10: The Sport(s) Episode

Your hosts tackle the wide world of British sport, from football (soccer) to snooker (pool, but much, much more difficult). 

Will we ever make a proper footie fan out of Matt. And what's the right way to appreciate "the beautiful game"? Mike argues that all the British sports are basically just different versions of the American games you know and love. Go team! 

Plus a mercifully brief update on what's going on the world, and why you should think twice before you take your Trader Joe's tote out of the house.

***

Mike's latest work on the blood sport that is the current battle for the Republican Party can be found on BBC Sounds: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002sf55

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello and welcome to Notes from a Small, Cold, Dark, Miserable Island. The podcast that deserves to be in your ears as you walk down Kingsland Road carrying your Trader Joe's tote because you actually shopped there for years. You aren't just a tourist who went in once just to buy the trendy bag. I'm Mike.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

Wow, that's super relatable to me, Mike. I see people come into my workplace all the time with a canvas Trader Joe's bag, and I'm like, hey, where are you from?

SPEAKER_00 0:32

They're like, oh, I just went to San Francisco last time. Um they're all over the place to the point where uh my wife, who fits the description, she won't actually carry hers out because she'll be will end up, yes, looking like the tourist. And she'll say, No, I actually live there and paid their taxes for three years. I went to that little tiny one. And I knew the register person. They were so friendly to me. They flirted with me all the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

They flirt with everybody, Mike.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

I know, I know.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

They give all the kids stickers.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Just disappointing. Would you would you like a lollipop?

SPEAKER_03 1:07

That's old school. That's old school creepy.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

They do, but they have them. They have them. They they don't care. They're uncancelable. They're Trader Joes.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

Bless you, Trader Joes. We miss you. Um My name's Matt, just in case you missed that bit out. Yeah. Uh Mike, this is our 10th episode. And my question is Double digits. Is this significant enough for me to be talking about it right now?

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I think so. Well, you just did. So yeah, yes. 10.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

We made it to 10.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

That's double digits, man. Look, a lot of people, a lot of podcasts don't make it that way.

SPEAKER_03 1:39

Um It's been a while since we recorded. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

We've just had shit to do.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

I mean, should we do the segment of the podcast where we talk about what's been going on in our lives?

SPEAKER_00 1:50

I want to hear about your catalytic converter.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Well, my wife's catalytic converter. I don't drive. Um this will definitely delay.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

That's a that's a future episode.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

This will definitely delay the process of me getting drive. I've learned that the insurance industry is as horseshit in this country as it is uh back in the States. I'm not even directly dealing with it. I'm just listening to my wife's conversations on the other end. But don't park your car on the street in East London. This was a thing that Or West London. Or or Chicago or anywhere. Don't park your car on the street because the most petty crap o thieves are just gonna get under there and get your catalytic converter and make it undriveable, and then your insurance company is gonna say, well, this car is now a total loss.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Because if that's incredible, a total loss.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

Because of the age of the car is the only and because it's it, you know, it behooves them to just keep the auto industry going by get you getting you to get a new car.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

It's uh your car is now a toaster and two refrigerators.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

Aaron Ross Powell We are uh my wife is still in the decision process about whether to resurrect this car and take the insurance risk. But we'd still be parking it on the street. We could get a catalytic converter replaced and back on the street and it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

They they solved the problem. See, this is a crime that disproportionately uh affects people who have old cars. Yeah. As I know happened to me. Um but if you have it replaced, um the clever mechanics, hopefully, at your shop will uh know how to stop that from happening again. Or the new catalytic converter has some sort of thing that is the the thieves know better than we do.

SPEAKER_03 3:38

I hope so, because uh my wife seems to uh have been informed that you know there's certain solutions that will invalidate her insurance should she go with them because it's not the proper part. This is super boring though, Mike. Let's talk about um uh I also had a a birthday in the family. My kid turned seven last week.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

We had a seven party in the cow.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

Where does the time go? Eleven screaming seven-year-olds at my house uh on the weekend, uh, and that all went fine. And she's been delighted with her life and only mildly a spoiled pain in the ass. So that's been taking up a a lot of a lot of my time and headspace. Can can I just real quick, since the last time we recorded though, pivot to to your life, just because I think and you should you should link it in the show notes.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

What life is this?

SPEAKER_03 4:32

The the your your you know, your s your hobby, your sideline, your your journalistic career. Uh you have a pro you had a program called Fight on the Right, which uh debuted and aired. I listened to it. Tremendous. Oh, thanks. Uh, it was right, you know, right in the the the Mike Wendling uh Uber, uh part of part of your your long-going look at at the really world-beating amazing people. I talked to the right wing.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

I talked to right-wing uh uh Americans, mostly mostly Americans, and um and I asked them what what's going on. And it and I'm um the question that I was keep keep asking them, because this is what the radio documentary sort of focused on, is like, why did you guys not realize but that all these anti-Semitic racist people were hanging around you for the last 10 years? And generally they were like, yeah, hmm, that's a very good question, Mike. Um you'll have to l listen to what they uh uh said. Um I I wrote a uh Substack post, which I guess I'll link to that explains what they said to that question. Um the the actual radio documentary, which can be heard on BBC Sounds. You can search for it. Once you're done listening to that. The Mega Civil War.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

Let's let them take it. Sounds really dramatic.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

I came up with that title myself. Um yeah, so that's what I've been up to. Uh I think a war was beginning. Um around the last time we spoke. Last time we recorded it was just starting. Still going on. Who would have thought?

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Good god, y'all. What is it? What is it about? Uh yeah, war incompetently waged. And leading us into the stupidest economic collapse of all time.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Question mark.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

Here we go. Um Meanwhile, over here, Keir Starmer is resisting a bit.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

The uncertainty in your voice reflects that uncertainty of what might happen any day uh now between when we record this and when we actually uh publish it. Um so yeah, just end on that up note. Right. We don't know much.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

That's a pleasant sound to hear. Uh right now it just seems like he's absorbing insults. Uh it just kills me that that world leaders who try to not go into this idiotic war with uh the current president of the United States. Yeah, they just have to get insulted by him. So all these nations are like, no, we're not joining in. We you can, you know, stick your whormuz straight up your straight. Uh and and and so Starmer gets a lot of insults from Trump. Trump links to a sketch from the new SNL UK, the very first sketch, which makes fun of Starmer. So it's like I thought it was funny.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

It was funny.

SPEAKER_03 7:37

I was okay with the SNL UK. But that made me think, I was like, wow, Trump is linking to SNL UK making fun of Starmer. Wow, is he trying to get on SNL again? Or uh no, wait, who's airing SNL UK? It's Sky. So he's what? Just helping Rupert Murdoch? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

No, I think you're I think you're going too deep. I think he basically somebody just showed it to him. Yeah. You know, somebody was like, sir, uh, look at it's funny. The guy that you uh have been insulting, they're making fun of him too.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

But other world leaders don't get to just come out and say what what ev all the billions and billions of us are just like, wow, this is an unprecedentedly dumbass guy who we all have to spend 10 years dealing with and now is is ending and threatening so many lives. Why can't we just all come out? Why can't world leaders come out and say, this guy's a fucking idiot?

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Uh I think that people I think that people have actually sort of figured out how to deal with Trump, which is explains this. Like I've thought about this too. Like, why don't they just be like, why I I mean, here, right? The relevant um uh pop culture reference, I think, is Love Actually, right? Where um Billy Bob Thornton is the American president, right? Okay. And um is it Hugh Grant? Hugh Grant's the Prime Minister. This is like the the fourth time we've referenced Love Actually. I know, I know. Um A movie I hate. Now I have to re-watch it. It's terrible. It's terrible. Okay, so Billy Bob. You don't have to watch it. You can consume it like SNL. Okay. We just look at the clips the next day and they'll put the best ones up there so you don't have to worry about all the chaff.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

Gymnastics through the airport. To me, you are perfect. Billy Bob is the president.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Gymnastics through the airport.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Yeah, there's a deleted scene where the kid don't worry about it. Maybe we'll like vault through the airport. Yeah, yeah. It was it went it was actually too over the top for for even LeVectico.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Even for that one. Okay. Well, basically he's like, um, Hugh Grant, the prime minister, is like, well, sir, we're gonna stand up to you. And I can't remember actually how he phrases it, but basically it's like the Billy Bob Thornton, who at that time was sort of like a stand-in for George Bush, you know what I mean? Almost, oh yeah. And then he's he's like, uh, the people of Britain are uh independent and we're not going to roll over anymore. And then like Billy Bob is taken aback. Um and it works. And and this is the fantasy. This is sort of the fantasy that is in British people's heads, right? And and many people's heads. I mean, I'm not just criticizing our hosts. Um that they have agents. That that yeah, and that you can actually like just by sort of straight talking. But I think that Donald Trump is people have just figured it out. World leaders have sort of figured it out. Vl Voldomyr Zelensky's figured it out quite easily. It's just like you he's just gonna insult everybody if that he doesn't like, and he'll be very personal about it. And then you just ignore it, suck up to him, and he thinks you're his best friend, and then you just do whatever you want.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

So that's a strategy. Whether Keir Starmer's following that, I have no idea, but certainly other um world leaders have done that. Certainly the mayor of New York City is doing that. Yeah. Right? Oh, uh yeah, I love you. Oh, Donald, you and me are New Yorkers. Here, I'm gonna hear gear. Here's a present. It's a weird New York Post front page. Uh and then you just like put cross your fingers behind your back and then carry on as you were.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

Fun news item that uh the the state uh legislature house uh went to a Democrat in Mar-a-Lago's district. I thought that was a fun little news item y yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Um I saw that, yeah, I saw that. I didn't um it was a what a special election in Florida.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

Um for yeah, for a state state legislature house. So that yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

I didn't do my research here. I'm sorry. I failed once again. Um and my hobby of journalism. Um but they uh uh having been around there, um I don't know if you've ever been to Mar-a-Lago. Was I no I've been to Disney I've been to Disney World. I haven't actually been to Mar-a-Lago, but I spent uh a couple of days driving around West Palm Beach Um when Trump uh was arrested um in New York. He was arraigned in New York and then he came down. And I have I was in the area, they sent me there. Yeah. And um uh they were just like, Yeah, go and just talk to people, you know, it's kind of fun, it's kind of basic, basic task. What do the neighbors say? The neighbors say, well, the the area is obviously there's a very sort of ritzy part of West Palm Beach, but like you don't have to go very far down the road, and there's some uh very poor areas. Um, you know, there's lots of like immigrant neighborhoods in the in the s like North Palm Beach, and then you get a little bit further and it's like you know, you're you're out there. So it's a it's it's it's kind of a mixed place. I I didn't I say I I say this as like I'm not sure how the district is sort of like carved up, you know what I mean? Yeah and and how sort of influential or how sort of Republican it actually is. They might have forgotten to gerrymander it correctly to their specifications. Exactly. Um on the other hand, maybe maybe it is, maybe it's just the rich part and people are just sick of them, you know? I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Um so yes, that's ongoing. Who knows? Like you said, by the time this uh drops, maybe we'll be under uh a cloud of nuclear fallout.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Can we uh you you mentioned SNL UK. I think we need to talk a little bit more about this. I watched the opening clip. I watched the David Attenborough's Last Supper. I chuckled at both of those things. I haven't watched any more. Uh I know the reviews were mixed, but um certainly if you reviewed any episode of Saturday Night Live, US version, you'd think it was probably pretty mediocre. But that's the nature of topical sketch comedy, right?

SPEAKER_03 13:52

It's hard, it's hard to get on a roll. You gotta have Did you see any more than the We watched the whole ass thing?

SPEAKER_00 13:57

You watched the whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 14:00

We should have had Derek Miller back on and and broken it down. Wet leg was really good. I gotta say, I'm back back onto wet legs. You're back on the wet legs? Which is a band. Um Yeah, they yeah, I mean, the the whole it's just a bit too photocopied of of the US format. I think eventually they'll get around if if it lasts long enough, because it's only a six-episode order, they'll eventually get around to developing their own voice. There was one really weird sketch near the end that seemed like a sort of stand-up routine. Somebody some guy, one of the guys, uh Four Acres is the guy's last name, that did a sort of stand-up routine about being Irish that was absolutely hilarious, but it was sort of uh sort of standalone, like, oh, this guy has a weird routine about being Irish that seemed just punched out of his um yeah, his personal bag of tricks. Uh that I was like, that's a real individual voice. It doesn't, this is not a thing that would be on a US version. It very speaks to uh, you know, speaks to uh this this continent. So um hopefully more of those individual voices and uh will will come through. But you know, British sense of humor was was in play. Also after after 10 o'clock on uh uh British broadcasting networks, you you get to say F's and C's. Um so that brought a little So there was a lot of sweariness. A lot of sweariness. A really good the the Shakespeare, the the Hamnet speech, uh the Shakespeare character. Uh really, yeah, you should see the Hamnet speech goes completely off the rails. It was starts off really well uh with with Shakespeare keeps coming back from his trips to London to visit his family, and he gets more and more London as as the years go by.

unknown 15:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Spoilers. Um so yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a that's a TV show. There's that's my relevant record. Uh check it out.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Uh or don't um I uh you know I look I I think they they did the cold open, it was pretty good. You you want a you want an impression for the cold open. I'm I I guess maybe I'm just sort of like if it looks the same as the US version except just with British people. It's fine. It's fine. Could could do worse, guys. Yeah. Seriously. We need to get a yeah, we need to get Derek uh back on here or a uh comedian sort to give us the real lowdown on uh British comedy. It's the same people are on all the shows, but I did notice the all those people were were sort of young and I hadn't really heard of them before. They weren't on any of the sort of like usual panel shows, which is good, I think. Which is good.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

The people on the panel shows, if they're if they're right, can come and host, but we don't I don't yeah, I didn't need to see yeah panelists be on the cat. And those panelists don't want to be they're already up to that level. They don't want to be in the mines, you know, grinding out sketches. But again, it's only it's only gonna be six episodes, so the mines.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

Um is it time to talk about sports? Sports ball. This has been I've been very excited about this. We've been meaning to do this for a while, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:21

It's good to distract yourself from all the grim with some good old-fashioned sports.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Or it's good to distract yourself from the sports with all the grim. It goes both ways. Can't all be all sports all the time. Right.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

So how do you wanna how do you want to do this? I see you've got some different things laid out here.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

Um We have uh I we have our own sporting I think we could talk about this for quite a while, but to give it a little bit of a structure, I thought we just set out our stall here, as I say. Uh you're you're basketball. That's your number one.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

Top of the top of the table. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

I am more of an American football fan. Um you know, I I enjoy basketball, the other sports, hockey, baseball. Uh Cleveland Cavaliers.

SPEAKER_03 18:16

Cleveland Cavaliers, greatest team in the history of of professional sports. Uh they have won championship. I uh for that year. I had of uh well that was 2016, so that was a real complicated year. Um yeah. They are on uh in a few yeah, sorry, let's uh if you can edit out these grunts. Um they're in a place of uh a good few years they've rebuilt after LeBron won a championship and left again. They've rebuilt, they traded for Donovan Mitchell and had a good young core. But this year at the trade deadline, they're like, we're gonna break apart this good young core by getting rid of my favorite player, Darius Garland, and bringing in the infamous James Harden, which who all who is one of the most hated players in the NBA. Um, but I because I because I run a decades-long fantasy basketball league and I've had him a couple times, I'm like pro-Harden. I think he's I think he's got a great personality. Um we know he loves strip clubs, all that stuff, but now he's on the calves, and so I find myself rooting for jerks. Yeah. Who don't actually who are like on the recording who don't actually care.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Your pain. What what what's your pain level at the moment? It's fine. Because sports is about pain. Right.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Well, we're in the Zero to ten. I love this time of year. Give it a number. Pain level. What's my pain level? Oh no, I'm in a hopeful place because we're in the run up. Okay. We're in the run-up to the playoffs, and and they have a a good chance as many to uh uh w win the Eastern Conference and and go to the finals. Okay. So I'm I'm I'm I'm low, low, low pain. Um and uh but also baseball season. It's you I think tomorrow or today is opening day. They do that first few days.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

And again, the continue the the Cleveland theme Cleveland Guardians is my team. The Guardians, I remember we we watched game seven of the World Series in England late at night. We stole a television and um tiny tiny screen. And I was very worried about you walking home that you would throw yourself into the lake at uh UEA Norwich. Yeah, there's some lakes. It's very um very sad. It was a hard very sad time.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

That game seven, twenty sixteen game seven, another that was and the team had a different name, and that's why they lost because of of of racist curses. Curses against the racist.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Yes, the curse of the Wahoo.

SPEAKER_03 20:44

Now they've now they've changed their name.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Um I have uh been I've been sort of following the Cubs in Chicago. I I was always a New York Mets fan, but living briefly in Cleveland got me into that baseball team. Have a sympathy for them. Um and then the Cubs, been to a few Cubs games, always fun, yeah, great, old school ballpark. And they are on the upswing, also won the championship in 2016.

SPEAKER_04 21:13

That's not 2016, yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Yeah, well, we're gonna keep going with that. Um and um yeah. So I wear I wear it sort of lightly. Buffalo Bills, obviously, pain very high now. Lots of very, very, very high.

SPEAKER_03 21:28

Some of the some of the most historic pain in all of sports.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Um we won't talk about that. I I stopped watching ice hockey, which we must distinguish actually here from hockey. Yeah, right? Hockey is field hockey in Britain. Um and it's played not just by high school girls. Uh-huh. Uh men play it too, and they uh often win uh Olympic gold medals doing so. Um not really a sport I know anything about other than that. A crooked little stick and bruised shins. Um so yeah, that's that's my I started with the Olympic hockey tournament, ice hockey tournament was great, and the Buffalo Sabres I think s didn't make the playoffs for like 15, 20 years, and they are good, and they're they are good this season. So I'm starting to like reinvest a little bit into the ice hockey. Um great basketball, I love a basketball game. Um don't have any sort of strong allegiances there, but you know, I'll I'll support you with the Cavs. Thanks. The Bulls, pretty mediocre the last few years.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

Garbage franchise. Um just living off just living off uh uh merchandise sales from from Michael Jordan and the Last Dance documentary. Other than that, they don't know how to run things. It's it's do they get any money from that? Oh yeah. I mean, it's bizarre to be on the streets of London and to see Bulls. Uh obviously Lakers is always gonna be number one, but but so many people with Bulls merchandise because they know who Michael Jordan is, but don't understand that the last 25 years of that franchise has been completely inept. Um and they are they are just they don't even know how to tank right. It just yeah. It was uh in Cleveland, they're in Cleveland's division, so I take great pleasure from from the Bulls being ridiculously bad because Michael Jordan broke my heart a million times as a child. So um may Jerry Reinsdorf continue to run the Bulls the way he is. Um all right. So we've So yeah, sports. Yeah, it would just, you know, we get get off track.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

We are I think we are this is this is because you know we are sort of detailed fans. Yes. Yeah. Right? But those are sports that are played on the other side, mostly, of the world. Yes. And now we're here. And it's true. We're here in Britain. Aaron Ross Powell, Jr.

SPEAKER_03 23:57

And those are the sports that I like, baseball and mostly basketball. And so to find opportunities to even even play them in the park, let alone see them played at a competent level here, is just not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

And so this is Well, you do have the internationalization here because they they're gonna they're coming over. They obviously the NFL is coming over big time. You got some basketball games. Was it is it one game, one NBA game a year? One NBA game in Europe that they came here. Baseball. We're doing some baseball.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Baseball, I think, has come here from time to time.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

At the Olympic Stadium, yeah. Yeah. Um in fact, I think was it last year or the year before the Cubs were were playing here? So there's opportunities um to actually uh see it in person. The time difference is bad. Right. Because now we have we're in March Madness. Uh and um uh you know, the first couple of rounds you can actually sort of uh watch if you're if you're so inclined. Because they're already into the college basketball.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

Only in as much as I'm looking at who are the the young players coming up, and if I drop in to watch a game, it's always exciting and exciting and spirited and stuff. But it's the whole thing like I felt when I was at Bowling Green State University, and people would be like, hey, you want to watch the OSU game? My thing is I didn't go to that school. I don't give a shit.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

Bowling Green uh unfortunately has one of the longest droughts of not making the um NCAA in a minute. It's like the third longest. Like the last time they made it was like 1963 or 64, something like that. I was looking this up the other day. Um and they had a decent team. They had a decent team when we were there. The football team, you know, just basically is gets pummeled by much larger teams all the time.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

Shout out who was the the NBA player who came who was there while we were there? Was it Antonio Daniels? Uh anyway.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Yeah, that's it. That's it. And he was yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

He would come to Video Spectrum, the the video store I worked at, and was a nice guy. And then he won I think he won a championship.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Playing in the NBA.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

He won a championship with the Spurs and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Played in the NBA. Nice. Right. Okay. We're the American sports. So just American sports.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

Put them aside because we don't we don't get to enjoy them in our waking hours.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

So, you know, it's one of those things, right? That to integrate, you get involved in the cultural life of the nation. This is also a sports mad nation, if you couldn't tell. Uh I mean you can you can tell. Yeah. Um we have to we have to be honest with the audience here. You don't like the British sports.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

I'm yet to click with an authentic way that makes me go, oh, I I would spend some time watching this and emotionally investing. And part of that is part of that is just that fandom operates in a different way because the US is so big that the default setting is to support, to use the word they use here, to root for the the team from your geographical area. Yeah. Like an onion thing, like a local sports team. Whereas here, you could have you could have never stepped foot in Liverpool your whole life and be like, I support Liverpool. And it's like, but you've you don't live there. Why yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

The classic was like Manchester United, when Manchester United had the big, you know, teams of about 20 years ago, the David Beckham type things, people who would like never be caught, not even visited, never would not go there, like except to go to Old Trafford, would not be caught dead in the middle of Manchester because they would think that they would die in the middle of Manchester, would be like, yeah, I'm a United fan through and through. So it is weird. That part. Although I do think that there that if you dig down a little bit, right, there is geographical um uh relevance for for teams outside of London, number one, smaller teams. Like if you go to Hull, right, like everybody in Hull or everybody in Leicester is gonna be supporting Leicester City. Leicester's probably not a great example, but like a place like Hull. Right. Hull like Hull is a little bit on the edge, it's a smaller city, it's it's all sort of tied up with the sort of pride in the city, like you probably are gonna support that team. And even in London, right? I there's a very sort of like for the smaller teams, there's a very sort of like uh cashment area, as if you were, right? Okay. Uh if you go to where I used to live in northwest London, QPR, there's like the Q uh like a concentrated QPR belt, and then there's like a QPR like expat belt that's like way out west of the city, and people like just drive down the M40 to go to the matches. But there's a neighbor of mine actually sort of painted their door in the QPR colours um because it was just so devoted, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 29:13

But my thing is that in the Premier League, what's the point? Because there's no real chance for those smaller clubs to win.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Wait a second. We're gonna go back to 2016. Thank you. Leicester City wins the Premier League.

SPEAKER_03 29:34

Did it? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Leicester City wins the Premier League. This is okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

This is this is Leicester City, that's vaguely familiar.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

Yeah, and this is um one of the most improbable outcomes of all of sports, right? Like the bookies were giving odds at 5,000 to 1 before the season. Some people who just sort of threw down 10 pounds as a laugh had like life-changing uh victories because of this. Generally though, yeah, you're right. Like the riches accrue to the to the bigger teams. But I think maybe you are sort of like um uh displacing the sort of it's not just all about winning. Okay, it's not about the the winner take all because you have right the uh Champions League's uh places, right? Uh you have sort of um the fight at the bottom where you get relegated.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Just so insulting. Like you're not even allowed to be in this league anymore.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 30:36

Like the Utah Jazz is gonna get sent to the G League. Yeah, it just would never happen.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Surely you surely you agree, like, you know, that that makes it like the risk is high, right? And then conversely, there's teams that are uh attempting to get into the Premier League, and there's storylines there that are so interesting. So for instance, if Ryan Rang is seventh or eighth in the championship right now, is Wrexham, right? Yeah. And they may well be promoted to the Premier League if they have a good run-in here.

SPEAKER_03 31:09

I want to know what's the revenue sharing. Like, is it is there revenue sharing set? And this is the thing sometimes I talk to British people about revenue sharing and salary caps and and draft lotteries and all these things that are put into place in American sports to make it socialist. To make it socialist. And like really America's doing that? And and they are not in place here.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

It is true. It is very true. So I don't believe there's any there's spending sort of regulations, um, but not sort of salary caps as such. Um and then it does mean that like you have uh the ability to just buy loads of players, they inevitably accrue to the uh top teams. I mean, essentially the same thing is happening in college basketball in the United States at the moment, right? With all the money that's been injected, the players are gravitating to where they can get the most money, and those are the big teams, and that's why March Madness isn't really mad anymore, right? But it makes it boring, which I understand that makes the Premier League also boring. The same teams are sort of on the top all the time. There's about um half a dozen of them. Um It's a legit criticism.

SPEAKER_03 32:18

If you'll allow me as well, I just need to say this.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

You just don't like soccer.

SPEAKER_03 32:23

As a sport, what are we doing? This is a game that was like invented in the Middle Ages before we came up with better ideas for sports. We're putting these people on an absurdly large field and making them just run for ages until they just stand around for a while. And then when you finally get close to actually doing the thing, the impossible thing with your feet that is the design of the thing. And but and then comes the chemical castration of the offsides rules. So, like, oh quick, somebody's gonna do the thing, and finally we're gonna have a highlight, we're gonna have a thing that is the point of doing this uh offsides rules. And I watched a Premier League match every once in a while with my uh with my sister-in-law's partner or or whatnot. And I'm also like, can you guys learn from the NBA and just like let's have some off-ball movement, let's have some coordinated, you know, let's run some offense. And I know Bit was like, oh no, we're running a 4-4-3 or we just but I just see a lot of a lot of just standing around. And and what's with the substitution rules? Are they so if they're so tired that we can only like in baseball, if somebody comes out, you can't come back in. Well, uh, if they're not running around doing exciting plays, let's allow for more substitutions.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

Okay, so it's not your perfect sport. You have some ideas on how it might be better. Yeah. I think that there's a couple of things that it does have for it, right? The passion of the fans, right? Is incredible. But they don't know no better. It's in it's incredible, right? These little tiny these little teams, um, and you know, um, especially if you're the underdog, they uh and the the the sort of fan-sponsored, there's a there's a sense of ownership that just doesn't exist. Because, you know, if you go to a typical American sporting event, you buy your ticket, and that's kind of it, right? These people are like invested, they make up songs, right? They uh they feel like they have a greater say in running the team than the actual owners. Okay. They manage uh political campaigns against the owners if they feel that they're fucking up too much. Okay. Um, so there's there's that, and that makes for a great atmosphere. And if you know it's not just uh in Britain, uh if you go to say Brazil or Italy, you and I have been to an Italian football match. That was an amazing atmosphere, right?

SPEAKER_03 34:53

I don't remember what happened on the exactly.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

That's the point. That's the point. It's uh actually the the action is sometimes incidental, right? And uh and listen, um do I remember going to the Chicago Bulls game? No, but I do remember the atmosphere. Um, I mean, do I remember what actually happened in the game that I went to? No. But it was awesome. Dennis Rodman was there. There was like cheerleaders, they were shooting the t-shirt cannons. It's like as a spectacle. Benny the Bull is uh one of the things that's that is why we that is that that's why we watch sports even more than the what we what we go on what we watch on the screen, right? Um if the Premier League doesn't sort of set you on fire, there is a World Cup that's happening in the United States, allegedly, and Canada and Mexico, if it all if it all gets allowed to go on. And internationally, right? Football, soccer, soccer football is um i I mean it's great that all these countries have actually field good teams, right? Because there's very few sports that do that. Baseball, we have this world baseball classic. There's like three teams, four teams, or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 36:05

Well, Great Britain just washed out quite hilariously. Yeah. It's a mate, it's sweet that they sweet of them that they field it.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Well, the Italian team was basically all these dudes who were like Americans.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Italian heritage, but they had a great time. But, Mike, what happened at the end of that tournament?

SPEAKER_00 36:20

Uh Venezuela won. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

And they beat the United States. Like, how beautiful was that?

SPEAKER_00 36:27

Listen, uh you can root against your own country if you want. But my point, my point was something my point was my point was more like there's very few sports where that's where that are truly international. Soccer is basically the only one. Yeah. Right? So when you get into international competitions like we're gonna see this summer, it's exciting, it's really quite fun. Um there is a chance for the minnows to get a little bit further. Uh, probably, you know, Brazil, Spain, Germany will win. But uh it it they do it does have that aspect of it. Um Okay.

SPEAKER_03 37:09

I will uh keep my The offside rule.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

I have to agree with you. The offside rule is something that's like um, you know.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

Um I'll keep my heart open for a club uh that that shows me a style of play and uh and a community integrated.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

I guess what I'm saying, what I yeah, what I'm saying is, you know, what you gotta do is you gotta get in with the home fans. Don't worry too much about what's on the field. Uh after a couple of drinks and everybody singing along in the pub, it doesn't really matter. Okay. Um that's the that's the the granddaddy, right? Like American football, I feel like in the last 20 years or so, uh football here has completely dominated the scene. Whereas once there was like a much more sort of like spread out fandom, you know, like the NFL has gone gangbusters in the US. Um and it's now sort of so big that everybody's talking about the Super Bowl halftime show, even around the world. Similarly here, football, um, you you have to have a team, you know, or if you don't have a team, you gotta pretend like you have a team to actually sort of you know get into get involved in the banter. But there are other British sports, right? Yeah. That you might be interested in. And the brilliant thing about this is they are basically just versions of American sports, okay?

SPEAKER_03 38:39

Well, probably not.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

I mean, they probably exist. They basically are all the same sport. Oh, okay. Just with a slightly different rule change. All right. So rugby. Okay. Uh, and again, um there's various different forms. There's the sort of club form. Uh, my particular uh favorite bit of rugby is something called the Six Nations, which is just concluded. And it was a very I didn't actually watch much of it because it was sort of in mourning over the American football season and the dire end to that. Um, but but generally I try to watch a couple of matches. It happens in February and March, so it's that perfect sort of um there is no real American drama going on. You got some NBA and NHL, but really they haven't really kind of gotten to the end of the season. Okay. Uh uh baseball hasn't started, football's over. So you have that though those couple months that are filled with these weekend games. And rugby, right, is American football without a forward pass or a line of scrimmage, right? Okay. Constantly in motion, no forward pass. Right. Um, I could not explain to you all of the rules there. Um, I think I could probably explain the football offside rule at a push. But it's okay because if you look at it in that context, it makes total sense to you, right? The scoring system, the way the players are moving, and the laterals they're throwing, and the they're basically trying to get the ball across the line. Uh and again, it has that international element. And actually, the teams that used to be minnows are actually sort of um not so bad uh these days. Um England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, France, and Italy. Uh so again, not like a super international uh thing here. It's also New Zealand? No, no, no. Who are the all blacks? Those are those the All Blacks are uh are New Zealand. Okay. Um, which has uh perhaps the best team. Um they frequently have been the best team. But that's international, that's a separate sort of um they they arrange sort of ad hoc matches, or there is a rugby world cup as well, where they'll play uh with the other teams that are good, which tend to be South Africa, New Zealand, Australia, Argentina, um, and then some random countries like Georgia, Luxembourg, the United States and Canada have teams that are sort of maybe second tier. All right. So that those all go in there. And then so you have those national rivals. I mean, all these all these countries have some sort of like relationship to Britain and its colonies, essentially. Right. Right. Like cricket.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

So rugby. I have watched some rugby uh with my father-in-law and did not completely glaze over.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

Okay, all right. Yeah, here we go.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Uh but the thing is, if I so I divorced the NFL something like 10 or 15 years ago uh on the grounds of brutality. So if I'm out on American football, then it it's hard for me to be like okay with with another combat adjacent sport. Maybe though, because they don't do the sort of flying, launching my body and uh uh hits, maybe uh uh uh maybe I could give it a little leeway. But I need some helmets so I don't have to see those cauliflower.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

These guys, these guys are hardcore. Like the violence.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

And women's rugby is actually like like, yeah, it's it's i is a thing as well. So, you know, it's not just dudes killing dudes.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

And I want to, I want to um I want to um maybe um you know, explain that I've tried to be a sporting ambassador, right? Because I'm trying to convince you that British sports are worthy of your attention, you know, culturally. Keep trying. I do the same thing to British people because they think, oh, you know, the the the criticism of of American football, um, and we can get into the violence thing in a bit, but the criticism of American football tends to be like those people wear too many pads and they stop and start too much, and I don't get it. So my I always say, look, you know, the strategy behind American football is it's one of the most complicated games that humans have invented, right? Like you have to run a set play every time, you have to predict what the other team is doing. You know, it really is like a chess match out there. And that makes it more complicated than rugby. So that those two those two elements, the line of scrimmage and the forward pass, make it like uh several orders of magnitude more complicated than than rugby.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

I'll tell you what rugby has going for it. It has the sort of team gymnastics or like synchronized swimming lifts and stunts, like the human pyramids and shit. Those are amazing. And uh, you know, uh when the Summer Olympics come around every once in a while, and my wife is like, watch this uh synchronized swimming routine. I'm like, I don't come on. And then I watch a synchronized swimming routine. I'm like, those are some of the most amazing athletes. So yeah, give me some synchronized swimming routines. I, you know, they they got the scrum and the and the thing where they lift the guy in the air. I want them to be even more creative and see can they make a like a human snake and like wiggle the ball through the human snake? What what other formations can they creatively come up with using? What about what about rolling? What about if they all laid on the ground and did rollies, rollies, rollies, rollies with uh, you know, I want to see, I just want to see some of the things.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

There are tactics and there are mind games. So I one of my colleagues used to be a female rugby player. Um, she she's still a female, like and she's she's no longer a rugby player. Okay. Uh for for Cambridge University. And so um she was telling me about some of the weird tactics and psych out tactics that happen, you know, like uh uh inside the scrum where you're trying to put people off or like you know, psych them out or whatever. Yeah. And then I was trying to-racist things are they saying inside the screen.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:40

It gets it gets nasty. It gets really nasty in the world of female rugby in particular.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

They got razor blades in their mouths and they're like hair pulling is the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

Oh hair pulling is the beginning, but it's certainly not the end. Um, but I think I actually I sent her a uh uh uh a video of a Buffalo Bills uh team pushing Josh Allen over the line. I was like, look, this is the scrum. Yeah, and suddenly she was like, Yes, yes, you're right. The touchpoot that is a rock has made it into that. That is a rock that I see it now, I see the resemblance. Now, the other one I would point out is again, um cricket doesn't look like baseball. It's the same as baseball. Okay. No. With a couple of a couple of rule changes. Here is the same game.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

I could explain the rules of baseball to a to a child or a drunk at a pub in more or less in 90 seconds. Can they do that with cricket? Because I've had people attempt and it's always uh gone on too long.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

The problem with cricket is the scoring system is so complicated, and there's various different sort of formats. So imagine if you had base one baseball game that lasted like a week, and then another baseball game that lasted two hours. And how would you like tell who the winner is? And then like also there is like complicated mathematical formulas that play into like um d determining winners sometimes. So that yeah, that's like complicated. But like I think cricket is so you have to kind of sit, and then the strategy is well, like like in any game, but I think baseball and and um cricket are similar because you're like, well, why is that person why do they put that person to pitch against that person? Well, it it's because that person's right-handed and the batter is left-handed, and uh they they fielders moved around there, and then he's trying to hit it there. Why is he trying to hit it there? He's trying to hit it there because it's the offside. You know what I mean? So it's like it's it's very useful as it always is to sit with an actual fan of the game so he knows all this strategy. But basically, you hit the ball, you run back and forth between the bases, yeah, right? Yeah, and then for every time you get back and forth between the two bases, you score a run. But you sort of and then you just collect runs.

SPEAKER_03 47:00

You had to sort of there's like a checklist of hits that you have to do too, is it am I right? Like you don't want to just knock the ball over the fence every time. You also want to do it. No, that's fine. You could do that.

SPEAKER_00 47:09

You can do that.

SPEAKER_03 47:10

But you also want to pepper in some sideways hits and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

That's just a strategy thing. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

Like if you had it If you had Mike Judge cricket version, you would just let him swing for the fences. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

But the the batter is batting consistently until they get out. Uh it's not like baseball where the defense is very, very strong, right? They don't even get mitts. They don't even get mitts, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

They're wearing white. They are they are averse to diving and getting grass stains on their trousers.

SPEAKER_00 47:43

But they have to yeah, they stop for tea every every once in a while. It is a tea break.

SPEAKER_03 47:49

Hasn't like India has solved this by their sexy version of cricket, their sexy short version of cricket. Yeah. Which I don't understand why that hasn't come to to England and like and every town, every city has their own.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

No, it does. The the uh what do we call it?

SPEAKER_03 48:04

The sixes, the sevens, the six sevens, what's it called? The the nines.

SPEAKER_00 48:07

The 2020. 2020 over T twenties.

SPEAKER_03 48:12

We don't know.

SPEAKER_00 48:13

Uh it's it's the it has to do with the amount of like school overs. There's I think there's like six six pitches or balls, as they say, six pitches in every over, and so that's you get 180 throws, and then the other team gets 180 throws. And again, there's like sort of complicated math involved in terms of like determining the strategy or determining who wins or whatnot. But um but you're right, those games are shorter, and then like it does happen in it does happen in England. In fact, like I went to a match years ago at Lord's, um uh uh which again, you know, it's a different atmosphere, but it is not necessarily about watching the match, it's about sitting around, drinking beer, um, admiring a good sort of shot, um you know, milling around funny characters, chance, the wave, yeah, all that stuff.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

I've got a I've got a good expat friend uh who's moved here recently, and her husband is a member of like a local cricket club. Yeah. I need to sort of horn my way, get an invitation to go check out that scene one time so that I can experience it. Because I never I've never been, never been to a participatory.

SPEAKER_00 49:29

Yeah. Um I wouldn't say it's like the best spectator sport because of the length. Okay. On the other hand, if you're there to just hang out in the sunshine and it's a nice day, it's fine. It's not played in the rain, like baseball. Correct me if I'm wrong. Another similarity with baseball.

SPEAKER_03 49:48

I never see I never seem to dip into cricket at a time where and this is a big part of what makes baseball special, where it the it's come down to a moment. Um this is a bit of a this is a bit of thing with m with British sports in the Premier League for me as well, where they're missing an opportunity to do to to to have dramatic moments. Like, why doesn't the Premier League I know because we have all these other cups. Okay, but why don't you have a championship at the end of the year? Why don't you have playoffs? But in cricket, I never seem to see like a moment where it's like it all comes down to this pitch. It's three and two with two runners on and it's the bottom of the knife. It's always like, well, this is already wrapped up and we're just trying to play out the string and and get to the end of this because they have 473 over 19.

SPEAKER_00 50:32

I I listen, I think you've correctly identified again, yeah, a a a thing. Uh it's um it is definitely a a not set up for that like mo it's very rare that it'll go down to the last pitch. Right? Yeah. So remarkably rare that if it's like an important thing, it'll be like, you know, the front page news, right? Um England versus Australia. And they play for uh every every 18 months for the ashes, which is a little urn of ashes of like some bat that was burnt like a hundred years ago. I mean, that's awesome. Just witch just witch shit. Like just Druids again. The Super Bowl should be like a uh like the winner should get like a pig carcass or something. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 51:25

Let's think more modern. You get you get like some of you get you get to uh a bit of Walter Payton's DNA, and then you get to you know build a clone. If you win, you get to clone Bo Jackson. Congratulations.

SPEAKER_00 51:42

That would be awesome. Great, great trophy. And then they just call it the Ashes. Yeah. Um So look, yeah, I don't think I could I've convinced you.

SPEAKER_03 51:51

What about um what about some um what what are what are some other ancillary uh Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

Those those are the main ones. Those are the main ones. Um and if you're not, you know, if you if if you're really sort of desperate, you can get into uh you uh Snooker.

SPEAKER_03 52:07

Well, okay. Well, this is the thing I wrote down, Mike, is what's with all these ESPN2 in the 80s like hobby type weird sports that are inexplicably still popular? Like, why are we watching pub sports on TV? We're watching pool and snooker and billiards and darts and people know who the darts champion is, and you're watching a television broadcast of someone go whoop and th and throw a dart? That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 52:39

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

I mean, why not bowling, England? Come on.

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Yeah, bowling, bowling should be uh definitely in there. I don't know. Why are they not good at bowling? Uh I think darts is having a moment because there's a young player who's like really good. And he's and he's and he's have you done the research on this one? Do you know his name?

SPEAKER_03 52:55

No, uh he's he's quite shlubby, and uh I think Yeah, they're all pretty shlubby. Well, this guy is particularly he's young and shlubby. Oh, he's really big. But we're gonna wait on his glow-up. Wait till wait till they glow him up. He'll be like, he's basically he like looks like like Louis Capaldi's, you know, totally normal cousin. Uh who is the Starts champion? I'm not gonna look at his name.

SPEAKER_00 53:15

I is that I mean, that's the appeal, right? Like none of these guys are gonna get up and run around a football pitch for 90 minutes consecutively without getting substituted. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

It is quite English in that sort of in that way of we're all just normal blokes here and we don't need to be jacked to to be the center of attention and to be really, really good at a thing uh in that sort of uh you know, in uh inferiority complex insecurity of of English men.

SPEAKER_00 53:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:46

With I'm just talking out of my ass completely.

SPEAKER_00 53:49

The i uh but you know, uh uh so we like snooker though is actually a really, really difficult thing to play. Yeah. Right? Have you ever played like the property?

SPEAKER_03 53:59

I'm terrible at all sticks.

SPEAKER_00 54:03

Yeah. Like I'm I can't say that I'm I'm very good, but like you can knock a few balls around. But like people think, oh, it's just like pool. It's not just like pool. Um the rules are more complicated, and these guys um are knocking the balls around very quickly and with a lot of skill. Um it's not necessarily the same sort of like accessibility level. And and they're not everywhere. You have to go to like actually a snooker club. The one time I played, like a friend of mine, like he lived in this small town, and the snooker club was the only place to hang out really near his house. So he so he just joined. And that's and then we played some snooker and were really bad at it. Yeah. Yeah. It's it it's i i it's a very niche sport. Okay. But the uh the the weird thing about it, I think, is that uh it does produce some big uh uh celebrity type people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:04

Um and they know these dudes for generations. Uh my wife will name, you know, uh famous uh snookerers.

SPEAKER_00 55:13

There's a guy oh yeah, yeah, from from years past. There's a guy named Ronnie O'Sullivan, um, who's a very intense character, and he's one of the b the biggest champions ever. He's won the world championship like multiple times. Um but he's he's a very sort of intense individual. Um, but he's been good for like decades. You know what I mean? It's one of those sports where obviously it's like not like that physically taxing. It's just meant mentally.

SPEAKER_03 55:37

You're not gonna tiger woods, throw your back out and suddenly fall off a cliff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:41

I'm sure these guys do train. Darts is probably probably even less so, right? Um, you can have a career of darts that spans what 40 years or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 55:52

I yeah, I guess bringing up tiger, yeah. There's uh other individual sports that are that are that are big here too. Obviously, golf, who cares? Uh uh I want to get can somebody take me to window. Golf. Someone take me to Wimbledon one day, please go to Wimbledon.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

Tennis, tennis more, um time to time there is Tennis more as a venue. Yeah, yeah. Emma Reticamanu. But like uh, for instance, like track and feel like that if you're good, you don't live in this country, right? You move to a sunnier place. You go to Florida, you go to, you know, wherever, California. Um so the the British, the ostensible British t tennis champions like don't live in Britain generally, right? It's too rare. Maybe they go to Dubai, I don't know. Um yeah, Wimbledon, and and again, it doesn't even you you don't even uh uh care about really what you see on the courts.

SPEAKER_03 56:47

Um unless you get lucky and get to see somebody really cool and you're like, oh, I was I was really close to the Matt's VLander.

SPEAKER_00 56:54

I saw the the Olympics, I saw um we saw Federer in the sort of quarterfinals of the Olympics. See that was the one. You know, um they had a lottery in 2012, right? So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:08

Um You didn't even call I I just name dropped Matt's VLander, you just let that slide, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:13

Hey man. Matt's V Lander. Rings a bell.

SPEAKER_03 57:18

Uh Bjornborg, Ivan.

SPEAKER_00 57:19

Bjornborg.

SPEAKER_03 57:22

Um let's get out there, Mike, and go see a sporting event.

SPEAKER_00 57:30

Yeah, that's right. Even if it's an American one. Um what's on the my son, my son said, Oh dad, there's some college football happening at Wembley Stadium. And it's like uh I don't know, like I'm gonna get this wrong, like Kansas versus Arizona State or something like this. Some sort of um Pac-10. Yeah. It does it uh as like, ooh, I don't know, that's a tough sell. Um I don't know if there's many fans of these teams that are actually uh they're gonna send the alumni over. The alumni will come, yeah. It's a b it's a big uh it's a big sort of uh fun day out. Um I am I'm actually um I'm I'm sort of um thinking that uh if that um wrexom team makes it to and you you said about dramatic moments, right? If Wrexham gets into what is the playoff, so to get into the Premier League, they've cracked this, yeah, right? There's a playoff. The top two teams automatically get in and replace the bottom two teams, but then for that for there's another third team that gets chucked out of the Premier League, for that third place, teams number uh three through six play uh a little mini tournament. Okay. And um that makes it exciting because the winner of that tournament, they play a final at Wembley Stadium, and that is uh commonly uh regarded as one of the most lucrative matches to win for the actual team because of the step up in television revenue, okay, right? That revenue sharing stuff that we're talking about. Um and so that's very dramatic. And if uh a team like Wrexham plays a team like, I don't know, QPR, that would be great. Uh that'll be a lot of fun to go to Wembley. That sounds like a corporate acronym for like an information. Keep mentioning Q Q QBR is Queen's Park Rangers, great, thank you. Uh, which is in West London, okay, and they play in Shepherd's Bush. Oh. They don't play in Queen's Park, which is like three or four miles to the north. They play in uh in a stadium that's right near uh White City and behind BBC Television Center in that area, Shepherd's Bush.

SPEAKER_03 59:44

And then yeah, so they just need to get taken over by a billionaire who will inject them with lots of money and buy uh by when I used to live in the neighborhood.

SPEAKER_00 59:53

I was like very um both sort of anxious about that happening because then like you know, if you get all these sort of like Arsenal fans or every single Saturday or Manchester City fans coming into your neighborhood, um it's a it's a it's it's one of these stadiums that's like right in the neighborhood. Yeah, and then they flood into the pubs and then they're there afterwards and they're chanting on the street and it kink quite kidding. If you go around Highbury, Highbury, or if you go to like Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, which is a beautiful stadium, perhaps the best stadium in the whole country, um, the streets around there are just like football. You know what I mean? And it's fun if you're going for a match, but to live there. Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:33

If you are an American and listening to this or new here, uh, you know, it's like I was a uh a a north side Chicagoer for a zillion years and it's like Wrigley. Just knowing we I was not a Cubs fan, but I had the Cubs schedule on my refrigerator so that I would know which days to avoid using the red line. And just no, I'm not driving through here, I'm not taking a bus through here, I'm not using the red line. During game time, I will I will go further west and use the brown line to go around these clowns on a Cubs game day. And yeah. So yeah. And so I've experienced a little bit of a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:09

That happens 20 times a year if you live near a Premier League football team. And that doesn't even count all the other cup matches your team makes to Champions League, you know, that's like a month of Sundays. Um it gets intense. But uh but again, it makes for a great atmosphere for the visitors. Um one of my one of my very first jobs I remember doing for the BBC was going to Highbury back uh before it was the uh the new stadium that they built for Arsenal. This is a while ago. And um confronting people who had uh bought um uh disabled parking badges so that they could park right next to the stadium. That's that's a good hustle. So they would so obviously people would uh you know just sort of like walk out of their walk walk out of their cars, but you probably can't do that these days, you know. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:10

Anyway. All right, well, I um I'm no closer to uh being really that's a shame. I think well No, I'm open to I'm open to and I think like you said, uh it's the key is I uh yeah maybe attending or or or having an ambassador. You can't just tell me about things. I I need you know I need someone to sit there with with me over an adult beverage.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:34

We're gonna go to we're gonna go to a sporting event. Yeah. What'll it be? I think cricket or football. Fuck that. Darts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:45

Darts isn't fun for a spectator unless somebody gets hit with a dart. That would make it really great if they put the put the put the crowd really close so they're really packed in and they really demonstrate their s their skill by threading the dart through a very narrow space. Dart stunts.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:06

Like Robin Hood. Um, if you have a suggestion for a sporting event we should attend, and free tickets, please email us cold dark miserable pod. Cold dark miserable pod, all one word, at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:23

And yeah, let us know. Do you got any questions? You got any suggestions? You want to be a guest? Email us. Mike. Yeah. Sometimes when we do this, I do a thing where I sing a song at the end.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:40

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:41

And uh I'm gonna do it again.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:45

Oh, you're gonna do it again.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:46

Spoilers, I'm gonna do it again.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:49

Uh so I'm interested to see what you've cooked up here for our sport special. I mean, it's gotta be a chant of some sort, right? Oh, yeah. You knew that you knew it. It's gotta be some sort of um, I don't know, hopefully not that uh rock and roll number two by the by gang.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:07

Pedophile? Uh no, and it's not it's not sweet Caroline, uh inexplicably.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:12

Oh no, that's what oh no. I was hoping that you might have.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:18

What's the one that's of inexplicably is it climb every mountain? No, you'll never walk alone. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a bizarre choice. Liverpool, they love that. Yeah. Yeah. No.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:29

It's not that one.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:29

No, no. This is more global.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:32

Oh, okay. Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:34

And this happens in the States as well. But Okay. Hold on. Here we go.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:39

I'm trying to think here.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:56

Hey!

SPEAKER_02 1:04:57

This ain't no football chance. My double nation family got me across the sea. Podcasting expat rants. Midwest gone global Jack White Mike and me. From a silly little ditch from the garage into the halls of fame. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. A bowling green to dust and bullshitting bro, it's all the same. Boom boom boom boom boom boom. But I'm seeing airports full of us. Y'all got some problems back home. Boom, beow, beow, beow, beow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.