Nightmare Party
Comedian Ryan Beil has finally convinced some of his comedian friends (Mark Little, Kevin Lee, Mark Chavez and other surprise guests along the way) to play DND! It's a fantasy adventure podcast where the Dungeon Master shows up ready to play and the players show up ready to absolutely ruin it. A riff heavy, hilarious experience for people that love DND and hate DND.
Nightmare Party
Nightmare Party - First Rolls
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Mark Little, Kevin Lee, Mark Chavez create their characters and Ryan Beil starts the campaign.
Welcome to D D. Thanks for having us. Why don't you guys go around and just introduce yourselves to the people listening and like maybe what you know about DD? I'll go. Yeah, I'll go first.
SPEAKER_00I uh I don't know anything. Yeah, let's roll for first.
SPEAKER_04No, go ahead. Battle of the Marks.
SPEAKER_00Yes, Kevin. Wow. So this is Mark uh Little, Mark L. And um I've never played DD before, but I'm really excited. You know, I love this idea, Ryan. I'm happy to be doing this. Yeah, fantastic.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's gonna be really, really fun. Uh, why don't we go to Mark C? Hey, I'm Mark Chavez. Um, I I love fantasy, I love the genre, I you know, I like imagination. I'm excited to play this game. Uh I like you guys. So, you know, I'm ready to have fun. I'm ready to are we are we like fighting orcs? I'm ready to fight some orcs.
SPEAKER_05You know what? That's a total possibility. Uh orcs definitely might come up, but uh we'll take baby steps to start with.
SPEAKER_00We should, we should, we should say uh off the bat that Mark is uh flanked by props.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I well I wanted to I wanted to be a team player here, so I brought I have a castle uh here. So hopefully we'll we'll run into a castle. If we do, we can use this as a model.
SPEAKER_08And a circle? Have you run into a big circle? We can run into a castle.
SPEAKER_04I have a circle to block the kitchen that's in the background. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it and in case and in case we end up in a mom's study, I've got my mom's study behind me. That's great.
SPEAKER_08Sorry, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Mark K. No, no, no. Oh no. I'm Kevin. Uh yeah, and I like I like fantasy, all right. You know, I like Lord of the Rings, you know, things like that are fine, you know. Um and D is fun. I think it's something that I've like thought about playing when I was younger, but I just like never knew how to get into it or whatever. It seemed like a lot of work. So I'm really glad that we have this opportunity. I think it's gonna be fun, you know.
SPEAKER_05You're welcome. You're all welcome.
SPEAKER_08Well, thank you.
SPEAKER_05You're all welcome. Welcome to the world of DD. So, like I said, we're gonna be like kind of doing DD light. So for anyone out there who's like they're expecting like the full meal deal, all the rules, all the stats, all the modifiers, all the stuff. That's not this. Okay, we're gonna be focusing on telling a story together. You know what I mean? But we will be using dice. So I have a uh blur of a D20 right here. We'll be using a D20. Does everyone have dice with them or access to a dice roller online?
SPEAKER_08I have a dice roller online.
SPEAKER_04Okay, yeah, online dice roller. I got dice. Apparently they glow in the dark, so if the power goes out or there's an eclipse, we're ready to rock still. Perfect.
SPEAKER_05So we'll we'll get we'll get into like the how to do it after we find out who got to do it. You'll be playing characters. So the beautiful thing about DD is you're not yourselves, you're a character that you create. And I know that you know, you there's usually there's like a player's handbook and there's like specific types of uh uh species and uh races, I guess they're called movie species. Yes, like the movie races. Yeah. Yeah. But like, you know, like dwarves or elves, human, you know, tiefling, all that stuff, but it's all on the table. So I just want to hear yeah, Tiefling is like a devil guy, so it's like uh Whoa Part man, part devil.
SPEAKER_08Cute little uh animal teeth. Yeah, a doggo?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so feel free to Oh, I want to play as a pupper. Yeah, can we all be doggos? You could all be doggos.
SPEAKER_04Three doggos. Can we be three dogos?
SPEAKER_06Can I has health potion? Okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_04I can has cheese potion.
SPEAKER_06That's that's one idea. We let us dog it for three doggos. Just really cute doggos. Three doggos on a quest. Can I be a sweet little Corgo buddy?
SPEAKER_05Oh, yeah. I I mean the I'm gonna always say yes for sure, but why don't we just like dig into a little bit about like so that's one option. Okay, we can be three doggos, three puppos on a quest together for sure. But like, let's go around the horn and like maybe like from your childhood or from movies or books you've read, is there like a type of character you've always wanted to play and think might be fun? And if we if this is not fruitful, then we'll just be three doggos, collect the breed of dog and get into it, which might, I guess, might be the strongest poll right now. But yeah, Kevin, what about you? What uh anything from fantasy you like?
SPEAKER_08Oh, um Ariel from A Little Mermaid. Oh yeah. No, so if I could be like a fully sea-based uh creature, um uh yeah, like a big like a dragon.
SPEAKER_00No, I'll go back to Ariel.
SPEAKER_08I like Ariel. I really just want like a Jamaican friend. Anyone with a Jamaican friend, that would be funny. Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_05So I maybe you could be like a sea, the you know, a sea type of uh creature, like uh a mermaid on land, I guess.
SPEAKER_08That would be kind of hard to so it'd be sort of like a merman, so it's like a man body, fish body, but on land, so it's like two fins that are like legs for feet that are like fin legs.
SPEAKER_05I th well there's there's something called merfolk in the DD universe.
SPEAKER_00What if you're what if you're a tri tri-divided like uh Neapolitan ice cream? Top top part man, middle part, middle part fish, bottom part man again.
SPEAKER_04That's not Neapolitan, though. That's like oh yeah, that's Den.
SPEAKER_08That's like a vanilla, yeah, strawberry vanilla again. Yeah. So yeah, and my fish part doesn't have anything other than scales. Like it doesn't have gills or fins or anything cool or like helpful or anything. It's just scaled. I just have like a skin condition. You have like a tuna belly crickets or something, or I have like uh just like really dry skin.
SPEAKER_04And then sushi restaurants always want to eat you.
SPEAKER_08I just have psoriasis, but I'm like, I'm a merman. And they're like, you have really bad psoriasis. And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm a merman. These are scales.
SPEAKER_05So you want maybe Kevin, you're like part mer, like your your mother or your father was merfolk and the other one was a human, and so now you're you're divide, you're a divided up guy. Do you like that?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, it could be like mer merman. If I was Neapolitan, it could be that I had a merman uh father and then like an orc or something like that. So that's like man, fish, orc legs.
SPEAKER_04Okay, okay. Powerful. Your name should be like Soriosos or something like that, too. Yes, Soriasos.
SPEAKER_05C.
SPEAKER_04Ryosos.
SPEAKER_05Or or Neapolitan. Like Neapolitan's not a bad name for a character.
SPEAKER_08Neilopolitan. Okay. You'll call me Neil, but it's Neil Neilopolitan. And I'm Irish. Neil? I'm Neilopolitan. That was my Irish accent. People are lukewarm on it. Maybe I won't do that. No, it was great. Doggo incoming. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Fish in the middle, human up at the top, and then orc legs.
SPEAKER_04We're going with it. Alright. So but is this this is just the placeholder until we all do our doggo characters, right?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, we're gonna go we're gonna go around the horn and see some individual characters, and then we'll look at the party, and I guess if you guys would rather just be the doggos, then that's fine. Okay. Okay. Uh so Kevin, what you're you're Neil Apolitan? Neil Apolitan.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, that's that's that's that's that's an option.
SPEAKER_05So just I'm just gonna take some cursory notes here as we go. Thank you, thank you. Chavez or little? C or or or L? Who wants to go next?
SPEAKER_00Okay, so I'm pretty married to the pupper. And of course the doggo. Um, but when I think of my fantasy childhood, I uh I also think of Ariel, the mermaid. Okay. I do also think of the sort of Trinidadian crab, Sebastien.
SPEAKER_09Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um I I would like to be a helpful crab.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Sure. Yeah, so you could be okay. Yeah. That's a great idea. You could be uh Neapolitan's helpful crab buddy.
SPEAKER_04Are you gonna do the the the accent?
SPEAKER_08I'm not going to. I think it should roll for accent. Just on the number scale, how how how how intense it is.
SPEAKER_04Oh, right, that's good.
SPEAKER_00So maybe he drops a word in. I'm gonna have powerful, I don't know how these numbers work. I'm gonna have powerful code switching abilities. Okay, okay. So if we end up in tr in a sort of Trinidad and Tobago space, you're like, damn. The crowd might come out.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Powerful code switching. Okay, great. Uh, do you have a little name for your guy?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, his name's gonna be BB.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00BB8. And he's very rare. Yeah, he'll be BB great.
SPEAKER_05Okay. So obviously, you know, cause because uh Neapolitan's from the the water, or at least grew up near the water or whatever, and that's where you two have. A third of him did.
SPEAKER_08Well, I just like my middle section to be wet somehow. I don't know how I manage that, but just somehow.
SPEAKER_04Just the middle. Dry, wet, dry.
SPEAKER_08Dry, wet, dry. Okay, great. I don't like to prune up. I don't like pruning up. So that's a constant battle. Wherever we're out, it's sort of like when you when they have to like transfer like a whale and stuff, they have to like keep it wet. It's like I have to keep my midsection wet at all times.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, like when a whale beaches itself, they have to keep it wet until the tide comes back in.
SPEAKER_08Or I explode. I have to fill my midsection with dynamite and explode me on the beach.
SPEAKER_05So you have to constantly keep your tuna belly wet, I guess. And I'll be on you for that. Yeah, okay, great.
SPEAKER_08Wow. Okay.
SPEAKER_04And then Mark uh Chavez. Oh, so uh are vampires a thing? I'm I was you know, I'm in I'm into Conan, I'm into vampires. Yeah, maybe do like a combo, you know? Like a strong vampire? Like a big, like a big, like shirtless, strong vampire named Conan, but he's a vampire.
SPEAKER_08I could do like Conan the butt a vampire.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, like Conan the vampire, the vampire, like he's like, Yes, I am Conan.
SPEAKER_03I need your blood, and I'll use my sword. Like that.
SPEAKER_08And you just use the very tip of your sword to poke.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and I just poke and then suck, suck the knuckle.
SPEAKER_08You don't have to.
SPEAKER_04But I keep my but it's a really heavy sword, so I'm always flexing. I look really good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So so you're like a barbarian vampire in Kodak.
SPEAKER_04You tell me. You tell me.
SPEAKER_05You make it up, Ryan.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, is this is that is that a DD thing? Can you be a like a barbarian vampire?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I've never heard I've never seen or heard that myself. Um there are vampires that are barbarians. Um I like I like the mixing it up. I think that that's kind of clever and cool.
SPEAKER_04Turn into a bat, turn into a wolf, I can fly, I can turn into smoke. No, no. Vampires can turn into smoke. So I should be able to turn into smoke. Vapor turn into turn into a buff. It's all rave jacked, all the light. And then I have sunlight protection. Um if I'm in, I I I'll have uh because we're gonna be traveling in the day. It's just a coat. Uh with a hood. Uh yeah. And then yeah.
SPEAKER_08Just a cool coat.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Uh sunglasses. Yeah, medieval sunglasses?
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So you're a you're a daywalker. Like what yeah, my day. Well, yeah. This is kind of fun because everyone has a bit of a restriction. Um uh Neil Apolitan has to keep his tummy wet. Uh we have to be careful about that. Um, I guess Codan uh has to worry about the sun if you don't have sunglasses.
SPEAKER_04That's what you said. He just goes by Dan. Yeah, no, that's good.
SPEAKER_05But I think you can go by Dan. Dan. And then does the does the little crab, does BB does BB Great have any restrictions?
SPEAKER_00No, because he can be tall if he needs to.
SPEAKER_08It's the code switching, I guess. He can be tall if he needs to. So does his legs go? Just a little guy on really long, skinny legs.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, he can be tall if he needs to. Okay, so he's got extendo legs. Yeah. Um that's fine.
SPEAKER_05Code switching abilities and extendo legs. Kind of like Spectre Gadget, I guess. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04So is he is he robotic? Are the extendo legs natural?
SPEAKER_00They're natural. They unfold like a hummingbird's tongue. They kind of go blal. They're all folded up inside of them, but then they go blal.
SPEAKER_08Are they sort of like like um what would be the analogy? Like a folding cane, you know what I mean? So they're sort of like folded like on itself. So it's like, you know, left. Oh, yeah, because like that.
SPEAKER_04Not like an asp. It doesn't telescope, telescope. It kind of unfolds. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like a folding cane. If I had to say it as anything.
SPEAKER_08But one of them is a sword cane.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. One of the legs is a sword cane that you can take out and fight with. Okay. How does that work?
SPEAKER_04So it's just a casing around a sword? Like is the leg the sword?
SPEAKER_00One of his legs, yes. He lost his leg, and he had it replaced with a sword, and then he had it sheathed in shell.
SPEAKER_04Oh, somebody ate his leg for sure. We have to find that guy. He's at dinner. Oh.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_08He's at dinner, he's still eating. He's still eating it.
SPEAKER_05So we kind of know how I think probably Neil Politan and BB Great know each other from the ocean. From the ocean, yeah. Um how how did I I I like I like you all being like a party. How uh does Kodan just uh you've met Kodan along the way?
SPEAKER_04Uh we can get into this, but they were walking down a street and they walked into a foggy area, but it wasn't foggy. They were walking through me because I was missed, and then I formed into Godan and uh it's Kodan. And I said, um, but no, no, Kodan. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I have I I would like to propose a tweak to all of this. What if we were three dogos?
SPEAKER_07Just a quick little little just a little tweak to the left.
SPEAKER_06I mean, like, it's kind of up to the group. I'm all is true.
SPEAKER_04What if all is true? Okay, so you're a dog vampire. We're all these things that we are.
SPEAKER_00I'm a very small, helpful dog.
SPEAKER_04But we're in dog world.
SPEAKER_08What if we're both what if we're both parties? What if we're two parties? We're dog party and we're also this other party.
SPEAKER_04Oh, is that a DD thing? Can we be What if we're werewolves? Can we do two parties at the same time?
SPEAKER_08Full moon, we turn into doggos.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so we've got a lot of options on the table. Let's go through them.
SPEAKER_06We could go a full switch and just take all the stuff we've done and just decide on what kind of doggos we are and do that.
SPEAKER_05We could be we could be where doggos. So we're these these characters. I'm already a vampire. I'm just gonna have to say. Okay. But I could be both. Or we could do a mishmash where we take some of what we like about what we've created and put them into the doggos.
SPEAKER_00Full doggos, lose everything.
SPEAKER_05One full full doggo.
SPEAKER_04I like the middle version. I like where we turn into doggos.
SPEAKER_05Okay, you're the tiebreaker, uh, Kevin Lee.
SPEAKER_08Okay, I like the third option just to be confusing. Okay, great. You know what?
SPEAKER_06Okay, fine. Let's just do full doggos. Yes.
SPEAKER_07We're just dogs. Fine. Great. What kind of dogs are you?
SPEAKER_08And we can't talk English. We can't speak English. We have to bark and we have to smell each other's butts. Yeah. And we have to assert dominance.
SPEAKER_04So what is um what are you what kind of breeds of dog are you all? Uh I am a great Dane. My name is Mr. Barkles. Um I uh I'm a vampire barbarian.
SPEAKER_05Okay, fine.
SPEAKER_08You can be a turn to smoke, I can turn into a bat, I can turn into a guy that's a barbarian. Yeah. Backwards engineer your guy.
SPEAKER_05Uh what other kind of dogos do we have? Then fine.
SPEAKER_00I'll be uh a basset hound. Okay. My name is um uh pervert. Pervert. Okay.
SPEAKER_09Okay.
SPEAKER_00Is it spelled the same or is it like a different spelling? Okay. You'd think it would be different, but it's the same. Okay. Um and uh and I'm I'm you know, I'm happy. I'm a happy guy. That's good. Happy guy.
SPEAKER_04Uh and Kevin?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, please. I'm I'm coming up.
SPEAKER_04Shih Tzu, Labradoodle, uh uh a like uh like a hound or uh or uh or no we got a hound over there, or a a um what am I a uh ice dog? Oh Dalmatian's good. Gold Retriever. Gold Retriever, that's how it's going to be a good thing. Uh Cocker Spaniel.
SPEAKER_08Oh yeah, I'll do that. I'm gonna be I'll be uh I'll be a cock I'll be a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. Nice, I love Spaniels. And my name's gonna be Pretty Prince Bitch. Or pretty Prince Bitch. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So you're obviously uh you're above royalty. You're of royalty.
SPEAKER_08Yes, I'm of royalty.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, okay. Great.
SPEAKER_08PPP, I'm of royalty. I'm trying to escape the royalty, I'm trying to like get out and have an adventure, like sit our style. I'm like, oh my god, it's death. I gotta get out there and see the world.
SPEAKER_05So you're three doggos. That's good. Um I guess let's just go around the horn and have a little introduction. Um it's kind of crazy we did all that character building just to throw them out at the last minute, but that's fine. We're gonna water mine. You know, the first idea is sometimes the best idea. And uh, you know, we we can it was maybe a good warm-up, and we can use some of what we did for that character stuff uh maybe down the line. But um why don't we why don't we hear a little introduction? And obviously uh we we're just getting into it, so these voices can evolve, you know what I mean? Like right off the bat, you know, your impulse might feel like, oh, I want to go this way with it, but maybe after you have some encounters, as we call it, in the DD world, uh with uh NPCs, as we say, non-player characters, you might be like, actually, I think my my voice might sound different, and that's totally fine. Uh you can also narrate what you do in the world until you find the voice. So instead of like saying like I pick up the whatever, you know, you can be like, my character does this, my character does that, and that's totally fine too. So why don't we just if you want to do a monologue right now to introduce yourself, that's fine.
SPEAKER_08Monodogue.
SPEAKER_05If you want to just kind of narrate a little bit, a dog along, if you will. Uh but let's just go around the horn and then we'll and then we'll get into it. We'll just see if we can play some DD. Okay? So here it is. Let's hear from the party. Anyone can start. Introduce yourself to the world and to each other.
SPEAKER_00Okay, well, hello. My name is uh Pervert. I'm a basset hound. That's I did not pick my name, so don't put anything on me. It does not describe my character. I'm uh happy guy. Uh, all things considered. I would say that I'm on the unlucky side of life. I uh I was born to a large litter of dogs, and uh and they were all adopted except me, and I was finally just sort of got rid of. That's sad. They sort of just opened the cage and kind of shooed me away. Uh the breeder did. Were you a bit of a runt?
SPEAKER_08That's perverted.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, I was uh I was the opposite of a runt. I was huge. A gunt.
SPEAKER_08You're a brunt.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they called me either a brunt or a gunt. Uh they could never settle on it.
SPEAKER_09Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um I made my way into the world. I uh rode the rails for a little bit. I kept my spirits up. I set more than one I I started I would start those, I would start fires in a trash can, warm my hand, a little paws over it. Sing some doo-wop. And I was would of course sing some doo-wop.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um I was married to a human woman, got married.
SPEAKER_06Holy shit.
SPEAKER_01You got killed.
SPEAKER_05Can we just I just I just gotta interject here for a second? So when you doggos, are you all like walk? You're like you're like walking and talking like sort of like anthropomorphically. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Like I want to say something. In this world, doggos are like people we walk, we talk, we interact. It's like Brian from Family Guy. My dog just so happened to be raised in a litter in a ken. But that's not standard.
SPEAKER_04That's not standard. It's very weird at that to hear that.
SPEAKER_00Honestly, yeah. Honestly, it's like if you were breeding children in a pen to be sold on the black market. It's not cool. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's not weird. So when I escaped that, that was the greatest day of my life.
SPEAKER_04It's like almost like it's perverted to do that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. This is what yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's the irony of your name. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05What was the name of your human wife? Uh Gabrielle.
SPEAKER_07Oh, that's nice.
SPEAKER_05Nice. And things didn't work out. Uh uh, is that are you you're you is you're on the outs with her? Is she still with us?
SPEAKER_00Well, she ended up uh she ended up uh perishing. That's a good backstory. That's good.
SPEAKER_05I'm really sorry. That's good backstory. The stuff like that is good though. You know, you need stuff that your character can you know can drive your character, can motivate your character. Dark hit secrets in history, you know, that's good. That's good stuff.
SPEAKER_00I was driving.
SPEAKER_04It's your fault.
SPEAKER_00Or are you just complicit? I was yeah, I was no, I was just driving on the other side of town. I thought you got the pair. So we have cars.
SPEAKER_05No, no, no, no, no. We don't have cars. We don't have cars. There's whole.
SPEAKER_07I have one, I have the one.
SPEAKER_00I have one, and that's why I was so excited. I was spending all my time in the car, I wasn't noticing that. My wife was in need.
SPEAKER_08I was so excited about it.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so there's one car in this world. That's fine. And pervert has access to it. That's interesting. We'll find out why later. Okay, that's great. So, but normally it's mostly horses and carriages and wagons and stuff. So, okay, thank you, Pervert. That's wonderful.
SPEAKER_00I just want to say one thing. Yeah. I'll find the person who did this to my wife. Whether if it takes me the rest of my life.
SPEAKER_08If you have to drive forever.
SPEAKER_00If I have to drive forever. I will find them. Okay. And I will ask them why. Why. Beautiful. That's exciting.
SPEAKER_04That's a quest. Right, right.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's good stuff. Do we want to hear from Pretty Prince Bitch or Mr. Barkle next?
SPEAKER_04Barkle, you seem like you're ready to go. Okay, uh, so you find I am in a gothic castle. I'm a great I'm a great dane. I'm standing in front of a fireplace holding a candelabra, and I amble up to a throne-like chair. But I because I'm a great dane, I have bad knees and hips, so I'm like. And I sit down and I say, hello.
SPEAKER_03I am Mr. Burkle. You can call me Godan. Oh no. I am a vampire dog.
SPEAKER_05Who are you saying this to?
SPEAKER_04You're just in your castle? It's like there's a camera. It's like I'm addressing it like a couple.
SPEAKER_09There's a camera?
SPEAKER_04She has a camera. A camera. I'm addressing it like it's like a television like addressing to the nation. Yeah. Yeah. You said we could narrate what happened. Yeah. I'm narrating my castle. So I come from a big castle. Bad knees, bad hips.
SPEAKER_03I live alone, and I have lived alone for years. I thirst for human blood as a dog. Yes. Oh, my knees. And I get up. Oh, I'm a great Dane.
SPEAKER_02And then I pee pee.
SPEAKER_06Okay, great. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um so that's I I I guess like you you have a castle, so maybe you were like you lord it over um a village or something like that.
SPEAKER_04Or uh Yeah, I was sort of a Dracula type, like I had, you know, and then I I at one point somebody comes and they and I because I want to buy a house in London. Or whatever fantasy. Yeah, I know the stairs. Yeah, there's no London. There's no London. There might be a version of London. Yeah. So there's a big city, and I'm and I'm interested in buying real estate there. So somebody's coming to finalise a sale and end up.
SPEAKER_05Why don't we name that big city right now, uh guys? What's the big city? The big the big capital city in our world be called. Lon Dun. Dog? Dog Dun. Dog.
SPEAKER_02Dog London. Okay. But it's pronounced Dug London.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, Duglundon.
SPEAKER_02Dug London.
SPEAKER_05Okay, great. So there's obviously a lot of dogs in this world. It's a dog heavy world.
SPEAKER_04So maybe, maybe, because so I'm interested in getting some real estate in Dug London. So maybe that's that's so maybe we meet in Dug London instead of from Dog Dog Sylvania where I'm from. Okay.
SPEAKER_05We'll be meeting in a I've created a little village that we'll be meeting in, but we'll get to Doug London.
SPEAKER_04Because my name is Kodan slash Mr. Barkley, you can call me a great Dan instead of a great dane.
SPEAKER_05Oh. Great. That's interesting. And now finally, let's hear a little bit from um uh excuse me, um, what was it? Oh yeah, pretty Prince Bitch.
SPEAKER_08That's right. Um, so yeah, a pretty Prince Bitch. Um so uh since we're from Dog London, I'm coming from the royal family. Oh wow uh I come from a long line of um of pretty Prince Bitches and different uh royals. Uh I grew up in the lap of luxury, literally. And uh nice wealthy. Thank you. I'm used to having things handed to me. Uh you know, I grew up with a silver bone in uh in my mouth and uh and uh a stick that I go play fetch with up my ass. Um so I'm very uptight. Trying all the metaphors out. Oh, I see, I see. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Stick up here?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, um, but uh yeah, so I'm very uptight. I haven't seen much of the world, but I think I know everything. But you know, I I I realize that I haven't, you know. I once I looked I looked beyond the castle walls and I saw a dead, a dead dog in the street. Uh I actually saw a dead woman in the street, Gabrielle. I saw her and it it shocked me.
SPEAKER_04Oh no, you saw Gabrielle?
SPEAKER_08Well, I saw her dead in the street, and I was like, what is that? Death. I need to see the world. I need to see more of these dead bodies are so hot. So I decided to get out in the world and be a disgusting weird royal pervert.
SPEAKER_05Are you in disguise, pretty Prince Pitch? Yes, so no one knows yet. It's kind of like one of those situations.
SPEAKER_08Um, but I've done I've I've since gone out in the world and I've ducked my uh handler, like my my maid or whatever, my uh butlery person, my dog walker.
SPEAKER_09Okay.
SPEAKER_08Uh named Jim. Jim Jimmy. Okay, Jimmy Jimmy, yeah. Jim Jimmy. I ducked him and now I'm lost in the city. And uh and I meet I meet my friends here and we make a party. But my drive is to see the world, see more dead bodies that I think are hot. I want to find out how Gabrielle was made because I'm just like, what an exquisite creature. I think I'm slowly gonna become like Jack the Ripper. Like, I'm slowly gonna become a serial killer. Okay, you've got dark tendencies. I guess that's what's happening.
SPEAKER_05So it sounds like in this world we're creating together that maybe doggos are the dominant uh species. Like, are there more doggos than humans and dwarves and elves?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, dog, it seems like doggos are the humans. Like doggos walk and talk. You know, that's called Dog London.
SPEAKER_08Cars, they have cameras. Yeah, they have one car, one camera. Pretty Prince Bitch has an iPod. Okay. So you all get one thing.
SPEAKER_05We all get a thing, yeah. Fine, you all get a anecronistic. I would like it to be maybe their magical versions of these things we're describing, you know what I mean? So maybe it's like your iPod is like made of twigs, and it's P3 says for magical P3. Okay, magical P3. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And my the um pervert's car, the windows can roll down without you winding anything. You just push this magical button and adjust it. You push a magical button. And you can start the car without even inserting a key. Wow. Holy shit. Right.
SPEAKER_05Imagine a world. And what do you have? You have a camera.
SPEAKER_04I have a camera that transmits an image of me whenever I want to any mirror in the world. Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Now we're put now we're playing D. That's good.
SPEAKER_00That's D D.
SPEAKER_05That's good. Okay. Now one l one last thing, and then we'll get into it. You all should have a weapon.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Sorry.
SPEAKER_08All right.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that is funny.
SPEAKER_08But so when you when it projects your image to the mirror, you can't be seen in it, so like nothing happens in the mirror and there's no sound?
SPEAKER_04No, no. I can be seen in the mirror. I just can't see myself.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Okay. Okay, great. Um everyone should choose a weapon, and then we'll get into it. You should have a weapon that you use for defense. Uh traditionally in DD it's like knives, swords, bows, staffs. So uh what is what do all you have? And you can I'm gonna let you just select any weapon that you comes to mind and then we'll just put that in a couple of things.
SPEAKER_04Conan style broadsword. So you have a broadsword? Okay, great.
SPEAKER_08Uh cannon, cannon and cannonball. One cannonball.
SPEAKER_00One shot. A cannonball on like a chain, like uh crank it back. Yeah, you can pull it back. Oh, that's good.
SPEAKER_05Is it uh is it little or big?
SPEAKER_08It uh it's like medium size. Medium size. It's like it's like on a like a little like it's almost like I have to carry a wheelbarrow barrel around.
SPEAKER_05Okay, yeah. So that'll be that will inhibit you obviously sneaking around.
SPEAKER_08But it also has a cloak on it. It looks like I have like I'm selling things on a cart.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Okay, great.
SPEAKER_04The lights a wick shoots it, but it's attached to a chain. Oh god. And so you don't lose the ball.
SPEAKER_00Okay, and pervert. Uh bear spray.
unknownNice. Okay.
SPEAKER_00So there are bears in this world.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, so I yeah, I guess it's kind of leaning into sort of a furry situation. Oh no.
SPEAKER_08So the race of bears is a problem, and you have specific spray for that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So it's not it's not gonna be an aerosol can, it's gonna be like some kind of little magical carton that sprays uh a spray, like mace or something like that. But we can refer to it as bear spray uh for for.
SPEAKER_00It's a carton?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's like a little uh cylinder. So uh but it mat and it magically sprays something. Just to keep it kind of in the world, you know, in the fantasy world. Yeah. So it's a it's an enchanted, it's an enchanted cylinder.
SPEAKER_00Sounds like you're describing spray. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's it's it's filled with the it's a pressurized filled with the gas.
SPEAKER_00Through the power, through mere touch. The spray could come out. A mist emerges incapacitating one's enemies.
SPEAKER_05Actually, which is interesting because if you are a vampire, you could maybe put uh um Mr. Barkle into the I could be put into the spray and spray into the spray. Yeah. You could maybe spray him through small spaces if you ever get into uh, you know, a tungent crawl. Yeah. Wow. Okay, so this is a great we have our party. Good job. Okay, you know, like we've created characters, we have weapons, and now we're gonna get into the little world I've set up for you. Okay, and so obviously we know that we're playing D. Now we're about to play DD. So get your dice rollers ready, whatever. I'm gonna set the scene a little bit. Okay, nothing. Didn't ask you to roll yet, but that's good that you know how. Okay. I guess, yeah. And pervert, you want to roll? No. Okay. I understand the rules. Yeah, okay, great, great. So uh here we go. Um we're gonna take you to the town of Brackenridge, okay? The town of Brackenridge. And Brackenridge is. By foot or by train? By car. Or by car. By car, it's about it's about a 30-minute drive.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_08Or for coach and uh by cloud. Like how fast can you travel by cloud?
SPEAKER_05Cloud would be about I would say cloud is about an hour.
SPEAKER_00Wait a second. Wait a second. It's two hours by foot, half an hour by car. This must be a winding road.
SPEAKER_05The roads probably aren't great. It isn't really built, it's really windy. It goes through some very, very dangerous sections, you know, your swamps, your deserts, a lot of different bioes.
SPEAKER_08Can I ask a question? What it also depends on like what level of car are we talking about? Are we talking about like a Model T or are we talking about like a 2026 like Range Rover, like a Defender sport? Perfect.
SPEAKER_00Describe your car. It's a 94 Ford Bronco white. It can handle some shit. Okay. It's seen some shit. So you have OJ's car. Okay. OJ's escape vehicle. You have OJ's car. I bought it, it didn't come cheap. Yeah. Full of gloves. Okay.
SPEAKER_05So yes. So Brackenridge, it's outside of Dog London. You know, maybe we'll get to is it Dog London or Doug London? Doug London. Doug London. Um, so it's uh it's it's a it once it was a once bustling town, okay? You back in the day, caravans used to pass through all the time. The road was busy with travelers and traders, and now that road kind of bends away from Brackeridge to like a different thoroughfare. It's like it's seen its heyday, trade has slowed down, and it's a shadow of what it used to be, okay? It sits in a shallow valley, hemmed in by dark woods to the north and low hills to the south. Um the well at the center of town is old and deep and brings up only dirty water. Oh, a lot of the young people have left for bigger towns, you know what I mean? Everyone keeps their doors unlocked, but not out of trust, but just out of like resignation, you know. People kind of giving up. Right?
SPEAKER_00Is it part of the rules that you have to sort of fondle your own nipples while you're describing this scene? Yeah, pretty horned up talking about this.
SPEAKER_07You're horned up. You're horned up. Okay, like valleys to the south. Yeah. Only bad water.
SPEAKER_04Oh, water in the naughty water.
SPEAKER_00Water's not water's filthy.
SPEAKER_05Just trying to set the scene. Okay. Good. I'll try to be less horny. I'll try to be less horny.
SPEAKER_00Water in the well is recently single. Naughty, dirty water.
SPEAKER_08Can I make it wet?
SPEAKER_00Be a shame if someone were some were to get on those seeds and in that soil.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Okay, so you're gonna find yourselves in the middle of town, there's a tavern called the Bent Tankard, which I guess now it sounds a bit horny. I suppose. Okay.
SPEAKER_06And it's at the center of the town.
SPEAKER_08The curved to the right keg of beer.
SPEAKER_00The rock hard pint.
SPEAKER_05And the sign on it is actually does have a bend in it. It's been like impacted a long time ago. So that's kind of what how it got its name. I think maybe it used to be called something else. The tankard, probably. Yeah, now it's the bent tank. Straight tankard. Okay. And it's your standard fantasy tavern, you know what I mean? Like smoke-filled air, it's crowded, ale, you know what I mean? A big long bar. Things are scratched into the tables and stuff, like messages, I guess, horny notes. Yeah. No, just just stuff. Just like, you know, stuff. Stuff's been scratched. It's, you know, there's a big fire crackling with a hearth. There's always something roasting on it, pots hanging over the fire, bubbling. You know, it's welcoming, but it's also maybe there's lots of uh maybe it feels a little a little shady. Kind of like where Frodo, you know, where he met the the what's his name in uh Lord of the Rings. Strider, the the yeah.
SPEAKER_08The what's the clientele like? Is it all dogs? Is it uh what's like the Well, there's one guy smoking a pipe in the corner.
SPEAKER_05I guess it's majority doggos, based on our world.
SPEAKER_00What's the ratio?
SPEAKER_04And is it like is there owl people, rat people, dog people? How many bears are there?
SPEAKER_05So no bears, no bears.
SPEAKER_08How many ninja turtles are there?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, there's four ninja turtles. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_08How many Transformers are there? How many Ninja Turtles? So there's four Ninja Turtles.
SPEAKER_00Uh approximately how many Japanese rats would you say are in the car?
SPEAKER_05Yeah. So just four Ninja Turtles, mostly doggos, okay, and then a smattering of elves and dwarves.
SPEAKER_04I mean, I guess for a dying like town, this is rammed tavern with a lot of people. Yeah. Or a lot of anaphok.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess maybe maybe we'll make it a little less crowded. That's a good case. Oh, you said what you said. Okay, fine. I took my hands off the chess piece. It's packed. It's packed. The town is dying, but the tavern is packed because it's a bit of a it's a dive. People like to go. It's a dive bar that people like to go to.
SPEAKER_00It's a dive bar.
SPEAKER_05It's a rammed dive bar.
SPEAKER_08It's also like Roadhouse. There's like a band, but they're behind a chain like fence. People are throwing bottles at it, like smashing and stuff. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's got that vibe too. Throw grips going on. Okay. And behind the bar is uh is the is the tavern keeper, uh, a woman named Marta. I have to go down here to uh to my notes, sorry.
SPEAKER_08Oh pervert. This is in your thing. Yeah, pervert.
SPEAKER_05Pervert's on the prowl.
SPEAKER_08Pervert's ready to get back in the room. Rebounding. Marta hard. Marta Fibbles a little mist.
SPEAKER_05Marta Fibbles. Marta Fibbles is behind the bar. The tavern keeper and the owner. If it was a dog, it'd be Marta Kibbles. Sorry. And then you notice in the corner, you do notice in the corner, uh I I guess are you well I have a question for you all. You don't live here. You're on the road, right? You're traveling, you're just on your way for adventure. You're on your way to dog lunch.
SPEAKER_08Have we met already now? Are we already meeting? Are we meeting here?
SPEAKER_05What's that's a I'm I'm up for either. I I always say it's better that you know each other beforehand. Like you're all you're already know each other, so you don't have to like we do this whole like pro pronounced like sort of improv about how you meet. But I'm also open if you want to meet here and become a group. I'm I'm fine for whatever you guys feel.
SPEAKER_00Well, it's a packed tavern, so perhaps we'd all end up at the same table just out of necessity.
SPEAKER_04Nice. And we have we have to find some sort of common goal to make us a party, right? Okay, okay. I love this.
SPEAKER_05So okay, Marta says, Rot this way, I've got one table left. Do you want sitting together?
SPEAKER_04I'm it just so you know, I'm missed during this time. Because that's how I travel mostly.
SPEAKER_00Here's what Pervert says to Marta. Um English, please?
SPEAKER_05Uh she sort of stares you up and down and spits on the floor in kind of like like anger, and then points to the table and walks away to to serve some other customers. So you all are all sit down at the table and talk to each other.
SPEAKER_04Well, I swirl like my mist swirls and then like a tornado and then f and then solids up into uh Mr. Barkles. Whose name is Mr. Barkles.
SPEAKER_08I don't know. Never and I I'm pushing people out of the way to make room for my canon. I'm like, excuse me, pardon me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Uh just trying to get my canon some room here.
SPEAKER_00And then I see uh uh Pervert sees the missed man, uh the vampire dog sort of assemble as a inform next to him, and he goes, What an entrance.
SPEAKER_08And I said, What did I missed?
SPEAKER_00And then and then Pervert says, Okay, I think we're all gonna be friends. I agree.
SPEAKER_05I think we are a party. Marta comes back three ales. Marta is the tavern. No, I said I said, ooh, it's Marta. Oh, excuse me. I thought he said, Who's Marta? I apologize, I apologize. And says we all go, Marta! Oi, this is from the gentleman in the corner. Sir Eric, he is. He sent it over, he sends it over, he likes to cut yo jib. And you look to the corner and you see a regal but older man. His name is Sir Eric, and he sits and he's and he and he he um he uh he he sort of gestures with his with his cup.
SPEAKER_08Jerking off?
SPEAKER_05No, no, he's oh he do a cheer. He gives us a little cheer.
SPEAKER_00Sir Eric's rubbing his cuff up and down and licking his lips at all of us.
SPEAKER_02So I I go, I mean, I don't think I'm interested in Sir Eric's advances.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so here's what Sir Pervert does. I I dump out the drink. I'm like, there's no way we're trusting this. Yeah. In this day and age, there's no way.
SPEAKER_08I go, yeah, I go, Marta, we need if we get drinks, you need to pull them right in front of us. We need to see it happen.
SPEAKER_02I don't want to be drugged by this pervert. Excuse me, pervert. I didn't mean to call him a pervert, but he could be a pervert, pervert. It's okay.
SPEAKER_08Why don't you send him three drug drinks from us? Thank you very much.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Marta, if you could send him three drinks from us and put drugs in them. Thank you. Put it on my tab.
SPEAKER_05I don't really have any drugs myself, but I can bring you free free drinks and you can decide what you want to do with them, and then I can take them over.
SPEAKER_00Marta, we said what we said. Side away.
SPEAKER_08Change your mind, and I take out I take out like a like a shiny, like royal like gold piece. It's like never been never seen in the hands of any.
SPEAKER_05Oh wow. Okay, that's it. So you hu huge. Okay, fine. Marta goes, all right. Um, you know, I'll I'm gonna I what I'll do is I'll take I'll take the drinks. So Marta's gonna do this because it's a lot of money. Um but I'm gonna roll. I'm gonna roll to see how effective the drugs are. So she's also like even what kind of thing. Yeah, she's gonna she I mean she's kind of improvising, right? Like she's gonna do what you say because of the gold, but like what well, how much what she has behind the counter. What what actually it'd be more fun if you guys roll, okay? Okay. Why don't you roll? Someone give me a roll, and and depend depending on how high it is, based on the difficulty check, I'll decide what kind of uh drugs and how how how successful it's oh that's fun.
SPEAKER_00All right, I'll work for you guys. I'll roll a 20 here cider here. Okay. So um, oh, I got a twenty. Oh, she's got 20. Natural 20.
SPEAKER_08Sir, sir, whatever.
SPEAKER_06Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_05So yeah, it works out perfectly. Uh Marta goes behind the counter, and I guess she's got like, I don't know, some like kind of hemlocky type thing that is completely tasteless.
SPEAKER_06Oh, but he's probably gonna die. No, I don't think it's gonna die. Let's see. Takes three drinks over. Sir Eric goes gives you a thumbs up, drinks two of the drinks.
SPEAKER_05And slumps over immediately, either unconscious or clinging to life.
SPEAKER_00Well, here's what Burbert says: carisis averted. Good job.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I go. I do not like to meet new people. Thank you. Listen. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Gentle dogs. I have a hunger for blood. I need to do it. I will just say that Sir Eric was kind of like the whole hook into the adventure I had planned, and you've knocked him out with your first sort of uh move. So um I just want to put that out there. Obviously, you can do whatever you want. This is DD, you can take any direction, anything you want. So what we know is you've just met, you're hitting it off pretty well. You dumped out drinks that were sent over to you by Sir Eric. You then convinced through bribery Marta to drug Sir Eric, who just like accepted your goodwill and is now just unconscious. So that's where we are, and you're in the smoke. So there you're in the you're in the bent tanker.
SPEAKER_04I my character needs to feed on blood. Um so I'm wondering if I could follow someone into the bathroom to uh to to drink.
SPEAKER_00Could we could we what if he dragged the unconscious Sir Eric into the bathroom and fed on him?
SPEAKER_08Okay, great. Uh do you maybe want to if he does do that, will he also pass out because he's drinking drug blood?
SPEAKER_05Oh, really good. I think that'll be a that'll that'll be all part of it. Why don't you tell your friends what you need, um, Mr. Barkle, and uh sort of see what happens here. I need to feed on blood.
SPEAKER_03The blood of a human. I am a vampire.
SPEAKER_00What should I do? Here's what Pervert says to that. Okay. Uh he calls out to Marta and he says, Yeah, I think I'll get that check over here. We already paid with a big shirt.
SPEAKER_08And then it's always just like a um a dudely dude.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you know what?
SPEAKER_02I think I'll get that check over here. Oh, young Pervert, you have nothing to worry about. I only drink the blood of humans, not doggos.
SPEAKER_00Okay. And then I then Pervert says to Marta, you know what? Keep that tab open.
SPEAKER_05I heard none of that, but uh so far away and you're saying it so quietly.
SPEAKER_08To like the back of somebody right like a ninja turtle right behind you. But they just hear bark bark bark bark bark bark.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, are we speaking dog to each other, or do we or is it just a common thing?
SPEAKER_05Great question. You obviously can speak both English, but you also can if you want to speak doggo to each other and sort of have private conversations, obviously. Yeah. So there's a language there. Uh, Prince, what do you think of uh this uh offer to uh yeah, since I'm sort of a little bit um you know privilege or whatever.
SPEAKER_08I'm willing to help. I'm sort of like, okay, yeah, this sounds like a good experience. I want to try this. So I use a bike lock to lock my uh canon to the table. Nice. And then I uh and then I'm like, let's get let's go, let's try this out.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so you've all agreed to try to drag Sir Eric's either corpse or like a unconscious body.
SPEAKER_02It'll have gone bad and I won't feed.
SPEAKER_05So you're gonna have to figure out a way, because that's gonna people are gonna notice. Like, no one knows really knows there's a lot of drunk people in this bar, but like, you know, like you're you're trying to drag them into the restrooms, right? So I feel like you need to figure out a way. How are you gonna do this without drawing too much attention to yourselves, or are you just gonna do it?
SPEAKER_08I think we go over and pretend like we're talking to them, we're like, oh, look at you, you're so drunk. You gotta go to the bathroom.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, because we've it people watching might have seen that there's been a little bit of a rapport established with the winking and the rubbing of the glass.
SPEAKER_00What's this guy's name again? Sir Eric. Okay, great. Yeah. We'll do a little bit of a weekend uh weekend of Bernie's Bernie's.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, great. So I think once someone has to roll on this, so that's your idea. You're gonna go.
SPEAKER_08Conan has um sunglasses, so you're gonna put that on him.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, I'll take my sunglasses and put them on.
SPEAKER_04Well, so that's all part of the roll, right?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, this is so I I think this is a pretty good idea. It's gonna be a pretty easy roll. Like you don't have to roll that high to make it happen. But if you roll like five or under, it's gonna go completely haywire, basically. So see what happens here. Okay, give us a roll.
SPEAKER_04Here we go. First roll of the day for me.
SPEAKER_05Five. Five. Wow. Okay, so you're just so you just this goes this is go it goes very poorly. So let's um showing us the five. Yeah. So you go over there. Um you like it's a situation where like I don't know, you like blow your cover immediately. So I think like you go over there and try to have a conversation and pretend like you know and put the sunglasses on them and try to get them up and go to the bathroom, but um I uh it goes awry.
SPEAKER_08So I like trip, I trip and I like hit the table with my chest and it bumps into Sir Eric and he like flops out of his chair, like clearly, like out of it. I'm like and I make this really loud noise that like causes people to look over.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, okay, good. Yeah, and Sir Eric's head hits the stone ground really hard, and it goes, there's like a splat and a crunch, and uh and then blood pools out from his head, like he starts to drool out of my great Dane jowls because I see the blood.
SPEAKER_08And he shits so hard. He's like, So what does his head pops? It goes and all the shit comes flying out of his butt so much that he slides a foot and a half.
SPEAKER_04He's like through the blood of his head.
SPEAKER_00Pervert sticks his nose really close to the shit and he goes, Yep, that's shit.
SPEAKER_04And then I I get really close to the blood and start lapping it up because it's it came from a technically a live person who's now the life is draining. So I start lapping up the blood.
SPEAKER_08And I go, Pervert, I got this one. Uh clean up on aisle head. And I go, we don't need a mup in a bucket.
SPEAKER_00Okay. And then Pervert says this to the crowd. He says this to the crowd. He's got a microphone. Is there an audience?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, for sure there is. Everyone's watching.
SPEAKER_00Tell me there's no poo vampires in here. There are. You guys are in for a field day.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Are there any poo vampires? Can we roll to see if there's a poo vampire in the Okay, yeah. Someone roll to see if there's a Pooh vampire.
SPEAKER_05You gotta roll. Here we go. But it's gonna be you have to get you have to get like 18, 19, or 20. Okay, I didn't know that, so I'm gonna roll again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_0416. No poo vampire. No poo vampires. There's no free.
SPEAKER_00Well, what happens if it's a 16 and it's close?
SPEAKER_04That's pretty close.
SPEAKER_00Okay, how about this?
SPEAKER_05There's a poo vampire. No fecal freaks. Maybe there's a piss vampire who's like, dang it. There's a there's a poo vampire apprentice. Uh who's trying to become a poo vampire. Yeah, familiar. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Well he goes like this. I'll be right back.
SPEAKER_00Then he goes, he gets on his phone and he calls his master and he goes, are those phones?
SPEAKER_01Those phones.
SPEAKER_05Oh no. Ryan froze out of frustration. Okay, so yeah. So that's happening, that's happening, that's happening. Um so the the crowd is listening to you, and someone the the Pooh vampire apprentice has run off to find his master, and then uh someone else runs off to like, I better tell Sergeant Wren, the watch will be in here in a minute. You're a murderous, you all are. Oh, so he runs off out the door.
SPEAKER_04I turn into mist and I chase after him because that guy's gotta go down before he walks down.
SPEAKER_08I go and I unlock my uh cannon and I start asking people to move out of the way and I start wheeling it after him.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so yeah, you uh you've you unlock your can cannon successfully. Um I guess um Mr. Barkle, so you missed, you catch him at the door. What do you do? You unmissed at the door. I unmissed at the door, and I say, going somewhere. He pushes past you and gets up the door. Oh, I guess you are. I go, my knee.
SPEAKER_03I have bad knees.
SPEAKER_05Look, I turn into a bad battery. I guess you you can turn into a bad. I guess um, Prince, you have one shot. I'll give you one shot with the cannon to see if you can catch him.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so I are we outside right now. Am I shooting?
SPEAKER_05No, you're inside. You'll be firing your cannon inside towards the door. Towards the door where he's just pushed past me.
SPEAKER_00That's a really good quest so far. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Yeah, I gotta shoot. I'm saying, and I'm saying, I like the way I'm going, I'm gonna shoot, I'm gonna shoot.
SPEAKER_05I roll the 15. You roll the 15? Okay, so yeah, you get him. You get him. You also explode the front part of the of the of the bent tanker.
SPEAKER_08So like I hit him so hard he explodes through the front of the tavern.
SPEAKER_00What if he shoots he shoots it and then the sign unbends?
SPEAKER_08Yeah. It goes like boonk back straight again.
SPEAKER_05So the sign unbends, the front part of the tank is completely blown off, the man is dead, he's disintegrated. Yeah, he's like powdered. And everyone is in shock. They're in shock. They've just they've just seen nothing to see. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And I'm just cranking back the chain again. I'm getting the ball back.
SPEAKER_05And you do hear now, you do you hear like the sound of like uh like horses being mounted, shouts from the other side of town. People inside are just like flabbergasted, covered in soot, and like you know when people are physically in shock, like they can't even speak. Yeah. Okay, and so what do you do?
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna kill myself.
SPEAKER_05No, no, that's my one rule.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I put my can I put my cannon in my mouth.
SPEAKER_00Uh I I guess what we gotta we gotta freaking get out of here. Yeah, we gotta high tail it.
SPEAKER_02Does anybody have the car? The one car.
SPEAKER_00No, my car's across town. Oh, your shop? Way across town.
unknownDamn.
SPEAKER_00Because I was gonna get I was gonna get drunk tonight, so I was gonna D D. I can call Uber.
unknownD D.
SPEAKER_00Wait, D D.
SPEAKER_02That's really good of you to consider not not driving. Let's just run. I'll turn to mist.
SPEAKER_08I'll ride my cannon. So I like turn it backwards and I fire it and I let it like ride down the street.
SPEAKER_00That's good. I try to chase after them, but I slip in the blood and poo, and I um then I wallow. I wallow in it. I find uh I find a gun on the ground.
SPEAKER_05No, there's no gun. There's no gun on the ground. But I like I like Kevin's idea. I like so like why don't you all get on the cannon, you're gonna fire it and see if you can and shoot yourself across town to the car.
SPEAKER_08Um and because I'm not putting the cannonball in, I'm just firing gunpowder charges for the momentum.
SPEAKER_05And I think this is where we'll this is this is a nice little natural leaving point. You'll either get to the car or you won't be able to get to the car, and I feel like that's a nice place to sort of like you'll either be injured. Captured or cat and captured, exactly, or you'll be at the car ready to hightail it out of there, I guess, trying to get to the glundon.
SPEAKER_08Or pervert will have successfully committed suicide by hanging himself on a block of ice and no one will know how it happened.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Okay, so we sit on the cannon. Yeah, who wants to roll?
SPEAKER_08So like straddling the cannon. Okay, so I roll. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Fourteen. Fourteen. Okay. Yeah. You do successfully blast yourself over there, but you're all you all take one injury, though. So just let me know what what uh one injury you're gonna be dealing with. Uh it's not life-threatening. Okay. You know what I mean? It could be a broken this, it could be a scarred that, it could be whatever, but like it wasn't, it was like not a on a smooth ride. You hit a bunch of debris as you land, or you know what I mean? Like you barely hang on and you land roughly. So what happens?
SPEAKER_04My already kind of bad hips and knees take a take a bit more of a of a of a bump. So now they're really bad.
SPEAKER_01Oh, my bad hips.
SPEAKER_08I singe my beautiful uh thick curling locks on my big thick ears. I s I singe them and they they burn a little bit. Um my hearing. Uh I think I get ringing in my ears, I get tinnitus.
SPEAKER_00I get smoked in the balls and uh and I go I go like this.
SPEAKER_08You sat with your like with your balls right on the hole.
SPEAKER_00And I I go cross-eyed and I say and I say, um, okay, next time I drive.
SPEAKER_05Okay, you know what? And that's a nice ending point. What will happen next time? Obviously, we're gonna be on the run. The watch, Sir Wren and the watch are gonna be on your tail. You've blown up the bent tanker, but unbent the time. Sir Eric, who had like the reams of information of the adventure I wanted you to do, is is dead. He had a chance to live. He had a chance to live, but no, then he hit his head really hard as he tried to weaken and Bernie's himself.
SPEAKER_08I think his head was like soft, like an old canopy.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it really exploded on the crack. It really exploded. Any poo. It was very violent, and who knows, there could have been some other collateral damage. We might run into more poo vampires down the road.
SPEAKER_08But he might have been sabotaged. There might have been something going on with him.
SPEAKER_05There is maybe a poo vampire also on your trail. Which is great, uh, which is fine. And and you you've all kind of met at the which is nice. You've met each other, and now you're in the fucking white Bronco, and you're high tailing the bug run.
SPEAKER_00Oh, we made it to the Bronco. Yeah, you made it all the way to the Bronx.
SPEAKER_05You're being chased by police in a white Bronco. This was a great session 0.5, as we call it in DD. We built our characters, then we threw them away and just became doggos.
SPEAKER_00Um It's that classic.
SPEAKER_05That's standard. That's standard. That's kind of standard, you know. I just like to say, yes, as a as a as a dungeon master, and you know, I think you guys did a really good job in in some capacities as well. Um, you know, maybe next time we meet, I'll put a little bit more uh restrictions on it, but we we've built the world successfully, we kind of know where we are and we know what we're driving at, and and now what so it's a cool hook, which we found, which wasn't what I wanted, but the what what we found is that you're now all on the run together, which is which is great, I think.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, kind of a D adventure. Like the adventure is coming to us. Cool.
SPEAKER_05Okay, great. Did you guys have a good time?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah. I love I think I know how to play D D now, which is awesome. Yeah, yeah. It's a no from saying no.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I wanted us to be just dogs hanging out.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, that's why we're trying to commit suicide and we're like check fleas like to try to get out of there.
SPEAKER_04Maybe I should drive next time.
SPEAKER_08I think maybe I'm gonna leave the riverside.
SPEAKER_00I think next time we're gonna have to have a stronger hand with you, Ryan. Okay, that's fair.
SPEAKER_01I think we were a bit railroaded, a little bit too much railroaded by the DM.
SPEAKER_05That's a fair, that's a fair note. Yeah. Um, I'll take that. But the night the next session we will have a nice long car ride. It is half hour by car to Doug London, so maybe there can be just a nice bit of a hangout time for them for the dog.
SPEAKER_04Well, we might come in contact with bandits on the road who try to rob us.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Thanks for tuning in, everyone. Uh I hope you've enjoyed the adventure, and we're gonna get episode two next time.