Being Angry as a Mum — What No One Talks About

Motherhood is often painted as patient, nurturing, and endlessly grateful. But what about the anger? The resentment? The guilt that follows?

In this honest conversation with Naomi, we unpack the reality of being an angry mum — what triggers it, what sits underneath it, and why anger is not a failure, but a signal.

We talk about:
 • The daily pressure to meet impossible expectations
 • The guilt spiral after losing your cool
 • The turning point that changed everything
 • How thoughts, beliefs and identity shape our parenting
 • Small but powerful shifts that bring calm back

If you’ve ever felt like you’re the only mum who gets angry — this episode is for you.

Because anger doesn’t make you a bad mum. It makes you human.

https://www.facebook.com/naomi.galliano

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

So welcome to another unfiltered parenting podcast. I'm Jennifer, and today I have a wonderful mum who's going to share some really interesting and deep feelings around almost a taboo subject that we all probably try and pretend isn't there, but it definitely is. And it's something that as mums it's not spoken about much, and that is being angry. And we're going to have a look at it. Motherhood is usually painted as wonderful, that you're patient and you've got endless love for your kids. And it should be the most natural thing that we've ever done, and that it should just come easily for us. But for many mums, behind the smiles and all the Instagram posts and everything, there is a totally different world, and it can be full of frustration, exhaustion, and resentment and many more things. But admitting that you're an angry mum is a little bit by taking taboo rules and it's something that most of us try and hide. So society tells us we're not supposed to be angry mums. But the truth is that we can be, and all I'm sure, have been in a space where we've been angry, because I know I definitely have been, because I'm a human and mums are humans. It's a single, single signal, though, that possibly something deeper is going on, and this is what our conversation is going to be about today. So while we're not trying to fulfil everybody's expectations about being perfect mums, we're going to talk about the imperfections that us mums have and that it's totally okay to have them. So my guest today is Naomi Galliano, and she is going to share with us some of the story of her life and her journey of motherhood. So let's start, Naomi, and thank you for having uh coming today and sharing with me.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Thank you, Jennifer. Thank you so much for having me on. I absolutely love the work that you're doing and the stories that you're sharing to spread awareness. It's very, very needed. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Thank you. And you're doing the same. You're you're helping so many women out there as well. So it's an important area, and I think that we're all in that space now where we really just want to share and love the women in our lives and you know, give them our lived experience and they can take or leave the information and the guidance that they that they need. So you said that motherhood sometimes felt like a constant anger and guilt space. Can you describe what that looked like day to day? So we're going to jump right into this. Excellent.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Yeah. So it's look, it's been a while since I've been in that space, but in the thick of it, and you know what, Jennifer, I can actually recall a story of the very first time I lost it with my daughter. And, you know, for all listeners, you know, this is going to sound pretty shocking. So it might even trigger you, but I think it's really important to share because this is something that we don't talk about. So I left an abusive relationship and became a single mother when I was 21. And I did have some family support, but I was on my own. And I remember moving out of, you know, I was living with my sister and brother-in-law, and I was moving out into my own house and trying to unpack my house. And at the time, my daughter was only eight months old. And this kid, she just would not stop crying. And I was trying to do the things and unpack because I had work that week and everything. And that was the first time I found myself losing it and just kind of going, just sh like to this little eight-month-old baby who really was completely innocent and just needed a mum who could sit and be or someone who could sit and be present with her. And I was not emotionally available for that. I was not, I didn't have the awareness, the maturity, the close bond with her, the understanding of myself, even, to know what it was that a little baby really needed at that time. And, you know, I share this with you because I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one who has found myself struggling with anger and frustration in motherhood. And unfortunately for me, you know, it only really continued from there. And so my daughter in particular, she was a child that needed a lot and she was very demanding. And she would fight everything. And so, you know, even once I got married when she was three and a half, and I then did have support, I did have, you know, a nana who was helping look after her. Um, the relationship with my daughter was not one, it was not an easy one. And so by the time she was eight or nine, you know, with how much she triggered me, and and from there and and beyond, I remember even just being so frustrated with her that, and just to have not having had a good history of experiences with her, that and her just being so demanding and difficult that, you know, when I did see her, it was kind of like, oh, what now? And with the understanding I have now, being trauma-informed and knowing what kids truly need, the signal and the message I was sending to her was you're not wanted. Like, you know, and that's something that I wish so much that I could go back and change. Yet at the same time, with where I was at, I was doing the best that I could with what I had. And look, this is not to say, just as well to add context, that we didn't have good times. We did get along. We she was very bright, we played games, we connected together, we did the colouring, we did the we did the things together and and did have our good times as well. But unfortunately, with with how I experienced her due to my own unhealed stuff that I was dealing with, the relationship was strained and difficult, and it continued on even at the age of 12, 13, I think 12. I had two younger kids. My boys were five and six years younger than her. They were both diagnosed with autism when they were two.

unknown 6:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

So I was managing, looking after kids with special needs and early intervention and all of that. And then in the background, she was just fighting us with everything. So she actually we sent her to boarding school at that time.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Wow, that's was that a was that tell me just I'm sorry to interject there because that's a big jump. Um so what was the rationale around boarding school? Were you a long way from somewhere or or how did why did that come about? Because I just couldn't cope.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Okay. I couldn't cope anymore, and my husband was tired of seeing me constantly argue and fight with her over everything. Right. And what age was she when you did this? She was 12. So she went to boarding school from 12 to 15. Okay. Wow. And how did you feel about that? Relieved at the time.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

And and and again, I I share this because I know I wouldn't be the only one. And I know to other mothers listening, it would be like, wow, that's horrible and that's heartless, and all the things, but that's also how much I was struggling within myself at the time. And it was a relief because when she was at boarding school, even with what I was dealing with at home, it was it was quite peaceful.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

And so, but I recognize now and and uh started to recognize years ago that she just wasn't getting her needs met. And it did also later come out because she, like I said, she's very bright, um, she's very capable. She is actually a young woman who has ASD herself, and she also has this other thing. I'm not sure if you've heard it of it, but it's called pathological demand avoidance, which basically means with these children that have this, it's a profile of autism. That they if you if they perceive something as a demand, they literally can't comply. Okay, right. It's an anxiety, it's a neurological anxiety-driven need to remain autonomous.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Okay, so just turn something off for them when it they hear it as a demand.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

And with the way at the time that I was parenting, uh, I didn't understand, you know, the the the more gentle options or approaches of giving options, giving choices, being understanding, because as I said, she was I perceived her as someone who was so capable, so smart, so able, and particularly able to do things for others. It just seemed it felt like at the time, Jennifer, that she had it in for me.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Yeah, that she was just doing it on purpose to just really grind and grind.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Yeah, that's what it felt like. And I know I'm not the only one because I have parents coming to me that say the same thing that it feels like you know, their child is just chipping away at them, waiting for them to explode. Yeah, yeah. And so as she got older, you know, my explosions were more often, you know, over stupid little things. Like her job was to put the containers, like empty the dishwasher and put she'd put the lunchbox containers away, but she'd put them away wet. And I told her so many times, you need to dry them first. And then I'd be rushing in the morning, because that was how I used to operate, rushing to get everyone ready and out of the house. And then these stupid containers were still wet, and I couldn't just pack them. Yeah, and that would tip me over the edge, like silly little things like that. And um, one of my mentors, he has this saying that when we're hysterical, it's historical, which means when our emotional reaction in the moment is not proportionate to the trigger, then something historical is being triggered. And so knowing that helps me to put it all into context. And, you know, like I said, that's a long way behind me now, not just because she's grown up, but because of how much I was able to heal and change. But Jennifer, if I could go back and get the help that I got, which helped me to shift things so that I could have been a different mother for her, I I 100% would.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

I and look, just speaking from my own experience, I would love to go back and be able to undo quite a bit as well. I think most mothers feel that. Um, and I I think to a greater or lesser degree, most mums feel that. But I also know from my own experience, and I'm hearing you, that when you're a mum, there's so much going on, there's so much pressure. And the fact that we are almost expected to take a deep breath and sit down for 15 minutes and soft manage with the child until we get things sorted, it's just too hard to do. I mean, that whole calming down and having that soft space can be so difficult. And and I you you you didn't find it until later. I certainly didn't find it until later. And now this whole soft parenting thing, which on a certain level I like, is not easy for everybody to do because it comes down to personalities as well. I mean, how calm are you? Some people are very calm and so they're calm mums, right? I wasn't, I wasn't, um, I was a I wasn't a calm mum. I was a calm mum, but I was a stressed mum. And I think stress is part of that hugely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

100%, 100%. And just kind of piggybacking off what you just shared there, I think different women are wired and geared differently towards motherhood. And there are those mums that just seem to have it all together. They've got five kids, they're always calm, everything's great. Like life is that's just in their nature, and it's like motherhood comes naturally to them. I'll just put it out there that motherhood did not come naturally to me. I'm one of seven kids. I'd been around, you know, a couple of, or at least one younger baby, and my sister had babies. Um, but motherhood itself did not come naturally to me. I felt lost, I felt like I was never doing it right, I felt like I was never doing enough. I felt like I should have always been doing better. And so, in how I was feeling was where I was the angry mum, I also hated myself for being the angry mum because I did want it to be better. Yeah, but I didn't know how to shift it.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Yeah, yeah. And that's the thing, isn't it? It's knowing how to shift it. So what happened or what what at what space did something, I don't know, did a lightning bolt come across and just smack you and say, I have to change the perspective on this, or you know, what what was it that that did that? Where was that line in the sand?

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Great question. So as I've alluded to, um, in a way, I blamed all my a lot of my anger and frustration on my daughter, right? And so whilst she was at boarding school, you know, I um we so around you know two or three years into that, we went through quite a difficult time in our business. So my husband has his own business, you know, for most of our marriage, he'd worked 80 hours a week, at least up until that point. And uh we it's in the building industry, we had a client go broke, another one not able to pay us, and then at the same time we were renovating the house and had already refinanced, and then the guys working for us were not being productive, and so profit margins were down, and then money wasn't coming in, and we just didn't have a buffer. And I was responsible for the finances, and that sent me into basically curling up in a ball, going, What have I done? This is my fault, how did this happen? And so during that period, I remember this moment where I had quite a difficult day with the boys, and and having two boys with autism, they were 15 months apart, sorry, 13 months apart is really difficult. And I had a particularly tough day with them. I think we'd you know, it had been a big day, we'd been to the shops, there was meltdowns, it was horrible, and then we got home, and then something else happened, and I just lost it. I was just like, just stop, and then broke down in tears. And the moment that I realized something had to shift was the moment that my little boy, my five-year-old, came up to comfort me. Are you okay, mummy? Yeah, you're all right, and give giving me the pat on the back and the cuddle. And that was when I was like, This is not my like, this is not my daughter's fault. This is not her doing, this is my issue. Because if it's coming up out and now with these boys, which up until then I've been very patient with them, okay, then I was like, This is a me problem. And I've got to do something to change it, and it's up to me to get this sorted out because I don't want to inflict this on these kids who at the time I knew had struggles and had it was had uh my youngest problems with his own emotional expression.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

I didn't want to be inflicting that on them. So I made the decision in that moment to get to find something that would actually help it. Now, up until then, I had seen counselors and psychologists and all the things, but nothing, nothing had actually helped to shift it.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Okay, so what did what did you do? I mean, you came to that realization that it was your stuff for you to sort out, and I get the total thing of not wanting to burden the the the boys with it because autism has its own challenges and you don't want to kind of put more layers on that than than you need to. So what did you actually do that has helped you to get to the space where you are now?

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Yeah, so it was a good reminder for me. I recognized that I had been living my life in response instead of consciously and intentionally, which is something I learned when I was much younger to do. Um I reconnected in with my desire and my dreams, which was to get out there and help other women improve their lives and heal from their past, because our past doesn't have to be the predictor for our future. But then I also looked for a therapy, you know, when I was listening to all the Hay House and Joe Dispenza stuff, and Joe talks about our automatic thinking patterns, you know, we'll repeat 95% of the same thoughts every day. And so I was trying to do that work and trying to uh redirect my thoughts and and reframe them and all of that. But I'm like, this is and meditating in the morning doing all the things. I'm like, this is exhausting. Like, I'm gonna be at this for life, and none of this stuff takes into consideration the busy, unpredictable life of a mother. Like, I don't have time to do all these practices and this journaling and this breathing and all this stuff. I'm like, there has to be a way that's easier where we can rewire our automatic thinking patterns and resolve our unprocessed or or stuffed emotional trauma. And so I actually started researching that. Now I did find some stuff, but a lot of it, what I found, was made by men. And so I looked for female-specific solution. And I came across a therapy called Creatrix, which was made by a woman for women. Okay. Taking into consideration what we are as females, keeping in mind our brains are different, our hormones are different, our lived experience, as we were talking about earlier in the world is different. We have patriarchal trauma, we have childhood trauma, we have inherited trauma that impacts every aspect of us. And that is different to women than what it is for men. Now, there's plenty of things out there that help people, but they're more effective for men because men think differently to us, their brains are wired differently.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

And just to sorry, just to and a lot of the self-help things are are for men, for the way the men's brain operates, as you said. And um and I also think this whole sticking post-it notes everywhere to remind yourself to be calm and all that, it sounds good, but it doesn't work because it's not it isn't something you can take in. And you've got to you've kind of got to go in there, don't you? And you've got to pull out this stuff and look at it and and actually then find a way to to work with that. It's like getting that that play-doh out, isn't it? And really kind of making it how you want it. Um, and it's no good thinking it, you kind of got to do it somehow, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Getting it out of your head that that's the hard bit. So I'm really interested in this creatrick. So yeah, sorry, keep going. Oh no, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

So it's yeah, so like I said, it's uh it yeah, I agree. And this is again what so many women share with me when they speak with me, is they're doing all the things, and I was too, but it they know, but they don't know. And so, you know, speaking of getting things out and putting good in, that's kind of in when you go through the program of creatrix, that's essentially what you're doing. We're undoing all the female suppression and trauma that has happened to us for thousands of years, that's all coming out and being resolved. And then um, also what happens is the good, um, so positive, affirming, helpful beliefs and ways of thinking and perceiving are installed in its place.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

And so the anger that I was carrying, the guilt of the universe that I was carrying, the shame for how I'd behaved in my past, all of and also the not good enough was another big thing.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

Always feeling I think a lot of women carry that I'm not good enough, you know. Where does that come from? Because we've all got it in there somewhere. There's that feeling that we haven't done enough, we should do more, we could be more. It's it's insane. But anyway, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Yeah, well, it's passed down. It doesn't, it didn't start with you, it didn't start with me. It starts started thousands of years ago when when you know we went from matriarchy to patriarchy, and women have been have been pressed down and suppressed ever since then. And so, yes, you're right. I would say 90% of women have an awareness of this feeling not good enough.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Yeah. In some aspect of their life. And so, yeah, the program of Creatrix really rewires all of that so that you can automatically think differently. It addresses the unresolved emotions so that you can have health. Healthy emotional expression. And so it was nearly seven years ago that I went through that programme, and I've never gone back to how I was every day.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

So the program itself, when you did it, uh was it over a period of months? Was it a just all at one hit? And how quickly could you honestly say that you had turned it over and it wasn't controlling you, you were controlling it?

SPEAKER_01 22:29

I would say, you know, we resolve different things as we go, but in terms of the anger and how I was showing up, I would say about for me at the time, around three to six months. Okay. However, with the way the program is designed and runs now, what I see in my clients is that's all turned around completely within three months.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Yeah. So it's something that's very um attainable. Because see, the other thing is too, all that being positive mindset and all that, it feels like you said it's going to take me a lifetime to be able to do that. And we want to change for the better for to change the narrative for our kids more quickly than that. We don't want, like, your daughter's now grown up, my two are well and truly grown up. We want to do it before we get to that space where we've done, well, I I was going to say where we've done damage, but I can't even say that's fair, where the programming within us has created the spaces where we've traumatized another group of human beings, our children. So three months is something that you could go, okay, yeah, I could do it, I could do that.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

But okay, so my question now is how hard was it though? Because do you have to face all these demons? Do you have to be super honest with yourself? I mean, how does that work?

SPEAKER_01 23:57

You do have to be honest with yourself. However, knowing that the trauma didn't start with you, we don't need to go to your original event. Okay. Where that happened, because it didn't start with you. It's just so I have a bit of a saying that we we kind of come through our conditioning that runs through the lineage, we come into life predisposed to having certain experiences based on that programming. And so I know there's a lot of people that come in and that say, you know, once a baby's born, it's completely innocent, it's a blank slate, but that's actually not true. No, we do come in with our fears, with our conditioning. There's research now that um the mother's nervous system wires the baby's nervous system now.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

And so can you remind me of your question? Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Yes. So I wanted to know uh because I said you'd obviously have to face your demons. That's right. And you have to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Yes. So you do need to be honest with yourself as to where these things are showing up for you, but we don't need to go to your original event because it didn't happen with you. So therefore, the way the process is built, it's completely non-traumatic. So you do have to be committed, you do have to be all in, you have to be done with where you are. Like you have to be at a point where you're not willing to accept your behavior and how you're showing up anymore. You are are determined to do to pave a different way for yourself and for your children. Yeah, however, once we have that commitment, um, you really just need to show up and and be all in, you know, for your your sessions.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

Yeah. So um, how do you fit that into your life as a mum?

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Oh, okay, excellent. So it's so uh this is a great question as well, because with Creatrix or with with with other things, it's something we need to practice, it's something we need to integrate, it's something we have to consciously do. With Creatrix, all a woman has to do is set aside two hours a week for her sessions for those three months, and she will have the transformation as a result of attending those sessions. Yes, she's got homework to do, it only takes half an hour to an hour a week to complete her homework in between the sessions, but the changes actually occur spontaneously as a result of having done the sessions. Okay, through the process.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Yes, so you said a lot earlier that we keep repeating the same thing, then our head believes it, and our head only our head believes everything that we do because that's the way it's designed. Our brain doesn't differentiate between reality and non-reality. So that complete subconscious repeating is certainly um one of our demons. Um, so are you having to um go into your head and and repeat a lot of stuff? Or does so what part of what okay, what part of your soul is this getting to?

SPEAKER_01 27:14

Oh, what part of your soul? That's you know, so creatrix, the process is built with the understanding of interuterine transfer and that there's that intergenerational transfer, as well as understanding what and what we are as females. So it understands the biology of the female. So it's it's speaks to us in the language of a of the female unconscious. Okay, and I know that probably doesn't make any sense. So when you ask what level of the soul is it reaching, it's not us, I mean, I'm sure it does reach aspects of the soul, but it's not built to speak to the soul because it's built understanding that our soul chose to be in a female body which came in with all these conditions. Yeah, and so it addresses that.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

Okay, so it really gets into the fibre of you. Yeah. Yeah. It's difficult to explain that, isn't it? I get where you're coming from with that. Um, because the core of I believe the core of the female is the womb. Um, and that's where it is. Yeah. To me, I feel like I want to pull what you're saying and pull it into my womb, and that that's going to help me release this stuff.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Yeah, I think of it, I kind of think of it like womb wisdom. So Maz, uh Marilyn Shermer, who created Creatrix, she asks, so what occurred to her in her years of research when she realized in her life that females were not getting the same lasting change that men were through other therapies. What she realized is that women grow a baby unconsciously within us. We don't have to think about growing the hand or the kidney or the leg, like it all just happens, as does the transfer of information and trauma.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

And so she hypothesizes that as women we have access to a different realm of unconscious information than men do. And so she thought, well, this same wisdom that knows how to grow the baby and create the baby and and program everything, the history into it, must also have the answers.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Yeah, whoa, that's now look, we could do a whole session on just that. That's getting really, really deep, isn't it? Um and there's so much um what's the word, uh, research now around this whole in utero um transference of so many things. And when I look back now and I think about my second pregnancy, I was very um I was very unhappy. I had a three-year-old, I was very sick, I used to have to have vitamin B shots every two days. I could not eat food with this baby. It just ugh, you know, the whole thing was just from the minute I conceived to when I had him. And um, years later he was diagnosed with uh bipolar. And I am convinced that it's because of that. That part, a big part of it is the lack of the nutrients, the fact that I wasn't emotionally happy, and that transference gets get the feelings and all that get put in there at a very deep subconscious level. And I had a little I had a little three-year-old come up to me one day, put her arms around me because I was crying and saying, Mummy, you'll be okay. And you just feel so bad because they shouldn't be they shouldn't be the ones that are giving you that kind of TLC. So I get where all that sort of comes from and I I think that there's a big part to play. And this this um creatrix um sounds amazing. Um so okay, um, if mum's listening right now and she feels she's failing, what do you think are some of the steps she can take right now that might help her break the cycle of how she's feeling? Not what's happening to her or what the kids are doing, but how she's feeling.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Yeah, so what she can start to do is reconnect back in with herself.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

And you know, how would she do that? Sorry, just to interject, how would she do that? Because that's something that we say, but how do you do that?

SPEAKER_01 31:42

How do you do that? That's a good question. And it's when you've got little children, it's difficult. However, she needs every woman needs to remember that they are an individual, not just a mother. And I think when we take on this identity or when we become mothers, our children are naturally attached to us. And so here's what I have to offer in in that regard. All the conditioning tells us that as mothers we need to put our needs last. And I wanna I want to share my idea around this, which is that I want each woman to recognise that she is an individual and that her needs are just as important as her child's. They're not more important, they're not less important, they're just equal. And I think when we look at it that way, like or if like or what if we ask the question, well, why are my needs not equal? Well, that's just not fair, is it? Yeah, no. But if we if we can actually look at ourselves, our situation, our lives, and go, am I honouring any of my needs to the same level that I try to honour my child's? So I honour their need for space, I honour their need for affection, I honour their need for love, I honor their need for healthy food, I honour their need for hydration, I honour their need for comfort. At what point do we honour our need for hydration, our need for sleep, our need for um connection with with friends? And so all I kind of say is is how can you bring your needs up to be equal to those that you care for because you're not less important. You are a human. We all have human rights, and your human right is to have your needs recognized and met. Yes. And so I would I would play with that idea as to how can I meet my needs whilst also meeting the needs of my child without both of us suffering, because ultimately, when a mother's needs is are not met, her child suffers because she is cranky, she is short, she isn't able to show up.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

All those things, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Yeah, so I would just bring that idea to light rather than the whole put your oxygen mask on first and all that, like that's all good in theory, but it does that makes us feel selfish. But if if our needs are just equal, that just makes sense. Well, makes sense. I mean, what do you think, Jennifer?

SPEAKER_00 34:31

Yeah, no, it does. And I think that that um historical but thought is that we've got to put everyone else first, and then when we do put ourselves in a situation of saying, firstly, being learning the word no, um, though that doesn't suit me to do that today, uh, I can do it for you later. It's a hard lesson to learn if you're not that person, right? Um, I had a beautiful thing from my daughter-in-law who said, I just want you to be up front with me, Jen. If you can't babysit, then just say so, because I'm good with that. But I'd always thought, oh, if I say no, I feel guilty and da-da-da. And I was just so relieved that she's that sort of person, right? Because I can actually say, Look, I can do it later, but I can't do it this morning. And she goes, Fourth trying. She said, That's fine. And if it doesn't work for her, she'll get someone else to help her, right? So there's no pressure there, and that's about making sure that you are met in the right space. That's right. That's exactly what you're saying. Um, making it an even playing field. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and I think um it's a shame that oh well, this is a story we've got to get out to a ladies, isn't it? That you matter and that you are enough.

unknown 35:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

And that it's and it's okay for you to say once a week I'm having two hours, I'm gonna go for a walk, I'm gonna go and have a coffee, I'm gonna go sit in the park, anything. But I'm having that two hours, so find a way to make that work for you, you know.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

That's exactly right. And I know everyone's in different situations. I know they're single mothers out here. Been there, done that like you have too, but yeah. However, when when we so something everything, every idea comes to life from from us from an idea.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

So when we can make make this idea of getting time for ourselves something that we can aspire to, like we create our realities, right? So when we start to aspire to and focus on where we want to go and and how we want to feel and what we do need, and and instead of the question being um or the thinking being, I I can never have that, the question we could reframe that question, and this is in answer to your earlier question, we can reframe that question to how can I make this happen? Yeah, what because when we approach it with a how can I make this happen, just like I approached my healing to surely there is something out there that can that works for women like me and can shift a lot in a short time and all of that, when I asked that question, I found it. So when we asked the question of how can I work out a way to have that two hours a week for myself, or how can I work out a way to balance my needs and my child's at the same time, then that's a good question.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

Yeah, absolutely. And that's how that's yeah, sadly, we do have to wind up our chat. Honestly now, I mean we could go on for, I think we could probably do about 20 podcasts around this, and you know, that's not a bad thing either. But I hope this conversation has helped um some of our uh listeners, particularly mums and um even grandparents. You know, there's a space there in Grandparentland now where it's very challenging as grandparents also with with bringing up children. But I'd just love to um thank you for sharing that really raw stuff about being an angry mum. And um hopefully that has resonated with some of our listeners that it's okay, but there needs to be a space where you think how far is that going to go and and what do I need to do with it. So we'll include um below um the contact uh Facebook details for Naomi so that you can get in touch with her and maybe follow up on that Create Tricks uh stuff, which I think sounds really interesting. I'm gonna have a look at that. And I thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

Yeah, thank you, Jennifer. And also for your listeners, I do actually run a free five-day challenge, which is one-on-one. And so if that's something they want to do where they want to learn more about what they can do now, you know, they can start that way as well. But yeah, big thank you for having me on. I'll send you my details and yeah, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

You're more than welcome, and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. And um, for those who are listening for more parenting uh unfiltered, uh go to my YouTube channel and have a look. There's some amazing um guests that I've had over the time, and I'd love you to go and have a look because there's lots of great stories and there's lots of um probably some answers for you too, depending on what it is that you're dealing with at this point in time uh in your life. So, in parental love, this is Jennifer, and I shall see you next time. Bye. I never know how to turn it off. Here we go. Stop recording.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

Excellent, thank you so much, Jennifer. Like honestly, it's so great. I love that you're doing this work in the world because it's so so so important.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

So thank you. I think um I love the fact that we can hold each other and we can we can actually expand each other's space um to to share this um work. And that's what I love doing as well is upholding other women doing important work because you know we're all feel I think the world just needs a bit more, a little bit more TLC.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

And I also feel that there's wisdom that is important as well, you know, and um I know that I've got learned wisdom, I'm that bit older, and I know that that's valuable. It took me a long time to realise it was valuable, but I know it's valuable. And I I know that because a lot of young people don't have older people in their life, it's important for them to understand that old people do have stuff that can be helpful and it can give them that feeling of safety and being loved.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

Yeah, absolutely. I think definitely you're so right. Having having someone like yourself who's putting this information out there is really valuable, and I agree, when the older we get, the more wisdom that we have. So, what I can share, you know, what I didn't get to share is my daughter and I have healed our relationship significantly since I've I've done this work. But um yeah, I think when we're older, we do we do just have so much wisdom to share. And for some of us, we don't kind of come into our own until we kind of hit our 50s, because up until then we've been raising kids.

SPEAKER_00 41:18

So I think that is the whole point though, Naomi, is that lived experience gives you that wisdom. Well, one not everybody gets it though, to be fair. And I think part of it is that you do become, if you wish to, you become more emotionally intelligent because you are constantly testing the boundaries and wanting to find out more, and that's the sort of person I am. Um, and I like to get through the traumas and I like to get through all the shite that was there early in my life and and and kind of go, well, you know what? I'm still here, I'm still okay. But it's a journey, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 41:54

It is a journey, and there are ups and downs, and and that's the thing, like at the moment, because my husband my husband was the youngest of uh, so his mum was 42 and she had him. So we he doesn't have aging parents, but you know, my parents are are getting to that age of being aging parents. So life never stops kind of hitting us. No, you know what I mean, and so we we need to find ways to take that in our stride, yeah, and grow ourselves through through. Yeah, I'm I'm always I've had to say to my husband, look, honey, I'm always going to be investing in programs, it's just who I am. Of course, likewise.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

And the thing is, we can have another chat. I think it would be great to have another one around that how that parent child got healed, you know, because that's another good one to add to to the story. Because, you know, what happened after that? Maybe there's people who want to know what happened to that little girl that you had, you know, what happened to that mum little girl space that you had.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

Yeah, you mentioned with your son, and um, I was gonna say the the interuterine transfer. So there's inter, there's the transfer from when they're in us, but the interuterine transfer is the generational transfer. So when you existed inside when your grandmother was pregnant with your mother, you existed inside your grandmother's ovaries. Yeah, I think and so there's also so there's that multi-generational transfer that happens at that time. So whatever grandma was going through would have impacted what formed in mum's ovaries. I know it's insane, isn't it? It's crazy, and so unfortunately, yeah, I do come from a family where I'm one of seven kids, there's a lot of mental illness that got passed down. The autism definitely runs in the family because all all the my kids' cousins are ASD as well. But and I've got a sister who's bipolar, but um my daughter, so I've I like I said, I left an abusive relationship, then I was on my own, like she and then she had this. Upbringing that she did because I hadn't yet learned.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

And so she's she struggles. Like she's got online personality disorder, she's also got the ASD, she's got the anxiety and the depression. And so she's working through that. Yeah. In terms of our relationship, like we do have a good relationship, but that's a relationship that would not be possible had I known.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Absolutely not. And and that was where I got to with my child as well, with with my son. Um, the recent, the last three years that he's taken himself out of our life is is well, it's never one thing, but it it is something that he and it was driven more by his partner that they didn't want it, she didn't want to be in there. And so because he's got a child, he's sort of like between a rock and a hard place. But it's it's hard. And that that's another whole story of a lot of grandparents being dising disowned by their children. It's painful and and it's a grief that it is a serious grief, and it took a long time for me to deal with that, that I felt that it was my fault, that that I was guilty for it, um, and I took all the blame. And really, that's not he he was 40, 45, he had the decision to to do whatever he liked.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

Yeah. But yeah, but it wasn't just you, it wasn't just you and what happened in your pregnancy, it could have been what happened in your mother's pregnancy as well. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 45:26

But the pain of him taking himself away was was awful because we'd gone through so much together and he tried to commit suicide a few times. We'd we'd gone through the mill together, and and I felt, you know, that we had, and I still feel we do, but I feel there's a lot of there's other influences that are making it challenging for him. Not that that's excusing it, but he's taken my two-year-old grandson away as well. And we had him for the first two years nearly every weekend, and there was that relationship there, and that's the other grief, is this little person doesn't know he's got more family. And he's growing up in a world of just mum, dad, and him. And it breaks my heart because he's got people who love him and can't be with him, and he wouldn't even remember us now because he was two when they stopped stopped us from seeing him, and that breaks my heart because I know him and I love him and I remember him, but he doesn't even know we're out there, and it's it's awful, and there's a lot of grandparents in this space, yeah, and it's a real grief for a lot of grandparents. Yeah, so there's lots going on. Family dynamics are pretty amazing. Yes, they are, but there's a whole nother chapter that um, yeah, but you know, um we all learn. We learn to we learn to wear we learn to wear the grief, we learn to find places to put these things, we learn to let go of the guilt that you're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 46:56

Yeah, well, uh and and it's so helpful because you know, with my daughter, like she's still uh she 100% blames me. And I 100% can see most of her points.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:07

But when she does have her moments where she unloads everything on me, I just I just hold space now.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

Of course. And there'll come a time, hopefully, when she gets a little bit more um life-worn that perhaps she'll learn to let go of that blame. That'd be nice because it'd be it's good for her to let go of it. Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. All right, lovely lady. Look, we could talk all day, but I'm gonna let you go.

SPEAKER_01 47:31

Thank you so much. You're absolutely beautiful, Jennifer. I really appreciate you. Thanks, sir.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

And well, and you know, maybe we'll do an I we will do another one. Um, and um, yeah, I'd love to speak to your other lady as well, whoever you think would work, because I think this is important as well, and we can share this amongst each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:48

Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much. So, yeah, when when it's all done, let me know. I'll share it as well with my with my audience.

SPEAKER_00 47:55

And yeah, and you keep it for yourself and do whatever you do want to do with it, because it's both of ours, it's not mine. Um to share. All right. So and I thank you. Thank you so much for giving up your time today. It's been appreciated.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

Oh, thank you for honestly, thank you for for inviting me on. I've really, yeah. I really it's been great.

SPEAKER_00 48:13

All right.

SPEAKER_01 48:14

All right, I'll let you go, darling. See you. Thank you. Okay, bye bye.