Cosmetics for the Tongue! (Exodus 20:16)

We’ve all done it: we walk into prayer or worship with our hands metaphorically behind our backs, clinging to something we refuse to surrender. That’s not just a private struggle, it’s a truth problem and Scripture treats it with surprising seriousness. When we “regard iniquity” and keep pretending, God isn’t impressed by the performance. He waits for repentance and real honesty.

From there we open Exodus 20:16, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor,” and we push it past the courtroom into everyday life. We talk about the regulation of speech in the Bible, why Leviticus links this command to slander, and how the tongue can mend a marriage or tear it apart. We also name nine common “lies of the tongue,” including lies told from fear, for profit, through silence, by exaggeration, and the most dangerous kind: lying to God while acting spiritual.

We also dig into why lies do so much damage: they expose hypocrisy (James), they fracture friendships (Proverbs), they block unity in the church (Colossians), and they invite God’s wrath. Then we turn practical with “cosmetics for the tongue” and everyday phrases that carry grace: “please,” “thank you,” “I appreciate you,” “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” and “I’m praying for you,” spoken with sincerity and love.

If you care about biblical truth, Christian communication, healthy relationships, and a church culture with real unity, this one is for you. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a reset in their words, and leave a review with the phrase you want to practice this week.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:45

How ridiculous to go to the Lord in prayer, even or in worship, and our hands are fastly uh clasping something behind our back that we're not about to let go. We are lying to God. In fact, if we come to God in prayer, according to scripture, if we regard iniquity in our heart, what does God do? He doesn't listen. Why? Because he's like the father that gives a son who obviously has something to hide. He's waiting for the prayer of repentance. And until then, quit trying to thank God about it.

Lying To God In Prayer

SPEAKER_00 1:31

We never think of our tongue in terms of attractiveness. It's not something that you would make an appointment for with a tongue beautician. It's something that Avon and Revlon have ignored in cosmetics. One nice thing is you don't have to diet to get it back in shape. In fact, it always is. And yet it is our tongue more than our income, our figure, our face, our wardrobe, our car, our home, that makes all of the difference in the world. It is a tongue that can mend a marriage or tear it apart. It is the tongue that can heal a church or destroy it. It is the tongue that makes a home a paradise or a

Why Words Shape Everything

SPEAKER_00 2:09

howling desert. It's a tongue that makes the difference. Psychologists have estimated, and I feel sorry for the psychologist that had nothing to do than estimate this, but we have 700 opportunities a week to speak. And some of us still speak 800 times, but there are about 700 opportunities. We construct 12,000 sentences every week, 50,000 words. We have a 150-page volume authored by our tongue every single week. Now in our country, we hear about the freedom of speech. And that's wonderful, but you'd never hear about that in Scripture. In fact, what you find in Scripture is the regulation of how we use our speech. Of the ten commands that we will have studied by the time we have finished, two of them deal with the regulation of our speech. The first is the third commandment, and that is, you shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. This command that we're going to study talks about protecting the reputation of other people. So take your Bibles, please, and turn with me to Exodus chapter 20. Exodus chapter 20, verse 16. We'll read these words. Exodus chapter 20, verse 16 says, You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. The word witness is aid. It could be translated evidence. Don't give false, dishonest evidence against your neighbor. Now, specifically, this command is referring to the courtroom setting. And if anyone was to take the witness stand, they were not to give false evidence, false testimony toward their neighbor. They were specifically

Exodus 20 And False Witness

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to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That is the specific interpretation of this command. So by the time you principalize it, it is this don't be dishonest. Tell the truth with your tongue. One great commentator that I enjoy reading calls or categorizes what he says, nine lies of the tongue. He says a tongue has nine lies. And I think you could fit any dishonesty under one of these nine categories. Let me give them to you. Number one, there is the lie of malice. That is the lie to get revenge. A lie that I give so that I can get back at somebody or something. And I distort the truth, I tell uh an untruth, I'm dishonest so that I can somehow swing back. Lie of malice. There's the lie of fear. That's to escape punishment. We learned that at a very early age, did we not? How to lie so that I can avoid punishment. We tell the policeman

Nine Ways We Lie

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why he stopped us and we were the wrong person. In fact, we couldn't have been going 65 and 55. And here are the reasons why. We lie to avoid punishment. We don't like punishment. And so sometimes we'll consider telling a lie to get away from it. That's one of the categories. There's also the lie for profit. Coming up to tax time, there will be people who will lie on that little sheet of paper that we send to the IRS for profit. Let me give you another one. Lying by way of silence. Leviticus chapter 5, verse 1 broadens this and says that if you are silent and you have evidence towards someone's character and you remain silent, you are considered by scripture a liar. Let's apply that. If somebody says something on the job about Jesus Christ, that's not true. If you are silent, you're a false witness for Christ. If someone says something about someone that you know and you remain silent, you are a false witness. Because of your silence, you've become a liar. Interesting category. There's also the lie of boasting. That's to impress. That is uh name-dropping. Oh, yeah, so-and-so, good friend of mine. You run into that at work all the time. Name-dropping for the promotion. They don't know that person well. But they're dropping that to impress. That is the lie of exaggeration. That is the lie that creeps into the marriage in the home where you will say something to your husband like, you never do this. Exaggeration. He probably did it once. The lie of boasting, the lie of exaggeration, let me give you another one. The lie of insincerity. You need help? Just call me, I'll help you. Boy, I hope they don't call. I'll pray for you. Oh yeah? The lie of insincerity can pervade the body like nothing else. When we come in here with our little masks on, and we are so insincere to each other, afraid that somebody might see what we're really like. We are liars. Insincere. Let me give you another one. There's the lie to self. You know the little conversations you have with yourself? You talk yourself out of doing something that's right. You talk yourself into doing something that's wrong. There is also the lie to God, and that is the worst. I was sitting in the living room reading, and uh my peripheral vision caught a movement. And uh I just kind of ignored it for a while until I noticed that it was my son, one of them. He had his hands behind his back, he was watching me, his eyes wide open, and he was kind of he was gonna move through the living room. And I looked up at him, and at that point in time I thought, I don't have a very intelligent son. And I said, Doug, come over here. Of course, he came over and we discovered what was behind his back. Ladies and gentlemen, has it ever struck you that you and I go to God with our hands behind our backs? How ridiculous to go to the Lord in prayer, even, or in worship, and our hands are fastly uh clasping something behind our back that we're not about to let go. We are lying to God. In fact, if we come to God in prayer, according to Scripture, if we regard iniquity in our heart, what does God do? He doesn't listen. Why? Because he's like the Father that gives a son who obviously has something to hide. He's waiting for the prayer of repentance. And until then, quit trying to fake God out. Lying to God. Those are the nine categories if we tried to specifically apply the command of not bearing false witness. That is, don't lie. Don't lie to yourself, don't lie to others, don't lie to God. Now it means more than lying, interestingly enough, in Leviticus chapter 19, verse 16, the command is expanded to include slander. And by the time you add to that all of the passages of scripture that talk about the tongue and the use of tongue and the regulation of speech, you come up with tremendous principles of how we are to speak and when we are to speak and the way we are to speak. So this command covers a very broad spectrum: the regulation of speech. Why is there so much scripture about it? I want to give you four reasons why. Four facts about a lying tongue that make it so important that scripture spells it out for us so we can't miss it. First of all, a lying tongue is an indication of hypocrisy. The book of James, chapter 1, verse 26, it's as if James gets real close to the microphone and he leans in and he lowers his voice and he says, There is a man among you that seems to be religious, and yet he doesn't bridle his tongue. His religion is worthless. It's an indication we are living hypocritical

The Damage Lies Create

SPEAKER_00 9:53

lives if we can't tell the truth. Second, a lying tongue is a destroyer of friendship. Turn to Proverbs chapter 17, verse 9. It destroys friendship. Like nothing else. Proverbs 17, 9 says, He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates. Note this, intimate friends, or very friends, whatever your translation may say. In other words, that person who goes and uncovers the dirt and repeats it, or that person who casts doubt on the reputation or character of another, that individual by their tongue has the power of separating intimate friends. Friends you would never imagine being split up. You could never imagine an offense between them. But there is a powerful tool that can split it up. It's called the tongue. The repeating of an offense, a sin. It separates intimate friends. Let me give you an illustration of that. The power of the tongue in influencing people. This is almost too funny to believe, but the BBC, for its British listeners, has a habit of every April Fool's Day. Fool. It's listeners. And you'd think that they would learn to expect it, and yet every year they somehow pull something off. There was an article printed in American Way March 18, 1986, that I clipped up. The BBC, um, Patrick Moore was a guest, and he was a British astronomer. Let me read you this. He had Britons jumping up and down on an April 1st morning. He told BBC listeners that in the morning the planet Pluto would pass directly behind Jupiter, producing a slight gravitational pull on Earth that would make everybody feel lighter. Okay? Be sharp now. He urged listeners to jump at precisely 9.47 a.m. I'm reading this. I knew I'd better because you wouldn't believe me. By 9.48 a.m., the switchboards were blazing with delighted callers saying they had experienced the floating sensation when they jumped at exactly 9.47. One man complained he hit his head on the ceiling. One woman said her entire coffee group floated around the room. Incredible. I know there are some people out there that are trying to make news, but I promise you there are people out there that probably jumped and they felt like they were just a little higher than they'd ever gone in their lives. The power of influence, the power of that tongue to affect feelings and attitudes. That's why it is so tremendous in light of friendship. Your tongue can influence the thoughts and the attitudes of someone toward a very close friend that they never thought they'd ever question. Third, this is dealing with the church body. It is an obstruction to unity. An obstruction to unity. Colossians chapter 3, verse 9, Paul says in no disguised words, stop lying to one another. What a church that must have been. And then the rest of the chapter, he urges them toward unity. Principle is this the foundation for unity is honesty in the church of Jesus Christ. Let me give you a fourth. A lying tongue is an invitation for God's wrath. Turn back to Proverbs chapter 6. Proverbs 6, verse 16. I want you to note carefully these words, the strength of these words. Solomon writes this there are six things that the Lord hates. Yes, seven, which are an abomination to him. Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil. Note a false witness who utters lies. And right on the heels of that one, and one who spreads strife among the brethren. God hates it. Psalm 101, verse 5 says, Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him will I destroy. We never realized it was so serious, did we? Let's apply the command. Let me give you some cosmetics for the tongue. Just simple words. These are not profound, but I want them to ring through your mind when you're tempted to open your mouth. Seven hundred times this week, you're going to have an opportunity. You're going to phrase 12,000 sentences. You're going to write a book this week. May that book include these characteristics. First, the cosmetic of truth. David writes in Psalm 141, verse 3, set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth, set a watch before the doorway of my lips. It's interesting. He's asking God to post a sentinel, post it right there by the corners of my mouth, so that

Cosmetics For The Tongue

SPEAKER_00 15:04

it'll watch carefully anything that comes out. What's fascinating is you discover in Ephesians chapter 4, verse 15, what those two sentinels are. The first, he says, speak truth. The second, in love. Now he isn't saying, don't confront, don't challenge. In fact, I wonder what would have happened if you had written Paul. Let's say you were with a better business bureau and you were thinking of adding a business to your uh list and uh and this company writes in and says, Hey, we've heard some wonderful things about Alexander the Coppersmith, and we'd like to include him on our board. What would you say? Do you remember that? Where Paul said, Watch out for Alexander the Coppersmith, he did me more harm than anybody. And he wrote that. He's speaking the truth. What about a church that has an elder up for position? And this church writes his former church and says, We'd like some references. This guy seems like he's a strong leader. What we need here in our church. His name's Diatrophes. What do you think? What would you write? Diotrephes love the preeminence. That's the truth. But when you speak the truth, you're to cloak it with what? With love. We've got a lot of talk nowadays about speaking love. Talking love. Very little confrontation. Very little talk about holding people accountable, myself, yourself, to the truths of Scripture. We don't love people that we don't hold accountable to what this book teaches. So we speak the truth. And yet we speak it in love. Second, let me give you another cosmetic. Let's call this one kindness. Being soft, speaking with soft answers. And let me give you some thoughts here. A soft answer defends without lashing back. A soft answer may disagree, but it disagrees without criticizing. It may criticize the position, the philosophy, the point of view, the doctrine, but never the person. Let me give you another cosmetic that may seem odd, and let me explain it after I've said it. Silence. Proverbs chapter 26, verse 20 says that it eliminates strife. Where there is no tail bearer, strife stops. Interesting. It not only eliminates strife, but it enhances worship. David said in Psalm 46, he said, be still. Literally, stop striving and know that I am God. Sometimes we're just yapping so much we lose sight of the fact that we're to worship God, who's in control. So stop and be quiet. The cosmetic of silence. Like the old sage who said, I have often regretted my speech. I have never regretted my silence. Let me give you another. Grace. Grace. Colossians chapter 4, verses 5 and 6 says, Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned, with the flavor of salt. Let me give you some seasoned words, and I want you to write these down and practice them. They're not said often enough. The first is the word please. You see, when you say please, you view someone as a person and not as an object or a means to your end, and that's why we at our table begin very early with the children and teaching them to say please, because we're not objects to them, we're people. Add to that one, thank you. Some of you husbands, it may have been a long time since you thanked your wife for cooking for you. Gotta get in the habit of saying thank you, honey. That was delicious. If you can't say it's delicious, say thank you, honey. That was an unusual recipe, or you know, something. One waitress was talking about the fact that she hates to work on Sunday. Sunday's the worst day in the week to work. It's when you get the smallest tips and the most complaints. We'd probably give some of these waitresses corneries this afternoon if we looked at them and said, Hey, thanks, you did a terrific job. Alright, let's try one more. I appreciate you. The wheels of this ministry, the flavor of your life, the joy in your heart is created so often by words of appreciation. Someone comes up alongside of you and says, Hey, I want you to know I appreciate you. We do not hear that enough. Can you say that with me? Ready? One, two, three. I appreciate you. Fantastic. Give you another. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's hard to say. It's uh it's also hard to receive. Sometimes you don't want to hear it, and so somebody says, I'm sorry to you, and you retort back with, You said it, or you sure are, or something like that. It's not only hard to say, sometimes it's very difficult to receive, but it needs to be in our vocabulary. I'm sorry. I am not infallible. Some of us haven't discovered that, and we never say it. I'm sorry. And here's another along that line: three words. I forgive you. There may be a marriage here that will be healed if those words would be spoken. There may be a relationship between a son and a father, a daughter and a mother, close friends that would be restored if those words were spoken. I forgive you. These are words of grace. And I think the reason Paul said they are grace is because grace is the result of the Holy Spirit working in your heart. Apart from the Holy Spirit, go away. This is a divine work in our hearts. Let me give you one more. I'm praying for you. Now mean it. I'm praying for you. I'll never forget as a college student preaching in a church in Georgia, doing my very best. Gave him all I had. After the service, I went down to the front and people greeted and we shook hands, and it was my first time there, my last time there. I don't know what that meant, but never got invited to come back. But I'll never forget this one man who came up to me. He had clear eyes. I've never seen him again. And he said, Son, I want you to know every day for the rest of my life, I'm gonna pray for you. And that rocked me. I'm gonna see that guy in heaven one day. I believe he meant it. One of the greatest thrills is having people in this congregation say, Hey, I'm praying for you. Man, keep it up. I'm praying for you too. You need to pray for each other. We need to uphold each other. We're in battle. And the reinforcement comes and the strength comes on those prayers that we offer in behalf of each other. So when Moses wrote, don't bear false witness against your neighbor, he's saying to tell the truth. Leviticus expands it so that you don't slander. We turn it over and we look at the positive side and we see where God is exhorting and regulating our speech to be one of encouragement, one of edification. We're to season our words with truth, with kindness, with grace. Lord, set a guard, set a sentinel before our lips. I pray that you would give this congregation the ability to say words that our society cannot say. Words that people desperately need to hear. Words that fuel the engine of this ministry, that spark the romance of marriage, that build the relationship between parent and child, that give each of us a measure of grace for thy glory. This week may our words be characterized by truth and with love. I love the story of ancient Greece where a young man said something very harsh about someone else, only to discover later that it was untrue. And he went to his wise teacher and he said, Master, I have spoken harsh words. What can I do to right the wrong? This teacher said, Go and find a sack and fill it with feathers. And tonight, after everyone has retired, I want you to go all around this village and I want you to put a feather

Feathers And Unrecoverable Words

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on each doorstep. He was confused, but he did it. He went around that entire village that night collecting feathers, and then that night as the sun sank, he went to each doorstep and he placed a feather on every doorstep, not knowing what he was doing or why. When he finished, he went home, went to bed, got up the next morning, he came back to his teacher, and he said, Master, I've done what you've said. Now what? And his teacher said, I want you to get your sack, and I want you to go back and retrieve every feather. And the young man said, It's impossible. There's no way I can retrieve every feather. The winds come up during the night. People have been walking, animals moving. It's impossible. And the teacher said, That's exactly the point. Words are very easy to speak. They are impossible to completely retrieve.