Looking in the Wrong Place: Why the Life You Built Still Feels Empty | Ep. 29

You can build the whole thing — the income, the fitness, the community — and still feel like something isn't adding up. That quiet restlessness is exactly what this episode names and traces back to its source.

Rahul brings a sharp theological lens to a deeply human problem: why a world that can't produce ultimate answers keeps convincing us it can. Van offers the mental health counterpart — the pattern she sees repeatedly in her practice of people arriving at the life they planned for and still feeling strangely hollow.

The insight that lands hardest here isn't abstract. It's the image of searching for your keys in a drawer where you never put them. The answer you want isn't missing because you're not trying hard enough. It's missing because you've been looking in a place that was never designed to hold it.

If you've ever wondered whether the restlessness you carry is something more than a productivity problem, this conversation gives it a name — and a direction worth turning toward.

Find us on Spotify @pillayplacepodcast

https://open.spotify.com/show/6yDlDhEWsh21t2zeg7f5AC?si=B7-HfM0VR6SJuI2i7l4Kdg

YouTube: @pillayplacepodcast 

https://www.youtube.com/@PillayPlacePodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever feel like you are searching for a purpose or a meaning and you just seem like you can't get an answer anywhere. If you have high money and you have high meaning, but you have like low well-being, you you're just exhausted. And then if you have high money and high well-being and low meaning, then you're comfortable. You're empty inside. You're empty inside and you're just comfortable and you just become the observer. But then if you have high meaning and high well-being, but low money, well, then you're stressed out because you can't pay the bill.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

The answer you're looking for is not where you've been looking. Especially if you're looking for the answer in this world.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Hi guys, welcome back to the Palay Place where we talk about faith, family, and finance. Our hope here is to help you guys build a legacy in those areas. Okay. And you know, today is a very interesting um topic. Have you ever feel like you are searching for a purpose or a meaning, and you just seem like you can't get get an answer anywhere? Um, that's what we're gonna kind of dive into today, and then possibly give you guys an answer at the end. Okay. Yes. Um, all right, babe, you wanna Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

So I I in my notes I have here common things that folks look for um in the wrong places. Okay. One is our worth? Are we enough? Right? And I guess finances can go right into this. Success can fall into this as a subcategory. Uh wealth can fall into this as a subcategory. Um, and I will give you um, I'll just do it now. I was thinking about I'll just do it later, but I'll just do it now. But I I remember that I used to read these, you know, get wealthy books or John Maxwell leadership books all the time before I met Jesus Christ. And the moment I met Jesus Christ, all those books started to start make sense all of a sudden. So that's what this episode is.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

It sounded good, but it didn't make sense.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

It did it sounded great. It felt like I was uh on this constant battle of changing behavior without understanding the root of what John Maxwell was teaching. Okay, right? And we'll talk about that here shortly. But um, some of the things that we look for answers outside of really where the answer is, right? And and if you didn't know, answer isn't God.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

But let's just talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Wait till the cloud, yeah. I know she's building up this momentum. Sorry about that. But um anxiety, right? Or trying to control things that we don't have control over our purpose, right? We take on a lot of physical activities or hobbies to fill the void inside. So we're busier, but we're not filled inside like we're supposed to be. Um death is a big one. A lot of people are afraid of death, right? Okay, um, and rightfully so, right? And we'll tackle that and things we've done that we regret or people we've hurt. That's a big one. People carry that for all their lives.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

You have such a long list of things.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Well, that I just have five things.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

That feels like a lot of things. I put down the trifecta of a successful life. Okay, and the trifecta is money.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

And this is when we are searching for financial autonomy. Okay, right. We want to buy back our time.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Okay. I put down meaning because provide that it's we're looking for something that provides a sense of impact, yeah, a sense of meaning and purpose. Like, is what I'm doing really does it really matter? Um, is it worth it?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

All right. So that's like the meaning. And then I put down well-being, like our physical health, our social connections or mental health to execute our meaning.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Um, and you know, in the I think sometimes we want the meaning, you know, the money, the like financial autonomy and like our physical health. So we come up with plans like I'm gonna socialize and be connected to the community or join a club or join a sport, and I'm gonna go to the gym and work out four or five times a week, and I'm gonna make money.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

And what that is, is it's like that's gonna make me feel worth it. It's gonna make me feel good. That's gonna be the ultimate like success in life if I have all three of those things. Yeah, right. It's like fulfilling something. But the problem is that we can't fulfill them all on our own, right? It's this it's the if you have high money and you have high meaning, but you have like low well-being, yeah, you you're just exhausted.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Right? Like, and then if you have high money and high well-being and low meaning, then you're comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

But if that's true, you're empty inside you're empty inside and you're just comfortable, and you just become this observer, yeah, like floating through life, right? You have okay, it pays well, and um, you know, and I'm healthy and I have good connections with, but then you don't have this meaning in your work. You're not you don't feel satisfied, you just feel kind of numb.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Right. But then if you have high meaning and high well-being, but low money, well, then you're stressed out because you can't pay the bills. It's like this is such meaningful work, and um, and I'm healthy and I'm socializing, have such good community, but now I'm stressed out with I can't pay my bills. Yeah. So the thing is like we can't it would be awesome if we ourselves can have all three.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Do it all, yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

And that I think as humans and in our natural, we desire that, we want that. Yeah. The truth is we can't do that on our on our own. The problem is that it's very you focused. It's very and and it's like I have to do this, I have to figure this out on my own, I have to achieve this, I have to make this work. I'm not going to be happy, successful, or whatever it is if I don't have all three.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Right? Versus if you're Christ focused, it's I can do all things through Christ who strengthened me.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Versus he who has started good work in me will complete it.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

You know, versus in all these things, I am more than a conqueror through him who loves me. So why it's like very full, it's like, okay, you're not on your own. Like you can still have all this and you don't have to do it by yourself.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. I I guess the the big question that I have is so why why do all the answers come in Christ? Because some folks, I mean, I have friends that believe this way, which is, yeah, God's probably real, is what they say. Okay. Um but what I what I don't think he's interested in is helping you figure out your minute little problem. He's got a world to run potentially. Potentially.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

I think there's a big misconception on who God is. Yeah. Like they think of it. Tell me more. Like I think there's this misconception of how people think he is this giant God that is controlling us like we're like a chess game.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

You know, or there is this, he has bigger things to worry about than you. Yeah. And I don't think that's true.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

The controlling piece is is a little easy for me to handle because it's we wouldn't have choice if that was the case.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

Like we all have a choice. I could actively make a bad decision right now. That is not that is that is like that's totally zero control. Like he'll it'll be like, okay, fine, it's your choice. I've given you authority to make a choice. So obviously that's and that's it's in his book as well. Yeah. Right? Like he even says it, like in front of you is life and death. Please pick life. Like, kind of like how we talk to our kids. Um, but um, you I mean, so yeah, so go ahead. You were you were gonna make a point.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

Well, I was gonna say that I think there if you don't know, if you I mean, we talk about this all the time, guys. Um, it's like the relationship with God. Yeah, right? Like you don't if you don't know him, you don't know what he has for you and what he's capable of doing for you. Yeah, and um, and so it's so important, it goes back to the relationship. And don't just know of God, like really know him, and it's personal.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

Yeah, you know, he um in in in um the book of Genesis, he tells Abraham, I am your shield, right? And your greatest reward. And um, and the point of that is is what he's really communicating to Abraham is that I'm not only I not only will protect you from all these things that's bombarding your life, or the worries that you have in your mind or your head and your heart, but I am also the biggest fulfillment that can give and fulfill and fill you in area of your life, every area of your life that you're seeking. You know, you might be seeking and becoming the best tennis player in the world, but reality is with me, and that's what you were talking about. I want to go back to what you said. Through me, you can accomplish all things. What he's really saying is that in a relationship with me, you'll not only have an amazing outcome of what you're pursuing, but you will have the utmost fulfillment.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Yeah, and you know, in any like relationship per se, like we play a role in the relationship, right, right, and so God has a role, right? We have a role in the relation the the relationship, and so I think a lot of time people have people can also have a deep misunderstanding of God that somehow their issues what falls under the role of God versus they were the one that made that choice and had that poor consequence, right? You know, and it's like outside of what God's role is, yeah. He can't he can't just force you, he can encourage you and he can tell you, but it's still your choice to listen, yeah, to obey or not, and then you deal with the consequences of your own choices, right? You know, and so they they kind of like, oh yeah, I made that choice. Here's the consequence, and it's God's fault because why didn't he do anything about it? Yeah, and so I think knowing our role, because I I'm sure he knows his role, like we don't have to mesh it together. Like you can't be God, yeah, and do what he does, and he can't be you.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

Yeah, and what Van's really displaying here is the difference in creation. We are the created one, the creation, and God is the creator, right? And one aspect I want to bring here that you know, if you're still having questions in your mind is here, is that in the book of John, in the book of John, yes, in chapter one, uh, verse two, it says that in the world nothing was created that exists without God Himself. So meaning that everything in creation was supposed to be good and it was created by him. So the idea of the job that we go to today is an expression of his creation, especially if it's doing something good, right? The enemy came to thwart the idea and make it bad, to make it evil, right? And that is why we can't find answers in this world on our own. Because a fallen creation, here's the point: a fallen creation, if we're in the fallen creation, cannot find an answer of good or truth in a fallen world. It's an oxymoron. It's like you can't find the it's the wrong place. If you don't ever put your keys in the drawer, you will not find those keys in that drawer because you don't put them there.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of I like in my practice, I I hear a lot of like, okay, Van, if I just get this job, I'm gonna feel better.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

If I'm gonna get paid this much, I'm gonna feel better. Right. If I'm gonna have a girlfriend, I'm gonna feel better.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

A little bit.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Depending on the girlfriend, I guess. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, you know, like um, like if I just have someone, I will feel better, right? And the thing is like, okay. A month later, two months later, or whatever, it's like, oh yeah, I went on this date, and then and they're still not feeling good. Yeah. Because they're searching for happiness in something external and not something that how do I word this?

SPEAKER_02 14:28

Yeah. I mean, as a fallen creation in a fallen world, you're looking for an answer that's not supposed to come from the fallen world, it's supposed to come from good. And you and the Bible clearly says that God is the good one, he's the good shepherd, he's the only good one. So all good gifts come from him. So to cap this off, right? To bring this home, the answer you're looking for is not where you've been looking. It's not, especially if you're looking for the answer in this world. The means to the answer could be fine, could be found, but reality is your answer is God Himself.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Yeah, and so it's like nothing is wrong with wanting financial autonomy or or the thing the I think the the point I want to make here is that yeah, those things will feel good, right? But it's gonna be it's never gonna feel like um that's the word I'm searching for. Like it's always gonna feel like you are doing the work. And you know, maybe it's gonna feel good because it's a boost in the ego, I did that, I built that. I but deep down it's not maintainable.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

No, true fulfillment is everlasting. You know, in John 3.16, it clearly says that God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that whoever believes in him may have everlasting life. So it's everlasting fulfillment. Yeah. Right? You have to start over tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or when that project gets destroyed. It's always gonna be on you.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

We have willpower, and you can totally do that. Yes, but that's exhausting, guys. It's just so much easier to just partner up with God.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

He knows what he's doing.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Yeah, it's like partner up with God, get to know him, have a relationship. He's more than happy to partner up with you today, like right now.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

Yeah, and with that, we will put a prayer of salvation inside the comments so that you may, if this is your first time, just trying to invite God into your life. I think a great invitation that I always recommend people to do is ask for the truth. Ask God who He is and to show you the truth. And if you pray that prayer, we believe with you that you will receive Jesus Christ as your Lord. And um, and thanks for joining. Please like and subscribe, and post any questions you may have.