Nightmare Party
Comedian Ryan Beil has finally convinced some of his comedian friends (Mark Little, Kevin Lee, Mark Chavez and other surprise guests along the way) to play DND! It's a fantasy adventure podcast where the Dungeon Master shows up ready to play and the players show up ready to absolutely ruin it. A riff heavy, hilarious experience for people that love DND and hate DND.
Nightmare Party
Nightmare Party - The Tunnel
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A new batch of heroes escape prison through a tunnel.
Welcome back to Nightmare Party, all you Nightmare Party heads out there. And you know what? We're I'm just so, so ecstatic. I'm excited because I think you know how like uh the political pundits will be like, today's the day Donald Trump finally became the president of the United States. Last episode was finally the day. Finally, a time to get excited, everybody. Finally.
SPEAKER_05Finally, everybody, let's get excited. Because this is how we wanted things to be.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, last episode was finally the episode where we s we started playing DD, and I'm just I I'm through the moon. How are you guys all feeling? We'll do a little bit of a channel.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I think I get it now. It's like I understand it a little bit better now.
SPEAKER_15Dungeons and characters and creatures and grounded, grounded in fantasy stuff.
SPEAKER_10Fantasy stuff, you know? Like it's just sort of like you have monsters and traps and I I'm just I'm tingling. I'm just I'm just gonna be. I'm feeling quite sexual about it all. No, I'm not. I'm feeling just excited. I'm just feeling excited. And so just a quick recap. Uh so your three characters who met in prison for doing nefarious things. Will Pumpkin, played by Mark L. Stole the pig. Mark C. A guy named Shane, a rough and tumble human guy, as we called it. Um you hit like the town watch. You hit a cop in the face. And then Kevin, you're playing um a character named Ryan Beal, who is a dwarf who is a prankster. But his main prank is kind of sort of flashing people.
SPEAKER_15Yeah, I mean he's in he's in jail for indecent exposure, but he's looking to branch out. Um and he also, I just want everyone to know he also cheats on his taxes. Nice. On his Canadian taxes. Pranking the system. No, remember, no, no, remember.
SPEAKER_05We are Brian Beale cheats on his Canadian taxes. That's what I want to do. Please I don't need the CRA.
SPEAKER_07Any more down my neck than they already are. So do we have Canadian taxes in the system? No, right.
SPEAKER_10No, no, no. So well, we have we have taxes, but remember, we're really trying to keep keeping the taxes. How does the taxes work? Okay, well, taxes well, like in Robin Hood or or other stuff. A guy comes around and is like, gimme your taxes. Yeah, I think so. I think you know, like the local lords and ladies will demand their taxes.
SPEAKER_15Taxes is kind of protection money, isn't it? Because we pay the government like protection money, so we have like cops that come around and be like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_10Kevin's gone woke. Yeah. It's a systematic.
SPEAKER_05Starting off with this ideal scenario where Trump gets voted into office and now calling me out for going woke. What's going on with you, Ryan? Where have you been? Taxes are woke. No, I'm teasing, of course, Kevin.
SPEAKER_10Kevin isn't Kevin's nowhere near woke. What? Where am I? We're having fun here, guys. Go asleep. Um you're all wonderful. Kevin, you're wonderful. You're the most wonderful.
SPEAKER_05Okay, it's enough. It's enough. We're alright. We're all this fantasy. Let's fantasy this out.
SPEAKER_10So we're fantasy. So there are taxes, but it's not necessarily Canadian taxes, remember? So we're gonna do our best to be fantasy oriented. Okay? Do our best. We're gonna do our best to keep that uh uh as best we can. Okay, so we're in the tunnel. I think you knocked out the guard. You did something with the guard, you got his keys. Uh and now you're you're in this like this tunnel, it's a very dark ahead. It's dusty. Um drip, drip, drip of condensation on the walls.
SPEAKER_07Oh, you in front of me or behind me? You're pushing me. Oh, that's you? I thought I had my hand in a in a bowl of of jello. What's going on? I'm loose.
SPEAKER_03I'm loose, I'm soft. I'm barely solid.
SPEAKER_15Hey, wanna see what else is barely solid? Check this out. That's actually my butt. That's awesome. Just flasted butt. That's my flat. It takes a lot to get my butt on.
SPEAKER_07You know what? You know what, Will Pumpkin? I got a nickname for you. I'm gonna start calling you pudding because you're so soft. Wait, wait. Right.
SPEAKER_15And the way you keep hitting them up the up the fairway there, I'm gonna start calling you gold neck.
SPEAKER_11We did a hard reset.
SPEAKER_10I like this little, like, this is maybe just like a little bit for the audience because they've been following along, but we're not we're not going back to this character, so characters are gone.
SPEAKER_15And the way that my pubic hair is shaved in a crucifix. I'm gonna call myself Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_10Up ahead, in the darkness, you see two bright eyes. And then they're gone. Oh. You know when you see like uh a cat in the nighttime or something? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I saw something. I think we should go back to the dungeon.
SPEAKER_07What? No, we got one direction to go, and that's this way. I can't go back. I'm not going back to jail. Keep moving forward.
SPEAKER_03Something up there, something ferocious. Could be a cat, dog, mouse, could be a guy. Oi, I've got social anxiety. Come on. Don't make me talk to a guy.
SPEAKER_06Just move forward. Come on. Go forward.
SPEAKER_10I'm just I'm back here. Am I in the middle? You can you decide how how what's your because it is kind of a single file tunnel. It's quite cramped. It's tight. You're kind of like you're slouching down a little bit, like it's not a lot of room in there. Well, we can kind of walk we're but we're not like crawling. You're not crawling, but you're like you're in a crouch position, which is probably bad for you. Like if you have bad knees or if you're like you know, for bad knees. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.
SPEAKER_03I don't have caps on them. You don't have kneecaps. No caps. How'd it happen? You never forgot to be.
SPEAKER_10You hear uh ahead of you where the eyes were, now you hear some scurrying movement back and forth. You for sure there's for sure something ahead in the darkness about I would say 20 or 30 meters out of it.
SPEAKER_03I'm going back to the dungeon. How dark is it in here?
SPEAKER_10So dark. It's like pitch black.
SPEAKER_15I want to reach around to pick up a rock to defend myself. Can I like roll to do that?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, roll to pick up a rock. That's gr that's a great roll. Roll to pick up a rock. A great roll. I rolled a two. You do not find a rock. Okay, I actually grab Chain some.
SPEAKER_15I grabbed Chain's butt cheek instead. Okay, yeah. And I'm like, uh this rock's soft kind of hard, and it's got a it's got a hole in the side.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so we're we've we're finding out that checking my oil. You've got a hole in the side of your buttons. Is that true? Are they injun? What's that? Is that true, Chain? Do you have a hole in the side of your butt?
SPEAKER_15I just thought meant like the butthole. I think he was just one cheek. Oh, I see. You put your finger up the butthole, I see. Okay.
SPEAKER_10Maybe you have a big dimple or something like that.
SPEAKER_15Did I roll it to see if I did that? Yep.
SPEAKER_10Eight. Yeah, you put your finger. Okay. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_05I mean this is DD, baby. We're playing it pure now.
SPEAKER_10Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Okay, I'm gonna pull out my sword.
SPEAKER_10What? You have a sword? In jail? Did you take that from the the prison guard? Yes. Or did you hide it? I hid it.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Okay, no, I'm gonna reach.
SPEAKER_15I'll uh I'm gonna Well, what's like a DD like prison shiv like style thing? Like what what did you maybe you made some D virtually?
SPEAKER_10Okay, once you roll for what kind of shiv you have, and I'll tell you how good or bad it is and what it's kind of made of and what it looks like. Give me a roll. My virtual seven. Seven? Okay, it's not great. Um what's um what's worse than a spoon? Yeah. A butt. A butt? A butt. It's a spatula. Or a or a ladle. It's a ladle. It's a ladle. It's a ladle that's a little bent. Yeah, and you've sort of you've sort of like tried to sharpen the top of the ladle as best you can, but it's mostly just a ladle still.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_07In my former life, I was a waiter, so I found this ladle. Come on, pudding. Keep moving forward.
SPEAKER_15Obviously, the oldest. And then I st and I start I start being like, oh, something's wrong with my butt. And I start skidding it on the ground, like scooting it, you know.
SPEAKER_07I'm like, uh like a dog? Yeah, like a dog. Nice. So do you do you move forward towards the bad sound? Where I'm I'm pushing um Will for like a because you want Will to you're trying to get Will to be more confident. And and and I I don't want to go, I'm not going back to jail. You know, we gotta get out of here. Yeah.
SPEAKER_15I mean, I just gotta find somebody to expose myself to who hasn't seen it already. Like these guys have seen my one prank. I'm like, uh, I'm out of material. So I I want to keep going forward.
SPEAKER_10Okay. And so you guys push forward.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, I guess we just go forward.
SPEAKER_10And as you go forward 20 meters, Will, you're in front. Yeah. A large rat, the size of maybe, I don't know, a golden doodle dog or a sort of meter.
SPEAKER_08Jumps out of the darkness and bites Will's arm.
SPEAKER_07Does he die? No, no, no, no. No. Okay.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_07I hit the rat with my spatula. Nice. Roll shiv. Okay, here we go. Rolling. Silado.
SPEAKER_10Five. Doesn't it it kind of misses and hits Ryan Beale.
SPEAKER_15Ow!
SPEAKER_10Okay, I want to swing um Chain's butt cheek. So you're gonna use Chain's butt as a weapon.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, because that's what I had to make. Because you thought it was a rock this whole time. Oh, you've been holding.
SPEAKER_10You thought, because his butt is quite quite like he's quite athletic, I guess. Yeah, he's like a warrior man. Yeah, he's quite like okay, great. So yeah, you okay, great. That's great. I love that. So yeah, that's that makes sense. Okay, I rolled a 13. That's good. Yeah, so you push it, it could push a chain onto the rat. Push it real good. And it knocks the rat off of Will Pumpkin's arm, but Will Pumpkin, you do have a gash in your arm. A gas.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Oh I I want to roll to give up.
SPEAKER_10Okay, roll.
SPEAKER_13Okay, I rolled a 14.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, that's pretty good. So you just lie down, kind of like a corpse, and you put your arms.
SPEAKER_03Come on, I've got a gash on me. You promised me I'd get more confident. Instead, I got a gash. I've got nowhere to go now. You've experienced this and you survived.
SPEAKER_10No, no, the rather biting his leg kind of. The rat goes for my ladle. Can I take another swipe? Of course, yes, absolutely. But the rat's going for the guy on the floor, of course. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So I'm trying to- He's going for me! He's going inside now!
SPEAKER_10I'm gonna hit him. I'm gonna hit I'm rolling.
SPEAKER_07Oh, he's inside me. Would you roll? One five.
SPEAKER_10Okay, boom. You knock you knock him. You don't kill him, but you knock the rat unconscious, and it's nice. It slumps onto the legs of Will Pumpkin.
SPEAKER_03But he's half in me. Like he's going backwards. He backed into me, but halfway in. You knocked him out when he was halfway in.
SPEAKER_07So that's that's bad news. That's what's happening. Okay, I'm gonna have to pull him out.
SPEAKER_03Don't just leave him.
SPEAKER_07Ryan Beal, come here, help me out. Alright, alright. You hold on, you hold on to to Wheel Pumpkin. I'll pull the rat out. I don't know which one's which. Yeah, just find the smoother, more mashy body.
SPEAKER_15I start grabbing, I start grabbing Chain's body.
SPEAKER_07No, no, it's smoother, more mashy.
SPEAKER_15Oh, mashy. Oh, alright, alright.
SPEAKER_07There you go. Now I'll grab the rat, the hairy one. Alright. And I'll pull.
SPEAKER_15Pull.
SPEAKER_10Easy.
SPEAKER_15Reroll. Rat out.
SPEAKER_10No, no roll. You're just you're too strong in body. Yep.
SPEAKER_15I really imagine Will Pumpkin is like a bag with like cottage cheese in it. It's like that's a full guy. There's no bones. So Will pumped.
SPEAKER_03Mark, what's your what's your guy's what's your guy's name again, Mark? Chain. Chain. Chain.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, what is it, Will?
SPEAKER_03I miss the rat.
SPEAKER_07Look, once we get out of here, you're gonna be free and you can find all the rats you want. But right now I need you to be tough, alright? We got a long way to go. And it looks like there's a lot of different tunnels up ahead and we have to figure out which direction we're going.
SPEAKER_03Are you gonna hit me?
SPEAKER_07No. Do you want me to? No. No. You got close. It's because I couldn't f it's so dark in here. I had to see your face.
SPEAKER_03Ah It's okay. You wanna hit me. Don't! Don't hit him! I'm not hitting him!
SPEAKER_07He's a little boy, he's a bag of cheese. You're the lead alone!
SPEAKER_15I'm not hitting this bag of cheese. Alright? I pick I pick a I pick a uh Will Pumpkin up on my back. I'm like, come on, you we're getting out of here. We're getting away from chain this main old bass.
SPEAKER_03You wanted to hit me. He wants a backpack. That's right.
SPEAKER_10I want a backpack. What's nice too is you're a dwarf, uh uh Ryan Beals. So you're kind of Will Pumpkin's legs are dragging on the ground. Yeah, well Will Pumpkin's a man? Will Pumpkin's an elf, so I think elves are at least Oh, an elf, oh yeah. So yeah, yeah, long human height, if not uh maybe a little bit taller. Yeah, kind of Lord of the Rings stuff. You know what I mean? You know, the tall, slender. And this one's quite um kind of what doughy and what do you call it? Cottage cheesy or just you know, just kind of like a bag of cottage cheeses.
SPEAKER_15Okay, great.
SPEAKER_10So you draped them over your shoulders, you got a little thing. Um Chain, you're kinda like dumbfounded, like you were just trying to help, and now what the heck's going on? You're the one who even knocked out the rat.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Yeah. But I kind of don't care because as long as we're moving forward, you know.
SPEAKER_10Back behind you in the uh prison cell, you start to hear steel and like people and mumbling voices and stuff.
SPEAKER_02Oh no, there's a claim, claim, claim, call it.
SPEAKER_10Steel claim, clock, clean. Where's my ladle? Oh gotta keep me ladle, Black!
SPEAKER_07Wait a second.
SPEAKER_10Wait, look at this. This has a hole in the in the wall.
SPEAKER_03Hole in the frickin' wall.
SPEAKER_10Oh, you guys are doing the prison guard scene? Okay, let's see it. Let's see it. All three of you do the little prison guard stuff.
SPEAKER_13There's a hole in the frickin' wall here. Look at this crap.
SPEAKER_07Should probably get that fixed.
SPEAKER_13Yeah, let's fix that. All right, let's go tell. Okay, guys, can we just make a bargain here? A deal together. Let's make a bargain. Let's do a bargain. Let's not tell the warden that there's a hole in his frickin' wall, because he's gonna bite our heads off.
SPEAKER_10What a deal. Okay, sounds good. Now you see one of your friends unconscious on the floor.
SPEAKER_15Let's stuff him in the hole and then seal it up.
SPEAKER_10Good idea. What? No. What?
SPEAKER_15Oh, not a good idea. I thought we were trying to hide this thing. I thought you wanted us to hide. But you want us to not get in trouble.
SPEAKER_03Wake him up.
SPEAKER_11Wake up. Wake him up. Oh, they hit me on the head, they did. And they escaped into a hoe in the woe.
SPEAKER_07How did you know that? How'd you know that second part? You were unconscious.
SPEAKER_11Um, I guess I just sort of used seductive reasoning. Okay. All right. It's like, where else could they go? Did you did you see them go out the front door? I didn't see anything. I didn't see nothing. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02What's going on in here? Something under the wall. And I'm sleeping with his wife. What? Oh. No, no, no. Angela! He runs back. Warden runs home to Angela. Knocks on his own door. Angela, let me in.
SPEAKER_04I have said yes twice. Hello. Would you eat home for lunch?
SPEAKER_02You're sleeping with the prison guards again. We talked about this.
SPEAKER_04No, I mean how dare you! Absolutely not. I know it took a long time to rebuild our trust, but I am not sleeping with any of your prison guards.
SPEAKER_02I left for work. I come home in the middle of the day. You weren't expecting me, but you're in a sexy robe, and there's two meals laid out on the table. Someone else is here or expected here.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely not. I'm a little hungover. That's why I'm in my robe still, and I have two meals because it's just that type of fucking hangover, you know.
SPEAKER_07And tomorrow. I'm coming out of the bathroom now.
SPEAKER_04Oh no. It's the mayor.
SPEAKER_02My God. It's the mayor.
SPEAKER_04I'm so sorry. Please don't kill him. Please don't kill Mayor Elmore.
SPEAKER_02The fuck?
SPEAKER_04Okay, okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02Seems to be a miscarriage. How did I get it? I'm gonna tell him what I think.
SPEAKER_04Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02I'll tell you right now, Maestor Mayor, I don't think much of you. And I don't think much of my wife either.
unknownOh no, darling, no.
SPEAKER_02And honestly, I don't think much of myself.
SPEAKER_15Tears start the rain starts to fall. And the warden runs off into the dark.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_15We cut to a tavern in in in Tenthir where the where the warden drowns his sorrows. Okay.
SPEAKER_10We are gonna meet at we're gonna go to a tavern later once you guys, if you guys get out of the the the prison tunnels. So yeah, let's um uh uh Mira, the tavern keeper, and the the tavern's called the um First Stop Tavern. First stop. Okay. And Mira comes and goes, like, wait a yeah. She's uh she's she's uh covered in flour, because she's also a baker, I guess. And uh, you know, she's uh but she's no nonsense, and she runs the tavern and she comes up to Donovan, the warden, and goes, Well, I I I don't want to give you another ale, but it looks like you couldn't need one.
SPEAKER_02Pulling double duty again today, Mira. Bakery and bartend. And a bartend.
SPEAKER_12Someone's gonna serve the ale.
SPEAKER_02Every morning.
SPEAKER_12Every fucking morning. And I get up and I bake yeah, I bake bread and I make I make ale and I serve it. Every morning. I mean, yeah, like most a lot of morning. A lot of morning. I I have a lot on my plate. You know, my my no-good uh partner left me on adventuring in the Edgewood Forest outside of town where they started a dragon. Okay. Well, yeah. Gotcha. Like a cool DD for them.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. So well, yeah, but maybe that'll come up later.
SPEAKER_02There's an orc in the in the corner who goes, give me another ale, or I'll tear this place apart.
SPEAKER_12Okay, Terrence. I'll you calm down.
SPEAKER_11Please.
SPEAKER_02Terence? Oh, Donovan. Terence, do you ever wake up in the morning and wonder if it's even worth going on? Every morning. Every morning. What a lot on my plate. It feels overwhelming, you know? Ha. So you both have said that, but I mean, I'm busy too. That's not the reason I'm let me tell you what I've got going on. My no-good partner, uh Kranga. She's gone off into the Edgewood Forest to adventure where they sighted a dragon. Leaving me to raise the children.
SPEAKER_15And then in another corner, there's a dragon. Give me some bread.
SPEAKER_12This fucking guy just wants bread. Okay. Hey, honey. Here's a sourdough for you.
SPEAKER_15Oh man, my life's a living hell. We talk about sourdough. I'm like sourdough, my life!
SPEAKER_12Truly a collection of the brokenhearted here in the first stop tavern.
SPEAKER_02That's right.
SPEAKER_12I guess you could say that again.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_12Well, there's always room for everyone at the bar. Ever there's always a bar stool or a table for whoever needs it. The mayor comes in.
SPEAKER_01Oh shit!
SPEAKER_12Donovan. Mayorworm. Mayor Elmworm. Mayor Elmworm.
SPEAKER_07Mayor Elmworm. Look. I know you were seeing me at your house. Unexpected.
SPEAKER_00Awkward.
SPEAKER_07Is that the dragon? Is that a dragon?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_07Is there a fucking dragon in this town? He goes, oh, I'm excited!
SPEAKER_02And he finds it all shit. He is funny. He's funny. Awkward. He just keeps doing it.
SPEAKER_12No one's ever said that before in this fancy. Like, that's the first time I've ever heard that. And that's so awkward. Psych? What?
SPEAKER_06Psych?
SPEAKER_07Mayor, you were saying. Not I just want to make things right. So I've uh giving you a raise, and uh we'll see about getting you some upward movement in the uh in the government system here in uh giving your wife some upward movement, if you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_15Okay, dragon, listen. You're crossing a line. You're crossing a line.
SPEAKER_02Dragon, you are so close to put you're on my last nerve.
SPEAKER_15I'm putting the dragon dragon, everybody, because I'm dragging his ass.
SPEAKER_02Okay. I've got I'm gonna fight that guy. I'm still waiting for my ale. I got you. Here you go.
SPEAKER_15So he's offered a promotion and money.
SPEAKER_02Barely fits in my tiny it's so tiny in my big hands. Anyway.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Okay, we this is the this is the glass where we have, okay?
SPEAKER_02It's so tiny in my big hands. Mayor, if you think that you can pay me off with a promotion and a raise and make me forget about the heartbreak you've caused, you are absolutely right. Okay, okay. Let's wrap this up. Okay.
SPEAKER_07So what what comes after? Like what it what's what's the next job above warden? Huh?
SPEAKER_10Maybe you may you want to be like town, you want to come, you know, I guess it would be maybe like the the chief of police, but unless it would be like the the the head of the town watch kind of thing, maybe. Like, you know, that might be an upgrade.
SPEAKER_07I want to be head of the town watch. Yeah. Well it's gonna be awkward because the orc over there is the head of the town watch currently, but uh, you know, I think I can get you know what, orc? You've been on my nerves, so uh, you're out. And uh you're in.
SPEAKER_15Why don't they settle it with an arm wrestle?
SPEAKER_11I love this guy.
SPEAKER_02Fucking dragon. I can get dragon. You know what? You know what? I'm gonna I'm gonna check this dragon's record. I'm gonna I'm gonna see if we got any outstanding warrants for this dragon's record. I knew that! Alright, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna. You made me laugh again.
SPEAKER_07Meanwhile, back in the back in the tunnel. Oh yeah. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Oh shit, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Nice. Hey guys, come on. I wasn't trying to hit Will, okay? Come on. Look! It's sunlight. Okay, now we can go that way towards the sunlight, or we can go this way towards the everlasting dark.
SPEAKER_10There's two there's you're definitely at a crosswords, and there's also a skeleton.
SPEAKER_03Come on, roll to Can I roll to pee myself?
SPEAKER_15Okay, roll. Hey, wait a minute. He's on my back. Yeah, you've rolled. Well, you're but you're I I am dragging you, so I imagine that you're like genitals and all that. Your p your your piss factory is. It's gonna get on you a bit.
SPEAKER_10We'll see how much it gets on you, but yeah. Okay. I rolled an eight. Yeah, so yeah, it you do. But you also you're wearing pants, so mostly in your pants, but you do feel something a little bit on your back. It's got a dumb and dumber style.
SPEAKER_15Oh, what the heck? You nimdude.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's a slur from shots.
SPEAKER_03Chine.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, what is it?
SPEAKER_03Ryan Bill called me a nimdo.
SPEAKER_06Oh, that's the baddest, meanest word in all in this town.
SPEAKER_03I'm sorry!
SPEAKER_07Trying to better you watch your mouth, alright. Even I'm a bit offended by that.
SPEAKER_15Sorry, sorry. I'm a rough and tumble guy, alright? I think a joke is making people look at my my penis. It's very narrow at the at the base and very wide at the tip.
SPEAKER_07That's right. It's a wonder it stays on.
SPEAKER_15I know. It looks like a it looks like a drop. It looks like a skeleton.
SPEAKER_10It's a skeleton of the crossroads. It's a skeleton. He's he's wearing prison garb, so like, you know, whatever. Because you're all wearing prison garb too. They put you in prison garb.
SPEAKER_03A skeleton!
SPEAKER_15Do you want a change of pants there, pumpkin? A roll to poo myself. Okay, I got I won't get him off my back. A roll to me is coming. Another eight! Another eight.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, yeah, you you do, but you pooed yourself, you nim goot. You pooped a couple- Oh, you did it now!
SPEAKER_03Ryan Bale! That was a mini! That was Chinese called me a nimbo!
SPEAKER_07It's not Nimboo, it's Nim, it doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_15I go, look, Chinese, let's grab the pants off this skeleton and put it on old pumpkin and skeleton. He's seeing it again. What's he gonna put out of his bottom now? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna roll to gum. No, no. I rolled an eighteen.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, gosh. Huge, I guess.
SPEAKER_10It just absolutely pumpkin bone no more like bodily function. So that can happen. So we've seen the skeleton. Now you said, Chain, you said you were gonna search the skeleton. Yeah, I want to search. Great, great idea. Classic DD idea. You do search a skeleton, you find his journal.
SPEAKER_15Oh shit.
SPEAKER_10A journal. Look for my name. Can can you all read?
SPEAKER_15Can I roll to read? Roll to just have the ability to read. Nice. I'll do that. I won! So yeah, so Ryan Beale can't read, which is 15 again.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, you can read. You can read. Yeah, you will pumpkin and chain can read. But uh just canonically uh Ryan Beale can't read.
SPEAKER_07Dear Diary, I have been living my life as a living skeleton. It's very hard for me. Okay, no. I'm just gonna jump.
SPEAKER_10Thank you. Thank you. The one thing you do ascertain Actually, I think I want to uh are you gonna read the diary? Yeah, I'm gonna open it. So give me a roll to see, because you it's like full of writings and stuff. I just want to see if you find something uh uh pertinent to what's gonna happen to you. You know what I mean? Like kind of an investigation. Okay, 13? Good, yeah. In the diary on the last page, you find something that says Beware of the light.
SPEAKER_03Oi, I wanna read it.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_03Hey, here you go. Have a read. Okay. Dear diary. My life as a living skeleton has been hell. Every day. Every day I wonder if it's worth it to go on. This time pressed me. My partner left me.
SPEAKER_07My bones hurt. Wait, so I'm gonna I'm gonna route I'm gonna push the skeleton and see if it's actually still alive.
SPEAKER_10I guess we have had the skeleton is uh living. So yeah, he goes, I was asleep. It's hard to say.
SPEAKER_09The thing about DMing, you know, you have to do all these voices in the fly, so uh, uh, ooh, uh, I was asleep a skeleton!
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_15Oh no, and then the skeleton poop put bones his pants. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_09He's uh uh Mr.
SPEAKER_07Skeleton, Mr. Skeleton, what you mean? We read your diary, sorry. I thought you were dead. Yeah, I didn't realise you was alive. But I read it. And in the end it said beware the light.
SPEAKER_09Yes?
SPEAKER_07It says beware the light. Yeah. What's that about?
SPEAKER_09So yeah, great. It was gonna be kind of a trap situation, but the light is actually a living fungus that would eat you up. But the real way out is the dark way. Go down the dark tunnel.
SPEAKER_03I don't believe him.
SPEAKER_12Okay.
SPEAKER_03Well And are you just living?
SPEAKER_09Like why aren't you a st no one accepts me above ground? I'm destined to be here in the tunnel. I don't need to eat. I I just need a place to do my little dances and kinda have a little nap. I hate him.
SPEAKER_07I hate this one. Well, you gotta be nice, okay? You gotta be. I hate him. He's a stranger. We don't know him.
SPEAKER_09I don't understand I'm the only living skeleton in all of Tantha.
SPEAKER_07Well, why don't you come with us and join our party?
SPEAKER_09No!
SPEAKER_07We're an adventuring party.
SPEAKER_15We actually have a guy in need of bones and a skeleton. It's just a bag of cottage cheese.
SPEAKER_09So you're expressing the idea that maybe I fuse with your friend here.
SPEAKER_07I think Will Pumpkin could wrap his self around you and finally have some bone, you know, someone's voice.
SPEAKER_03Just mech or something like that. I won't do it. I'm going back to the dungeon. I don't want any of this. But they've already sealed up the wall.
SPEAKER_05That's right.
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm gonna try. He rolls a 20. He goes back. Okay, I'm gonna roll to go back to the dungeon. Okay, there was a lot of things. I rolled an 18.
SPEAKER_10You break through a freshly sealed wall. We probably didn't go that far down. You didn't go that far down, and it's like they only recently uh uh still wet splashed it up, so like he pushed through.
SPEAKER_15I can also imagine this character from like T1000ing like bleeding through the wall and it's like blobbing into the room. Like he's secretly the most powerful character in Earth.
SPEAKER_05What do you two do? No design.
SPEAKER_10Do you chase Will Pumpkin? Chain, are you how do you feel about do you want to you're kind of he's gonna be like I'm also trying to kind of protect him, so I'm gonna go run and get him.
SPEAKER_07So this is the wrong decision. So I go back to the room.
SPEAKER_10So you grab him? I go back.
SPEAKER_07No, I'm gonna I'm gonna try to follow coax him.
SPEAKER_10Okay, let's hear a little scene. Let's do a little coaxing scene between and you can go.
SPEAKER_03I made it back to the dungeon. I'm safe here. I got my three squares.
SPEAKER_07They're gonna they're gonna execute you. What yeah, that's what they do here. That's why we're trying to escape.
SPEAKER_01Come on, there's nowhere to go.
SPEAKER_07Come on. The dark hole. Come on! The skeleton told us.
SPEAKER_03Can I confess something to you? Yeah? I've never been brave.
SPEAKER_07Will. I don't believe that. You wrestled with the rat, you had it inside you, you had it taken out, you saw a skeleton three different times, and you pee-pooed and ejaculated. That's brave. Come on, I want to see you be more brave. Look, you have a wound on your arm. That's a battle scar. That's exciting, right? I guess. Come on, Will. Let's go.
SPEAKER_10Does that convince you, Will Pumpkin?
SPEAKER_03I rolled to see if it convinced me, and I rolled a five.
SPEAKER_11So it did not convince him.
SPEAKER_03You're good at talking, but I don't believe you.
SPEAKER_10So Ryan Beale, do you want to have a try?
SPEAKER_15Yeah, for sure. I come back. I'm like Will. You're brave because you stole a pumpkin. I mean a pig.
SPEAKER_10It was a pig, yeah. A whole pig.
SPEAKER_15You stole a pig! Who steals a pig? That's brave. Pigs are big. It's obvious when you're stealing a pig. You could have stolen something smaller. You could have shown someone your peca. Hidden it right away. Right away. Like a coward. That's what I do. I don't steal a pig. If I were you, I could have been brave enough to steal a pig, put it under my coat, and then flash people with it.
SPEAKER_03I rolled a one.
unknownDamn it!
SPEAKER_15I thought I was doing pretty well for a second there.
SPEAKER_10So uh verbal uh uh persuasion is not gonna work on Will Pumpkin. If you want Will Pumpkin to come with you, I think you're gonna have to physically drag him. Or I guess you could leave him in the prison and some.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I'm taking him. We hope this is for your own good. I'm gonna pick him up and just grab him.
SPEAKER_10He's so pathetic and you're so strong, Chang. We've established you're like a very strong muscular body. You just drag Will Pumpkin with you. Awesome. I love this fantasy.
SPEAKER_07Let's go. So I carry him, and we go through to the dark tunnel.
SPEAKER_15Maybe like a s maybe like a sweater, you actually like tie his like arms like around your shoulders, you know what I mean? Like when you pull the sweater around your side, and then you're gonna get away. You're on a yacht. Yeah, his arms are tied around like the arms of a sweater.
SPEAKER_10You you walk down the hallway, uh, you're following to uh Ryan Beal.
SPEAKER_15Yeah, I think I'm actually ahead because I think he went he went back.
SPEAKER_09And the skeleton's like, I'm not gonna come with you guys. I'm happy down here. Believe me, they don't like me up there.
SPEAKER_15And I go, Okay. Uh as a parting gift, thank you so much, and I give them a thank you flash. Ooh.
SPEAKER_07And I say, Skeleton, this is for your own good. And I grab the skeleton. You call shit. What the hell?
SPEAKER_15But do you fuse him into uh tie him around my body?
SPEAKER_10I'm gonna also I I know you're strong, but now it's two people, so I I'm gonna need a roll for if you can so grab the skeleton. The skeleton's not as pathetic as Will Pumpkin. Natural one. Okay, yeah, you don't. You you it goes, you grab his arm and then you do a little joke about how you grabbed his arm and it came off his skeleton body.
SPEAKER_07I say, um, God, I hand it to you. Yes. You you are uh you're you're an armful. Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_15Uh let's kill how about we keep him out of arm's way and let's get going.
SPEAKER_07Oh, that's very humorous.
SPEAKER_15That's a leg.
SPEAKER_07That's very no, femur is the leg.
SPEAKER_15Isn't humorous? Oh, yeah. Uh yeah, I don't think. So you go to the skeleton! Oh no.
SPEAKER_07And then he There's nothing left here we just gets blasts out of his ears.
SPEAKER_10Um, you've peed, you pooed. Do you throw up? Yeah. Oh, we forgot about throw up. So roll the throw up.
SPEAKER_03I wrote to throw up. I roll to 19. It's big, huge, it's tangent.
SPEAKER_10It's nuts. It's fucking nuts. It's all over to every it's uh everywhere. Everyone's covered in vomit.
SPEAKER_07Ah sorry. Oh, it's a mess. You got it all over the skeleton, you got it in Ryan Beal's mouth. So that's just gonna be this. Oh shit, I'm attacked.
SPEAKER_10Like you're all covered in vomit. Oh god. So like whatever happens in the next little while, like until you clean yourself up, you have kind of the distinct stench.
SPEAKER_07So I'm you're gonna roll the throw up now?
SPEAKER_10Well, because of the smell and like you're one of those. Okay, roll I guess. Oh, chain is. Me, I like thank you for playing your character. Yeah. Me, you like you said you like you rolled six. You're able to not throw up. Okay.
SPEAKER_15All right.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god, you almost threw up. That's gonna make me throw up.
SPEAKER_15He says that's like barf still kind of leaking out of his mouth and stuff. Like you're barely throwing up. Which way are we going? Are we heading into the dark? Is that what we're doing?
SPEAKER_10We're gonna allow one more throw-up roll from a roll to one. Did did not throw up. Okay, good. Oh, that would that would have been awful. So you remember it was a crossroads, there's the light and then the dark tunnel in in Skeleton Guy's uh journal, and he also admitted um there's the there's the it's he claims it to be a trap going towards the light. He's saying like to get out here you gotta go down the dark tunnel and you'll find a hatch to get out of the I don't know why we've gone this way.
SPEAKER_03I don't know why we trusted the skeleton.
SPEAKER_07Cuz what we got to lose? What's it what's in it for him? You know? What's in it for you?
SPEAKER_03And where they feast on us and take our flesh, and then the skeletons can walk among the living again.
SPEAKER_07That's actually quite quite convincing. Yeah, it's actually a pretty good one. We should go for the light. Let's go to the city. It's me again. Uh the hell?
SPEAKER_10No, it's just me. I'm the only one. So now you are coming with us. I just heard I heard someone speak about me, and I'd like to respond. So I think that's well within my rights. That if I hear you talking about me, I can respond.
SPEAKER_12And I gotta tell you, there's no community. It's just me.
SPEAKER_09I live down here in the in the prison tunnels. I know which way is right. You gotta go down the dark tunnel. Skeleton! Oh no, Skeleton, you've gotta get out of here, guy. Dang it. You already barfed. Now what?
SPEAKER_15His hair falls out uh like a like a pup like a porcupine. Maybe he loses his hair. A roll to nate.
SPEAKER_10Oh, a little bit of hair, a little bit of like some hair. You're kind of like, you're kind of like, you know, it's more like you're kind of like going through your hair. So you rip a little bit of your hair out. But he's telling us.
SPEAKER_07Rip a bit of my hair. Yeah. He's been through it. Okay, what what do you guys think?
SPEAKER_15I say we we flip a coin or flip a That's a good idea.
SPEAKER_07You're gonna flip a coin?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, I reach into my pocket and I pull out a coin. Great. You have a coin on you. You've hidden a coin.
SPEAKER_07Okay, here I go. Heads.
SPEAKER_10You're actually gonna flip a coin? Yeah. Oh, nice mark. Heads. Heads.
SPEAKER_07It's like a silver. No, it's a Cassani. Uh, it's from Costa Rica. Cass. Cassano. Cassani. Uh that's tails. Butterflies, tails.
SPEAKER_13But in this world, it's called uh Tetherino. Tetherino. Tetherino, I don't know. I got this Tetherino.
SPEAKER_10Thank you, Mark L. That's great. Of course.
SPEAKER_03And on one side it's the qu it's the king. Yeah, the king.
SPEAKER_10What's the king's name? Guys, this might come up later. What's the king's name? Ricky Tenthorino. Ricky Tenthorino. He's named after the currency. The currency is named Ricky Dollar. Ricky Dollar. Ricky dollars.
SPEAKER_07Our own Robert De Niro. Okay. King Ricky. King Ricky. King Ricky. Ricky.
SPEAKER_10I like King Ricky. I think that kind of works in the fantasy filter. King Ricky spelled a little bit differently than our like.
SPEAKER_07So King's King's Head, which is in this world, the 50, is we is we go to the dark tunnel. The butterfly, or the Queen's head, is light.
SPEAKER_10I just want to say you do have a lot of evidence that the light way is wrong. Like you're worried about that being alive.
SPEAKER_07There's this like walking talking skeleton. Okay, fair enough.
SPEAKER_10Fair enough. Why should we talk about that? I just want to let you know from a DM's perspective, it was never supposed to be a walking talking skeleton. Yeah, but we don't know that.
SPEAKER_07That would be gaming the system, you know? Like we can't game it.
SPEAKER_15Fair enough. Fair enough.
SPEAKER_07He did walk. He did talk. That's meta-knowledge that we as characters have confirmation four times over.
SPEAKER_15Piss, shit, and hair loss.
SPEAKER_07Bar five. Yeah. For real. That's a little bit. For real. Okay, for real. Flip your coin. Flipping the coin. Oh, I caught it too. It's the king's head. Which way is that? So that was the light.
SPEAKER_00Oh shit. Good. Yes. That's what I wanted. Awesome.
SPEAKER_10We rolled a tethering.
SPEAKER_12Yeah. Let's go to the light.
SPEAKER_10You go towards the light. You go down the end of the hallway, and there is like what looks like just like a bright light opening at the top of the opening of the tunnel. This is clearly the right way. Yeah, I'll reach up. Okay. Ryan Beale reaches up. These seven or eight kind of bioluminescent tentacles come out, go and suddenly like, remember how before you were like stuck with a your handcuffed to a wall. Now Ryan Beel's hand is being sucked and you're being pulled up into this weird kind of now. It's like a bright light mouth.
SPEAKER_07It's going, hmm mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. Oh no. I grab his leg.
SPEAKER_15It's an awkward time to admit this, but I cheat on my taxes every year.
SPEAKER_07I try to pull him out.
SPEAKER_10He haven't been pulled up yet. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Or may you know I I grab his arm and I try to like yank.
SPEAKER_10So you're trying to yank him? Yeah. Absolutely. Okay, let's still let's let's hear a roll. I rolled a 16. Come on, Chain. Oh, nice. Okay, great. You get him up, but he's still he's he's been held by his fingertips like this these three days.
SPEAKER_07I take the label and I start hitting the bioluminescent.
SPEAKER_13I'd like I'd like to roll to mourn him prematurely. Give me a roll. Okay. I rolled a 15.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, you start you start doing an obituary while Chain is like trying to save his life.
SPEAKER_03Ryan Bale was a good man. I didn't know him that well, but what I knew I liked. He was mischievous. He gave of himself to the world and made us laugh. He showed himself. Do you hit with him with your ladle there, uh?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, here I go. Give me it. Here we go. Ten. Yeah, he's still cut.
SPEAKER_03He died horribly. What? Yanked into the netherworld by a creature none of us could have foreseen.
SPEAKER_10The skeleton comes down the hall. Remember the living talking skeleton? He comes down the hall and he has a little knife and he cuts the tentacles. He goes, Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's a trap. The skeleton's trying to take us to his community. Quick into the tentacles. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_10That's where I call alive. So the skeleton has saved you, Ryan Beal, but you look at your head and it's kind of glowing in a weird way. Oh, what's going on?
SPEAKER_15What the hell? I wish I had this on my penis, and then if I flashed people, it would be a real flash.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god.
SPEAKER_15You probably could.
SPEAKER_10Oh, I got I got we'll poke it with that one. Journal was true. You gotta go down the dark hallway if you want to get out of here. Otherwise you can live down here with me, and that's fine.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Maybe. I don't trust you, skeleton. Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Thank you, Chain.
SPEAKER_15You're welcome.
SPEAKER_12Skeleton, what's your name? Eh. Eh.
SPEAKER_15Nice to meet you, eh?
SPEAKER_07I opened the journal and looked for his name. Uh If lost, please return to Bonesy McRaddles.
SPEAKER_15Wow, that's a lucky name.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_10Thanks, Bonesy.
SPEAKER_15What happened to my hand? What does this mean?
SPEAKER_10It's a mystery. But your ha your hand is like glowing like wow.
SPEAKER_07We've got to get that checked out.
SPEAKER_10Kind of like a black light, sort of like, you know, like it's a very bright, very neon, very like.
SPEAKER_07I would say we should go into a clinic where they can see you, but you don't pay your taxes, you know. Like very nice.
SPEAKER_03I've got two I think we've got two options.
SPEAKER_07What is it?
SPEAKER_03One. One. We persist in pursuing the exit through the light. Hoping that that was a one-off snag. I could see the mouth. Two, we return to the dungeon and just accept our fate.
SPEAKER_07Because it's not as scary. It's quite scary, and they're gonna be extra mad at us for trying to escape, and then they'll torture you.
SPEAKER_15Execute us real hard.
SPEAKER_07They'll torture you and then execute you. We gotta go. We gotta s we gotta get out of this tunnel. Okay, then let's go into the light. No, it it's a mouth. It's a living creature that wants to eat us.
SPEAKER_10We can use my hand as a light source to get down into the tunnel. That's true. You do have this kind of like built-in flashlight now in your hand, Ryan Biork.
SPEAKER_03Okay, but promise me one thing. What? If it's a community of skeletons, and they try to take our skin so they can re-enter the land of the living. Uh-huh. Let me say I told you so. Laura! I think that would be only fair.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Yeah. That would be actually really cool. I actually wish I thought of that. That would be really fun. I can be your skeletons looking too. Well, it could still happen. No, no. Okay. I plan this. I'm gonna stick to my plan. I'm gonna be a good DM.
SPEAKER_07With um with Ryan Beal in the lead, we go into the dark tunnel.
SPEAKER_10And is um is uh Will Pumpkin still tied to you like uh like a sweater?
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Okay, just unless Will has something to say about that.
SPEAKER_15No, I like it.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_15He's comfortable now.
SPEAKER_10Okay, great. So you go down the dark tunnel.
SPEAKER_15Okay, we're going down the tunnel. What was the skeleton's name against Ray and right? Something stupid.
SPEAKER_07Bonesy McRattles.
SPEAKER_15Oh, Bonesy McRattles. Bonesy McRattles said something. Bye guys. That's you needed the name. Okay. Bonesy McGrath. Okay.
SPEAKER_05So Bonesy McRattle says, Bye guys. Hi, Tanks.
SPEAKER_14Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to Skeleton Village. Absolutely done.
SPEAKER_11Absolutely done. Absolutely done. I'm rolling.
SPEAKER_10I'm rolling to see if Skeleton Village exists. Okay, you all have to roll. Okay. Oh. You all have to roll. Okay, I'm rolling two. It has to be a big group roll to see if the I rolled 11. I rolled a nine. So so for a total of 20. So yeah, no, it doesn't exist. Alright. Goodbye, gentlemen. I was just kidding. You find a hatch, and uh, Ryan Beale's hand lights up a hatch, and it it's like you could just twist it once, and then clearly you can open it up and it leads to somewhere. So that's where you're at. Okay.
SPEAKER_07There's a hatch. Ryan Beale, your hand illuminated it. You can open it up, it'll lead to somewhere.
SPEAKER_15I'm gonna touch it to see if it's hot in case there's a fire.
SPEAKER_07That's a good idea. Have you ever seen Aft uh uh Backdraft?
SPEAKER_10Aftraft? Nope. Backdraft doesn't exist. Make it fantasy. Make it fantasy. Do you ever see ever see the the firewatch play? Firewatch play. Describe it. And and do you know the story of Backdraft?
SPEAKER_03Is that that movie about firefighters?
SPEAKER_10There's no movie. It's maybe a play or a traveling company of entertainers, but they do the the plot of backdraft.
SPEAKER_03Just kidding.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I do remember the plot of backdraft. Looks like you're looking it up. Oh yeah. It was an action drama about a Chicago, or in this case, a shy Gigo. Shygo. Firefighter brothers, Stephen and Brian McAfee, who grapple with sibling rivalry while hunting a serial arsonist using a deadly oxygen-induced chemical, uh, which is called tri trichitochlorate.
SPEAKER_10Was the pig that Will Pumpkin stole in that as well?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. That pig is famous. In Firewatch? Yeah. Firewatch. Yeah, yeah. Is the in universe version of Backdraft.
SPEAKER_03Maybe I stole the pig to ransom him. Yeah. Hold hostage.
SPEAKER_07I think famous pig.
SPEAKER_10You might have that pig held haunted somewhere, maybe. In the real world.
SPEAKER_07Still got him. I think I think Will Pumpkin is a long he's doing a long con. That's just my theory. Interesting. No.
SPEAKER_15Little Kaiser Soze action? Yeah. Interesting. No. Do you open the hatch? Does anyone open the hatch?
SPEAKER_10It's not hot. It's not fire. It's there's no home aloneing happening.
SPEAKER_15Let's do it.
SPEAKER_10Okay. And you come up into the dogstone tavern.
SPEAKER_07Right into the tavern?
SPEAKER_10Yeah.
SPEAKER_12Just the hatch in the middle of the mirror. It's like, what the hell's going on back here?
SPEAKER_15Well, we're back. We're back in the uh bakery area. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then you hear, you hear out in the bar area, you hear, you damn dragon, I should knock your lights out for what? Uh no, wait. Who am I mad at? Who's the warden mad at? The the mayor head of the warden.
SPEAKER_07Yes. He was mad at the dragon.
SPEAKER_10Terrence the Orc, who was the former head of the watch. Yeah. The mayor promoted the warden. And the dragon's just there doing classic kind of 90s catchphrases that nobody You got it, dude!
unknownYou got it.
SPEAKER_02I I told you once, I told you a hundred times, Dragon, stop chiming in. This is serious business. And the orc, what? The orc's like, how could you demote me to warden of prison? I was a good uh head of the watch.
SPEAKER_10And these ale cups are so small in my big hands. Do you guys so Mira just goes like she kind of gives you a wink and goes like, Yeah, might want to get out there. Get out there? I don't know. I think she's like, she's used to people coming up through this tunnel. Yeah. I think this is not new to her, and she's also kind of like, you know, she's a woman who wears many hats. And so I think maybe she knows about this tunnel and she's cool with the fact that prisoners escaped there. I don't know. She's maybe she maybe she's a little bit on the black market, you know what I mean? Right. Maybe she's a little bit outside of the uh the the rules and laws of the town. And she's she kind of nods towards the fight happening. She goes, like, you three look like three strong boys. You might want to get out there. I look at my ass kicked.
SPEAKER_07I look at Miracle. Let's go back in the hole. Hey, honey. How are the kids?
SPEAKER_04You're married to Mira?
SPEAKER_12Oh shit, Jane! But my partner was supposed to go to the Edgewood forest. She says the dragon. Oh, maybe she's my ex.
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Yeah. My new partner. He's way better than you.
SPEAKER_03His name's two exes.
SPEAKER_10Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Acrimony.
SPEAKER_15Yeah. Oh man. This is like a flash of personal trauma.
SPEAKER_07I see you've made classic a couple new friends. Yeah, this sweater vest guy I'm wearing. This is Will Pumpkin. He's got no bones. Uh he's a bit mashy. I'm trying to teach him the ropes of how to be cool and strong. And this guy over here is working.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, I hope you have a good teacher system because that's not going to help.
SPEAKER_07Well, you know. Would you say? It's work in progress.
SPEAKER_11I just know this guy.
SPEAKER_10We're intimate.
SPEAKER_11We have kids. Yeah. He's not he's not cool. He's not good. I'm good, I'm cool, I'm good.
SPEAKER_07I've changed a lot since we broke up. And this here, this is a prankster. Ryan, be careful. He's gonna flash you.
SPEAKER_15Yeah, maybe if maybe maybe you've seen this baguette and it'll give you a rise. And I flash.
SPEAKER_12Hey, yay, yay.
SPEAKER_15Sorry, this dough is a little soft right now.
SPEAKER_12Looks like you've got yourself a nice fun new little group there, Chain.
SPEAKER_07Yes, my new crew. Yeah, we don't know if not yet, but I'm gonna get us together. We're gonna go on adventure.
SPEAKER_12If you want to help me, your ex-wife, can you get out there and stop this fight between the ex-warden, now head of the town watch, and this dragon that's trying to get away? Talk to the warden? Oh, yeah, right. We're just getting prison.
unknownIt's a good point.
SPEAKER_07She was trying to trick us back into the hole. No, no. Will, we've made it out. I have a hideout place that I'm gonna take us.
SPEAKER_03I think we should go back to the light. Will's in love.
SPEAKER_15Will, look at what it did to my hand. It's pretty cool. I think we should all should go back there and get a little bit of light. It's pretty cool.
SPEAKER_10I don't know, it's pretty cool so far. Could be bad, but it's pretty cool. So you you're at a crossroads. You have you can go back down into the dead tunnels, which was what Will Pumpkin wants you to do, and also go towards the light. You can try to escape quietly from the tavern. I love Mark C that you have this uh former relationship and kids with Myra or Mira. I can't remember, the the bar, the bar turner, and maker. Or you can go out and confront and see what's going on in the tavern proper and maybe help this fight that's happening between the ward and and the um the dragon, which is obviously um precarious for you all because you just escaped from prison. But when the here's here's what we hear in the bar.
SPEAKER_02I know what'll solve this between now that I'm the new head of the watch.
SPEAKER_10Yep.
SPEAKER_02I want bread. I'm going into the bakery. You're coming back here.
SPEAKER_12You better make a decision right now. They're coming right back here.
SPEAKER_10What do we do? We'll cover ourselves in flour. You have ten seconds. They're gonna give you ten seconds as a group to decide what you do. Ten. Nine. We cover ourselves in flour to look like seven. I dunno. That's a great idea.
SPEAKER_07Six. No. Five. Oh, we go back in the tunnel.
SPEAKER_03I don't want to do that.
SPEAKER_10Three.
SPEAKER_07Let's go back in the tunnel. Two. You go back in the tunnel. No, let's go back. No!
SPEAKER_00You go back to the tunnel.
SPEAKER_10So you're back in the tunnel. Yeah, we closed the ladder. We're just high like the bottom. Okay, so you're back down there. You hear like over top, you hear like how are you?
SPEAKER_12Ow. Will.
unknownWe'll be quiet.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you're hurting me. How?
SPEAKER_07What am I doing?
SPEAKER_03Neither of you took my adv neither of you considered what I wanted when we were deciding how to how to move next. We can still go to the light.
SPEAKER_07Is that what you want?
SPEAKER_03I don't know what I want.
SPEAKER_15That's why we didn't really consult you. We'd we we didn't know we thought you didn't know what you wanted.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, you didn't really say anything. We had ten seconds. He was counting down as he was walking to the room. Can I confess something to you?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, confess, mate. Confession's always good in DD. I love this.
SPEAKER_03I've never been brave. Okay. That's not a confession. If we've heard it before, it's not a confession anymore, mate. Can I confess a different thing?
SPEAKER_12That's how you hear it. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03When my mother gave birth to me, it was arduous. She was in labour for two weeks. Oh wow. Wow.
SPEAKER_07I didn't want to leave. Wow. You wanted to stay in the comfort of the cozy womb. You didn't want to pull it out. That's hard.
SPEAKER_03And then when they finally pulled me out, I was miserable.
SPEAKER_15That's why you wanted the rat inside you. Because you remembered that feeling. You didn't want to pull it out, re- re-traumatizing it.
SPEAKER_07Good point, Rhyme Beal.
SPEAKER_15Yeah man, because I cheat on my taxes.
SPEAKER_07We know. You you did a weird scared confession when you were when your hand was. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I poops on something else. When I was in school, I was bullied. You? Oh, I get it. Sarcasm for the loose man. No, I you're not a loose man.
SPEAKER_10I am you do hear up top that it's kind of quieted down above the hatch. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. But like the the bread getting is probably gone. You don't hear any voices up there, no footsteps. So you're at the hatch. The skeleton. What's his name again? R uh rattles.
SPEAKER_07Bonesy McGee Rattle.
SPEAKER_10He goes, hi. Um again, his name doesn't matter. Oh no. The skeleton! And then there's light, and there's the light. What what do you do? We're kind of coming up again. We need a like a nice maybe cliffhanger or period on this adventure. So I really thought you got out of the tunnels within the first ten minutes, but we're back in the tunnels.
SPEAKER_15So we're going up to the fungus again?
SPEAKER_07Well what's on the table? I suggested I suggest we go to my hideout. Yeah. Right. That's my that's what I put on the on the let's all talk talk it out.
SPEAKER_08Talk it out.
SPEAKER_07You're a party, your group, your crew. We can because the go through through the hatch anymore. No, we can.
SPEAKER_10I would just not to be like the leading leading the question here a little bit or leading the the the the ideas, but like you don't hear any I think the warden's come and gone.
SPEAKER_15Okay, okay. So we have the hatch, we go back to the fungus and see if there's some other way there. We go back to the prison. We could we could see if there's other tunnels to go deeper, because I mean we did meet another skeleton who's welcome to the skeleton village, but then was like, never mind, I made a mistake and like I did put the kibosh on that. I put the kibosh on the back exists. But the skeleton existed though. So there's something.
SPEAKER_07He was there. I saw him.
SPEAKER_15Yeah, we saw him. Okay, yeah. So you are some.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. There is I think there is a skeleton community somewhere. But I don't think we should go there. They want to take our skin.
SPEAKER_02Never mind. I could offer you a fourth way.
SPEAKER_07Oh's this skeleton.
SPEAKER_15I'm a skeleton.
SPEAKER_03It's called the X the Skeleton Express Passage. And this will lead you to the other side of the kingdom where the skeletons live. Not in a village, but in a town.
SPEAKER_07There's a town at the end of the at the end of this town where they live. The kingdom, I believe, yeah, right. At the end of the kingdom. I think we have no reason to not distrust. I think we should go with this because that seems like a nice little escape. We don't want to get right where the warden is. Let's follow this skeleton guy.
SPEAKER_15Get right out of his jurisdiction.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Should I roll to see if everything I said exists?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Let's see if you're lying or not.
SPEAKER_03I rolled a five. Okay, so you're lying. He disappears again? Does he just go away?
SPEAKER_10He's told you this, but he is lying. So like no he's lying.
SPEAKER_15Can I can can I roll to see if I like could detect? Because the five's pretty low. Can I roll to see if I like pick that up? Sure.
SPEAKER_10Oh, I rolled a 19. Yeah, so you, Ryan Beale, you know something lying. Up with this guy. Up with the skeleton.
SPEAKER_15Something's wrong with this guy. What do you think? I think he's telling us a fib. He might be pulling off Femus.
SPEAKER_03I don't trust him. I promise I'm not. I want to take you to Skeleton Town. It's a wonderful place.
SPEAKER_15Can't you see his little hands? Like, even though he's not holding them up, his fingers keep doing little air quotes. Everything I'm saying is true. It's this village, but he's like his hands are down by his sides. We can see him doing little air quotes.
SPEAKER_03It's a nervous tick. I swear. Skeleton town is real. He just did it on real. He did it on Swear. Everything you like is there.
SPEAKER_15Every beat of that. Just every beat of it.
SPEAKER_03Everything you guys like is there. What's your favorite stuff? Quoted stuff. It's your favorite stuff.
SPEAKER_10We need a distinction here because we're going to come up right up against the end of our session here. Okay, you know what?
SPEAKER_03I don't want to take you to skeleton town. Okay. You don't deserve to be in skeleton town.
SPEAKER_15Can I roll to see if this reverse psychology works on me? I rolled a 10 straight down the middle. It does work.
SPEAKER_07Okay. It's not so good. It does. I mean, all our favorite stuff is there? Let's go. We can't take two. What do you think, Will?
SPEAKER_03I've trusted him.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Okay. The double cat's.
SPEAKER_00So I think we I think as a group we decide to go to where we think Skeleton Village. Okay, you know what?
SPEAKER_10I was really hopeful you would just go up into the town tenther, which I did a lot of work on, much like Crabakis. Again, we're avoiding your town.
SPEAKER_11At least we made it into the town tenth.
SPEAKER_10We were there very briefly, yeah. You are going to, so we're going to find out at the beginning of next episode. That's going to be where we start. You're you're following en route with this nefarious other skeleton, walking talking skeleton, who's promised you safe passage to skeleton town at the edge of the kingdom.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_10Maybe it'll turn out bad right away, or maybe it'll be a place where you can kind of like, you know, reassess your your goals and um and figure out. Start new lives.
SPEAKER_15Start a new life. Open up a uh puppy boosters.
SPEAKER_11If this turns into the mayor shows up and the mayor has to do a thing, swear to God.
SPEAKER_13Can I do one last beat with the skeleton that's leading them? Sure. So he he gets on a skeleton phone. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Yes. He gets in his four bronco.
SPEAKER_13I want to hear it. He gets in his skeleton phone and he goes.
SPEAKER_10So it's kind of a magical skeleton communicator. He goes.
SPEAKER_03I've recruited three more. Soon our restaurant will have all the help we need.
SPEAKER_10Well, thanks again for joining us. A nightmare party. Um we almost got out of the tunnels. We spent most of the time in the tunnels. Couldn't couldn't help ourselves to get out of these blocking tunnels. But next week we'll find out what's going on in Skeleton Town. Does it exist? If it's different, is it is it maybe maybe there's another nefarious plot going on under or are they going to get their skin stolen? Who knows? We'll find out uh on the further adventures of Chain, Ryan Beale, and Will Pumpkin. This new uh swarthy lying skeleton and this fascinating deep dive into DD. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_13Um let us know what you think at Nightmare Party underscore podcast on Instagram.
SPEAKER_10Let us know what you think if you got ideas for the show or how we should um should have progress it. You know, this is the first time we've asked, but like let's get some uh audience interaction out there. So thank you so much. I appreciate you guys trying to your best to be fantasy oriented. Again, I really thought we'd get to tenth. We didn't. I really thought we'd get to that Edward Forrest thing. The dragon is just in the bar. So I mean, we did pre pretty fantasy oriented. We had a talking skeleton and the dragon. We did. There was a trap, there was kind of a fight with the rats. Like, you know, it's good. It was good, it was good. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. So uh we'll see where this goes next week. Thanks again. Love you. Nightmare party.