1 Peter 3:1-7 | Married With Understanding

Preacher: Tyler Masters

Passage: 1 Peter 3:1-7

Big Idea: How we respond to our spouse reveals our relationship with God and the condition of our own heart.

Main Points:

1. Reflecting the Cross (vv.1-2)

2. Resting in Christ (vv.3-6)

3. Responding with Compassion (v.7)

Transcript

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Amen, church. Let's pray. This morning we'll be coming out of Psalm 84. Lord, how lovely is your dwelling place. Oh Lord of hosts, my soul longs, yes, feints for the courts of the Lord. My heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. Lord, we praise you for your presence today. That as we gather together, we have the promise that you are here in the midst of us. Lord, we sing to you. We sing a new song, a song of the redeemed, those that you have called to be your children, those that you have called out of darkness, those that you have taken from the enemy and you have now given us protection in you. Lord, we rejoice in you today. Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praises. Lord, may the meditation of our heart and the words of our mouths as we are singing to you be true praise and thanksgiving. Because Lord, you are worthy to receive it. Blessed are those whose strength is in you and whose heart are the highways to Zion. They go from strength to strength. Each one appears before God in Zion. Lord, thank you for being our strength. Thank you for walking through the fire with us. Thank you, Lord, for promising that suffering always has purpose if we are in you. And so, Lord, as we gather together right now with the circumstances of life all around us, I pray you would calm our hearts. May we now, as we dwell in your presence and hear from your word, may we draw from you your strength, the strength of your Holy Spirit. So that, Lord, as we worship you, we're not worshiping in doubt and fear, but we are worshiping in confidence in you, our God, and our strength. Behold our shield, O God. Look to the face of your anointed. Jesus Christ is your anointed. And we in Him now enjoy the protection of Him being our shield and our protection. And Lord, we want to make much of Him. Lord, for a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I'd rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Lord, thank you. Thank you that Jesus Christ is our covering. Thank you that He is here amongst us. And I pray that we would be ever aware of that as we worship you through hearing your word and receiving it. For the Lord God is a son and a shield. The Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Lord, may that be true in our hearts. May we receive that and live according to this truth that you are our son and you are our shield, and that you do not withhold any good thing from your children. So Lord, we trust in you today. Give us eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to receive your word. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. Church, I'd like to encourage you to remain standing for the reading of God's word if you are able to do so. Today we'll be reading from 1 Peter chapter 3, from verses 1 to 7. If you don't have a Bible, we'd love to give you one. We have them on either side of the worship center, so feel free to go and grab one and take it as a gift. But we would love for you to follow along with us here in God's Word as we read from 1 Peter 3, 1 through 7. Unless you're British, then it's 1 Peter 3, 1 through 7. Want to be accommodating. This is the word of God. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children, if you do good, and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Church, this is the word of the Lord for us this morning. May God write his eternal truths in our hearts. And with that, you may be seated. Well, good morning, Church. My name is Tyler Masters. I am one of the pastors here at Doxa, and so glad that you have decided to join us for worship this morning. As you may have gathered, we are in the middle of a series right now on marriage. It's titled The Grammar of Marriage, God's Framework for His Gift of Grace. And so what we're doing is we're going as carefully as possible through Scripture to look at the basic constituents of what marriage was designed to be and what it now can be in Christ. And as you looked at the passage today, you're like, wow, this guy really is like the women's pastor. Like, what is going on? No, I am not. I am not. Bear with me because, as you may have noticed, it talks to wives and husbands. So uh wives, please don't feel like you're being singled out. Husbands, don't tune out because it's all very relevant, especially the wives part, and we're gonna explain why that's important to you in a little bit. Uh, we've already talked about the calling of a husband a few weeks ago, and then we talked about the calling of a wife and laying the groundwork for what it means to be a husband and wife according to the biblical model. And so, with that, uh, I want to pick up from there where we left off and hopefully bring a little more clarity to what that looks like as far as roles within marriage and the why behind it. So the title for today's message is Married with Understanding. Married with understanding. And so the concept actually is drawn from the last verse that we read, verse 7, where Peter's talking to husbands about living with their wives in an understanding way. Uh, this is applicable to husbands and wives, to be living in understanding of the other person. Uh, the King James, I like the way that it translates it, uses the word according to knowledge. And this is one of those fun little facts about Bible trivia. You ready for this? Because we always talk about a relationship with Jesus Christ. We're not a religion, it's about a relationship. Fun fact the word relationship shows up zero times in the Bible. Zero. But the word that does show up, that means relationship, is to know. And that's a relationship on many levels, even on the most intimate level, which is why it says that Adam knew his wife and she bore him a son, if you get what I'm saying. Very intimate knowledge. So when you talk about knowing in the Bible, it's talking about relationship. This is what Jesus Christ said is eternal life. It's not just living forever, it is that they may know you, the one true God, and Jesus Christ whom he has sent. It's that knowing, it's that relationship with another person that is what we're talking about when we come to this section of Scripture. And so it speaks both to men and women. Knowing your spouse is one of the most important aspects of marriage. And yet for some reason, it tends to be the most neglected. I read a statistic that said 20% of all marriages, all marriages, end in divorce within the first five years. Which is astounding and a shame for a lot of reasons. In the first five years, 20% of all marriages end. Right? The best parts of them. But once you get married, somehow we're like, yeah, I already know everything I need to know. We kind of move on with our life. And here's the thing about relationships no relationship is static. You are either growing closer together or drifting further apart. That's what's happening. And so you worked hard early on getting to know the other person and being known. And in fact, that's really what you could say is the definition of a relationship is knowing and being known. That's what it all comes down to. Even love itself. I want to be known and accepted, but we fear that. We're afraid of being known and rejected, or we want to be accepted, but we don't want people really to know us, and neither of those is true love. We want to know the other person and be known. This is absolutely essential to every relationship, especially the relationship within marriage. And so we need to grow in our understanding of one another. We need to grow in our understanding of God. We need to grow in our understanding of our spouse. We need to grow in our understanding of ourselves. And so our relationship with the other person, we need to understand, is best expressed in the way that we respond to them. How well do you know that person? Well, how do you respond to them? In their best moments and in their worst moments. How do you respond? And so, with that, here's the big idea for today. How we respond in our marriage, or how we respond to our spouse, reveals our relationship with God and the condition of our own heart. Once again, here it is. How we respond to our spouse reveals our relationship with God and the condition of our own heart. And so we need to be paying attention on how we respond. And that response is based on how well we know the other person. And so, with that, we're going to do some quick review of biblical theology here. In fact, we're going to go back to Genesis. So before we talk about the do's and don'ts, we need to go back and look at the theological foundation for what marriage is and specifically today, why marriage is so challenging. Right? If it's God's gift and it is God's gift to us, then why is it so hard? Why is it so difficult to live in unity with that other person? I mean, some days are good, but for the most part, you really have to be working at loving one another. So here's the thing we need to go back to in Genesis again, Genesis 2 and Genesis 3. First of all, we need to realize that role distinctions are not a part of the fall. It's not a curse. They were designed by God before sin entered into the world. The husband was created to be the head of the wife, to be the leader within the family unit. That was God's design. And so we go back to Adam and Eve when they were created, we see that there was actually no sense of superiority or inferiority, because that role distinction does not make one superior to the other. They weren't threatened by the other person. There was no power struggle, there was no neglect, and there was no abuse. This is how it was before sin entered the world. Man knew and accepted his calling to lead, provide, and protect. The woman also knew and accepted her calling to be the man's helper, nurturing unity, wisdom, fruitfulness, and faithfulness. She received and affirmed and strengthened his calling to be the leader in the home and to fulfill their united mission as a created couple, as mankind. But when you get into Genesis 3, what happens there is that by looking at God as not being gracious and generous and holding back from us something better, woman took the fruit and man also took with her that same fruit and rebelled against God in a desire for autonomy. But what happened in that moment was that their relationship with God was broken. And this is key for us to understand about our relationships, because when our relationship with God was broken, so was our relationship with one another. That's when you see immediately they put on clothes. Why? Because now they know they're not safe with that other person. They know that they're looking out for themselves. And so as God calls them to account, he begins by talking to the woman. And we're going to look at this particular passage here because it's key for what we're talking about in 1 Peter. In Genesis 3.16, God is speaking to the woman about the effects of the sin that she'd committed. And he'll talk to the man, and you're going to find out that both woman and man, the direct result of their sin is related to their primary relationships. Man's result was that the earth, what he was, he was he was given the responsibility to care for, the earth now is going to fight back and it's not going to yield fruit, it's going to be really hard work. And the earth is basically trying to kill him and not give him what it's supposed to be giving him. But now we see before that, though, he's speaking with woman. He says, Here's what's going to happen. There's going to be problems with your two primary relationships for which you were created. To the woman, he said, I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing. In pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. So we see here that God is talking to the woman, he says, Here's the result of sin in your life as a wife. You're going to have problems with your two primary relationships, first of all, with your children. Pain and childbearing, but this also bears with it the idea, pain and child rearing. There's going to be a constant friction. There's going to be brokenheartedness. This is what Simeon said to Mary when Jesus was born and brought to the temple. He said, A sword is going to pierce through your heart because of what's going to happen to him. There is a special relationship between a mother and child, but it has been, it has been corrupted. And now there's pain and there is suffering associated with that, which should be bringing joy. That which is bringing life and happiness now is going to bring sorrow. But for the sake of the message today, we want to see the second part. He says, Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. There have been a few attempts at translating this in a couple different ways, and I'm just going to give you where I landed on this one for the sake of time today. But he says, this idea of your desire, that word desire is in Hebrew, chukah. Chukah, this word is only used three times in the entire Bible. Once here, one other time in the Song of Solomon, which has got a little more poetic and vagueness to what it's talking about. But the very next time that this word chukah is used is only 15 verses later. And so by the rule of context, when people were reading this originally, because Song of Solomon's like 600 years removed from this. As people were reading this and they heard shuka, that her desire is for her husband, they would not have been thinking that her sexual desire is for her husband. They would have been understanding it the way that it's translated down in Genesis 4.7, where God is talking to Cain. And he says, Cain, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire, it's chuqah. Its desire is for you, and you must rule over it. Almost verbatim, the exact same phrase of what the result of the curse is for the wife. And then also what Cain was dealing with, with sin, wanting to come in and control and wanting to take over and dominate, and he's going to have to fight back over that. And so what God is saying here to the woman is saying, here's your struggle, and this is going to be the struggle from here on out. The roles are going to remain the same as they have always been. But now there's going to be strife between you and your husband. And that your desire now is going to be to control your husband rather than joyfully fulfilling your role as his nurturing helper. And then the husband then is going to overreact in sin as well. And he's going to tend toward fighting back and being harsh to maintain that control rather than serving you with the authority that God has given him, because that's what authority is. It is the privilege given to one person to serve the others in their leadership. But now there's going to be tension. And now suddenly it's not about authority, now it's about control. Who's going to have control? Husband and wife are now going to have this tension in the marriage from the time that sin entered into the world until the time that we are redeemed. And so we see that again that the biblical purpose and structure of marriage didn't change. But that joyful willingness to fulfill each role that God has given to the husband and wife now has been corrupted. It's become more difficult. But here's the good news in it. In Jesus Christ, we are given new hearts. And so when we are in him, he doesn't overthrow nature, he restores what was originally there between husband and wife. And in yielding to him, we can actually return to the way that marriage was intended to be within our homes, but only by the power of the Holy Spirit. He alone can restore that which has been broken. That's what Peter's talking about here in this epistle. That's a basic background to what is happening when Peter comes to this epistle. Paul talks about this subject in Colossians and in Ephesians. We've already seen that, very similar. But here Peter is talking about the exact same struggle. He's directing us back to God's original design in Genesis. He's not just coming up with something new out of the clear blue. He's taking us back to what the design was meant to be. And so in 1 Peter 3, verse 1, he starts off with this word, and it's important for us to take note of this word, because he uses it a lot in this letter. He says, likewise, wives. Likewise. What's the reason for using likewise? Likewise is tying his next thought with everything he had just said previously. So you need to understand the context of Peter. Now we understand the context biblically of what's going on within relationships. That broken relationship with God is a broken relationship with one another. But now he's saying, okay, now that we are in a broken world but broken relationships, you as Christians, you are the minority, especially during this period of time. He is writing to Christians who have been scattered throughout the Roman Empire, most likely during the reign of Nero, who doesn't have the greatest reputation for loving Christians. And so Christians are facing persecution on various levels depending on where they are. And so Peter is writing this letter to encourage them. And the theme that keeps coming up is how do we remain faithful to Jesus Christ in a hostile world? In a world where all the relationships are broken, when it feels like everyone and everything is against us and trying to oppress us. How do we respond to that? And he's already talked about in chapter two how we respond to government. And then he talked about how masters and servants are supposed to interact with one another and how a servant is supposed to respond to a master, whether he's a good guy or not good guy, whether he's just or unjust. He says, no, you submit because this is the structure of order that has been put into place. But it's not about your comfort and your personal fulfillment. It's about seeing the mission that God has given you that goes beyond the immediate result that you're experiencing in your life. And so he says, you suffer. You suffer with dignity and you suffer with purpose. And he says in chapter 2, verse 21 that Jesus Christ is our example. He says, For this you have been called. I'm talking about a general calling for all Christians. Here's the general calling for all Christians. You have been called to suffer well. That doesn't really go super well in a consumeristic culture. But you are actually called to suffer well for the glory of Christ. And so as we are dealing with these broken relationships, we don't just say, well, in my experience, Experience it works better if we reverse the roles that God has given us. No, that's not what we do as Christians. We first of all submit to Him. And then from submitting to Christ and submitting to our Lord, then we live out the calling that we have. And when we're struggling with it, we don't look to our spouse and we don't look to some kind of self-help book. We look to Jesus Christ, who suffered unjustly for us. That's what Peter says. So he says, likewise, wives, and he's going to talk about husbands too. I already said that, so don't feel like the wives are getting singled out. He says, likewise, wives, especially, especially in this context, wives who are married to pagan men, men who are not Christians. He's saying, here's what's going to happen in marriage because suffering is inevitable in life. Suffering is inevitable in marriage. And this is going to be kind of an argument from the greater to the lesser. Because this question comes up a lot in the biblical womanhood class that I had the privilege of teaching. Is well, what do I do if my husband is not a Christian? What do I do if my husband is immature and doesn't lead our family very well? What am I supposed to do as a wife in that situation? Glad you asked. Because that's exactly what Peter is talking about here. Because he's talking about what it looks like to live out the gospel in our most intimate human relationship, whether you are both Christian or if you are married to someone who's not a Christian, how do you live this out? And it's going to be much more difficult to be married to someone who does not have the Spirit of God in them controlling them. And so if it's possible within a marriage like that, it's most definitely possible in a marriage between two Christians. So again, it's an argument from the greater to the lesser. So we see here when we embrace our calling as husband and wife, we do what we do three things. We reflect the cross, we rest in Christ, and we respond with compassion. We're talking to spirit-controlled people living within a context of suffering. Reflect the cross, rest in Christ, respond with compassion. So let's look at that first one, verses one to two, reflecting the cross. Likewise, wives, wives, in this context of marriage with someone who is not a believer, there is most definitely suffering there. There's suffering maybe within the relationship itself, personally and emotionally, but there's also suffering spiritually. Because if you are in Christ and you love the Lord, then you actually love your spouse. You love your husband, and what you want more for him than anything else is for him to come to Christ. And yes, that would probably improve your relationship if he did, but it goes beyond that. It goes beyond just making the situation better for oneself. It is seeing the mission of him coming to Christ. So, first of all, what Peter is saying here is uh that the right response to being married to someone who is not a believer is not divorce. It is not divorce. That is not God's design. Paul made that super clear, 1 Corinthians 7, verses 12 to 13, saying if a man is married to an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who's an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. Okay, so it's the there's an unequal yoke now, not because they made the unwise decision to get married knowing the other person was an unbeliever, but most likely because she became a believer within the the realm of them being married, and he did not. And so Peter's addressing that. So what do you do then? He wants to remain married to you? You don't just divorce him. And for men and women both, you you can't just come to this point and say, well, I just I I I disobeyed the will of God when I married this person before. Therefore, now it's his will for me to divorce this person. No, it is not. If you are married to that person, you said I do, and you are united before God, regardless of whether or not you should have done that before you were married, you you are now in the will of God by being married to that person. That is God's revealed will to you is to remain married to that person. Now I know there are exceptions to this when uh when a spouse is constantly abusive and has abandoned the relationship, and there are cases in scripture you're gonna see where there are grounds for divorce, but in this case, you're saying, no, they want to stay married, and we can't just say, well, I shouldn't have done it, so now I want out. No, that's just a lame excuse to abandon your family and then take the name of the Lord God in vain while you're doing it. That's not how it works. And so he's saying here, look, how do you do this then well? How do you then continue on with confidence in this marriage that you have when you when you feel like your spouse maybe isn't as mature as they should be? And so we see here, secondly, also it doesn't mean reversing the role in the home. And now suddenly she becomes the head of the home. And so Peter's saying, look, you honor God by reflecting the cross. There's a great self-denial. This goes back to Jesus Christ who suffered unjustly. It's seeing beyond your own pain and discomfort, you honor him by proclaiming the gospel to your husband, both in words and in action. Be subject to your own husbands. He's gonna talk about not with words, but with your actions, yes, but you you have to be speaking words too. It's not that you're a secret believer and somehow he'll wonder what's different with you. No, you openly profess Christ. But your actions are gonna speak louder than your words. But how do we how does a wife do this? Well, we see biblical submission again. And I told you I'd come back to this. Two weeks ago I said, hey, I'd come back to the subject. Here we are again. So bear with me as we do a little bit of a recap in this because it's important for us to think about well, what is biblical submission? Because the world has has characterized it as something that's abusive, and it most definitely is not within the scriptural context. It says, likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands. So, first of all, biblical submission is not mindless and degrading. Like you can't think for yourself, you don't make any decisions for yourself. We already talked two weeks ago about the wife is the manager of the home. You actually have a lot of decisions you're making on a daily basis, and you have authority within that home when working with the children and with that environment. So it's not being mindless and having no opinion. A wife doesn't have to agree with her husband, though, and this is, I think, where we kind of now get hit hit heads with one another. You say, well, I don't necessarily think his decision is the wisest decision. First of all, is it sinful? We don't want to enable sin because submission does not mean enabling sin. We don't do that. But is it sinful or is it just unwise? You say, Well, I don't agree with that. I will submit to him if he makes the best decision according to what I think is the best decision. That's not submission. That's called agreement. Okay, that's not what that's not what we're talking about here. So you don't have to agree to submit, but it also doesn't mean you don't think for yourself. And it doesn't mean yielding to sin, as I already said, because he doesn't say, listen, wives, go and worship your husband's gods. Doesn't say that either. You continue to worship Christ, and you are yielding to Christ before you yield to your husband. It doesn't mean the absence of influence, and it doesn't imply inferiority. We've already talked about those things. And I like John Piper's definition of submission. We used it two weeks ago. I'm going to use it again here. That submission is an inclination of the will to say yes to the husband's leadership and a disposition of the spirit to support his initiatives. An inclination of the will to say yes to a husband's leadership and a disposition of the spirit to support his initiatives. It's a disposition of the heart. So I'm willing to sacrifice what I feel like is best and submit to what God has designed to be best, and that is to function in a way within this marriage that reflects the cross of Christ, that gives him the glory. So who does a wife submit to exactly? And we've we talked about this before. Nowhere in Scripture does it say women in general have to submit to men in general. Never never says that. It's very clear in this passage, and then also as you go to Ephesians 5 and Titus 2, it says here, likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Ephesians 5. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Titus 2, 3. To be submissive to their own husbands. So here's what we need to get out of this. You are supposed to love and support the husband you have. You submit to the husband you have, not the husband you wish he was. Oftentimes we compare one another, and we compare, well, if he was like that husband, or if he was like this other person. No, be the wife to the husband you have, not the husband you wish you had. But in order to do that, you have to know him. And this goes back to the idea of living with understanding. Because it doesn't look exactly the same in every single relationship. First of all, you need to know his particular duties. And this is for husbands overall. And that's what Chad and Emily Van Dixhorn in their book, Gospel Shaped Marriage, that's what they point out, that these letters were read publicly. Ephesians, Colossians, all these roles and responsibilities of a husband and wife were read publicly to the church. So the husbands are hearing the wife's role, and the wives are hearing the husband's responsibilities. Why? Not to badger each other and tell each other how they're failing, but so that they can support that other person to make their job much more enjoyable to fulfill. And so as we're looking at this, we need to understand that the wife being created to be the helper encouragement, that she needs to know her husband, what is helpful and what is encouraging to him. What is it that you could let go of and let him lead in and encourage him in what God has given him in his specific role as a husband? What are his giftings? What is it that is life-giving to him? And you can't just go, that's why I'm not going to stand up here and give you anecdotes, say, well, this is what works for me. It doesn't matter what works for me, because I already have a wife. So be the wife to the husband you have and learn him, study him. This is the joy of just learning more about the person that you have been married to. But why? He says, why? What's the goal? So that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives. So we see here that again, this is the way in which a wife is the best testimony to her unsaved husband, or a wife who is married to an immature Christian, the best way to encourage him and point him to Christ is to live in such a way that your life is pointing to God's design. It's pointing to the humility of who Christ is. So what is that specific way of doing it? Well, verse 2 he says, when you see your when they see your respectful and pure conduct. We've already talked about submission. Basically, it could be summarized in the word respect. Respect. Are you showing respect? And then the pure conduct, the word pure is chaste, or faithful, and being faithful and not comparing him. So he's saying here, it is through your respect and also your pure conduct toward him, your faithfulness toward him, that you are going to be proclaiming the gospel. And again, this isn't copy paste from one relationship to the other. But there is a basic male need, and I'm going to share this with you, women. Here's a secret. It actually was really well put in Sharon James' book, God's Design for Women. And she made this observation and said, yes, this is so true, and I think most men would agree with what she's saying here. In her book, she says, a basic male need is to feel adequate, competent, and respected. A common male fear is to be considered incompetent, inadequate, belittled, rejected, and dominated. That's big. Because what often happens is within a marriage, when the husband feels as though that he's inadequate, and then he's getting confirmation that he is totally inadequate to fulfill his role, he tends to abdicate that role and find something that he actually can be adequate at, something that he actually can excel in, something that he feels competent in. And so as a wife, there needs to be this commitment to encouraging him in his competency, knowing his weaknesses, knowing his insecurities, not to exploit them for manipulation, but so that you can encourage him then to grow in those areas so that then he can be the leader that God has designed him to be. And so he's struggling with those insecurities. Don't exasperate those. Find ways to encourage him to grow in those areas that he has been weak in. Find joy in affirming and strengthening his sense of adequacy and competency. Prioritize your husband's soul over the desire for control. Do not fight with your spouse. Fight for your spouse. Remember his eternal soul is at stake. That should be forefront. Not the discomfort in the mode in the immediate moment, but in his eternal soul. A wife's response to her husband's leadership points to the gospel. Submission is, however, more than just evangelism. It's an act of worship. So the second point, resting in Christ. Resting in Christ, verses 3 to 6. This is actually kind of a sub point to the first point, but it's worth noting. I'm going to go through this one really quickly. Because here's what's at the heart of it. Because I know deep down inside you're like, I don't like this. I'm not comfortable with this idea. I don't know what is going to happen. It feels so unsafe to trust my husband with whatever this thing is, with this decision. It sounds like I'm putting myself in a lot of danger in doing this. Verse 3 through 4 Do not let your ador adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. He says, even if your submission to your husband does not lead to conversion, that suffering is not wasted. And let's be honest, it's suffering. It's not easy. I'm not standing up here saying this is easy to do. He's saying that suffering has purpose, and that's giving God glory. And what it's doing is God is shaping the inner person. He is conforming you to the image of Christ. Beauty actually does have a standard. The standard is that which is true and that which is good. In other words, that which reflects the character of God. That is what is beautiful. And so he says, what is truly beautiful? And he said, Well, I'm gonna dress beautifully and I'm gonna look as presentable as possible. That's fine. He's not saying you shouldn't do that. That has an external reflection of God's glory. He says, but true beauty is internal, because that external beauty doesn't stay. The true beauty is internal. He says, it is what he describes here, the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Alright, this isn't just saying really passive aggressive things in a really soft voice. Alright? That's not, that's that is not a gentle and quiet spirit. Alright? That's infuriating, is what it is. That feels so aggressive more than passive. Alright? No, that's not just getting quieter and quieter. It's where I'm straining to hear you. That's not it. So what is a gentle and quiet spirit? Gentle and quiet spirit is not just a, it's not actually a feminine characteristic. It is a Christ-like characteristic. This is the phrase that is used of Jesus Christ when he says, Come unto me all you labor, and I will give you rest, for I am gentle and lowly. I am gentle and quiet. This is a gentle and quiet spirit of Christ. You are reflecting Christ to your spouse in this way. Not being combative, not fighting over every little decision, not bringing in the question, like, I guess we could do that if you want to make the worst decision possible. Not doing that. It is saying, no, I I am going to image Christ to my husband in this way, and that I will submit to him, especially in those small things. I will encourage him to be the leader God designed him to be, so that God will get glory. And you'll be surprised at how that points to Christ and how that softens the heart of a man. But here's the heart of the issue. Here's why it's so hard. He says, For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. She called him Lord? Yeah, here's what was happening. I would like to laugh and make fun of it, but I've only got a few minutes. So, with that, what she's doing actually is recognizing God's authority structure. God is ultimate Lord, capital L Lord, but he's also made Abraham her husband. In that sense, another passage says, called him master. In other words, saying, I submit to your leadership. And let's be honest, Abraham made some really, really bad decisions. Really bad. Like twice, especially with Sarah, and put her in a position that he never should have put her in. But when God looks at this, first of all, Sarah was beautiful. Like what got her in that position was that she was so beautiful, even like in her 70s and 80s, kings wanted her to be their wife. That's how physically beautiful she was. But that's not the beauty God was seeing. God saw the beauty in saying, This is not a good situation for me, but I'm gonna trust my God, not my husband. That's what's going on. Because why why why is submission so hard? Because you feel unsafe. You feel like I don't know if I can trust this person. Here's the thing you may or may not be able to trust your husband, but you can trust God. And that's what it comes down to is saying, by by accepting the role he has given me, I'm trusting God. And that's why he goes on and says, Sarah obeyed, calling Abraham Lord. And then he goes on and says, And you are her children if you do good, and do not fear anything that is frightening. Because that's a core com a core issue with most wives is fear. But what if, but what if? What if the finances don't work out? But what if the relationship, what if, what if all this happened and you start to worry and all the anxiety builds up? He's saying, Submit to the Lord and then proclaim the gospel through your life and through your actions. So in light of this, we see a wife's response to her husband's leadership reveals her relationship with God and the condition of her own heart, where she's putting her trust and her faith. Not putting her trust in her husband necessarily or primarily, but in Christ. So then finally, we see here that embracing God's design and our role within marriage results in responding with compassion. Verse 7 Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way. Showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. He says, likewise. He's still talking about how to live in a context of suffering. And he says, likewise, as wives don't demand their rights from their husband, husbands don't demand your rights from your wives. How a husband responds to his wife, especially if he feels disrespected, reveals his relationship with God and the condition of his own heart. He says, Live with your wives in an understanding way. This implies understanding physically, emotionally, and spiritually the oneness you have with her. Know her deeply and intimately. Just like wives need to know and understand their husbands, husbands also must invest time, energy, and resources in knowing their wives. How can you effectively lead your wife if you do not know her strengths and her weaknesses or her responsibilities before God? So this goes back to you need to know her responsibilities. As created to be your wife, what are her responsibilities before God? How can you help her make that a joy to fulfill that? What are her strengths? What are her weaknesses? What are some of the things that she does well that you could encourage her in? What are some of the things that are difficult for her that you could take off her plate and that you then could lead in that way by showing that you have her best interest in mind? How do you provide for her? How can you do that if you don't know what she needs? So, what are the basic needs of women? A man needs to feel adequate and competent, right? Doesn't want to feel dominated or threatened. But what does a wife need? Well, a wife needs some of those things. She needs significance and purpose, not to just be an ornament or just tucked away to be seen and not heard. She needs significance and purpose, and she has that in Christ, but you as a husband can also encourage her in that, the way that Christ does that with the church. She needs a sense of security, and that goes back to verse six. You say, Man, what's a tendency for a wife? To be fearful. Now you say, Well, she, my wife ain't. Afraid of nothing, I promise you. She tells me this, I'm scared of her, right? Usually what that is, is fear acting out. Fear of I don't know what to do with this, and so I'm gonna I'm gonna respond to that or react to that. The wife is dealing with this, like, I am in a position of submitting to this man. Can I trust him? You say, Yeah, you should be trusting the Lord, not your husband. Yeah, but you as a husband, be trustworthy. Earn her trust. Prove you love her more than yourself, that you will sacrificially give yourself for her to provide for her, that you love her and that you accept her. Learn what means love to her, how she speaks her love language. And that was blown, that was big for a while and still has relevance. Here's the problem with learning the five love languages is that oftentimes people learn it so that the other person will know how to make them happy. Here's the deal: the most important love language is the language the other person speaks. You need to understand when they're trying to communicate love, and you need to learn to communicate love to them. Just like someone who would go overseas to another country has to learn another language to communicate the gospel. You're learning their love language to communicate the gospel to them. My older brother gave me permission to share this. He says, when they were first married, they were learning about love languages, and my sister-in-law, who is the sweetest person outside of my wife in the world, she gets so excited, she's like, Oh, I've found out my love language. My love language is gift giving. My brother is way more efficient than I am with everything in life. His immediate response was, well, your love language better go get a job. Love my brother. He has since repented. And they had been married for 26 years. And it's really cool, actually, to see how he has embraced even gift giving. I was like, wow, he gives gifts. This is cool. All right. He's he's he's learned this. Why? Because she was more important to him than managing the budget. Now he had to adjust the budget. He had it the way he wanted. It doesn't mean just not plan your giving. No. What it was was like, all right, we got to figure out then how she can feel loved and also be able to express her love to others. Do you know this about your wife? You know what your wife, like what her language is, like how she communicates love and how she receives love. In order to actually express your love to her, he's like, well, I give her everything she needs. Yeah, but it's quality time. Like, why are you not spending time with her? Okay, whatever it is, learn, learn her. Learn the joy of getting to know her. Protect her. How can you protect her if you don't know what threatens her? If you don't know what her greatest fears and concerns are. And this requires time together, time talking, time listening. And here, here, pro tip for all you single guys. All right, the girls that you're dating don't care about all the cool things you can do and how many push-ups you can do. Stop talking about yourself. Start asking questions and learning about her, and that is way more attractive than anything you could try to project to the woman you're dating. Pro tip, single guys. But here's the thing: this is showing honor as the weaker vessel, which can be really controversial. But a weaker vessel. First of all, weaker, weaker than who? Weaker than you, meaning you as a husband, you are weak. Remember that. You're not strong, you're weak. Now she's weaker. In what sense? Well, physically, yes, but also positionally, she's in a position of submission, and so don't abuse your power. The other thing is, too, is that we need to understand the difference between sin and weakness. Sometimes people have strengths in areas and weaknesses in other areas, and not every weakness is a sin. Not every personality conflict is actually based on sin. So we need to learn to discern between, well, what is what is sin that needs to be addressed, and what is what is a weakness that I could actually help her grow in. And here's what Thomas Goodwin has to say in the heart of Christ, in talking about Hebrews 4.15, where it says that we have Christ, our high priest, who sympathizes with our weaknesses. He says, The very sins move him to pity more than to anger. Even as the heart of a father is to a child that hath some loathsome disease, or as one to a member of his body that hath leprosy, he hates not the member, for it is his flesh, but the disease, and what and that provokes him to pity the part affected the more. That shouldn't move you more to anger and wrath, it should move you to pity and compassion. You say, Look, I I I love my wife. I would give my life for her, then start giving your life daily now for her. Recognize you're weak too, but sympathize with her weaknesses. This should move you to compassion. Don't let your insecurity of being incompetent cause you to overcompensate by being harsh and passive. Either one of those two extremes, harsh or passive. Don't, don't, don't let your insecurity do that. Lean into it and learn how to love your wife well to cultivate her and help her to grow. It says here in verse 7, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. Look, they are equals before God, and we've already talked about that. Recognize their value in Christ. Remind her of who she is in Christ. Not that her value is based on her performance, but her value is based on her relationship with our Savior, so that your prayers may not be hindered. See here the interconnectedness of the two relationships, your relationship with your spouse and with God. You say, Well, I don't know, God's not hearing my prayers. Well, how are you treating your wife? It's very similar to the forgiveness principle. He who has not experienced forgiveness or who doesn't show forgiveness reveals that he's not experienced forgiveness. He who is not showing grace reveals that most likely he probably has not experienced grace. He's probably not walking with Christ, you're not in fellowship with Christ, or you may not even know him if your life isn't marked by giving grace. And so we're sympathizing with our wives. We are loving them, we are giving ourselves for them. Shepherd your wife by knowing and understanding her, sacrificially laying down your life for her. And remember that what you are doing is pointing her to the good shepherd, Jesus Christ. And Jesus says this I am the good shepherd, I know my sheep. And the good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep. See, before Genesis 3.16 comes Genesis 3.15, the promise of the seed of the woman, the offspring of the woman that would bruise the head of the serpent. This is fulfilled in Jesus Christ. This is how he has loved us, this is how he has shepherded us, and knowing us and knowing our need, knowing our frailty, he came and he subjected himself to the cross. Bruising his heel, he crushed the head of the serpent. And that is ultimately what we are pointing to in our marriage. The happiest marriages are not the ones that spouses believe they already know everything about each other. They're the ones that the husband and wife never stop learning about each other and how to point each other to Christ, the one who is the good shepherd, the one who loves and cares and knows us. Marriage flourishes when both spouses become lifelong students of one another. So take some time to examine your own heart and ask, why do I do what I do? Am I seeking to know my spouse better? Wives, do you know your husbands? Do you know their strengths, their weaknesses? Husbands, do you know your wife, their strengths and weaknesses? Do you know their responsibility before God? How you respond to your spouse reveals your relationship with God and the condition of your own heart. So, wives, submit to the Lord. Reflect Christ to your husband through a gentle and quiet spirit. Trust in the Lord. Even when it seems impossible, trust the Lord. He will be faithful to his word. Husbands, submit yourselves to Christ and reflect him by truly knowing and loving your wives. Shepherd her, care for her, know her, lay your life down for her just like the good shepherd has done for us. Allow your heart to be moved to compassion and not frustration and anger. Remember that the way that you treat your wife reveals your relationship with God. Here's the thing: every husband has failed at loving perfectly. Every wife has failed at respecting her husband perfectly, but Jesus Christ has never failed to love perfectly and to intercede for us. So this morning, let's examine our own hearts. In humility, let's turn to Christ and find our hope and joy in him alone. And may we count others as more significant than ourselves, no longer looking to our own interest only, but to the interest of others for Christ's glory. Lord, thank you for your love. Thank you for the sacrificial expression of your love on the cross. That now we have life in Jesus Christ. Thank you, Lord, that you are a God who knows us, who leads us, who provides for us, who protects us. Lord, may we take the truths of your word and apply it to our lives, that wives would love their husbands in a way that they point to you and that you would be glorified in them coming to know you as their Savior. May husbands love their wives sacrificial in a way they point to you and give you glory, showing that sacrificial love is a reflection of the gospel, and that we were reminded, Lord, it's because of your sacrificial love that we have life in you. Lord, be glorified this morning as we receive your word. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.