44. The Power of “YET”

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https://www.skool.com/the-warrior-path-for-kids-7647/about?ref=3eed0c3cf1ee4f46bfc1ab8ca8757a62

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Alright, guys, welcome back to the show where we cut through all the noise, challenge the status quo, and talk real talk about life, family, and the world all around us. I'm Jack Nofel. I am once again solo this week because, as many of you may know, especially if you follow Nate online, he had baby number seven last week. I mean it's been hectic for him. So he's there sleepless and enjoying his family of seven. So I'm gonna cover down. Uh I'm gonna go again off of something that we built last week, the invisible wall, going from the comfort zone to the growth zone. But when you go into the growth zone, you know, we need to talk about some things that happen. Uh so let's get into it. All right, so they got in talking about the threshold between the comfort zone and your growth zone, right? We talk about how comfort feels safe, but it's where ambition goes to die. Once you make the conscious choice to step out of that comfort zone, whether that's launching a project, fixing relationships, stepping into a leadership role, or getting into the best shape of your life, you hit a secondary wall almost immediately. For kids, that wall looks like frustration. For adults, it looks like imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and the ceiling of past experience. You step into the growth zone, you hit friction, and your internal dialogue instantly says, I'm just not good out for this. I'm not a public speaker, I'm not good with numbers, business, conflict, etc. We treat these statements like absolute truths, like concrete facts carved into stone. But today we're dissecting why that's a lie and how three letters can completely break that entire ceiling. And for me, if you guys have been watching my growth on Instagram, Facebook, I've been blowing up, and you know, for four years I've been posting every single day. Content creation is not easy, but there's many times, especially when I moved retired from the army and I got into the fatherhood space and I was coaching fathers. I thought I had I had a total imposter syndrome. I'm like, maybe I don't belong here. I only have one kid. How can I coach people? I have one kid only, and he's under fucking three years old or four years old. And so, you know, it's uh it was a real thing for me. Making content, being a fatherhood coach, and now I've been coaching kids, which that's my bread and butter. I never felt that imposter syndrome with the Warrior Kid Club because that's what I do. I'm great at coaching kids. I coached kids many years ago while I was in the army for years in Germany. I coached kids, I coached soccer, so it's like I love that, and I love teaching kids about nature and leadership and discipline. So that was alright. But that fatherhood coaching, and I I've crushed fatherhood coaching. I I've become a better father because of it. I became better at content because I just started putting it out. I I had those I can't moments, and um, let's see how I overcame them though. All right. So the neuroscience of the identity trap, right? Let's look at what actually happens in our heads. As adults, we hate feeling incompetent. When we were eight years old, falling off a bike was normal. As adults, failing at something new feels like your throat or it feels like I was gonna say your throat feels like it got cut in half and you're just bleeding out. But it feels like a threat to our identity. So to protect our ego, our brain gives us a way out. The finality trap. We turn a temporary lack of skill into a permanent personality trait. You don't say, I haven't learned how to manage a budget. You say, I'm bad with money. You don't say I haven't mastered difficult conversations. You just say, I'm just not a confrontational person. We all know these people, it's all over the place, especially when the politics starts coming in and it's ridiculous. Do you see what happens there? The moment you say I'm just not blank, you give yourself permission to quit trying. And this happens all over the place with adults. You retreat right back through the wall and straight into the comfort zone. You've declared the game over at halftime, which is fucking pathetic, especially if you're a parent, right? Like if you're a parent, can you imagine telling your kids like, oh, it's okay to quit? How many times have I seen like kids come to practice, jujitsu, soccer, any of the sports that my kids play? And after the first practice, the kids crying and the parents never come back. It's like, dude, push through that struggle. Allow your kid to be uncomfortable for a while because that's the only time we're gonna grow, especially when you're children. It's so easy. Alright. So, the framework, constructing the yet bridge. Enter the power of yet. The three-letter word that I was talking about earlier, guys. When you attach the word yet to the end of the limitation, you do two powerful things simultaneously. You honor reality, you aren't lying to yourself, you aren't playing toxic positivity and saying I'm amazing at this when you aren't. You're you acknowledge where you currently stand. And number two, you leave the door open for trajectory, yet signals to your brain that competence is a function of time and repetition, not genetics or luck. Right? That's a huge one. A lot of people don't want to put in the time in the repetitions. So what do you expect your kids to do? You can't just pull them from everything. Compare these two mindsets, okay? The closed loop. I don't know how to scale this business. The response, paralysis, anxiety, retreat. That's literally how I felt when I started the whole thing with fatherhood coaching and why I wanted a partner because I didn't know shit about business. I didn't know shit about sales, I didn't know shit about creating an online space. And now, I mean, people come to me all the time for online spaces four years later. So, but back then I was that person. I don't know how to scale this business, I don't know how to build a business. Open loop, right? I don't know how to scale this business yet. Problem solving, learning, and action, those are the responses that you get. So instead, you know, I can't is a final judgment, not yet, is a strategic delay. It forces you out of a fixed mindset and into directly into process orientation. All right. All right, so I want everyone out there that's listening to this, take 30 seconds right now. Think about something. If you have a pen and paper, write down something that is a primary I can't or I'm not that you've been telling yourself over the last six months. Think about it, right? I'm sure most of you don't have pen and paper, anything like that. So just think about it right now. What is it? Most things I hear from dads, I can't wake up early. Why? Alright, how about the leaders in the military? I can't lead this team. I'm not built to handle this level of stress. Right? Find the statement, look at it on the paper, look at it in your brain, say it over. Now, append the word yet into the end of it. Now say it again to yourself. I can't wake up early yet. I can't lead this team yet. I'm not building, I'm not built to handle this level of stress yet. See how the energy just changes? Right then and there, it just changes. The first one feels like a sentence handed down by a judge. The second one feels like a tactical challenge. Alright. So as you know, I'm following the Warrior Kid Club, what I coach kids in, and probably next week will be off of what the they're learning. But this week we're gonna finish it up because I can't teach you about the comfort zone and growth zone without teaching the yet, right? They go together. So I gave the kids homework in action, and so I'm gonna try to give you guys something out there to audit your self-talk. Because whenever I'm gonna do these monologues, I'm gonna always try to give you guys some what I call to the kids home missions because they're warrior kids, right? It's a mission. Audit your self-talk. The next time you feel that spike of friction or imposter syndrome, catch the I can't in real time. It's gonna be hard, but catch it. Force yourself to say yeah out loud if you have to. I was telling people yesterday in my other uh in the warrior kid club, I was telling them, I'm like, my son often now he catches himself, but it may be a pause, maybe a 15-second pause, and he'll be like, I can't do push-ups yet. I'm like, you're lucky you do that yet on there, or you'd be doing burpees. So, you know, um, that's you're they're not allowed in my house. You can't say I can't. That that equals five burpees. We have five burpee statements that uh are like I can't. You do we just don't say that. It's impossible. That's not a statement we have in our house. All right, audit your environment. Listen to your team, your spouse, your peers. When someone on your team brings you a problem and says, We can't get this project done, step in as the leader and reframe it. And we have to figure we haven't figured it out yet. So, what's the next step? Right in the military, that was a very common thing. All right, so we haven't figured it out yet. What are we gonna do? We're gonna blue team it and red team it, and we're and we're gonna fight this out all the way. And then own the process. Remember, you aren't defined by the current capability, you're defined by your willingness to bridge the gap between where you are and where you are going. So stop treating current limitations as permanent conditions. That's the problem with the world. Put yet at the end of a sentence and get back to work. Like that's how easy it is. All right. So, uh anyone who's listening, I hope you enjoyed this conversation. Um, as my family's going through the fourth day of food poisoning, uh, I'm gonna get back to taking care of the kids. It's gonna be a short one today. And um, hopefully, Nate will be back next week. Thank you guys for sticking along with me with my monologues without Nate. Uh, send prayers to Nate so he can get some sleep and prayers to my family so we can all overcome this food poisoning this week. And uh we'll be traveling again next week. We leave again heading towards Guatemala. Anyways, I'll leave the Warrior Kid Club down in the comments or down in the description. Check it out. Uh, if you have kids under 12, that's what that's who it's for. Uh, we do two workouts a week, one on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and my six-year-old son leads them. And on Sundays, I give a call just like this. We'll do a little workout first, and then we'll talk about that and let's open it up for the kids to talk so we can hear how they process things. One of the biggest things we have as parents is we don't have the time or the patience to let our kids think things out and process them. So that's what the Boyer Kid Club's all about. It also has all my all my parenting guides, all my parenting tips, all of my PDFs, my book, my six-week fatherhood course, all my kid guides, all my family audits, everything is inside there, all only for $19 a month, guys. It won't stay $19 a month forever. So come jump in, come join us, come join the conversation, and let's start raising some more of your kids together. And don't forget, subscribe, send this to a friend, share it with someone who is always saying, I can't. Let's get everyone out of that habit because the world will level up when we all level up together and we need to do it together. Unfortunately, that's the truth. Or listen to some of my other episodes, but I think will happen. Uh, and we're not gonna do conspiracies today. Anyways, everyone, I hope you have a great day and let's get after it. Have a great week. Take care.