11: Holiday Time ft. Max Geller

What's more British than a proper British holiday resort with proper British people eating proper British food, somewhere far away from Britain?

This week the hosts are joined by Matt's neighbour Max Geller, a Bostonian who explains how he found love on the campaign trail and how that eventually led to, uh, package holidays on the Mediterranean.

While Matt and Max each spent their recent holibobs with their famalams in one of those Great British foreign resorts, Mike didn't even leave the country and instead went on long walks around villages and rocky beaches. So of course under this nation's strange class rules, his vacation was posh.

Yes, British holidays can be an absolute minefield - particularly since, fellow Americans, you're expected to actually take those vacation days - but we're here to break it all down. 

Chips with everything!

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Here we go!

SPEAKER_05 0:01

Wow, that was first time! Alright. What you're doing there.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

It's very disturbing.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Oh sure, just a quick couple points.

SPEAKER_03 0:14

It's like a little Wayne studio session.

SPEAKER_05 0:22

Hello and welcome to Notes from a Small, cold, dark, miserable island. The podcast where we promise to take you from the dumpster fire that is the homeland, only to deposit to you around the back of a dodgy pub near Paddington Station. I'm Mike.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

I am Matt. Today we have a special guest. Max Geller is here. Max, uh the the best way I can describe you uh off the top is just as my neighbor. You live a block and a half or so away from me. Um and so been hoping to get you on uh as as a uh expat for for a while since we started, and and finally you're here.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

I'm so happy to be here. Uh thank you for having me on.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

You that's that's correct. That is the form that you need to follow. Um yeah, we'll touch on this, but you have you have two boys six and under. Six and one?

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Five and one.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Five and one. I'm over overdoing the older one. Um and so for you just to get a clear non-childcare hour is is a gift.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

This is great, yeah. I feel you the the speed with which I walked over to the studio this morning was unbelievable. Unimpeded by little wave.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

Like like Mario with a star. You're just like zooming through Dalston, untouchable. Uh, we like to start things when we have a guest on often just by you know, just getting as much or as little detail as you'd like to tell us about how you got here. I'm gonna sing you in. What's your visa story?

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Tell us about how you got your visa. Um, well, I'm proud to say that I do in fact have a visa. Um that would be awkward if I sang somebody in and they're like, I'm um, I'm actually uh we're not gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_05 2:15

Sorry, let's not talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

My legal residency is actually no longer in jeopardy. I'm very pleased to report. No, um, I uh I came here for the only uh justifiable reason. Um I came for love. Um I don't really respect anyone else's reasons for moving to London.

SPEAKER_05 2:37

It's alright. It's a it's a unanimous studio here on that count.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Um my uh my wife, who I've um met back home, she's also American, um finding all British men unsuitable imported me uh about six and a half years ago.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

So and so how did she get was she established here? Um she came for university and then got a job and stayed. And um we uh we met actually when we were 11 years old at uh socialist summer camp. And um we banged once when we were like 27, but um other than that, we just stayed friends. Uh and then at 34, I came over to um like there was like uh Jeremy Corbin was uh running for labor, and I had this idea that uh Western democracy was salvageable back then. It was like a really naive time in my life, and so I I thought that uh if we could get there's a lot of us. The idea was that if if if if um we could get Jeremy Corbyn in in 2019, in 2020, Bernie Sanders would look great. Yeah, and and and seem way more plausible. Right. So um he was having this uh problem. I don't know if you recall uh with um his anti-Semitism, the Jewish community. Yeah, and as a member, I thought that uh there's many of us who are coming over and doing all we could to sort of uh dispel those rumors uh of um those the those false accusations of anti-Semitism to silence legitimate criticism of Israel, which has become a real theme uh more recently. But back then it was uh people weren't as um aware of this phenomenon and and we we participated in this sort of get out the vote campaign.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Uh this sort of like uh a strand of socialist Jewish uh guys like myself.

SPEAKER_05 4:44

Um I'm curious, did you find that that worked with the British voters?

SPEAKER_03 4:50

Did the people sort of respond to you as coming over and saying like Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Um as you may have noticed, Mike. Well, I was the the the place that I was sort of dispatched to was really close to Heathrow Airport, um, in uh Boris Johnson's constituency. Okay. Oh, Oxbury. So wait, this is where exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

And this is where they're sort of sending you to like knock on doors.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

And unbeknownst to me, like they have really like great election data available to uh for public consumption here in the UK. So you can go back to households voting. Um someone in this household voted this way in the last election and this way in the previous one, and they go all the way back to the like the 80s. And some of them were voting for uh something called the BP, the British, the British National Party. The BMP, yeah, the BMP. Yeah. I was in I I've done some door knocking, you know, a a lot in my life.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Uh and done a lot of advocacy work back in the States as well.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

In in the deep south, I I tried to get a black uh female governor elected uh in in Georgia. And there's some real interesting decisions. You have to ask yourself, do I really want to go knock on this door? Do I want to walk out?

SPEAKER_03 6:13

This particular door.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

This particular door with these particular flames via a hinge. Can I just sort of write this one off?

SPEAKER_03 6:20

There's a banjo themed plan in the background, etc.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Yeah. Um, so I didn't know how similar the situation was gonna be when I got to Uxbridge in London, but it was actually not unlike some of the doors you knock in Georgia.

SPEAKER_03 6:37

Okay, so yeah, so this case.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

This is a long uh way around. Like basically, in uh I I stayed with this really hot girl who I knew from my past while doing this door knocking.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

And then we um started banging again and haven't stopped, and now we're married and have two children that live here. Yeah, yeah. It's great.

SPEAKER_03 7:02

Two bangs resulted in two boys. So far, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

At least twelve, yeah. It's hard to remember um the timeline here, but no, no. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:12

At least you got something out of it because it doesn't sound like the Labour Party did.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

How true. So, yeah, so you uh your wife was here on uh like on uh like on a sponsored visa, and then you yours was spousal. Exactly. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Um and it was actually really um I don't know if you've heard in this story, but like I'm not really like the I I hadn't been exactly the sort of marrying type, but all of a sudden sorry, but all of a sudden, um the British government forced our hand, and if I want to like um remain this act uh like I we need to get married in order for me to stay.

SPEAKER_03 7:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

And so I did.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

Yeah, flashback for me to 2008, like how how how will how will my wife and I uh uh move this relationship forward uh and and move in together. Well, it's it's gonna have to be uh wedlock.

SPEAKER_05 8:16

Yeah. Yeah, I can totally relate here. I did it many more years before, and everybody thought we were crazy. I was the first. I I was into this band before you were. The marriage band.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Like, we're um a lot of guys on the on the left are fed these things like, you know, uh we have to subvert the traditional like uh no sh precepts of the family. This goes all the way back to angles, right? Like marriage is patriarchal, and and um you know, it's like you don't need a pe a government sanctioned on your relationship. And then, and then you do. Yeah, and then it actually turns out that at a certain point, like the government um is going to play a role in your life. And um, much to my uh surprise, I seven years ago I got married, and but I love it now. Yeah. Like I even we can talk about this a little later, but I even recently went on vacation with my wife, and I still love her. Things are going like we we brought the you know, like I'm uh I do think moving to London for love is a good reason.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

I meant that.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

It's good to and it's good to have that as a as a as a bedrock when when dealing with the rest of London. Yeah. Let's get now, we are gonna get into that because that's gonna be the sort of the the main topic of uh of this week's episode as we uh as we recover from the Easter holidays. Um but I do want to this is the second time that I've um brought on a personal friend, uh, and also the second time that that there's a sort of origin story.

SPEAKER_05 9:54

Yeah, I want to hear this uh story of this very aggressive meat cute.

SPEAKER_03 10:00

I don't know if Max is gonna want it to be characterized as such, but I'm just gonna start. Listen, Max, we've now told this, we've told this story a couple times. And um I'll just I'll just start. Okay, so our our kids go to the same school, um uh it in in in Hackney, and uh and so you know, you're walking around the neighborhood, and uh as has been documented on on this program, uh I'm a proud native Clevelander. So one day I'm out here uh rocking a Cleveland Cavaliers jacket and a Cleveland Guardian's hat. Now this is not this is not good color coordination because it's a black calves jacket. Anyway, uh but I'm basically doing Cleveland up top, Cleveland on the torso.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Um full regalia, we might say.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

Yeah. Everything, everything but, you know, a soft boys t-shirt. And and and so I hear from the other side of the street, Max. And I don't, and actually, no, the the problem is I don't remember precisely what you said.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Look, it doesn't matter what I the problem is is that um one thing about living in England that's way different than living in Boston is no one yells at each other. No one is out here berating one another. Whereas in Boston it's like uh part of the ambient noise, you know? Uh and so at least like from people like you wouldn't expect in uh our sort of like uh petit bourgeois neighbor neighborhood, right? Like the the people um in that particular class position, the men don't yell in public. Um British dudes are very reserved, it's hard to like get them to tell you um how they feel. It's hard to sort of like be friends with them, at least for this Bostonian. But but one way Americans can quickly identify one another is by um loudly shout so um the accent was one thing, but even the act of like shouting across the street at Matt and then telling him that I thought that his sports teams suck, um, was like so thoroughgoingly American that I like Matt's like was like left like a like a tornado had hit him. Like it took me like like a day to realize what had happened. He's just like, is this guy drunk? Is he just like what is happening to me right now? And it was just like a normal sports reaction in a different country.

SPEAKER_03 12:37

Right. It was yeah, you know, you're wearing you're wearing the wrong colors. You know, you're wearing the wrong colors. Hey, who you with? And uh and I and I got accosted on the street, and I did respond in kind, but I responded in like not the way of like, hey, we won in 2016. Like, I'm not going up against a Bostonian for you know when it comes to like championships. No clearly will. But but I was but I definitely was like, Oh, that's how you talk to a person on the street, real nice. Like, I not I didn't do that accent, but I like uh yeah, I definitely was like, hey, and I think I was with my daughter at the time too. Um and I it wasn't vulgar abuse that you were shouting at me, it was just your teams suck.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Daddy, I was I was sort of like um doing a full sharks dance in front of you guys, and people were sort of stopping what they were doing, like looking at us. I don't remember that, but um, it's like a crowded state. It was a crowded street. Okay, it's fine. I I I stand by every like now. We're really good, like it's like a it's hard to make friends in this time. It's like a it was a gambit for sure, but look at us now.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

Yeah. Okay, so and this is too and this is too you know. It's awesome. Is this you know, because I've very infra uh like you know, white male privilege, I've in infrequently been been catcalled or street abused on the street. And so, and so then like the I think you know, like a maybe like a week or two later, um, you just approached me and were like, Hey, uh I was that guy who who shouted some stuff at you, and I was like, Oh, I remember. Um, and then you introduced yourself and we got to know each other, and and I don't and yeah, and I think at that point it was like, oh, and also I have a kid and who was just in the nursery at that time. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

I mean, another thing that's hard for me, because my sports teams are actually popular, yeah, is that people wear the hats and and and and the the team paraphernalia and have absolutely no interest whatsoever in talking to me about them. Like a guy will just walk down the street wearing a Red Sox hat or a Celtics jersey, and I'll be like, oh my god, you are a style icon. Yeah. And they don't, they're like, what are you talking about? Like, what are you like why are you saying like usually I'll have like a baby swell or something so I'm not like overtly threatening, but no one is like aware of the political symbols that they're wearing. And this like gets really dangerous. Like if I was half the man I was 15 years ago, you know, like if I I was running into like the frequency with which you run into people wearing Yankee hats, New York Yankee hats.

SPEAKER_03 15:21

Yeah, one out of every two people have been issued.

SPEAKER_05 15:23

Yeah, their cousin went to New York once.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Right. And it's uh or they like have seen a Jay-Z video, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 15:30

Like, like Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

I just don't think these Europeans should be wearing political symbols. I don't understand.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

They have their own leagues, they have their own stuff. If you hate America so much, stop wearing our location names and our sports teams on your body. It's confusing to the immigrants.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

But I just wanted to as like the Yankee one is particularly pernicious. I don't know how to. I was thinking about like doing like a public awareness campaign, like showing George W. Bush and Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein all wearing Yankee hats, because those photos exist.

SPEAKER_05 16:02

Do they exist? Do they exist? It's like Epstein and Trump. Uh uh George George Bush?

SPEAKER_00 16:08

They they they Oh, he would have around 2000 around 2001.

SPEAKER_05 16:13

Um, of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. But here's the thing from the Cleveland, right? And I'm from, you know, not very popular Buffalo. If you see these hats on the street, they're sort of a little bit more niche.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Yeah, you can talk to a Buffalo Bills fan if you see them.

SPEAKER_05 16:28

Well, there's a guy, there's a guy who uh a gentleman in my neighborhood who wears a Buffalo Bills jacket around, right? Oh my goodness. I accosted him in the grocery store once. Good, and he looked like I was going to stab him. Like he fucking ran, right? And I uh all I was trying to express is like, surely you must have some sort of connection to be wearing this. And he was completely mystified. It was very disappointing encounter.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Yeah, I I I have almost trained myself to stop doing it in the last five years because it's never for me, it's always disappointing because I will talk to any if you're wearing any NBA apparel, I just want to chat with you about how that team is doing.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

You'd be wearing the Sacramento Kings, and I'd be like, oh man, it's the light the beam, uh, but it's not going so well. You know, it I just want to chat to you about it. Also, if you're American in this country and I and we get that far where I'm like, hey, where are you from? If you're American in this country, our listeners, like, be ready if you meet me, because you better know what how your team is doing, because I have no other lines of chat. I don't want to talk about politics, I just want to go straight to the NBA Mike. It occurs to me, like, you know, for all of me and uh Max's uh surface level enmity that first time we met. I I think Max and I can definitely agree, fuck the Knicks.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:50

Um but I was thinking about you, Mike, and you're from Buffalo, and so I was like, well, does that are you a default Knicks personality's national? Buffalo Braves. Well, Buffalo Braves that became so basically the Buffalo Braves are the LA Clippers, which is a tough beat. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Um my goodness. So wait, Buffalo. There was no natural two curse sports games?

SPEAKER_05 18:15

Not that's um thour four or five? I don't I don't know, man. I'm losing count here.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

That's um I mean that really is so to our listeners, um the Buffalo Bills are famous, you know, like a metaphor for um losing. Like you Buffalo Bill bit is something that people would put pictures.

SPEAKER_05 18:38

I think any I any any of our listeners know know that already, don't worry. Yeah, yeah. I just want to like say even the British ones, even the British ones ganging up on Mike.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

No, sorry, Mike, but I didn't know this that the Clippers, who are the NBA's most cursed uh sorry about that uh NBA franchise got their start in Buffalo. That might explain everything. That's like Mike.

SPEAKER_05 19:04

Explains a lot.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

Yeah, seepage.

SPEAKER_05 19:08

Um apparently the Buffalo Sabres are good this year. They've made the playoffs for the first time. Oh yeah, that's right. Fight, fight, fight, fight. Uh I I I've only started paying attention again to hockey in the last week, like literally. I have no idea what the chances are there.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Uh whether the Bruins are are any good. Uh uh they're not. Um they they they squeaked into the playoffs. This has been the year two of a major sort of rebuild. And like in places in America where they they have uh cold, like um the people really love hockey where where I'm from. There's like a lot of ice ranks. Um and uh they'll be paying very close attention to the series back home, but I will not be I will be sleeping. All right.

SPEAKER_03 20:02

Um for you, Mike. I mean also today. Today Cavs and Boston both in there. I'm Cavs are happy to avoid possibly matching up with Boston in the second round. Um but yeah, let's uh hey, can I I just do a big steer to today's topic then? Yep, we're gonna it's uh it's the week after Easter holidays have ended, two weeks of the kids out of school, um, and all three of us married into uh a British visa dudes, uh, went on holiday with our children during the school holidays.

SPEAKER_05 20:47

Um and yeah, so today it's called assimilating to the local culture. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

It was one of the most harrowing experiences of my entire life, and I really am so grateful to be able to debrief it with you all.

SPEAKER_05 21:01

Max, please set set it out, set it out. We want to hear from beginning to end.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Just like I didn't I want to know if you've done this before. This is my first time. I've never been a British tourist before.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

Mike has been here for twenty how what's the yearage on you? Twenty.

SPEAKER_05 21:16

Well, yeah, subtracting the three in Chicago, it's about twenty years, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

So you have been here for a lot long time. Your kids are older, you've had more opportunity to go on school holidays and stuff, and so and and you you're a journalist, so you've paid attention to the culture more than I have. So all the different sort of options of of the British holiday maker. Um give us you know, give us a little bit of the structure of that, and then uh the three of us can can plug in with our experiences for 2026.

SPEAKER_05 21:46

Okay, okay. So um you know, number one is I suppose what you might call the traditional working class seaside holiday. So you spend a week, and if y it's it's so surprising, you go to coasts, coastal areas today. You will still see huge uh trailer parks, w w we would call them, but here they're called caravan parks, and they're like holiday homes uh where people spend money to like stay in a trailer and like go to the beach every day, and it's all cold. Um uh or they'll go to a place like Blackpool. I've never personally been to Blackpool, but um I've been to like you know places like it. Um there tend to have um like mini amusement parks, miniature golf, gambling, uh lots of pubs, uh pub type entertainment, this kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

Yeah. Yeah, this sort of like I I don't want to say a bingo hall, but these sort of like these hosts. What buttons, I think, is a word that like Americans should be should be aware of as a big part of British culture, like this hot. Yeah, that we're like, hey, we got eight locations under our umbrella and we put together uh, you know, uh a similar generic um mayonnaise uh brand of of entertainment for for folks who are staying in our camps.

SPEAKER_05 23:08

They have PubMed. They have this thing. They have this thing called Eurocamp that's popular in France. Right. British people go there too. Um my wife dragged me there once. Uh it was it was fine. I suppose it was sort of it's it's like a little bit of a step up because you know you're like, oh, it's in France, so it's not like one of those buttons. It's a little bit posher. Um there's um i there's the sort of popular uh which I think is veering towards what you guys did, the sort of popular sort of like resorts in uh Southern Europe on the Mediterranean. Um we could even sort of like parse it a bit further into like you know the uh classic British stagdoo where you go to some Eastern European capital and um avail yourself of the uh cheap alcohol and cheap women that are available there. But let's leave that one aside for now.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

Yeah, yeah, put aside Slavenia.

SPEAKER_05 24:06

Um and and then I suppose there's more like what I did last week, which is the um just go to some, you know, now like Airbnb in some like village in some place in the countryside and do what I did, which is basically just go for walks and go to the pub.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

Keep it inland, leave leave the old, you know, leave your your home area just just to get away, but not not go too crazy and not do something that is gonna be weather dependent and therefore ultimately disappointing.

SPEAKER_05 24:40

Yeah. But it I mean it sounds like you guys did a that the sort of classic uh Mediterranean thing.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

Max and I unplanned both did Jet 2 holidays. Package holidays. Mine was package holidays. Oh so I I mean let's not endorse either of them, it's too late.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

No, no, no. Uh I this is not an endorsement. Um like I just like I still don't quite understand the class dynamics of what I just encountered. But um there is like so I just want to start off by saying that I don't like being uh an American tourist. Or it's like it's not easy to i if if you're like um self-aware, it's an exercise in self-awareness, right? It's like to um it's to visit a place um where like in my case, like I try to enjoy some unspoiledness that I by my sheer presence there is in fact spoiling. Right. Like I'm like going to a place as in uh with other people um that would be in all non-economic ways way better off if I wasn't there, is like it's not a great feeling in general.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

Yeah. Full full stop, right? So like the observing of a thing makes it not the same. But in this case, we've got these because I I also you know did a Mediterranean seaside thing, and there was a uh and slightly out of season, and so you're just surrounded by these disused apartments and hotels that are not quite built yet, and you're like, and and uh and so it just sort of looks like British colonization. Yes, uh, you know, prices are prices are displayed in pounds, uh even though they're using the euro, or in my case, the Turkish lira.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

All of these things, all of these things.

SPEAKER_03 26:31

And you're like, well, who actually lives here?

SPEAKER_00 26:34

What is this place? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:36

And this is a conversation I had with my wife. I was like, what was this place initially? And what was that Turkish fisherman's life like when he realized he was getting priced out by, you know, the uh speculative uh developers and uh and and resort builders on on this beautiful spot?

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Some there are these people who make affordable vacations for uh mass available to British people um who take a area that is unspoiled, and they they have this idea that if they invest like a certain amount of money in stuff pe white people like, white people will come. And what that actually looks like though is um plane loads of British people being flown, uh the worst British people, it seems like. Um British people I had never known about before. Um who did you encounter here? Um British people from this is like this, I think this is a very helpful conversation to have because I don't really understand who like the Midwest is of England. I don't understand who like the deep south of is England or like where how you can reliably encounter them, or like where to go to find them.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

So like if you're trying to make a one-to-one comparison from uh an American archetype to what what's what's that type of person? Because yeah, I talk about being Midwestern all the time to English people, and it's kind of hard to describe. Like, yeah, we're not coastal elites, but we you know, we pride ourselves on intelligence and plain spokenness and da-da-da-da. And they're like, oh, okay, I don't see you on Twitter.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

Like, I can't like just can't sit through like this. That's not what Midwest that's like that's the way people see Midwestern are these like darn nice simpletons who are like um fly over, you know, like the part of the country you fly over.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

Yeah. I'll just, yeah, as a you know, we're not simpletons, but uh, but yeah, we're darn we're darn nice.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

Where where I grew up, if the kids were like playing outside and some lady, one of the neighbors, sh like like like came out with freshly baked cookies for everyone, we would be scared, we would be scared to take them. But my understanding of the Midwest is not only does that in fact happen, but everyone already knows her name. And like, oh, thanks, Miss M. This is so nice, this is darn nice of you. Um so you've been looking for like for the parallels. No, I found the parallels on uh in Stansted Airport on a jet to holiday. Um like there are uh like one thing you find in London that's like can be scary sometimes is like on a Friday night on the subway, there'll be like girls from Essex who have nothing to lose and are extremely drunk, and they will they will elbow you in the face on the subway. Like they they are they are scary. They're like uh partying Essex girls. Uh they they they terrify me.

SPEAKER_03 29:49

They're here for their good time and nobody else's.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Um I met some people from Liverpool who like don't identify as English. We're not from England, we're scouts. And I really love I think that's so nice. Like, I'm not from America, I'm from Boston. I'm not I'm not an American a Bostonian.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

Right. Like that's like a Don't put Don't put me in the Venn diagram with those dopes. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

I I'm scout like I I talk different, I have a very distinct accent, and also I'm not like that.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

Yeah, yeah. Uh Mike, for our listeners, uh Scouse. Can you just break that let's let's glossary that's like well, you know, the person from Liverpool or the dialect that that person speaks.

SPEAKER_05 30:33

And the the the word scouse comes from Probably some food item. Oh, okay. Sorry. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Yeah, no, it's a just it's a disgusting meat stew. Just just Is it?

SPEAKER_05 30:43

Oh okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

So we uh the whole cultural identity based around a stew.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Boston baked beans.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

Yeah, England and Boston have baked beans in common. Baked beans.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

So sorry, this is a bit like we're really going around the barn here, but I just like um the people that you sort of meet who are like uh every like I I I think there's like something to be like that needs to be sort of understood about how much buying power the pound has abroad, how um the weather is way nicer no matter where you go than it is and how much British people are known for taking advantage of these two things and doing serious drinking in the sun. Yes. And with a complete lack of self-awareness, with a complete lack of self-awareness. Plus, plus, if you like add in the factor of like these are literally British people going to a different land that's not theirs, that has been like already conquered for them and filled with all the stuff they like, it can get like really ugly feeling really fast. And for me, it started at 6 30 a.m. when the Witherspoons, which is a um like a wow, a brand of bar, opened at the Stansed Airport, and stupidly, insanely, I thought it was a good idea, because I know they serve breakfast there, um, to bring my whole family into the Stansted Airport Witherspoons at as soon as it opened.

SPEAKER_03 32:31

Um Did you get in a bar fight?

SPEAKER_00 32:33

No, but people were drinking heavily. Yeah. For the flights. They were so happy to be on vacation. Everyone was so happy.

SPEAKER_05 32:42

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

I fortunately flew away before.

SPEAKER_05 32:46

We've been here for a while and we're like, yeah, what's wrong with that? And you're like, what the fuck? What is going on? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

And um the uh I I just like it was a real sort of like unrefined amalgamation of the city. Okay, so this is okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

So this is the thing, is when you realize like your inner snob has been triggered, like how do you how do how do you recover from that? Like, how do you like how you know how do this is a thing, because I like I have written here on a piece of paper uh an entire rant that I that I wrote out while on this holiday, and I just like, and I'm looking at it and then uh being like, well, this is a lot of mean-spirited shit that that just this that poured out of you about, you know, people's unfortunate tattoo choices on display and like parenting styles ranging from complete absenteeism to terrifying screaming at the children. Um but then I was like, okay, I gotta take a step back and be like, are people are people not allowed a a little a little happiness and and a little freedom? Um I can hear I can hear my my wife, you know, footnoting me at this moment, being like, don't be such don't be such a grinchy grouch. Um you know, it's it's a hard world and we we gotta allow people some some happiness and and the proximity to Europe that England enjoys, uh, you know, and the unpredictability of the the coastal weather uh i in in the UK, you know, it makes it makes sense to let let's get away. My my wife said this thing about like, oh, you know, check off short stories and plays. They'll talk about you know taking the air and they go to the coast and they take the air. This is a this is a long-standing tradition, just now now corporatized.

SPEAKER_05 34:37

I'm just wondering if like if uh what uh what what positives we can uh Yeah, you guys sound you guys sound like this was hell, like I mean um a trip of South Loathing. Max, we didn't eat you're still in the airport here. Where did you actually go after that Witherspoons?

SPEAKER_00 34:58

We flew to Greece on a steerage airline that had no fr no nothing, no not like um they just walked up and down the aisle selling stuff the entire time.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

Yeah. Um jet too, easy jet.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

It was um it was like, oh, this is a cargo plane. We were cargo, I felt like. And also, look, the it's hard, for instance, if you live in London, to sort of like interface or have reason to be in the same space with some of these reform voters. Let's just call like like from like if you can just call like we can just deal with this sociological like um what like you know you can imagine like and and and this is the sort of like if you go on a cruise, I felt like I was on a cruise ship um the whole time. You know, because like you you get on the plane with the people, you fly to the place with the people, they're all at like you get on a bus when you land, they're all there when you get off at the resort, right? And then like it's not uncruisey like. Against and and in America, I've never been on a cruise, but um I have you know, like the people you you don't really you don't choose who you who who comes. Like you all come from all over the country and then you all leave together.

SPEAKER_03 36:33

Day day two or day three, you start realizing I'm seeing the same faces again and again. This is these are my neighbors now.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

We all left England together, we all came from different parts of England, got on the same thing, left together, stayed, and then came back on the same flight a week later. It was very interesting.

SPEAKER_05 36:51

Yeah, and because that everybody came from England, like nobody acknowledged that fact throughout the whole holiday.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:00

So you're trying to get away. It's like this concept I'm trying to get away, and then you're like, no, I am I have just have new neighbors and I'm still in England.

SPEAKER_05 37:10

Surely, though, there is you guys got something out of this positive. Did you enjoy the pool? Or was there a particular cocktail that was pretty good?

SPEAKER_03 37:25

Um long, long, awkward silence.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Well, I just feel like um it makes you feel greedy for something you can't have. It makes you feel um like this wherever I went was not Greece. Wherever you went was not Turkey. Right. You know, like Turkey has culture. And we like we just brought British culture to a nicer place.

SPEAKER_03 37:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

It's like really bad.

SPEAKER_03 38:00

Because of people's need for need for convenience. Okay, I will say, I I will say, like, my my daughter and wife had a lovely time. Lovely beach view, incredible beach view. We got in a we got in a boat, um and and just we're like speedboated around uh around the the the bay uh where this resort was, um, and and just gorgeous. You're like, I can't believe that this place exists, water, water so calm. Um I don't like I don't love submerging my body into large amounts of of water, be it be it swimming pool or or body or Mediterranean Sea. Um but but that was that was all uh lovely. And and you know, and get and having your you know your child at the end of their term be like, woo, this is great. Um when they're you know eating eating chips for the 17th straight meal. Yeah, that's the it's you know it's nice, it's it's it's nice to to siphon off some of some of their joy. And my you know, my wife's had a lot of uh a lot of hard uh work stuff going on and was really looking forward to this holiday, so it was it was nice for her to get a break. Um I'm just there personally as a as a sort of steward. Um I also got sick like two days into it. Oh no. Was you know, was was unwell, not in a like gross way, but just like a you know little respiratory thing, and just like finding finding times to go into the steam room when no other humans are there to infect. Um but yeah, for me, this is like the the the your kids school holidays is not a thing for you to derive pleasure from. It's you know, it's it's n not hindering um the the memory making uh of your family. That's that's my my goal.

SPEAKER_05 39:58

And and I I mean the there is this purpose here, like, and it's a temporary purpose, because you guys have young children, right? So it's like there's it it's limits you in what you could do. Uh I think probably people listening will get the impression that this is not exactly what you would choose if you were had entire free will um before you had children, or perhaps when the children are a bit older, when things become a little bit more um well well less uh oh, I would I don't really have the time to plan something that's very authentic version of travel, uh and to see all the cultural highlights.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

No, I appreciate you complimenting me that way, but you feel like I will say though, it did like bring up all these memories I've I've had in like my life as a travel. You know, I got my first passport when I was 18. And um there are a couple like I uh this is like right around 9-11 and the Iraq war, and people were like, don't tell people you're American. In like like there were some people who are like giving advice when you were traveling, right? That was like put a Canadian flag on your back so like people don't know you're American, so they don't target you because you're not gonna believe this, but 20 ye 20 odd years ago, 25 years ago, the whole world was really mad at the United States. It's hard to imagine now, with everything, you know. But back then people didn't anyway. I just remember like like so one thing that this this trip made me realize was like you know, we were talking about this before, but like maybe 45% of Americans have passports or 35%. It's way fewer than you would think. And I think in England the numbers are you know 80, 90 percent of uh uh British like people love leaving this country. Um Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:54

Well, I mean, you know, what kind of holiday would you take if you didn't leave the country?

SPEAKER_00 41:58

Right, you would only do like this sort of domestic caravan stuff we were talking about earlier. Right, right. But so like the um I remember all these times where I was traveling and encountered British tourists, and now as I'm raising British boys, I'm just like I can't help but think, how do I avoid how do I avoid my kids becoming British tourists someday? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 42:25

Like I uh they'll go on holiday with you with their American parents and your values will seep in.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

I hope so.

SPEAKER_03 42:34

But like the I was in Slovakia. 47%.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

I was in Slovakia once. I was in Slovakia, I was staying, I was like before I had children, I was just interested in like you know, like the city. Like uh we were in Bratislava, the old town. And the only other people who were in the the hostel with me were British tourists on a uh a bachelor party. What do they call those here? Stag dude. Stag does God. Yeah, it's a Jews, stags and hens. They kept telling me how the pints were an eighth of the price, and they had flown over and they had the math done out. Yeah where like if we drink this many pints, our plane ticket will be free.

SPEAKER_03 43:23

I just have like, you know, a colostomy bag after pen beers installed, and I'll just have that flown back home with me.

SPEAKER_05 43:31

Well, you know, I mean, look, also I don't think we're probably uh all of us had some sort of you know typical stereotypical traveling experiences. Obviously, me and Matt, first time we arrived in continental Europe, we went right to Amsterdam's red light district and started blazing up. This is true. Uh you you maybe you maybe you uh we were twenty one.

SPEAKER_00 43:57

That seems normal. Um I Again, this is like a uh I I I think I'm sort of revealing myself more than I am uh any British person in in this type of discourse. But I do think that um it brought up for me that like uh if you want your kids to be self-aware, it's not necessarily gonna come from society. Like there's you're gonna have to do this yourself.

SPEAKER_03 44:26

It was a lot of it was like there, but for the grace of parents go my kids. Right. Yeah. I mean sorry, go go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 44:37

And as a non-British person raising British children, right? This like like the the the part about this that feels colonial is like and and why that feels uncomfortable, they're not gonna get those lessons here. People don't seem to teach that there's anything they they like shame does not seem to be like an operating, especially on a holiday.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:03

And um well, Mike I think it's productive. Yeah, I think it should be.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

Mike, you had some some notes about this though, about like how you know the the the ever-present class system may, you know, may affect how people treat holidays or or behave.

SPEAKER_05 45:20

Yeah, and so let me okay, so let me just sort of make an analog here for maybe you know the newcomers. Like, I always think uh Spain is a good like analogue for Florida, right? Like loads of people from the United States go to Florida and they have vacations that vary, right? Like my uh my some of my family now lives near in near St. Augustine, which is this lovely old Spanish city and it's very touristy, and you can super touristy. Get like um you know, you visit the fort, there's cultural things. Uh most people go to Disney World, or they'll have some sort of you know cheap resort type thing. Um there's there's various different sort of holidays that you can have in that context, right? And and it's the same kind of thing because basically people just want the guaranteed weather, you know. Uh so in in Spain you get this, and it and it's very geographical. So if you go to the southern coast of Spain, uh there's these uh pretty ugly resorts that are carved out there. There's loads of like um stagdo type places, places where the you know kids who are like 18 years old go there and just go there to like drink. Um more sort of family-friendly places. If you go to some of the cities um i in southern Spain, there's a l there's definitely more culture, and then like that attracts a different type of holidaymaker. Um my in-laws uh bought a house in this small village about like two hours from the coast. Uh in some ways, because it was um when they when they bought it like years ago, it was kind of a um a trendy place for the middle classes to go. Um, you know, they're sort of like distinguishing themselves a little bit, the people who went there, from those people who like went and did their holidays on the coast. But like most other things, like food is a big thing here, like um the British people are very, very sort of like trend followers, like trends go up and down all the time. So you know, eventually you find that like uh the people who are sort of like uh uh you know who might have been like doing those coastal holidays are sort of like branching out a little bit, and like the next trend might be to do some hill walking or something like this. Um but I think the notes that you're referring to, Matt, here is are that like um how you talk about these things is also a class signifier, and it's completely fucking baffling to Americans. You have to you'll spend you'll spend like years decoding this. Um if you the higher up you are in the social scale, the more you downplay your your uh uh your holiday and the expense of it and the extravagance uh that you put that you put behind it until you get to a certain point in the social scale where you don't give a fuck and you're just like bragging about how rich you are.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

So so wait, like sort of a false modesty until until you hit the threshold where you didn't no longer need uh to disguise anything.

SPEAKER_05 48:32

Like um if you start at like working class, you're like, yeah, you know, I spent loads on my holiday. I went on my package holiday to to Turkey, and you know, we uh really uh the bar the beer was cheap and we ate chips every day, but then we spent thousands. Um and it was a great time because that's what we like to do. Start going up the social scale, middle class. Well, you know, we had a very modest camping holiday, we went to Wales, uh, it would rained all the time, but you know, the children played with their wooden toys. Um notch it up, you get to the aristocratic uh version. Well, we we we we jetted off to the Caribbean and uh we met our friend Jeffrey. Uh it was a lovely time. You know, it cost a bloody packet. Um and then there's sort of I don't even want to get into the various gradations in between there because they are like like legendarily. You landed in a gradation of like, yeah, inland and modest, but if you had to like look at the from the the sort of pure like you'd say like I did the typical middle class holiday, which probably did, but uh as we've discussed on this before the program before, um we we we we have Norfolk ties to Norwich, so you know we we had some friends that we you know met up with and stuff. Part of the reason why we we just went to that particular place. Increasingly, as I get older, I just like want to I don't know not necessarily go to any place that's too challenging. I don't know. Uh I just want to go see people I know or like places I've been that I like. Um hopefully I'll get out of that sort of uh track soon. I when we were in the US quite recently, I let my wife just plan everything, and she was just like, Well, basically, we're gonna do sort of outdoorsy type stuff in places we haven't seen before. We're gonna see as much of the United States as we can while we're here because it's gonna be temporary, and that's fine too.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

Can I ask as as dudes, right? Like one thing that I think would be both, you know, you have the there's this tension, right, between wanting some semblance of feeling like you're a real person on vacation, and also like I never before I had children did like the I I could I understand why someone would want an all-inclusive thing. Like the going to a place where they cook where you never have to think about food. If you want breakfast, you go to a place and they give you breakfast and it's it's included in the thing. There's like several options, or maybe not that many, but um you you're um one thing that like because uh when when we had our own little kitchenette situation where we were filling it with groceries, so that's nice. It's very nice, but it's also filled our days with like oh, we have to feed our kids the act of cooking, yes. And stocking and going to the grocery store and stress and and and thinking and and as my wife would say, um doing intellectual or emotional labor over stressing about what to how to fill these stomachs and these uh meals.

SPEAKER_03 51:59

Taking the trips, sometimes even getting the kids out the door to go get the stuff so that you can, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:04

And thinking about how much time before you can do this activity before you have to start working on that activity.

SPEAKER_03 52:09

Instead of just going down to the food hall and putting the chips on the plate.

SPEAKER_00 52:13

So, yeah, again, I I don't know how much more needs to be said other than like I I think I think one of the other things that like uh a good husband would say in these situations, right, is that like even though Were there one here, it feels like shit to like go to these places with some of these people and spend all your time with them. On the other hand, like if you do this and you give your wife a whole week off from uh worrying about the things that she can't help but uh worry about, even if it's you know happens to be your night or whatever, um, you're doing her a real service. You're performing a great feat of love by suppressing uh this correct version of yourself that hates this kind of stuff. I don't know. I feel like you guys don't know about it.

SPEAKER_05 53:09

I feel like you guys shouldn't that's not true. You guys shouldn't avoid so much. You just lean into that cheap beer and that's the thing of the buffet.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

We do, I do I feel like you know, at the end of the day, we do we do need to count our blessings, you know. Uh there's I I feel like there's more British people holiday more, there's there's more bank holidays uh and more school holidays um factored in. Um and so from I know when I first moved here, my wife was like, hey, we're gonna go on a holiday. I was like, what? No, that's for assholes. Like I don't take vacations. Um yeah, Mike, what do you do you agree that this is a that this is a thing that like Americans don't about like it's such like it's such a good point to like bring it up.

SPEAKER_05 53:56

It's like um like they like you you just take you just take the holidays. In fact, like British people are like mocked for you know, if you go to France and like you go and nobody's in Paris in the summer, right? Like it's completely empty because everybody's on their holidays. Um and they're like, you British people, you work too hard. Uh and we Americans were like, oh my gosh, you actually take your holiday allowance. Um working as I have, and my wife as well working in very mixed British American workplaces, the attitudes being vastly different is just quite interesting. Um and then also when you add on to that, the fact that um the school schedule in particular is so regimented here that like everybody has the holiday at the same time, right? Like not the case in the United States where people have different summer holidays in different states or different uh Easter breaks and uh you know spring breaks. Um it it it sort of adds to that sort of herd mentality and like the feeling that like everybody's going at the same time, you know? Whenever you whenever you hear like, oh yeah, it's like bank holiday traffic, it's because like the whole country appears to be off. Except of course for the workers who have to like cater to the tourists, right? They gotta work.

SPEAKER_00 55:25

Like to me, it I I think it it's it's sort of confusing, right? But like I felt like very strangely protective of the word vacation after this experience. Like, I don't go on holiday, I'm a vacation guy. I do things called vacations, which means like I go to another city or another place, and um I am like basically the same version of myself while there. I just like am staying in a place that isn't mine, but and I'm going to restaurants every night or something like that. You know what I mean? But like I'm still Max doing this thing, it's just Max on vacation. Like Max on holiday does things he's never done before.

SPEAKER_05 56:08

He just like that's a different oh that's the difference. It's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 56:11

Um and like parasailing and uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Day drinking, okay. Um like getting a sunburn, you know, like not like what?

SPEAKER_03 56:23

Overdoing it on the first day.

SPEAKER_00 56:25

I don't I don't do that. Like I I'm afraid of melanoma. What's going on? What the fuck is happening to me? Um, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 56:34

Why don't we like why don't we just to put a bow on this? I'm gonna I would like to hear the rant, if that's okay. Oh, no, I mean I you know, I filtered some of it in. A lot of it had to do with food as, you know, uh as a as a vegetarian and just and like having to go. And and my wife and I have had this thing on on school holidays of going, doing like you did, of of going to a place and being like, okay, we're gonna, this time we're gonna provide for ourselves. We're gonna check out all the local seaside restaurants um and have to drag the kid out of the house and walk the you know ten minutes to get them and how unexpectedly difficult that is. And then have also done the all-inclusive like, come on down to the cafeteria and spoon yourself some slop. And so that was kind of my rant was based on I I think you besides you know, besides all the um body positivity around me, uh, pool side. Um the other thing that that uh Are you gonna fat shame your fellow holidaymakers? I'm fat myself, so I mean I'm not fat fat, but anyway, it doesn't matter. I just don't have any technique. Anyway, um yeah, I think it was yeah, that my my main ranty thing was just about you know being a vegetarian and like and like everything is meaty meaty and the vegetables that they do have are like boiled to within a uh uh an inch of of liquidity. Um and you know, you're drinking. I want to ask about the food down drinks.

SPEAKER_05 58:00

But it's like the f the food i i on these things, is it like entirely British or is it like a mix of br British and that sort of like, oh, here's a bit of the local culture? What's on offer?

SPEAKER_00 58:15

Do you have falafel?

SPEAKER_03 58:17

No, there was like falafel one day, and that was like Turkish day. They were like Turkish day today, and we have some like but they would also always have like this Turkish table, and this was where it was like the boiled vegetables in in a flavorless stew. Um but yeah, yeah, not not a lot of uh authentic cuisine, because it has to be you know prepared uh in in mass amounts and and nothing too spicy because you got a lot of kids and you got a lot of tourists, so um you just have another piña colada and shut up and you're like, oh my calories are gonna come from piña caladas, and that's gonna be fine. Um so let me just let me just try to put a I'll just attempt to put a bow and by asking if if we all could either do give me uh um what has been your favorite British vacation or British holiday, even if it was abroad, or what would be your ideal if you were, you know, if you were gonna if money was an issue, if if kids weren't an issue. So either or like give me your favorite of the past or an ideal for the future.

SPEAKER_00 59:23

I mean, I would really like if not just because of the things I saw this past week, the horrors I witnessed, but like if a British person walked up to me and was like, you know what, Max, I am really optimistic about the future. I would think to myself, oh, this is a crazy person. This is like I need to like if there's there is a dangerously naive person in my area, I need to get away from it. He's like, he's scared, he might do anything.

SPEAKER_01 59:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:50

But if a Chinese person said to me, I'm really optimistic about the future, I would believe them. I think there's like plenty to be optimistic about in China, and I would love to take my kids to socialist China to see if um if it's just true or uh a romantic idea in my head. I think that's I would like to see the what's the package holiday and uh um the I would love to go to China. Like these types of things.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:24

Like what what is uh it's doesn't it sound like you you have the potential there to have your um illusions shattered like quite highly? I I mean it could be very disappointing.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:36

That's a very risky uh uh utopian um uh vision to have having had um having been disappointed in this other way, this last way, I'd like to go, I'd like to shoot the moon.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:51

I you know, the ideal so having having come back here um after the after the US and I loved the I you know I loved especially when my wife planned it all out and I didn't have to like do the mental energy, that emotional labor, uh doing sort of you know um elaborate holidays that involve driving through national parks and stuff. But here I am it's very simple. I just like to like do some sort of classic uh stereotypically British middle class thing where you go to some place that you have a little bit of culture and cheap wine. So, and then like also I'm very lucky to have some like friends who like you know uh either they're like my father in law, um, or like you know, I've got some friends who have a place in the Czech Republic because his mom's Czech. And we go to places like that and basically just eat and drink too much, and you know, uh aside helping of culture. Yeah, um the company is a very important thing. It's not very ambitious, um, but um it's it it's it's modest enough. I'm I'm sounding like a Brit here. Uh it's a posh holiday in Europe.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:13

Well, for me, uh the infrastructure is not there for my fantasy yet, and and my daughter needs to be a little bit older to start enjoying some of the things that I enjoy.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:23

You want to go to the moon?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:26

This hey, did you hear about this? Um this has just been happening. This was while I was on holiday. I was like, oh, I've missed the whole moon mission. Anyway, so for me, Mike, it's sort of like recreating a little bit of what we did on our your railing trip of 1997, but I would but I would keep it, but I would keep it UK, and I just would like to, you know, spend a couple nights in all the in all the cities in this country, like the the the mid-sized cities uh that I have that I have never visited, even after having lived here for several years, I'd like so like can you know, and I don't drive and uh that makes it difficult, but can I do a Bristol, Bath, Liverpool, Manchester, Glasgow, you know, just go to all the all the major cities and just get a 48 hours flavor uh of of all these wonderful places um that are that are uh smaller scale than London.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:24

Is there a like there's no like Brit Rail train pass that doesn't exist um I should.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:32

It must be there must be uh Max's shakes.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:34

I thought you may have maybe you looked into this. The your rail pass. You know, the uh again the the um it that seems very achievable. Um with you guys and your kids being being young, like so some friends of ours and and my kids are now teenagers, but a few years ago even they were uh with kids the same age, they were they went on the Eurorail uh tour, they spent a few weeks uh going around Europe, right? I suspect maybe Britain might be a little bit same-ish after a while if you did that. On the other hand, if you haven't been to those places, I'm sure that you could find something interesting. Like the places that you mentioned are like different enough.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:23

Yeah, I just need one attention. Yeah, one museum, one cafe, one record store, and uh and for me that's a that's a that's a fun day. All right, we can stop let's do some silent weeping.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:40

Dream bake, dream bake.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:45

All right. Mike, do you have anything that you need to? I know you have a you have a a project coming up in the next month or so. We'll talk about that. We'll talk about that later.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:58

Okay. Um because it's a big gamble, it's literally about gambling. Yeah. And we also have written down here news, but I think that we can't stomach the news. No. Especially, especially after that um that heroin holiday that you guys had to take.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:11

Um Well, Mike, you know we still don't have a uh you know um a musical uh signature for the show yet. Uh and I talked about maybe siloing the the news uh, you know, into into the musical end of the show. So I do have you do want to mention current events.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:31

Yeah, well. Do we have to talk about it before or do no? Can you just do it through the medium of sound?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:38

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because how much how much can we stomach? I mean, there's bullet points of things from the last uh two or three weeks. Okay, so let me just give it to you, you know, based uh based fr from the song. Okay, I I recently introduced a song to my daughter, uh a song from 1982, and and the song is entitled 1999, uh, by the artist known as Prince. Uh and I had to To my daughter that before the millennium, uh, that we had collectively anticipated the turn of the century as a time that we would celebrate like crazy. It was like this guaranteed party on the horizon. And sort of explaining this phenomena to her, I wondered whether there was a contemporary corollary. Um, and then then of course there was, and there is. Uh, and and these days i it's a it's a thing that is hinted at obliquely in in hopeful social media posts that say things like, hey, cheer up, it might happen today. Um, but but never super explicitly. So at the risk of getting stopped at the border or uh ruining our future employment prospects, and having been written on on my Turkish holiday with some specific references from some sleepless nights um w when various people were talking about annihilating uh various other people while I was on my recent family holiday. Um here is this week's theme, which Mike, we can pull out if this is a more you the more you talk, the more frightened I'm getting.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:11

Here we go. Prince is the same.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:14

Prince is our inspiration here. Don't worry. I won't deport you. I only want you to hear this pod.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:44

I was screaming when I wrote this. My doom scroll told me more sad facts.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:52

This time Trump is trying to get around the Presidential Records Act.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:57

But her emails, every day another travesty, my mind is tiring of the fight.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:06

I gotta stop doing that.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:08

So until we get impeachment, well I guess I can do Molly tonight. I've never done Molly. Well they say there's a twenty-fifth amendment. Grifters over, crooks out of time.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:24

So tonight I'm gonna party like the night that Donald dies. If it's not an orange jumpsuit, don't tell me about that man that's orange. More than ten years of this horseshit, my people can't take it no more. I can't wait to vote. They've moved on to dropping bombs to distract from what them files say. Now I would never wish death on nobody, but we all gotta go someday.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:02

So why not today?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:04

They say there's a twenty-fifth amendment, grifters over crooks out of time. Wa so do not I'm gonna party like the night that Donald dies. Really good.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:22

How'd we how'd we feel? You're canceled.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:27

I do remember when Michael Jackson died. Do you guys were you 2009? Yeah, I was here.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:31

I was I was living in this country.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:32

Was it this in America? No I that whole summer, wherever you went, it was always possible that someone would be driving down the street with Michael Jackson blaring out of their speakers. Yeah. And everyone would stop what they were doing and start dancing. It was like, it was an incredible time to be alive and young. And like people were like so it was like no longer controversial to dance to Michael Jackson. You didn't have to think about them kids anymore because he was dead, he like he paid it, he paid whatever he owed, and now you could just love the music again. And it was I have never like I have never been like with partying with people who are on the exact same page about someone when they die. You know, it's like let's let's celebrate this. And I do believe that the death of Donald Trump will trigger an even bigger dance party. This is what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:28

And I'm trying to get out ahead of it by giving us, you know, giving us a theme song. Hey, if you want to report us to the authorities or you have an idea for an episode topic, or you'd like to present yourself or uh an acquaintance as a guest, please shoot us an email at colddarkmiserablepod at gmail.com. If you've listened this far, please press all the buttons uh that show that you like us. Uh and we will be back soon with more topics and more guests. And what else, Mike? Lots, lots more. Thank you again, Max Killer, for being here. We love you. Bye.