Destroying the Things That Control You with Karris Farris

In this episode, we confront the unhealthy dependencies that quietly begin to rule our lives — especially our relationship with food. What starts as stress eating, emotional coping, or temporary comfort can slowly turn into bondage without us even realizing it.

This conversation isn’t just about food. It’s about anything we run to before we run to God. Whether it’s overeating, constant distraction, validation, or comfort, dependency reveals where we’re looking for peace, security, and relief outside of Him.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

How do you make sure that now the exercise, the all that doesn't become an idol unto itself?

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Yeah, idolatry is such a minefield. It is. It is such a mindfield.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Because it can be a healthy good thing that you overdo and become dependent upon.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Yep. I'm constantly having to go back to the why.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Interrogate the why.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Yeah. Oh, that's such a good word. Interrogate the why. Oh, well, that's such a good word, JC.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Cause you you are reverent.

SPEAKER_06 0:35

My mom made me start this over because she said that I had to be super um livelier and I'm just not feeling it. Like I said before, I'm gonna say it one more time. I got my Bible right here. I'm feeling super spiritual. She's probably mad at me because she wants me to look happy. And yeah, so this is wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

I always love that we get to have conversations together, whether you're lively or not.

SPEAKER_06 0:54

I don't know. But this is me though. Like you would be asking me to do something outside of me. You know what I'm saying? Like, why would you want do you not love me for me for real?

SPEAKER_01 1:03

You know what? Anyway, sometimes you start the podcast and you're like, Welcome to Full Fledge. It's so great, great that you guys are here. And then sometimes you start it and you're like, That's all I was saying.

SPEAKER_06 1:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Well, welcome everyone. We're so glad you're here for Full Fledge. We are glad you're here. I'm lively today.

SPEAKER_06 1:21

I'm happy. Don't mistake it. You know, I'm still happy. I'm happy to be here. I'm just excited for our conversation.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

I am excited for our conversation as well, which is why we should start off with our opening song. You ready?

SPEAKER_06 1:34

All right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Here we go.

SPEAKER_05 1:35

Hey, hey, okay, Fanny B. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

I love it.

SPEAKER_06 1:45

I bet you do.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yeah, I do. This is such a great day, y'all. It's gonna be a great conversation. I'm so excited about this conversation.

SPEAKER_06 1:53

We have been talking about this for a while.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yes, I've been very much looking forward to this. Should I introduce our guests?

SPEAKER_06 1:58

Yes, you should. Go ahead. Go on.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

So here's what you need to know. Before I had any of my own children, I already had a daughter. Except she wasn't my daughter. She was my niece. My sister had a little girl. I was 16 years old when this little girl was born. And now, all these years later, 35 years later, she's actually one of my best friends, which is the weirdest thing. She's my niece, but we're actually really, really, really close friends. She is a wife. She is a mother of five children, which means I am a great aunt now. She is an entrepreneur. She is a really a leader in ministry. She's a writer. She does so many incredible things. She's one of the most creative people. Wouldn't you agree?

SPEAKER_03 2:41

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

She's so creative. She's a photographer. She's a creator. She's a content innovator. There's so many amazing things about this young lady. And I'm so happy to have this important conversation with her today. Would you please welcome to the podcast, Caris Ferris?

SPEAKER_06 2:59

Amazing. Beautiful. How are you feeling today, Bear? I call her Bear, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

I'm feeling great. Her nickname is Bear from a derivative of Care Bear, which is what we called her when she was little. And now we all call her Bear.

SPEAKER_05 3:10

Yeah. Bear is the name everybody calls her. It's just Bear. Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

It's just Bear. Um, I'm so glad that you're here, Care Bear. I'm excited. I know. In your onesie.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Did you ever think you'd do a podcast in a onesie? No, but I love, I love every bit of it, actually. This is the best. Oh, podcast should only be done in onesie from here on out. This is perfect.

SPEAKER_06 3:29

See, that's that's what I'm talking about right there. That's the spirit of full fledged we're talking about. Cozy, comfortable, not really tripping on trying to be all, you know, extra with the fashion stuff. We ain't even on that. It's great if you do that. We ain't on that. We on it. Just at home. We're at home. Yeah. We do.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

We this y'all know that we've been doing our podcast from this childhood home. So this was the home we all lived in when Bear was born. And so we have a lot of memories being with Karis as a little teeny baby in this house and growing up in this house. And so it's really cool that we're sitting here with your cousin. I know. This is exciting.

SPEAKER_06 4:06

First cousin feels weird though. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

She seemed like your aunt in love.

SPEAKER_06 4:10

I don't even know if aunt, though. It's like a weird middle ground. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, because yeah, it's a weird middle ground because everybody else is like close to the same age, or like, oh, and then you was like telling everybody what to do almost. So it was like, no, I don't even know how I'm supposed to view you a little bit. How did you feel about that? Like, was it weird you were the only kind of one right there? And that's it.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Yeah, it's definitely weird being the only one. It wasn't weird when I was really the only one. Like, because there was a big gap between me being born and then my brothers, and then like y'all.

SPEAKER_04 4:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

When it became weird was when I saw, like, oh, like their group. Like their group, and then Auntie Scylla, my mom, Auntie Sylla, JC, there, or you know, all the aunts and uncles, their group, and it's like, oh, I'm just in the middle. Me, like I'm just kind of in the middle. But it's been interesting, like, as y'all have gotten older, like just to see the gap grow smaller. And even like as I've gotten older, and like Auntie Silla said, like, our relationship is a lot closer to. So it's just, yeah. Yeah, you were just in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

In the middle, sort of by yourself. Yeah. Because there's about 13, 14 years between you two. Yeah. So you're right, there would have been a big gap there. Okay, we are here to have a very important conversation, but before we get into the specific conversation that we wanted to talk to Bear about, um I'm gonna tell this little story because I think this is so great and says a lot about the relationship we've had all these years. So when I was 19 years old, I decided to get my belly button pierced. Did you know that?

SPEAKER_06 5:43

Uh I thought you told me this.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Yes. So I got my belly button pierced, but I didn't tell my parents because who would tell your parents when you know they're not really into the whole piercing situation. So I just went with some friends and I did it myself. Said nothing about it. I was in this house back in our bedroom, taking a nap one day. And Karis would always jump in the bed with me. So she jumps in the bed, she's about to get in the bed to snuggle up with me to take this nap. So she pulls the covers back. She you had to be three. And she sees she runs out of the room, down this back hallway, into this living room, into the kitchen. She's like, Nani, Poppy, Auntie Silla has jewelry in her stomach. That's what she said. The next thing I know, I was in trouble. Full blown for real. Oh, you were snitching. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_06 6:35

I mean, you were three but three.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

I mean, yeah, I can be held responsible for that. Do you remember though, when I got my belly button pierced in high school and called you? You were like, you cannot tell, you have to let me tell them. Oh, yeah. And I remember us coming over here and you lifting up my shirt and being like, She has a belly button. And they're like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

And you were like, what?

SPEAKER_01 6:55

That's exactly right. I was like, I'm getting you back at some point, and then it didn't even work. Nope. It'd been too long. Yep. Anyway, so that that's one of my classic bear stories.

SPEAKER_06 7:05

Well, that's been that's a great introduction, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Yes. And just in case anybody's wondering, I don't have the belly button ring anymore. I don't think you do. No, I don't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

My five children ruin that for me.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

There you go. We are here to have an important conversation because Karis has had a huge transformation in her life, particularly in the past year, but it's been a progressive thing that you've sort of been managing and working with and struggling with and really trying to reform your life around. And we thought this would be an important conversation because recently he and I did a podcast that a lot of people have responded to. In fact, I've gotten texts about it, JC. I showed you one yesterday. Did you?

SPEAKER_06 7:45

The two of them.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

We did a conversation about body dysmorphia, about particularly because he's a young man. People just disconnect the need to really be concerned about folks' um esteem around their bodies, concerns about their bodies. Normally think about it with women, right? But as an athlete whose body fat content is constantly measured and poked and prodded and looked at and all that, he really has struggled with that.

SPEAKER_03 8:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

So the three of us have actually had conversations around health and weight and having a um balanced view of food and all of that stuff. So I just kind of want you to just kind of start from the beginning to give everybody context around what really has been a struggle for you in your whole life and what's kind of brought you to this point. And then we'll get into what has transformed in your life in the past year. I think this conversation is gonna help a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

Yeah, yeah. I think from a bird's eye view, I didn't really struggle with food, although food was always really central in our family. Like we would gather doing happy things over food, you know. Me and my mom, we were sad. Well, we're just gonna make some cookies and ice cream. Yeah. But I don't remember really struggling with it until I failed in a semester of college and had to come home. And I worked for um T UA, Poppy's, nonprofit. And I remember every single day I would go to the churches around the corner. And the churches chicken, eating fried chicken. I mean, for like an entire semester that I was home. And I remember that being the first time, and I don't know if I recognized it then, but that I that I was actively using food to self-medicate because I really was looking back, I wouldn't use a word as strong as depression, but I was just very sad and I didn't want to be at home and all my friends were at school, and I just felt like I had failed. And so that's the first time I remember using food to be okay. And I don't think it ever really stopped after that, although I had, you know, times where I would get my weight under control when I was back in school. Um, but then, you know, being married really early and just not really knowing what to expect of marriage and things not going the way that I'd planned, and using food to medicate it then again, and then getting pregnant and oh, now I have a reason to eat when I'm sad and nobody will say anything about it. Um, and then just being back to back pregnant and all of the things that come with entrepreneurship. Josh and I were growing a business at the time, and just always eating. Because food is delicious, okay. Always eating.

SPEAKER_06 10:17

I got a question. So what do we because this is for me too, dog, because I'm like, what is it about food that like comforts you so much? I'm trying to figure out the root because it's not the food. Yeah. It's something about the food that makes you maybe it's just gluttony and God knew it and just made it like that. I don't know. But like, what is it about food that just is is so is it the emotions that are attached to it because of the memories of you cooking with your moms? Or you know what I'm saying? Like, what do you think that is?

SPEAKER_02 10:43

I think it's a few things. And I'll speak specifically for myself, but I think number one, it's socially acceptable. So it's not like I'm gonna go and get high on meth over here in this corner at a cadrating. Just do that. No, yeah, you can't do that. You can't do that in public. Um, you know, it's not alcohol, so it doesn't have to be an age thing. You know, it's easy to access. You can do it by yourself. You can, it's almost, you know, entertaining. You can sit there by yourself, watch TV, have your plate of food. Um, but I would say number one, I think it's socially acceptable. Yeah. And then number two, you know, there's a dopamine high that you get when you eat food that it just makes your sugar. You know, it's like yeah, it's like a chemical, physical thing that happens. Um, and then just like any addiction, it's hard to stop. Like, yeah, I think once you start, it's just hard to stop.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

So you would say coming up, particularly through college years, you're saying in after college, you would say I was a food addict.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

I would say, yeah. I would say, you know, I would definitely say I was a food addict. I think there's a spectrum. But I was definitely had started on that spectrum, probably, you know, towards the end of college, like around 20.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Do you feel like you struggled with your weight before that tipping point of college, or was it mostly just after that part where you came home from school failing that semester?

SPEAKER_02 12:06

No, I don't remember struggling with my weight before then. I do remember always feeling a little bit bigger than everybody else. But looking back, I can see I was surrounded by, I don't know what a better way to say it, a lot of white girls. And white girls are just typically thinner than black girls. You know, so I remember feeling bigger, but looking back, I wasn't. I just was not surrounded with people who looked like me on a regular basis. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I wouldn't say I struggled before then. It was just really that semester just did me in, and then I couldn't recover.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Yeah, I couldn't recover. And just to sort of reiter um just kind of reiterate what you just said, you know, I was a cheerleader in high school, as you know. Um, and it was for a while there, I was the only black cheerleader, and then I was just one of two. And yeah, everybody was smaller than me. And at the time I felt really big. Yeah, you know, looking back, I wasn't, but my frame, my whole frame was bigger than a lot of the small, small little cheerleaders. And it can make you sort of go, wait a minute. It's just kind of you feel different. That's where the top mafia starts. Yes. Because you feel like I'm supposed to look like this whole line of people look. Even you go to the doctor's office, and when they have the little spectrum of what your weight's supposed to be in, a lot of times I've realized, even to date, at the age that I am, the whole spectrum that they have me in, I've never weighed that. I'm never, I don't fit in that. I don't know if it's muscle mass, whatever, but whatever it's technically supposed to be, I don't fit there. And if I try to cram myself into that, I would be so thin, to be honest. Y'all would be like, That's great. You would be concerned, like, I don't fit there. Yeah. So to your point, I can understand being in that dynamic where you're just heavier, yeah, and you have to kind of emotionally grapple with that. So you get out of college, you can you can see that you're kind of over eating, yeah, and then you have babies, five babies. Tell us the ages of your kids so everybody can get a frame of reference for what you mean by babies.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

They're 10, 8, almost six, almost four, and two. So I've had a baby every other year for the last year. Every other year, and in between your nursing. Yeah, in between your nursing, you're hungry.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Nursing burns a lot of calories. Oh, it's insane. Yeah, five or six hundred calories a day just from nursing.

SPEAKER_06 14:18

Oh yeah. It's low key a cheat code, though.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

I mean, but except for the fact that you get ravenously hungry. Like while you're nursing, after you're nursing, you're just hungry. Your body needs the nutrients, but you're just hungry and you don't always make the best decisions when you're when you're hungry.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

So And did it become in the middle of all of that, um, did it become just easier? You're busy with kids, people's up all night, up during the day, you're you're raising kids. Was it just like I'm picking whatever to eat that's easiest to get to?

SPEAKER_02 14:50

Yes. And then I would have to add in the layer, uh, the two layers of Josh and I are entrepreneurs. Yeah. So, you know, for since 20, I I've never worked for anyone other than like the first six months of our marriage. And 2017, he went full-time as an entrepreneur. So at the same time that we're having all these tourists. Building a family, we're managing a team of employees, we're, you know, trying to build a business, and then you have the children, yeah, and then you have just marriage, which is hard. Marriage with kids is really hard. So to lump that all in, what was your question again?

SPEAKER_01 15:29

You're just basically ignoring yourself, your house.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Absolutely. Okay, absolutely. I am the last thing on my to-do list every day. It seems like in order to get through the day, in order to just survive through the day, make sure everybody has what they need, make sure everything is taken care of, making sure I don't drop any balls, that means that I have to drop myself as a priority. That I'm the last thing that that there's time for. Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

And I I think this is a great time to mention.

SPEAKER_06 16:07

Y'all know I'm very curious about the Bible, like super, super curious. And that's why I started the podcast to ask my mom questions and to ask guests questions so that I can learn about what the Bible is actually talking about. And one of the tools that I've been using for the past years has been Logos Bible app. It's been incredible before every talk that I do, before every podcast that I'm on. I literally go in and use this tool to help me learn and help me understand more things in the Bible. Whatever I'm studying and Bible studies with friends, I can just go in the app real quick and answer it, ask it a quick question, and it'll give me an answer. And the best part about logos is that it comes from a reliable source. You get to pick the books that the AI source pulls from, which is different than going in ChatGPT, because ChatGPT you can just pull from anywhere, but logos actually pulls from its own scholarly sources so you know you're getting a reliable answer when you ask it a question, which is so dope. It has been so great for me in my learning, in my studying, and everything I've been doing to learn more about the Bible. So, Full Fledge has partnered with Logos to give you our exclusive listeners a 60-day free trial of the app. So you can go in it, ask it questions, see its features, and I know you'll be impacted by what it can do because it impacted me and most of my family who use it. So if you want to join and get your exclusive 60-day free trial, type in logos.com slash fullfledged. Again, it's logos.com slash fullfledge. I'll put the link right here and below so you can go to it and join and get your 60-day free trial. I'm super excited. I use it all the time. I want you guys to use it with me.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

That to top this all off, Josh is the kind of person that will eat ice cream every day.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Not to mention that. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

So you're married to somebody that is eating, literally eating ice cream every day because that's his jam. He wants ice cream. He can kind of eat what he wants. He works out, but even if he doesn't, he's not gonna just be like, No. He's got one of those men metabolism things.

SPEAKER_02 18:09

He's 6'4, like slender, you know, athletic build. It's just really a it's disgusting.

SPEAKER_05 18:19

Sounds like jealousy of that side. Pure jealousy.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Pure jealousy.

SPEAKER_05 18:24

Hold on, I got the Bible right here. There's got something on the bottom.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

Keep it closed. But yeah.

SPEAKER_06 18:30

So, like, okay, so in this season, right, where it's like, I'm the low priority on my list because I got all these other things to do. Was there a battle that you were having with yourself of like discontentment? Like, was it because at some point it obviously, because you still have kids and you still manage a business, you're entrepreneurs and you're still with mom, all the things, but you you you've made a change. We'll get to that in a second. Yeah, yeah. But like, were you battling with the or wrestling with this the whole time before this change, or like what were the thought processes in the middle?

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Interestingly enough, no. Okay. Before the change, everything else was the problem, but that it was like I had this, because yes, there's the effects of it, which is that you're overweight, you're tired, you just, you know, everything that comes with carrying too much fat on your body. There's the effects of it. But because there's also what you feel is the good side of the addiction, I get to eat good things, I get to have a little snacky snack after the kids go to bed. I get to drive through Chick-fil-A when I'm by myself in the car. Like those are the times that are feeding you, that feel like they're feeding you or giving you what you need emotionally as well. So during that time, I was unable to see this thing that was felt safe to me as the thing that was the problem. So I was everything else was a problem. Josh was the problem, the kids were the problem, the house was a house isn't big enough, the employees are the problem, the business is the problem. Everything else is the problem, except for this thing that I'm nursing. And that's actually killing me.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Now that your frame of reference has shifted some, which we're about to talk about. Do you really feel like that was the root problem under a lot of those things?

SPEAKER_02 20:13

I would not say that food in and of itself was the root of the problem. I think food was just how I was medicating the actual problem. So I wouldn't call food the root, but I would call it the medication for to be removed in order for me to see the problem. What was the problem? For me, it's numbing. So whenever there are difficult things happening in my life, whenever stuff is, you know, whatever it may be, I don't want to feel it. I don't, I don't want to deal with negative emotion. I don't want to deal with any of that. I just want to numb it. Um, yeah, so it was the numbing that was the issue. It was not, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 20:52

I gotta extract a principle in areas of life, but then just do it. No, it's not reverend. Don't say that. Can I just give the people something to learn? Like, I can't do that without having to be a pastor. Yes, please.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Oh goodness.

SPEAKER_06 21:08

Bear, please. Can you tell her that?

SPEAKER_02 21:10

No, I can't. You tell her.

SPEAKER_06 21:13

I'm just trying. And it's not, it's it's not helping. I'm about to go straight to Exodus, too. That's not helpful. I'm about to go straight to Exodus. Um, I think food is one of the hidden secret things the double try to use tries to use to make us think it's not idolatry, but it is. You know what I mean? I mean, Israelites, all the things they were waiting, they were feeling this emotion they didn't want to feel, which was impatience. And so they built the idol to cover the thing. Now that's a very extreme example of clearly that's an idol. But like food was the thing that you you use to not feel the emotion you were feeling. You know, social media is the one of the hidden things, the phone to not feel the feeling. Like those are all forms of idols. Absolutely. And so it just it's a very principle to make people think, huh? Like, what in my life is the little thing like food or like social media or whatever it is that actually I'm using as As an idol to not feel the feeling that I'm that I that I'm that I'm feeling instead of using God to be the source of comfort that I need or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Yeah, and like the Israelites were like, Well, we we missed the garlic and fish in Egypt. Remember that it was literally the food that was so enticing to them. They would consider going back to slavery. They forgot all of the abuse of slavery over some food.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

Yeah. I think too, like, you know, I I mentioned the numbing, but I think the flip side of that in terms of idolatry is comfort. Like I really was trying to be comfortable. Like I didn't want to be, you know, the do the uncomfortable work of feeling the feelings. So, you know, the idol, yes, food, but also comfort. Like, I want to be comfortable. I don't want to eat less than I should. I don't want to work out because I want to be comfortable. I don't want to feel feelings because I want to be comfortable. Like, it's comfort.

SPEAKER_05 22:57

Comfort. Yeah, okay. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

All right. So this has been many years since 20 years old to 35 years old. This has been an undercurrent in your life that you've been struggling with, you've been wrestling with. Probably people would look at you and not know this because you're very content in your own skin. You dress well, you enjoy fashion, you look content while you're out. But I know, because I know you only talk a lot, that internally you are having a wrestling match with your body, you're having a wrestling match with food, you're just like, ugh, and you're over it. Yeah, I'm so over it. You're it was exhausting you. Yeah. Yes. So you get to the past year. So let's say this is 2026. You get to 2025. And what is the light bulb that goes off where you like, I'm out. I'm not doing this anymore. What starts to happen that makes you decide to because at first it was just about changing your body. Yeah. So we'll get to the layers that came out of that. But you decided you wanted to change your body.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

What happened that made that the year that you decided?

SPEAKER_02 23:58

Yeah, I've I had a lot of counseling. Okay. I had a lot of counseling. Um, I think at that point it was a year and a half of counseling in. I was a year and a half of counseling in. Um, and I had weeded out all of the things I blamed being fat on. Like, okay, no, I've got through that. No, nope, okay, he's not the problem. He's not the source. Oh, no, they aren't keeping me from doing that. And so through a year and a half of counseling and actually doing the hard work of not numbing. So that's really it. Doing the hard work of learning not to numb, having the tools to not numb myself.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

In other ways, not just with food, but you're saying numbing your ways in the way.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

In other ways, I would numb with sleep. I would numb with scrolling. I would numb with just mentally like daydreaming. So just picturing myself not where I'm at, just zoning out, kind of zoning out.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Um, this is so helpful for so many people. This whole thing right here. Because the conversation is about food, but what she's saying is that food was just it was about numbing. Yes. So then she realized it was all these other things as well that she needed to curb. And so so many people are gonna see maybe food's not their thing, but they're realizing I'm still numbing in all these other ways that have now become addictions. This is so great, Keris. Okay, so go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Yeah. So got to that point, weeded out everything I was blaming, me being overweight on, and realized like, I'm it's I'm the problem. It's me. It's me, it's me. It's me. Um, but yeah, so I got to that point, and then I would say that was, you know, November, December of 2024, and then I felt like the Lord was clearly calling me to fast and pray. And so I was willing to do it because it wasn't a diet. I wasn't gonna end. Yeah, like it was gonna end. And I also was how do I explain this? Like, to me, I didn't want it to be about my body or physical because I was just so aware at that point of the emotional internal turmoil that I was in and had gone through. And I wanted that fixed. Like, I was not as focused on physical when I started fasting in January 2025. I was really like, God, fix this, what fix this stuff. Um, and so that's really that was the changing point is weeding all everything else out, figuring out I'm the problem, and then being called to a fast.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

So then when the fasting was over, that was about, was it six weeks?

SPEAKER_02 26:36

Six months. Six months. I fasted every other day for six months.

SPEAKER_06 26:39

Wait, wait, what did what would that look like?

SPEAKER_02 26:41

No food, only water every other day for six months.

SPEAKER_06 26:45

You assault the dog, I couldn't do it. You assault the dog, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_02 26:49

It was literally one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

SPEAKER_06 26:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Yeah, it was it was really it.

SPEAKER_06 26:54

Parmesan truffle fries would have been in my dreams, dog. It would have been working.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

Oh, they were. And and I'm not like a saint because on the days when I wasn't fasting, I was eating like how I would usually eat, which was like not great. Yeah, like yeah, it wasn't great. And then got to a point where the Lord called that out too. And I was like, uh-oh, you're gonna take everything. Come on, brother.

SPEAKER_03 27:14

Come on, no.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

So that was tough too. But yeah, six months of every day, no eating. And then at the end of the six months, at the end of the six months, so at that point I'd lost 30 pounds at the end of the six months. Um, and I felt God calling me to rest. So before then, I had not really felt comfortable like taking a GLP one. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of it. Um I thought a GLP one, so like zette-bound, zempic, semiglutide, yeah, that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 27:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

So I wasn't really comfortable with that before the six months because again, it wasn't about my body. It was about what was happening inside. Right. Um, but losing the weight, feeling better, like physically, being more active, like I could tell my energy was better with the kids. I felt God calling me to rest, and I felt a peace about doing a GLP one. But I was very clear about the peace I felt, which was for three months. So I felt the Lord saying, three months, like rest. Like rest. You fasted, now rest. So I got on the GLP one. And the difference between my reliance on the Holy Spirit during the fast and my reliance on the Holy Spirit during the GLP one was absolutely night and day. It's about to be something. Okay, but hold on.

SPEAKER_06 28:31

There's about to be something. Hold on, hold on, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

You just went to the spiritual implication, which we will get to. Yeah, yeah. But let's just pause because folks want to know about this experience on the GLP. Yeah, because it is a big conversation. Absolutely. So we need to have a conversation about because you and I talked a lot about this, about the food noise, yeah, about the shift in your body. So just talk about, and we'll get to the three-month thing too, because that's another interesting thing. But talk about starting the GLP one and what transpired in your body mentally and physically because of that.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

Yes. The I feel like people have said this a lot before. The biggest uh attribute to me and to a lot of people that I've heard of being on a GLP one is that your food noise is gone. Gone, disappeared, gone. So for those who don't struggle with food, the food noise is just this constant thought process in your mind of like, what am I gonna eat next? What tastes good? Like, I just stay and I'm not hungry, but like I kind of want to taste a little bit more. Like just the constant thinking about conversation, which I really feel is like a demonic spirit at this point. Like, because I don't really have that anymore. Like it's gone. I haven't had that in a really long time, and I'm not on GLP one. But that's crazy. Like when I think back to how much I was just thinking and ruminating about my next meal, that's crazy. Um, but the GLP one just took that away completely. So that was the biggest change. I wasn't really having to contend. I would, I used to have these note cards that I would walk around with. It was a big stack of like scripture, and I'd be like in my car passing Chick-fil-A, like wanting to stop, and like I would have to pull out the note card. Like, I mean, it was a big stack, and I carried them everywhere. I I got on LGLP1, note cards gone. Didn't felt like I didn't need them because I didn't have the food noise.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

Wasn't having that struggle and argument with your own. There was no argument within myself.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

No.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

Okay. Let's talk about this a little bit because we've had a conversation, the three of us literally on the phone. And again, those of you who've watched the other podcast where we were talking about this, you have a lot of food noise and conversation with Joseph because you're a foodie.

SPEAKER_06 30:39

Oh, for sure. Right on. Every time you're just a foodie.

SPEAKER_01 30:43

So, what is the difference between someone who's just a foodie? Like they enjoy good food, they enjoy the taste of like he'll break down, he'll watch something being cooked and like ruminate and salivate over the so he's a foodie. Also, I feel like you have struggled with the balance of food. So, what is the difference between what you're describing where someone is contending? That was such a great word. It is a constant wrestling match internally, and someone who's just a foodie.

SPEAKER_06 31:07

Control over emotions. That's what I say. Like I feel like I feel like for me, it was food was so amazing that if I wasn't eating it, or if I felt like if I knew I shouldn't eat it, it would control my emotions negatively. So I would I would be like, I know I shouldn't be eating that, but I'm kind of mad now that I can't eat that. And now I get like sad. Low-key. So it's just like it controls my emotions negatively. It's too much power. It has too much power to be able to do that. It's too much power to control how I feel.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

Yeah. And I would like right on top of that, I would say self-control. I felt absolutely powerless when it came to food. Like if I'm sitting at a place and I feel myself get satisfied, I felt powerless to stop eating. It felt like I could not, for the life of me, put the fork down. Like I always had to have more, which you know moves into gluttony. But that's also just self-control. And one of the fruits of the spirit is self-control. So if you don't have self-control, you know, that I think that's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Yeah. No, that that's great for people to hear that, that you feel powerless against the food noise. Because a lot of people think about food because it's fun, it's entertaining, it's beautiful, right? It's delicious. Right. So we think about food, but you're saying you feel powerless against it. Even when your body is satisfied, you can't not eat it when it's in front of you. Yeah. And you're saying you started taking this GLP one and that struggle was gone.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

Oh, totally gone.

SPEAKER_06 32:37

Okay, so would you say that you like, oh, so everybody should, if you have food and always gone, GLP1.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

I can't answer that for everybody. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I think that is definitely, especially if you're a believer, that is a personal decision made in tandem with like the Holy Spirit.

SPEAKER_06 32:53

And I had a follow-up with asking that, because my thing is then like the the point of the GLP one for you, you were like, it was great because I didn't have to rely on the Holy Spirit to get me through. That's what she did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

So like I guess if that's if you already got something on that, go ahead and like you know, when you realize your dependence on the spirit wasn't what the what it would needed to be anymore, because you didn't need that anymore. You were on a medicine.

SPEAKER_06 33:21

Now you're dead, so you're depending on a substance now instead of God. So like, how's that?

SPEAKER_02 33:24

Absolutely. And I didn't even realize that until the three months came. And I was like, ooh, ooh, Lord, you sure that I gotta get off this? Like I did not realize that I was idolizing what the medicine does for my physical appearance over what the Holy Spirit did. Because when I look back at the stats, I lost more weight, like fasting and praying, although that wasn't my, you know, purpose in doing it than being on a GLP one. So to me, it was just so hard to get off of it, which alerted me to the fact, oh, now I'm idolizing this. Why am I idolizing this? It's because it's easy, it's because it's comfortable. Oh, the same thing is coming up here for me. In a different way. It's the same thing in a different way. Um and then, yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

I think it's interesting for people to know that when the three-month mark came and you started doing this wrestling thing, you did not eat it.

SPEAKER_02 34:22

I sure didn't. It was delayed obedience for sure. For sure. How many more months were you on it? So I was on it for the fourth, four, fourth month, a full fourth month, and then I like titrated off of it. Delayed. Stay on it a little bit longer. Yeah. But it was really interesting. I so I delayed it until it was like five or six months. So I would take it like once every two to three weeks. Instead of every week. Yeah. Instead of every week.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

Um, but you there was a little fear in there attached to you, like, what's gonna happen to my body and to the noise if I get off of this? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

Yeah. And I was very um intentional with doing it in concert with the Holy Spirit. Yeah. Like, Lord, okay, you gave me the okay to get off of this. And while I'm not blaming you, I know that you see me in my struggle to get off of it now. So I need you to meet me here. Like you met me six months ago and show me what your what your spirit is teaching me. Like, this is not a surprise to you that I'm struggling to get off of this medicine. So, what are you trying to teach me in this while I get off of this medicine? Um, and it was, I really feel what I walked away with was just what I've explained that I think a GLP one, definitely for physical, you know, issues for people with health problems, like obviously it's it has its use in place. But I think there's a very thin line. There's a very fine line between using it for actual medical health need and using it as an idol to have the body that you want for aesthetic purposes, or you know, be able to have that food noise taken away without the wrestle that comes with like actually having to have the fruits of the spirit, you know? Yeah, because that is hot, like it is hard. It is hard.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

Like, no need to be self-disciplined. No, I can just take the medic. No, no reason to contend with the spirit and pray over this issue in my life because I'm just and again, I want to make sure we're clarifying. I think you've been clear, but just to clarify, nothing wrong with doing it. No, if if whatever reasons you are, you have the freedom to do it, your doctor under the you know, supervision of your doctor, whatever y'all decide to do it. She's saying she realized this was taking the place of the entire reason why the process started, which is dependence on the Lord.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

Absolutely. And there's such a thing as false fruit. So I was looking at, you know, the weight loss, like, oh, look, it's the fruit of no, it was the the fruit of an idol, like essentially. Um, and I would prefer real fruit uh from the Holy Spirit than manufactured.

SPEAKER_06 36:51

What is the what is the um I've never heard a phrase that way. I love that. What is the indication of false fruit?

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Is it the root of it? Yeah, I think it's the root. Where is it coming from? Like, you know, I think, for example, I am not a person who naturally has self-control whatsoever. Um, I know people who are very strong-willed, and they can they they can be strong-willed from like a point of this person said this, so I'm gonna do it. Like, if I come out and I'm a person, you know, who later shows self-discipline and self-control and all these things, but it is totally from the work of the Holy Spirit. The product may be the same from this person who's strong-willed and who uses naysayers to get to that point. So I think that's what I mean by false fruit is like, where is it originating? Is it originating from the Holy Spirit or is it originating from a place that actually has nothing to do with the spirit whatsoever? Yeah, sort of.

SPEAKER_06 37:50

Do you also think that, because we have this saying in basketball that um like you were never just made for yourself, right? So your their fruit, your fruit is meant for other people. So do you think that another evidence of false fruit may be um what people get when they bite out of what you produce?

SPEAKER_02 38:06

100%.

SPEAKER_06 38:07

You know what I mean? Like some based off of your weight loss now, someone may be able to look at that and get spiritual insight and spiritual wisdom and spiritual discipline. But someone else who's just doing it because someone else said it, they don't have the the insight gain. They don't have the insight gain. They don't have the stuff that if someone takes a bite out of it, they can actually grow spiritually from it. You know what I'm saying? I feel like that may be something that I just thought about. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

Oh, yeah, because there's so much character that, and I'm so proud of you, Bear, because over this year of wrestling, this wrestling with the GLP one, not taking it, fasting, when to stop fasting, making sure you weren't cutting that short. Like all of that. The wrestle back and forth, the journey has produced a character in you, a resilience in you, a reframing and reformatting of the way you take care of your body, the temple of the whole like there's more to it, like you said, than just the external. If somebody takes a bite into her life, there's wisdom that she's sitting here on this podcast sharing to help people to know it's more about idolatry and numbing than it is about the medication or not. So, yeah, there's so much inside of it that I'm proud of you for taking the time to mine out of it. Yeah. So, how much weight have you lost overall over the past year plus now?

SPEAKER_02 39:13

So, about 55 pounds. That's yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

That's why. And what people need to know is it has been about food, but not only because you weren't an active person. Not at all. So, talk about how exercise has now been a discipline and has come become a habit over the past year or plus of your life.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

Yeah, um, I exercise a lot. Yeah, I probably exercise like four to five times a week. Um, but for me, it is definitely attached to a bigger goal. Yeah. It's definitely attached to a bigger goal. And I want to see if all resistance is removed from my life, resistance against God. What is God's perfect plan for me? And one of the biggest resistances for me is weight. I think that's been like a like what do you like a grid that I've seen everything through. And because I want that removed, I work out a lot and I eat right for the majority of part. But I've working out has become therapeutic in a way. Like I can when I don't work out, I'm frustrated. And not because I'm like, I'm trying to get this physical difference, but because it has become my time with the Lord to work out frustration.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

And so, yeah, I exercise a lot. So, how do you keep even exercising from becoming an idol? And this is gonna move into our conversation we were kind of having about body dysmorphia and kind of overdoing it on the opposite extreme.

SPEAKER_02 40:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

How do you make sure that now the exercise, the all of that doesn't become an idol unto itself?

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Yeah, idolatry is such a minefield. It is.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

Um, it is such a mindfield because it can be a healthy, good thing that you overdo and become dependent upon.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

Yep, yeah. We kind of talked about this before, um, but it's the why. I like I'm I'm constantly having to go back to the why.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

Interrogate the why.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Yeah, oh, that's such a good word. Interrogate the why. Oh, well, that's such a good word, JC.

SPEAKER_00 41:20

Cause you you are reverend.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

Yeah, totally. Interrogating the why on a regular basis. Like even this morning. Um, like I told you today I was gonna go to the gym before I came here, I ended up taking a nap. That was a contending with God because I was like, I've got to work out before this, because if I do not, I will not have an opportunity to today. And I just heard the spirit say, but you're tired. Just take a nap. Yeah, just take a nap. And that was hard because I was like, no, Lord, I gotta lose a pound this week. Like, actually, that is not consistent with my goals. Yeah, and yeah, it was a conscious decision to say, uh, okay, Holy Spirit, I'll go take a nap. So I just think being aware that idolatry is a minefield, and even when you're seemingly going the right direction, you still have to be on guard and alert.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

So, do you think one of the uh uh markers or something someone can pay attention to in their life is when you're doing something, whatever it is, whether it's a a a natural need of the flesh like eating, or whether it's a hobby like exercising or whatever, whatever you're doing, that a marker to look at is am I feeling pressure to push past a post of health to do it, to keep doing it, or I feel bad. Meaning today you were tired and you were getting ready to go work out anyway, and and you just felt like, wait a minute, I'm I'm be being imbalanced. I'm gonna feel I'm gonna push into another margin that's gonna be unhealthy in a different direction, but I feel like I have no choice. I have to do it because I have to lose lose a pound. Do you feel like that's um a a tangible marker for people to look like? Am I starting to infringe on another part of my life that I'm supposed to be tending to?

SPEAKER_02 43:07

Yeah, absolutely to keep up with this. Absolutely. And then I would say I'm trying to think how to word this. I think that we all have God-given priorities in our lives. For me, being a wife, being a mother, taking care of myself, you know, whatever. Are the other priorities that God has placed in my life falling to the wayside? Falling apart, yeah. Because I've elevated this one priority, which could have that could be said the same when I was overweight. Like taking care of your temple is a priority, and that was falling to the wayside because of a comfort of idol, but also way over prioritizing all these other things. So I think that's a good marker as well. Like, what has God given me as priorities and is one out for Or outweighing the others in terms of where my attention is going.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

This could be said true of people who enjoy work, for example. Oh yeah. And they can easily become workaholics and and push past keep going, keep going, generating, generating, generating. And before you know it, you don't even know you you've neglected time with your children, you've neglected time with your spouse. There were other things that were supposed to be important. But because of a good goal of working hard and being excellent and but not being willing or able to say no when the need arose that it became an imbalance in your life. Yeah. And it starts to eat away what matters most.

SPEAKER_05 44:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

So what are you doing now with you've had significant weight loss, um, you you've you're still, you know, you still it's still wrestling, it's still a back and forth with eating, with habits, with your whatever. Um, but we've sat on the phone and talked about how all of us to varying levels, but the two of you have talked about the real struggle of looking in the mirror. And no matter how much progress you've made, because I I mean, we'll put Bear aside. I'm gonna talk about you right now. You are in a you're in a very lean state in your life right now.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

I'm glad you think so.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

Oh, yeah, exactly. You're glad I think so. Most people would say that. I heard uh one of your teammates say that at one of your last game. They were saying, Yeah, he's really lean right now. And you were like, No, I got all the good. You literally have rips in your abs right now. Well, yeah. But you look in the mirror and you you still see it, it's all you've admitted it's almost like a body dysmorphia. You're only seeing large, you only seeing weight, fat that needs to be lost. You can be at a very lean state, and you can admit there's an imbalance in what actually is and what you're seeing. Yeah, no, I for sure. Okay. So, how do you deal with appreciating what has been accomplished and being content with it and balancing that with whatever aspiration you might have to change the next thing or see more muscle mass or whatever, but not letting it ruin the enjoyment of where you currently are.

SPEAKER_02 46:05

Yeah, I constantly have to put my mind on the spiritual because in the physical, I for now, uh when I'm living in this physical world, when I'm seeing what my eyes can physically see, you know, Poppy has a saying, if you only see what your eyes can see, you won't see all there is to be seen. Yeah. I I have to like, when I find myself looking and nitpicking and uh like that, or this is not the way I want, I have to put myself back in the spiritual. Like, what has been my tangible spiritual growth over this year and three months? Like, how have I grown? What has changed? What did I do then that I don't do now? And then I'm like, oh yeah. Like, and then it seems to change what I'm seeing in front of the mirror, honestly. Um, it seems like go, I have to go in the reverse for my physical eyes to see change. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

Mm-hmm. That's helpful. That's gonna be very helpful to somebody. What about me because uh is it helpful to you? Yep, sure is. So yeah, what do what do you think, JC?

SPEAKER_06 47:08

You know, I we've talked about this in the podcast before. I have a struggle between ambition and contentment. I don't know how those things are supposed to coincide and really because I'm a person goal, set it all in. I gotta go for what I want my body to look like, and it ain't there yet. Which means I look in the mirror and I see the work that needs to be done. Yeah, and so I'm like, cool, and I'm cool with that for the most part. Like it doesn't necessarily bother me to the point to where I just am just like I feel like bled. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm still cool, like, oh yep, there's work that needs to be done, but I'm still I'm at the boat, I'm taking my shirt off freely, I'm good. You know what I mean? So there's it probably needs to be a little bit more level of contentment, but the more I go towards contentment, the more I feel myself getting less ambitious about the bullets. So then I'm like, yeah, so then I'm like, uh uh, because once I I'm an extremist, once I get to one side, the other side just goes. Yeah. Like if I have one McDonald's thing, like I might be good, but as soon as one and a half as soon as soon as one and a half get in, then I'm I'm all the way to left. Yeah. So I I I I have to, I try to right now, and if it's healthy, I keep myself on the highly ambitious part because I'd rather accomplish my goals and feel a little bit like less content than being too content and just a little ambitious because then I feel like I'll fall off.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 48:23

That's probably it. So I don't know. That's how I think, but that's yeah, it's real.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

So, what has been the biggest overarching spiritual lesson you've learned through this process? What has been the best, most important, just straight physical, practical uh thing that you've been taught through this process both of those layers for people who are in this position right now?

SPEAKER_02 48:47

Yeah. Spiritual would 100% be um learning what it looks like practically to walk in the spirit. Because I in of my I in and of myself am going to eat. Correct. And I'm going to sit around and watch Netflix and relax. I'm not gonna go play with my kids. I'm not gonna do that in the laundry, I'm not gonna do none of it. And so, in order to live healthfully in every area of my life, not only physically, but in an emotional state too, I've had to learn walking in the spirit, like hand in hand, hour by hour, day by day. Lord, what do you want me to do next? Type of thing. That has been by far the biggest, the biggest learning of this entire process. And then you said the biggest habit or the physically.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

So you gave us the spiritual lessons that have learned. But what physically has just been like, oh, this has been something that's I've learned, I've gathered, I've gained physically in this process. For somebody who's like, I need to get a handle on food or I need to lose weight. Yeah, physically, real food is better.

SPEAKER_02 49:54

So instead of processed foods, instead of processed foods. Yeah, real food is better. It tastes better. You can eat more of it for a lot less like calories and a lot more nutrients. Um, cooking is better. Cooking is better, real food is better. Um and then also it trickles down. So I have five kids and I've seen major differences in how they eat or how they choose to snack based on what they've seen me doing. I have not communicated anything. I've been very careful with what I communicate with them in terms of like my weight loss and all that. But they with me going to the gym, like they, you know, they go to the child care at the gym. They see that when we eat dinner, instead of eating a tortilla, I wrap my tacos in lettuce, like and I enjoy it. Like, and so they're seeing that, and I can definitely see them making changes in response to that. Um, so that's been like great in the physical realm for sure.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

Yeah, that's so great. Well, I I really feel incredibly proud of the progress that you've made because I know it's been something that's you've wrestled with for a long time. Yeah, and you have made significant progress that everybody can see. But that because I've gotten to talk to you, I've gotten to watch you process it. And we'll we'll put, we need to put Bear's um Instagram handle in the caption because people need to follow you because you will capture some of these lessons that God is teaching you about your body. I know you're writing about it right now, um, about your body, but about your spirit, about what he's teaching you, about disp dependence on the spirit and all that stuff. Yeah, it's a big deal. And I do think it's a lot of people's struggle. It is, and it's one of the few we don't talk about it, I don't think enough. Yeah, we might deal with other addictions that we use to numb, but sometimes food we just sort of leave that out there and really don't talk about the fact that it's equally addicted.

SPEAKER_06 51:47

Yeah, and I just gotta say, I've been thinking about this false fruit thing for the last 25 minutes. No, um no, like it's just crazy because you said you mentioned briefly the why is what's able to sustain you throughout the long haul. And I think that's super important. But you having the right why based off of spiritual things allows your result to other people to actually gain something meaningful from it. So I think in anything in life, but especially when it comes to weight loss or uh like body composition or really anything, like having the right why is so important because it without the right why, you will just produce something that has no meaningful or lasting effect for anybody else around you. And that why is usually not sustainable in the first place, anyway. So for it to be rooted for the purpose of other people, like it's for you for sure, it's for your spiritual growth for sure. But you even mentioned your kids, you know what I mean? Like that stuff, I bet keeps you going so like a lot. So, anyways, I think that's just uh that's what I'm gonna leave and I'm gonna think that for the rest of the day for sure.

SPEAKER_01 52:47

Yeah, that's great. This was a great conversation. Um Josh, just come lean your head over, just lean your head over so everybody can see you because we've talked about you. Just lean your head over in the middle. Come on, Josh. With your ice cream eating self. Right. Just lean your head over and wave so everybody can see you there in the oh precious. Oh did you get that, David? Did you get that? That's great. Y'all been married how long now? Well, this year be 12? Or 13? 12.

SPEAKER_00 53:17

12 this year.

SPEAKER_01 53:19

12 years, five kids. Y'all are doing great. Your family's beautiful. And I'm I'm so glad that like I know I'm belaboring this, but this year, Karis ran with her boy in his field day. And she said the comparison of her running with J2, JT in field day this year. Last year, that same event, she realized she couldn't do it. Last year, but 55 pounds less. And this year, that smoked him.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

You smoked, smoked him.

SPEAKER_01 53:49

And she didn't even act like she wasn't gonna smoke him. She just said I'm gonna smoke you.

SPEAKER_05 53:54

Love it, love it.

SPEAKER_01 53:55

But that's awesome. That's hilarious. That's awesome. We love you so much. Thanks for being so vulnerable. This is great.

SPEAKER_06 54:02

We'll see y'all the next one.