A Model for Married Women Part 2 (Titus 2:4-5)

Start with the mind and everything else follows. We explore Paul’s surprising claim that love can be learned and that sensible thinking is the backbone of a faithful life, especially for younger wives and mothers navigating covenant commitments, cultural pressure, and daily fatigue. Rather than promising quick fixes, we offer a grounded path where affection grows through practiced friendship and small acts of service that retrain the heart.

We begin with the first pair of virtues from Titus: loving a husband and loving children. Paul uses the language of friendship to describe marital love, which is shocking and freeing: affection isn’t a lightning strike; it’s a craft. That frame makes sense of arranged marriages in the first century and speaks to modern homes where busyness and resentment compete for oxygen. Marriage, as we see it, is a school of holiness, not a consumer contract. Two sinners share a roof, and kids bring their own storms. The gospel doesn’t erase friction; it supplies new power to respond with patience, humility, and steady care.

Then we turn to reputation in the world: be sensible and pure. Purity here is not about shame; it’s about wisdom, dignity, and a witness that points beyond ourselves. In a culture that monetizes attention, modesty becomes a quiet act of courage. We talk candidly about distractions in worship, the role of older women as mentors who translate principle into practice, and how fathers and husbands can offer gentle, honoring counsel. Most of all, grace runs through the whole conversation: even if your past wasn’t pure, you can build a new reputation beginning now. Sensible thinking, Spirit-led obedience, and daily habits of love create a life that shines with conviction and warmth.

If this conversation encouraged you, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review so others can find it. What practice of sensible love will you train this week?

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Transcript

Sensible: The Universal Attribute

SPEAKER_00 0:32

He told older men in verse 2 to be sensible. Now he tells younger women to be sensible. He's gonna later tell younger men to be sensible, and later on he's gonna tell all of the church to be sensible. This is the one attribute that everybody's supposed to be. This has to do with balanced thinking that avoids excess. It refers to thinking biblically, again, and then acting on it. It's as if Paul says, look, the biggest battle we will ever have is between the years. Battle of the mind. What Paul, for the most part, delivers in the form of pairs. The first pair has to do with relationships within the family. They're to love their husbands and their children. The second pair in verse five has to do with their reputation in the world. First, their relationships in the family. Secondly, their reputation in the world. They're to be sensible and pure. And the third pair refers to their role in the home, workers at home and kind. The final phrase in verse 5 basically provides this mindset and an ultimate motivation. Now we're not going to get to all of that today, I'm sure that shocks you, but we're going to get to just maybe the first two pairs of attributes. All right? Now for the first pair. The model for the wife's relationship in the family. He writes in verse 4, so that they, that is the older women, may encourage, literally train the senses of the young women to love their husbands and to love their children. The word for love here is a compound word, the first part, philosophy, philao, which means to have affection. It is the love of befriending. It is an emotional affection and commitment to another. It's the only time this particular compound word appears in the New Testament. And I was surprised to find it. I was surprised that this would be the word used. It means to befriend. That just kind of sounds odd, doesn't it? To show affection. How can you command affection? How can you command emotion? What Paul then is implying here is that love can be learned. The command of Paul for Titus is for women to act in such a way that they train themselves in obedience and ultimately it retrains their feelings. Let me paraphrase the verse. Paul writes, younger wives and mothers, allow yourselves to be trained to love by acting toward your husband and children with the affections of love. Now, I gotta tell you this. This is especially profound and all the more difficult. It's difficult, in fact, it's impossible apart from the Spirit of God to do what we just said, Paul said to do. But especially for them and those in the Jewish community and full first culture. You see, you have to understand their traditions of marriage and parenting would make this command difficult. In America, let me illustrate it this way. In America, we learned as kids, and I don't know if they still teach it now, but this little rhyme. Say it with me if you know it. Johnny and Susan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage. This is deep, I know, but you remember that, don't you? Did you notice that? First comes love, then comes marriage. Not for them. First came marriage because it had been arranged. And they'd met each other maybe 12 months before the wedding. Then after marriage came love. Maybe that's why he says this here. Wives, learn to be a friend to your husband. I mean, you really don't know him. Learn to be his friend. Learn the affection of friendship. Philia. Marriages were arranged, betrothals set. In fact, I've met several couples from other nations, and they still do it to this day around the world. In fact, the predominant culture is the arrangement of marriage. Not so much in the Western world. I met one couple from Africa not too long ago who were introduced to each other the day before their wedding. I met a couple, in fact, one of our deacons and his wife, originally from India, met each other before their marriage. They just celebrated, I think, their ninth or tenth anniversary. First comes marriage, then learning how to love each other. Now let's add on to that another cultural challenge for these women. Bearing children in the first century was, quote, a duty to provide the heir for the estate. In other words, children were considered the duty of a wife to bear and raise on her own, whether she wanted to or not. With little help, by the way, from the husband. She could easily resent him and transfer it to them. So be a friend and affectionate toward your children. So these wives, these mothers are getting saved by faith in Christ. You know, they're introduced to a new family called the church. This is a fellowship of redeemed sinners. They hear about new relationships and new priorities. The Christian home is something totally new way of thinking. And Paul is not saying, okay, now that you've accepted Christ, here's how you can get out of all of that. No, he's saying, here's how you go back into all of that. Here's how you act as you return to that. Here's your new way of thinking. And they would have to be trained to think entirely differently. And I gotta tell you, men and women, as you already know, young wives and mothers, young women have to be trained entirely differently in this generation as well. In fact, I I saw this news report, ABC News, carried the story of a law firm that created a billboard in the Chicago area. It's kind of recruiting for the attorney's firm of the wealthy Gold Coast clientele. And on either side of the words, in the middle was a scantily clad man and a woman. And the billboard read, and I quote, Life's short, dash, get a divorce. Within a week, the city required that they pull it down, take the ad off. They cited technical problems. Enough people actually complained, I guess. But the legal firm defended it, and this is what struck me. Here's their quote We find the advertisement refreshingly honest and insightful. It's true. People are unhappy, and there are plenty of options out there. Get a divorce and get on with your life. End quote. Now listen, if the primary purpose of marriage is self-fulfillment and self-gratification, then that ad does make perfect sense, and it can be praised, you know, it's really perceptive. I mean, if marriage and motherhood is slowing down your party, dump it. You see, Paul is cutting across the cultural mindset. This is a new set of priorities. And it isn't just to endure, it is to be affectionate. This is a new set of priorities, commands, privileges. And even though these young women were Christians, and Peter will talk about the fact that many of them were married to men who did not receive Christ, which made it even more difficult. They're coming into the church, and I think they're getting a realistic picture of Christianity. Christianity is not some kind of miracle drug you take, and everything is resolved in marriage and motherhood and relationships. We've been peddling that for 50 years. The church has been telling people to come to Jesus, he's gonna fix everything in your life. And so they try Jesus. And things get worse. And so they dump him and the church. Never having genuinely come to faith for the right reason and to the right person and with the right understanding of the gospel. So they're gonna come in and they're gonna need understanding that even though you're a Christian, marriage is still the union of two fallen sinners. And any children born to you or adopted by you, you're gonna soon discover they are also fallen sinners. And Paul says to them, train these young mothers to love present tense every day. Decision, dedication, daily challenge. And how tough can that be? I I know I'm preaching to the car here, but mothers have the toughest job on their on in the world, right? I mean the toughest job. The phrase a working mother is redundant. I don't know who came up with that. You are underpaid, undervalued, overworked, often simply taken for granted, right? And all the women said, You made some points, sir, for saying that for your wife, okay? When your children are not feeling well or they're hurt or they're sick, and they gotta throw up, they don't go to dad, they go to mom. And all the men said, Amen. Mothers don't get much of a break. In fact, I read just this past week about a mom who wasn't feeling well. Her 15-year-old son came home from school, found her upstairs lying on the bed. He was suddenly seized with genuine concern. He said, Mom, are you sick or something? His mother responded somewhat weakly. Well, as a matter of fact, I'm not feeling too well. Oh, I'm I'm sorry about that, Mom. He stood there looking at her for a long time. Long pause. And then he said, Look, Mom, don't worry at all about dinner. I'm pretty big now, and I'm strong, and I'll be able to carry you downstairs to the stove. Poor mom. Poor mom. Here's the reality. Paul elaborates on how the husband is to love the wife. He's going to do that in Ephesians. Here he rounds it up by telling the wife how to love her husband and children. And the reality is this this is a call to these young mothers and wives. It's nothing less than a call to abandon self. Everything they've learned, everything in their flesh says, self-promotion, self-actualization, self-centeredness, self-love, you take that and you set that aside for self-sacrifice. One commentator summarized this first pair of commands by saying this mature, godly love, then, is not an emotion that wells up. It is a discipline that is worked up and out. Older women, first of all, train young wives and mothers as it relates to their relationships in the family. Second of all, and this is all we'll get to today, provide a model for them as it relates to their reputation in the world. So let's talk about that. The model for the wife's reputation in their world. The second pair appear in verse 5. These younger mothers and wives are to cultivate, that is, they're to be trained to be sensible and pure. And let me say this, by the way, in case you're thinking this sermon is for all the young mothers and wives, I've been given a way out. Just as the qualifications of an elder in Titus chapter 1 were specifically for elders, those who would shepherd the church, they become an excellent standard for any man wanting to pursue a godly lifestyle. In fact, in any church, a very few number of men will serve as elders. In our church, it's about 16, 17 men, and several thousand men attend. In any church, they become qualifications, or I should say, attributes of godly living for any man. So these attributes here you're seeing for older women, younger women, many of them can become wonderful attributes for those, even if you are not married, or you do not have children, if you are a woman of any standing in the church. And I think it has implications, obviously, for men as well. The first word, in fact, translated here, sensible, is the same word Titus used for older men. He told older men earlier in verse 2 to be sensible. Now he tells younger women to be sensible. He's going to later tell younger men to be sensible. And later on, he's going to tell all of the church to be sensible. This is the one attribute that everybody's supposed to be. This has to do, and I've already dealt with it, so I'll just touch on it, this has to do with balanced thinking that avoids excess. It refers to thinking biblically again and then acting on it. It's as if Paul says, look, the biggest battle we will ever have is between the ears. It's a battle of the mind. Paul also adds the word pure. Teach them, bring them to their senses as it relates to purity. The word pure translates the idea, in fact, the old English word chaste. It's a lost word for our vocabulary. It's a wonderful word, chaste, modest. The word originally referred to ritual cleanliness, but over time it shifted into having sexual overtones. She is effectively being commanded here not to live for her body, not to attract attention to her body, to be discreet, you could translate it. To be modest is a word we understand, would be a good translation. Which, by the way, then, and you remember he's speaking to married women. He's basically saying that marriage does not exempt women from either being attracted to other men or attracting other men to themselves. A wedding ring is not a free pass, and well, it's all their problem out there if they're looking at me. See, part of a godly woman's curriculum is being taught that she's not only part of a nuclear family, but a larger family, and it is to her glory to be chaste and modest and discreet, to literally develop a reputation for being pure inside and outside. Now, Paul knew that these young women would not have had a clue, having come in from their culture in Crete, where the flaunting of sexual expression and freedom on the island prostitution was legal in the first century, and everything else was too. And they would come into the church and they would need instruction on how to live and act and even how to look. And many of these younger women would not have had believing mothers who modeled for them modesty and a chaste demeanor. So it would be brand new. And Paul is not telling Titus, go tell them. He's telling Titus to tell the older women to tell them. It would be inappropriate for any man to go up and tell a woman she's not dressed modestly. In fact, that woman would probably say, Why are you looking? This is what Paul challenges in general, as I can do as a pastor or teacher from this platform. He challenges all of the women in 1 Timothy chapter 2. I want all of the women to adorn themselves with proper clothing modestly and discreetly. Now, older women come along and say, here's what that means. Here's how you apply that. Let me at least do this today. Let me make an appeal to you, my sisters in Christ, on behalf of my brothers and myself. Let me make an appeal to you. In fact, you would be surprised. I know you'd be surprised if you knew how many men in the church have lamented to me, in fact, the last guy only recently, and then another guy on the platform today, saying, if only our sisters in Christ knew how difficult it was at times to come in here and try to focus our thoughts on God while at the same time ending up battling our flesh over the way someone showed up looking like they did. So the entire service was for me a tug of war of my attention. And I left church more defeated than when I came in. Let me appeal to you, my sisters. This place of all places, go the extra mile to be discreet and chaste and modest. And men do the same in your own way and the way you treat them, your sisters in Christ. Let me just add this too, since I'm making so many friends. Fathers, husbands. Let me appeal to you as well to do your brothers and your sisters a great service to offer to your wives and to your daughters your opinion, your advice. You're the one that can. I have two daughters. I can't tell you how many times I've gone with them and they've asked me to to buy their clothing. I have one who's 24 who wants my opinion. You can do that in a family. Let me appeal to you. Take your blinders off. Wake up to the way your daughters are dressing. Wake up to the way your wives are dressing, especially when you're heading out the door to a public worship service. Provide a little insight. I mean, say to them, Oh, wow. That's a you look absolutely stunning in that, but if you go to church like that, the brothers around you are gonna have a hard time singing holy, holy, holy. Of all places, this ought to be the place where we encourage each other to focus upward. See, this is a new message on the island of Crete, and it's a new message in any church. For women on this island, for women throughout every generation, getting attention is the name of the game. I mean, you're you're you're you're trained in that, ladies, at a very young age by our world and by our fallen flesh. Paul is basically saying if you want to get attention for the right reason, if you want to make a mark for Christ, if you want to be known for the right thing, make sure it has to do not so much with how you look, but with how you live. Now, I want to say this too. We're running out of time, but I want to add this. Paul implies in this curriculum a wonderful freeing implication for younger mothers and wives who were saved by Christ and younger women, older women as well, who come into the church. You see, they came into the church with a past history, and it was anything but pure. They're coming in here, fighting their own battles, and many of them, maybe many of you, are wondering just how deeply does the blood of Christ cleanse me. From sin. Paul tells the older women in this implication here in the command teach the younger women to be pure. You know what this means. Paul is effectively saying to these younger women, you may not have had a reputation for being pure, but you can now. You can now. The word purity may never have been associated with your past life. But it can be now. You can be known for being pure. No matter what your past. So here's this here's this new principle of holy living. Here's a pattern provided by older women. Here's the power provided by obedience and submission to the Holy Spirit. And here's the amazing news to these young women. They may never have lived a pure life, but now they can start living it for Christ. So, older women and younger women, here's a portion of your curriculum. You came into the church knowing a lot about fashion. You're here now, and you're going to learn a lot about conviction. You came into the church having lived for yourself. You're going to be given instruction on how to live for everyone but yourself. You came into the church living for the approval and pleasure of man. You're going to be retrained so that you begin to have a deeper and deeper longing to live for the approval and pleasure of God. You're going to learn how purity should affect everything about you, inside and outside. You're going to be challenged to be sensible, to govern your actions, not by emotions but convictions. And you're going to begin learning how to serve your children and your husband with the affections of self-sacrificing love. Older women invite the younger women, wives and mothers to watch and learn that this is the life God intended for you. You teach and train, you return them to their senses. You remember, the young man, he took his dad's inheritance and he went and he lived in immoral life. He spent his inheritance, came to the end of himself, ends up in a pig pen. And for a Jewish young man, that was even more horrible, eating their husks, caring for them, ceremonially unclean, impure, and at that moment he came to his what? Senses. Bring them to their senses. This is what they intuitively know is right. This is the kind of commitment. These are the kind of priorities and lifestyle that ultimately allows a woman and a man to lean upon the strength of the Holy Spirit and to live for the glory of God. This is how to love.