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Hail Mary In Heels - Coach Mikki
Bring It in!!
I’m Coach Mikki, football coach, Transformational leader, and mindset mentor.
For over 17 years, I’ve coached in a male-dominated sport, proving that toughness, leadership, and passion have no gender.
I created Hail Mary in Heels for every woman who’s ever been told she doesn’t belong on the field, in the boardroom, or in the game. This podcast is where strength meets style, faith meets fight, and ambition meets authenticity.
Each week, we dive into real conversations about leadership, mindset, courage, and breaking barriers, on and off the field. Whether you’re chasing dreams, rebuilding after a setback, or calling your own play in life, this is your huddle for inspiration, strategy, and unapologetic toughness.
Because sometimes, life calls for a bold move, a Hail Mary, and we do it in heels.
Start Strong - Finish Strong - Dominate Everything In Between!! - Coach Mikki
Hail Mary In Heels - Coach Mikki
Finding Your Voice - Dr. Doreen Downing -S1E5
We explore how real speaking confidence comes from healing the roots of fear, regulating the body, and practicing presence so your natural voice can lead. Doreen Downing shares mindful tools, boundary-setting strategies, and stories that show quiet people can make a loud impact.
Connect with Dr. Doreen Downing
Start strong and finish strong and dominate everything in between.
Intro music
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Hey, bring it in. I'm excited that you're here in our huddle. And if this is your first time on my field, welcome to our team. We're here, we celebrate you and we lift you up and we bring you information that's going to help you excel in your life. And because you are not meant to sit on the sidelines of your own life. So let's lace up, let's lock it up, and let's run today's play with Doreen Downing. Doreen Downing is a PhD psychologist, founder of Essential Speaking. Forgive me. I I let me start again, Doreen. Because see, I read the top one.
SPEAKER_01:That's okay. That's actually actually uh the point about essential speaking is that people find the essence of who they are and they speak from that. So that's fine. Okay, so that can work. Yeah, but unless you're gonna start over. You said that's casual.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I know, I know. I did, I did, I did. Um, but you know, we'll just we'll just have it so it flows because otherwise it's a pain in the neck for me to have to I can add in a first part. Okay, hang on a second. I'll just be quiet for a second, it'll give me a long line and then uh I can cut it on the podcast of the thing. Um yeah. Only because I made the change, I was like, ah, I know it wasn't the right one. Um okay. Hey, welcome. I'm Coach Mickey. Bring it in, and I'm excited that you are here in our huddle. And if this is your first time on my field, welcome to our team where we celebrate you, we lift you up, and we help bring amazing things to you to help bring your life to everything that you are made to do. Uh, you were not meant to sit on the sidelines of your own life. So let's lace it up, let's lock it up, and let's run today's play with Doreen Downing. Doreen Downing, PhD psychologist, founder of Find Your Voice and Change Your Life, with over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. Her calling is to facilitate personal and professional transformation and help people recover their vibrant inner spirit and speak without fear. She is also the podcast host of Find Your Voice and Change Your Life podcast. So welcome, Doreen. Thank you, and welcome to our field. How are you?
SPEAKER_01:I'm excited and I feel like I want to applaud. That was so wonderful to have you say, lace it up and lock it, uh, lock it, however, whatever that phrase was. It's just and I love the idea of being on a team and that you're here to help us learn and grow and make good plays. I love it.
SPEAKER_00:Aw, thank you. I'm glad that you're here. It's always exciting to have someone on such as yourself. And again, uh, I highly recommend for those of you that are that are listening or watching the YouTube channel, you know, please connect with with my guests because you even though we've got this opportunity here for a half an hour, there's so much more that I know each and every one offers. And you are uh definitely going to bring us some great stories and some insight on how this is going to help so many people. So I want to ask you, um, since you are uh teaching people how to uh recover their inner vibrant spirit, you know, and speak, I know that is one of the biggest fear that most people deal with. And a lot of times we get thrown into situations where we have to stand in front of a group and speak. And it just seems like one of those fears that everybody seems to uh embrace and can't get by. So tell me first of all, how you got started with this.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, well, that's there's a lot of uh parts to this story, but first I want to go back to what you just said about the inner spirit and the voice, because so many people who struggle with public speaking anxiety think they have to get better at making a speech. And my approach is about well, let's first go inside, uncover the root cause of your anxiety, and then teach you some new skills about how to be present, how to be engaging, and how to speak in such a way that you connect with your listeners. So it's it's not so much about being on a stage being a public speaker, it's about being yourself, being yourself on all stages of your life. And even in your situation with you do coaching out on the field, uh to me, it feels like the field. Life is your field. So you want to have your voice anytime. So I know that wasn't about me, but I I just wanted to say something right away uh after what you just said.
SPEAKER_00:No, I'm glad you did. I'm glad you shared that because I think what happens is we are so afraid of just being who we are, um, out of judgment or fear of what people think, or or just the um maybe it's like you said, something internal that doesn't allow us to keep going forward. And that's why I was excited to have you on because I think a lot of people struggle with this. Um, and especially women, I think women struggle with this more because we are put into a box and in a in a thing that we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to be, that when we do step out of that and out, I say their comfort zone, that I think that fear is a little bit stronger because we have so many other things that are transpiring, so many other expectations. Um, do you find that with more women than you do with men, or do you think it's comparable on both sides?
SPEAKER_01:I think it's comparable on both sides, actually. But specifically what you just pointed to, I think there are expectations for women. And yes, society says you have to look a certain way, but society also has men being a certain way, and some of them just say that's not me. How do I be strong being myself? And what is that? And so the journey to yourself, because I'm a psychologist and that's my work, is like, well, who are you truly inside? And what blocks you from having this inner spirit you and I talked about a second ago. So, how what happened to me, and this might relate to a lot of people who are listening today, is that I I even got a PhD, my doctorate from UC Berkeley in psychology. I'm a great listener, I'm quiet, I'm kind of uh somebody who is shyer and likes to not be way out in front. So I wanted to to figure out a way that I could come out of hiding behind my PhD, my academic degrees. Anyone who saw me would never think that I had crippling uh anxiety about speaking up in public. I mean, I had a PhD. What? And she's got a practice, a psychologist who's who's helping others get over their fear. So that was part of the the struggle. So, listeners, you know, if you're if you're feeling like you're wearing this role, and the role is more important than who you truly are, I think there's some kind of conflict there. And that's the kind of ooh, because the strength inside could be much more around who you are naturally like myself. I'm I am quieter, and that's okay. I'm a great listener. How do I, how do I help people who like healers, therapists, coaches, who are quieter and great listeners when they haven't had a lot of experience doing public speaking? But how do they find their voice so that they feel like I love who I am, I radiate from a deeper essence, and I don't have to go out and be bold and do the thing and feel the fear anyway. I really like to work with people so that the fear is dissolved.
SPEAKER_00:And that is that's amazing because I I think you hit the nail on the head, which is when you discover who you are internally and you know and you can bring that out, then when you start telling your stories, it becomes so natural. Um, and that's that's what I had discovered. Um, when the first time I ever stepped out on the stage, I mean, I was terrified. And I'm thinking, oh my, how am I gonna do this? And then, but once you get out there and you just start telling your story without being somebody else or or trying to mimic or or do or uh I guess remember something or uh memorize something, then your authentic self comes out. And and that's what I found was a lot easier because no one can tell your story but you, you know, no one else, you know, I can't bring my friends to tell my they could, you know, but it's not gonna come out the same way with the same either passion or inflection in my voice, or or you know, with how it affected me emotionally. And so I I gotta ask, and I want to get back to you. So how did you discover this? Because going from being a psychologist and and working in that field to now, I mean, yes, they work hand in hand, but when did you discover that wow, this is something that I really truly want to do, and this is how I can help people?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, Mickey, there as a psychologist and even starting my practice, you know, you had to get out and do networking. So every time I was at a networking that was horrible. You know, I just wanted to uh go to the corner or stand by the food table and avoid any kind of contact. It was just too nerve-wracking. And when you're sitting down in a group to introduce yourself, hello, I'm Dr. Doreen Downing. By the time I got halfway around the room, my heart is beating so loud, it hurt my ears. You know, it was just pounding. So I know that it was debilitating for me. So that's the first, I guess my first awareness is gee, it's really hard for me to speak up and just say my name. You know, like something, something's not, I mean, yeah, there are some reasons perhaps, but uh, so that's why I started Toastmasters and actually it took uh a couple of years doing Toastmasters and learned how to do a speech, a beginning, middle, and gestures, but hello, the little one inside just got better, you know, at hiding because I had all these per more professional kind of how to do a speech. And so that's when I realized, oh my gosh, there's got to be something out there that helps those of us who are quieter, those of us who want to get out and share more of our, you know, what we love. And I wanted to do groups, I wanted to do workshops, but how could I if I was afraid to stand in front of people? One-on-one is fine in my office. You know, it's just nice and safe, and and I'm a good listener, and it's that was easy. So uh I think the transition came from the suffering, number one, and then finally saying this is stopping me from getting to be more of who I can be or what I want to do, my success, even, you know, as a professional. And then the second is trying like doing traditional, what is who is that guy who does public speaking? I don't even know Dale Carnegie, right? Dale Carnegie courses. But but none of that worked. And so uh finding an inner way to discover what my blocks were, my root, my roots to my, well, I would say my wounded voice early on, that's a whole nother story, but the wounded voice, and then well then because I love mindfulness, how do I speak in such a way that I can be more present? Because that to me felt like the key to being not only connected to myself, but able to connect to other people, listen to them, be with them like I do in my office one-to-one. You know, so speaking became a whole different uh way of not just being, but uh because it's not about speaking, it's about being, I would say.
SPEAKER_00:So what do you think are some of the limitations? You know, I mean, I know we mentioned a couple, but what do you find is the most common ones that people deal with, or even maybe you've dealt with yourself, that that surprised you when it comes to you know speaking publicly?
SPEAKER_01:The first limitation is the whole physical what happens in your body. You have no control. A lot of my clients say they're hijacked by fear or by anxiety, their nervous system. It just goes haywire and they can't control it. And then they go, you know, here I am, a professional. What's wrong with me? And I that's where I do something way different than most people is because of my psychology expertise and training. I'm able to dive deep and say, Well, let's take a little journey back into your life and look at some of the stuff that might have happened in childhood. And people I have lots of examples of people going, oh yeah, that's where I stopped speaking up. I have uh this one right now that comes to mind is a woman who uh whose whose father, whose parents were missionaries, and so she was off into all these other countries, and they were um, you know, she couldn't really be herself or speak up because she had the total line of what a little missionary, uh religious little girl had to be. So she had lots of other parts that didn't get to be expressed.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, that's powerful. So do you think a lot of the limitations are based on some of the things that people have, you know, said who you are or who you're supposed to be, and we we've learned to just take that as reality, and then we stifle who we really are along the way, and it just takes time to to recover that and bring that back. I mean, is that kind of what you find on a regular basis?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yes, I like what you just said about the recovering, because sometimes so many people think that they never really have something natural inside, which is their own inner voice, right? Because they haven't another client comes to mind who's a twin and his sister was vibrant and extroverted, he was introverted. And so, really, when you think about the family gatherings, the one who loves attention is out there and everybody's applauding. That the one who didn't get attention didn't get a lot of uh you might just say practice in being in front of groups and being able to practice using his voice and that so many situations. So, what you said though about what you hear or what people tell you about who you are and how you then uh absorb that or integrate it or believe it. Yeah, yeah. You're oh she's just shy. Oh, she's just quiet rather than the celebration of being that kind of human being, somebody who's uh more sensitive and uh not trying to protect them, um, and not making sensitive, quiet, shy, something wrong with you.
SPEAKER_00:Ah yeah, I think sometimes we get those labels and we we take it and we take it to heart as something that is uh bad. Like you said, it's a label, and and that uh that sometimes is hard, like you said, to either get over or recover from because it's you know, we've had it in our head and we've got that little voice is telling you, oh no, you can't do this because that's not who you are. You know, you can't do that because it's not, you know, that's not what you've you're supposed to be doing or you're capable of doing. And we set these limitations and this ceiling that we don't want to break through on ourselves because we are afraid, because that's not who we're supposed to be compared to who we really are. You know, and that question, who we really are.
SPEAKER_01:I think that the people I work with are really more on the journey to discover that than they are about, well, how do I be a good public speaker? Although speaking up in groups is really important for jobs, for people who I work with people who've launched their books and they've got their words on a page, they found the voice, but they they you know, feel afraid to get out on podcasts or uh bookstores.
SPEAKER_00:You're right, and it that's really where it all stems from, because unless you are comfortable with who you are, I think it limits you on a lot of things, whether, like you said, it's in your business or your personal life, or even just sometimes just standing up for yourself. Oh, that's a good one.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. I have a friend who's uh got a situation and she needs something from me, and I'm the giver. But learning how to say no is really, really important. And what happened is I did say I won't go into specifics, of course, but the no uh allowed other friends to come forth and help out with this event that she was planning.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and and I think because we're so afraid of either hurting somebody's feelings or you know, or we want to take everything on ourselves. It's like, no, I'll just do it myself. And instead of delegating, and then you're overwhelmed, and then you're wondered why you're exhausted at the end of the day, you know, instead of maybe stepping back and looking at it and go, wait a minute, I can say no to this. I don't have to be, I don't have to be a superwoman in everything, or I don't have to accept the things that are transpiring around me. Um, and that's I finding your voice is so important with that, and it's it's kind of gives you your inner strength. And this sounds like this is everything that when people come to you, this is what you help them achieve.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh. And what you just said also around speaking up in more difficult situations, maybe even communicating something beyond the no, like a displeasure. How do you do? And that's why I love mindfulness. How do you do it with compassion? That you aren't just blasting somebody to say, gee, you know, this is how I feel. I don't care how you take it. That it's like, oh, there's a there's a being over on the other side who's hearing my distress. How do I do that in a way that includes the person who is listening? It's a it's it's part of what I teach in my seven-step program, my find your voice program. And one of the lessons is all around listening. And I work with people who are concerned about speaking, but I teach listening.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, and with that, because I want to move on with that too. Um, for those of you that are watching the YouTube channel, please uh click the link below if you'd like to connect with Doreen. Uh, I know she would love to hear from you, and it's a way that you can connect with her and work with her. And if you're listening to the podcast, just click on her name that'll drive you right to her website because I know she has got so much more to offer than we're gonna get in this 30 minutes. So, but I do want to get back to what you were saying in regards to listening. And one of the things I did a webinar, uh my gosh, many years ago, and it it it was a huge epiphany for me because they were teaching the difference between hearing and listening. And wow, what an impactful uh webinar that was for me. And it made me realize a lot of things in the way I communicate, the way that I approach things, the way that I respond to things. So give give us a little bit, maybe three to five or however many you you. Like to share on what that would mean in regards to the listening and how it can evolve and help you in your life to grow.
SPEAKER_01:First of all, I just want to say you're a great listener. And there's there's kind of a quiet place that people need to go inside of themselves rather than the act of, oh, I better listen carefully so that I'll have something to say in response that's smart or, you know, like they're more concerned with their s response than they are about just relaxing into the listening. And so the second thing is trusting, trusting that when you relax into the deeper kind of listening, and the deeper is uh actually kind of the physical, taking your breath and bringing yourself down. This is full presence listening, actually. You take your your energy down into your heart and open your belly and just relax and be with. And that's the one of the exercises I teach, and I call it the be with exercise, just be with the person. Uh both, as you're listening to them, but even this is the why it's in my speaking program is because when you're a speaker, you're still a listener. You and I are speaking and listening simultaneously. So uh so those some of those ideas about how to physically drop down in your heart, in your gut, and to relax into listening rather than be busy in your head. And the second thing is trusting that if you open the space up to be a deeper kind of listener that that spontaneously you'll know the response will be there, what needs to be, because you're listening to yourself also.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I think a lot of times people, like you said, they're waiting to either get the next word out, or they've got something in their head that they're they're just waiting, they're not even listening anyway. And I I've been around people like that where I can actually see their mouth moving while you're still talking, and they're not nothing's coming out yet because they are just waiting to get that where you have that break to be able to say something. And right then and there, you're like, I know you're not comprehending anything I'm saying. So I know it's and you've heard the saying it's falling on deaf ears because they are just waiting with beta breath to say what they need to say compared to what you've got to offer.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. I was in a conference once and at lunch I sat next to somebody and it wasn't anybody I chose, but it was interesting because he just he did that kind of speaking to me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he wasn't listening to me. He wasn't, he was just just so many words. But what I did, Mickey, what I did was drop into my deep, quiet listening. And what do you know? There started to be something else happening in that interaction. Uh, and he said, Thank you for being such a good listener. And then he it's like something else happened, and he I just thought it was trans. We're speaking about transformation, and I think listening deeply to others is transformational.
SPEAKER_00:And it's I think it connects to you're right, you're right. I I apologize, I didn't interrupt you. I thought you were you were done. Um, yeah, no, I agree with that. I think it's a combination of all of it. It's it's a combination of listening and then also being true to yourself, and then also uh, like you said, being willing to make that transformation, you know, instead of uh, you know, worrying about things that that other that have, like I said, the little voice in your head, or or you know, having something that maybe you're afraid to say because you're worried about maybe it's right or it's wrong. Um, and I think that's another whole element too, where people have fear of of saying something or being themselves because like, well, what if I'm wrong? You know, or what if they judge me, or what if I sound, you know, stupid, you know, and that's and I and I I find that and I and I'm sorry I had to use that word, but I couldn't think of anything else off the top of my head.
SPEAKER_01:But you know, uh what I hear, Mickey, I that stupid word is what I hear. And I just oh I just automatically start feeling so much compassion because somewhere along the line somebody told them that or they felt that. They've had experiences with that. So that's what needs to be healed. That's the deeper work in finding your your voice is to go where the the pain is, and those the word you just use about somebody feeling like they were and shame is another word. Um humiliated. There are a lot of stories about humiliation, especially boys in sports with parents that yell at them. I have stories about that too. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And that makes sense, you know. I because I work with kids, you know, all the time I move every day, and and I've done it for, you know, well, if you count that that time frame, it's probably been over 25 years. Coaching football has been 17. But one of the things that I find is that we've got a responsibility as a parent, as a coach, and as a teacher, because everything we say to these kids, they take to heart, and you're either gonna lift them up or you're gonna break them down. And and uh looking at it from that, you know, you you have to be responsible for that. At least I try to be responsible for that. I am responsible for that because I know what I say to them, they're gonna take with them the rest of their life, whether I believe in them or not. And and I try to express that to so many other people I work with because I said, you have no idea, you know, what they they'll they won't remember whether we lost or won this game. They're not gonna remember what season this was, they're not, but they're gonna remember exactly how you made them feel while they were here and what they were doing and what they were able to accomplish. And and I know that is a huge responsibility for us as as coaches uh working with kids. And I bet in your field, you probably have that. Every time you go back and and I mean you tell me who are the most uh who are the most influential people that have made something that has left an actual impact in their life. Who are those three people?
SPEAKER_01:Uh yeah, so one of the ones was when I had my own breakthrough uh in speaking, and you started out our talk with about being in a box, and it was a gestral kind of thing where we were supposed to take on a certain so I got myself in a box and I scrunched myself down and I kept harder, tighter, tighter, tighter. And then I opened my eyes and broke out, and I went, oh and there was somebody right in front of me in the audience, and I looked at her and I realized, well, that's what I do in my office. I just look at one person and listen to one person. Is that what speaking in front of people is about? One to one person. Oh so that was a breakthrough moment. So that that uh teacher was fabulous, yeah, because it was experiential.
SPEAKER_00:That makes sense. Yeah, it does. And everybody's breakthrough is probably different.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So what um what would you say for someone who's listening that says, I I don't even know where to start. What what do I do? I know I've got to make these changes, I know that, and it's not necessarily, like I said, as a as a speaker or or being in a large group, but it could be just finding your own voice and and finding that, like you said, that vibrant inner spirit to that you need to bring out.
SPEAKER_01:I would say that the first thing is um to do the further the self-assessment, you know, to and I have one of those on my website that they can check out, the find your voice quiz. Uh it's not really a quiz, it's about let's go look at uh let's look. And and I have a webinar that I do, which is face your fear, embrace your fear, replace your fear. So it isn't about getting rid of your fear. So I think that the first message I'd like to give people is that your fear has value, perhaps it protected you from something, it originated somewhere. Let's go explore that and heal that if there's been a wounding of your voice and not be afraid to face the fear because that's what people avoid it. Oh, it's or like what you said earlier, it's just who I am. But why should I? Why should I go try and be a better uh speaker? I'm too afraid and I don't, I don't need it in my life. A lot of people need it in their life, especially around work situations. And if you wanna, you know, you need to be visible in this life.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I have had so much fun with you here, and you have given so much insight and information, and I know it has helped everybody here on this team. So I I really appreciate you. Um, and before you go, I'm gonna give I'm gonna give Doreen the last two minutes to be able to either share something, also how can they reach you, and uh, and then we'll we'll kind of go from there and wrap it up.
SPEAKER_01:Great, thank you. Thank you, Mickey. Uh, the Doreen Downing.com, my website has everything. D-O-R-E-E-N Downing. Doreen Downing.com, I think, is a place where they can get freebies. It explains my Find Your Voice mentoring program where I do for three months usher and guide people to the inner sense of self so that when they find who they truly are, the voice comes out way more uh easily and flows, words flow. And so that's that's where I'd like people to go to find me. But in terms of uh last words and encouragement, it's what I said just a second ago, I think about uh value that inside your fear will lead you to some treasure. It's a whole new way of thinking about fear. It it's it's uh it's a hard one to get, but if you say, ah, get curious, might I might say, get curious about your fear and explore it because that's where your power is. And I always like to say your inner voice is your most most powerful asset. Your inner voice is your most powerful asset.
SPEAKER_00:Well, thank you so much for being with us today. I'm glad you were here. And for those of you, please, um, the link is below if you would like to connect with uh Doreen. And again, if you listen to the podcast, just click on her name or drive you right to her website. Uh, I appreciate you guys. I'm so glad you're here. Please have your comments, your questions, and your suggestions coming. I love hearing from each and every one of you. Uh, it also helps my community. If you're not part of my community, please click also that link below because we'd like to support you and help you and lift you up. And please also remember before uh Doreen breaks the huddle, always remember start strong and finish strong and dominate everything in between. All right, Doreen, break the huddle. Oh, good.
SPEAKER_01:Bring it in. We're going to break on yes. One, two, three, yes.