Episode 4: Belonging by Design

What does it mean to truly belong? In this episode of We Are Ashley Hall, we explore how belonging is intentionally cultivated across every division of the school. Through conversations with educators and students, we discuss the relationships, experiences, and values that help every student feel seen, supported, and empowered to thrive—both at Ashley Hall and beyond.

Featured in this Episode:

Dr. Anne T. Weston ’73 Head of School (Introduction)

Cintra Horn, Assistant Head of School for Student Affairs (moderator)

Diane Fletcher, Director of the Early School

Polly Kronsberg, Director of the Lower School

Alison Parks, Director of the Middle School

Elisabeth Lavin-Peter, Director of the Upper School

Student Participants: Caroline Copenhaver '27 and Zahirah Muhammad '27

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to episode four of We Are Ashley Hall. Today we are exploring a word that we use often, but one that deserves deeper reflection, the word belonging. At Ashley Hall, belonging is not a trend. It is not a response to a moment. It is mission-centered work. It is deeply rooted in who we are and who we aspire to be as a school community. Research tells us and experience confirms that students learn best when they feel safe, respected, and connected. When a student knows she belongs, she's more willing to take academic risks, to share her voice, to lead, and to grow. It is also foundational to leadership. At Ashley Hall, we are preparing young women not just to succeed, but to lead with integrity and empathy. That work begins with helping them understand their own identities and teaching them how to create space for others. And something we know well at Ashley Hall, belonging is not a single initiative or a standalone program. It is our culture. It is woven into the fabric of our early school classrooms, our lower school communities, our middle school advisory spaces, and our upper school leadership opportunities. It evolves as our students grow, but it remains constant in purpose. Today I'm grateful to have Sentra Horn, our assistant head of school for student affairs, leading this conversation. Sentra approaches belonging work with both heart and clarity, and she will guide us through how belonging takes shape across our divisions at Ashley Hall.

SPEAKER_05 1:57

Thank you, Dr. Weston. I'm really looking forward to this conversation, and I'm grateful to be joined by two leaders in our community who think deeply about this work every single day. Diane Fletcher, Director of the Early School. Thank you for being here. Thank you for inviting me. And Polly Kronzberg, Director of the Lower School. Thanks for having me, Central. We're so glad you're both part of this discussion. Both of you are shaping the earliest experiences of our students and their families here at Ashley Hall, and that makes you essential voices in this conversation about belonging. Before we dive into specific examples from your divisions, I think it's important to pause and name what we mean when we say belonging work. It's a phrase we use often, but it deserves clarity. In a school setting, belonging work is the intentional effort to create environments where every student feels known, valued, and able to participate fully as themselves. It's about more than just being present in a classroom. It's about feeling psychologically safe, respected, and empowered to contribute. And that intentionality matters, even and especially with our youngest learners. Sometimes people assume that belonging happens naturally in early childhood. That kids just come and play and have fun and it's just gonna happen magically. But the reality is children are forming ideas about identity, fairness, friendship, and difference from a very young age. They notice who is included. They especially notice who is left out. They notice whose voices are heard. If we want belonging to be real, we have to design for that belonging. We have to model it and we have to teach it. There's also a very important distinction between inclusion and belonging. Inclusion ensures that child has a seat in the room. Belonging ensures that once she's in that room, she feels like she matters there. So I'd love to begin by asking both of you, what does belonging mean to you and what does it actually look like in your divisions? Diane, why don't you start?

SPEAKER_02 4:00

The sense of belonging lives at the heart of the days that we live together every single day. It's built in those small, meaningful moments, that shared laugh, that negotiated turn, a question when it's offered with wonder when they're looking at a butterfly or they're out at our nature retreat and they're deciding what path to go on. It's within this rich community that this child's learning unfolds every single day. And we see who they are becoming as a learner with others and the world around them in relationship. And early school, Diane, just to remind everyone, is ages. The early school is co-ed.

SPEAKER_05 4:40

We have both boys and girls ages two through five.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

And then we roll over to kindergarten. And lower school community is about belonging. And so we are really striving to show the girls how they belong in their community, whether it is the classroom or the lower school as a whole or Ashley Hall as a whole. You know, research shows us that things as small as a classroom job can make someone feel like they belong. So when we are in these younger years and forming their relationships with their school and with their peers, they find out who they are in that place. In lower school's kindergarten through fourth grade, in fourth grade, they become the leaders of their lower school community. Um, but they start little pieces of that even in kindergarten.

SPEAKER_05 5:27

And if I'm not mistaken, those little pieces that build confidence and agency actually start in pre-primary.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

This is a place where their ideas really matter, their voice is heard, and um their presence shapes that group in a pre-primary classroom where they're sharing a popcorn song in which popcorn, popcorn, do your thing. And little Ansley will be in the middle of the circle, and she'll be able to do a dance that shows who she is and what she's thinking. And it's just a little moment like that that gives a trace of who they are becoming and the competence to express their emotions, to express who they are. Also, we find it in the negotiations and morning meeting, too. This is a time for them to express everything that they are discovering within the domains of learning. Tell us about that in lower school, Polly.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yes, a morning meeting continues in lower school. It's a critical part of our day. From kindergarten through fourth grade, the girls start off in a morning meeting. They're in a circle, on the rug, they're talking about what their day is going to look like. They might talk about what's happening in their lives too. It's so is something happening at home that they're excited about, or is there something they're worried about? So they start to really understand one another as people. You know, we assume that children have these social and emotional skills already, but really we have to teach them. So through the morning meeting or a classroom conversation, they learn how to be empathetic or they learn how to show compassion towards someone. And that's essentially what belonging is, you know, that we are a part of this group. I'm a unique part of it.

SPEAKER_05 7:14

You said family, which makes me think that so many of our families, when they come to Ashley Hall, this might be their very first school experience as a parent. And Dan, I'm so excited about what you're going to share with us next about the ways that parents plug into the early school.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

So families are always welcome partners and they're really active participants in the learning community that we do here every single day. What we have is children bringing in that special visitor, whether it's a grandparent, a mother, a father. We had a mother who was sharing her landscape architect experiences with the children, really working with gardens and how she plans them out. And then they planned out their own little bed. A father came in and shared his guitar, a grandfather came in and shared the violin. So not only their profession, but also their culture about who they are. It may be diwali, it may be Thanksgiving, it may be Hanukkah. All these different cultural events and the foods and the ways in which different parents and families interact are an important sense of your identity and who you are in our school and that you are valued and that you are important.

SPEAKER_05 8:31

So, Polly, walk us through what the primary years program is and how that really reinforces a sense of community for our students.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Sure. So our lower school is an authorized primary years program through the International Baccalaureate. And with that, we really look at how our students are living in community, yes, at Ashley Hall, but really larger outside of the school community and in our world, whether that's Charleston or beyond. And so we really want them to think how their actions and the work that they do can have a positive impact on the community at large. So it might be, you know, working with a local organization or taking field trips to see things within our community that we can help and where we can, you know, it might clean up a marsh or do something where we are making our community a better place. And as the students get older, they get outside of just Charleston and you know they do grow and think larger, you know, how can I impact this world? And it's really powerful to see them becoming agents of change as a seven, eight, nine, ten-year-old. Completely.

SPEAKER_05 9:44

Now, with that comfort and confidence, sometimes also conflict arises. And conflict is a natural and healthy part of a community. Without conflict, honestly, I would worry a little bit. But we need to help the students know how to manage conflict.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

So, Diane, does it start as early as two? It starts as early as two when they're separating from their parents. And that's where our teachers have to listen deeply to the children and really respond to them with respect and curiosity, even when the child may be wrong. And that's productive failure, is allowing that child to build that sense of confidence that it's okay to take a risk. Agency starts as early as two and continues to be, you know, powerful in a pre-K program where they're learning the power of their words at that point in time.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Yeah, and in lower school conflict is natural, it's going to happen. And we we arm the girls with a skill set of how they're going to manage these conflicts. You know, I always say you don't have to be everyone's best friend, but you do have to be kind and you have to live in community together. So how are we going to get to that point? And so we really we want them to have opportunities for conflict so that they can build, you know, that that toolkit or those skills to manage them.

SPEAKER_05 11:11

People sometimes feel like the little kids are just playing and they don't understand the intense structure and the intentional actions that are going on in early school.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Everyone thinks that early school is a place that it is just a free-for-all, but there is a lot of structure within our program in which children are finding that place to belong, and part of that belonging is to structure the environment as the third teacher where they're becoming a friend, a contributor, a listener, a thinker within this, you know, larger community that grows with them into lower school. A common thread through all of our divisions, and it starts with the foundation in the early school, is that the predominant voice in the classroom is not the teachers, it's the child's voice. And we're not giving them the answers. We're asking them to research those as early as two.

SPEAKER_05 12:05

Polly, I've had the privilege of sitting in lower school assembly and seeing fourth graders deliver to an audience of hundreds. How do you make that happen?

SPEAKER_01 12:15

They are ready for it by the time they get to fourth grade. You know, our weekly assembly is really a special time where the lower school comes together and it is led by the fourth graders. And so they've watched as kindergartners, first, second, third graders, the fourth graders do this. So they are ready to take it on. And they really each year at the beginning of the year, they decide what the important components of the assembly are going to be, how they're going to present it. They learn to build slides to present on on the stage, and and they're up there with a microphone speaking to 200 people. And it's really pretty impressive. And there's there's always the girl who who's so nervous and I can't do this. And then once she does it, the awe and the oh my gosh, I want to do it again. And it's that way every year. It's a beautiful safe space because they know the 200 people in the room. They're their peers. They can start there and lead that group. And then when I get to middle school, I I've already done it, I've spoken to 200 people on a stage. So they have that confidence going into middle school. I can do this. Why wouldn't I do this?

SPEAKER_05 13:22

And that inner confidence is also their self-advocacy. So being able to ask for help. Diane, you talked about students recognizing that a friend might fall and advocating for a friend, but the self-advocacy, I imagine, also starts as early as pre-pride.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

It does, where they say, Stop, I don't like that. And then that other child has to listen as early as two to say, you know, they're all different ways in which children will stand up and have their voice be heard, but in a way that is not overbearing, and not in a way where you have to scream and shout to be heard, but in a way that's respectful to one another.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

Yeah, and that really does continue in lower school. And when I can speak up for myself, it's going to make a positive experience. And I'm going to feel better about myself because I I care enough about myself or my friends to make that step.

SPEAKER_05 14:21

Absolutely. It's so clear listening to both of you that belonging doesn't just happen later in the student's journey. It begins in the very smallest moments, in circle time, in shared agreements, and how we help children name their feelings and their relationships. You're laying a foundation that is both emotional and relational. Well, Diane and Polly, thank you. So, how does belonging evolve at Middle and Upper School? What new challenges emerge? And how do we intentionally support students through those challenges? I'm so grateful to be joined by Allison Parks, Director of the Middle School, and Elizabeth Lavin Peter, Director of the Upper School, both experts in their fields. Allison, Elizabeth, thank you for being here. Let's dive in. Alison, we just had the pleasure of hearing from Polly Kronzberg about what happens through lower school. But I want you to tell us why belonging especially critical in middle school?

SPEAKER_03 15:21

Middle school is a very special time in which students are looking for more independence, more agency, less boundaries. And we know that they need strong structures in reaching those goals and reaching those goals well. And so belonging becomes really crucial for us because we know that students need a safe space to explore. They need a safe space to learn in their classes. Having those tools in their tool belts to know what expectations are of them, what interactions can look like peer-to-peer helps create that safe space. We really want students to be able to talk with their teachers, to know that they have somebody to go to.

SPEAKER_05 16:38

And then Elizabeth, talk to us about identity and that expression in the upper school.

SPEAKER_04 16:43

Well, I think in the upper school, students continue to extend their sense of who they are. And in some ways, that takes place by really turning inward and thinking more deeply into their family identities or cultural identities, racial or religious identities. But it's also, of course, a time when students are expanding outward, where they're seeking the ideas of others, they're extending their understanding and exploring perspectives and experiences of those that are very different from themselves. Some of the ways that the school is structured to allow this sense of identity to blossom come out of the self-driven research opportunities that are built into the curriculum and the student societies. So, for example, a student recently drew off a project that started as a small little assignment about her family from an English class, and then it developed into her grade 10 oral defense project, which is part of our humanities curriculum in both grade 9 and 10. And that deepened her understanding of her grandmother's participation in the Kadi movement, which was part of Gandhi's independence movement. She went beyond that work and expanded it even outside of the school when she turned it into a presentation that was given at the IBU Foundation's Women in India Mini Summit, which took place at the Charleston Library Society and had an audience of approximately 80 plus people.

SPEAKER_05 18:00

Students are definitely exploring outside of their world experience, and that's something that I can't help but to smile when I think about all the different ways that our students at Ashley Hall have that opportunity. Now, we also know that students have parents. And so as the children begin to develop an identity that's independent of their parents, how do we support families through those really big changes?

SPEAKER_03 18:26

For us in the middle school, it is a lot of communication. Looking at the move from lower school to middle school, this is when students start to have multiple teachers for different subject areas. Although there is an advisory, there's not one homeroom class that a student is with, and that parents have that immediate and obvious connection to. And so really opening up that communication about what's going on in the day-to-day, what we see as student need, and where we need help in partnership is really big in how we create that conversation.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

It's keeping a really open chain of communication between parents and not just teachers, but also all sorts of resources like our academic support teachers, our counseling team, obviously me and the deans, and being ready to reach out when we have concerns and certainly being there to hear their concerns. There are also things like coffee mornings.

SPEAKER_05 19:29

As you've observed students over time, what do you think surprises them about themselves as they grow older?

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Middle school is such a moment of change and growth. And we know that change is really hard because change represents loss, loss of childhood, loss of that homeroom teacher, loss of something that's occurred previously. And the middle school mind is really set to move forward to figure out who am I, who am I in this world, I don't need help. And then they get to that moment where maybe they do need some support. Helping them realize that they have a team, they have people who are rooting them on, who are going to help them celebrate their successes, but also when they meet challenge, they're gonna help them learn and grow through it. And I think that is a really big moment for our students in the middle school.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

I think actually one of the bigger surprises that kids have as they continue growing and exploring is how different they are. And I know that maybe isn't what you're expecting, but like I think they often come into things thinking, oh, we're really all exactly the same, and we other people have the same ideas I have and the same feelings I have. And it it's a real growth experience to realize, in fact, people have really divergent opinions and feelings and experiences. I have a civil discourse group, and that is a place where a topic will come up, and all of a sudden the 10, 12 girls I've got in that group will start talking about it, and you'll realize oh, they are coming at an idea from a completely different angle. And that I think they do find that surprising.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

And I think that ties to really casting the wide net, the understanding that yes, you can have really close friends. You are going to have people that are close with you, friends outside of school. But we encourage, especially starting at the middle school age, all students to really cast a wide net, to think about who else can I talk with, who else can I eat lunch with? And that really works up to that confidence piece.

SPEAKER_05 21:45

Absolutely. And it reminds me that the difference between fitting in and belonging is that fitting in really depends on others accepting me. And belonging is about my internal sense of self and my sense of confidence. And what we do. Really beautifully at Ashley Hall is building that sense of confidence so students can express themselves here and outside of here. When you think about your divisions, how are we designing for belonging in middle and upper school?

SPEAKER_03 22:15

Advisory plays a really big piece for us in the middle school. We have groups in which students are assigned an advisor who is their touch person, their academic support, their go-to. And we start really intentionally with building out that identity as an advisory group during our community days at the start of school. Students are creating a mascot for their advisory, a chant, a cheer tenants of what it means to be a community member within that smaller group, expectations of how interactions occur. And that advisory program carries throughout the year. And we do a lot of work to build up to that in the upper school during the middle school years, where we're helping students find their voice. And a lot of that for us comes through reflection, both academically and in terms of peer-to-peer relations. How did I approach that? How could it have gone differently? How can I plan differently? And then how can I put that into action and move forward?

SPEAKER_05 23:21

I love how both of you really talked about what we're doing at Ashley Hall is not performative. It's not because it's in vogue right now. It's because it's really, really good teaching and it's the best way that we can serve our girls as they become young women and go out to meet the challenges of the world that are ahead of them. Now, powerful spaces where students express themselves can sometimes lead to conflict. And so talk to us about how we navigate conflict and disagreement in middle and upper school.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

We expect there to be issues peer-to-peer. We know that our students, as they're finding their voice and confidence, they're trying to figure out how to do that. And that's going to mean pushing boundaries either of our expectations or a friend's expectations. And so that's where that reflective piece really comes into play for us in the middle school. We help students identify where things could have gone differently, and we help talk them through how their action has affected others really, and how they can work to repair those relationships and move forward as a community.

SPEAKER_04 24:29

I would say that same emphasis on self-reflection and repair travels all the way up into the upper school. And I think what I'm going to say also travels down into the middle school, which is that our students, I think five or six years ago, came up with a set of guidelines for civil discourse, and those guidelines are in every single classroom. And they are our default whenever conflict comes up. We can return to those literally in the middle of a class if there is a conflict.

SPEAKER_05 25:06

All these things are happening, but they're not happening by accident. And so what I would post to you as division directors is from your vantage point, what requires constant attention to make sure we don't fall slack on our belonging work.

SPEAKER_03 25:20

A lot of it is making the work visible for our students, modeling behaviors, creating prompts for them to think through. Our IB coordinator for the middle years program, Sarah Lyle, has a great way of helping students think about the so what and now what. And so really giving them that moment to think about why is this important, and how can I have a role in in this work.

SPEAKER_04 25:50

I would definitely second that idea that it's important to make moments visible for the students that this is something that is happening and that they are taking on a role and um and highlighting it and like making sure that other students are also aware of it.

SPEAKER_05 26:08

Thank you both for sharing those perspectives from the middle and upper school. Now we want to hear directly from students who experience this sense of belonging every day. I'm joined by two Ashley Hall students to talk about what belonging looks like and feels like in their own lives, both inside and outside the classroom. Welcome, Caroline and Zayra. Hi, good morning.

unknown 26:30

Hi.

SPEAKER_05 26:31

Tell me, when you hear the word belonging, what does it mean to you personally?

SPEAKER_07 26:36

I would say when I hear the word belonging, I think about kind of being able to be oneself and not having to have any guards up. And I think that especially in the Ashley Hall community, when I walk around, I see people who are like laughing and playing, and there's you're really free from the stressors of like, I don't know, social anxiety or how other people will react to you. And that's why I feel like I belong at Ashley Hall is I can walk around and see everyone for who they are and be myself. I love that. Zera, what would you add to that answer?

SPEAKER_06 27:09

When I hear the um word belonging, I think of being at home with yourself and being comfortable with yourself and your identity, and no matter what space you're in. So especially at Ashley Hall, um, the topic of belonging, it's very nuanced because it means different things to different people. And also belonging, it starts with you. So when I think of belonging, I just think of being at home with yourself, not being afraid to share your feelings or expressions.

SPEAKER_05 27:35

So that's cool. Both of you gave me really broad examples of belonging that I enjoyed hearing about, but I would love to hear a time, like a real moment at Ashley Hall that stood out for you where you felt like you belonged. What made that moment stand out?

SPEAKER_06 27:50

Well, I am a part of the society called BSU, which is the Black Student Union here at Ashley Hall. And I would say any moment that I'm with those girls, I really feel like I belong at Ashley Hall because it's important for a person to fellowship with others that make them feel comfortable and make them feel loved and deserved. And I really feel that Ashley Hall, especially, where you don't feel this sense of isolation where you get to connect with other girls that are like you and also other girls that are different than you, just to learn from each other.

SPEAKER_07 28:21

I was thinking that actually within our grade, there's obviously the bigger Ash Hall community, but we also have a really close, tight-knit grade. And we recently did in February a tradition that we made up in our grade called Secret Cupid, that's basically like Secret Santa, but for like Valentine's or Galantine's Day, like for your friends. And every single person participates and brings a gift for just someone that you randomly draw on the grade. And seeing how everyone came together to bring like thoughtful gifts for everyone, no matter who you drew drew, if it was your best friend or someone that you had no classes with, I think that all like the unique gifts like showed kind of the community of belonging that we have within our grade. And that's kind of just looking around the circle. We sit in like a big circle looking at each other. Um, that I really felt like I belonged in our grade. And we all experienced the same things, like we were going through exams, which I think that kind of shared hardship also. It kind of brings us together.

SPEAKER_06 29:21

It's like this little sisterhood that's Ashley Hall. And you can see the sisterhood across all grade levels, like from the EEC girls holding hands with each other to the IP girls playing kickball in the morning, to even us upper school girls studying together. It's just that shared sisterhood, like what Caroline was talking about, that makes you feel like you really belong at Ashley Hall.

SPEAKER_07 29:42

Or even like just our relationships with other grades, I think that's something that's really unique to our school.

SPEAKER_05 29:47

That's super huge because that reminds me of some research I came across a couple of years ago that particularly for girls, seeing people about two to four years older than them is a huge leadership advantage. Um, because they can see themselves in you in a way that maybe a kindergarten student can't see that quite yet.

SPEAKER_07 30:04

And I feel like it started for me. I joined lacrosse in eighth grade and I always looked up to the girls who are two years older than me. There was a big group of them. And I still think about them and what they were doing in junior year as kind of a guide, like you were saying, for kind of what commitments I can do.

SPEAKER_05 30:21

And I love those examples of how students create a sense of belonging at Ashley Hall, and I get the privilege of seeing it every day. Something I talked to division directors about earlier in our talk was really the sense of belonging harboring confidence in our students for when they leave Ashley Hall. Um, we've also brought other students to Ashley Hall. So, Zier, would you tell us a little bit about the Belonging Summit experience?

SPEAKER_06 30:45

Yes, of course. So, last or this year, a couple of weeks ago, this was my third year attending the annual Belonging Summit. And it was a really amazing experience to fellowship with other students from different schools and from different grades and talking about ways that we can make our schools be places where people feel like they belong, but also the importance of recognizing that belonging starts with you, and belonging means different things to different people. So it depends on how comfortable you are in a certain space and how schools have a big responsibility to make sure their students feel welcome and comfortable to express themselves as well.

SPEAKER_07 31:22

I really like how you talked about the like comfort in yourself. I think that you definitely have to know yourself in order, like you said, to kind of show the outside world who you are.

SPEAKER_05 31:33

Is there a question I didn't ask you that you were hoping I would, or something you'd just love to say as a closing about belonging?

SPEAKER_07 31:40

Okay, so something that I wanted to add was how the sense of belonging doesn't even extend to the girls that you see every day. It can also extend to um the girl, like the Ashley Hall girls who are in the real world and who the alumni. And I still I contact girls who have already graduated all the time to either ask for advice or go visit them at their colleges. And as we're juniors, like looking into the outside world, I think that combination of knowing who we are and the confidence that comes from belonging in an environment combined with knowing that there are people out there who will also accept you and who can kind of guide the way for you is a really like we feel combination going into the world. And I think it I think that that's what's just something about Ashley Hall that is like the crowning. Yeah, achievement.

SPEAKER_06 32:33

Um, yeah, I agree. As teenage girls, it's really interesting because we're about to enter this era where we're stepping outside of our comfort zone, perhaps, and we're entering spaces that may not be familiar for us. So, like what Caroline was saying, it's very important to have that sense of confidence within yourself wherever you go, to connect with others, to recognize your value as a young girl and the value that you have to offer to the world.

SPEAKER_05 32:58

Thank you both so much for joining me today. I always enjoy your company, and it's great to hear you talk about belonging.

SPEAKER_07 33:05

Thank you for having me. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

Thank you, Sintra, and thank you to each of our division leaders for sharing your insight and your heart. And to our students, thank you for lending your voices to this conversation. Hearing directly from you reminds us why this work matters. What we've heard today reinforces something important. Belonging is not automatic. It is cultivated. It is built in daily interactions, in courageous conversations, and in the small, consistent, and intentional choices we make as a community. It also evolves because when students know they belong, they learn with confidence, they lead with courage, and they serve with compassion. Thank you for joining us for this episode of We Are Ashley Hall.