Happiness Is An Inside Job , Sensei Nancy Mueller - S2E7

What if joy isn’t something you chase, but the ground you’re already standing on? We open the playbook on happiness with coach-level candor and real-life stories, from a hilarious innings-vs-quarters mixup to a martial arts lesson about relaxing into a fall, and show how small choices shift your entire day.  Sensei Nancy Mueller joins us to unpack why happiness is our natural state, how social conditioning hijacks self-talk, and what it takes to stop fueling thoughts that don’t serve us.

You’ll hear how letting go differs from giving up, why tunnel vision blocks opportunity, and how energy states shape outcomes. Joy, curiosity, and play expand your field of options; fear and freeze shrink it. The question isn’t “Can I be happier?” but “What am I feeding right now?” By naming a clear want instead of listing endless don’ts, you reclaim direction. By celebrating tiny progress, you build momentum that lasts. By choosing your state, you change your story.

If you’re ready to replace autopilot with intention and turn daily moments into micro-wins, this conversation gives you the language, the science, and the spark. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs a lift, and leave a quick review telling us your power word and the one belief you’re letting go of next.

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Transcript

Welcome To The Field

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Hey, come on in. Let's come on. Bring it in, bring it in, listen up, and let's uh get comfortable. If this is your first time out on my field, uh, thank you for being here. Uh, thank you for being part of my team for those of you that reach out to me on a regular basis. And I'm really excited for many of you that do comment and also lift each other up. And that's what we do together as a team. And that's why we are here is to be able to help you, empower you, and give you a little bit of insight so you can reach your end zone to success. And uh today I'm really excited to have on my field today uh a coach with us that is going to enlighten you, lift you up, and give you insight information that is going to help your life in so, so many ways. And uh, I am excited because she is an author, she's a mentor, she's a speaker, she's an amazing person, individual. I've seen her help and change so many lives throughout the years. So I'm excited to have you on my field today. How are you, Nancy Mueller? Hey, Mickey, I am fabulous. How are you? I'm doing good. And one of the things I we you and I were talking about, and I thought this was a great subject to bring here on the field today, is happiness is an inside job.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

You know, it made me think about um a conversation that you and I had recently when I was creating, and I say this very lightly, an a football analogy, because as you know, uh I know nothing about football. I can never remember how many innings are in a football game. And, you know, so football is not my forte. And I so I was making a football analogy, and even though you understood what I was saying, it was all like, okay, Nancy, that makes no sense. But you and I started laughing so hard. And it was, it was like one of those things where we just said, okay, we're just gonna give in to this laughter. We're gonna sit here and look at each other and just laugh because it's so funny. And that's exactly a really good example of happiness is an inside job. What are you doing moment to moment to moment to find your inner bliss, your inner happiness, your inner, I don't know, party like purple. And I'm really looking forward to this conversation that you and I are gonna have today because um, even though we haven't scripted anything, we just said, hey, let's get on and talk about happiness being an inside job and see what comes up from both of us. And so I'm excited to be here. And I just wanted you to know that I am I am feeling that laughter that we recently shared during this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Well, you crack me up. And for those of you uh that again, maybe you're not familiar with football, uh, it's quarters in football, not innings, innings is baseball. But that's okay. That's okay. And it's four quarters, but we're good. Um, but yeah, no, I I I love speaking with you. I love your insight. I love bouncing things off of you, and um, I love how you present things and bring things to people so they not just give them information, but allow them to internalize the information or the insight and then come to that conclusion themselves so they can understand it. And and I and I think a lot of times we get so wrapped up in our lives or things happening or events or challenges or what's transpiring around us that maybe we don't even have control over that we forget that the happiness is still there. We just don't choose to to capture it, we don't choose to embrace it. It just ends up being something pushed aside because we allow too many other things to keep bombarding us to let that outer joy come through.

Social Conditioning And Self-Talk

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Yeah, and it's really interesting. I love using that word, interesting, because when you stop to think that um happiness, joy, bliss, that effervescent feeling of excited, I don't know, living life is our natural state of being? Anything else is us putting energy into not being in that state of being. So we're actually putting energy towards something we don't want, but most of us haven't been taught to look for that, to pay attention to that, to watch for that. Um, how many times have you seen a movie where, you know, like this the person that you're rooting for is, you know, I don't know, saying something detrimental to themselves, like I'll never figure it out, or oh gosh, I'm just the worst, or whatever. And then whoever is playing opposite that of them is trying to convince them that yes, they are. And I often find myself thinking, what if that person who is finding all kinds of reasons to be negative would just say, What? You're right. I am the greatest person in the world, I am the greatest thing since chocolate, you know, whatever. And but you know what? Honestly, I think if we did that more often, then we would have people going, Well, aren't you full of yourself? And isn't it funny how society does everything to keep you down? And it's no wonder then that we feed into that dualistic mind where, yeah, I better not be too full of myself. I better not be too happy, otherwise, you know, people are gonna think I'm really full of myself. And yet all the while they're saying, come on, you can do it. Let's go, let's make it happen. And it's such a, you know, like this push-pull, I don't know. And it's it's there. It's that's that's our natural state of being. So the question really isn't, can I be happier? The question is, what would I be if I decided to stop allowing these thoughts to convince me that I am not happy.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

You know, and you brought up an interesting uh thought process here. I when I was listening to you, two things came to mind. One is misery likes company. So a lot of people that can't find happiness like the fact that they have they can surround themselves with somebody else who's not exactly happy, or maybe they have conflict or something's transpiring in their life. And the other thing too is a lot of times we we are conditioned. We we can, if you ask somebody what don't you want, they can give you a list of my along. But then you go and turn the question around and say, but what do you want? And they stand like a deer in headlights because it's so much easier to tell people what you don't want compared to really hearing yourself and acknowledging and bringing forward what you do want. Because when you decide what you really want and you have that clarity, now you have to make a choice and do it, you know. And it's like, well, if you know what you want, why are you not doing it? And you've got to answer that question. And that's taking people outside of their comfort zone to be able to have to do the work. But I think also when they there is people that are happy and then have discovered that and embraced that, and you're one of those people that you know, you can always find the silver lining or you you recognize things that are transpiring and you and you stop and recognize it and move forward from it, your whole life changes, your whole demeanor changes, everything around you changes. Like you said, the energy changes, and finding that happiness is I don't even think it's finding it, I think it's knowing it and then just using it and allowing it, like you said, to be to shine through as your authentic self.

Reframing Setbacks And Identity

SPEAKER_01 7:54

You know, I heard um a story years and years and years ago, and I have never forgotten this. So there's this little boy, he's like 10, and he wants to be the greatest baseball player ever. And so he's out in the backyard and he's practicing and he throws the ball up in the air and he swings and he misses. And he picks the ball up and he throws the ball up in the air and he swings and he misses. And then a third time he throws the ball up in the air and he swings and he misses. And just as he's starting to think that maybe he's not such a great baseball player, all of a sudden he goes, I am the greatest pitcher of all time. And I'm like, I love that story. Freaking turn it around, man. Like you just got three strikes. Okay, what does that mean? Aren't you proud of me that I know a sports analogy? But yeah, it's and if we could think about it like that, you know, sometimes we are pushing so hard towards something that we think I've got to get this, I've got to get this, I've got to get this. But when you do that, you are not allowing yourself to see all these other opportunities that are in your field of vision and you're missing them because you're so tunnel visioned.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Yeah, and I and I think a lot of people go, well, how do I get by that? How do we, how do I, you know, with all these things happening around me and and uh, you know, this is happening in my life, or this is and no, you know, hype life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you, and you have to decide what you want to do with that. Um, that is one element. But the other thing too is uh, you know, being happy and finding joy is is something that you have to almost uncondition your mind from all the negativity to bring you to that that part of you that goes, you know what, I can't, I can't let this affect my my well-being. I can't allow this to affect who I am, I can't allow this to affect the mood I'm in today. It's like music, you could turn on a song and you can either be sad, you can be, you know, you could cry, you know, you could be like jamming and singing in your car like a crazy woman, which I usually do when I'm driving, you know, and but it but it's like so if music can change your feelings and your demeanor, then you're capable of doing that within your inner self.

Letting Go Versus Giving Up

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Yeah, exactly. You know, um, it's so funny. I what came up for me, and I don't know why this story came up, but um, when I was studying studying in the martial arts, uh, we had this technique that we had to do where you get pushed from behind, you fall, you roll for you roll forward, and you get up and face your opponent. And there was just something about that technique that I just kept looking down at the ground, and I'm not very tall, I'm like five, three, and I just kept looking down at the ground and going, I can't do this. I if somebody pushes me, I'm gonna hurt myself or I I just can't do this, I can't do this. I literally had two guys from the karate dojo take me out to the park one day and take turns just pushing me and pushing me and pushing me until finally I got it. I just like okay. And I think the reason that I feel compelled to share this story is the key there was relaxing. It's like because when you get pushed and you're all like tense, and you know, that's when you um are more likely to, I don't know, fumble around and you know, not really ease into it, not allow what's happening. And when I finally just said, Oh, okay, because really my arm got really tired of being pushed to the ground. And finally, you know, when I did it, I just relaxed and I rolled into it and I got up and I'm like, I did it, I did it. And I I think of that often, whenever I tell myself, you know, this is impossible, you can't do this. And I say, Yeah, remember that time you didn't think you could fall and roll either and you did that? What if this is that? And you're just not relaxing into it. What if you're just not allowing yourself to just breathe and be like water and just flow? And it it for me, I um I love using a trigger word. So when I feel something that's really grabbing a hold of me and it's like, I can't get out of this mindset or I can't get out of this feeling. Um, I use a trigger word, and my trigger word is waffle. Really nonsensical, it makes no sense, right? Like waffle? Why that what the heck does that have to do with anything? And it's just like this keyword that um when I say it, it takes the mind like you know, like what I hear when I go, hmm, is do you remember the Scooby-Doo cartoon where Scooby used to go, mm? That's that's what it does for me. And it's like it just turns the head and like, oh I there's something I'm not paying attention to. Oh, there's something better over here. And I don't know, even if all I do is start thinking of, you know, pants or waffles and syrup. And you know what's funny is I I very rarely, rarely eat waffles, like maybe twice a year. So it's not because it's a food that I covet or that I have to have, it's just something that it's a word that I said, you know what? Yeah, that's a good word to just kind of make that and turn your head. Because I will tell you that I talk to a lot of people who you know will have conversations with me and they're complaining about something that's not going right in their life, and so it's complain, complain, complain, complain, and then they'll say, I don't understand because I'm a very positive person. And my head goes, hmm, because I I have to wonder like, did you just hear what you said to me? And even when I point it out, they have all kinds of uh reasons of why they're justified to have been complaining or speaking negatively. And it's just simply uh an easy conversation about do you want to continue to hold on to that or do you want to let go of that? Because that's where the happiness is. The letting go is the happiness part. And one of the phrases that I is really I love this is letting go does not mean giving up. And if you would just really think about that phrase, just because you let go of something doesn't mean you're giving up. It just simply says, I am the one in control here, I have all the power. I'm letting go of this because it enables me to have all of that. And sometimes we get so tunnel vision and we think, no, I have to hold on, I have to do this. Like that story of the little boy. You know, if he kept saying, I have to be the greatest baseball player, I have to be the greatest baseball player, he would not have realized, oh, I'm the greatest pitcher that ever lived. So it's about letting go of those thoughts that have you so wrapped up in your head, or those emotions that have you so involved and immersed in the body that you are not really seeing the greatness, the fabulousness, the opportunities that are all around you.

Rewiring Beliefs And Brain Pathways

SPEAKER_00 15:30

And a lot of that things that you shared, I think it comes down to conditioning. I think we've conditioned ourselves to think a certain way, believe a certain belief, have certain things that we've been doing over and over again. And what did Einstein say? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, you know, and you're never gonna find a way to change or embrace or to change your pattern of your thoughts if you keep doing the exact same thing or thinking the exact same thing. And it just keeps solidifying that belief, the more you keep saying it, the more you keep doing it. And it takes a lot of recognition, energy, um uh awareness to say, okay, I need to stop, like you said, your waffle and go, wait a minute, and gets the brain that connection to stop for a second to redo it. And one of the things that I I saw the coolest thing, it was showing a neuron in your brain creating a new pathway, a new memory. It's so cool. And and they used to think a long time ago that once your brain is set, that was that nothing changes. That is not true. Um, now you can retrain and redo your brain. And one of the things I used to talk about was I used to I always think of it this way. So think about if you're in a big grassy field and you always walk, uh you know, walk back and forth. Maybe you take the same path hiking and you're just walking through grass, but you do it like every day. And after a while, that grass starts to compact down. Then after a while, it turns into like this maybe small dirt path because all the grass is now gone because you've embed it. And now instead of walking on, now you can ride your bike. So now you, you know, you maybe take your bike and you go, now you're going a little bit faster. Same path, same place, takes you the same results. And then later on, you know, maybe you're doing it more, it gets wider, it gets more solid, you know, and it becomes a solid highway. And that's what we're doing. We keep telling ourselves the exact same thing over and over again. You've created this highway of beliefs and thoughts that you're going to have to learn to take a detour off of it and create a completely new path and go, I don't want that to be my destination anymore. That's not where I want it to be. That's not where I want to end up. That is not my end zone of success. That's not what I want. I want to be able to do this, this, and this. And then you've got to create those detours, but it starts with recognition and awareness to start with. So I think the what I see is that people will say, Well, how do you do that? You just do. It's really that's I mean, that's it really comes down to it is like you have to make the choice. And you know, as we started with happiness being an inside job, it starts with you, it starts with me. You know, it starts with me making those choices of where do I want to be and how do I want to uh approach my rest of my life or see things and allow me to feel the way I do based on my choices.

Possibility Mindset And Micro-Wins

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Yeah, it's like, okay, if happiness is the um the natural state of being, but you're feeling unhappy, and then you ask yourself, well, how do I see this as happy? You can start by having a conversation with yourself and say, well, so if happiness is my natural state of being, then this unhappiness can't possibly be real. So why am I fueling something that isn't even real? You know, um, one of the things that I've been working on lately is to be able to do a full, complete pull-up on my pull-up bar. And um, it's really great. I've I'm I'm working up the uh the blisters, no, not the blisters, but the you know, the calluses. That's what I was looking for. The calluses here, it's great. And um so, but when I'm hanging there at first, when I very first started this, I was so frustrated, like, oh my gosh, Nancy, you can't even do one of these. Remember when you were a little kid and you used to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so then I realized, you know what though? I am going to give myself um a lot of credit for hang time. This is the time that I hang there. And then what's interesting is, oh, okay, well, now that I'm hanging here and doing my wrists in different positions, like, and then pulling up the knees. Hey, check it out. And it's really fun because um, first of all, you're challenging yourself and it's fun. It's not something that someone is making me do, it's something that I am enjoying doing. And maybe one day I could get to 40 and the next day I can only do five. Well, on the day that I can only do five, I don't go, what the heck is the matter with you? Yesterday you did 40. And then I say, Well, that's so cool because I know that I can get to 40. And so it's like that, you know, you just you always look at the possibilities rather than the impossibilities. And when you're looking at the possibilities, it makes that negativity pretty much a non-sequitur.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

Yeah, and and I think what happens is a lot of times when we realize that we've got the power within ourselves to decide which thought process is going to work for us, that's when the change begins. Like you said, it was you could have looked at it as like, oh, I can't even do a pull-up. And it's like, but wait a minute, but I can do this. And then once you do that, then it builds and it builds and it builds and it compounds over time to be able to you can achieve your goal. You know, change doesn't happen overnight. I think a lot of times we are such a culture of wanting instant gratification that when something doesn't happen, we're so quick to give it up. But what we need to do is we need to be able to go, okay, one thing, just one small thing for a change, just one action, just one little thing to take me to the next level. And then you then you get the next one, you get the next one. And I think that's a lot of times is where people get stuck and they're like, Well, I've tried that, I've tried that. Oh, you've tried everything. You know, tell me what you tried, you know. And then when you tell them, and and again, you're also gonna find, and and I've I've used this analogy before, and I think you and I have shared, I said, there's gonna be some people that go, Yeah, I got this, I think that's a really good thing. I'm gonna try it. Some people will kind of give it a whirl, might be slow at a snail's pace, but they're still trying, they're still doing it. And then you have people that could win the lottery and complain the bag's too heavy.

Energy, Choice, And The Two Wolves

SPEAKER_01 21:59

So exactly. Exactly. Well, you know, take yourself as a perfect example. You know, the more the more I got to know you and understand, like, okay, she is a female, pretty much in a male dominated sport. And then of course. I was in the martial arts, there were there were are I think there still are a lot more men than women in the martial arts. But if you tell yourself, like, oh my gosh, okay, well, I'm I'm a few instead of being one of the many, then you're always going to have, you know, kind of be behind the eight ball. And so any one of us who decides, I am going to do this, and I am going to do it to the best of my ability. Look at every, I'll just say women or girls, young girls who wants to do something like that. Now they can see, oh, what is possible? Look what Coach Mickey's doing. Look what Sensei Nancy is doing. Oh my gosh, it is possible. And they might surpass us like crazy. And that would be wonderful. But there's always someone out there doing what you want to do. So if you are sitting home alone and telling yourself it's impossible, it can't happen. I mean, like, oh my gosh, look what you did this year, taking your team to the I call it the Academy Awards of Football because you know I don't know the analogies there. But I'm just saying, like, you are so amazing, and you are really within a predominantly male um, I don't know, uh, field, I'll just say that, no pun intended field. And um so we can do whatever we want to do. And it's really important to know that it's not about gender, it's not about male, female. It's really about understanding masculine and feminine energy. And when you get into understanding that life is an energetic game and your natural energy, I don't know, set point is happiness, love, joy, bliss, having fun, partying like purple every day, well, you're feeding that energy. And if you are allowing those doubts to come in, or I can't do this, or what ifs come in, then you're feeding that um, you know, that negative energy. And why in the heck would you give more energy to something you don't even want? Something that's taking away happiness instead of expanding your happiness. So happiness really, really, really, it's an inside job. Just decide what are you going to feed?

Final Reflections And Power Word

SPEAKER_00 24:46

I love that. You reminded me of a story that I read, and I was on a I remember if it was on a plaque or a painting. I don't remember where I saw it, but it was a Native American story. And there's two wolves, and he's and there's a grandson talking to his son, and he's telling him this story, and he says there's two wolves. One wolf is out in the dark, he's lonely. Um, he's always, he's always sad, he's always fighting, he's always looking for um something out there to to uh to do differently, that's that you know, to improve himself and and uh make him feel better. And he's you know, he's always in the dark, and it's always one of those things that he's always out there by himself as a lone wolf. And then he said, There's another wolf. There's another wolf that is, you know, even though he's alone, he's happy, he's joyful, he enjoys the sun. He goes, you know, he runs, he goes to the brook, he goes to the stream, he finds, he finds joy, even on the rain when it rains, that's fresh water. And he said, he goes, and only you know, and each one of us has got a wolf inside of us. Yeah, the grandson said, Well, which wolf am I? And the grandfather said, the one that you feed.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Yeah, and and I and it made me think of that when you said that. It was that that stuck on me for such a long time. And I always think of, well, which wolf am I feeding? Am I feeding the one that feels sorry and is gonna look at this negativity? Or am I gonna feed the wolf that is gonna go, you know what? No, that it's I want to feed the one that can find the happiness and joy. And I think a lot of times we forget that we have that choice because we get so wrapped up in in everything that we forget that we have the power within us to create that happiness and that joy. Yeah. Yeah. It's just so we we this has been an amazing conversation, but I want to give you the last, you know, three to five minutes to to share something. And then while you're doing that, before we we end, um, well, before we do that, first of all, how can people reach out to you?

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Anything you want to know about me and more, you can find on masteringyourbeliefs.com.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Everything is there. Great. And then for you guys that are watching the YouTube, uh, know that the link is down below. And if you're listening to the podcast, um just click on Nancy's name, it'll drive you right to her website. Uh, and the other thing too is um think of your power word. At the end of our um, the end of our session today, we'll use what we do before we leave the field. We break on three. So I'm gonna have you break the huddle. So come up with your one power word, and what we'll do is we're gonna break, I'll lead you through it. Go one, two, three. You say the power word, and that's that's how we'll end the field today. So uh go ahead. I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna give you the field. It's all yours. Share whatever you want.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Well, my invitation to anyone listening or watching this is, are you truly happy? How would you answer that question? Yes or no? And I think most people would answer it, well, yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah. But if someone says, can you breathe, would you say, yeah, yeah, I think so? Or, you know, which do you want? Do you want that non-committal, yeah, I'm pretty sure that I can breathe? Or do you want that, yes, man, my lungs are full, and I know that I have all the breath that I need, and with this breath, I can do whatever I need. That is the kind of effervescent mentality that we want about our happiness as well. So if you are on the fence, like, well, I think I'm happy, but I would be a lot happier if, and all these things that we make up, you know, like I have to have this or this person or whatever, whatever, those are all things outside of you. So, what is that thing that's internal within you that you reach in and go, ah, yeah, this is the space I want to be, and allow that to be you. And when I say your state of being, remember that your state of being is how you feel in any given moment. And you can only have a primal state of being or a positive state of being. And if you're in a primal state of a being, which is uh fight, flight, or freeze, it's almost impossible. Um I will say impossible to be feeling the powerful state of being. And that powerful state of being is who you are that joy, that happiness, that love, that effervescence. So determine, ask yourself, what state of being am I in right now? And if you don't like the answer, you're the only one who can change it.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

I love it. Thank you so much for being with us today. I really appreciate it. I definitely want to have you come back. And um, just to let you know, also, when you do reach out to Nancy, she is also an author. She's got many, many books that I highly recommend that you take a look at. They're available on Amazon, also when you go to her website. And then again, if you're listening to the podcast, just click on her name and that'll that'll drive you that you know right there. So I want to applaud you guys, celebrate you. Um grateful that you've been here, grateful for the comments, the questions, the suggestions that you guys asked me for uh as a team, for lifting each other up as a team, for uh asking what's something that you could thrive on or either grow from, and uh do my best to try to bring that to you here on this podcast and this platform. So, Nancy, I'm gonna let you break the huddle. And uh, so what's your power word?

SPEAKER_01 30:11

My power word, I would say today it's happiness. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

All right, so on me, on three, we're gonna break on three, we're gonna break on happiness. And Nancy, I'm gonna let you lead it. Go for it.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 30:24

So you're gonna go one tooth, bring it in. Okay. Break on me. One, two, three, happiness. I'm Coach Mickey. Thanks for joining me. Let's go.