Episode 41: On The Spirit Of The Game

Welcome back to The Sunday Service!

This week, we hear the latest tales from the Parish XI as they prepare for their game next weekend against the Fellows of Farting Fallows.

WG Rumblepants gives his 'Cricket in 3' on cheating in cricket, and Mr Gompertz reads from 'The Good Book' on the spirit of the game.

And finally, our good friends at Newberry Cricket have another terrific competition, this week giving away their brand new 360 cricket shoes.

Check out all of their top equipment here

To enter, just answer the question correctly and send it in to:

- sundayservicecricket@gmail.com

- Twitter / X - sundayservice22

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Good morning, Churchy. Ah, young Mr. Gombert, how lovely to see you. Have you been keeping yourself busy this week? Of course, it's been another busy week in the parish from a cricketing point of view. Now, George, as you know, I am very, very proud of something I brought to the parish this week, and that is Chat with Your Bat. Where I sit on the parish bench on the parish green, and members of the parish come to me with their bat, and we chat. It was gorgeous to have Sexy Rex come with his bat, which I must say much like Sexy Rex, has seen better days, and we discussed Sexy Rex's forward defensive, and there was a surprise, there was a surprise, young George, where Mrs. Watts came to the bench clutching her SS jumbo. I did say to her, is that bat uh a little too big for you? Mrs. Watts, and she said no, because she likes to have a bit of weight at the bottom of her bat so that she can launch straight down the ground. But I have to say, George, chat with your bat has been a huge success in its first week. Now, how have you been young, George?

SPEAKER_02 1:36

I've been keeping myself busy as well. Our windsurfing lesson on the village pond went very well, and after Mrs. Watts managed to drift across all 10 yards of the pond herself, I think, and I hope I'm not getting ahead of myself here, that I may take our windsurfers next week to a bit of water that actually has some wind. I also enjoyed my first cricket coaching session for the Parish Eleven, although my bit of advice to one of the youngsters was taken a tad too literally. I told him to keep his eye on the ball, and on the very next delivery, he watched the ball all the way onto his helmet, never taking his eyes off it for a moment, but completely forgetting that he was meant to play a shot. And on Friday I went up to Yorkshire to see Durhamshire in action after their remarkable win against Glamorganshire earlier this week. Is everything sorted for today's service?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Yes, my sermon is all prepared, and this week I am talking about our big game this Sunday against the Fishmongers of Farting Fellows. And George, you are giving us a reading?

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Of course I will. After the disturbing news coming out of the South Durham League, I've decided that it's only right to read a passage from the good book about the spirit of the game.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Quite right, George. That seems most necessary at a time like this. My apologies, young George, but I must take this call. Hello, this is Boycott Vicarage Helpline. Hello Hello Hello Hello, this is Boycott Vicarage Helpline. Oh hello. Um I wasn't able to sleep last night because um I was worrying about something I did yesterday. Oh I see. Uh what did you do? Well I was playing for the parish uh next to yours, and and the opposition appealed for a court behind, and in my heart I knew that I'd hit it, but the umpire didn't give it out, so I didn't walk. But now I'm feeling terrible about that, and I feel like I have committed a dreadful act. What should I do? I see. Well, you have not sinned against the laws of the game, but you have fallen foul of the spirit of the game. Can I be forgiven? Well, forgiveness can always be given to those who truly repent, and acknowledgement is the first step to repenting. But but what what should I do? Well, the next time you edge one behind, however faintly, you must walk off the field immediately, whether the opposition have appealed or not. Even if nobody's heard that edge. Especially if nobody has heard the edge. What well thank you, you have been a huge help, and um I hopefully I will sleep tonight. Sorry about that, young George. Right, where were we?

SPEAKER_02 5:11

Well, I was just telling you about my reading that I'll give on the spirit of the game, and that I hope WG Rumblepants will be giving his address as well.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Oh yes, uh, this week he is talking, as many are, about cheating in cricket.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

I've sorted some hymns as well, so I'm looking forward to singing those with a congregation. I think they're going to like it. This week is an ode to our new test captain, young Joe Root. Marvellous.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

I look forward to it. Oh, good morning, Mrs. Bartholomew. Good morning to you. Lovely to see you as always. There is still space there at the back of the church for you. Uh unfortunately not next to Mrs. Watts today because we're we're packed out today. Yes, packed out. But um, yes, we've saved we've saved a space for you at the back of the church. Yes, thank you, Mrs. Bartholomew. Lovely to see you as always. And of course, young George, we will be inviting members of the congregation to the front of the church to give their answers to this week's cricketing question. For the chance, of course, to win a brand new pair of 360 cricket shoes, kindly given to us by Newbury Cricket.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Well, the music has started, Churchy, and it looks like everyone's starting to take their seats. So we better get ready to start the Sunday service.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

It's been another very busy cricketing week in the world of professional cricket, although it's the grassroots game and the clicking of fingers that has been stealing the headlines. However, when sense prevails, I'm sure the cricketing world will come to realise the greatness of Justin Greaves bowling five back-to-back wicket maidens, and the cricketers of Durhamshire chasing down the 327 set by the visitors Glamorganshire, despite at one stage finding themselves 96 for six. Now, if you look in the pocket at the back of your pew in front of you, you will find your copy of The Good Book alongside your hymn book and the Order of Service. For those of you who are listening to this service back on the recording, you can find a digital order of service posted on our Twitter account at Sunday Service22. So now we know where everything is. Please will you stand to sing our first hymn this morning, Amazing Voice. Good morning, I trust your cricketing week has not been full of and you are not sat in the pavilion feeling hard dumb bike. I shall start today by facing Clickgate head on. Yes, it was naughty, and if proved, the gentleman in question should be told off and possibly not be allowed tea for a couple of games. But, and I say this with great thanks, it's not the end of the world, and we all make mistakes. The fact it now seems to have gone, and this is a phrase the kids use viral, means it was a, and this is a phrase used in broadcasting, slow newsday. And if that is the case, praise be, because there are far more important things happening than somebody clicking their fingers at first slip. It is naughty, but we have all made mistakes upon the field of cricket. I will now confess to a cricketing sin. I once umpired in a club game and our star batsman was Plum LBW, and I must confess I knew he was out, but instead of raising my finger, I called no ball. A dreadful sin, and one that I have had to live with for many years. I often think of that poor bowler 30 years later, still wondering how it wasn't given out. In fact, I've often worried the injustice of my decision may have forced him to retire from the game. I do hope not, and can I now say I am sorry. Anyway, the other thing is a doesn't sound like an outside edge, but that is for another day. As I say it was naughty, but let's all move on, shall we? It has been a busy week in the parish, and for the first time in quite some time I have been able to spend my week in the parish. Monday was spent doing parish paperwork and trying to fix my stopcock, a blocked U-Bend, and a dodgy phone line in Boycott Vickerage. The continuing saga of the Stopcock has been testing my faith, and that coupled with the U-Bend made the opening session of the week a little tricky. Allow me to put it this way. When use of the facilities came calling, I found myself dawdling to the badger's googly. Ted was extremely kind and on my third visit left me a copy of the good book to read in the cubicle to pass the time. An update for you. As our service today moves into its crucial opening session, my stopcock has been fixed, but the U-Bend is still blocked, despite the use of a coat hanger and a plunger. Tuesday I embarked on my parish visits with young Mr. Gomberts. We spent a morning with Mr. Jackson in the village shop discussing the possibility of opening a cricketing book section next to his vegetable selection. This was my idea, and one Mr. Gomberts took to like the proverbial duck to water. After long discussions, Mr. Jackson agreed to erect a bookcase next to his runner beans and Brussels sprouts, and I am donating some of the cricketing books from Boycott Vicarage, which will be sold for 20p each, with all proceeds going to the purchase of the parish birdbath. Mr Jackson took some persuading, but I assured him the sale of cricketing books would not impact on his sale of parish postcards and key rings. And can I make a parish announcement at this juncture? Anybody wishing to donate a cricketing book for sale should leave them with Mr Jackson, and he will place them upon the bookshelf. And Mr Archibald, only cricket books please, and not your nineteen thirty books of naughty French paintings, I thank you. I spent a quiet afternoon back at Boycott Vicarage and then made my way to the parish pond to witness Mr Gomberts and his windsurfing classes. It was a magnificent turnout, and Mr Gomberts is a natural coach. It was a joy to witness members of the Parish Women's Institute pulling themselves upright on the board and standing in the middle of the pond ready to take on the high seas. Mrs. Watts was particularly agile and drifted elegantly the ten yards to the end of the pond, where she promptly stepped onto dry land and shouted the words of Christopher Columbus. I take possession for our Highness with proclaiming heralds and flying royal standards, and no one is objecting. It was pointed out to Mrs. Watts that a number of parishioners were objecting, and Mr. Gomberts brought his class to an end, but I would describe it as a triumph. Tuesday I did venture out of the parish to see off Archbishop Jeremy Coney, who was heading back to his parish of New Zealand. It has been a joy to have Archbishop Cody with us this summer, and I was joined by two other members of the cricketing clergy, namely Curates, Norcross and Saltzman. It was an emotional farewell, reminiscent of Frodo leaving the Shire at the end of the Lord of the Rings. But the Archbishop assured us he would be returning next year. The Archbishop, of course, was Gandalf, and I'm not sure which of us was Frodo Baggins, but it was an emotional farewell. Wednesday morning was spent in the garden of Boycott Vicarage. It was an extremely hot day and I spent some time pruning and watering, but of course not using a hose pipe, which has now been added to the band list, alongside frozen items and certain foods. My watering can in the shape of IT Botham bowling was used where the water comes out of his high front arm and his bowling arm is adjustable so you can make the water swing in or out, which was marvellous fun. I must admit, Wednesday afternoon I took a parish siesta under the bush of Sir Geoffrey Boycott. It does provide lovely shade, and in the evening there was the Parish 11 practice for this Sunday's game against the Fishmongers of Farting Fallows. We know the 11 will have to be on top of their game against the Mongers, as they are known, and I must say the addition of Mr. Gomberts to the coaching ranks has been extremely beneficial. He gave a rousing team talk ahead of the net session, asking for focus, commitment, and energy. The focus and commitment was certainly there, but it was a very hot evening, and the energy dropped somewhat, although it seemed to come back in the Badgers Googly after the Net Session. The arrival of the Mungers on Sunday will also mean a lovely fish supper in the Badgers Googly after the game, although this year Ted is sticking to Scampi after his disastrous effort of barbecuing mussels and oysters last year. Thursday, I partook of a little hundred watching and listening. I found myself rather confused, as the Southern Brave took on the Phoenixes of Birmingham. Those from the South were certainly brave, but there was a distinct lack of phoenixes from Birmingham. Again on the television, it was a psychedelic feast, and I returned from the Badgers Googly looking forward to the restart of the county championship. The 50 over competition has been marvellous so far, and it feels like a calming current amid the tempestuous storm going on around it. I fear the good ship cricket may be swallowed up in the storm, but everybody at the 100 seems to be having a lovely time. Friday I met with the ladies of the Women's Institute to discuss fundraising ideas for our game in August against the hairdressers of Lower and Upper Bottom. It was a lively meeting in the village hall. Ideas such as who can bake the largest Victoria Sponge and the 100m hopping race were shelved. Again, the Women's Institute seemed fixated on the use of a hot tub positioned at Midwicket where you can pay £5 to watch the cricket from the hot tub with various members of the Women's Institute. I feel this is a dangerous precedent to set, especially if it's a hot day, and the suggestion of Mrs. Watts to turn the area next to the hot tub into a beach where you would again pay extra to use the beach facilities, whatever these may be, have been put on the agenda for our next meeting. The one thing that has been decided is Mrs. Bartholomew will be making her exotic sandwiches for the players during the tea break. She immediately put in her order of pilchards to be brought by the Fishmongers this Sunday. Saturday was spent with young Mr. Gomberts hearing this morning's reading from him and discussing his reworking of Blondie's one way or another, which he will be hearing from the choir shortly. I spent the afternoon doing my cricketing statistics because today you find me in the fair parish of Chelmsford for Essexhire's 50 over game against Worcestershire. Mr Gombert is once again leading the service, and he told me last week's attendance was excellent, and may I thank you all for your continued support of everything we are trying to do in the parish. As a wise man once said, Rome wasn't built in a day. It actually took about 870 years, all told, which gives us plenty of time to raise funds for the parish burbath. Good luck to the Parish Eleven this afternoon against the Fishmonger's Avarting Fellow. I look forward to hearing about a famous victory over Ted's Scampy Supper in the Badgers Googly this evening. So, until next week, remember to wear a hat in this hot weather and have plenty of drinks breaks. And most importantly, back well everyone, back very, very well. They are trying to find their timing, they are trying to find their hands. Every shot they play goes in the air and is caught. Or they find their stumps knocked out of the ground. We pray they'll stay patient, and we pray that their form comes back. And we pray that in their next game the bowler bowls a very slow full toss and they forget all their worries and launch the delivery over mid-wicket and into the hedge for six. And their form comes back. Mother cricket, we pray to you that this will be the case for all of those in bad form. Now I invite WG to the lecturer to give his address.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

This week, three minutes, more or less, about cheating in cricket This week everyone's been talking about the allegations involving Saltburn C C and the suggestion that someone may have been clicking their fingers to imitate the sound of an edge. The League is investigating, so we'll leave the facts to them. But I do wonder in astonishment at the sheer brass neck of it all. If true, it's a uniquely crickety way of cheating. Football has diving, rugby has eye gouging. Cricket? We've apparently invented foley artists. It does make you wonder what the next innovation will be. A wicket keeper with a Bluetooth speaker, perhaps, playing the sound of middle stump cartwheeling. The thing is, cricket has always had a wonderfully inventive relationship with honesty. Take the underarm incident in 1981. Australia needed to stop a six. Most captains would have changed the field. Greg Chappell apparently thought, no, let's rewrite sporting history instead. Or the great ball tampering arms race. Other sports spend millions on technology. Cricket teams had traditionally relied on whatever happens to be in someone's pocket dirt, bottletops, mints, sun cream. And then of course Australia rewrites. Raise the bar by deciding that what the boar really needed was a light sanding. Mike Atherton once explained that the dirt in his pocket was simply dirt. Which is one of those explanations that's technically possible but somehow raises more questions than answers. Then there's Stuart Broad and Trent Bridge in 2013. Thick edge, straight to slip. Everyone heard it. The slipcord heard it, the crowd heard it. The television microphones heard it. Someone in orbit at the International Space Station probably heard it. The only man, apparently unaware, was the one holding the bat. And of course, we have WG Grace, who remains the patron saint of cricketing audacity. Bold remove the bales, put them back on and carry on batting. The game to watch me bat. Imagine trying that today with twenty-seven cameras, ultra edge, hawkeye, and social media. Cricket's problem has never been the players and the rules. It's that they do so with astonishing imagination. They explore previously undiscovered legal frontiers. It's as though every generation of cricketers sits down and asks, right, gentlemen, what can we get away with before the MCC has to write another appendix? Only cricket could produce scandals involving sandpaper, underarm bowling, pretending not to hear an edge, and now, allegedly, the possibility of someone trying to be the sports first human sound effects department. Only in cricket could misconduct require its own orchestra. And somewhere you suspect, WG Grace is looking down, smiling, and wondering why nobody thought of it sooner.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Thank you to WG. And now, Mr. Gumbert, we'll read a passage from the good book.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

This week's reading from the good book is from the spirit of the game, twenty-eight for two. For our game is a test not only of skill, but also of character. It tests morality as much as it tests mettle. For the game shall be played by ladies and gentlemen of honour, who battle heartily but contend fairly. Blessed be the bowler who appealeth only when his heart is truly persuaded. Blessed be the batter who walketh when he knoweth himself to be out, even though the umpire hath not spoken. Blessed be the fielder who claimeth not the cash that hit the ground. But woe unto those who appeal without cause, who seek to humble their opponent with spiteful words, or who dispute the judgment of the umpire. For these offend against the spirit of the game. But there is a greater transgression still. Those who seteth out to deceive, whose purpose is falsehood, whose craft is dishonesty, and whose victory is sword by deceit rather than by merit. Such a one hath no inheritance in the game, with neither place in the pavilion, nor fellowship amongst its players. Here ended. I invite you now to join me as we bow our heads in prayer. Dearest Mother Cricket, we thank you for providing us with a game so silly, so fascinating, so undeniably bonkers that a man clicking his fingers in the middle of a field has become international news. In Swingers and Googlies, how's that? Your hymn book is to be found in the pocket on the back of the pew in front of you, so I ask you now to take it out and stand as we sing hymn number six hundred and fifty-five. You love these, don't you, Churchy?

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Ah yes, I love those shoes. They are I would term a hipster pair of cricketing shoes. Uh, for anybody in the congregation, um not au Fay, I think is the word I will use, with the term hipster, it's something that the young are using these days, and I see myself at times as a little bit of a hipster, I must say, and I would love a pair of these. I would love a pair of the 360s. What I would recommend though at the moment is with the the heat wave, the ground is rock hard, of course, concrete ground. So I wouldn't be I wouldn't be taking the option of spikes from our dear friends at Newbury. I would be taking the option of pimples. If you use spikes, you might find yourself slipping around, much like Torville and Dean, when they won their Olympic gold medal. So, the question for last week was we are playing the 50 over competition at the moment, but who are the current holders, everybody? Who are the current holders of the One Day Cup title? And the answer was of course Worcestershire. Now, this week's question. With Joe Root being named once again as the England Test Captain. The question this week is, how many Tests did Joe Root win in his previous incarnation as the England Test Cricket Captain? Very simple question, and for those listening to the service on the recording, and therefore they obviously can't come to the front of the church at the moment, you can send your answers, of course, into SundayserviceCricket at gmail.com or tweet at Sundayservice22. And our friends from the parish of Newbury have, of course, launched a bespoke discount code for members of the parish. You just use Sundayservice15 and get 15% off goods at www.newbury.co.uk, excluding, of course, bespoke bats. So why not treat yourself to some premium gear and quality willow?

SPEAKER_02 30:13

Well, all the allotted overs have been bold for the day, so that is stumps for today's service. But please note that teas and cakes will be served at the back of the church, courtesy of Mrs. Watts, and I know she'd be delighted if you tucked in. And day one of the West Indies vs. Pakistan Test match will be on in the Badgers Googly later today, courtesy of Ted for anybody who wants to watch some Red Bull cricket and get a sneak peek at what England will be facing later this month. And there is currently a collection plate going around, so please do give what you can. All proceeds will go towards the parish birdbath. And please don't forget you can get all your cricketing woes or tales or triumphs off your chest during the week by emailing us at SundayserviceCricket at gmail.com or messaging us on Twitter at Sundayservice22.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Thank you to everybody for coming along to the service today, and if you've enjoyed yourselves, as we always say, please do tell other members of the parish to come along with you next week, and that will expand our cricketing family. Thank you to WG Rumblepans for his observations on cheating in cricket, and to young Mr. Gomberts, of course, for his beautiful reading on the spirit of the game. And thank you to our friends at Newbury for their continued support of the Sunday service.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

This service has been led by George Gomberts and Mark Jurch, and until next Sunday, be good. And if you can't be good, be fair.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Wise words, young Mr. Gomberts, wise words. Goodbye.