the isolation factor is like the number one reason why a lot of women don't want to tell their stories. Yeah. So it's taken me a lot of time to get to a place where I'm, I wouldn't say 100% comfortable, but I feel compelled and I feel like driven by God to tell my story because at one point I felt like maybe I never would be able to share everything that happened and help anybody.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Yeah. Do you mind taking us back to that time? Um, I know you said you were feeling isolated and shame. How long were you living with those feelings before you decided to make a change?

SPEAKER_02 8:12

It was probably for uh at least a couple of years that I felt like I really didn't have anybody I could reach out to without feeling super ashamed or worried that I would be judged or that whoever I talked to would keep things in confidence. There was a long period of time where I just kind of sat with my own thoughts and my own situation because that almost seemed easier than opening up and taking the chance that people would judge me or people would misunderstand what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Yeah. Are you open to sharing what it looked like, what you were going through?

SPEAKER_02 8:48

I was in a relationship that was very abusive in different ways, and it was mostly like emotional kind of abuse, but there was like physical abuse too, which is what ultimately led me to leave because I think having my son was like the biggest blessing because I mean for a million different reasons, but I think as a mom, like you just have this instinct to protect your kids, and that was what drove me to ultimately walk away and know that like this is not for me because I I cannot put myself or my son in danger, and that's kind of what drove me ultimately to leave the physical safety aspect of it, but I also realized how emotional or verbal abuse is also equally as bad in a different way. But for me, the point that it got to, I really had to make a decision like I want to see my son grow up, and I want him to be raised in a house where he feels safe and he feels comfortable. And so unfortunately, in that situation, that meant like leaving that relationship and physically removing myself from what I was in. And there are a lot of things that led up to that. And unfortunately, I think too, like, because I don't think domestic violence is something people want to talk about. Like, I don't think a lot of women realize that it usually doesn't get better, it gets worse. And when you're in it, like, you know, I really respect the sanctity of marriage. I have the ultimate respect for keeping families together. But when it comes to certain types of situations where you're unsafe or your kids are unsafe, you know, I think there's something to say for like just acknowledging that if there's a pattern of abuse, like it generally tends to get worse. And that's the situation I put myself in because I was trying to keep my family together. And I put myself in kind of a dangerous situation to try to do that because I didn't want to have to, you know, obviously, no one wants to have to break their family up or go through, you know, like all these legal processes and stuff. But at the end of the day, like every mom wants to see their kid grow up and they want to see their kids be happy and safe. And that's kind of what happened in my situation. I it escalated over a period of time from like emotional, verbal type things, and then it just got it just continued to escalate to a place where it was dangerous for me. And right at a certain point it was like, okay, you know, either I walk away and figure out how to be safe, or I'm not sure how this is gonna play out.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Yeah, if you don't mind me asking, were you scared for your life?

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Yes, I was. Uh there are multiple times that I expressed that to people around me. And I think again, like there's kind of a stigma around this whole topic because it is so personal, and like you know, depending on who you're talking to, if it's family or like your close friends, like, or even if it's somebody like a therapist, like it's just it's so subjective to who you're talking to, right? On what kind of response you're gonna get. But I did feel that way and expressed that to certain people, and it was kind of disappointing at times because I, you know, depending on who I talked to, I felt like they didn't really understand what was really going on, or maybe they didn't take it as seriously, but right, I think that also can hold women back from taking those steps because you get discouraging, and then you're like, oh, you know, whoever in my family or like one of my close friends or like a law enforcement person or whoever told me something that I wasn't expecting to hear, and it kind of like takes the wind out of your sails, and you're like, okay, well, are people gonna believe me? Should I be confident in taking this path and knowing that I'm doing the right thing? Because not everyone understands, because they're not there, you know? So I think that's the power in talking about this particular topic because yeah, and I think this is part of the reason why, like, this has been a very difficult episode for us to record. There's there's a lot of power in talking about this because there's so much shame and guilt and a lot of different negative feelings, I think, for people when this comes up, but it's also so important to be able to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Yeah, I agree. So at the time you were going through all of this, um, you were actually working at a Montessori school that my kids were at. Um just happened to work out that way. And I walked in and saw you there. And it's hard for me looking back. Um, as you know, I started this podcast about these unspoken stories, and I look back at that time, and I probably saw you every morning dropping my kids off and had zero clue that you were going through any of this. And it just hearing you speak about it is just a reminder for me of, you know, whether you know the person or not. You know, people are going through things every day, and you know, it's just encouragement to ask and see how people are doing because I mean it just I had no idea you were going through that. So it's sad to me thinking back. You were so isolated, um, even though you're surrounded by people, you were so isolated and fearful in those moments, and I didn't even check in. Right. So I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

In your defense, you had three kids still a lot of things going on. So, but at the same time, like I totally agree with you. I think sometimes we get so set in our routine, like we forget to check in on people, and sometimes we're like, you know, like you notice little things with people around you, and you're like, oh, like this person seems a little bit off, or like, you know, just subtle things, but right we kind of just brush it off because we're like, whatever, it's probably fine. But sometimes those end up being big things that come out later. So yeah, like I appreciate you saying that, but there's no way that you would have known that because for me, I think I was trying to protect my image on a wrong level, and I felt like sharing what I was going through with anybody at that time was basically like a weakness. And then when I got to the other side of it, I realized that not to say that you should go around sharing with everybody when you're going through it, because that's probably not the right answer for most people. But if I could go through what I went through again, I would try to remind myself to not feel so much shame and embarrassment in certain things because we all go through different things. It's just, you know, they're they're different.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

I mean, you were saying you felt shame and you were, you know, you felt like that was a weakness. What ultimately brought you to the point of I'm going to make a change, you know, and moving forward with it.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

With my situation, like the abusive dynamic continued like post-divorce because we were going through some custody issues and there were disagreements about visitation and that kind of stuff. And it continued to escalate. And I at one point kind of lost faith in anyone helping me because I felt like I'd been going through it for a while, and the people who were close to me were probably kind of tired of hearing about it. And I had tried to file reports and do certain things to create a paper trail. And I got to a place where I felt really frustrated and like, I don't even know if anybody's gonna do anything. Like, I don't know how I'm gonna get out of this. And around that same time, things escalated to a really dangerous situation for me, to where I had to get like really solid legal protection for me and my son because it was had gotten to that point. It was like physical abuse to a level that now I'm actually really concerned about my life. I'm actually really concerned that I'm not gonna watch my son grow up. And I was really blessed because I have family and close friends who had helped me. But there was one night in particular, you know, like the Lord was so faithful to me this day because my son's dad had like basically taken things to a level where he had done something that was like so egregious that he got arrested for it. And I felt like I was in danger and that we were both in danger. And he was arrested. And I remember the main police officer told me that day, like, you're safe, you're finally safe. Like, you don't have to worry anymore. This is gonna be the solution. Like, I felt really reassured. And then one of our close family friends has this very remote property that's not that far from where I live. And my mom had actually been in touch with him, and he reached out to me that same day and said, You can't stay at your house anymore. You don't know how this stuff works. If you're at your house, you're still putting yourself in danger because you don't know how all of these things are gonna play out. And so it was kind of against my will, but I felt compelled to kind of go along with it. So I packed all of mine and my son's things for, I don't know, maybe a couple weeks worth of stuff and went to this place that no one knew about. It's like a really private spot. And I thought, like, this is crazy. Like, I don't know why I'm doing this. Like, I feel safe when I'm I feel safe at home and like I was already reassured that we're safe. And then within probably a few hours of getting to the place that we went to, I got a call from someone who works with an agency that deals with this stuff. And they basically told me, I just want to give you a heads up that your son's dad has been released. Oh, wow. I wanted you to know so you can keep yourself safe.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

And in that moment, reassured.

SPEAKER_02 18:57

Right. And in that, because I think it was also more like, as one of my friends, are you safe? Are you home? Because if you're home, like I don't know how safe you are because he knows where you live. And so it was one of those moments for me where I was like, oh my gosh, like I feel like God is just doing so many things to keep us protected. Like, yeah, because how many women don't have those opportunities to just leave their home and go stay somewhere where no one knows where they are? Yeah. And I just happened to have that opportunity that day, and that very well could have saved my life. I don't know, but that was one of the moments where I felt like if I make it through this and I'm able to tell my story, I have to because a lot of women don't have that chance because they don't have those resources. People just don't talk about it. I just remember going to bed that night and just praying and being like, you know what, Lord, I don't know what is happening. I had like literally bags packed. I don't know how long we're gonna be here. I just want to go home. But at the end of the day, the fact that that God put us in a position to where we could be safe for as long as we needed to be was just like the biggest blessing. But I also felt like it was such a huge blessing that like I have to find a way to pay this forward if I can ever share my story and everything happen.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

I mean, horrible. I'm so sorry you went through that, but a beautiful perspective for you to have in helping others. I'm trying to picture the next few weeks. Did life feel normal? Were you going to work? You know, how how did you move through the next few weeks after, you know, you're in this remote place?

SPEAKER_02 20:39

I mean, life didn't feel normal, but I mean, I felt like we were safe, which was the biggest, most important factor of all. It was almost like that phrase where they say, like, fake it until you make it, kind of. So, you know, my son still has to go to baseball and I still have to go to work and we we still need to live our lives. And so I just tried to keep our routine going because I knew that was the best thing for him, too. But I had so many moments where I was like, what the heck is going on? Like, this is wild because I have no idea how this is all gonna play out. But the number one priority is to be safe and to make sure that my son was safe. And that was kind of my objective. And so even though it was weird, I just try to kind of keep our routine. But that was the timeline where I realized because things had escalated to such a level, I was like, if I can get through to the other side of this, I have to find a way to help other women. I have to find a way to share my story because this is not all for nothing. Like I know that God can use me to help other people. And I have to do that because this is kind of crazy. And even though in the moment it was a huge inconvenience to like not be home and to not have our normal routine, it was such a blessing that we were safe, right? And God. Like provision all these things to happen for us to be able to do that. So I felt like I have to share my story.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Thanks for listening to part one of Natalie's story. Here's a short preview of what's coming next week in part two.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

My dad ended up having aneurysm in my junior year of high school. And that kind of just like threw everything upside down because I was so close with him. And ultimately, like that situation was kind of a starting point for me in my life of realizing we really have to rely on God like more than anything else. And that experience kind of forced me to do that. And I don't think I would have had that experience if I didn't go through losing my dad.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

That's it for this episode of Unspoken Lives. If today's story moved you, inspired you, or made you reflect on your own journey, hit that subscribe button so you don't miss the next powerful conversation. I'm always on the lookout for new guests. If you know someone with a story that deserves to be shared, I'd love to hear from you. Check the show notes for contact details and make sure to follow along on social media at Unspoken Lives Podcast. Until next time, keep listening, keep sharing, and remember, every life has a story worth telling.