SPEAKER_00: So we're doing this series on Better Together, and uh every one of the sermons this summer relates to our community life.
SPEAKER_00: And the church is the community.
SPEAKER_00: It's not the building, it's not the address, it's not the Sunday morning worship service.
SPEAKER_00: Those are part of things that helps the church function, but it is the community that happens even outside of Sunday mornings.
SPEAKER_00: It happens when we get together, when uh uh we pray for one another.
SPEAKER_00: Uh and I actually wanted to take a moment and pray for Yulia, our sister, who uh got hospitalized with uh a small brain hemorrhage uh recently.
SPEAKER_00: So uh and it happens in all those ways when we have somebody in our home, uh, when we go on the beach with somebody or on a bike ride.
SPEAKER_00: It happens, it happens.
SPEAKER_00: That's all part of the community.
SPEAKER_00: But let's take a moment and pray.
SPEAKER_00: Dear God, uh our Heavenly Father, we we do want, we do know it is better to be together because this is your plan.
SPEAKER_00: And uh and we want to uh grow and learn and increase in our love for one another.
SPEAKER_00: Uh we want to connect, uh, and and we want to enjoy the community we have already during this summer, make some new memories, include some new people uh that uh that that that will increase uh our community and help the love to continue to grow.
SPEAKER_00: Uh that's you are love, and you have so much love for us, and we just want to uh take that love and pass it on to each other, God.
SPEAKER_00: Uh I pray in a special way for Yulia and her healing, uh be with her and uh and uh help her to completely and quickly recover, uh, be with Slava and the kids, uh support them uh through this challenging time.
SPEAKER_00: And uh God, we we need you.
SPEAKER_00: Uh some days when we uh we're healthy and everything is going great.
SPEAKER_00: Uh there I know there are a few days like that, it's not many, but then we can sometimes forget how much we need you, and then uh something happens, some hardship or sickness or challenges, and and all of a sudden we feel the need for you.
SPEAKER_00: Help us to be aware of how much we need you, even days when things are going great.
SPEAKER_00: Uh God, be with uh be with me as I uh preach a very challenging topic uh today.
SPEAKER_00: Uh one that's uh that's so needed for the community to function well and to be close to one another, but one that's uh that we need you more than for anything else.
SPEAKER_00: Uh we love you, God, and we pray all this in Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
SPEAKER_00: So today's sermon is titled Without Forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: There is no community.
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you're aware of the Bible's teaching on forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: Does the Bible teach that we need to forgive?
unknown: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00: I love this passage, Colossians 3, verse 13.
SPEAKER_00: Bear with each other.
SPEAKER_00: You know, you only need to bear with things that are not easy.
SPEAKER_00: You know, it doesn't say enjoy each other.
SPEAKER_00: That that that is a given.
SPEAKER_00: That's you know, of course, we're enjoying the good things about each other and being together, but it says bear with each other, because there are uh you know things that grind you the wrong way, there are things that frustrate you, there are things that the other person isn't doing the way you hope them to be doing.
SPEAKER_00: Whatever gre and forgive whatever grievances you may have, forgive as the Lord forgave you.
SPEAKER_00: You know, we know the command.
SPEAKER_00: We we know we actually know a lot more what we should be doing than what we actually usually practice as Christians.
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna elaborate of you need to forgive.
SPEAKER_00: You need that's not the message of this map, this this sermon.
SPEAKER_00: The message is is more of understanding why it is important and how to actually do it.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiving is the hardest thing you will ever do.
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure who who said that.
SPEAKER_00: Try to find the author of the quote, but I I I thought, you know, it's it's pretty much, there's a lot of truth to that.
SPEAKER_00: You know, when you think about it, for Jesus to forgive us, he had to go on that cross and die voluntarily, sinlessly for all of our sins.
SPEAKER_00: That was the hardest thing that he needed to do.
SPEAKER_00: So when we follow in these footsteps to forgive each other, obviously we're not crucifying ourselves, but the idea is we're doing something emotionally similar to what Jesus done by going on the cross, which was the hardest thing he had to do.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness is hard.
SPEAKER_00: If it isn't hard, maybe it isn't forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is just religious thinking, oh, I shouldn't be holding grudges, I should, yeah, I should be forgiving, and you might just talk yourself into, you know, I've forgiven, I've forgiven because you feel this pressure to have to forgive.
SPEAKER_00: Because it's the right thing to do.
SPEAKER_00: But it's hard.
SPEAKER_00: Our key passage in this uh in this topic is in Luke chapter 17.
SPEAKER_00: This is an interesting interaction between Jesus and his disciples.
SPEAKER_00: Luke chapter 17, verse 1 through 5, and I use the the Holman Christian Standard Bibles translation because it translates this word uh in the Greek called scandalon as offense.
SPEAKER_00: Scandalon, the word in Greek, can mean it actually means a snare, a trap, something that gets you to stumble.
SPEAKER_00: A lot of our Bibles translate this things things that make us stumble will certainly come.
SPEAKER_00: They have to happen.
SPEAKER_00: But I like how this translation translates it's an it's it's actually an offense, something that that offends me and will get me to react in a certain way, and the Bible says that's you know, they're putting a stumbling block in your way, in one of the other, one of the other translations.
SPEAKER_00: Let me read the passage.
SPEAKER_00: He says, He said to his disciples, offenses will certainly come, but woe to the one they come through.
SPEAKER_00: It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than for him to cause one of these little ones to stumble.
SPEAKER_00: Be on your guard.
SPEAKER_00: If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.
SPEAKER_00: And if he sins against you seven times in a day and comes back to you seven times saying, I repent, you must forgive him.
SPEAKER_00: The apostles said to the Lord, Increase our faith.
SPEAKER_00: They realize the apostles, after this discussion they're teaching, they realized this is hard.
SPEAKER_00: I need more faith to do this.
SPEAKER_00: Because they realize that it's thing things will offend us, things will hurt us.
SPEAKER_00: That Jesus is not protecting us from those things.
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people have this false view of Christianity that wants to become a Christian.
SPEAKER_00: These hurt things will not happen to you.
SPEAKER_00: Or in the church, people will not sin against you.
SPEAKER_00: Where do we get that idea from?
SPEAKER_00: Not from the Bible.
SPEAKER_00: Now, what happens in the church, you know, Jesus says that that these stumbling blocks, these offenses, they happen, they all come.
SPEAKER_00: We actually try not to intentionally sin against each other.
SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest ways we sin actually against each other is when we get into this trap of being offended.
SPEAKER_00: We get offended and we react in ways of vengeance or cold shoulder treatment or you know, resentment, bitterness.
SPEAKER_00: Many of our sins as Christians are not, I'm here, I'm gonna actually hurt you.
SPEAKER_00: That's not how we wake up.
SPEAKER_00: We're actually wake up trying to love our brothers and sisters.
SPEAKER_00: But what happens is somebody steps on our toes and then we react.
SPEAKER_00: And that reaction usually is very sinful.
SPEAKER_00: That's what we need to be on our guard against more than anything else.
SPEAKER_00: And then keep forgiving each other.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, your brother comes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00: Bro, again?
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
SPEAKER_00: So I got I got two points.
SPEAKER_00: Number one, offenses will certainly come.
SPEAKER_00: You better get you better get at peace with that.
SPEAKER_00: Until we get to heaven, in this world, people will offend you.
SPEAKER_00: People will hurt you, they will hurt your feelings, they will say things that that feel offensive, they will do things that feel offensive, they will treat you as unjust and and and feel it will happen.
SPEAKER_00: I know this is not the good news part.
SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
SPEAKER_00: It actually, if if we come to terms with this, there's a lot of good news in this.
SPEAKER_00: Because then we we don't expect that it's gonna all go nice and smoothly.
SPEAKER_00: If it's all going nice and smoothly for you, that's because you're not close enough to people.
SPEAKER_00: And my second point is forgiveness and reconciliation as obedience to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: We can try to muster the emotional strength to forgive in us.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that happens.
SPEAKER_00: Most of the times, it's beyond us.
SPEAKER_00: We need Jesus to actually forgive.
SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna talk about that, and especially even more to reconcile.
SPEAKER_00: So let me get on to my first point.
SPEAKER_00: Offenses will certainly come.
SPEAKER_00: Think about a time that you were recently offended.
SPEAKER_00: You got it?
SPEAKER_00: Didn't take very long.
SPEAKER_00: Maybe the barista messed up your order or wrote your name wrong on the on the coffee cup, or uh maybe you were just driving and somebody cut you off.
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't that feel offensive?
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you can think of something that happened in the church.
SPEAKER_00: Somebody said something they didn't mean or they didn't think about, or they, you know, that happens, or somebody came in and didn't give you a hug.
SPEAKER_00: Come on, are you ignoring me, bro?
SPEAKER_00: You know, we can sometimes some of the offense that we experience are actually not even real, but perceived.
SPEAKER_00: And a clarifying question would realize, oh, there's nothing offensive about what you did.
SPEAKER_00: It just felt offensive to me.
SPEAKER_00: I love uh this is one of my favorite books on the topic.
SPEAKER_00: It's uh by this gentleman named John Bevere, called The Bait of Satan.
SPEAKER_00: You know, this whole idea of uh the trap of offense, that's that's what it's talking about.
SPEAKER_00: Uh this this whole idea of scandal on the snare is kind of like this this hook that that this noose that Satan puts out, and being offended is right in the center of it.
SPEAKER_00: And when you step in it, you get offended, and you stay with your being offended, Satan just pulled that snare and got you.
SPEAKER_00: And it is a great job uh of how this happens and and why we shouldn't be surprised when this happens.
SPEAKER_00: I brought a few quotes from the book, but more from the Bible.
SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, here's here's here's one of the quotes uh in the introduction of the book.
SPEAKER_00: He says, if we don't risk being hurt, we cannot give unconditional love.
SPEAKER_00: Unconditional love gives others the right to hurt us.
unknown: That's tough.
SPEAKER_00: Isn't that tough?
SPEAKER_00: That's what that's what.
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna love you even if you're gonna hurt me.
SPEAKER_00: That's unconditional love.
SPEAKER_00: Conditional love is I'm gonna love you until you hurt me.
SPEAKER_00: At that point, we're done.
SPEAKER_00: And that's that's that's the snare.
SPEAKER_00: That's the trap.
SPEAKER_00: That's when when we get offended and we stop loving.
SPEAKER_00: That's what Jesus says.
SPEAKER_00: You know, be on guard against that.
SPEAKER_00: What we lose when we stop loving, we lose.
SPEAKER_00: But that means if I'm gonna give people the right to hurt me, then some of those people intentionally, but most likely unintentionally will use the right and hurt me.
SPEAKER_00: Another thing that's important, that's another quote from the book, it says, This truth remains.
SPEAKER_00: Only those you care about can hurt you.
SPEAKER_00: Now think about that.
SPEAKER_00: Only those you care about can hurt you.
SPEAKER_00: You expect more from them.
SPEAKER_00: After all, you give in more of yourself to them.
SPEAKER_00: The higher the expectations, the greater the fall.
SPEAKER_00: When you think about the person that hurts you the most, if you're married, it's most likely your spouse.
SPEAKER_00: Like 99%.
SPEAKER_00: Because of the closeness, the vulnerability that you you you you experience in that relationship.
SPEAKER_00: They have the greatest access to you, to your heart, and therefore they can do the greatest damage.
SPEAKER_00: That's how it works.
SPEAKER_00: If we want to have a tight-knit, close church community, you know what that will do?
SPEAKER_00: That means we're gonna be hurting each other more than if we just politely show up on Sundays, shake hands, uh, maybe give some side hugs, and smile and stay distant.
SPEAKER_00: One of the reasons churches are distant is because it fails safer.
SPEAKER_00: But we're not called to be safe, we're called to love.
SPEAKER_00: And that means if we care enough, we're gonna allow each other, we're gonna open our hearts and we're gonna get close enough so we can get hurt by each other.
SPEAKER_00: Now think about that.
SPEAKER_00: That's I know it's not a beach day.
SPEAKER_00: Better together, have fun.
SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's it's not a nice hike in the woods.
SPEAKER_00: It's it's actually getting close enough to each other so we can get hurt.
SPEAKER_00: We can get, you know, if if you're just dancing far away from your partner, it's safe.
SPEAKER_00: But when you step close enough and you do one of those dances and you make a you misstep, what happens when you misstep?
SPEAKER_00: You step on the foot of the other person.
SPEAKER_00: You can't avoid it because they're so close.
SPEAKER_00: And then you apologize, honey, I'm sorry, and I've done that a million times in our dances, but only if you're close enough can you step on somebody else's foot.
SPEAKER_00: But that's how it works.
SPEAKER_00: In Matthew 24, Jesus describes what will happen to followers of him over the course of the next uh probably about 30, 40 years.
SPEAKER_00: He's he's talking about the destruction of Jerusalem, a Roman conquest of Israel, the destruction of the temple.
SPEAKER_00: And among all those prophecies, he's talking, he's saying this in Matthew 24, verse 10 to 13.
SPEAKER_00: And again, I use the the Holman Christian Standard Bible that translates this word as offense.
SPEAKER_00: Offense.
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know how to pronounce that properly.
SPEAKER_00: Uh both ways.
SPEAKER_00: Offense is sports, offense is when you get hurt, right?
SPEAKER_00: It says that many will take offense, uh, betray one another and hate one another.
SPEAKER_00: So that's that's the trap.
SPEAKER_00: When we take offense, when we hold on to that and we don't follow Jesus' plan to forgive and reconcile, then we we become betray one another and hate one another.
SPEAKER_00: And this is talking about Christians.
SPEAKER_00: Many false prophets will rise up and deceive many.
SPEAKER_00: You know, when you think about Christianity today, you you can you can see people preaching different kinds of gospels.
SPEAKER_00: And uh they they they they treat, you know, some people preach uh a gospel of you gotta you gotta you know stand up and fight against the people that offend you.
SPEAKER_00: And that's following Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: It's not because lawlessness will multiply, the love of many will grow cold.
SPEAKER_00: But the one who endures to the end will be delivered or will be saved in other translation.
SPEAKER_00: You know, most churches end by a church dissolving peacefully, no.
SPEAKER_00: Most churches end in a bloodbath of fighting, verbal things, splits, arguments, factions, that's how most churches end.
SPEAKER_00: And the remaining group, whoever is left behind after the fighting is done, doesn't have money to keep up the church, so the church closes.
SPEAKER_00: That's how churches end.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus' prophetic words are real.
SPEAKER_00: What happens during this is your your love will grow cold because you're holding on to being offended.
SPEAKER_00: One of the other things that happens, as I explain, is that churches become a you know this places that people come and they they they sing and they they stay distant.
SPEAKER_00: There's another quote from the book that talks about it, it says, we construct walls when we are hurt to safeguard our hearts and prevent any future wounds.
SPEAKER_00: We become selective, denying entry to all we fear will hurt us.
SPEAKER_00: We filter out anyone we think owes us something, we withhold access until these people have paid their debts in full.
SPEAKER_00: We open our lives only to those we believe are on our side.
SPEAKER_00: That's that is the bait of Satan.
SPEAKER_00: That either we become bitter and angry, people that are fighting a war against these offenses, or we become distant and hardened and and and safeguarded to the point where we actually don't love.
SPEAKER_00: The end result of both of those things is that the love will grow cold.
SPEAKER_00: Now, how to fix this?
SPEAKER_00: You know, it it takes a lot of humility to fix this.
SPEAKER_00: Because the way we're trying to fix an offense is we're trying to fix the offender.
SPEAKER_00: And what we're doing is we're having this big plank in our eye and trying to get the speck out of the other person's eye.
SPEAKER_00: Uh because here's here's how offenses work.
SPEAKER_00: I love this.
SPEAKER_00: This is one of my favorite quotes from the book.
SPEAKER_00: It says, uh, often we judge ourselves by our intentions and everyone else by their actions.
SPEAKER_00: Do you see that?
SPEAKER_00: It is possible to intend one thing by communicating something totally different.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes our true motives are cleverly hidden even from us.
SPEAKER_00: You know, when we do something wrong, we have you know, we have an explanation ready.
SPEAKER_00: I do.
SPEAKER_00: Oh, my intention was actually really good.
SPEAKER_00: Here's here's what was my intention?
SPEAKER_00: Can you see my intention?
SPEAKER_00: Can you please look at my intention?
SPEAKER_00: But when you do something wrong, I actually don't even stop to consider your intention.
SPEAKER_00: I assume you did this because you're bad.
SPEAKER_00: You're you're you're you wanted to hurt me.
SPEAKER_00: We we assume the best intentions of us and sometimes the worst in other people.
SPEAKER_00: And and that's that's the same plank and and and spec idea that we don't see that we're if we if we judged ourselves the way we judge everybody else, we would be so negative.
SPEAKER_00: We couldn't probably live with us.
SPEAKER_00: That's how negative that's how bad we would be.
SPEAKER_00: And if we judged others the way we look at ourselves, with I'm sure you had you meant well.
SPEAKER_00: You had great intentions, I know this just came, you know what how nice that would be, right?
SPEAKER_00: But we have this situation that we look at ourselves very differently than we look at each other.
SPEAKER_00: So the fact Is we're gonna be offended.
SPEAKER_00: Offenses will come.
SPEAKER_00: Get ready.
SPEAKER_00: It's you know, don't run from it.
SPEAKER_00: Don't don't try to protect your heart from it.
SPEAKER_00: They hurt.
SPEAKER_00: The idea that you get offended is because it is the power of an offense is that it's hurtful.
SPEAKER_00: If it wasn't hurtful, you know, if you say, if you say something that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, I know my wife always uses this illustration.
SPEAKER_00: If you say, oh, Patty, you're an alien.
SPEAKER_00: You know, like like people from outer space.
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I don't know if that's positive or negative.
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't offend me.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: But if you're saying, Patty, you're you're you're a liar.
SPEAKER_00: I I attach a lot of meaning to that.
SPEAKER_00: Liars are bad people.
SPEAKER_00: Liars hurt people, you know.
SPEAKER_00: See the difference?
SPEAKER_00: So it's offenses will come.
SPEAKER_00: Not be ready to like be ready, be on your guard to protect yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Be on your guard so you do not allow these offenses for Satan to trap you into an ungodly response.
SPEAKER_00: So how do we what do how do we deal with these?
SPEAKER_00: And this is uh this is where forgiveness and reconciliation comes in play.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, we know we need to forgive.
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
SPEAKER_00: In Matthew chapter 18, this is probably part of that similar conversation that Jesus had about forgiveness with the disciples.
SPEAKER_00: He probably had a few conversations on this.
SPEAKER_00: One time they asked, peasingly, so another time Peter comes to Jesus, maybe the same time, and asks, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?
SPEAKER_00: Up to seven times.
SPEAKER_00: He might have remembered the previous conversation that we just read in Luke.
SPEAKER_00: He said, even if he comes back seven times saying I'm repentant the same day, he's like, Is it seven times?
SPEAKER_00: Jesus answered, I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
SPEAKER_00: You know, I love this little, you know, uh some of the some of the translations actually translates the the uh the Greek, not 77, but seven times 70.
SPEAKER_00: Uh but it it really doesn't matter, it's a large number, nevertheless.
SPEAKER_00: Uh the idea is that it is a lot more than you anticipate it to be.
SPEAKER_00: You are called to forgive more than's comfortable to you.
SPEAKER_00: That comes easy to you.
SPEAKER_00: Uh now I have to do math, right?
SPEAKER_00: Uh Robert D.
SPEAKER_00: Enright uh is a psychologist, uh doctor.
SPEAKER_00: He actually talked about uh he wrote a book about forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: He says reconciliation is the act of two people coming together following separation.
SPEAKER_00: So when somebody offends you, that offense becomes a separation.
SPEAKER_00: Somebody hurts you, somebody sins against you, there's a separation that happens.
SPEAKER_00: And reconciliation is the idea that the two people come back together.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiving, on the other hand, is the moral action of one individual, not both parties, just one individual, that starts as a private act, an unseen decision within the human heart.
SPEAKER_00: It's important to understand these two concepts and what they mean.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness happens in my heart.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness, something that happens between me and God.
SPEAKER_00: I have something that I need to, this person hurt me, and I am ready to settle the account.
SPEAKER_00: To get something because something was taken from me.
SPEAKER_00: That's how often it feels.
SPEAKER_00: You feel like you owe me.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness is actually letting that debt go and say, you know what?
SPEAKER_00: You only owe to God.
SPEAKER_00: You don't owe me.
SPEAKER_00: I'm not the person you robbed.
SPEAKER_00: God is.
SPEAKER_00: Now that doesn't mean that you didn't hurt me or I didn't felt offended.
SPEAKER_00: But it is something that I release you from the hurt.
SPEAKER_00: I release you from the debt.
SPEAKER_00: You I you're not owing me anything.
SPEAKER_00: Whatever you owe is between you and God.
SPEAKER_00: You need to get right with God.
SPEAKER_00: God is going to make you accountable.
SPEAKER_00: It's not my job.
SPEAKER_00: That is forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: Now that doesn't make it easy.
SPEAKER_00: Because I actually, that's a that's a very emotional work of letting go of hurt and saying, God, I'll give you this hurt.
SPEAKER_00: I give you this anger, I give you this feeling of vengeance, I give you this feeling of resentment, I give these all over to you.
SPEAKER_00: I do not want to relate to this person this way.
SPEAKER_00: That is forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: Reconciliation is when we get together and talk about it and decide on a common future.
SPEAKER_00: What's the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?
SPEAKER_00: Both are commanded by Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: Uh there's a difference though.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus tells you to forgive everyone, but reconcile in certain situations.
SPEAKER_00: Not in every situation.
SPEAKER_00: The Bible teaches, as far as it depends on you, live in peace with other people.
SPEAKER_00: That's what it is an asterisk.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness is between me and God, reconciliation between me and the offender or the offended, whether I'm in either one of these categories.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness is always possible.
SPEAKER_00: That's an important conviction.
SPEAKER_00: There is no such thing that cannot be forgiven, because God is forgiven everything.
SPEAKER_00: That's what the source of forgiveness is.
SPEAKER_00: Reconciliation requires the other person's willingness.
SPEAKER_00: If I'm willing to reconcile, but the other person is not, there won't be a reconciliation.
SPEAKER_00: Because it depended on the other person, too.
SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness is a prerequisite to reconciliation.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes this is where we mess up.
SPEAKER_00: We try to get reconciled before we have forgiven the other person.
SPEAKER_00: So what are we doing?
SPEAKER_00: We're not, we're carrying in to in our offense into the conversation, and we're trying to get the other person to pay, not to get reconciled, but to to get them to see, to, to, to, to, we, we act out our hurt in the conversation.
SPEAKER_00: Now sometimes the other person takes the high road and is more mature and goes like, I can really see this really hurt you.
SPEAKER_00: I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_00: And and it and that conversation can be helpful for reconciliation.
SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes, when we bring our reaction, our hurt to the conversation, it makes things worse.
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you experienced both of those.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you talk to somebody and they were the humblest person, and you're like, Oh, I guess I didn't really communicate that very nicely, but thank you for being willing to listen and and and and you know reconcile with me.
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes we come and the other and we counteroffend the other person.
SPEAKER_00: So the Bible teaches forgive as the Lord forgive you.
SPEAKER_00: That's an important part of you're not forgiving because you're you're taking the high ground.
SPEAKER_00: You're not forbidging forgiving because you're I'm the better person.
SPEAKER_00: You're not forgiving because it doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_00: That's not that's not the Bible's teachings on forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: Those are some of our coping mechanisms with hurt.
SPEAKER_00: But the Bible teaches forgiveness to forgive God as God forgave us.
SPEAKER_00: That means a complete release of the debt.
SPEAKER_00: And treating the other person like the offense never happened.
SPEAKER_00: Talk about challenging, but that's that's the standard of forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: In Matthew 18, verse 23, he says, Jesus tells this, teaches this parable after saying the 70 times seven or 77, whatever, whatever the number is, we need to do it.
SPEAKER_00: But how do you do it?
SPEAKER_00: Here's the practical things how you do it.
SPEAKER_00: Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
SPEAKER_00: As he began the settlement, a man who owed him 10,000 talents was brought to him.
SPEAKER_00: 10,000 talents is a lot of money.
SPEAKER_00: It's houses.
SPEAKER_00: That's what you're thinking about.
SPEAKER_00: Hundreds of thousands of dollars, probably in the millions.
SPEAKER_00: Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that had he had be sold to repay the debt.
SPEAKER_00: The servant fell on his knees and before him, be patient with me, he begged, and I will pay back everything.
SPEAKER_00: Now the chances of that is kind of zero.
SPEAKER_00: It's more money that you earn in a lifetime.
SPEAKER_00: That's what you're talking about, right?
SPEAKER_00: Even if you're trying to earn money and pay back, you never get to it.
SPEAKER_00: That's our situation with God.
SPEAKER_00: God got, I'm gonna make these right.
SPEAKER_00: Can you?
SPEAKER_00: Can can't we can't.
SPEAKER_00: We we we we our debt is immense.
SPEAKER_00: The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the let, and let him go.
SPEAKER_00: But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.
SPEAKER_00: A denarius was uh was uh was one day's wages.
SPEAKER_00: So it's a hundred days' wages, three months' rent or three months' salary.
SPEAKER_00: He grabbed him and began to choke him.
SPEAKER_00: Pay back what you owe me, he demanded.
SPEAKER_00: His fellow servants fell to his knees and backed him, be patient with me now, I will pay you back.
SPEAKER_00: Didn't that saying remind this guy of something that just happened?
SPEAKER_00: It should.
SPEAKER_00: But we're a lot like this guy.
SPEAKER_00: We don't, when we're focused on the offense, on the fence, we forget how much we've offended God.
SPEAKER_00: But he refused.
SPEAKER_00: Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
SPEAKER_00: When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed.
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's our experience in the church.
SPEAKER_00: We see people in conflict, and it distresses us.
SPEAKER_00: There's a reason.
SPEAKER_00: Because we're not acting in line with what that forgiving father is trying to create.
SPEAKER_00: But the Bible teaches about how to actually help people that are fighting as well.
SPEAKER_00: We're not gonna get into that today.
SPEAKER_00: And went and told their master everything that had happened, then the master called the servant in, you wicked servant.
SPEAKER_00: See, he he actually calls the servants wicked.
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't call him ungrateful, he doesn't call him forgetful, he calls him wicked.
SPEAKER_00: Our being forgiven should be such a permanent presence in our lives that we cannot ever ignore it.
SPEAKER_00: When we get to the point where we ignore how much God has forgiven us, we get to the point where we can be called wicked.
SPEAKER_00: That's an obvious wicked thing on our part.
SPEAKER_00: He said, I canceled all the debt of yours because you begged me to.
SPEAKER_00: Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?
SPEAKER_00: In anger, his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured until he should pay all he owed.
SPEAKER_00: This is how my father will treat each of you unless you forgive your father from your heart.
SPEAKER_00: Not a technique, not a not a not a superficial thing.
SPEAKER_00: I forgive you.
SPEAKER_00: It is from the heart.
SPEAKER_00: You've got to get down to the heart, get down to the hurt, get in touch with it, feel it.
SPEAKER_00: My last quote from the book is is talk about this process.
SPEAKER_00: He goes, Pride keeps you from dealing with truth.
SPEAKER_00: It distorts your vision.
SPEAKER_00: You never change when you think everything is fine.
SPEAKER_00: Pride hardens your heart and dims the eyes of your understanding.
SPEAKER_00: It keeps you from the change of heart, repentance that will set you free.
SPEAKER_00: Pride causes you to view yourself as a victim.
SPEAKER_00: Your attitude becomes, I was mistreated and misjudged, therefore I am justified in my behavior.
SPEAKER_00: Because you believe you are innocent and falsely accused, you hold back forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: Though your true heart condition is hidden from you, it is not hidden from God.
SPEAKER_00: Just because you are mistreated, you do not have permission to hold on to an offense.
SPEAKER_00: Two wrongs do not make a right.
SPEAKER_00: What a good quote.
SPEAKER_00: That's what happens in our heart.
SPEAKER_00: We gotta deal with our hearts.
SPEAKER_00: If we want to follow Jesus, it can be just a superficial thing, it can be just a certain set of beliefs and trying to live a moral life.
SPEAKER_00: We gotta get dig down and deal with this hurt.
SPEAKER_00: Here's a quote by uh Marian Williamson.
SPEAKER_00: She says, forgiveness is not always easy.
SPEAKER_00: At times it feels more painful than the wound we suffered to forgive the one that inflicted it.
SPEAKER_00: Did you get that?
SPEAKER_00: Because what it requires is you actually face the wound.
SPEAKER_00: You bring it back up.
SPEAKER_00: You don't push it down, you shouldn't shove it away.
SPEAKER_00: You bring it back, you bring back the hurt, and you face it.
SPEAKER_00: And then you give it to God and say, God, it's not my job to get this person to pay for this hurt.
SPEAKER_00: It's not my job to keep him accountable, it's your job.
SPEAKER_00: And yet, without it, there is no peace without forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: Matthew 6, 14 and 15 says, For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
SPEAKER_00: But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.
SPEAKER_00: It's not that God makes his forgiveness conditional on your forgiving.
SPEAKER_00: It's just because if you're not forgiving, it does something to your heart that eventually stops God from being able to forgive you.
SPEAKER_00: That's how it works.
SPEAKER_00: That's the bait of Satan.
SPEAKER_00: That's how Satan wants to get us.
SPEAKER_00: So, what does God tell us?
SPEAKER_00: We need to get not just forgive, but we also need to get reconciled.
SPEAKER_00: There's another command in the Bible that to get reconciled to your brother.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and it's it's important to God.
SPEAKER_00: It's more important than anything you're trying to offer to God.
SPEAKER_00: Your service, your gifts, your worship.
SPEAKER_00: He says, take that gift, leave it there, get reconciled.
SPEAKER_00: I need that more.
SPEAKER_00: Now that's a that's a harder step.
SPEAKER_00: As I said, forgiveness needs to happen in order to reconciliation happen.
SPEAKER_00: If you're getting together with somebody to reconcile, but you're you're you're just there to you know to get some punches in, then that's not reconciliation conversation.
SPEAKER_00: That's a retribution conversation.
SPEAKER_00: So God actually commands both the person who got offended and the person who made the offense to actually go and seek each other out in the Bible.
SPEAKER_00: In Matthew 18 and Matthew 5, if your brother sins against you, you go and show him your fault.
SPEAKER_00: His fault just between the two of you.
SPEAKER_00: If this is to you, you have won your brother over.
SPEAKER_00: And Matthew 5, verse 23, therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and then remember that your brother has something against you.
SPEAKER_00: Oh, maybe he mentioned that I offended him.
SPEAKER_00: Leave your gift there in the front of the altar first and go be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.
SPEAKER_00: So, God's design for our church is for us to be reconciled, to not have lingering offenses going around, not have distances based on stuff that happened yesterday or 10 years ago or 20 years ago, but to be able to have nothing that can that separates us from each other.
SPEAKER_00: That's what God calls us to do.
SPEAKER_00: This is a high calling.
SPEAKER_00: So, what does God tell you if you have been sinned against?
SPEAKER_00: The Bible says, go.
SPEAKER_00: You have an obligation.
SPEAKER_00: If you're following Jesus, you have to go.
SPEAKER_00: And what does the Bible tell you if you if if if you sinned against your brother or sister?
SPEAKER_00: Again, the same command.
SPEAKER_00: Go.
SPEAKER_00: Whose job is it?
SPEAKER_00: You know what we do?
SPEAKER_00: We wait for the other person to come.
SPEAKER_00: But we both need to go.
SPEAKER_00: The conclusion says, Saddle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court.
SPEAKER_00: So Jesus using this illustration of somebody trying to take you to court, and and he doesn't care about your court affairs.
SPEAKER_00: He's trying to get us ready to face the judge of the universe.
SPEAKER_00: That's what he's talking about.
SPEAKER_00: That's where if somebody, if we got issues with each other, that you know, that's do it while you are still with him on the way.
SPEAKER_00: We have only one life to get reconciled, guys.
SPEAKER_00: Once it's gone, there's no reconciliation happening.
SPEAKER_00: Or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.
SPEAKER_00: I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.
SPEAKER_00: It seems like this is some practical advice on how to get resolved with somebody who has an issue with you.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but it's more than that.
SPEAKER_00: This is part of the Sermon on the Mount.
SPEAKER_00: This is how to reconcile with each other within the community of faith.
SPEAKER_00: So when we face God, God will welcome us into our eternal heavens.
SPEAKER_00: So without forgiveness, there is no community, guys.
SPEAKER_00: As hard as forgiveness it is, is it for us to be able to actually be a close, tightly knit, relationally loving group of followers of Jesus, we need a great amount of forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: We need to practice forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: We need to get better at forgiveness.
SPEAKER_00: Because offenses will certainly come.
SPEAKER_00: And the only way we can actually do this is if we actually obey Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: A few questions and thoughts for discussion.
SPEAKER_00: Do I understand the unavoidable fact of life that often offenses will come?
SPEAKER_00: You know, we always dream of a place when it will never happen, and that place will be there when we get to heaven.
SPEAKER_00: But until then, they're part of human experience.
SPEAKER_00: Have I gotten more guarded or bitter because of past offenses?
SPEAKER_00: Do I still risk being hurt?
SPEAKER_00: Good question.
SPEAKER_00: Is there someone I haven't forgiven?
SPEAKER_00: How can I take my hurt and give it over to God?
SPEAKER_00: Are there relationships in my family or community where I am not reconciled?
SPEAKER_00: What steps can I take to get reconciled?
SPEAKER_00: Remember, you need to first forgive in order to be able to reconcile.
SPEAKER_00: So start with that.
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening.
SPEAKER_00: I pray that as a result of us growing in these areas, we're gonna be better together.