Ted Murphy and Chris Kazarian: Episode 9

In this episode of Coastal Characters, Ted “Leedog” Murphy and Chris “The Mussel” Kazarian share how they became the trusted bodyguards of Doug the Quahog. They reflect on their experiences protecting one of Cape Cod’s shellebrities, including close calls and situations they helped prevent. They also discuss what the role has meant to them and their plans as they look toward stepping away from the job in the near future.

Tune in for new episodes every 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month. Learn more about the Cape Cod Blue Economy at bluecapecod.org

Hosted by Katy Acheson. Produced and edited by Nicolas Barcelo. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:22

This is Katie Acheson, Executive Director of the Cape Cod Blue Economy Foundation, and you're here for another episode of Coastal Characters. If you have not listened to our episode with Haley Cote on Dog lore, then I recommend that you start there because we have two extraordinary characters here with us today. We have Lead Dog and The Muscle. Lead Dog, introduce yourself to the people.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Hi, my name's Lead Dog. When I'm not Lead Dog, my name is Ted Murphy. My uh pen name is T. M. Murphy and uh Declan Rush. And my friend over here is The Muscle.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Now, uh, if you saw me, you'd probably think my spelling of the name muscle is M-U-S-C-L-E, but it's not, it's M-U-S-S-E-L, which is a uh sea creature, and that's about all I know. And that's my uh I had no idea of this. That's my uh security name for uh one of our uh biggest celebrities on the Cape, uh Doug the Cohog. My real name, Chris Kazarian.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

I really thought the muscle was because of your physique.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Well, I mean it's yeah, you want to flex? Double entendre? Wow.

SPEAKER_04 1:40

Uh so lead dog in the muscle, Ted and Chris, you are some of Doug the Cohog's longest standing security guards.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:51

Um who was first?

SPEAKER_00 1:53

I was. It happened in a strange way because it was after the first quahog day, and I was going to go to the Christmas parade, and Kristen Hughes cornered me and said, We need security. So instead of going to the Christmas parade.

SPEAKER_04 2:12

Don't say no to Kristen.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Yeah. Instead of going to the Christmas parade, I ended up in the parade in charge of Doug that day with a couple of the other people who have long since left.

SPEAKER_04 2:24

Wow. And how about you, the muscle? How'd you get scooped up into this whole basket of fun?

SPEAKER_02 2:29

It was definitely well, I'm Doug's handler. So I'm his uh PR person, his uh chauffeur. I take him around from place to place for the uh chamber.

SPEAKER_04 2:39

And uh you do health beauty therapy, transportation, photography, everything.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

He's a tough client, but so it started there, but I think the first time I did security was gotta be like the third cohug day.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

It's gotta be somewhere in the mid-cape, and uh I was like, I what what what is a security for? Like who's coming after him? What kind of uh but we've learned they do. Oh yeah. There's some uh people who are hungry. There's uh obviously got a lot of seagulls being on the Cape, so exactly.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

And then what's the Phil guy in February? Oh, Punksatani Phil. Remember the couple came all the way from there to see Doug the Torres.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

Try to eat Doug?

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Yeah, well, nah I think I think they wanted to see what his prediction would be. And uh every like cohag day we'd be there, and like they come up to us and we're back, we're from Pennsylvania.

SPEAKER_04 3:36

We're like, Oh, I met these folks. They were upset we didn't have t-shirts to sell one year.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 3:43

They were lovely. I sold them my t-shirt.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Good for you.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

I think I gave the money to Haley. Um that sounds right. I don't want to get in trouble. Um so we talked a lot with Haley about who is he, what is he like, where to find out more about the Lore. We talked about Kohog Day a little bit. We talked about the few who can understand co hog gees. Um do either of you, if you want to like put your hands over Doug's ears, do either of you understand Doug, but you're not admitting it?

SPEAKER_02 4:18

I don't hear anything. I hear the C.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Oh, he's recommending the place to go for lunch after.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

But I'll keep that to myself. Somewhere that doesn't serve uh cohorts. No clam chowder. No seafood places.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

It's a roast beef place.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

When people see you with Doug out in the world, suit it up, right? You've got the earpieces, the full like spy, like FBI level security. Oh yeah, oh yeah, serious, yeah, very serious. And anyone that hasn't press pause on this and go to the Cave Cod Chambers YouTube and watch cohawk security go through their paces last year. Haley had y'all working out.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:13

In your opinion, what transpired that led Haley to deciding it was cohog security's time and place for retraining? Because this is pretty significant retraining.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

It was. Um, I'm gonna let you tackle this one. What went wrong? Because you couldn't tackle the person.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Well, don't bring that up, but uh we yeah, that's for another show. Uh complacency. So sometimes when you're doing the same thing over and over again, you you don't realize how important your job is. And and and that I think that mentality got into us, and and Haley needed to sort of say, like, you've got a job to do, you got a cohawk to protect. This is serious. And uh this character over here, the the lead dog, uh, he was not taking his job seriously. Here we go.

SPEAKER_04 6:04

Oh wow, we're in it. Okay, I'll moderate.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

You know, it's a long ride back to Felma.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

I drove him, so you might be walking. That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

What am I saying? Um yeah, I may have not taken myself as serious as I should. Um, but there are times where we take ourselves extra serious.

SPEAKER_04 6:28

I've seen it.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

And for example, one year, if I may, go on record on this. I'm not proud of this. It was right after Kohag Day, and we went right into a restaurant, and we pretended that we were casing the restaurant, you know, getting it ready for Beyonce. And all of a sudden, there were a lot of people pulling into the driveway of the restaurant and coming in. And then we went out the back door and left. That was yeah, that was not right. Yeah, we shouldn't have done that. That was taking us off too seriously.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

Yeah. We were uh Yeah, we they thought that Beyonce was in town and that we were there protecting her, which which is the first in that outfit.

SPEAKER_04 7:17

I mean, I think that speaks to the quality of of Doug's security that people would believe that the Queen Bay would have the same level of security. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Yeah. Well we'll take that as a compliment. But uh uh if you look at us, we're not the most uh reputable security guards.

SPEAKER_04 7:35

There's a little bit more of a gangster than government kind of thing going on there for sure, right? A little bit more rogue agent kind of vibe. How many folks do we have on the roster now?

SPEAKER_02 7:46

We were talking about this. We know there's Matt Pitta, uh who goes by the voice.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

But now Stephanie Viva's coming back and she goes by the voice. So we might have a situation.

SPEAKER_04 7:57

She also has history with Doug as a as a a speaker. Yeah, she was able to. She understands quahog.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Yeah, which is a little shady, fishy.

SPEAKER_04 8:09

Maybe only if she wears the hat.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Oh, that's right. She had that quah hat.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Oh. And then you've got Davidson Calfey, who's the professional. Yeah. And then we've got some who've come in. Oh, uh Kim Marshon Red Blaze. Red Blaze.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Red Blaze.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

So that's the uh core group. Okay. And then we've funneled some in and out.

SPEAKER_04 8:34

You occasionally get some younger folks from the Hughes, Mitchell Hughes family to participate, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Uh we had uh Chris Lambton, great guy. We had him a couple of times.

unknown 8:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

And has Wendy ever participated as security specifically?

SPEAKER_02 8:52

Wendy was one year, I think it was one of the COVID years. Uh and she was the gull. Was she the gull?

SPEAKER_00 8:59

The gull.

SPEAKER_04 8:59

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:01

Very cool. So for anyone that's updating the Wikipedia page, you've got it all. Yeah. That's Ted does that. So when it comes to appearances as security, what are so we've heard parades, cohog day? Are there other places that you show up in garb ready to perform?

SPEAKER_00 9:21

We did that blue event. What's that event called?

SPEAKER_04 9:25

My event.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Your event. It's a blue.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

It's blue.

SPEAKER_04 9:28

The big blue.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

The big blue. We did that last year, and I don't know if we're doing that this year. We better get asked back.

SPEAKER_04 9:34

Probably. Uh I'll make it official right now. Would would Cohog Security please accompany Doug again to the Big Blue conference at the end of April?

SPEAKER_02 9:42

We gotta talk to our agents and our local. Doug will be there, but uh we want a trailer this time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:50

No one gets a trailer. Rondella Richardson didn't even get a trailer. We could get you uh uh you can hang out in my VW bus. How's that? Yeah. Oh that's cool.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

VW bus is great. How long have you had that?

SPEAKER_04 10:05

Since July.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Yeah, you love it?

SPEAKER_04 10:07

Oh yeah. She's extraordinary.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

It's electric, yeah? Yes. It's electric.

SPEAKER_04 10:10

It's electric. Boogie boogie boogie woo.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

How far does it go?

SPEAKER_04 10:16

Uh if it's below 40 degrees out, I get around 200. And then as it goes, the temperature goes up, it gets closer to 300 in the summer.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

Yeah, we can use that as a trailer.

SPEAKER_04 10:26

Yeah, we can do that. Yeah, it's got sockets for plugging things in and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

So where is the big blue this year?

SPEAKER_04 10:32

Big blue is going to be at Falmouth High School.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Oh, okay. We might be able to make that work then.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

That's his neck of the well we both he grew up there, and I'm a transplant class of 88.

SPEAKER_04 10:43

All right. Okay. So uh we'll we'll definitely get you there then. Yeah. All right, Doug, don't worry, you'll have at least one security card.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

I can go back and say I really made it. You gotta get they might be inducting you into the uh Hall of Fame for security. Do they have a security uh they will designation?

SPEAKER_04 11:02

Uh so we're doing a couple of events here and there, and then there's also a whole side of video production that goes into this. So we talked to Haley about some of that creativity and some of the work that goes into that. Um, on a scale from like one to five, one being don't tell Haley I said this, and five being I want to do this every day. How much fun do you have when you're doing those videos?

SPEAKER_02 11:25

Wow. Zero? I was gonna say ten.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

Okay. I am just the level of passion.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

I'm including opposites attract.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

I always like to give our captain a hard time. No, we love we love it. It's it's a lot of fun. Yeah, if you can't laugh at at that uh although someone took us really serious last year until we told her the the um the workout place. We're like, this is satire.

SPEAKER_04 11:59

No, she's not though. No, no, if you want to get your butt kicked, yeah, yeah, you go to Miss Fitz. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

No, she she was awesome, but yeah, I passed out like in the driveway.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

Meanwhile, the red blaze was doing punching in heels.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

I would not want to be on her bad side.

SPEAKER_04 12:18

Never and poor Matt with his boot on at the time trying to scooting around.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

Not much security there, but yeah. He's got the experience.

SPEAKER_04 12:29

Yeah, you guys, it's so much fun. So I want to talk a little bit more about Doug and your relationships with Doug and kind of get into that a little bit because obviously the muscle has a very intense live, work, personal assistant vibe, double wears Prada kind of relationship with Doug the Cohog. Um, but Lead Dog, your relationship goes a little bit further back. You kind of got thrown into it was like a meet cute situation. So, what's the dynamic between you and Doug one-on-one? What's that like for you?

SPEAKER_00 13:00

We're we're we're very cool. Um I think Doug and I wouldn't want to call him my best friend, but we're pretty pretty tight. Um he does symbolize Cape Cod. That's why I've been doing this for 16 years. I like to think I'm a proud Cape Codder. Yeah. Um my friends still call me a washer shore, even though I moved down here when I was four. And the ones who were calling me like live in Arizona now. I'm like, come on, I'm a Cape Codder. So Doug understands that. Yeah. And he he basically says, You're a true Cape Cotter that you do this. But I will say, I am thinking of retiring.

SPEAKER_04 13:45

Have you and Doug talked about this, or is he just learning this for the first time?

SPEAKER_00 13:48

He's learning it. Um, the muscle is learning it. Wow. It's been a long ride. Uh I was gonna save it for David Muir on uh ABC News, but I thought, you know, you deserve it.

SPEAKER_04 14:02

Postal characters is getting the break.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Yeah. So this year might be my last year. Um and uh we should announce where it is. So are we allowed to do that?

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Yes, please.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

It is going to be at the old casino, which is now in the new casino, but it's the old casino. And that is in Falmouth, right next to Shipwrecked. Uh Alex Kahn is the owner of the old casino, and he wants to start off the summer with the greatest Cape Cotter there is, Doug the Cohog.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

And Lead Dog's retirement party.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

Oh, I like that. He says he's retiring, but if you remember, I don't know what your demographic is for the uh we don't either. But uh Michael Jordan, he went to baseball and he said he was retiring. And what did he do? Gamble. No, no, baseball golf, didn't he? He went to baseball, he came back, he played basketball.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Yeah, but we we know why he went to baseball. He was gambling.

SPEAKER_04 15:04

Well, you better not gamble. Are you in any financial debt which would keep you from retiring?

SPEAKER_02 15:09

The only thing we bet on is Doug, Doug's prediction. Which is gonna be positive.

SPEAKER_04 15:14

So, so here's the question, and then we'll we'll get into the one-on-one relationship with the muscle and the muscle over here. Um retiring, does this mean you have to nominate a replacement, or do they have does a replacement have to like steal your shoes like a wizard to get on security? What's the protocol here?

SPEAKER_00 15:33

You know, I don't I don't want to over overstep the captain. Yeah, Captain Kote.

SPEAKER_04 15:39

Um she will decide.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

I think she would decide on that.

SPEAKER_04 15:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

But uh it would be great to pick a replacement, you know, someone who really can carry the rake, as we say. Fill your shoes.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

It's gonna be a lot of emotion that day, a lot of tears. Are you gonna make a speech?

SPEAKER_04 16:00

You are now. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

I this just kind of happened.

SPEAKER_04 16:03

Um Lead Dog's got a lot to Yeah. Considering I live a hundred yards from considering that you're gonna walk home or someone's gonna drive you home, listen. We're not we're not really allowed to do call to actions as a public radio sort of media center. However, I would implore anyone that is legally able to purchase alcohol to buy a drink for Lead Dog on Cohog Day.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Oh, I'd love this show.

SPEAKER_04 16:29

Oh wow. What am I, chop liver? What unless you say you're retiring too. Well, uh But let's let's go let's talk about this relationship that you have, and then you know, the lore of cohog security is kind of building here as we're we're learning about the passage of time and responsibilities and roles. This is epic. We're getting emotional and everything.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

I never seen you cry break down like this. Are you okay?

SPEAKER_04 16:57

I'm gonna hold my hand. I'll be okay. It's because he knows he's gonna have a fun time. Muscle and muscle. You want me to dynamic duo. I don't want you to retire.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

Well, if he's retiring, I don't know. It's it's the we're a team.

SPEAKER_04 17:15

Come on, Haley's gonna be so upset with me if you both leave.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

This is tough. This is a tough day for me.

SPEAKER_04 17:24

So so they're cool. They chat, they get along, they've been buds for a while. I see when Doug's not close, uh there's a panic in your eye.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:35

So is there a dependency here?

SPEAKER_02 17:36

So there's like uh any of your Star Wars fans who are listening right now, they might get this reference. It's like sort of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke. We have this sort of connection where uh he could be in Provincetown and and I'm in Sandwich and and I just feel I'm oh is is it low tide? Is it high tide? Like I just feel I I can't hear him. And I know Lead Dog did hear him right now earlier, but uh I can feel him, I can feel his presence and and everything he's doing. It's a yin to the yang, and it it's like we're one with each other, and wherever he goes, I go, even if we're not physically together. I yesterday I was talking to somebody and he said uh we're at a at an event and he said, if you weren't here, you would be somewhere else. And that's how I feel with Doug. Wow, how do you think that's a good thing? If that makes sense. If that makes sense. It's deep.

SPEAKER_04 18:34

So I have a little story. You mentioned like Doug Dean in Provincetown. I had the extraordinary pleasure of taking Doug for carnival this past summer.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

Uh one, I've never been to Carnival, which I it's amazing, right?

SPEAKER_04 18:49

It's extraordinary. Yeah. Uh everything is more expensive than normal, which is really cool for the businesses, I guess. Um but what's really different, I think, is a lot of people go to Provincetown for two reasons most of the year. One, it's to really be able to fully express their inner selves, fully, fully, fully, and others is to watch people express themselves, right? So there's this kind of dualism of like like expression and audience, right? At Carnival, it feels like a Rocky Horror Picture show. Everyone's in the show, everyone's there to express and have fun. So we saw the parade, but for the four or five hours before the parade, it was like watching a different parade because there were just groups of people dressed up. The theme was camp, um, like summer camp. And so I've never seen so many people dressed up as marshmallows or s'mores. Everyone was doing like the graham cracker chocolate marshmallow combo with like three people dressed up as different ingredients or whatever. It was wild. One that was like a marshmallow person being chased by a stick that was on fire, like it was just really extraordinary. Oh my gosh. So the parade, the whole festivities just on that day, it was a full day experience to see so many different people. Um, and I had the privilege of escorting Doug to Carnival and taking some pictures. Now, I am not as good a photographer by any means as Chris, however, I have an expensive phone and it was beautiful lighting.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Oh, those photos were great.

SPEAKER_04 20:27

Uh, and everyone was dressed to the nines.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

I thought you had taken them.

SPEAKER_04 20:30

Well, he did, um, in spirit. Uh, and there's nothing quite as um alarming as someone coming up to you and saying, Would you like to take a picture with this cohog? They're like, Oh, what? And I said, It's Doug, Cape Cod's number one celebrity. And they go, Oh, of course. Whether they're familiar with Doug or not, they suddenly become almost like cosmically in tune with what Doug is and why Doug is. And the best part about the whole thing is I had my little spiel about how Doug predicts summer days, right? Beach days. And this particular day on the parade, the morning was a little gray, a little gloomy. And there were a couple of people I would hand over Doug for their photo up, and they'd say, Oh, Doug, can you can you make it sunny for the parade? And he did.

unknown 21:27

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 21:28

I don't know if he was sort of it was gonna happen and he knew, or he helped make it happen, but a few people like, oh, well, can you make it a beach day today? He was on it. He was right there. And whether it was a cosmic coincidence, it solidified Doug's prowess in P Town.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

It also says something about you that you're able to communicate we need this weather.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

I feel like you might be a whisperer.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

I don't think it was me. I think it was the people dressed as marshmallows. I think you were. Was the the all of the sort of like gothic girl scouts that were hanging out that day that really cloud that like really channeled a lot of energy into Doug. Like they really got Doug, and Doug really got all these people just being themselves, expressing themselves, like really letting go. Uh, and it just all came together. It was really, really, really something special.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Those are the moments that you'll remember forever.

SPEAKER_04 22:25

So cool. And even better, in our little Airbnb, there was a little purple footstool that was the perfect throne for Doug for the weekend when he wasn't working. I think he had a really good time. I think I might invite him again. We'll see. Look at that. All right.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

I think I'll let you for you could yeah, you could be his uh gal pal.

SPEAKER_04 22:45

For for carnival.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

He's got uh Eric. Uh he's got um Paul. And so he's got some, he's his network is growing.

SPEAKER_04 22:57

Yep. I mean he's a popular celebrity. He's meteorological meteorological mollusk was my line in the 2022 video. That was a tough one. That's a tough line. Meteorological mollusk. Whew, it's a lot of a lot of lot of tongue action moving around in there. Um, so so you and Doug have this really spiritual connection. In a way, too, Lee Dog, you and Doug have had this long-term growing spiritual connection.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Yeah, I'd say we're more of a romance.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

Classic.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

You know, his room at his home is uh is a lot of shellfish and decor. He's got uh pictures of him with Doug, he's got news clippings that are framed, and so this is something that's really important to him.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Yeah, what I like to do to get ready for it is I watch In the Line of Fire. Excellent. And uh that's with Clint Eastwood. Do you know that movie? Yeah, I like it. He plays the great Frank Horgan, and I study all his moves.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

So I'm ready to go.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

And um and not many people know this about me, but uh, I really got my start before the parade. Uh I worked for Tiffany. Do you remember Tiffany? She's a pop star. I did the mall tour.

SPEAKER_04 24:16

Oh, the actual Tiffany, the 80s pop star Tiffany. Really?

SPEAKER_00 24:19

Yeah, I I took an orange Julius off the head at uh the mall in Minnesota.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Oh, because they were throwing it at the Mall of America.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

That's how we get to throwing it at Tiffany. I I jumped in front of it like Frank Oregon. Oh my gosh. So so I was meant to do this. But again, I'm also meant to retire.

SPEAKER_04 24:41

We'll find more work for you. All right. Um, so questions about you as individuals, because we like we've got a couple of warm-up slash wind down questions, depending on the vibes. You guys were singing before I hit play record, so we're we're good. Um, and if you think you can intuit Doug's answer to this as well, I would love to know if you two were to order one pizza split down the middle, what would be on Lee Doug's side and what be on the muscle side?

SPEAKER_00 25:12

I'd say uh close. No, no, no, no, whoa! Bad move.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Edit that out. Yeah, yeah. So linguisa.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Lunguisa.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

I'm I'm really healthy. I'm the muscle, so I'm gonna go tomato, asparagus, broccoli, cauliflower. Uh nothing that's gonna affect me on cohog day.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

Okay, so we've got like a veggie lover's fiber.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

You stay on that side of the pizza.

SPEAKER_04 25:44

Yeah. A little bit of broccoli might get onto your side.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

He's ready to retire the way he's eating.

SPEAKER_04 25:54

Um and then the other question I have for you might be a little trickier. Second favorite marine life, because obviously Doug is number one. But as far as other favorite marine species, does one pop to mind?

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Um, my wife is really big into penguins.

SPEAKER_04 26:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

And I kind of like them because they're just they're just chill. They're chill and just trying to get there.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

That would be cool to own one.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Yeah. Like Mr. Popper's Pangor.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Remember? He had a bunch. Would you own one? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:27

Have you met the penguins at the New England Aquarium?

SPEAKER_00 26:30

I did when I was a kid. Yeah, I think I could walk like a lot of it.

SPEAKER_04 26:33

They would be the boss of you, not the other way around. That's true. Yeah. What about you, Muscle?

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Geez, there's so many. When you're uh we live in Falmouth, and when you go to the vineyard, like there's the ocean is everywhere. You have to cross the water, but you can't see through it. And so I'm always like, wait, is that a sea urchin? Is that an octopus? Is that like a whale? Is there a shark? I like them all. I can I don't have a favorite, but I mean, obviously, I mean the shells speak to me. The clams, the the quahs are just amazing what they can do. The muscles, the scallops. There's so many. I I I don't play favorites. I know that uh you do play, you're playing favorites.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Apparently, I'm favoring the uh the penguin.

SPEAKER_02 27:25

You can I mean I I would never play favorites, not with except with Doug. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Do you know it took me three years to realize Doug the quahog? Like you're digging.

SPEAKER_04 27:39

Oh, okay. You dug the quahog.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

Yeah. Digging. I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

It took me about four years, so you're a little smarter than me.

SPEAKER_04 27:50

Brilliant. It took me till just now. I just thought he was named Doug. Because it's a normal name for a normal guy.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

So he's met some women in his life, and one of his uh girls that he's on and off on is Shelly.

SPEAKER_04 28:05

Shelly.

SPEAKER_02 28:06

Yeah. Which is a Shell Shell Shell. Very cute. Shell weak. Shelly.

SPEAKER_04 28:12

Speaking of other co hogs, uh, how do we feel about Quentin? Do we know about Quintin?

SPEAKER_00 28:18

I don't know. I don't know about this. What's this?

SPEAKER_04 28:20

Oh, Quentin from Nantucket?

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Oh. How has he been around all this time?

SPEAKER_04 28:25

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

I saw that. Yeah. I saw it recently. I was like, who? Are we stealing from them or are they stealing from us?

SPEAKER_04 28:32

Well, here's the wild thing, and this is hearsay, but that after Quintin's prediction, Quentin was part of a meal.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

Oh, we So he makes a prediction and then they eat him.

SPEAKER_04 28:45

I that's what I've never heard. It's a very different kind of unlawless land out there on Nantucket.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Oh, and it's short for Quint. Or it's long for Quentin. Yeah. Like and he got eaten too.

unknown 29:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

I just saw that recently on the Facebook. It was this they do it the same day as Punks A Tawani film.

SPEAKER_04 29:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

We're much smarter because we do it the best season on the first day of summer.

SPEAKER_04 29:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

This makes them walk.

SPEAKER_04 29:14

So there are gonna be there are gonna be copy cats out there, copy co hogs. How do we deal with them? Has any like obviously Quentin's not too much of a threat anymore? Um but are there other sort of mascots in the region that are encroaching on on Doug at all?

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Wendy always talked about a cherry stone. Remember that?

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Yeah, I do remember that.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

I think she took him out though.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

And uh you always you have the Patriots, so if you uh if you your audience, we the demographic is a big time sports fan.

SPEAKER_04 29:54

Probably huge, yeah, huge sports fans. So you have the patriots up here. I hope you get this analogy correct and perfect.

SPEAKER_02 30:00

You have the Patriots up here. Yeah, they play football, and they play football. My hand, if you're typically you can't see my hand on the radio. It's pretty high, but it's really high's head, way high. And then down here you have the jets. And so I think any copycat is always gonna try to get up to the Patriots level. The Jets lower. Yeah. Yeah. But they'll never reach the height that Doug has reached. No, no. What is this? The 17th 17th cohort?

SPEAKER_00 30:28

I think it's gonna be the 17th year of my my 16th. 17th.

SPEAKER_04 30:36

I don't think so. Not after this interview.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

I might not even make it to my next one.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

Might not make it out the building.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Oh, I'm being uh there's a knife in my back. And Katie you just met Katie and she basically gave me the knife to put in the back.

SPEAKER_04 30:59

It's just called podcasting. It's gotta make it interesting.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

Katie, we have a question. Okay. When did you start this podcast?

SPEAKER_04 31:06

We started recording in September and we started publishing in November.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

And how many episodes?

SPEAKER_04 31:14

Six came out. Uh as we're recording today, the sixth episode just came out.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

Uh and where uh we weren't number you weren't didn't think of us as number one?

SPEAKER_04 31:24

No, I didn't want to mess up.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:26

I really needed to get a little practice under my belt. So I actually did on my very first episode, we talked about another mascot over the bridge about the rock. Oh. And we talked about the Orleans Rock. Now, segue to Doug. Tell us about Doug's relationship with the Orleans Rock.

SPEAKER_02 31:47

Have you heard of the Orleans Rock? Yeah. Staples. It it is it just popped up out of nowhere, and people are flocking to this like you and Nebletch. All over from all over the country. It's amazing, and it's just a huge, beautiful rock. It's bigger than Plymouth Rock.

SPEAKER_04 32:04

It's way bigger than the Plymouth Rock, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

And people are getting selfies with it, and so I think it's one of these things where you can just sort of see the natural affinity for nature, for uh something that can pop up out of nowhere and just become a mascot and emblematic for a region. And that's what Doug is. Doug is an emblematic for Cape Cod, and this rock has become emblematic for Orleans.

SPEAKER_04 32:30

And something everyone can sort of get behind physically and emotionally, yeah, rally behind. And the thing that struck me when I saw the Orleans rock online a couple of times is someone had put eyes on the rock that really reminded me of Doug. It was really giving a lot of Doug character, a lot of Doug energy, because I mean his eyes are really they're penetrating, they're really extraordinary. So it yeah, the so the first episode will call back all the way to the first episode where we talked about the Orleans Rock and now bringing it all the way back to Doug. Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

Wow. Um, can we go to the rock after?

SPEAKER_02 33:05

Well, uh I uh maybe you should retire. We should do the 18th cohab day could be at the Staples Run. And that's where he retires. Two more years.

SPEAKER_04 33:15

Or it could just be an encore.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 33:18

You retire and then you do a like a um farewell tour. And then you do another farewell tour later.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Yeah, because you get all the gifts during those farewell tours.

SPEAKER_04 33:30

And this tickets sell out even faster because people think they're never gonna see you again.

SPEAKER_00 33:33

I know Big Poppy was like he was scoring that final year. Getting rocking chairs. Rocking chairs and panes.

SPEAKER_04 33:40

There we go. So we'll we'll let's we'll take this to Captain Hailstorm and see what plans she's got in the works.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

I'm afraid to see her now.

SPEAKER_04 33:51

I'm not gonna tell her anything.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Okay. She better listen.

SPEAKER_04 33:54

She better listen. And we'll demographic. She totally. And if she doesn't listen, we'll know. Yeah. We'll absolutely know. So this is a test. This whole episode has been a test to Haley.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

No, and I'm glad back to waiting six episodes. I I think Jason Bateman just said it on Smartless. He had, you know, big time director, and was like, we had to get through the rocks in the world to get to this.

SPEAKER_04 34:19

Yeah. You really have to work out all the kinks, you know? Okay. But you are the only the you're the first for me as the host to have two guests on.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

Wow, yes.

SPEAKER_04 34:31

My intern Nicholas, who's outshining me in every possible way as a host, has had two, has had two folks on. So who did he have on? He had Ryan and Annie from Center for Coastal Studies. They're both um right whale spotters.

unknown 34:45

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 34:45

They're very cool.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

They sound smart. I should have said a right whale of my favorite animal.

SPEAKER_04 34:49

Well you can change it.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

I'm changing it now.

SPEAKER_04 34:51

Second favorite animal.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Yeah. Right whale. Cool. Good idea. Now you can get on the boat with them.

SPEAKER_04 34:55

And then get on a plane and go see whales from the sky. Oh, is that how it works? Yeah. Well, if you can get an internship at Center for Coastal Studies, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

So he hosts this as well.

SPEAKER_04 35:04

Yes, he does.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

How do you decide who to uh interest?

SPEAKER_04 35:08

Yeah. Intrigue. He wants to be a pilot, and so anyone that's doing plane stuff, he's in there. Yep. He's gonna have a little teaser. He's gonna do an interview with Dan Wolfe coming up.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

Wow. K Bear. Wow, Dan is great. Yeah. Uh have you been to the Staples Rock?

SPEAKER_04 35:25

I have been, I've had to drive by because I was heading from one place to another, but I didn't get a chance to stop by for a photo op.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

It's incredible.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

I love the little fence. It's got like a little astro turf and little fence.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

When he retires, you could do security for the rock, the staples rock.

SPEAKER_04 35:45

Oh, you just get a chair and a stick and just that's a good idea. Oh yeah, nice. We get you a little little umbrella.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

Yeah, drive from Falmouth every day to Orleans.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

The B bus. You can take the B bus.

SPEAKER_04 35:59

Amazing.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

I think they have a direct line from Falmouth to the Staples Rock Staple.

SPEAKER_04 36:04

Yes, that's right. From Staples to Staples, actually. Yeah, the Falmouth Staples to the Orleans Staples, yeah. So as long as you can get there. They might have a pit stop at the Hyana Staples.

SPEAKER_02 36:15

The one thing, uh for Staples, the company, I'm surprised they haven't done anything.

SPEAKER_04 36:21

Rock, paper, scissors related? Yeah. Or something. It's a no-brainer.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

We gotta start getting paid for our ideas. So keep it to yourself. Trademarked. Okay. What was your thoughts on Plymouth Rock during this episode you were talking about?

SPEAKER_04 36:38

So my friend Stephen um has heard a lot of criticism about The Rock, and particularly about the campaign Talk to the Rock, which if you're on YouTube is a is a really fun time. Um extraordinary. Um but he shared something really interesting that the Plymouth Rock as a tourist attraction was really exemplary of early sort of marketing and hype and almost like propaganda, because this rock sort of um represented like the start of society here. And it was on a cart or something like that, and moved around and toured around, and people would take pieces of the rock, which is why it's so much smaller, apparently. This is the lure. Um, and so the campaign that Plymouth Rock is where it all started is really just an example of a magnetized story that has some threads of of truth to its origin, but not entirely. Yeah. And also, we talked about how fun it is to see young people disappointed by something. Oh yeah. Well you see that I've done that.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

I've done that before. You bring we go over and like watch this one.

SPEAKER_04 37:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:50

You see that online all that way. Is that it?

SPEAKER_04 37:54

Is that really it? Yeah, yeah. Especially the kiddos that have to kind of like lean over the barrier to see it and go, well, what's the big deal? It's great. We love it. And then like right down the the pier is there's like three giant beautiful ships that you can walk around on and they're going to see the rock. It's just so silly. So silly. Yeah. So but I'd still choose Doug over the rock. Of any rock. Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:21

Yeah. So any final thoughts, sign-offs, anything that you want to relay to Doug's fans out there about keeping their distance, or you know, any words of warning or ways to behave appropriately at Cohog Day?

SPEAKER_00 38:34

We we have a saying protect, do not serve Doug. And to my dying day, that's what I will I will live that by that motto.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

Yeah, I I I have to agree with that. A lot of times people are rushing up, and so we have to hold them back because he's such I mean, we've said this before, a celebrity, and and then you see they have butter knives and Tabasco and uh butter on them, and and these are things you cannot bring to cohog day. It's it's one thing to bring to a restaurant or uh a nice uh family meal, but not to cohog day. No. You're there, and no flash photography because Doug uh it's not good for his complexion. Yeah, he does not do good with that. And there's always cameras everywhere. He's bigger than uh Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, you name it, and the crowds, the throngs. Yeah, wait your turn. You're gonna get to meet him, be patient, and and when you do meet him, it's it's gonna be the thrill of a lifetime.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Yeah, I think the great uh Levin Reed, he said one of his greatest interviews was with Doug. That's amazing. I know it's Levin Reed.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

He's interviewed everybody. Channel four. He's interviewed everybody.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Does he speak co hoggies?

SPEAKER_04 39:55

Is that what I'm hearing?

SPEAKER_02 39:56

I think he does. We might have to get him on this podcast.

SPEAKER_04 40:00

We might have to. Yeah, if we want to do a proper interview with Doug. So far, he's sort of been a guest a couple of times, but love to hear straight from the quahog's mouth.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

So this will be June 20th, right? At the old casino in Falmouth Heights and a possible retirement party. Everyone's buying across the street, I might have.

SPEAKER_04 40:19

Everyone's buying Lead Dog a drink.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:21

Well, what do you like to drink?

SPEAKER_00 40:24

I'm really into like fruit juice and things like that. Soda pop. Soda pop with little umbrellas. Yeah.

unknown 40:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:31

Yeah. Ginger ale.

SPEAKER_04 40:32

Ginger ale with a cherry. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

If he's sick, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:35

Or do you prefer like the little plastic straw?

SPEAKER_00 40:37

Oh, I like the straw.

SPEAKER_04 40:38

Or not the not the little sword, I mean. Yeah. Little plastic sword. I like the straw. Beautiful. All right, great. Shirley Temple's all around. All right. Thank you guys so much for being on Coastal Characters.

SPEAKER_02 40:52

Thank you, Katie. This was fun. This was fun.