One of the goals I had when I left uh state auto insurance, acquired by Liberty almost seven years ago, to do this full-time, which I've been doing and successful at it, but also to travel the world. And my wife and I were in Australia last fall where I worked with a client, turned that into a two-week vacation because she didn't have to change her social security and her license and her passport and all that stuff. She just went from Miss Ahern to Mrs. Ahern in a day. So I would write a chapter, drop it in, get that real-time feedback, clean it up, drop it in, get feedback, move on to the next chapter. And I sent the initial draft over to Cialdini. He loved it. He said he had never read anything that connected his principles of influence to faith. So I'd like to say if we do it well, we can have an eternal impact on people. Jesus said it's better to give them receive because we all, I think, deep down believe that friends do right by friends.
SPEAKER_02Most people don't do the one extra step. He already did 60 steps. To do one extra step will separate you from the 99%.
SPEAKER_00Hi, I'm Brian Ahern. I'm an insurance dude, and the craziest thing that I can think of in recent memory is uh our daughter got married three years ago, and my last name, Ahern, is not very common, especially the way it's spelled. And she met a guy named Tyler Ahern, spelled the same way. And so I actually gained a son, and my name will go on because they gave us our first grandchild, and it's a boy, Emmett, so the Ahern name is going on. Insurance dudes are automated to escape being picked up by our agents.
SPEAKER_01How? By uncovering the secret between predictable, insistent, and profitable agency sales. I am Craig Futter. I am Jason Felton. We are agents. We are insurance dealers.
SPEAKER_00Boom.
SPEAKER_02That is awesome.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what is one of the chances? Her friend said she's the luckiest girl in the world because she didn't have to change her social security and her license and her passport and all that stuff. She just went from Miss Ahern to Mrs. Ahern in a day.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03That's wild. And you never really use the Mrs. or the Yeah. So what that is so convenient. Absolutely is. I mean, did she buy some lottery tickets too?
SPEAKER_00No, but she hit the lottery when she gave us that grandchild. So uh we go we're even more likely to do kind things for her and her husband just so we can get a chance to see the little guy. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_02Yep. So Brian, this is this is the three-peat. This is the third time you've been on here. Catch us up, and obviously, one of the things is you have a grandchild now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's the that's the biggest thing. That's the most important. Uh just the joy of seeing that little guy many times a week. Our my uh wife watches him three days a week, and then because our uh daughter and son-in-law live so close, we see him maybe on the weekend. So uh it's it's just so much joy. So that's that's certainly the biggest thing. But uh work-wise, it's been awesome. Um, one of the goals I had when I left uh state auto insurance, now acquired by Liberty, uh almost seven years ago, was to do this full time, which I've been doing and successful at it, but also to travel the world. And my wife and I were in Australia last fall, uh, where I worked with a client and turned that into a two-week vacation, so that was really cool. And still getting around the country and and talking at association events with companies, agencies, and uh writing more books. So I've got another book coming out. So I've I've stayed busy and I love it.
unknownI love it.
SPEAKER_03So you have the book writing process down, which is awesome. And I'm gonna ask, I'm just gonna ask the elephant in the room because I don't think that it's what's happened, but how much has has the AI impacted your ability to write books? Because I know that obviously you're not like say, write me a book about blah blah blah, because then you'll get garbage. But I mean for organization or you know, could you know concepts?
SPEAKER_00So great great idea um or great question. When started thinking about how to write this next book, I knew what it was gonna be about. Uh, it was gonna be about the connection between faith and influence, and it was prompted by a question my daughter asked me many years ago after she heard me speak in town. She said, Dad, what I want to know is where's God in all this? Where does God fit into the psychology that you teach? And we had this wonderful conversation. So that was, I knew I was gonna do that. Earlier this year, when we were on vacation for a few weeks down in Florida, and my wife's a big golfer, so she's off golfing every day, and I had a ton of free time. I sat down and started writing. And I used AI extensively as like a real-time editor. So uh once I developed what the story format was gonna be, I ran that by chat, and we kind of went back and forth about you know what things I could do in terms of the storyline. And it I had uploaded all of my previous writing. And the book, The Influencer, this one's kind of a continuation. So it knew all about the character and and the background and things. So I would write a chapter, drop it in, get that real-time feedback, clean it up, drop it in, get feedback, move on to the next chapter. Then as I got further into the book, I started asking it questions. I'd upload everything I'd written and I would ask it about plot line and is the care are the characters staying true to form? Am I missing anything? And sometimes it would come back and say, well, maybe you could do something to foreshadow the event that's you know happening in like chapter 12. And so I might circle back to chapter three and find a place where I could put something in. So everything I wrote, uh, just like I did with my other books, and with those books, I would give it to an editor, and then they would give me that same type of feedback, but this was real time. So I was able to knock out like 20 of the 30 chapters in a couple of weeks, and then I, you know, proceeded to do the rest of the stuff, and there's just so much to ultimately getting the book out. But anyway, uh I'd finished the writing, I think, by uh April or May, and then it was uh deciding when to work with the book coach to launch the book, and so that's what we're actively in the process of now.
SPEAKER_02When will it be released?
SPEAKER_00October 21st. Um Mark your calendars, people. I'm excited because you know the Cialdini's information is out in the world and and lots of people can repeat, you know, the principles and things like that. But it's about how you apply them, or it's looking for uh connections that people may not have made before. And when I sent the initial draft over to Cialdini, he loved it. He said he had never read anything that connected his uh principles of influence to faith. And uh so he gave me a really nice testimonial which I'll be using in the book and and online. So that was very gratifying that that the guru of of uh influence and persuasion said he'd never read anything like it.
SPEAKER_02Wow, that's so cool. So is he a believer?
SPEAKER_00I uh I've not really sat down and talked to him about faith, so uh I can't I can't really speak to that. I know he grew up Catholic. Uh I and I think he he talks about he's an Italian kid who lived in a Polish neighborhood in Milwaukee, um and I think grew up Catholic, so I know that kind of background. But um, you know, getting one-on-one time with him, that doesn't happen a lot. You know, maybe once, maybe if I'm lucky, twice a year if I'm traveling. But then there's always so many other things that we're talking about related to um what I'm doing, the Chaldini Institute research he's doing, and so I've not had an in-depth conversation with him about that.
SPEAKER_02I can't believe you're the first one that has combined the two concepts. That's so cool, but also kind of shocking that um I love it. I I can't wait to read it.
SPEAKER_00I'm I'm very excited to to get it out because um I I think I I look at it this way, like I learned about Cialdini's principles, and I could work with people and help them put them into practice, and we would talk about we need to do it ethically, and then we started going deeper. What is what does it mean to do it ethically? And and we've got uh you know several things that we say have to be or have to occur for you to be doing this uh ethically, but this brings it to a deeper level because if you are really looking at what what these um like spiritual roots, these biblical time uh time-tested concepts, and you're looking at it at a deeper level, I think it changes how you interact with people. Um and so I like to say if we do it well, we can have an eternal impact on people.
SPEAKER_03Eternal impact?
SPEAKER_00Eternal.
SPEAKER_03Eternal.
SPEAKER_00Slow and slow and steady wins the race, though. I do remember that.
SPEAKER_03I love the well, not only the connection, right, to the the higher power and and that that's fantastic. And then also to tell it from the fictional for but applied like real concepts, I think it makes it a lot easier to consume, right? And and mim and remember.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think uh people, I mean, since human beings have been around, we have been telling stories, right, at campfires and writing stories on cave walls and things like that. So people resonate, I think, with stories. It makes it easy to digest, but also very clear about how it's being put into practice. And and the storyline is um John Andrews, the main character from The Influencer, has retired. And he's like 18 months into it, and he's starting to feel like there's got to be more to life than just enjoying the fruits of my labor and having vacations and things like that. And so he ultimately gets involved with his church in a building a community center that they're sponsoring. So he has to influence people within the four walls of his church, but he also has to influence people outside, like the zoning board and the city council. So they're two very different audiences in terms of trying to uh influence them. And so he decides I I need to see how do how does this stuff that helped me so much in my career, these principles of influence, how do they connect over to my faith? And that's where he starts making that connection. So early on it fleshes out, and then you see it put into practice as there's all kinds of relational conflict and conversation and things like that.
SPEAKER_02It's interesting, it's kind of like um Maslow's hierarchy of need, where it's like it's like every layer that you go, there's like another right until it gets to that super introspective look of you know, you had success, you use these principles, but it's like what does this mean? Like, what does this all mean? What was that first step into the journey of this book?
SPEAKER_00Well, the first step, uh as I mentioned, was that question that my daughter asked, and and as we had that conversation, and and I remember telling her a couple things, um, the principle of reciprocity, right? This one is uh research-based. If I do something kind for you, Jason, you've you probably feel a sense of obligation to want to do something for me, or if I needed a favor, you'd be more apt to do it because I helped you first. Well, Jesus said it's better to give than receive, right? And and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You're not waiting for them, you're taking the proactive stance. And that really is is reciprocity. The foundation of it is are those principles that Jesus talked about. Another example I gave her, I said, you know, Abigail, in in business, I can't necessarily talk about love. But if I employ the principle of liking the right way, so it's not about me getting you, Craig, to like me. It's about me doing everything I can to come to like you. And that when you sense, hey, that guy Brian, he really seems to genuinely care. That's what opens you up to whatever I might ask or propose. Because we all, I think, deep down believe that friends do right by friends. And when you're looking at me and thinking, friend, you're more open. So I I told her, I said, the other thing is, though, it it is causing me to like you, Craig. And so therefore, I put in more time, effort, I'm more creative because I truly want my friends to succeed too. And so we've created this virtuous cycle that gets us pretty close to love.
SPEAKER_03It's like the uh hockey stick of love. It starts exponentially increasing as you pour more energy into it, right? And it just it hits that point.
SPEAKER_00And and then uh, you know, uh I've got an article that'll be coming out in a little while, but uh Cialdini's principle of unity is about having a deep bond or a shared identity with somebody. Because when we share an identity, the closest would be family, right? We would do anything for our family. Uh even even members of our family we may not like too much, because they're family, we will do things. That's that's that sense of unity. If we can tap into that with other people, not necessarily family, but other people, that really begins to get us as close as possible to love. Because when I help you, Jason, if we if we have this deep bond, it does wonders for me just to help you. It's it's if I get something out of that transaction, because it's almost like helping myself because of that deep connection. And that really is, you know, the Bible says, you know, no man ever hated his flesh, but they they love it and they nourish it. Um so everybody loves themselves. The key is can we get to a unitized place with other people to where we love them just as much? And those are the things that I think can be really transformational for people to go beyond just doing it ethically, but but doing it for uh a much uh deeper reason, or I'll say a higher purpose, um it makes it it makes it totally different. And it's really changing how I am looking at all of this and how I'm interacting with people. It's got me really, really excited because I've been doing this for 20 years and working with salespeople, and this is a whole new angle that's really, really exciting.
SPEAKER_03I think it seems like it's an introduction of awareness and presence, right? Because that's one of the things I think that falls through the cracks now, and especially as you're at the bottom of Maslov's pyramid, right? Or the pyramid? Triangle, whatever it is, the tower. Um yeah, whatever it is. When you're at the bottom, there isn't time to have this kind of thinking, or you know, at least in the mind, in your in your scarcity mind, when you're when all you care about is trying to get food, you know, thinking about these esoteric concepts is is much different, right? Like it's it's it's much more challenging. But it is the path, like that's the path that gets you up to the next thing, right? Like we we go out and we hustle, we hustle, we hustle, we learn, and then we want to shift and and then teach that knowledge, right? Like, okay, we have experience, and we're all you know, we're all up there, we're we're gonna be, well, I'll be the next grandparent, probably, not Jason, hopefully. And uh so it's it's just you know, d dialing that in and being able to I'll just I'll let you finish it.
SPEAKER_00When I think of that, I I'll give you a parallel that uh as we get older as guys, a lot of things don't upset us as much as when we were younger. And I thought about this a lot. I'm like, okay, is it because I'm wiser? I I hope I'm wiser, but also my body's different, right? Uh you don't have the same kind of testosterone. I'm 61. I don't have the same testosterone levels I had in my 20s. And so I know that that also contributes to things not necessarily inflaming me like they did when I was younger. I I don't feel like I need to compete with people now. I'm more secure in who I am and what I do, but when you're climbing the ladder, you're competing. So there's a whole host of things that get you to this point where you feel like you can interact with the world differently. And to what you were talking about, Craig, I think the same kind of thing happens as we get older and we have maybe achieved financial security. We've had a measure of success. We have more time because we we know how to navigate what we need to do in a way that frees up more of our time to where we can start giving back. And we can really we say, you know what, I want to I want to really invest in people who want to uh absorb this information and enjoy the kind of success that I did throughout my career. Um so I I think those are two parallel tracks. There's just a lot of things that ultimately get us to the point beyond just, yeah, we're not scrounging for food or paying the monthly bills, getting by, you know, check by check.
SPEAKER_03So talk to us a little bit more about John Andrews. What's some of the big ahas that he gets this time around?
SPEAKER_00Some of the biggest aha's are not responding how he might have as a CEO of his former company, where something comes up and all of a sudden, like if it's got to be, it's up to me. I need to get this done, ASAP. Um, that sense of control, where through the story he is starting to clearly see God's hand in things that are going on. And as he recognizes that, he starts to trust that he can he can allow things to play out without him having to control. He just needs to be present and he needs to be caring for people and putting their welfare above whatever he thinks is important, or even above the community center project itself, that you know, how this person is going to respond can be much more important than just getting this building done on time. So I think that's probably the big shift that he sees within himself. Uh, because he's like many people, you know, he he grew up and he went to church, but he wondered like, does God really answer prayers? Does he really speak to people today? And and he begins to see that yes, he does answer prayer, and yes, he does speak to people. And uh and I will tell you that it it's a story, but many of the things that he goes through parallel things that I have experienced in my life. So this wasn't just a let me make this cool thing up and and see how it plays out. I was thinking about how I felt God has interacted with me in the course of my life, and then I would just change things but but get that down.
SPEAKER_02I love it. I love it. What are some other lessons that might resonate with I say most of our listeners are probably around? Probably forty is right, like rounding the corner of where we are starting to get some of the like we are coming out of that phase we might have that gas pedal down, but now we're starting to question you know, some of these I I think these concepts correlate perfectly with where our audience is and what some of the questions that they might have and the feeling that they might have. You know, they're the pedal with the down to the metal with the growing their agency. But now it's like it's it's growing and it's there, but you know what else?
SPEAKER_00Um in my first book, Influence People, I I talk about the acronym people, which is powerful everyday opportunities to persuade that are lasting and ethical. And the word opportunity, um, when I'm talking in front of an audience and and I try to highlight this, I'll I'll ask people, how many have bought a new car? And hands go up, and I'll say, Did you experience what I did when I bought my car? That the day I drove it off the lot, for weeks I felt like one of the most popular guys in Columbus, Ohio because I saw my car everywhere. And everybody chuckles because they all have that same experience. That car was on the road in the days and weeks before you bought it, but suddenly your eyes were opened to something that was there all along. I think the parallel in the book is that when you begin to see and experience God in ways where, like, hey, he did answer that prayer. Or I felt like I heard from him and I acted on it, and here's how it played out, that you start to realize it's there all the time. But we are so focused. And so what you were describing, Jason, about you know, that that person who's hustling, they're running hard, they're trying to build the agency, and they are so focused on that that they are missing so many other things. Just like when we're uh driving in our old car, we're just thinking about work and all these other things, and we're missing the fact that that car we're considering is all over the road. So I think that's something that I hope people recognize that the further you go into uh your relationship with God, the more of Him you will see and experience. Uh that's just that's how it has worked, certainly in my life.
SPEAKER_03I think is it that's called cognitive per perception, right? I think it's called cognitive perception, where once you learn about something or become interested in something or buy something, then you see it everywhere, right? You start to holy crap, because it's now it's part of the Yeah, and and I've I've heard I don't know if this is really true.
SPEAKER_00Sometimes I've heard people who whether it's a pastor or somebody on a podcast, and they'll say the Holy Spirit's a gentleman and he's not gonna compete. I I don't know about you know calling him a gentleman, but um but I don't think God is gonna compete for our attention. He's God, he doesn't have to. He's like, I'm always here, and if you want me, you will find me, because I will make myself known.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It's like that. What's the uh is it a poem?
SPEAKER_00Footsteps in the sand? Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Sounds good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And the person mistakenly thinks when there's only one pair of steps that they were walking alone, but the reality was he was carrying.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. But it takes that it does take that that time to kind of look back and ask the question in order to see it.
SPEAKER_00Um so I uh would you like some examples of where uh at least I've clearly saw answers and and then I think anybody listening when they read the book they might be like, oh I uh I see where that came from. Um so if I go back to our daughter, when uh when my wife and I were trying to have kids, we realized we were not gonna be able to just the conventional way. Uh there were just some things that were going on inside of her, and so we were going to uh try in vitro fertilization. And our plan was always that she would stay at home. And I remember praying. I'm like, God, I'm not gonna refinance the house hoping that we have a kid, because you know if we're gonna have a child, and so I'm gonna just wait to hear from you. Time goes by, I hear nothing. So I remember a story in the Bible about Gideon and his fleece.
SPEAKER_03Were you like tapping your watch?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, come on. His timing's not mine. I figured that out a long time ago. But but but there is a story in the Bible about Gideon who is approached by God and and he doesn't believe it's God, and so he says, Well, if that's really you, God, make this fleece on the ground dry, but everything around it full of dew, and God does it. But still doubting, the next day he goes, Well, if it's really you, make the fleece wet and make the ground dry, and God does it. And then he feels like my prayer's been answered and he has the confidence to to lead his people against the Midianites. So thinking about that, I said, you know, God, I would take it as a sign from you if the interest rates would fall to 7.5%. Now, this goes back into the 90s, so they were they were high. It was like credit cards, right? And and so I start watching interest rates, and they're doing nothing but going up. I totally forgot about the prayer. And then I'm sitting at a table in the front of our house one day, and out of the blue, this thought hits me. Bill Clinton speaking on TV tonight. If people don't like what he says, interest rates will go up. It was that clear. I picked up the phone and called the mortgage company. I said, What's the interest rate? They said 7.5%. I said, I want to refinance my house. And it went up to over 9% after that, after he got on and had that whatever he was doing when he's talking. I took that as a clear sign that God's hand is involved in the birth of our child. Um there was there was another time I will tell you, and I might get emotional because this is pretty personal, but um prior to our daughter being born, my wife and I, we were going through struggles like so many couples do. And I remember driving to work and praying, and I just said, God, all I want is her heart. Clear as a bell, he said, her heart's mine and you never asked for it. And it brought me back to something I had not done. I didn't ask her dad for her hand in marriage. I uh my dad wasn't really around, nobody told him I was supposed to do that, but God clearly said, that's a picture of you asking me. I balled my eyes out. But I went back to her dad and I apologized. And he was very gracious. He said, I just thought young people didn't do that anymore. I said, No. I said, um, I should have, and I apologize. And he he and I have a wonderful relationship. Um, but again, nobody can tell me that those two things were not God interacting with me, and the more I would avail myself, the more I would see. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03Thanks for sharing that. That's that's awesome. You're welcome.
SPEAKER_02I didn't do that. I didn't do that either.
SPEAKER_03I didn't my my wife's dad is in Brazil and doesn't speak English, so I get a fall pass in here.
SPEAKER_00Well, for what we were going through, I I needed to I needed to hear that. I I I really did.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. But again, you brought it back to the present, right? Like, I mean, I think that there's so much power in that. I obviously there are a book, The Power of Presence or whatever, but it's it is it's just remarkable how we can get so disassociated from just the present, right? Like you're talking about driving to work, and all you're thinking about is whatever the next goal or the next thing and this and that. And you know, one day you do pay attention and you're like, oh, I never even realized these trees were over here or this park was here, or all these things, right? I I really love riding the bike a lot now. And I used to to cycle in the little uniform, which I don't do anymore. Now I have the e-bike, more fun. But like when you're riding the bike, your your view of the world is much different than when you're in a car, right? Because, well, first of all, you have to be paying a lot better attention or you're dead. And and then you just see things that that you're you're at a different height, you're you're more in tune with everything, and you have to be present, right? You can't be like on your phone while you're riding the bike or you're gonna run into something. I mean, shouldn't be on and on the car either, people, please.
SPEAKER_00But um well, the the funny thing about that is uh I am I am one of those people who I get head down and super focused on things, and on the one hand, it's great because it helps me accomplish a lot, but there are things that are so obvious that I miss. So my wife and I, we were at a a gallery hop one day, and it's not my cup of tea, I'm not having fun, but I'm trying to act like I am. And we see a painting, and I knew enough to recognize a Monet. So I said, We we have a painting by that guy, and she goes, We have that painting. And I go, What I go, really? She goes, it sits at the top of the stairs. I go, I go, how long have we had it? And she goes, about three years. I'm like, oh. So I walk by it every day. How much did we pay for it? So but that's a great example I think of too, you know, when we get so focused on things, which is is not necessarily bad, but when it's making us miss the bigger picture or the more important things, you know, so many people get so involved in their career that that their kids feel neglected, like why doesn't dad come to the ball game or why isn't mom doing this and and things. They know they sense that. Um and so trying to step back and and get a different perspective and balance on it is really important.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, 100%. A situation that happened with my wife the other night. We were in bed, and she uh brought up some health things. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. No, we've been together long enough. Um but she brought up a health thing and I asked her a question, and she's like, We've been together for 18 years or whatever, right? She's like she's like, you haven't noticed this about me? And I'm like, why? I mean, I just I don't know. I I guess I never asked the question or assumed or something like that. Does she have manhart?
SPEAKER_03Does she have manhart or no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_02But like like a helper uh just a helper. No, I'm just kidding, isn't it? And and I and I got in trouble.
SPEAKER_00But it's the same thing where it's like I just I didn't notice or didn't think to ask, or it doesn't really even matter, but you know, yeah, or sometimes you know my wife will say, Yeah, you didn't even ask me about and I'm like, Well, I just assume if you want to tell me something, you'll tell me. So Right, right. So we we have all the same struggles that everybody else does. Uh but we've we've been together now for 37 years, and so Oh, so cool. So uh you wow, congratulations you really get to know somebody during that time, and uh and and so it's I'm very fortunate. She has a great sense of humor. She's the the butt of most of my jokes, and and she laughs because she says it's funny, and she's like, you know, the fact that we've been together this long and you make me laugh is is awesome.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_03It's that wisdom is coming through.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's it's different when you hear somebody say she'll say, you know, I used to look at you when we first met and you did these things I thought were so cute. And then she goes, after a while, they just pissed me off. And then she got on the other side of the hump and she started to realize that's what makes you you. And now I appreciate it because I appreciate you, and you're the person I will be growing old with. And uh so it's pretty cool.
SPEAKER_03It's so that's so interesting. Like you go through, like for us, like my wife and I, like we're at uh 27 27 years. We just did had our 27th, and it's interesting because that first I'd say the first 25 is like trying to figure each other out and and all this, and now it's like I think we've arrived at this place where we have an understanding of each other, and like a lot of the faults that we've thought were the others were our own, right? Like it's like you if if it was bothering your wife the way that you did whatever you did, well that's not you, right? Like and she's she came to understand too, right? Like, it's like oh that like wait a minute, that's him. That's just whatever I need to deal, right? Like, and so it's it's it's pretty cool to be able to like you build the container, and now you sit in the container and you know, I guess to go to the next experience, like another chapter.
SPEAKER_00Like a home, you try to make that container a place that you want to be, right? It's one thing to have a house, it's another thing to have a home. And and this is really pertinent for us because um another crazy fact about us we bought the first house we ever looked at, and we are still in it 35 years later. Oh my god, and so effective. And and I I never would have expected that. I don't think she would have either, but we we were blessed to be in a really wonderful neighborhood, great neighbors, and the house is really unique, and so we have just continued to change it to make it ours, so that when we walk in, we're like, I love being in this house. Um and so the container of marriage, you I think do the same thing. You have to work at it, you have to do things to keep it a little bit fresh and and not take your partner for granted. Um but something else I will tell you guys that that um really stood out, and and this is gonna be mentioned in uh a blog post I've got coming up next month. There was a point in time where my wife was not feeling very good about herself. I don't even remember what it was, but she in a very down moment said, You only love me because you make yourself think positive thoughts about me. And I said, if love is a choice, then isn't it better that I'm choosing to do that rather than just responding to how I feel? Because sometimes I get pissed too. Um and so making that active choice to focus on her good qualities, to have a playlist on my uh on my uh Apple uh list there, that that's songs that make me uh think about how much I love her. All these are conscious choices to keep in front of me the things that I enjoy so much. She has her traits, like I have my traits, that if I focused on those, I could get pissed off. If she focused on my negative, she could get upset too. Uh but choosing to recognize everybody's got them, and so I'm gonna choose to focus on the positive is a simple act that everybody can do.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's it's funny that we always uh gravitate towards this upset it and forget it type mentality. Um we can we can do that in marriage or or anything, right? Like even in the agency. But like no matter what, everything needs work. Every plant needs to be watered. And um but we were always striving for this, like, oh, it's good now, and then we can forget about it.
SPEAKER_03But it's like yeah, let's let's let's ride it. It's great now. Let's let's just sit here, let's pause it and keep it like this, right? But no, that's there isn't the there, there's no destination, right? Like the it it I mean, I feel like we're I've I've said so many little idioms here, but it but it is, it's like the it the journey is everything, it's always a journey, right? It's a journey up until the day you take the dirt nap, right? Like, I mean, it's not gonna go boop, okay, we're here, it's perfect now, right? Yeah, I think you can just happen.
SPEAKER_00I say you can be content without being complacent. Um I I I love everything that I do. I don't feel I have to prove anything to anybody, but I because I love it, I'm constantly working on it. I want it to be, I want the challenge of making it better, of seeing an audience connect even more for the light bulbs to come on for them, for somebody to say, I've never heard that put that way. That was an aha moment for me. So I'm constantly moving in that direction, but I won't say it's driven. There's there's such a difference between feeling like you have to prove yourself and working into that versus um being content. Like if nothing got any better ever, I'm still content. I am blessed way beyond what I deserve. But I enjoy it, so I want to see if I can continue to make it even better.
SPEAKER_03Well, and also I think an understanding of of what the things that happen, right? The you can't control all that, right? You can't control what's going on out there. And so it comes down to that reaction of when that stimulus hits, what do you do? You know, do you lose your mind or do you go, eh, whatever? And that's I think a lot of the work, right, that you're talking about is being able to be on face, like you know, Dalai Lava type situation where whatever happens, you're just like all good. You know, even if you feel it, like you know, you could feel the like I I've got I've been doing a lot of work on just noticing like when the feelings hit, you know, what whether it's you know, pissed about whatever, and then I lose it because I didn't eat, so you know, all the other factors, or or did it, or was it handled well, right? Did I am I am I proud of the way that I handled that situation? And and you know I I have to, and I think uh everybody does, is understand that that we're gonna screw up, right? And then it's like, okay, so then how hard are you gonna be on yourself for screwing up? Are you gonna say, okay, I'm just gonna keep trying to do better, right? And uh it's just the attitude you bring to the table that that really helps.
SPEAKER_00Something that I every morning when I go outside for a walk, I I have a I wrote a personal mission statement after reading the seven habits like 30 years ago. But towards the end of it, it it says, um, this is the day the Lord's made, I'm gonna be happy and rejoice in it. Today's gonna be a good day because I'll approach every situation with a positive attitude and I'll learn from every situation. And I feel like that kind of hits the gamut. If I have that positive attitude, great. And if I don't, okay, what can I learn from it so that maybe next time I will have that positive attitude?
SPEAKER_02100%. Dude, do you ever listen to Fred Hammond, the uh gospel singer?
SPEAKER_00Uh no, it's the name's not familiar.
SPEAKER_02Oh such such a good gospel singer slash producer, but he did a version of that song. And it's the most happy song. I have it on my playlist. You can't listen to that and not uh feel really good about the day. And yeah, just yeah.
SPEAKER_00Those are there are you know there are so many things that we can do for ourselves too, that can put us into a better frame of mind. Uh and and some of it is uh songs are a big thing because so many songs make us feel things. And what do I want to feel when I'm working out? I want to feel revved up, right? So I listen to different music than if I were driving home from work and Jane and I are gonna go out, or if I'm gonna spend time with uh my daughter and a playlist for her. So I use that to try to uh adjust my feelings so that I'm in a a really positive state when I'm with those people, or if I'm getting ready for a training event, there are playlists I have getting ready for those too, but it's all about how can I put myself in the best possible position to enjoy that moment.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I love it. I got those too. The different playlists, the mood playlists. Good stuff. Um is there anything that we're missing from the book that you want to talk about that we haven't talked about?
SPEAKER_00Um one of the things I'll mention after the story, there's kind of a learning summary in the back, and I hope people don't skip that because uh it has all the principles and it has a number of scriptures that tie to them. Uh it takes a look at how does uh Cialdini's framework align with heart, soul, mind, and body, um, because I really believe there are certain principles that that really will impact our heart more or our mind or our body. So I'll leave it to readers to to read that section. But I think those are just as important as the story, because I don't want people to just read and go, oh, that was a really good story, and not think about it again. Uh there's reflection at the end of each of the chapters to saw to pause and think about what you read and how might it apply to your life. So I'm hoping people will do that too. I hope people will maybe read it in a book club and and use those reflections as uh talking points within their club. So point being, there's there's a lot more than just the story. I love it.
SPEAKER_03Does he learn more about or share more wisdom about active listening?
SPEAKER_00I don't have that specifically. There's mention of listening. Um in the other book, he talked about the STARS acronym. He doesn't reference back to that. Um, but there's a number of things where you recognize if you read the other book that he has learned like, oh, I better not make this decision before talking to my wife, or I need to do a better job of listening here. So anybody who's read that first book will, I think, see that connection.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, active listening is something like we're so afraid. We're it's so important in our in our mind, in our little reptile mind, to have the just the right thing to say. And what I've noticed is like when you just let go and you actually listen, when it's time to say something, it comes to you. Like it you don't have to like pre-build it and you know create the thing because then you get it it screws up everything.
SPEAKER_00And when you're thinking of what you're gonna say, you're not really listening.
SPEAKER_03So right. So then yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's the active part or the non-active part, right?
SPEAKER_03Yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_02I think that's that's a challenge for us ADHDs, right? Craig.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's a little bit of a challenge. But that's the journey, and it's like working, it's being able to, I think, seeing it, being aware of it, recognizing when it happens, and then Dodd saying, Oh, I feel so stupid. You know, like that, it's it's hey, it's okay. You saw it, right? Like when you see it, you can work on it. So Yeah.
SPEAKER_00When you when you listen like that, and then you bring something up with somebody, and it could be years later, and you ask a question about how's this or what's going on with that, and they're like, You remember that? That just that speaks so much to them about you being present with them.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I mean, that's one of the things that we've taught like our salespeople and our agencies, and then the you know, agents that come to us and have services with us or whatever, is is that I just lost my you gotta be the doctor, right? Like, right.
SPEAKER_02Like you have to ask the questions so that you actually can prescribe it's the same thought process where you're I mean you could say a million different things, but it it doesn't matter if it's not what their you know, what their pain points are and what they're going through.
SPEAKER_03And work, family, fun, right? Like one of the things that we've drilled, and and it takes a long time with the salespeople, is you've got to find out work, family, and fun, and you've got to put it in the notes. Because we know that you quoted two cars and a house. Great. That's what you're supposed to do, but that doesn't do any good in the notes, right? Because when you call them back up, when you go, oh, so we quoted who cares, right? It's oh, how's how's Jimmy doing? Is he still in playing soccer, whatever it is, right? How's it crying? Right, yeah, yeah. How's your grandson doing? So the next time when we ask you that, you're like, oh, they remembered, right? So uh and it and it's just even if the the most remarkable thing is even if you know that they're doing it for that very reason, you still it's still great, right? Because I mean the the thing is still the thing.
SPEAKER_00What you know, and so we we used to talk about a study that had to do with flattery, and when people knew they were being flattered, they were still uh much more open to doing what the flatterer said, right? So by definition, flattery is like a false compliment, but it people Still felt good about it. And so, but what I want people to do though is I I want them when I get connected to you guys and I like you guys, right? Then anything I'm doing is authentic. And hopefully, because you see that I like and care, that that's how you're receiving it. You don't have to say, ah, you know, it's such a BS or and you laugh about it, but you recognize that it's coming from a genuine place. And that is that rests with us more on will we take the lead to try to get to know these people, recognize there's good in everybody, everybody's got a story. Am I willing to invest the time to get to know this person to where I can genuinely say, you know what, I like them and I enjoy being around him. Even if other people find him a pain in the butt, I like them.
SPEAKER_03Well, I mean, something about you, Brian. I mean, obviously, if anybody's watching, you can see over his shoulder, he has this he has this uh board. I think that probably inspired Jason to buy one. Um, but it says hello, Jason and Craig on there. I probably should say hello, Craig and Jason, but it's still okay. But uh, but no, it it um I mean it's just I remember the first time, I don't know if it was digital, the board that you had, but there was a board and it set it on there. And and we're just like, wow, well that's pretty cool. I mean, we've done 800 episodes-ish, right? You're the only person that's ever done something like that.
SPEAKER_00I thank you for telling me that.
SPEAKER_03You know, it speaks volumes.
SPEAKER_00I when I put this video studio in during COVID, um, I started to realize, you know, it'd be cool to welcome people by name. And I just go out and I find the logo and I put it up there. And and this is an interesting thing. It's not what it costs me, it's what it means to them. I've got it down, I can do it very quickly. Um, but so many people say, wow, that is really cool. And I might joke and go, everybody needs their name and lights at least once a day. Um, but it does, it means something to them. So it's not a gimmick for me. I genuinely like seeing people get a smile and be happy and respond that way. Yeah. Uh it it helps me too. It helps me and my sales for sure. But it's it's a a really positive thing that's going on with it.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03It's what we'd like to call a win-win situation.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's like, dude, it's it's so funny. I I we talk about a lot about this in the agency with the customer service and stuff, where it's like I mean, the cake is everything, you know, the booking of the podcast and everything. The icing is the board that it really didn't take that much longer to do, but it adds that extra touch, like Craig said. I mean, you're the only person that did that.
SPEAKER_03David Carruthers made us a cup with our he gave us a gift box. Like we got a you know, one of those things, a swag box. Yep, there it is. Yeah, there it is.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yep.
SPEAKER_03I mean, that see, that was also really cool. It's like he wow, he went and made a logo of us and put it on a cup and sent it to us. I mean, that's pretty cool. And and yeah, he didn't do it, you know, he had people do it and whatever, but still it doesn't matter. I mean, it's pretty cool. But when you're willing to go, and I thought his picture is better than ours.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. When you're willing to go that extra step, most people don't do the one extra step. Where it's like you already did 60 steps, but to do one extra step will separate you from the 99%, and it only cost you one extra step out of 60 steps. And so it's like, you know, whether it's a customer service in our agency or whatever, or you know, whatever we're doing with our wives, but like just that, you know, you you did what you were supposed to, but then you went one extra step.
SPEAKER_00And it really is the so you intuitively get uh what we talk about with reciprocity and how to make it more powerful. Uh right? Somebody just handing you a pen with their company logo on it's it's no big deal. But we talk about when it's meaningful, customized, and unexpected. Meaningful meaning more is usually better. Uh customized is for you, right? And so that's what David did with his swag, having your picture on it. It was like, wow, and then it's unexpected, right? When when we do something for somebody out of the blue, maybe you uh pick up a uh a signed baseball for somebody because you heard their kid loves baseball, and they're like, wow, you didn't have to do that. It's not a birthday or a holiday. Meaningful, customized, and unexpected really amplify your use of the principle of reciprocity. But if I get to know you, then I'm not, again, I'm not doing it as a gimmick. I'm doing it because, man, I can hardly wait to give this to this person because they're gonna light up. This is gonna be so cool, right? And and I'm getting joy out of seeing you get joy. That's how this should work. And I really believe that the book helps people see that at a deeper level.
SPEAKER_01I love it.
SPEAKER_03The the drill, the drill from the construction next door is now asking a question.
SPEAKER_00He's drilling it that's called a drill down question.
SPEAKER_03It's a drill down. So let's drill down real quick. I I you know, I just want to say one more thing, and it isn't flattery. It's it's really true. Like, I had a pretty frantic morning. I had to take my wife to the airport, it took longer, you know, that the car was out of battery, the whole thing, right? Like it was just like one of these mornings. The construction, the leaf blower. It like doesn't end. It doesn't end, but but it's all good. Um, but then I came in here, you know, a little fra oh. I had to reset my computer, you know, like everything was going wrong. And I and I'm like, okay, I just gotta I at least it's Brian Ahern, and I remember who he is because he had the thing, and I but I did forget about the board, and when I popped in and I saw the board again, and I I was just like, this guy's so awesome. Like, like right when I got in there, it was just like like my mood ch my physiology changed. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. You know, thank you.
SPEAKER_00I appreciate that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's it's freaking awesome. And the you know, undercover, you put your books along the bottom, it's fantastic.
SPEAKER_02So awesome. Well, Brian, any uh any mic drops before we um bid you adieu, my man. Really appreciate that.
SPEAKER_03We did get a book, we got a book out too. That's awesome. So good. We pushed it across the freaking finish line. It took us three years, and it was right before ChatGPT came out.
SPEAKER_00So I perfect timing.
SPEAKER_03I did so much editing, my brain was gonna be.
SPEAKER_00Well, you know, God bless you, because I I know it's it's not easy. I am very I mentioned before, I one of the things I am is I'm very focused and and I can be extremely consistent. So for me, that's not the kind of challenge that it is for most other people. I can easily sit down and bang, bang, bang, bang and do that. Um so I but I know it's a challenge for other people, so congrats to to you guys. Um your question about the mic drop, um, we've hit so many things, I think, that are so important. But I would I would just encourage people, um, you know, I I hope one that they they pick up the book, but but two, I hope they really try to deeply internalize what I'm trying to convey about getting to know people and build relationships and how everything else begins to change from there. And your audience being insurance sales, it's a relational business. And so to be able to look at your customer and not just say you're a customer, but you're a friend, and I really care about you and I care about your family, it's gonna make you work longer, harder, and be more creative. It's gonna create the win-win for for your agency but also for for your clients.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Especially this, I mean, this product is so it it whether or not it's a commodity, I mean, it everybody's gonna have their opinion on it, but the customer certainly believes it's a commodity, right?
SPEAKER_00So you have to do something different. Absolutely. Good thing is you guys aren't commodities, and that's who they're really that's what they're really buying, is you.
SPEAKER_02Yep. It's funny that you said that. Uh that was the first thing that the carrier told me. I I I had no experience, I knew nothing about insurance. I just got the license and then bought the agency, and then three months later I was the owner of an agency. I didn't know what I was doing. And then I was like, what is the competitive advantage? Like, how do we how do you sell this? Like, what's the difference between the other companies? Like, okay, it's it's you. Huh? I'm like, but I don't even know. How do I start? Like, I suck to compare with everybody else. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You're like, I can make a wicked whiskey sour.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I still think it was a crappy answer to give me at the beginning, but I will say it's true. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, like the CEO when I started at State Auto, his name was Bob Bailey, and and he had it right. He said, people buy the agency, they rent the company. Right? If they like you guys and trust you guys, they're gonna probably like and trust whoever you place them with. Um so they buy you, they rented us. I love it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you can tell some carriers may think differently about that statement. I won't point any fingers.
SPEAKER_02I will say you can tell where agency owned head is at with how they feel about the whole selling proposition point. Uh sounds like it sounds like you're old dude. You know, have some wisdom.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Cool. Well, Brian, we really appreciate this. Uh congratulations on uh becoming a grandpa. Thank you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Congratulations.
SPEAKER_02The new book. Super, super fun. I can't wait to read it. October, what was it?
SPEAKER_00October 21st.
SPEAKER_02Twenty-first.
SPEAKER_03So And if you could get a link over to I believe, we could try to get it in the uh in the notes so they could click it and go grab it. Is there in a yeah on the newsletter? Is there a pre-style? Like a pre-screen.
SPEAKER_00We're we're still pulling everything together, the the covers being worked on, the formatting just got done. We're hoping to get it uploaded before the end of the month, test all the the links and and things like that. So uh depending on when you're gonna put the show out, uh I might be able to get you something in October.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02Cool. Okay, cool. Maybe we'll tell them the plan.
SPEAKER_00And then what I what I will uh I'm telling people is anybody who buys the book, if you email uh and tell me the name of the second chapter, you will get uh uh access to the book, The Influencer, that you can download. So anybody who hasn't read that but but says, Well, I got this book, I might as well read the the prequel, um, you'll be able to do that. So I will get you guys the the email link that they will have to email too.
unknownAwesome.
SPEAKER_03I I've gotta admit I I've stopped actively listening a little bit in the middle because I thought what you you were gonna say, you're gonna give them access to your swimming pool.
SPEAKER_00If I had a swimming pool, I would gladly invite them over.
SPEAKER_03But they have to get chapter two in there.
SPEAKER_00That's right. You know, you you can't get in the pool if you unless you got the chapter right and you can't and no peeing in the pool either.
SPEAKER_03No peeing in the pool. No peeing in the pool.
SPEAKER_02Now, this is a total side tangent, but I heard that the only reason why chlorine smells is from AP, but also, I mean, like oils and and stuff from people, but a big a big uh a big because it doesn't smell otherwise.
SPEAKER_03That's what the pool guy said. Yeah. He said yeah, he said uh it's it it shouldn't smell. The pool shouldn't smell unless people are peeing in it.
SPEAKER_02Ah that's why those pools smell so bad.
SPEAKER_03It that uh you know I mean they should use they should use chlorine in the urinals, then it'll just smell like chlorine.
SPEAKER_00And people might people might want to go for a dip then. You never know. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's fine. If if if that is what happens, then I'm not gonna be one that takes a dip. I don't think anybody here is that, you know, especially none of us. I think our listeners are three are not gonna take a dip.
SPEAKER_02I think our listeners just took a dip. They're dipping out, they're dipping out.
SPEAKER_03All right, so they could find it on, I'm sure they could find it on Amazon one more time. The the name of the title of the book.
SPEAKER_00Influenced Influenced from Above, where faith and influence meet. Look at that. Fantastic.
SPEAKER_02Thanks so much for really appreciate every time.
SPEAKER_00I appreciate you guys having me on again.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, for sure. And uh we'll get you back for the forepete when you do your next book.
SPEAKER_02It's called How to Win as a Grandpa. How to influence grandma. Your grandchildren.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. We'll we'll see.
SPEAKER_02You know you have more books than you. You can't just stop.
SPEAKER_00We'll see. You know, I just want to get this one over the finish line. I feel like I'm running a marathon and you're running alongside going, which race are you gonna run next? I'm like, let me just finish this race. I'll take some time off, I'll relax, and then I'll figure out what I'm gonna do.
SPEAKER_03So but before we leave, where's the next place you're running off to since you're traveling?
SPEAKER_00Well, I'm heading up to Wisconsin next week.
SPEAKER_03Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Get some cheese, I think.
SPEAKER_00I'm sure there'll be a lot of a lot of cheese up there.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but not from your speech.
SPEAKER_03No. Yeah, but definitely from Jason's jokes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was gonna say that's a dad joke.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, baby.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like well, if there were any female listeners, they're gone. And likely everybody else is gone. So thank you, and uh so good to have you on. Uh, we'll catch up with you. Make sure to hit us up with uh next things coming out. Yep. Oh, but we're not supposed to talk about it.