Dealing With Body Image Idols

In this episode of the Full Fledged Podcast, JC and Priscilla Shirer talk about body image and the tension many people face between pursuing physical excellence and keeping it from becoming an idol.

They discuss the importance of stewarding your body well while remembering that identity and worth cannot come from appearance, performance, or cultural standards. JC and Priscilla explore how discipline, fitness, and caring for your health can be good pursuits—but only when they remain in their proper place.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

In your situation, how do you find a contentment with the body that you have instead of always feeling like you have to strive for something different?

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Striving to be better is what kind of keeps me content when it's not in an unhealthy manner. I think for me it's it's finding contentment on the journey. Finding contentment on the journey.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Being okay with the changing, as opposed to there's a goal I have to get to, and I can't be content until I get there.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Hey JC.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Hi, mom.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

You don't sound excited.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

It's because you picked the topic of this episode today.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

And you don't like the topic, or you're just sort of hesitant to discuss it?

SPEAKER_00 0:47

I'm not sure which one it is. My spirit just don't feel joy. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Well, joy might not be the word, but do you think it would be an important topic for people to tune into?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Yeah, no, I definitely think someone can grasp or empathize. Wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

I think it will be very informative for folks, so that's why I think we should talk about it. But first, welcome to the homie podcast. Welcome to full-fledged The Homie Podcast. The homie podcast. Because we're in onesies, we are at home, and we are also homies.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Yeah, like all the things together just kind of make. You know what I mean? Like I'm drinking coffee all day and recording and talking to people.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Absolutely. We're just at home, and we hope you feel at home too. Before I tell you where we're filming from today, though, I think we have an opening song for you that I seem to get so much joy out of doing.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

I mean, she just gets so excited every single time.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

I know, and this time, if you could please do it for one or two more stanzas along with me and not leave me out. Let's do at least five times.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Five. Okay. Ready? Here we go. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. See, you always go to extra joints. Hey. You can't just never do what you said.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

I know, but it's just so, it's just a quick little blurb, but it just makes me feel, you know, something in my spirit from back in my college days. That's what happens.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

I just want to, before we get into the topic, I just want to say that I forgot how much I missed doing the podcast. Like I genuinely enjoyed like doing this. This is very fun. Like I have a great time.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

It's fun. Yes. It's a lot of fun. We took a little break for a little while. You know, then we're back.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

There's a lot of things within the break that was good. Like I knew I enjoyed the podcast, but I got to pinpoint exactly like why. Oh, well, why was we doing the podcast? Well, one, I think most of it comes from the relational aspect of it. Like, you know, like we had people over today. Uncle John John was over today.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Oh, not me.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

No, I do love you. But Uncle John John and Dad, they were over today. Um, and so just talking and being able to create environments because of the podcast where people just get to, you know, commune, have fun, eat, talk.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

And also you love your mom so much and you love sitting with me and talking.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Yeah. Yeah. And um, and people on the other side of the screen are also like I I enjoy the benefit that people say. Like, I was at Mission Barbecue in Lynchburg, Virginia, and uh this younger cat was like, I say younger cat, he's my age. Um, and he was like, hey, bro, like, you know, my mom watched a podcast, bro, and I love it. Like, it's dope, whatever. Just a random guy at the first. And I was, it was just like, oh, that's dope. Like the fact that somebody like actually is able to watch something and benefit from my struggles. You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of nice, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, or empathize with my struggles and be like, oh, I'm not alone in that. Or, oh, this is a line of thinking that I should maybe take based off of what JC said or has learned through the, you know, whatever. Like, I enjoy all that aspect of it a lot, actually. So I miss it.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Yeah, influencing people for good, helping to benefit their life.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Yeah, I enjoy doing that.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Let's hold hands just for a second.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

That is weird.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Hold my hand.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

That's weird.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Come on, don't put me out here in front of everybody, not hold my hand when I thank you. Oh, that's awesome. We are hosting the podcast for this season or some of this season. Maybe it will be the entire season, but we're hosting from my childhood home.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Which really is kind of like JC's childhood home in the sense that his grandparents, my parents, raised us here. And then a lot of his memories are here too for Christmas and coming over during the week and Nani making pancakes for you guys.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

And yeah, what a what a better place to do the homie podcast in a place that feels homey. Yes. You know, I'm just totally.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

They moved here into this house. This would have been their dream home at the time. This is a pretty small, tight four-bedroom house that they still have, dad still has, and um they bought it when I was seven. And it was like they couldn't believe that they could be in this little humble house. Um, but it was their dream. And um, and it was just cool to think about all the memories we have here, all of the family raising y'all, bringing y'all over here, all that stuff. So it's really cool to sit on this couch decades in.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

You're a young man, and we get to talk about important things from this place.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

This has absolutely nothing to do with the topic at all.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

What? What I just said.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Yeah, no, it was great. I don't want to discredit it. No, I'm I don't want to discredit. I'm so sorry. That sounded terrible.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

That was horrible.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

That is indeed very important. It is the homie podcast, is is the setting of this embodies the homie podcast for sure. But that has nothing to do with what the topic is about. Just I don't know if that correlation was right to say or not, but I already said it, so it doesn't really matter at this point. Anyways, mom, since you love the topic so much, you should you should go ahead and just let us know what it is.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

I think this is an important topic. It is, for lack of a better word way to explain it, the one word that could be the title of this is body dysmorphia.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Body dysmorphia.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Define it, JC.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Yeah, I know, I know of it very well. Um, it's when you look at yourself and think that you are fat when in reality you're actually not. That's the a simple way to put it. Like you think you should be.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

So it's just having a distorted view of your body.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Yeah, I don't know if it just particularly caters to one side or the other. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

I'll have to look that up.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

But for me, it's probably while we're filming.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

So you just mentioned the reason why I want to talk about this. You said for you it's fat. I think this is important to talk about because for most people, when we think of people having a distorted view of their bodies, we're thinking of women. We're thinking of women who are constantly under pressure in terms of our appearance. And I think when I think of that, I think of my the young women in my life, nieces that I that I have, but also young women who I love, we're constantly looking at these images that are filtered, and you know, people have totally polished their images before they put them up. Um, but their waists are this thin, their dimensions are this way, their face is flawless, their hair is supposedly perfect, right? And we're constantly judging ourselves about that. So most of the time when people have this conversation, it really does have to do with a female perspective on it. Right. I thought it was important to talk about it as a mother of sons because I've noticed this with my boys. Yeah. And I wanted to talk about your experience with it because it's been a not a um heavy concern as a parent, but it's something I know I've mentioned to you that I want you to be mindful of in your life. My boys are athletes. Um they are constantly being judged on their physique. They're being weighed in front of coaches who are saying you got to get a couple of them pounds off, their shoulder definition, their arm definition, how much weight they can and can't lift, whether they have six pac six packs, whether there's, you know, um extra flesh on this on their obliques, all of that is being judged. So I think that you all are struggling with it, particularly those of you where your body is your instrument, like if you're an athlete, you can struggle with that too. So we've mentioned on the podcast before just sort of your story with your body when you were younger.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Okay, so kind of just start there for people who don't know where you sort of started out with your body.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Um, what the struggle was before you were even an athlete. So that they can just have perspective on that.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Right, no doubt, no doubt. So um, I was always in some form of athletics, whether it's upwards or you know, whatever. So I always loved athletics and sports. Um, for some reason, weight didn't really fall off like that. Uh, so I was like 10, 11, and I was still pretty chubby on the floor.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

It was the sweetest little baby fat you've ever seen in your life, except he was 11.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Yeah, exactly. At what point is it baby fat to all right, bro? Like, you know what I'm saying, go run on the treadmill. You know what I'm saying? Like, what point is it? So, anyways, I it got to a point where I was like, especially um, because I wanted to play basketball, at baseball, you can more so get away with being bigger, heavier, heavier, like you can get away with that more so, um, especially at that level. But basketball is so constant, up and down, up and down. The agility you have to have run, jump, slide, it's just a lot of movement that it that I was like, oh, if I want to be a basketball player, I actually gotta, you know what I mean, like lose some weight. And for me, it it's it's it feels harder than it is for other people. And I say that because I have like friends or like teammates, and even like my brothers are like this, where like they can eat whatever really, and it it doesn't really stick like that. You know what I mean? I don't really I feel like if I eat one little thing, it it the life life is over, like my body just completely dysfunctions and you know, like just be creating stuff.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

So let me let me pause you though, just to kind of solidify what you're saying. Um there is some of what he's describing isn't body dysmorphia. There is truth to that. Really? There was some age, I don't remember, you know, let's say from five to six, where I remember taking you to the doctor and the the jump in your weight in that year on the scale, whatever. Even the doctor said, we're gonna need to be watchful for this. She said, the good news is your kid is not a couch potato because you were always very active, like you said. She said, the main problem I have is when I see this jump in kids and they're not active. So you won't have a problem. But she said, you do need to get him tested for food allergies. There's something that is making his body, he's not metabolizing something the way he should. And you do have to be careful about that because that can turn into other issues in their in their health. Right. So that wasn't something you created in your head. It is true that your body was not metabolizing food while you were carrying a lot of extra weight, but at some point it occurred to you. See, see, that was the thing. The thing was for the longest time, you could you were walking around in people's houses with your shirt off. You, you were, you had no awareness of the fact. You, and I loved that about you, still do, because you're a very free person. Like you're just free. You weren't worried about your appearance, you weren't self-abself um, what's the word I'm looking? Not self-absorbed, self-focused in that way. You weren't aware of yourself in a way that hindered you. But I think it was around the time that athletics became more important and you realized basketball was what you loved. But also you were reading a book about KD. Yeah, Kevin Durant. Is that right? Okay, so Kevin Durant, what was that experience and what did it Yeah?

SPEAKER_00 11:29

So it it was less about like KD, the way he looked, and I needed to know I need to look like that in order to play. It was more KD all that book did was just like solidify that if I got serious at basketball at 10 years old, I could be something really, really good. Because he got he started taking basketball serious at 10. Okay. So I was like, okay, yeah, that means I'm 10. I can start taking basketball serious and I can be like KD. So um, but in order to do that, I learned quickly that my body just wasn't gonna, it wasn't gonna work like that. So it just became like as I was working out a lot and a lot and a lot. Like I was I worked out a very excessive amount. Um, not even saying it's bad or good, but a lot.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

And we did change your foods, which did make a huge difference because we found out you were allergic to like some eggs. You were eating too many eggs for your body, milk, too much milk for your body.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

But um it got to a point where I was like, I was working this hard and I would still go see my friends, and they just like, bruh, like they don't even be working out like that. I'm working out all the time, and I still look like garbage. That's not right, but you know what I'm saying? I look like I felt like I was garbage, so I was just like, I just doesn't like you know, whatever. So I had I I made a form, not a formula, a stereotype in my head that if I wanted to be accepted as a basketball player, I had to look like this. Um, because my friends who are good at basketball look like that. And so I was like, oh well, in order for me to, you know, be good at basketball, I need to look like that also. And so I was just chasing the standard of body perfection that I don't even know still to this day if I would consider I got to, to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

Do you think this started happening in high school, like junior high years or mostly high school years?

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Junior high, because I also got made fun of for being bigger a little bit, like in like school.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

So it's teammates or just friends jokingly or like serious making fun of?

SPEAKER_00 13:21

No more so jokingly, but like they were serious. It wasn't like you know what I'm saying, like you're fat, just kidding. You know what I mean? Like clearly that you you don't call someone super skinny like fat. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 13:33

So did it roll off your shoulders, JC? You're a very easygoing person, and it appears like things roll off your shoulders, but I'm asking you, did it really, or do you think hearing some of that, you did absorb it and it did sort of inform your decision to be to have this perfect body that you started to be on a mission?

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Um I definitely think that I definitely think it was something that I wouldn't say all the way rolled off my shoulders because it made me think. But I I think it all it helped me be become self-aware of the fact that I was bigger. I needed to be better, but maybe over to the point where it it it rolled over into more like just an extreme measure. Yeah, level.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

And that's the part that I'm really wanting to deal with because all of us can hear things about ourselves, whether it's about our body or some other aspect of ourselves, that rightfully maybe makes us think and look in the mirror and go, you know what, I do need to do better in a healthy way. But for you, you're saying that it caused you to go over into an extreme that was unhealthy. What did that look like? Or what does that? What do you still struggle with that that looks like?

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Um healthy like relationship with food is probably one of the main ones. Um, like I it it it it's hard for you to enjoy certain things just because like even like a cinnamon roll, like if you make a cinnamon roll at home and everybody, and I'm just like I can't do that. Or like, you know, not even saying like excessive cheat meals because that's you know, whatever, but like every now and then having a you know, like some fries with a meal or whatever, um it it um it makes you just watch things that shouldn't have to be watched. Like I'd like you'd be like, oh, I can't eat one this piece of bread because and then and then um it just led to unhealthy habits with food and under eating all that type of stuff. And I didn't undereating. Sometimes, like just because I'm like, oh, the calorie intake, whatever whatever, just yeah, weird stuff.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

So sort of like in bondage to like a calorie count and in bondage to like a how much, how much, how much.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah, and like I said, it's a tricky line because there's like you still need to watch your calories, you know what I mean? Like of course, you still need that, but not at the point where now like food becomes the enemy, yeah. And it got to that point for me a little bit, and who helped me with that was Gabriel McKay. Um this is one of his teammates, yeah. One of my teammates, um, my old teammates. Um, he was the same way, like he was the bigger kid, and um he had a body that looked that looks amazing, and he probably doesn't think so, but it looks incredible. No, no, that's not no weird stuff. Pause. But um he, I was doing something one day. I like I lived with him for a while. I was doing something at home one day, like making some sort of food, and he was like, Is that what are you eating? I was like, this, this, this, whatever. And then he was like, eat more. And I was like, I can't, whatever, I don't want to eat more, whatever. He was like, bro, like, you gotta have a better relationship with food. And this is him saying that he was the same, he was like, bro, you gotta have a better relationship with food. Like, bro, it's okay to eat the other piece of bread right here, bro. Like, you work out like eight hours a day, eat the carb. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's okay. And so um, he actually helped me a lot with that because hearing him say that I'm like, ah, okay, you know what I'm saying? Like, let me figure that out how to have the balance. But yeah, that's probably like one of the things is overeat is a real bad relationship with food. The other is like never um being able to realize how far you've come.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Um can't celebrate the success you've had at that.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

It diminishes the progress you've made because it's you're not where you're at, where you want to be at, whatever that looks like. Um and so in social media, like you have all these unrealistic views of what an athletic or body type is supposed to look like. So um you kind of get attached to an image that's really not even that realistic. Um, and then you're striving after something almost unachievable.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Yeah. And that your body is not made to do.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Yeah. And then it's just like, well, yeah, I'm actually never getting there. And then it's like discouraging, and then it's like, oh, I need to eat less, or I need to work out more, or I need to make sure I don't like I can never have a milkshake ever in my life. You know what I mean? Like something like that.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

That's just like do you feel like there's more young men than we realize that are having the same issue that you're having? Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Um, especially athletes.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Um, like, like because division one division one athletes, collegiate athletes in general, or like, you know, professional athletes are all like the top per 1% of the 1% of athletes in the world. And that's always who you're comparing yourself to or seeing when you're in that world, like I am. So if that's all you're seeing, then it's like, well, this must be the standard of realistic will actually know they're an Olympic athlete. You know what I mean? Like, so um, I do think that there's especially in the athletic world, there's definitely people like this, but even you know, not form of athletic with social media being a thing. Um you you're you're seeing these, like this gym guru thing is going around now where everybody's in this gym trend, whatever, you know, and like people will take steroids and call it natural, you know, whatever. And you're looking at this like, oh shoot, like, you know, the women want to like have a dude with the body like this, and mine don't look like that. So, you know, it can just lead to a lot of unhealthy habits, probably. But I'd probably say there's more people than we think out there like that.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

So when you look in the mirror today, when I say today, I don't mean literally the last 24 hours, but when you look in the mirror right now in your life as you've recognized sort of the unhealthy extremes that you've had in your mind, because I really want to get to your mind more than your physique. But when you realize these extremes that you've tended to, when you look in the mirror today, do you still struggle to see like I'm okay where I'm at? Do you still just only see the little pinch of extra flesh somewhere that you feel like should be gone?

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Yeah, bizarre.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

That's all you see.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah, a thousand percent.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

And it doesn't matter if anybody else points out to you that you look great.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Because I don't really think I look great, so no.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

So what do we do about that?

SPEAKER_00 19:44

That's the that's that's a good question. Um that's a great question. Uh I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Because you're a very um, you're a very balanced and disciplined person in your in your nature. You're a disciplined person. Um so for you to be in be doing something in an extreme way is different to your norm. Your norm is not an extreme perfectionist, everything has to be exact. That's not your norm.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

You you want to do things excellent, right, but in a balanced way. Because you still like to have fun, you still like to joke around, you want to have time for things that are just social with friends. Sure. You don't want to be extreme to the to the exclusion of enjoyment.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Yeah, I I guess that really depends on the scale we're talking about.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Like maybe when it comes to certain things, yeah, but when it comes to food, like you're saying, that's what that's probably where you were getting to. Like food, I'm very an extremist. But in other areas, I also feel like I'm an extremist, like when it comes to like working hard, like working out. Like, I guess that's kind of in the same realm.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

I'll give you an example. For example, finance. You are very specific about the fact that you want to save, you want to build generational wealth, you want to have money for funding and seeding business in your life and that sort of thing. So you're disciplined about saving, you don't spend money on a bunch of random things, but you are gonna go, okay, golf is a hobby. I'm gonna take some of this money so that I can golf every now and then and enjoy something that actually is fun. Or I'm gonna take some of this money and go have brunch with my friends because we're all home for Christmas break. I'm gonna take some of this money and do that. So I'm saying, in that sense, that's one area where you're doing well and you're disciplined, but you're able to be balanced and not beat yourself up for what you do spend.

SPEAKER_03 21:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

So with this area, I'm saying, how do you what can you actively do to combat your tendency to be extreme? Um or what would be helpful to you? Because I'm thinking about the mom on the other side of the screen or the person my age or your age that is having this struggle where they realize they're feeding the dysmorphia, they're looking in the mirror, they're seeing something that is. the the one thing or the two things they wish were different and they are um living their whole life with the guilt of that or the discomfort of that instead of being able to enjoy is there anything that would help you to not allow yourself to go to the extreme.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

Right. Well see I think the only thing for me like like like there's only two things like or one thing I guess is like belief that what you're seeing is just not true. Like you know people can say it but if you just don't believe it it's just there's nothing else like I don't know what else it could be. And what helps me at least believe is like seeing like scientific like factor proof that actually this is not doing what to what your body what your mind says it's doing. Like it's actually not doing the thing. So like like scientifically like if you eat really good for a certain amount of period of time I don't really know the statistics so I don't want to say it and mess it up but like if you eat really good and are saying disciplined and are working out consistently for a certain amount of time um and then you have one cheat meal that one cheat meal is actually not canceling all that's actually not canceling out your two or three weeks of discipline and consistency. Like it's just not doing it. So like knowing that and believing that and looking up statistics or whatever that statistic is science that shows that science that shows actually brand it's not it's like actually impossible for you to gain a pound of fat by one like it's it you know those things that can't happen. You're saying that's helpful to you. Yeah that's helpful to me to like combat my emotion or my feeling with um truth. You know what I mean? So I think that's the only way in my head that I can think of being able to okay let me look up this let me actually go with a game plan of like okay I need to be consistent with you know my weight whatever whatever I need to be consistent and disciplined with my eating and working out for this period of time and then I can have a cheat meal without it actually messing up or hindering my progress or whatever. So when you do have that cheat meal you don't have to feel guilty because you already allotted and planned for that. You know what I mean? So uh the yeah the problem is I just I'm all the way left or I'm all the way right like I'd be really really good eating good no cheat meals or I'd be like I'm eating McDonald's every day.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

So you know it's just that's the hard part this is one of the areas of life where I feel like moderation is is like necessary.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Like I think as somebody said which is I think the way I live my life in this regard with food is like 80 20 80% of my life the cadence of it is to be moderate with sugar and all that stuff. And then 20% just enjoy. But that's not the overarching thing. However the part that I really want to talk about is the first thing you said. I don't know how you just worded it but you said there are two things that could help you. And the first thing was looking in the mirror and do you remember what you said? Not believing that what you're seeing is the way you're perceiving it. Right. But I want to ask the question of what if it is exactly what you're seeing it's just not it doesn't mean what you think it means. It doesn't it's not necessarily something to be fixed. What do you mean? So you know we're talking about young men in this conversation having this issue but think about an aging woman okay my body's constantly changing. I'm looking in the mirror and going okay you know and it has nothing to do with I ate too much necessarily or whatever. It's just your body changes. I either look in the mirror and see the changes and get terrified by it and then decide that I'm gonna do what would be extreme like if I if I do what I did in my 30s and 40s right now in my 50s to try to keep that same look the exact same as it has always been the calorie intake would be so low that it wouldn't be sustainable the amount of of um uh cardiovascular work that I would have to do, the calories I would have to work, it wouldn't be realistic for my current physiology. So I have to I have to make a mental shift what's healthy for me now and be okay with what that looks like now. It's a huge mental shift. It's like when I could say this about anything when women's maybe their hair is thinning a little bit and they look in the mirror or when men's hair hair is thinning you know a lot of men get into their 30s and they start to get the bald spot. They either have to decide I'm gonna do the most extreme things to keep the hair I had when I was 21 or I have to take a deep breath and learn to love what is.

unknown 26:22

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

And be healthy with what is not I'm not saying just let go and whatever. Right. But Priscilla has to look in the mirror with my 51 year old self and go, what is reasonable for what my body can look like now in a way that is sustainable to me now that I can be happy with my lifestyle like I can't run 20 miles a day you know but what can I do and what does my body look like and can can I make the mental shift to say my body is okay like this I'm saying how do you have to talk to yourself to look in the mirror and if you do it's not you're not making it up let's say you do have a little bit of a love handle and not feel like you're not enough you're not good enough you have to do something better you have to whatever happens that panic mode that we go into when we want to fix something what do you have to begin to tell yourself to work yourself out of the idea that perfection is the goal.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Right. Well I think first what you said we have to don't not equate any outcome to our worth in anything in life like I don't think we can equate the outcome of how our body looks to our worth or equate or how much money we've made to our worth our financial status to our worth or our relational status to our worth like we can't equate any outcome to our worth period our you know value strictly just comes in our the son's being a son or a daughter of Jesus. So I mean that's that right there. But it's even hard for me to answer because when the thing that came in my head was learn to love what you can't control. Um and so I'm trying to but there's also a caveat to that like okay like because in theory you can control that love handle you would just have to be at an unhealthy extreme spot to control it. So I'm just trying to figure out how to word the caveat like like it is is is being unhealthy worth the like I I I don't really know how to answer that question to be completely honest with you because like you can control it but it's not you shouldn't control it like that in that way. And relaxing into the fact that you can't control all the things right yeah I mean if you can't control your body's changing you can't control it in any way then yeah there's a you know due to a condition or whatever it is then it's like yeah okay cool like you know learn to love the like you know the fact that you can't control that and God is you know doing that for whatever and so there's that's one thing but learning to love your happiness is another mm-hmm um like but and and then again but people are happy over eating so I just I just don't know how to like quantify this yeah but like learn to be content con is that the word at peace I the the problem is like I don't want to give a you know be at peace and oh yeah I'll be at peace over eating like I don't there's we're just talking about you so you don't have to speak for yes in your situation how do you find a contentment with the body that you have instead of always feeling like you have to strive for something different I don't know because striving to be better is what kind of keeps me content when it's not in an unhealthy manner. So I like I think that's different like I guess it's tough for me. Like for me like whenever I'm eating disciplined whenever I'm working out consistently and whenever you know I'm living a balanced balanced eating habit with that for me that looks probably different to other people but for me balanced is like one cheap meal every so often and then eating good you know the other I'd probably say 90-10 for me mostly um but that is like that's what makes me happy yeah me too healthy and my body's still changing you know for the better. Got it so I think for me it's it it's finding contentment on the journey.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Finding contentment on the journey being okay with the changing as opposed to there's a goal I have to get to and I can't be content until I get there.

SPEAKER_00 30:38

Right. Yeah yeah yeah that's that's a good way to put it like can I still be content right now knowing that I am journeying for better.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

I think I'm gonna read this too because um you know we started this off using the term body dysmorphia didn't really have the exact definition for it. So it's actually a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance these flaws are often unnoticeable to others. Right. Would you say that that's you that you spend an inordinate amount of time worried about it or it's just something you notice?

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Uh probably in the middle like I don't spend my whole day thinking about it but more often than not it comes up in my brain.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

And I'll notice you like you know I'll stop you every now and then because you'll be standing in front of a mirror and you'll be like ah you're always like eh I got it and I'm like JC like seriously there's nothing right but I see everything it doesn't I there's it does I don't see nothing.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

So yeah I mean people like I've gotten at least four times in the last two weeks like I've you've slimmed down and I'm just like ah ah I have not like I I and I've been eating bad too so I I really don't think I have but I that's why I'm I don't think I have so I don't really know how to balance what's actually there and what's not there because I only see what I think is there. So I don't is it learn to trust people that aren't gonna lie to you like you're getting big yeah bro you're getting big or they're gonna be like nah bro you actually you look smooth right now but they also don't have the same standards you have. So I don't really know.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Well I do think I do think that one of the things that you brought up earlier is important that the people of influence that have been in your life have helped shape your concept of what it's supposed to be. Not and I don't mean that necessarily in a negative way to all the incredible coaches that you've had through the years from elementary um all the way through to now to the trainers to the you know all the people um I do think that we all have to be mindful of what we're saying to the 10 year old that is on our team. You know what I mean or in our classroom or the where the athletic director or the of the PE class and the kids have to weigh in for something I don't know but I think we have to be very conscious that we're not comparing and contrasting because there's a lot of comparison.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Right. I think that I think that I think that might be one of the big things actually is comparison. Like if you are usually um comparison is deep of joy everybody's heard the the the concept or the or the phrase I think especially when it comes to this topic like I usually am the most discontent with your body image discontent with my body image on the team or what by who who I'm I'm just discontent with my body image for myself. Oh okay I thought you when you said the most I didn't know if you're comparing yourself to a group that you're saying I'm I'm the most discontent with my body image when I'm comparing it to other people when you're yes got it when you're sitting there thinking about other people's body image and how I compared it to myself then that's when I'm the most discontent but when I'm just focused on how my body looks in relation to how I it's supposed to like if for for my journey and me then I'm like oh no actually I'm saying I don't look at I'm okay you know I mean so I think for this topic in particular which I don't know why I really don't feel like many people struggle with this like I do. Maybe they do I hope I get surprised and people are like oh my God this actually helps so much.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

So I hope I hope yeah because you're I'm like I can tell you're talking about it so casually because you think oh this is not a big deal. No, there are so many people that can relate to exactly what you're saying for their sons and their daughters and for themselves that we're constantly comparing ourselves with each other. We're constantly struggling to talk that voice down on the inside of us that's panicked that we haven't done enough we don't look good enough we we need to lose this we need to lose this so we can fit in these jeans and wear this it's constant and if you're in a world like athletics um where it's constantly being weighed and pinched and and you know kind of evaluated then that gets into your head.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Yeah I just think it's the the at the end of the day it comes to um like striving to be a better you without comparing it to other people. I think that's probably if the if there's a sentence so far in this episode for any help for myself you know it would be strive to be a better you without comparing it to other people. Yeah. I think that is where you find true like contentment in your body while still becoming better for yourself but not but not to an unhealthy habit of thinking you should be where you're not at the moment.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 35:17

So yeah and I think that's true throughout all the seasons of our life that we constantly should be saying what can I do that makes me feel healthier today that makes me feel better in my own skin today that's the best for my joints today. You know whatever. What do I need to do? But also while I'm changing while I'm looking for the goal of losing the 10 pounds maybe or whatever or building more muscle mass or whatever I can be okay with what God has given me today. And I'm I'm just going way far with this but I just think sometimes of like you know we have a Peloton and I'll be on the Peloton and there's one instructor there's so many good ones but there's one instructor in particular whenever she has you turn the resistance up so this means you feel like you're biking through mud. You know it is like oh my gosh whenever she has you turn it up she always looks dead in the camera and says what a privilege what a privilege and you're just sitting there like oh my gosh this feels terrible and she's like do you know how many people wish they could turn the resistance up like basically wish they could sweat today use their legs today be on a bike today have the lung capacity to actually push this limit like this and be active like that what a gift that you get to turn the resistance up. I mean it totally recalibrates your whole feeling of I hate this you know I hate the way this feels right now then you realize there's somebody that wishes they could do this.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

Right. And if we like you know return this not just about body image and whatever but towards like the things that curate to make your body look like that or whatever which is discipline and all that type of stuff that concept applies because it's like um turning up the resistance like making myself uncomfortable you know like which is the same thing as the Peloton but to broaden it like making your what a privilege what a privilege it is to be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

Like because it means you're growing it means you're pre you're you're getting to push past what might be the cap for somebody else you're getting to push past a limitation a perceived limitation like like like I mean it it's a good perspective to have like when I'm in a situation when you know I I I'm like oh I have to push myself to get it better.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

I have to push myself to be better. I'm like what a privilege it is to be able to be get have the opportunity to be better. Yeah like it should it should it should be we don't look at it like that I don't look at it like that often often but it it it's it you know the right perspective is it's a privilege too.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Well I want to say two things before we close this episode one of them is that um I hope that as you continue to grow and mature and you're and you know you're kind of at the end of what we think is the end of your basketball career you're you're finishing college soon. Yeah so I hope that as you come out of that environment which has been so amazing for you oh my gosh on so many levels has been fantastic. But here you're coming into a new environment a new reality real world stuff where you won't be working out eight hours a day basketball is not your full-time job anymore um the reality is your body your mindset everything will shift in some way not necessarily negative negatively I'm just saying there are shifts because it's a different cadence to your life and I'm just really hoping that you're able to as we all have to do make that recalibration with a sense of um clarity on the gift that your healthy body is yeah and not constantly see changes as flaws.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 39:06

Yeah and balance that with yeah I still want to be healthy. I still want to make sure I'm eating balanced meals and all that stuff but with reality and not with a it's like somebody coming out of you know they they've been in the Olympics you know training for the Olympics for four years and they want to maintain that level of achievement after that is over well you probably can't do that if you're trying to balance other realities of life children family like if your priorities shift you have to also shift your expectations on yourself.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

So I'm hoping you can do that in a balanced way a healthy way that still lets you strive for what you want but in a way that lets you just enjoy the fact that oh my gosh you have two legs at work two arms at work you look great you're tall you're athletic you're handsome you have a great body and um I hope you can enjoy that enjoy that right yeah I mean being like I said being an athlete after athletics is over is the extremely difficult I know you'll still be active though because you're an active active i'm I'm still working out every day and all that yeah for sure but you should find a basketball league to be in too like just like where you go play pickup games oh that doesn't sound fun but that keeps you active I know some I know some people who do that I know some people too I don't I'm not that's not me though I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna work do gym not basketball but you know it's fun to be active in ways that are just a like a sport or like dance people get in dance they'll do it in ways that aren't just like going to the gym and running on the train yeah no for sure uh yeah absolutely I mean and there are other ways I don't know if I don't know how much basketball is going to be involved in that I'm not sure I just like it'd be hard to like go from collegiate athlete basketball to regular basketball and it's still be that fun like I don't know I think that balance that would be maybe hard to be honest with you interesting to see yeah well we'll see okay here's the last thing I want to say um because I didn't want to leave this out it's a little off topic now but I didn't want to leave it out we had a conversation um backstage at an event we were at with Tim Tebow do you remember this?

SPEAKER_01 41:04

He happened to be back there we're all talking and I mentioned to him because we started having this conversation with him and I mentioned to him that um one of the things I noticed with him you know whenever we would finish an event or something he'd be sitting there having a meal he is a very light eater very very controlled eater he's gonna have meat and vegetables not a lot of there's not gonna be sugar and carbs everywhere one time we had a conversation about food and he was saying how difficult it is for him to enjoy food um because he's been an athlete his whole life NFL stage you know you got to be it's your instrument you know um but he said that's one of the things he's working on because he has a wife and a child now he has a life and his wife is a foodie um he wants to be able to enjoy that with her the mental shift for him about enjoying it he said the flip side of the coin though is and this was kind of his I felt reprimanded in the moment in a great way but he said the shift was though that he had to tell his family when he would go home for the holidays and all that stuff and they'd be like cinnamon rolls eat we're all eating don't worry about it blah blah blah he said he actually had to say to his family like help me right don't don't try to get me to do the opposite of what I'm ready to do or what feels good in my body like I don't even feel good after I eat that thing y'all make that everybody eats for Christmas. I don't feel good in my body so don't make me feel guilty for not eating that. And I thought about that a long time afterwards I thought you know because I'm gonna make some homemade cinnamon rolls and all that um and I'm gonna do the most and that's okay. But it also made me mindful of the fact that and this is kind of to everybody thinking about the people in our lives who we love who for whatever their reasons are their body doesn't feel good when they eat the sugar or they mentally just don't want to deal with the guilt of it. They know that and we have to respect right where you're at right now.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:59

And I just thought that was a good caveat that he shared that I wanted to throw into so no absolutely I mean yeah I mean like I said it's gonna be it's a there is balance in it but being able to know how you personally want to balance it and sticking to that.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

And people respecting that people respecting what you want to do. Because I mean eating good always is attached to achieving something.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

Yeah even if it's just feeling good like I don't like not having a sugar crash or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 43:30

So just having a reason why you know a good reason to why you want to do that so that when people are like oh bro let's go get I just can get the milkshake you know what I mean like it's not it's it's attached to like no I want to feel good and then you can like I said like Mr. Tim could relay that to his family like no actually I don't feel good and I want to be better. Like I want to I have that goal like respect that. You know what I mean? So um like I I think it's I think the reason why he was able to do that though is because it was attached to a goal that he had. Yeah. So I think that's also important to It like not just doing it just because you feel like it, but like having a goal, like what do I want to accomplish? Yeah, and you know, he was able to do that and tell his family, like, hey, yo, you know, I understand I need to be more loose on this end, you know, on this side, you know, whatever that in whatever areas that is, but also um, I have a goal too. Yeah, you know what I mean? So yep.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

Well, I do know that we've had this conversation sort of in a not necessarily light-hearted way, but light in the sense that my son hasn't struggled with massive eating disorders. And I know there are people that body dysmorphia is just one layer of what has turned into, like you mentioned, under-eating. Well, for some people that has turned into anorexia or bulimia or, you know, it's just gotten real extreme. So I want to acknowledge the fact that there might be people listening and us just kind of casually talking about this is hard for them because they've got a son or a daughter, a niece or nephew, or themselves, and it's like they actually need help.

SPEAKER_02 44:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

So I want to acknowledge that there's no shame in needing help, that it's something that whatever level it's on, so many people are struggling with it at different seasons in life because we just have this constant comparison swirling around us all the time. So if if there's if that's help that you need, get people around you at whatever level you at that can help hold you accountable so that you don't go to extremes, so that you can get the health you need, help you need physically, mentally, and all the things because you are fearfully and wonderfully made, son. And God gave you this incredible instrument, your body, and I want you to keep taking care of it as you always have. Um, but I also want you to be able to enjoy the body that He's given you. Because it's a good one. I helped create it, so I feel strongly about that.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

All right, all right.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

Thank y'all for watching. We appreciate it. Hope you enjoyed this episode.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

The Homie Podcast. We'll be back at some point really soon. See you guys.