Nightmare Party
Comedian Ryan Beil has finally convinced some of his comedian friends (Mark Little, Kevin Lee, Mark Chavez and other surprise guests along the way) to play DND! It's a fantasy adventure podcast where the Dungeon Master shows up ready to play and the players show up ready to absolutely ruin it. A riff heavy, hilarious experience for people that love DND and hate DND.
Nightmare Party
Nightmare Party - Golf's Sidequest
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Mark Chavez returns and we find out what happened to Golf.
Hello, listeners around the world, and uh people who love DD and people who despise it or who are indifferent. Welcome back to the DD Adjacent Comedy Podcast Nightmare Party. I'm your host and GM or DM Ryan Beale with our PCs, our player characters, our players, Kevin L, Mark L, and Mark C. I thought we'd do kind of Bachelorette Bachelor uh naming policy rules.
SPEAKER_07It also makes it sort of sound like Mark L and I could have the same last name and are related, but then there's two marks. So then even though that doesn't make sense, it also related.
SPEAKER_10I'll call myself Ryan B. So it's just like let's just make that uh a rule. Yeah, okay, Ryan.
SPEAKER_07My fans will never know our last name. We are not trying to get popular off this.
SPEAKER_10No, exactly. Well, I mean, we have been using a lot of last names for the last seven or eight episodes, but we can change that now. Yeah, we can get that in post. Uh big news, huge news. It's been two episodes, I think. Maybe more, maybe less. I'm not sure. But Mark C is back from CR, Costa Rica.
SPEAKER_13So great to be back, guys. I can't wait to start uh melting faces and rolling rolling net 20s. Oh, nice. You've been looking up some terms. Those are the two terms I've looked up, and I'm pretty excited about this. Golf is ready for action. What are we doing? I look for um I I do I look for clues. Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_10We'll get back to you in one second, Mike C. Okay. If you're just joining us, this is a cherished, loved, much loved podcast where I have finally convinced uh some of my comedian friends to play D D. Now we're not we're playing DD Light. We are rolling bones. Dice. But we're not doing all the rules because I couldn't I couldn't get them in if we were doing all the rules. So we're doing sort of DD Light, but we're doing our best. Uh and sometimes they take me on wild adventures, and sometimes I lure them into uh similar wild adventures, but it's a give and go, it's a collaboration, it's really fun. Um and Mark C has been away. Uh can you remind everyone in case uh they're just joining us or they just joined us two episodes ago, who you're currently playing? Because we've had a couple redo, a couple redistricting. Yeah, and I don't really remember either. Okay, cool, great. Okay, great.
SPEAKER_13So my name is Golf, and I'm a I think I'm a wizard. Is that G-U-L-F or G-O-L-F? Like the game. The game golf. Yeah, G-U-L-F, like the game. Um, and I am a wizard, and I have a nine-iron uh that is my magic wand, and uh I'm a level 20.
SPEAKER_10Great. Okay, cool. And Kevin L and Mark L, we remember what we decided uh golf did before we went into a kind of a two-episode adventure. Do you remember what happened?
SPEAKER_07I think there were two things you said. I think you said he ran into the water, and you also said he ran into the jungle.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, I tried to do both, I guess. I tried to have my cake and eat it too.
SPEAKER_07I think you also said whatever, whatever.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, and then I think you guys also did like a Peter Griffin impression when he he's like when he ran into the water. We don't need to remember that. Who did a Peter Griffin impression? I think you really don't need to remember it. Right, right. But I'm gonna go with he ran towards the water, which is like I don't want to do a full recap. Here's what I want to do this episode. And I want to hear what you you all think about it, okay? I want it to be because sometimes in the real world, when I DM, and I do DM in the real world, when a character, when a player can't be there for an absence, I like to say, okay, they've gone away somewhere special, and we'll find out later. And then when they come back, I like to sort of focus on that character and they had their own random side adventure and then link it back up to where the main adventure is. And so I want to focus on spotlight on golf today. But for Kevin L and Mark L, so you're not bored, I want you guys to play a couple NPCs that uh golf meets along the way. Okay? So NPCs, for those of us who don't know, generally means non-player characters. So it's all the characters I play as a dungeon master. But today, for this sort of like uh standalone episode, as we link golf back in, you guys are gonna find NPCs to play that will only see you for this episode. Maybe they'll die, maybe they'll go away, but we won't see them again. And they're just gonna be a good one.
SPEAKER_07None of my NPCs will die and they're all coming back.
SPEAKER_10Okay, great. So you're all coming back and they're not gonna die. You're playing golf, you're very close to the camera, Kevin Ellis, right? And so you're gonna aid and abet golf on his side mission, and then by the end of the episode, I hope that golf is linked back up to where we are currently. For those of us just listening, I don't know if we're at least the video. Mark Mark uh C is very close to the camera. Okay, let's get going. How do you guys feel about that?
SPEAKER_13Seems pretty good.
SPEAKER_10Seems good. Yeah, great. Okay, so let's just get into it. Uh you remember that was the it was the big crab fight on the beach, it was being resolved. It was crazy. And so, like, a lot has happened with that, and they'll fill you in when you meet them again. But golf, I want to take it from when you run into the ocean. Did I run away from the crabs? Was I was I running in fear? Did you instill fear in me? You you have fear. Maybe you have a bit a crab uh uh fear. I love this.
SPEAKER_07He also said that you had plus one to running because you're pooping so hard that you got a little propulsion on it.
SPEAKER_10That makes sense. Okay, okay. So, yeah, okay, fine. You have plus one to running. You run into the water. What do you say as you run into the water?
SPEAKER_13I say, well, that's a fair way to heaven, and I run and I run away, and I say, putter late than never, which is one of my standard um standard pods. Yeah, you should bring that up. I say putter late than never, I think.
SPEAKER_10Well, look, as you look into the water, as you start to swim, there's like uh uh what are they what do you call those uh sea tornadoes? Sea tornadoes. Yeah, sea tornadoes. I go, this is driving me crazy.
SPEAKER_13Okay.
SPEAKER_10Okay. You get you get whipped up into the sea tornado. I roll to kill Mark. You're gonna play the sea tornado.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_13So Mark, Mark L's gonna try to kill golf? Yeah. He's an NPC though. I want to go he's just can Mark L.
SPEAKER_10play the Whirlpool?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_10Sure. Okay. And I maybe you guys can play multiple NPCs. I'm gonna, if you roll a 20. Okay, I'm gonna I'm I'm gambling right now. I'm willing to gamble. Okay. And you have to be honest, Mark L.
SPEAKER_13Of course. And I, if he does roll a 20, I need some kind of defense. So this will be a really I guess if Okay, so let's just talk about what happens.
SPEAKER_10Let's just talk about what happens, Mark C. Because I had this whole thing planned for you. Okay. If you die, I guess you'll just like generate a new character where they are. Or I'm out of the show. No, but that can't be. We can't be. That can't be. You've signed it a 10-year contract.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no, he's out. He's at it.
SPEAKER_10Okay, he's out.
SPEAKER_13No, no, no, no. I let's let's just cross that bridge. Are you willing to is this a gamble I shouldn't take, Mark Calm? I'm running out of puns, so it I think you should take the gamble.
SPEAKER_04How about how what about for a lower roll I can concuss him and knock the puns out of his brain?
SPEAKER_13I would I would argue that it changes the puns. Yeah, changes the puns. Not the one.
SPEAKER_17Not what I said and not what I want.
SPEAKER_13Well, I it is my concussion. Yeah. And I think It's my concussion. I want I do want some agency in the concussion that I have.
SPEAKER_10I think that's fair. I think, okay, so if it's uh okay. This is what I'm this is what I'm gonna put on the table. If it's a 20, golf is dead. Okay. And I'm running towards the You were swimming away, and you get you're gonna get swept up in a sea tornado. You know? Okay. You ran in fear, we're kind of like blinded by fear, if you will. Right. And then you didn't you didn't think there'd be these crazy one person only storm tornadoes in the water. Right. It's a magical island. Only takes one person at a time. Uh like a fringe show that takes place in a car. Everybody knows one audience member at a time, terrible business model. Terrible business model. Yeah.
SPEAKER_13So it's like that. And you have to watch like this the whole time.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Um and if it's a low roll, like if it's five and below, the puns have been changed.
SPEAKER_13Five and below the puns are changed. 20, he's dead, and what if it's in the middle? And seven to ten, the puns. Nothing.
SPEAKER_10I survived louder. Kevin suggests seven to ten, the puns are even louder. Okay. That's great. Here we go. This is yours.
SPEAKER_17I'd rather not do this anymore.
SPEAKER_13Huge roll. Huge roll.
SPEAKER_17Okay, here it comes.
SPEAKER_04Rolling.
SPEAKER_13Oh no, it's the bogeyman.
SPEAKER_04It's four.
SPEAKER_10Oh different pins. Okay, so you get jostled around. You get swept up and slammed down the wall.
SPEAKER_13What does the whirlpool sound like?
SPEAKER_04The whirlpool? Mark out? Oh, oh, oh, oh, bonk. Oh. You're bumping your head in the water.
SPEAKER_13Oh, this is par for the course. Well, it's supposed to change.
SPEAKER_10So whirlpool, get them again. Okay. Okay. So you you you okay, we'll give you a second to think about it. You know what's good? Maybe you have amnesia. You're gonna wash up on a different part of the island with amnesia. So you're someone new. Okay. And the first thing you see is gonna be your new, like, because you were golf. Yeah. All golf puns, and the first thing you see when you wake up will be your new, like, you'll call yourself that or something around that, and then that'll be your pun driving for us.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you're searching. Maybe this whole episode you're searching for your vibe.
SPEAKER_13Oh, that's a good idea. Okay, but so maybe I'll just uh adopt different personalities and try them on.
SPEAKER_07But I will say that like our fans are gonna be pretty upset to lose all the golf lore that we've built so far.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, well, it's so well they can write to Mark L about that.
SPEAKER_04Um I wake up uh human whirlpool at bonk.com.
SPEAKER_13I wake up and I see the ocean. Okay. So I go, oh I say, life's a splash. What? Life's a beach. Oh, what happened, I say. I love that voice so much. I get up and I shake, I'm like, oh man, I'm feeling salty.
SPEAKER_10So you look around and you notice you're at a completely different part of the Okay. That's good. So you've seen the only ocean stuff that's then I wave. But it's a it's a black sand beach, like made of like lava rock. Completely different style of beach. I've been on one of those. Yeah, exactly. So you know well, you don't know anything. You know nothing.
SPEAKER_13I go, what's my name? Who am I? I think I'm the ocean. Because that's what I saw. Yeah, I know. No, actually, I think I'm Black Sand. Okay. You want to call yourself Black Sand? No.
SPEAKER_10I don't. Maybe I'll just call myself Sand. Okay. I want either Kevin L or Mark L to walk up and like be like a little sort of NPC character. One of the first ones we'll see uh have a conversation with uh this now concussed and amnesed.
SPEAKER_07I'm gonna be walking up the beach with like a metal detector. Like, fantasy f yeah, but like a fantasy metal detector.
SPEAKER_10Okay, so describe everything. Describe who you who what you look like and what your little metal detector is in a fantasy version.
SPEAKER_07Okay, I'm eight feet tall. Great. Um like elf, I guess. Uh eight feet tall, probably.
SPEAKER_10Eight foot elf. Okay.
SPEAKER_07Eight foot elf. Um and I'm wearing um a Florida Panthers jersey. Okay. And uh Big Baggy uh Adidas shorts.
SPEAKER_10Can you make the Florida Panthers jersey fantasy?
SPEAKER_07Yes, I'm wearing the uh Florida Flying Panthers jersey. Okay, great. So still Florida, and you and uh walking down there, and I've got this uh metal detector that's that looks like a uh like a sand wedge, but um with this like uh the disc on the bottom that's been enchanted and it's glowing and it's like uh magnetizing little pieces of metal, like your little rings and taking coins and things out of the out of the sand.
SPEAKER_13That sand wedge you have, it's reminding me of something about my past. Huh?
SPEAKER_07Get away from me! Get away from me, you wet bonked little b freaking You're trying to come for my you're trying to come for me gold.
SPEAKER_13No, no, no. I I don't remember anything. I don't know who I am or whether or not I was golfing. Yeah, maybe.
SPEAKER_07Really? Yeah. Oh my god, I'd love that.
SPEAKER_15Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_13Can I see your device?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I think that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_13This is fantastic.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_13I start using his gold and I detect uh metal and I pull up a treasure chest. What? Sorry, what? I take his metal detector and I detect metal and I dig out a treasure chest.
SPEAKER_07And I go, well, you're good at that.
SPEAKER_13Wait, wait, wait, wait, there's gotta be a roll here. There's no method.
SPEAKER_07And I open the treasure chest and it's another Mark C inside. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What?
unknownJust kidding.
SPEAKER_04Okay, but the treasure chest is a kind of crustacean. Okay. And I and and uh and it goes like this You found me.
SPEAKER_03And you didn't even have to roll. You dug me out of the sand, and now I am indebted to you.
SPEAKER_07You're so lucky. Oh my god, I was looking for this wish crab for so long.
SPEAKER_10Do you have great magic powers, wish crab? Let's just pause here. I need to know some names. Okay. So we have a wish crab that's been dug up.
SPEAKER_03I am the wish crab.
SPEAKER_10Okay, so we'll call it. My name is Sand. You're currently Sand. Yeah. And your eight-foot uh elf?
SPEAKER_07Eight foot elf uh is named Smelly Smelly Man.
SPEAKER_10Smelly Man, like the Slender Man. Yep.
SPEAKER_04Like Afro Man. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10He just won that case. Good for him. Good for him.
SPEAKER_07Good for him.
SPEAKER_10Okay, so let's Okay, okay. There will be some roles eventually, but you've dug up a wish crab.
SPEAKER_03Anything else? Any other reasons to slow the story? Are you talking to me? Yeah. I am the wishcraft. I can see beyond the veil.
SPEAKER_13Wait, is it Wishcraft or Wishcrab?
SPEAKER_03Wish crab, I mean.
SPEAKER_13Wish crab. I mean please tell me. I wish you could tell me my past. Tell me everything about my past.
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's not how I work.
SPEAKER_13Oh, how do you work, Wishcrab?
SPEAKER_03I work.
SPEAKER_04Um I uh I wish crab is my given name.
SPEAKER_13Okay, but that's sure, but what how do you work?
SPEAKER_04I don't grant I'm a crab.
SPEAKER_13Oh, you're just a crab.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, you're asking him how he works, like his internal like the shell and the meat inside.
SPEAKER_10I thought he was a I thought he was like wish grant. Does Wish Crab look like a crab slash treasure chest or just a just a crab?
SPEAKER_03I look like a treasure chest. That's awesome. But I have tiny feet coming out the bottom, arms on the side, claws.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03And I have already told you my whole thing.
SPEAKER_04I'm indebted to you for digging me out of the sand. Wish crab is a family name. Given down. My grandfather was named Wishcrab, my father was named Dave.
SPEAKER_13So are you the second then?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I'm the second.
SPEAKER_13Right, Wishcrab the second. Okay. And you have metal on you somewhere because I the metal detector detected you.
SPEAKER_04Yes, I'm full of um Got is your ears pierced, maybe. Yeah, I've got my ears pierced. Yeah, I've got my ears pierced, maybe. Maybe.
SPEAKER_10What do you mean maybe? Let me see. Yeah, tell me.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, what do you see? Roll Mark, I want to get a roll in here, Mark C. Which who? Oh, yeah. Mark C. So I want to like, I think um uh 10 and so 11 and above, ears are pierced, and you can describe them. Okay. Uh 10 and below, there's another ears are pierced, but you can't there's another metallic situation going on, and you can describe that. Toe ring. Okay.
SPEAKER_13I'm taking the metal detector that I stole from Smelly Guy. Smelly man. And I roll a eight. So it's another ears. No, no, no. You have a Prince Albert.
SPEAKER_04Oh, my penis has a little bar through it.
SPEAKER_13There it is. If your Prince Albert is pierced. Oh my god, I gotta tuck that away. No, no, no. Wish crab, be you.
SPEAKER_04No, I'm gonna tuck it away. No. All right.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Smellyman is uncomfortable now.
SPEAKER_04Smellyman!
SPEAKER_13Yes. Oh, your old friend is reading.
SPEAKER_15Oh smell. Oh my god! Smelly wish crab. Oh my god! I'm looking for you. Happy birthday! Is it your birthday? It's your birthday, Smellish Crab.
SPEAKER_07I brought you something. Oh my gosh. And I'm gonna I I take out this little pouch and I open it up, and there's a pierced ear inside.
SPEAKER_04A pierced ear. Toss it in my uh chest. Throw it inside.
SPEAKER_07But you're kind of like our chest.
SPEAKER_10You can open it up and like he's kind of got like a little trunk space for things. Oh, I want to see if there's anything in there that I'd like.
SPEAKER_13Okay.
SPEAKER_10Okay.
SPEAKER_13What's in there? Just look.
SPEAKER_05What the fuck? Hey! Hey!
SPEAKER_10Okay, so I Mark City needs you to roll to overpower Wish Crab. Hey, Smellyman.
SPEAKER_07Smelly man's protecting his friend.
SPEAKER_10Okay, great. So the two rolls here. Okay, that's the first one. The first one, let's see if you can fend off Smelly Man. Okay. He's pretty tall, taller than you. But he's also like uh Kevin, would you say how athletic is he?
SPEAKER_07Like is he I'd say he's pretty willowy, yeah. So I'd say he's not maybe very not the strongest, but he's cast.
SPEAKER_10I cast a spell.
SPEAKER_13I cast Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_10I've let Kevin do a lot of spells, so you can do a spell, yeah.
SPEAKER_13I cast Smelly Man go. And it makes Smelly Man leave.
SPEAKER_10So it's a specific spell to this guy.
SPEAKER_13Smelly man, yeah. That I've learned. Okay. So I'm gonna roll that.
SPEAKER_07Do I roll to see if it works?
SPEAKER_10I rolled an a second eight in a row I rolled. Eight doesn't it doesn't, it doesn't work. So now you're in physical combat.
SPEAKER_04I clamp his hand.
SPEAKER_10You clamp uh uh sans hand?
SPEAKER_04Sans hand.
SPEAKER_10Okay.
SPEAKER_04With my chest mouth.
SPEAKER_10Let's do let's do a roll for that too. Let's do a roll for that. It's gonna be good. You're right there. He's distracted with Smelly Man.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god. Okay, I roll uh five.
SPEAKER_10It hurts him, but like a five hurts me? But you go like, ow! You got it unclamped. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04Reach in my mouth. Reach in my mouth one more time and you'll see what happens.
SPEAKER_13That was your mouth? That's your mouth?
SPEAKER_07I'm gonna grab I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna push uh sand away.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_10Okay, just a straight push. Okay, give me a roll.
SPEAKER_13But I cast as a reaction, I cast no push, smelly man.
SPEAKER_10Okay, great. So we'll do a roll for roll here. Okay. Okay, so who rolls first? You roll first, Kevin.
SPEAKER_07Okay. I rolled a 16.
SPEAKER_10And Mark C? Mm-hmm. You roll? Okay, probably be an eight. Two. Okay, so yeah, he pushes you real good.
SPEAKER_13He pushes you down like hard. Wow. What's that all about?
SPEAKER_07What? You attacked my friend.
SPEAKER_13No, I didn't. You attacked my friend.
SPEAKER_07What? Who's your friend?
SPEAKER_13Me.
SPEAKER_07Shut up. Oh my god. And I kicked some sand in his face. Fucking nerd. Get this guy. Get this guy. Give me more sand.
SPEAKER_13Give me more sand.
SPEAKER_07Wait, he's getting off on it. Oh, it's smelly guy. He's masturbating now.
SPEAKER_16Smelly guy.
SPEAKER_07What?
SPEAKER_16What'd you say?
SPEAKER_07I said kicking the sand on him and he's loving it and he's masturbating now.
SPEAKER_13Is that true, Marxy? No, I'm not masturbating. Okay, so Marxy.
SPEAKER_10He's not masturbating, he's fucking the sand. He's right. He's just humping around a little bit. Okay. Okay. He's just humping around a little bit.
SPEAKER_07Well, yeah, because he's called sand, so he's allowed. It's masturbating.
SPEAKER_10He's allowed, yeah. He's allowed. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Which crab?
SPEAKER_04What were you saying? Smelly man. Um it's been so long. We gotta go catch up. Yeah, let's go. Let's go hit a bar.
SPEAKER_07Hell yeah. I'm down. I got nothing on tomorrow.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I got no hey man, I'm retired basically. Absolutely. It's your birthday. We're going on.
SPEAKER_13Sand, it do you want to go with them? I I I'm still holding the metal detector and I kind of swing it like a golf club, and it brings back a flood of memories. Okay, give me three memories. Being born in a golf being carried around in a golf bag as a child. Uh huh. Two. Um rolling around on the links with my dad putting me like a golf ball.
SPEAKER_10You was using you as a ball or the putter? And then my first kiss.
SPEAKER_07A ball washer. You kissed a ball washer. Yeah. So wet.
SPEAKER_13So those come back to me and I go, ah, something's up.
SPEAKER_10Wish Wish Wish Crab and Smelly Guy notices the sort of like out-of-body experience this uh stranger just had.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god, he's doing something again.
SPEAKER_07He's having a whole memory thing. We don't have to we could just go have our we could just hang out, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Hey, hey, is uh Linda the tree still single?
SPEAKER_07I mean, perfect timing. She wasn't, and then now she is again. Oh my god. I and she was just asking about you.
SPEAKER_04No, she wasn't.
SPEAKER_10This intrigues you, golf. This intrigues you.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, she was just asking about you. She was like, wow, where's Wishcrab? I think she's on the Wishcrab? Yeah, she sounded just like that.
SPEAKER_13No, I am, I am that.
SPEAKER_10You're playing Linda the Tree right now. Yeah, I'm Linda the Tree nearby. Okay, so so a tree that can walk comes up the beach and we'll let Mark C play Linda the Tree. Let's see how this plays out.
SPEAKER_07Oh, she's so sexy.
SPEAKER_10What are you boys up to?
SPEAKER_07Oh, Linda. Hey. Uh, just talking to my pal Wishcrab over here.
SPEAKER_13Hey, smelly guy.
SPEAKER_07Hey, hey Linda. Hey Linda.
SPEAKER_13Smelly man or smelly guy?
SPEAKER_07Smelly man, but I'll take guy too. Hey Linda.
SPEAKER_13Hi, Wishcrab. Who's your friend Sam?
SPEAKER_07Oh no, he knows and said his name. What the hell? He just washed up here.
SPEAKER_11That's what that's what Linda the Tree said.
SPEAKER_04Oh fuck. Is she into Sand? Is she into this guy? Let's hear what Linda says.
SPEAKER_13Let's hear a conversation between Linda and Sand. Hi, my name's Linda the Tree. Hey, I'm Sand. I think. Wow. You got something about you that I'd like. Yeah? Yeah. Do you want to come with me on a walk? Sure. Oh, fuck. Later's guys.
SPEAKER_07I have no idea who's talking to who. Okay.
SPEAKER_13It's not exactly the same.
SPEAKER_04Wish Crab's gonna kill himself. Oh no! Wish crab couldn't handle seeing all that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10And Smelly Man helps. Okay, so what's the method? We'll do two rolls here. Let's see how it works.
SPEAKER_04Uh I'm gonna get Smelly Man to snap me in half and throw the debris in the ocean.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, that's how that's like actually a humane way to kill a crab when you just like. Kevin knows this. He taught me how to crab, right, Kevin?
SPEAKER_07This is ages ago. I don't know if it's humane or not. I've just thought someone taught me to do that, where you can like when you catch a crab, you can like basically hook the shell like on like the edge of the dock, and then you just like pull on half of it, and you basically just like pull the top off and it pulls like their guts and everything off. Yeah, they're dead after that.
SPEAKER_10I mean, no death is humane, truly, if you think about it philosophically, right?
SPEAKER_07Unless you get a unless you get a crab puncher, like in uh no crab for old, no crab tree for old. Oh, like a little mellow.
SPEAKER_10Oh, like a tiny version of the cow thing he uses. Yeah, that's that'd be good. That'd be a good gofundme to do.
SPEAKER_01That would be a good gofundme to do.
SPEAKER_10Okay, so so that's how you're asking uh smelly man to aid you in killing yourself. Smelly man says yes, right?
SPEAKER_07Of course. Whatever, whatever my wish crab wants, it's his birthday.
SPEAKER_10So I there's no dock at the moment, so how are you gonna rip him apart with your bare hands using your little device?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, using my device, using my um I asked for my my sandwich uh metal detector back.
SPEAKER_13Wait, Linda the tree's watching this and she comes running back. Okay.
SPEAKER_07I was like, I've gotten the wedge in there. Wish crab, what are you doing?
SPEAKER_13Huh?
SPEAKER_04Linda the Tree, I have had a crush on you for a long time. And you walk up the beach, I hear you've been talking, asking about me, and immediately you start hitting on this guy who I have not been getting along with. And I gotta be honest with you, I've had a bad couple of years. I've been trapped in the sand, under the sand, I just got dug up. I was hoping I could go talk to you. You know, I had a crush on you in high school.
SPEAKER_13Don't you think I know all this, wish crap? I was trying to get your attention by talking to that loser, Sand over there. Whoa.
SPEAKER_07Whoa.
SPEAKER_13Sand's like just kicking sand. Yeah, kicking sand, looking at sand, kind of like a loving sand.
SPEAKER_04That's awesome.
SPEAKER_13So don't get split in half.
SPEAKER_04I won't.
SPEAKER_10Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_07Okay, so how's this gonna resolve? They should roll the kiss.
SPEAKER_10She puts her branches out. Okay, someone rolled a kiss. Kevin's right. Like a wedding.
SPEAKER_04Okay, I'm gonna roll the kiss. I roll in nine. You you don't kiss. Well.
SPEAKER_13Were you trying to kiss me just now?
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah, was that too forward?
SPEAKER_13No, I just that's not my mouth, and I don't know where your mouth is either.
SPEAKER_04Oh. This'll never work.
SPEAKER_13It might. Let's try again. I'll roll. Okay. So Linda Linda Tree rolls to kiss. Okay. Linda the tree rolls a 17. All right. You kiss. You kiss. Oh good.
SPEAKER_04Okay, meanwhile, let's see, Sand. Where's Sand going?
SPEAKER_07I also rolled to kiss just to see if I could get in it, but I rolled to seven, so that's no. Yeah, don't kiss.
SPEAKER_04So smelly guy almost gets in there.
SPEAKER_10So I feel like maybe we can leave. So they, you know what, Sand? Like you see them having this conversation, attempting to kiss. Yeah. Maybe attempting suicide. You kind of like go, like, you still don't fully know who you are. Like you're confused, so you kind of go, forget about it with your hand. Yeah. And you start walking up the beach to like away from the beach towards the jungle area. Okay.
SPEAKER_13I'm jungle. Maybe that's my name.
SPEAKER_10So we walk up.
SPEAKER_04So a little critter. I want to be a little critter that comes up to you. And I go. I love this.
SPEAKER_05I go, puiser, puiser, puiser.
SPEAKER_04My friends and I are getting bowied on the other side of the jungle. Um Bowie? B Bowied. Oh, bullied. We we're getting bullied. We're trying to we've been going to school in the jungle cave for a long time. But there's a bully now in our class, and he's been making it hard for us to get an education.
SPEAKER_13What's he doing? Is he is he being mean?
SPEAKER_04He's pushing us around, he's calling us names, he's distracting the teacher.
SPEAKER_13Um, what kind of animal is he if he's an animal? Well yeah, describe yourself. No, the bully, but the little critter can also be.
SPEAKER_04I'm a small ball of hair.
SPEAKER_11Good to know.
SPEAKER_04And he's uh and he's a uh he's and he is sort of a raccoon, but instead of a tail, he has um like a pig's tail.
SPEAKER_13He does have a tail, but it's just a raccoon with a look uh you know, he probably feels you know instead of a normal raccoon snout, he's got yeah. Do you know the term pig snout snout? Do you know the term hurt people? Hurt people.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that's what I'm thinking is that there might be something going on with him at home.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, like and if he he sounds like he's really disgusting looking, too. Which means we need a hero.
SPEAKER_04Our teacher is getting absolutely overwhelmed by this bowie. Are you a hero?
SPEAKER_13I'll allow it. Yeah. You know what? I am.
SPEAKER_10Do you have a new idea who you might be? Because you're gonna like try out different personalities, you know? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_13So I was gonna be jungle guy because I walked into the jungle, but now that I see this little ball of hair asking for help, I think I'm calling you a hero. Yeah, I think I'm helper guy. I'm a help guy.
SPEAKER_11Dumb. Yeah. Okay, so helper guy is what you're going with? Yeah.
SPEAKER_07It's the worst amnesiac ever. He just gets a concept and he's like, that's me.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, and like kind of a little bit off base. Okay, great. So let's let's have a description of like this little ball of hair leading you back to the jungle cave school to help you deal with this bully. So let's have a little montage of travel time. Like what you encounter, what you see. I probably will make you roll unless something like really crazy happens. But what what how long is the journey? Look, there's a lion.
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's yeah. That's a lion.
SPEAKER_13Are you friends with this lion?
SPEAKER_04Hi, guys. Yeah, this is another one of my classmates who's been getting buoyed.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I'm just hiding out here. That the buoy is so mean.
SPEAKER_07I can't get educated. I'm dumb as rocks. How am I supposed to be the king of the jungle if I can't lead the people with education?
SPEAKER_04Each of us is going to this school to try and maximize our potential. Lion is supposed to become the king of the jungle. I'm supposed to become a big, big I'm supposed to. I don't know what I'm supposed to be. You don't know what you are? You don't know what kind of thing is. I'm supposed to become a big toupee. I might be supposed to become a big toupee. But the point is that the boy's making it impossible for any of us to reach our potential.
SPEAKER_10Can we get some names here? Can we get the lion and then we get the hair named a little bit here? It's helper guy now. Marcus Mark sees helper guy. Yeah, but that's gonna change soon. Yeah, but like I like helper guy for a while. Yeah, helper guy, and then what's the lion's name?
SPEAKER_07Uh the lion's name is Peace N Pissnow.
SPEAKER_13Pissnow, great. Little hair guy.
SPEAKER_04Oh, my name is Pooh Later.
SPEAKER_06Pooh Later.
SPEAKER_13Unreal. Yeah. Pooh Later? Pissnow? Take me to this bully. I want to meet this bully. No, I warn you. Last time I I'm remembering. Last time there was a direct conflict, I ran away into the ocean.
SPEAKER_04So no, please don't be that guy. We need you to be a confrontation. We need to you need to be a confrontational guy. Okay.
SPEAKER_15Maybe that was a different guy who did that. And you're remembering a different guy.
SPEAKER_13Maybe I am confrontational guy. I am confrontational guy. What of it? So now you're he's picking up a stick and he's wielding it.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, look at that. It's almost like he's waving it like a wand or some kind of club.
SPEAKER_13Almost. It is what I'm doing. I'm confrontational guy.
SPEAKER_04You're the tallest man I've ever seen in my life.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, very tall, very high. Pretty average height, but okay.
SPEAKER_13There's a lion. Hey, is this raccoon with a pigtail and pig snout the guy you're talking about?
SPEAKER_10Well, well, well, if it isn't my two most loserist bully victims. And he's got some kind of owl! Ow! I cast kill with my stick.
SPEAKER_13You gotta roll. Okay. Okay, I'm gonna roll.
SPEAKER_07Kill with the stick.
SPEAKER_10Kill one. Natural one. You don't. In fact, you kill one of the new friends you've made. You choose. You choose. It ricoches around. The kill shot ricochets around.
SPEAKER_13Because there's no way I'm gonna choose.
SPEAKER_10Okay, so 50-50 shot then.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, one to one to ten, it's Kevin, and the other side is Mark. Then we'll see a death scene. And they're very cute. So it's Mark Little's character.
SPEAKER_10Pooh later.
SPEAKER_04Pooh later. So I go, I I I take a shot to the face and I go, ah!
SPEAKER_05You were the real boy.
SPEAKER_15No, Pooh.
SPEAKER_13I'm Pooh Killer. That's my new identity.
SPEAKER_04And then a big a big raccoon pig man comes out and he goes, son. Oh my dad. I got in trouble at home.
SPEAKER_02What did I tell you about leaving the house before dinner?
SPEAKER_11I'm sorry. I should have cleaned the dishes before I went.
SPEAKER_02I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_09Clean the dishes? I said it's before dinner! You idiot! Sorry. Sorry, Dad.
SPEAKER_02Terrible. You're the worst son I've ever seen in my life. When I'm getting you when I get you home, I'm gonna whoop you.
SPEAKER_13He'll be hell hell uh confrontational guy. I would have assumed that that this raccoon pig guy would have had a pig mom and a raccoon dad, but he has a pig raccoon.
SPEAKER_10No, it's a specific species of just yeah, they're all just the same. Okay. So it's a body and face of a raccoon, but the snout and the tail of a pig.
SPEAKER_07So what's that what's that what's that called? It's a owl it's a pig coon, a pig, uh, a rack rack pig?
SPEAKER_13Recig a rig? A rig. I look at the dad character and I take my wand and I go, kill.
SPEAKER_10Even though I just killed the wrong person. So okay, so again, this is gonna be a 50-50 like well, no, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_07I think you're you've got a 50-50 shot of killing. No, it should be a three-way shot of killing the dad, the son, or piss now.
SPEAKER_10Just that bad?
SPEAKER_13Yeah.
SPEAKER_10I mean, it's fun, but I feel like I you know what I think I think because like they're in discussion, then you've got a better shot to kill who you want to kill this time. Okay. Uh conversational guys. So I feel like one through fifteen, you kill the you kill the pig dad, pig raccoon dad. And then 16 to 20, so it's a higher roll. You you have to kill one of the th the well, you have you have you it's when you're originally tried to kill the bully kid, which is you know, I mean, but now you've seen a little bit more, right?
SPEAKER_13Here I go, here I go. I'm gonna roll. Okay. Okay, I got a 13, so I kill the dad. Your dad's dead! Kill.
SPEAKER_09Oh!
SPEAKER_11What the owl!
SPEAKER_09You're the real bully!
SPEAKER_10Hey, thanks. He was a total tyrant at home. And even just his like not being here anymore makes me realize I should apologize to you. Uh should we have a funeral for Pooh later?
SPEAKER_05Boo boo! Boo-boo-woo!
SPEAKER_10Jungle cuts. Oh shit!
SPEAKER_05It's the pigs.
SPEAKER_10It's so they have they're pigs, but they have raccoon noses and raccoon tail.
SPEAKER_17We we got a call about uh violent behavior in this part of the jungle.
SPEAKER_10Give the stick to the lion and I go, he did it.
SPEAKER_17Uh sir, we watched you give that stick to that lion.
SPEAKER_15I didn't do anything.
SPEAKER_04No, we watched him give you the stick.
SPEAKER_10Maybe um uh confrontational guy, you could roll to see if you can like maybe like sort of do a check to see if you can like convince the cops that actually it was Pisnow.
SPEAKER_13Okay, so I'm gonna roll. My roll is a 19. Yeah, so you do a little talk right now, you like talk a good talk? Of course you saw me give the stick to him. When you rolled up, he threw the stick at me, the murder stick. What? And I had it very briefly and I gave it back.
SPEAKER_04Okay, okay, okay, okay. You had me the moment you tried to convince me. I'm sorry I gave you any pushback. Yes. And that's C and D.
SPEAKER_15I'm just a little kid. I'm just a little liar.
SPEAKER_04Well, soon you're gonna be a little kid in juvenile detention at best. Get in the get on my uh get on the back, get on my back. I'm taking you to jail. I'm taking you to jail.
SPEAKER_15At least my I'll be away from my bully. Then my best friend's dead. I'm gonna become a bad guy.
SPEAKER_10So the cops take uh the lion piss now away. You're left alone with the former bully who you helped.
SPEAKER_13This is too much. I don't think this is my personality. I just killed two people and I blamed another lion.
SPEAKER_10Hey.
SPEAKER_13What?
SPEAKER_10I have this map, my dad, my lucky big map guy. And I have this map back to the crab metropolis. It's hard to kill. I don't care.
SPEAKER_01Okay, son, where where's your father, son? It's my mom! Kill my mom! Where are you? Dinner's about to happen. I'm not gonna kill any more people. I'm fucking choke you out of the little bag of dirt.
SPEAKER_04Can he roll to accidentally kill her when he tries to throw his stick away? Mark C, do you want to do that? Yeah. Okay, so you're gonna chuck the stick away.
SPEAKER_13Well, I mean the lion has the stick, but maybe. Okay, well, you think what else are you holding? I'm doing that accidentally kills the mom. You're just on a cliff. You're so pretty. Oh, because you're moving your hands in a way and you accidentally spell a spell.
SPEAKER_04In fact, I kind of think I am.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, so I do a specific hand just see what I do. Okay, I'm gonna roll. Give me a roll. Uh 13.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, you kill the mom. With what? Uh you decide. It's up to you, but some kind of spell comes out of your hands. And this might also trigger a memory.
SPEAKER_13Right. I accidentally cast go away smelly guy, which is the spell that I tried to do on Smelly Guy, but it hits the mom, and if you hit the wrong person with go away, it makes them go away totally. Oh, it's like vaporizes them.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Hey, thanks. The insurance on both of those parents were through the roof. Can I take you out to dinner?
SPEAKER_13Yeah. Yes.
SPEAKER_04Okay, they're they're maybe they're at dinner and you see on like uh some sort of magic television the trial going on for the little lion.
SPEAKER_10The lion is in the background. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Let's do a little quick hit of the trial. Let's do a quick hit of the trial.
SPEAKER_13Order in jungle court.
SPEAKER_10So tell when you just would I love that you tell me what kind of judge who you are and what you look like, and then we'll we'll do a little scene. So you're a sloth. I'm a sloth judge. Amazing. Yeah. And I'm Okay, great. Now let's hear from the defense. So Mark L. Maybe you can be um Pisnell's lawyer.
SPEAKER_04Your Honor, my client is the victim of a wrongful accusation. He is neither capable of killing someone, nor does he desire to do that.
SPEAKER_13The sloth starts walking down the tree.
SPEAKER_04He is a good boy. If anything, the victim of this situation. Your Honor, you're okay.
SPEAKER_13So leaving? No, when sloths go down the tree, they poop. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_12That's something you learned in Costa Rica. Yeah, it's for safety. Why is that safe? We can't poop from the tree because then the predators will know where our poop is. So we walk all the way down, we poop, and then we bury it. Your Honor.
SPEAKER_07Your Honor.
SPEAKER_04Your Honor, my client is a good boy. Who among us hasn't made friends with the wrong people and suffered as a result? If my client is guilty of anything, it's for associating with bad ki bad kids and one bad adult, but he himself is a good boy.
SPEAKER_13Yeah. Hey, can we change the channel? I'm outside of the now I'm in the restaurant. You're in the restaurant. Yeah. Can we change the channel to something? Yeah.
SPEAKER_10You're a confrontational guy?
SPEAKER_13No, now I'm I'm a different guy? Oh. Oh, you're but you're the same character, but you're a new guy. I'm a new guy. Bully guy. Yeah, I was bully guy. I was bullying. You killed parents. And I'm really trying to find a new. Conflicted murderer guy. Yeah, right now I'm conflicted murderer guy. That's great, actually. Conflicted murderer guy. But he can't stand watching the trial, so we changed the channel to a different program. To a different trial. To a different trial. Okay.
SPEAKER_10Do we want to? Yeah, let's do a hit on this new set of trial. Okay, like a quick hit on the trial so we know what we're watching on the TV.
SPEAKER_05No thanks. You call that a c an argument sustained.
SPEAKER_12Is that a sassy jess? Sassy.
SPEAKER_07No, this is just court talk TV where it's just different lines from court.
SPEAKER_10It's like kind of a roundtable panel show about like just let's let's hear that. So it's like all about like sort of sassy daytime talk show about court, things you would say in court.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Closing arguments.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Exactly.
SPEAKER_07And that's where my argument stands.
SPEAKER_13Discovery? No thanks. Don't want to discover any of that.
SPEAKER_05Court is in session.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_05Sit down, I'm not that kind of judge.
SPEAKER_13Bailiff, no thank you. Order! Order in the court. Ten jury members? Hmm. Try thirty. Okay, so right. This is going on in the background.
SPEAKER_11What's this two gaps?
SPEAKER_10And so confidential guy is kind of like at dinner at this pub on the other side of the island.
SPEAKER_13And then he has a flash of inspiration. He goes, I'm a waiter. I'm gonna wait tables. And he like pushes the waiter out of the way and grabs uh You just ordered scallops.
SPEAKER_11What are you doing?
SPEAKER_13I'll write that down. Chef, we need scallops. And I take the ticket to the to the kitchen. Okay. You thought you were waiter.
SPEAKER_06I thought I just fired these scallops. What the hell are you bringing me more scallops?
SPEAKER_13Oh, you already fired the scalp, then I'll take I'll take them out. Are they done?
SPEAKER_06You work here.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, you work on new.
SPEAKER_06Okay, what's your name?
SPEAKER_13Waiter.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_06Well, waiter, come on. I got a I got an order of fish bones and a side order of magical tater tots.
SPEAKER_04Okay, let's cut to after work and the chefs at home. So waiter.
SPEAKER_06Oh, God, I love it here. God kidding.
SPEAKER_04Wow, honey, it sounds like you had the most amazing day at work. Your new hire is that good?
SPEAKER_06Wow, it just changed everything.
SPEAKER_07I didn't know waiters could be this good. Expediting the meals, really clear communication. The tickets are so legible.
SPEAKER_04Well, he must have been good if you invited him over for post-shift drinks. Exactly.
SPEAKER_07And maybe a little bit more, you know. We wanted to spice up our relationship.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god, you dog.
SPEAKER_07You know I love to sleep with my coworkers if they're competent.
SPEAKER_04Oh, honey, that is, I have told you a hundred times, that is gonna get you in trouble. Nah, come on. Now answer the door, you dog. Dingo! Okay.
SPEAKER_13Oh, hello. I hope you like red wine. This is a Cabernet Sauvignon.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god. Sorry, this is my partner, my partner.
SPEAKER_10So I'm gonna need I I'm gonna need to know the chef and the chef's partner. Uh what are we looking at here? What are we seeing? Just a visualize, you know, D is a visual feast.
SPEAKER_07I'm an octopus chef.
SPEAKER_10Oh, perfect. Okay. Yeah, and do other dog like things with it.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I'm half dog, half octopus. You both occupy? Do you have us?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, I'm an octopus.
SPEAKER_13Do you guys have water helmets? Sure. You can breathe water. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, that's good. Actually, that's good. That might come into play because we want to get you to where the real party is, Mark. So Mark Elsa, some kind of like breathing apparent eye is kind of like hint. Where's the real party? Are they underwater? I'm just gonna say hint hint.
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay. Cut to later that night, and we're all in bed together.
SPEAKER_07I'm smoking eight cigarettes. Oh wow. Wow, that was fantastic.
SPEAKER_04I cannot believe you talked me into this, you dog.
SPEAKER_06You were all you as soon as soon as we got in the bedroom, you were in charge. You were you were leading the charge in here. Yeah, chef.
SPEAKER_13I love the I love your suckers. Okay. This is a charmer.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_13I I knew from the moment you said, yeah, I'll have the calamari for the buses can fit in anything that their beak can fit into, but you proved that right.
SPEAKER_10You guys turn on a TV to hang out and you see the the verdict of the Piss Now's trial.
SPEAKER_04Oh, guilty. Interesting. And we turn it off. Okay. Cut to the next. Can we cut to the next day at work? Next day at work. And Mark Mark Steve is like, uh, he's like doing so good. Yeah. Yeah. We're in a full.
SPEAKER_13Chef, we got an 86, the 69's on 42, and we've got 30 more uh and five of those things, and we we need some more appies. Table one is wanting it. Let's go. Wow.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god, this is incredible.
SPEAKER_07Hey, waiter, I got an idea.
SPEAKER_06Why don't I take you to the real party tonight?
SPEAKER_13That sounds good, but I'm working right now. What's the real party? There we go.
SPEAKER_07Oh, the real party is down underwater, down at uh this uh at the city, whatever the city's called.
SPEAKER_10Crabopolis or Crabmetropolis.
SPEAKER_07Crabopolis, also known as a crab metropolis. Sounds awesome, man. Or also known as Crabostin.
SPEAKER_04The the the doors to the the doors to the bar kick open and and uh and a big, big uh uh horse on its hind legs walks in.
SPEAKER_11And he goes a horse walking like a human? Yeah, horse walking like a guy.
SPEAKER_04Okay. And he goes, he goes, oh, ho, so this is the competition. Oh shit, it's Bojack Horseman.
SPEAKER_13So this is the competition. Who is this guy? What's going on?
SPEAKER_04I just opened the bar across the street.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, it's a chain. Oh, he's gonna put us out of business. We're not a chain, we're just a single link.
SPEAKER_10What's the name of the chain?
SPEAKER_07The name of the chain?
SPEAKER_04Pubby Brewsters.
SPEAKER_13You open a new pubby brewsters across the street?
SPEAKER_04That's right. And we can afford to undercut you for months and maybe even years until we put you out of business. And then we set the prices after that. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Bojack. Oh no.
SPEAKER_13Screwed waiter.
SPEAKER_10We're gonna have to figure out a way to put that restaurant down. Probably burning. You're fully engaged in this restaurant life now. I love this for you, waiter. I found my calling. I'm a waiter.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. I'm really good at it. Oh man, we're screwed waiter. We can't. Oh my god, if only we had some sort of conflicted murderer guy willing to murder Bojack Horseman.
SPEAKER_13Not anymore. I'm just a waiter. I know. I can go work there and wait tables, they're really good.
SPEAKER_07But you're too good. It'll make them really good.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, but then I'll but my job security will be a bit better. Ah shit, fuck you! You're fired.
SPEAKER_07Go have your good life. You're such a piece of shit, waiter.
SPEAKER_10I hate it. Wait, wait, wait. So as you're walking out the restaurant, it's like right on the beach, and you look outside and you see a nine-iron floating in the surf. That's interesting. Okay, Bojack.
SPEAKER_04You're there, boy. You're talking to me.
SPEAKER_13Yes. Yes. I just got fired from my job because jealousy. I think I need to work for you. I'm the best waiter in town.
SPEAKER_04Hey, I've heard about you. Your reputation precedes you. The way you sit waited tables yesterday and today. And half of today. You are the reason puppy boosters succeeded in this neighborhood. If I'm being honest, I was stunting last year, but I wasn't sure it would work.
SPEAKER_13Well, it's it's been a real success, and sleeping with you and your partner has been fantastic.
SPEAKER_07Thanks so much for hiring me on after my after my uh bar went under. Uh I had nothing going for me, but thanks for hiring me on here. Puppy Brewster's is actually great.
SPEAKER_10I just want to pump the brakes a little bit. So this is a year later. Yeah. And I'm really hard to link up for a year.
SPEAKER_13Well, they're whatever they're doing, they can do that for a year.
SPEAKER_11So they can do that for a year, so when we finally link up, we'll have to then see what happened for the year that you were not there.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Next episode. Yeah, I think that makes sense. Okay. Okay. Okay. Is this a good place to stop? I mean, no, let's just see a little bit more of this uh and then like maybe because we have to get you going towards the ocean.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_10We kind of have to push we have to push the Ouija board planchette a little bit. Chef. Because we have to, yeah. Remember you promised take me to a party a year ago?
SPEAKER_13You never made good on that.
SPEAKER_07Oh. Oh yeah. Huh, I wonder if they're still doing those parties. I'll get on the conch and find out.
SPEAKER_13Want a combo jack?
SPEAKER_07Pull up my conch.
SPEAKER_02You're speaking my language.
SPEAKER_13Alright.
SPEAKER_02Hello?
SPEAKER_06Is that party still going on? That checking.
SPEAKER_13Oh, my conch's ringing.
SPEAKER_11Not a conch call? Hey, what's up?
SPEAKER_10Yeah.
SPEAKER_07All these are one-sided.
SPEAKER_10Wait, who who are you talking to, Mark Z? What's that? Who are you talking to, waiter? Oh, just an old friend. Who?
SPEAKER_00Oh, getting conched to.
SPEAKER_13Somebody a friend you made in the year? Yeah. Yeah, there's there's like people who come into the restaurant and then one of them lives in the ocean. They're calling me from a conch.
SPEAKER_12Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_13Okay, that's that's interesting. Hey, I was thinking about going to Crabopoulis tonight. You want to meet me there? Hey. They're checking.
SPEAKER_04Is that where we're headed?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, that's right. Okay, I'll see you there. Alright. Alright, good. Yeah, we're on. Hey, Bojack, you want to come down to Krabopolis and come to this party with us?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I'd love to. I've always wanted to go down there to Krabopolis. There's a uh pubby Brewster's down there that I've heard is top of the line.
unknownOh man.
SPEAKER_07That might have been where our other heroes were at when we left them last, I think, weren't they?
SPEAKER_10Well they were in like a family style restaurant. Yeah, they were at Puppy Brewster. We're gonna bounce around a little bit. So I think it we could let's just like make that happen. It's a puppy brewster's. So, okay, I didn't want these NPCs to last beyond this episode, but guess what? They're gonna. We're gonna have to deal with it next time. But so wait, we now know him as Waiter. Yeah. Um, the chef who's an octopus, right? Is he have a name?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I don't think we need to. Call him chef. Call him chef.
SPEAKER_10Waiter, chef, and bojack horseman. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_13Bojak horseman. A character.
SPEAKER_12Like an actual character.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, copy, copy written character. Uh, are going down uh and so like you all have breathing apparatus on. Obviously, you're going under the water, so you've got like magical sort of fantasy-based except for the chef. Chef, the chef who is taking off his breathing apparat eye to go in, and so you all hold hands. And so, like, I think uh to end the episode here, Marxy, as you go in though, you have a another three-flash memory, something like jolts you. You don't change who you are, you're still waiter, but you experience like can we hear from you three memories you experience in like a first job.
SPEAKER_13I was a waiter at a small restaurant. Second job, waited tables through college. Third job. Then I when I started trying to find my true calling, I took a second job just to figure it out. It was I was a waiter. So it's all waiter stuff. Okay, great.
SPEAKER_04So you're waiting before we stop, can we can we check in with uh Pisnow in Juvie?
SPEAKER_10Oh yeah, so Pisnow got convicted, it was guilty, the trial of the century. So it's just a little quick uh uh maybe with his two cellmates in juvie.
SPEAKER_15Ah what did I sound like? You kind of had a little bit of a little bit of a little kid voice, like that, okay. Or juvie just chiseling another line on the wall. Oh boy. Little cutting. I'm cutting at the wall with a little spoon or Rita Hayworth over top.
SPEAKER_12What do you win for?
SPEAKER_15Me? Murder.
SPEAKER_02Whoa.
SPEAKER_15Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's tough stuff.
SPEAKER_15I murdered my boys, mom and dad. I guess. I didn't actually do it. I was framed.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we were all framed.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, none of us did it. We're all innocent here.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we're in the house. Oh, really?
SPEAKER_14Yeah.
SPEAKER_02There's something we're working on, little guy. Can we trust you?
SPEAKER_15Yeah, of course. I'm a lion. I want to be a king of the jungle.
SPEAKER_07I gotta be trust with me for that. We're gonna break out of here.
SPEAKER_14That's right. We've been working on a plan for weeks. And you're just the linchpin we need to get out of here.
SPEAKER_15Winch win? Oh, perfect. I've been chiseling away at the wall behind my poster.
SPEAKER_02Oh, you have?
SPEAKER_13Oh, you've been. Oh. Because we have a poster over here. We've been doing the same thing.
SPEAKER_11Oh, another Rita Hayworth poster. Yeah.
SPEAKER_13Our post is a little bit more.
SPEAKER_11The warden comes in. There's far too many Rita Hayworth posters in this cell. Cut to the white shot, and there's like 11 posters all over the wall. I'd have to get rid of at least four Rita Hayworth posters. I can't allow it anymore.
SPEAKER_13Any four but these two.
SPEAKER_11Okay.
SPEAKER_03Okay, good.
SPEAKER_11Okay, well, that's fine. Thank you. Thank you. We'll try to keep this. Yep. I think I wanted to do that. Thanks, Warden. Yes. Thanks, Warden. Thanks, Warden. I'll get the guards to come down and take those Rita Hayworth posters away. Why you take them now? No, I don't know. I don't do that. Okay. I don't do that.
SPEAKER_16Thanks, Warden. Thanks, Warden.
SPEAKER_11Thanks for being reasonable. Thanks for being reasonable.
SPEAKER_16Okay, we can't wait till tonight. If they take the wrong Rita Hayworth posters, we're absolutely screwed.
SPEAKER_07We're so that's why.
SPEAKER_13Which Rita Hayworth poster has our tunnel?
SPEAKER_07Which one's got the best tunnel?
SPEAKER_14This one.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_07Oh, that's pretty good.
SPEAKER_13One of them just leads right back to the cell. Remember when we dug and dug in the room.
SPEAKER_07This one's got a full door behind it.
SPEAKER_10So they go through the door and it opens up and there's a beach.
SPEAKER_07Just so you can see a beach on the other side.
SPEAKER_10And you see waiter and chef and bojack descending and filled with vengeful rage, pissed now, what do you say?
SPEAKER_08I say, I'd be whyin' if I didn't say I'm gonna kill that bastard. Perfect!
SPEAKER_10Oh, great episode, everyone. So we are gonna get the reuniting of golf after a year. Now sand, then uh conflicted murderer guy. No, then was it before conflicted murderer guys? Jungle Man, he was Helper Guy, Helper Guy, and then finally settled on Waiter. So you went through a lot of chapters, a lot of changes, and now you know yourself as Waiter, and that's like I've been living up for a year as Waiter.
SPEAKER_13The realest you've ever felt too like you're just really good at that. So next week we're gonna have so many waiter puns, it's gonna be fantastic.
SPEAKER_10So you're gonna go down into the water and reunite with your former uh party friends in Jesus Christ and Pudding and whatever they're up to. Plus, now, in a other thing, Piss now and his two friends who we didn't really identify, they're kind of tough guy sounding, have broken out of prison, which I guess is right near the water. Yeah, they're they're a prison on the beach.
SPEAKER_07Well, I think it's a magical door that was behind the street.
SPEAKER_10Oh, yeah, it could be fantasy magic spell type stuff. And so they're gonna be following you too. So we've got a lot of intrigue to sort of play out and see how this works. I think I smell maybe one of our first biggest fight/slash battles. That sounds great. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, join us again on another episode of Nightmare Party where uh we keep telling the story until we reset it uh when it gets too confusing. Uh for now I think it's okay. I think it's okay. We've got sort of a uh food service uh sort of storyline, uh Shawshank Redemption storyline, and then you know, I don't want to tip my cards too much, Mark C, but you'll see what's been going on in and around Krebopolis. Of course, they've never actually gone to Krebopolis, they're in the surrounding restaurants.
SPEAKER_07So there's a lot of like restaurants and duty freeze and bars and stuff. There's basically a city outside of Crabopoulis.
SPEAKER_11Mostly restaurants. So see you next time on Nightmare Party.