How Losing My Mom Changed My View on Motherhood Forever

Follow Melissa online:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissavogelsberg?igsh=NWRmdnJubzF4cWtz&utm_source=qr

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@melissavogz?_r=1&_t=ZP-95s8VkDqOy6

Shop my Saddle Up Mama Etsy: https://saddleupmama.etsy.com/

use code: PODCAST at checkout!

Most moms are superheroes they don't even realize, until life's hardest moments reveal their true strength. After losing her own mother unexpectedly, Melissa shares how grief transformed her view of motherhood and inspired her to spotlight women who are quietly but powerfully shaping lives.In this deeply personal episode, Melissa opens up about the shocking speed of her mother's illness and the profound impact it had on her heart. You'll discover how grief can reframe your priorities, ignite new purpose, and inspire you to cherish every moment with loved ones. She reflects on the lessons her mother taught her unconditional love, joy in the little things, and the importance of lifting others and how those lessons now fuel her life and mission. We break down:

• The unexpected power of grief to reshape your life's direction

• How to find purpose after loss and create meaningful community

• The significance of highlighting everyday heroes, moms who serve, love, and inspire without acknowledgment

• Practical ways to show up fully for your loved ones, even during the hardest days

• The divine purpose Melissa feels guiding her to celebrate motherhood in all its messy, beautiful reality

This episode is for anyone feeling the weight of loss, searching for renewed purpose, or longing to honor the moms who’ve shaped their lives—whether you're a mother yourself or simply want to see motherhood’s extraordinary strength shining through more women every day.Melissa, a mom of five and founder of Saddle Up Mama, shares her journey of grief, healing, and the call to elevate the quiet heroes among us. Her story reminds us that even in our darkest moments, there's a divine spark guiding us toward love, resilience, and purpose. If you've ever wondered how to turn pain into a powerful mission, this episode is your invitation to find light in the lessons left behind—and to celebrate the moms doing incredible work behind the scenes.Perfect for moms, daughters, and anyone inspired to see the beauty and strength in everyday women. Tune in to rediscover the transformative power of love, loss, and living intentionally—one precious moment at a time.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Alright. This is gonna be hard. Hey friends, welcome to the Saddle Up Mama podcast, where we are reclaiming confidence, creativity, and courage in and out of the saddle. I'm Melissa, horse girl, mama of five, western creative, and someone who truly believes that horses have a way of bringing us back to ourselves. And this is a space for the women who feel the pull towards horses, freedom, and a life that feels more honest and alive. Around here we talk about mindset, confidence, growth, and what it really looks like to chase big dreams while still showing up for your family and your everyday life. So if you've ever felt behind, not good enough, or unsure where you fit in, you're in the right place. Let's saddle up and grow together. Usually I, when I write my podcasts, I will write out mostly what I'm gonna say. And you know, I wasn't really filming last season of episodes. I was just recording the audio, and so I would I would typically read those word for word and add, you know, any side things that kind of came to me in the moment. But this episode is uh a little bit different. I I can't quite find the words on paper, which is really unusual for me. I am very much a writer, and when I can't find the words to speak, I write it. And this one thing has kind of turned into I can't find the words to write, so I'm gonna speak it. Um when I started podcasting last year, I loved it, and it felt truly to me like a like it came from God, and I felt like I was I needed to do it, and I had endless ideas of episodes, and I I did not miss a week and I was loving it, and it was great. And um in January of this past year, and things really took a downturn for my mom and her health. And I went to my husband and I said, We knew first of all, we knew that um her time was limited. As much as you know, we wanted to believe that she could she could make it out. We did we did really suspect that we wouldn't have a lot of time with her, um, especially this year. And so I told my husband, you know what? If this is all the time I get with my mom, I'm gonna soak it up. And I'm gonna just pause podcasting a little bit. And then in early February, um, she was put on she was in the hospital for kidney failure ultimately. And then we received the news that she her time was dwindling. And I was actually on a work trip, and I was sitting at dinner with my co-workers and my boss, and we were supposed to do this big photo shoot in Texas, and I was already feeling really anxious that I was there because I knew she was in the hospital, you know, and I at the time I thought we might have three or four weeks with her. And so I was really anxious that I was on this trip in the first place. But I I just kind of was like, I'll just do it, it's fine, it's just a couple of days, we'll get through this. It was, I think, a three-day trip. And um I was sitting at dinner, and my dad sent out a text to my family that uh that my mom only had seven to ten days left, is what they were giving her. And when we got back to our room, my my poor coworker, I just fell apart with her. And I was crying, and I was like, I need to go home. I get one week with my mom, you know? I can't be here. I can't. If she gets one week of life left and I'm gone for three of those days, I will regret this for the rest of my life. And so thankfully, you know, she's like, Can you change your flight? I could change my flight, but I was gonna have to leave it at 4 a.m. And she was like, I will drive you to the airport, it's no big deal. And I went to talk to my boss, and he was so sweet and very understanding, and was like, of course, you know, we support you, and you need to be with your family. So I flew home very next morning. I wasn't even there for 12 hours, I think. And um I went straight to the hospital and I sat with my mom, and at that point her breathing was really struggling, and she had uh oxygen on, and she just wanted to get out of the hospital so badly. She just she knew her time was coming to a close and she just wanted to be surrounded by family, and you know, took a little bit of effort, um, but we were able to get her out of the hospital that day and we brought her home. And um, I don't mean to go into such big depths about my mom. Like I said, I really haven't written anything for this, but um the point is to say I lost my mom about two a little over two months ago from triple negative breast cancer. And if you would have told me a year ago that she wouldn't be here, I would have been shocked. It all happened so suddenly, so fast. It's really torn my world apart. It's really flipped everything upside down for me. I just I'm a different person now. Uh for good or for bad, hopefully for good. But uh I everything's different for me now, and I can't go back to who I was, and uh what I'm really trying to say here is I stopped podcasting when I knew we were gonna lose her. And when she passed, I did not think I would ever go back to podcasting. Honestly, I wanted to quit my job, I wanted to disappear online, just completely unplug from everything because all of a sudden life had this new underlying meaning to me. I I knew what was important and I knew what wasn't important, and you know, nothing can change my mind on that anymore. Just nothing, nothing can. I just wanted to run away with my family. I kept texting my husband that I want to run away. I want to leave. Like, let's just let's pack up, let's go. I I don't want to do this anymore. And obviously he's a little bit more realistic and he's kind of kept me stable and was like, we can't just can't just get up and go. Everything's okay. You know, let's work through it. You're you're going through a lot. And when the idea of podcasting again started kind of circling in my mind, I kind of brushed it off because like I said, she's she passed away two months ago, and I definitely did not think I would be doing this this soon by any means. But I was sitting outside on my tramp one day, deep in prayer and meditation and just thoughts, grief, and I was just hit so strongly with the idea that I want to highlight mothers. Hey friends, quick pause before we jump back in. If you love Western style with meaning, I have to tell you about my Etsy shop saddle up mama. I design hoodies, t-shirts, western-inspired pieces, and art for horse girls, mamas, and anyone chasing that western life. You can find everything over at my Etsy shop. I'll leave the link here in the show notes, and be sure to use the code podcast for a special discount at checkout. Alright, let's get back into the episode. I suddenly see the hole that my mother left in my life. And I I want mothers to be highlighted and spotlighted and showcased because they are amazing. And even if you don't realize it at the time, I took a lot of I took a lot for granted with my mom. Unfortunately, and have a lot of regrets. I always wanted to be really close to my mom, but for whatever reason, we we weren't that close until the last two or three years. And part of me hates that, you know, part of me hates that it it was when she right before she had cancer, and when she had cancer and when she was dying, that we were closer than we've ever been. But part of me is so grateful that I dove into that. Anyway, I took my mom for granted for sure, but now I see how big of a hole she her absence has left in my life. And it's just made me aware of motherhood in general. All I ever wanted to be when I was a kid was a mom. And I'm so grateful to be living out my dreams and to be a mom to my five beautiful children. And they are, without a doubt, the most important thing in my life, them and my husband. And I know that motherhood looks different for everyone, you know? There's single moms and there's working moms and there's stay-at-home moms, and and I just was hit with this desire to show and share the beautiful, messy, realistic parts of motherhood. And to allow people to soak up motherhood as best they can because it is fleeting and you don't you're not promised tomorrow. I'm just I just want women that maybe who aren't moms yet, to feel like motherhood is not the end. That it's just part of the journey and that all those goals and dreams that you have on your heart, like they can continue with your children. It's hard and it's hard work, but it makes you stronger and it gives you so much more depth to life. And I want women to appreciate where they are in life, you know, with their own moms, perhaps, or with their children. Um, but motherhood has really taken on a whole new meaning for me in my life. And uh I know so many incredible women and mothers, especially in this Western industry, and I want them to, I want their motherhood to shine through. And so it's funny because when I started Saddle Up Mama, the podcast and the the Etsy shop and the website, I I truthfully I didn't intend for it to just be for mothers. And I I when I launched my hoodies, I kind of was trying to share that because all my hoodies, you know, it wasn't just saddle up mama. It was like, well, I want other people, I'll do like a saddle up cowgirl or just saddle up. But I'm feeling God's divine direction right now because I'm like, He set that up for me, and I didn't even realize it. I didn't even realize we were gonna put the focus on moms, but it is, you know, it's saddle up mama, so this is for the moms, and my goal is to inspire moms to continue to work hard to push through the hard days. My goal is to invite women and others to appreciate and be intentional with the time that they're given with their loved ones, whether that's a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling, a friend, time is so fleeting, and you'll wish for more time when someone's gone. But if you've made time for the memories and if you've been thoughtful and persistent, you know, you'll be grateful for the time that you were given. And I don't even know if I am making any sense at all right now. But this is this is season two that we're going for here, and uh, and I knew I needed to start with with my mom and kind of what she's shown me and what she's given me. I had a truly incredible mom. And like I said, for whatever reason, we just weren't close when I was younger, but my mom she taught me a lot of things, and I don't think I even fully realized what she was teaching me until she was gone. And if you know of any moms that you're like, this mom deserves to be highlighted, please send them my way. And I'm not looking for a follower count or you know, viral video, viral moms or anything. I want moms who are in the grind, you know, who are working hard, who maybe have played in the background for most of the time, but it's time to just shine a little spotlight, you know, and let people know a lot of times it's the moms that keep things flowing. And I'm so incredibly grateful for my own mother. She was the most energetic person that I've ever ever known, truly. And I am very much not that way, and I always felt like I couldn't keep up with her. I always felt like maybe I was in the wrong family because I felt just leaps and bounds behind her. But my mom, she showed so much unconditional love everywhere she went. She was loud and she had the biggest smile on her face. And I remember when at her funeral, you know, some of my uncles had said, it doesn't really look like her when she was in her casket. I said, Well, you can't put that great big smile on a dead person. It doesn't look natural. Because she just smiled everywhere. It was hard to find a time when she wasn't smiling. Even at the end when she was in so much pain, so much discomfort, she laughed and she smiled. And when she gathered friends and family close to her, she she just soaked it up. She loved it. She said often in that last week of life, why do anything if you're not gonna have fun? And that was her. Everything she did was fun. Everything. She loved to celebrate anything and everything, and she was a light for so many. My mom was constantly serving, constantly. And as a kid, I remember being a little bit frustrated because she was always doing things for everyone else. And I just remember being, you know, when someone would call again and again and again, or when a neighbor would keep coming by, I was like, please, can I have my mom back? Like, she's giving so much to you, you know. And I I'd be I I felt really defensive of my mom for so many years and a little bit frustrated with people because I was like, go solve your own problems. Stop coming to my mom for everything. But she never once complained, you know, and she didn't, she just wanted to love. And during those last 10 days of her life, the amount of people who showed up to just say thank you and you changed my life, and I love you. That was humbling for me. Cause like I said, I've always been very defensive of her and been like, This is annoying that you give so much to people, which sounds so selfish. But I s I saw the impact very, very much so. I saw what she was able to do in her life. And I don't know that I'll ever live up to that. I don't know that I'll ever quite be the woman that she was, but it definitely gives me something to hold on to. It gives me something to work for, you know, in her last week of life. I she had a lot of wounds from her tumors, and I I'm her only daughter, and I was able to help her and my dad to care for those wounds, and they're pretty extensive, you know, it was a lot. And um I've always very much been in the background of my family. You know, I have a loud family, I've got three older brothers, and especially the older two, they're just very loud and goofy, and uh it's a lot to compete with, and I'm very much like a quiet in the background kind of person. And so those when she was home on hospice, it everybody, you know, that's their time to say goodbye. And so of course I kind of s I would show up quietly and I'd just go sit by her and hold her hand and how much I loved her, and we'd have a few minutes to kinda love on each other, and then someone would show up, inevitably, every time. So I'd just kind of shift to the side and let everyone else have their time, and but at the end of the day, I would be in there helping her with her with her wounds, and I felt so stressed, like I need to I need to say something. I need to put all the words I could possibly think, possibly say in a whole lifetime and give it to my mom, and I it's not coming to me, and I don't I don't know what the words are, but you know, I still feel this I need to say these words to my mom, and I don't know what they are, and I never quite got the words out. I don't quite know what they are, but there's words to my mom on my heart, and maybe this podcast is my letter to her, you know. Maybe, maybe I'll find the words as I go through this journey and this grief stage. So, Mamas, this season of Saddle Up Mama is for you. And I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I'm for the moms, I'm team mom. So if you know anyone, any amazing mom out there, if you are an amazing mom out there, send me a DM, send me a message, contact me somehow. And come come be on this podcast. Let's let's shine a light on the moms out there and let's let's keep chasing our dreams. Let's be intentional, let's soak up every single moment that we can and let's keep loving life.