Nightmare Party
Comedian Ryan Beil has finally convinced some of his comedian friends (Mark Little, Kevin Lee, Mark Chavez and other surprise guests along the way) to play DND! It's a fantasy adventure podcast where the Dungeon Master shows up ready to play and the players show up ready to absolutely ruin it. A riff heavy, hilarious experience for people that love DND and hate DND.
Nightmare Party
Nightmare Party - Whisker Knives
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Our heroes encounter a dangerous gang.
Hey everyone, welcome back to Nightmare Party. Uh, the only DD podcast you need to listen to. Uh again, my name is DM or GM Ryan Beale. BM. Or BM? Yeah, exactly. And I've convinced three of my funniest and most imaginative friends to play DD with me. This is episode three. Now, again, just for those maybe just tuning in, we're playing a very rules pared-down version of Dungeons and Dragons. So we're only rolling a D20, only sometimes when we need to. We're mostly focusing on story and having a good time too, right, guys? That's right, Ryan. Yeah.
unknownUh huh.
SPEAKER_10I just want to say that uh uh uh when you said the name of the podcast, Nightmare Party, which I think is the first time you've officially stated that on uh Kevin mouthed the words Nightmare Party. He was very he seemed very excited about that, but also uh mouthed it in a way that was very wet.
SPEAKER_11I take it wet, Kevin. Did you wet mouth nightmare party?
SPEAKER_08I'm so sorry, I had no idea.
SPEAKER_10I could make it out through the moisture.
SPEAKER_11Oh, nightmare party.
SPEAKER_06Oh yeah, I'm plotted. Um can we can we just remind everyone about who we are as characters, and then I'll remind everyone where we are in stories. So let's start with you, Mark Chavez. Who are you? What do you plan?
SPEAKER_11Uh my name is uh uh Mr. Mr. Barkles, formerly known as Kodan the Barbarian. Uh I am a uh uh Saint, no, a um Great Dane dog. Yep, yeah. Uh but we're anthropomorphized a bit. We have arms and legs and tails and dog heads. Uh and I'm uh I'm a barbarian, and that's uh that's that's me.
SPEAKER_06Fantastic. Mark Little, who are you? What are you playing?
SPEAKER_10Well, I believe I play a dog also named Pervert, of course.
SPEAKER_06You're all dogs. You're all dogs. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10No, if if memory strikes, I believe I'm also a dog. In this in this party of three dogs in a world of mostly dogs. I believe I too am a dog.
SPEAKER_02We were on our way to dog London.
SPEAKER_10Dog London. Uh, I'm pervert. I don't remember what kind of dog I am. Basset hound.
SPEAKER_06Your basset hound, your basset hound.
SPEAKER_10And uh, and I'm a bit and uh a bit of a bit of a cad, maybe you'd say.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, a bit of a cat. And your your wife has tragically died.
SPEAKER_10Oh yeah, and yeah, and I had a bunch of her clothes in the trunk of the trunk of your 94 Ford Bronco. Yes. White.
SPEAKER_11And uh the only car in the world.
SPEAKER_10The only car in the world. Tragically crashed now.
SPEAKER_06It's still working, but it's upside down. We'll get to that in a minute. And Kevin Lee, who are you? What are you playing?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, my character is Pretty Prince Bitch. I am a King Charles Cavalier, a former royal who has left their royal station to explore the world. Yeah. And I think in a sort of reverse Siddhartha, I think I saw a dead body and was like, ooh, I want to know what that is. Instead of, oh my god, there's suffering in the world. I was like, I want to know. And um there's uh and I have a cannon.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, the cannon has um figured prominently in the story so far. An actual cannon like you would see on a pirate ship, and you've been firing that left, right, and center. Yes.
SPEAKER_08And it was strapped to the kayak on top of the th the Bronco, which is flipped over now. But yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06So yeah, let's let's get into it where we are. So there was a crazy chase last episode. Um you were on the run, basically, from the police, from the cops, from the watch. Uh lots happened. Um, and you're now uh somewhere into the forest. Upside down, the Bronco is. The cops are dead. You killed the cops. Uh, there was also uh uh a bunch of deers.
SPEAKER_08Almost all the cops because one cop is still alive.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, he went away to find his yeah, because of the his kid. Uh that's kind of a B plot, which we'll get to. Uh not today necessarily. Um yeah, we'll see.
SPEAKER_09Let's do it today.
SPEAKER_06Okay, we'll see. Yeah, okay. We'll see. We'll see. Open world, right? Let's finish it. It is open world. We could we could see a little taste of that, of course. Uh, there were the the crows, the chickadee crew who were home aloneing the series of deer. Yeah. Uh they got away. The three guys were on vacation are now dead. Oh, yeah. Um, but remember you you fired the cannon, the Bronco was launched into the forest, it is now upside down, and you were surrounded by an army of cat bandits. So you're doggos, and here's a bunch of cats. I thought that was a cool little sort of um oh you know, cats and dogs happen.
SPEAKER_11Why are we going to London to dog London again?
SPEAKER_06You asked this last episode. So it's like it's a place where you can a disappear to, you know, it's a big city.
SPEAKER_08Um we all just want to get lost in the big city.
SPEAKER_10Ryan, I'd like to roll for you not to be allowed to talk to Mark that way anymore. Yeah. Okay, great. It's a great role.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so I'm gonna make this an even roll. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Tenor under. I also like Mark Chavez to roll to um not have Mark Little fight his battles for him.
SPEAKER_06Okay, great. Two rolls right off the bat, and I love this. And this is why we play DD because we roll the dice. Yeah. So let's do first Mark Little rolling.
SPEAKER_11For me to not talk, I guess, like a bit condescending, a bitingly reprimandy, chippy.
SPEAKER_06So ten or under, I cannot. Yeah. Eleven or above, I can. You can choose to. I can choose to.
SPEAKER_10So here's the thing I rolled a seven.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so I cannot I cannot. You cannot. Even when I talk like sort of politely, people accuse me of being condescending. So we'll see how I do. Yeah. Um Mark's honor system. Yes. Would you please uh and thank you, um, roll the dice to see if now see now it sounds worse.
SPEAKER_11Like now, I'll try, I'll try to be normal.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Hey Mark. Yeah. Oh wow. Uh now Kevin has suggested that you roll to see if Mark Little will stop fighting your battles, right, Kevin?
SPEAKER_08Yep.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. So again, 10 and under. Uh Mark will stop speaking up for you. 10 and above, or 11 and above. Mark will speak up for you even more. Okay. Okay, here I'm rolling.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Here we go. It is a two. So Mark has to stop fighting my battles, which is good. Really bad for me.
SPEAKER_06Pipe up Mark Little when you think you would have uh, you know, like tried to defend Mark Chavez, but you can't, you know, end up fighting that fight. But we still want to hear when you might want to.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, maybe you can just say like this is a moment, and then that'll be a clue to me that maybe I need to stick up for myself. That's great, Mark. Yeah. Thanks, Ryan.
SPEAKER_06Um, so where was I? Oh yeah. So you've been surrounded by the do you remember the name of the bandit crew? There's and there's hundreds of them. Hundreds of them! Hundreds of them. And they are the cat bandits. No, the whisker knives. Whisker knives. Oh, I didn't take that knives.
SPEAKER_04Whisker knives. You've stumbled into the territory of the whisker knives. Okay.
SPEAKER_06And like three or four cats per one of you, like comes and swiftly disarms you, you know, like like sort of like Can we roll to do that?
SPEAKER_11That seems like Yeah.
SPEAKER_08They take my cannon from me. My cannon has a fingerprint uh activated uh thing like guns in sci-fi movies, so like they can't.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so I will allow that because it does kind of sound fairly magical. So, but they can't fire it, but they do take it from you. Okay. I I just feel like there's an there's there's the the amount of them based on you know, like there's like hundreds of them and there's three of you, right? There's hundreds. Oh, it's like a ton of cats. It's like an army of cats, some bigger, some smaller, some in between. Okay. And they're they've got eye patches, you know, like little leather cowls. Classic bandits. Some of the the cat ears have earrings in it. Oh my god. You know? That's so cool. And so they disarm you.
SPEAKER_10But all the earrings are on the right side. Gay.
SPEAKER_06The earrings are on either side of it.
SPEAKER_05Some of them have both, even. No, just the right.
SPEAKER_08Double gay.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_06Never put a beer into the right ear. You can do you can do in this world, you can do either ear, and it does not signify gay or straight. Wow. Okay, so the whisker knives have you. And so the Bronco is upside down. You've got spears to your throat, knives to your head, you know, swords to your back.
SPEAKER_08Little caps, little leather caps.
SPEAKER_10One of the cats looks at us and says, Three fellas. Looks like we've come to the right place.
SPEAKER_09Yummy, yummy.
SPEAKER_08And they go, Yes, because of course, all dogs are boys and all cats are girls. So gay girls.
SPEAKER_06First and foremost, the cats are of many genders and they are of many sexual orientations. Wow. And so they say to you, one of them who's got got your got you held up like this, says, wait for Nyx. Nix will want to talk to you.
SPEAKER_11Where's Nyx now? Nick's is just coming. All of you came except for Nyx. Nix is the leader.
SPEAKER_10All right. Now, one of the cats, I I would like one of the cats to get a uh text from Nix.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so phones are part of the world. Last week we did a lot of phone stuff. Um, and so I just would encourage you guys to instead of saying text, yeah, you know what I mean, say something like uh something more magical.
SPEAKER_11Maybe well, maybe a message comes like down the line on a piece of scroll, you know, like people like pass it forward. Great job, Mark.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, so one of the cats runs from the back of the group and goes like, it's from Nick's, it's from Nyx, it's from Nick's, it's from the cycle. And the other cats go, Nick's, Nyx, it's a good thing. The scroll reaches the front cat and it says, Nick says, check your phone, he sent you a text.
SPEAKER_06Okay, okay, okay. I feel like there's a lot of push and pull about phones. And so I'm gonna say there are phones, okay, but again, they're sort of clay, magically charged, sort of like uh tablet looking things. Can we call them anything but phones? Okay. Yeah, um. Can we call them anything?
SPEAKER_11Well, maybe it's an acronym. Maybe it's like you know you're now we're talking. Like uh personal, yeah, homing, yeah, ongoing, yeah, knowing everything. Knowing. Knowing is a K. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Did you say device? Device appeal.
SPEAKER_11So it's a phone device. Foam.
SPEAKER_02So folk.
SPEAKER_06Focused, so check your focund. So the cat checks, they're focused. It says, Nyx is coming. He's five minutes away. He says he's en route. Where was he? Why is Nyx not this whole thing? Nix is very Nyx is the leader of the whisker knife, so Nyx has a lot of things to do. And Nyx is for your notes, NYX. NYX.
SPEAKER_11Okay, let's take that down. Now, Ryan, can I do a like a history role? Like a role of like I want to if I know anything about these cats, any weaknesses they might have, like maybe the infrared. Yes. Okay, great. So a history check. Now I can't tell if you're just being nice because you're forced to be nice. This is the problem. Right. This is a problem.
SPEAKER_03I answered that.
SPEAKER_08It shouldn't have to be a problem, Ryan.
SPEAKER_11Why is that a problem, Ryan? Okay.
SPEAKER_08Hey, okay, yeah, sorry. I stood I stood up for you too. I can I roll for me not standing up for Mark as well?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, okay, let's see if Kevin can now not stand up or stand up for Mark. Same role.
SPEAKER_08Ah, I rolled the two. So I can't.
SPEAKER_06So yeah, you're on your own. Wow. Yeah, he's getting guidance anyway. Like you look into the back of the room and wheel of fortune. So, um, yeah, you you were gonna do a history check to see what you know about the whisker knives.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Okay, great. So it'll be pretty easy because they're pretty well known. There's hundreds of them on the road. Okay, here I'm rolling. I rolled a fifteen. Yeah, you know. Everyone knows the whisker knives. It's like Robin Hood's Merryman.
SPEAKER_11It's like um Oh they're they rob from the rich?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. I mean, they're a little less altruistic than that, but they do rob from the rich and the poor and the middle class. So they just they're just robbers. They're robbers. They're robbers, they take robbers, but they're very well known, and this is a very dangerous road on the way to Dog London, and they have co you've of course stumbled uh into one of their sort of bad lands. Okay.
SPEAKER_10Now, Nyx in his text didn't just say he'll be there in five minutes. He also said uh, does anyone want anything?
SPEAKER_08And then the other one. And then everyone starts passing the phone around and giving orders.
SPEAKER_06I wanna I'm gonna do we will do a roll for this to see if anyone does want anything. It'll be a pretty hard roll because I feel like it there's hundreds of them as already put up. There could be two this could be this could be too much. So who wants to roll to see if the rest of the whisker knives want anything? Well, maybe Mark should because it was his Okay, Mark Little.
SPEAKER_10So you roll to see But I should specify, he's asking if anyone wants anything from sweet green, the bowl place. So the orders are gonna get complicated.
SPEAKER_06Okay, well, that also does make it a little easier of a roll because it's not anything, so it's just one location.
SPEAKER_10Oh, okay, but there's after that he wrote or anything.
SPEAKER_08Honestly, I'm because I'm at a food court and I'm at a mall, so I can stop off at like kernels, I go to the gap. Yeah, he's at a food court.
SPEAKER_10If anyone wants a hoodie, yeah, a hoodie or some pants. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06He's such a nice leader. This is cool. So I'm looking for a 17, 18, 19, or 20. What? Yeah, because this is a big like there's hundreds, like we can't do the whole episode. Okay. Okay, fine, 15 and above.
SPEAKER_10Okay. I'm rolling. The total is four. Oh no. Dang, like nobody wants anything?
SPEAKER_11That seems suspect, but yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I mean, well, roll again. Okay, yeah. Because Nick says Nick says, Are you sure? Sure. Right.
SPEAKER_11They're being polite. Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah, don't you? Maybe this is the dance they do. You know, this is the dance.
SPEAKER_10Okay, it's a 10. It's still not enough.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_08People still like, nah, nah, right.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, maybe they all just ate. Maybe they all just came from the same food court. Exactly.
SPEAKER_06So they're guess what? They're just trained on you guys. They don't want anything. You're waiting for Nyx. Does anyone say anything to these kids?
SPEAKER_11I reach for my uh axe that they took from me.
SPEAKER_06Um it's gone. You can't find it. They've taken it's like in the back of the the part, like, you know, the issue.
SPEAKER_08I uh I voice activate my cannon to fire. I go, cannon, fire. I go, hello cannon, and it goes, I go, I go, hello cannon, it goes, hello. Oh, you want, and I go, fire.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_08So it has like a Siri on board.
SPEAKER_06I didn't know that your cannon was magically charmed to also be voice activated.
SPEAKER_08I paired it with my phone cut.
SPEAKER_06Okay, you know what? That's okay, that is huge. Um they've taken the cannon away from you, but it will fire, it'll hurt a lot of them. Um so I guess I guess roll to see how many cats you kill. I rolled an eight. Okay, you killed eight cats. It's a big explosion. Wow. It's a big explosion, and they all they all run every which direction. It's a chaos, it's like a riot.
SPEAKER_11I stick my hand out and I say, Boomerangs to me. Okay.
SPEAKER_09Boomeracks.
SPEAKER_11Boomerangs! Return to me.
SPEAKER_02Which is not how boomerangs work. You have to throw it first.
SPEAKER_11Well, it it it thinks it's been thrown because it got taken away. So I So your weapon is also voice activated? No, it's just return. It's like it's like uh Thor's hammer. Like it just I I can just it can return to me. Summon it. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_06So yeah, okay, so okay, fine. So your axe, so you have your axe. So does it return? It does. You only remember you only killed eight cats. It is pandemonium, but there's still like, what is it, 100 minus eight? 92 cats. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10Okay, and then and then Thor says, hey, he stole my bit.
SPEAKER_11And I say, not exactly. I was just trying to give an example.
SPEAKER_10What this how this works is And then Thor's lawyer cuts you off and he says, We'll see you in court. Oh, damn it.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so you have the magical summons. Mark, put that in your notes, Chavez. You've been summoned to uh like deity court. Summoned to court.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, and then Thor says this, now it's I gotta go to court.
SPEAKER_09It goes like you need to do a split off of like.
SPEAKER_06Okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, I'll go deal with this quickly, and then we'll come back down to the cat bandit thing. So you all get summoned up into sort of a cloud. You know, like how Family Circus draws heaven? Yeah. You know, that style of thing, clouds with cloud desks and chairs.
SPEAKER_08Is the judge not me?
SPEAKER_06The judge is not me from Family Circus. Family Circus? No, the judge I think is is um is uh Zeus. Who has cleared? That seems it's like the wrong of the wrong god.
SPEAKER_02Thor is is Norse. It should be Odin, but but it can't be.
SPEAKER_06No, no, no, no, no, it's Zeus, because they're all friends.
SPEAKER_11Okay.
SPEAKER_06They're all friends. And maybe Zeus won't be as well. I think Odin Odin would have been a bit more biased. Biased. So Zeus is just like, hey, I'm Zeus. Yeah, I'm here to hear it out, and I don't necessarily love Thor. I don't hate it.
SPEAKER_10And then the bailiff uh LeBron James comes out and he says, All rise.
SPEAKER_02I say all right, I stand up because I love LeBron.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, LeBron goes, LeBron puts two chalk in his two hands and he goes poof above his head. And then he goes, All rise for Judge Zeus. And then Judge Zeus says, Can you kneel down a bit before I get out there? You're making me look small.
SPEAKER_06LeBron is bigger than Zeus. Exactly. LeBron does kneel a bit.
SPEAKER_05Zeus comes out and goes, Who has been summoned to deity court?
SPEAKER_06State your case, and what's your reason? And so Thor's go, Thor goes. And Thor's lawyer, I guess. What is who's Thor's lawyer in this situation? Just another kind of like Hera.
SPEAKER_10Hera. Hera the dog that bit ya.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. That and it's a dog.
SPEAKER_08It's another dog.
SPEAKER_11Oh no, okay, fine.
SPEAKER_08That's like a personal injury lawyer. Like, I feel like that's on a billboard, like hera, the dog that bit you. Like, if you've been bitten by a dog, hire hera the dog that bit you.
SPEAKER_11So this is a dog in a suit. I wonder if also Zeus is dog Zeus and Thor is dog Thor.
SPEAKER_08Oh yeah. So like Zeus is just like a pit bull named Zeus.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Let's roll. Roll for what? To see if the Greek gods are dogs or not. I rolled a 16.
SPEAKER_11What do I Oh Kevin already rolled a 16?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, they're dogs. So fine. Thor's a great name for a dog. But that makes kind of makes sense because again, like the dogs are the predominant species in our world, so why wouldn't the Greek gods also be dogs? Yeah. And god and dog, you know, spelt backwards. People like to do that. Yeah. So dog Zeus goes, who stands before me. State your case, worm. Speaking to you, uh, Barkle. Oh, I have to state my case? Yeah. Well, we use plagiarizing. Yeah, well, it just do it, okay? Right. Hey, whoa, whoa. Oh, you're right. Mark, do you mind? Do you mind stating your case? In in this uh deity court, it goes backwards from people's court.
SPEAKER_11Okay. Uh thank you, Your Honor, Zeus. And I uh just to let you know, I'm a big fan.
SPEAKER_10Today, Your Honor.
SPEAKER_11You're my counsel, right? Or are you No, this is uh I think this is Thor's country. Oh, that's Thor's. Okay.
SPEAKER_10No, this is your lawyer. Oh, it's Haroldog debate. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Sparkles? Harris Thor's.
SPEAKER_10This is a court-appointed lawyer for Sir Barkles. Okay. Um, this lawyer's name is Mr. This this this lawyer's name is the Laudog. Nice. And and I go, and and he goes, objection, Your Honor. My guy is talking. Everyone shut the fuck up. My guy has something to say. And if anyone doesn't like it, they can talk to me and my fucking gun. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Sustained. Yeah. Sustained. Cool, cool, cool way of uh turn a phrase there. That's cool. Sustained. Okay. Keep going.
SPEAKER_11Thank you. Um I for as long as I've known, I have had a powerful boomerangs. That when it leaves my hand, it will eventually return. And I can also call to it to return. This is just how I've been. And I and it's and it I do want to see it? Watch this outfit. I take it and I throw it and I say Boomeraks to me, like Thor! And it comes back to me.
SPEAKER_08I go, objection, I'm the boomerakes. I want to file for emancipation from Mr. Barkle's What?
SPEAKER_06We have to have another separate trial. Let's take us to weapon court. Well, let's figure this one out first.
SPEAKER_00Well, it all My client, the Boomeraks, wants this dealt with now, for it bears it has bearing upon the proceedings.
SPEAKER_11Okay, so I guess weapon court judge. I will preside over the No no no no.
SPEAKER_06I I'll I'll be I'll be Thor's dog Thor's lightning bolt.
SPEAKER_01Okay, let's go to weapon court. And then we'll get this resolved, then we'll go back to just deity court, and then we'll go back to the cat bandit thing.
SPEAKER_10Okay, and then LeBron James wakes up and he goes, I had the dream again.
SPEAKER_11Go back to sleep. It's okay. We don't have to do that. You're dreaming without me? I want to dream at the same time as you.
SPEAKER_08I want to I want us to dream at the same on the same team. I'm Bronny. Oh great.
SPEAKER_05Hi Bronny.
SPEAKER_06Hi. I want a dream on the same team. I'm not gonna deal with LeBron James or his family in this particular episode. LeBron James is the bailiff.
SPEAKER_08So LeBron James is dreaming our entire game is so far what the canon is.
SPEAKER_10And the campaign. All of the dog war campaign. Everything about this is happening in LeBron James's dream.
SPEAKER_11But we don't necessarily know that, and that's fine, you know. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, but we have to stay with LeBron now.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. LeBron will be part of it for sure. And maybe LeBron could be like a fun guest down the road. Okay. You know? Okay. But for now, let's let's resolve weapon court, which will affect deity court, and then we can get back to the cat bandit scene.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so Welcome to Weapon Court! I'm the lightning bolt. Stay your case. Harry, Harry.
SPEAKER_08Mr. Barkles has always taken me for granted. He always throws me out and just calls me back. He knows he doesn't even know my real name.
SPEAKER_11Objection. I that's not true. I I I Now what's my real name? Wol Wolgramirsh.
SPEAKER_08No. No, it's Wolgramesh, you fucking dick. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_05I guess all the weapons are going crazy right now. Crazy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I rule in favor of the boomeracks. Oh, can you get the damn man?
SPEAKER_08No, I get to own you. Mr. Barkles to me!
SPEAKER_06Oh and I fly to the boomerak. As Dogzus goes like, based on the weapons court ruling, I now throw this case out of court because the axe owns you, I guess.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Okay. Okay. I mean, that seems wild.
SPEAKER_05Now, back to real world.
SPEAKER_06You explode and clouds all around you, and you're back right where you started. Yes, eight cats are dead, but they've kind of calmed down because you guys were gone for about 45 minutes. Kind of like in a coma state. And they've got they've wrangled you again. The cannon, that was the last cannon shot. If you remember from last episode, there was one more ball. No. Oh, yeah. It's on a chain. Well, the there's no more gunpowder. There's no more gunpowder. Oh, well done. Yeah, I got you. So there's no more, there's no more gunpowder. Right. And the cats now not only but they have you even even more vulnerable position because you were kind of on the ground. Well, because you're comatose, you were comatose with your iPhone in your head because you were called up to deity court in the weapon court. So now they're like, guess who just arrived? Nyx. Is it Nyx? It's Nyx. Yes. Did he bring me anything? No, remember, no one needed anything.
SPEAKER_08What? But the phone didn't make it to me. I wanted a nice little green, a little power greens bowl and a lemongrass shot.
SPEAKER_06Nyx goes like, well, you should have texted me. I would have got that for you.
SPEAKER_08Killing eight of your guys.
SPEAKER_11So these I go, I go. Nyx. I thought I smelt your foul odor.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. I go like this. I go like this. Huh. It's uh huh. I did I huh. Huh. I go, huh.
SPEAKER_08I go, I go like, huh.
SPEAKER_10Can Nick say this? Can Nick say this to Kevin's cat character? He goes like this.
SPEAKER_07Well, you should have texted me if you wanted that bowl in a lemongrass shot. But luckily, I always plan ahead. And he gives it to me. Absolutely. That's right.
SPEAKER_06He's really. That's why everyone loves Nyx. You're absolutely right. That people love Nick. So yeah, he did get a few extras just in case. He's got a few things. A few things from the food court. You know, he passes them out to his guys, to his gals. And then he goes, So, these are the encroachers. And then he walks up to the upside down Bronco and goes, hmm, this will do nicely in our armory of things.
SPEAKER_04What? Oh, things.
SPEAKER_11He can't take the Bronco.
SPEAKER_10Can you say this? Can you say this? He goes, Hey, wait, wait a second. What the hell's falling out of my pocket?
SPEAKER_07DVDs for all my favorite cats? I purchased on the way, too.
SPEAKER_02So yeah, so he didn't. Is he confused about it? Also falling out of his pocket.
SPEAKER_03It's more than he's doing a fun bit. He's like, wow, what's this? Yeah, he's doing a bit.
SPEAKER_06And then the cats go crazy for it, of course. So yeah, so he passes out some DVDs. What kind of what are the DVDs?
SPEAKER_08Beethoven, but for cats.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I mean, again, we talked about this last week. There's been a lot of sort of modern intellectual property sort of theft. Yeah, those things bestowed upon. So whatever it is, it has to have a twist. Right.
SPEAKER_10Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_08Oh, a D twist, yeah.
SPEAKER_06A DD fantasy world twist. So you you're free to name them, or we can just move on.
SPEAKER_11Um 101 Dalmatian Cats. Um cats, but it's not a musical. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Uh about um one more Avatar, but there's wizards. Okay. Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_11Tim Burton's Cat Man.
SPEAKER_08Oh, they need to be cats. Oh, how about that?
SPEAKER_06No, they don't need to be cats. It needs to be fantasy or DD. So, like, what you're kind of doing is just sort of you know, like Howl's moving cat soul.
SPEAKER_10Okay.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_11How about instead of toy story, it's toy parchment or something like that. Okay, we're done.
SPEAKER_06So then he passes them all out. He passes them all out. The cats are very happy.
SPEAKER_04He pokes at the Bronco and he goes, tie this up and drag it back to camp and take these encroaches to the prison cell where they will be executed in the morning.
SPEAKER_11In the cell Well what take them to the prison cell where they'll be executed in the morning?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, the dumbest the dumbest cat says says what Mark just said. He goes, In the cell? In the cell.
SPEAKER_06And so that elsewhere. He puts his arm around the cat and goes, like, no, no, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_04I should have used a sort of a more full sentence. Take them to the prison cell where they will spend the night, and then in the morning, we will take them out to the uh common area, and we will execute them hanging from the table.
SPEAKER_08And then one of the cats puts his arm up and goes, uh, can we stop executing people in the common area? That's where the table tennis is, and like our wee and stuff like that. Like blood and table. There's so much blood.
SPEAKER_04It's just that there's only so much common area. So it's a bunch of tents, and then we've kind of encircled it's a kind of a courtyard situation. I only say common area because it's sort of the outdoors part of the camp. But yeah, we could do it somewhere else. Do you want to do it down by the lake? Would that be better? Common area's fine.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, but not at the lake.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Yeah, I know. The lake is kind of a cool place to we like to go hang out there. What if we did it? What if we dug what if we dug we dug a tunnel or something? Did it underground? How about that? Oh sure. Might be longer, but that's good. Not everyone. Not everyone's into it.
SPEAKER_06That's cool.
SPEAKER_04That's cool. You know what? Here's what we'll do. Why don't we we'll ooh we'll do it on the road where we found them. We'll take them back to camp. They'll be in the prison cells overnight, and then we'll march them back in a death march to the road where we found them, and we'll kill them here as a sort of a sign to other travelers that they should be wary of the whisker knives. Okay. Okay, let's Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Everyone loves that.
SPEAKER_06Sweet good, sweet good, sweet good. So they tie you up kind of like Star Wars Return of the Jedi style. So like you're hanging from a thing. You're hanging from a stick and they're carrying you, so your hands and feet are tied up.
SPEAKER_11I say this. 3PO. Tell them you'll use your magic.
SPEAKER_08And all the cats are going nub nub, jubity, nub nub. No, no.
SPEAKER_11Just tell them.
SPEAKER_06I say all these things, but the references are lost on them. The references are lost on them. And there is no 3PO. And they take you back to camp and they throw you in uh so it's mostly canvas tents, but there is one stone structure with firm stone foundations dug right into the ground with bars.
SPEAKER_08And I walk by and I'm like, oh, this foundations are real firm, and I'm like hitting them really hard.
SPEAKER_06You're one of the cats saying that?
SPEAKER_08No, no, no. Uh pretty print pretty.
SPEAKER_06But you're but you're tied up, remember?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah, but I'm still looking at them and I'm like, oh, and I'm like bumping my body against them, going, oh, they're very firm stone foundations. So all the way into the ground.
SPEAKER_10Alright, but here's the thing, Ryan.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_10You know how you said that they were carrying all three of us back to this place? Yeah. But when you look closer, it's actually Pretty Prince Bitch and Mr. Barkles. But then where my cat should be, my dog should be, where Pervert should be, it's actually like a bunch of hay, it's pillows stuffed in a in a bedspread.
SPEAKER_06Okay, well you did have the laundry from your stuff.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, it's a but it's like a bag of clothes with uh like a balaclava where the head would be.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, your wife's your wife's balaclava.
SPEAKER_06It's a bit after the fact. So what I guess I'll let you do, you did get to do this, but I I will make you roll to see how how convincing it is. You know what I mean? How convincing it is because when they get there and they throw you in, are they gonna find you out right away or not? So you were able to pull this off. And I guess Barkle and Pretty Prince Bitch were like, wow, this is happy. Kind of distracted maybe for you. So it's like foundation. Oh, yeah, look at that. It's gonna be quite hard. I'm looking for a 15 or above here. Okay, I think that's fair because again, there were hundreds of cats.
SPEAKER_10So it's only a 13.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, okay. So it's just it's pretty good. It's been good enough to last. It's been good enough to get you all the way to the camp, but when they toss you in there, they're gonna know it's not you because again, it's very light, mostly clothes, and some hay, which I don't know where you found the hay.
SPEAKER_08This is wife's hay.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_10It's the last hay she ever wore. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06So if they toss in Pretty Prince Bitch, hey, eh, they toss in Mr. Barker.
SPEAKER_11Hey, watch watch the back.
SPEAKER_09Hey, watch the merchandise.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so remember what I told you about catchphrases. No one says that.
SPEAKER_07But everyone knows that could be said.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, but no one says that. If there's too many catchphrases, you guys get worked up and you go nuts. Remember? Oh, yeah. That's right. And those are dangerously close to catchphrases. Hey, watch your hands. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Oh, watch the royal jewels of a catchphrase. Buy me dinner first.
SPEAKER_06It's a catchphrase, but that's definitely said last week, too. So then they there's one one more, and you guys are in a frenzy. So then they take pervert's mannequin or effigy, they toss it in, they go, hey, wait a minute. This this is just and they start scratching at it. It's nothing but hay and clothes. Stop hurting pervert. Hey, stop that. Stop. No one hurts perverts without us.
SPEAKER_10It's me too.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Pervert, defend yourself. Let's do a roll. Let's do another really hard roll. Mark Chavez, you can roll for this to see if the guards think if this is pervert. Or if we think it's pervert, the friend of the colour. You guys think it's pervert? Yeah, I think that's the same.
SPEAKER_08Is that Barkles and the colour? Yeah, stop hurting pervert.
SPEAKER_06So no roll for that. You just you're just you're just convinced. So the alarm goes out. So you two are in the the cell, pervert, it's somewhere in the bush, and the the white bronco is right in the center of the common area, as I've called it. Still upside down but being dragged in. Okay.
SPEAKER_05So very evocative.
SPEAKER_11What do we do? I look for uh a key that's hanging off a dog's necklace or or or you know, just like within reach, and I start calling the dog over. Hey, come here. Dog?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it's like a real dog though. So there's so you're telling me that this they have a dog, like a pet dog. These cats have like a real dog? Yeah. That they put the key to the prison cell.
SPEAKER_11Like pirates of the Caribbean. He's got like a chain with a key.
SPEAKER_06I just I'm not gonna look for a role here, but what is the like sort of what's the justification for you like they put the Pluto Goofy thing?
SPEAKER_11It's like we're all goofies, but there's a Pluto dog.
SPEAKER_06Pluto and Goofy are are both dogs.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, but Pluto walks around and talks, and or Goofy walks around and talks, but Pluto acts like a dog and they're in the same world.
SPEAKER_06So then I'm gonna just do a little twist here. It's just a real cat. So there's the anthropomorphic cats, and they have a real cat you're trying to lure over, which is a bit harder, I think, than dogs. Yeah, that's for sure. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, that's what Mark said.
SPEAKER_11That's not them uh standing up for me. That's their opinions.
SPEAKER_06Okay, that's their opinion. That's fair. I guess let's just do another like you know what?
SPEAKER_11Let's roll to see if it's a dog or a cat.
SPEAKER_06Can we do a roll?
SPEAKER_11Yeah. To see if it's a dog or a cat.
SPEAKER_06To see if it's a dog or a cat. Okay. Classic right down the middle. Ten or below, eleven or above. So ten or below cat. Okay. Eleven or above dog. Okay, here we go. Come on, eleven or skip me rolling up.
SPEAKER_11It's a cat.
SPEAKER_06It's a cat.
SPEAKER_11That sucks.
SPEAKER_08It would have been awesome if it was a dog. I love your idea, Mark.
SPEAKER_11Thank you guys. Yeah, a bunch of cats with a dog is really funny. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10It's a funnier idea. Well, where's my guy? Where am I right now?
SPEAKER_06I'm you're hiding out in the forest, biding your time. So I think we'll do a little bit in the camp and then we'll see what happens with Pervert. Or let's well, let's check in with Pervert right now. What do you think Pervert's doing?
SPEAKER_10Um, right now, Pervert's running around a tree going, fuck oh fuck. I freaking did it. I tricked them.
SPEAKER_05So Pervert's just Pervert's feeling great. Just running around that tree. Just loving it. I got them.
SPEAKER_11Hey, mister, what's going on? You seem like you're in a good mood. Hey, yeah, you looking for some DVDs only.
SPEAKER_06Are you are you both who are you guys right now? We're the Greases guys. Yeah, we're the Greases again. The guys who died killed back again. They're friends looking for them. Oh, two other guys. Okay, you've seen three of our friends. There's two other guys from the Chicago guys who are on vacation. And they're and they're like, what happened to our three friends? Okay. Can you do a little bit more of a Chicago accent, a little bit more Midwest than New York?
SPEAKER_08Hey, oh hey there, guy.
SPEAKER_11What's going on there, guy? Hey, what's happening? There you go. I'll let this scene play out a bit. That's nice. What's going on? You seem like you're in a good mood for a little dog guy.
SPEAKER_08Did you see did you see some recently pirated DVDs, some recently disseminated copyrighted materials from our friends, or we no ahead. No, you go ahead. No, you go ahead.
SPEAKER_11I'll go. We also're looking for some friends of ours. Can you talk again, Kevin?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, we're looking for our friends over. Oh shit. Ryan, can you cue us again into the accent? Do it in Chicago. Oh, Chicago. There we go.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, there. Okay, there we go. So, yeah. Have you seen our friends?
SPEAKER_10And um uh and then my my character rolls his eyes and and goes, Okay. Um what's going on here, fellas? Yes. Then he look at the camera. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08I love it. You're asking us, we're asking you. You're all excited running around.
SPEAKER_10Um, well, here's the thing. I'm celebrating because I just tricked a bunch of cats, but I'm also mourning because my two dog friends just got taken by those cats into their camp. So I'm like mixed up right now.
SPEAKER_11We need to save those cats, those those those dog friends of yours. Yeah, potentially customers.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, thanks. And maybe maybe they know something about a pellet.
SPEAKER_10Well, here's the other thing. You guys aren't gonna want to hear this. Your friends uh died. They got blasted by a cannon. Uh pirated DVD, shrapnel, everywhere. All the merchandise lost. Oh no. Picture me looking at all those hot DVDs going up in smoke. I would have watched those.
SPEAKER_08My God. Only thing worse would be somebody blowing up that big mirrored bean.
SPEAKER_11Only thing worse than that is having a not deep dish pizza pie.
SPEAKER_08Only thing worse would be Christopher Nolan not shooting Chicago for Gotham.
SPEAKER_11Only thing worse would be not going on an architecture cruise on the river in Chicago.
SPEAKER_08Only thing worse would be the legacy of the Bulls. The legacy of the Bulls not ever happening with uh uh uh Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan and Pipippin'.
SPEAKER_11Only thing worse is is going to the top of the Seas Tower thinking you're on the top of the John Hancock building.
SPEAKER_10Oh wow.
SPEAKER_05Wow, deep cut.
SPEAKER_06Okay, that's good. Good Chicago, guys.
SPEAKER_10The entire time they're saying that. Pervert's looking at the camera going like this. Yep, that's my life.
SPEAKER_08Like Malcolm in the middle, shit going on.
SPEAKER_06Life's unfair. Okay, great. So uh you you you do have these two. So there were, I guess there were in total, there were at least five guys from Chicago on this trip. You've discovered two of them. Uh Mark and Kevin, can you quickly name these guys so we just have reference for them?
SPEAKER_11Uh my name is Dick Butkiss. Dick Butkiss.
SPEAKER_08Oh, Deep Dishkiss. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Okay. And they're in Hawaiian shirts, I presume, just like their friends. Dick Butkiss, former uh Chicago bears.
SPEAKER_10My guy looks to the camera and goes, Dick Butkiss. I guess we're not getting that G rating.
SPEAKER_02It's my name.
SPEAKER_06So I do want to cut back to. So they've thrown you in the prison cell, and now the the the whisker knives are going everywhere. They're getting on um horses? Yeah. Cats riding horses. Crazy, right? They're like the alarm's gone out. They're like, look everywhere. Find him. Can we roll if those horses are actually cats? I think they're goats. Oh, maybe they're cats. Okay, so you guys think they're either cats, goats, or horses?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, I would like to dodge horses, but the hooves are cats.
SPEAKER_06Shit, yeah.
SPEAKER_08The hooves are like full-bodied cats.
SPEAKER_11So it's like sort of centaurish, but like the whole and the head is is a goat.
SPEAKER_08Head is a full body of a goat. Yeah, and the plate makes it dangling.
SPEAKER_10And the and the body is like is like uh fucking big like a dog, it's a dog, but pointed the other way.
SPEAKER_08So like there's a head coming out the bow. Oh, that's good.
SPEAKER_10So it's a horse in name only.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, so they call it a head of a goat. No, hooves the head is a goat. It's a full goat.
SPEAKER_06The head is a full goat. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Legs dangling, dangling from doing its best.
SPEAKER_10Really, what it is, it's four and five animals stuck in a big slug.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, it's like a it's like a chimera, but like full bodies of all the animals. Yeah, and they're all stuck and they all work together. David Cronenberg went to the zoo.
SPEAKER_06So I do want to honor your guys' imagination. So I'll I'll allow this. Okay, so we're not gonna let you roll because I feel like if we did a roll and it and you guys did all this work describing this crazy five animal slug thing. So the bandits do ride these, so it's the head of a goat. The hoobs are full-body cats. Yeah. The body of a slug. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10The head is a goat.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, full goat. Yeah. Yeah. Moving around, but stuck. That's the head.
SPEAKER_10Stuck in some goo.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. The body of a slug.
SPEAKER_10Body is a big slug.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_08I like how Mark's saying this right now.
SPEAKER_06And the hoobs, the hooves are actual cats.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, the slug, the slug has horse legs coming out of it. It's not like slug legs. Yeah, it's horse legs. Yeah. Okay, so I have a picture of this.
SPEAKER_06Is there anything else?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, it's they've all got license plates. Yeah. Yeah. Like little.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, they're the fun ones that are like even the goat. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08They all say like kids' names. They say like Gregory or like yeah.
SPEAKER_06So the goat, all four cats, the slug, they all have license plates. It's covered in license plates. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_08So each of the cats on the feet each has a license plate. Yeah, I get it. So then it's just a horse.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, that's a good thing. And now you guys are okay with rolling? So it's either this monstrosity you've created or just a horse. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. So it's either a horse or it's this thing Ryan's talking about or it's a slug thing.
SPEAKER_06It's not my idea. It's not my idea. You guys came up with it.
SPEAKER_10It's either just a normal horse so we can get on with this story. Or it's whatever the hell Ryan just for.
SPEAKER_06He's obsessed with this full goat for a head. Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine. So who wants to roll? It'll be you roll. Yeah, you roll, bitch.
SPEAKER_05Okay, you know what? I will.
SPEAKER_10If it's a two or up, it's a normal horse.
SPEAKER_05So I have to roll a one or one.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, what? One's the thing.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Just uh here. Here we go and roll. I rolled a 19. Thank God. Why did we do this whole thing? So much easier. Let's just go with the case. And they're going every witch way into the forest. And uh uh Pretty Prince Bitch and Mr. Barkle are locked inside the one structure.
SPEAKER_11I still haven't tried to call the cat over there.
SPEAKER_08No, how about how about this? How about this? Uh uh uh uh uh what's the name? Boomerakes. Boomerakes goes, uh Mr. Barkle's to me, and your whole body goes like through the door, like bursts the door down, and you go flying through the camp to the weapon room.
SPEAKER_06I mean, we did establish that that was the kind of the law. Yeah. So yeah. So you you but you you you will have to roll for damage. So you did smash through the the prison. Yeah. So I can't remember. So uh Mark Chavez, Mr. Barkle, please roll um to see how much damage, how how bad it hurt you. Okay, I'm rolling the dice, and it's a three. Okay, so you broke an arm.
SPEAKER_08Oh shit. Boomeracks, I broke my arm. Yeah, well, hold me with the other one. Cry, baby.
SPEAKER_11Good idea. So you do have you do have a broken arm now. Can I can I do a uh like wrap it up? Make it heal? Like do a magic.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, oh, like a healing potion.
SPEAKER_11Or a healing potion? You don't have a healing potion. Can I wrap it up with some gauze? Do you have gauze? Yes.
SPEAKER_10Oh, here's a guy, a vendor walks by going, healing potions!
SPEAKER_11Gauz! I need a healing potion and a gauze, please.
SPEAKER_06Fine, fine. You have healing potion and you have gauze. Okay, so I'm am I healed? Yes, you're healed. Your arm isn't broken anymore. It just kind of hurts. But it's always a little bit it just doesn't move exactly how it how it used to.
SPEAKER_08And then I go, and then pretty pits pitch goes up to the healing potion guy and goes, Do you happen to have any gunpowder for sale?
SPEAKER_09He goes, Gunpowder? Why sure.
SPEAKER_08Wonderful. I'll take all you got.
SPEAKER_09Okay, that'll be free. Perfect. That's what I have.
SPEAKER_06Okay, but you guys are still spread out. Like you're still pervert, is still somewhere with dick butt kiss and deep dish kiss. Uh-huh. In the middle of the forest, and guess what? The cats, the whisker knives are on horses looking for you. Okay. So pervert. It's kind of a split screen action right now. What do you both what do you all do?
SPEAKER_11I run, there's a slug monster that has a head of a goat. Stop. The head that's a full goat. So we can roll it, and I go and jump on that. That sounds so cool. Yeah. I want one of those. It's like reined up, so I untie it and I get on that, and then and then so do and then so does Pretty Prince.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah, I grab on one too.
SPEAKER_11So there are two of those. There's two of those. There's like a whole stable full. Yeah. A lot of them. So we get on that and we head out right now.
SPEAKER_08We're all fucking and there's babies coming out.
SPEAKER_10Let's split up.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Yeah. We go, let's split up.
SPEAKER_09You go that way, I'll go this way.
SPEAKER_08So there's three split.
SPEAKER_11I pause I toss him my funk. A funk. I go, keep your funked on. Yeah, and I toss her my funk.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. So we both have funks.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so you're all gonna like so we're just looking at it. No, actually, I go, I go, no, no, no, throw your funk away so they can't trace us.
SPEAKER_11Oh, okay, and I throw it away. Yeah, we throw it away. Okay, that's gonna be bad for you later. Okay.
SPEAKER_10Ryan, can we cut to the listener?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. So we cut to the listener. Let's do, yeah, sure. Actually, you know what? That's a great idea. So the three of you will play three listeners to this actual podcast.
SPEAKER_08Oh, it's like people like hanging out listening to it together as people do with podcasts listening.
SPEAKER_06Exactly. Like you have a podcast listening party. Um, you you're having popcorn and snacks.
SPEAKER_08Staring at the wall, listening to the street.
SPEAKER_06And you're just kind of like lying. Some of you are lying on the ground, one of you're on the couch, and one of you's on like a just kind of a reclining chair, and and you're you're sort of listening. What do you what do you say?
SPEAKER_08I'm fucking I'm smoking a big fat spliff, and I'm like, anybody want some of this big fat spliff?
SPEAKER_11Pass that spliff over here, man.
SPEAKER_10Alright. Pass that spliff over here, brother.
SPEAKER_11Ooh, I'm taking a big hit of this spleff. Here you go.
SPEAKER_10I'll spleff spluff that thing any day.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Splif spliff, I'm taking a bath.
SPEAKER_11How much marijuana is in this? It tastes really good.
SPEAKER_10Oh god, all the good juicy stuff.
SPEAKER_08That's what's called Bob's Burgers.
SPEAKER_10That's the name of the strain?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_10That's that sticky, icky, icky.
SPEAKER_11It's so good. Listening to this podcast and eating and having these spliffs is so good.
SPEAKER_10And eating these spliffs is so good. Do you guys um Do you listen to the latest radio lab?
SPEAKER_11No. Oh, it's pretty good.
SPEAKER_10That's good. I just want to thank you guys for coming over. Like it's obviously been a really hard couple of weeks for me. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, man.
SPEAKER_08I'm sorry I have a bit more in touch. You know, sometimes I get kind of weird when you know people go through stuff and I don't really know.
SPEAKER_11I know it feels like you're like rock bottom. Yeah. Getting cancelled. Having some deaths in your family.
SPEAKER_10You know, your dog. Why did you get cancelled again? I tweeted that thing. Oh, wait, what did it say?
SPEAKER_11What exactly did it say? What exactly did it say?
SPEAKER_10What it looked like I you know, it's just like even saying it. Yeah. Just like, well, obviously I so I tweeted Marge Simpson has that thing on her.
SPEAKER_11Yeah. Dot dot dot. And it's so weird you got because this was like in a chain of like tweets that were kind of riffing on the same thing, but then you just went over the line. Yeah, like by a tweet. And you got, I've never seen a pylon so hard.
SPEAKER_10I hope everyone disagreed that Marge Simpson had that thing on it.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I know. Which I kept insisting.
SPEAKER_10Uncontroversial. But obviously honestly, I did not get cancelled that hard for me. That hard for that. It honestly was the deaths in my family that I'm really feeling that much for.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, those cancelled you a lot harder. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10But I also doxed all those guys. I know. Oh my god, dude.
SPEAKER_08The entire LA Kings.
SPEAKER_11You can't be blamed. You were not in a good state of mind, but you doxxed the entire LA Kings.
SPEAKER_10Nobody knew the real identities of the roster of the LA Kings.
SPEAKER_11And now everyone knows the real identity and their addresses.
SPEAKER_08Their address and their social security. Oh my god. Fuck, dude. They're all getting their freaking Netflix's hacked and freaking they can't get in their MySpace, LinkedIns. They can't go to any other teams. But it's so good just to like let's just.
SPEAKER_06Do any of these listeners love the podcast?
SPEAKER_08We're mostly just kind of turned it on to like. Just on in the background, but yeah.
SPEAKER_11Like in the background, you hear you hear this. I take you to weapon court.
SPEAKER_09And like, oh, I'm Ryan. I love this. A goat for a head and a slug body.
SPEAKER_06Okay, that was you guys. So we're back in the we're back in the DD world. You're the three split screens, so this is how we're gonna do it. You all encounter some cat guards. Okay, they all find you one at a time. We're gonna do a roll to see how you deal with it.
SPEAKER_11Okay.
SPEAKER_06Okay? Who wants to start?
SPEAKER_11Uh well, I will, but it's kind of up to um Boomeracks to do some some fighting. So what at Boomeracks, do you swing me? Do you swing Mr. Barkles? Okay.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, so uh so yeah, Mr. Uh Boomerak's uh swings uh Mr. Barkles at how many guards?
SPEAKER_06So the axe swings Mr. Barkle.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, and I and I do a shape like an axe myself with my arms.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so it swings at two of the guards. Uh give me a roll uh boomerangs. Ooh, 17. Okay, good. So you so you do swing Mr. Barkle, you knock both of them off their horses, and and you guess what? So uh but Mr. Barkle, your arm is broken again.
SPEAKER_11Oh, where's that appealing potion guy?
SPEAKER_06No, there's no guy this time.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Okay, so then we're trying there's no guy.
SPEAKER_11Oh, hey, but there's a baby. Hi, can I get a healing potion and some gauze?
SPEAKER_10I don't know. Do you have no money?
SPEAKER_11I don't. I mean, I do have no money.
SPEAKER_06Okay, fine, fine, fine. You have the gauze and you have the healing potion. You're healed again. So then we go to Pretty Prince Bitch. Yeah. One of them is is on your tail. Yeah. No pun intended. And they're try they're about to jump onto the they jump onto the back of you and they're wrestling you. They've got like, they're trying to get their dagger out, and so you have to roll to do something. What do you do?
SPEAKER_08Uh so I um uh I uh I turn around and uh I go, I go, I go, and um my my cannon is suddenly on another one of these um creatures behind, galloping up behind behind us. Yeah. And I go, and I throw the gunpowder at it, and it's like and goes into its into its uh hole. Yeah. And then I go, fire.
SPEAKER_06Okay, fine. Yeah, well described. You do that.
SPEAKER_08That's fine. I rolled an 11.
SPEAKER_06That's fine. I mean, like, I feel like that's fine. It was a lot. I forgot you had the gunpowder, so I didn't know.
SPEAKER_10And then the lady goes like this, need a refill?
SPEAKER_06I go, yeah, that'd be great. Thanks so much. I'll take everything you got. Yeah, that was again. So then we cut back to you guys are then you're you're trying to go in the right direction. You don't know where you're going. You're you're you're on these normal horses. No, you're on the slug horses. You're on slug, excuse me. There's a gopher ahead. And then we go back to pervert, who is with the two Chicago guys.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, Dick Butkiss and Deep Dishkiss. And Deep Dishkiss. Hey, hey, and then so Pervert and these guys. So are we in the middle of Were you saying, Ryan, that we're in the middle of an argument about the mummy franchise? What did you say we're doing?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06We were right in the middle of an argument about sort of like who was the best character in the mummy franchise.
SPEAKER_11Well, I think for sure the rock is a scorpion king was I think I think it's the mummy.
SPEAKER_08I mean, you can't have the mummy without the mummy, am I right?
SPEAKER_06I guess. I mean Can we again up to Chicago?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, Chicago there. Uh that's right.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_11Yes. Midwest Chicago. Chicago, Midwest. There we go.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Dick butt kiss. Yeah. Dick dish kiss, man. In the middle of this argument, guess who jumps down? Nick. Two knives, it's Nick's. Brendan Fraser. Oh. It's It's Nyx. Settle argument for us, would you?
SPEAKER_04You've ruined my plans. Your friends are on a wild goose chase. Meanwhile, I have the who are the wait so are these Chicago guys? Who have our friends?
SPEAKER_10And then I Pervert looks to you and goes, just kill me. Get me away from these two at the least.
SPEAKER_06So Nyx does in a somersaulty action does kill both the Chicago guys. They're dead. Oh, both actions are dead.
SPEAKER_10And then Pervert says like this. Pervert says, Did I stutter? I said me!
SPEAKER_04And then Nyx turns to Pervert and goes, Well, well, well, it's just the two of us. I guess I'll have to take swift care of you.
SPEAKER_10And then Pervert goes like this. I I'm so done with all of this. And I run chest first into your knives.
SPEAKER_06So done. So just as that happens, so that's what you do. Okay. If you run. And Nix is like, oh, wait, I mean, just okay. And so you're you've been stabbed twice, maybe mortally wounded, just as Sir Barkle and Pretty Prince Bitch roll up onto this clearing in the forest to see this happen.
SPEAKER_11Whoa. Oh, we should do that. I want to do that too. Yeah. So we run towards the knives and our chest. My turn, my turn. My turn, my turn. And we're like pulling his body off.
SPEAKER_08Pretty spirit. Okay, okay, okay, okay. We're fighting over the knives.
SPEAKER_10Wait, meanwhile, Ryan. Yeah. Can we cut to the school where the cop saw the cop is seeing his son?
SPEAKER_06With the principal?
SPEAKER_10Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Oh yeah, how did the son sound?
SPEAKER_06I think I was just like, eh, you uh who wants to play uh the son?
SPEAKER_08That was the son before.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, okay. Okay. And then who was the I think I was playing the cop? No, I think I was the cop. Okay, let's just see a little flavor of that. Then you're outside the school. Who was the cop? I think you were. I think you were. Or Ryan do you want to be the principal? No, no, no. I'll I'll just let the the father and son have a little bit of a scene here.
SPEAKER_08Oh at the school?
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember why what happened at the what happened with the son?
SPEAKER_08I think the son was just being a jerk, and then I remember something about slapping your butt or kicking your something what to do with your butt, and you're like, oh geez. That's right. Sick in my butt. Yeah, something about that.
SPEAKER_10What the hell's going on here, young man? I was in the middle of a case. I was tracking down these three dogs that were on the frickin' run. I I all these horses got absolutely slaughtered in front of me, and I had to abandon my team to come deal with you at this school.
SPEAKER_08Dad, explain explain this. I found these cigarettes in your briefcase this morning. You're gonna smoke all these in front of me, Dad.
SPEAKER_00You're not the dad! I'm not the dad! Daddy, what happens?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, dad court said I'm your dad now! You're no- There's no fucking way dad court said you're my dad now.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, read the transcript back.
SPEAKER_10What? Read the transcript. LeBron James was the bailiff. The transcript of the of the court? Yeah, dad court. There's no wait a second, you just handed me a note that said fart on it.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_10You're a little shithead.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yes, f like father like son, the fart doesn't fall that far from the butt. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. He starts choking me.
SPEAKER_11And then the history teacher like looks at them and goes, please, I'm trying to conduct a nice class here right now.
SPEAKER_05Quietly inside the building?
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_10So I look to the history teacher and go, listen. Please. I don't know how you've dealt with this little crap head, but me, I'm his dad, and he gives me no end of uh headache at home.
SPEAKER_11It's obvious the fart doesn't fall too far from the butt.
SPEAKER_06Oh so we'll cut that scene there. We'll cut that scene there, and we're gonna go back to the final image of this episode, which is the three characters that we've come to know and love sort of like sort of killing themselves on the knives of Nyx.
SPEAKER_10Whoa. And then just a flash right back to where we were.
SPEAKER_06Okay, yeah. So we see that we see the classroom again. They've all hurt themselves on Nyx's knives. And we go back, and then we go back to the classroom. Okay, look at it, okay, okay. And that's all the time we have for today on the nightmare party. Uh you know what? I I think it's a really good cliffhanger because uh, from what we saw or what we feel is the these three main characters might have tr all tried to off themselves on the knives of Nyx. But I have a feeling that I'm gonna have like a little bit of a twist when we uh get back next week to how you will all actually not be dead and still on your way to Dog London. Because you did in the end get you did escape yourselves from the prison. That's nice. So you're not in the prison of the whisker knives anymore.
SPEAKER_10But here's the issue I'm dealing with, Ryan, which is that I don't know what's going on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Like LeBron's there? Yeah or in his dream? Yeah. It's dream? Are the guys that are listening to the podcast also in LeBron's dream? So are they listening to the podcast?
SPEAKER_06We're gonna have to tie this all together and get back on kind of the straight and narrow. Okay. Um, but I'm gonna do my best to sort of wrangle us in and uh and maybe also maybe take a little bit of your guys' power away from you so we can kind of streamline a little bit uh and and get back to sort of this classic D D action. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, okay, and then and then Nick's shows up in Ryan's room right now. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Oh wow. So Nick is in my room. And he goes like this.
SPEAKER_10He goes, I think I'll take that. And he grabs your microphone and your dice.
SPEAKER_11And Nyx is gonna be DMing. Nice, nice. I like that.
SPEAKER_10And then he goes, he goes, honey, I'm home. He finds your wife.
SPEAKER_08Oh no, no. While Ryan gets sucked into LeBron's uh forehead, he goes, Wow, so I'm in LeBron's brain.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, Nick's is in my actual home. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Three microphones, your dice.
SPEAKER_06Maybe dead, and we're still not in Dog London. I think we've got a lot to deal with next week. More than we've ever had before.
SPEAKER_11Wait, why are we going to Dog London?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_10Answer politely, Ryan.
SPEAKER_06Because it's a place to hide where you can disappear. A lot of you have contacts there. And because remember, you are on the run from the police from the incident at the uh bent tavern or the broken tavern.
SPEAKER_10It's also the they also have the only movie theater that we know about in this in Dog England, and they're showing Marty Supreme.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god, we have to really want to see Marty Supreme.
SPEAKER_10Gotta see it. The three of us want to see.
SPEAKER_11I can't wait to see Marty Supreme in Dog London.
SPEAKER_06So we have a big, big episode next week. We have to get through uh a big kind of mountain. So Marty Supreme is the reward, but we are gonna have to figure out how to sort of get ourselves out of these corners we painted ourselves into.
SPEAKER_10Well, we don't mean my guy's dead too. I think we're all dead. We'll see.
SPEAKER_06I don't I I kind of I'm gonna do my best to not let that happen. Tragically all randomly.
SPEAKER_08Fucking sad as hell.
SPEAKER_06We'll see. Hey, thanks for joining us on the Nightmare Party. Um, thanks, Mark, thanks, Mark, thanks, Kevin. Uh, another great hour or so of DD, and uh can't wait to see what happens next.