SPEAKER_00: Church, let's pray.
SPEAKER_00: As we do, we're gonna come out of Psalm 127 to lead us.
SPEAKER_00: Father, I am thankful for Psalms like Psalm 127 that teach us that the framework of life is unless you blank.
SPEAKER_00: If not for you, blank.
SPEAKER_00: Like unless you build the house, those who labor it build in vain.
SPEAKER_00: Lord, unless you step in and keep us.
SPEAKER_00: Unless you step in and help us, unless you build, we could spend all of our time as humans toiling in things and have it go nowhere.
SPEAKER_00: Lord, unless you watch over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.
SPEAKER_00: We could stay up all night.
SPEAKER_00: But Lord, this is a prayer acknowledging and reminding ourselves that unless you are involved, how easy is it, Lord, to live every one of our days with a subtle trust in ourselves, a forgetfulness of you, a lack of desperation that leads us to this kind of prayer.
SPEAKER_00: But Lord, we come together on Lord's Day Sundays to be reminded of your word, to be reminded of our need for you, to be reminded of your greatness and your goodness and your power and your preserving grace.
SPEAKER_00: Father, we need that.
SPEAKER_00: Unless you watch over our marriages, unless you watch over the state of our hearts, unless you help us turn from our sin.
SPEAKER_00: Unless you help us restore to us the joy we once had in relationship with one another, the joy of our salvation, unless you, God, Father, as we look at your word today, we're reminded of the fact that there's much we need to apply to our lives.
SPEAKER_00: We have responsibility for that.
SPEAKER_00: But unless you empower us in the application, we'll apply things in vain, we'll pursue growth in vain.
SPEAKER_00: Unless you, Lord, unless you empower the preaching, the proclamation is in vain, Father.
SPEAKER_00: We need you for everything, and I pray that by your spirit people would hear a better sermon than the one prepared for them today.
SPEAKER_00: God, we trust you to do the work to empower us that with you, God, we can repent.
SPEAKER_00: With you, we can forgive.
SPEAKER_00: With you, we can be reconciled to one another.
SPEAKER_00: Give us that hope today, Lord, as we look at your word.
SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_00: And all God's people said.
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
SPEAKER_00: If you have a copy of God's word, feel free to grab it.
SPEAKER_00: This would be a great time to do so.
SPEAKER_00: And why don't you turn with me to Song of Solomon chapter 2?
SPEAKER_00: We're going to look at one particular verse today, but we're going to read the entire section just to give you a context for where we're reading out of.
SPEAKER_00: Song of Solomon chapter 2.
SPEAKER_00: If you don't have a copy of God's word, the verses are going to be on the screens.
SPEAKER_00: As well as if you don't own a Bible at all, there are Bibles on tables to the sides of the worship center.
SPEAKER_00: Would encourage you.
SPEAKER_00: It's our gift to you.
SPEAKER_00: We would love to have you take one of those with you.
SPEAKER_00: We come to the Word of the Lord out of Song of Solomon, chapter 2, which, if you get to Psalms, just go a little bit to the right, you know.
SPEAKER_00: Some of you I can hear it's like there's probably a struggle.
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know where that book is.
SPEAKER_00: But the best thing about Psalms is that pretty much when you open the Bible in half, you find yourself in Psalms, don't you?
SPEAKER_00: And then just move a little bit over.
SPEAKER_00: It's a small little book, so you miss it.
SPEAKER_00: Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon.
SPEAKER_00: This is the word of the Lord for today.
SPEAKER_00: The voice of my beloved, behold, he comes leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.
SPEAKER_00: My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.
SPEAKER_00: Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice.
SPEAKER_00: My beloved speaks and says to me, Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.
SPEAKER_00: For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone, the flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land.
SPEAKER_00: The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom.
SPEAKER_00: They give forth fragrance.
SPEAKER_00: Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.
SPEAKER_00: O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, and the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
SPEAKER_00: Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.
SPEAKER_00: My beloved is mine and I am his.
SPEAKER_00: He grazes among the lilies until the day breathes and the shadows flee.
SPEAKER_00: Turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains.
SPEAKER_00: Love ones, this is the word of the Lord for this Lord's Day Sunday, and I'm praying as always that the Lord would write these eternal truths on your heart, and with that you can be seated.
SPEAKER_00: Church, it's a great joy to worship with you today.
SPEAKER_00: If you have a copy of God's word, you're gonna want to go to Song of Solomon chapter two.
SPEAKER_00: And my name is Scott, I'm the lead pastor here.
SPEAKER_00: It's a great joy to have you with us.
SPEAKER_00: And is anyone counting?
SPEAKER_00: Is this week nine of the series?
SPEAKER_00: Week ten?
SPEAKER_00: Nobody cares.
SPEAKER_00: Great.
SPEAKER_00: Um fantastic.
SPEAKER_00: It's one of those weeks.
SPEAKER_00: It's week nine or week ten.
SPEAKER_00: It really doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_00: I trust that you're getting something out of it.
SPEAKER_00: If not, we're awake now for that comment that I just made that nobody cares.
SPEAKER_00: All right, so the grammar of marriage is the title of the series, and we're talking about God's framework for his gift of grace.
SPEAKER_00: And the reality is, is regardless if you're married or not, you've actually needed this series.
SPEAKER_00: And you've probably needed this series in various ways, depending on how you've approached the series and what you think you need or don't need or how this applies or doesn't apply to you, because the truth is all of God's word applies, and we've spoken about that recently.
SPEAKER_00: And I trust that the Lord has brought many things up that apply not just in the context of a relationship or of a marriage, but in the context of your life as a Christian, because marriage isn't detached from discipleship as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00: And today's theme or subject for the message should very much apply to life broadly as well.
SPEAKER_00: And so with that, we will jump right in and give you the title of the message for this morning: Protect Your Marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't know if you've seen these um news stories about these coastal homes that are collapsing into the ocean.
SPEAKER_00: Have you seen this at all?
SPEAKER_00: See, these homes in Malibu are literally on the I mean, they're beautiful, right?
SPEAKER_00: I mean, some of you, have you did you go to the ocean this summer?
SPEAKER_00: Have you guys been to the ocean this summer as part of your summer vacation?
SPEAKER_00: Like, those homes are incredible, but they turn out to be quite dangerous over time.
SPEAKER_00: And some of them literally built on the edge of a cliff, got a beautiful view, are falling, they're cascading down and falling into the ocean.
SPEAKER_00: Now, that collapse of those beautiful coastal homes does not happen because of one giant wave.
SPEAKER_00: Those homes collapse because of the slow, subtle, largely invisible erosion caused by a million ordinary waves.
SPEAKER_00: It creates these wave after wave after wave, creates these hairline cracks that are almost imperceptible to the human eye.
SPEAKER_00: And these hairline cracks get hit with the water, and as the water hits the sides, uh, it loosens the soil, it weakens the rock, and over a long period of time, parts of the cliff begin to fall into the ocean until eventually the houses on top of these cliffs are at stake.
SPEAKER_00: Now, I think probably if you were paying attention, you can connect the dots between what I just shared as an illustration and where we're going today, and that is most marriages are not ruined by one catastrophic issue.
SPEAKER_00: Most marriages are not ruined overnight, despite the perception often given to the pastor.
SPEAKER_00: Pastor, it's an emergency, come right now, by the way, fix it right now for us.
SPEAKER_00: And young Scott, oh young Scott, he was so ambitious and wanted to fix it and optimistic and just thought, man, with the word of God and the Spirit of God, and look, it seems like they want to fix it, and it was just one big thing.
SPEAKER_00: Certainly God's gospel can overcome it.
SPEAKER_00: And then you do the deep digging and you go a little bit deeper and you go a little bit deeper and you realize that's the issue.
SPEAKER_00: The issue isn't that the marriage fell apart in that major moment that you're now saying, Come come, come, come, come, come now.
SPEAKER_00: No.
SPEAKER_00: Far more often the truth is the marriage was weakened by a bunch of small, unchecked, overlooked issues that subtly accumulated until the marriage itself was endangered.
SPEAKER_00: What I want to show you today out of God's word is in Song of Solomon chapter 2, verse 15, one verse, perhaps an overlooked verse in a difficult book of the Bible, speaking about the catching of these foxes.
SPEAKER_00: Now, Song of Solomon, Solomon presents to us in this the picture of a vineyard.
SPEAKER_00: And there's this anticipation, there's this hope, there's this excitement of a fruitful harvest.
SPEAKER_00: But there's threats identified to the harvest.
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
SPEAKER_00: And wouldn't you know it?
SPEAKER_00: It's the same sort of threats that we've been talking about in these last two illustrations about whether it's your marriage or the coastal homes.
SPEAKER_00: The big threat that is being dealt with in chapter 2, verse 15 is not some blistering windstorm.
SPEAKER_00: It's not some catastrophic fire that threatens to burn down the entire vineyard.
SPEAKER_00: No, what is it?
SPEAKER_00: It's the threat of a few small pests slipping in unnoticed and destroying future fruit in your relationship.
SPEAKER_00: See, the wisdom that's here is quite simple.
SPEAKER_00: God's wisdom is clear.
SPEAKER_00: Growing marriages are protective marriages.
SPEAKER_00: Or, to put it this way, for a big idea, healthy marriages guard what God is growing.
SPEAKER_00: Healthy marriages, they guard what God is growing.
SPEAKER_00: They're protective marriages.
SPEAKER_00: And as we break down this verse, you're gonna get some insight into how do I go about protecting my marriage?
SPEAKER_00: How what are the steps, what are the things that I ought to consider as I think about a proactive approach to caring for my marriage versus a reactive approach to caring for your marriage.
SPEAKER_00: And by the way, if you're not married and you're like, I have no plans to get married, just sub out marriage for relationship.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: Sub out marriage for relationship.
SPEAKER_00: And there is plenty of wisdom here because to be very clear, I'm going to preach the principle, the wisdom principle of this verse, and I believe it applies for relationships across the board.
SPEAKER_00: So if healthy marriages guard what God is growing, how do we develop these proactive, guarding, protective marriages or relationships?
SPEAKER_00: Here's the first thing I see in the text.
SPEAKER_00: Number one, cultivate a preventative approach.
SPEAKER_00: Sadly, this is often missing.
SPEAKER_00: Cultivate a preventative approach.
SPEAKER_00: So often the conversation is help me fix my broken ex, help me fix my broken marriage, help me fix my broken relationship.
SPEAKER_00: One of the things that we learn about the wisdom of this text is that the verse's emphasis is preventative.
SPEAKER_00: Instead of reacting to fix a broken marriage, the key of the wisdom in this is being proactive to preserve a flourishing relationship.
SPEAKER_00: The context of chapter 2, verse 15 begins what we started reading in chapter 2, verse 8.
SPEAKER_00: And what you'll find as we go through the context a little bit, revisit it, is that the warning or the command that comes in verse 15 comes not after the relationship has begun to fail.
SPEAKER_00: The command comes while the relationship is thriving.
SPEAKER_00: The warning comes while the marital relationship is flourishing.
SPEAKER_00: Now let's see that thriving.
SPEAKER_00: Let's see that flourishing.
SPEAKER_00: Notice the progression.
SPEAKER_00: Chapter 2, verses 8 and 9.
SPEAKER_00: There's this anticipation of her lover's arrival, right?
SPEAKER_00: Behold, he comes leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.
SPEAKER_00: They're so excited, right?
SPEAKER_00: Chapter 2, verse 10 through chapter 2, verse 13.
SPEAKER_00: The man invites her into this springtime enjoyment of relationship and fellowship.
SPEAKER_00: He describes it of like, man, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone, the flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing is come.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we are getting excited.
SPEAKER_00: It is time to see some of this blossoming take place, right?
SPEAKER_00: There's a fruitfulness anticipated, there's an excitement anticipated, and man, are they delighting in one another?
SPEAKER_00: He speaks in verse 14, O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, your voice is sweet and your face is lovely, right?
SPEAKER_00: This is so vibrant, thriving, flourishing.
SPEAKER_00: And then suddenly, in the context of enjoyment, comes a command to protect the relationship.
SPEAKER_00: Notice what the command is catch the foxes for us.
SPEAKER_00: Now, again, today I'm gonna preach the principal wisdom of this verse, right?
SPEAKER_00: There there needs to be a day in the future, Lord willing, the Lord preserves my life, and frankly, some of yours at the 8:30 in particular, we um we will get here to the Song of Solomon, all right?
SPEAKER_00: And we will break this passage down.
SPEAKER_00: But because people are like super Bible people and maybe don't like the fact that I'm just gonna preach the wisdom of this, let me just answer a few questions just to calm everyone down, drop the emails for this week.
SPEAKER_00: Is Song of Solomon figuratively a picture about the relationship of Jesus Christ and the church?
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
SPEAKER_00: I do believe that.
SPEAKER_00: Is it also literally a picture of covenantal love between a man and a woman?
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
SPEAKER_00: Is there some debate on who's talking and what exactly this particular verse is about?
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
SPEAKER_00: In fact, singles, uh, someone, let's go with singles, not all singles are aspiring to be married, but singles who are aspiring to be married and are listening, some say this verse is an invitation to outsiders to help protect the purity of a blossoming relationship.
SPEAKER_00: So, in other words, what this is saying is, hey, singles, you should have some accountability on the outside of your relationship that is in a very fragile but super exciting stage, right?
SPEAKER_00: You're into each other, it's going well, you need some accountability on the outside.
SPEAKER_00: And this is speaking into a premarital context, okay?
SPEAKER_00: There's some wisdom in that for you.
SPEAKER_00: Who's your accountability people?
SPEAKER_00: Who are the ones that would speak into your life and make sure that you preserve the holiness of that relationship?
SPEAKER_00: Make sure you protect the purity of that relationship.
SPEAKER_00: Who's speaking into that from the female side, from the male side?
SPEAKER_00: Do you have a group?
SPEAKER_00: That's what some people believe this text is talking about in terms of the actual literal way it's playing out.
SPEAKER_00: Others note that this alludes to foxes meaning other potential women or people in the scenario, as it's likely Solomon had at least one wife in the picture.
SPEAKER_00: And that they're pursuing this kind of exclusivity in their relationship, which picks up in verse 16 where she says, My beloved is mine and I am his.
SPEAKER_00: There's no sharing.
SPEAKER_00: There's a kind of exclusivity.
SPEAKER_00: And what could affect this growing relationship is, of course, other people in it.
SPEAKER_00: And that you need to preserve and protect a kind of exclusivity in your relationship.
SPEAKER_00: And this is hard when you're single and you go around from it's okay to kind of hang out and maybe lightly flirt with a bunch of people, but then when you dial in on someone and you're like, this is one, then no eyes for other people.
SPEAKER_00: And maybe I gotta fix the way that I address and interact with people of the opposite sex where I used to have such a light, casual, flirty kind of way about me.
SPEAKER_00: Now you gotta change some things, right?
SPEAKER_00: And so you could play off of that.
SPEAKER_00: There's some application there.
SPEAKER_00: But again, if that helps singles, praise God.
SPEAKER_00: I do believe that's embedded in some of the wisdom here.
SPEAKER_00: But for our purposes, more broadly speaking today, I wanna preach the principle, okay?
SPEAKER_00: And the principle is, and I'm taking foxes here, catch the foxes, or some translations have catch the jackals.
SPEAKER_00: So if you're like, oh, foxes are cute, jackals are less cute, okay?
SPEAKER_00: As a broad category, foxes or jackals as a broad category for threats to a relationship, okay?
SPEAKER_00: So that's how we're gonna talk about it today.
SPEAKER_00: We're talking about foxes or jackals here as a broad category for threats or obstacles to a blossoming relationship.
SPEAKER_00: So wherever you are, to where you would like to be by God's grace, and that that's a stage for every marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter if you've been married 45 years, 46 has something better for you, Lord willing, right?
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter if you're engaged and you're looking to marriage, the next days have something better for you.
SPEAKER_00: So we're talking about anything that is an obstacle to a blossoming relationship wherever your relationship stands.
SPEAKER_00: Now, let's jump into the actual verse.
SPEAKER_00: Catch the foxes is the command.
SPEAKER_00: And let me articulate to you that the command is active and it is urgent, which is so important.
SPEAKER_00: So whatever it's meaning, it's meaning do it now.
SPEAKER_00: So whatever you have to apply the message today starts.
SPEAKER_00: Tell me.
SPEAKER_00: Today.
SPEAKER_00: It starts now.
SPEAKER_00: It can't wait.
SPEAKER_00: You don't just go, you know what, I'll get to that later on.
SPEAKER_00: By the way, that's what a lot of marriages do.
SPEAKER_00: I'll get to that later on.
SPEAKER_00: Nope, nope, can't do that.
SPEAKER_00: Do it now.
SPEAKER_00: And what are you to do?
SPEAKER_00: Well, this idea of the verb catch is a forceful word.
SPEAKER_00: It means take firm control.
SPEAKER_00: The image is of removing the threat entirely.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, you're not one of those like pro-animal people, we'll just trap it and then set it loose.
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how to say this.
SPEAKER_00: You don't set them loose, you take them out.
SPEAKER_00: I know some of you are like, I can't, I can't.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, think about it in another context.
SPEAKER_00: Take hold of them before they take hold of your vineyard.
SPEAKER_00: This summer I had the privilege of getting to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law, and they have a massive gopher problem in Pallos Verdes.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys know this, but it is wild.
SPEAKER_00: And they've had to replace their grass multiple times because those gophers burrow in there and they start nibbling at the roots, and it kills all of the grass.
SPEAKER_00: They're planting all these cool plants on the side of their hill, and all of them are dying.
SPEAKER_00: And so we were on straight up death mode when I was there.
SPEAKER_00: We were planting and we were watching.
SPEAKER_00: I had a it was it was basically three things we were allowed to do: uh shoot them, drown them, or trap them, essentially.
SPEAKER_00: And by trap them, I really mean snap them, because when they go, they're gone, right?
SPEAKER_00: This wasn't like, oh, we'll catch it and then we'll just release them.
SPEAKER_00: They come back.
SPEAKER_00: You kill them, you get rid of them, and was it fun?
SPEAKER_00: It's a bunch of adults kind of having yes, it was very fun.
SPEAKER_00: This was so fun.
SPEAKER_00: It actually got to feel productive.
SPEAKER_00: Like, sweetheart, I'm going outside to take care of Ryan's land for him.
SPEAKER_00: Came to, we mowed down a bunch of gophers.
SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly the approach that you need to have to the foxes.
SPEAKER_00: Because listen, the great majority of the threats of your marriage as it pertains to foxes in your life are little sins.
SPEAKER_00: And you do not manage sin.
SPEAKER_00: You don't trap sin and release it somewhere else.
SPEAKER_00: You don't coddle your sin.
SPEAKER_00: As the great John Owen said, you are killing sin, or sin is killing you.
SPEAKER_00: Sin is not the only threat to your marriage, but it is the greatest threat.
SPEAKER_00: And so it does help to call it what it is.
SPEAKER_00: When you see little sins, our tendency is not to call them little sins.
SPEAKER_00: It's not anger.
SPEAKER_00: I was just a little frustrated.
SPEAKER_00: You start in that culture, you're going to have some problems over time.
SPEAKER_00: It's okay to identify it as a little sin, but it is a little sin.
SPEAKER_00: Not only should you call it what it is, but you can't be vague about it.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like, you know, I may have crossed a line.
SPEAKER_00: That's not gonna help you.
SPEAKER_00: You may have crossed a line, did you or did you not?
SPEAKER_00: What'd you do?
SPEAKER_00: What was it specifically?
SPEAKER_00: Not what does the world say you did?
SPEAKER_00: What does the Bible say that is?
SPEAKER_00: How do you draw it back to what Scripture says?
SPEAKER_00: Because if you're not calling it what it is and you're being vague about it, it's very hard to kill it.
SPEAKER_00: And you gotta be accurate too.
SPEAKER_00: I know we don't mean a lot of what we say.
SPEAKER_00: Don't start your apology by I didn't mean what I said.
SPEAKER_00: The truth is, you totally meant what you said.
SPEAKER_00: Looking back, you regret what you said.
SPEAKER_00: Out of the heart, the mouth speaks.
SPEAKER_00: How many times have we started an apology to our spouse where we said I didn't mean what I said?
SPEAKER_00: Everybody knows what you're saying when you say that, but you should own it better.
SPEAKER_00: In that moment, because of my anger, I said something I totally felt in the moment.
SPEAKER_00: And I completely regret saying that.
SPEAKER_00: It's on me, not on you, and I shouldn't have gone there, but out of the heart, the mouth speaks.
SPEAKER_00: There's a wickedness in me that needs to be killed.
SPEAKER_00: That's the way you gotta approach that stuff.
SPEAKER_00: Catch the foxes for us.
SPEAKER_00: Sin never just deals with itself.
SPEAKER_00: That's the problem with marriages.
SPEAKER_00: You just assume sin's gonna deal with itself.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, sin never just deals with itself.
SPEAKER_00: If sin just dealt with itself, then Jesus died for no purpose.
SPEAKER_00: Sin has to be dealt with.
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the good news of the gospel.
SPEAKER_00: In Jesus Christ, sin has been dealt with.
SPEAKER_00: In Jesus Christ, the promise extends to any sinner who would turn from their sins and put their trust in the finished work of Jesus Christ, that Jesus Christ, after living a perfect life, was nailed to a cross where he suffered and died to pay the penalty for sinners.
SPEAKER_00: And he rose from the dead conquering sin.
SPEAKER_00: A demonstration of the validity before the Father of the Son's sacrifice on behalf of all of those who would call out to him.
SPEAKER_00: And he redeems us.
SPEAKER_00: God redeems us through the work of his son, applying that work by the power of the Holy Spirit to those who place their faith in Jesus Christ, so that not only are you redeemed, bought out of the kingdom of darkness, and transferred into God's kingdom essentially, but you are also being restored.
SPEAKER_00: God is restoring what sin has broken in your life, that this isn't the last word.
SPEAKER_00: God is looking to remake and rebuild by his grace what has been broken by sin.
SPEAKER_00: So he not only frees you from the penalty of sin, but he also frees you from the dominion of sin so that you might start to gain ground in holiness by the power of the Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: Now, this is the privilege of all who trust in Jesus Christ by faith.
SPEAKER_00: And so if you've yet to do this, so much of the marriage series is a challenge, if you have yet to do this.
SPEAKER_00: To turn from your sin and trust in Jesus Christ, might I encourage you, that is the place to start.
SPEAKER_00: We've got to be catching the foxes.
SPEAKER_00: Now, notice this catch the foxes, but it doesn't just say that, it says for us.
SPEAKER_00: Catch the foxes for us.
SPEAKER_00: Speaking as a relational couple, listen, the vineyard belongs to both of you in a marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Catch the foxes for us.
SPEAKER_00: There is a shared stewardship that you have together as husband and wife.
SPEAKER_00: There is a shared vigilance that you ought to have.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: Healthy marriages are intentional.
SPEAKER_00: Let me just be very clear.
SPEAKER_00: They're not just like, we totally got lucky.
SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty awesome.
SPEAKER_00: She's pretty awesome.
SPEAKER_00: Just worked out.
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people, not as awesome as me, not as awesome as her.
SPEAKER_00: Can sum up the counseling right there.
SPEAKER_00: Just not true.
SPEAKER_00: Healthy marriages are intentional.
SPEAKER_00: Do nothing and unhealthy will just start to happen.
SPEAKER_00: Coast and unhealthy will start to happen.
SPEAKER_00: Drift and decay will start to happen.
SPEAKER_00: You don't drift towards growth.
SPEAKER_00: You drift towards decay in a fallen world.
SPEAKER_00: And so one of the things we have to do is give attention to inspection, right?
SPEAKER_00: Inspecting our relationship, inspecting our hearts.
SPEAKER_00: If we're to cultivate a preventative approach, we have got to give attention to inspection.
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: start with yourself, right?
SPEAKER_00: Jeremiah 17, 9 is a very challenging verse about the deceitfulness of the human heart, about the desperate wickedness of the human heart.
SPEAKER_00: It is so hard to track your heart.
SPEAKER_00: God help us, right?
SPEAKER_00: We need God.
SPEAKER_00: Unless God helps us surface what's going on in the heart, we are in trouble because we are capable, very capable, of being deceived by our hearts.
SPEAKER_00: You'll notice in Scripture so many focus points on giving attention to inspecting yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 4.23, keep your heart with all vigilance.
SPEAKER_00: 1 Peter 5.8, be sober-minded, be watchful.
SPEAKER_00: The devil is prowling like a roaring lion.
SPEAKER_00: 1 Timothy 4.16 to Pastor Timothy, but absolutely extends to fellow Christians.
SPEAKER_00: Keep a close watch on yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Vigilant, active, daily watchfulness on yourself and on the teaching.
SPEAKER_00: Acts 20, 28 says something similar.
SPEAKER_00: Pay careful attention to yourselves.
SPEAKER_00: This is so important.
SPEAKER_00: Do this not just when things are going bad, do it especially when things are going well.
SPEAKER_00: Work on your marriage when it seems healthy.
SPEAKER_00: Far better to be in maintenance mode constantly than repair mode every once in a while.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how you do that, but for Aaron and I, we just do how we doin' dates.
SPEAKER_00: Do you guys have that?
SPEAKER_00: Check-ins, how we doing dates.
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't have to be like certain, like, oh, on our anniversary, we do a how you how we doing date.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that's what you want to do on your anniversary, all right?
SPEAKER_00: Thinking more celebratory on your anniversary, but how we doing dates are just like, hey, check-in, commitments we've made to each other, ways we're serving one another.
SPEAKER_00: So easy just to be two ships passing in the night with a lot of stuff going on.
SPEAKER_00: Are we dialed in with potential cracks in the foundation of the relationship?
SPEAKER_00: Are there footholds to borrow the language of the New Testament?
SPEAKER_00: Places that we see that the enemy could get in or that our flesh could be active in some way to disrupt or divide us, recommitting to the habits that led to us having such a great relationship in the first place, right?
SPEAKER_00: As people say, falling in love is easy.
SPEAKER_00: Staying in love requires regular checkups.
SPEAKER_00: You don't stay madly in love by being on cruise control in your marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Paul Tripp's known for saying there's a temptation towards visual lethargy, he says.
SPEAKER_00: It's that you didn't notice something that became a thing because at some point you just quit looking.
SPEAKER_00: Stay on it.
SPEAKER_00: Act as soon as the threat is found.
SPEAKER_00: Because for marriages to grow, they must be proactively guarded from threats.
SPEAKER_00: Cultivate, can't tell you how important this is, a preventative approach.
SPEAKER_00: Now, if we're gonna grow these healthy marriages, it's not just that.
SPEAKER_00: We see something else really important from the text to proactively protect your marriage when it is going well, ideally.
SPEAKER_00: Number two, catch things when they're small.
SPEAKER_00: Catch things when they're small.
SPEAKER_00: This is an easy lob, right?
SPEAKER_00: You know what a lob is?
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: This is an easy lob of a question for you.
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready?
SPEAKER_00: This is one we can dial in and get the right answer, all right?
SPEAKER_00: What kind of foxes are the concern in this verse?
SPEAKER_00: Little ones, like this is open book, open note, right?
SPEAKER_00: It's like impossible to miss.
SPEAKER_00: All the people are like, I'm never gonna participate in anything out loud.
SPEAKER_00: You even can do this one.
SPEAKER_00: And you can, I don't even care.
SPEAKER_00: Mumble it under your breath.
SPEAKER_00: Know it in your heart.
SPEAKER_00: Look at the page, read the word.
SPEAKER_00: I'm serious, right now.
SPEAKER_00: Go, look, right now, look.
SPEAKER_00: The what?
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the little, little foxes.
SPEAKER_00: The little foxes are the ones that spoil the vineyards.
SPEAKER_00: The kind that can slip in unnoticed.
SPEAKER_00: The kind where you're like, we've put up some barriers.
SPEAKER_00: There's no way this guy is getting in.
SPEAKER_00: The little dude's getting in there and he finds a way.
SPEAKER_00: It's the little ones you have to watch out for precisely because they what?
SPEAKER_00: They seem little.
SPEAKER_00: Because they come in unnoticed.
SPEAKER_00: Because when we think of little, we go, how much how big a deal is that?
SPEAKER_00: How big a deal is that?
SPEAKER_00: Little does not mean insignificant.
SPEAKER_00: Little things can do huge damage.
SPEAKER_00: As Benjamin Franklin once said, a small leak will sink a great ship.
SPEAKER_00: And you can know the Titanic story, a more modern story.
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, it's like, oh, it was the iceberg, it was the iceberg, but technically, it was a set of small breaches in watertight compartments that led to the sinking.
SPEAKER_00: Practically, little foxes, what does this look like then?
SPEAKER_00: What are we talking about?
SPEAKER_00: What are we looking at then in our marriages?
SPEAKER_00: What are we looking at on our relationships?
SPEAKER_00: It's pretty simple, right?
SPEAKER_00: Looking for easily overlooked, less obvious, good at hiding, patterns, actions, thoughts, motives that may come up on a regular basis.
SPEAKER_00: Or certain acceptable sins, maybe culturally acceptable sins, maybe sins that you are okay with, not in public, but maybe behind closed doors in your weird little family dynamic.
SPEAKER_00: Just trying to connect.
SPEAKER_00: And some of you have weird family dynamics.
SPEAKER_00: Like I know, I don't even have to walk in and I know I could just go and go, yep, yep, yep, yep, that's weird.
SPEAKER_00: That's weird.
SPEAKER_00: Some things in your life that you think you can manage, little things that you think you can manage.
SPEAKER_00: Ah, it's not that big a deal.
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't look at it all the time.
SPEAKER_00: I'll give you some some ideas.
SPEAKER_00: Um, little foxes.
SPEAKER_00: Undealt with irritations, unresolved conflict.
SPEAKER_00: Emotional distancing.
SPEAKER_00: You can't even pick it up quite yet, but you're starting to feel it.
SPEAKER_00: Emotional distancing between you and your spouse.
SPEAKER_00: Or the person you're in a relationship with.
SPEAKER_00: Prayerlessness.
SPEAKER_00: You stop praying.
SPEAKER_00: Careless words.
SPEAKER_00: Coping habits.
SPEAKER_00: There's something that they do when this problem takes place.
SPEAKER_00: They cope in this particular way.
SPEAKER_00: Coping habits.
SPEAKER_00: Look for the ways you cope.
SPEAKER_00: Uncommunicated expectations.
SPEAKER_00: Men and women can have these.
SPEAKER_00: Ladies, it's more devastating when yours are not fulfilled, typically.
SPEAKER_00: Digital distractions.
SPEAKER_00: We're together, but we're not actually together.
SPEAKER_00: That is a lot of the problem.
SPEAKER_00: It's like, man, we spent a lot of time together.
SPEAKER_00: No, you have watched TV together.
SPEAKER_00: You have zoned out.
SPEAKER_00: I guess proximity is good, and I'm not saying there's never any time for that.
SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying that digital distraction will take over.
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's what this looks like to be so proactive, as we said in point one, that you're really catching these things early, as point two is talking about.
SPEAKER_00: Catching the little foxes then is like saying this.
SPEAKER_00: Catch hurt right away before it becomes resentment.
SPEAKER_00: This is the point.
SPEAKER_00: Identify distance growing right away before it becomes isolation from one another.
SPEAKER_00: Find those differences that you are saying, you have no problem with, you have no problem with, but inside you got a problem with.
SPEAKER_00: Find those differences in the spouse that you're with before they create division between the two of you.
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times it's just an unspoken division.
SPEAKER_00: You don't even talk about it all the way, and it goes for a long period of time.
SPEAKER_00: And then emotes out with other things that you're frustrated about later on.
SPEAKER_00: Identify, here's one that's interesting.
SPEAKER_00: Identify the annoyances you have with your spouse before they become sarcasm that you use in a group of people about your spouse.
SPEAKER_00: You ever seen that before?
SPEAKER_00: If he goes, ha ha ha ha, that's so funny.
SPEAKER_00: I don't think the spouse is finding it as funny as you are.
SPEAKER_00: And now you're saying it in front of a group of people.
SPEAKER_00: Catch the annoyance because the sarcasm is the overflow that the annoyance hasn't been dealt with.
SPEAKER_00: We see how this is going, right?
SPEAKER_00: Listen, I don't know every instance of your situation.
SPEAKER_00: I've tried to pick up a bunch of them, but I'm hoping that the Spirit of God will take some of these and go, yep, that's the one for us.
SPEAKER_00: Or based on this list, it's actually none of those, but I can get where I need to go because of where you helped me get to.
SPEAKER_00: That's what preaching is about, right?
SPEAKER_00: So I'm hoping to lead you, but you gotta drink.
SPEAKER_00: You gotta look at some of this stuff and figure out where you are.
SPEAKER_00: You've got to ask yourself, what small things are you tolerating?
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: start with yourself.
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean you can't address the spouse, but start with yourself.
SPEAKER_00: The humble approach is so helpful.
SPEAKER_00: What priority do you place on keeping short accounts?
SPEAKER_00: This is so important.
SPEAKER_00: It's important in your relationship with Christ, it's important with your relationship with your spouse.
SPEAKER_00: What priority do you place on keeping short accounts?
SPEAKER_00: Listen, every marriage, every marriage, every marriage, am I clear?
SPEAKER_00: Every marriage accumulates offenses.
SPEAKER_00: Every single marriage accumulates offenses.
SPEAKER_00: Healthy marriages don't let little ones take off.
SPEAKER_00: So what do you gotta do?
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what your issues are.
SPEAKER_00: Act quickly.
SPEAKER_00: Surface it early.
SPEAKER_00: Act quickly on anger, right?
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 17, 14.
SPEAKER_00: The beginning of strife is like letting out water.
SPEAKER_00: Quit before y'all get flooded.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that was my translation at the end.
SPEAKER_00: Act quickly on offenses.
SPEAKER_00: 1 Corinthians 13 5.
SPEAKER_00: Love keeps no record of wrongs.
SPEAKER_00: I know how you both say that to each other, but one seems to always have the record when it gets a little feisty.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: I've forgiven, I've forgiven, I've forgiven.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, wanna go this way, huh?
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
SPEAKER_00: Got the date, got the timestamp, all of that stuff.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiven, forgotten, but then when I need it, it comes back.
SPEAKER_00: Act quickly to confess.
SPEAKER_00: Whoever conceals his transgressions, put simply, will not prosper.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 28, 13.
SPEAKER_00: But here's the good news he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy, and that is good news every day of the week.
SPEAKER_00: And you need this multiple times in a day.
SPEAKER_00: Act quickly to forgive.
SPEAKER_00: I know that one's hard.
SPEAKER_00: Bearing with one another.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.
SPEAKER_00: Don't forget Matthew 6 on forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: If you're not forgiving, have you been forgiven, right?
SPEAKER_00: Now here's the thing.
SPEAKER_00: If you've been really badly relationally burned, that forgiveness thing is not a one like, oh wait, I forgave him once.
SPEAKER_00: I forgave her once.
SPEAKER_00: It is like a reapplication of the grace of God over and over and over.
SPEAKER_00: You are constantly pursuing forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: you're not digging out of your own strength bucket to apply strength that you need.
SPEAKER_00: You're digging out of your gospel bucket, which is endless.
SPEAKER_00: You can't deplete it.
SPEAKER_00: So, whatever you need for the worst offenses that you'll face in relationship, you will always have enough in the gospel bucket to keep applying the balm of God's grace and forgiveness to someone that you're relationally connected to.
SPEAKER_00: Act quickly to reconcile.
SPEAKER_00: When it seems off, don't just be like, hmm, I'm gonna wait them out.
SPEAKER_00: They want to do this, watch me do it longer.
SPEAKER_00: We'll see who's really competitive here, right?
SPEAKER_00: Some of the stuff's sick.
SPEAKER_00: It's it's a little funny.
SPEAKER_00: It's funny in this context.
SPEAKER_00: Way less funny at home.
SPEAKER_00: We clear catch the things when they're small.
SPEAKER_00: This is one of the most embarrassing things I wrote it down to say because it just fits so well.
SPEAKER_00: We have to have a Pokemon approach, we've got to catch them all.
SPEAKER_00: I know, I know, I know.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
SPEAKER_00: Scott's dumb, and that's stupid.
SPEAKER_00: I can't believe he said it.
SPEAKER_00: And yet, if you go back and think about it, that's what you have to do.
SPEAKER_00: And I would just add one more thing, kind of like a wrap: catch them all when they're small.
SPEAKER_00: And start now.
SPEAKER_00: Forgive me.
SPEAKER_00: It's not funny.
SPEAKER_00: It's just what happened, and I couldn't do anything about it.
SPEAKER_00: Last thing is this consider number three, as we think about a proactive, protective approach.
SPEAKER_00: Cultivate a preventative approach, catch things when they're small, and consider that today's foxes spoil tomorrow's fruit.
SPEAKER_00: One of the hardest things about a relationship is you put in so much work to grow.
SPEAKER_00: And what if you're allowing things today that affect the fruitfulness of tomorrow?
SPEAKER_00: If you lose hope in a relationship that by God's grace things are growing, you will be void of much.
SPEAKER_00: The reason why catching the foxes, the little foxes, is so important at this juncture in verse 15 is because the vineyards are in blossom.
SPEAKER_00: Which means a lot of things.
SPEAKER_00: Blossom means not yet bearing the mature grapes you want to see it bear.
SPEAKER_00: And again, premarital context, singles, protection and purity, protection and holiness, right?
SPEAKER_00: You have something fragile and sensitive and needs to be protect and upheld and not messed with, right?
SPEAKER_00: Loving the way that you ought to love as a single until your relationship status changes, which means you love the one you're with by keeping your hands off of them, period.
SPEAKER_00: And having good people accountable to you that are helping push you guys towards Christ, push you guys towards purity.
SPEAKER_00: You think about blossoming in the sense of it pictures something alive, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_00: There's this fragile gift of a relationship, and it's so true.
SPEAKER_00: Relationships are so sensitive, especially a marriage.
SPEAKER_00: It's so sensitive because it's so intimate, it's so close, they're so up in your business.
SPEAKER_00: More than ever before.
SPEAKER_00: It's hard to even understand what that's like, and it's vulnerable, right?
SPEAKER_00: And so when you're picturing something that's alive and something sensitive, it's either growing or it's decaying, right?
SPEAKER_00: We have to be careful of this.
SPEAKER_00: What happens when you hit your first fight?
SPEAKER_00: What happens when you make a statement that sticks way harder than expected in the heart of your spouse?
SPEAKER_00: What happens the moment after someone needs to repent for something relatively serious in the relationship that brings a sort of subtle fracture?
SPEAKER_00: How do you rebuild trust after that?
SPEAKER_00: How do you walk into that?
SPEAKER_00: It's sensitive, it's vulnerable.
SPEAKER_00: And of course, blossoms represent as well future fruit, right?
SPEAKER_00: Future fruit.
SPEAKER_00: Blossoming, meaning we're hoping for some fruit at the harvest.
SPEAKER_00: When you think about vineyards, too, you think about years of investment.
SPEAKER_00: Was it four or five years before you even get relatively decent grapes?
SPEAKER_00: All the work to prepare the soil, plant the vines, install the trellis, pruning, patience, all of it.
SPEAKER_00: One of the funny things that I say in premarital all the time is I like to remind anyone who I'm marrying that I am so glad I'm not in their place.
SPEAKER_00: I thank God.
SPEAKER_00: I thank God for it.
SPEAKER_00: I never want to go back to the stage that you're in because there is so much that God has done over the years to develop the love that I have for my spouse, and there's no way to get that love developed except going through the trials, the temptations, the seasons, the sins, repenting, the communication issues, and figuring out how to talk to each other.
SPEAKER_00: Man, we are a much more oiled machine, well-oiled machine, than we were at the beginning.
SPEAKER_00: I do not envy your position at all.
SPEAKER_00: I know they're always super giddy, right?
SPEAKER_00: The premaritals, so excited.
SPEAKER_00: Can't wait, you know?
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I I don't want that love at all.
SPEAKER_00: I don't want anything that you have going on.
SPEAKER_00: None of it excites me in the slightest.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know it's harsh.
SPEAKER_00: Get someone else to marry you, right?
SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't trade what I have for that in a thousand years.
SPEAKER_00: You couldn't pay me enough.
SPEAKER_00: So many hard fought.
SPEAKER_00: So many years of ministry with Aaron and I.
SPEAKER_00: So many battles nobody knows about but her.
SPEAKER_00: So many things that we stood in the gap and just weeped over together.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I wouldn't trade that for the world.
SPEAKER_00: Two bright-eyed, bushy-tailed 20-year-olds, super excited for you, keep Christ at the center, but the best years are coming.
SPEAKER_00: And the hope that tomorrow will be better depends on what you do today.
SPEAKER_00: Depends on what you do to protect things today.
SPEAKER_00: And listen, if you're in a situation where you're like, that's not the thing I need, I need to know that I've biffed it really bad and there's a way back, and there is a way back.
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna do a whole sermon on there's a way back.
SPEAKER_00: All right?
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna do a whole sermon on I'm not in maintenance mode, I'm in massive repair mode.
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna do that.
SPEAKER_00: But suffice it to say, repentance and forgiveness is the key.
SPEAKER_00: It releases the old to build the new, as my friend Dave Harvey says.
SPEAKER_00: Repentance and forgiveness is the key.
SPEAKER_00: Unchecked issues today affect the hope of a fruitful tomorrow.
SPEAKER_00: Today's forgiveness protects tomorrow's friendship.
SPEAKER_00: Today's repentance protects tomorrow's promise of the fruit of that work relationally working for you.
SPEAKER_00: Loved ones, healthy marriages require more than planting.
SPEAKER_00: They require protecting.
SPEAKER_00: And the harvest belongs to those who protect the growth that God gives by God's power, through his very Spirit dwelling in you, and by his word.
SPEAKER_00: Let's pray.
SPEAKER_00: Father, we we thank you for your word.
SPEAKER_00: God, I pray for the people listening that they will not wait until damage has been done to proactively and preventatively protect their marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Lord, it's such a precious gift that you've given us, and so it makes sense that there are so many pitfalls, especially two sinners living in a fallen world.
SPEAKER_00: God, there's a lot there.
SPEAKER_00: We desperately need your grace.
SPEAKER_00: Father, help there be application that takes place, not tomorrow, not down the road, right now, today, as needed, Lord.
SPEAKER_00: We trust you for what you need to bring to the surface, what conviction needs to come, what categories need to be brought up.
SPEAKER_00: And we trust you, Lord, that we will not do this in our own strength, but we will do it in the strength, strength that you supply, knowing that in the Lord our labor will not be in vain.
SPEAKER_00: So help us, Lord, towards this end.
SPEAKER_00: We pray in Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_00: Amen.