What Does the Bible Say About Divorce?

Divorce is one of the most difficult and emotionally charged topics Christians face. Does the Bible ever permit divorce? What did Jesus actually teach? And what about situations involving abandonment or abuse?

In this episode, Pastor Charlie carefully examines Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7 to explain God’s design for marriage, the biblical exceptions that may permit divorce, and why reconciliation should always be pursued whenever possible. He also discusses remarriage, the importance of wise pastoral counsel, and why every situation deserves careful, biblical discernment rather than quick conclusions.

Whether you’re personally navigating these questions or simply want to better understand what Scripture teaches, this conversation offers both biblical truth and compassionate wisdom.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to another episode of the QA with Pastor Charlie Podcast. We recently had a couple questions about divorce and what the Bible says about it and maybe when it's permissible and when it's not. And so we're going to talk about that today.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

All right. Well, this is one of those big questions that is tough to answer, especially in a podcast uh time frame that we have. I think one of the important things to realize, and I've learned this over 20 plus years in ministry, is that not every situation is the same. And so we're going to speak in generalities, we're going to talk about, you know, in a general sense what we believe the Bible teaches and says, and some situations I think that the Bible does permit or allow for divorce. But every situation has its own nuance. And so anybody who's struggling with these thoughts, dealing with these issues in their life, I want them to make sure that before they just react, they've talked with their pastors, they've talked with spiritual leaders in their life that can help them navigate their specific instance and interpret what they're going through importantly. I think as we begin, before we talk about divorce, I think it's important to understand marriage first, because I think divorce for a Christian specifically should always be a last thing that we talk about. I don't think it should be the first thought. I don't think it should be something that we enter into lightly. I don't think it's something that we should be flippant about, which unfortunately in our culture today seems to be more of the mindset of just marriage is something you get into easily and out of easily. And I don't think the Bible depicts that at all. Matter of fact, you know, Jesus, and we're going to see this, he took them back to the very beginning when he was asked about divorce and said from the beginning, God's intent was for a man to leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife, and the two become one flesh. And the intent was always that marriage would be a lifelong commitment and covenant that we make with one another. And there's a lot of reasons of why that is. I mean, I think one, for society, it's far better when we're committed to that and persevere in that. But in a more even important thing, the Bible's clear in Ephesians 5 that the relationship between a husband and wife ultimately is meant to display the covenant love between Christ and his church. And when we sever that relationship, we're distorting the gospel that marriage ultimately is supposed to represent. And so all of that says that that divorce should not be something that should just be quickly entered into. However, there are sadly situations in life that because of sin cause a marriage to not be able to continue. And I've lived long enough now and experienced enough, unfortunately, of these situations that sometimes there's a party who will not honor the covenant, they will not do what they're supposed to do, and it leads to inevitably a divorce being something that has to take place. We get situations in the Bible where the people of God have intermingled with pagans and which God had commanded them not to do. And it's interesting that that the men decide, like, we've got to put away these foreign wives. And and they make that decision. And while God is silent and doesn't say you should do this, at the same time, he doesn't tell them not to do it. And one of the parrot things that I take away from that passage is sometimes there is greater sin that is occurring in a marriage because of people's sinfulness that then maybe the sin of divorce, because the effect of the sin or the marriage continuing is perpetuating sin that's greater than the sin of divorce. And so again, I say all of that, that this isn't just an easy question. It's not just one of those that is just as cut and dry as sometimes I think we want to make it. Well, the Bible says this, therefore, this is the only way, the only how. And so I'm gonna start in Matthew chapter 19 and look at the words of Jesus first about this particular instance because he was asked a question about divorce. Now, I think it's important to note in the passage that we're gonna look at today that Jesus was asked a very specific question. They asked him a very specific question about a very specific kind of divorce, and that is the answer that he's gonna give them. And so the Pharisees come up to Jesus, and we see in verse 3 of Matthew 19, some Pharisees approached him to test him. And so we see them doing this a lot in Jesus' ministry. They're coming, and well, what do you think about this? Hey, Jesus, what's the greatest commandment? And they're their hearts are never right when they do this. I mean, they're never approaching Jesus from the standpoint of we want to learn from you. They're trying to trip him up, they're trying to get him to lose favor with people. There's always a manipulative reason. And so they ask a very specific question: Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds or for any reasons? Now, I think it's important to understand that in that day and time in Israel, and specifically amongst the Pharisees, there were two primary thoughts on divorce. And they interpreted it back from something that Moses had said in the Old Testament that the grounds of which you could divorce a wife. And one group said the only grounds for divorcing your wife is for sexual sin. That's the only reason that you can divorce your wife. Not just because you don't like her, not because she's not pretty anymore, not because she doesn't make you happy. But there was another group that had taken a more liberal approach, and it's simply their view was you could divorce your wife on any grounds. She burned your meal, she didn't smell right, any reason that you had, and they had basically interpreted the law of Moses to say the moment we don't want to be married, we're free to not be married. It's also important to notice that at this day and time, women didn't have rights to divorce. And so the decision to divorce was a man's decision. And what had happened in Israel was not too uncommon to what we've seen throughout history, that essentially if a man was unhappy with his wife, he'd just kick her to the curb so he could go find somebody else. So I think the specific question that they're asking Jesus is where do you stand on this issue? Is it that a man should only divorce his wife if for the cause of sexual immorality, some form of sexual sin, specifically, more specifically adultery, although I think there's other sexual sin that could enter into that? Or are you free to divorce your wife for any reason? And so the common theme of the day at Jesus' time was freedom to divorce your wife for any reason. So they're wanting to kind of see, are you are you on our side or are you on the other side? And Jesus replies, Haven't you read that he who created them in the beginning made them male and female? And he also said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. And so Jesus takes them back to the garden. He takes them back to the original man and woman and says, Let's remember what God's plan was. And he said, So they are no longer two but one flesh, therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. God's plan is for not no divorce. God's plan is for a man and woman to unify themselves in the covenant of marriage and stay married. Why then, they asked him, did Moses command us to give divorce papers to send her away? And so under the Old Testament law, because God was concerned for the wife who could be put away, and her be treating like an adulteress, and her losing her reputation and the possibility of being remarried to a man. And again, remember in this culture, for a wife to not have a husband, she's in a difficult situation. She doesn't have a protector, she doesn't have a one to provide for her. And so a woman not married could be in a very difficult situation. And so Moses commanded that you can't just put your wife away. You have to give her a certificate of divorce that frees her to be able to be remarried. Spyro Zodiades, for those who are listening, has written a couple books. He's a Greek scholar, a Greek theologian on divorce and remarriage, and he does a very good job explaining some of these things. And I would encourage someone to go and read them just for a little bit of insight on there. But Jesus' reply to their question was he told them Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your heart, but it was not like that from the beginning. So Moses did tell you to give him a certificate, but that was only because of your sin, your hard heart. He wanted to protect the innocent party. So therefore, don't think that Moses was giving you freedom to divorce whenever you want. He didn't want you to do that. What he was doing is saying, if you're going to do it, you got to do it this way to protect the woman so she's not treated like an adulteress, so she's not ostracized and not allowed to remarry. And so in verse 9, he says, I tell you, however, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. So Jesus sides with the conservative group in this situation. He says, The only reason that a person would be permitted to divorce their spouse is on the basis of some form of sexual sin, uh, adultery, because if you decide to put her away, you're committing adultery against her. And if she remarries, she's forced into what would be considered an adulterous situation. And so what that tells me is Jesus is saying, all right, there are situations that because of the sin against another person, like sexual immorality, adultery, divorce is permissible. Now, permissible doesn't mean you have to do it, right? And I think, you know, I've lived long enough to be able to see that even in terrible sin like sexual immorality, uh, adultery, that that marriage can be restored through repentance, through, through forgiveness, through the willingness to persevere and try hard, and God can bring life back to that marriage. However, there is some damage that's done. And I think the reason being is because there is a two become one flesh thing that the harm that can be done because of adultery, just one person can't get past it, or maybe it's chronic adultery. And so, because of sin, God says, this is where you're permitted. And here's why. I think it's because the adulterer broke the covenant. The covenant was we're going to become one flesh, we're going to keep ourselves for only one another. And when someone breaks the covenant, then there is the permissibility of divorce. Now the question is, is this the only reason for divorce? I mean, because Jesus said here that that's the only reason he gives. I don't think that Jesus personally, and there's some that would disagree with this, but I don't think that Jesus is speaking to every situation about divorce specifically in this moment. And I'll tell you a couple reasons why. One, he's answering a specific question about can we just put our wife away for any reason? And he's saying, no, that that's not the intent. Sexual sin, adultery is the reason that that you would, only reason that you should put away your wife. Now, if that was the only reason that a person would be allowed to divorce, then why does Paul later in 1 Corinthians give us another reason? And so that's why I argue that, well, that's not the only reason, because Paul's going to speak to this in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, and he's going to give us another situation by which it would be considered okay for a believer, a person to be divorced as a Christian. Now, I think it's important to understand the context of what Paul is writing about here, because the gospel is taken off and people are being saved. But what's happening is oftentimes a person finds themselves in a relationship where they've become a Christian and their spouse is not a Christian. By God's plan and design, it would be two Christians that would be married in a covenant. I think it's an important little lesson here is why we, as the Bible says, we don't yoke ourselves as unbelievers. Well, what was happening is the gospel was coming into these regions and being heard, and Gentiles were hearing the message of the gospel, they're being saved. And all of a sudden, you're in a situation where one of the married people is no longer a Christian. And so Paul has to address this in the church of Corinth. And so in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and verse 10, he says, To be married, I give this, to the married, I give this command, not I, but the Lord. A wife is not to leave her husband. But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and a husband is not to divorce his wife. And so, what did Christ say? Don't leave the marriage. Stay faithful to one another, stay, stay together. Uh don't, wives, you don't leave your husband. Again, this is a different context than specifically what Jesus is talking about. It's a Gentile context versus a Jewish context. But if she does leave, if you're going to leave your husband, you need to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and a husband is not to divorce his wife or put her away. But then Paul says this, but I, not the Lord, say to the rest. And so this is an interesting thing to try to interpret. Paul says, Well, what does he mean by that? Is this just his opinion? And I don't think that's what he's saying. I think what he's saying he's saying it under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, but what he's saying is, what I'm about to tell you is authoritative, but it didn't come from the mouth of Jesus himself. And so he says, if any brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. You're a Christian. Your spouse has, or you've become a Christian, your spouse is not. If they're going to live with you, stay with them. You're not to put them away just because you're a Christian now and they're not. Also, if a woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. So you being a believer and your spouse not being a believer is not grounds just to put them away. For the unbelieving husband is made holy by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy by her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. I don't have time to unpack that. That seems like a strange verse, but for the point of what we're talking about, I'm going to leave that alone. But, verse 15, if an unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or sister is not bound in such cases or in similar instances. God has called you to live in peace or well-being. So this is interesting. But he's saying, if you're married to an unbelieving spouse and they want to leave, let them go. And then you're free to remarry after that. So what's interesting again is that Paul says, All right, not I, or not, not the Lord, but I'm telling you this, and I think he's speaking under the authority of the Holy Spirit. I'm giving you godly counsel. Don't leave your spouse, but if they leave, let them go, and then you're free to remarry. And what's interesting about that, there's a couple things I want us to see in this passage, but one of them is this. Well, what does this have in common then with what Jesus said about sexual immorality? In both instances, the covenant's being broken. Instance number one, adulteries occurred. You broke the covenant. In this instance, I'm abandoning you, I'm leaving you. Well, what was the covenant? We're going to become one flesh and I'm going to stay together. In that instance, when someone breaks the covenant, you're free now to end that relationship because they've left, the covenant's broken, and then remarry into another one. Now, what's interesting also, he says, a brother or sister is not bound to have to stay married in such cases. Now, what's interesting about that is that word there, in such cases, in similar instances, it's plural. It means in instances like these. So, what are the instances like these that Paul is talking about? Well, I don't know, but it it seems to be there's more than one. Seems to be we're talking about something plural. Wayne Grutham, and I would encourage anybody that wants to think about this, and he has an article, little book, essay he's written on this and why his stance changed. And this phrase is not used anywhere else in the Bible, but he finds it in other literature at that time, and that phrase is speaking to what we're saying here in in similar cases, meaning more than one. There's cases like these. And so this to me helps me understand certain instances that the Bible doesn't speak to specifically. What if a woman's being abused, or a man for that matter? Well, we don't have a chapter and verse that we can go to and say, Well, you got to stay married. For me, though, knowing what the heart of God seems to be and the danger of that sin, well, you can't stay married. I mean, and I think sometimes pastors over the years have struggled and maybe even given some bad advice to women because there are men for that matter, but like, well, you can't leave. They're not abandoning you, and they haven't committed adultery. Well, is abuse any less physical abuse, some emotional abuse? And again, I think we got to be careful how we define these these words, but is that less than being having adultery committed against you? I don't think so. What if they're abusing your children? You've got an obligation to these children that that were brought into this un I mean, under no will of their own, and you just stay in that situation. Well, the Bible doesn't say specifically. Well, I think as I read this, like there's cases where the situation is the sin going on in that marriage. And again, God has called you to live in peace, harmony. He's called you to live in well-being is another way of this word. There are situations where being married to someone is not in your well-being, not in your insurance. You can't have peace if someone's harming you all the time. And again, in a culture today where we love to define abuse way too loosely, it's like the word bullying, like, you know, someone says something you don't like or doesn't make you happy and they're a bully. I we got to be careful how we interpret this. I do think, though, what the Bible is saying is there is moments where covenants are being broken that unfortunately because of sin, divorce becomes a reality. And again, can I chapter verse specifically point you to this in the Bible? Not specifics because I don't think that the Bible gives us just like a specific, everywhere, verse by verse doctrine of divorce. And I think part of that is because Christians should, this should not be at the forefront of the Christian mind. How do I get out of marriage? It should be how do I save my marriage more than anything. Yet at the same time, there are situations that occur beyond our power that sometimes force it. And that's why I think it's imperative for anyone who's walking through these things to get good counsel, to talk with their their Christian leaders in their church, specifically their pastors and other people they trust, walk through the situations, try everything they can to mend the relationship, especially if both are a believer. Church discipline might need to get involved to help correct some of this, counseling, all of these things. And then if you're married to an unbeliever and he wants to go, let him go. If you're married to an unbeliever and they're and they're doing harmful things to your children, how do you navigate that? Of course, I would say call the authorities, right? I mean, I think that's one of the first things I would say is you know what, before you talk to your pastor, you probably need to call the police and then then then talk to people that you trust. But that's a lot to say as we look at this. The first thing for any Christian is not can I, but is there a moment where I'm forced to? And if I'm forced to, what does the Bible say about my specific instance and how do I navigate that in a way that honors the Lord? Then we get into the whole topic of remarriage and and when should we, should we not? It's another hard topic, I think, uh, you know, in different instances.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Yeah, I was gonna ask about that because in both of those passages it doesn't say don't get divorced, it says don't get divorced and marry someone else.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

And so I don't think we leave that out when we talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

And so, you know, under under the whole if you adultery is committed against you, you're free to remarry. One of the things I see Old Testament and New Testament, it seems like remarriage is almost always the assumption. You know, and I think one of the things, and Spyro Zodis points this out, and when he talks about, you know, you've committed adultery, he says, well, the original language could also say you've committed adultery against her. And one of the things that he argues for is that when you put away your wife unfairly, and then she's remarries, because the assumption she's going to remarry, it's as if she's committing adultery because you divorced her and now she's marrying somebody else. And I think that almost makes more sense to me. Um, you know, and and this is not to get into a whole nother topic, but if if if remarriage after divorce, and I don't like to make the pragmatism argument, however, I've seen God bless so many marriages that have after a divorce has taken place, and you're like, well, God sure seems to work and and move in that, and I know God can make anything better. I do know this we should not be quick to divorce nor remarry. Yeah. And I think the American version of divorce and remarriage is very similar to divorce in the day of Jesus. I'm not happy, I'm gonna get out of this one so I can go find another one. And all of that, one, is just a recipe for disaster. But secondly, it distorts the gospel that marriage is supposed to display, so we we strive against that.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Yeah, that's good. Thanks for sharing this uplifting message with us today.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Best advice is don't get divorced, don't commit adultery, don't abuse your spouse. I mean, like if we can just walk in faithfulness and obedient to the Lord, a lot of this goes away. And and and without making too light of it, there are people that they didn't ask for it. Yeah. This is a serious thing to them because they didn't choose it, they didn't want it, it happened to them. But I think one of the best things is let's walk faithfully with the Lord and save ourselves the best we can from a lot of these problems.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Yeah, that's true. If you have more questions like these, we would love to answer them on this podcast. You can send them through email to questions at virchmoor.com.