S1E33: The Shield Drops

This Week on Moonhaven falls

The 'Blue Vault' shield finally comes down from around Moonhaven

Sheldon the Tortle makes a comeback to have a word with crossroads Chronicles

 Selene discusses the 'Laws of reality' as well as giving local magical news 

Ignis presents the another riddle

Audrick goes though a few of the local quests on 'The Adventurer's Call'

And Timmy gets cheeky on the air

Transcript

The Morning After

Crossroads Chronicles - The Tortle's Tale

SPEAKER_03 0:02

Good morning, Moonhaven Falls. This is Audric Cashmere, broadcasting to you on what we all hope, and what the castle has promised, will be the final day of the Blue Vault. Now, I don't know about you, but I woke up this morning, and the first thing I did was to check the ceiling. Not for leaks, mind you, but for that specific shade of shimmering blue. The experimental shield is still holding, thank the Divines, Gary, and Alara Meadow Light. It's looking thin, now that it's no longer holding back a small C worth of water. Translucent, almost, with just the slightest shimmer in the air to tell us that it's still there. It'll be a little odd to not have it around again, but I feel like it's gonna be a good odd. I don't know about you now, but I've spent the last hour staring out the studio window at the Moonhaven Falls. Strange thing, isn't it? Seeing the falls from the inside out. We hear that thunderous roar as a backdrop to our lives, and then suddenly with a snarl like an angry Tarask, it became a muffled, heavy thrumming from all around us, a bit like being inside of a drum while someone plays it very, very slowly. Now, word from the plateau is that the level of Tears Tears in the Dragon Blood have finished receding back into their banks as of a few days ago, leaving behind a series of slowly drying lakes across the plateau. The immediate danger has in fact passed. The monsters that followed it were mostly slain or driven away at this point, but the water around us is still a little high. And by little I mean hundred year flood high, though we did anticipate that and prepare for it. Alara Vancroft is out doing the final checks on the sluices and our other methods of holding back the anticipated amounts of water so far this morning, and last I heard, everything looks to be prepared. Lord Kendrick sent down a message about an hour ago. He assures us that the masonry and integrity of the plateau are sound. However, he also mentioned, in that typically dry way of his, that we should probably prepare for a bit of a splash when the shield finally dissipates. So, if anyone has left any laundry out, now would be an excellent time to go and bring it in. With the strain eased, and I can feel it in the streets, the panic that gripped us those first few days when we weren't quite sure if the dome would buckle under the weight, well, it's all been replaced by this sort of manic anticipation. I mean we weren't completely cut off, there was the news from around town, of course, and the occasional magic missive from the castle, but we knew the world was still out there, right? There is a big difference, though, between knowing the world exists and being a part of it. I don't know about you guys, but I miss the smell of the pine needles from the dragons mountains. I miss the sound of the wind coming off the serpent's tooth. I even miss the grumpy travelers that love to complain about the perpetual mist from the falls. No, we've been in a bubble for far too long. I can see Lara Vancroft out there through the window right now. She appears to be organizing the guard near the main gates. She's got that look on her face, the one that says she is ready for anything, and I think she speaks for all of us. I'm pretty sure everyone is ready to stop being a curiosity and start being a town again. Stay dry, Moonhaven. Keep your spirits up and your boots laced. We are almost through. We held out, and well, I think we're all gonna have a lot to talk about once we reconnect with the outside world. This is Audrey Cashmere, and you're listening to the Crystal Network. Stay tuned. Welcome back, welcome to you, my ladies in attendance, my shopkeepers and apprentices, a greetings to the guardsmen, the entertainers, and the citizens of all walks of life here in the Lost Realms. Welcome back to Crossroads Chronicles. I am your host, Audric Cashmere. As the dome finally lowers and the dragon blood returns to its bank, our town is emerging from the mud. Many of us are looking at our backyards and seeing remains of silt and debris. But where we see a mess, today's guest sees a blank canvas. He has spent the last few weeks deep beneath our feet, working side by side with Splashy the water elemental to keep our sewers from overflowing during the Great Flood, but now he is planning to trade the muck for the mulch. Please welcome the founder of Shell and Soil Landscaping, Sheldon the Tortle.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Thank you, Audric. It is much nicer up here. The air smells far less damp.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

I can imagine. You and Splashy were the unsung heroes of the last month, managing a high pressure element in a confined space like the Moonhaven sewers. That's gotta be intense work. What made you decide to transition from municipal plumbing to garden design?

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Water is about flow. But water is impatient. Splashy is very impatient. She wants to be everywhere at once. After thirty days of rushing, I decided I wanted to work with things that take their time. Things like oaks, or possibly perennial peonies.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

Now there's a certain poetic irony in a tortle wanting to slow down a little further, but then you have brought a very specific skill set to shell and soil. Word's already getting around that your garden layouts are, well, almost mathematically perfect.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Most people, Audric, live their lives in a hurry. They throw a rose bush here, they dig a hole over there. They see only today, maybe next week, possibly next month, but rarely beyond that. When I stand in a yard, I see the next twenty years. I see where the shadow of the chimney will fall in the late autumn. I see how the root systems will dance together.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

Now you mentioned previously to me that most people unknowingly waste a staggering amount of their property. Can you elaborate a little bit? How so?

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Your people seem to think in squares, but nature does not grow in squares. People leave corners empty. They plant shade lovers in the sun. It is inefficient. I look at a small plot and I see layers. I use a touch of folding geometry magic, not much, just enough to tuck in an herb garden beneath the trellis, or possibly curve a path a little bit, so the yard feels three or four times larger just by utilizing the space it already has.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

Now I've heard neighbors say that after you finish their gardens, they found a lot of hidden nooks that they didn't even know they had.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

That is probably the best part. When the baker saw his backyard, he actually cried. Only a single tear. But from a minotaur, that is quite a lot of emotion. He thought he only had room for a laundry line. I gave him the laundry line, and a coi pond, and a vegetable patch that would feed him all winter. He was surprised. I was not. The space was always there, merely waiting for someone to see it.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Now you seem to find a real peace in this, Sheldon. Is it a relief to work with soil after dealing with the Moonhaven Falls flood?

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Soil can be coaxed. Water rushes about. You can speak to the soil to the earth. You can plan with it. I find that most people in Moonhaven are much like the river, rushing here to there, to the next house, to the next home, to the next location or event. But a garden requires you to stand still if you stand still long enough.

SPEAKER_03 9:49

Well, I suppose we can all use a little bit of that philosophy right now. Rebuilding doesn't have to be a race, I suppose, does it? No.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

If you rush the planting, the harvest will be thin. You need to take your time to let the silt settle, let the worms do their work if you want a yard that feels like a sanctuary. Come find the tortle with the emerald trowel. And I will sit on your grass for as long as it takes. Hours or days, if necessary, and I will tell you exactly where the world wants to grow.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

Hours or days of planning, but a lifetime of beauty. I don't know, that seems like a pretty fair trade to me, Sheldon. I think the town owes you a debt of gratitude, both for the sewers and for the future flowers.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

The sewers were for the town. The gardens are for me. It is a good life, Audric.

Magic Minute (With Selene Meadowlight and Audrick Cashmere)

SPEAKER_03 11:17

I couldn't agree more. Sheldon the Tortle, everyone, and if your yard looks a bit like a swamp, don't despair. Give it to someone who understands the mud. Stay tuned, folks, this is Audric Cashmere, and you're listening to Crossroads Chronicles here on the Crystal Network.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Good afternoon, Moonhaven Falls. If you are hearing me clearly, it's because the air is no longer being filtered through three layers of experimental abjuration. The dome is now down, the sky is open, and for the first time in weeks, we can look up and see the stars without wondering if a giant catfish is going to look back in the near future. I am Celine Meadowlight, and this is a very celebratory magic minute. It is a beautiful night, Moonhaven. We're all back on the island, and the air smells like, well, honestly, a bit like wet mud, but also like freedom. Just a reminder from Alara and the town guard, please stay off the bridges. They have been under significant pressure for the better part of a month now, and we really need to make sure they aren't going to crumble the moment a wagon wheel touches them. So please stay on the island for tonight. While we wait for the bridges to be cleared, do keep an eye on your household items though. The sudden removal of the dome has caused atmospheric rebound. If your tea kettles have begun whistling in a minor key, or your pillows are floating at three to five inches off the bed, it's just residual mana. It should settle by sunrise. In local lore, we look to the anchor of stability. It is a relic rumored to be buried somewhere beneath the town square. It was said to have been placed there by one of the founders of the town to ensure the island never drifted away from the falls. Today, I think we can all agree that if the anchor exists, it must have held firm. That said, if Sheldon and Splashy aren't aware of it, it's likely just an urban legend. Though if you do find any gold leaf chains poking out of the mud near the fountain, please notify the guard immediately. It's either a priceless artifact that could doom us all, or else Lady Kendrick's lost jewelry. Up next, the laws of reality. I believe this is where I get to join you. Apparently Audrick asked the questions that several of you were thinking, so it was decided to invite him back to the show. Now, as we are all currently confined to the island, let's discuss the laws of physical ambition.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Specifically, the art of the jump. Ah, jumping. Useful for when the bridge is out, or when you're trying to avoid a particularly deep puddle of rivermuck. I don't know. Seems pretty straightforward there, Selim. You run, you leap, you hope for the best.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Oh, Audric, if only reality were so generous. The weave has very strict mathematical requirements for your hope. If you make a running start of at least ten feet, your long jump distance is exactly equal to your strength ability, sometimes called your strength score, in feet.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

No more, no less. Wait, hold on. So you're telling me that if I have a, let's call it, strength score of ten, and I run ten feet, I land exactly ten feet away when I jump? Every single time. What if I'm feeling really inspired?

SPEAKER_01 14:33

What if there's like um a dire wolf chasing me from behind? The law does not care for your inspiration, Audric. You cover exactly your score, and this is the part that trips up even the most seasoned adventurers. That distance is deducted from your total movement for the round.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. You mean that if I can move thirty feet in let's call it six seconds, and I jump ten of them, I can only move an additional ten feet beyond that?

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Precisely. In those six seconds you can only move so far after all. Time does not stop just because you are still in the air. If your jump exceeds your remaining movement, it's because you have run out of time. You have moved into the next six-second increment. If life were a game, it would be like you're stuck in mid-air until the start of your next turn, when your jump would complete itself, cutting into how far you can finish moving. You cannot cheat the distance by leaping at the last second. It would be as though you are simply hanging in the air, frozen by the law of momentum, until the next six-second window begins.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

That's absurd. That sounds like a bad dream where you're running through honey. Ooh, what about high jumps? If I'm trying to grab a ledge or something, because the bridge beneath me just gave way.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Well, for a high jump with a running start, you can clear the height of three plus your strength impact, sometimes called the modifier, in feet.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Three plus the modifier. So if I'm an average person with no muscle to speak of, I can jump three feet in the air? I've seen Timmy jump higher than that when he sees a spider.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Oh, Audric, he can reach higher. You can of course extend your arms above your head during the jump, reaching a distance of your height plus one and a half times the jump's height. But the actual lift of your feet? Three feet plus modifier. The weave is very particular about the displacement of weight.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

So you're saying that if the bridge is out, and it is a twelve foot gap, and my strength is only that average ten, I'm going for a swim.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Oh yes, you are definitely going for a swim. Unless, of course, someone casts jump on you, which, and this is a rare bit of generosity, actually triples your distance.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

Well, there you have it, Moonhaven. If you're planning on leaping across the river because you can't wait for the bridges to open, you might want to check on your strength first. Or, you know, find a wizard.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Enjoy the open air, my friends. The water is back where it belongs, and the stars are also right where they should be. I am Celine Meadowlight, and this has been the Magic Minute.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

Good afternoon, Moonhaven Falls. This is Igneous, the scaled sophisticate. I have been watching you from the plateau this morning, and I saw a group of young people trying to teach a herd of goats how to march information. I'm not quite sure why it was well, it was a choice. They even succeeded. But it reminded me that while your spirits are high, for some of you, your grasp on the complexities of existence are often delightfully linear. And since you've all been such persistent little beings, I have curated a new set of curiosities. I've even made them quite sturdy this time, removed all of the sharp corners, as it were, and I await your responses with uh baited breath. Before I forget, the answer to last week's riddles are as follows Number one a book number two a tomato number three a hole number four a clock five a rest or musical pause number six a secret and number seven a word. The first rutle for this week is as follows I have two heads but a single body. The more I stand still, the faster I run. I can tell you the length of a race, but my legs never move. What am I? The first of seven keys for seven locks, one for each day. Please take your conclusions to Timmy. I have told him that he is allowed to reject any answers that have no bearing on the riddles. I'm not sure if the look he gave me was joy or annoyance. So hard to read that one. Until the next time, Moonhaven, do try to stay off the ledges. The water may have gone down, but it's still quite energetic.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

Good afternoon, Moonhaven. Audric Cashmere here. The dome is down, the water has officially returned to the riverbeds, and I think I speak for everyone when I say I will be quite happy to never see a fish through my second story bedroom window again. But as the silt settles, other problems have begun to emerge. We have a town to scrub, a plateau to secure, and some very confused wildlife to relocate. It's time for the adventurer's call. If you've got the skills, we've got the gold, and trust me, the guard is far too tired to do all of this themselves. Now, first up, some solo work for those who don't mind getting their boots dirty, finesse over force, as it were. There is quite a bit of lower level stuff for those of you looking for some quickish payouts, so I'll just grab a couple of these at random. Um how about this one? First up, the Damp Dampener Project. The reward is forty-five gold pieces or five percent of the collected water. It would appear that half of the basements in Moonhaven are now holding a foot or so of magical glow water that is refusing to evaporate. The Mage College is looking for someone to go floor to floor with sponge stones and magically draw out the moisture before mold starts forming that can cast its own spells. Now, personally, I would say the best class for this would likely be an artificer or a sorcerer. Um, gonna require a delicate touch with your Arcana skill. An artificer can tune the stones to ensure that they soak up only the magical water without accidentally dehydrating the homeowner's furniture, whereas a sorcerer's innate ability with magic should allow them to, you know, really make the most out of the resources they're given before needing to go back to change out equipment. Plus, glow water is actually a fairly rare enchanting component, despite how much we have on hand at the moment, so anyone magically inclined would likely leap at an offer like this one. Up next, how about this one? Reorienting the Tears Tears markers. Reward is 55 gold pieces. Uh breakdown on this one is that the rush of receding water appears to have knocked over several of the navigational and warning buoys near the falls. Without them, the river spirits and sailors alike tend to get a little bit. Cranky. You would need to swim out right to the stones, and then cast a quick pair of charms on the piles. For this job, I'd say probably either Druid or a Monk would be the best bet. Druid obviously can wild shape into something aquatic, which can handle the currents and such, whereas a monk's unarbored movement, anti-athletics should allow them to leap across slick debris with barely a thought. Moving on to some more let's call them mid-level challenges, um, a couple that will require a bit of teamwork anyway, trying to handle these types of of uh quests alone would be challenging because saying these are threats are annoyed is an understatement. First one to catch my eye here is named the Mud Gully Ambush. The reward is 400 gold pieces. It would appear that a group of Grung, uh frog folk for those who don't know, followed the floodwaters in and have decided that the now muddy alcoves near the falls are their new sovereign territory. Now, they are not considered fully sentient sapient, but they are highly territorial, and their poison is well, it's it's vibrant. Um I would probably recommend a cleric, maybe a paladin for this one. Lay on of hands for the paladin, obviously, or lesser restoration for the cleric, just something to deal with the grung poison immediately. Plus, you know, both have relatively high armor classes, which will help when the blowguns start firing. For crowd control, probably bard, maybe wizard or warlock. You really need to convince the grung to move. Either that or you have to blast them back where they came from. A bard using hypnotic pattern can pacify a whole chorus of them at once, and convince them to move, whereas a straight-up caster class can probably make with the boom, as they say, to drive them out given a little bit of time. Let's look for a second mid-level one here, real quick. How about this one? Evicting the Silt Stalkers. The reward on this one is 500 gold. Apparently, now that the water is gone, a pair of choles, which are massive pincher clawed abaritions, have realized that they are currently stuck in the lower tunnels beneath the city. They're hungry, they're grumpy, and they can sense magic. Splashy in the sanitation department would really like them gone before they can cause any more trouble. I would personally say no less than three for this one. Definitely need a tank, probably fighter or barbarian, someone who can really take a hit from a pincher and stay standing. Probably want a striker, maybe rogue or a tunnel fighter. In the cramped tunnels, a rogue can use the shadows of the pipes to land just devastating sneak attacks, whereas a fighter that specializes in tunnel fighting is basically a one-person wall. For support, without a doubt, a cleric, maybe a priest, but you really need someone to provide bless and keep the party from being paralyzed by the chool's tentacles. Plus, again, the uh the cleric has the higher AC between the two. Finally, let's go for a big one. Ooh, that's a fancy title, The Titan's Legacy. This is definitely a job for a full party. I'd probably say this one's extremely risky, possibly historical significance. They're calling it Operation Shell Shock. What they want you to do is investigate the Zaritan's wake. The reward for this is 2,500 gold, plus first rights to any salvage you find. Now, here's the breakdown. As the waters have dropped, they revealed the resting place of the Xaratan. That would be the the colossal Earth elemental turtle that caused the flood when it settled into the gap right after its fight. The turtle, the Zaritan, is currently dormant near the base of the dragon spine, but its shell has become a localized ecosystem of pure chaotic energy. We're getting strange things they're calling void parasites that are feeding on its slumbering magic, and these parasites are leaking a very rarely seen type of magic into our reality. Um The reason I would say this is a full-party encounter is that frankly, just walking across the shell will probably require constant balance checks against being knocked prone. You really want a ranger or a druid to find stable paths across living terrain. It also notes that they have positively identified Star Spat and Gibbering Mouthers. They are crawling across Azaratan's back along with a number of unknown creatures. Um, this is where your wizard or warlock is really nice. You know, someone who can drop uh massive AoE spells like Fireball or Hunger of Hadar. And then finally you need a core stabilizer. Um they're actually going to be the heart of the party here. What the plan is is to ensure that the Zaratan doesn't wake up and walk through the nearest mountain. They want a cleric or a high-level paladin to reach the heartstone on its back and perform what's called a ceremony of earth binding to settle it into a deeper sleep. Honestly, it's kind of the magical equivalent of singing a lullaby to a creature of this size and hoping it decides to doze for another millennium or so, but considering it was woken up the first time and we had no idea it was there prior to that, it will probably work. Uh yeah, so a lot of work for a single week, Moonhaven. The board is absolutely packed, but hey, look on the bright side. The uh the dimension mice seem to hate the mud, so at least your larder's safe for the moment. And if you're looking to sign a contract, I believe Olara Vancroft is currently stationed down by the fountain. You may want to bring your own shovel, though. This is Audrey Cashmere, and this is the Adventurous Call on the Crystal Network.

Timmy Gets Cheeky

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Hello and good evening, Moonhaven Falls. Audric is busy with a giant pair of frogs that someone, I don't know who, appears to have let in the station. Big frog! This is Timmy this one coming at to you from the studio that's finally smells like French again instead of damn pool and panic.

SPEAKER_04 28:12

Guys, guys, they look hostile!

SPEAKER_00 28:14

The shield uh was allowed to jump completely around noon today. The air felt sweet. The world is new again. The rivers have returned to their beverage handles, and while the falls are a bit roundier than usual. They're back to your beautiful thundering cells.

SPEAKER_04 28:32

I think I'm supposed to be on the air a little healthier, guys.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Guys of Paris are to start tomorrow. Lord Kendrick has set down the masonry team. A quick ridge of caution from Captain Vancroft. Do not attempt to cross the bridges until they've been fully inspective. They weather the foot surprisingly well, but we don't want anyone to take an accidental plunge after surviving of the last couple weeks.

SPEAKER_04 29:07

Uh guys, they're getting really close to me. Hey, hey, that's my shoe!

SPEAKER_00 29:14

It was a try, it wasn't a a once in a couple generations event, hopefully. But we stared down a flood of legendary g proportions and uh barely flinched. We pulled together and uh did what needed to be done. I hope to see you all at the Flood's End Festival tonight. Lord Kendrick says the first round of cider is uh on him.

SPEAKER_04 29:38

Don't eat my shoe, it's my comfortable pair and everything. Get it back!

SPEAKER_00 29:43

This is Timetha Swick signing off for the Crystal Network!

SPEAKER_03 29:51

Thank you for listening, my lords and ladies. This concludes our episode for the week. As a reminder, we would be delighted to hear your answer to Igneus' daily challenge. I do post them on Facebook and Patreon once a day. There should be a link to both pages in the description, so if you'd like to engage with a specific character or just the channel in general, do please pop in, say hello. I do release a new episode every Tuesday morning at 5 AM Eastern. I hope you found this podcast amusing, informative, and entertaining. If you did, I'd appreciate it if you could take a quick moment to subscribe to the channel or follow the podcast, and a second one to just rate it real quick, share it with a friend or a community. It's a simple, easy action, it lets the algorithm know that you listen to, and want to continue hearing these stories. Do please keep in mind that I personally create, edit, record, and produce all of the content for this show, with the occasional guest appearance from my wife and children. So, if you'd like to buy any of us a cup of coffee or a bottle of lemonade once a month as encouragement to continue creating it, we would gratefully accept. Thank you to all of my supporters. My family and I genuinely appreciate all of you showing your support by tuning in every week, and we'd like to thank you for continuing to do so. I look forward to seeing you in the comments, and I hope you tune in again next week.