Nightmare Party - The Reset

The Pet Smart Chronicles are paused, as the guys create new characters and set off on an adventure at sea.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:14

Welcome back to the Nightmare Party podcast. Another episode here with Kevin, Mark, and Mark and myself is Ryan, the DM, the GM, the person in charge.

SPEAKER_09 0:27

The AM, the PM.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

The PM, the Prime Minister, the Dime Minister DM. Sorry. No, I we're doing a DD adjacent podcast. So if you haven't heard of this podcast before, it's I finally convinced some of my very fun comedian friends to play DD. And who are they? So that's as I've said before, Kevin Mark. That's this podcast? Oh Mark. Yeah. Oh my god. This is what I'm dealing with. This is what I'm dealing with. That's us. Ryan. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 0:53

Kevin and I spoke before the taping, and he'd like to be referred to as Mark from now on. Okay, so three Marks.

SPEAKER_09 1:00

Yeah. I want to be called Mark Kevin. So there's Mark Kevin. Mark Chavez and Mark Kevin.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Mark Chavez and Mark Little. And so Mark has a little bit of a so sometimes he has a child. And so his child is calling him.

SPEAKER_09 1:12

Yeah, my child is a lovely boy. No, I'm talking about Mark Chavez.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

So you're Mark Kevin.

SPEAKER_09 1:17

You have a child? Yeah, I have a child named Salt Peter.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Salt Peter? Tell me more about Salt Peter.

SPEAKER_09 1:24

He's just he's a sweet little boy. He's gentle. He's um soft. He's very he's incredibly quiet.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

What's what is saltpeter in the real world? Is it something you put in like a musket? Is it like salt? What's what's is it a mineral?

SPEAKER_09 1:39

From what I remember, it's like a special component in smoke bombs. Is that right?

SPEAKER_03 1:44

Yeah, that's what I that's what I got. The muskets, I think. Yeah. Salt Peter.

SPEAKER_09 1:49

Gunpowder, fireworks, rocket propellant. Acting as a strong sort of thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Not quite salt, it's like a little bit more. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we wait for um Mark Chavez to come back. Mark Kevin, you recently had a birthday.

SPEAKER_09 2:05

Yeah. That's uh I rechristened myself. Uh yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, my birthday was yesterday.

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Yeah. And um, how do you feel about another year around the sun?

SPEAKER_09 2:18

I feel good about it. Uh, I really hope I make it to 46. Yeah. Um, and uh yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

You've got a great life, Kevin. Mark Kevin, sorry.

SPEAKER_09 2:30

Thank you. You've got a great one. Thank you so much. Thanks for noticeing. Thank you so much. I I I I I'm so grateful to be here and doing this and learning more about DD and fantasy and this other world that isn't my life, and getting to escape my life. The horrible, horrible life I have. Yes.

SPEAKER_10 2:47

Oh my god, I cannot wait to start weaving in elements of Kevin's real life.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

We should do more of and now let's call him Mark Kevin. Yeah. I'm pulling the shoot on that one. Uh, it's over. Okay, it's Kevin Mark and Mark.

SPEAKER_10 3:03

If I do that, these two works get me a piss. It's already so confusing, even when I'm just naming the files afterwards. We know. There's too many M-A-R-Ks.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

That's too much spelling.

SPEAKER_10 3:15

But we're we are gonna give Kevin's uh dog character a nine to five job now. Yeah.

unknown 3:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 3:22

Yeah. I was a prince, I was pretty prince bitch. Uh I lived a life of lavish luxury, and so now it's like, I wanna I wanna have a job, I want to work, you know. Get some calluses on these on these paw on these paw digit pop ads.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

To catch everyone up, we are doing the uh Pet Smart Chronicles. Uh they're all playing dog like you know the the show cats? Well, this is like the show dogs. Yeah. They're like doggos with hands, and you know, they can talk like human talk, and they've they've gone from uh just a classic tavern setup uh DD style to being on the run to then having like uh yeah, fights in the forest, to then trying to escape a crazy hospital situation to now finally being in the metropolis of dog London, which is London but dog style, because most people in this world are dogs.

SPEAKER_09 4:15

Doggy style, say it.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

Um and we all have our sort of our our our uh what do you call it? Like uh our raison d'tras, which we did last week, which we can get into. But you know, now we and also you have a you have a reanimated corpse of a chihuahua named Susan Boyle. Oh yeah, Susan Boyle.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Oh yeah, I forgot we got Susan Boyle's like singing.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

Susan Boyle, but she's a Chihuahua and also a corpse. Yeah. And you finally made it outside the hospital, and you're in you know, this m uh th thriving, thronging, you know, giant metropolis of dog London.

SPEAKER_04 4:54

And so does anyone want to talk about anything?

SPEAKER_05 4:57

Yeah, why do we go to London? Why are we going to Dog London?

SPEAKER_03 5:01

So this has been asked so many times.

SPEAKER_09 5:03

So uh because And we tried to cover last time when we gave ourselves wants and needs or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Because the the first episode, you guys became fugitives, you know what I mean? You became fugitives, and so you thought a good place to get away from this small town which you started in was this big city of dog London where you could escape to. Maybe you all have contacts within. You know, it seemed like a good um uh place to go.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:30

So I was I was talking to a friend of mine, and I was explaining that I'm playing D D. And they were like, You're playing D. I was like, Yeah, you know, we're dogs and we're you know, and we're in London, and there's uh and you know, we're we finally found the dog city and we drove a blazer there. And they were bronco. A Fort Bronco. So this is where your friend got confused. They were like, why OJ didn't drive a blazer, and I was like, exactly, white Chevy Blazer. Um and they were saying that like that's that's not like D, you know? And I don't know. I would love just I would love to do I just want to do a hard reset and just I want to Okay, we have a call for a full reset. I want to be I want to be a magician, you know. I want to be like a Oh, I see. You know, I want to do D D, you know.

SPEAKER_03 6:20

Oh okay. So last week we did have some calls from Mark Little for a for a hard reset. We're calling it a hard reset. Yeah, but I said we had to all agree. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 6:34

So so so does so does Mark Little's from Last Stand, or is it like re- uh is that has that been reset and we're now Mark's the only one with his hand on the button?

SPEAKER_03 6:42

Well, so Mark Chavez definitely has his hand on the button. Yeah, yeah. And uh, I guess I have to hear from Kevin and Mark Little if you want. So we've done a lot, we've gone a long way. We've met some NPCs. We have Susan Boyle, this Chihuahua. You know, it's hard to give up on that. Yeah, that's I mean, that's the thing.

SPEAKER_05 6:59

We have built a lot of lore.

SPEAKER_09 7:01

There is there is an angle of a hard reset, but not all the way hard. Like a semi-soft. Tell me more. A semi-hard reset where we reset our characters, we go back like you know, like Mark's saying Chavez is saying, Um, you know, we go back and we you know plant our roots as like a magician, uh another guy or whatever. Um but we keep some of these details. So like we've traveled to not London, but Flandorf or whatever. Right. And or we keep the world and you guys just do new characters. And there's still like a corpse per like there's an actual reanimated corpse that we have to take care of. Like we keep these elements, but we kind of pull out the like the dog element of it.

SPEAKER_05 7:42

No, no. So you No, if we if we do any resetting, Mark Little, you want to keep it dog.

SPEAKER_10 7:49

No, no, no. I think we have to. I think we go full I think we put a pin in the dog London adventures and we start a new adventure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 7:59

And and but we gotta set it up quick.

SPEAKER_05 8:02

Yeah, quick setup. Okay, because we gotta get we gotta get to the to the role play.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

Is that what everyone wants? A hard reset? Quick hard reset?

SPEAKER_10 8:12

Okay, Mark Little? Yeah, I think it would be fun to try. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:16

Okay, so we know we can come back to Dog London. Okay. Yeah. We know Pervert, Pretty Prince Bitch, and uh Sir Barkle. Sir Bark Mr. Barkles are are are there for us to just we can just go right back to it like a like a like a DVD menu screen. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_08 8:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

So but let's do like let's exactly what you're saying, Mark Chavez. I thank thank you for saying that too, because like I'd love to do more. So let's not only decide who we're playing, but like what kind of class we are. And the classes are like wizard, barbarian, fighter, you know what I mean? Let's get a little bit more DD with this. This is great. Okay, great. Okay. Okay, great. So yes, last time we did a pretty quick setup. Let's do a quicker setup.

SPEAKER_05 8:59

I actually have a DD book now.

SPEAKER_10 9:01

You do? Oh great. No, that's double D's the magazine for porno heads.

SPEAKER_09 9:08

See Double D's the magazine for porno heads. Make no mistake.

SPEAKER_05 9:14

You got a player's handbook there. Yeah. So I'm gonna look at the classes and see what I want to be in. Oh, Ryan, he's trying to cut your grass.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

It's okay. It's okay.

SPEAKER_10 9:24

He'll never get near this one. Okay, Ryan. Well, how do we start?

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Well, great question because I'm not sure. Wait a minute, a hard reset. Hard reset.

SPEAKER_05 9:33

A carriage cost a hundred gold pieces and weighs six hundred pounds.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

So Okay, we're not we're not getting that in depth. Okay, we're not getting that in depth. Okay, so okay, so uh well last time we started at a tavern. Okay, classic tavern small town thing. Um what if we started um what if we started on a boat?

SPEAKER_04 9:59

Oh on a boat.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

That's funny. We're all on a boat. Yeah. We're all on a boat together. Okay, so we're all sailors on a boat, on a river, a lake, or an ocean. You know what I mean? We're all we'll all be sailors.

SPEAKER_09 10:14

We're all sailors on a lake. It's this little lake, we're on a sailing, yo ho ho in a bottle of rum. Yeah. Good. Land ho and ho and ho and ho and ho and ho ho.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

So you're all sailors on a boat. Does that sound that sounds like a fun like reason why you would be together? You're sailing on a boat together. Beautiful, Ryan. Yeah, you know what I mean? So does anyone have any like initial thoughts about who they want to be?

SPEAKER_10 10:42

Well, Mark Chavez, I feel like he's rare and though.

SPEAKER_03 10:46

What was Mr. Barkle's class? Well, he didn't really have a class.

SPEAKER_05 10:50

I believe if we go right back to the top, he was gonna be a he was gonna be a vampire. I think I want to be a barbarian.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Oh, cool. Okay, so you're a barbarian.

SPEAKER_05 11:01

Yeah, I think I was a barbarian as Mr. Barkles, but we didn't really get there.

SPEAKER_10 11:05

Yeah, that's true. Because you were a Conan type off the Yeah, because I would Conan, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:09

That's right, yes, of course. So you're a barbarian.

SPEAKER_10 11:11

So what kind of barbarian can he be?

SPEAKER_05 11:14

Yeah, I oh a human.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Ah.

SPEAKER_03 11:17

Or it could be a what else could I be? Well, there's very there's a few like specific, there's like half orc, half elf, elf, halfling, you know what I mean? Or you could I'm I'm willing to let you make it up. But we're gonna go away from the dogs this time. Okay. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 11:32

So I can't even be like one eighteenth Labrador. Well, we'll see.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

We haven't got to you yet.

SPEAKER_05 11:38

Okay. Mark? I I want to be a um I want to be a half barbarian.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Okay, so lower half. Yeah. Really good at thinking.

SPEAKER_05 11:50

You are a barbarian. So you're class as barbarian and you're gonna be a half barbarian? No, no, I'll be a full barbarian, half uh I'll be a I'll be half um.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Again, you don't have to like you can you you just what's your imagination tell you? Like, what do you like?

SPEAKER_03 12:04

Um Mark doesn't have that. Yeah, like last time you wanted to be a vampire guy, yeah. And we didn't really get to that because we turned into dogs.

SPEAKER_05 12:13

Yeah. So maybe I'll be a vampire guy.

SPEAKER_10 12:16

Can he be a vampire in this world? Absolutely. Vampire dog.

SPEAKER_05 12:20

So you're a vampire? No, no. Let me come back to me. We're coming back to you. Come back to me.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

We're not coming back to you. We're starting with you. Oh, we're starting with me. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 12:32

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

I'll be I'll be a like when you when you were like, you know, like are alone and you're like, you know, you're thinking about like what's cool and what's not cool, you're you're pretending, you know, to me. What would you what do you do when you're alone in the in the house?

SPEAKER_09 12:48

When Mark's alone thinking what's cool and what's not cool, sitting there in a leather armchair with a cigar, just being like, what's the right thing?

SPEAKER_03 12:55

What's an interesting what's an interesting take on the on the classic vampire?

SPEAKER_06 12:59

Why isn't that a podcast?

SPEAKER_09 13:00

When you're just sitting there thinking what's cool and not cool.

SPEAKER_05 13:03

A classic vampire, like a like a like a cool take is like they they're a daywalker. They can walk among us. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 13:10

But is is a vampire also a barbarian? Isn't that just a different class of guy?

SPEAKER_05 13:14

That's a really good question, Marco, that you brought together.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

Yeah, I know. I'm conflating some things. Absolutely. I just want to get you guys excited about your characters.

SPEAKER_05 13:22

Okay, I'm gonna change it all. I want to I want to be a magician.

SPEAKER_10 13:25

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_05 13:26

I want to cast spells.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Yeah, of course. So a wizard? Great. Yeah. Great. And your name? Golf.

SPEAKER_10 13:36

Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

G-U-L-F or G-O-L-F.

SPEAKER_05 13:39

Like the game. G-golf. Golf. And he's always doing golf puns. Give me two. Give me two.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Other than four. Four is not a pun. You just say four.

SPEAKER_05 13:51

Pull in one of you with my spell. Oh my god. That's so. Am I more? Yeah. This is a par three, as in par for the course.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

Look at some golf stuff. That's fine. So you're uh a wizard named golf. This is great. Your wizard named golf. Are you old or young? Old or young? Old. Old guy. Yeah, he's gotta be old. Old guy. He plays actual golf. Old guy. Um and is your is your wand a golf club or is that a big thing? Yeah, my wand is a nine-iron. Nine iron.

SPEAKER_09 14:18

That's sick. It's so long.

SPEAKER_05 14:20

That's great. Really? And I go, how's your short game? And then I like cut them in half. With a sword. With the spell. With the spell.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

This is not bad. This is not bad. Any other last little things? Because this is what we're going to do very quickly. Your money where your mouth is. No, no, no, no more puns necessarily. Any other little character things. So you're a wizard named golf. You've got a nine-iron. You do a lot of golf puns.

SPEAKER_05 14:46

Yeah. I go shanks for the memories.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

Someone looking at golf puns on the internet.

SPEAKER_10 14:53

You gotta save some of these. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Yeah, because we're gonna be we're gonna be playing soon. So uh are you I maybe just here for you. Are you good or bad? Are you good or bad? Are you a good good guy or a bad guy?

SPEAKER_05 15:05

Well, I play golf.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

So you're a bad guy.

SPEAKER_05 15:08

Bad guy, yeah. Yeah, sounds bad.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

A bit of a bad guy. You're a bit of a bad wizard, a bit of a dark wizard. Selfish. Selfish, great. You know.

SPEAKER_10 15:16

What other classes are there, Ryan?

SPEAKER_03 15:18

Well, you got wizard, you got barbarian, you got a bard, which is like an entertainer. Voger. Hell yeah. Exactly. I want to be a bard. Okay, great. Mark Little's gonna be a bard. That's great. So a bard. So bards, you know, they play music, they do uh they do little skits, yeah, they they do speeches, they're they're an entertainer, and they also do a little bit of magic. So you're a bard.

SPEAKER_10 15:41

Did I take yours, Kevin? Do you want to be a bard?

SPEAKER_09 15:43

No, no, no, not at all.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

Okay, great.

SPEAKER_09 15:46

I laughed when Ryan said they did a little skits.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

I mean, like other than music, what else are you gonna do? Little skits. Uh what what what are you what's your name, Mark Little?

SPEAKER_10 15:55

Um, my name is of course.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Yes, it's pudding. Pudding. Pudding, okay. A pudding. A bard named Pudding.

SPEAKER_04 16:09

Okay, and so pudding. So we is he young? Is he middle-aged? Is he what what what's pudding's deal?

SPEAKER_10 16:15

Um he's he's like uh he's middle-aged. He really wanted this life. Yeah. Like when he was a kid, yes, to be an entertainer. Yes. But now he's just old enough that he's like, I'm still doing mics.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

He's seen the sun start to set a little bit. He's like, What am I what am I doing?

SPEAKER_10 16:41

His contemporaries are doing a little bit better. They're singing for the king. Yeah. He's kind of still singing at taverns. He has to pay a couple bucks to sing at a tavern, a couple gold. He has to pay to even get it.

SPEAKER_05 16:56

Is it possible he's been like banned from performing at certain places as well?

SPEAKER_10 17:00

Or is it yeah, because sometimes he's sometimes he says the truth and people ain't ready for that. Yeah. Yeah. He uses the R word sometimes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:09

What is the R word in R world? It's the same.

SPEAKER_09 17:16

It just has F at the end. Some grapso. It's got F at the end. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

R word F. The D is an F. We'll never say it. We'll never say it. We'll never say it, but you know it's there. And when you say it in your head, it's there. It's the F is there. That's great. Yeah, that's good. Because he like he doesn't care about censorship or like the last truth teller. He's the last truth truth teller.

SPEAKER_10 17:41

The last teller that's he wants to start our world's version of a podcast.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

He is interested in starting a podcast.

SPEAKER_09 17:52

And he hasn't yet heard of it, but there is DD, and he's like, what if I he'll be like, what if I did a podcast about that? Oh yeah. And the DD is about the normal world.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

But he hasn't heard of it yet, but as soon as he hears of it, he's gonna like that.

SPEAKER_10 18:05

Keep that information away from him, or this whole podcast will go nuts.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

So pudding the bard, middle-aged, loved the idea of being what he is now as a kid, but now that he's you know of age, yeah, he's he's kind of a bit sad. His contemporaries are singing for the king, whereas he has to pay two golds to go to an open mic. He says the R word. He's interested in starting whatever our world's version of a podcast is. Yeah, yeah. Okay, that's great. Great. Uh we'll quickly move on to Kevin Lee. Kevin? Right. I said Kevin Lee like there's another Kevin. There's no Kevin.

SPEAKER_09 18:42

You said it like it was Heavenly.

SPEAKER_03 18:43

Heavenly?

SPEAKER_09 18:45

Well, that's perfect because I wanted to be uh an angel. No, oh, well, I could be. I guess I was gonna be like a cleric or like a priest. But I feel like we have a lot of magic. You have a lot of magic soft guys. So I could go, I was looking online, I could go paladin, which is like a knight who's a priest, a priest knight. Yeah, you got you're the guy who's gonna get shit done for us. So I got like a sword and a shield, but I'm like, God, above all.

unknown 19:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

Are you gonna do paladin or cleric? Because they're both kind of religious guys.

SPEAKER_09 19:15

Yeah, I think paladin just so I can't do it. Paladin's like a religious copy guys.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

You could be like a religious cop.

SPEAKER_09 19:20

Oh shit. I love those guys. Yeah. I could be like religious ice. Okay. This is cool, right? Yeah, this is really cool. Yeah. I turn off my uh I turn off my um my uh magic body cam. Yeah. I finally just get to work. So you're a paladin. No, I don't want to do that anymore. Okay, you're gonna be a good one. I want to just be a regular priest. I'm just gonna be a cleric, yeah. Cleric.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

You're like a priest guy. You're like a priest priest wizard kind of guy.

SPEAKER_05 19:49

Yeah, I like that we're three magic y people or you know, soft.

SPEAKER_09 19:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 19:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 19:54

It's very different from our previous one where we're basically just like uh shooting a cannon, we're like driving a car and getting stabbed.

SPEAKER_05 20:00

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

See, I like this. This is like real DD. We're getting closer. We're getting closer. We're getting we're definitely getting closer. So, Kevin, you're a cleric, you're a priest guy. What's your name? What's your deal? Give me what what do you want to be?

SPEAKER_09 20:12

Uh my name is um uh my name is uh Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Jesus Christ. I mean Okay, yeah, your name is Jesus Christ in full. Yes. But in our world, that guy, that other one, doesn't exist. Yeah, exactly. This is just a great name. It's just a name.

SPEAKER_09 20:34

In a way, this is a name that makes us go. Us Christ. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Jeez. His first name is Jeez.

SPEAKER_05 20:43

Yeah, Jeez, Us Christ.

SPEAKER_03 20:44

Us Christ. So Jeez, middle name Us. No, I think Kevin didn't say that. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_09 20:51

Kevin, do you like that? No, no, I like I like being Jesus Christ, but people call me Jeez. Okay, great. Okay. People call you Jeez if you want. Actually, I could be like uh tofer. He'll be like, oh, call me Zus.

SPEAKER_05 21:04

Nice. Zus, yeah, the second half of the name. Oh, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_09 21:07

But anyway, so Jesus Christ is my name.

SPEAKER_05 21:11

Everyone calls you Jeez. Gee's is sus. Okay, that was a big one.

SPEAKER_06 21:18

Uh so I keep working on the go back to golf months. That's a clip. That's going on the internet. Um, that's going viral.

SPEAKER_10 21:25

Cut that out, post it, eliminate everything else.

SPEAKER_09 21:29

Clipped. Um yeah, what are what's the next question? What do I need to know?

SPEAKER_03 21:33

Well, just who are you? So you're G's, you're a cleric. Are you old? Are you young? Are you bad? Are you good?

SPEAKER_09 21:39

I'm gonna be young, I'm gonna be right out of the seminary, you're young, right out of the brand eyed and pushy tailed. I'm like, this is I'm gonna go and proselytize, I'm gonna like make some converts, absolutely return people to the um and what who should my god be? My god is gonna be um It's up to you. Uh it's gonna be called the Devouring Snake. Oh the devouring snake that lives at the at the in the crotch of the world. And I'm going to and everyone's gonna be eaten by the snake. It's gonna be great. So phalloc. What?

SPEAKER_10 22:09

It goes from being loosely phallic to just overtly explicitly phallic.

SPEAKER_06 22:14

Yeah, yeah. And it's but I have no clue. I'm like, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_10 22:17

Sort of a snake that lives in the world's groin.

SPEAKER_09 22:20

Yeah, it lives at the crutch. And it'll it'll it'll come out and once it gets it at the re at the end end times, it gets rock hard. We all we all climb to the tip and climb in. Yep. Wow. And we get packed in like saltpeter.

SPEAKER_03 22:34

So you're trying to convert people to this religion. Yeah. And what's your religion called if it's the this devouring snake that lives at the crotch?

SPEAKER_09 22:42

Yeah, it's called the it's called the the uh the church of the devouring snake.

SPEAKER_03 22:45

That's fine.

SPEAKER_09 22:46

Yeah, yeah. That's enough. It's called the it's called the uh what would be like the uh the what can I get an L in there so it's LDS like the Latter-day Saints. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

Listen, it's a devouring snake. Yeah. Yeah, it's the Latter-day Devouring Saints. Yeah. Latter devouring snakes, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 23:04

It's the long devouring snakes.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

Long devouring snakes. Long devouring snakes. LDS. Let's get some yeah, let's get some Mormons. LDS.

SPEAKER_09 23:11

So we'll I'll I'll use a lot of Mormon uh iconography and stuff like that. Perfect.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Absolutely. That's great. So okay, great. So we have so we have a bard named pudding. Middle aged. He's you know doing his best. We have to do it.

SPEAKER_05 23:26

Mark, what's your temperament?

SPEAKER_10 23:29

Um depressed. But still grinding. Still grinding. Still grinding.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

And you're gonna wake up on a boat.

SPEAKER_10 23:37

Yeah, we wake up on a boat.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

When you say we wake up on a boat, you mean like we know we're on the boat. Like we've gone to sleep on the boat. Or do we wake up?

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Well, great question before we start. Did you all are you all why were you all on this boat? Were you going somewhere? Like, let's decide that as a group.

SPEAKER_10 23:52

I'm starting a ferry, maybe? I'm starting a tour.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

Yeah. Oh, you were on you were trying to get somewhere on a tour.

SPEAKER_05 23:57

Oh, maybe we were all going our own separate ways, but we have the same destination. So Mark or uh Dog London. Putting a starting a tour. He wouldn't be going to Dog London right away. He's gotta play small towns. Dog.

SPEAKER_03 24:15

You know what I think? You were on your way like a classic crossing, but then a storm happened, and you're gonna wake up on like an unfamiliar is like desert island, basically. You know what I mean? Like classic. You know, you don't know where you are, and you gotta figure you you don't, and you're also strangers to each other, but you're gonna wake up as the last survivors of this shipwreck on on a deserted island. Is that cool with everything?

SPEAKER_10 24:42

Yeah, what do you want to call that island, Ryan?

SPEAKER_03 24:44

Jar lamp. Jarlamp. Jarlamp. Really good, really good stuff. Did you look right at the end of the day? I I did my own Mrs. Doubtfire. Yeah, yeah. Jar Jarlump guy. Jarl. Jarlump. Jarlump. Okay. But we don't know that.

unknown 25:00

No.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Do we have any charts? You don't know anything. No, you were on your way. You're that you've never seen this island before. Okay. So let's just uh how about we do a scene where the three of you meet for lunch on the boat before the storm?

SPEAKER_05 25:14

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

You know, just a little bit so we hear a little bit of your characters, you know what you're talking about. Sure. And then we'll the storm will happen, and then you'll wake up on the beach, you know, as the last remaining survivors.

SPEAKER_09 25:26

Question though.

SPEAKER_03 25:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 25:28

Are we all humans? Or are we Great Quest?

SPEAKER_03 25:30

Are you all humans? You could be different. You could be creatures. I'm a human. You could be creatures. Okay, golf a human. I'll be uh orc. Okay, an orc. Nice. An orc for pudding.

SPEAKER_09 25:44

Uh and I'll be an elf. There's elves and there's elf and else.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

This is happening.

SPEAKER_05 25:51

This is a real thing. This is what my friend was saying. Yes. There's no Chevy Blazers.

SPEAKER_09 25:59

What is like what as an elf, what would I act like, Ryan? Like, what is what are some characters?

SPEAKER_03 26:03

I think elves are a little bit h-highfalutin. They're a little bit like, you know, like we're pretty. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, you've got the orc thing down there, Mark. Mark Chavez, you'll figure out a human eventually. I'm just Mark.

SPEAKER_09 26:18

It's Mark Little's the beginning of that song. That's like sounded like you were doing that a little bit, you know?

SPEAKER_03 26:29

So uh you're you're it's like an old-timey kind of like train situation where you're all meeting in the dining cart, you know, but it's a boat. And so uh you're all seated at the same table because you're traveling alone. So I'll see uh uh Mr.

SPEAKER_04 26:44

Golf, Mr. Pudding, and of course uh uh Mr. Mr. Jesus Christ. Thank you. I do prefer the full name. Thank you. This is our last remaining table. It's right by the ice machine, but uh you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:01

Works with me. Works with me. I'll just have a seat here. Hello. Who are you two?

SPEAKER_10 27:10

Uh yeah, I'm uh my name's pudding. I'm uh just listen, I'm not having a good day. I'm not having a rough one. They cut me off at the damn bar. Oh. The ship's bar.

SPEAKER_05 27:26

Yeah, yeah. I saw that. I saw that happen actually.

SPEAKER_09 27:30

The long duh long devouring snake t uh take mercy on you and uh let you caress its long schnickly body. Shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_10 27:39

Oh shut get the get this guy away from me. Oh, relax. Let me tell you something about religion. Okay. Organized religion. Here we go. Oh, truth telling. Why is he standing up and holding that carrot to his mouth? No, no, no, no, no. Now I was yeah, I mean, I was raised around religion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:00

Oh, he's such a good comedian.

SPEAKER_06 28:01

Well, he's really taking command of this audience that's not an audience.

SPEAKER_05 28:05

Yeah, he's so angry. I love it.

SPEAKER_10 28:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. If I wanted someone to tell me what to do, um, I'd move back home and move back in with my parents. It's true. I'd move back home and I'd get a and I'd ask my and I'd get a wife.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

This guy. This guy's great. Yeah. Here's the menus for this evening's dinner service. Uh we're all out of porridge.

SPEAKER_10 28:35

Hmm. Oh. Well, let me tell you, you still got some pudding. What's up, fellas? What's up, fellas? I guess that's his name. What's up, fellas?

SPEAKER_05 28:44

I'll have the uh lobster bisque, please.

SPEAKER_10 28:48

And let me ask him something.

SPEAKER_05 28:51

Me?

SPEAKER_02 28:52

Me?

SPEAKER_10 28:52

Wait, are you asking me or the gentleman who just ordered? Or Jesus Christ. I'm asking uh what's your name, buddy, who just ordered?

SPEAKER_05 29:02

My name's Golf.

SPEAKER_10 29:03

Golf. Um Lobster bisque. Nice order. Um I is there a whole side of the menu that's just for gay men?

SPEAKER_03 29:15

Wow. This man kills it like it is. That's so bad. Wow. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_10 29:21

Let me ask you something. Let me ask you something. What was what was harder? Let me ask you something. What was harder? Uh developing this specific palette uh that you've got or uh coming out of the closet. Whoa.

SPEAKER_05 29:33

Mr. Golf, do you have a response to that? He's really joked me into a corner. I don't know. I can't say anything without omitting my homosexuality. I would I would be hoped that you'd have some kind of golf related you're gonna let him get a hole on one on you like that?

SPEAKER_03 29:49

That was a double eagle. Oh. I'm unfamiliar with the rules. And Jesus Christ put you in the rough. He really did. Wow. This guy should be golf. Talk about a Yes.

SPEAKER_07 30:00

They make us do a lot of golf at the Church of the Law the Long Devouring Snake. Oh, is that right? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 30:05

Oh, at least we're gonna get along famously. Hey, is that a storm coming?

SPEAKER_03 30:10

Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 30:11

I should get back to Okay.

SPEAKER_10 30:16

I guess not yet. No, you think that's a storm? Oh, he's uh storm.

SPEAKER_09 30:22

Idiot. He got you again. I thought it was gonna be a metaphor for like that he was the truth storm, but no, he's just saying you don't know what storms are.

SPEAKER_03 30:30

Mr. Golf, can I take your nine iron to the coat check? You see, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh. This is my important nine iron.

SPEAKER_10 30:39

Yeah, it's the one he uses to. He'll get a guy. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_09 30:44

Oh that's not what I was expecting. He'll get a guy.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

So one lobster bisque. Anyone else want uh food?

SPEAKER_09 30:53

Yes, I'll take some porridge, please. Thank you. We're out of porridge. I believe you could actually look a little harder and find some porridge. I'll check with the kitchen. Long Devouring Snake be praised. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 31:02

Out of porridge. Par for the cores.

SPEAKER_10 31:04

Oh, nice. Actually, I like him now. Okay, great. Here's what I want to order. Here's what I want to order. A bottle of whiskey and three glasses. Because I don't eat with people unless I've had unless I drink with people.

SPEAKER_03 31:22

Fair enough. Okay, well, I'll be right back with that whiskey and that lobster biscuit and I'll check on the porridge for you.

SPEAKER_10 31:28

They cut me off at the bar last night and told me I was cut off, but I found a loophole and it's the restaurant.

SPEAKER_05 31:33

Yeah, you just order at the restaurant. Yes, the restaurant.

SPEAKER_10 31:36

Much more accommodating there, yes.

SPEAKER_05 31:38

Well, I'm looking forward to sharing a drink with you two fellas.

SPEAKER_09 31:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 31:43

Yes. This will be lovely. I love to meet different people, and I love them to bring them all to the long shaft of the snake.

SPEAKER_09 31:51

Oh, Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_05 31:52

Tell me, um, pudding. Oh, sorry, you were just about to address Jesus Christ. No, I wasn't. Oh, wait.

SPEAKER_09 31:59

I gotta change how I talk. Pudding uh sorry, I don't know why I didn't react to that.

SPEAKER_05 32:04

Tell me, uh are you on your way to do some shows?

SPEAKER_10 32:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can call them that, some of these podunk towns.

SPEAKER_05 32:13

Tell me the names of the podunk towns you're going. I might be going there too.

SPEAKER_10 32:16

Uh likewise. I'm going to Fester.

SPEAKER_05 32:18

Oh, I'll be in Fester. I'm on a uh I I'm on a bit of a uh uh I do speeches, so I'm on a bit of a tour myself.

SPEAKER_09 32:26

What kind of speeches do you do, my son?

SPEAKER_05 32:28

Just about the wizard dream world, spell casting. I'm a wizard.

SPEAKER_09 32:33

Fascinating. Ah, fascinating. Yes. Well I've going to these places to do my kinds of speeches, you know, uh sermons and the like, and uh, you know, spread the word, the gospel of the long devouring snake, his long glimmering shaft will become hard in the end times. And we'll all want to bask in its glimmering glow.

SPEAKER_10 32:50

It's like too too much. I can't I gotta change the types of jokes I make.

SPEAKER_05 32:54

Are we all are we all um on tours?

SPEAKER_10 32:58

That's yeah, I think we're all on tours. What is this? The entertainment, uh the SS uh entertainment? I think so. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 33:06

Okay, I'm back with the whiskey. Okay, we're still out of porridge, and here's your lobster bisque, sir.

SPEAKER_08 33:13

Oh, it's still out of porridge. Thank you for the lobster bisque.

SPEAKER_05 33:17

This is as good as hitting the uh par five under three. Two. Very good, sir.

SPEAKER_09 33:30

Okay then. Uh I'll take uh I'll have what he's having.

SPEAKER_10 33:33

No, no, no, no, no. We're getting you your porridge. Okay. Now listen to me, my good man. He ordered porridge. You're world famous uh for your porridge. I know. Now that he wants a porridge. Now, whatever it takes to make a porridge, just get the chef to make him a porridge.

SPEAKER_05 33:50

Oh, wait, why didn't I why didn't I think of this? I'm a wizard. Oh. I cast porridge. Okay. Should I roll? Okay, he definitely should roll.

SPEAKER_03 34:02

So when you're casting porridge, you're gonna like try to conjure porridge?

SPEAKER_05 34:05

Yeah. Yeah, I'm casting porridge.

SPEAKER_09 34:07

Like squirt out of your hand or something.

SPEAKER_05 34:09

So I'm conjuring porridge into a into onto the table. I roll a um here we go. 16.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Okay, yeah. So the man you're talking to explodes in like sort of a sort of like a cavalcade of blood and bones and porridge.

SPEAKER_06 34:28

Oh my god!

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Oh my god. So it goes, oh, whoa. You wait, the server just exploded. Yeah, the server exploded. So you cast porridge on this guy. Oh my god. You literally turned him into porridge and exploded him into porridge. Whoa. I think I'm uh late for a tea time.

SPEAKER_05 34:46

I gotta get out of here.

SPEAKER_10 34:48

Or on a freaking boat, man. You just killed that frickin' guy, man. Yeah. I I didn't ask you to do that. I mean, love devouring snake.

SPEAKER_08 34:55

I just whoa.

SPEAKER_05 34:57

Sorry to take his clearly I didn't uh designation. I didn't mean to do that myself. I thought I was going to create porridge out of nothing. I but as I should have known, you do have to have a thing to create another thing. You can't just pull something out of thin air and I get it. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_10 35:11

We didn't ask for a freaking class and wizardry grids.

SPEAKER_09 35:14

You're boring me, and I'm by nature a very boring guy.

SPEAKER_10 35:17

Here's what we need, first of all. We need some sort of a colander to sift the blood and bone from the porridge so this guy can definitely need to get porn.

SPEAKER_09 35:25

And then a spell that's a colander that doesn't explode somewhat.

SPEAKER_05 35:30

No, what are you pointing to right now? I'm putting it to the mess. I'm putting it to the blood and guts. Oh, you're gonna turn it.

SPEAKER_10 35:37

You're gonna turn the porridge into a colander.

SPEAKER_05 35:40

Pointing at the blood and guts. Well, I guess are you doing that? Are you actually casting colander? God, magicians are great. They can do so many things. Okay, here we go. And I rolled a seven. I cast columns.

SPEAKER_03 35:52

So no, it doesn't the this kind of like makes it a little bit hotter, hotter to touch. Okay. Ow!

SPEAKER_09 35:58

That's just part of myself realizing I'm just touching the blood and guts.

SPEAKER_10 36:01

Okay, okay. We gotta, we gotta, we gotta feed this boy so he's not up, it's not on an empty stomach. Then we gotta hide the frickin' evidence here. Because I do not, I cannot, not at the beginning of a tour. Yeah. I cannot have some dead guy haunting the beginning of my tour.

SPEAKER_09 36:16

Because we can't, you because your Ford Broncos not here, we can't immediately jump into that and start driving away like we did, like, like some other people we know. Googamoo ga moo? I didn't understand what you just said. That is a common expression here in this fantasy world. Googamugamu, guys, what are we gonna do? I'm like, I don't I don't like that god.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

That's uh that's another god in the pantheon of uh so it is an empty, you know, restaurant right now, so like you have some time to clean this up, but like yes, you did turn the waiter into uh a mess of porridge and blooding stuff.

SPEAKER_05 36:48

I take the uh the tablecloth off and I start scooping the stuff in into the tablecloth, like a giant napkin. Yeah. Go, go, go, go, go, help you out. Googamugagoo? Is that what you said?

SPEAKER_10 36:59

Yeah, something like that.

SPEAKER_05 37:01

So there's a god named Googawa, and then you say Googa Wamugagoo, and that invokes him, and it's sure. It's uh it's blaspheme.

SPEAKER_10 37:09

Dude, analyze what I say some more. I love it. Said no one ever. This guy.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

This guy is gonna drive me insane. Just then the boat starts to shake a little bit like look a storm. You guys kind of fall off your chairs and all your cutlery, and the porridge kind of froze around a little bit.

SPEAKER_09 37:32

And I'm trying to like catch it in my mouth, but like not the blood in the guts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:35

God, this guy's snake style. You see outside, and there's this crazy, uh like a storm you've never seen before, like a swirling sort of slow moving like a tempest. A tempest, but it's slow like a like a hurricane's eye and a tornado all in one, and it's coming towards Whoa, a hurricane and a tornado in one?

SPEAKER_09 37:57

Well, check it out. Sorry, I just in real life, I don't know. I would just distinguish those on site if I was in the middle of the.

SPEAKER_03 38:04

Yeah, so I I guess you wouldn't be able to in in in the moment discern. It just looks like a mass of clouds like swirling coming towards you with rain and lightning and snow and hail. And the boat's shaking around. You could barely stand up.

SPEAKER_10 38:21

Hold on, guys. Let me just let me just check the weather app to see what's happening here.

SPEAKER_06 38:25

I don't expect this to be a lot worse given what's going outside, but I can still stand up pretty good. This is a strong boat. We gotta get inside.

SPEAKER_03 38:33

We gotta get inside. Are we inside or outside? You're in the boat. You're in the boat, you're in the boat.

SPEAKER_06 38:38

And you keep saying that, and I'm like, oh, he's panicking.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

We're already inside, man. Okay, we're inside. You're about to black out. What's the last thing you all say before you black out? I say, water trap. You say water trap. Or water hazard. Water hazard.

SPEAKER_10 38:54

I go save I go save me, goo, gaga woo.

SPEAKER_03 38:57

Nice. Oh.

SPEAKER_10 38:58

And I go, and I go like this. I guess God's giving me the light.

SPEAKER_03 39:04

And it goes, shh. Like all, like, you know those scenes in movies where like chaos bloke broken glass happens, and then it just goes to black. Maybe ringing in your ears, sort of thing, like and then it slowly fades out, and you hear this uh gentle, like of a gentle tide on a beach, like and then I'm going like this. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 39:33

I come to you, I'm like, what course am I on? Is this Sandusky Beach? Is this Sandusky Beach?

SPEAKER_09 39:41

And I'm like, I'm like, oh, Sun Sound. Am I inside the urethra of the giant snake? Is it the sound of a turtle coming and going?

SPEAKER_10 39:53

Mammy, mummy. They laughed at me at school, and it was a drug I'll never forget. Mammy. I got one big laugh at school, and now I'm gonna commit my life to pursuing it. What was the joke? I want to know what the joke is. It's a little like I told a joke. I told my first joke at school, and it got such a big laugh, and now I'm cursed to chase it.

SPEAKER_05 40:16

You're chasing the dragon for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

So you all open your eyes. The boat you were riding on, which is like kind of like a giant, kind of like, you know, commuter ferry, it's pretty big enough to have like a restaurant area, is capsized and broken, kind of like uh, I don't know, a hundred yards down the beach. There's wood planks and uh glass and metal all around you, and you're sort of like the three of you who are not having the best dinner together seem to wake up together and be the only people on this beach. And it's classic desert island.

SPEAKER_10 40:52

You know, you got palm trees, you got a beach, you got like can we all be hugging like we all come to like hugging? Yes, you all come to hugging.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

You you hugged each other to stay together, and you didn't realize that. You all come to hugging.

SPEAKER_05 41:07

Oh, I'm so glad we came to hugging.

SPEAKER_10 41:09

Oh I'd say buy me dinner first, but the last time you did that, a guy exploded. I really want to come and see you on tour.

SPEAKER_06 41:20

You're quite humorous.

SPEAKER_10 41:22

Thank you, thank you. Tell that to the audiences. I will. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 41:30

Well, I guess we should start searching for food and shelter. Oh, right away. We should establish the hierarchy of our group and we should maybe think about how we're going to procreate in the future.

SPEAKER_09 41:42

Let's go find a waiter for you to explode into food.

SPEAKER_10 41:44

Hey.

SPEAKER_09 41:45

That's what you mean, right?

SPEAKER_10 41:47

Yeah, let's go, yeah, let's go find some big bull crap for you to explode. Don't act like this wasn't your fault. I know whose fault this was. You invoked you invoked the wrath of some greater being by killing that guy right on our ship. It was back to the bottom.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

You're the one who yelled Google Google Wamahooga.

SPEAKER_10 42:03

Google Wamahooka is nonsense, it's gibberish. I don't believe in a god named Google Wamahooga. My father was a cleric. And now I don't believe in nothing. Who is your dad? Who was your dad? Who was your dad? He was a disgraced cleric. Yes. He did that stuff you'd hope he wouldn't. Oh my god, I think I know him. His name was Big Big Pudding.

SPEAKER_08 42:26

Big Pudding!

SPEAKER_05 42:27

You know Big Pudding?

SPEAKER_08 42:29

Yes. He was my mentor at LDS. Oh no. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 42:34

Come on, we have to go He taught me golf. We have to go get food and shelter. No ifs, ands, or putts. That's good.

SPEAKER_07 42:43

There you come. I want to I want to roll.

SPEAKER_10 42:47

I want to roll to strangle the strangle Mark Chavez's wizard. To strangle golf. Oh yeah, that's right. I want to strangle golf. I'm so mad you made that joke.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

Strangle him dead or strangle him just like strangle him dead. Strangle him dead like Boomer does ball.

SPEAKER_05 43:04

Also to defend myself?

SPEAKER_03 43:05

Yeah, so we'll do two rolls. So you'll roll against each other and we'll see how it goes. So Mark Little roll first. I'm gonna kill you.

SPEAKER_10 43:13

I'm gonna kill you for just talking like that crap.

SPEAKER_03 43:16

So I rolled a seven. Okay, now I'll roll. And if you roll below seven, Mark Mark Chavis. I rolled an eight. I rolled an eight. Okay, so you can just get out of it. Easy. He strangles you. He strangles you pretty bad, though. So it's not like you're saying easy. Like he got you pretty bad.

SPEAKER_05 43:31

Put yourself together, man.

SPEAKER_03 43:33

Oh my god. The same buttons.

SPEAKER_10 43:39

Start dating yourself. These are the guys I'm stuck with. Oh my god. Conjure me a gun and put it in my mouth because I'm ready to end this charade. Putter us than no one. Better.

SPEAKER_06 43:52

I start joking.

SPEAKER_03 43:54

You can always roll and strangle each other, I suppose. I roll the night. At the end of the beach, you hear

SPEAKER_10 44:02

Guys, guys screaming. Hold on. I just realized this is my ex-wife's island.

SPEAKER_05 44:10

I just want to take a minute and say that I take issue with you getting mad at my bad jokes. You have been done nothing but just say things. And then another.

SPEAKER_10 44:20

Guys, guys, hold on, hold on. Hold on.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

This is my mother-in-law's island.

SPEAKER_03 44:27

Wait, wait, wait. Let's wait for another sound. I want to hear the third one.

SPEAKER_05 44:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:31

It's the same sound and it reverberates. It's really loud. It's like a dinosaur type scream. It goes. It seems to be getting a little closer up the beach.

SPEAKER_10 44:42

Oh guys, sorry, sorry. I think me hungry. That me stomach growling.

SPEAKER_05 44:49

We have to find shelter and food and dis and how are we going to procreate? Stop talking like that. We gotta get out of here. There's a monster, clearly.

SPEAKER_10 45:00

Yes, okay, now you're talking sense. Ooh, we gotta get out of here before that monster comes and gets us.

SPEAKER_09 45:06

Let's find some shelter there. Let's find some place to hunker down, or maybe some civilization here that we can convert. Let's hide! Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 45:16

What do you do? Yeah, yeah, I'm giving you like a few more seconds to figure something out. Because you're just standing there. Weapons, weapons. Yeah, I pull out my nine iron.

SPEAKER_09 45:23

I want to look around to see if there's like a cave or like a good or weapon or like a place to hide.

SPEAKER_03 45:28

Okay, so I'll roll for something. You all you all have good ideas. Let's roll and see if I'm gonna have a couple. Okay, I rolled a three.

SPEAKER_09 45:32

I rolled a three to look around and see if there's a place to hide.

SPEAKER_03 45:34

You find like another dead body and like a divot where like some wood made. So you don't find very much.

SPEAKER_09 45:40

Cut open this dead body and climb inside.

SPEAKER_03 45:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 45:43

Anyone else have a roll? I'm gonna cast uh uh magic missile into the direction of So you're gonna so magic missile is an actual DD.

SPEAKER_03 45:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 45:54

I open up the wizard, the war wizard spells here.

SPEAKER_03 45:56

So you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna throw magic missile towards where the the sound is coming from. Okay, so magic missile, the thing about magic missile is it does hit. So you let's roll, let's see what happens. Okay. What did you roll? Two. Okay, so the magic missile goes up and hits you in the leg. It goes up and hits me? Yeah, because it goes. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

Oh, what the god?

SPEAKER_05 46:26

You're useless. Oh stop casting spells! I'm at a loss of four words.

SPEAKER_06 46:38

I do them now getting rid of that. It's making me question my face. What kind of god would let this exist?

SPEAKER_03 46:46

Would you help me? The only thing that's funny about this is like you don't know this guy that well. He's just making these golf punts. Like, yes, you've been introduced what his name is, but like imagine meeting someone and they just do golf punts in like a harrowing situation. Yeah, we got two jokers on the same initiative. Now, Mark Chavez, usually no matter what, magic missile hits, but because we haven't revealed the creature yet, I just sort of like because it was such a poor role, I decided to hit you. So you have one of your legs is bleeding profusely, and you're kind of like you're in it's bad news.

SPEAKER_09 47:21

Maybe I can help you because I'm a I'm a cleric, right? Let me see. I gotta see what spells I have here.

SPEAKER_03 47:26

Sure.

SPEAKER_09 47:27

Healing word.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_10 47:29

Healing word?

SPEAKER_09 47:30

Yes, I'm gonna use healing word on Mark.

SPEAKER_03 47:32

So it has to be a golf word?

SPEAKER_09 47:34

Oh, wait, no, I have to have to save it for when my alleys drop to zero. That's sorry, that's uh it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_03 47:38

We're we're doing D and D adjacent. We're not getting too too into the rules here. So you want to do healing word to try to heal his to heal his wounds?

SPEAKER_09 47:45

Cure wounds, that's what I'm doing. All right.

SPEAKER_03 47:47

But I also want you to do a golf word and see if it works.

SPEAKER_09 47:50

Okay. Okay, I'm gonna try and heal my word.

SPEAKER_03 47:52

You have to use a golf word, probably.

SPEAKER_09 47:54

Oh shit. Okay. Um let's try and shift the title list of your fortunes. Nice. What the hell? I'm trying to try and put your body back in order. Okay, that's better.

SPEAKER_03 48:12

Titleist is a brand of golf ball. So, yeah. Okay, I'm gonna go. So you're Mark Chavez, golf? Mm-hmm. You lost a foot.

SPEAKER_09 48:20

Oh shit, but I rolled an 18.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

I know, but you stopped the bleeding, but he lost a foot. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 48:26

I stopped.

SPEAKER_09 48:26

So it's supposed to be so I stopped the bleeding.

SPEAKER_06 48:29

I'm like, magic, and it's like it's just like perfectly cut off.

SPEAKER_08 48:33

Oh shit. Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 48:34

Oh, it's gonna leave a mark. That's not a pun. It's a divot. No, but it's pretty funny.

SPEAKER_09 48:41

Uh I'm sorry, but I think you might be a little teed off at what happened here. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:46

But I'm one step behind you. Oh, now it's a foot button. Oh, now it's a foot button.

SPEAKER_10 48:53

Just makes puns. Alright, here's what here's what I want to do. I gotta find a weapon on one of these dead bodies.

SPEAKER_03 49:00

Okay, great. Yeah, give me a roll. Give me a roll for that. Okay. Because there's lots of dead bodies. So, like the a high roll will be something cool, and a low roll will be something kind of like not that great.

SPEAKER_10 49:10

Okay, I've I rolled an eight.

SPEAKER_03 49:11

An eight? Okay, that's kind of like middle of the road. You find a letter opener, which is like a knife, but for letters.

SPEAKER_10 49:19

Uh okay. So I'm still pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 49:22

You could still, you know, do something with it.

SPEAKER_10 49:23

Alright, I got this little thing. Um, so uh uh this should help me uh commit a little crime. Yeah, uh opening someone's mail.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

You're all lost for what's send your things. What am I never mind, never mind, never mind. Forget that one. Forget that one.

SPEAKER_03 49:44

Okay, uh get behind me. I'll take this thing. And then emerging from under the sand, like shaking the sand and water off it, is a giant crab. Oh no. I'm talking the size of like a three-story walk-up. Like, let's make bisque out of this guy. Yeah, lobster bisque. I guess you get a crab biscuit.

SPEAKER_10 50:10

Hey guys, guys, guys, uh did someone I I think we shouldn't have gone home with that gal last night, because we got crabs.

SPEAKER_09 50:19

I gotta say, uh, I really hope the long-devouring snake doesn't send us to shell uh if we die today.

SPEAKER_05 50:27

I've heard of a shell game, but this is ridiculous.

SPEAKER_10 50:30

Oh my god, that's awesome. How about this? How about this? Guys, I was right the first time. It's my wife. X. This guy, uh, this this crab right here, uh, uh this thing's really breaking the claw.

SPEAKER_09 50:47

Oh, nice. Nice.

SPEAKER_03 50:49

So the the crab in this fight, we can't give this guy a pinch. It's looking around, and like you guys have said so many things, so the crab like turns his little crab eyes right on you because like so he sees you and he starts scuttling towards you, he's like 50 feet away.

SPEAKER_10 51:06

He's like and I say, I say, I say, oh no, we got his attention. I hate that. Oh, I hate attention.

SPEAKER_09 51:17

You start doing it, getting ready for your routine. Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_10 51:20

I got this. I can calm him down. I got some great jokes that can calm him down. I got a song that can calm him down.

SPEAKER_01 51:25

Oh, yeah, using the bard, actually, that's good.

SPEAKER_10 51:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 51:29

Okay, so let's give me a roll and see how it goes. Okay. And we'll then we'll hear it.

SPEAKER_10 51:34

Okay, I rolled a four.

SPEAKER_03 51:37

Oh no. So it's gonna like you're gonna actually infuriate him. So give me three jokes that would infuriate him. You want jokes or a song? Uh jokes or a song. Or either one. You you're trying you're trying to entertain him and you end up infuriating him, so use that information.

SPEAKER_10 51:52

Um a large, lovely Krabby built in a laby. We don't know that. To intimidate me and my friends. Friends. But uh, but um, but but uh uh but um but but but but but but but but it's the early version of rapper. It advances farther. It advances farther the sound. Oh my god, I should have finished 404 at that improv theater.

SPEAKER_05 52:23

Did you say four? And I cast something, I attack him with uh I shoot another thing, even though I lost my foot last time.

SPEAKER_03 52:33

You shoot another magic missile that you're doing? So just give me a roll. Okay. Just to see how because we're doing rolls. I know we're not doing traditional DD here, but like what happens? Ten. So it it like it gets it gets him in one leg and it kind of goes and it kind of like the other two kind of like skew off his shell a little bit. So he's he's limping as he comes up to you. You slowed him down a bit. Uh looks like I gave him a handicap.

SPEAKER_10 53:04

Wow. Now that's a kind of joke I like.

SPEAKER_09 53:07

It's a golf joke. Okay. Uh I want to shoot um I looked up, I can shoot Sacred Flame.

SPEAKER_03 53:14

What's that?

SPEAKER_09 53:15

I shoot a just a fire uh at the guy, and he has to do a dexterity saving throw.

SPEAKER_03 53:21

Oh wow, I'll make a roll. Okay, great. Okay. You want me to make a roll? This is great. This is very DD. Okay, great. Okay, okay. So so you're I rolled a 16. What did you roll? Let's so you roll a roll against each other.

SPEAKER_09 53:35

Why do I do that? Just roll a roll against each other. I also rolled a 16. Okay, so he's on fire.

SPEAKER_01 53:41

Yeah, he's on fire. The crab's on fire! I'm just gonna make that decision because it was uh tie goes to the runner, the crab's on fire, goes Oh my god.

SPEAKER_10 53:52

Wait, wait, wait. Oh no, it's a baby.

SPEAKER_09 54:01

It's wearing a diaper, the baby version of this.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

It is a baby. It's afraid, it's afraid. What? It's a baby.

SPEAKER_05 54:10

Oh, it's terrible.

SPEAKER_01 54:11

Oh no, we're gonna be able to do it. Go into the water, crab, go into the water. It's too baby-ish to know to go in the water.

SPEAKER_06 54:19

Go in the water, go in the water, you idiot!

SPEAKER_09 54:21

I run down to the water and I'm like trying to splash it onto the crab.

SPEAKER_05 54:24

You know, it's like no, it doesn't work. Can I shoot uh there's like a freezing ray to chill touch? Okay. So roll, roll. Okay. Shooting chill touch or touching him or something. I roll a 10 again. Boy.

SPEAKER_03 54:42

Okay, it reacts badly and it makes him burn harder. Oh, I didn't like it. Now that's on you.

SPEAKER_05 54:49

It's your fuck, I'm gonna fucking puke. That's like when you hit a golf ball and it goes behind you. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 54:55

And like, I know this is this is kind of dark material, but like the baby crab, this giant baby crab, does perish in front of you.

SPEAKER_10 55:02

Oh, fuck me.

SPEAKER_03 55:04

Oh, fuck me. That is really unfair way.

SPEAKER_09 55:07

Well, I'm gonna give it its last rites. Oh, Jesus. In a nominee, in a nominee snake, in a nominea long a crotchy, in a nominee, uh go to beddy, uh gonna nomine patre. It smells good.

SPEAKER_05 55:25

If I wasn't so full of bisque, I would eat this cook. It does smell great. It smells really good.

SPEAKER_09 55:30

Yeah, I guess without you guys knowing, I'm pretending to bow over it, but I'm kinda like digging a little under the shell and having a little bite, and I'm like, Yeah, because you didn't get enough to eat on the boat. So I'm just grabbing a little bit of bite.

SPEAKER_10 55:39

It's very good, actually. Alright, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Let's let's let's make a deal here. We're obviously gonna eat this baby crab.

SPEAKER_09 55:48

I've started already, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_10 55:50

But I let's do it respectfully, okay? Because I really this is really fucking me up.

SPEAKER_09 55:55

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 55:56

Okay, so let's roll to see if you do it respectfully.

SPEAKER_09 55:59

Oh shit, I rolled a four.

SPEAKER_03 56:01

Yeah, so Kevin does not.

SPEAKER_09 56:03

I can take all my clothes off.

SPEAKER_03 56:05

So, uh, Mark Little, did you roll for I rolled an eleven. You you're middle of the road. Middle of the road. You're like you're using a spoon, but that's it.

SPEAKER_10 56:13

Oh, look at this. Look at this. It's got a bottle attached to its one of its claws.

SPEAKER_09 56:19

And it's got a little note taped to it that says if uh if lost, please return to cave on the other side of island.

SPEAKER_03 56:24

Oh no. I should have seen that. Okay, but the note that's actually the note's important. Oh yeah. Okay, you might want to keep that. Oh. Keep that.

SPEAKER_10 56:34

Oh god, it's covered in gusting. Oh, whoops. Oh no, look at this. It's a it's its first school report. Oh how'd it do? What does it say? It did really well, and the teacher said it showed a lot of promise.

SPEAKER_09 56:48

Ah, damn it. Oh my goodness. We kill it, and why did uh why did the other guy make it worse?

SPEAKER_10 56:57

Oh, look at this. What? It's an invitation to a birthday party. Oh, whose birthday? His birthday. He was about to hand them out. It's a bunch of He was bringing us an invitation.

SPEAKER_03 57:10

Oh no. That's all he was trying to do. He was trying to invite you to his birthday party?

SPEAKER_10 57:15

He was just bringing he had a report in one hand, in one claw, and a school report, Mark Chavez, and and he was bringing us an invitation to his birthday party, this baby crab. Oh no.

SPEAKER_09 57:25

And he also had these tapes, these speech therapy tapes, trying to fix how he spoke so that he'd speak better for us.

SPEAKER_10 57:31

Oh no, that's why he screamed like that because he had a speech impediment. Yeah, and he's trying to fix it.

SPEAKER_03 57:38

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_09 57:38

Oh my god. Oh, there's also a note here saying if we wanted, he would have boiled one of his arms for us if we wanted it that bad. Oh, you saw that he would have given it to me. It's so cute because it's like backwards E and stuff.

SPEAKER_10 57:53

Oh no, look in this claw. It's a bunch of crayons.

SPEAKER_03 58:00

So just as you're investigating this crab and eating him a little bit. Oh no. Remember the screams I was doing earlier? Yeah. You hear a scream twenty times as loud. Oh no. That's a big baby.

SPEAKER_00 58:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:19

And then I look up. And we're going to have to leave that there. That's the cutoff, okay? Because, like, yes, you thought the baby crab was big.

SPEAKER_05 58:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:31

I guess there could be another bigger baby crab.

SPEAKER_05 58:34

This is what I'm talking about. See, this is DD. Now I feel like we're really doing D.

SPEAKER_10 58:37

Or DD is just fighting bigger and bigger crabs.

SPEAKER_05 58:40

Yeah, the crabs just get bigger and bigger, more golf puns, more expensive.

SPEAKER_03 58:44

I think you guys are going to have to learn. You guys might have to go find a hiding place or get into the jungle because the beach is not safe.

SPEAKER_05 58:51

So who's laughing now? That's the first thing I said. We have to find shelter and we have to find food. That's true. No one's laughing. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Because I was right. I should we should have to go to the colour.

SPEAKER_04 59:01

So how do you so before we end, how do you guys feel about the hard reset? Do you want to go back to the pet?

SPEAKER_05 59:05

No, I want to see this out for a bit.

SPEAKER_01 59:07

Do you like this desert island situation? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:10

Golf pudding in Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_09 59:11

Yeah, I want to get into my character a bit more. I feel like I haven't quite found my footing with my guy, but we'll get there. I'll get there.

SPEAKER_10 59:17

Yeah, I'm starting to learn that my guy's got a real big heart. It's not what I expected. But my guy really cared about that. I think underneath his crusty exterior, my orc, my orc bard, is actually like kind of a kind of a softy. He's got a heart of gold. He's got a heart of gold.

SPEAKER_09 59:33

There's something he's left behind. Like he's gone on tour and stuff. Maybe there's something he's left behind back there.

SPEAKER_05 59:40

What's the where does the anger come from though?

SPEAKER_03 59:42

You know, he seems like kind of an angry comedian, you know, one of those like and what's great is we're on a like we're on a magical island, you know what I mean? So like we're kind of making our own world up. We don't have to think too hard about like all the different parameters of like dog London and uh the watch and the cops and all this. We're like we're we're we're in the we're in the show lost right now. Oh, true. Which is really fun. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:04

So we can get a hatch. We can suck it into an engine. Yeah. Locke. Locke can show up with his orange seal on his teeth.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:13

Smoke will get us.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:15

Hey, great job. So this has been our first hard reset of Nightmare Party. Uh probably won't be the last. Uh, we're gonna get another one. Yeah. We'll see how long this turns to a lost recap show. Yeah. We've got three fresh, amazing characters playing DD adjacent DD, and we're excited to see what happens. They killed the baby crab. Uh, they didn't know that it was a baby until they saw it afterwards, but until they saw the huge diaper that was in plain view.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:44

And all the stuff in its hands.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:45

I thought it was part of the crab. I name in like, but in the moment, if you see a giant monster, if you're not gonna maybe register a diaper in the first few seconds, a lot of this happens so quickly.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:55

We're disoriented, we've suffered head trauma and stuff, and there was so much, so much puns going on. We were kind of enraged to disorient.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:02

Three unlikely friends on the boat are now have to be friends on the boat. We've got to get away.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:08

There's only way to survive. We start fighting each other.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:11

Game over. We're sunk. Yeah. Yeah. Sunk.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:14

And we are and and sunk. Good. Pudding and golf already did have an altercation.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:19

Oh, yeah. He wanted to strangle you to death. Uh, and so um, golf. Can we get out of here with one final like uh setting a sub golf pun? This has been terrific. I can't wait to play tomorrow.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:32

Of course, it will be fun.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:36

Not that.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:37

And I'm putting the letter opener to mine own throat. And I'm rolling to see how effective my suicide attempt is. And I've rolled a 13. Pretty good, actually. You're gonna get close, but no cigar. Okay, so when the next episode starts, I'm gonna be bleeding. Yeah. Potentially bleeding out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:59

Potentially bleeding out. That's a good way to start. So we got the the big crab coming to get you, maybe. You're running into the jungle, and um pudding is maybe bleeding out because of the buttons.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:09

So we'll see what happens. Join us next week, a nightmare party.