Ep 028: Jacqueline Diaz-Fontana: Finding Purpose in the Pain, Part 2

Content Note: This episode includes discussion of suicide.

Part 2 continues Jacqueline’s story, moving into what came after the loss.

She shares what those months really looked like, the anger, the grief, and the weight of unanswered questions. The parts people don’t always see or talk about.

After months of carrying that weight, she reached a breaking point.

Jacqueline opens up about the moment she prayed for the first time again, and how that moment shifted something in her. What followed was a clear sense of direction she believes God placed on her heart.

From that place, she began to rebuild, eventually creating something to help others walking through similar pain.

In Part 2, she shares:
• What those first months of grief really felt like
• The weight of anger, guilt, and unanswered questions
• The moment she turned back to faith
• How that moment began to shift her perspective
• How the foundation started
• What people often misunderstand about depression
• What she wants others to hear if they are struggling

This is a conversation about grief, but also about what can come from it.

Jacqueline is the founder of the Erick A. Garcia You Are Enough Foundation, created in honor of her son to bring awareness, support, and resources to individuals and families impacted by mental health struggles and suicide loss.

🔗 Learn more or support her work: https://www.youareenoughfoundation.org/

If you or someone you know is in immediate need of support, call or text 988 in the U.S.

Every life has a story worth telling. Follow Unspoken Lives Podcast on your favorite podcast app and join the conversation. Visit unspokenlivespodcast.com and follow @unspokenlivespodcast on Instagram. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're tuning in to part two of this conversation. If you haven't heard part one yet, I encourage you to pause and start there first. Let's jump back in. Welcome to Unspoken Lives, the podcast that uncovers the powerful, untold stories of everyday people. The real stories you don't always hear, but ones that deserve to be told. I'm your host, Kelsey Billingsley. In each episode, we'll explore journeys of growth, resilience, and transformation. Conversations with guests who have faced challenges, embraced change, and discovered new purpose along the way. Through their stories, you'll find inspiration, hope, and a reminder that every life has a story worth telling. Let's dive into this next unspoken life. Do you have a lot of parents coming to your foundation?

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Yes. We opened a location in September. So it's the first prevention location in Pamdale in Lancaster. That was a dream of my heart that I had it for, oh my gosh, for maybe since I started this journey. Because, you know, after losing Eric, I felt so lost and so alone. And I remember the sheriff when they went there at the location when he passed, they gave me a brochure. And that brochure was the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Okay. But then I'm like, that's it. What am I gonna do with this? Yes, like you don't. I was so lost, so confused. First, it's like, what? My son died. Second, it's like, what? It was suicide. What did I miss? You know, I was I had a lot of what ifs.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Did you have some like was there a part of you that was like, no, you're wrong? Oh, I feel like that's how I would have read like this isn't true. This didn't happen. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Yeah, when my friend called me and I was telling her, No, you're lying, no, no, no. And yeah, it's the denial part, and of course, it's like it's a shock, you know? It's yeah, so just trying to be there for people that have experienced a loss. So the nonprofit also offers care packages. So if anybody wants to send a care package for someone that just had a loss, we have these care packages, and also we can be there for them and say, I know how you feel. That's powerful, you know.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Yeah, I think I saw on Instagram the location you just opened up. You're looking for someone to paint your windows.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Oh, yes, yes. Did you find someone? Oh my gosh, we had so many. Oh, it was a I didn't expect uh the community coming live. We had so many inquiries, and uh two days ago a lady showed up because I've been getting messages and stuff, but she showed up and I'm like, oh my god. Just showed up to paint? Yeah, just showed up. Like talk to us. Um we're gonna we're gonna start start the process and um that's amazing. Yes, it's it's just an idea so we can support local artists and also uh have it on the window where people can see what we do and with graphics, you know, and and share hope that way.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

I love that. You'll have to share the photo.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Oh, yes, I will see it.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Yes. Perfect. Sorry, that was a tangent, but I just it popped into my head. So, my next question for you going through what you have gone through, what would you say to somebody else who has lost someone to suicide or is going through that right in this moment?

SPEAKER_02 3:36

The first thing I would say, well, you know, the one thing that comes natural is all the questions, you know, like the guilt. Oh, the guilt with suicide loss is is really big, you know, because you feel like you let the person down. You feel like it's your fault. And like I was sharing with you, like, why didn't I sit down with him? Why didn't I see his eyes? Why didn't I learn the signs? So it's a lot of guilt. So it's gonna be a process. There's really not much I can say because when I was at that stage, all I had to do was just sit with the grief. But also, one thing I will say, people that have lost someone by suicide and they're going to the grief is volunteer has helped me a lot. Like I mentioned, a month after, one month after Eric died, I went to Pasadena to start volunteering for American Foundation for Social Separation. Because there was nothing in Fangel. And that alone kind of helped me because you get to know other people that understand you. Be patient with yourself, don't try to look for the answers because I still have uh uh questions, and I don't think we'll ever get the answer. Like I share with you about the note, we're never gonna get the answer. Sometimes people just leave because they just uh cannot take the pain anymore, like Eric said depression won. But please just ground yourself in faith, whatever that looks like, that save me. Volunteer, be patient with yourself, and it's okay to cry or or be angry or scream. You have to say with your grief as much as you can.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Yeah. Now, I want to go back to that moment you said you were praying, I think, on your living room floor for the first time. What do you think? Because obviously you're sitting through grief. I think you said seven months. Yes. Okay, so seven months of anger and grief, which is completely understandable. What changed that day that made you think, okay, I'm gonna pray?

SPEAKER_02 5:38

I was just tired of being bitter, you know. I was tired of I'm not like that. So I was tired to carrying this blaming people, blaming society, blaming God. I was tired of the negativity that was absorbing my life, absorbing my relationship. I wasn't being a good mother to my daughter. I in the grief I lost myself so many moments because I was so into my grief that I forgot about her too in a way, you know? I forgot about my boyfriend. I started seeing little by little I was losing myself and I wasn't doing any any better for me or for my family. So I think I was getting tired of being that kind of person. And little by little the old Jackie came and kind of like maybe started talking to me in the back saying, Stop, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Yeah, and then you said the prayer, and then everything took off.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Yes, and and it was time, and and God has been so amazing. It's um, you know, now I have a better relationship with him than I had before. Because now, like I mentioned to you, like my compassion and the love and seeing life different. I never expected to be happy again. And now I can say that I am happy. Of course, I'm never gonna be the same happy as when my son was here. I'm not saying that I'm better without him or anything, but he's still with me. He's with God. I love him, and everything I'm doing is just this pain. You can transform your pain to something good to help others, and with love, everything is possible. And just the the fact that God forgive me for cursing at him, for blaming him, it shows me how much he loves me. You know, and it shows, it shows, and I love him too.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

So looking back on those seven months of anger, I know you felt alone during that time, but now looking back, do you see God in those moments?

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Oh God, yes. Yeah, he was he was there just like I said, he was just there sitting next to me because a lot of things could have gone wrong, you know. Because if I was that bitter and that angry, I could have gotten myself in trouble. I could have gone my relationship, could have been ending with my boyfriend, my daughter could have taken a different path, you know. A lot of things could have gone wrong, but he was there, but definitely he was there, waiting for me.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Yeah. Um, okay, so I know we talked about you know, other people who have lost someone to suicide, what you would say to them. If there's anyone out there who's struggling with depression or, you know, having these thoughts, what would you say to that person?

SPEAKER_02 8:21

I would say to them, I've been there, you know, I've been, I understand, but please just reach out. I tell people it's okay to be sad one day, two days, but the third day we have to do you know, get the the um energy back and get up and stand up again. It's not easy. I know I've been there like I said, but there is light at the end. The good days are gonna come, and this is only temporarily, it will pass. But please make sure you ground it with the right circle of friends or faith or whatever brings you calm. You need to hold on to that. You have to hold on to the better days that are coming.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Yeah, that's beautiful. Um, what do you think families or people out there right now misunderstand about depression? You know, someone who's going through depression or or whatever it might look like.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

One thing is uh like me, I used to think that people with uh depression were sad all the time.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Right?

SPEAKER_02 9:27

That's a lot of people that think that, oh, if you have to be crying or you have to be really sad. But no, depression is like people like me. Like you function in the community, you smile life. Um, some people are really high achievers, they're happy ones, even the quiet ones, you know, uh that we think like Eric, Eric was my mellow child. Yeah, was giving me more, you know, like kind of like we will go like this all the time, but it was so mellow and easy. So I kind of like, okay, he's good, you know. So it's a lot of stigma like that, that we don't think that somebody might need us. So um that's one thing. And the conversation, like I mentioned, just because you see your family or everybody doing good, start checking in, you know, ask the conversation, have a conversation, learn the signs and the eyes. Uh, I see pictures of Eric, and his eyes are very kind of like the light is not there. And before I wasn't paying attention to the eyes, so now I pay attention to people's eyes and I ask questions. Don't just say, you know, are you okay? I notice, you know, you seem a little it's fine, you know. It's okay to ask that. So that's one one thing that I would say to families to start doing when they are within families.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Okay. I think you know, this podcast is about unspoken lives. So basically the concept is, you know, people are walking all around us with these hidden stories that we may not know if we don't ask about. Usually it's probably about people you don't know. Like, I don't know that person, they have this amazing story. But this conversation I really like because it's showing, you know, the people you do know, the people you are close to, you you need to ask those people too because they may be struggling or going through something that you're unaware of and you think they're fine because that's how they are and you're used to that, but you need to dig deeper. Okay. Well, I got through a lot of my questions, but I want to make sure we hit on everything you wanted to talk about. Is there anything we missed?

SPEAKER_02 11:34

One thing I would like to talk about if people want to find us or help support us, because we're a we're a family nonprofit, and right now with a location, we get people, we get mothers coming in, and they cry with me in this in the sitting area, like I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go. So the Uran of Suicide Prevention Center has been such a blessing that we have this vision to have more, many more in other communities because it's not like a regular agency. We're making more more human. For me, I don't know, you're gonna find out about me is I'm more simple. Um I don't go with formal for what is it called? Formality.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Formality, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Uh I'm more simple, I'm more like let's just talk and do stuff. I don't go by things like that as the society, whatever. So that's the uh mission of ours, just to be there for others to help them. And if people would like to help us maybe have a center in their community or something, I would be more than happy to bring it to their community. Um one thing we need, you know, like everything. We need funding, we need money um for you know the overhead, the materials for for the workshops, our website maintenance, everything, everything adds up. So um that would be great if people would like to support us so we can continue with this.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

I think you mentioned it earlier, but is the best way to go through your website?

SPEAKER_02 13:03

Yeah, they can go to my website. It's really simple to remember uh URNOFoundation.org or Facebook or Instagram. If you Google his name, Eric Garcia, it comes out. It's the first one that comes out. I've been doing this for this, it will be the eighth year of the nonprofit, and Eric's anniversary will be nine years.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

Yeah, his birthday is next month. He wouldn't be 29.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Wow. Yeah. I'll also share that website in the show notes for any of these episodes if anyone's looking for it. So you mentioned though you're looking to expand physical locations. Is that right? So right now, can like if you know someone in another state, because you're in California, if someone needed resources, could they call and have virtual resources? Or is it in person? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Yeah, the online therapy. Uh, if they need that, I'm sure we can find something for them on whatever they are. If they just want to talk to me, uh you know, I get calls all the time and I sit with them. And I'm not a therapist or psychologist, I only have high school, but I have the heart of helping. And like I said, I've been there, so I know what it's like. And sometimes just people just want to be heard, you know, that's all.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Yep. Yeah. You're doing this full-time now, right? You're not still I have a part-time job. Okay. I don't know how you're doing that.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

I know I have a part-time job, but the nonprofit, oh gosh, that's my you know, it's my passion. I don't see it as a uh I see it more like as a labor of love to serve others and save lives. But if I one day I can probably do that, just a nonprofit full-time. Yeah, for your hardest to do that. Yes, uh that'd be my my um okay. I I did it, you know. But having the location, oh, that was such an accomplishment, you know. We saw a location, it was a good price, and all of this is made by donations. Uh, we we haven't had the experience to get a grant yet. Um it was just by donations.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

Yeah. Is there any reason if you want to share why you can't get a grant?

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Well, yeah, of course. English is my second language, and I don't know how to write really well because the grants, they you need an expert. Unfortunately, suicide is the numbers are not last year, the numbers went up more than the year before. I don't know if you've seen the news, but we had three two celebrities that died by suicide this week, and also an NFL player in a week. We had three celebrities, those are celebrities, those are not numbers that we don't see behind like people like us. So um if we have, imagine if we have a lot of centers like that where people can just walk in, you know, and and talk and get help and know what's not feel judged, and yeah, it's a safe place, a safe place. I think that would be something that will help a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Is there any other way people can help? If you're close to us, volunteering always helps. Share our page, talk about it, come to an event if you're in the area, donate if you can refer anything that you can think of, but uh, and be the voice for somebody, you know, talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Okay, perfect. I mean, I'm sure Eric is watching all of this. If you could talk to him today, what do you think he would say seeing all of this work and advocacy that you're doing? He'll be embarrassed.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

He'll be embarrassed because he was so shy. And um, he'll be like, like, mom, I can't believe you did all of this. So um, you know, when I do his taxes, I said, I'm sorry, Ara, you're still doing taxes, you know, because I have to file the taxes every year. Um, but I think he'll be both embarrassed and also proud, I think. Proud that um be proud that his mom didn't stay in that name because I was I would like I said, I was I was going down, you know, and yeah, and I think he was he got proud that I found a way to turn this pain to purpose and to help others because I just thought, you know, there's a lot of moms like I was, and I have to speak, especially in the Latin community. Oh my gosh, that's a big no-no. You don't say mental health, you don't say loco, you don't say, you know, those are words that we have to stop saying, but I want to say that I want to say that he'll be embarrassed and proud at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

I can say the two of those combined is good. Yes, yes. I can see his big smile right now and kind of shine. Yeah, I'm sure he's very proud. Does your daughter help out with the foundation at all?

SPEAKER_02 17:48

Yeah, she she helps me when you know, for when we do the mental health walk, uh, all my family comes. I mean, my without my family, I don't think the nonprofit will be where we are. All my sisters, my brothers-in-laws, my my husband now, my it was my boyfriend, now my husband. Okay, everybody helps. And every little thing, it adds up, and it's all year long. Like I have ideas and they're like, yes, let's do it, you know. So it's it's amazing. And for the center, they were there. Everybody was there building the furniture, putting the frame, you know, so it's built of love.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

So yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

That's great.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Well, I really appreciate you taking the time. I know, like you said, this is a tough topic, but I honestly I loved hearing about Eric, about his life and what you've built out of this grief and this pain. It's something beautiful. And I I know it's going to help others. And if there's anything I can do to help spread the word, I'm definitely gonna spread this podcast. But anything else I can do to help, just let me know.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time. And um, we can talk and talk and talk. I feel so comfortable with you, and you're a beautiful person. I can see the goodness in your heart and thank you.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

That's it for this episode of Unspoken Lives. If today's story moved you, inspired you, or made you reflect on your own journey, hit that subscribe button so you don't miss the next powerful conversation. I'm always on the lookout for new guests. If you know someone with a story that deserves to be shared, I'd love to hear from you. Check the show notes for contact details and make sure to follow along on social media at Unspoken Lives Podcast. Until next time, keep listening, keep sharing, and remember, every life has a story worth telling.