School of Shamanism

S1 EP10: The guilt of choosing yourself

• School of Shamanism • Season 1 • Episode 10

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0:00 | 10:27

Many of us were raised to be the reliable one. The helpful one. The one who says yes, holds everything together, and puts everyone else first. But what happens when your soul begins asking for something more?

In this episode, Giada looks at one of the most powerful and hidden forces that keeps people stuck between worlds: guilt. The guilt that arises when we begin to honour our own needs, boundaries and inner calling.

Where does this guilt come from? Cultural expectations, family dynamics, religion, and even the survival patterns of our nervous system can all teach us that caring for ourselves is selfish. Yet the truth may be the opposite.

Choosing yourself does not mean abandoning others. It means including yourself in the circle of care. Because when you nourish your own soul, you show up with more presence, patience and love for everyone around you.

This episode is a reflection on responsibility, rest, boundaries, and the courage it takes to honour your own life.

Connect with Giada Gaslini:

About the Host

Originally hailing from the vibrant city of Milan, I’ve spent the past two decades traversing the globe in a quest for spiritual and personal growth and combined with 25 years of international corporate work experience. From navigating the vast landscapes of Australia in a campervan to finding tranquility living in a Buddhist monastery in Nepal, my journey is nothing short of extraordinary. Along the way, I’ve delved deep into Buddhist teachings, yoga, and shamanism, becoming Shamanic Teacher,  Forest Therapy Guide, Esoteric Numerologist, Shamanic and Integral Yoga Teacher and Ikigai Coach. In 2013 I settled in Edinburgh, where  I founded the Art and Spirituality Centre, a social enterprise and the School of Shamanism, where I passionately help others on their own transformative journeys.

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Giada

Choosing yourself doesn't mean neglecting others. It means including yourself into the circle of care. Welcome back to School of Shamanism and Giada, and this is season one: Walking Between Worlds. In the last episode in The Soul One, we talked about fear and resistance, all the ways that we keep ourselves stuck, all the voices that tell us we are not ready, and what it takes to move through that as well. Today I want to go deeper into something that I touched on briefly, and I'm still struggling with that. And it's guilt. So the guilt of choosing yourself, which is one of the most powerful and most hidden forces that keeps people from stepping into their soul work. And I think it's time to address this also for myself, because every time I think I'm always need to mirror what I'm saying and what other people are coming to me with. So many of us, and I have to say, probably especially women, but of course, not only women, were raised to be good, to be helpful, to be responsible, at service, to take care of everyone else before ourselves. We learned that our value came from what we gave and from how useful we were to other people. We didn't have to cause very much trouble. So being the good girl, and of course, I'm also the good boy, don't be selfish, think of others first, don't make a fuss. And so we built our lives around that. We became the reliable one, the one that everyone could count on, the one who always said yes, and the one who held it all together while probably quietly falling apart inside. And somewhere along the way we forgot that we matter too. And I'm guilty for that. That our needs are valid, that our soul is worth nurturing. And so when we finally start to wake up, when we feel that pull towards something deeper, something more aligned, there is this immediate struggle in between the two worlds. Choosing yourself, that's selfish, or choosing others, which is what everyone has to do. So, where does this guilt come from? Where uh is it something cultural? Because we live in societies that reward self-sacrifice, especially from certain people, especially in work. And again, I pass through that a lot. But also mothers who give everything to their children, uh, as I said, employees who never say no, partners who put their own dreams aside for the relationship. And maybe you grew up in a home where your needs weren't a priority, where you learn to stay small, to stay quiet, to stay out of the way, where taking up space meant conflict or rejection. And some of these things also come from traditional uh a traditional uh education and from the religious point of view where the ego is bad and wanting things for yourself is sinful. That true spirituality means complete selflessness, and some of it is just survival. So at some point, being good kept you safe, and it got you the approval from other people, from your family, the people around you, the belonging, and so your nervous system has also learned that. Don't put yourself first so that you can be at peace, so that you know you're doing the right thing, and then of course, here is where the consequences are coming. Because then we remain in a trap, and we we constantly forget about ourselves, we constantly ignore our needs. Um and also this word uh selfish, um, it seems already an accusation by the by the time we pronounce that. Like the worst thing that you could possibly be, no, and most of most of us uh will do everything to be considered selfish. But what does it mean? It means taking care of your own needs, honoring your own boundaries, making time for what nourishes your soul, which I had to learn myself and sometimes struggle, but I'm much, much, much better than before. Placing my priorities in the time that I decide to be in that day that I decide to be off in the weekend, taking hours around, so that I can be fully recharged, and then I'm not running empty from an empty tank out of which I can't help anyone. So it's really an element of generosity, that element of being generous with ourselves, feeling full ourselves in order to be able to help other people, because as I said before, you can't pour from an empty vessel, and everyone says that. But how many of us actually live it? Because there are people who depend on you, for example, and you have responsibilities. Maybe you have children, maybe you have elderly parents, or you have a partner there for any reasons needs you. And of course, you can't just abandon them to go and find yourself, to go and be selfish. And you're right, it's not suggesting you to walk away from the people who depend on you. This is not choosing what choosing yourself means. But choosing yourself doesn't mean neglecting others, it means including yourself into the circle of care. It means recognize that you are also someone who deserves attention, who deserves rest, who deserves nourishment, that your needs are not less important than everyone else, uh, and that you can delegate, that you can ask for help, uh, say no to things that actually take time from you. And you should concentrate on some on something else. And making a decision in time, does these things enrich my soul when I'm saying yes or no? Does it have something to do with me when I'm saying yes or no? And sometimes, of course, we help just on the matter that it's nice helping others. But helping that person is it something that I can have the pleasure, the luxury of doing because I have the time for that? Or I'm already full, and helping that person would mean then then I have to struggle to finish my workload, what I'm doing in my life. Um, so this is just of course a reminder that I'm also saying to myself because I'm guilty, because I'm in the I mean, without the definition of who is guilty and who is not, because that's just a labeling of the mind. But in general, and then of course also uh maybe for your business. When you keep saying one day, this is something, for example, that I'm very good at. I never say one day. If I say I'm going to do it, I do it. Then it's just a matter of scheduled, but I'm not progressing, I'm never I've never procrastinated in work. I've always been a hard worker. So if in that case the business is yours, so you care more than when you're working for others, then the element of procrastinating, of course, is uh not respectful for yourself. It's not respectful for you, for your own wishes, for your own dream. And then, of course, you we need to listen to our body, which sometimes has a way of forcing rest when we refuse to take it. And I had to learn that as well. Now I'm very strict in when I'm taking, as I said, my hours off around in the week and that religious day that I'm taking, which can also have can also be moved, despite what I decided 10 days ago, because I recognize that there are the lines, but I'm going to I'm going to make it, I'm going to treat it as any other appointment in my diary. So choosing yourself is not abandonment. Um is honoring yourself. Because when you choose yourself, you're not abandoning anyone. You're actually becoming more available because when you are depleted, resentful, running on fumes, how present are you really? How much patience do you have then to deal with others? How much love can you actually give? Not much. And you are just in a surviving mode. So going through the emotions. But when you have taken that time for yourself, when you have nourished your soul, when you have honored your own needs, then you show up in a different way. Then your energy is different, then you are more patient, then you are more loving and more alive. Your children, of course, don't need a martyr, they need a mother who is connected to herself. Your partner doesn't need someone who sacrificed everything, they need someone who is full. So the world doesn't need another burn-out helper. And again, always talking to myself. But choosing yourself isn't selfish, it's probably the most generous things that you can do.