Journey to the Goal: The Gritty Eight

We love setting goals… but no one talks about what happens after you decide to change something.

In this solo episode of Trail Talks, Kelly breaks down The Gritty Eight — the real parts of the goal journey most people aren’t prepared for: the joy, setbacks, the messy middle, triumphs, momentum shifts, how to stay the course, and who you become along the way.

Grounded in neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and grit, this episode helps you understand why the journey feels the way it does — and gives you practical tools to keep going when motivation fades.

Plus, a fun detour into pop culture with Kelly’s Top 8 entertainment moments of the year, because growth doesn’t have to be heavy all the time.

🌿 The goal may get you started — but the journey is what changes you.

Transcript

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Hey everyone, welcome back to Trail Talks, the podcast where we talk about growth, the messy, the beautiful, and everything in between. And we're known to take a few detours along the way. I'm your host, Kelly Kruger, founder of Kelly Michelle Coaching, where we focus on mindset, emotional intelligence, and leadership. All grounded in real life and real science. And normally I'd be welcoming my partner in growth and my co-host right about now. But today, unfortunately, is going to be a solo one. Tara is homesick. I'm so sorry, Tara. She called me this morning and she sounded a bit rough. I don't even know if she'd be able to talk for a couple minutes straight. Definitely something going around this past week. So I'm sending you all the healing vibes and hoping you'll be back with us soon. Well, you will be back with us soon. You'll probably be back with us in like two days. Anyway, I miss you and got to get you back here. And for all of our listeners, I hope you guys all had a great Christmas and I hope it was filled with love and laughter and great food and games and sports and jokes and TikTok trends and all sorts of presents and presents. And also taking the time this next week just to reset, recharge, spend time with family, slow down a little bit before we welcome 2026. Which brings me to this episode. This is episode 10, and I'm building on what we did in episode nine. As we do set to welcome 2026, this is the time where a lot of people set goals, New Year's resolutions. So episode nine was about goals. We talked about what a goal is and the importance of setting goals, why the human brain needs direction to thrive. So today for episode 10, I want to shift into something even more important, which is what happens after you set the goal, after you decide to change something in your life. Because we all love the idea of the goal. Setting the goal is the fun part, and we get really excited. But the journey is where we have all the emotions: surprise, excited, discouraged, tired, inspired, confused, all in the same week. So that's what I want to get into. I want to break it down into what I'm gonna call the gritty eight. I'm a huge fan of Angela Duckworth. She, psychologist, wrote the book on grit. And her research on grit shows us that lasting change comes from showing up consistently in even when it gets uncomfortable. It's going to take grit. So I'm going to call it the gritty eight. That's what we're going to break it down into. And the gritty eight, I'll go through the first six and then I'll do the last two after the detour. So the gritty eight are the joy, the setbacks, the messy middle, which is also like the tribulations, the triumphs, what builds momentum, what destroys it. And then after the detour, we'll talk about the tools, which are how you stay the course and then who you become along the way, your identity. So whether you're still deciding what your goals are, or maybe you're kind of stuck in the in the messy middle or wondering if it's even worth it anymore. This episode is for you. And I know next episode, when Tara joins me again, we're going to share a couple of our goals. And then if you also have goals that you'd like to share with us, please DM us on social media. And we would love to bring you on the show once a month and track your goals and coach you throughout your goal process. All right, let's get into it. Okay, so you've set the goal. Now the real work begins. The moment we set a new goal, our brain lights up. We're working towards something. There's excitement, there's anticipation, novelty. The brain loves novelty. We need to build those new neural pathways. So there's neuroscientist Dr. Wolfram Schultz, talked about dopamine, discovered that dopamine, which Tara and I mentioned it last episode too. Dopamine is that reward chemical. And it spikes not like at success when we reach the goal, but at the anticipation of progress. So when we set the goal, we automatically feel that dopamine, that reward chemical, because we set something and our brain is saying, Oh my God, yes, you set a goal. Now let's get started. So when we start the goal, our brain is cheering. But then as the journey continues, that initial dopamine will drop off a little bit, which is normal, completely normal. And that's why momentum kind of feels inconsistent along the way. So number one, part of the gritty eight, part one is the joy. That's when we feel so good. In the early stages, everything feels possible. I remember when I first signed up for life coaching certification. It was back in 2019 or 2020. It's like a four to six month training. And I remember I felt so excited in the beginning. I never knew I was going to have my own business. I really did it because I wanted to show up better personally and professionally. So I remember just feeling so energized. Like, I can't believe I'm going to be a coach. I can't believe I'm going to learn all this stuff. This is going to be awesome. And the introduction, of course, like any training, you first have to introduce yourself, and I could feel all this energy. So in the early stages, like everything feels possible. You've taken that first step, you identified the goal. And that early joy comes from that same dopamine cycle that Wolfram Schultz described. It rewards you not for being perfect, but you're moving towards something meaningful in your life. You know that there's movement. Sometimes you have early wins, and that could be, for some of you, maybe a good workout in the beginning, or you have a really productive week, or a clear mind. And those moments feel very, very powerful. You get really excited about it. And it's not random. It's biology telling you, I want more of this. This feels good. So that's the joy. Then there's setbacks. That's number two. Part two are the setbacks. It's the whoa, whoa, whoa, I did not expect this. And here is where people get blindsided. Setbacks are a sign. Your brain is trying to protect you because there are going to be missed days. There could be interruptions, and life happens. So David Rock came up with this model. He's the founder of the Neuroleadership Institute. And I really want to explain this model because as you go through your goal journey, this is going to happen. These five things are going to happen. And instead of judging yourself, I want you to be curious. So he created this model called the Scarf Model, S-C-A-R-F. So it explains five core social needs that the brain treats like survival needs. So when these needs are met, you feel rewarded. But when they're not met, then you feel threatened. And threaten triggers resistance and stress and shutdown. So I'm going to go through these five real quick. Keep in mind we're still on the setbacks. So the first one, the S in the scarf, is status. Status, as you know, it's our sense of importance, competence, where we stand. Well, when we feel respected, when we feel capable, that's our reward. We feel like we're in good status. But when we compare ourselves to others, or we criticize ourselves or feel criticized, or maybe we're behind in our goal, that's the threat. So during goal pursuit, setbacks can feel like a status hit. Like you could be saying to yourself, I should be further along. And we don't want to say the should word, because that's already judging yourself. It's already setting yourself up for failure. So I should be further along, or I'm failing. Instead of saying I'm failing, it's what am I learning here? That perception alone can spike stress, even if progress is happening. So that's all mindset. So that's the status part of Scarf. The second one, the C is certainty. And as we know, our brains need to predict the future. So when we have clear plans, when we have routines, when we have expectations, we feel the reward when it comes to certainty. But when things are unclear, like timelines or changing rules, we feel that threat. So on the goal journey, we can set the outcome. We could say this is the desired outcome of the goal, but it's not guaranteed. It's going to require effort. So goals are going to be uncertain. And when outcomes aren't guaranteed, the brain seeks safety by pulling us back to familiar habits. That's just that's neurology. That's not laziness. Okay, so that's the C, that's the certainty. The A is autonomy. Autonomy is our sense of control and choice. When we have the freedom, when we have the ownership and the agency, we feel that autonomy reward. But when we have the mindset that things are micromanaged or feeling forced, that's the threat. This goes back to the shoulds. When goals feel like I should, I have to do this, like I need to do this. That motivation is going to drop. When we can replace the shoulds and the have-to's with I'm choosing this, or I get to do this, you give yourself that autonomy with your thoughts and your mindset. So that's the autonomy. Then the R is the relatedness. That's where we need that connection. We need to belong. So when we have support, when we have trust, when we have shared experiences, like we're sharing our journey with others, we feel the reward. When we feel rejected or alone or in isolation, that's the threat. So when we talk about goals and the journey, accountability partners are so important. Or being a part of a community or sharing progress out loud, like that, all those are going to increase your follow-through on your goal. So that's the relatedness. And then the F in the scarf is fairness, and that's our perception of equity and justice. So when we feel things are fair and people give equal effort and there's transparency, we have the reward. But when we feel overlooked or treated unfairly or we feel cheated, that's the threat. So in the journey of the goal, this shows up as it shouldn't be this hard because we're probably comparing ourselves to others. Like, why is it easier for them and it's hard for me? But you don't want to do that. This is where you just want to be curious. That perception alone of it shouldn't be this hard, or why is it easier for them, it's going to drain motivation, even though it's not true. It's not true. So why this would matter in the setback? Why scarf matters? Your brain is constantly scanning for those five areas: the status, the certainty, the autonomy, the relatedness, and the fairness. So when one of those are threatened, the brain shifts in protection mode. And you're going to procrastinate, you're going to avoid, you're going to start having self-doubt. You're going to start reacting emotionally. Your amygdala is going to fire up. It's so important that you know those five areas because you need to keep that momentum going. So it's like it's going to happen. It's going to happen. You don't want to judge yourself. And instead of judging yourself, you want to coach yourself and you want to be curious about it. Say, oh yeah, this is going to happen. This is how I'm going to overcome it. So those are the setbacks. And then we have the messy middle. This is where all the growth happens. Growth lives in the messy middle. This is where most of the learning happens. This is where we start to enter the transformation zone. This is where you realize your old habits don't work anymore. The change curve, when we feel the grief, we are grieving because our old habits are falling off and we're developing new habits. And that's going to be uncomfortable. Your old stories don't fit you. Your old excuses don't feel as believable. Daniel Coyle wrote in the book, The Talent Code, that mistakes and friction are what build myelin. It's the insulation around neural pathways that create mastery. So, like every setback, every redo, every lesson learned, every recalibration, you're literally rewiring your brain. So think of myelin like a road that your brain builds. The first time you travel it, it could be bumpy and slow and full of potholes. But every time you go down that same road, it's practice. Practice makes progress. It's repetition, it's showing up. The brain just keeps repaving it. So at first it's like a dirt, bumpy road, and then it becomes gravel, and eventually it's a smooth highway. That paving is myelin. It makes the signal travel faster and easier. Understanding that you are going through many changes on the goal journey, and you're going to be facing discomfort, and all of that discomfort is leading to growth. That's all the growth. Then, number four, when you start feeling that growth and believing in that growth, here enter the triumphs. They don't always look big, and sometimes they're quiet moments. It's it's simply saying, I'm doing it. Even if it's just one step at a time, it's showing up when you don't want to. It's choosing a new thought, it's being curious, it's making a healthier decision and realizing you're capable of more than you believe. We truly don't know what our upper limit is. And you just keep moving forward and moving forward. That's the grit. That's persevering. It's staying committed long after the motivation fade. And triumph really, it's a mindset. It's not a finish line, it is a mindset. Then I want to get into five and six. This is about momentum. Five is what builds momentum. And momentum is not motivation, it is movement. Momentum builds through small, repeatable actions, not big actions, just daily reps. The habits that don't look impressive, but they're going to keep stacking over time. Just like paving the road. Every time you show up, even if it's imperfectly, you're smoothing the path. That's the myelin at work. The more passes you make down the same road, the easier it is to travel. Momentum is going to build when you track progress instead of perfection. When you celebrate consistency, reduce friction in your environment. Set up your environment. If your goal is to work out more, schedule it on the calendar. Make it a priority. Your calendar shows what your priorities are. Set out your clothes so they're visible. Go to bed earlier if you want to wake up earlier. That's setting your environment, reducing the friction, and then connect everything back to meaning. Moment is emotional energy created by follow-through. Once it starts, it it just wants to keep going. So number six is what destroys momentum. And it's not lost, it's killed by judgment. Most of us don't stop because we fail. We stop because we decide that the failure means something about us. We judge ourselves. So momentum gets destroyed by perfectionism, thinking we have to be perfect on the goal journey. The all or nothing thinking that if I miss a day, then I'm done. Being shamed, like feeling shamed that we miss a day or that we make a mistake can also get destroyed when we compare ourselves to someone else's journey and the shoulds. All those thoughts about the shoulds or the have-to's. I should be further along by now. That one thought alone can shut everything down. So when momentum drops, the brain wants certainty and comfort, and it's going to pull you back into old habits, old patterns, old coping mechanisms. Not because they're better, but because they're safe and familiar. That's how the brain is going to work. And then we add self-criticism on top of that. This is why people quit when they're actually closer than they think. So the key difference between people who stay and people who stop isn't discipline, it's self-talk. All right, so we just talked about the six parts that would be the joy, the setbacks, the messy middle, the triumphs, what builds momentum, and what destroys momentum. And honestly, this is where life usually jumps in with distractions, noise, everything competing for our attention. So before we get into the tools and how to actually stay the course, let's take a quick detour. Okay, so we've spent this episode talking about six of the gritty eight, the real parts of the journey that shape us as we move toward our goal. And I want to keep the same theme going, but just lighten things up. So as we close out 2025 and soon we'll welcome in 2026, I'm just gonna take a trip down memory lane, and I want to go through my top entertainment moments of the year. Social media, viral moments, entertainment, top entertainment moments of the year. Completely subjective, no rules, just moments that took over my feeds, chats, and just honestly made the year interesting. Let's just say that. All right, let's go. So top eight pop culture, social media, viral moments, entertainment moments of the year. Number eight will be TikTok trends. So I joined TikTok. It was sometime in the beginning of the year, and I joined for probably two days. I was on TikTok. And it was like the black hole. I was not productive. I enjoyed the distraction. And when I was on it, it what felt like five minutes was actually three hours. So I went off TikTok after that weekend, realized it was unhealthy and I was not productive. And then recently, probably two or three months ago, I got back on. And I'm a little bit more mindful of the time that I'm on there and actually enjoying all the crazy and funny TikTok trends. So my algorithm is pretty much set with things that I like, which includes the Taylor Swift dance trends, all the mashups, throwback songs that are fun, and some of the jokes that we see out there. So one of my probably my favorite TikTok trend right now is about the holidays. And you may not agree with it, you may never have heard of it, but I just I can't get enough of it. I love, love, love the anthropology rock trend. It is hilarious. So the anthropology rock trend is where kids buy their mom, it's usually the female figure in the family, a rock for Christmas. And the moms play it off so well. They act so well, they open it and they usually are just so shocked. They're like, no way. Oh my God. Uh-uh. Like it's hilarious. And everybody goes along with it. And the father or the husband has no idea what's going on, and they can't believe that the kids just spent it could be like $300, $500, $1,000 on a rock. It's hilarious to see the reactions to this. It's so funny. I've probably watched like 50 of them. So my so tic tac trend and my favorite right now, especially around the holidays, is the anthropology rock trend. Check it out. All right, number seven. Oh gosh. The internet did not miss anything. And I would say some of these were like the internet just did not hold back. It was chaotic, and they were obsessed. First one would go to Sidney Sweeney's American Eagle ad, The Jeans. That was that got everybody's attention, and the internet was obsessed with that. Blue Origins first all female space flight that really probably didn't get the attention that people expected, which just brought more attention to the internet. I love Minnesota. Vikings, JJ McCarthy's Alter Ego 9. One moment in the locker room with his alter ego, and it is viral, and it's on so many NFL memes. It's hilarious. Love that one. The cracker barrel sign rebrand. Oh boy, internet was obsessed with that one. And then I would say the moment that truly stole the show was the cold play kiss cam that went bad. That moment went bad. So thank you. The memes, the jokes, the commentary, just the internet did not hold back. That was awesome, all of them. Number six, I gotta give it to the kids. The six-seven trend. If you have kids, you already know. If you don't, you still know. It's all over the place. I don't even understand what it means, but that's the whole point of the joke is that we're not supposed to know. It's random, it's confusing, it's uncomfortable. So I think we should just let the kids have this one. And I mean, I go along with my kid and he's six. So every day, like there isn't a day that goes by where he brings up six, seven. It could be, and I know where it's going, right? When he says, Mom, what's five plus one? I'm like, six. Okay, I know where it's going. I just play along. Or when we're sitting here and he's like, When I say six, you say seven, six, seven, and we do that like super loud. It's a lot of fun. So I just at this point play along with it and know every day we're gonna be talking about six, seven. And then last night, as I was sorting through his clothes, just about every single, because he is six, so just about every tag on his shirt said size six seven. And I was like, oh my God, I can't escape this. Anyway, so there you go. Six seven is number six. Number five, it's Taylor Swift, y'all. I mean, it's Taylor Swift doing Taylor Swift things. Of course, she's on the list. What a great album. I'm still loving it, still listening to it just about every day. Nonstop buzz around the era's tour, and complete TikTok domination with the dance trends of Ophelia and Opalite. I mean, unreal. Whether you're a fan or not, she has shaped cultural conversation and she stays relevant year after year. So there you go. Taylor Swift, number five. Number four, strong year for television. So some of the shows that I love this year, and I tried to remember in the beginning of the year what I watched. So I'm only remembering recency bias, what I watched recently. I love the diplomat, just went through all three seasons. Great show. Your friends and neighbors was good. I think that was on Peacock. All her fault, The Beast in Me, of course, Landman, the latest season, Tulsa King. Yeah, all great shows. All great shows. Strong year for television. Number three is going to be AI. And not like the learning AI, like Chat GPT and Gemini and all of that. Love that, but I gotta give it to the cute stuff that I love, like the adorable things. And I am obsessed with the AI cats, the cats that cook and travel and work at Starbucks and they live their little digital lives. I love that. It's so cute. I can't get enough. So it's the AI, the cats. And also, I do think it's entertaining as a fan of the notebook and pretty woman and Titanic when you see the fake trailers out there and you get super excited, like, oh my god, there's gonna be a notebook too, or pretty woman too, and then it's totally fake because it's AI. So there you go. Number three is AI. Number two, it's gotta be K-pop. Number two is K pop, global takeover. It's not even a trend, it is a global force. Brilliant movie, brilliant soundtrack. Every couple of weeks, like I change my favorite song on the soundtrack. My first one was Takedown. Then it was, oh no, I want to change it to what it sounds like, and then it's soda pop, and then it's strategy. Like, I just keep changing my favorite song, and all the songs are just amazing, brilliant movie. K-pop deserves all the attention. It was unreal. And number one, Buffalonians will be proud of this one. Bill's Mafia will be proud. The King and Queen of Buffalo. My number one goes to Josh Allen and Haley Steinfeld's love story. Because folks, love conquers all. This one gets the top spot. There is no debate. All you need is love. Josh Allen and Haley Steinfeld getting married, and then recently announcing they're having a baby is pure joy. Oh my god. Wholesome, celebratory, just genuinely happy. And in a year full of so much noise. That was the best number one moment. Love it. Thank you, Josh and Haley. All right, detour complete. And honestly, as fun as all of that was, it is a perfect reminder of how quickly our attention gets pulled in a hundred different directions. There are so many distractions and detours. So life doesn't slow down just because we set a goal. The distractions aren't going to stop. The noise doesn't disappear. Which is exactly why the last two parts of the gritty eight matter so much. So up to this point, we've talked about the joy, the setbacks, the messy middle, triumphs, and then momentum, what builds it and what destroys it. So now let's talk about how you actually stay the course and then who you become along the way. Because this is where goals either fall apart or they're going to turn into real change. So part seven, how you stay the course. These are the tools. Staying the course is not about the willpower, it's about having tools ready before things get hard. Because they are going to get hard. It's going to get hard, but you want to know how to approach it. You got to have the tools. So one of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking resistance means something is wrong. When resistance is normal, discomfort is normal, doubt is normal. But when you expect it all, you stop panicking when it shows up. You don't spiral, you plan. Instead of asking, why is this so hard? you're curious. Oh, this is that part. Yeah, that's supposed to happen. So tool one is really expecting that resistance. Number two is do an emotional check-in. Even every morning, ask what emotion is driving my actions today. Because every action comes from a feeling. It comes from an emotion. And every emotion or feeling comes from a thought. That is the core of cognitive behavioral therapy. Everything is going to come from the thought. So awareness is everything. So an emotional check-in. Number three is the reset. Don't quit. That's the 24-hour reset rule. It's if you miss a day or you didn't get as far as you had hoped. There will be no spiraling. Don't beat yourself up. Don't think you ruined everything. If you've ever read James Clear Atomic Habits, that's consistency beats perfection every single time. Missing a day doesn't mean you failed. It means you're human. The moment that matters is the next one to what you're going to do with it. You don't need to start over, you just need to reset. It's saying I didn't ruin anything. I'm just picking it back up. And that single thought is going to keep you in the game. You get a reset every single day. And then the next one is off of that reset. It's the one step forward plan. Or if you want to say one pass down the road. Doesn't need to be 10 steps. It's not perfection. It's one. It's one better choice. It's one workout. It's one conversation. That's the myelin. Every pass repaves that road. And that effort is going to slowly turn into ease. Small actions will re-engage that motivation. What's one doable step forward today? Number five is the reframe tool. Is this a setback or is it data? Every setback is going to give you information. So instead of asking or judging yourself, what's wrong with me? Ask, what did this teach me? Did you need more rest? Do you need more structure? Maybe that's like the less friction in your environment. Do you need more support or a different approach? Data is going to help you adjust the route, not abandon where you want to go. Just adjust the route. And then last but not least, we're going to talk about dopamine. We're going to bring dopamine up again. Because you want to feel that growth along the way. You want to feel that reward along the way. So track your small wins. Track those one steps forward. Track those learning lessons. Celebrate the small wins. And share the small wins. You don't need to be tougher, you need to be supported. If you're going to rely on willpower alone, the system is going to break. Staying the course gets easier when friction is reduced, reminders are visible, support is built in. Track those small ones, celebrate the small ones, share the small wins. Staying the course isn't about being strong, it's about being prepared. Alright, and number eight of the gritty eight is who you become along the way. That's the identity. This is the part most people miss, and the part that matters the most. Because goals are temporary, but identity is permanent. There's something bigger that that happens along the journey. The goal is great, but something about the journey, you change, you grow, and there's transformation. You're becoming someone who is committed, who is consistent, who continues to show up, who keeps promises to yourself. You don't quit at the first sign of discomfort. You keep going. That's the grit. You know you can reset instead of spiral. And you trust in yourself, in your ability to handle the changes, the ability to adapt. Even if the goal changes, even if the timeline shifts, that identity stays. That is where the grit actually lives. And going back to Angela Duckworth, she teaches grit isn't intensity or talent, it's the ability to stay committed over time, especially when progress is slow and effort feels uncomfortable. That's the perseverance. The real question isn't can I do this perfectly? It's can I stay? Because staying through the joy, through the setbacks, through the messy middle, through the momentum swings, through the distractions and the doubt, staying is what is going to change you. The goal may get you started, but the journey is what changes you. And the person you become along the way is the real win. Hey, before we wrap up, I want to share this. If today's conversation resonated with you, you don't have to navigate your journey alone. I offer emotional intelligence assessments with personalized coaching, as well as one-on-one mindset-based coaching. And for teams and organizations, I facilitate group coaching and leadership development. You could find all of that at www.kellymichellecoaching.com with the links in the show notes. And here's what I want to leave with you today. The goal isn't perfection. It's not constant motivation. And it's definitely not avoiding setbacks. It's grit. It's showing up. It's learning as you go. It's staying the course, even when it's uncomfortable. Because the journey doesn't just get you to the goal, it turns you into the person who can sustain it. Hey, thanks for walking this part of the trail with me today. Until next time, keep going, keep growing, and I'll meet you on the trail.