Episode 44: On The Curfew

Welcome back to The Sunday Service!

This week, we hear the latest updates as the Parish XI prepare for their fundraiser game against The Hairdressers of Upper and Lower Bottom.

Mr Church has his updates from the Parish, WG Rumblepants speaks on the feeling of late-season cricket, and Mr Gompertz reads from The Good Book on 'The Curfew'.

The congregation sing 'They've Lifted The Curfew' and, we must say, they were in excellent voice.

And finally, curtosy our good friends at Newberry Cricket, we give away the 360 cricket shoes! Listen to find out if you won...

Check out all of their top equipment here

Please remember to send in any cricketing concerns, tales, or triumphs to us at:

- sundayservicecricket@gmail.com

- Twitter / X - @sundayservice22

Transcript

Copy

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Introducing Newbury Kit Studio, where you create your own heritage. Design bespoke teamware for any club, school or team with thousands of custom combinations at your fingertips. Whether you're building a full custom look or choosing from our core range to suit any budget, your team deserves the best. And because Newbury has been crafting cricket equipment since nineteen nineteen, kit studio customers unlock exclusive discounts across balls, bats, equipment, and shoes. Start designing today at newbury.co.uk. Newbury Kit Studio. Create your own heritage.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Ah, young Mr. Gombert, here you are again. Good morning, Mr.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

Church. Well, Red Bull Cricket is back across the country, but so it seems was the rain. Anyway, we've got glorious weather for our service today. And what have you been up to in the parish?

SPEAKER_03 1:14

Well, once again this week, young George, midweek I went down to the parish green. As you know, we've had ball and stall, we've had bat and chat this week. Gloves and love.

SPEAKER_06 1:29

Oh, brilliant.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

I sat on the parish bench and the parishionists have been told to come and join me with their gloves of either the batting or the wicket keeping variety. And a number of parishioners came down, and the whole point of it was that I wanted to hear uh see their gloves, obviously, and there were a number of gloves there. I was I was very excited by some of the older generation in the parish having gloves with the old rubber green spikes on, which gave you no protection whatsoever, but they still insist on using them. Mrs. Watts got slightly muddled up and and came down with her kitchen gloves that she uses for taking hot trays out of the oven. But again, those could be used for wicket keeping purposes, I suppose. But what I really wanted to hear from them were their loves. And by loves I mean the cricketers that they have fallen in love with Mrs. Watts Kumasangakara, which I can completely understand. Mark Lathwell, 1980s of Somerset, was an interesting choice from Sexy Rex, I have to say. But the one that really, really, really did surprise me. Mrs. Bartholomew, who came down with her gardening gloves, which again I suppose you could use for wicket keeping purposes. And she told me that she was in love with Ian Blackwell, who, as we all now know, is an umpire of Top Standard. Topstanded played one test match for England, but it wasn't a a name I expected to hear. But she said that in her younger days she used to follow Ian Blackwell wherever he was playing for Somerset and spent her days going around the country watching Ian Blackwell. And I had a lovely time there, and I saw some lovely gloves, and I found about the loves of our parish for cricketers across the world and across this nation. So that was a very, very successful afternoon once again, young George. Now, have you been up to anything interesting this week?

SPEAKER_04 3:26

Yes, just the usual bits and bobs. I faced some time off. So the ladies of the Women's Institute decided to organise a parish come dine with me of sorts. Mrs. Jackson was on starters, and she served smoked salmon on sourdough. The salmon, of course, courtesy of the Mungers. And it was delicious. It really was delicious. Mrs. Shelley and Mrs. Bartholomew took the lead on the main course, which was a trial run of the cricket tea for our upcoming fundraising match. It was a bit of a left field choice for dinner, but Mrs. Bartholomew's cheese and pickle sandwiches were delicious nonetheless, and I'm glad the ladies are getting their practice in before the big day. I just hope the boys can say the same. Mrs. Watts took solo care of puddings and served us what she described as lovingly homemade ice cream. But it was clearly fish food from Ben and Jerry's. It was it was clearly fish. I've had a lot of fish food before, and it was that was clearly it. But I didn't have the heart to tell her. And I was I was enjoying the ice cream anyway. And the evening ended with the entertainment, which was a cricket-themed game of charades, in which each person had to act out a specific cricketing moment. All was going very well until Mrs. Watts enthusiastically leapt off the sofa when it was her turn, and she mimed out Ben Stokes hitting the winning runs at Headingley in 2019. But when she recreated that famous fist pump, she did it so passionately that she punched the light shade and broke the bulb. Nonetheless, a very enjoyable evening was had by all. Anyway, is everything in order for today's service?

SPEAKER_03 5:07

Oh yes, as always, I've prepared my sermon, and this week I'm talking to our congregation about our preparations for the upcoming fundraising match against the hairdressers of Upper and Lower Bottom, and I have to say preparations continue to go extremely well. And I hope, George, that you are giving us one of your excellent readings from the good book. Of course, of course I am.

SPEAKER_04 5:31

And this week, after all the changes to the England test team, and especially the removal of the curfew, I thought it'd be beneficial to hear the good book's take on the matter.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

Ah, very important. A very good idea from you as always.

SPEAKER_04 5:49

Ah, Mrs. Bartholomew, lovely to see you. Yes, delicious, thank you. Although I've had to put some of them in the freezer. Yes, I I just didn't think I'd be able to get through 30 sandwiches in a week. No, no, no. But they will keep me going through the winter, I'm sure. Very good, very good. I do take a seat, Mrs. Bartholomew. Yes, yes, there's always a space for you at the front. Yes, very good. Very good. Alright, I'll see you later.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

My apologies, young George, but I must take this call. Hello, this is Boycott Vicarage Outline. Hello Hello Hello Hello, this is Boycott Vicarage Outline. Oh hello there. Is this Boycott Vicarage Outline? Uh yes, this is still the Boycott Vicarage Outline. Oh that is great news I'm so glad. How can I help you? I've been trying to ring the boycott Vicarage Outline all morning, but I keep getting the wrong number. Oh I see. That sounds like an awful pain for you. It is, although it's more of a pain for everyone else in the parish who I've been disturbing. I have called five other numbers before I called you. Everyone was very confused. I accidentally phoned a man called Ted. I'm not sure if you know him. Oh yes, Ted, he is a lovely man. Well, he just kept saying that I could have a burger and chips, or I could have fish and chips, but those were my only options. Oh, I see. And then he told me that the fish was supplied by the fish mongers of fighting fallows or the mongers as he kept calling them. And it did sound very tasty indeed. But I wasn't very hungry. Right, okay. And then he started telling me about this upcoming cricket match against the aairdresses of upper and lower bottom, and that it would be a great occasion. I am so sorry to interrupt, but I am very busy at the moment. Now that you've finally got through to the boycott vicarage helpline, what is your actual question? Oh yeah, of course my question. My question is Er Ooh er Oh I do apologise. I I I've forgotten what my question was. Right, very well, not to worry. I'd better go now as I have a service to take. Oh, okay then. But very nice to speak to you. Sorry about that, young George. Right, where were we?

SPEAKER_04 8:58

Well, I was just telling you about my reading that I'll give on the curfew, and I was going to ask if you know what WG is speaking about this week.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Oh, I certainly do. This week he's talking on the feel of late season cricket. Oh, and the most exciting news we're giving away the 360 shoes from the parish of Newbury today. Oh, that is exciting. Can you give me a sneak peek as to who's won them? I won't. I'm afraid, like everybody else, young George, you will have to wait.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

Playing your cards close to your chests. Very wise. Anyway, I've sorted out today's hymns and I'm looking forward to them as I always do. Perfect.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

I hope the congregation is in good voice today. Oh. Good morning, Mr. Wells. How are we? Uh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. In fact, I will be if it's alright with you, just mentioning that in my sermon. I know it was a shock. I know it was a shock, but no damage done. That's the most important thing. No damage done, but you're okay, are you? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, Mr. Wells, as I say, I'll mention that in the sermon. The most important thing is you're alright, and nobody in the parish was injured. That's the most important thing. Now, Mr. Wells, would you mind? Would you mind taking your seat? Thank you, thank you. Yes, yes, there's room there at the back for you, yes. Thank you, Mr. Wells.

SPEAKER_04 10:28

Right, very good, Churchy. The music has started, and everybody is taking their seats. So let's get ready to start the Sunday service.

SPEAKER_03 11:21

Good morning, everybody, and welcome to the Sunday service. I was going to say thank you to all of you for foregoing your pre-test match line, but as we now know, the test match only lasted two and a half days. But it is wonderful to have you all with us and join us for what will be another wonderful service this morning. Well, Red Bull Cricket has returned both at the domestic and international level. Unfortunately, though, so has the rain. It was very confusing when at times this week heavy rain was falling from a blue and seemingly cloudless sky. The only logical explanation is that it must be the ECB manufacturing rain to make sure that everybody remains slightly annoyed by aspects of Red Bull cricket and appreciate the versatility of the much fabled hundred. Anyway, despite the conditions, we've managed to see some excellent cricket this week across the country, with many matches concluding throughout the day. So there's lots to look forward to after the service. One of the joys of Test Match Cricket being back is that the Barmy Army are back in good voice, as they always are at Headingley, and with England winning in two and a half days, they were in very, very good voice. And talking of being in good voice, let's begin the service with our first hymn. If you look in the pocket on the back of the pew in front of you, as always, you will find your copy of the good book, alongside your hymn book and the order of service. For those of you who are listening to this service back on the recording, you can find a digital order of service and hymn sheet posted on our Twitter account at Sunday Service22. I invite you all now to stand as we sing our first hymn, Amazing Grace. I will start this morning's sermon with a well known passage from the Good Book if you will allow me. Mr Gomberts has allowed me because, and I really do mean this, I do not wish to steal his thunder, so to speak, and he has very kindly allowed me to remind us all of this well known passage because we both feel it is very important this week. And Mother Cricket said You shalt have a month where the sunshine and the heat increaseth, where players scatter across the country to partake in the competition that shall be known as the Hundred. Many shall play, and many shall not, and at the same time the one day cup shall be played, where experience and youth shall be combined, and the cricket shall be of a proper variety. The hundred shall be won by a franchise on the same day as the semi-finals of the one day cup are played, and the winners of the semi-finals will then have to wait a month to play the final. And those who have been playing franchise or one day cup cricket that are selected to play for the New Look England will then hot foot it to Headingley for two days of reacquainting themselves with the Red Bull. Because forty-eight hours after the franchise final and the one day cup semi-finals, a test match will start, on the same day as the women's fifty over competition resumes, which was last played on the twenty fourth day of June. And the following day, the county championship will also resume, the players having had an extra day than those playing in the test match to reacquaint themselves with the Red Bull. And the county championship will be played until September the 27th, with a three test series that finishes on the thirteenth of September, followed by three T twenty internationals and three one day internationals against Sri Lanka, which also finishes on the twenty-seventh of September, being played all at the same time. And two finals days for the one day cup competitions will also be played, and by the law of the sod, the sun and heat shall disappeareth, and the rain will most probably arrive, leaving players and spectators dreaming of the heat and the sun at the highest point of summer, when those of Manchester and the Trent lifted the golden age. And all of this shall be done in six weeks, and many will be confused and some will be exhausted. But by the dawning of the twenty eighth day of September, all be done, and some will then say next year, Eth, perhaps we should have more cricket. It is a pertinent passage from the good book, and I felt it was appropriate to start today's sermon with it, and I thank Mr Gomberts for allowing me to remind you all of that passage. I now ask for a moment of quiet reflection and diary filling in. Thank you. I apologise I have not been in the parish a great deal this week. I have been at Guildford Shire and the Oval Shire for the resumption of the women's one day cup and the county championship, which has been joyous. The start of the week did allow me to see many of you and hear how preparations are going for next Saturday's fundraising game against the hairdressers of Upper and Lower Bottom, which will, as we all know, raise funds for the purchase of the parish Burbath. May I thank you all for your time and effort, and progress is certainly being made. Mrs. Bartholomew continues to make her sandwiches for the tea break, and she tells me at last count she was nearly up to a thousand cheese and pickle sandwiches, which is a wonderful effort. The six tons of sand in the deal done by Mrs. Patterson was delivered on Tuesday, and the ladies of the women's institute have been out there all week with their spades in the heat building the beach at Long Off. It is certainly taking shape, and well done to Mrs. Jackson and Mrs. Watts, who speeded up the process of building the beach by calling in a favour, as they called it, and taking loan of a JCB digger. That they have both obviously enjoyed driving and was apparently seen going slowly up the parish lane on Friday evening with balloons hanging off it as a number of the WI headed into our neighbouring parish of Little Kneebend to celebrate Mrs Watts's and do not worry Mrs Watts I won't say the number birthday. I hope you had a lovely twenty first, and I'm glad to say the JCB was back in the parish on Saturday morning. There has been one slight mishap this week and I think it will explain to many of you the very loud noise you heard on Thursday evening. Mr Wells, who of course has agreed to lend his bouncy castle to us for the game against the hairdressers, very sensibly in my opinion, decided to make sure he could inflate aforementioned castle in his garden with his new electric pump. He tells me all started well, and his castle and its towers rose into the air in magnificent fashion. Unfortunately, once it was fully erect, Mr Wells could not turn the pump off, so he dashed to his kitchen where he was powering the pump through the use of a long extension lead, but as he entered the kitchen there was a loud explosion and part of the rubber pork cullis flew through his kitchen door. Yes, the castle had over inflated and blown up, but thankfully nobody was injured. I know many of you heard the Big Bang and have been finding various parts of the castle in your gardens this week. I have assured Mr Wells that it was not his fault, and I am delighted to say that having heard what happened, the company from where the electric pump was purchased, have agreed to buy us a new bouncy castle, and I for one think that is incredibly kind, and I have put in a request for the inflatable Heaver, which is one of my favourite castles. Thanks to Mr Gomberts for running a training session on Friday evening for the Parish Eleven, it went extremely well by all accounts, and Mr Gomberts has told the players there will be a couple more sessions next week, but rest and recovery is just as important for the game against the hairdressers. He also informs me his playlist for the choir to perform on the big day is coming on extremely well, and in a few moments you will hear one of his reworkings which he feels is apt for our parish, namely Led Zeppelin's Stairlift to Heaven. I am very much looking forward to hearing it. So a busy week for us all. And before WG comes to give you his address, I would like to finish my sermon today with a quote from one of the founding fathers of those states of apparently united America. Benjamin Franklin said, By failing to prepare, you're preparing to fail. Well, there is no preparing to fail in the parish, and I for one am very, very proud of all of you.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

This address Cricketin Three with WG Hello, Just Rumble here, and welcome to Cricket in Three with WG, where I attempt to explain the entire emotional journey of English cricket in less time than it takes a T twenty opener to reverse scoop a full toss into next week. Today's subject, the glorious return of the County Championship and Test Cricket. There's a particular point in the English cricket calendar when you suddenly realise that the season is changing. It's usually late August. The school holidays are winding down, the evenings are getting a little shorter, the weather has started to look slightly less reliable, and suddenly, almost without you noticing, Red Bull Cricket is back. And you think ah yes this There's something about watching a game of cricket when you know it's going to be there tomorrow. You can put it on after lunch and nobody is expecting it to be finished by tea time. A batsman can take his time. A bowler can bowl six overs and then come back and do exactly the same thing again and again and again and again. And occasionally you get to one of those passages of play where absolutely nothing much appears to be happening. Which is strangely when you start to notice everything the way the ball is behaving, the field, the batsman gradually getting himself in, the bowler trying to work out what might tempt him into a mistake and draw a rash shot. And then eventually something gives a nick, a catch, a ball that moves just enough, and suddenly you've been watching for an hour and you're completely absorbed in it. I think that's what I particularly like about this time of year. There's still plenty of summer left, but you can feel autumn creeping in. The school holidays are ending, children are going back, and the cricket season is entering that last really interesting stretch. And we still have a month or more of cricket left to go. And in that time titles can be won, relegation can be decided, and someone can suddenly discover that they've averaged sixty-one and then enjoy the next twenty years reminiscing about it. And the tests, the test series against Pakistan, that we're still hoping will produce the wonderful English mixture of sunshine, cloud, optimism, and the occasional collapse that no one saw coming. Although looking at England's recent results, someone probably should have seen them coming. And I think that's the thing about this period of the season. It doesn't need to be hurried. You can sit down with a cup of tea and watch a session, and then another. And maybe you wander off and do something else and come back later. And the game is still there. That's a rather nice thing to have, particularly these days.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

Thank you to WG. Now, Mr Gomberts will read a passage from the good book.

SPEAKER_04 25:33

Today's reading talks about the curfew and laws and regulations outside the field of play. It is taken from the Book of Mother Cricket, first innings, thirty-three for one. Cricket is a game of many strange laws, and therefore laws outside of the game ought to be few. Thou shalt not be burdened with commandments concerning what thou may eat and drink, how much thou may train, nor at what hour thou may layest thy head upon thy pillow. Such laws are unnecessary, for cricket is a game that demands respect, and those who refuse to give it will be punished not by external figures, but by Mother Cricket herself. For the player who eateth and drinketh without care for their health shall have catches dropped off their bowling. The player who traineth not shall be run out at the non-striker's end, having wandered but a little from their crease. And the player who remains awake deep into the night shall be given out LBW for one that was so obviously going down the leg side that the bowling team barely appealed. And so, of all cricketing lessons, this one is as important as any other. Mother Cricket demands respect not only on the field, but in equal amounts off the field as well. Here endeth the reading. Would you now join me as we bow our heads in prayer? Dearest Mother Crickets, as matches take place all over the country this afternoon, we hope that teas will be provided abundantly, that squash ratios will be neither too strong nor too weak, and that there shall be no movement behind the bowler's arm. In swingers and googlies, how's that? If you would please turn your hymn books to page twelve oh five and join in as we sing our next hymn, They've lifted the curtain. So thank you very much for that. Now, ordinarily at this point, I'd invite everybody to come to the front and answer our cricketing question to win a pair of 360 cricket shoes thanks to our friends at the parish of Newbury. But this week, nobody need come to the front or answer our cricketing question, because we are giving away the cricketing shoes.

SPEAKER_03 29:23

Ah yes, and they really are excellent. Hang about just a second. Mrs. Watts, Mrs. Bartholomew, Mr Gomberts has just said that you do not need to come to the front of the church. No, you don't need to kneel down either. I know you want to win the cricketing shoes, and you may well win them. But please can you go back to your seats in the pew? Thank you very much. Up you go, Mrs. Watts. You're nearly there. You're nearly there. You're upright. Excellent. Well done, Mrs. Watts. Off you go, off you go. So as I was saying, they really are excellent shoes, and as I've been told extensively by both Rex and Reg, who agree, I think Yes, there they are, both wearing their shoes to the service today. They both agree they are excellent shoes. Well, last week your simple question was how many runs did England score in their first and only innings away in Pakistan in 2024? And the answer was 823. And now the big moment. I am delighted to announce that the winner, no, not you, Mrs. Watts. Put your hand down. I do apologize, everybody. She's very keen. Very keen. The winner of the 360 cricket shoes from our good friends at Newbury is Mike Schodler. So well done to you, Mike, and thank you for attending our service. And the shoes will be with you very shortly. And then what we might well do is get you, Rex, and Reg together to wear them to the service. And those from the parish of Newbury have also released a bespoke discount code for members of our parish. So just use Sunday Service 15 and get 15% off at www.newbury.co.uk, excluding bespoke bats. And why not treat yourselves to some premium gear and quality willow?

SPEAKER_04 31:40

Well, the covers are on and the feet are up. That stumps for today's service. But please note that teas and cakes will be served as usual at the back of the church, courtesy of Mrs. Bartholomew this week. And all the cricket will be on in the Badges Googly later today, courtesy of Ted. Yes, all of it. All the county streams, all at the same time. It will be a split screen feast. And I look forward to seeing all of you there. And there is currently a collection plate going round. So please do give what you can. All proceeds towards the Parish Birdbath, as I'm sure you know by this point. And on the topic of the birdbath, I look forward to seeing you all at our fundraising game against the hairdressers of Upper and Lower Bottom next Saturday. I really look forward to seeing you there. Make sure you're there. And please don't forget you can tell us about all of your cricketing woes, worries, triumphs, and tales during the week. Just email SundayserviceCricket at gmail.com or Twitter at Sundayservice22.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

So thank you everybody as always for coming along to the service today. And if you've enjoyed yourselves, please do tell other members of the parish to come along with you next week and expand our cricketing family. Thank you to WG Rumblepants for his observations on the feel of late season cricket, and to Mr. Gomberts for his reading on the curfew. And of course, to our friends at Newbury for their continued support of the service.

SPEAKER_04 33:10

This service has been led by George Gomperts and Mark Church. And until next Sunday, go to bed whenever you feel appropriate. But please relax responsibly.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

Wise words, young Mr. Gomberts, wise words. Until next week, bat well, everybody. Bat very, very well. Goodbye!

SPEAKER_04 33:54

Another terrific service, Churchy. Just another terrific service. Oh, there goes Mrs. Bartholomew, you're ready to serve out her sandwiches. Did did you say that she had an interest in Mr. Blackwell?

SPEAKER_03 34:06

Oh, she did, yes. Well, she admitted it to me as I as I was sat on the parish bench. May I ask what she saw in Mr. Blackwell? Well, I think it was his hard-hitting left-handedness. And his uh his excellent left arm spin as well. And I think the fact as well that Mr. Blackwell is an extremely handsome man. Extremely handsome man, and and I think he used to I think it's fair to say, and I don't think he'll mind us saying this, it looked like he used to enjoy a sandwich or two. But not anymore. And of course with Mrs. Bartholomew making her sandwiches, not only for today, but she's been two and a half weeks now making the sandwiches for next Saturday's fundraising game. Slightly concerned about the piltered ones. They've been fermenting now for two and a half weeks, but but she doesn't really, really want anybody to know too much about her love of Mr. Blackwell. But I can I just say, young George, I I can't blame her. He was a hard-hitting left-handed batter, he was a very fine left-arm spinner, excellent fielder, now one of the best umpires in the game, and also he s felt like now. S felt like he's half the man he was, and that is probably because he hasn't indulged in any of Mrs. Barthwallamy's sandwiches.

SPEAKER_04 35:25

I'd better go over and tell her, make sure she doesn't give any to Mr. Blackwell. I don't know how that would happen, but just in case they're ever in the same room, she'd better know not to give a sandwich to Mr. Blackwell.

SPEAKER_03 35:36

All I can say is I I hope I hope Mr. Powell's hate they are never in the same room, I have to say. Anyway, I better get going. Uh lovely have a lovely afternoon. I will see you in the Badgers Googly, actually, for some cruising watching. Apart from, of course, we won't be watching any of the test match due to the fact it's well, it's all over, isn't it? It's all done. It's all done. I'll see you in the Googly churchy. See you later.