Nightmare Party - Milfania

In the second session of our latest campaign, Fist goes on a date with Milfania and Shadow runs into trouble on his way to Wizard Mountain.

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:14

Hey, welcome back to another episode, session, edition of Nightmare Party, a DD adjacent comedy podcast where me, Ryan Beale, the dungeon master, have convinced some of my very funny friends to play DD or our version of DD. We're not gonna inundate you with all the rules, but we will inundate you with confusing story and uh wacky fun characters. Hey Mark, Mark, and Kevin, how you doing?

SPEAKER_12 0:40

Good.

SPEAKER_07 0:41

Good. Good. Good. Uh we did uh this is a uh second session after one of our uh uh sort of um classic hard resets where we figure we've gone too far, too deep with a campaign that's gotten out of our hands, out of control. So we did a hard re hard reset, choose chose new characters and started the story last um week. But to us it's been multiple weeks, so we're all a little foggy and a little hazy about what we did and and sort of waking up, you know, with the ramifications of uh those choices. Do we want to remind ourselves who we're all playing and what we think happened?

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Sure. Yeah. Um I I am playing Shadow, who is a goblin like thief guy. I think he talks like a he's like a goblin guy. Yeah, he stole a uh uh a dagger from a royal guy. Who was the royal?

SPEAKER_07 1:33

What was the he was the knight protecting the shitty little prince that came in? We should tell everyone you're also all of you are running a basically a a gap kids store, uh armory for for kids.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Yeah. And across the street is cuppa depuppa, which is a uh a cafe run by medieval superheroes.

SPEAKER_08 1:55

I like that we can't remember and can't remember anything about ourselves. We're like, there's a cuppa de puppa. We got superheroes hands, they're doing great. Here's all their stuff.

SPEAKER_07 2:03

It's like very busy.

SPEAKER_08 2:04

It's really popping off.

SPEAKER_07 2:05

Yeah, you guys can't shut up about cuppa de puppa or stop going there. It's true. Because I mean, why wouldn't you do why wouldn't you want to see medieval Spider-Man with his pulleys and his ropes? Oh, that's right. Chuck's pulleys. You have a Spider-Man, but it had to be medieval. Yeah. So that's where I put my foot down.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

Uh and then I this dagger has we figured out through a wizard that it has the a word for doom, and I want to do, and I want to go to a guy in the Wizard Mountain.

SPEAKER_07 2:32

In the Wizard Mountain Classic DD hook. You have a you have an artifact, you have a magical item that's got a bit of mystery to it, a language you can't understand, and you gotta go figure it out uh at a place that isn't here, and stuff will happen along the way. Meanwhile, uh Mark L and Kevin L. You guys were stuffed, you guys did stuff too.

SPEAKER_08 2:54

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_07 2:54

No? Yeah, he did Kevin. Kevin.

SPEAKER_08 2:57

Yes. Uh I played a character called Leslie Posezzi. I was a ghost uh and has sort of subghost-like powers, is a sheet-style ghost, and used to own the the the uh the baby gap and uh our gap kids or whatever, and can possess people. And if he does a if I roll bad while possessing someone, I take they basically possess me. I take on their personality characteristics, which was what happened with the prince, the little prince I took over, and I became a little jerk for a while. But then of course went over to the puppet a cuppa and everything got right as rain, had a nice cup of black coffee.

SPEAKER_07 3:31

It's enough to talk about the cuppa. It's all happening in the puppet a cuppa, I know, okay? But let's just keep it to a minimum.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Cup and puppa, right?

SPEAKER_07 3:42

Puppet a cuppa? Cupeta Papa. When you're there, you're the hero. Yeah, cup of the puppy. That's that's you're a big stone guy. Like a big rock man.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

Like a big the thing.

SPEAKER_07 3:56

Like seven foot tall. Yeah. And I'm made of stone. You like to you uh either like to or try to stop yourself from going bananas, I believe. Oh, that's interesting. I'm gonna go bananas. Yeah, you lose your temper. Yeah, yeah. And with your strength, you gotta be careful.

SPEAKER_12 4:14

Yeah. Yeah, and I'm I'm uh I I I seem to care a lot about how the Chasm Children store that we run is going. Yeah. And I'm about to go on a date with Milfania.

SPEAKER_07 4:30

With Milfania, who I went to high school with. Yeah, and she was still named Milfania, and that's which sounds like a medieval country full of MILFs.

SPEAKER_08 4:39

Welcome to Milfania.

SPEAKER_12 4:41

And she's got a dead husband she wants to talk to the ghost of. Yes? Yes. Oh, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

I forgot about that. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_07 4:48

So a lot of tendrils of story to pull on and dance about with. Um I think we should just jump into it. So we know we have we were being pulled towards Wizard Mountain. We know we have this date between Fist and Milfania. Mark C, I believe you are playing Milfania. Yeah. Great. And Leslie uh Possessie, which is a name we came to late in the game after you possessed a couple times. You were already named Leslie, and then Possessie just seemed like a natural uh second step. So yeah, and you're you're sort of you're in between. You can go to both, you can go back and forth, you can choose one, or maybe we can do some split screen. Maybe we'll all do everything together. It's all up to you. I'm just here to facilitate your good time. Welcome to Nightmare Party. I'll turn off my dings.

unknown 5:34

Welcome to Ding! Nightmare.

SPEAKER_08 5:36

I also gotta say, don't remember at all what my character sounds like, so I'm just gonna find it as I go. I'm gonna say the possession.

SPEAKER_07 5:44

We're still figuring these characters out. When you're playing DD, it might take a few sessions to find the voice. Maybe you try one on, you don't like it, you do something else. It's just important you're still kind of playing the same sort of uh motivations and tendencies and actions and stuff. So try trying another try in whatever voices you want. Okay. Okay. So um I don't know where exactly we left off, but I think the three of you should come together. A lot happened. Maybe it's is it closing time? Is it after hours? Is it uh the next day? How do you guys do closing time?

SPEAKER_08 6:16

Yeah, because I think our our our our whole store was like thrashed, right? Because like the knight came over to like try and find a dagger. Find the dagger. And then I think correct me if I'm wrong, Fist, yeah, you crush you went bananas and you crushed him into a cube.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

I crushed him into a cube, and so now we're now we're kind of in trouble. So we I thought maybe we should go a little bit on the run, but then Fist was like, Yeah, but I got this date. Yeah, this Oh date.

SPEAKER_08 6:41

So maybe we maybe we are want to go on a run to the to the mountain, but we've got to do this date first. Like we've got to do the date. Help him with this date.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

And the date's tonight.

SPEAKER_07 6:51

Sure. Sure. Okay. Date's tonight, yeah. And you and then there is still the prince still needs his clothes, I think. Um, keep that lie in the air or whatever, but he's yeah. Okay, and uh, and you're you're in the thrashed store. Uh you're just you knee deep in um children's armor, I guess. Kid-sized armor everywhere for all different types. And knight's blood papers, parchments, the knight's blood is everywhere. It's a mess. It's a real mess.

SPEAKER_08 7:24

Somebody go bananas, isn't he?

SPEAKER_07 7:27

Yeah. You were here. There's no way that was the voice.

SPEAKER_10 7:33

100% was not the voice.

SPEAKER_07 7:35

Yeah, but he's Leslie Possesse, so he could kind of have a, you know, he's a gun that he could be. He possessed a guy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 7:41

I possessed a guy who was walking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

You were we we we've been through, we know what happened. We watched Fist kill the guy. I'm a goblin guy. Look, we gotta make a plan. Fist has a date. We got I gotta get to the mountains. We gotta get out of here. We've gotta lay low, right?

SPEAKER_11 8:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 8:04

Yeah, I gotta find a voice. The voices may be like this. I don't know.

SPEAKER_12 8:09

Oh was it was it a classic ghost voice?

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Oh.

SPEAKER_12 8:14

That's right, you're a ghost.

SPEAKER_08 8:15

Okay, I can just be like that. Uh okay. Why don't we why don't we do the date first and then we can go to the mountain?

SPEAKER_02 8:24

We do the date? Are we going on the date with you?

SPEAKER_10 8:26

Triple date!

SPEAKER_02 8:27

No, no. We should. We can give you like things to say.

SPEAKER_08 8:31

You've never been on a date. And this isn't problematic at all. If it's not going well, I can possess her. Make her like your jokes.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Then I'd be dating you. Yeah, you'd be on a date with Leslie Pazzi.

SPEAKER_08 8:44

Is that so bad? You don't what? Am I not date material? Well, it's just a different thing. I'm definitely date material.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Yeah. Look, I think you can do the date by yourself, but if you want some backup, we can be there kind of hiding, and you could come to us, especially if you feel like you need to go bananas. We can talk you down.

SPEAKER_05 9:03

Hello? Oh, it's the princely.

SPEAKER_12 9:06

Should we kill him?

unknown 9:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_12 9:09

Who knows who his father is? Let's just answer the door and play it cool. It's some mess in here. Play it cool. No, no, what I what I do.

SPEAKER_08 9:18

We gotta open the door. No, what I do is I I spread my body out like a sheet over top of the mess.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

Nice. So it looks like we like to risk closing. Like we just cover all our stuff. Okay, great. I open the door.

SPEAKER_05 9:29

I need to leave tonight. I want my armor now for the wedding.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

It's too soon.

SPEAKER_05 9:38

Easy.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, I'm gonna go bananas.

SPEAKER_05 9:42

Go bananas.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Go bananas.

SPEAKER_05 9:44

What's been going on in here?

SPEAKER_07 9:45

This place looks worse than it did even before. What?

SPEAKER_02 9:48

How can you tell it's covered with a nice sheet?

SPEAKER_07 9:50

There's only a there's one, it's like a six by six sheet.

SPEAKER_02 9:54

Oh, you're a size prince, aren't you?

SPEAKER_07 9:57

What a science prince.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

That wasn't how we what we decided, though, before we opened the door. It seemed like it was gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_07 10:03

That looks like the gauntlet of my god. Is he in here? He's got my father's sigil on the fingers.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

Okay, I want to make a roll to convince him that everything's fine. Okay. Okay, so I'm gonna say, like, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_07 10:17

He just left it. You're gonna do a story. You're gonna talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

Yeah, he left it by accident. We we're gonna get it to him when we get your armor tomorrow. You can take it now if you want. Uh, but everything's chill. Okay. What's your role? Okay, I'm rolling a D20. Hang on. Sorry, I have to set up my little rolling. Okay, here we go. Rolling eight.

SPEAKER_05 10:35

Yeah, it's like shut up, little i you goblin.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 10:39

You shut up and let me inside. He tries to push over the door because you're kind of holding it.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

Yeah. Is there a strength check here? Or I'm stronger than him. You're stronger.

SPEAKER_07 10:47

He's a child. He's a child. You're you're a grown you're a grown goblin.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

So I'm just keeping it closed.

SPEAKER_07 10:51

He's 13.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

It's after hours, man. You can't come in. Alright?

SPEAKER_08 10:56

That's right. We're doing adult things in here. Wait, the sheet's talking.

SPEAKER_10 11:01

I'm a ghost!

SPEAKER_07 11:05

That's it? That's a reaction to a ghost is hmm.

SPEAKER_05 11:08

You've seen a lot of things.

SPEAKER_10 11:10

You're 13!

SPEAKER_05 11:11

I'm going to go send word to my father. I haven't seen my protection unit.

SPEAKER_02 11:17

What are you gonna say? What are you sending word for what? He walked away.

SPEAKER_08 11:21

Why is he doing that little noise?

SPEAKER_02 11:23

No. He's getting suspicious.

SPEAKER_08 11:26

You think you go bananas fist? If that guy's dad is half the prince he is, he's gonna go bananas on us. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 11:36

Okay. Sort of. I followed.

SPEAKER_10 11:38

Go, you man.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Look, we gotta get rid of him too.

SPEAKER_10 11:44

Oh my god!

SPEAKER_02 11:46

We have to.

SPEAKER_07 11:47

We used to clothe these children and now we're murdering them!

SPEAKER_02 11:50

We gotta get rid of him. He's a terrible kid.

SPEAKER_07 11:52

There's another knock on the door. It's Milton.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Mark you're out not playing good characters. Knock knock. Anyone home? Knock knock knock.

SPEAKER_12 12:00

Guys play cool. Shut the fuck up. Who are you? Who are you? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_07 12:08

What are you doing here? Even mark so much power in this scene because he's both Milfania and someone who's trying to play it cool, which is good. Good. So go on. I like it.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Wait. No. No, you can't come in here. You can't come in here. I just want to see Fist. Is Fist here?

SPEAKER_12 12:24

Yes. Yes. I'm here.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

God. Fist. What the fucker? Fist, are you ready for our date? I'm come to pick you up.

SPEAKER_08 12:32

I I turn my I go like a sheet, I go around Fist's waist like a towel as if he just came out of the tower. I look up and I go, to give you some time.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Oh, you look so good with just a towel on Fist. Yeah, I know you wear that towel.

SPEAKER_12 12:47

Oh yeah. I guess I I guess I was naked before. So there's a lot I was doing naked before that.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Up until now you've been naked. I you were naked at Cup of Papa.

SPEAKER_12 13:03

Right, right, right. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a Rhinstone guy.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

Yeah, so it's fine. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought we could go to hey, shut up! Hey, I excuse me. Sorry. Tell her to shut up. I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Listen.

SPEAKER_12 13:19

Look, uh, can I talk to my friends for a second, Nelfania? I'll meet you outside. Of course. I'll just be right up front. Guys, I'm going on this date. Uh, you're not coming. I'll meet you at the mountain or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Okay, but look, the heat is on, man. So, like, just go somewhere far out of town, okay, on your date. I've already got a date planned at the quarry. The local quarry. Okay, go to the quarry.

SPEAKER_08 13:44

Maybe we'll meet you near the quarry. Aren't you afraid she might see a mo a sexy rock? And you'll have to fight the never mind, go.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

And whatever you do, don't go home with this lady tonight. Because that'll she lives in town and then you'll be it there in the morning. Okay? You gotta play real cool. Don't seal the deal.

SPEAKER_08 14:03

No matter how much she wants to seal the deal, don't rock her body or go bananas on her.

SPEAKER_02 14:09

Knock knock.

SPEAKER_08 14:09

Knock knock.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

I is fist, are you there?

SPEAKER_12 14:14

Yes. Alright, I'm coming. Bye, guys. I'll meet you at the mountain later. Don't worry about me. I'll play a cool, nothing but first base. We've her want more.

SPEAKER_08 14:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 14:25

Sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

And tell us everything that happens.

SPEAKER_08 14:27

Shadow, you said sounds good a little too salaciously. First base sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

Take a lot of notes.

SPEAKER_11 14:35

You're pervert. You're pervert. You're pervert.

SPEAKER_08 14:41

We're all perverts.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

That's how we got to know each other at Perverts Anonymous. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 14:47

That's not what you're supposed to do at Perverts Anonymous.

SPEAKER_07 14:49

Can we see a little bit of Perverts Anonymous? I don't know if we're your first meeting or something. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Uh Shadow, why don't you go? Um, I like to for my friends to tell me all the stuff they've done. Okay, we can go back.

SPEAKER_07 15:03

That's fine. You guys met at Perverts Anonymous. That's fine. Okay, so you're going on this date, Fist.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Wow.

SPEAKER_12 15:11

Uh this is a cool car.

SPEAKER_11 15:12

Uh cool uh carriage you got here.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Thanks. It's my late husband's. I guess I inherited everything of his. Oh yeah. Stop fucking talking about him. Jesus. What was that?

SPEAKER_12 15:26

Nothing. I'm just sort of uh muttering. I gotta I just got a lot on my mind right now with the shop, so I've started thinking out loud.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

I understand. You're a silly guy like that. Thanks. So it was nice that we picked up some provisions. We got some nice little food and snacks and some wine, and I thought we could just go eat it in the quarry.

SPEAKER_12 15:51

Yeah. Oh, I see you got a nice and and I see oh and you got the and you got snacks from Cappa to Papa.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

I love it there.

SPEAKER_12 16:01

Me too. They have great baked goods, and you can see dogs, and of course you can hang out with Spider-Man.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 16:07

Batman.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

Yeah, of course. Sometimes Iron Man comes and Hulk is there.

SPEAKER_12 16:13

And Bane is.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Who's your favorite barista? Bane there. Bain. Bane. Yeah. He's great. He's funny. He's really funny.

SPEAKER_08 16:22

I was born in the dock roast.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

Oh, yeah, that's right. My towel.

SPEAKER_07 16:28

Your towel's still. Yes. Yeah, it's a little bit. You forgot to take Leslie off.

SPEAKER_12 16:33

So you're wearing Leslie. Fuck Leslie. I gotta throw you out the window. You gotta get the hell out of here.

SPEAKER_08 16:38

No, watch this. And I turned myself and I turned into a pair of pants.

unknown 16:42

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

You're not wearing any clothes. Wow. Well, I got pants.

SPEAKER_10 16:49

Pair of pants are just out of the floor.

SPEAKER_12 16:51

Sorry, I'm I don't usually wear clothes. It's kind of not a big deal for me. Um this might be TMI, but uh my genitalia kind of like lives inside me. It's not exposed on the out. Oh. It's kind of like I'm stone, so I'm stones all around it. Yeah and I have to like open up for my stuff to come out.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_12 17:11

So it's like not a big deal that I don't have clothes because you can't see my hole and you can't see my stuff.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

Yeah, that's fine. I understand. I wear clothes to cover my stuff. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 17:22

Uh what do you think it's gonna take for you guys to get to the quarry?

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Probably another 30, 40 minutes. Hey, welcome to quarry. Oh, here it is. It's just what's your horse's name? Is what you should ask me. Oh, what's your horse's name? Um this is um this is Chain. He used to be a guy. Oh wow. Oh, yeah. He was hexed. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_12 17:54

No thanks.

SPEAKER_02 17:56

Does this look like a good plot spot?

SPEAKER_12 17:58

Yeah, this is really good. Uh can I I I would like to uh roll to convince uh um uh what's the ghost name? Leslie to get the hell hell out of here.

SPEAKER_07 18:10

Okay, so you're gonna try to convince Leslie to leave. I'm gonna make it very difficult.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Leslie likes to help.

SPEAKER_07 18:18

Yeah, Leslie likes to help. Leslie likes to help. So not very difficult, but difficult enough. So give me a roll.

SPEAKER_12 18:22

Okay, well, I rolled a 20.

SPEAKER_07 18:24

Oh, about the yeah, I there's nothing really.

SPEAKER_08 18:30

He convinces me so well that I decide to actually go to the afterlife. He kills you.

SPEAKER_10 18:35

I'm not dead, I'm just going to the afterlife.

SPEAKER_07 18:37

I'm moving on.

SPEAKER_10 18:39

Yeah, moving on.

SPEAKER_12 18:40

Wesley. Wesley, listen to me. This is maybe the most important day of my entire freaking life. I need you to clear out, okay? I need you to go somewhere and just not come back. Don't ruin this for me. I never ask for anything. This this could be the rest of my life and could be my ticket to happiness. If you fuck with that. Oh. I'll fucking tear you, I'll tear you to shreds, and I'll destroy the shop that you've worked your entire life to build.

SPEAKER_08 19:11

I think that already happened, and I totally understand.

SPEAKER_12 19:14

I'll set the walls on fire and I'll sell it, and I'll burn the deed.

SPEAKER_08 19:19

Okay, sequence of events, but yeah, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Dumb order. No what? Is this how you always talk to your pants?

SPEAKER_07 19:28

Yes, I did want to say that you do convince Leslie, but you are shouting at your towel.

SPEAKER_08 19:33

Yeah. That's fine. I completely understand. Love was one of the most important things in my life when I was alive. And in fact, I think it's time I move on. And I go and look for my love in the afterlife. Farewell. I'll see you later.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

If you see my husband, please send him word that I need to talk to him.

SPEAKER_08 19:52

Of course. And I'll tell him you're looking just as banging as the day you met. And I got a and I have a pair of pants, and what I do is I unzip my fly and a big light comes out of it, and I start tucking my legs into it, and I slowly like tuck myself into my own fly until I disappear.

SPEAKER_05 20:08

Oh no. Okay, you convinced it.

SPEAKER_07 20:12

That's a really good convincing job. But you have got him out of the way for your date, so you could deal with that later, I guess.

SPEAKER_12 20:18

Well, uh, let's set up this picnic.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Okay, sounds good. Pst, pst.

SPEAKER_12 20:25

Hey, fist. Pst fist.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Pst. What the hell? It's uh it's um shadow. He cape feared under the carriage. Shadow. I couldn't let you go alone. Come on, man. Because you're gonna fuck it up. You're gonna go bananas. I'm gonna go bananas on you. I know that I'm just trying to keep you from going bananas, alright? Just stay chill.

SPEAKER_12 20:51

You gotta get to the mountain. You gotta clear out. You gotta let me do my thing. You're fucking messing up my vibe.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

Alright, alright, alright.

SPEAKER_07 21:00

I'm gonna head to the mountain. Meet me there. Hey, where's Leslie? I think you should do another roll though to see how if you convince him to like also his plane of existence. I'm gonna I rolled a 10. Yeah, rolled 10. So, yeah, I think he was already on the way out, anyways, but you don't you don't send him to somewhere completely different, but you uh you you get him off your back. Okay, okay, listen to me. Listen to me.

SPEAKER_12 21:23

This could be I gotta convince you. Okay, okay. This could be the most important day of my life. Yeah. This could be the tick, my ticket to happiness.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 21:31

And if you fuck this up for me. Oh no. I will destroy everything you hold dear. Oh my god. And that is what's your f uh favorite thing? I mean, you, my friends. I'll fucking kill myself.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

Alright, don't do that. Don't do that, alright. I'll I'll I'll get out of your hair or your rocks. But uh you just stay chill, alright. Have fun. Thank you.

SPEAKER_07 21:58

Can we follow Shadow. Yeah, it's possible. Shadow walks alone out of the quarry. All right. It's dark. Gotta get to this mountain. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

So dark.

SPEAKER_08 22:09

And then I suddenly I I pop back into existence, but my ghost, uh, my sh my sheet has like a long beard and it's all dirty and like ripped and stuff. Like I've been through hell and back.

SPEAKER_10 22:18

And I go, you you've got to stop. You've got to stop fist. Milphine's husband told me, he told me that. And I go, ooh.

SPEAKER_08 22:26

I get pulled back into another thing or whatever. No.

SPEAKER_07 22:29

Red. Oh God. So that was was that Leslie? That was Leslie from the future. Or Leslie like Leslie.

SPEAKER_08 22:38

He's been through because like time passes differently in the afterlife or whatever. He's been through something.

SPEAKER_07 22:42

In the last like four minutes.

SPEAKER_08 22:44

Maybe he's been in there. Yeah, he's been in the afterlife for like who knows how long and been through a crazy ordeal, something to do with Milfania's dead husband, and came back to the city.

SPEAKER_07 22:52

Maybe it's a warning, or maybe Milfania's dead husband is something bad. Who knows?

SPEAKER_08 22:57

Bad. Maybe Milfania's bad. Who knows?

SPEAKER_07 22:59

Okay, great. So now we know we know Shadow's gonna come back to somehow try to stop this, but let's go back to the date. Let's just see the date happen. There, they've got this, they've got you've got the the blanket set up, you've got the wine, you've got the snacks from Cupata Papa, and you're it actually actually went really well. And um Milfania's just finishing a joke.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

And so I said, But that's not nice. Yeah, because it's it's better when you you hear it in its native language. Yes.

SPEAKER_12 23:31

Yes, I can see, because it would be a pun.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

Yeah, exactly. So I never told you what happened to my husband, did I?

SPEAKER_12 23:39

No, and you don't have to. I mean, he's dead, he's gone. I always find that it's best to forget these things pretty much the moment they happen.

SPEAKER_02 23:48

Interesting. Just just for just never think about it again.

SPEAKER_12 23:52

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I uh I knew this guy who died and uh fuck fucking you know Sayanora.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Yeah, I understand. Well, I just thought you might be interested that I was complicit.

SPEAKER_12 24:09

Uh okay I Okay, you have my attention.

SPEAKER_02 24:20

Yeah. So I'm from a different realm and I subsist on the energies of life force. Did you know that? Did I tell you that in high school when we met? Uh no, I don't know, I I may have missed that. So everything I love and hold dear grows with the life force. And then at a certain time, when I consider it ripe, I take it. And it helps me live.

SPEAKER_12 24:48

Well you know, nobody's perfect. Forget about it. Forget about it.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Do you want to go back to my place tonight?

SPEAKER_12 24:58

Oh my god. Okay. One second. I just gotta talk to myself for one second. Fuck. You said you wouldn't do this. You said you'd go to the mountain. You said you wouldn't go further in first base. Did you call yourself Hulk?

SPEAKER_06 25:10

Yeah, he said bulk.

SPEAKER_08 25:14

He just thinks these folk. He calls himself a Hulk. That's how he pumps himself up.

SPEAKER_12 25:18

But you might, you might, uh Fuck. You might never get this chance again. You gotta do it. I gotta do it. I gotta fucking do it.

SPEAKER_07 25:29

Okay, he's made the decision to go back. Shadow's ri coming back to the quarry, and just as he comes back, the prince comes forward with a very thin s sword and goes, Stop right there, goblin. What do you want? I want you to tell me where my chief of protection guard is. I know he came back to the store. I know that he's somewhere inside. I think you've got him locked in a basement or something if you don't tell me.

SPEAKER_05 25:51

I will drive this sword through your gross little neck.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Wait a minute, just hold on. You called him Chief of Protection Guard?

SPEAKER_05 25:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

That's his name? That's his title. That's his title.

SPEAKER_04 26:02

Chief of Protection Guard.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Alright, alright. Look, I don't know where he went. He came by, but then he left, alright? Look, I'm not I'm not your guard's keeper, okay, man?

SPEAKER_07 26:10

Maybe I'll just have to torture you until you tell me. Cut off one of your gross little toes one at a time, and then your gross little nose and your gross little hand. Oh, what the fuck do I have to lose? I attack him.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Can I roll to see if I hit him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, roll there, yeah. With with the with the with the sword. Oh no. What did you roll? I rolled a three with the dagger.

SPEAKER_07 26:32

Yeah. So you he he he parries. Okay. He's been trained to fight. So he parries the dagger and he comes back up and nicks you across your chest. Oh, you're gonna get it now. I attack him again. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Or did you want to say something? No, no, no, no, it's good. Okay. Here we go. Heya. 13.

SPEAKER_07 26:53

Okay, yeah. So you you you get in a little bit closer this time. Uh you knock his little crown asunder. Like uh skew. Okay. Uh and you nick his uh he's got now he's got a little uh blood over his his eyebrow.

SPEAKER_05 27:05

Fiend! Now I'll run you through. I'll kill you he comes at you.

SPEAKER_07 27:10

He comes at you. You can defend yourself with a roll. Okay. So I roll a seven. Yeah, he gets you. He gets you really good in the shoulder.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

Ah I have to fight him. I have to attack him again.

SPEAKER_07 27:24

This is your fight, this is your biggest lunch. You're gonna use everything you have.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Okay, here I go. Here I go. Everyone hold cross your fingers. 13 again.

SPEAKER_07 27:32

Okay, so you nick his other eyebrow.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

Why is he beating me?

SPEAKER_07 27:40

Well, he's literally been trained from a very young age to fight. Uh you require aid. What?

SPEAKER_10 27:48

Do you require raid? Yes, help me! This little bird is attacking me! I'm picking up beans for copper de purpa! Oh, it's Banequari.

SPEAKER_07 27:59

Bane. It's medieval bane. Medieval Bane, help me!

SPEAKER_02 28:03

Do you require aid? I require aid! I hope he's talking to me.

SPEAKER_07 28:07

Yeah, Bane, help me! I all I ask is we have a little bit of like we found out Spider Man uses ropes and pulleys. Just put Bane into sort of a DD context.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Well, what's Bane's context? What's Bane's deal? He's got that mask. Yeah, I know, but what is his deal?

SPEAKER_08 28:22

He takes some sort of like juice, like some sort of juice stuff that makes him super powerful and freaks out or something, I think. But in the movie, he's just Okay, so it's a potion. He takes a potion. Okay, Bane can still be.

SPEAKER_12 28:33

Yeah, and the and the mask is made of um I don't know. Bone fucking fucking fucking branches. Branches. Branches. Woven branches.

SPEAKER_07 28:44

Okay, great, perfect. That's all I ask.

SPEAKER_12 28:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 28:47

Bane, help me. I will come to your aid as soon as I've delivered these beans to Coppa to Papa. Damn it. Can you come now?

SPEAKER_01 28:57

No Okay, fine.

SPEAKER_07 29:00

Looks like it's just you and me. Now, take off all your clothes. What? I'm gonna walk you naked to the center of town and t tell everyone what a villain you are.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

You wanna take my clothes off?

SPEAKER_07 29:13

Yes. Shameful, isn't it? Gross little goblin. I attack him again? Okay, sure. Fourteen. Okay, yeah. You got you g you're just not rolling great, but he is smaller. But he's smaller than me. I'm also trained. You're throttling him now. You're throttling him now, and he sort of he he drops his sword. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Look, you little shit. I will kill you where you stand right now. Or you can take off all your clothes and run to run back home. I mean, take off like all your armor. Leave me your sword. Run back home.

SPEAKER_04 29:52

Run back home?

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yeah. No, this is stupid. No, I can't I can't let him live. He'll find me for sure. He's super wrong.

SPEAKER_07 30:02

Absolutely. I will absolutely return. I will come back with even more uh Lord Guard Protectorate Guard Chief Protectors. He spits in your face.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

I tie him up.

SPEAKER_07 30:16

With what?

SPEAKER_02 30:16

Uh good uh with his with his uh uh uh I shit. Um what is he wearing? Like a little armor?

SPEAKER_07 30:25

He's got a little tunic on. Uh no, he doesn't have his armor yet. He's got like a little cape, tunic. Um he's got like sort of like tights, little shoes, a few hat.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Um I take off his tunic, and I rip it in half, and I tie his arms, and then I gag him.

SPEAKER_07 30:46

Okay, give me a roll.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 30:49

Back to Perverse Anonymous. Yeah. Two. Oh my god. So it just takes you, it takes you forever to get him out of his tunic. It's so awkward. I want to get out of this. I want to get out of this so bad. You're kind of holding him down sort of, and you're like desperately trying to rip the clothes apart. This is awful. Can we just do something else? Can we jump to a different story? Okay, well, let's go back to the date for a little bit and see what happens, and then we'll see if we'll come back to this because you're just having a hard time tying him up. Yeah. Bane could come back by the time we jump- we jump back.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Yeah, hopefully. Um, so this is your place. Yeah, this is my place. This is It's beautiful. Yeah. I haven't cleared all my husband's stuff out yet, so um Hope you don't mind. Do you want a tea, cup of tea?

SPEAKER_12 31:52

Oh, I'd love I'd love that. As long as the tea stands for uh Yeah, tea. I don't have tea. I don't love some tea. Sorry, I'm nervous. That's okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

Try crack jokes. How much do you weigh? I'm just afraid if you're gonna sit on the couch, it'll you'll destroy the couch. Uh two G's? Two G's. Two thousand, two thousand. Two thousand pounds?

SPEAKER_12 32:17

Two tons, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Okay. Um my heavy boy. Yeah, you're a big boy.

SPEAKER_12 32:26

Made a stone.

SPEAKER_02 32:27

Well, make yourself at home. Just sit on the floor, maybe, and I'll just uh be right back.

SPEAKER_12 32:30

You got it. You got it. And don't worry about my stuff or my hole getting on anything. That's all sort of tucked inside me, like I said earlier.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

I'm sorry, your hole?

SPEAKER_12 32:41

Yeah, my hole won't get on anything because it's tucked inside stones. It's kind of like inside a sh Imagine like a shell.

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Yeah. Go on.

SPEAKER_12 32:50

So it's like all my stuff and my hole are all sort of just tucked inside. I have to like separate rocks and stones to pull out my hole or my stuff.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Do the rocks come out or do they are they still attached?

SPEAKER_12 33:02

They're still attached, they sort of separate like cheeks or like a shell.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

Oh, it's like a normal hole.

SPEAKER_12 33:08

Yeah, I guess yeah. Yeah, it's just sort of tucked way up there, so you don't have to worry about seeing it or having it get on any of your stuff.

SPEAKER_02 33:15

What do you eat?

SPEAKER_12 33:17

Um, you know, just normal stuff. Ground up granite. So you eat rock. You eat rock. That's what I was asking. Yeah. Yeah, I eat rock. Yeah. But I also like bake good, you know, I also like normal stuff. Yeah. Yeah, oh yeah, I guess it's kind of cannibal stuff. It does sound kind of cannibalistic. But here's the thing, most rocks aren't guys.

SPEAKER_03 33:36

Oh. Yeah, who said that? It's It's me. Your husband. Oh, Ben.

SPEAKER_11 33:46

Oh, he's gonna leave? Hello. Yes, I'm here.

SPEAKER_07 33:50

I popped into existence. You've returned. Are you also like a classic sheet ghost?

SPEAKER_08 33:58

Yes, but like really handsome and um clearly different. Yeah, the sheet is really like tight. It's like got like really it's just really it's really the sheet's in really good shape.

SPEAKER_07 34:08

Okay, so let's quickly cut back to Shadow trying to overpower. Just give up! He's just spitting in your face. Stop it!

SPEAKER_02 34:16

I I strike him because he spit in my face.

SPEAKER_07 34:19

Yeah, so you give me a roll.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

Okay. Fifteen.

SPEAKER_07 34:23

Yeah, you know, you know you knock him real good. Okay. He's unconscious, and it's like a little dis disconcerting now. Oh no. Like the mood has changed.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

Oh god. Oh god. Okay. Okay. Um, okay. Uh so I tie him up. Uh oh, what have I done? Oh my god, this is awful. Uh I gotta hide him somewhere. Maybe I take him to the mountains with me. Oh god. Uh oh, my cousin! I can leave him in my cousin's place. He lives in a cabin near here.

SPEAKER_07 34:51

Okay, okay. So you you pick him up and you're gonna brush him. Yeah. Okay, great. Okay, so let's cut back to the apartment.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

Can we cut to we go back? Can we cut to just the cousin, whoever wants to play him, like just alone, and then something happens and then I show up.

SPEAKER_07 35:05

And maybe there's a quitting Tarantino and Pulp Fiction vibe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 35:09

Oh, just like having a coffee and exactly.

SPEAKER_07 35:12

Uh so we're back to the apartment. Things are not going as planned for Fist.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

So we're we cut back, I called him Ben. I don't remember the name of the husband, but Ben and uh Milfania are just laughing and just having the best time. Oh, I'm just so glad it's working out for you up there. I miss you.

SPEAKER_08 35:29

Oh, it's only with the thought of your love and you know, eventually, you know, you coming and maybe coming to the afterlife and reuniting. I don't know. I mean, I feel like I know you like to live forever, but what does time work like in the afterlife? It is a lot faster than here. So I've been up there for oh god, it feels like twenty years, thirty years. Really got a lot of time to work on myself, you know.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

That's why Yeah, you seem you seem like you're in a really good place. I mean, you're seeming like an idiot.

SPEAKER_08 35:58

Yeah, that's why, you know, we can tell I'm a bit of a higher thread count. I really worked on my thread count. Sorry about fist. I decided an idiot. Oh my god, I thought you were just I thought you were remodeling. I thought you were building a new council.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

I was kind of hoping you would just think it was a pile of rocks, but this is Fist. Uh I went on a date tonight with Fist.

SPEAKER_12 36:15

And I'm sort of I'm sort of of this world. I kind of have form and shape and uh You know, uh not to put too fine a point on it, but I can make love. I have stuff that's sort of tucked away inside my stones and my holes in there too.

SPEAKER_08 36:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_12 36:32

So I don't I don't know about how the ghost world works, but uh sorry that you can't interact in that way down here.

SPEAKER_08 36:38

Oh no, it's okay. I mean I could um you know I could uh actually join as one with my my wife and really we could we could entwine souls and really reach a depth deeper level of climax than your hidden away stuff or whole could ever hope to achieve.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

Please, why don't we just put this to the test and do a three-way?

SPEAKER_07 36:59

Yeah. Okay, great. We'll cut back to we'll go do uh Shadow's Shadow's Cousin's house. Yeah, okay. Anyone I'll play Shadow's cousin's.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

I just want to see like what his life is like before he's like before the goblin or his um before Shadow stumbles in.

SPEAKER_07 37:17

What a day. What a day. Ah, just gonna kick back. Finally got a day off tomorrow.

SPEAKER_05 37:23

I'm just gonna have to turn on this lantern.

SPEAKER_07 37:27

Nothing here, and I get uh got a nice bit of white fish here. I'm gonna put this out. Just me. Blaze!

SPEAKER_02 37:38

Blaze, open the door!

unknown 37:40

I'm gonna pretend I'm not here.

SPEAKER_02 37:42

Blaze, I see you! Blaze, I see you moving in there. Open the door, I need you! It's Shadow! It's your cousin Shadow!

SPEAKER_04 37:49

Just a second, just a second!

SPEAKER_02 37:50

Uh oh. I bust in. Blaze, you gotta hide this prince. This is a princeling. You gotta hide him here for a while.

SPEAKER_07 37:59

This is just like you. This is just how you operate. Don't give me that shit.

SPEAKER_02 38:03

I've done so many fucking favors for you.

SPEAKER_05 38:05

Oh, name three.

SPEAKER_02 38:07

Okay, that one time I ri I helped I helped uh I helped move. No? Remember your carriage had broken down and I offered to help? But you didn't want me to help?

SPEAKER_07 38:17

Who's this little ragamuffin you've got over your shoulder?

SPEAKER_02 38:20

This is a princeling. He's from the kingdom on high. He's the king's son. Do you hear me?

SPEAKER_07 38:25

Oh my god. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

Get him out of my cabin. Big trouble. No. Why'd you bring him into my cabin? Because I knocked him unconscious and tied him up, and I have to put him somewhere.

SPEAKER_07 38:32

I don't know if he's he's he's in a bad way. I know you have that crawl space.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Let's put him in the crawl space.

SPEAKER_05 38:38

Why is he not wearing a tunic?

SPEAKER_02 38:39

I tied him up with his ripped up tunic.

SPEAKER_07 38:41

And have you not been going to your perverts meetings?

SPEAKER_02 38:44

I wasn't perverting on him.

SPEAKER_07 38:46

I swear.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

It was so uncomfortable. We were in a fight. I wanted to clean my hands of this. It wasn't. Oh my god, you've got a gash on your chest. We got into a fight. He attacked me with his sword. And you couldn't get the best of it. Oh, I'm feeling faint. I need medical attention.

SPEAKER_07 39:02

Okay, God, look, just tuck him inside. Let's close the door.

SPEAKER_05 39:06

Do you want some white fish?

SPEAKER_07 39:07

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 39:10

That'd be great. Princeting on the couch. Okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

I really appreciate this. Look, I promise is the last favor I ask. Second last. I have one more favor I need you to ask. I need to ask you. Just say it now. Uh oh. Um, can I I need uh I need some provisions and a sack uh and like a tent because I gotta go into hiding up in the mountains. Yeah, I'll see what I can do.

SPEAKER_07 39:37

Let's just stitch up this wound of yours. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 39:41

Doof, doof, doof, doof. Blaze! I know you're in there. I want rent.

unknown 39:48

Oh shit, it's my landlord. It's my landlord.

SPEAKER_04 39:51

What's your act like you're not here?

SPEAKER_12 39:53

I thought you owned this place.

SPEAKER_04 39:54

No, I'm not I'm renting. What? I'm renting. I'm a renter. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_12 40:00

I heard a bunch of bumping. I heard the door open and close. Blaze, don't frok me on this. I need that money. I want it.

SPEAKER_07 40:08

God damn. I don't know.

SPEAKER_12 40:10

Can we we gotta hide the body or the guy?

SPEAKER_07 40:13

Well, I don't have a lot of places to hide.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

I'll go into the bedroom and I'll hide under the bed with him. No, I'll put him. Well, put him under the couch.

SPEAKER_05 40:21

The couch? The couch. It's one of those couches that doesn't have it underneath. It goes right to the bottom.

SPEAKER_02 40:27

I could see that. I should have just known by seeing it. I'll put him out back. Okay, put him on the lanai. Okay, put him on the what's the lanai? I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 40:36

It's like his patio.

SPEAKER_12 40:37

Okay, he's on the ladies.

SPEAKER_05 40:38

Hi, Mr. Daniels.

SPEAKER_12 40:40

Hi, Blaze. I can't help but notice that you've been avoiding me all freaking week.

SPEAKER_07 40:45

Uh, I'm so sorry. It's just I've I've been it's one thing after all. Oh, hi, cousin Shadow. Who's your friend? Hi, I'm Shadow. We're both goblins, as you can see. What's your name?

SPEAKER_12 40:55

You're not living here, are you? No. I just came by to pick up. Because I charge more if there's two people using up the water and utilities and such.

SPEAKER_02 41:03

Look, I live in town. I live in the city. Uh I I live I work at that place right next to Cupeta Papa. Do you like Cupeta Papa?

SPEAKER_12 41:10

Love it. Who doesn't? Oh my god, look at this. Nail in the wall. You're putting up art with nails in the wall. You better be ready to redo that before you move out.

SPEAKER_05 41:18

I'm putting down roots here. I'm not gonna need I don't worry about that. I'm gonna be here for years.

SPEAKER_07 41:23

I love this cabin.

SPEAKER_12 41:24

Oh yeah? Well, maybe one day I'm gonna need to renovate this place and then oops, my nephew moves in. Oh, damn it.

SPEAKER_07 41:32

You're kind of a can't escape renovictions anywhere, even in DD world.

SPEAKER_05 41:38

Landlord sucks. Okay, fine. Just stay here with my cousin Shadow. I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_07 41:43

I'm just gonna go into my carriage and I'm gonna get uh the coins I owe you, okay? Shadow, I'll be right back.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Hey, look, man, you better lay off my cousin. You hear me? Or what? Oh, you'll be tasting cold steel.

SPEAKER_12 41:59

I taste cold steel every goddamn day. I've got a thing where if I where I bite the fork when I bite the my food off. That's a perverts anonymous.

SPEAKER_08 42:10

Awful.

SPEAKER_12 42:15

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 42:15

Wait a minute. You're in Perverts Anonymous.

SPEAKER_12 42:18

Hello, Perverts Anonymous. I'm Mr. Daniels.

SPEAKER_08 42:23

Tell us a real name.

SPEAKER_12 42:24

And I've got a thing for biting the fork. Uh like a sexual thing, Mr.

SPEAKER_02 42:30

Daniels.

SPEAKER_12 42:32

That's right. I like to do it while I pleasure myself. I touch myself with one hand down there, the other hand's holding the fork, and my teeth are going nuts on that fork. Nice. Making sounds that are hard for some to hear. But for others to hear me, make hard. Make me hard.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

Okay. Uh we haven't heard from Leslie, um, the ghost over here. What and when what's your what's your perverted thing?

SPEAKER_08 43:01

Oh I like to pretend I'm a bed sheet, and then I wait for people to make love on me.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

That's that that veers into illegal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 43:16

That's oh no.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

Yeah, we do have to report stuff that is gonna harm others.

SPEAKER_08 43:21

So Well, I'm anonymous. You don't know who I am.

SPEAKER_02 43:24

I just called you Leslie. I guess I guess you're right. Okay. All right, we can cut back.

SPEAKER_07 43:30

So you recognize Mr. Daniels shadow.

SPEAKER_13 43:33

Oh yeah. I recognize guy. Yeah, and you're the guy who goblin.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

I like I originally I I told like I made friends tell me what they did with people. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_07 43:52

You're the sort of peeper of the ears. Suddenly the the patio door opens, and the prince who's kind of in

SPEAKER_04 44:00

Like a trance state, like oh, it's my little I'm going to get you and my father.

SPEAKER_02 44:06

It's this when you I told you to get out. I told you to stay outside and finish your chores. I'll kill you.

SPEAKER_12 44:12

This kid better not be living here. He's not, he's with me. We're good. We're just leaving.

SPEAKER_02 44:17

Look, we're just leaving.

SPEAKER_12 44:18

I've seen enough. Uh all guests are supposed to be reported in to me. I live nearby. That's right. I have very strict rules about how my tenants perform uh may conduct themselves, and uh and every one of those rules feels as though it's being broken on this very day. I'm gonna collect my rent, and then I'm gonna call my nephew, and I'm gonna renovate this son of a gun today.

SPEAKER_07 44:44

Place comes back in. Well, that's it. I got 14 gold, three silver, and one copper. It's all here. Thank you, Mr. Daniels. Oh. Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 44:56

Oh, I was just telling Mr. Daniels that my little uh my wife's kid, my stepson here, uh was um uh just we were just leaving. Yeah. Did you buy that, Mr.

SPEAKER_05 45:12

Daniels?

SPEAKER_12 45:17

I don't know, I don't care. I've seen enough. You're out of here, Blaze.

SPEAKER_05 45:22

Oh no, but I love this cabin. Mr.

SPEAKER_02 45:25

Daniels, please rethink this, okay? Please be a shame if the rest of the town found out about your fork perv perveness.

SPEAKER_12 45:33

You wouldn't dare tell anyone more of that. That's private, that's anonymous.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

I would spread it out so fast. I'd spread it out like like mayonnaise on a bun. Everyone would hear.

SPEAKER_12 45:48

Fine! Fine! You just bought your friend here, brother here. I've got the cousin here a bit more time before I renovict him. But know this.

SPEAKER_13 45:58

The day will come. The day will come when my nephew moves in and I renovict you.

SPEAKER_05 46:07

He means it. He means it. I've seen his nephew, he's got a nephew. Alright. Bye, Mr. Daniels.

SPEAKER_02 46:15

Goodbye. Okay. Oh, we took care of that. That was close. Look at you gotta go. I'm gonna kill you. Princeling, this is your new daddy. You're gonna stay with him for a little bit. I gotta get going. I'm just gonna grab some provisions.

SPEAKER_04 46:28

You can't leave me alone with this guy.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

Just hide him, take care of him, alright? It looks like he has amnesia. He has amnesia, right? What's your name, Princeling?

SPEAKER_04 46:35

I'm the prince, and I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you and contact my father.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

Look, you just gotta keep him here. You gotta keep him uh restrained. I'll be back in a day's time, okay? Once I figure out what's on this dagger, I think I'm gonna have some superpowers, alright?

SPEAKER_07 46:53

Alright, I'll see what I can do. Thanks.

SPEAKER_12 46:57

I just what does he do with the prince?

SPEAKER_07 47:00

I think they're just gonna hang out. I think he's gonna try to take care of him, and uh he takes the prince and he puts him down.

SPEAKER_12 47:09

I can't wait to see some of that.

SPEAKER_07 47:11

He wraps a little uh quilt around the prince and like taps him on the head. Uh and then he's like, oh, he notices he's got two little uh uh bleeding from his eyebrows. So he goes and gets uh a little bit of uh a gauze wrapped around the prince's head. Um and then uh he asks the prince if he likes whitefish, and the prince goes, and we got back to uh we got back to Milfania's house.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

Look, I'm just a bit of a free love person. I like to let let people love grow so when it's ripe, I can absorb their essence and then they die. Which is what I did with Ben, right, Ben?

SPEAKER_08 47:48

That's right. She absolutely did that, and it was one of the best days of my life. Come on.

SPEAKER_12 47:55

I'm sorry. I just don't think I'm ready to die right now, even for the greatest pleasure in the world.

SPEAKER_02 48:01

Well, it'll take weeks for the love to grow. Why don't you give it a shot?

SPEAKER_12 48:05

No, I'm sorry, Milfania. I made a mistake by coming here. I abandoned my friends and turned my back on my duty. I gotta go.

SPEAKER_07 48:13

But Milfania does like a little hand motion and the door locks.

SPEAKER_12 48:16

I'm sorry. I can't let you leave. The hand motion is just turning the lock. The motion is like this. Hey, get your hand off that lock.

SPEAKER_02 48:28

I'm unlocking it. And I go, Don't do that hand motion.

SPEAKER_08 48:32

I go, honey, that's not how we do things. And then Melfania turns her hand on uh on uh Ben and with the same lock motion twists him and goes and absorbs his his energy into him.

SPEAKER_10 48:44

Oh Milfania, no I've double absorbed him, absorbed him.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Now he's extra dead. You're lucky that this isn't gonna happen to you. I can't absorb you yet because the love hasn't grown. But I can't let you leave either. I have to. I have to go, my friends need me. Maybe. I don't know how I'm gonna stop you because you're a giant rock guy. That's right, I'm a giant rock guy.

SPEAKER_12 49:07

And if you don't let me go, I'm gonna spread my stones.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

No, don't.

SPEAKER_12 49:12

And rub my stuff and my whole doll over your whole furniture.

SPEAKER_02 49:16

Okay, fine. You can go. But the love will grow. You'll see. I'm gonna woo you. Just like I did in high school.

SPEAKER_12 49:24

Yeah, right. You'll never I I've I've seen you for what you are now. I don't need I don't I don't need this. But I say to my but then I say to myself, God, I want it though.

SPEAKER_02 49:38

Alright, you're free to go. But I'll see you tomorrow when I swing by the hat where you're at work and flirt with you.

SPEAKER_12 49:45

Oh God, I need a cup of hot coffee, and there's only one place I can get it.

SPEAKER_02 49:50

Hey! What's up, fist? It's me, Medieval Spider-Man. And me, hey, Medieval Spider-Man.

SPEAKER_12 49:57

Hey, Dad. Hey, Medieval Batman. Uh, I just need a black coffee and then I gotta catch up with my buddies. I got a big day ahead of me. You got it. You're knocking everything off the walls.

SPEAKER_02 50:11

That's how I do things. All right. Have a good cup of Joe. Stay safe. Yeah, be chill.

SPEAKER_12 50:17

Okay, I'm just gonna pet one of these dogs. What's up? What's up?

SPEAKER_02 50:24

Ow! It bit me! I'm gonna go bananas. Does he roll to see if he goes bananas and destroys Cuppa de Puffa?

SPEAKER_07 50:34

The dogs will be fine, but yeah, we'll see if he uh I rolled a twelve. No, you're able to hold it in. You're able to hold it in. But after this crazy night of like uh almost sealing the deal with Milfania, finding out her her real inner workings of what her her evilness and what she does with the the lovers that she um charms. You know, you're you're right on the brink of going bananas. Just as you exit cuppetapapa, you run into Shadow and he spills your latte all over you.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

But why was I why was I going back to town?

SPEAKER_07 51:08

You run back to town. You're running back. You were leaving. You left.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

Yeah, but I was going to the mountains. Yeah, you're on a cup of cup of puppet before. Oh, it's a different, okay. Oh, sorry. Oh, fist, I spilled your latte. Let me get you another one.

SPEAKER_12 51:23

That's okay. I didn't want a latte anyway. I asked for a black coffee.

SPEAKER_02 51:26

Oh, yeah, you did ask for a black coffee. Yeah. Spider-Man's not the best barista. Did he serve you? Yeah. Yeah. Let me get you a black coffee. I'll go inside and get you a black coffee. Look, I did attack the prince. He is semi-unconscious. I left it with my cousins in the shack. Alright? We should be fine for a little bit. Because he can't go back to the king yet. You left him alive? I got weirded out killing him. He's a 13-year-old kid, and I struggled to take off his clothes and then tie them up, and it was very awkward. Alright? Oh, we're living on borrowed town. We're living on borrowed time now, putty. He's with my cousin. My cousin can be trusted. We can go back anytime and get him, and if we want to get rid of him, that option's still there.

unknown 52:06

Okay?

SPEAKER_02 52:07

Fine, let's head to the mountains and find out the thing about this dagger. I think it's gonna give us superpowers, alright? Let me get you a cup of coffee. Hey, Spider-Man, can I get a black coffee, please? Yeah, here you go. Okay, this time it's black. Here you go. Oh, cute doggy.

SPEAKER_07 52:30

Alright. Let's go. So they're all the all we're missing though is uh we don't know where Leslie is.

SPEAKER_13 52:38

Yeah, where's Leslie? Well he's in the afterlife. Yeah. Yeah. Can we see Leslie in the afterlife?

SPEAKER_08 52:42

Let's see a little taste of the biggest. I'll go back to the very first moment that he got pulled into the afterlife. Yeah, perfect. I love it. Here I am.

SPEAKER_03 52:54

Leslie, you're back.

SPEAKER_08 52:56

Oh Einstein.

SPEAKER_03 52:58

Yes, hello Leslie.

SPEAKER_08 53:02

Oh, hello J uh Doctor Doom. Hello, Leslie. Ah, Ryan Beale.

SPEAKER_10 53:12

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:14

I'm dead. We're three best friends in the afterlife. Yes, we've been waiting for you. Ronald Einstein, Doctor Doom, and Ryan Beale.

SPEAKER_12 53:26

Ronald Einstein, Doctor Jeremy Doom, and Ryan in quotes uh Art Garfunkel. Beal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 53:40

Art Garfunkel Beal.

SPEAKER_07 53:42

Which one are you? That's fine. Are you come to stay this time? We know you love to be in the real world.

SPEAKER_05 53:50

Yes, well I came here to find out.

SPEAKER_02 53:52

There's nothing not real about this world.

SPEAKER_03 53:54

I've told you.

SPEAKER_02 53:55

I don't like that speak.

SPEAKER_08 53:57

Except economics. We're not allowed to have stores here. And I loved owning a store. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 54:04

We live in a different type of economy and um government system. It's kind of an anarchy, actually. There's really no government. Oh, here comes Ben.

SPEAKER_07 54:12

Here comes Ben.

SPEAKER_08 54:13

Hey, oh hey guys. Just heading down to the reality. Fuck you, Ben. Oh fuck you, Ben. Oh, relax, guys. I know you're always joshing around.

SPEAKER_02 54:24

You're a son of a bitch, Ben. We don't like you. Hey, Ben, how did you die, by the way?

SPEAKER_08 54:30

Oh, I had my life sucked out of me by the love of my life. It was fantastic. And in fact, I'm about to go back and do a little double dip with the old uh ball and chain, if you know what I mean. And actually swing to him. So cocky. Yes. Oh, hello, Leslie. Good to see you. Oh, hi, Ben. Fuck you. Okay. You actually smell like my late wife's perfuma. Were you somewhere nearby? Yes. She was actually going on a date. Oh my god. She shouldn't. She'll suck that guy's life force out and kill him dead. But I should actually go back and get in.

SPEAKER_03 55:11

Leslie, your beard is growing.

SPEAKER_08 55:12

Oh no! Leslie falls down the hill. It's like his cheeks starts ripping, getting all dirty.

SPEAKER_10 55:24

Oh shit, my beard!

SPEAKER_06 55:28

Oh Leslie, you're all fucked up.

SPEAKER_10 55:30

Leslie. Leslie. Yes.

SPEAKER_12 55:34

If you're here for long enough, um join our uh softball team.

SPEAKER_08 55:42

I'd love to. I'll do that first, and then I'll go back and warn my friends because time passes differently here.

SPEAKER_03 55:49

We need a shortstop. We need a shortstop.

SPEAKER_00 55:53

Oh perfect. I'm tough.

SPEAKER_03 55:56

Yes. Shortstop has double died, and they're in afterlife too.

SPEAKER_00 56:01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 56:02

And he's killing it on the softball team up there.

SPEAKER_08 56:08

Yes, that's that's a that's the double A from our triple A, are we? Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 56:11

Yeah, you can get called up.

SPEAKER_06 56:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_08 56:14

Well, I'd love to sub in. Of course I would.

SPEAKER_03 56:17

Okay. Well, the game starts.

SPEAKER_08 56:21

No.

SPEAKER_07 56:24

Oh well. Okay, so cut to uh it's a mound, it's a meeting on the mound. Leslie, you let another one by. You really duffed that ground ball. Look! But you said you could play. I'm getting my afterlife lack of legs back, okay?

SPEAKER_00 56:40

The bases are loaded. If you let one more ball through the infield, we're hooped. It's the seventh inning. Hey, why don't you just actually pitch good, you son of a bitch?

SPEAKER_08 56:49

Don't do it.

SPEAKER_06 56:50

Hey! Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, everyone calm down. Hey, this is supposed to be fun. Alright?

SPEAKER_08 56:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 56:58

Come on.

SPEAKER_08 57:00

Come on. I'm trying my best, okay? I just can't stop thinking about how my friend's life might be in danger.

SPEAKER_12 57:06

Oh my god, shut uh the fuck up about that. Shut up about that. Sorry, I'm gonna.

SPEAKER_08 57:12

Put your head in the game. You guys don't like hearing about life, but I I have friends back there, you know.

SPEAKER_12 57:18

And we've got a game to win. Pride is on the line.

SPEAKER_07 57:22

Pride! I'm gonna throw a sinker. Everyone back to their position. Don't say it so loud. That's why they keep hitting them. They can hear you. You wind up and the pitch and the and the about the the ball goes right into Leslie's face.

SPEAKER_10 57:38

Oh my beard! Scrip it!

SPEAKER_07 57:42

Throw it!

SPEAKER_10 57:42

Scrip it!

SPEAKER_08 57:43

Throw it! Throw it out! Throw it! Then I pop it out towards first base. Or home. Why'd you throw it home?

SPEAKER_10 57:53

You're fucking crazy! The bases were loaded! You gotta try and get them out!

SPEAKER_02 57:57

Get the easy out! This is for fun and everything, but Leslie, you can't we can't have you on this team.

SPEAKER_12 58:03

You run scored. They're still scoring. Pick up the fucking ball.

SPEAKER_06 58:09

Just throw the ball.

SPEAKER_10 58:10

I did! I fucking threw it home! What the hell? You guys talk about here! I'm going back to reality!

SPEAKER_12 58:17

You threw it home. It hit the back stop. It bounced off the pole right back to you. You picked it up and you're holding it.

SPEAKER_10 58:24

What? That's what this is? Oh, damn it! I hate the afterlife. Nothing makes sense here. That's why I'm going back to life. Back to reality.

SPEAKER_12 58:32

Fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_08 58:34

And like I I I I have my little baseball glove and I start tucking myself into the pit like punching it in slowly, slowly until I get all the way in there.

SPEAKER_06 58:42

And then that's that we're full circle. Perfect.

SPEAKER_07 58:45

God, we better not have to forfeit. It's okay. We don't have to forfeit. We're only down six. There's a lot of baseball left to play.

SPEAKER_03 58:53

It's softball. There's a lot of softball left to play.

SPEAKER_07 58:56

Softball. Yes. Yes. Well, we're down one guy. Should we play it out? We can just get out of the way.

SPEAKER_08 59:11

All right, we find ourselves at the bottom of the second inning. Oh my gosh. It was a seven inning. It's too much slots. It was a seventh inning.

SPEAKER_07 59:20

Here. I'll throw a picture. Get a quick out.

SPEAKER_12 59:23

Quick out. Oh no. Alright, to where the shortstop should have been.

SPEAKER_06 59:29

Another double. This is painful. This is painful, guys.

SPEAKER_07 59:35

Okay. We can get out. If we can get out of the seventh, we can get back in it.

SPEAKER_06 59:39

Oh no, here comes their best hitter.

SPEAKER_09 59:40

Oh God, he's gonna cream one. He's pointing.

SPEAKER_06 59:47

Johnny the cream. He creams all the balls.

SPEAKER_09 59:49

Oh, baby, you've never been to Cup of the Papa. You've seen this much cream, baby.

SPEAKER_07 59:55

Pitch. Here I go.

SPEAKER_09 59:57

Throw the ball as hard as I can. Oh, it's out of the park. Flies straight to the shortstop hole and up and out of the park and attack. Two more runs.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:07

Oh no. Okay, if we just get out of the seventh inning.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:12

But the the the uh the opposite team is doing so well that they all go, they're all drafted up to afterlife 2. Oh. They're doing so well. We won! We made default! We win my default!

SPEAKER_07 1:00:28

So does it pop out right with the two friends? What's that?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:33

Yeah, when Leslie when Leslie left, he popped out to where we were and gave the warning about Ben.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:38

Yeah, and I was like, oh my god, oh my god. And then I got popped back and I'm like, into the celebration. I'm like, oh we won! You're back on the team.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:48

It's actually kind of because of Leslie we won, you see, because Leslie left, we started doing so bad, they all got it drafted up and now we won.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:54

That's right. Sometimes you meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:00

Oh my god. Uh Dr. Jeremy Doom with the wisdom again.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:05

Leslie, I'm sorry I said such mean things to you.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:09

Yes, I'll take all the apologies. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:11

I'm sorry we kicked you off the team. I was rash.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:14

Ryan Hartgarfunkel Beal.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:16

Do you want to?

SPEAKER_12 1:01:17

Leslie, I'm so I'm sorry that um I pulled your pants down and and and gave you a little kick. Oh, wait. I haven't done that yet.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:28

Wait, what's happening? Wink.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:32

And then I go that makes me pop back to reality again, all right? Where I show up with uh fist and uh and uh you pop right into with shadows and fist and uh you're all recon reunited.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:43

Oh, great. We're at the foot of the mountain.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:46

Yeah. Wow, look at that big mountain. If we're gonna go in there, we're gonna have one heck of an adventure, fellas.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:55

Well, I already had one for a bit there, but I'm ready for more.

unknown 1:02:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:01

Oh, let me pull up my pants. You have got to tell us where you've been. You got a beard, you got a baseball glove on, your clothes are all torn up.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:11

My pants are down around my ghost ankles that don't exist.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:14

The afterlife seems super weird and kind of hard. Footprint on your boat.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:19

But hopefully long from now.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:22

And uh we just see the the looming distant uh uh uh horizon. We see Wizard Mountain with sort of a lightning strike over top of it. Perfect. As the three friends look towards it. They look toward their right, they see their battered and broken store, and they realize there's nothing left for them here in this small town. We were still just at the store.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:45

We were at the store? Wait, what? You were just a couple of puppets. I guess you're right. Yeah, yeah. So we're just now for a minute.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:55

Well, we had the town. The date had to happen. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:58

And Milfania lives back in town. Yeah, so we're now that's true. Yeah, true.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:02

So we're now headed towards the mountain. But a lot happened, but not a lot of distance cover, but now you're going towards mountains.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:08

Now we're going to Okay, well that that's a good place to start. That's great. That's great. That's exciting.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:11

So and we know Milfania's on your ass. Milfania still wants uh your life force fist. Yeah. The afterlife looms. The afterlife looms. Maybe there's more the softball league that might come calling again and need Leslie back. The prince is with Blaze, and hopefully Blaze can keep the Prince under wraps and uh uh nurse them back to health, and and we'll see what happens in Wizard Mountain. This has been another exciting edition of Nightmare Party! So good to be back in the saddle with you guys. That was great.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:41

I thought that was awesome.