Bonus Episode: Spending to Feel Better and What It’s Really Costing You.

In episode 27 of The Influence Exchange, J.V. breaks down a pattern most people don’t talk about, emotional spending.

This isn’t about budgeting apps, cutting up credit cards, or extreme saving. This is about understanding why we spend in the first place.

Because the truth is most overspending isn’t about money. It’s about avoiding something deeper.

In this episode, we explore:

Why spending feels good in the moment, but doesn’t last

The emotional cycle behind impulse purchases

What you’re actually “buying” when you click add to cart

How short-term comfort can create long-term stress

Simple, realistic ways to pause without feeling restricted

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

What's up my friends? Welcome back to the Influence Exchange. As always, thank you for pressing play. Thank you for watching on YouTube. And thank you for listening on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever this podcast shows up. If you're new here, welcome. I'm your host, JV, and this space is where we talk honestly about real life, not perfect life, not highlight reels, just real conversations about growth, awareness, and learning how to understand ourselves a little better. And today's episode might feel personal, but let me ask you something. Have you ever bought something not because you needed it, but because you needed to feel better? Maybe you had a long day, maybe work drained you, maybe you felt stressed, maybe you felt behind in life, maybe you felt bored, maybe you felt lonely, and suddenly that purchase felt justified. You told yourself it's not that expensive, I work hard, I deserve this. It's just one thing. I will make it up next month. I start saving after this, and in that moment it felt harmless. But here's the part we don't talk about enough. The item doesn't fix the feeling, it just distracts you from it. For a few minutes, maybe even a few hours you feel better. There's excitement, there's anticipation, there's something new, but then the moment passes and the stress is still there, the insecurity is still there, the pressure is still there, the credit card bill is still there. So today we're not talking about budgeting apps, we're not talking about being cheap. We're not talking about extreme saving or never enjoying your money. We're talking about something deeper. We're talking about emotional spending because most overspending isn't about money, it's about avoidance. It's about trying to regulate emotions in the quickest way possible. And listen, this is not a judgment episode. If you're done this before, you're not irresponsible, you're not weak, you're not bad with money, you're just human. But if we don't slow down and understand what's underneath the habit, it quietly builds stress, tension, and financial pressure over time. In this episode, we're going to break down why spending feels so good in the moment, what you're actually buying when you click add to cart, the emotional cycle behind impulsive purchases, and how to pause without becoming extreme or restrictive. Because the goal isn't to shame you, the goal is awareness and awareness is where change starts. So if you ever looked at your bank statement and thought, why did I do that? Or if you're ever said, I need to get better with money, but deep down you know it's not that simple. Stay with me, take a breath, let's slow this down and talk about it. Alright my friends, let's start here. Most people don't overspend because they're careless. They overspend because they're trying to cope. That's an important difference because when you think you're bad with money, you attack yourself, but when you realize you're avoiding something, you can actually address it. Let's slow this down. Think about the last time you bought something impulsively. What was happening that day? Were you stressed, tired, overwhelmed, feeling behind compared to other people, feeling unappreciated, bored? A lot of emotional spending doesn't happen when we're calm and grounded. It happens when we're deregulated and spending becomes a quick fix. It gives you a small rush, something to look forward to, a distraction from what you're feeling, a moment where you feel in control. Because clicking buy now feels powerful. You get to choose, you get to reward yourself, you get to say, at least I have this, but here's the truth. If you're using spending to regulate your emotions, the relief will always be temporary. Let's walk through the cycle clearly. You feel stress, you spend. You feel better, briefly, then the bill comes, then the guilt hits, then the anxiety shows up, now you're stressed again. And when stress comes back, the urge to spend comes back too. That's not a discipline issue, that's an emotional regulation loop. And once it becomes a habit, your brain starts connecting spending with relief. You're trained yourself without even realizing it. Now here's something that might land a little deeper. Sometimes you're not even buying the item, you're buying the feeling. You're not buying clothes, you're buying confidence. You're not buying dinner out, you're buying comfort. You're not buying a gadget, you're buying the feeling of progress. You're not buying something new, you're buying a temporary escape from what feels heavy. And here's the part that hits hard to omit. Sometimes spending makes you feel successful, even if your finances don't reflect it. You feel behind in life, you buy something that makes you feel ahead. You feel overlooked, you buy something that makes you feel seen. You feel stuck, you buy something that makes you feel like you're moving forward. But the movement is temporary because the real issue wasn't the item, it was the emotion. And if you don't identify the emotion, you keep trying to solve it with purchases. Let me ask you something simple. If you couldn't spend money when you felt stressed, what would you have to sit with instead? That question matters. Because sometimes we overspend not because we love shopping, but because we don't want to feel uncomfortable and discomfort when faced builds strength. But discomfort when avoided builds habits. So this episode isn't about telling you to stop spending completely. It's about asking a better question. What am I actually feeling right now? Because once you name the feeling, you don't need to buy the distraction, and that's where real change starts. Alright my friends, now let's talk about the moment. The actual moment you decide to buy something, because this part matters. You're not calm and calculating in that moment. You're feeling something. Maybe you're tired after a long day. Maybe you just had an argument, maybe work made you feel small, maybe you're scrolling and suddenly feel behind. Maybe you're bored and want simulation. Then you see something and something shifts. Your brain lights up, you imagine yourself with it. You picture the moment it arrives, you feel a little spark of excitement, and right there that's the dopamine hit. Dopamine isn't about happiness, it's about anticipation, it's the this make me feel better feeling. So now you add to cart, click buy, track the shipping, check your email, wait for the package, that waiting period, it gives you something to look forward to. And when it arrives, you open it, you hold it, you try it on, you see it. For a few minutes, maybe even a few hours, you feel good, lighter, distracted, relieved. But here's the part no one likes to talk about. The feeling fades. Because the purchase didn't solve the problem, it only paused the discomfort. And once the excitement settles, the original emotion comes back. The stress, the insecurity, the loneliness, the frustration, the boredom, but now there's something new added, the financial reality. The credit card notification, the bank balance, the quiet thought, why did I do that? And here's where the cycle gets stronger. Now you feel guilt, shame, financial pressure, and those feelings create stress, and stress tempts you to spend again. Not because you need something, but because your brain remembers spending gave me relief last time. This is how habits form, not because you're irresponsible, but because your brain is wired to chase relief. And the fastest relief often feels like the easiest solution. But easy isn't always healthy. Let me make this simple. If something makes you feel good quickly but creates pressure later, it's probably not a solution, it's a delay. And here's a powerful question I want you to start asking yourself. Is this purchase solving a problem or soothing a feeling? There's a difference. Solving a problem creates long-term relief. Soothing a feeling creates short-term comfort. And short-term comfort often leads to long-term stress. I'm not saying you can't enjoy your money, I'm saying you deserve to enjoy it without guilt. And the only way that happens is when spending becomes intentional, not emotional. Because when spending is emotional, you feel controlled by it, but when spending is intentional, you feel in control of it, and control builds peace. So before we move forward, just sit with this. The emotional high isn't bad, it's just temporary. And if you rely on temporary highs to manage long-term stress, you'll always feel like you're chasing something, and that chase gets expensive, not just financially, mentally and emotionally. In the next part, we're going to talk about something powerful. What are you actually buying? Because once you separate the item from the emotion, you start to regain your power. Let's keep going. Alright my friends. This is where it gets honest. Because now we're talked about the emotional high. We talked about the cycle. So the real question becomes, what are you actually buying? Let's slow that down. When you click add to car impulsively, it's really about the item. It's about the feeling attached to it. Sometimes you're not buying clothes, you're buying confidence. You're not buying dinner out, you're buying comfort. You're not buying a new gadget, you're buying distraction. You're not buying something expensive, you're buying the feeling of I'm doing well. And here's the part that changes everything. If you can't identify the feeling, you don't need to purchase. So let's make this practical. The next time you feel the urge to spend, pause for a second and ask, what am I feeling right now? Not what do I want? Not what do I deserve, but what am I feeling? Are you stressed, bored, lonely, insecure, tired, frustrated, feeling behind? Because if the emotion is driving the purchase, the relief won't last. And here's the part that gives you power. You don't have to become extreme to fix this. You don't need to cut up the cards, stop enjoying your money, become rigid, feel restricted. This isn't about punishment, it's about awareness. So let me give you a simple, realistic tool. First, use the 24 hour pause. If it wasn't planned, wait 24 hours. If you still want it tomorrow, you're feel the calm about it. If it was emotional, the urge will fade. Second, ask this one question. Will this reduce my stress next week or increase it? That question alone can stop a lot of impulsive decisions. Third, replace the dopamine. Don't eliminate it. Your brain wants relief, so give it relief in a healthier way, instead of spending try going for a walk, calling someone you trust, writing down what you're actually feeling, cleaning or organizing something, doing one productive task you've been avoiding because progress also creates dopamine. Clarity creates dopamine. Momentum creates dopamine, and those don't come with a bill. Fourth, start noticing your patterns. Do you spend late at night after arguments, after stressful work days, when scrolling through social media, when comparing yourself to others? Patterns reveal the real issue, and once you see the pattern, you can interrupt it. Let's zoom out for a second. Overspending isn't just about money, it slowly chips away at something bigger, and that's self-trust. Every time you say I shouldn't, and then you do it anyways, you weaken your word to yourself. And when your word to yourself weakens, everything feels harder. Discipline, confidence, financial peace, long-term planning. But every time you pause, every time you sit with the feeling instead of swiping, every time you choose awareness over impulse, you build self-trust, and self-trust changes everything. You don't need to become perfect overnight. This week, just pause once, just once before a purchase, and ask, what am I really feeling? If you can't sit with the feeling, you don't need to buy the distraction, and that's where freedom starts. Alright my friends, let's slow this down before we close. Today wasn't really about money, it was about awareness. It was about recognizing that sometimes when we spend impulsively, we're not buying an item, we're trying to quit a feeling, and there's no shame in that. We all look for relief in different ways, but here's what I hope you take with you. You're not bad with money, you're not irresponsible, you're not behind, but if spending has become your go-to response when life feels heavy, stressed, or uncertain, that's worth noticing. Because the goal isn't restriction, the goal is self-trust. Every time you pause before a purchase, every time you sit with the feeling instead of escaping it, every time you choose clarity over impulse, you build self-respect, and self-respect shows up everywhere in your finances, in your relationships, in your discipline, in your confidence. So here's your simple challenge this week. Don't overhaul your life. Don't try to fix everything. Just pause once before you spend. Ask, what am I actually feeling right now? And if you still want it after that pause, fine. But let the decision come from intention, not emotion. That small shift changes more than you realize. Before I go, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for pressing play. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching on YouTube. This podcast exists because you show up and I don't take that lightly. If this episode reunited with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you want to continue this conversation, I would love that. You can reach me anytime, send me a DM on Instagram or TikTok at the Influence Exchange, or use the fan mail link in the episode description. And listen, if you have a story about money, growth, habits, mindset, leadership, or something you've learned the hard way, I love to have you on this podcast. This podcast isn't about perfection. It's about awareness, it's about learning out loud, and it's about building something together. If you want to be a guest, reach out. If you want your confessions featured, send it. If you just want to say what's been on your mind, I'm open. Subscribe, leave a review, and remember, your influence grows every time you choose courage over comfort. I'm JV. Stay curious, stay consistent, and keep influencing others. Thank you again.

unknown 22:00

Mm-hmm.