Nightmare Party
Comedian Ryan Beil has finally convinced some of his comedian friends (Mark Little, Kevin Lee, Mark Chavez and other surprise guests along the way) to play DND! It's a fantasy adventure podcast where the Dungeon Master shows up ready to play and the players show up ready to absolutely ruin it. A riff heavy, hilarious experience for people that love DND and hate DND.
Nightmare Party
Nightmare Party - Skeleton Town
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Chain, Will Pumpkin, and Ryan Biel (the dwarf warrior) ride a subway to Skeleton Town.
Welcome back to Nightmare Party, a DD podcast where we are on our third version of the story. But if you're just joining us, I'm Ryan Beale, I'm the DM, and I finally convinced some of my very funny comedian friends to play DD with me. And um we're gonna jump into it to give you a little bit of a recap, but um it's been going pretty great, actually. Uh this is our third incantation. Is that a word? Yeah, but it's the wrong word.
SPEAKER_07What is incantation?
SPEAKER_12Incantation is like a spell, so you're on brand.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but you meant incarnation.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes, yes, I'm missing an R. There's our third incarnation of an attempt at a D campaign. We had one uh which was going for a while called Pet Smart, which is about uh doggos driving a an SUV towards a dog city. Yeah, and then we did a hard reset, and it was uh three characters who met on a boat that was swept away in a magical storm and they came to an island. Um I'm just gonna skip to the end where they all end up running a family style restaurant together. Okay. Then we did another hard reset, and now we're kind of we're we're we're really in sort of a hard fantasy setting. Not super hard, but you know uh uh medium hard. Um with three characters um who were um they met together when they were locked up in a dungeon and they escaped that dungeon and they've been uh toiling in the in the tunnels uh outside of that dungeon and they decided not to go up into the town called Tenther, uh, which um is where the dungeon is located, and instead they are still in the tunnels and are going to something called Skeleton Town on the edge of the kingdom. But I've talked too much. Let's hear from all you guys. Why don't you tell the listeners what character you're currently playing and how how you think it's going for yourself?
SPEAKER_12Uh I'm playing uh a character named Chain. Mark C. Mark Chavez, yes. Yeah, and uh this is Mark Chavez talking. Thank you, Ryan B. Uh, and uh he's uh he's a fighter, he's really tough, and he's he's sort of taken it upon himself to teach uh Mark Little's character the ropes and how to be tough. That's right.
SPEAKER_04Let's go to Mark Little next. Uh who are you playing? Well, I'm playing Will Pumpkin, and uh I'm an elf and a pig thief and a coward, and I'm having a I wanna get brave, but I'm having a tough time. Yeah, it's hard. Okay, and Kevin L?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I'm sort of the outlier here. I don't have a relationship, I don't have a cool thing going on with either of these guys, but uh my name is But you got cool stuff going on for yourself. Internally, yes, because my name is Ryan Beale. Uh I'm an illiterate tax cheat and prankster uh who's in jail for exposing himself.
SPEAKER_03Please don't clip that. Please don't clip that people.
SPEAKER_06None of that's based on reality. Yeah, exactly. Um, and I am a dwarf uh warrior. Um and yeah, and I think my superpower is not remembering what my voice sounds like all.
SPEAKER_03And did you you mentioned you also like we'll get into the recap a little bit, but you have like a fungal disease on your hand right now?
SPEAKER_06I have um athlete, I have Mathlet's hand. And no, I we were in our in our search through the tunnels, we clearly we were warned multiple times by a skeleton to not go towards the light that it was a trap. So of course we went directly towards it. I touched it, the it was a fungus of some kind of glowing fungus, and I pulled my managed to pull my hand away, and my hand is now glowing. Uh, but and and but no adverse effects so far. And so we're using it. And I think we're sort of using it as a light source, like uh ad hoc torch to get to the darkness.
SPEAKER_03Fantastic. So, yeah, just to catch everyone up, um, they met in prison, they broke out of prison, they were in the tunnels, they had a clear way out of the tunnels to get to the town. They decided not to go up. They're still in tunnels. They befriended a skeleton who I think is called like Ribby McRibbardson or Bonesy McRibbs. Bonesy McRibbs or Bonesy McRibs. I don't remember. Do we want to just choose choose a name for that skeleton now? McRib. McRib. McRib. McRib. That's perfect. The McRib is back. Absolutely. And he's Irish as hell. He's well, we'll see. Mark L was playing him, I believe. Yeah, I don't think he was Irish. And that skeleton lured you guys away from the promise of just getting up into this cool DD town I created where there's lots of stuff to do.
SPEAKER_12And they instead lured you towards a skeleton town on the edge of the kingdom with the promise of everything that you like is And we remind uh well, so my character his his ex runs the inn. And what's her name? Mira. Mira. Mira, nice.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, good poll. Wow. Yeah. Um, but that doesn't matter because you decided not to go uh into Yeah, we're not gonna see Mira again. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06There was a dragon in the in the tavern as well. Uh yeah, there was a crazy one.
SPEAKER_03I was desperate to get you guys to do a dragon quest, but that is now it's a bones. There's still time. We might go back. Hey, you know what? I I always but like I feel like I fear it's another Crabopolis situation. Um if you don't know a Crabopolis is uh Crabopolis.
SPEAKER_06I don't remember that.
SPEAKER_03Exactly. Uh, because you never went there. It was a town I made that you never went to to enjoy. Um and for those of you just joining us again, we do very light DD rules and stats here. We are rolling D20s uh to forward the story and when we're in sort of precarious situations, but we're not doing every single rule. This is D light. This is our own version. We're focusing mostly on the narrative and um and the fun and the imagination. So um so if you're on your way to the skeleton town at the edge of the kingdom, um why don't we start with like you're on some kind of skeleton transportation system, whether it's like a skeleton subway or a skeleton uh cart with a skeleton horse, you know. Oh, that's good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Welcome to the skeleton subway, gentlemen.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, okay, good.
SPEAKER_12Oh, we're doing subway, great. Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_03Because you're still in the tunnels. I don't think you ever got out of the tunnels.
SPEAKER_12This subway attaches right to this t escape tunnel from the jail? Wow. It's fantastic. I don't like it. Oh, come on, Will. Screw your courage to the sticking place. We're gonna go have some fun.
SPEAKER_08Tickets, please. Tickets, please. Do you all have tickets with the skeleton subway?
SPEAKER_06I go, I go, uh, I think I got a ticket down uh here in my pocket, and I look down, and then my penis is just poking out of my fly, like just the very tip of my dwarf penis. Wow. Is that did that work? That's fine. Alright.
SPEAKER_01I don't want to have to do that.
SPEAKER_06And I put my thumb in my mouth and I and I use I visibly like I clearly visibly suck uh air in, and my and somehow the head of my penis goes and it pops back into my pants.
SPEAKER_02I've never seen such amazing pranks. We're all fine. You're all fine on the subway.
SPEAKER_12We're all fine. We mean that that's that's admission.
SPEAKER_02Are you going to Skeleton Town? Mick Ribb, are you taking these three to Skeleton Town? Yes. Well, I'm sure they'll be there for the most grand feast of the year. They must be the guests of honor.
SPEAKER_01Well, they're gonna cook us. Let's get off the subway.
SPEAKER_02You guys eat?
SPEAKER_03You have a big feast? No, what do you even eat?
SPEAKER_01They're gonna eat us.
SPEAKER_03This is the skeleton subway. Next stop, Skeleton Town.
SPEAKER_04Okay, I want to roll to pull the emergency stop.
SPEAKER_12Great. And can we describe what the train looks like? Like, is it like a big rib cage?
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. It's a bit great. It's all bones, everything's bone. Okay, no flesh, no fabric, no other infrastructure on this. It's all a rib cage over top, a rib cage coming down under that, so it makes kind of a nice tube on the bottom. It's like a hardwood floor, but it's all femurs.
SPEAKER_12Okay.
SPEAKER_03Okay. And then there's railings, and they're femurs too. It's mostly femurs.
SPEAKER_12Are they human femurs?
SPEAKER_03Uh, yeah. I mean, we're talking like human skeleton stuff here. So or elves, or you know, maybe there's some dwarf bones in there, but it's like humanoid skeletons. Okay.
SPEAKER_12So, like in this world, like the skeletons, they're all pelvises. But then they use skeleton. Seats are all pelvises. Yeah. The seats are pelvises, great. Yeah, the seats are pelvises. But they use bones.
SPEAKER_06And the windows are also bones, so we can't see through the windows.
SPEAKER_03No, the windows are glass. They have glass, that's it.
SPEAKER_06Okay, the glass is the only non-bone thing that they have.
SPEAKER_03So you want to roll to pull the emergency exit? I rolled a one. Okay, yeah, you miss it, you fall down, and you chip your tooth.
SPEAKER_06You chipped your tooth. Well, guess what? Guess what? There's lots of bone here to replace the tooth with if you want.
SPEAKER_05I don't want that.
SPEAKER_03Hang on for your own safety. The skeleton subway is ready to go. It's a bit late with a warning for you.
SPEAKER_11I can't wait to get to Skeleton Town.
SPEAKER_03This place is gonna be amazing. I'm so really fast, the bones start shaking like crazy. Like, it's not like a normal subway you've ever been on. It's kind of like wild and rare. But there's so many subways.
SPEAKER_12Yeah, I mean, I've never been on a bone subway.
SPEAKER_04I've only been to a quiz nose. Can I can I can I okay, so can we and then uh can a guy come on and he's uh he's already on there, but he's he's gonna do a he's gonna play a song and do a dance for us. Perfect.
SPEAKER_03Yes, absolutely. So some kind of performer on the subway. Yes.
SPEAKER_04What's up, everyone? Um thank you for your attention. Oh no.
SPEAKER_03It's a really long ride, too, by the way. This guy's got a long time to do this.
SPEAKER_04Uh I'm gonna be doing some dances for you. If we could just clear this aisle a little bit. I'm about to blow your minds. Oh god.
SPEAKER_06Should we clear pumpkin? Pumpkin's still laying in the ground here.
SPEAKER_12Just little pick you up, pumpkin. Here we go. Got you. Let's put you over here.
SPEAKER_04Watch this guy. I go to another car.
SPEAKER_12Wait a minute, Ryan. We said no real world things. What could despacito can be? Thank you, Mark. Thank you, Mark.
SPEAKER_03So can you do Mark Little? Could you do another one? Okay, still use the despacito sort of rhythm, but can it be a different, sort of more fantasy-oriented song?
SPEAKER_07Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Bone spazito. It's the bone spazito. Well, what's his dance like?
SPEAKER_06Like, what does his dance look like?
SPEAKER_04He he's like uh he's like a big uh doll. He's a dog. He's a dog. Careful. He goes, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ah, oh, and he puts his paws on the top rail and he pulls his entire body up and then he hangs from his tail, and then he goes, and he gets excited, and his tail wags and his whole body shakes. Wow.
SPEAKER_12And then he has a little friend, another dog friend who has a dog bowl who's who's going around collecting money.
SPEAKER_03Nice. What do those dogs look like, guys? Are we tying this back into Pet Smart or these dogs before? Or are they uh dogs we've never seen before? There's new dogs.
SPEAKER_06But they did get lost from the uh the subway in Dog London, the uh the uh the underground, the tube. They somehow got lost and ended up on the skeleton.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, maybe Dog London has all these different lines going all these different ways. There's like a bone skelet uh subway. There's a there's an underwater subway.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's all connected. Uh can I roll to do a really good job dancing? Yeah, let's see how good you do.
SPEAKER_03It's gonna be a pretty easy roll. I roll to five. Yeah, you do a terrible job. Oh uh you do a terrible job, and somehow you sort of start an altercation. Let's see how that goes. Uh oh, uh hey, move out of my way, pal.
SPEAKER_04Hey, stop it.
SPEAKER_06I'm trying to do my thing. I'm trying to do my prank. I'm trying to fill up these cream pies.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Well, I'm trying to I'm trying to do my job here. Your job. Your bloody job. This is your job. Yeah. You should get a real job, like pranking. I had a real job. I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_12Okay. There's no altercation. It's just a conversation. Well, there's a couple. There's a there's an altercation with me. Where we see what his real job was? Yes, absolutely. Let's do a flashback.
SPEAKER_04Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, that's my alarm. Waking up. Another beautiful day in Dog London. For me, a dog named uh Curd. Curd. Card. Curd. You're already late for your job, Curd. Leave me alone, woman. You dumb woman. What? What? I'm so sorry. I'm so stressed about today. I've got a huge presentation. What's up, Tiger? Uh I mean, you're a dog, but I call you that.
SPEAKER_14Yeah. I want to be a cat. I want to go to Cat Paris. Hang on.
SPEAKER_12Just what did you call me, Card? Did you call me a dumb woman?
SPEAKER_04I'm so sorry. I I've got this big presentation at work today. I've got to give a PowerPoint. Not a PowerPoint, a magic point. Yes. I've got to give. I've got to. That's good.
SPEAKER_12High Wizard Quelfnar is coming over for dinner tonight, and he's your boss.
SPEAKER_04Oh my well, that I know. But it but if I don't do a good So, okay, the stakes are double then, I guess. Because I gotta do this big presentation at work today, and if I do a bad job, Quelthnar probably won't even come over for dinner.
SPEAKER_12He better come over for dinner. I've been slaving all day over this hot stove.
SPEAKER_06Mommy, what did you say? Slavy.
SPEAKER_12I've been working all day.
SPEAKER_06Come on, mommy. God, everyone's language is so problematic.
SPEAKER_12It's time you wake up, Curd. You can't call your wife. Woke is back. I am woke up.
SPEAKER_04Sorry, honey, I fully want to engage with you here. Woke is not back.
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_04Woke is not back.
SPEAKER_06Why not?
SPEAKER_04You can't you can't just will it back by saying it's back. The whole world is overrun with anti-woke nonsense right now. I'm on your side, buddy. I'm on your side, buddy. Okay.
SPEAKER_12Are you on my side? Yes. Your partner for over a year? Time is different because we're dogs, and so we're like seven. We're in middle aged.
SPEAKER_04You don't have to explain dog ears to me, honey.
SPEAKER_12I know that I'm no, you're a dog just like me.
SPEAKER_04We're all dogs.
SPEAKER_12I'm taking a shower and licking myself.
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay. Yep. Hello. Where are you? The presentation started 15 minutes ago. Oh my god, I slept in and then my dumb wife fucking came at me. What did you say? I'm sorry, honey. Oh my god, my perfect, brilliant wife.
SPEAKER_12Jeez. Well, I'm gonna go put the final touches on dinner for High Wizard Quelf night.
SPEAKER_04We just woke up. Take your time. And that's so so so that, my friends, on this subway, is my story. And guess what? Not hard to guess. The presentation went poorly. My boss didn't even come over for dinner, and my wife my wife freaking left me.
SPEAKER_12I really wanted to hear about how dinner went and it didn't even happen.
SPEAKER_06Man, that's rough.
SPEAKER_12Oh man, really sorry to hear that, Kurd. You could probably use a little spare change in that doggy bowl that your friend has over there. I could.
SPEAKER_04I'm saving up to buy a new wife and kid.
SPEAKER_06They got those on I bet they got those in Skeleton Town. Everything you want's there.
SPEAKER_04That's what I've heard. But I gotta save up enough stuff uh money and stuff to get the to get that stuff I want.
SPEAKER_12I understand.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it feels like they're just gonna give us stuff, but some people do have to pay for stuff too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_12Well what I heard is true, all of our dreams will come true in Skeleton Town and nothing bad can happen.
SPEAKER_01It's too good to be true. We've gotta get off the subway.
SPEAKER_12Oh, stop your whinging, Will, you Muppet. Oh, sometimes you get under my skin.
SPEAKER_06Somebody give him a pig to steal.
SPEAKER_01Don't joke about that. Without that pig's theft, I wouldn't be in this mess.
SPEAKER_12Oh, Will, come on, buck up. We're gonna have a great time, you'll see. Skeleton Town will be amazing.
SPEAKER_03And then suddenly the the train comes to a huge violent stop.
SPEAKER_10Whoa!
SPEAKER_01Whoa! Oh I hurt myself on the fare collection thing.
SPEAKER_12Yeah, it seems like a weird way to stop a train. I mean, it's like they didn't know the stop was coming up.
SPEAKER_06No bones about it. That was a rough ride.
SPEAKER_03The doors open and it goes.
SPEAKER_15Welcome to Skeleton Town.
SPEAKER_03Does McRib say anything? Uh here we're here. Okay. Okay, nice. And you emerge do you do you leave the train?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. This way, fellas. Everything you want is here.
SPEAKER_12I want to roll to see if I notice anything that I should be worried about. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Anything you should be worried about. You're doing investigation. Investigation. Okay, here we go.
SPEAKER_12I'm rolling a D20. Here we go.
SPEAKER_03It is a three. Yeah, no, you notice nothing. Okay.
SPEAKER_01I want to roll to see if I if I've soiled myself. Okay. Yeah. 19. Oh. Uh, can't go out there. I'm covered in soil.
SPEAKER_12Oh no. Will. Oh Did you do you have a change of clothes in your little backpack here? Let me see. Oh yeah, you do. Does this happen often? Yes. Yeah, it does.
SPEAKER_06You see the pants, the pants that he has, the despair pants, uh, definitely have like a brown, like a brown.
SPEAKER_03No, remember it was like it was all the fluids last time he kept. Oh, that's right. That's right. This is like quite a quite a common occurrence. Right. Uh so he sailed himself. You notice nothing, uh, Chain. Uh, anything you want to do, um, Ryan Beale?
SPEAKER_06Uh yeah, I want to roll to see if I can do a prank just getting off. Like, how busy is this platform? Are there like like what are we actually looking at?
SPEAKER_03Because there are lots of skeletons. You come you uh the door opens and but beyond like the platform is like uh a bustling town of bones and jack-o' lanterns with smoke and sort of like you know, soot uh billowing into the sky. But be uh just down from the platform is uh like an honor guard of skeletons, and one skeleton um uh standing forth, like a proud skeleton, with a just a skull on a red velvet pillow. Just right in the subway? Just like down like down one level. You can see it.
SPEAKER_04Can I roll to see if he gets immediately arrested? The guy I just described? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah, okay. If you roll at 20, the guy I just described, I'm gonna be fair, if you roll a 20, the guy I just described will be immediately arrested. I rolled and died. Okay, so no. What happened? Anything happened? A skeleton cop comes up and like checks his ID, I guess. And then he kind of goes like, oh, sorry, yeah, I guess I was looking at another guy or whatever, and he walks off.
SPEAKER_04Can we can we figure out what the skeleton cop was looking for?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, sure. Um I think the skeleton cop is looking for um uh fairy vaders. Fairy vaders. So we had to check his ID?
SPEAKER_12Yeah, why do you check his ID?
SPEAKER_03Okay, but okay. What do you guys think the skeleton cop is looking for? What the hell, right? What do you think the skeleton guy is?
SPEAKER_12I think they're looking for uh for some for some spies.
SPEAKER_03Spies? Okay. Great. Okay, they were looking for spies. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06It could be looking for like uh people selling um like fake, like forged, uh like uh counterfeit skulls okay, people sell like counterfeit DVDs and like whatever. It's like a skull at all. It could be like counterfeit.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah. Okay, let's go with yeah, you Mark Little.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I just wanna I just wanna follow this cop for a bit.
SPEAKER_03Okay, sure. Who wants to play the skeleton cop? Kevin. Yeah, okay. Kevin will play the skeleton cop, and then Mark and Mark will be people he kind of uh accosts uh uh in in his investigation. Okay, let's go.
SPEAKER_00Damn it. Still can't find that ferrovader. It's gotta be somewhere.
SPEAKER_04Oh, it was about ferrovision.
SPEAKER_00It was about ferivation? Yeah, no, it's not about ferrovision. Something about that.
SPEAKER_06I gotta find that fervator. If I don't fight him, oh my god, I'm gonna be in so much trouble. Oh I'm so below quota. Excuse me, excuse me there. Let me see your ID. Stop, stop.
SPEAKER_12What? Who what? Whoa, pull up my bone gun.
SPEAKER_06That's right. We could shoot our hands like bone guns, and I shoot the little tip of my finger off and it kill you.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I know how a bone gun works. Good enough. I know how a bone gun works, buddy. Tongue. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Okay, look at my badge. Okay, I'm the one who has high status. All right, now show me your ID.
SPEAKER_04You've got high status? Because we're both FBI.
SPEAKER_12Federal bone interesting. Bone of investigation.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, federal bone of investigation. Fuck. And you're under arrest for fucking with us. No!
SPEAKER_06I put my bone gun in my mouth. No. No, don't do that. I blow my bones off. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03But that doesn't kill you because you're a skeleton. Just a skeleton, yeah.
SPEAKER_06It actually just makes my head bigger. Because I shoot the bone into it and the bone becomes part of my bone head, so it just becomes makes my head even bigger. And I'm like, ah shit, now I got a big head.
SPEAKER_03Man. Let's bring them in. We're gonna bring them in. So are you guys are the two FBI agents dating or just partners? Both. Both. Both, you idiot. Yeah. I'm gonna roll to see.
SPEAKER_04Can I roll to see if our relationship's going well? Yes, absolutely. 16. Uh it's going pretty, it's going it's going better than it ever has. Yeah. We are. Can I say something, honey? Yeah. As we drag this cop in.
SPEAKER_12Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Um, I feel really connected to you. Me too.
SPEAKER_12Last night was spectacular. It was so the communication was so open and we were just flow in like a flow state. I was just gonna say a flow state. Yeah.
SPEAKER_14No, I've never experienced flow state. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. My bows! Shut the fuck up. Fuck up.
SPEAKER_06Shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_12It's been beat cops. It's been so great.
SPEAKER_06You call me beat cops and you beat me. It's so ironic. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I love it. Can I join can I made thruple with you guys? Because this part I like.
SPEAKER_04No. Ugh. Oh my god. Ugh. We might as well just pick a rat out of a gutter and put pork on that. That's exactly. Can I say something to you, honey? Yes. Yes. When I No. No, no. You're not part of this. When I woke up this morning and you were doing your mor uh morning pages, I was just like, this is this this guy is so like vast.
SPEAKER_12Yes. Yes. And that's important that we we big we big each other up like that. You know? Because I was thinking the same thing. When I saw you, because you slept on the floor. Yeah. You woke up on the floor. Yeah. I was like, this this guy. This bone. This bone guy. Yeah. You know, he's got so many ideas and so many different things about him.
SPEAKER_06Can I roll to see if I could like pickpocket because I want to check their IDs to see. So I want to I want to pickpocket uh Mark L or Mark uh C first.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_06Oh, I rolled a 19.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you pickpocket mark C's.
SPEAKER_06Okay, and now I'm gonna roll to see if his ID is, if he is the Farivader I'm looking for.
SPEAKER_03Well, I think you could just you can just look at it. You have to roll.
SPEAKER_06You can just decide because you've got that ID. He's not.
SPEAKER_04He's not? He's not. Did you just pick my partner's prop pocket?
SPEAKER_06No! It fell out.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god. Hey, you prick. Did you just pick my pocket, you prick?
SPEAKER_06No, I didn't. I've been picking prick. I put I put it back.
unknownI don't know.
SPEAKER_06Oh, it's a nine.
SPEAKER_03I just poked him in the tent roll to put it back now. They've discovered it. Okay. For whatever reason.
SPEAKER_06It fell out. Here you go.
SPEAKER_12Not gonna try to pick my club back. I don't have any charges on you at first, but now that you pick my pocket, we have a legitimate reason to bring you into FBI jail.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I was taking to FBI jail. We're two gay lovers uh and cop partners who are skeletons.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_06That you guys should sell that idea. Yeah. It's pretty good.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_06This is a good idea. Like sell like a book or that book in a movie, a movie into the movie. What's a movie? It's this new thing I'm working on. It's the if I can only find that ferribator who took my notebook. Shut the fuck.
unknownShut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_06Oh man! Catching the big fish.
SPEAKER_03Let's go back. Oh, right. What I like about that is the cop that was potentially arresting some of the characters I've created has been dealt with by the FBI, the Federal Bone Invisible Instigators, Investigators, or whatever. Insigators. In Inquisitors. What was the Federal Bone Inquisitors? Yeah. Um they're gone. So now we we go back to Chain, Will Pumpkin, and Ryan Beale emerging from the subway, and they see this collection of skeletons like an honor guard, and this one skeleton holding a s just a skull on a velvet red pillow.
SPEAKER_12So are we the only like flesh and flesh and bone people?
SPEAKER_03Other than the dog, but he's still on the subway. No, I'm not.
SPEAKER_06He's off the subway. He's chilling with us. He's breakdancing and dancing around. I can't allow the dog to do that.
SPEAKER_12He's had a rough go, man. His wife and kid left him.
SPEAKER_03I'm just worried there's gonna be another flesh. High magician Quelfnar didn't come to his dinner. Okay, fine, fine, fine. The dog's with the dog's on the subway platform with you.
SPEAKER_11Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But McRib obviously is ushering you towards, right? The honor guard and the skeleton on the velvet red pillow.
SPEAKER_12Is there any uh kiosks or anything? Is there any kiosks? Yeah, you know, sometimes subways have like snack cards. Sure.
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah, there's a there's a there's a there's a uh a a snack or a food uh kiosk uh uh uh uh manned by a skeleton uh to your immediate right. And to your left, yep. I'm famished.
SPEAKER_12No, what's to the left? Uh another one. Okay, I'm famished. I'm just gonna grab a a sausage roll or something. You go you don't want anything?
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_12Will I'm scared. What are you scared of, Will? I'm just gonna get you some food if you want some food.
SPEAKER_04I don't trust the food, yeah. I don't trust anything about this place.
SPEAKER_12What's wrong with it? It's just a skeleton city with skeletons, nothing to worry about. What about that guy with the velvet pillow?
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, he does look suspicious. The guy holding the skeleton holding the pillow is like going like this. Like, come here beckoning you.
SPEAKER_06Like, oh, there was also a uh talk of a some sort of feast or something like that? Oh, it's more British. Yeah.
SPEAKER_12Oh yeah, maybe I shouldn't have a sausage roll if there's gonna be a big feast. Yeah, good point.
SPEAKER_06Oh yeah, and Ryan, is there anything uh going on with my hand? Has it changed at all?
SPEAKER_03It's still glowing. It's just it's still the same amount of glowing. Uh oh.
SPEAKER_04You know what this reminds me of? What's that, Kurd?
unknownThis guy coming in with this.
SPEAKER_04My presentation.
SPEAKER_03Oh, what happened at your presentation? Okay, let's hit up a quick flashback of the presentation. So it didn't obviously didn't go well because uh the uh was it High Priest, High Wizard High Wizard Quelfnar? Quelfnar didn't end up coming to dinner. Yes, but he's at the presentation.
SPEAKER_12I'll play High Wizard Quelfnar.
SPEAKER_03So you'll play that, and so it goes it goes awry, obviously. It goes awry. So let's let's see what happened. And let's also let's here's some details about what the presentation is about, what what the job is, like let's get into it if we're gonna do a flashback. Let's go. Okay, so you're in a boardroom. Uh there's various sort of uh fantasy characters there. There's an elf, there's an orc, there's a couple doggos, uh mostly doggos, it's dog London, obviously. And um let's see how it goes.
SPEAKER_12Good. You are twenty-eight minutes late for your presentation.
SPEAKER_04So sorry. Um, but I've got a very um I've got a presentation here for you today that I think is going to absolutely rock you to your core in a positive way.
SPEAKER_12Well, I should hope so. If it's not good, you will be fired from your job and I will not come to dinner, and I don't care how long your beautiful wife quote slaved, unquote, over the dinner.
SPEAKER_04Um stakes are a little bit higher than I want to admit, and I don't mean the stakes my wife's preparing for dinner. Stakes?
SPEAKER_00Hmm I was a quilt now hate steaks. Everybody knows that.
SPEAKER_04This is I still get to my presentation and I better make it good.
SPEAKER_12Let's see your presentation. We've been waiting for almost a half hour.
SPEAKER_06Good luck. I go up that middle of the orcs at the table and I'm like his nemesis. I go up and go, Good luck.
SPEAKER_00I did my presentation a minute ago, bloody crushed it. You're gonna fail. You're gonna fail mid time.
SPEAKER_03Let's see a flashback of that character leaving for work. Okay. Leaving for work? Yeah, who are you? Who are you playing, Kevin? Um, I'm an orc. An orange.
SPEAKER_06I I turn it off.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. Time to get up, do a couple sun salutations, there we go. Oh, feels good. Uh stretching really makes a difference. Alright, let me grab my prezi, my magic point. Pretty good. Alright. Well, I'm single, have no kids, don't have any pets, no other characters here. Alright, I guess I'll get dressed.
SPEAKER_03Okay, let's see a flashback of that character as a child.
SPEAKER_00Alright, I'll get up. All alone at the orphanage. Orphanage of one. Get up, get dressed. Couple of sudden salutations. Oh yeah, stretching really makes a difference. Alright. Now just take a quick shower. Alright.
SPEAKER_03Okay, flash forward, flash forward back to him. You're back and getting ready for work.
SPEAKER_00Alright, and I got dressed, and here we go. And I'm looking good. Oh, it was a quilt and I was gonna love it. And my nemesis is gonna fucking hate crow. He's gonna hate it.
SPEAKER_06I'm gonna and I actually got his presentation ahead of time. And I'm turning all the slides upside down and I'm deleting words and I'm putting references to his dumb wife in there. Oh, his wife's so dumb. I'm gonna put pictures of him there, and all the people at the boardroom's gonna look at him and be like, what a dumb wife. And then we cut back to the boardroom.
SPEAKER_12And I ruined your presentation. Good luck. What what are you waiting for?
SPEAKER_04So sorry. Um this uh this rogue just admitted to me that he ruined my presentation.
SPEAKER_06What?
SPEAKER_14No, it didn't. No, you know me. I'm number one in sales and all acquisitions.
SPEAKER_12Bickering like children. And let me see your presentation. Fine. Fine?
SPEAKER_04What do we What do you mean fine? I'll do it. I'll do it. Okay. What do we know about flashlights? Not much. Did that exist? Well, what if you could hump them?
SPEAKER_12Are you doing your flashlight presentation again? I'm sorry, he ruined my new one. I got it, I got nothing else. You're doing another presentation about the fleshlight?
SPEAKER_04Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Let me just think on my feet here. Come on, think on your feet. Okay. What do we know about um what do we know about uh Chotkis that are just like sort of a long um penis-shaped silicone tube kind of thing.
SPEAKER_12But it's upside down.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Don't you see? This guy's frickin' me.
SPEAKER_12Current. I have no other option but to fire you. I should have done this a long time ago.
SPEAKER_04Well then I got no other option than to reveal again. A gun. Oh, a gun. Again. Again. No, I hold this up.
SPEAKER_12I hold this up and I say to you, what do we know about guns? I use a I'm gonna do a m- I'm a high wizard, so I'm gonna do a magic spell to turn the gun into uh a fleshlight. No, wait, that's what I was gonna say. I'm gonna roll. I think you should roll.
SPEAKER_03Rolling? That's what he's gonna say anyway. So okay, it happens. You're both in agreement. Yeah. You're gonna roll for it.
SPEAKER_12And now I'm also gonna do a spell to put a magically put a dunce cap on his head. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Can the dunce cap also be shaped like a little fleshlight? So it's but it's like oh no, it's a two.
SPEAKER_12So what what where does the dunce cap go?
SPEAKER_03Uh you just kind of blind him. Oh no. Oh shit. Yeah, you try to put a dunce cap on him and you like do a little mistake and you just kind of like in present day he's blind as well?
SPEAKER_06Yes. Oh no.
SPEAKER_12Oh no.
SPEAKER_06He says a lot like Will Pumpkin.
SPEAKER_12Oh no, get him out of here.
SPEAKER_03And then two police officers come in. I would Will Pumpkin. Two police officers come in to arrest High Wizard. What's his name? Quel Quelfner. Quelfner. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_12To arrest me? Yeah. High Wizard Quelfner. Okay.
SPEAKER_03And so then you you scream that you're gonna get vengeance on him later in life as you get hauled off.
SPEAKER_12Oh.
SPEAKER_11Oh right. Come with us. I will get vengeance on you.
SPEAKER_06That's the last thing I do. Yeah, you'll get vengeance for blinding a guy.
SPEAKER_00Your own actions blinding him unjustly. Yeah, you'll get vengeance.
SPEAKER_04I can't see. I can't see. Can I can I roll to see if I do a series of hilarious bumps and pratfalls on my way out of the office?
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_04Okay, I roll a 15. Yeah, so yeah, you got at least four. Give me four. Oof! That's the side of the table right in my kidney. That's a slinky I brought in. Guess I was gonna show people that if you line it with synthetic material, you can hump it. That's true.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03Three, four, and five. Okay, great. We did it. It happened a lot. So we go back to the platform. Okay. Okay. Okay. We feel like we've we've had enough flashbacks there. There's the work who's the, you know.
SPEAKER_12I can't believe that you did all those great dances and you've been blind this whole time.
SPEAKER_04What can I say?
SPEAKER_12You've got a real stroke of bad luck.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you can say that again.
SPEAKER_06And is that other dog that was with you, your CNI pal?
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, the little dog. Where's that little dog?
SPEAKER_12I'm right here. What's your name? My name?
SPEAKER_03Oh, here we go.
SPEAKER_12Rough Rufus.
SPEAKER_03If you think I had a rough go, you should hear this guy's story. Fine. A quick flashback about this Rough Rufus? Rough Rufus. I love Rufus. Rough Rufus. Rough Rufus. Okay, so let's see what happened with Rough Rufus. Very briefly.
SPEAKER_12Time to get up. What a great life I'm living right now.
SPEAKER_00Oh, Rufus? I'm your granddad that lives with you. Yeah, hey grandad. I just want to note that I'm just doing pretty much one voice, bro. That's okay.
SPEAKER_06Hey, that's fine.
SPEAKER_00Granddad, like you're doing a great job.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Oh, I love you, my boy. You're such a good boy. I love you so much and you made me proud every day.
SPEAKER_12Oh, thanks, Granddad.
SPEAKER_14Oh, I'm dead. Oh no, he flatlined.
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_14Oh granddad, wake up! It's actually called fleshlined.
SPEAKER_12Oh, granddad. Oh no, he's dead. Oh no, I'm late for the floor.
SPEAKER_06But as I die, I drop and my finger points to this like conspicuous book in our bookshelf. It's pointing to it.
SPEAKER_12I go and get it and I pull it out. Hello. I'm the book. It's a talking book.
SPEAKER_04I've got one thing to say to you.
SPEAKER_12What is it, talking book?
SPEAKER_04Read me in full. Touch me. Read and touch me. Okay. Let's see. Have sex with me.
SPEAKER_06No, I don't think I'm gonna do that. Rough what Rough Rufus doesn't notice is that there's a little note that slips out of the book that says like from grandpa that says like, absolutely, under no condition should you read or fuck this book. Please destroy it. But it fell on the book. Yeah, like it fell on the ground, like slipped through the floorboards or something.
SPEAKER_12Sweep that away. Yeah, I don't even need to look at it. It's just a bit of paper I don't need to look at.
SPEAKER_04I'll tell you a secret. This is me, I'm this. Yeah. If you touch me, right? If you have sex with me, I'll give birth to another book.
SPEAKER_12And I'll have another book to read.
SPEAKER_04Yes, you have infinite books as long as you have sex with me.
SPEAKER_12Oh, that's nice. Alright. So you're you're choosing to have sex with the book? Yeah. I roll to see how good I do.
SPEAKER_03Okay, fine. Roll. So you do have sex with a book. I'm so sorry. Twelve. Yeah, it's fine. It's pretty good.
SPEAKER_12Does the book climax?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. It was fine. For both of you, it was it was like it was pretty reasonably um a nice sex. Okay.
SPEAKER_12That was nice. Thank you. What's this feeling I have over me? Love. Am I turning into a book?
SPEAKER_03Okay, so I just wanna I just want to say that he is not a book in the future. So we have like another few story beats here. So he gets turned into a book. Yeah. Then he has to get turned back into a little dog. Yeah.
SPEAKER_12So that looks like I put propose that the book, the original book, turns into a dog. That's what I was gonna say. Stole his stole his identity.
SPEAKER_03He gets switched. And I'm gonna switch. Okay, great. Okay, great. Back to the subway platform. Okay.
SPEAKER_12Okay. Yeah, and that's just half of the story. Because what happened is I I had sex with the book, and I lived life as a book for a while. And then I switched back. I had to convince someone to have sex with me in book form. Yeah. Yeah, and I felt really bad, but it's the only way I get out of it. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03You see the uh prank! The skeleton holding the velvet pillow of the with the skull passes it to another skeleton in the honor guard, and that big, kind of taller skeleton walks up and goes, I'm General Malmoot.
SPEAKER_02I request your presence with the mayor of Skeleton Town down at the Honor Guard. Please, you are the guests of honor. Join me, won't you?
SPEAKER_12Can we bring our new friends, the dogs, who do performance on the subway? This is good.
SPEAKER_02Only the three of you who have been brought here by McRib may come meet the mayor.
SPEAKER_04Can we roll to convince him to let us bring the dogs? Sure. Absolutely. Doesn't convince him?
SPEAKER_12I'll let you all do a roll. Please. It's a really they really are great friend. Six. Nope.
SPEAKER_06Doesn't hold on. Five. Okay, yeah.
unknownFuck.
SPEAKER_03Can you all just can we all just hear how bad you're convincing sort of uh reasons? Come on, we just met them and don't know them very well.
SPEAKER_12And we'd like to get to know them.
SPEAKER_03Come on. They're just dogs, they're probably shit. I don't like that. That makes me think I don't want them there.
SPEAKER_01Please bring the dogs. We've got we want them there.
SPEAKER_02That's not very uh unrational irrational argument. Please come meet the mayor. He he longs to meet you.
SPEAKER_06Bye, Kurt and Rough Ruffus Rufus. We hope you see you again.
SPEAKER_12Bye, guys.
SPEAKER_06Alright, Kurd's a little quiet, but whatever. Bye, guys. There he is. He takes you down.
SPEAKER_03There he is. As you approach all the honor guard skeletons salute. The uh big guy who brought you down picks up the sk the skull on the pillow and he says, presenting Mayor Osric of Skeleton Town. Hello. The skeleton talks on the pillow. Oh, and are we still we're still in the subway? Oh wow.
SPEAKER_09Welcome to Skeleton Town. We have heard of you, and we have made a great feast for you to enjoy. Tonight enjoy the Nett!
SPEAKER_06Oh look, I have a pillow for you to sit on. And I I take out a whippy cushion and I pick him up and I put him on it and goes. And he laughs.
SPEAKER_15He goes, Oh, he liked it. I love you all. You guys are great. Tonight we will feast on your favorite foods. And you will go to bed, and in the morning you will all receive everything you want.
SPEAKER_04Can he can Kevin can Kevin put him on uh do the same prank again on another whoopee cushion? It's just the exact same prank. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Oh uh let me just put you back on the your old pillow. And I pick him up and I'm like taking the the the thing and I'm trying to open the little flap and blow into it and like phew. It's okay. I know what you're doing. I put him on it, and he goes, I know you're doing it. I'm like, oh man! Whoa! Decoration of uh That's awesome.
SPEAKER_15That's why you've been brought here.
SPEAKER_06That's what I like to eat, is farts. What? And I tumble, I tumble on the ground.
SPEAKER_15You will see at the at the grand feast, you will be treated as royal guests.
SPEAKER_06And then I go to give the mare a hug, but I've actually got the whipping cushion in my shirt, and I go, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_15Maya I know, no. Maya! It's nice. I wish I could fart again. I am but a skull.
SPEAKER_12And in the background, we see High Wizard Quelthnar pff coming out and finding the dogs. This is like deep background. And he like casts a spell at Curd and Curd because he vowed revenge for blinding him.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_06Oh man, but Rough Rufus jumps in the way and gets hit by the spell and gets turned into a book again. Okay.
SPEAKER_03We have to do some rules here. We have to do some rules here. So we're in this conversation with Mayor Osric. Yeah. And you're saying, Mark C that uh the high wizard from the flashback has found his quarry and is there to try to assassinate them in this moment?
SPEAKER_12Rough Rufus is gonna jump in front.
SPEAKER_03Okay, let's see. So let's do a roll from you, Mark C, for the spell you cast. Okay. Rolling. And then we'll do a roll from Rough Rufus to jump in front. Yes. Okay. So it's terrible. It's a terrible spell. Yeah. All it does all it does is blow your own hand off. Okay.
SPEAKER_12Ah I blew my own hand off, and for that, I will avenge you. To avenge you.
SPEAKER_11I will get whoever did this to you.
SPEAKER_03Oh, Ralph Rufus does jump, but it doesn't matter. Right. So he says it jumps. Okay. Quel thumbs up. The skeleton guard turn around and see you, uh, the high wizard, and like take him into custody and take him away.
SPEAKER_11I will avenge you.
SPEAKER_04Um can can we uh can we find out about the mayor? Sure.
SPEAKER_03Mayor Osric, just the skull. Tell us about yourself, Mayor.
SPEAKER_06As we're walking.
SPEAKER_15Ah, yes. I've been mayor for thirty years. I love Skeleton Town, and only want to get more guests to visit.
SPEAKER_12What are your policies and stuff like? How did you get elected?
SPEAKER_15There is no election. I am just I have inherited the job from my father before me. It's not democratic You should be scared, Will.
SPEAKER_11That is frightening.
SPEAKER_15You are our guests of honor. You'll receive everything you love to eat, and you will be put in the most comfy of rooms separate, of course. And in the morning you will get everything you've ever wanted. I want courage. You will have that. You will have courage in the morning. And you, Chain, you will receive freedom, and your ex-wife will be with you.
SPEAKER_12That's what I want most. I want Mira back.
SPEAKER_15And me, I want Ryan Beale. And me, I want to read.
SPEAKER_06I want to. I mean, and I hug you again and go, no, me, I mean fart.
SPEAKER_15You will receive so many ideas for pranks. Yeah, I need a few more.
SPEAKER_14Oh my god. Why are you offering us such uh wonderful gifts? Because Skeleton Town thrives and lives unvisited. Something seems suspicious.
SPEAKER_12They're gonna eat us. I roll for suspicious. You roll for suspicious.
SPEAKER_06Okay, great. That's good.
SPEAKER_12Okay, I'm rolling a 19. Oh, yeah, you're very suspicious.
SPEAKER_03You're highly suspicious. You can't you you can't you can't be chill. You can't be cool. You were suspicious of this whole night.
SPEAKER_12This is not something's off here. Nobody just gives somebody his ex-wife back and asks nothing in return.
SPEAKER_06I also want to roll because you're offering me to read and to have my taxes done, but my taxes not being done is actually a prank on the government, and I want that to be that way. So him actually solving it is like, wait, what? Like So I want to I'm gonna roll to see if that's suspicious to me as well.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_0616. Yeah, you're also suspicious. What the hell? I don't want my taxes to be done. I love cheating on my taxes. I prank Ryan B.
SPEAKER_12Something feels off here, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_03And you notice, like, you're surrounded by skeletons. They're like patting you on the back, but they're like ushering you towards this grand hall, which is a huge rib cage with doors made of femurs.
SPEAKER_12What do they do with the rest of the bones? It's like just mostly femurs.
SPEAKER_03A lot of them aren't useful for building.
SPEAKER_04Can I roll to steal a gun from uh from a guy? Yeah. So again, it'll be a bone gun. Bone gun. And we have a gun.
SPEAKER_12Will's gonna steal a gun? How brave.
SPEAKER_03Well, I rolled a four.
unknownNice.
SPEAKER_03So yeah, you kind of like try to wrestle a gun and he kind of swats you away, and then the whole party stops and goes, Why?
SPEAKER_15What is wrong with everybody? Why are you so suspicious? We only want to feed you, house you, and give you everything you want.
SPEAKER_03I pick up the head and I like You pick up Mayor Osric. Yeah. Ever and like, everyone's it's tent. Wait, everybody was picking up the head.
SPEAKER_12Kevin hugged it, Kevin sat it on a fart. Okay, fine, okay, fine. Okay, fine. You can pick up the head. Yeah. So I pick up the head and I go like, tell us what you're on about. I don't trust you. And I shake it.
SPEAKER_03He looks at you with dead, empty skeleton eyes and just goes, like, All I want is to give you everything you want.
SPEAKER_15We are good here in Skeleton Town. I don't trust you.
SPEAKER_04He tries to kiss you, he goes, And then the mayor's assistant goes, Oh I can't I can't wait to eat these guys.
SPEAKER_06And then all the all the skeletons that are around them all go, yeah, yeah, there's two. And they all start patting their like their empty space where their stomach should be. Eating these guys. Yum, yum, yum.
SPEAKER_13Hey, hey guys, guys, guys. Guys, let's just be chill. Let's go to the, you know, let's let's follow a step through one through three, you know what I'm saying? Okay, to the point of the colour.
SPEAKER_06They all pull up, they all they all pull out this pamphlet that's like the mayor's guide to eating visitors, and they're like, oh yeah, step three, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Listen, so you've identified that you're in danger, but how are you gonna get out of it? You're surrounded by a skeleton honor guard, you're being ushered towards this grand hall, you know, you've already tried to steal a gun, it didn't work. I mean, how are you gonna try to get how are you possibly gonna get out of this?
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna try and steal a gun again. Okay. I roll a nine. No.
SPEAKER_06Uh I go, oh Mayor, mayor, do you mind if me and my competitors have a moment to freshen up before the meal?
SPEAKER_12Yeah. We need to wash our hands, something you probably aren't used to anymore.
SPEAKER_15We aren't familiar with that. We have no flesh.
SPEAKER_12Yeah, flesh is quite dirty, you know.
SPEAKER_15You may go down by the river, but you will be accompanied by five anagards.
SPEAKER_04How about two? We need five Guys, I've got an idea.
SPEAKER_06Yeah?
SPEAKER_03So you're being like they they go off into the Grand Hall, which is again a big sort of ribcage building, and they sort of like push you down towards a river which is kind of murky and gross. I'm gonna steal one of their guns.
SPEAKER_12You've tried, Will, you've tried twice. I rolled an eleven. It's been quite obvious.
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_12Alright, alright, alright. I couldn't do it. Will I'm proud of you for doing something, you know, but you just I'm gonna give you you only have two more attempts at the gun. Oh wow, that's a lot. Why we're gonna do chain!
SPEAKER_04Yes, and Bill Garden keeps going, why is it keep trying to grab my iron? Will build me up!
SPEAKER_11Will you have it in you? We all are born with something, and that is called the courage of the human being.
SPEAKER_01I believe you! I'm gonna roll to see if I can steal a gun. That's if it's a new idea. It's a sticks. Oh fuck!
SPEAKER_03Come on, Will! One more chance. You have one more chance to take it over, and then they're gonna have to do something. You are so brave. You can do this, Willow.
SPEAKER_06I'm gonna do it! Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Before he rolls, I'm gonna try and do a little prank to give him like, can I do something to give him advantage? Yeah, give him some. Okay, so you can do like a distraction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a prank strap.
SPEAKER_03Tell me the prank, and then I'll tell you if how much it helps. Okay. This is about you being imaginative here, Kevin. How can you distract that what helps Will Pumpkin seal again?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we're down by the river. Is the river water?
SPEAKER_03It's like a murky, muddy, gross water, but it's water.
SPEAKER_06Okay. So I grab a I I put like I pick up some water and I splash it all over my crotch and I splash it like on my nipples and stuff. And I go, I go, gods, gods! I'm spontaneously leaking. Uh, you gotta help me over here.
SPEAKER_03Nice. Okay, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Okay, and I'll roll to see if it works.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Six.
SPEAKER_03Okay, no, they're like, fuck. Okay, they saw you do everything. No. So you get the water.
SPEAKER_06Okay, and then I actually I take a little pouch out and I take some itching powder and I go.
SPEAKER_03Okay, this is your last bag.
SPEAKER_01Three.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so it goes back into your face.
SPEAKER_01Delivery Ryan Pew. I've got no idea. What is it? Steal a gun.
SPEAKER_03You would do it. That was your last one. I told you you had last one. Okay, so you steal two guns. You're able to get double guns. And you have a few moments of them being surprised. What do you do with those guns?
SPEAKER_01Oh no, I accidentally got two. Give me one. I'm paralyzed by choice.
SPEAKER_12Just give me one. I'm gonna roll to grab one from him. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Okay, I rolled a six. Yeah, you you gr you grab you fall down into the river.
SPEAKER_06I'm gonna roll to grab one as well. Okay. I'll save you. Oh well, you know, go ahead. Okay, I rolled a 19.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so you grab one of the guns.
SPEAKER_06Got it! And I'll go, I'll save you! And I start shooting at Mark in the river. I'm just kidding. I know I'm kidding. I'm not that stupid. Uh okay, so uh I guess I'll shoot at one of the guards.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Remember, it won't kill them.
SPEAKER_06Oh, yeah, because it just makes them bigger. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah.
unknownFuck.
SPEAKER_06Uh what are they standing on? Can I shoot the ground and they like slip and fall into the river or something? Cool.
SPEAKER_03That's a really cool idea, Kevin.
SPEAKER_12What are the guns? Are they just their hands?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, like I was saying before that it was like his hand and it shoots the tip of the finger off. And when he shot himself in the head, the bone just became part of his own head and it made it bigger, is what I said earlier.
SPEAKER_03But they are guns. So you could use them to somehow you're by a river. You've got guns.
SPEAKER_06You could use it somehow, you're by a river, you could shoot the river and it could do something, or you could throw them in the river and the river can shoot. Yeah. I'll save you the trouble.
SPEAKER_04Alright. Can I Kai shoot myself to because I'm scared? No, it'll kill Will. Give it back to him. Will will die if we alright. I won't do that. Kevin, are you gonna shoot out the ground?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I'll try and shoot the ground underneath the what the guards maybe and see if it like breaks uh breaks up the loose rock and makes them slip and fall.
SPEAKER_03Great.
SPEAKER_06Okay, here we go. Three, two, one. Fourteen?
SPEAKER_03Yes, good. You shoot, yeah, two of them go slap whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They fall into the river and then they splashing around. Here's the thing skeletons can't swim. Nice.
SPEAKER_12And I go and grab one, I'm gonna throw it, throw one into the water.
SPEAKER_03Because you notice that in the moment.
SPEAKER_12Yeah. Okay, great. So there's three remaining. So I'm gonna grab one of them and throw them into the water. Okay, I rolled a three.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so you slip down and fall back into the river. Fuck.
SPEAKER_06Okay, I want to grab Will by his legs and like use him like a like swing him to hit, like hit one of them with his like loose body hard. Let's see what you get. Because Will's kind of like a goopy blob guy.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah, I'm kind of goopy. Fifteen.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so you grab Will and you hit one of them, and one of them falls into the river. So there's one left.
SPEAKER_12Okay, so I get out of the river and I try to grab the one that's left.
SPEAKER_03Okay, this is you. Just get out again. Yeah, just get out.
SPEAKER_12Nine.
SPEAKER_04No, you fall back. So then I guess there's just one guy. There's just one guy.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_06And I just I just point at him and I go, get in the river, bitch! No, I'm just pointing at him.
SPEAKER_03I go, get towards you, and he grabs you. Oh fuck. And now you're you're in mortal combat, being struggling together as he's trying to grab you, throw you into the river.
SPEAKER_12I get out of the river and I grab that skeleton. Okay, this is your last. This is your last one. There we go. 16.
SPEAKER_03Yes! You get him. Wrest him away from Ryan Beal. And you do kind of a cool push move, and he's in the river. They're all floating down the river. You got him! You got him all.
SPEAKER_12No bones about it.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04And then and then ship the tomorrow. Nice. Oh, nice. Femer. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well, it seems like maybe we should use the bone guys as a raft and escape on the river. Yeah, they're floating pretty slowly.
SPEAKER_03And they're drowned at this point. Skeletons can drown.
SPEAKER_12Okay. Quickly. Tie the bones together to create a pontoon. Do you have anything that you use as a tie? Yeah, I have a bunch of string in my pocket. String, though. Not rope. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I got lots of loose, tiny string in my string. Okay. Fine. Um. Yeah. Um and I have uh uh what would be like a prank thing that I have that I could tie things together with.
SPEAKER_03Um some fake vomit. You could use your whoopee cushion as like a motor.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, a floatation.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, a little motor to push it up constantly to go faster. Can we do a little roll mark to see uh mark see how um how well you tie them together?
SPEAKER_12Yeah, here I go. Uh rolling to tie bones together. I rolled a 17! Yes.
SPEAKER_03They're very tight. Nice. You made a nice raft, mostly out of ribs and femurs. Cool. Unless useful bones. And so now you are all kind of like you're still a little bit submerged, like it's not all dry, but you're like hanging on to this kind of like bone flotilla, basically.
SPEAKER_12And we see a sign on the river that's an arrow pointing in the direction that we're floating, and it says to Oregon City. And it's like it's like skeleton city, except it's people made out of or just organs. The organ trail. The organ trail, nice.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so do we all like this? We want to keep going. We all want to go on the organ trail. Do we like this? Is any of this fun? Or do we want to go on to the room? Anyone at home?
SPEAKER_06Are you enjoying this? Or do we want to do a roll? I like going to organ trail.
SPEAKER_03I'm letting I'm letting it uh up to a vote for the party. Do we want to go on the organ trail?
SPEAKER_04Um, maybe I'll roll to drown. Okay. I rolled a nine. You do not drown. Oh you get close, though.
SPEAKER_12You get close to the road. I can't swim. Stay on the that's why I made the raft, Will.
SPEAKER_03I can't swim. Come on. So you float down the river, gets a little bit, it picks up some speed as it takes it uh around the band with the sign. It says the Oregon Trail.
SPEAKER_10Um a skeleton holding Mayor Osric runs out of the grand hall and he goes, No, no, but you you I had everything planned. We needed your bodies and flesh to sustain us.
SPEAKER_03So they were going to destroy you. Oh my god, wow. But they were gonna strip you of your memories and your flesh. Oh uh, because that's how skeleton uh town um sustains itself.
SPEAKER_04So And then can we hear from the uh the um an opposition guy who wants to be mayor? Uh um how it could be because Mayor Osric promised that this would work.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Can it be um not just a skeleton? So you know how Mayor Osric is just a skull on a pillow? What's the what do you think would be a fun little uh opposition um skeleton guy? Maybe he's just the body? Yeah, it's the rest of his body. They separate guy. He's running against the body. So it's Mayor Osric's former body?
SPEAKER_12Yeah, that left because they had he had differing views.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so who wants to play this guy? And let's name him and let's hear from him. I think Mark should play him because he wanted to do this. Okay, let's hear let's hear this little uh uh sort of uh political hit from Mayor Osric's former body. I can't talk.
SPEAKER_12He's just gesticulating a lot.
SPEAKER_10ASL is skitting it.
SPEAKER_03And I guess the skeletons are like, he's making a lot of good points. Yes, I agree with him. And he's just pointing at things. He's like, lots of good points. Really good points. Excellent points. Solid. Wow. Skeleton town has been thrown into turmoil. You were right to escape because they were gonna try to take it, take your life from you. Yes. Wow. Your flesh and your memories. Um but now the party is on this skeleton-made flotilla floating towards the Oregon Trail. Um, can we have an outro from you guys about how you feel? About uh what you think is gonna happen next time.
SPEAKER_12Why don't we do a quick flashback to uh the to the presentation that um uh Curd? That Curd did does. Because we never heard from Kurd, right? But he was sabotaged though. Oh no, no, no. We saw a lot of it actually.
SPEAKER_06We saw a lot of that. It ended with Kwelthnar trying to assassinate Kurd and failing and blowing his own hand off. And then I will avenge you.
SPEAKER_03Actually, that's a nice that guy that guy could come back again. He just wants to avenge things that he's gonna be.
SPEAKER_06I guess that would be the stingers, that it'd be like slowly like the camera panning up on the ground, and you're actually in the skeleton prison and Quelthnar's there. Yeah, you know, doing like he's doing like like pull-ups, getting like jacked. He's all sweaty and like red. Okay, let's hear some tattoos.
SPEAKER_03Let's hear from Quelthnar and then Quelthnar's uh uh cellmate. Yeah, and then that'll be the end. Yeah. He's getting really jacked, and he looks right in the camera and goes, Heh heh, I will avenge you.
SPEAKER_06I'm trying to I'm trying to play with my prick.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_06I found this new thing called a fleshlight coming out of Dog London. It's amazing.
SPEAKER_11Yeah, yes. My company actually rolled those out a few years ago. Really? Yeah, it's my company. Hey, oi, you two!
SPEAKER_12Oh keep it down in there. Alright, alright, alright. I forgot I can only do a pull-up with one hand because my other hand is blown off.
SPEAKER_06That's right, even stronger. Good attention to it.
SPEAKER_12Keep it down in there! Yes.
SPEAKER_06I've got some vengeance to do too. Why don't we team up? Oh, what did I just say?
SPEAKER_05Sorry, sorry.
SPEAKER_03Alright, alright, alright. Yeah, you gotta listen to the walrus guard there. I'm coming in! Floop, floop, floop, floop.
SPEAKER_12There's no need for coming in, walrus. I told you what would happen if you didn't obey me. I cast a spell at the walrus. What is it? It's uh it's to take off his tusks. Okay. There we go. I'm rolled a nine. Uh it takes off one tusk. What the hell?
SPEAKER_05If you come any closer, I'll do the other one. Okay, I'm gonna roll to tase you. Oh shit. Sixteen. Yeah, you get tased. Oh shit, that looks rough. You want some of this? You want some of this? Yeah! Oh, that sucked. You do?
unknownYeah!
SPEAKER_05You want it? Uh-huh. Uh no, I don't. Yeah, give it to me, daddy. You're not supposed to want it. Yeah. No! Do tase me, bro! No!
unknownCome on!
SPEAKER_05I roll to not tase you. Okay. 13. You do tase them.
SPEAKER_10Oh no! I will avenge you!
SPEAKER_03No! And we pan out from there. The the dictaze, the door is open. Maybe they escape, maybe they don't. But that was a fantastic session of the nightmare party. The party continues to get out of danger. I mean, it would have been fun to go to the big uh hall of the uh grand feast I was planning. Yeah, yeah. But you know what? You smelled the danger and you got out of it before you got to it, which is I think uh pretty good DD instincts. Nice. Now you're floating down uh a muddy, murky river called the Oregon Trail. And we'll see if you get out of it. I mean, maybe you could just get off the flotilla and go right back to Tenther, which is fine. Yeah, who knows? Maybe you'll discover um new and exciting NPCs along the way. But either way, I I thought that was really good DD you guys did. You guys kept yourselves out of danger and you kept yourself safe. So kudos. Thanks, Ryan.
SPEAKER_12Thanks, Ryan. Awesome session.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Join us next week on another installment of the nightmare parry.