Notes for An Awesome Life with John Spence

Living in the Moment and Practicing Gratitude

• Notes for An Awesome Life with John Spence • Episode 8

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What if the most powerful change you could make is only a breath wide? We dig into the “gap” between stimulus and response, the tiny pause where you can trade impulse for intention, and show how gratitude and presence turn that pause into a lifelong advantage.

John Spence shares how he went from breaking things in anger to asking himself one question: what would the ideal version of me do right now? We talk about the idea of the second arrow and other simple stoic principles that help you stop adding extra suffering to tough moments. 

Gratitude runs through all of this. Whether you write it down in the morning or just notice small good things around you, appreciation trains your mind to see what is working. That calm foundation makes it easier to pause, breathe, and respond with more grace when life gets loud. If you practice a simple personal mantra while you are calm, it will be ready when you need it and can turn triggers into chances to act with poise and self respect.

If this connects with you, tap follow, share with a friend who could use a little calm, and leave a review with the mantra you plan to use this week. Your next steady choice might spark someone else’s.

  • Email us: awesomelifenotes@gmail.com
  • Learn more about John: JohnSpence.com
  • Familiar Wilsons Media: FamiliarWilsonsMedia.com

About John Spence: John is a globally recognized business thought leader, former owner/CEO of five companies, and advisor/coach to organizations from startups to the Fortune 10. He’s lectured at more than 90 universities and was named by the American Management Association as one of “America’s Top 50 Leaders to Watch.”

About the show: Notes for an Awesome Life with John Spence focuses on personal growth, happiness, clarity, and the everyday habits that compound into an AWESOME life.

Credits: Hosts John Spence and Josh Wilson • Produced by Josh Wilson for Familiar Wilsons Media • Special thanks: Amanda Wilson (writing and production), and Domingo Jimenez (writing and marketing).

SPEAKER_00:

This is a familiar Wilsons Media Production. John Spence is recognized as one of the foremost business thought leaders in the world, a global top 100 business thinker and advisor to companies from startups to the Fortune 10. But it didn't start that way. In college, John hit rock bottom, kicked out of one university and rejected by another. That's when he made a decision to change his attitude and take a systematic approach to building the life he wanted. Through hard work and relentless learning, he went on to create a life full of meaning, joy, and connection. I'm Josh Wilson, and this is Notes for an Awesome Life with John Spence. We invite you to join us in conversation as John shares with us the lessons, habits, and tools that he used and that you can use to build an awesome life. I'm Josh Wilson, and I'm John Spence. And John, I've been getting some feedback about this uh this little show here. Has anyone said anything to you?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I got uh some nice emails. Uh, and uh one of my friends who just drove from Canada said they listened to it the whole way, and you said it was like having you and me in the backseat. If you ever see pulp fiction, yeah, this is yeah, this is not a pleasant thought, but no, I've gotten uh gotten some super nice feedback. It's been wonderful. So I hope people continue to enjoy and uh and find value.

SPEAKER_00:

Folks have been getting in touch with me, some of my friends, and what they've been saying is why don't you guys have video? Everything is video now. We are now recording video. That could ruin the show, man. I mean, social media people people know what we look like. This is not you know that's not good.

SPEAKER_01:

That's I'm surprised anyone listens then.

SPEAKER_00:

So we'll see what kind of feedback we get um from that. Now, what we're gonna talk about. Last week we talked about self-reflection, self-awareness, self-care, all of these self-things. And I wanted to continue on that vibe for this week, like like I said that we would. I want to talk about two things. I want to talk about gratitude, and I want to talk about living in the present moment. You know, everyone in the self-help, self-improvement world uses those phrases. Don't think everyone really thinks about what that means or how to practically engage in those two things. So I want to find out how how you do that.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a pretty living in the moment's a fairly easy idea. There's nothing you can do about the past, and you have no control over the future.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

So having anxiety and stress or regret about things that have happened in the past are not going to make things any better. You're actually creating pain for yourself. You know, there's a lot of people that carry this giant bag of pain and problems and can, you know, all complaining and stuff that happened to me when I was, you know, a kid or whatever, that they just never look in the bag and throw some stuff out. You know, this doesn't work anymore. That doesn't work anymore. Okay, I understand this, get rid of that. And I think a big step forward is being able to release as much as possible, not everything, but as much as possible that's negative from the past. Hold on to the good things. Uh, and it's one of the things when I catch myself, uh, I'll use the word obsessing. I don't know if the word's obsessing is right, but when I find myself thinking about something that happened in high school, you know, or something I wasn't as polite or kind as I could have been. Uh I stop thinking about that and say, well, I can't fix then, but I can fix tomorrow. I can work on it today. I can get better today. And if I'm better today, then I should be a little bit better tomorrow. So I think the first step, and it goes back a little bit to the idea of understand what you can and cannot control in your life, uh, and that it doesn't happen matter what happens to you in life, it's the response you choose. So I believe that if you can try to live as close to the moment as possible, I haven't become an enlightened being in Buddhism yet, uh, but uh then gratitude becomes part of a daily practice.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you said a lot there. I want to start with this idea of our reaction to pain. It's funny you should mention Buddhism because as I've been trying to study all of these different concepts, and I've dipped my toes into the waters of Buddhism and Taoism, right? Amongst other things. And the concept that you just talked about, there's a concept of the second arrow in Buddhism that I just read about. And it's just what you said. The first arrow that we are hit with is whatever happens outside of us that causes us pain or anxiety or frustration. The second arrow is the pain and suffering that we inflict upon ourselves based on how we react to the first arrow. And so that's what you're talking about there, this idea of us not shooting the second arrow at ourselves.

SPEAKER_01:

I've studied Buddhism and Taoism and Christianity and Judaism and everything. Uh, and stoicism happens to be one of my favorite ones. And that was the one I just shared with you is no matter, and this is a I'm gonna do a couple little what I call business in a minute videos where I put these things in a business context. The idea of being able to understand that it's not what happens to you in life, it's how you choose to respond, and that no matter what happens, no matter what happens, you always get to choose the response. That can be a very tough thing to grasp and hold on to. But once you do, it kind of changes everything because you realize, you know, there are some people, I'll give you an example, you know, that get cancer and it's a death sentence. They're over, they give up, it's done, I'm done, I got cancer. There's other people that say, I'm gonna fight this, and they look back and say, Greatest thing that ever happened to me. Now I value my life more. You know, it was hard then, it was painful. Everybody was scared. I went through chemo, but now that I'm out the other side, wouldn't trade it. It it made me a completely different person. That's a whole different reaction. Uh, and and I'll say something else to you on a daily basis with gratitude. Give you an example. This happens to me often. I will be shopping for groceries at Publix, our local grocery store.

SPEAKER_00:

Not a sponsor.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, not a sponsor. Sponsored my, I'm sponsoring them actually. Yeah. Uh and I will see someone leave their cart in the middle of the road, you know, just sort of put it up on a curb. And I will look at that and go, that's I did it the other day. That's 42 steps from where they left it to where the cart corral is. How can you be? And then I stop myself and go, great opportunity for me to put it back for them. Nice chance for me to do something nice. The other day I dragged in a couple, including one of those big ones with the for the kids with the wheels and everything.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, because it doesn't fit in the, you know, the cart corral. And I'm dragging it in, and I got two in front of me, and that one in tow. And the person that works in public goes, What are you doing? I go, bringing these back. They looked at me like I had four eyes, you know, like, what do you mean you're bringing back a bunch of cards for other people? Rather than complain about other people's lack of what I would say courtesy, I just look at it and go, What an awesome opportunity for me to learn to be more courteous. Sure. For me to go out of my way to do something nice. So that's a good example of choosing my response. In the moment, the anger or the uh I guess the anger pops up, but oh yeah, this shouldn't be anger, this should be an opportunity.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm waiting for you to go out and purchase a high viz jacket to keep in your trunk just in case you need to drag the carts back up the publics. Um, so let's talk a little bit more about this idea of that moment between the first arrow and the second arrow, between the the pain you receive and your reaction. Um, there has to be in in my mind a practice that one would engage in to be able to live into that moment. Because some people, the time between the pain and the reaction is nil. Oh, you're looking at me with that face.

SPEAKER_01:

The goal is to take that nil and stretch it out as far as you can. Right. It's a concept I call the gap.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

That it's sort of like Pavlov's dog. You know, ring the bell stimulus, they salivate. Most people, it's nil. Stimulus and the response are laying up against each other. It's instantaneous. I think one of the most useful things you can learn to do is separate that and push it aside. And when it starts to arise, that you stop it and go, let me push this out a bit. And I don't know if we've taught this on another episode, but I used to have a pretty uh fly off the handle temper when I was in college or younger. Way back in college. Uh, I if something upset me, you know, I I have a black belt or hat, I don't take credit for it anymore because it's been years. But I had a black belt in karate, played rugby, you know, not a completely nonviolent guy. Uh, and when I got mad, I never hit anybody, never got in a fight, didn't think that would, you know, not right. But I would break stuff. I would, you know, grab a chair and break it, or I'd punch my hand through the wall or whatever it was. But anger eat stimulus anger meant break something.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I was in line with all my rugby buddies one night to go see a movie. And uh they were like, hey, where's your girlfriend, Ellen? And I go, she's at home with her mom tonight. I think her and her grandma and her mom are making cookies or something like that, watching a movie. I don't know. One of the other guys, no, she's not. I what do you mean? She's out with Steve. We invited you to the movie because they're going out on a date. I'm like, oh, great. My girlfriend's been cheating on me with one of the other guys on the team. This is exciting. So, anger, my responses break something. So I ran over and punched the coming attractions window, which shattered on top of me and cut off one of my fingers, which luckily they were able to sew back on. All bent, they couldn't find quite all the bones. Oh my. While the doctor was sewing my finger back on, and I got a bunch of cuts, I mean it shattered on top of my back and my neck, and I had cuts on both hands. But while he was sewing me up, he said, You know, the girl didn't do this to you. I know, I know, I just got mad. The guy didn't do this to you. Well, he caused a lot of this. He goes, the window didn't do this to you. I'm like, No, no, the window did this to me. I did not cut off my own fan. He goes, No, no, no. You did this to you. And if you do it again, you're not coming to the hospital, you're going to the morgue. And I went, uh-oh. And that was when I decided anger, stimulus, anger, response, break something was not a habit I needed to keep. So I created this idea, I don't know where I learned it, called the gap. And between when something upset me and I chose how to respond, my old choice was nil, instantaneous, you know, break something. Now I said, no, no, no, I'm going to push that apart. And here's the practice. In that gap, I'm going to say, now what could I get away with, or what have I done in the past, or what is my anger driving me to do? I would ask myself, what would the ideal me do here? And I created a little mantra. And my mantra went, What is the kind, loving, gentle thing to do? So when something happens to me now, when I get angry or upset or offended, instantaneously I start to feel the emotion. So it is new, but then I back up and go, no, no, we're going to push that apart. And I'm going to say to myself, what's the kind, loving, gentle thing to do here? And I have yet to decide since then that jumping into a window is a kind, loving, gentle thing to do. But it's also saying an unkind word, um, being aggressive, being rude, being obnoxious. Uh, any of those things are not kind, loving, and gentle. So here's what I'll tell you on a scale of one to ten, uh one, you just blow up when you get angry. Uh 10 is you are the Buddha, you know, you know, it is uh I was a two. Uh you know, I'd say I'm a nine now. Oh I get upset maybe two or three times a year. And on those, it will take me maybe two minutes or three minutes to catch myself. And I've learned how to do that. If I get really upset, I know I need to walk away, get out of the, you know, the situation for a couple of minutes, and I can come back level-headed. But all the stuff that used to really piss me off does not bother me at all anymore. Because it in the end, it doesn't make any difference. And being upset about it, I'm just shooting myself with the second arrow. Maybe third and fourth in some instances.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's interesting because this whole idea of the second arrow, you can also shoot the arrow towards other people. I mean, the the second arrow is just a reaction.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And the kind, loving, gentle thing is not to do to shoot the arrow at the other person.

SPEAKER_00:

I guess I would contend that that even when you are directing it towards someone else, you're still also harming yourself. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, absolutely. My wife and I have been running into a few people lately that are not very kind. Uh and they're um aggressive, rude, condescending, whatever you might want to call them. And I just look at her and say, remember, hurt people, hurt people. And that for both of us, we go, there's something sad in that person's life. They're they're ill, uh, or they're upset or they're angry or they're shooting themselves with a hundred arrows, but they're pointing them at us. And we can't let that hurt our day or hurt our life.

SPEAKER_00:

So when we talk about living in the moment, where does that leave planning for the future or thinking about the future?

SPEAKER_01:

Ah, let's go back to living in the moment for a second. There's a few things I tell myself to try to stay there. Life is short. Let's make the most of every day we can. Not live like it's your last day. That would be silly because I'd be jumping out of, I'd be fly fishing and jumping out of airplanes and doing all stuff every day.

SPEAKER_00:

At the same time, which was at the same time.

SPEAKER_01:

Everything all the time, everywhere. Uh, so I don't know if that's great advice, but I do try to realize that you know, you never know what's going to happen. So let's be kind. Um, the other thing is I and I say this to other people, um, kind of to help them understand, but also myself, I was buying an um iPad this weekend, and you know, the guys it'll be this much. I'm like, okay, okay, blah, blah, blah. I go, listen, man, I'm the most low-key person you'll deal with. Everything's gonna be cool. I'm not in a rush. It'll be fine. I'm gonna buy the iPad. Let's just enjoy the process. And he looked at me again like I have four eyes. He's like, Wow, I wish there were more customers like you. Like, well, be you know, in my head, I'm thinking being rude, obnoxious, and arguing like hell over the price isn't going to help anything. So, one of my mantras is to myself, I'm one of the most low-key people you'll ever meet. I also say to myself, I'm one of the kindest people you'll ever meet. And I keep telling myself that because I want to act that way. So I'm I'm basically building a mental belief for myself in my self-talk of I'm kind, I'm loving, I'm gentle, I'm patient, I'm low-key, I don't stress unless it's necessary. I mean, if the house is on fire, I'm like, hey man, don't worry about it. No rush, no deals. Like, get the stuff out of there. But I keep telling myself that constantly because it helps me regulate the way I act and behave and the way I um react to the things around me. The cart isn't shouldn't make me mad. The cart should say, I have a wonderful opportunity to be a polite, kind person and put it back. Um, maybe that person has a sick kid at home or something's going on and they just didn't want to take the 42 steps. Um, that's okay. And the 42, that's part of my high-functioning autism, is I count everything. So and I remember it, you know, a month later. But uh in one of those steps, as I start to say it's 42 steps, I go, that's 42 steps that were easy for me. Our 40, it's just a little bit of exercise. You know, I get to do something nice, and not for anybody else. I don't care if anybody sees me. It's just according to my values, it's something kind, loving, and gentle to do.

SPEAKER_00:

Considering what other people may be going through as a lost art, you know, we we certainly are ready to fly off the handle when that last little bit of straw is on the camel's back, but we forget that that cart may have been the straw.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I always ask myself that when I see someone upset, you know, I just go, I I wonder what's so stressful in their life that they feel this way. I wonder what's going on or what's happened to them that has made them act this way today. Uh and I you notice I said today. They may not be that person tomorrow. They may, I don't know. But all I know is all I have is today and how I interact with them the best I can today.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. So I want to circle back and talk a little bit more about this idea of living in the present moment and also planning for the future or having an eye towards the future. Because clearly, this is what we're talking about here. I think that you've said something on the order of what you do today determines the person you are tomorrow. Is that that's a quote of yours, right?

SPEAKER_01:

That's a quote of mine. That's exactly where I was going.

SPEAKER_00:

Bam, look at that, buddy. It's yeah, look at that. It's bringing you down to my level. It's staying. That balance, that balance between being present and looking to the future.

SPEAKER_01:

It's not worrying about the future, it's preparing for the future. I I'm not gonna, you know, I I think I mentioned this the other last one is I met with some college kids and I said, Don't worry about your GPA. Just worry about being great in class today. You know, if GPA, you can say I want a 4-0 or whatever, although we know a GPA doesn't really reflect all that much. Um but worrying about your GPA will not get you a good GPA. Being focused today on being the best student you can will eventually lead there. So living in the moment says I have a vision of the future, I know where I'd like to be, and today I'm gonna do everything in my power to take one step closer, to be the person I need to be today, to do the things I need to do today that will allow me to be that person. I mean, I think we've talked about and we've done, I as you know, I get interviewed a lot and I'm talking to people. Um, the eulogy exercise is what do you want people to say at your at your funeral? Well, just walk back and say, who do I have to be today to to get them to say that? You know, if if I if I have a goal in my life that I want to achieve, what do I I've got the goal, I understand it, I've measured it, I have a rough timeline on it, you know, all those things. But it all comes back to what do I have to do today to move one step closer? I I had a thing in college, and I still use it a little bit today, but if I wanted to take the day off or, you know, blow off class and go to the pool or whatever, all I asked myself is if I do that, will it allow me to get to the goal that I have? If I could blow off the day and go to the pool and hang out, and it would not impact my ability to get good grades, stay healthy, and have fun, which was my goal in college, then I went. Uh, if I if everybody else went and I said, No, I've got a major test on Friday, I need to go to class today to listen to the professor and take the notes and I had no problem with it because the end goal was more important than a day at the pool.

SPEAKER_00:

You talked about before this idea of obsessing. Psychologists call that rumination. I think maybe is the word that you were looking for. And it's a major contributor to depression and anxiety. And studies show that the more present we are, the more content we are, the happier we are. Even if the present moment that we're in is unpleasant, our ability to still focus and live in that moment puts us in a better place than if we were to seek some sort of mental asylum somewhere else.

SPEAKER_01:

Again, I see a lot of pain created in people's lives holding on to the past. Anxiety created worrying about the future. Uh and that place in the middle is the only place you can you can move towards the future and walk away from the past.

SPEAKER_00:

And living in that moment, because I want to shift a little bit to the idea of gratitude, living in that moment and being present, as John spends, tell me how you connect the two.

SPEAKER_01:

I want to maximize as much as I can my ability to be kind to other people. And for me, the gratitude is I have a pretty good life. I'm not sure I luck is the word, but I've been fortunate. Uh, and I'm happy most, if not all the time. So I I personally am on a quest to try to make other people happy, or at least be kind and see them smile. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to do that. I'm also grateful uh every day when someone's kind to me, or I get to chat with someone like you, or I get to do fun work. Like you and I said, I was in the middle of a really cool project right before we got on today. And I just sit back and think, you know, not everybody has a job that's cool as mine, or not everybody has a wife that's as awesome as mine. And I try to stop and reflect on that. And then the other thing is I try to take some action on it. Um for example, my wife or my friends, I go out of my way to tell them that I care about them, I'm grateful for them, and that I love them. And for some people, it might be awkward. Some of my guy friends, when I go, you know, I really love you very, very, very much. But after saying it for a couple of years, they're the first ones now to say it back. And um, I'm grateful that I have those, those sort of relationships. So when something good happens, I stop and and reflect on the goodness, on the fun, on the excitement, on the things that match my values. What about you?

SPEAKER_00:

I've got an incredible family. And I came from a place of as you and I had discussed, where I didn't come from an incredible family. So it's a it's very easy for me, even in the midst of just loads of crap, to say, look at this amazing family that I have, you know, that can support me in this moment, that can love me through this moment. That's where I go. My sons, my wife, my daughter, my dog who yaps a little bit too much. Um, that's where that's where I go. But it's interesting though, because that's where I go right now. I wonder when those things go. Where my gratitude will come from.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a tough question. Let me try to tie it to something else. I I I don't know if I I broke my neck playing rugby in 1987. I recently had to go back, uh, it's just started to hurt again. Probably gonna have to have surgery. So when I get up in the morning, it hurts. It's not fun. Uh it's pain, those first couple steps are painful, and I freaking love it because I'm getting up. I could be a quadruple. So the pain to me actually, I'm grateful for the pain. I don't know when you get older if if you could like I have no kids. So, and if my wife passes before I do, I don't know that there'll be a lot of people around unless I, you know, unless I keep strong relationships. I don't know if you can find some level of gratitude just being able to get up every day and do something meaningful and help someone else and make something beautiful. I try today to do the things that will allow me to have people around me, hobbies, ways to help other people, you know, contribute, which is one of my core values. And it's my hope that I'll still be able to contribute and help and be kind later in my life. That's a big question. Yeah, gosh, that was a big question, not one I've thought through. You know, and I really, really hope when like you nail me with one of those, that our listeners are saying, I I never really thought about that either.

SPEAKER_00:

The secret may lie in what you just said, just being grateful to be alive and to be able to experience things and be able to have the potential and possibility to still grow and learn every day. I deal a lot with grief counseling in my line of work. The goal of grief counseling is to be able to go through, to press through the pain, process the pain, and reach a point where you've accepted it and you are still able to learn it and to grow. You know, I've had um family pass away. My dad is no longer with us, my wife's family, a lot of them have passed. And, you know, we're in varying degrees of of our journey through all of that even now. There is no easy answer. I just know what the goal is. And the goal is to to still love and appreciate this life that we've been given.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, your job has you around elderly people all every day.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

What do you see there? The ones that what makes one happy while the other is bitter?

SPEAKER_00:

Just an appreciation for living, for taking another breath. I mean, I I do work with people who some of them are in tremendous amounts of pain and they handle it in different ways. But some people are are just happy to and content to be alive and to be around other people. You know, I I knew this one person who is no longer with us, and and she was stone blind, couldn't see a thing, and was one of the most active, happy people that I've known. And that's a lesson that I learn. And it's not a lesson that I learn intellectually because I can't necessarily climb into her head and experience what she experienced, but it's a lesson that I learned emotionally, knowing that that's possible and having seen a person struggle and still enjoy life. It's but it's still a bit of a mystery until I go through it. But I know it's possible, and that's why we're here. That's why we're recording these things, because all of these things are possible.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a wonderful story. Thank you for that. I'm grateful that you shared that because that's a that's a pretty good, and I love the word you said, I know it's possible. I've seen it. So that's really cool.

SPEAKER_00:

So let's talk about daily gratitude rituals. Uh, I can share with you that that I do a lot of writing. I have maybe seven or eight journals that are half completed, you know, and I'll just pick pick up whichever one is close, like like this one that happens to be sitting right here. I'll date it and I'll write in, you know, write uh on the page, and that'll be until I wander off and find another one that's upstairs on the desk. So I do every morning write the things that are that I am genuinely grateful for. That is my gratitude practice. And for me, the the physicality, as I've said before, of writing is very powerful. It helps me process thoughts differently than than talking or thinking. Um, so for me, my gratitude starts in the morning with writing down the things that I'm grateful for.

SPEAKER_01:

Mine is different. And I used to do a lot of journaling, and I still do from time to time. And I mean, I was a very, very dedicated journal journaling person. Um, it's interesting. My my wife has noticed this too. I really enjoy going out and being around people, but not with them. Because we know we know that I'm I am an introvert and prefer not to be with people. But I'd go to breakfast every morning and I read, and I will set my iPad down and just look around the room and see people smiling and or people, you know, who are struggling, and I'll say to myself, I'm you know, I'm grateful that I don't have that pain right now. Um, but I find it by being around people that I feel like I could help or assist, uh, and to see happy people. And I will often, when I walk out of a restaurant or during the middle of the day, go for a walk and just think, wow, this is great. This is just the coolest thing in the whole world. The weather's awesome. The, you know, there's great people out there, there's fun people that I can meet, and there's people I can help. And I can make, you know, every day there's something awesome that's going to happen. And when I say the weather's great, I could be walking in a massive rainstorm, but that's great. You know, uh, one of my friends, uh really close friends, Roger Strickland, who I talk about often on this. Um, he and I have been exchanging uh emails every day. And I said in another era, that would be letters. Right now we're talking about the fact that he thought I was very extroverted because I'm always excited, you know. And I said, Well, first, Roger, I'm excited more around you because I could be more open about you, about my zest for learning and oh yeah, this is cool, that's happening. I said, But you know, hunting or fishing for me all day sitting in the woods, and I don't really kill anything, I just sit there all the time. Uh, but that is just I just sit and go, This is so beautiful, this is so cool. So I try to build little moments like that, spending time walking around in my garden, and I'll stop and look at. Flower for 15 minutes. Get in, look at the pestle, look at everything, the leaves. Bumblebee comes along. I just stop and go, This is so awesome. There's a beautiful flower and a bumblebee on it. I mean, who else gets to do this? And someone's laughing right now, but it's finding you know, um, wonder and amazement in the most mundane things.

SPEAKER_00:

What you described there is a mindfulness practice. That's that's being present in the moment. And and by being present, you are experiencing gratitude. I love it. You are invited, and anyone else listening, actually, my wife and I love to go to the the Hale Farmers Market, which is here in Gainesville, um, every Saturday morning and just watch people. I'll usually get an egg sandwich croissant, she'll get a coffee, and we'll sit and we'll be around people because I I'm the same way. I love the energy, I love the recognition that there's there's little hints of consciousness, you know, all around us. There's there's sparks of of life, you know, in in every person's face. And that just charges me up. Now, you are invited, but you have to sit across the courtyard, and we can look at each other every now and again, but same as you, you can just be there and it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh my presence will be there. That's why I like airports, you know. Yeah, I don't mind getting the by flight two hours early. I have a phrase which is something that everyone here on this uh can learn. I'd rather be early and bored than late and stressed.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

So, you know, airports, because I travel so much, I show up a minimum of two hours early, even for you know, for domestic local flight, going from Gainesville to Atlanta. I'm still gonna be there two hours early uh in case something goes wrong. I want to be the first one to be able to fix my itinerary, but also hanging out and watching people. Although now at the airport, basically all you see is people looking at their screens.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh I I walked in not too long ago and looked in in the boarding area for one of the ones, and I could not find a single person who wasn't looking at a screen. Uh but you know, I my belief is that they were all reading something important and learning. In my heart, I knew that's what was happening. Everyone was reading something that was going to make them a better person.

SPEAKER_00:

They were all on johnspence.com. Oh, give me a break. All right, John, do you have any homework for us this week?

SPEAKER_01:

We talked about this a little bit. In that gap, the the key is the mantra. And I don't even, or the phrase or whatever you say, mind, kind, loving, gentle. When I teach a class on this, I ask everybody let's imagine you're in a very stressful situation. Um, you're getting angry, you're getting upset, uh, your temper is rising, or your anxiety is rising, or whatever it might be, to stop in that moment and find your little mantra. And instead of reacting, you ask yourself what is the kind, loving, gentle, or whatever their mantra might be, thing to do, and uh be proactive and acting that way. All right, if that's what the ideal me would do here, and the way I say it is something elegant, something you'd be so proud of yourself, like wow, that was a really challenging situation, and I handled that beautifully. That comes down to you being able to self-awareness, understand what's going on, and then self-regulation saying, This is the way I choose to behave, not the behavior that was kind of chosen for me.

SPEAKER_00:

I would add to that to those of you listening, or just underscore, because I think that you said this, I want to make it clear that the the best thing for you to do, pop up in the morning and you say that mantra, and you say it to yourself in all the times that you're not stressed, so that it will be automatic to you when you are stressed. Well put. Good idea. That's our time for today. You know, what I've been doing at the end of some of these is thanking certain people and showing gratitude. I thank my wife Amanda, who is my support, and she also listens through to these after I edit. Thank your lad who's uh working with you, Domingo, because he's been very helpful to me as I've done this. Do you have anyone that you would like to thank?

SPEAKER_01:

Everyone, pretty much, uh, you know, but you, of course, for doing this with me. Uh, my wife, who's my best friend and partner. And then I'll I'll mention the person I've mentioned several times, Roger Strickland, who was my professor uh at community college that helped turn me around. And I told him the three things I learned read the books, ask for help, start study groups. And he's I talked about the other thing, because I never said that. I'm like, Yes, you did, Roger. It was life-changing for me. I have no idea where that came from. I didn't see it. Uh, but he did. I remember clearly, and he's just jesting with me. But I'm very thankful that 35 years later or so, we're still very, very close friends.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, we want to hear from you all out there. Email us at awesomelifefenotes at gmail.com. Tell us how you're doing on the journey. Tell us the things that you are thankful for. Tell us how you have a mindfulness practice. Uh, because we want to learn too. We never want to stop learning. If you want to find out more about John, go to johnspence.com. There's a whole host of things there for individuals and for businesses. Um John's making a face. Um, your team does a great job in manipulating that website. If you'd like to find out more about um Familiar Wilsons Media, of which this is a production, you go to familiarwilsonsmedia.com. So, John, until next week, I hope that you will join me in asking everyone out there to live an awesome life.