Protecting Your Marriage: Boundaries You Should Never Break | Ep. 44

Most marriages don't fall apart from one big betrayal — they erode slowly, from small unguarded moments nobody thought to protect.

Rahul walks through the specific, sometimes uncomfortable boundaries he holds around opposite-sex friendships and coworkers, and why assuming it could never happen to you is exactly how it happens. Van speaks honestly about what it costs to lower her guard and let herself be protected instead of protecting herself.

There's a story about a single small moment at church that says more about intentionality than any grand romantic gesture could, and a rule about conflict they never break, no matter how tired or busy life gets. It's less about avoiding every possible threat and more about who you decide to become for each other on the ordinary days.

If you've ever wondered what actually keeps a marriage strong for the long haul, this conversation is worth the time.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

The purpose of the enemy is to steal your marriage, to kill it, and to destroy it.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

I think just being aware that attack can happen, like don't be naive about it. You can shut the door and the enemy still crawls through the cracks. And I think this part is almost like a strategy for the ladies out there, is that putting away your self-protectiveness so that your husband can come in and protect you. I want to give you my soft heart. I want to give you where I am not protected, and here is me trusting you to protect it.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

You know, no matter how business it is, I don't go on one-on-one lunches with the opposite sex.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

The enemy is out there roaring like a lion, looking for the next to devour.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Hi everybody, thanks for joining us at the Pele Place podcast, where we talk about faith, family, and finance. You know, guys, um, if this is if this content is benefiting you, please subscribe, hit the like button because it helps us spread the word. And really, our heart is to share about faith, family, and finance, some of the things that has made us successful in these things, these traits, um, that that also helps you leave a good legacy for yourself and your family. Uh so please help the subscribe button so that that way we can spread the word. Thank you. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the PlayPlace podcast, where we talk about faith, family, and finance. Um, in today's episode, we're going to talk about how to protect your marriage. One of the most important things that any marriage needs is protection, right? Because there's always the evil hand out there trying to do something. So we'll talk about some practical and some little things that you can do, or even big things to really protect your marriage. So um, why don't you kick us off, babe? What do you what do you have?

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Well, be watchful.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Yeah, be watchful. The enemy is out there roaring like a lion, looking for the next to devour. Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

And I think the purpose of that is just for context here, right? When Jesus spoke about the devil, he said he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. So the purpose of the enemy is to steal your marriage, to kill it, and to destroy it.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

But it's all to break unity.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Yeah, which is God like God's plan, God's plan is good marriages, healthy marriages, right? Yeah. That was his perfect plan. Family unit? Family unit. That's the Adam and Eve story, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

And that's the first thing the enemy destroyed.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Yeah, it's whatever it can get its hands into. And given a husband and wife, it's the marriage is the center of the family. It's like out of that are children, out of that is legacy. Correct. Right. And so here it's the easiest, I think, it's like the core, it's like the root attack.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Um, if they can attack the root of a family, which is the marriage, the tree will die, then the rest will fall apart.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Right. And so, um I this this topic is really dear to my heart. Um, I'm protective of our marriage, right? And um but if we veryctive of you, I'm protective of our marriage. Yes. Yeah. You're probably protective of me though.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Kind of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

No, not kind of. I am.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

You are. Okay. Well, the I think the first part is starting with doing. I'm gonna talk out of like personal revelation of this, is start with me doing my part to protect.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Can I can I back you up a little bit? Because you said be watchful. Is this part of be watchful, or what do you mean by be watchful?

SPEAKER_00 4:09

I think just being aware that attack can happen. Like, don't be naive about it. You can shut the door and the enemy still crawls through the cracks.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

So be real.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Yeah, like be realistic. Like don't think that you're unattackable. Immune to it, yeah. Yeah, that you're somehow immune to it because you're married, because you're faithful, because you're never ever gonna never gonna be attacked in that way, or you're never ever gonna cheat. It's not in your you don't have a history of it. It's like it's not that like they're sneaky.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Like you don't want to be afraid and scared, but you want to be watchful and be aware that you the the the like a roaring lion prowling around looking for the next. So I'm just imagining, okay, who? Who is the next victim? Who can I devour? Is what the enemy is saying.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Yeah, I it almost feels like you could be full of faith and you could have a good relationship with God, but if you're not practically watching, you know, just a practical thing, and you put your guards down, and that's that could be dangerous. So, yeah, so sorry, go go back to your thing.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Yeah, so in protecting the marriage, it's not just being aware of the people around you, but also doing your part as a husband and doing your part as a wife. And for me, it's putting away like having a mindset of putting away my selfishness. Yeah, okay, having the willingness, like I've made up my mind that I am willing to bear all things. Okay. And um I put down like being responsible. I feel like the word responsible is coming up a lot, you know, but being responsible for putting away my and I think this part is almost like a strategy for the ladies out there, is that putting away your self-protectiveness so that your husband can come in and protect you. Because I think often time, like I want to give you my soft heart, not a hardened heart. I want to give you where I am not protected. And here is me trusting you to protect it. And when I put that responsibility on you, you feel the responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Which is which is truly in our core identities, that's how it's supposed to be. It feels like it, right? Because that's how our relationship with God is, right? Like we are children and he is our father, so his it's his job to protect us, right? And he gives us the insights to navigate life so that we don't fall into traps. So you sound like the same thing, which is it actually increases unity between you and I. If you are right, like vulnerable to the idea, okay, I am the protector, then I gotta show up to the party.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Yeah, and the thing is like you probably would not react or respond to me with tenderness if I'm hard, if my heart is hard, hardened.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

I got this mentality. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

And so there is this I'm trusting you with my heart. Right. And I'm putting away this self-protectiveness. Right. I'm putting that guards down and I'm saying, here, you protect me. Yeah. Right. And and this is obviously not like a lot of people, I'm independent. I don't need a man. I don't need like we're reality is we depend on something.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Yeah, well, we are.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

We depend on the sun. We depend on, so here I am. I'm actually depending on you to take care of this part of me. And I feel like you have you have also done a really good job protecting my heart, right? But along this side is just the way, just the way you gave me credit.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Like, here's here's uh a little bit of credit for protecting my heart.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Well, you've done a pretty good job.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Yeah, like oh, you know, you showed up to work, you clocked in. You know, sometimes we just need a person at the cash register, that's all like this. Okay, fine. I'll give you more credit, okay? No, it's fine, it's fine. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Okay, it is me putting aside any hurt, anger, and disappointments. Okay. And I no matter what the conflict is or what it is, I try to put like I try, I choose forgiveness every time because obviously we're not perfect. Right? We're not. We're not. And it's this mentality in my head that I am a tool for reconciliation. Like I'm not I am.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Can you uh that's that's huge. That's such an important point. Can you actually elaborate that? What does that practically mean?

SPEAKER_00 9:26

That means I'm part of the solution.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Like I I can choose to either reconcile or not.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Reconcile with me, you know, and I think a lot of people think reconciliation only happens when there's problems. Reconciliation should happen all the time. Good days and bad days.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Yeah. That because here that's that there's a piece that's taking responsibility for I am part of the unity, right, right, and I am I am a tool too.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

I am a tool too to figure it out with you. Right. Right. And it's so funny. Like just the other day, I was explaining um divorce to to one of our kids, right? And I'm asking, so yeah, like, honey, do you know what divorce means? We're not getting one, we're just introducing vocabulary to him. Right. So I'm explaining to him what that means. Do you know what that is? He's like, No, I don't know what that is. So I was like, so I explain it to him. And I go, it's just like they can't figure it out, right? And then he's seven and he goes, Mom, it's not that they can't figure it out, they just don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Right. And I'm like, absolutely. It's not that you can't figure it out. There are so many tools. Like, there's ways. There is, I mean, the hardest part is probably like humility to like.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Yeah, it's the it's counting the cost part. You're not willing to pay the price to actually make it work. Right. That's really what it is. Um I can I add a couple of things here. I think for me, the the the you know, this probably comes from the protecting part, right? And this whole episode's about protecting our marriages. But I try to be, and this is my personal revelation as well, it is I am sensitive to what you are sensitive or insecure about.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

And that's because I actually tell you my insecurities.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

So that shows openness, vulnerability, transparency, transparency, trust, right? And each of us in our vulnerabilities gives the other person a chance to be responsible, right? Like you are united in this, you're gonna work together. This is how you grow together, right? So what I try to do is um, you know, just practical things. Like I don't go on, you know, no matter how business it is, I don't go on one-on-one lunches with the opposite sex.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

And these are the practical things, right? Like I would not go, even if it's a coworker. Like I don't go when I was working, um, like in an office. In an office, right? Yep. We'll go pick up lunch together. And if I know that there's a male colleague who's just a colleague and a friend, I actually don't go and pick up lunch with them.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Right. I have somebody else, you know, and that just that's just and the workplace can be a can be an easy target because you spend so much time with your coworkers, right? So so reality and sometimes way more time than you're spending with your family. And it is important to be more intentional with your family. Yeah. Right? And and less open to these things at work, right? Because trust me, things happen.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

And unintentionally.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Right? Like you never go, I'm going to intentionally cheat on my spouse.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Well, some do, but like this.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Like let's just I guess I guess so. Don't don't be with those.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Right. But like point being point being is, right? And then the the other part is connection, right? I do con I try to connect with you at the heart level.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

You do.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

Right? Like I I can't stop the enemy from throwing darts at us or putting traps in our lives, right? But what I can do is strive for as much unity as possible so that I know we're in this together no matter what we face. Right? And even the little things, like, you know, you can compromise on something, but unity is different. Unity is bonding together on a particular matter.

SPEAKER_02 13:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Putting each other's shoes and going, This is what we're facing. This is what's happening today. Yeah. What do you think? What I think.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yeah, I agree. I mean, I like all the the things that you do to be sensitive to me. Like, and if I say I I don't like something or I'm concerned about something, you genuinely you don't minimize it.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Yeah, I mean, we've stopped business relationships because I didn't do anything, but like just you I mean, I was just sensitive to also very intentional, like in terms of uh there was a female potential business person, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:25

Right? You actually made sure that I go to every lunch meetings. Yeah, and the moment like bobble and eat.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

But like you saw red flags. I did. And we just we just killed it. We're like it's not worth it. Right? It doesn't matter, it's not worth it.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Yeah, yep. Um and so for me for me, I actually feel like I needed when I say I'm doing my part to protect, I'm doing I'm not expecting I guess some ways I am, but like I'm not expecting the external things. I'm actually it's the way I feel like I am like your helper.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

I am your support. And I try my best, it doesn't always happen this way because we have young kids, but like to be a safe, peaceful, and restful place for you.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Right? I don't, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Well, it also goes into the roles, right? Like there's such so much confusion about this role thing today, because you know, there's this so pro, I'm independent and I'm a woman, and you know, all these things, and you know, like yes, be on your own feet, like that's fine. But when you come together for marriage, there's a role. You're the wife, you're the heart of the family, husband, you're the protector, you're the you know, maybe you're the breadwinner. Maybe it does not look like you have you're making more money, but you does look like you're the guy that holds everything together from the outside, right? Like that there's a there's a difference, like the like society has been putting everyone up as independent and you can do this on your own. But reality is the choice of getting married is it's no longer own. You're working together, and the Bible says two is always better than one.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Yeah. I have a question though, yeah. Like, because I am like soft, like my soft heart bringing it to you, right? Like I want to give you that soft heart. Do you ever feel like it's a burden? Like I have to take care of her, like I have to Is it a burden?

SPEAKER_01 16:47

No, it's no, not be honest here. No, I mean it's never a burden, right? Like it's never a burden.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Is it a job?

SPEAKER_01 16:55

No, not at all. I I enjoy being a husband and a dad. Okay. What what I don't enjoy, and this is just working things out, right? We're talking about being honest. What I don't enjoy is when you're like, well, this little thing is broken. And I'm like, like, I have a million things to take care of right this minute. Is the world ending? If it's not, can it wait?

SPEAKER_00 17:18

So you like to fix my problems.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

I know, but not at like two minutes before I have a call or something.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Okay, okay. So I I get it. So in that place, would you like me to be more independent and call the people to get it fixed?

SPEAKER_01 17:34

That would be great, because literally I'm doing the same exact thing. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

All right. Um, how else? How else are we protecting our our marriage?

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Well, the prac the you know, I talked about the practical things.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Well, the little things, what I appreciate. It I remember one time when we were, you know, like up in the altar, like praying, and you were standing next to a female, and then so there's the female, there's you, and there's me. So you're squished in between us, and you actually like elbow me to switch. Yeah. Because you didn't want to be next to this. Not not that that woman was like evil or mean or bad or anything, but you also protect the image of our marriage from the world.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Yeah, like I don't even want rumors, unnecessary drama or rumors like that.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Well, that can that's a way in to exactly.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

I don't I don't try to give anybody a reason to, if I can manage and control, I mean like it's not always that I'm always, you know, open to these things. But at that moment, I was like, why am I next to this other woman? Right? It just happened to be we're standing there. Yeah. Nothing intentional on any party.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

And prayers. Like we don't, we you don't pray for the opposite sex unless I'm there, or you would call me.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

I actually don't. Period. I stopped. I was like, God can work from here. I'll pray for you from here. Okay, we don't, I don't need to touch the human being. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah. Yeah. Or if you do, I've noticed you like, babe, can you come?

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Yeah, I asked you to do it. Yeah, exactly. That you would come in and you don't like to pray, so I don't really ask you.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

It's not that I don't like to pray. Um one of the things Ephesians 4 26 says, do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Yeah, amen.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

So like I mean that's straightforward, work it out.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Yeah. Sometimes it does feel like working.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

And I think and I think sometimes um we're on time here, but I think sometimes when that anger gets stored, like oh like I'm out of energy now, we'll talk more tomorrow. That tomorrow never happens, and then it just gets prolonged. That's a way for the enemy to sort of again. Because you're processing more than the other thing.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

But the problem is the pro and you're meditating on the problem. And the problem has taken root in your heart. Right. And spiritually, it says that that offense actually creates a false witness, a false prophet.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

That's dangerous.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

That's very dangerous. Because now you're no longer working together.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Yeah. Um, anything else for you?

SPEAKER_01 20:34

No, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Okay. All right, guys. Well, we hope you enjoy this episode. If you do find it helpful, please do share, subscribe, and like the video. We will be releasing um podcasts every Friday. Uh, and then we'll see you in our next episode.