Dolores: Life changes. So do we.

Life changes. So do we.

Dolores returns for part 2 to share what life looks like after the classroom. She talks about how retirement became “the best job she’s ever had,” from early-morning VIPKid lessons with students in China to unexpected cultural exchange, care packages, and real connection across oceans.

We also walk through the hardest years of her life—losing my dad and later my sister—and how she coped by staying busy, learning to live between “the cloud and the sun,” and finding support in unlikely places. That journey eventually led her to a fresh start and a new chapter: managing the Pocono Phoenix, the Airbnb she sees as her own rise-from-the-ashes story.

It’s an honest look at grief, reinvention, and building a life beyond one career. And a reminder that it’s never too late to begin again.

How to get in touch:

• @thepoconophoenix on Instagram

Transcript

Kristin: 0:03

Welcome to Everything Counts But Nothing Is Real, a podcast about careers, detours, and the absurdity of work. Here we explore the twists, the pivots, and the tiny choices that shape our work lives with humor, feminism, and honesty. I'm your host, Kristen. Let's get into it. Okay, we are back. We had to take a little break and um we ate pizza and also we have fresh, crisp diet cokes in our hands. So um, and like really nothing says my mom like having a nice crisp diet coke. So cheers to that. And we're gonna talk about again. I may I referenced this before, but I need everyone to know. Can you tell us what retirement means? Because a lot of people out here don't know and may never experience it.

Dolores: 0:54

Retirement is the best job I ever had. That's where I do what I want to do.

Kristin: 1:00

How many days did you last before you started doing something else?

Dolores: 1:04

I had promised your dad that I would fill in the gap between what my pension paid and what my full-time teacher paycheck was with something part-time. I thought it would be substituting. I despised substituting. So I found VIP Kid, which is where I taught children who lived in China English. I had very young children, as young as three and four, who did not know a single word of English, on up to older children who were fairly proficient, and then it was my job to kind of refine that.

Kristin: 1:41

So many things about that time stood out to me. One was your schedule. That was rigorous because you're talking about very different time zones.

Dolores: 1:48

Yes. To this day, I hate waking up early. I woke up early all those years of teaching. And then when I got into VIP Kid, I would have to be up in starting class at 5 a.m. because of the time zone. That would be 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. fair. And I was on camera. So yeah, I learned really quickly how to do the fastest makeup and hair you ever did see. And it was a little bit rough. But I would be upstairs. I remember the beginning, I'd be upstairs in the little room I created singing. And your dad would be on his way out. And when he came home, he would just laugh. And he's like, I heard you singing the goodbye song again today. And you were really pretty corny. No, you were you were animated. You are committed. Well, you have to be animated. You're this person on the other side of the world trying to teach them a foreign language. So I don't know. I was just having fun with it. And then you bonded with some students, right? I had some favorites. One of my very favorites was a student whose English name was Tom. He lived in Beijing. He was an older kid. And he got to where every time he came on camera, he had something that he wanted to share with me. And it would educate me on Chinese culture. It's like, I want to show you this object, or I want to tell you about this. One day he came on camera and he was out to eat. And he was standing next to the chef, and the chef was preparing this flaming dish. And Tom was like, Hello, Miss Dolores, we are here at this restaurant. The chef is going to show you one of our Chinese specialties, and the chef is smiling. Then Tom takes his iPad to the table. I get introduced to grandma and granddad. They don't speak any English, but everyone is smiling and nodding, and that was so wonderful. And then Tom ended up sending me a care package. They asked for my address and he sent a care package full of basically Chinese sweets, which, by the way, are not sweet by U.S. standards. I still have a little, the little headband where you know you wash your face. I still put that on every night. That was in my package as well. I had a class where he was uh vacationing in Japan and they took me outside to see the cherry blossoms. It enriched my life so much.

Kristin: 4:07

Well, that really was a true cultural exchange. You got to learn so much and connect. You know, you were just retired, and I'm sure there was like a little bit of longing to connect with young people. And you got to learn.

Dolores: 4:19

Another one of my students, I start started out when he was very young, and his name was Bao Bao, which I believe mean means baby. And then I didn't have him for a little bit. And then I had this kid named Grass show up on my schedule. And I sign on, and it's Bao Bao. He's back. And then I think he went away again, and then he came back. I don't remember his final name, but it was more of a normal like John. And I had him until the IP kid was shutting down. His mom was so complimentary and so sweet. Uh, as well as Tom's mom, I got the nicest feedback messages from them that just made me happy. I screenshot a lot of them because I must remember this. It makes me feel good.

Kristin: 5:06

Well, at the intersection of care packages and VIP kids shutting down, some things happened in your life.

SPEAKER_02: 5:13

Right.

Kristin: 5:14

We we lost my dad and my sister, the middle sister, within a year and a half of each other. And so this was like pretty fresh into your retirement. You had been doing VIP kids for a while. And I and I don't know that they're winding down just yet, but like, but I know that even some of those moms for VIP Kid, what they they knew about your your life, and they were sending you really kind and unsupportive messages. It was like a little bit of a community on the other side of the world.

Dolores: 5:43

That is true. Um the day that your dad was in the hospital and he would tell me, no, do not spend the night with me. I know you have classes in the morning. I'm fine. So I'd gone home and I got up early and I was having class. And in the middle of a class, I got a phone call from the hospital and I knew. So I turned off my camera, muted the sound, took the phone call, and then just typed a message. This class is ending. There is an emergency. And then the next there was a class to follow, and I said, this class is canceled due to emergency. Then I think that evening I had to message parents for the next day. I will not be having class. You know, this is what is happening. And I did. I got some very heartwarming messages when I think I went back to it within two weeks because I had nothing else to do, you know. You know, you you went back home. Everybody went back to their own life. What was my life now? I'm not this married person, you know, I'm not a spouse anymore. I'm not a teacher of regular classroom anymore. Who am I? So there for a while, I made the most money I'd ever made on VIP kids. I was teaching in the morning and I was teaching at night, because at night then would have been, you know, the morning kids. I did a lot of classes. And Tom's mom, she she was one of the ones that I had had to cancel that night in the hospital. And so when I came back, I just came back lipstick on, smiling, putting an act on as if nothing had changed. But she knew and she sent me it the most inspiring, sweet message about how I was inspiring her, that I could stand up and hold my head up high and be strong and still laugh through adversity. And I really, really appreciated that. Right around this part of the story is when a lot of my friends asked, like, how did your mom do it? Looking back now, I mean, I went into beast mode. I had a lot of things to do. Your dad and I had very specific roles, like he paid this, I paid that. I never had paid an electric bill. That was his. I had to find out how to pay the electric bill. That was easy. They'll they'll take your money. But then if you want to change the electric bill, suddenly I had a hard time with it because I'm not him. So yeah, I just really just worked myself to near death, probably. Just constantly busy, busy, busy. Decided to sell my big home. So then it became all those years of having a big home and lots of closets, and now I need to purge through things. And I just kept busy. That was my way of dealing with grief.

Kristin: 8:26

A lot of people would have the same reaction of just, I have so much to do, and this is the thing I'm gonna channel my energy into.

Dolores: 8:33

I credit a lot of it to my parents. I was born to a farmer, worked hard, very practical, very logical. It was more like, oh, this happened. Now I need to do this. That's that. You know, my thought was, what else am I going to do? Just lay in bed and rot? You know, I don't want to do that. There are things to do. Let me let me start checking them off. And I basically became a robot. Check, check, check, checking things off. I mean, I I don't I don't cry a lot now, but I did I did do some crying. I hadn't. And I went to London with Kinzie. While in London, we took a day-night trip to Paris. At Paris, I fell in the Airbnb, fell down onto a brick wall and onto a brick floor and broke my shoulder. I had surgery in London. I came back home. I needed to call my doctor. They said, call your family doctor when you get home. So me, I go to Sonic and I park at Sonic and I'm getting this drink, and then I'm gonna call the doctor. And then the bottom fell out. Like I just remember sitting in Sonic and crying until there was just nothing left in me because it was just like this happened and then this happened, and now I'm broken, and now I have to call my doctor. I just remember that was a big cry that day. Was I strong the whole time? Absolutely not. I melted down into a puddle, but I learned during Callie's addiction years to compartmentalize. I always said it was like a cloud. I could let this cloud live right over top of me. I could just get under it, stay under it. Or I could choose to scoot the cloud over to the side, live in the sunshine, but that cloud was always over there if I ever felt like I needed it, or you know, I knew it was always there. So I just tried to go back and forth between clouds and sun, and that's exactly how I felt so many times. I have this cloud, but I'm going to push it to the side and not just live under it all the time. You have to feel the sun on your skin sometimes.

Kristin: 10:50

Right. So the story gets a little sadder before it gets less sad. You moved, you downsized, you had a beautiful house, COVID happened, and then my middle sister died.

SPEAKER_02: 11:03

Right.

Kristin: 11:04

And I'd love to hear, you know, even the idea of getting through that, there's probably no such thing. But that's a big pivotal moment in your life where you decided to change a lot of things.

Dolores: 11:16

Okay. So VIP Kid was winding down at that point, I believe. So I wasn't doing as much as of it. And Kelly was coming home from her gated community that I like to call it. And I lived alone. So I didn't have to have those arguments with your dad, like, we're gonna tough love, or we're gonna not tough love. It was just me. So I remember deciding I was dedicating my life to fixing her, loving holding her up, loving her, supporting her, you know, doing everything that I could. And then I didn't even get to have her for more than a couple of months before, you know, as addicts do, she took one slip and that took her from me. I honestly don't remember very much. I don't remember getting through it. I know that I visited you fully in COVID, and all the news said, do not travel unless it is essential, essential travel only. Well, I got myself on a plane and it was essential that I travel. And we got the whole cannot leave this address. Like potentially, I guess someone could have knocked on your apartment to check that I was still there. Yeah. And not had not having left the premises. So I remember doing that. I don't really remember anything else. I remember maybe by January, February, I contacted my friend Maria, who had I only met her once or twice. I knew her over Facebook, and I knew her son had passed the same way as Callie with an overdose. And so I remember she had messaged me right away. And I, you know, I was like, okay, yeah, sure. Uh she had said, you know, the obligatory, whatever I can do. I was like, yeah, sure. But then I I messaged her and I was like, I do need you. I need to talk to someone who knows exactly what this feels like because no one does. And then we started going to at least monthly dinners. And then from there became the most beautiful friendship where we traveled together. We even traveled to Italy together.

Kristin: 13:16

And somewhere in there, I think you just decided you didn't want to be in the same town anymore.

Dolores: 13:22

It was really because of Callie, because of her lifestyle. There was nowhere I could drive that wouldn't remind me, oh, I picked her up from that corner or I took her to a rehab down that street. There was nowhere that I could pass. And about that time, you were going to take me on a day trip to the Poconos. And sitting in your apartment, you were talking about how it's only a two-hour drive. In my mind, I'm thinking, two-hour drive, Poconos, Pennsylvania. That's interesting. And I suddenly had this idea, what if I moved to Pennsylvania? It wouldn't be moving to the city. That's scary, but I'd be only two hours away from you. When I very first got back, I told Kenzie, what if we moved to Pennsylvania? And so this idea started unfolding. It was going to happen in, I think the first idea was three years. In three years, we were going to make this happen. We were going to move to Pennsylvania. From there it went to, well, we'll go in two years or one year. But we would have to live in New York City for at least a year. And then we moved not to the city, not to the city. To a city. To a city. And do not want to live in Pennsylvania. Just I didn't know. We're city folk now. So it the the idea kept morphing. The timeline kept moving until next thing I know, we're like packing up. Oh, I know.

Kristin: 14:48

I was like, wait, you're on the road? You're telling me right now. But Pennsylvania stayed kind of stuck in your brains. Right. And so after you sold your houses, you bought a house in Pennsylvania.

Dolores: 15:00

Right. Well, for my 60th birthday, you all wanted to take me on a trip. So you and Lauren found the house that you like to go to in the Poconos. We had this lovely mom's 60th birthday trip. We found out how much you had paid for said house that we stayed in. And uh I had always for many, many years wanted to have an Airbnb. It had been a dream for a long time, but I thought it would never happen. So, yes, out of that idea came okay. Kinzie and I pulled our resources and bought a vacation home in the Polka Does and turned it into an Airbnb. And that is kind of your job now. That is kind of my job. I own and manage an Airbnb. Can you believe it? So cool. So I do, I I do have a different business partner now. My wonderful friend Maria bought Kinsey's half of the house. And so she just sits and texts and and calls me every now and then and asks me how's it how it's going. And I'm fine with that. And I do all the scheduling. And I I have a maintenance family, a husband and wife team that do the cleaning and the maintenance.

Kristin: 16:11

And I yeah, it's like I run an Airbnb. You know, I I kind of love you're like on your phone and you're like, oh, this guest is this door is jammed or whatever.

Dolores: 16:20

Like it's you're really like over there running a business while we're having dinner. I love it. In fact, we were having a conversation maybe a year or so ago. Like, what would you do if money was no object? What kind of job would you do? It's like, I think I would do this Airbnb management thing. I really enjoy the customer service, the personal connection, which is the part of teaching that I really liked.

Kristin: 16:44

That is a beautiful place to end on the career journey because life is not just about the one career that we have, it's about all the things that we do and have and the ways in which we connect with humans and the ways in which we make money and the ways in which that then informs the other decisions we make. It's all interconnected. Your story is full of twists and turns and sadness. And thank you for sharing it. I really, really appreciate it. We're gonna change gears. We're gonna do the lightning round. These are questions that I ask every guest. Don't overthink it, just what comes to mind. Okay. What is the very first job you ever had and what did it teach you about work?

Dolores: 17:27

Well, technically, the very first job I had was working for my dad. My dad was a farmer out in West Texas, and it was a family business. So we were all out there working and we got paid. But I learned what a truly wonderful boss was. He was very kind, very fair, running around. Are you okay? Do you want some water? Let's stop and have a break. I brought some banana bread to you. Um, I just learned so much from him. And and, you know, I learned about care.

Kristin: 18:00

What's one thing you believed about careers when you were younger that you definitely don't believe now?

Dolores: 18:06

I think when I was younger, I thought that in pretty much every job, you got up, you went to work, you did work things, and then you got your bag and you left, and you left work and you went home and you did home things, and they did not intermix. And whoa, is that incorrect? I'm assuming every career is like this, but it definitely comes home with you as a teacher, not just with like grading papers and doing all that, just but with the things that went on that day. They're on your mind, the problems that children had, the arguments you may have gotten into with adults, that it does not end when you leave the building. And I just thought it would. What is the best or worst piece of advice you've ever received? All right, so I'm going to go back to my dad, who always taught us that it's not the big things in life that will get you down, it's the little things. And then it would explain. When you have a big crisis, you jump in and you rise up to it, and you know you've got to fix it, and you think of all these solutions, and then you pick one. You do that, you get through that. That's what, you know, that's what we all do. It's those little things that pick at you and eat at you. Maybe someone said something that hurt your feelings, but you can't really say anything back to them because did they mean it that way or did they not? I don't know. All those little things is what will bring you down.

SPEAKER_02: 19:29

Yeah.

Dolores: 19:30

Not the big crises that you go through. And I think that's probably the best advice. Is that even advice? That is, or is it just wise, a wise thing?

Kristin: 19:40

Or is it just a life philosophy? I don't know, but it's definitely applicable across a life. Like in in personal life, in work life. It's so true. What is your career armor, the little thing that you reach for when you need comfort at work?

Dolores: 19:57

I would have to say it's a diet soda.

Kristin: 20:00

I mean, you are again synonymous with like a diet soda. When I would visit you at school, I would not dare show up without one in hand. Absolutely.

Dolores: 20:10

So that feels like a right answer. I mean, it's the first thing I get when I wake up. And yeah, even now when I'm subbing and it's starting to get a little stressful, I'm wishing I had a diet soda in my hand. Um, what's your most embarrassing work story? One particular thing comes to mind. So as a teacher, we would be tortured with evaluations. First, it was scheduled. So you knew this person, your principal, was coming at 10 o'clock on Tuesday, and you had your lesson and you had it all canned with all the correct things. Then they wised up to that, and it was a window of time. Somewhere in this two weeks, someone was coming, and they would sit in your room and they would write down every single thing that you said. So one year I had a very eclectic class of second graders, and I was in my window, and the principal walks in and she sits down. And the first thing that happened was a boy looked at her and said, Excuse me, that is Mrs. Gardner's desk.

unknown: 21:07

That's so sweet.

Dolores: 21:08

And I'm like, Shh, it's okay. She can sit there. Then a little girl, I said, Okay, get out your reading books. And she's just like, I can't find it. I can't find my reading book. And like things are flying out of her desk and her hair is flying. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Then there was a little boy who never took off his coat, I think, the whole year, no matter what the temperature was. So he was sitting there all bundled up, and for some reason that was stressing to me out that she could see this boy that was in his coat. But more than that, I began to speak and teach at such a speed that at some point I noticed my principal get up, walk over to my lesson plan book, and look down at it. And yes, yes, I'm now into handwriting. So I've now taught uh like a language arts lesson, a grammar lesson, and I've now moved on into handwriting all in the span of 45 minutes. And that was something she talked to me. She did say, You have quite an eclectic group. And I said, I do. And she goes, and you were really quite speedy today. I know. Like I just wanted it to be over. The more nervous I get, I get fast and I get loud. So if my teacher mates next door can hear my voice, they probably could assume that I was being evaluated.

Kristin: 22:28

That's very real. This one's an easy one. Fixing typos in casual communication, yes or no? Absolutely yes.

Dolores: 22:36

I cannot send a typo in a casual communication.

Kristin: 22:42

I want you to give a piece of advice to anyone who might feel off track right now. Just hold on.

Dolores: 22:51

You will find the track, the track will find you, it'll all be Zen. Just hold on tight.

Kristin: 22:58

That's really, really good advice. And I think again, for your story, it reminds us to hold on through it all and not just our careers. Final thing, is there anything you would like to promote?

Dolores: 23:12

Well, there is said Airbnb, and you can find it on Instagram at thePocano Phoenix.

Kristin: 23:21

Amazing. I will include that in the show notes so people can access it.

SPEAKER_02: 23:24

Okay.

Kristin: 23:25

And find you, find the Pocono Phoenix, come say hi. What does Pocono Phoenix mean?

Dolores: 23:32

Um, well, you know, the story of Phoenix rising from the ashes. And that is where I got the name that we our family has gone through all this tragedy and these terrible things. And so that is what the Airbnb means to me. It is me rising from the ashes and starting new. So the Poco No Phoenix.

Kristin: 23:53

Thank you again, mom, for being here and for doing this with me. I am so honored. Thank you for having me. Bye now. Bye. Okay, wow. I just finished listening to the final cut of my mom's second episode. And I have some tears in my eyes, not to say that I actually cried. These are obviously stories I'm very familiar with, but it's moving. I get really moved when I hear her talk about the support that she got from strangers on the other side of the world and the ways in which she kind of just kept moving forward, even when it was hard or even when maybe the path wasn't completely clear. She kind of kept going. And I said it several times in the episode, but I want to end with a reminder that our lives really are intertwined with our work. And we do all have to figure out how to make money, but we also have to figure out how to live. And we also have to figure out how to hold all of it, hold ourselves, hold our people, find our communities. One thing that really has inspired me watching her journey with her Airbnb is that she has built a community for herself and she has figured out how to live in this land of retirement, still finds work, still finds meaning, and she's still finding herself in new ways. And I really just hope that it's at least a little inspirational to someone out there going through any kind of life transition. We go through losses and we go through successes. And the story arc of our lives is one that is ever changing, but we can keep going and we can build second chapters, third chapters. It's really beautiful. And of course, if you are enjoying the show, I ask that you leave us a review specifically on Apple Podcasts, but honestly wherever and engage in the conversation. I want to hear your thoughts, your reflections, your own experiences. Come find us on Instagram, come find us on LinkedIn, find us at our own website at everythingcountspod.com. And I really look forward to hearing from you. Thank you so much for listening. Thanks for listening to everything counts, but nothing is real. Remember, even when nothing feels real, everything you do counts. Capitalism may be absurd, but so are we. And on that note, well, it's been real. Don't forget to subscribe. I'm Kristen. See you next time.