Wisdom for the Heart

Refusing to be Pig-Headed People

• Stephen Davey

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What if the biggest threat to your relationships isn’t what you lack, but what you quietly protect—envy, self-promotion, and a puffed-up certainty that can’t be taught? We open 1 Corinthians 13 and treat love as verbs—habits that confront our reflex to compete, parade, and look down from a tower of pride. The result is a bracing, practical journey through three refusals that free us to love well: no envy, no bragging, no arrogance.

We start where Paul starts: love without competing. Envy boils when someone else is honored; agape rejoices without comparing. Then we face bragging—the gentle spotlight we keep turning toward ourselves, even in spiritual settings. Paul’s piercing question reframes everything: What do you have that you did not receive? That simple truth dismantles the need to parade our gifts and replaces it with gratitude and quiet faithfulness. Finally, we examine arrogance—how inflated self-importance masquerades as tolerance. Real love does not enable what destroys; it tells the truth with tears, invites repentance, and seeks restoration. We explore where Corinth stumbled, how churches repeat those mistakes, and why humble conviction is the most compassionate path.

Across the conversation, you’ll hear memorable stories, Scripture’s sharp clarity, and practical ways to shift your posture: celebrate others’ wins, choose anonymity over applause, and welcome correction that realigns you with Jesus. This is a call to step down from the tower and onto the solid ground of service, where love is sturdy, honest, and full of grace. If you’re ready to trade performance for peace and pride for a better way, press play—and share this with someone who needs courage to choose truth in love. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us which habit is hardest for you to surrender.

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Stephen's latest book, The Disciples Prayer, is available now. https://www.wisdomonline.org/store/view/the-disciples-prayer-hardback

SPEAKER_01:

Paul told the church in Corinth, related to this verb, you can have fellowship with that incestuous man, or you can have fellowship with God. You cannot have both. You can have, my friend, that hidden affair with a woman you work with. Or you can have God. You cannot have both. You can swindle and you can cheat and you can lie. Or you can have God. You cannot have both.

SPEAKER_00:

Sometimes people think that they can hold on to their sin and selfishness. And hold on to God at the same time. That's not the case. Welcome to this broadcast of Wisdom for the Heart with Stephen Davy. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul wrote to the church in Corinth and described for them and for us what true love is like. Stephen's working his way through that passage in this current series. Today, we're going to see some things that true love does not do. If you're able to have your Bible open, turn to 1 Corinthians 13 for this message called Refusing to Be Pigheaded.

SPEAKER_01:

Paul is going to tell us how love doesn't act, and he describes a very unattractive behavior. He's nearly crashed in his descriptive verbs. One thing's for sure, he tells it like it is. And as I studied them, I the description that came to my mind was pig headed and stubborn. When's the last time you've looked in the mirror and said, you are so pig headed? It's a pretty good exercise to do every once in a while. What does that mean? Well, I, as I thought of that phrase, I went to my library and pulled a few volumes down and sure enough, found the history of that phrase. This expression, pig headed, dates back to the Middle Ages and the Southeast Asian country now known as Indonesia. This is a legend of a king who had incredible powers over the forces of nature and life and death. He could, according to legend, enter a meditative state, and while in that state, actually have his servant take off his head with a sharp sword, and then after a while put it back on his shoulders, and it would mysteriously rejoin without ever disturbing the king. So whenever the king wanted to show off his powers with dignitaries who were coming, you know, from afar, awed by this rather obvious and unique power, he would have his servant lop off his head with a very sharp sword, and they would all watch as his head, when replaced on top of his shoulders, mysteriously reattached. The only problem was one particular day, with all these guests around and everybody watching this display, his servant uh cut off his head with a little too much enjoyment, a little too much force, and the king's head rolled into a nearby river and was washed away. The servant was frantic. He didn't know what to do. He saw a nearby pig and thought, well, that'll work. So he used the pig's head instead. The king came to and was upset, understandably. He had his servant killed and then moved his royal residence up into a high tower where he lived out the rest of his life. He declared an edict that when anyone was around the tower, they were never ever allowed to look up. They had to keep their eyes on the ground, lest they look upward and see the pig-headed king. Paul is about to reveal the unattractive and ugly side of people. A pig-headed people. People convinced of their own superiority. And when you're around them, it's best that you look down, stay quiet, and nobody will get hurt. And he uses language that we can all immediately understand. There are no loopholes here, there are no question marks. Nobody in Corinth or in Kerry can read this text and say, huh? What does he mean by that? In fact, I've chosen to title our study tonight as practically as I can. I'm just going to call it refusing to be pigheaded people. Even without knowing the history of the phrase, you just know that's not something you want to be. How to refuse to be a pig headed person might just be the down-to-earth wording that we won't soon forget. Now, in our last session, we opened with the two action verbs in this list of 15. Remember, these are not adjectives, even though it looks like they are in your translation. They are verbs. So we translated them beginning with verse 4. Love exercises patience. Love demonstrates kindness. Those are the attractive qualities. Now he begins to rattle off eight negative statements about agape, and they are down to earth. In fact, they are they're in your face. There's nowhere to hide. You could translate it so that you could get the flavor of a verb. Love does not burn with envy. One author that I was reading said that there are two classes. This is William Barclay. He said there are two classes of people in the world, those who are millionaires and those who want to be. Those who have and those that want to have. Well, jealousy, or envy as your text might be translated, comes from the Greek word that means to boil, to be fervent, to be passionate. That's why I translate it. The problem is this particular person Paul has in mind is boiling over with what somebody else has and what they have a fervent desire to have as well. In fact, it's more than that. What makes this particular verb all that more seriously deviant is that it refers to not only wanting something that somebody else has, but wanting to have it and them not to have it. Wanting to have what they have so that they can no longer have it. This is jealousy at the deepest, most corrupt, destructive level. Well, Paul says agape is living without competing. This love is demonstrated when someone is glad that another person has something that they don't have but would like it to. Which means true love is contentment with what God has given you. You're happy with it. Someone sent me some time ago this rather humorous tongue-in-cheek poem that demonstrates the fickleness of rather jealous love. It goes like this Sam's girl is rich and haughty. My girl is poor as clay. Sam's girl is young and pretty. Mine looks like a bale of hay. Sam's girl is smart and clever. My girl is dumb but good. Now, would I trade my girl for Sam's girl? You bet your life I would. Would you long to trade with someone you envy? You might envy the health of another Christian, or their job, or their physical appearance, or their spiritual gifts and talents. You might envy their spouse, their children, their position, their personality. Ultimately, the jealous person destroys themselves, they fracture their own peace of mind and sense of purpose. Why? Because their eyes are not on Christ, who is the author and finisher of our faith, their eyes are on one another. You know, it's interesting to me to recall that it was to the Corinthians, the same body of believers, that Paul wrote, When you compare yourselves with another, you are not wise. 2 Corinthians 10, verse 12. And remember here, by the way, as well, ladies and gentlemen, Paul is not telling the unbeliever in 1 Corinthians 13 to love without envying. He's telling the believer, which obviously means it implies then that we as believers can live jealous, petty, envious, bitter, clamorous lives. I told you he would be in our face. He would tell it like it is. This is not agape. James did the same when he warned the believer if you have bitter jealousy and selfish strife in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. In other words, admit it. Don't try to get around it. And then he adds, for where jealousy exists, there is disorder and every evil thing. Jealousy is ultimately destructive. And ultimately we destroy ourselves. Nathaniel Vincent writes, How much of the pit, that is, how much of hell, is there in the spirit of an envious man? The happiness of another is his misery. The good of another is his affliction. He looks upon the virtue of another with an evil eye. He is as sorry at the praise of another as if that praise had been taken from himself. Envy makes him a hater of his neighbor, but his own tormentor. Now, can you see the wisdom and the rescuing of his own spirit from this kind of torment when John the Baptist's disciples came to him and they said to him in John chapter three, Master, our followers, they are leaving us and they are going over to this Christ. And John the Baptist said, You remember? Effectively, we could only hope as much for he must increase. And I must what? Decrease. True love does not burn with jealousy over something someone has or is. True love is love without competing. He goes further in verse four with the phrase, love does not brag. You could understand Paul to be saying love does not go around shining a spotlight on oneself. True love does not live to brag. The one who loves with agape is not the subject of his own conversation. The one who is is merely proving he is in love with whom? Himself. By the way, this word is used nowhere else in the New Testament in this form than here. It refers to one who literally, simply, talks a lot about himself. You'd think that Paul, you know, he's describing, he's speaking of this grand agape that he wouldn't talk about something like that. That just seems so commonplace, so ordinary, so obvious. But yet he's putting it right down here where we can grab it. A person who is full of himself is not full of agape, is what he's saying. One author added this insight: jealousy is wanting what someone else has. Bragging is trying to make others jealous of what we have. Jealousy puts others down. Bragging builds us up. This was the trumpet blowing of the Pharisees. They wouldn't do anything. They wouldn't do anything unless it was going to be published, along with their photo in the Jerusalem Gazette. And they never ran out of material because they were full of themselves. They were in love with their own image. They were show-offs, they were boasters, they arranged so that the morning and afternoon and evening prayers would find them at some public intersection where everyone would stop and pray, but they would be able to be seen from all four directions. Just timed it that way. When they fasted, they put ash on their face and they moped around to prove that they were indeed godly. They were full of themselves. They could not be full of agape. There isn't room in your heart for both. The truth is, the braggart doesn't recognize or realize that he's actually advertising his own emptiness, the shallowness of his spirit, and ultimately his own pride. Isn't it interesting that we can spot it in somebody else just like that? But we don't see it in ourselves. When Paul wrote this text to the Corinthians, they were involved in spiritual show-off contests. They were attempting to best each other with the most sensational public gifts. They were after the prestigious offices, and they all wanted to have the microphone whenever they met for worship. They were trying to sort of outdo one another and one up each other in the assembly, and the result was carnality, the result was utter chaos. Earlier in chapter 4, this letter to the Corinthians, Paul rebuked their bragging when he wrote, Listen, what do you have? Listen to Paul's wonderful logic as he tries to help them. What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? Same word here. In other words, if whatever we have and are are the gifts of God's grace, shouldn't we all gather around this campus every time we're around each other and brag about the grace of God? Since we have nothing but what we've received from the Lord. No wonder the Apostle Paul said, God forbid that I should glory except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, Galatians 6, 14. It's the only sensible response to the awareness of whatever you are, God made you, whatever you have, God gave you. I love the way Moffat translated this phrase here in your text. He said, Love makes no parade of itself. It never throws a parade in its honor. It's good, isn't it? Here were the Corinthians, petty, boastful, and proud. They were all living in their own self-made towers, demanding that whenever anybody got near them, they were to lower their eyes out of honor and deference and respect. In reality, they were in the process of becoming pig-headed people. It was nothing less than sheer pig-headed, devilish pride. Think about it, C. S. Lewis wrote, it was pride that made the devil the devil. Paul is making it very clear, if you will love others as Christ loves you, don't live to have what they want. Don't be what they have, don't be jealous. Secondly, don't become your favorite topic of conversation. Don't be a braggart. Solomon said in Proverbs, let another man praise you and not your own lips. Now he goes on in verse 4 and he adds, and don't act with arrogance. You see how these three just dovetail nicely together, and I knew this was this was all we needed to do. You could render it. Love doesn't strut around with an air of superiority. Your translation may read, love isn't puffed up. It's a good translation. Warren Wearsby once wrote that man is the only animal that when you pat him on the back, his head swells up. It's good, isn't it? It's interesting to me, yet sad, that the Corinthians had such an obvious problem with arrogance. Now listen to this. Six out of the seven times this verb appears in the New Testament, it appears in this letter. J.B. Phillips translates it well love does not cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. This is the man in Luke 18 who prayed, Oh God, I thank you. That I am not like other people. This is a pig headed man. I'm up in the tower! Oh God, thank you. That I'm not down with the peasant below. One author summarized this arrogant spirit well when he wrote arrogant people think they're better than other people. They think they know more than they actually do. They consider themselves holier than others and imagine themselves more gifted than they really are. They are blind to their own glaring sins, weaknesses, and doctrinal errors. Arrogance blinds our eyes to the truth. This is the same word Paul used to judge the Corinthian church, the same body for not disciplining from its membership the unrepentant man from the assembly who refused to stop his sexually immoral relationship with his stepmother. He continued his incest, and the church thought they were exceptionally loving. We are filled with love to include him and ignore his sin. And Paul wrote in chapter 5, you have become arrogant. Same word in 1 Corinthians 13. You have become full of yourselves. That's what you are. You're not tolerant, you're not loving, you're arrogant, you're proud of your defiance. And that message needs to be delivered today. The church today that believes its tolerance towards sin and unrepentant sinners are badges of openness and love, are actually self-condemned by Christ for arrogance. I pulled out the newspaper this week. In fact, I was I was over Chick-fil-A having my devotions. Oh, I wasn't having devotions. I was reading USA today. And I pulled out this article, sad article, related to the continuing battle within the Episcopalian Church relative to issues of homosexuality. The article talked about a meeting that had been called recently. There's a couple of pictures with many of the bishops and church leaders. The article said the Archbishop of Canterbury himself actually flew over here and attended, urging the American liberal bishops to make concessions for the sake of unity. Unity, by the way, they believe, must be kept in spite of the fact that homosexual men are being ordained to church leadership. Unity that must be preserved while same-sex couples are having their unions blessed with church prayers. The archbishop, in his attempt to keep the church unified, pled with the liberal bishops to, and I quote, exercise restraint in approving another gay bishop. How about exercising discipline? How about warning of God's divine opinion regarding sodomy? How about standing up for the words of God regarding man's relationships and judging any immoral sexual activity, whether it is heterosexual or homosexual, as both sinful and forgivable. For this Christ died. There is a call for the Episcopalians to exercise restraint. My friends, you do not exercise restraint regarding sin. You do not sin in moderation. Paul writes to the church in Corinth and the church today, not just Episcopalians, but Baptists and Methodists and non-denominationalists, and effectively says you think you're loving by tolerating sin, you've actually become thusio, you've actually become arrogant, infatuated with your own intellectual gymnastics. You are actually in love with your defiance. You are in love with your autonomy from the Word of God. You've done nothing less than elevate your view above God's view, and you are saying you are loving, which implies God is not loving. Paul told the church in Corinth, related to this verb, you can have fellowship with that incestuous man, or you can have fellowship with God. You cannot have both. You cannot have both. The Bible is clear that unrepentant adulterers go to hell when they die. Hebrews 13, 4. You can swindle and you can cheat and you can lie, or you can have God. You cannot have both. Listen, young people, you can have sexual activity outside of marriage, or you can have God. You cannot have both. Revelation 21, verse 8. But they say, I love God. No, they don't. They love themselves. Paul put it this way: true love for God and others would not be arrogant. It doesn't proudly walk in a way that God clearly disapproves. It doesn't elevate our view above God's view. Those who choose sin, those who choose fellowship with sinners over fellowship with Christ do not know what true love is. True love seeks to rescue the sinner from self-destructing. That's true love. True love seeks to bring that sinner into fellowship with Jesus Christ with a challenge to repent, not pat him on the back and say everything's okay, we're gonna love. Truth. Well, what has Paul said about true love here? First, agape is the kind of love that doesn't act with envy. Secondly, agape is the kind of love that doesn't brag about itself. Thirdly, agape is the kind of love that is not inflated with its own opinions. These three, in a variety of ways and in varying degrees, say the same thing. True love is love surrendered in humility to Jesus Christ, his opinions, his words, his life. It is refusing to build a tower and put ourselves at the top and ask that everybody else grovel around us. These three descriptions are a warning for those who would really like to escape the tower that we naturally construct and come back down to earth where pig headed people are converted into big-hearted servants. For those who will accept the humility and the selflessness of love as Paul has described it.

SPEAKER_00:

You can sit down and read it quickly, but it's filled with practical insight that God can use to shape your perception of love. Call us today at 866-48 Bible. Numerically, it's 866-482-4253. You can also find it for yourself on our website, which is wisdomonline.org. I mentioned that Stephen pastors a church here in North Carolina. And if your travel plans ever bring you this way, please join us for a Sunday. Please join us on a Sunday for a worship service. We'd love to meet you face to face. Thanks again for listening today. Join us next time here on Wisdom for the Heart.