Nightmare Party
Comedian Ryan Beil has finally convinced some of his comedian friends (Mark Little, Kevin Lee, Mark Chavez and other surprise guests along the way) to play DND! It's a fantasy adventure podcast where the Dungeon Master shows up ready to play and the players show up ready to absolutely ruin it. A riff heavy, hilarious experience for people that love DND and hate DND.
Nightmare Party
Nightmare Party - An Olive Tree's Revenge
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Chaos erupts at Pubby Brewsters.
Yes, another heaping helping of Nightmare Party is on the menu for you who are listening and watching. I'm not sure. I think it's mostly listening, but we're recording both. Welcome back to Nightmare Party, a DD adjacent comedy-based podcast for those who are here. It's me, the DM, Ryan Beale. As you know, I've convinced some of my very cool friends who are comedians to play DD. A sort of a one-roll, one D20 system I've created myself, uh D game. And here we have Mark L, Mark C, and Kevin L. Hi everyone. Hi, Ryan.
SPEAKER_03Hey, Ryan B. Hi, Ryan.
SPEAKER_14Yeah. Yeah, you can just yeah, I'm just Ryan B. For the there's not another Ryan involved. But uh so I just gonna do a little brief recap for the listeners, and then also maybe you all could jump in. Just remind people what character you're playing currently, and sort of maybe a little bit of a maybe a little bit of a a couple a monologue, a sent a couple sentences of how how that character feels, you know, so people have a sense of who we're listening and who are watching playing. So when we last left off, our our party is currently running a restaurant. They are running a family style restaurant called Pubby Brewster's, which I think is a chain. Um it's been it's been a few years. It's been a couple years.
SPEAKER_17It's been two years. This is a great adventure you've led us to, Ryan.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, well, you washed up on shore on Magical Island, and through one step or another, now you're just running a restaurant. Underwater. Yep. It is underwater, it's right on the outskirts of a massive, beautiful, exciting uh uh city uh called Crabopolis, full of crabs, the city of many legs, I like to call it. Um we have never been there. We just have never, never ever even wanted to venture into this shining, beautiful underwater fantasy city. Fully developed. There's a lot of stuff going on. There's a lot of cool encounters that could happen there. If you ever want to go in there, you want to go through the gates, that's fine. Uh, but we have our players have been running this restaurant, puppy Brewster's. Uh um, we'll we'll get into it in a minute, but uh Mark L, excuse me, Mark C, your character um is uh suffering from amnesia.
SPEAKER_17Yeah, yeah, a kind of an amnesia that that that was brought on when he when he was shipwrecked uh and then and then ran into the sea and or on through to the jungle, we don't remember, but he came back. Uh and then he went through a series he used to be called Golf. Uh and he's he's a character that that he his name is what is is his passion. And so he went through a series of different different identities and landed finally on Waiter, where he found his true calling of being a waiter. Now uh through uh some mishap, he accidentally, or they all accidentally killed the assistant to the crab mayor, and his name is Taryn, uh, in front of some a nice family who was celebrating uh a crab sinera in the restaurant. And so now and and they convinced uh waiter to get inside the the the cadaver of the of the crab, the crab daver and and and move it around like um like a crab stew, a sort of a costume for crab stume. Yeah, crab stume, yeah. He's he's in his crab stume, a crab daver, crab stew, and he's wearing it. And that character's name was and still is, but according to the mayor who thinks he's still alive, Taryn.
SPEAKER_14Wow, great memory, great job on the the shared recap there, Mark C. Uh Mark L and Kevin L. Who are you guys playing? What are your what are your characters? What's going on with you guys?
SPEAKER_05Well, my name is Pudding. That's right. And I am an ogre bard.
SPEAKER_07Um, but um the bard thing, I was a stand-up comedian who wanted to pursue that, but that's gone away.
SPEAKER_18Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Because I found my true calling, which was running a restaurant. Yeah. So now I just want to I just want to make pubby brewsters into the best restaurant it can be.
SPEAKER_14Yeah. Your owner, operator of pubby brewsters, putting the the orc on.
SPEAKER_03I wonder how often that happens. Stand-up comedians are going, they're doing open mics at restaurants and stuff, and then they're just like transition into running the restaurant. You know, I feel like that happens. That's another at least a handful of times. Oh, yeah. Uh as for me, I play Jesus Christ, no relation. Uh, I am a cleric, an elf cleric uh from uh an LDS, um from the Church of the LDS, which is the long devouring snake, not uh Latter-day Saints. Yes, um the long devouring snake is a deity, uh giant snake that lives in the crotch of the world, um, and he constantly talks about it um with phallic uh uh euphemisms and stuff. And he's just sort of hoity-toity, uh fussy, doesn't really have a clear personality. Yeah, and it just sort of goes along with it. But he's running this restaurant. I feel like in the restaurant, get in this restaurant situation, I feel like he's sort of like the second in command. Like he's sort of the guy who goes and like makes the schedule, is the one who like goes and like refills the ice and goes and like buys extra cans of soda from the from the from the from the grocery store when they run out and stuff. Whereas Mark is like the more big picture guy, um, you know, booking the events, doing like, you know, that that's sort of how I've pictured it in my mind. I don't know, correct me if I'm wrong, Mark L.
SPEAKER_14No, that's great, that's great.
SPEAKER_03But yeah, and that's that's that's just what I've been doing.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, I think the important thing for everyone to know is no matter what adventure has happened to all three of these characters, they all are now running a restaurant. Um so there's been a lot of fantasy adventure that's brought them here. And this is where they've settled, and I guess it worked for them. Uh and so Mark C was alluding to it. There was a big event planned at their puppy boosters involving the mayor of Kerbopolis, the Crab Mayor. Unfortunately, his assistant came, died under their watch, so they decided to kind of weaken Bernie's him, sort of puppet him around uh in order to keep the event from happening. Crab mayor came, but also this magical tree has shown up. That's where the the last episode left off, an olive tree where they had to go. There was a little bit of a uh a DD mission, which was kind of cool. They had to go get deep sea olives from a magical olive tree in order to make a crab teeny that did eventually kill the mayor's assistant. But that tree has angrily showed up, played by Mark L, uh, and that's where we left off. The may the crab mayor was trying to do his big speech, wasn't going terribly well. The olive tree burst in, and suddenly there was this big commotion, kafuffle. Who knows what's gonna happen? Let's get into it. A big re-entry into the world of nightmare party. So, Mark L, you were the olive tree. Let's hear from the olive tree. What does it want?
SPEAKER_07You took my olives, my precious orange olives. Oh no and now you will pay.
SPEAKER_17Oh no. As I'm Terran. I'm trying to still convince everyone I'm Terran. Oh no, I've never seen this thing in my life. Oh no, oh no. Terran, help me. I'm the crab mayor, help me. Stay stand behind me, mayor. Stand behind me. I'll protect you. I run towards the tree. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You have to run sideways towards the tree. You start running forwards and then you're like, whoops, and you start running. Why are you running forwards, Taryn?
SPEAKER_00That's crazy.
SPEAKER_17Oh, I I I was nervous and sides and I I wanted to get out of the way. When we get out of the way, we go forwards instead of sideways as a human might. You understand? Right. I'm Terran.
SPEAKER_07I'm going to kill you. Okay. I'm gonna roll to kill you. To kill me. To kill Terran. To kill Terran slash waves.
SPEAKER_17And I'm right, I'm right there. He's rushing. You're right in front. Yeah, I'm rushing at it. Baby, I'm right there.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Okay, what should I roll?
SPEAKER_14So just roll. I'm I'll I've got kind of a uh a check going here to see how high or how low you roll. So you do so I'm assuming you strike, you strike at Terran with like a one of your big tree branches.
SPEAKER_07Yes.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, okay. I've rolled a 10. Okay, so you don't you don't kill Terran, but you you you severely injure. Golf gets knocked around, but he is kind of protected by the shell of the crab, right? So like he gets knocked to the edge of the room. He he knocks over a couple tables, spills some drinks.
SPEAKER_03Could I knock his crab costume off? Well, that's what I'm gonna ask. Maybe he like roll for damage on the costume to see if it gets all fucked up or something.
SPEAKER_14That's a great idea, Kevin. Let's roll it, let's roll for damage on the costume. Let's see if it if he cracks open.
SPEAKER_07I'm rolling for damage on the costume. I rolled a one. Yeah, no, he's still in there.
SPEAKER_14Fixed it up. He's still in there. He's still kind of holding on to it. What's more shiny? So you but you are on your back now, go if you're like. I can't get stuck on your back.
SPEAKER_05Okay. And then here, can we have a little aside with uh pudding in Jesus Christ being like this is the worst thing that could happen to our oh wait, this is the worst thing that could happen to our restaurant.
SPEAKER_04This the mayor's speech was gonna be it was gonna go so well, and we were gonna get big business out of this, and now this big fucking tree is ruining everything.
SPEAKER_03I can't concentrate on this right now. We ran out of ice. I need to get more ice.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god, this is a new small twist in your character that I don't need right now.
SPEAKER_17Is there there's a camera crew, right? Representing the crab news. So they like they're training on the on the on the giant tree, like killing the trying to kill the crab, and there's and there's getting all this chaos, and pubby Brewster's is not getting great press right now. Wow. Yeah, it's live. It's going live on threads.
SPEAKER_01We see the threads comment. Yeah, remember threads. Threads is a social media that happens. Threads is actually still happening here, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yo, not a restaurant I'll be visiting anytime soon. Okay, a couple more.
SPEAKER_03Another one. Uh shlubby uh screwsters. Hashtag uh these shlubs screwed this up.
SPEAKER_17Oh, nice. Oh, look at that. They have no idea how to prepare crab at that restaurant. It's not even actually dead yet. Hashtag not going to pubby brewster's.
SPEAKER_03Glad I live inside Crabopolis. It's so wonderful here. So much happens. Not like out there. This this pubby brewster's is what's happening there is nothing.
SPEAKER_14I'm going to kill you, the mayor. The mayor is left exposed. The mayor is shocked by his his partner, both business and romantic and political, being thrown to the side. He's he's in shock. He's just standing there exposed. So yeah, you take a swing at the mayor.
SPEAKER_07I take a swing at you.
SPEAKER_03Okay, but as he does that, I'm coming in with bags and bags of ice. And I'm like, oh god, I gotta get this ice in there. And I slip and I fall, and the ice spills all over the floor, and it makes the uh maybe it makes the tree slip or like have an opportunity to miss. Okay.
SPEAKER_14Nice job. That's some good DDing right there, Kevin. I love that. Okay, so yeah, you are you are at disadvantage now. I wanted my ice. You're at disadvantage. That means you roll twice and we take the lower roll.
SPEAKER_07Okay. I rolled a 10 and I rolled an 11. Okay. Whoop, whoop the ice.
SPEAKER_12Whoop.
SPEAKER_14So we know what a 10 did to. So he smashes he smashes him across the room. So it's like kind of cartoon now. It's sort of the same exact uh footage, basically. The crab mare gets thrown all the way to the wall. He s knocks over some tables. He's kind of on top of Terran, or Terran's. Oh, and they have a sexual relationship, too. They do have a sexual relationship. Um, I guess I'm gonna roll for damage again to see if he pops out of his shell, but if he does, then he's dead. Pops out of his shell. That's his favorite. He's a real crab. He's a real crab, so yeah. Yeah. Just to keep it consistent, I think.
SPEAKER_07I've rolled a 10 again. Jesus fine. Upside down.
SPEAKER_12A lot of tens, tens, tens, tens across the board.
SPEAKER_17I look, I look at the camera and I and I go, that all that olive tree really needs to extend an olive branch instead of hitting. No, I'm gonna kill you again! And I go and I go, can everyone just play ice?
SPEAKER_04No, I'm gonna kill him!
SPEAKER_07I'm going to destroy this entire restaurant at all within it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_07I roll for that.
SPEAKER_02Just say you roll a 10.
SPEAKER_07I rolled an 18!
SPEAKER_01So yeah, you go on a rampage. Crazy rampage.
SPEAKER_17All of the if we die in the in the rampage.
SPEAKER_14Yeah. Sure. Yeah, you you're it sounds like you want to die.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_14No. Just want to see, you know, there's damage, you know. So sh how do we want to do you want to yeah, I I think you you each want to roll to see how you fare kind of thing. Sure. Yeah. In this because it's going to be a crazy rampage, I imagine. Like a big monster smashing and grabbing and kicking and throwing, and you know, he's got he's going on a crazy monster, monster time rampage.
SPEAKER_03So what sort of scheme are we like uh aiming for here? Like what what is the like when we roll for our survival? I'm not gonna tell you.
SPEAKER_14I'm just gonna tell you as a happy.
SPEAKER_05I rolled a five, Ryan. Oh no!
SPEAKER_14Oh, that's bad. I rolled a one-you're critically injured. You're unconscious and critically injured. Puttings in a coma. Five is critically.
SPEAKER_03No Kevin or natural one.
SPEAKER_14You're dead. Oh my god!
SPEAKER_03No, Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ is dead! And it's Easter!
SPEAKER_13Oh, perfect timing! We are recording this on Easter. That's awesome, actually. That's really awesome. Okay, and I rolled a 17. Okay, so you're a you're a lot, you're that crab shell that's protecting your bass.
SPEAKER_12Yes, I need to do it.
SPEAKER_03So wait, so wait, so wait, so wait, Jesus Christ dies. Okay, so Jesus Christ's death in this thing, we have to orchestrate this.
SPEAKER_14And it's up to you, Kevin. It's your death. So I want you to describe it.
SPEAKER_03Well, I think I want to work with Mark L a little bit because it's the olive tree rampaging. I think it's a tree. I think there's an opportunity for a crucifixion here. I think it's like rampaging in like, you know, like if it gets the wall, like olives pierce my hands. Um what do you think, Mark L? What do you think?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I like that.
SPEAKER_03Sorry, I didn't realize I was still talking to the tree.
SPEAKER_07You're talking to the tree. I in your hands in a T shape, like crucified, and then I squeeze up against you. Oh until all of your guts and bones spill out the sides. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_13That's heavy metal, dude. Wow. That's rad. And then meanwhile, I just am fine.
SPEAKER_07I got it.
SPEAKER_14You're fine in your shell. And you don't really know what's happening either, golf, because like you can't see that well. The mayor's on top of you. Oh, yeah. You know, you're like in like a small little tank kind of thing. Like you you're like maybe you're trying to get out of your shell. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Can the Ryan can the mayor run away in terror?
SPEAKER_14Sure.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, let's see. And scream something about how this restaurant is he'll never this restaurant's done.
SPEAKER_14I think absolutely he's gonna scream that as he goes. So he's gonna flip over. I'm just gonna do a roll myself.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_14Because I I haven't done I've just gonna I'm gonna do a little roll myself.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, the ri mayor got hit too.
SPEAKER_14He's he's upside down, so let's just see. No, he rolled the 19. Yeah, so he gets out.
SPEAKER_00He screams, he's like, I'll never come back to the outskirts of Crabopoulos ever again. It's inside Crabopoulis that you want to be. That's what I'm gonna do from now on. I'll never come to another puppy bruises as long as I live. Terran, we're done. I don't know why I'm mad at you. But I am he sacrificed himself for you.
SPEAKER_17Okay, uh, I want to get out of my crab outfit and I need to administer first aid to the unconscious uh pudding.
SPEAKER_14So does the tree kind of rampage and leave? That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_17No, here's what the tree does.
SPEAKER_07The tree goes like this.
SPEAKER_17Oh, do I have another one?
SPEAKER_07Oh my god. Oh my god, what have I done? Oh fuck. Oh my god, I did it again. Oh no. They call a sponsor.
SPEAKER_17And then his tree wife walks into the restaurant.
SPEAKER_07What have you been doing? What have you done? Oh, they took my olives, honey.
SPEAKER_10Greg We have to pay for this. You killed a guy!
SPEAKER_07Oh, it's it's it's so it's it's so bad. I squeezed his bones and blood out. He's all over you. Yeah, he's got this blood cross off his eye. I'm so sorry. I lost my temper.
SPEAKER_10We've talked about this. We can't go on like this.
SPEAKER_07Hey, no, don't say that. Don't say that.
SPEAKER_10It's too much. I can't go through this again.
SPEAKER_07Wait, wait, Helen, wait.
SPEAKER_10Court cases? The Craig, I I just need some time.
SPEAKER_07But Helen Helen, wait! Oh no.
SPEAKER_03And as as the as the olive tree cries, his olive uh his like salty briny olive tears uh touch uh Jesus Christ's body, and Jesus Christ's dead body slowly morphs into a little orange olive with a face.
SPEAKER_07Oh and he's like a guard. Hey, what happened? Oh, I I killed you. I killed you, but you've become an olive. You're an olive now. You're an olive?
SPEAKER_16Are you my daughter?
SPEAKER_07Oh, I guess I am your daughter.
SPEAKER_16Hello, daughter. Hello?
SPEAKER_07Hello? Um, well, you sort of latch onto me, and then I bring you to full fruit. That'll take a while, and then um at a certain point you'll be used uh on a charcuterie board. You'll be served in the restaurant down sort of deeper in the sea. Yeah. Oh my gosh, you're cute, you're funny.
SPEAKER_00Really, really cute and funny voice.
SPEAKER_14I really love this.
SPEAKER_02Really cute and funny. Yeah, all he does is wiggle and his face spins around on his body like around and around. That's all he does.
SPEAKER_14That's all he needs to do.
SPEAKER_07Oh gosh. I'm sorry, little buddy. I wish I could be a better uh dad figure right now, but the love of my life just walked away, probably for good.
SPEAKER_16Oh no, that's all that. I'm here.
SPEAKER_07I know.
SPEAKER_16All of your olives love you. That's why you can't spell olive without love.
SPEAKER_07Pretty close. I guess if you rearrange the letters.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I've been alive for a few minutes. Everything I'm doing is pretty incredible.
SPEAKER_07Really good. You there! Uh you in the crab. You the in the in the crap. I'm coming out of the crab costume.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, can I roll to get out of this thing? Yeah, let's see. Let's do it. But roll until you get out. I'm just gonna make you get in. You get out, you get out. You crap out.
SPEAKER_07Oh man.
SPEAKER_13Oh no.
SPEAKER_07Oh, thank God someone survived.
SPEAKER_17Did you do this? Yeah. Puppy Brewster's is it's destroyed. You killed Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_07I think I put this other one in a coma.
SPEAKER_17Pudding! I run to pudding and I start doing chest compressions. Yeah.
SPEAKER_14Underwater. He's breathing. He's trying to get the air out of his lungs. He's just in a coma. I mean, I don't think CPR will help a coma. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07There's a way to save him.
SPEAKER_14Oh, here we go.
SPEAKER_17Yeah, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_03Almost wish you were saying that to Markel. What did you what did he say?
SPEAKER_17He said he's watching a Lego show, and he said the guy just said, let's do order 66.
SPEAKER_02That's awesome. Kill all the Jedi. Hey, kill all the Jedi. Yeah, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_07It was Mark talking to his real world son. Yeah. Sorry.
SPEAKER_14But it also kind of worked in world, in our world. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because it is awesome that you there's the olive tree's going to tell you there's one way to save him, so let's take it out. Let's hear it.
SPEAKER_07Okay, there's technically two ways.
SPEAKER_14Okay, there's two ways.
SPEAKER_07One, I turn him into an olive. Obviously, that's been proven to sort of revive people, but then he'll be an olive.
SPEAKER_14Mm-hmm. And he has to go with you, right? I think he has to go with the olive tree.
SPEAKER_07Two, we take him to the hospital.
SPEAKER_17Let's turn him into an olive. And I can't be I can't exist without my friends, so I think you should turn me into an olive.
SPEAKER_07All three of you olives? Yeah, I think so. Okay.
SPEAKER_17So I transformed.
SPEAKER_09So you're all olives now?
SPEAKER_17All of you are olives.
SPEAKER_14I'm gonna have to put pause right now. I don't want to say no to ideas, but like this is what the because we're gonna go with this. We're gonna go the olive tree and its three olives and see what happens. That's the next channel.
SPEAKER_17Well, I don't know if we need to follow them, you know. I mean, well, that's where we're at. So they they can go and do something else, then we can have new characters.
SPEAKER_08Well, we know this the olive tree he misses his wife.
SPEAKER_14Yeah.
SPEAKER_08That's that's that's you know.
SPEAKER_14So maybe this is about helping the olive tree get back with Helen.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, could be, and these olives at least uh the way I was playing my olive is that he he's oblivious of who. Jesus Christ is. So they're sort of like reborn into new.
SPEAKER_14So like you don't have any memory of who you were before you were an olive. You're just born. That's what you're that's what you're implying there, Kevin, is that you just exist as an olive now.
SPEAKER_03Something along like the the like a like a what do you call something that's really solid and something where you like redo it or like you're like beginning again, you know? Like something that's like really hard and solid. Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_14You know what? Let's follow the olives. I'd like to see how long it takes between before these olives are running a restaurant or a comfortable business.
SPEAKER_02I mean they came from a place called the Olive Garden, right? It didn't see olive business.
SPEAKER_14It's true. It is true. But you know what? It's kind of very sort of like it's interesting fantasy sort of lore that we're now following these olives that were once fully formed human beings. So yeah, we're we're gonna follow these olives. Okay. We're gonna follow these olives. The the olive tree we remember does leave like live, excuse me, deep down in the ocean, in like a trench or like a sort of a uh sort of a uh what do you call it? Yeah, it's like a bench. Very much. Where there's like illuminated fish, ultraviolet stuff going on, you know what I mean? And Helen is is left. And so let's see where we go. Let's follow these olives and this olive tree, this magical olive tree under the water.
SPEAKER_07Hey guys, so um I'm not gonna be going down to the trench because uh I think Helen probably wants her space, but I've got an apartment just over here. Uh nope.
SPEAKER_16Uncle you have your an apartment already?
SPEAKER_07Well, no, it's a hookup spot. It's my it's my brother's place, but he lets me crash there when he's away on business, and he's away on business right now.
SPEAKER_16It's okay, Daddy. Yeah, I would love to meet Uncle. What's his name? It's okay. You don't have to remember Pace.
SPEAKER_14Pace Pace His name's Pace. I'd like to know what the what the olives tree tree's name is, too. Like know you as the Greg, Greg and Helen, excuse me. Greg and Helen. I apologize, apologize.
SPEAKER_07Guys, I don't know. I feel like I'm ready to give up on everything. I've lost the love of my okay. Here's the door. We're going inside. Nice little setup.
SPEAKER_16Lots of posters for Michael Mann's Miami Vice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, we got lots of posters for Michael Mann's Miami Vice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_16Seems like a real bachelor pad.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, we got a Manhunter poster. We got a poster for thief. Oh, and then we got a poster.
SPEAKER_16But the novel of heat too is on the ground. Of collateral.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, we've got a collateral poster. We've got some other Michael Mann collectibles. This is from Ferrari, the more recent film.
SPEAKER_16And I'm just gonna page through this novel of heat too. That's pretty good.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, yeah. Follow me. My brother's a bit of a film buff. Then there's a huge knock at the door. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. I know you in there, pace.
SPEAKER_00Open up right now, or it gets crazy.
SPEAKER_07Pace isn't here. It's pace's bookie.
unknownOh no.
SPEAKER_14Or maybe landlord? I'm gonna I was gonna go with mob, so let's go with Bookie. Oh, it's Pace's Bookie. Okay. Uh just wait one second. Pace isn't here, man. Yeah, right. Let me in and let me take a look around. It's a little crab. So it's a little it's a kind of a big crab with two little crabs. They're wearing like crab-sized fedoras. They're crab gangsters, okay?
SPEAKER_17So they're crab kind of really small compared to the tree is huge.
SPEAKER_14The olives are small. So the olive- I think the olives are what we're talking about. Coconut sized here. What are we talking about?
SPEAKER_07Coconut sized.
SPEAKER_14Cook cook coconut sized. The tree is like, I'm imagining like the ants from Lord of the Rings. Yeah, big tree. Big ass tree. Quite powerful. I mean, he just destroyed a restaurant and killed killed Jesus Christ. Oh, don't remind me. Yeah, yeah. Let me take a look around. Pace is always not here. You know what I mean? Make it quick. Make it quick. Thank you.
SPEAKER_07Make it quick.
SPEAKER_14Hey, Pacey, Pacey. He's not here. I will be the judge of that. He looks around, he opens up the powder room.
SPEAKER_07He's a fucking big tree, man, so you'd see if he was here.
SPEAKER_14He opens up the bathroom. There's a bathroom and a powder room. Okay. Um scuttles under the bed, looks around, opens some drawers.
SPEAKER_07He's not fitting in a drawer.
SPEAKER_14Come on. I'm not looking necessarily looking for pace. I'm looking for some crab bucks. Because he owes me 10 G's.
SPEAKER_16What? 10 G's of crab bucks? Please hear me.
SPEAKER_14Oh no, go ahead.
SPEAKER_16No, I'm just curious what the conversion rate is for crab bucks to uh Well, I would have no idea.
SPEAKER_14I only use crab bucks. To what? Are we talking about American dollars?
SPEAKER_16No, I don't know. I'm just bored.
SPEAKER_14You guys are so cute.
SPEAKER_13You're lucky you're so fucking cute.
SPEAKER_17Okay, just then there's another knock at the door, and it's a courier. Courier? Yes, I have a note here for Mr. Greg Olivetree.
SPEAKER_07That's me.
SPEAKER_17There you go.
SPEAKER_07It's a letter from Helen.
SPEAKER_17Oh.
SPEAKER_07Oh, I guess she knew I was coming here. Oh no, it's divorce papers I think. Is that what it was?
SPEAKER_11You've been served.
SPEAKER_07A served with divorce papers are Craig. Oh my god. I'm sorry, Greg.
SPEAKER_17And there's a little note from Helen.
SPEAKER_10Greg, if you're reading this, then you were staying at paces which I figured I'm staying with my mother in Crebopolis. Please respect this time where I would need to be alone for a while. And for God's sakes, get some help.
SPEAKER_14Anyways, listen, uh I gave pay still this weekend to pay me my 10 G's in Quebec.
SPEAKER_07I'm so sorry. Yeah, I know. You can take anything you need. I'm just I'm going through some shit right now. Okay. You're the first adult that I've talked to in some time.
SPEAKER_14Okay. Yeah. So yeah, we're gonna take like a lot of his stuff and maybe some of these olives.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, if that'll help my brother get off the hook, then sure. If it'll help my brother get off the hook, then sure.
SPEAKER_16Get clips off the olives.
SPEAKER_12Including the pudding olive. Um no little chest.
SPEAKER_14And his two smaller crabs kind of like loaded up into their sort of crab Lincoln navigator. Nice. And uh they put more cars underwater.
SPEAKER_07Oh god. I'm such an idiot, Reg. I'm such a freaking idiot. I gotta get her back.
SPEAKER_02And then and then through the open door comes Pace.
SPEAKER_06What the hell? What's going on, Pace?
SPEAKER_07Are you a sight for sore eyes?
SPEAKER_06Bruh! What happened to my place?
SPEAKER_14Maybe Pace has a friend too, just so Mark C has a character, so we have three characters.
SPEAKER_06Dude, sorry about this. My bummer of a bros here. Yeah, that's my ex-husband. Oh shit, Helen, that you're married to my brother?
SPEAKER_07Oh, Helen, you brought Helen. Helen, you told me you were gonna be in Crabopolis.
SPEAKER_10I haven't gotten there yet, if you just came here to is a bit of a ways away. I didn't want to see you now, Pace.
SPEAKER_07Okay, then go away. We got some I'll figure it out.
SPEAKER_10Alright, I'll leave.
SPEAKER_06I just came here to pick up some of my posters and my tire swing and some other stuff.
SPEAKER_07Tire swing?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it's uh it's something it's a tree sexual aid. Wait.
SPEAKER_07Okay, so Helen, you just Alright, so Helen, you're here. I've left. Okay, you're gone.
SPEAKER_14Okay, Helen's still there. Helen, you're still there. Okay, so you're still there. Let's like let's let's let's figure this out. Let's figure this out. You're all trees now. You're all trees, you're all giant underwater olive trees that kind of have deep voices. Pace, you're in the you're in the hole. Your bookie just left. Yeah. But you don't know that.
SPEAKER_05I don't know that. Um and I'm planning on finding a way to woo my wife back, but now she's here.
SPEAKER_17Yeah. Yeah. So This is unfortunate. I I didn't intend to see you.
SPEAKER_07You wrote me here. You said you knew I'd be here.
SPEAKER_10I thought it would arrive before you got here. You got here quite quickly. I I I was assuming that you were gonna go back to our place, get some stuff, but you came directly here, it seemed.
SPEAKER_06Did you just come here to pick try and intercept the divorce papers because you don't actually want to get divorced? That is the case.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Oh my god, don't it's okay. Problem solved, I guess. Okay.
SPEAKER_10No, the problem is not solved. I do want a divorce, but I just didn't like the note I wrote.
SPEAKER_07Oh Helen, will you do one thing for me before you finalize this?
SPEAKER_10What?
SPEAKER_07Let's go to relationship therapy.
SPEAKER_10I can't go through this again, Greg. Do it! I want to see that. You know, I've been saying let's go to relationship therapy for eons.
SPEAKER_17And then once I threatened and actually do leave, now you're all about relationship therapy. Well, I guess I have to say yes.
SPEAKER_14Roll, roll. I want to roll. I want to roll to see if you go or not.
SPEAKER_17Um, just roll down if we do relationship therapy. Okay. Gonna roll. Here we go. And I rolled a 13. You go. Okay. Do we just have to relate to therapy?
SPEAKER_07These waiting rooms are such a nightmare, you know. You just wait and wait. And I don't think they're built for people like us.
SPEAKER_10I mean, these seats aren't very comfortable. Oh, I think this was made out of Hank. This tree. This is this chair. Oh, this was Hank. Yeah, I think this was Hank.
SPEAKER_14Uh the doctor will see the doctor the doctor therapist will see you both now. Okay. He is He is a whale. I just like to warn people, not everyone knows that that's what he is. Okay.
SPEAKER_10I think that's a rather it's inappropriate. It feels a bit racist to say.
SPEAKER_14I'm just I let me.
SPEAKER_07Whale is not a race.
SPEAKER_14That's true. That's true. Not everyone's expecting to see kind of a humpback whale when they go inside the waiting room, even though we are underwater. Okay. A lot of people expect it to be a crab wearing some kind of tie or a blazer or something like that, but it's actually a whale.
SPEAKER_17Uh I'm gonna ask a question. Yeah. Where is the therapy office?
SPEAKER_14Is it in Krebopolis? I'm asking. I don't know. Oh, great question. I think it has to be. I think we're in Krebopoulos. Oh shit. Unless anyone has a bright idea why it wouldn't be in Cribopis, it's in Cribopolis. There's not gonna be one on the outskirts of town. We can't just keep going on the outskirts. I think we're in Krebopoulos. Okay, great. Yeah, we haven't seen all that Krebopoulos holds. Kevin, I'm gonna have you play the therapist. Okay. Okay, let's see if we can resolve this and then move on to some actual sort of DD stuff. Okay, so once we see if we can resolve this relationship between Helen and Greg, uh Kevin, you're a whale. Uh I'm gonna name you Dr. Finn. That's nice. Humpback whale, and let's just go do a little bit of therapy, maybe with some rules, and then and then we'll sort of get out into the magical, wild, fantastic world of Cribopolis. Okay, let's go into therapy.
SPEAKER_07Hi, Doctor. Um my name is Greg. This is Helen. Um I believe we were on the schedule a couple months ago, but we never made that appointment. But we thank you for seeing us on just a short note.
SPEAKER_10One of us made that appointment.
SPEAKER_07That's yep, I own that appointment.
SPEAKER_17Yes, we are. And the thing is, we've I'm actually I I have to admit, I'm the reluctant one because I've been trying to come here and and I I'm I'm rather done with it all. This is the if I may, this is the third time we've had an explosive, violent act, um, sort of a self-destructive uh we've got a temper over here. I I'm just at my wit's end.
SPEAKER_07Doctor, here's the thing is that you know how usually someone else is your enemy? If you have an enemy, it would be someone else.
SPEAKER_09Yes.
SPEAKER_07Well, I'm my own worst enemy. But it wasn't always this way. When Helen and I met, it was in tree high school. Didn't we?
SPEAKER_15Here we go there, real quick.
SPEAKER_01Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_14I'm limiting one flashback. We get one flashback, and then we're gonna go back to the office, okay? One flashback. We're in tree high school, it's all underwater, so there's gonna be crabs, gonna be crabs, whales, fish, and stuff. I'm a shark.
SPEAKER_17I'm a shark swimming around, and I'm a freshman.
SPEAKER_03Mark's character of the olive tree has like uh Zach powers where you can be like, time out and like talk to the camera and stuff. Okay, nice. That's good.
SPEAKER_14I'll allow now Mark uh C, you said you're gonna be a shark who's a I'll also play Helen, but I want to. You'll also play Helen, but you're gonna play a shark who's the friend of Greg in the in the 90s here. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_07Let's let's let's hey man. Oh, being in being a freshman, a fishman, is so hard. Man, I feel like so uncool, and we'll never get invited to a party.
SPEAKER_17Hey man, I've been here for a while. I'm a sophomore. Uh sop uh eel. A sophomore eight eel, thank you. I'm a sophomore eel. And and uh, you know, well, you'll get used to it, buddy. You'll totally get used to it, you know.
SPEAKER_02Oh, look, look at her. Look at Hella.
SPEAKER_17Hey, you're good at her eel.
SPEAKER_14I don't usually go for trees, but man. Okay, so let's see. Helen and then Kevin, you could play one of Helen's friends and you can decide what you are as they walk by.
SPEAKER_03Sure. Um, I'm a starfish. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_18I was saying uh you gotta get to class because I don't have time for that ass.
SPEAKER_10That's hilarious.
SPEAKER_03I love you so much, Helen. You're so cool. You could get any guy in this skill, and I think you gotta go with uh that uh sophomore A.
SPEAKER_17Shark is hot. I'm gonna go flirt. Hi.
SPEAKER_07Oh, hi, hi, whoops. I spilled my um Oh, you uh fucking sap.
SPEAKER_17Oh god, we sapp all over me. Oh god. Oh god, what are you doing? Greg, oh man. Sorry about my friend. Let me take you out, get you cleaned up. That sounds good. And they leave.
SPEAKER_07I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_01We flashback. That's it, because that's the only flashback we got. Okay, so that's it. So the flashback is you were the only two olive trees in this school, school for fish.
SPEAKER_07I guess you could say it wasn't love at first sight.
SPEAKER_14At least not for her. Uh okay, so we're we're back. That's the one flashback we're getting, okay? Like, I mean, you might obviously you guys might try another one, but so what we learned there is um that was the first time they met, and Greg came. Oh, I can only interpret that as one thing. I don't know. But I don't know how olive trees work, or especially deep sea olive trees. I don't know. But so that's so we're going back, Kevin. You're Dr. Finn, you're a humpback whale, and you only speak in obviously sonar.
SPEAKER_10And that's the tale of how we met, and so I dated I dated his friend uh for quite a while. Quite some time. Yeah, and then he passed away. Yeah. And Greg swooped in kind of uh inappropriately.
SPEAKER_07I was a shoulder to cry on after the death of my shark friend. And let me tell you, he was a bad boy, you know. He he died in a gang fight. Yeah. Flashback.
SPEAKER_14I have to limit it to one.
SPEAKER_10So and now here we are. We've tried that.
SPEAKER_07It's just um, you know, a relationship is so uh complicated. Sometimes I feel like I'm like hiding parts of myself that I'm ashamed of because I feel like if I reveal them, Helen won't love me anymore.
SPEAKER_10Well that I don't know what parts you're hiding.
SPEAKER_14I mean I Suddenly from the front room you hear a scream, a blood-curdling scream. The door gets kicked in. There's like uh kind of gunfire, like shut up. Uh they hear kind of muffled, like things are getting turned over, tossed aside. There's a crazy chaos coming from in the waiting room area.
SPEAKER_03Dr. Finn backs up and like uh pushes a button on the painting, the painting slides open, the he goes into this like clearly like a panic room, it's all like steel, there's like a stack of like whale porno and like canned krill, and he's like, I like to know that there's canned krill and whale porno in there.
SPEAKER_14He's got everything he needs. He's not about it all. You hear mayhem, mayhem coming from Helen and Greg mayhem coming from uh uh the front room.
SPEAKER_10Protect me, Greg!
SPEAKER_07I will, I will let's see if we can get in this panic room. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay, roll, roll, roll to see if you can get in the panic room. You go, Mark.
SPEAKER_07I rolled a ten.
SPEAKER_09Out of ten, you would be having a great day today. But it's out of twenty.
SPEAKER_14So no, you you you shake the painting like you can see, like, but it's uh it's quitty quite sturdy in there. There is a keypad, some kind of keypad, but it's got like got shells, like images of shells and um There's a keypad.
SPEAKER_10Let me try it.
SPEAKER_14Okay, good.
SPEAKER_17So I'm gonna do the keypad with images of shells. I roll a nine. No. No.
SPEAKER_14You you hit a bunch of things and then it goes like, mm-mm. You know, it's like what's his name from uh oh yeah, Jurassic Park.
SPEAKER_07Let me just smash, let me just smash through this window. Oh, there's a window on the panic room. I'm looking. You just see me furiously masturbating from there. Eating krill. Oh fuck, I rolled a five.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, no, the window is made of like really reinforced kind of bulletproof glass.
SPEAKER_10There's another door over here. Let me try this other door. There's another door to the panic room?
SPEAKER_17Yeah, it's the last chance. I'll help you. I rolled a 13 plus whatever Mark rolls.
SPEAKER_07I rolled a 16.
SPEAKER_12Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_01You know what?
SPEAKER_14Yeah, it's kind of a back door. It's like the Dr.
SPEAKER_12Finn didn't think about it properly.
SPEAKER_14So it's kind of like a kind of a flimsy sort of basement door with like a screen, you know, a glass screen or whatever. You both kind of kick in it together, you go one, two, bree, because you're big strong olive trees, and you burst into Dr. Finn's panic room.
SPEAKER_17Kind of rendering the panic room like good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So then I back up and I I push on another painting and just room. There's only one pentagon.
SPEAKER_02Just think when I go into a flashback about all my my my panic rooms.
SPEAKER_14Just at that moment, four very scary eels burst in. They've got like kind of like submachine guns but like underwater versions, so like I guess they're maybe made of.
SPEAKER_03How are they holding them?
SPEAKER_14Hmm. Uh they're like using their tails, so they're wrapped around like that. You know what I mean? Wrapped around like that. Um mercenary style looking sort of like private military, and they go, Dr. Finn, we're here for you. Come quietly, and no one has to die.
SPEAKER_13I said Lesse More eels, please. They they take a shot. They're a shot, Helen.
SPEAKER_14They take a shot at you, Helen. Oh, okay. What happens? Uh see if you can dodge. Roll to see if you can dodge. Okay. They roll a ten. All tens today. Just say ten from the boring old ten. They graze you. They graze you. But you're wood, right? I don't think you do have blue. I don't think you have like a sap. We have sap, which is also. So you got sap. So sap is gum and blood for you guys. And it starts to sort of some tears.
SPEAKER_12Yes. Yeah, tears.
SPEAKER_14All of it. It's everything. And so you still you're kind of bleeding sap, just but it grazes your one of your ranch arms.
SPEAKER_10Oh. No! Do something, Greg. Hello!
SPEAKER_03He's while he's over in the corner, just leafy through the whale porn kind of curiously. He's like, What the hell?
SPEAKER_09Hello!
SPEAKER_19I said, Come with us, Dr. Finn, or no one has to get hurt.
SPEAKER_07You already hurt someone.
SPEAKER_03I know, not anymore. Not anymore. So Dr. Finn uh gets up and like uh gets up as a whale. And starts like moving towards them and it's just like looking at the two trees and it's like this isn't our pro I don't know these guys. I don't know these guys. No, he's like gesturing to you to like be like make it up. Like come on, you two just one last thing, just just co op, just cooperate. He's right. Something like that. Give me some advice. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, so they take they take Dr. Finn out kind of like.
SPEAKER_03And then I'm like, and I'm showing it like pointing at like the whale lube and like things, and I'm trying to like tell them like give them an idea for a plan to like help me now, like of the things that are in the room.
SPEAKER_14Oh, yeah. Let's so why don't you guys roll to see if you understand Dr. Finn's idea?
SPEAKER_03That's just roll to see if we just skip that whole thing and roll it four.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, you do not, so Greg does not pick up on it. He thinks it's something completely different than what Dr. Finn's trying to say. Okay. And Helen? Helen rolls a tail.
SPEAKER_13Fuck!
SPEAKER_14Sorry, I'm supposed to say real now. You're rolling.
SPEAKER_17I've never lied about a dice roll. Reload, reload your page. That's crazy. That's amazing. That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_14Um you you you get you get an inkling.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_14You don't fully understand, but like, but like, so Greg is out to lunch. Greg is like, oh yeah, I got to do it.
SPEAKER_10Lube, help him, have sex with him.
SPEAKER_14By that time, by the time you're trying to figure it out, the eels, they roughly take Dr. Finn and they kinda like rough him up, and they go, like, we're gonna we're gonna take you, take you down to our bath. He's got a lot to say to you about what you said to him the other day. You dead, Dr.
SPEAKER_11Finn. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna take your blubber and we're gonna t we're gonna light our candles with it, Dr. Finn. Nice.
SPEAKER_14Mark C's one of the guys. Anyone else want to be one of the eels? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Nice, yeah.
SPEAKER_19They kind of talk like snakes a little bit. That's right. I'm gonna slip inside, yeah.
SPEAKER_11Spencer. What's up? Just let us do the the you know the tough talk.
SPEAKER_19You guys do the tough talking? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Spencer, it's fine.
SPEAKER_11It's fine.
SPEAKER_19It just No, I understand. It's just a little bit confusing. Just dare you. You're lucky he's letting them do you're lucky that they're gonna do the talking, Dr. Finn. Okay, Spencer. Because if I was doing the talking, I'd sli I tell you, I'd get a slip inside, yeah. Okay, Spencer. Come on.
SPEAKER_14Come on. You're lucky. They rough him up, they put him into sort of a larger van, and the van, uh, which is also underwater, goes, Yeah, you're lucky he's yelling it, but he's in the van with yelling at like so Helen and Greg Wow. It's like the still after a big fight, you know, the dust is settling. You look outside the big city lights of Krebopolis. It's nighttime now, but they blink and flash and do their little dance, and you're alone looking into each other's eyes. Helen, you are bleeding sap quite bad.
SPEAKER_07How are you, my love?
SPEAKER_10Well, I'm bleeding sap, which in our species is our blood, our tears, or and our combat.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And and between them they see there's like those are your last words.
SPEAKER_12I have to, I have to I have to punish you. Those are your last words.
SPEAKER_07I I can save her, but it's gonna be weird. I know, but you've been bleeding through an olive. It's gonna be weird. I turn you into an olive.
SPEAKER_17So Helen turns into an olive.
SPEAKER_16Where am I?
SPEAKER_07Oh my wife, my baby, my baby, my wife.
SPEAKER_16I'm like two seconds old, man.
SPEAKER_07Remember when you asked me if you'd Oh, you wouldn't remember this. Someone I knew once asked me if I'd still love her if she turned into an olive. Do you more than ever. In a different way. More paternal.
SPEAKER_16Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_07Let's get out of here.
SPEAKER_16Do you have any other kids?
SPEAKER_07Uh yeah. I wonder what they're up to.
SPEAKER_03Oh, wait, wait, wait. But before I thought that something that could happen in this, because there's these panic rooms, there's these secret rooms, and there's something that the whale got kidnapped for. Yes, kidding. As if like maybe like a secret compartment opened, like, you know, it's the microfiche, or like the thing that the gangsters are after, or like a big bag of money, or something like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_14Nice. I love it.
SPEAKER_03So that they have to deal with that where they're like, they actually have the thing that the gangsters want.
SPEAKER_14I love it. Yes, a secret compartment does open. Let's say that. Yeah. And these plans, there's a bunch of plans.
SPEAKER_03Blueprints and uh for a puppy for puppy boosters uh in Krebopolis. Kidding, I'm kidding. What are these people?
SPEAKER_04Wow. Look at this. Look at this. Wow. Does this say puppy boosters?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, it's a it's a franchising uh plan, I think. Or it's a plan. What is it?
SPEAKER_16Man, if these get into the wrong hands, that'd be a bad idea. Bad guy would open a puppy puppy boosters, I guess. We couldn't have that. These plans can't get into the wrong hands.
SPEAKER_07Well, I'm gonna take these and I'm gonna start up a pubby brewster's to atone for the one that I destroyed. That's it. And I'm gonna and then when my olive boys are old enough, I'm gonna turn it over to them to run. It might take five years, it might take ten, but soon my little guys, who I'm gonna call just to pick some names out of the hat, pudding, Jesus Christ, and golf.
SPEAKER_01Oh, golf, as we said. And there it is. It only took about 45 to 50 minutes, but there is another uh restaurant being run.
SPEAKER_02We're gonna flash forward to a new puppy boosters, but they're all our characters are back, but we're all olives. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_14So calling it now. It's a hard reset. It's a hard reset. It's a hard reset, okay? You've been doing valiant effort, okay. We did a lot uh with this storyline. I mean, it just feels like no matter what no matter what, it will be a restaurant sort of uh sitcom storyline. Uh and we now have that. So we know we have the doggos and dog London. That's fine. Yeah, we've got these guys who are underwater, uh who are now olives, also. They got turned into olives our original characters.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. They can become olive guys, though.
SPEAKER_14Yeah, olive guys. So we know we can always come back to them running a puppy boosters uh in Cribopolis. We got very close to being in Cribopolis.
SPEAKER_17We were in Cribopoulis, the trees were.
SPEAKER_14But we didn't really do anything. We just found plans for a puppy brewster's.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I thought you said Crobopoulos was gonna be cool, Ryan. Yeah, but full stop.
SPEAKER_14Well, do you want to Okay, you know what? Let's Okay, so that you're opening up a puppy boosters in Krebopolis.
SPEAKER_03No, and he comes back.
SPEAKER_17What you're saying is next week next week, hard reset.
SPEAKER_14Full reset. I'm gonna do I'm gonna I'm gonna call it. I'm gonna call it. I'm gonna say it's gonna be a hard reset, and I'm gonna really try to clamp down on you guys, okay? Okay. I have I'm gonna have a few ideas how I can maybe start. So it's gonna be hard fantasy. I don't know if that's a term, I know hard s sci-fi is a term, but hard fantasy is gonna be very hard hard fantasy. We're gonna have we're gonna try to have no anacro no like sort of like Cars. Like we can't have cars and family style restaurants, boy horses. Really, really try to be like swords, magic, you know, horses, maybe, you know, dragons, all the classic things that you would see. Uh, you know, trebuchet. You know, exactly. Trebuchets is fine. You know, very, very much George R. R. Martin, uh, what's his name? Tolkien, you know, uh all the all the sort of great fantasy BS we're gonna pull from that, and that alone, it's gonna be really fun. And I think I'm gonna make you guys start in a prison cell.
SPEAKER_08Oh shit. Well that's isn't that where our other guys stopped? We got uh our dog London boys? Yeah. Did they get into prison? I think they were in prison for a sec. Yeah. They might have been.
SPEAKER_14I they went to a safe house for sure. They might have got thrown into the clink with Susan Boyle. Yeah. Oh no, no, no.
SPEAKER_03Where we left, we weren't in prison, but we were like out with Susan Boyle, the corpse, and we had to like take her somewhere or something like that. But we were briefly. It was a hospital.
SPEAKER_14You escaped a hospital. Yeah, that was true. It was pretty awesome.
SPEAKER_17Do you want us to come in with any character ideas or are you gonna give you a chance to do it? Yeah, so I'm gonna give you some homework, okay.
SPEAKER_14Okay. I want you to come in with we've done this before. So uh type I I it's just a character uh species or race, name, and a reason, a reason why you got thrown in prison.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_14Fantasy prison, though. So like I stole a pig. Like good. Or like I did a spell inside a pub.
SPEAKER_05Ryan.
SPEAKER_14Yep.
SPEAKER_05I want to do the stole a pig one.
SPEAKER_14Okay, so put Mark Elkin stole a pig. He's a pig thief. No matter what character he's gonna be, he's stolen a pig, he's a pig thief.
SPEAKER_05I want to be an elf who stole a pig.
SPEAKER_14That's great. Okay, let's do it now. You're an let's just do it right now. Top of your head. So you're an elf who stole a pig. That's great. Mark C or Kevin L, what do you like? What do you like? I'm I'm classic, classic fantasy stuff.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I'm just uh I'm a dirty old like British man. Yes. Just a guy. You're a guy, you're a human guy. Yeah. And I'm always in and out of the plank for various reasons. This time I've roughed up someone outside a pub. You roughed up a pig?
SPEAKER_14No, just some person. Okay, you roughed up a person. You assaulted uh you assaulted maybe uh the the uh the town watchman or something. Yeah, the town watchman, yeah. You hit a cop, basically. Yeah, great. That's good guy.
SPEAKER_03And I'm a dwarf. Uh nice. A dwarf, uh, some kind of warrior guy or whatever. And uh public indecency. That was taking my dick out. Yeah. That still would that still would count.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That still would count. That's still kind of that's still that's still in fantasy.
SPEAKER_14Like there would be villages that don't want that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Should we start right now, Ryan?
SPEAKER_14Yeah, let's do a little bit. Let's do a little bit. So uh you're all in prison. You're all you're you're clamped up. Uh you're gonna introduce yourselves to each other. We don't know your names yet. We know that you're a uh human guy, uh, an elf, pig thief, and uh an indecent dwarf. Yeah and uh you're all kind of chained by one hand to the wall. It's like uh sort of a there's wet sort of uh water dripping down the sides of those like mossy, moldy stones. You're in a basement that's dusty. Are we in like a little town or a big city or uh Yeah, you're in a little you're in a small village, a small village named uh Cribopolis. No, a small village named um uh uh Tenther. Tenther. Tenther Tenther.
SPEAKER_17I was crowded. I've seen this prison cell. And I've seen you lot before.
SPEAKER_03I go, oh I go, uh Is there something wrong with something wrong with my shoes? And you look down and I've used my free hand to take my dick out.
SPEAKER_09Ooh!
SPEAKER_17Oh, there he is.
SPEAKER_03Look at that! There's many jewels uh uh beneath this mountain.
SPEAKER_05I don't belong here with you guys. Wait, I'm not gonna be British.
SPEAKER_17Well why not?
SPEAKER_05Wait. What country are you gonna be from? Are we all British? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I mean it's very fantasy.
SPEAKER_14It's like it's very fantasy if all we're British. Very sort of Game of Thrones.
SPEAKER_03That's true. You could be Irish, UK, you could be from the like the you know Britain.
SPEAKER_14Whatever, however you want it. I mean it's up to you. It's your country. You could be from New York City, India, you could be from Indiana, the Midwest.
SPEAKER_08I don't I don't belong, I don't belong here with you guys. How am I gonna do this? Where are you from? Uh me? Yeah, big got your tongue. Me, me tell you straight up, me not the turner! Yeah, that's not gonna be man. Me not belong here with you guys.
SPEAKER_04There's no way.
SPEAKER_07Alright, I'll I'll go back to my first voice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I like that.
SPEAKER_14I don't belong here with you guys. Your one comes up and rattles a sword on the on the thing. You cry in there! I'm gonna come in there and bash your head against the wall.
SPEAKER_13Oh yeah, you try.
SPEAKER_18Alright, alright.
SPEAKER_00I'm not saying don't talk, just don't talk so loud. I would say yes, I would be quiet. Oh, okay. Well, you still want to listen to us talk and have it's boring down here.
SPEAKER_03We should charge we should charge you for the parasocial relationship you're developing with us.
SPEAKER_14Okay, so I'm gonna so we got no parasocial. That's too anachronistic that it's a good thing. I know. I'm gonna see everything I have to do. Like, listen, maybe you'll be running a a restaurant by the end of it, but I want it to be like a tavern or an inn. Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_08This is a deal with me. Yeah. Here's the deal with me. Go on. So drippy. I store a pig to feed my family.
SPEAKER_11Nice.
SPEAKER_17You mean like the Oh, you were gonna eat the pig.
SPEAKER_19That's the same that's the same as me. I've a show peep and my toja to feed me family.
SPEAKER_09You get money for that.
SPEAKER_03You've got body for that. I got a good body for that? Is that what you said? You've got money for that. Yeah, do they pay? Oh, money! Yeah, people pay me to put it away.
unknownOh, I'm gonna go.
SPEAKER_03It's so it's so bloody mangle, so bloody strange.
SPEAKER_14Oh. Yeah. The guard outside the door is now kind of following it. His like helmets kind of dartled off.
SPEAKER_17Watch this. I do this all the time. I'm just gonna take his key off his ring using this here piece of bone from a previous inmate who died.
SPEAKER_11That's my penis! And then not that this is penis. Use my penis.
SPEAKER_17It's quite long and lassue and very thin.
SPEAKER_08Thank you, Fuddy.
SPEAKER_17Okay, so I try to use uh what's your name? My name? Yeah. Ryan Bale. Okay, I try to use Ryan Bill.
SPEAKER_12Vito Okay, Vino, Vino.
SPEAKER_00I can't have the flashing dwarf. Use his penis.
SPEAKER_17Use Ryan Bill's penis. So I take I take my hand and I put it and I grab and I try to use it to lasso the key on.
SPEAKER_08Oh, he got you!
SPEAKER_19Got it.
SPEAKER_08Oh he got you to touch it.
SPEAKER_17Oh yeah, I don't care. It's a perfectly good tool. Feels right good. So can I roll to get the thing? Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_14I just want to quickly introduce the other, so the elf and the human. Can we just hear your names, even if you just say them, just so we know who we're talking to?
SPEAKER_17Yeah. My name's um uh Chain Chain.
SPEAKER_14Chain, nice. Okay, Chain and Ryan Beal and Will Pumpkin. Will Pumpkin. We love a Will Pumpkin.
SPEAKER_13Very fantasy. That's great. Good job. Okay.
SPEAKER_17You're not gonna believe this. You're not gonna believe this. I just rolled a 10.
SPEAKER_13Okay.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_13Something's going on.
SPEAKER_08Does it work when you use his penis?
SPEAKER_14I don't know. Let's see. So it doesn't quite work. It kind of jostles the keys a little bit.
SPEAKER_19If only it moved if only it hooked to the right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_17Yeah.
SPEAKER_19Yeah. What's going on in here then?
SPEAKER_17He's trying to use his penis to grab the key off your ring.
SPEAKER_03No, was it I was trying to use my penis to poke you in the face because it's funny.
SPEAKER_16Oh, and now we're all fighting each other.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, that's like a chain of both of your hands to the wall, not just one.
SPEAKER_14He's coming in. He comes in, so he opens the door, he comes in, he starts uh he goes to the indecent dwarf named Ryan Beale and tries to sort of start wrestling to get his other hand. Right now you're only locked one hand to the wall. He's gonna take some chains and some keys he's trying to find out.
SPEAKER_17When he's doing that, I want to try to overpower him, hopefully with Will Pumpkin, while he's kind of distracted. Okay, so you make a little plan with Will Pumpkin right now?
SPEAKER_13Yeah. Let's get him while he's working on the dwarf.
SPEAKER_03Oh my coward. He's only brave when he has a pig in his hands.
SPEAKER_17That was so rare for me.
SPEAKER_13Wow, you I thought you were a brave thief stealing a pig in front of everyone's game. Almost got the dwarf's hand locked in. Just do what I do. Okay, I'm gonna try to go.
SPEAKER_05I can't do it. I need you to embolden me.
SPEAKER_11Oh, I see. You're really strong. You got bigger muscles than me. You're quite- I don't believe you. You're built like a farm boy, like you're huge.
SPEAKER_04That's not true. I'm a small wealth. Say something true about him, damn it. Look at it. You're so you're so and you're agile, I can tell. No, I'm not. I've got tight hips. Talk about the tight hips.
SPEAKER_11But look at that. Your shoulders are real loose.
SPEAKER_14My shoulders are as tight as can be. He's got he's got so now Ryan Beale is fully locked in.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's chained up my arms and he's chained my penis for sure.
SPEAKER_14He looks over to Will Pumpkin. He's like, no, you don't gonna chain your arms up there. So he starts working on him. Please don't.
SPEAKER_17Okay, I just have to make a move. I'm gonna have to try to get the like get the key, get my other hand done while he's gonna be around. He's pretty close to you.
SPEAKER_14You could you could try to hit him in the back of the head. Yeah, I saw that bone.
SPEAKER_17So I have a like a femur bone, and I'm just gonna crack him on the head. Here we go. Rolling. Please don't be a 10. It's a 19! Hey!
SPEAKER_13So you hit him, you you're hitting him?
SPEAKER_14I hit the guard. Yeah, you hit him, you hit him, and you knock him out cold. He falls on top of Will Pumpkin.
SPEAKER_17Oh!
SPEAKER_16Just grab him, push him off. He's blocked down. Will. I'm weak of spirit and body.
SPEAKER_04Will pumpkin.
SPEAKER_17I don't believe this guy. I can't believe we're gonna be in a party traveling around doing adventures together. Well, if you ever get out of this prison.
SPEAKER_16Very unlikely.
SPEAKER_08Not me. Leave me behind. I don't deserve to travel with a pulse.
SPEAKER_03By the time by the time you guys have have have like talked about this, I've wasted away and become a skeleton pain from the world. No, no, you're still alive. Excluding my phones and my penis.
SPEAKER_17Can I get the key? Yes, you can reach the key. Okay, and I unlock myself. And I go and unlock the dwarf. His bones clatter to the ground. He's not a skeleton.
SPEAKER_03But he stands up and he's like, oh, what's this? I'm a skeleton now. What the heck? What happened to my penis? It's gone.
SPEAKER_05It's just a bone penis that you still trick people into looking at.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I actually take one of my fingers off and I put it there. I'm just like, there no, dude.
SPEAKER_14So is he a skeleton? Roll to see if you're a skeleton. I don't like to say no. Maybe there's some kind of condition. I don't think enough time has passed, but like maybe there's a lot of. I rolled a 12, so this is I'm sorry, you're not a skeleton. But I think I am. Yeah, okay, you think you are. And you'll have other opportunities to turn into a skeleton. Sounds like it's something you really want to do. But you're currently still just a dwarf who has like kind of is a bit of a pervert.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, a pervert, but also a prankster. I want to see all this guy's prank prankster.
SPEAKER_14Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02He's sort of our jackass. Mostly just hitting myself, making myself barf. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You're sort of a Nick Swartzon type. You pull it out, you point to it.
SPEAKER_17Oh no. Okay, but I gotta call it. You guys are always just putting me in your movie.
SPEAKER_08Please just leave me to die.
SPEAKER_17Oh, Will Pumpkin. Put yourself together. I unlock his wrist.
SPEAKER_08I can't. I lift him up.
SPEAKER_17And I brush him off.
SPEAKER_08One time I tried to read a book on confidence. Look at me. What happened? I couldn't get I couldn't open it. It was too too heavy to open. You couldn't open a book? I'm way.
SPEAKER_17Let me see your hands. And I touch the palms of his hands and they're like, they're almost a liquid. They're like mashy. Oh. So I can't be a skeleton.
SPEAKER_12This guy could be like a fucking jellyfish.
SPEAKER_19I've got them bit by bit.
SPEAKER_12He's got some kind of condition that makes him pathetic.
SPEAKER_03But I like I like that this this this pathetic condition could actually turn into like a superpower. You know what I mean? Could be like Yeah.
SPEAKER_14He could maybe maybe get under things or you know, like liquefy his bones or something.
SPEAKER_17I don't think something doesn't add up. How did you lift a pig and steal you're so mashy and soft and smooth and creamy?
SPEAKER_08I took years to woo the pig to convince it to follow me. See, you can do that.
SPEAKER_04That's great.
SPEAKER_08But it takes me so long.
SPEAKER_17Look, Will, I'm gonna you're my project. You're my little project. I'm gonna make you tough. I'm gonna toughen you.
SPEAKER_14You are you hear from up up in the uh you hear so cut like two other voices like footsteps like Stop Stop Stop?
SPEAKER_17I climbed a tunnel last time I was here. Come on, it's this way.
SPEAKER_03I go, I go, guys, watch. And I pick up the uh prison guards billy club and I go boom and I hit myself in the nuts and I go and I kind of go really stiff and I go to the phone.
SPEAKER_15And then it's it looking like oh my gosh. We like stying a little bit. Where's your tunnel? Where's your tunnel?
SPEAKER_17Um, uh behind a bench, I push aside.
SPEAKER_15Chain, your name is Chain, right? Chain, which I don't know.
SPEAKER_17Wait, I push it aside, there's a hole, and uh I lift up a poster.
SPEAKER_14What's the poster? Oh yeah, we love uh it's a movie preacher.
SPEAKER_17It's a relay with this poster.
SPEAKER_14No, it's not. No, it's a color. It's a scroll parchment. It's parchment. It's parchment.
SPEAKER_05It's the late wait, what if it's the lady of the lake on a poster? There we are. Coming out of the lake.
SPEAKER_17There we go. That's a play. That's a play that they're putting on here. It's a poster for a play that's local. Oh yeah. Okay, great.
SPEAKER_14What's the play called?
SPEAKER_05It's called Hamlet, and it stars that pig I stole. Hamlet.
SPEAKER_03Hamlet, so H A M L E T T E. Hamlet.
SPEAKER_17Yeah, that's what it is. And it stars a pig. And it's like and it's written in like really, you know, old English, hard to read, you know, calligraphy. And it's like first time ever see a pig do the do the bard. So wait, but it's Shakespeare.
SPEAKER_14No, it's it's okay. The bard the bard could be another bard. Okay, okay. Uh do the bard. So there's another. I'll I'll allow it. I'll allow it. Okay.
SPEAKER_17So I lift that post that that scroll or whatever up and I go, it's right here. And I kind of usher Pumpkin into the hole because I know he won't come.
SPEAKER_09Oh.
SPEAKER_17Just get and I smash I mush him in and he kind of just like clogs the hole.
SPEAKER_16Keep pushing me. Oh.
SPEAKER_17It's like you take on the shape of the tunnel. You're so mashy. Okay, I just keep pushing him in. And I and I go, You guys, go ahead. I'll uh I'll hold them off. No, come with us.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_14Yeah. So I went. This is great. You know what, guys? Yes, yes, yes. This is great. We have a party. They're going into a tunnel. You know what I mean? We don't have to spend any time creating characters next week. We are doing now. We're doing okay, we're doing DD. Okay, we're gonna go through this tunnel. It's probably gonna be like pretty scary. There's gonna be maybe monsters, maybe ghosts. Who knows we're gonna encounter in there? You're gonna do roles, you're gonna have to fight. You're gonna like you have clear character arcs going on. It's great, it's fantastic. You're gonna get out of it.
SPEAKER_05Mark's gonna teach me how to be strong. Yeah. That's right.
SPEAKER_14He's my project. Then you've got the comic relief of Ryan Beal, the dwarf who's uh and you're in the you're in the town of Tethern, right? Did I say Tethern? Tenther. Tenther, thank you. I'm gonna write that down. Oh my god, what a great hard reset. You guys are great. What's the name Pumpkin?
SPEAKER_17Pumpkin What? What was the pumpkin?
SPEAKER_14Will Pumpkin was. Oh yeah. Wow. Okay, everyone. It only took us uh nine episodes, but I feel like we're about to really start playing DD.
SPEAKER_17I'm starting to understand what DD is. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_14So we're gonna really we're gonna really lean into that that fantasy setting. Yeah. We're gonna really have fun with it. And when we we want to do something anachronistic or sort of modern, we're gonna make it fantasy. And that's our that's our challenge. I think it's gonna be really good. Okay.
SPEAKER_03My challenge for myself is I'm gonna make Ryan B. more grounded. He's not just gonna be penis. Yeah. He's gonna be a I'm gonna do, I'm gonna honor your name, Ryan. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_05My challenge to you, Kevin, is to come up with better and better pranks involving the same punchline. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Okay, sure, sure.
SPEAKER_17Yeah. And then I want to do a series of challenges and checks where uh I try to teach Will Pumpkin how to be strong, and we and we there's a legitimate there's like a dice roll and see if he and then we can watch his transformation.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and maybe he has like a like there's a number of his like he has a weakness level that like we can actually move up or down. So it's like a yeah, like a one to a one to ten or a one to twenty or whatever you roll for kind of go up to.
SPEAKER_14Nice to see Will Pumpkin more confident, and also be nice to see him even less confident. He can actually get like more solid and then he can lose it again.
SPEAKER_02That'd be cool.
SPEAKER_14Wow, everyone. Okay, so we're we're cooking with gas now. We are we are the nightmare party, and we are gonna see what happens in this small fantasy village as these three classic DD characters break out of the clink and go about their lives as a newly formed party of adventurers. Join us next week. Have a great day. Love you very much. Nightmare Party.