10: “Actually Romantic” — above the fray or becoming the enemy?

Our unreliable narrator is back!

In this lesson, we dive into “Actually Romantic,” the album’s grunge-pop, razor-edged exploration of envy, fixation, and the fine line between love and hate. 

We’ll unpack the layers of verbal and dramatic irony, the unsettling sexual bravado, and the emotional whiplash of a persona caught between tender vulnerability and savage self-protection.

Along the way, we’ll consider why the showgirl reaches for seduction as a weapon, whether this track signals her turn toward villainy, and how pretending not to care can be its own tragic performance.

Plus: discussion questions and writing prompts inspired by the song’s themes.

Step into the classroom—this one’s sharp, messy, and definitely not romantic.

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Get all the LIT112 writing prompts in one place: www.maraeller.com/prompts.

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Transcript

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Imagine you just got back from attending the funeral of one of your best friends from high school who died unexpectedly. Even though your career has never been better, your glamorous life now seems cheap and forced those former thrills and empty. You vow to be more authentic, to stay vulnerable. To hold on to that earnest, open-hearted version of yourself, you just rediscovered. And then you're hit with the most vicious, hateful gossip you can imagine. What do you do? If you're our showgirl, you sing the most patronizing song possible one that makes it seem like you don't care at all. In fact, the gossip is almost sweet. Welcome to Lit one 12, the Life of a Showgirl where we treat Taylor Swift's latest album like a novel I'm your host, Mara Eller, a literature and writing teacher with 16 years of experience at the high school and college level. I just retired to focus on editing and book coaching, but when I started getting requests for this series on social media, I couldn't resist. Whether you're a veteran swifty or just an AP lit nerd like me who happens to like her music, all are welcome here. I've even got something for you writers, creative prompts inspired by the subject of each lesson. You can find them at the end of the episodes. So grab your metaphorical notebook and let's unpack this record together, chapter by chapter, song by song. Today we're talking about Actually Romantic, track seven on the life of a Showgirl. Actually romantic returns to her public persona, sharing how she's learned to handle the ruthless criticism that comes her way. She frames it as a twisted and pathetic form of flattery, but underneath we can sense a keen awareness that she hasn't always seen it this way, that she has to remind herself to choose this perspective. This song carries a vicious edge that alludes to the sense that she's trapped between two less than ideal options. She can either be crushed under the cruelty or clap back with cruelty of her own. This dynamic should remind us of eldest daughter, where she discussed having to act tough in order to deal with all the hot takes that were cold as ice. In that song, she asserted her true softness, revealing that she really does care, and that the toughness is all an act, an act that is quietly killing her. that is important context we should keep in mind as we interpret this song. Actually romantic is widely believed to serve as a response to Charlie XCX who released a song widely assumed to be about Swift in 2024, called Sympathy is a Knife. It was about Charlie's personal feelings of insecurity around another woman, unnamed, and Charlie denies that that person is Swift. Of course for our purposes here, we are focused on textual analysis, so it really doesn't matter about that background. We're gonna focus on the song itself. The title immediately introduces that dissonance that characterizes so much of this album. Actually romantic makes us think it's gonna be a love song, when in fact it's anything. But there are two meanings of romantic, sweet or cute, and expressing love. Both are quite inaccurate for this song, lyrically and musically. Whether or not this singer truly finds it flattering that this other person has been obsessed with her and hating her, the way she claps back in this song definitely isn't romantic. A sweet response would be, wow, I guess that's flattering that I'm so important to you, and that's it. This song is not that, nor is it about love, not from or to either of the characters, at least not love that's even remotely healthy. The music itself is also a strange choice for a showgirl and not at all what we'd call romantic. The song employs a grunge, pop punk guitar riff, and drums almost exclusively, which has been called a mix between The Pixies' Where Is My Mind, and Weezer's Beverly Hills, giving it a slightly edgy, upbeat vibe. It's playful and maybe a little flirtatious, but almost in a masculine way. Definitely not glamorous and not at all romantic in a musical sense, which is typically characterized by sweeping melodies and emotional vocals. Let's dive into the lyrics now to unpack how this song manages to be both vicious and humorous, yet never actually romantic in either sense of the word. And heads up the song and our discussion of it will include some mature topics. Verse one begins. I heard you call me boring Barbie when the Cokes got you brave high fived my ex. And then you said you're glad he ghosted me. Wrote a song saying it makes you sick to see my face. This verse is naming some legitimately mean things that were supposedly said, but the first line immediately offers an insult back. When the Coke's got you brave implies that, a, this woman does hard drugs, and B, she's only brave when she's high, meaning she's usually a coward. It continues. Some people might be offended implying, but not me. I'm not offended because here's the chorus. But it's actually sweet all the time you've spent on me. It's honestly wild. All the effort you've put in, it's actually romantic. I really gotta hand it to you. No man has ever loved me like you do. To call something that was meant to be mean, sweet is to belittle it. You failed at trying to hurt me. But what does stand out is how much time and effort you're putting in. Then No man has ever loved me like you do. This brings up the idea that hate is love twisted. It reminds me of in the novel Frankenstein, when the monster basically says to his creator, I want to love you and for you to love me. Speaking of father figures. But since you despise me and won't let me love you, I'll hate you instead and seek to make your life as miserable as mine. Could it be that the other woman in this song, at one point, admired the showgirl and wanted to be close to her, but was, or at least felt rejected? Could there be a sense in which the Showgirl helped to create this other woman like the monster was created by Dr. Frankenstein? I don't see anything in the text to directly support that, but it's an interesting possibility and it does fit with the Charlie XCX stuff since she opened for Taylor on the reputation tour. Regardless, this song highlights how admiration can quickly become envy, which can quickly become hatred. And whether it's love or hate, both are fixations on another person that let them live rent free in your brain. That line though, no man has ever loved me like you do. It's so sad. Behind the cruel humor, she's dismissing the other woman's anger as merely twisted envy, but at the same time, she's revealing that no man has ever truly loved her. She's saying this is more time and effort than any man has ever spent on her. That's tragic. Is backstabbing hatred, the closest she's come to real love. I hope not. Verse two, hadn't thought of you in a long time, but you keep sending me funny Valentine's. My funny Valentine is a show tune from the 1937 Broadway hit Babes and Arms about an ugly, awkward, yet beloved beau. I'm not really seeing a deeper meaning there. I think it's just a fun showgirl reference that fits the theme of Twisted Romance. But if you see something, definitely let me know. The verse continues, and I know you think it comes off vicious, but it's precious, adorable. Like a toy Chihuahua barking at me from a tiny purse. That's how much it hurts. It's a great line. It's also vicious. She's calling this other woman a dog, but not even a scary one, a toy dog being carried around in a purse. She's saying, this doesn't hurt me at all. It's actually ridiculous. But then why is she bothering to sing about it like this? She's doing exactly what she's mocking in this song, devoting time and energy to this person. She continues. How many times has your boyfriend said, why are we always talking about her? It conveys the obsession that this is always coming up, and boyfriend is another way of bringing in the romantic element that this girl is giving more attention to this hate crush than to her actual boyfriend. Then the chorus repeats and we come to the bridge. You think I'm tacky, baby. Stop talking dirty to me. It sounded nasty, but it feels like you're flirting with me. Gosh, I hope that's not what she normally receives as flirtation. It continues. I mind my business, God's my witness, that I don't provoke it. Hmm. We might notice that she seems to be provoking it now. And then the most vulgar line on the album. In my opinion, it's kind of making me wet. Meaning it's turning her on. Again, I really hope not. That's some twisted sexuality right there. I don't think she means it literally, but more as a way to make the other woman uncomfortable. It's a big dick move, only this time she's using female genitalia instead of male. It's the equivalent of that's making me hard. It's aggressive and quite vulgar. So she's intimidating this other woman by putting on a show about how invulnerable she is. Your hatred is actually funny and cute, and seeing you embarrass yourself like that kind of turns me on. Talk about vicious, but it's also utterly over the top. It reminds me of the line spoken by Queen Gertrude in Hamlet, which of course is a relevant literary illusion given the first track, the fate of Ophelia. Gertrude says, the lady doth protest too much me thinks. It means that someone's overly strong or excessive denials might be overcompensation because the truth is the opposite of what they're claiming. So we might ask, why is this showgirl trying so hard to prove that she doesn't care? Then we get the chorus. For the last time, it's actually sweet. All the time you spent on me. It's honestly lovely. She changes this one line. Why? Keep that word lovely in mind when you get to the song, honey, where it comes up again? Then we have the outro and the song is over in a quick two minutes and 44 seconds. The song leaves us once again unsettled by the multiple layers of dissonance. She's asserting that she doesn't care and finds it cute, but then she writes and sings an entire song about it. And despite what Taylor says in the track by track intro, this is not a dispassionate commentary on someone else's unfortunate behavior. This is bothered, passionate, at times vicious. And then you have the dissonance between this song and the ones before and after it. We just came out of Ruin the Friendship, which would be a fitting title for this song, if the two of them had been friends at some point, and actually romantic could almost be the title for the previous song where she's wishing the friendship had become romantic. It's jarring, that after a song that was in fact quite romantic, she uses the same term to describe something that's the exact opposite. And yet maybe there's a connection in Ruin the friendship, her advice is to stop playing it safe. Here, she takes that advice only in a different way than anyone expected. Instead of playing defense, she's playing offense with a vengeance. And while it's not romantic, it is quite sexual. She's not playing it safe in that way at all. In fact, it's the first time on the album, but not the last that we get overtly sexual lyrics. Why? What could account for that shift? It. makes me wonder if maybe part of the public criticism involved slut shaming or some other moral attack based on her romantic life. Maybe tying back to the string of lovers referenced in Opalite. Regardless the song reveals the mixed up emotions and motivations of this character who still doesn't know what she wants or who she is. And it emphasizes the rollercoaster her showgirl life has become with these dramatic switches between tender vulnerability and sarcastic ridicule. Meanwhile, she still seems to have no real friends and no man has ever really loved her. She confessed in the previous two songs that she wants to be open-hearted, not savage, but her attempt at vulnerability has been met with cruelty. So she armors up again, putting on that wolf's clothing and the claws come out. This emotional whiplash is only amplified by the next song wishlist, which has her longing for a simple life again, this time as a suburban wife and mom. But with four more tracks to go, that's only the lull before the storm. And this one is much more than a tempest in a teapot. As usual, I have some discussion questions for you as well as writing prompts. Let's start with the discussion questions. Why is this song so explicitly sexual? What do you think leads our showgirl to use sexuality as a weapon here? Number two is this song, evidence of her Turn towards Villainy. We discussed that on previous lessons. Do you think this song supports that interpretation, that she's actually becoming the villain? Number three, compare eldest daughter and actually romantic. Do you think the showgirl actually feels unbothered by the hate she's encountered, or do you think this song is one more act that takes a serious toll on her emotionally? And now for our writing prompts. I've got three of each. We'll start with memoir number one. Write about a time when someone's criticism or gossip shook you. How did you respond internally and externally in action? number two, write about a time when you had to put on armor to survive emotionally. What did it cost you in terms of vulnerability or authentic connection? number three, write about a time when you used your sexuality as a way To protect yourself, deflect criticism, or gain control of a situation. How did it feel in the moment and what did you learn afterwards? And now for fiction number one, this song uses both verbal and dramatic irony for emotional impact. Verbal irony is saying the opposite of what you mean. Like calling cruelty sweet. Dramatic irony is when the audience knows something that at least some of the characters don't like her secret softness revealed in eldest daughter. Experiment in your writing with both. Have characters say one thing while meaning another, and let readers see truths hidden from other characters. Number two. Imagine two characters whose relationship teeters between admiration and envy. Show how this oscillation affects their choices and interactions. And number three, write a scene where a character overcompensates to prove they don't care, only to reveal more vulnerability than intended, similar to the lady doth protest too much effect. Remember that you can grab access to a document with all of these writing prompts contained in one place by going to mara eller.com/prompts. And I've got exciting news. On December 10th, I'm gonna be offering an online workshop called Write like Taylor Swift, where I help you take the most effective, impactful strategies that Taylor uses in her writing and apply them to your own writing, whatever that might be. Memoir, fiction essays, blog posts, Instagram captions, You can head to mara eller.com/writeliketaylor to learn more and register today. It's gonna be a lot of fun and I hope to see you there. And that is it for today's lesson. If you're loving these deep dives. Make sure to follow the podcast or come join the discussion on social media. My links are in the show notes. I'd love to hear your questions, comments, and insights. class is always about bringing you into the conversation, helping you to do your own thinking and come to your own conclusions, so I'd love to see you involved. Until next time, class dismissed.