讨厌的同事变老板，谈判实操

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Day Day Up, the weekly podcast for Chinese professionals navigating the Western workplace. I'm Jonathan. Let's get into it. You know what's worse than a coworker that you hate? A coworker that you hate who's getting promoted to become your manager. Last week I sat with a new client who walked into that exact nightmare. Let's call her Jen. Jen was at her breaking point with a coworker she called Lady. A re-org had just been proposed at their company, and like a bad dream coming true, Lady once a peer was about to become Jen's boss. Now Jen has worked in product management for over five years. She knows the workplaces in kindergarten. You can't raise your hand and say, Lady and I aren't friends anymore. I don't want to play with her. But she also knew she couldn't just swallow it. I just want to tell my manager so badly. I can take anybody as my manager, but I cannot, will not work with her. I told her, I think you're right. What you're planning is both valid and necessary. But let's work out a way to tell your manager, which doesn't make you look like you're complaining. Here's what we did. When you want to influence someone with more authority than you, you don't walk in with demands. You align with them first. And you can't align with them if you don't know what they want. So before you make any ask, get curious. That meant Jen's first conversation with her manager wasn't about lady at all. It was a set of questions. Why did you structure the reorg this way? What are you hoping it achieves? If this goes well, what's your ideal vision? Then she ended the meeting without pitching a single thing. Why? Because once you understand what the decision maker cares about, your next job is to build an ask that works for both of you, not just for you. This is where most people fall apart. If you lead with, I don't want to work with her, you sound self-centered. And even worse, instead of handing your manager a solution, you hand them one more problem that they would love to ignore. To move someone, you have to make them feel something. And feeling comes from arguments that are concrete, visual, and tied to what your recipient already cares about. Here's how Jen could make her case the flat way. I want to be transparent. Lady and I don't align well, and I don't think I develop effectively reporting to her. My suggestion would be for me to take a separate vertical and report to a different manager. The wording here is vague. Perhaps because specific brings up painful emotions, Jen would rather avoid. But that's precisely the messy space where she can actually influence. Like this. I understand you want Lady in this role. Her strategic experience makes sense, but I have to be transparent. Lady and I see things very differently, and I don't believe I'll grow under her. The last time we worked together, we disagreed on nearly every call, and a project that should have taken a week took a month. Putting me under her now doesn't give you two strong contributors. It gives you half a functional resource. Once you subtract the energy we'll spend on friction. I'm raising this because I want your plan to work for the team. I have one idea which might help. Let Lady own this vertical, and let me take a separate one. That way we're both at full speed, pulling the same direction instead of against each other. If you were Jen's manager, which version would move you more? This is the part I haven't told Jen, at least not yet. Let's be honest with ourselves. We can do all of this right and still not get what we want. Truth is, conflict between passionate coworkers is going to happen. Other people are allowed to disagree with you. Heck, they're even allowed to say, I don't like you. And when there's no immediate way out of a conflict, acceptance is your only salvation. Because every extra minute you spend thinking, This is unfair. Why is she like this? Why do I have to work with someone so difficult? Is a minute you're letting them live rent-free in your head. They're not paying the cost of that conflict. You are. What's worse than a coworker that you hate, a coworker that you hate, who's getting promoted to become your manager? But you know what's worst of all? Taking them home with you every single night. All right, that's your growth tip for this week. Now let's take a melon break. There have been so many incredible stories in the World Cup so far, but perhaps the strangest and most mind-blowing story of all is one that happened off the pitch. Back in 2007, a shy 20-year-old named Lionel Messi, now widely called the greatest soccer player who ever lived, did a charity photo shoot. In the photo, he bathed a baby in a little tub, not just any baby. A baby from a family with refugee roots, a family which won a UNICEF raffle to meet the soccer superstar, not just any baby. His name is Luman Yamel, the 18-year-old superstar leading Spain as favorites in the 2026 World Cup. The internet has completely lost it. The kid baptized by Messi is now chasing Messi's crown. And if you don't care about soccer or don't believe in fate, believe this. You better believe Yamel's parents pointed to that photo time and time again as he grew up, telling him you were blessed by the greatest. You're meant for greatness. You better believe that when a kid grows up certain he's destined for greatness, that belief, maybe more than destiny itself, makes all the difference. Here is how you can use this topic in small talk next week. With coworkers. Did you see that photo of Messi bathing baby Yamal back in 2007 and now the kids leading Spain at the World Cup? You can't make this stuff up. With your boss. There's a great story going around about Yamal, the Spanish phenomena. Messi held him as a baby in a charity shoot, and now he's chasing Messi's crown. It's a perfect example of how a story we tell ourselves early can shape what we actually become. I think about that with how we set expectations for new hires. Daity Up is written, produced, and hosted with love by me, Jonathan Lee. To learn more, check out my free weekly newsletter for communicating in the Western Workplace, read by over 2,000 Chinese professionals. Just search Daily Up Jonathan and you will find me. That's all for today. See you next Sunday with the Chisang Shao Hoban.