Learning to Love and Forgive Yourself with Crystal Evans Hurst

In this episode of Full Fledged, JC and Priscilla sit down with Crystal Evans Hurst for an honest and deeply personal conversation about the journey of forgiveness—especially when it’s directed inward.

Crystal opens up about the tension between knowing truth and actually living it out, walking through what it looks like to release shame, confront past decisions, and extend grace to yourself in the middle of growth. This isn’t surface-level encouragement—it’s a real look at the process of healing, the weight of self-criticism, and the intentional choice to believe what God says about you over how you feel.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

You know, I've heard it said many times when you are wanting to practice forgiveness, it's so that your lack of forgiveness doesn't hold you in chains. What we forget, I think, is that that you can accept God's forgiveness for yourself and still hang yourself by the same chains that He set you free from.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Are you already dancing, JC?

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Yeah, because I'm a little excited.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Are you excited?

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Yeah, I like podcasts. They're fun.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

They are fun.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

And I like podcasts with guests, even more fun.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Especially when you have a great guest. Okay, before we introduce our guest, welcome everybody. We're so glad you're here. Should we start with our opening song? That's not really a song, it's really just a random beat.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

And you know we're excited to get to it because usually we do like a little banter back and forth for fun. But now we're just like, nope, let's go ahead and do the thing so we can go ahead and do the thing.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Yes, well, you were already dancing, so the dance moves made me think he must be ready.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

I'm ready. Let's go. Hey, hey! Hey! Hey, do you think I hey? Hey. Do you think we match tones when we do the haze, or do you think it's just all the way off?

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Yeah, it's off page.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

I'm a different octave, though. I learned about octaves and tones with Uncle Nini in LA this last time I was there.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Did you?

SPEAKER_00 1:19

And I learned how learned how to match the note and I did it. So I think we just different octaves. We're the same tone, note, different octaves. That's that's what it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

You're tone deaf. I'm so sorry. You didn't do well with finding notes.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

No, Uncle Nini told me that I actually, he thought I was, but I'm not. Wait, no, I'm trying to kind of find it. I mean, okay, here's the I can't find it immediately, but I can. Okay. That's a high mock dive. Can you go a little lower? Nope, can't find it. Just kidding. I can't find it. I'm not in the right mentality.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Welcome to uh the podcast for the tone. This is full-fledged.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

It was with Uncle Nene. I did it. I promise.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Your uncle was trying to just live on you. I heard the note. Can we get on task?

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Yeah, sorry. Go ahead. Oh, you got it.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

To full-fledged, the homie podcast, where we are basically at home in our pajamas having great conversations with great people while dancing and not finding the note. Anyway, we're so glad to be here. Are you gonna introduce our guest today?

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Yeah, I I will. I will. So we have my aunt, who is a podcaster. One of the best business people in the family, if not the best, one of the smartest.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Did he just say the smartest?

SPEAKER_00 2:49

I tried to sneak that in there.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

You did. I heard it. It was out loud.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

She builds a lot of great brands, coaches a lot of great people, is amazing. It's like all the things.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

You went too soon. She's a homeschooler. She is a homemaker. She is the CEO and CFO of the Hearst Household. She also works at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship Church, as well as Tony Evans National Ministry, which is the urban alternative. I know that. She's over women's ministry. She helps steward the women's conference at our local church. She speaks all over the country. Her plate is full, for lack of a better word. She's also the grandmother of five incredible grandchildren now.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

You might as well do it.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

You just took a please welcome Crystal Hurst, better known as Aunt Chrissy.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Yay.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

We're so glad you're here, Chrissy.

SPEAKER_03 3:45

I need to listen back at that and write it all down and then write a bio or an obituary or something. Not an obituary.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Oh my gosh, that was terrible.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

I mean, I'm saying I said stuff, but you like, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Well, you had to layer it on it. I know sometimes, isn't it interesting when you hear it said out loud? Like, oh, I I am doing that. I am doing that. Great. And you have a very full plate, which we should talk about during this podcast. However, we have mentioned several times. I wanted to kind of start here first. We've mentioned to people where we're sitting, that we're sitting in our childhood home, which means before these people were born, you and I were here. If we were seven, if I was seven when mom and dad got this house and we moved here, you would have been nine. You were nine years old. Do you remember the first kind of times that we came into this house? Because I do. I re I remember thinking this was a mansion. It was huge. Huge. We were like, we're gonna get lost in here. Yes, we couldn't believe the size of this house face. It was enormous to us.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Yeah, and people need to know it's a small house with like nine foot ceilings, you know. But we just thought, oh my gosh, are you kidding? What are if you could pick two of your favorite memories from growing up here, whether they were funny or meaningful or whatever, what are two of your favorite things nostalgic when you think of this house?

SPEAKER_03 5:08

I had like five or six things flooded through my brain. One of them is when we moved here, I was nine, but I think um it wasn't too far ahead of me turning 10. And so I had my 10th birthday party here. And I remember standing right there at the door because that was my first press, and my birthday's in July. My hair getting pressed. All black women know that's a big deal. That's correct. And it was the middle of July, so by the time my party came, it was back to a poof. So you had a press for about an hour and a half? Not even that. But just a lot of we welcomed friends here.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

So we had a lot of gatherings. That was the first big one. Youth group, all the things. I think the second thing that I would remember is um uh dinner around the table, because we were religious about that, and just sitting around playing who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

What's that?

SPEAKER_03 6:09

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Not me. Not me. You're supposed to say yes you. Yes, you couldn't be. Couldn't be. I don't remember. Not that. And who? And then you would say we all had a number. Oh, that's right. And so then I would say number two. And if you were number two, I'd say number two stole the cookie from the cookie jar. I don't even know if that's a real game. Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Apparently not, because nobody, he has no, but I'm just saying, like, we played. Play the games at the table. Like I can hear the sound.

SPEAKER_03 6:38

Who stole the cookie from the cookie thief?

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Did the person with the number that had stolen it know they they were the cookie thief? Like, I don't even remember how the conclusion was. I don't remember the conclusion. I just remember that part. Yeah, I just remember this part that we would really just go back and forth with this rhythm. Almost like patty cake, but you're like, We'll have to ask Daddy, maybe he'll remember. Yeah, maybe he made games up.

SPEAKER_06 6:56

Yeah, I bet you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

Then I'll add a third just because you're all sitting on that couch. Talent shows. We would sit on the couch and watch talent shows. The people, the audience would be on the couch, and then the person would be sitting or standing in front of everybody. And you'd have to have a talent. So right here. Oh no, you had to have a talent. Everybody participated.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

You had to make something up. And Crystal, would you like to tell everyone what the most famous of the talent show talents was?

SPEAKER_03 7:21

I uh was in an acting class in high school. My teacher said I was really good. I did a monologue in class, and I thought I would do it at home for the home talent show. Um it was about being a tree. There's a book, uh, the author's last name is Silverstein. Silverstein. The Giving Tree. The Giving Tree. So in the Giving Tree formation, I was giving my rendition of being the tree. But we were at home and we had blankets that had leaves on them. So I stood here, put the sheet over my head, put my arms out, and I started out saying, I am a tree. That was the end of the sound. I didn't get any further because your grandfather literally fell on the floor.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

He he he was sitting there and just rolled forward onto the floor. That is the funniest thing ever, though. And to this day, if you just look at him, you should try it.

SPEAKER_03 8:13

If you just look at him and say, I am a tree. What is this about Aunt Christy and being a tree? He's just gonna start laughing. I mean, hysterically. He cannot control.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

We don't know why it was that funny, but at this point, it is literally just funny because of him. It's not even duh. That is a thing.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

You can say, tell me about those talent shows. He'll be like, Oh, Crystal was a tree. Yep. Crystal was a tree. I don't know what Crystal was doing. She was a tree. That's what he'll say.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

That is actually hilarious, though. I mean, kind of think about it. If I I think I would do the same thing. If my kid was like, I'm a tree, I would, I'd lose it probably too.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

They'd be serious. That's the thing. She was serious.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

I think I think also, I don't think you would, I think it depends. I think I have the role of being fodder for laughter in our family.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

Do you think that everybody gave me that role, or do you think daddy kind of made it so that everything you were doing was funny? Or do you think we all did that? I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

That's like which comes first, the chicken or the egg.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Yeah. So still to this day, Crystal will start doing something, and all of us are like like she didn't do anything yet, and we're doing anything. Just holding back the laughter. Yeah. Poor Gracie.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Yeah. That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Well, anything else that you wanted to share about this house? Yeah. Those were good. Yeah, lots of memories here. I'm glad that. Like it's really cool, isn't it, when you think about it, that we're sitting here with your nephew, who is now 21, in the same setting where we did all that stuff in our I have videos of you on that arm of the couch jumping off of it.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

One Christmas while Nani was cooking. Y'all took all the couch, the pillows and stuff, put them on the floor. And then the three of y'all and the three of mine, y'all just were on a line. Hooray! Jumping.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

So you might he was probably three, something like that. They're probably three.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

It's a it's a miracle this couch is still.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Right, exactly. Comfortable. I mean, it's comfortable though. You can tell it has some wear and tear on it. You know what I'm saying? And it got a look.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Which is pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Yeah, I like wearing tears. That's the only way to go.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Yeah. We're glad you're here, Chrissy, sharing conversation with us. There, the interesting thing about it before we jump into this conversation is there were like four or five different directions that we were talking about that this conversation could go because there are so many things we actually would love to talk to you about. So, where do you think we should begin?

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Uh let's let's begin at the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

You know what I'm saying? I thought that was profound. Um, you don't have to give us a whole childhood summary, that's too much. But like when you think about who you are today, what experiences in your childhood had a really, really strong like hold, and you look back and be like, oh, because I went through that or because I did this or whatever, it affects how I operate in my daily life today.

SPEAKER_03 11:08

Well, I can draw a direct line to certain characteristics, of course, in my in our parents. Um, I can see exactly what I got for my dad and exactly what I got for my mom and how those come together. And then you put those in the package of an oldest child, which by definition, by a birth order, you're gonna try to go to the utmost to do whatever the best version of that is that you can't. So um always been an achiever, always been a student, always been a learner, always been all those things. Because my dad is a learner because my mom is a perfectionist. And then you put those together with the firstborn. Um, I mean, it's good. I think it's great.

SPEAKER_04 11:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

Um so I'm definitely, you know, a driver. I'm gonna figure things out and all that. So that um I I think beyond that, I think there were um a lot of firsts. Um, you know how you see you your algorithm on Instagram will tell you what you're interested in, and then you can't, that's all you see. So apparently I'm completely traumatized as a firstborn daughter, a first niece, a first granddaughter. It's like all the things I'm like triple stacked. Um but I definitely think a lot of it comes comes from that. And the other thing I would say is just watching our parents, even though ministry is ministry, faith is faith. When you are building a church and building a ministry the way they did it, there's a lot of entrepreneurial stuff in there. So I think you double down on the achiever with an entrepreneurial environment of building and coming up with things. So building is what I think I have seen and I I want to do. And then my life, I've had three decades. I'm in my fourth of adulthood. In my 20s, I was building a corporate career, financial, institutional, money management, code for stock picker. In my 30s, I was building a home, teaching kids, homeschooling, figuring out how to make sure everybody knew algebra. And then in my 40s, I was building branding, content. But every decade has been building.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

So I don't know if that's what you're going to say. No, yeah, exactly what I meant. Has that that like I think I resonate a little bit just because for some reason I also have the achiever overachiever thing. Um, like love building things, love creating things, all that stuff. So, like, what talk about the negative side of it. Like, like, or are there parts where you're like, it's great because of the success that it brings, but also it's harder to do this or like it makes life feel like this, or you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

I think anytime we do too much, you have the tendency to overreach and you have to know where that is. And you have to define your capacity by um what's healthy um for you, which often those lines are going to be drawn, one, your relationship with the Lord, two, by people who know you can kind of call you out on it. I think the negative sides can also be that people around you will tell you you're doing too much when in reality there's a capacity differential. And you have to know the difference between what's too much for me and what's too much from someone else. You know what I mean? So so I think the negative side would be you can you can overdo it. But I've also heard from and seen a lot of people that because other people said you're doing too much, they doubled down and now realized that they they should have been marching to their own drumbeat instead of the drumbeat everybody else could hear.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Yeah, that breach is not gonna lie. So then sorry, if you have a question, just interrupt. That's right, go ahead. At what point is it like I have to or I'm I'm finding my worth and validation in my production? That's a great question. Because you do it if you if you have a high capacity, that means you do it more often, which means you're more entailed or entitled to the thing. So, like, how does how did you have to wrestle with that production being what you do versus who you are and all the other stuff that comes around that?

SPEAKER_03 15:00

Yeah, uh in intentional humility, intentional stillness, intentional less than. Um intentional margin, intentional I could, but I won't. Um, so what that looks like is um I could turn out a book every year. I'm I'm not going to because I want to write just because I can do it doesn't mean I should or I will. Um I could speak 25 times a year. Um and and sometimes the scenario of life um will give you the opportunity to question that. So I I remember that I was going out about 25 to 30 times a year speaking, and I was like, you know what, my my kids are gonna be kids once. And so I cut that in half. So I I think you have to be intentional. Whatever the scripture is, you know, the prophetess is over here. So we can she can tell us what scripture is. But it's it's humble yourself in the side of the Lord. No, it wasn't a jab. It's true. It's true. She probably knows the scripture. Um, but there's a Bible verse that talks about humbling yourself, you know. Um, I think that you can do intentional things to remind yourself that you have limits. Like the Sabbath is one of those things that I could keep going on a Sunday, and oh my goodness, Sundays are the best time. You know, there's no phone, there's no emails, there's nothing getting updated to like get a bunch of things done. So it is intentional to say just because I have a day doesn't mean I use the day. And so that same mentality, I think, is what you do in life. Just because you have it, you intentionally just say no for the sake of saying no. Is that hard for you?

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Oh, yeah, it is, it is. And I think you know that you're running past that capacity when um it's like putting on a pair of jeans. So I there are jeans in my closet that I could put on, but the cannoling and the fidgeting and the squeezing and the altercations that I'm putting my body to get in or the things that I'm doing to make sure that that pair of jeans doesn't look too tight. Yeah. I can get in them, but it doesn't mean they fit. Yeah, yeah. So you can know in your life, just because you can get in it, doesn't mean it fits. And just like a pair of good jeans, we would say they fit when when there's just a little bit of wiggle room, there ought to be a little bit of wiggle room.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Yeah, so yeah, I I I feel like I need that because I'm trying to right now balance like because I I love doing a lot. And I love doing a lot all the time. It's fun, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

It's fun, it's addictive. It's it is, but you know what? Um, just like anything else, it's a dopamine hit. It's a dopamine hit. Your uncle and uh his old boss used to walk around doing this because you can get addicted to crowds, you can get addicted to microphones, you can get addicted to applause, and you have to know what your tendencies are. And see, the thing is, you're young enough to be asking these questions and to be looking for them. Most people don't realize their tendencies until the addiction has done some damage in their life, even if it's acceptable damage.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

So, what would you say to someone who is his age, 20, 21 years old, how do they begin to recognize what their dopamine hit um tendency would be?

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Yeah, the best thing is um ad advising and mentoring and covering what you have in your parents. The best thing you can do in any season of your life, but especially the season of life you're in, is to round surrounding yourself with other people who can see what you can't see to call it out, to give you direction. So you don't have to learn the harder way. People that are that know you and that love you and that go, you know, JC, you need to slow down, or JC, that's just too much, or JC, do it this way. Um, it's better to follow a multitude of wisdom in this season of your life while you learn yourself in your 20s. That's what the 20s are for, learning yourself.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Yeah, and you said intentional humility, and um which is obviously the Bible says to do it, so let's do it. But like is it hard for you to be as successful as you are or like great as you are in the things you do, and to still stay like to to assume that you're not the common denominator and all the successes that you built, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 19:25

Yeah, so I I think pride is a problem for everybody. I think we can have different kinds of pride. People can have pride in reveling in being poor and reveling in being nobody knows my name. There can be a false pride in that. So pride is a problem, high or low. I think the way that you keep yourself from being the common denominator is practicing humiliation humiliation. It's practicing humility because you probably didn't get there by yourself. So it's who else can you thank? Who else did you learn from? Um, I think you can be intentional about showing up and serving someone else. Um, putting yourself in the position of recognizing other people. I mean, I'm sure you've heard the quote because you're reading your brains out. But if you want to go, uh, what is it? If you want to go fast, go by yourself. If you want to go far, you go with other people. You can do a lot of things on your own, but you can't really do great things on your own. And so acknowledging that is a way to kind of keep your mindset humble.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Yeah, because I feel like I like find myself in situations often where I'm like David, where there's this big thing that I want to accomplish, like David and Goliath, this big thing that I know I can accomplish because uh I've done, I've killed the lion and I've killed the bear. The difference between me and David is David was like, I killed the lion and the bear because of God. I'd be like, I killed the lion and the bear because I'm nice like that. You know what I mean? So like he always in that thing, he always traces his previous victories back to God, which is the reason why he can do that. That's correct.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

But that vigor victory was a pebble in the stone of the war.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

After Goliath, then the army had to chase everybody else down. That shooting that one man down would not have won the war. So you can have your previous victories and you can have your previous successes, but that's one part. It's a battle or it's a standoff, it's not the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Yeah. But it's good that you notice the fact that the fact that you notice the difference between watching David go, oh, God did that. Right. And you see in yourself that you know what I have a tendency to say I did that. The fact that you have are aware enough, self-aware enough, and that the Holy Spirit has shined a spotlight on that, and you can go, okay, I recognize that tendency in me. Let me now proactively defer to the Lord. The Lord did it. The Lord did it. I didn't do it, God did it. That right there is huge. That you recognize that.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

We can, we can.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Yeah. So I have a question. We're talking about younger years, and um, right now I know one of the things you've been thinking and processing and writing about, I'm sure it will be a delectable book that many people will read. At some point. At some point. I kind of want to talk about the process of writing too, but the topic of this book in some form is shame, guilt, um, getting over that, walking out of shame. Um I want to talk about the concept of that, but I want to just talk about your years. 19, 20, 21-year-old. How did shame hit you? In what capacity for those that don't know your testimony and your story, yeah. How did that steep in you and what did you see it ripple effect into in your life?

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Yeah, sure. I think, uh, well, first of all, 19, pregnant, boyfriend, college. Um, everybody will say, uh, well, not everybody, but I've heard people say when they weren't talking about me in particular, you know, that those PKs be wilding out. I actually wasn't wilding out. It's just, you know. Um, but um, that's 19. And then you um, you know, all of the stigma that culturally that carries, that uh church carries, that PK carries, and then you're you're carrying that while you're working out your life and trying to figure out um, you know, what what's what's okay for me to do, you know, am I am I safe here? You know, what's been so walking that line a little bit, I do think I had a lot of support and I had a lot of um people, starting with our parents and people at church that were super for me and super supportive. So that was great. But that doesn't mean that if you wear the scarlet letter and people say that's okay, we still love you, that you're not aware that it's still on you, or at least it was embroidered, you know, at some point. And so I think um that affects your psyche. It it affects your psyche to to number one, deal with the um the indication of other people's opinions, um, if you care about those. And then the second thing is realizing or not realizing that it affects your opinion of yourself. And so I think that's the biggest thing that is what I want to talk about. There's so much in the Bible about forgiving people. And um, you know, I've heard it said many times when you are wanting to practice forgiveness, it's so that your lack of forgiveness doesn't hold you hold you in chains. But what we don't forget, what we forget, I think, is that um that you can accept God's forgiveness for yourself and still hang yourself by the same chains that He set you free from. Um and we do that with mindset. Um, it looks like there's a risk I want to take that I won't. There's a conversation that I want to have that I'm hesitant about. There is a hesitant hesitancy to show up fully as yourself because you are thinking, you know, am I free to be myself in this room? Um it's it's the equivalent of being in a jail cell, having the door to the cell flung open, the door to the jail itself flung open, the the handcuffs on your hand and the key in arm's reach, but you won't use it. And so I think a lot of people live their lives like that and don't realize it. They have received God's forgiveness, but they have not applied them to the to themselves. And just like the Bible says, love others, um, you know, love others like the way you want to be loved or the way you love yourself. Well, you can't love others if you don't love yourself. I think it's the same thing. You can't really fully walk in freedom, even if God has offered you freedom, if you actually haven't given it to yourself and you're willing to walk with that as well.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

I was gonna say, can you just talk about that? What that looked like in your through your 20s, you're raising Karis, and what did that look like? How did that impact your life? And then how did you start to practically walk out of that? Just not like in a like life lesson sort of way, but like crystal. Like what did that look like just in your life as a young mom and all that?

SPEAKER_03 25:51

Um, well, I I definitely think there are things I didn't try. Um, there are risks I wouldn't take. Um, whether that be um a job that I wanted to apply for, a career change that I wanted to make, it was like, okay, but I gotta make good here. Like I wanna, I wanna stick with this because I gotta make good here. And I want to allow myself to maybe make another mistake. You know, I don't want to try something else and make another mistake. And some of that's a function of my personality, but some of that was a function of, okay, now I want to show up and check boxes that show I'm fixing this or I'm doing things the right way. Um, I think another example of that.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Hold on. Do you think that was irresponsible? Meaning, is there some wisdom in that? Okay, I need to make good here, or do you think no, that was a response to shame that was illegitimate, that I shouldn't have been trying to check those boxes?

SPEAKER_03 26:36

Yeah, I think everything is clear in hindsight. So if you asked me then what it was, I would say I'm 20, I have a degree, you go get a job and you stick with it. And my personality, you know, your mom is super spontaneous and like whatever will be will be, but that's not my personality. So, in the context of my personality, I think I was doing what made sense. I can look back and say, Oh, there were some things you might have done differently had you not thought I I have to move forward with something that makes sense and feels like, okay, you're getting it right now.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

Got it. Got it. Okay. What did it start to look like for you to recognize that you were operating underneath a little bit of a blanket of shame there? And then what did it look like practically for you to actually re shift your perspective and live in a different way?

SPEAKER_03 27:21

Well, yeah, I mean, a lot of it for me was um writing. I'm a I've been a writer my whole life. I'm a journaler. And um and getting out thoughts and feelings on paper and then objectively being able to look at them. Um, a lot of that looked like friendship and people I feel safe with so that I could share what I wanted to do and have them look at me and go, why won't you do it? And I don't know why. And and looking at those things. Um but I definitely think late 20s and 30s, all my way into my 40s, there were 15 years there where there was the slow realization of it, and a lot of it then got poured into she's still there, you know, which I that was the first book that I wrote. So looking back, I can tell you, community and vulnerability heals shame. Looking back, I can tell you, telling the truth heals shame. Looking back, I can tell you that feeling yourself at the precipice of something that should be next and not doing it and pushing yourself over the edge, practicing being uncomfortable, that heals shame. But I learned those things in a long-form way, living life.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

Yeah. And I guess this might be a hard question because you know, Romans 8 28, all things work out for the glory of those who love them. So, like, it's might be hard to answer this question, but like, do you ever look back and be like, man, I if I if I would have, if I would have done this differently, or maybe it's not a specific thing, or I had this different thought process or whatever, I I walked in more freedom, your life would, you would, you would look back and be like, I'm glad I did that. You know what I'm saying? Or change that. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 28:53

Yeah, you know what? I ask your great-grandmother a question. Looking back on your life to my mom, is there anything you would change? I was asking her because I was curious. I was asking her because I was nosy, and I was also asking her that because I wanted to learn. And she looked and she thought, and she said, Nope. And I was like, that's impossible. And she said, Um, I think when I look back in the seasons, it's not that I didn't make mistakes, but I did the best I had with the information I had at the time. And that's what I would say. If if I could go back with the knowledge that I have now, sure, there'd be some things. Yeah, but I wouldn't be where I am with the knowledge that I have had I not gone gone through it. And so, um, yeah, sure. Would I have um done some more musical things earlier on? Sure. You did music. Nobody knows that.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Yeah, like majorly, like piano playing, singing, leading worship, directing a choir, a whole your aunt directed a whole choir at the church.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

In that.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Yes, and music is one of her first loves and passions. She is currently in piano lessons. You might be on a little break right now, hiding his fight. I have to fight for them, but yes. Yes. Piano lesson, she's back because she wants to keep honing the skill that your grandmother made us both kind of do when we were young, but she kept at it and I didn't. Um, so yeah, music is a passion that she's kind of coming back to and trying to continue to cultivate.

SPEAKER_03 30:18

Yeah. And and would I have cultivated it earlier? Probably. Um, but here's the thing: I at my core, I don't even I don't think I'm a musician. I don't think I'm a writer, uh, uh, uh, a singer, I don't think I'm a song um writer per se, but I do think I'm a writer. And have I been writing my whole life? Yes. And if there is a space in this part of my life for me to do more music, will I have more to say? Songs that would move and that would connect because of what I've been through, yes. If I had had a bunch of songs earlier, they would have been great, but they probably would have been shallow. Shallow. So I can say, yeah, sure. I probably would have done more of that, maybe taken less risk, not minded being on the stage, you know, after being shamed for my I Am a Tree monologue. I might have been quicker to try some of those things. But would I have done it the way I would do it now? Yeah. No.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

It would have been impossible to. It would have had those lessons.

SPEAKER_00 31:25

The last four years of my life have been nothing short of incredible and impactful. I've I've grown and strengthened in my faith so much, and a major part of that is because of Liberty University. I went to Liberty University for the last four years, and it's been nothing short of incredible. Uh the staff there, the teachers, the coaches that I've encountered, everybody really just seemed to have a genuine heart for Jesus and wanting to pour in to their students, to their um team, to whoever it is that they're you know being over, they really just wanted to make an impact on the students there. And so it was an amazing experience from all of the events that they host, like campus community or convo, you know, anything that they host, they really just make sure that their students, you know, strengthen their walk with Christ. If you want to join the Liberty family as I am, because I'm an alumni, click the link below and you'll get your application fee waived. Um, again, click the link below, get your application fee waived, and join the family. I think that uh even like spending it in a way of like like having or doing what you know with the information you have, right? Amazing. But then it's like not doing anything with the information that you have. Like if you were here now and you were still talking about how you were doing it, then it'd be like, all right, Chris, you're like, you might uh I love you, but like when are you when is the chance like? Yeah. So like like it was there a time where you felt like you had the information and you were just like, I still feel like you had to battle through that, like that in-between time.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

Yeah, all the time. I think I think this is the pull of life. In your 20s, you may not have the information, and maybe you're not actively trying to get it. And so some there's a quote, like, youth is wasted on the young. Because when you have all the time in the world and all the energy, you don't maximize that. Well, I would say all the knowledge is wasted on those who are more seasoned because you have the knowledge, but then you're busy, or you're overwhelmed, or you have responsibilities, or you've given up. And are you gonna do something with that? Um, I literally just watched something on Instagram yesterday about a woman at 70 who finished medical school and just gotten placed, whatever. And she said, All of my life, this is all I've wanted to do. And people were like, Why would you start that now? And she's like, Why not? Well, it's still my life. I still get to live it. So right now I think that's the fight because because of children, because of work, because of responsibilities, because of all of the things that are pulling at me, and there are more things pulling at me, then I have to fight crack, tooth, and crevice for a piano lesson or to practice, or to read for pleasure, because I'm always reading for information, or to um to try to grow. And I think the danger is when you are in my season of life, you can stop choosing to be intentional about growing.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Yeah. I think that just there's a there's a pause necessary right here because you raced over the fact, and I just want to make sure that everybody who's watching hears this. There is a book that she wrote out of this called She Stills She's Still There. And I'm not mentioning that as an ad for the book. I'm saying the concept of that is basically what we're talking about right now. That there's a whole person that gets lost because of busyness or giving up or what all the things you mentioned. There's a whole person in there that gets lost. And then it requires some productive proactivity and intentionality to go in. She is still there. The passion I had, she's always been a writer, she's enjoyed music, but you have to fight from the the cracks and the crevices to reintroduce yourself to yourself and cultivate those passions. So she's still there. The book is, in a way, a little bit of a memoir with lessons in there to help not just women, men too, revisit the fact that busyness has robbed me of I didn't, I don't even remember that I enjoyed that or whatever. Another lesson here is here you are you don't even know how huge this is. That am I gonna am I gonna cry? I don't think I am, but I might. I know, I know, hold on. Don't do that. You don't even realize how we laugh and clown around, but you're sitting here in your parents, your mom, aunt, childhood home. At this point, you have interviewed all of my siblings. This is the final of the three siblings of mine. So your aunts and uncles. And because you have a podcast in this conversation, you are asking her questions about herself when she was your age. You did not know she liked music like that. You didn't know that, you know, you don't, you know what I'm saying? You're revisiting asking her about the season of life she was in and when Karis, her daughter, came along and what Shane felt like, how she worked herself out of that. I'm saying this right here is such a beautiful picture for somebody that's 20 that's watching this, that needs to also know she's still there, meaning your mother has a person in her, your aunt has a person in them, your uncle has somebody in them you have never met. Literally go sit down with them, have coffee, and say, Can you tell me when you were 20 what you would have done differently? What did what were your passions that because you've been raising my cousins, I didn't even know you liked music, I didn't even know you like golf. Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 36:41

I don't like golf. I'm just saying, okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

I'm just saying, what a privilege, actually. What a privilege. And more people should take the example of this and actually just go do it without microphones. Oh, they'll just have the conversation.

SPEAKER_03 36:56

Because everybody wishes they had when the person is gone. Totally. They'll say, Oh, I wish I had known her more. Or, you know, she was always sending me text and I just thought she was just bugging me. I should have replied sometimes. We we realize that we miss the opportunity when the opportunity is gone. So, yes to no microphones and great conversations.

SPEAKER_01 37:15

Yeah, everybody, we don't all need podcasts before we have the conversations. We can actually just talk to people. Imagine that. Yeah. Now I will say, and we're off task, but I'm gonna get to the next question, or we will. But it's it's very interesting to me because you know, 25 years ago, there were no podcasts. Wasn't nobody doing this, sitting on couches with microphones. However, I think it was you had the presence of mind to pull out a tape recorder, which is what it would have been at the time. Some sort of recording device, which I'm sure would have been a cassette tape recorder, and sit it on the table at Two Mama and Two Daddy's house. So for those of you watching, this is our father's parents, his great-grandparents, and Aunt Louise was there. Was it Aunt Louise? So two mama's sister was there. It was either you or mommy, mommy. Was it mommy? Okay. She thought we're gonna ask Aunt Louise some questions about her parents and aunts and uncles and push record.

SPEAKER_03 38:10

And I know that my great-grandfather owned a corn corner store. And I know that Aunt Audrey gave two mama her dining room furniture, which now sits in my house. I know that where it came from because we pressed record tape recorder.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

But just family. There was no audience for it. It was just it was so now you know, take your aunt out to eat. Sit down with your uncles the next time y'all all there for Christmas, and just go by one by one and just go, so when you were 20 and push record, just get their answer about what their your great grandfather did that you would never know your great-grandfather did that when he was seven. You know? It's a cool exercise. And then you have those recordings for your kids to know something about your lineage. It's not a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

And if I can add one thing to it, there is stuff in your DNA you can see in a mirror, but there's stuff in your blood that you get to understand when you know the stories. It's like, why am I like this? And you realize that somebody three generations ago was like this. Stuff travels. The Bible talks about blessings and cursings. Stuff travels. And so when you actually can put your finger on it, then you're like, oh, it helps you to know yourself faster.

SPEAKER_01 39:19

Mm-hmm. Um, again, we're you're like on a huge tangent here, but you know, like when you were born, I remember we were all like, oh my gosh, that is too daddy. Like the texture of your hair skin boy. Little light skin boy, right? Little yellow boy. Um but remember how as the texture of his hair developed, we were like, whose texture of his hair is like this? Yeah, it's your great-grandfather's hair. So it's the same principle that when you kind of can look back at whether it's photos or hear stories, you kind of go, Oh, that's where that came from. But nobody is really taking the time anymore to just sit and see who's inside. I think when you have moms and aunts and uncles and stuff and grandparents, you forget they're actually people. They're just kind of your parent. You know what I mean? I did with mommy and dad and grandparents. They're your grandparents. No, they were 19 one time, but they had passions and interests and goals. So it's a great conversation to have. Okay. So you mentioned the seasons of life that this decade you were building this, this decade you were building this, and kind of the path of discovery that had been really unique. Like in your 20s, it was financial institution. I met somebody recently that came up to me and said they worked with you at Fidelity. So you know how long ago that was because you would have been in your 20s. Yeah. Investments. So you're a very finance-driven person, by the way. You love finance, you love stocks and markets and all that stuff. Um, then you came into your 30s and your 40s. And one of the things I've watched you do, which is a conversation you wanted to have with with your Aunt Chrissy, is you have been a master at managing people. And managing people is a full-time job. It's a full-time job to manage personalities, to manage relationships, to manage productivity amongst a group. So whether you have done that with volunteerism through the local church, managing people on organizations and committees and all that, or whether you've done that in your own staff. Um, there were some questions you had about what that looks like to really get maximum potential out of people.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

What are your thoughts about that, JC? Well, I guess my my my first question is just like, what did you realize the importance of knowing each person for for who they are in order to maximize their potential at first? Or is that something that you just had to stumble across and be like, oh, not everybody works the same way that I work, and I have to be intentional about understanding that. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 41:54

Yeah. Well, I I I think these are lessons I will be learning for my entire life. So I don't feel like I've arrived by any stretch. When I had the first job um and I I quit after six months, I thought I was gonna, I wanted, I wanted to have an accident on the way home from work, not so that I would die. And I told the Lord, don't kill me. Just do something that will put me in the hospital for a little bit so I can get paid.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

That's okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:20

I can get paid, need short-term disability, but I don't want to have to go to work. Right. So I can figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

And I, she's gonna ready to race past that. It's it the way she just said that is kind of funny. It was not funny at the time. She was like, literally, Lord, is there a way I can be in the hospital so I can have a pause in my life? This is how unhappy she was, how busy she was, how overwhelmed she was, single mom, working. The job hours were nuts when you were in the um investing kind of fidelity. It so right now it's kind of like she's just saying it like, put me in the hospital. So I can't no, at the time it was a very overwhelming, life-altering moment where she was like, wait a minute. Right. Something's off balance here in my life for real, for real.

SPEAKER_06 43:01

Right.

SPEAKER_03 43:02

But I was trying to figure out how to get out. And so I wrote down a list. I still have it, 1996, June 1996. Um, I wrote down my strengths and my weaknesses and the things I enjoyed. I was trying to get to know myself. How can I figure out what I can do? Um, took that to my boss and he said, that's really great work. And also, if you're not gonna do the job, then you gotta go. So, in other words, that's cute, but we don't care. He was so sweet. I wish, I wish I could find him today. I'm I'm I'm because he was so kind. Like, I know that you just graduated from college and you're trying to figure it out. Um, but you can't figure it out while we're paying you. If you don't, if you know you don't want to be here, then that's okay. Yeah, but but we you know you gotta move like this is great, but this does not add up to a job here. Right. Um, ever since then, that's been the search I've been on with people. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What do you love? What are your passions? What are your pursuits? Um, that's a chapter. And she's still there. I teach about it all the time now because you you are you are a you were born with a certain organization. And then for the rest of your life, it's like everything God gave you, He put in a container. And but this container travels through life. It's like cargo on a train. But it gets impacted and influenced and colored and shined by all the things that happen. So it makes the container ever more so unique. And my job, um, and I'm really trying to work this illustration, but my job, I feel like every time I meet somebody as a conductor is to figure out what what containers are carrying cargo and what I'm supposed to do with that and where I'm supposed to go. So I feel a very strong responsibility that if somebody is volunteering, if they are working, if they are an intern, what am I, what, how can I craft what God has given me to do in the direction that He's given me to go around to the best of my ability around the way you're wired? Because not only will that bless the effort that God has called me to, but it will allow the best of you to come out. That has also been something that I've had to say when it's time to let somebody go. The best of you is not on display here. The best of you is not going to be called out here. Um, and we've talked about it. I mean, personality tests, conversations, inquiries, I'm watching for where people come alive and wanting to pour gas on it to make the fire burn brighter. So I would say what I've learned is that if people, if individuals, if Jesus gave his whole life to save each one of them, then how much care am I supposed to give when I'm leading them or managing them or stir-outing them? And that means that it's my job. I can't do that if I don't know them. And so there's a lot of time that I spend talking to people and trying to craft things that that way. What I would say is that managing people is a whole job. It's a whole skill. People learn how to do that very, very well. Um, and you should learn how to do that. You should learn how to talk to people. Clarity is kindness. Um, we're in the South, so people like to um say everything but what they really meant to say. So I think being clear is important, but I also think it ought to be clear when you're talking to somebody that you're after their best. And if you can call out their interests, their desires while you are heading towards the goal God gave you, then people should be able to leave your presence, leave your church, leave your organization, and feel like, you know, our paths diverge. But while we were together, man, I was cared for.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

So that speaks to the leader side of it, the person that is doing the managing of the people. What would you say to the flip side? The person that is working. So mostly in an income-driven environment. So I'm not talking about volunteerism. Yeah. Okay. So they're doing a job. Doing a job. J work. Okay. Because you and I have had many conversations. We sound like old ladies when we get into this conversation about this younger generation, the millennials and generation what? Who are you? Gen Z and coming up. And there can be a little bit of a sense of entitlement that we can come in here and explore our strengths and weaknesses and kind of skip through the park and make sure that we feel loved on the job. But there's a job to be done. It's kind of like your kind boss said to you when you were 20 years old, like, that's wonderful. But also, you can do this job. So if there's somebody, JC's age, that's watching this and they really want to kind of take margin and boundaries and all of that, emotional and mental health, and all of that is great. But their job is not just being like, how do we balance? Yeah, 100%. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 47:39

Let me first of all say I'm a Gen Xer. I do not apologize for it. Y'all can talk about us all y'all want. You can talk about how toxic we are and all the things. But also, um There's a hardiness. There's a hardiness about it. So I don't apologize for that. Um, I also recognize that there's a lot of life that there that we may enjoy that uh millennials or Gen Zers may um take advantage of. But here's the thing J-O-B is the key word, it's the key phrase. If there is a job to do, you are showing up because there's an exchange of your time, energy, skills, knowledge, or resources for um for finances. So, one, get clear about the job. What is expected that you're supposed to do? And then once you know what that job is, exceed it. Because that's the way we show up, we do things for the glory of God, and God is not a just enough kind of God. Jesus didn't do just enough, he went over and above. So that should be the mindset. If you have a clear understanding of your job and you show up with a willingness to go above and beyond, then you'll be fine. But most people are like, what do I have to do to get a check? And are you giving me as much as I could get if I wanted to get somewhere else? And that's the third thing I would say is when you're doing a job, yes, understand what it is. Yes, go above and beyond. But also, um, what can you get beyond the check? And I think that's what a lot of people miss. They'll go from job to job, not realizing who is there that they can learn from, not realizing, like, you know, I got one of my kids right now who has a job where he has a lot of time on his hands. I was like, you better milk that while you're sitting there and you just got time on your hands. You better take that class, you better learn that skill, you better go to YouTube university. If you want to make more money, you better find some freelancing clients. Like, figure it out because you are sitting there and you could be doubling your money or doubling your education, and you're getting paid to do it. So I think the mindset of um bare minimum is what we want to get away from. And we want to look for opportunities that do provide friction because friction is how you develop hardiness, and hardiness is how you differentiate yourself from everybody else. Because at the end of the day, um, when you have 10 people that can do a job and get paid for it, I'm gonna look for the one who's willing to go the extra mile, and I'm gonna look for one who can withstand a little bit of trouble. Yeah, and you may not want the job you have now. The problem is there'll be a job you want later. And what did you do now to differentiate yourself? And I I have found that that's the that's the deal, is just uh do the job, do more than what you're paid to do, because you're gonna get more out of it when you do.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

What do you want the cadence of your life to look like? What goals do you have? Because you've talked about your how your life in decades and what they've each required, what you've been building in each decade. Well, you're kind of in the center point of the decade you're in now. If you could look forward into the next one, what would you like the cadence of that, the goals of that, the treasures of that to be?

SPEAKER_03 50:39

Yeah. Well, right now, um, I'd like to split this decade of my 50s into two parts. Um ish. So from 50-ish to 55-ish, I feel like I'm I'm on a pause. I think I uh and I don't think you can always recognize what the decades are for while you're in them. So I wanna, but a part of it is getting reorganized around the question that you've asked me. Here's what I know for sure. What I know for sure is that in every season of my life, and I mean all the way back to first grade, JC, that I have always wanted people to get together. I've always been the peacemaker on the school bus. I've always been like, oh, don't talk about her. She actually likes you. I've been trying to get people together all of my life. In junior high, had a group of girls, we had a little Bible study. That's uh every season of my life I've been gathering girls. So the question is now like, what does that look like from a legacy perspective? Um, and so one, I want to make sure I have room in my life to gather girls back in my house. I want to select some women that I want to pour into. And I'm not teaching them necessarily, but what do I think that they should learn and how can I connect them? And who do I who do they need to learn from? So my life needs to have room for that. I also want to make sure if it's a lesson that I would want my daughters or the women who I have wanted to mentor to know, is it documented? Have I told them what I know about living life in a way that is um replicable and passed downable per se? Um and the question is, how do I make room in my life to do that? Um, and then the third thing I would say uh that this first half of my 50s is for is just having a little fun because I've worked hard every decade of my life. So I love Hawaii and I go just because I want to go. Um and um just trying to get in the car and drive someplace and do nothing for no reason. Yeah. Um I don't like doing nothing, so I have to plan to do nothing.

SPEAKER_00 52:29

Right, right. I was about to say, that's hard. I get it.

SPEAKER_03 52:32

Yeah, but listen, I made it through all the way through paradise. That was great.

SPEAKER_00 52:35

Yeah, that is a television show.

SPEAKER_03 52:37

You don't know about paradise? Oh, I know about paradise. Okay, did you watch Did you watch season finale? I didn't. Blow your mind or catch up quick. We stayed when it was released on 11 p.m. Sunday night to watch it. Wow. And is it worth it? It's worth it.

SPEAKER_00 52:50

Oh, yeah. Say no more.

SPEAKER_01 52:51

Well, Sterling K. Brown. I mean. Oh, yeah. He's blowing it out of the water.

SPEAKER_00 52:55

He deserves all the awards. Say no more. Yeah. I'm on that. I'm on that for sure.

unknown 52:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:59

So I would say that's the first 50s, and I would say the second part of my 50s, if the Lord tarries and I get to stay around for a little bit. That's what old people say about.

SPEAKER_00 53:08

Some more documentation and pouring into it. I was like, this sounds like someone getting old, but I'm not gonna do it. I know. It is what it is.

SPEAKER_03 53:14

Uh laser focused and on fire.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

For the Lord or in general? What do you mean? Laser focused and on fire?

SPEAKER_03 53:22

For whatever I'm supposed to be doing. Okay. However, all the things that I do get laser focused to ensure that it engraves a mark.

SPEAKER_00 53:31

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_01 53:32

You put up a post recently that just came into my mind where it's a picture of mom and you said, What if you what if you only had 17 summers left because she was comparing your age at the time with the fact that Nani was here until she was 70. So you were it was like you were computing if there's seven only 17 summers, which is more than your lifespan right now. What if you had 20 summers? So she's like, if I only have 17 left, or it's less than your lifespan right now, if I only have 17 left, well, what do I want to do with those? And so it's kind of like what you're saying: whatever it is I want, being laser focused on not letting it be kind of watered down by urgent things, busyness, random things.

SPEAKER_03 54:25

Because I think, you know, it's sometimes it's urgent and sometimes it's busy and sometimes it's random and sometimes it's life. Like sometimes there are things in our lives that we choose, and we could have made different choices. And then there are sometimes things in our life that are there because life happens. We didn't choose them. And so the way that you can make choices is not the way somebody else can make choices in their life. So I think um, I think I've done a lot of living and I look back at my photos and I'm I enjoy all that. But I'm also saying there are some things that I probably get can can be a little bit more intentional about right now.

SPEAKER_00 55:01

A thousand percent.

SPEAKER_03 55:02

Yeah, like like for example, I'll give you another one, back to job. Um I have I have I've had a podcast interview with someone, and then I um have a friend. No, had a podcast interview with someone, I have a friend, and then I watched a podcast of someone I don't know, and they all three said the same thing. I get to choose who I work with. Like that's what they said. That's what they basically said. And so, you know, one of the things, whether it's ministry or whatever, like there are things we have to do, right? And there are people you have to work with, or there's the people you have access to. And then there's a part in life where you're just like, but I like them.

SPEAKER_02 55:42

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_03 55:44

I want to do it with them. Because a part of doing things in your life is enjoying your life with the people that you're with.

SPEAKER_07 55:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:50

And so one of the things is like, who do I want to do this with? And not figuring out who's the best person, who's the most strategic, who's the most, it's just like, who do I want to roll with? Who do I want to have fun with?

SPEAKER_04 56:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:01

And for that reason alone, making the choice. Yeah. And I think that that's a part of life that we should always be pulling out. And then some seasons of life you get to do it more than others. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:10

You know who does that well is your uncle Nini. He will cultivate real opportunities, but with people he enjoys. People he likes family or friends that are like brothers to him, and he'll like, let's let's do whole events, but let's do it together so that we can be around each other.

SPEAKER_00 56:28

Yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 56:29

What have you learned in in closing? Um what have you learned about joy in just the journey? It's kind of a little bit of a thread in what I've heard you kind of saying, even with working with people you enjoy, that as a overachiever, sometimes you can zero in on the goal, on the destination, on the thing. And then as you get older, you kind of go, I just need to enjoy who I'm doing this with, enjoy the journey part, enjoy the lessons I'm learning and all that. If you, you know, could just really talk about that process, what's that looks like for you, the reframing of perspective. And then if if you if if someone could learn that lesson sooner as the journey is starting to unfold, as opposed to waiting until they look back to realize they kind of missed some of it, rushing through it. Um, what what are your thoughts on that? Uh chase the spark, press the button.

SPEAKER_03 57:24

Um push to power. I just think a part of enjoying the journey is just don't think that hard. And I think a part of it is we're trying to figure out the right thing, or we're trying to figure out how to make the money, or we're trying to figure out where to live, or we're trying to figure out, and you should, but you ought to look for the spark and chase that. And and because there's something that God has put inside each one of us that gets turned on, that doesn't get turned on in the person that's sitting next to us. Chase that. And then when you are chasing it, when when you when you're when you're face to face with, you know, do I press go or not, press the button. Go. And assume, assume that whatever you see is possible, whatever you see somebody else seems to be doing, and they're walking in power in it. Assume that that's yours too. I I think that there is an assumption, um, like specifically with God's people and money, because I'm thinking about all about money this year. Um, you know, well, we just want to play it safe and we want to be humble and we want to be, yes, also. But chase the spark, press the button, and push into power. Like there's so many things that I think we wonder if they're possible, and so we take our time getting there instead of deciding that they are and going in for it hard. So I I and I don't think this means chasing an achievement. I just think it means when it's right there, just press it.

SPEAKER_02 58:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:49

Just do you think it's fear that keeps us from pressing the button? I think it's fear, but I also think sometimes it's doubt that whatever I see actually doesn't belong to me. You know, it it belongs to them. They they have something I don't have, they have acts, they have knowledge that I don't have, they have a personality I don't have. But how many people do we know that are, let's say, celebrities, even though that that's not the goal? They all are different. You got some celebrities that are externally driven, you got some celebrities that are super quiet and like introverted and shy. You have some, and then, but they're all playing a role, right? Because at a certain point, they had to show up and try out for the role. Yeah. So it doesn't matter like what your unique situation is. What matters is did you did you hear the call? Was there a spark to chase? Okay, I want that role. Did you show up to try it out? Okay, press the button. All the words they can say is no. And then if once you show up, then give it all you got. You like walk in the power of your personality and your giftedness to fill out that role to your best, you know, to your best ability. And I think many of us are playing small for the same reason that um, you know, reading through the Bible in Joshua and God tells them, like, don't fear. And these people go into the land and they're like, but there are giants there. Do you see the size of these grapes? We've talked about that, you know. So it's like it is fear, but it's also like those grapes go with those giants. Instead of saying, actually, no, those oversized grapes are for you. So we assume those grapes are big because they're for a person who is big in our eyes. And I'm saying, no, if God did you hear what that girl just said? The grapes are for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:22

How come the grapes are not for you? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:24

How come the grapes are not for you? So, where God has been thinking about you and how he's designed you, and then he placed a spark in you so you would chase whatever he told you to go to. Then when it's time, go in the land and then don't question the grapes. Yeah. And I think a lot of us, at one of those points, we fall off.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:45

I'm about to go through this whole thing and pull all the quotes that you just said. I can tell you a writer and all the things. You just said profound one-liners the whole time, and I'm just like, got it. Okay, cool. That's great. I've been studying the numbers 134. You have. I was supposed to speak on that in like a couple weeks. So I've been studying all this each other, and I was like, yep, steal.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:03

Oh, that's all we do in this family anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

Yeah, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:05

Is it all we do?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:06

We do steal a lot.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:07

We'll sit there and be like, I'm gonna use that. Some of them say you can't use that because I need it for a book. My mom stole my story without telling me. Did I? Okay. She's been ripping you your whole life.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:17

Yeah, yeah, but no, it's a story in the illustration. She took that illustration.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:22

You're talking about when you were on the airplane?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:23

Yeah, and then my coach showed me the video. I was like, that that was our plane.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:28

I that was me. But I will tell you something that your mother has said many times, and it's very true. The world is very big, and your slice of the pie doesn't have to compete with hers, and vice versa. So take your slice because there's enough to go around and enjoy your slice.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:44

Enjoying the slice. Enjoy the slice.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:46

Oh Lord. Enjoy the slice.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:48

Enjoy the slice.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:49

That can be a whole chapter in the book. Enjoy the slice.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:51

That's something. That's something.

unknown 1:01:53

That's something.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:54

That's great. Um I I will just say, just so everybody knows, my you know, I'm kind of bragging. It is what it is. My sister is multi-faceted and layered. We did not even get to brand management, build brand building, um, helping people explore their passions, figure out what they are, and then if they want to, turn it into a business. Like she has studied these things, worked out the strategies behind how to help people reach their full potential. That's the grapes. That's the grapes. Um, so my point in saying all that is you need to look her up. We're going, we're gonna put her information in the description for this. Because if you want to be in cohorts, groups, you know, places that stir your creativity, your passions, and then help you actually put feet to it, not just like we're here for your kumbaya, but no, here's what you're supposed to do to get your your own cohort cohort built or your business branded. This is what she does.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:53

1,000%.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:54

Every person can do this. You find two people, they don't even have to be good friends, but you find two people and you say, I want to be intentional about living my life. And if that involves change, I want to change my life. And I need two people to help me do that. Okay. Um, and look for them. Church, neighborhood, school, doesn't matter. We just say, I just I just need two people. You get in a room, um, you're basically creating a homegrown mastermind, and each person talks about what they're dreaming. And then you get how to do that, even if nobody knows from the two people that are in the room. Just the fact that you have shown up to be intentional with two other people and talk about it. Number one, power of life and death is in the tongue, something that you are thinking. Now you said out loud. Number two, you've got two people that can see your vision that are validating, oh, I can see what you're talking about. And three, you will invite ideas you never came up with. Just that one thing, being intentional about that one thing. And if people say they don't have those people, then go look. Ask some people from your church, ask some people you used to go to school with, find some of them Facebook friends, or there's somebody somewhere who wants change in their life as much as you want change in yours. And I can tell you that I've been in rooms with people who know nothing about the stuff I'm doing now. But in that season, what they did is spur me on to good works. They just were in there going, okay, we'll try that. What about this? What about this? What about that? And we didn't know. None of us knew. But out of that, something happened. I think the most important thing any person can do is to voice their possible dreams out loud and have other people hear it. And for you to do the same for other people. And that just starts the ball rolling.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:34

It's like iron sharpening iron. That's correct. I'm taking it, I'm doing it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:38

I'm doing it. And you have a great think about what would happen in the lives of 20-year-olds if they did it. 21-year-olds. I'm doing it. I'm creating it. 19-year-olds.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:45

I'm creating it, I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:46

Yeah. And you've been really good about that, actually cultivating with other people, like batting around ideas and y'all sort of stirring things with each other.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:53

Selfishly for myself. I don't do it for everybody else.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:56

I understand that. You go in to get what you want. And because if you want to go fast, you go by yourself. But if you want to go far, you go with other people. Get in there. When it's your turn to talk, when you're in the hot seat, it is all about you. But then you practice the discipline and the humility of listening to other people and spurring them on. And there's something about that concoction that will do more for you than you just going in and getting what you wanted for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:17

That's a big deal. Because it's, in other words, she's saying it's not a problem to go in with a selfish and tell them, y'all, I'm gonna do my best to listen. Yeah. She's saying you do both. You go in and know, this is about me. I'm trying to come out with something, but also I'm gonna help you too.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:32

Yeah, I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about like I will meet with somebody one-on-one and then go meet with the other person one-on-one. All four. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about all four of y'all. Let's all come in the room. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm good at doing it here with one on one, listening and talking, whatever. I'm just talking about creating something where everybody gets to learn from everybody, and that's that's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:53

Well, again, I'm throwing my sister's stuff out there. You gotta look her up because this is what she does. She'll put the last time I came up to one. Of her cohorts. I just I literally interrupted the whole thing and walked in and sat on her lap and gave her a hug and left. But it was 12 women basically around a table. They're going one by one, doing exactly what she just said. Beautiful. So what she asks them sparks them. And then what somebody else across the table goes, but wait a minute, last time we met, you said this, and that kind of goes with this. And what she just said kind of goes with what it's not even about me.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:21

It's not like I have the gold. It said I gather the women and the gold pours out on its own.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:26

Everybody has something to give. You just got to be around the table.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:30

You're a great cultivator of people, Crystal. And I think that this podcast episode is also going to really like make people pause and think on several different levels. We started it a very personal way, went into business, ministry, seasons of life, all that. It's just so much gold here. And I'm grateful. You get to be my sister. I'm so privileged and I'm so thankful.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:50

I'm so privileged.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:52

We love you.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:53

Thank you for joining us today. Love you. Good job, JC. In your onesie. Yeah. You look cute too. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, y'all.