Episode 016: Letting Go, Self-Blame & The Truth About Life With Sensitive Dogs

What if nothing has gone “wrong” with your dog… or you?

In this episode of Unruly By Nature, we explore the deeper truth behind living with sensitive and reactive dogs, and how the pain points become powerful catalysts for our own growth. 

This conversation dives into what it really means to let go of control, release guilt, and step out of the exhausting cycle of self-blame that so many dog owners experience. 

From emotional real-life moments to shifting long-held beliefs about behavior, training, and responsibility, this episode is raw, honest, and deeply relatable.

Inside this episode:

•  Why sensitive dogs aren’t a problem and a powerful catalyst for change
•  The hidden weight of guilt, blame, and needing to “get it right” 
•  Replacing illusions of control with animal-led perspectives
•  How our dog reflects our emotional world 
•  Navigating reactive moments without spiraling into shame 
•  The truth about conflict (and how it’s actually a gift) 
•  Expanding beyond judgment into curiosity and awareness 
•  Living authentically (even when it looks unconventional)

This episode isn’t about fixing your dog.

 It is about transforming yourself, trusting your intuition, and building a relationship rooted in honesty and connection.

Life isn’t perfect… It’s messy and real.

Thanks for wandering the wild edges with us on Unruly By Nature.

 If you loved this conversation, share it with someone who’s ready to explore the deeper side of life with dogs.

Rachel Knott of My Animal Matters

Website: rachelknott.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/myanimalmatters

Kim Howatt of Raidho Canine

Website: kimberlyhowatt.com

Substack: https://kimberlyhowatt.substack.com/

Sue Mimm of Heart Connection Dogs

Substack: https://suemimm.substack.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/pawsreflectconnect

Until next time — stay curious, stay connected, stay unruly.

xoxo 

Kim, Sue, and Rachel

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:39

I love how we always enter this room laughing. Welcome to episode 16 of Unruly by Nature with myself, Rachel Knott, Kim Hower, and Sue Mim. This is a podcast where we just, we're three friends, we're three dog mums, we're three animal therapists, and we're here to just mix things up a bit, to bring a bit of authenticity to the world, to share life from our perspective and to have honest, deep, fun, playful conversations. And we very much come into these sessions having no clue what we're going to talk about, which is exactly what's happening right now. I've sat there this morning and I've had different things to do. And I thought, what are we going to talk about today? What are we going to talk about? And then I thought, oh, we'll just see what happens. So I'm just going to see what pops into my head. So here is my question for you ladies. Because we know as soon as we ask a question, that's just the catalyst for something organically gorgeous happening. So my question for you both, starting with Sue, is Kim's like, yeah, again, I get time to reflect and contemplate about it. It's only because I'm drawn to Sue's fabulous outfit. Sue, what for you is true right now as a dog, mum, dog, a practitioner? What like what stuff is coming that is important and true for you right now?

SPEAKER_00 2:22

I'm feeling into that. I'm feeling into what feels true. Letting go. Release, relief.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

That's what's feeling very real for me now. It's just um You know, every day when I look at my dogs, I just I do, I see it it I see a being, I see a being that's been on a journey for twelve, fourteen years of their life, and they have so much wisdom of their own. They are so attuned to the world, they are so attuned to their own bodies. And I just I'm I'm letting go more and more of my sense of these are my dogs and I need to do things for them versus these two beautiful beings who are in my life, and I get to witness them. I get to witness who they are every day and yeah, how they interact with the world, and they just show me things versus it's just like a complete role reversal for me. It's you know, getting out of the way of thinking that I need to be able to be doing stuff for them and um yeah, everything from how I feed them, how I train them, how I care for them, etc., versus um allowing them to be themselves and showing me who I am through them as well. I think that feels true to me at the moment.

SPEAKER_04 3:56

Like my heart exploding at what you just said. Yes. I just we came into every conversation like that as well, not just with our dogs, but with human beings.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

I love that. That is amazing.

SPEAKER_04 4:13

What about you, Kimberly Howitt?

SPEAKER_01 4:15

I mean, I I if if I could have played back Sue's answer, I would definitely agree with all of that. I, you know, I've changed how I approach my work, and I am absolutely unequivocally an animal-led practitioner where I think what the animals like have to say and what they ask us for is the most important piece of this because we just get so locked in the control of it. And so for me, like what's true for me right now is just honoring the animals for being a different species and our choosing to live our lives with one another in this intimate way that's changed so much over my lifetime. The respect that we have, how we do things together, like dog sports, for example, are one of them. We choose to take our animals with us and on vacation to do activities. And I think it's such a beautiful thing, yet we still have this tinge of control that I'm gonna do a precursor to you, Sue. I think a little bit and talk about the the blame and the guilt that we either put onto our animals for being aggressive or reactive, or that we put onto ourselves for failing to do something that we think we should have seen. But we're not omniscient. We don't see things until they happen. I mean, hindsight is wonderful, but we can't live our life guessing at what an outcome is gonna be. So living in it and feeling in it is everything. And I think I'm just left in a state of gratitude. I don't want to use the word awe, but just absolute, utter gratitude for the blessing that I'm in this world experiencing the animals and living with them and what the gifts are are endless.

SPEAKER_04 6:41

I feel like we could end the podcast right there. Honestly, let's go. You know, like just so much when I'm listening to what you're both saying, it just my whole body, like it feels really emotional. Like I feel really in my heart that feels you know, obviously, my soul needed to hear that today as well. And uh yeah, I just think I'm just thinking for me, what's I'm always in a process of being a work in progress and that not being a bad thing, it just that is life and really still feel like 25 years I've been working with dogs. And really it's only in the past maybe Oh, I don't know. It's actually hard to say when the turning points are, but really, really starting to deconstruct the human construct more and more and more and more. But Darcy is definitely helping me with that because she is a dog that is highly expressive and vocal and big in her like reactions and her personality in in different situations. I really have got zero desire to change that. Like, no, bullshit. There was a bit of a bullshit in there. There are moments when I drive or like drive along and I see people walking their dogs along the beach, and I may have like there may before it would have been massive. I would have had so much envy that these people are just plodding along with their dogs, walking along the beach, and they're you know, and I would have been like, oh, I would have had so much envy. And that what that has only changed because I've changed, not because I've changed her. So you you know that I I just don't have that desire now. It might ping in every so often, and I'll listen to it. I'll listen to that true feeling of like, oh, I really want to be able to take it to the beach. And and it could be in that moment that it's me, it's just me that wants to go to the beach, it's me that wants to go out on my bike, or it's it's or maybe I am picking up on that she's needing a bit more social in whatever situation. But I just I feel like I'm deconstructing those constructs. Like, for example, today when I was sat in the garden and um our lovely neighbours had said they'd been to uh the horse races locally, and they'd taken the dog, and there were loads of pointers, and like my whole body, English pointers, my I'm German ones, my whole body literally contracted. And they obviously had a great time, they loved it, it was their jam, and and they were sharing it with such enthusiasm, and I was just like, it's so fascinating how different I feel from that, and I'm cool with it. I'm so cool with that now. And I'm thinking back in my 30s, probably more my 20s, I used to self-medicate with alcohol to put myself in those social situations. So I used to, you know, as a child, I was naturally, I would call myself a people watcher. I wouldn't call myself a people immerser. I had liked being within myself and observing people, which is exactly what Darcy's like with space. So then in my 20s, whatever I, you know, I was wanting to learn and express and explore the world and the social part of me, but I absolutely needed alcohol to help me cope with it. So it, you know, not a bad thing. But they were these, I look back on those memories with great fondness, and thank goodness we didn't have cameras in those days, is all I could say. I could just have those great experiences, but I definitely need like as I'm getting older, maybe I just have more empathy for Darcy. It's because I understand myself more and I've got less self-blame about feeling I find it, yeah, there still will be some people-pleasing elements in there where I think I'm responsible for somebody else's emotional reaction. That absolutely is still something I'm, you know, will pop up every so often. But I just feel I'm much better at saying no and being like, that's I'm cool with that. But and that has made me then be more confident at being an advocate for Darcy because I don't feel those social pressures as much. They do happen, like out of the blue, they may just pop up. Literally, the other day, we had we were walking down the road and we've got new neighbours, um, and they've got two really cute dogs, like it's the busiest dog road in the world. And they were walking down, the the young lad was walking down, and I had Darcy, and like this is just not a situation that we generally navigate with ease, but because she goes into stalk mode, so I just popped off to the left and she came with me to the left with ease, no problem. And then for whatever reason, the dynamic between the all of us, we were like, oh, should we let them meet? And all of my like knowledge and and everything in the puffs would have gone, no, no, no, let's just give space, but in that moment, I went, oh yeah, cool. Okay, let's do that. Whatever that was. And anyway, they got really close, and Darcy just was like that, like just the lips were going, the teeth. So I pulled her back, and of course, she exploded into the bar. But it's not random that I was having a tough day that day. Like I was having a really tough day, and we got back in the house and I just burst into tears. Yeah, I just was like, oh, you know, and I just had all of this emotion coming out and then had a conversation with someone else. And I I kind of almost actively sought out this uncomfortable conversation, and I just had a really rough day. So I don't know where I'm going with that. I I need, I, you know, I with I the self-blame came up because I thought I'd done something wrong. I'd, in spite of my 25 years of working with dogs, I was like, oh, well, I went forward when I know normally I need to pop off to the left or whatever. I blamed myself in that moment. I was like, oh, I've messed up. I've put my dog in a situation they're not comfortable with. Now their dogs like had to have a pop back and blah, blah, blah, blah. And that, that whole situation, now I look back on it three days later or whatever it was. I get it. I get it. I don't need to understand it intellectually, like what was going on, but I get that in that moment I did what I felt was right and I was drawn to do, and then all of my emotion bubbled up. And then, and then things shifted. And I think that is that just is part of life. But what would have kept me in a lot of deep stress and pain would have been me beating myself up constantly, thinking I should have done, shouldn't have done that, should have known better, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's that, that's you can hear it, can't you? And it, that's the bit that keeps us kind of our minds closed and our bodies shut off, and that keeps us in a place of tension and stress. Whereas Dotsie moved on, she's like that. I'm I'm over it, girlfriend. Like, you know, she's like on the next whatever digging in the garden or laying in the sunshine. They don't have those constructs of of blame. They it just doesn't exist. They don't think anything has gone wrong, they don't think anything bad has happened, they just experience it. They're always honest. And I and I think I know I've been talking a lot, but obviously this needs to come out of me. I just think that those honest emotions, we've got to get better at feeling them and owning them and riding them and experiencing them. And even if we think, oh my god, I'm still feeling it, stay with it. And it just it feels horrible in the moment, but I just I really feel like that's what Darcy's biggest teaching is for me at the minute is riding through all of that wildness that she that she takes me on.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:50

I didn't know that I was gonna say all that.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Oh good.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

I feel better already. It's it's but isn't isn't that a perfect example? This is exactly what life is like with dogs, right? Especially at those sensitive dogs. It's you're gonna have days and times when it's gonna be absolutely exactly like you say, you're gonna break down, you're gonna cry, you're gonna say, I wish this wasn't like this anymore. And you're gonna have days where it's like all sunshine and roses, and you're so in love with your dog that you know nothing can ever stop that, or nothing can ever do anything to break that moment. That's what life is. And then and until we learn to embrace all of it, that's all part of owning a dog. All part of having a dog in our lives, not owning a dog, that's the wrong wording. Having a dog in our lives is being in a relationship with a dog, and like any relationship, it's gonna have its ups and downs, its ins, its outs. And yeah, I love your honesty and your openness, Rachel, because that's the truth. That's the truth that many people don't like to admit to, don't like to share, don't like to own it. Because it comes back to the to the self-blame stuff again, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Yeah. Yeah. Darcy's got something to say.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Well, no, it wasn't Darcy. That was Darcy. That was Charlie. His dad's home. Party. Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

And I just you know what I also just sorry, Kim, what I also just want to add in here is you know, Rachel, we've known each other for quite a while. And I just remember the stage when you had an older dog, when you still had Baxter in your life, and he was his older dog, and Charlie was driving me absolutely nuts. And I would have these conversations, and you would say, Oh, it's really not so bad. And I'm just thinking this is so role reversal, it's just so is just pickles me pink because you know, I've been there. When a lot of people might hear me talk about my dogs like everything's you know, a bed of roses. But it wasn't like that when they were young.

unknown 18:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

No.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

I'm just like hanging on to the lead. Like hang on for dear life.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

I'm thinking about when like your parents laugh at you when you have kids and they say, hi, you got one just like you. Just wait for your turn. It's coming. Because you know, it's I mean, sensitive people, sensitive dogs, right? I mean, it's not a it's not a surprise that that it happens. And I mean, Rachel, your story just was so perfect to tie into Sue's letting go because that's ultimately the shift that we make here. And a couple of things came out in how beautiful is it that Darcy helped you release emotions. She got to release emotions, and we often forget the piece where the people that you were interacting with also needed a shock to their system in that moment. Yeah, and it's all like just part of the flow of life. And again, we've brought it up before, but at what point do we think everything's supposed to be roses and and I also I also can't help but think about if there were cameras when we were younger, how we'd be recording this podcast from prison.

SPEAKER_03 19:49

Kim, as you were talking about that, what what came up for me is again and again it comes up so much, is our fear of conflict. Because that's really what our dogs are are showing us some kind of conflict in that moment. I'm just clearing my throat. Conflict is such a big deal for us because we've been told that conflict is wrong. You know, we've been taught that there is something wrong with conflict, it's a bad thing. And it's not. It's it's a way of communicating, it's a way of setting boundaries, it's it's a way of yeah, communication. That's what it is, right? And it may not it may not feel it's like one person saying, I feel really passionate about this, and another person saying, I feel passionate about another point of view. That's what it is. And let's look at two uh to two dogs, for instance. It was so interesting. Um Charlie went up to um he he saw to Charlie's eyesight's not so good anymore, and he saw a little um Shiba Inu coming towards him on a lead. And he has a little friend who's a Shiba Inu on this walk that we often see. And so he thought it was his friend, started moving towards him. He wasn't on a lead, and my first thing was to call him, he didn't hear me. Um and so again, the whole guilt thing, oh my dog's gonna run up to this little dog, and maybe he doesn't like to be blah blah blah blah. And then I just thought, you know what? I know Charlie's well enough now, he'll move out the way if the dog doesn't want any contact. And he went up waggy tailed to this little Sheba Ena, and the Sheba Ena came nose to nose with him. But the person on the end of the lead, I could feel the tension there, I could see the tension in his face. Next thing, exactly what happened to what Darcy did, this little dog did to Charlie, showed his teeth and ran whack, yeah, into Charlie's face. And he was like, Whoo, sorry, and he just moved on and moved off and did whatever. And again, you know, previously I probably would have apologized. I'm so sorry that I let my dog run up to you and I didn't, you know, he's deaf and I can't hear him and blah. Would have made a thousand excuses and I just said, sorry, we tried, and I moved on and I laughed. And what I meant by that was we tried to say hello and be nice, but it wasn't meant to be, and that's okay, you know? Yes. And the guy was also, he just relaxed. He just said, Yeah, I knew it wouldn't work, but that's fine. And he moved on. But you know, afterwards everybody was okay. And again, it's this had I gone into that old thing, you know, I shouldn't have let my dog run up to another dog, and I you know, should have had my dog under control, and now let this dog get upset and blah blah. You know, we make up so many stories based on what we think should be the perfect situation and the perfect whatever, and and it's not. What is perfect is what you said, Rachel, is what you felt in the moment to do. Because that's what you were drawn to, you were drawn to do it in that moment. You were there to have that experience. You had that experience, you learned what you needed to, you released what you needed to and moved on. What is wrong with that?

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Hundred percent nothing. Is everything right about it actually?

SPEAKER_03 23:14

And yet we could call it a bad experience because there was some kind of conflict in it, and I just don't think it's the truth anymore. I uh you know, I'm you're speaking to somebody who is desperately fearful of conflict. And I still don't I still don't like it. But I'm learning to accept that conflict is not necessarily a wrong thing. There are circumstances I'm sure where it's not okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

But for the most, I think conflict is just communication.

SPEAKER_04 23:46

And and it is, isn't it? And it's still just a word. It's a concept, isn't it? Again, it's a concept. It just is a cast. It's a car it is another construct. Is when a volcano's exploding, is that conflict? Yes. I don't know. I guess it's I mean, that's a rabbit hole, isn't it, with all of the label when we as soon as we you know, if we'd all sat down together, me, my partner and Darcy and the two other dogs, and then the people, which you know, we may do at some point, and the people that had the dog. It'd be fascinating to know what was going on for everybody in that moment. You know, how was he feeling when he was what was he, what had been thinking about for the last few days? You know, what uh uh what what and and it happened outside of our other neighbour's house, so they would have witnessed it. What did they need to witness? I just think there's there's so many other bits that are feeding into that, that what for us, because we're so in it, because we're like that's just we're a human, and like you said earlier, we only perceive so much, we only see so much until afterwards. How can we then pan out? But what else? Like the birds above, the trees above, what what you know? What there was something that drew me forwards, and the dogs did the dogs do all because you know, there was so many things. I don't I just think it when we go into that place of self-blame and thinking it went wrong, we're just missing the bigger picture, we're missing that that interconnectivity, and that that everything is, you know, we think we're making decisions in isolation, and I don't believe that anymore. I I I honestly don't. I feel like that we are downloading or receiving constantly information and we interpret it through our senses and we verbalize it, but it it we are we are part of everything and we're experiencing everything, so we're we are just expressing authentically in that in that moment whatever we're feeling, and it comes out in words and it comes out in movements, but you know, did a tree fart? I don't know. It just I'm gonna go with yes, yeah. But that's the thing because so many things that like the stars, the planets. I just and this is not me like giving myself a a pass. I'm not going, oh, like letting myself off the hook per se, but I just it's not there isn't even a hook.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

It just there's just more to it. I I think you hit on both of you hit on something that's so important. And you know, Rachel, when you responded and went forward, it's just coming from your unconscious. Yeah, because deep down inside of some place your logical mind doesn't understand, yeah, you needed something. Yeah, and your body did that, and that's exactly what our dogs are doing, and they're in this moment and they live in this moment, and they're honestly responding in every moment. We didn't put them in a situation, we didn't adopt a dog energetically, spiritually, however you want to say it. We found one another because we're like doing life together to help each other, to lift each other up, to bring that movement, Sue, that you talk about, right? That transformation forward. And I see now that that I needed a little really hard kick in the ass in order to understand this about myself. But Sue, you said something that to me is so important, and it's something in uh when you ask Rachel at the very beginning what is true in the dog world, this didn't pop into my mind, but it is, and it's the word apology, and the amount of apologizing that we feel we need to do, like that's a more collective, unconscious construct that we have that we feel the need to apologize. Yeah, and I just I love your story, Sue, about how you were on this walk and that you just moved on with it because these are not easy things. We three talk about them, and I just want to make it clear that these are simple concepts that are not easy, and it takes practice and like work and reflection and time. We've all been at this for a while. This isn't something you just read a book on and or learn a recipe. This is different for every single person, every single relationship, and every single piece of life, but I think it's so important and it's something that our animals are giving us that's such a beautiful gift is the opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

So good.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

Yeah, so I I think what what's coming up for me is is again another little story that happened recently, and I just thought again, it's about perspective and point of view, because like you said, in any situation there's so many different perspectives and point of views happening. And I was walking my dogs in the neighborhood, and they were both on lead, and there was there's quite a narrow uh one one way lane coming in to the one side towards our house. And I was on that and there was a car coming, so I had to move over to the side of the road and I had to pull the dog quite close to me to let you know the car go through the lane. And unfortunately, on this lane on the one side is um a fence. There are sometimes cows in that field, and when the cows are in the field, they electrify that fence. So Leila has been unfortunately shocked by that fence in the past. So she has a serious like no go near that fence. And I happen to be on that side of the road and I was asking her to come towards me towards the fence. I was standing between the fence and her, but I was asking her to move out of the road. And she was like saying, No ways, and she knew there was a car coming, and I was like gently pulling and pulling, and eventually she just ducked out and put the let the the collar come, you know, off over her head and stood in the middle of the road. And then I had to like grab her by the by the shoulder and literally pull her into my body, and you could see that I mean she had her tail tucked, and you know, I had to pull her in towards me because the car was coming and she had no collar or lead on. And in that moment, I was very gentle and I was actually really calm because I knew what was happening, I knew what her fear was about. But I thought to myself, if I had been an onlooker to this situation, what would I have seen? Or what would have I interpreted? Good one. And likely I would have interpreted this dog is petrified of this woman. She's probably beat her, she's probably done something awful, but this dog is petrified, she doesn't want to come near her person, and she's being forced to do so. And I just made me just again realize because I know the situation, because I know exactly what was happening, I could see a completely different story. But somebody else may have looked onto that and seen a very different, very different scenario, and a very different story. And how often do we do that ourselves to other people? When dogs, when dogs and people are struggling in a moment, whatever they're doing, it's so easy for us to go into judgment and to go into there's something wrong here, the person's done something, the dog's doing something, there's something radically wrong with the situation versus there is actually a very logical explanation. I I had no idea what it is. But instead of going into that judgment, and I just for me so good. For me, it was just that reverse of how I and I used to judge people. I just used to, you know, see a little bit of fear or discomfort in a dog, and I would straight away judge the person. Do you know what I mean? You've had done something wrong, you've hurt the dog, that you dog doesn't trust you, blah, blah, blah. I would have so easily gone there. And yet, here it was I in that very situation, knowing what what the truth was, but knowing the body language of my dog was saying something very different.

SPEAKER_04 33:04

This is such a good story. I just love how you brought a real experience to help to bring that idea to light that we only ever have part of the story, like the tiny, tiny bit of information. It's so it's similar, but not not too similar. I'll share another story of when um I may have shared this one before. We were walking along the beach, just my partner and I, and there was a car parked on the on the road, on the pavement. And my partner was like, Oh, that's so inconsiderate. Look at that car, like all the people having to move around it, and that's really dangerous. And then we got to the front of the car and it had an ambulance sticker on it. So she went from being really angry and annoyed at the car to then be like, all right, okay, oh, that's really sweet. They're obviously doing the job, and and it and it just her whole everything changed with just one more piece of information. Yeah. And I just think if we can just flex those perception muscles, which are so calcified, a bit more than we just see things differently. It I think it's happening in every conversation where we make. And I don't think judgment's bad. I think that maybe like we need judgment because we need to be able to make decisions. We're making judgments all the time. But I think it's it's our create it's our creativity is dependent on being able to have different perceptions. And I think just doing silly exercise. I mean, I drive people nuts. I probably drive everyone I know nuts. Because if someone says something that's definite, oh, I can't help it. I lit I can't help myself. It's maybe this is why I'm here on earth is to just make people squirm a bit. Help them just I'm just I'm just gonna move your chest slightly in the room.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

Let's wiggle it around.

SPEAKER_04 35:13

I can't help it. It just I have to put I have to help people explore that.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

I it just well, a question that came to me with this that specific scenario, and that I keep referring back to myself is what else is possible? Yes. What else is possible in the scenario or with you know whatever the situation is? I've I've had a point of view, it's run through my head, I've told myself a story, and then I can just stop and say, what else is possible? I don't have to mentally go through a whole lot, but just by asking that question, you opening up space to say, maybe I'm not right. Maybe that story that's running through my head is not the whole truth. But you're forgetting something, Sue.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

We love being right. We always love being right. We love being right, it feels so good.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

And that's just so Rachel, let me ask you this. Why? No, I'm with you too. I love being right too. But um here's here's a question for that.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Why do we like being right?

SPEAKER_04 36:27

It's a really good question. Why does it feel good when we're right? It's almost like a one-upmanship, isn't it? Or it's like I I feel that it gives predictability as well. Like people say they think they're in control if they're right.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

By being right, by being right, you're proving to your unconscious or to your belief system that you're okay. You're in you're you're gonna be okay, you're safe.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

I told you so. I told you so.

SPEAKER_03 37:01

Yeah. If we know the answers. If we know the answers, then we feel we're safe. If we feel like we're in control.

SPEAKER_04 37:10

Even if that being right keeps you in a place of deep pain and stress and all of that. Better to be right because we know it, it's predictable.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Exactly. It's the predictability, yeah, the safeness, the control. But I think when we can let go of that ego and realize that our interpretation of an event is just ours in that moment and it's gonna change.

SPEAKER_04 37:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

And I think, like Sue, your story was so amazing about Layla, and then your description of what might someone else think. And I find that so interesting because what I see is that that's such a great mirror for you, and you were able to recognize it, but someone else, like I'm sitting here thinking if I was witnessing that, I'd probably make some popcorn and find it totally entertaining. Like, I wouldn't, I don't think that I would like I wouldn't like automatically think like mistreatment or whatever, but like your experiences have shown you that that, and that's where you know, when we say that our life is a reflection, it's true, but it's not always just this straightforward thing. But our actions show us so much in a in a given situation, and uh, you know, I remember, I mean, I've told the story about Django and his rabies catalyst reactivity stuff. You know, we go to nosework class, and I just we love going to class. It's really honestly, searching is his favorite thing to do, but we've had to make these weird adjustments when we go to class because there's so many dogs and he's terrified of it. So he's a 40-pound Australian shepherd, and we carry him into class. Yeah, I love it. Past all the dogs, he sits in his crate, he we carry him to the search area. He's like the best in the camera, and and he's just his legs are hanging, he's just looking around. But if we asked him to walk, he'd be barking and lunching at every single dog. And how many times we were gonna quit? And I just couldn't bring myself to quit because he absolutely loves the people that he knows there, and it's like, do you take that away from him, or you do you just find some unconventional way? And so many people stare at us, and we used to feel like this, you know, tiny. Because how were we failing him in not like being able to traverse these situations? And now it's just sort of like it's uh it's like he's walking the red carpet at the Oscars, and we're just you know, and that's how we see it. And we've stopped apologizing for his behavior and for our like, you know, because for years, for years, for years, I listened to people tell me he was too much, and it just oh, it's so not true because the gifts that he has brought into our family are I can't even list all of them. But I had to get over myself, yeah. You had to do it your way, you have to do it your way exactly, Kim.

SPEAKER_03 40:36

And that's that's such a good example.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

Authentic, right? The authentic us. Who's us? What's our family? Yeah, and it's it's not that person with the perfect dog. And if that's what makes someone really happy, great, then that's their path, right? But it isn't mine, and I think I finally stopped walking someone else's path. That's the difference, is when you realize that you kind of have to get your machete out and clear your own way, yeah. Or a fork. Yeah. Machete sounds much more uh powerful. It depends how big your garden is. I need to pull up my big girl pants. Trousers, would it be trousers?

SPEAKER_00 41:25

Trousers.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Are you wearing pants today, at least, Kim? Um pants and trousers, apparently. I learned something.

SPEAKER_04 41:36

Oh, dear. But I think that's really beautiful that you did that for him. I I kind of liken it to I love being on holiday, but I hate going on holiday. So if I could just teleport to my location, and if someone could create that for me, then I'd be like all over them. But I just I hate the travel bit, you know, we'll pack in the suitcase and the airport and driving and blah, you know, and on the plane, I'm like the annoying child. I'm like, oh, you know, ooh, what's this button do? Oh, I need to stand up, I need to get the toilet. And I'm naturally someone that's quite relax, you know, at home. I like sitting, I like plinking plonking around, you know. I'm I wouldn't say I've got Ansimer pants. Put me on an aeroplane, the energy of all the people in there and the plane and the everything, I'm like this. I can't sit still. I shift my legs all over the place. So I don't really enjoy the containment of it. So I love that you, I mean, it for me it brings images of I used to read Asterix and Oblix, and there's um the chief they carry in on the shield. Everywhere he goes, he's carried on a shield. It's what the image of it brings to me.

SPEAKER_03 43:01

Yeah, and it to me it's you know, a lot of that is for me, I'd love to see so many people find more unconventional ways that suit them and their dogs versus what it's supposed to look like.

unknown 43:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

You know what I mean? Everybody and it is, like you say, it's being brave enough to say, well, I'm gonna figure the figure this out. What's what works for me and my dog versus what am I supposed to be doing, or does that look stupid, or this is that's not allowed, or or whatever the case is. You know, it's like it's like the the argument that well the argument. There's there's two sides to you. It's one of those things that you will love to do and then watch, Kim, is you put um small dogs into a pram, into a into a kiddies pram. I mean they a lot of them have uh like doggy doggy prams now, whatever you want to call it. But just watch all the opinions start popping up. Right. And again, you know, every Everybody can have their own point of view, that's fine. But isn't it so interesting how fiery a conversation like that can be for some people? Like, oh, you know, that dog is not a child and it doesn't want to be pushed around and blah blah blah. And again, do they have all the information? And does it work for that person and their dog? Right. You know, um there are a lot of dogs who are too old, too sick, too whatever, too scared to whatever. But they really do enjoy being put in a little basket and you know, or a little pram and being pushed around. So again, you know, it's so easy for us to judge what should be right and should be wrong according to what we think is. But you know, hats off to anybody who decides to do something that works for them and their dog.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

Exactly. Without apologizing.

SPEAKER_03 44:51

Without having to apologize, yeah. Or make excuses.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:57

It's like doggies, doggies, doggies. Let's just call them doggies, shall we? It's like dogs wearing clothes, isn't it? So that that's it's a similar thing. I am saying, yeah. My bestie always puts like bandanas on her dogs, and um like we went to this one dog show in uh Somerset, and she's got this little chihuahua called Chico, I think his name is. And she had she made a little cowboy hat for him, and uh anyway, he didn't win anything in the show, but he loved it. He literally because he just loves attention. So she carried him around in this little cowboy. And some people would have thought, and I'm pretty sure the people that were do doing the judging thought, oh that's terrible, you shouldn't have a hat on that dog. You know, his tongue's hanging out, he's got a few teeth, he's you know, he's she she loves all the wonky, she loves the wonky donkey dogs, and this dog just he was beaming, like just all of the people coming up and loving on him, and you know, another dog would have hated it. But for him, it was just so joyful. And I feel like that sensitivity with dogs when I'm just getting an image of when, you know, when we pick them a collar or we pick them a harness, or we pick like I know when I wear certain clothes I feel good, and wear other clothes I don't feel good. Like, do our dogs like yeah, like do they want to wear like a different colour collar? Do they want to wear it's not just about how it feels physically on their body. I feel it's how pe how people respond to how they are and how they look, which is why some people with the with big bull breeds, because there's so much oh, you know, misinformation about bull breeds and their scary yada yada yada. And and people will put them, well, someone will put them in studded wear because they they love the gothic image, but others will put them in like big flowery things to just help shift people's perspective. Put it a little bit, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

Soften it.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Yes. So I I mean that's an interesting question. And there was there was I remember once doing um, you know, people talk you know about colour therapy. I mean, that's a thing where people wear different colours depending on their moods, and it can lighten the mood depending on what color your room is painted or your furnishings are. We know that colour affects mood and that we are attracted to certain colours. Um, each one is unique, individual, but also at certain times of the day or certain seasons or whatever we may be attracted to different colours. And so I've um thought to myself, well, it must be the same for dogs. I mean, they are also, why shouldn't they be feel more comfortable in certain colours? And there was an experiment that I did, it was when I say an experiment, it was my own sort of little idea of what an experiment would be like. But I actually offered my dogs a different, I put like all their harnesses, their equipment out for them. So some was like a blue harness or a green collar or whatever. And I just allowed them, I said to them, which would you like to choose? And I just watching their body language, I said, Okay, you're gonna put this one on today. And it could be all a load of nonsense, but I do believe that by giving my dogs a choice, is it possible that they were drawn to a the comfort of that specific harness or collar? But B, could it also have been the colour? Maybe they are. Oh, I think so.

SPEAKER_04 48:43

I think because it's just energy, isn't it? It's frequently.

SPEAKER_03 48:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

And that's what is as our auras change and our demeanors change, we're gonna attract different people into our life, different experiences, different animals, different, you know. I mean, uh we go through seasons in in our life, and I know our dogs do also. And so I love the fact that you give choice in that way.

SPEAKER_03 49:15

But not always, it was just you know, that time, that experiment, but it was just to see, you know, why why shouldn't it be any different? You know, why should you know, they are sensitive beings, they are energetic beings, and they are sensitive to energies.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

So Yeah, and we've all done, we talked about it, I think, last time where we did the water experiments.

SPEAKER_03 49:35

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 49:36

You know, you put like words underneath the glass bowl, and then you give them their regular bowl, and it's like they're all they always go for the bowl with the structured water or the loving saying underneath of it. Yeah, the moon water. I mean, it it it's not random.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

And I think it's a fun way, I think. Again, it's just another fun way to experiment communicating with your dog in a completely different way. Um, by seeing them as a very sensitive, sensitive, sentient, intelligent being and giving them choice in different things, like, you know, what color would you like your blanket on your bed to be? Maybe that makes a difference, you know? Yeah. Or just noticing if I put a really soft blue tone, does my dog sleep better? I mean, it may be something so random, who knows, but perhaps just a fun experiment at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 50:33

I think that that's just it, right? Approaching all of this with a playfulness, curiosity, playfulness, curiosity and open heart to just try things out of the box that maybe other people aren't trying. I mean, there's no set rules, and there's no rule book, and there's no recipe for success. And it's the harder we control the more things that are gonna happen, right? I mean, what happens when you squeeze something really tight and it like, you know, I'm thinking of like the rubber toy, and you squeeze it, and it's like the heads just pop up from, you know. Yes, we've gotta find a way to come out. And so the harder we try to cover something and the longer we sweep it, the more forcefully it's gonna show itself again. Just what you said earlier, Sue, you know, it's we attract more of what we're thinking about. And when we get that obsessive worry that happens so often when a dog is sick or reactive and more afraid to go out. I mean, the more that that happens, the more you're gonna show yourself your right, so you just start isolating more.

SPEAKER_03 51:56

And isn't that I mean, that's something we heard one of the our listeners had a comment about that, and it's just something that I've heard so often over the years is that you know, people when they sort of go on this journey of I have a sensitive dog and these are all the things that I need to be taken care of and managing, etc. The world, our world gets smaller and smaller and smaller with our dogs, and we feel that, we feel that pressure, they feel that pressure, and it just it comes to the stage where we're too scared then to step out of that tiny little world, and so a lot of people choose to stay in that space, and if that's their choice, that's their choice. There's not you know nothing wrong with that again, but often people think that's that's what they stuck with, if you know what I mean. That's what the rest of their life is is now meant to look like, versus okay, so we had this period where we had to kind of contract a little bit and understand each other and see what you know where our boundaries and our limits and our everything were. But now it's time to start exploring and spanning and giving, you know, allowing the trust in ourselves and in our dogs and in the world to start expanding again versus staying in that contracted, pressurized state, which can often happen.

SPEAKER_04 53:18

And I feel like it's an expansion contraction, expansion, contract. I feel like it's uh because there are time because I was thinking um today I quite like simplicity m so much more than I used to. Like I like very, very simple things and not you know, my world is I mean, I love lots of colour and I love la la la la, but I find I get more joy from very, very, very simple things. And from having a dog that is quote unquote sensitive, then she takes me to places, or I take her because she hasn't learned to drive yet, damn her, to places where um it is quieter, and I I do seek that because of the work I do is about being I need to be sensitive as an animal communicator, I need that quiet time, I need that time in nature, I need that like bigger picture awareness. And if I was just hustling and bustling constantly, I don't I think wows is I d I don't even know. So maybe, but then there are times where I do seek busier and I'll go busier places with Darcy because whatever we need it. But I feel that maybe those people that have those sensitive, big feeling, reactive dogs, they just are seeking more solitude and seeking more time alone and in nature. And we like what's the word we use when we say someone's not sociable? We say they're antisocial, and it's like that will say, Oh, I don't want to hang out with people that aren't being antisocial. No, you're not, you're just honouring what you feel, and you know, all other species, all over the planet, uh insects and animals on the planet, they're not all out like hanging out together all the time. There are some species that do need solitude and that are lone beings. And I think we bought into the idea that human beings are social beings. Bullshit. That doesn't mean you have to be sociable with people, you may be sociable with soil or rocks or trees or birds or flies or pieces of paper. You know, I just I just think whatever you connect with, connect with that. And I just think there's so much pressure to be what this social thing is, and I totally bought into that. And and there's a space for all of it, those people that love being around people, and those people that love absolute isolation. There is nothing wrong with them, and nothing wrong with that, and I think that's the you know, if we still start to understand that, then when we wouldn't need to train our reactive dogs, we would just be like, oh, they just need space. That's cool.

SPEAKER_01 56:15

Or just go somewhere quiet, it's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I oh that like just hit me right in the heart because it is in a way the story that happened with me. Uh, you know, when Django, I mean, it's impossible to walk him on the road or on the trails, but he we found each other, he found our family. We've got 10 acres. He doesn't need anything else. And Rachel and Sue, I would have told you I was like this super social person. I want to be out, I want to do this and this and this. And I had all these things because I was always social in my younger years, and I was out and I worked and it was dynamic living, and then this dog comes in, and I hated it for years. It was so hard because I fought myself when in reality I wanted to be more isolated and alone, and I didn't understand why. And now I know it's animal communication, it's writing. Those things you can't do in a space with thousands of people or hundreds of people. And if I were out in this dynamic life, I wouldn't ever get quiet enough to do the work that I found heals my soul. I would have never found it, and that like is everything, but I had to finally kick my ego to the curb again and just listen to the the heart speak, not my brain. Because my brain showed me what humans do, and that is we go out and we socialize and we do this and this and this, and you know, we man, I just I just want to sit and stare at the wall for a while, or sit under a tree, you know, because that's when the ideas flood in, and that's when the writing happens, and that's when profound things happen. And so it's I've changed through seasons of my life. Who knows what tomorrow or next week will bring. But right now I'm completely contented, and it's really thanks to this sensitive dog that came in and just the most amazing catalyst.

SPEAKER_03 58:40

It only sadly it happens mostly in hindsight, doesn't it? It happens in hindsight when we look back over the years and say, oh, so that's why this, you know, that's what triggered all these other things, and that's who I am today because of that catalyst. You know, how often are our sensitive, reactive dogs the catalysts to really, I mean, amazing transformation in our own lives, or just yeah, just experience and laugh, you know?

SPEAKER_01 59:10

And and somebody said it, like Sue, I think you said it, maybe Rachel said it, maybe you both said it. But like that when when you feel that contraction and that, you know, that quietness and and you can go into introspection. I mean, that's when you find who you are. And I mean, that's just the whole ride of this life, right? To find our purpose or identify it more than when we don't have to find anything. It's just, and we have different purposes as we go. It doesn't have to stay the same.

SPEAKER_03 59:42

No, that's the other thing, right? There is no one specific path or one specific path. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:49

You're experiencing this today, but tomorrow it will change.

SPEAKER_03 59:52

And I have changes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:54

Like that's just been it, right? You go from this career to this career to this career. I mean, it maybe. And you know, it's not different. You have children, they're infants, then they're teenagers, then they you know, then you're an empty nest. I mean, it just goes, it's the cycles. It's the cycles of death and rebirth and death and rebirth. And and we think that we have only one life, and that's just, I don't think that's true. I think we live through death and rebirth cycles our entire time in this breathing physical body.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:28

I agree.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:33

Yeah, and I think you know, the other day somebody was saying again that where somebody says, um, you know, I uh it's with somebody who'd lost their dog fairly recently, and she said, Oh, it's just so sad that dogs don't get to live long lives like humans do. And it's true, but it's also there's another side, there's a flip side to that. We get to see for most people, you know, we get to see on an average life dog's lifespan, we get to see all of that. Do you know what I mean? Versus me as a parent, it's a long progress seeing my kids from being born to growing as adults and to getting old, etc. It's a long time. Whereas dogs, we get to see that entire change of cycles that you're talking about, Kim. You know, going through the ups and the downs and the illnesses and the all of that. You get to see that in the aging process and the death process. We get to experience that whole lifespan, if we're lucky, with with our dogs in our lives. And to me, that's just a miracle that we get to experience that. You know what I mean? That we get those beautiful lessons and watching that being go through their different life cycles. Um I so great. You know, we get what a blessing is that, that we are allowed to witness that and get their entirety, and often as dog mums and dads and parents and owners and guardians, whatever you want to call yourself, you get to sometimes do it multiple times with multiple dogs.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:08

I mean, yeah, yeah. I see that as a real blessing.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:10

I really do.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:12

Yeah. And we, you know, we have fox that live right outside our fence. And there's a family, and so every year we look forward to seeing the baby that comes. But I think two years ago, two summers ago, and I had to look this up because I didn't know that wild fox had like only a three to five year lifespan. And one of them came under our guardian tree in our yard and and died. There was nothing. It just was old age, I think. It was this beautiful fox, and we you know, picked it up and and put it outside the fence and and uh you know, like and and buried it and and just but it was the cycle of life becomes very real when you see the natural lifespan of of a creature that only has three to five years and it's like we probably watched that baby run around a few years before and didn't even realize it. And I think Zori chased one the other day, in fact. Kind of funny, it was toddling around. It got away because she came right back to me. But yeah, it's kind of funny that they play, you know. They uh but these lifespans and it's like then you you know, you see the mess of feathers on the ground where a hawk has dropped part of a part of its prey, and and you realize nature is relentless. I mean I mean it's just we're nature.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:51

So all the things that we deal with, we try to make it ro roses and donuts and it just Yeah, again, I mean that brings up the whole thing of we you know, we want to protect our dogs from pain and sickness and and all of those things, like we do want to do for our children as well. And it's just it's not it's unnatural to expect that. I mean it's natural for us to feel that, as especially as women as nurturers, we feel we want to protect our young, we want to protect our our loved ones. Nothing wrong with that. But also when it gets to the stage where we wanna we get so worried and so anxious about protecting them from illness and and injury and all of those things, you know. You know people can get really, really uptired. I was once like that, you know, make sure that I know everything that's going into their bowl and what their routine is and you know, all the bet checks and blah blah blah. And you can become paranoid about protecting your animals from natural life, from yeah, having the natural cycles of life.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:01

And how much of that are we holding? Yeah. You know, and and we don't like Rachel, you said it, you let it pass through. You feel it and you listen to it and you allow it to pass through instead of holding it or sweeping it away and pretending that it doesn't exist. And sometimes shit happens and you have to sweep it away, but don't forget to go back and like listen to it. You know, there might be a moment of total utter chaotic stress that you need to you need to put that that you out there, that's that tough you, and you know, um, story comes to mind of a friend's dog who got attacked at the dog park and she laid on the dog, and you know, so that's very stressful because another dog attacked her dog and she's laying on top of her dog trying to protect it, and you need to go back, you need to do what you do in the moment and then you need to go back and just reflect and and feel it again and almost you know just let it pass through you.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:16

Yeah and then you know no I think the the it's we're so scared of that pain ourselves like moving through it um feels so so scary and so uncomfortable and so enormous that we feel that we are not gonna survive. And the truth is we do we do survive. You know we are resilient human beings. Yes um that not only ourselves but if you look just look at humanity, look at some of the world disasters that have happened, the wars, the famines, the all sorts and yet people do survive and they rebuild and life goes on. And I think we almost have to have a couple of those experiences in our life to realise that we are that. You know that we're much bigger than a traumatic event. Mm-hmm You know that traumatic event doesn't define us. We can feel it and it can leave scars of both a physical emotional nature but we are resilient and we move on.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:27

Love it.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:28

And I think our dogs are so good at teaching us that too oh for sure because they just bounce back I mean they they just move on I mean they they don't apologize for anything that I'm sure Darcy didn't write a letter to the people I'm really sorry I marked my bad do you think it catch up at night Rachel?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:55

Yeah feet in the air replaying it oh no she's planning next time next time I think I'll try this yes she's gonna make an adjustment oh hilarious I mean so what essential oils do we have today ladies Melissa oh because I went to a a walled garden at the weekend and I was just really drawn to it out of all the plants and herbs that were growing in that garden and I hadn't smelt it and I was just looking at it I was like oh that's really lovely and then I was like oh that smells good so Melissa is lemon balm right yeah correct correct what about eating we grow that in our garden and I love eating the leaves yeah right I haven't actually tried to yeah do you put them inside I use them for like a put them in my drink yeah in my cocktail or um nice of fresh lemonade or something like that to just fast it up a little bit or or a tea sometimes barb I have Anna's star today delightful and you see oh just melting into this geranium at the moment oh yes geranium it smells like sweeties I just went it's like a big soft pink pink pillow lioness like a dream oh it's derived they're all quite edible aren't they yeah I just spilt it all over myself so oops not I will be smelling like Anna's all day well clearly somebody else in the household needs it too you're sharing it gorgeous I said I get I have just a really quick story before we close out because it was just so amazing I have uh I don't have it up here but I have a crystal and it's tiger's eye and I was up here watering all the plants and it was sitting back here on the table where the dolphin and the plant are and I'm watering the plant and like Django comes in and he knocked it over and I'm like he does that sometimes where he just like he messes with things or steals a shoe so I put it back and I'm watering the next plant and he knocks it over and I'm like I put it back and I'm watering a plant and he knocks it over and I'm like dude do you want that and I brought the it's like a little crystal slab like probably three inch by three inch and I brought it down and I put it like on the floor for him and that dog laid on that crystal all day like around where his right shoulder was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:07

And I love that but I love how he just was like insistently telling me like subtle but like you know and and I've started to pay attention to that I remember you know Zam would just stand over the oregano plant and I'd cut off some leaves and bring it in and she'd lay on it and let's say I I just like I love the subtleties when we start really observing them.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:32

Yeah. Rachel I remember I think I've said this one before so I won't go into detail but I remember with geranium as well I remember doing an animal communication with you with Layla and you had said that um geranium came to you you know for her for on on her behalf geranium at uranium essential oil and I don't know what you with the conversation led me to think where does she um in you enjoy lying I don't think I even had geranium essential oil in my house at that stage. And it turned out that um I suddenly remembered how she always loves to lie in a certain spot in the garden and I could have easily said oh well she goes there because there's shade or there's sun or it's a comfy spot or whatever. But it was just so amazing that that's where she chose to rest and right above there was a rose geranium bush. And she you know that's probably why you were picking up that she loved geranium was that was a spot that she used to love to settle in the afternoons was right by the rose geranium bush. And I I just see it as it's not a coincidence. Do you know what I mean? Some people would some people say ah it's just a pure coincidence. But for me it was you know when you start to as you say if you start to slow down and become curious there's amazing synchronicities and things that are happening under our noses that our dogs are giving us information all the time. And we either totally misread it or we miss it all together which is again comes back to what you were saying Kim how the dogs help us to slow down in life so that we can start noticing these things. Absolutely I love that that's a truth bomb and a great one to end on for sure so that is a wrap to our episode 16 thank you lady so much I haven't said this yet but do like share subscribe and yeah we love having these conversations and we also love getting the feedback from those of you that are listening and going on this journey with us together because it is a collective experience and a collective journey and we're all about the feedback so thank you both yeah ask us a question we like questions we love questions thank you all righty great talk thank you Sue thank you ladies as always a pleasure beautiful being with you and yeah the sharing and the stories always just yeah shift us to such an I think a special place yeah thank you good for the soul thank you out there to everyone listening yeah yeah thank you we feel you we're grateful we are thankful thank you like subscribe come and join our channel like subscribe bye now bye